Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,253 --> 00:00:05,376
Unprofessional behaviour, damage to
the reputation of the firm,
2
00:00:05,377 --> 00:00:09,239
using the public forum of the Lawyer
of the Year Awards to call your
3
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,559
colleagues "a shower of shithouses".
4
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:14,239
Innocent office banter.
5
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,599
And he stole my yoghurt from the
office fridge.
6
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,199
I didn't touch your fucking yoghurt.
7
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,999
I move that we suspend Ken Thompson
from the firm for a period
8
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,600
of one month.
9
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,060
All in favour of suspension?
10
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,959
- Three.
- All against?
11
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,080
SNORING
12
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,879
Er...
13
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:37,679
So, do... I make that four!
14
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:38,959
Oh, well, thanks, everyone.
15
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,639
I must say...
16
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,879
What's going on? What are you doing
to my arm, Ken?
17
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,160
Shit it!
18
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:48,279
All right. I'll go.
19
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,080
See you all in a month.
20
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,959
Oh, and, Adrian, I did steal
your yoghurt.
21
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:02,759
A stole it, and I ate it, and I
loved it.
22
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,840
HE SLAMS DOOR
23
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:11,600
Subs by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
24
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,160
- Your morning coffee, Rachel.
- Oh.
25
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,439
Oh! Argh!
26
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,919
HE SCREAMS
27
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:20,999
I'm good.
28
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,439
- In a mug's fine.
- But I need the practice.
29
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,279
You have to know how to mix a
cocktail
30
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,039
when you're co-owner of a cocktail
bar.
31
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,759
- Yeah, can we talk about the bar?
- Yes.
32
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,839
And I know exactly what you're
going to say. And, I agree.
33
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,839
Opening this bar with
Steve was a great idea.
34
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:34,959
Not what I was going to say.
35
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,719
- Oh...
- Dale, it's a terrible idea.
36
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,479
It's the worst idea anyone in this
house has ever had,
37
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,799
and I'm including Dylan.
38
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,959
Oh, excuse me, what terrible ideas
have I ever had?
39
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,520
Uh, hello, hand job at a funeral?
40
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:46,644
Fair enough.
41
00:01:46,646 --> 00:01:48,239
I know what will put
your mind at rest.
42
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,340
- Calling Steve?
- No.
43
00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:50,399
- Getting your money back?
- Mm-mm.
44
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,439
Going back in time and not investing
your savings
45
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,079
- into a Lichfield cocktail bar?
- No.
46
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,599
I'm going to take you by the site,
show you the magic.
47
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,400
Once you see All Steve's Pals,
you'll get it.
48
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:07,279
Lorna, any reason why our son is
dressed as a girl?
49
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,559
It's what he wanted to wear.
50
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,039
I know, but, come on, look at him.
51
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,959
Ken, you are such a dinosaur.
52
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,239
Children's clothes, their toys,
they're all gender-neutral now.
53
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:20,959
I know, and that's broadly great,
but, I mean, come on, Dylan,
54
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,239
you're with me on this, right?
55
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,239
Actually, Dad, society's moved on
since the Dark Ages.
56
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,879
This thing called political
correctness happened.
57
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,159
You might want to look it up, you
big fat bender.
58
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,879
Right. OK, I haven't got time for
this.
59
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,039
If you would.
60
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,679
Do not forget, the interview for the
nursery's at one.
61
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,039
Do I have to come?
62
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:42,039
Yes, Ken. This nursery is the dog's
doodah of nurseries.
63
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,359
There's a waiting list to get on
the waiting list.
64
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,199
They bake bread every day, Ken.
65
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,319
They learn French, don't they,
sweetheart?
66
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,519
French, Ken!
67
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:50,824
Good, because I've been worried sick
68
00:02:50,826 --> 00:02:52,559
about Sid's conversational vocab.
69
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,999
If Jane doesn't let you out for
this...
70
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,559
It's fine. I can get out.
71
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,599
It'll be fine.
72
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,320
Everything at work is fine.
73
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,399
Stop with all the questions, Lorna,
will you?
74
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,040
I'm late enough as it is!
75
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,840
I think you look lovely, sweetheart.
76
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:15,600
Fuck.
77
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,359
Eh...
78
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,720
Bye.
79
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,720
Go in. There's nothing interesting
to see.
80
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,919
- You're going to love it.
- Uh-huh.
81
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,959
Yep. You really have to pass a lot
of heroin addicts to get here.
82
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,079
I know, right? It's crazy.
83
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,519
People in this neighbourhood seem to
really love heroin.
84
00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,359
I don't know why.
85
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,720
So, what do you think?
86
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,599
- What am I looking at?
- That.
87
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,399
All Steve's Pals.
88
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,999
Don't worry, it's a lot nicer
inside.
89
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,119
Ta-da!
90
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,079
Go on, get out.
91
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,039
Go on, shoo, shoo.
92
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,080
There's no heroin in here. Go on,
out.
93
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:21,839
Honestly...
94
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,719
- Howdy, business partner.
- Hey.
95
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,199
Howdy, girlfriend slash stepmum of
business partner.
96
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,199
- OK.
- Glad you're here, Rachel.
97
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,879
I need a woman's insight.
98
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,359
If you were a cocktail waitress,
99
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,439
would you rather be topless or
wrestling?
100
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,919
I think I'd rather be suing.
101
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,799
Right, before the licensing meeting,
102
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,039
who fancies the latest cocktail from
the production line?
103
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,639
I've been trying out recipes.
104
00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,279
Here's a sexy USP -
105
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,479
the cocktails are all All Steve's
Pals,
106
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:52,839
and are named after high-profile
glamorous figures from the Midlands.
107
00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,279
- Great idea, right?
- Sure, it's...
108
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:56,679
Yeah, but...
109
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,519
- Yeah.
- This one is the Dion Dublin.
110
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,560
OK.
111
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,559
Urgh, oh, the taste of being
absolutely shitfaced in the morning.
112
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,879
- How strong is that?
- 75% proof.
113
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,959
You don't get 183 career goals
without having a kick.
114
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:12,987
Yeah!
115
00:05:12,989 --> 00:05:15,479
Now, this one is a potent mix
of gin, vodka, absinthe,
116
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,759
coffee and Ribena.
117
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:20,479
I call this the Julie Walters.
118
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,639
Tuck in.
119
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,799
Oh, no, I quite like my stomach
lining, thanks.
120
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,679
Yeah, I probably shouldn't before
the licensing meeting.
121
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:27,839
Don't want to screw that up.
122
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,959
Can you imagine? All of a sudden, no
licence, no bar,
123
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,600
all of our money back.
124
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,919
Actually, um, thinking about it,
125
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,479
if you're going to run a bar, you
need to know the drinks.
126
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,879
- Go on.
- Right, but I don't drink.
127
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,199
CHANTING: Dale! Dale! Dale!
128
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,519
BOTH: Dale! Dale!
129
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,119
Oh, come on! You know I can't resist
a chant.
130
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,039
BOTH: Dale! Dale!
131
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,239
Yeah!
132
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,679
Oh...
133
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,559
Tastes like my tongue's been
attacked.
134
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,119
That's Dame Julie for you.
135
00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,839
More, more, more, more!
136
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,879
More, more, more...
137
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,479
Yeah!
138
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,799
Woo!
139
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,319
We offer three meals a day.
140
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:09,439
Great.
141
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,159
Won't even have to bother whopping a
sausage and mash on for him!
142
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:16,199
All the food here is strictly vegan
and ethically sourced.
143
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,239
Oh, Sid's a vegan.
144
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,479
We all are.
145
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:23,639
I make a mean vegan sausage and mash
with vegan sausages
146
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,680
and vegan... potatoes.
147
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,479
I'm so sorry my husband's late.
148
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,440
I'll just get the forms.
149
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,799
Where the hell have you been?
150
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,159
Why have you got popcorn all over
your suit?
151
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,159
It's a lawyer thing. You wouldn't
understand.
152
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,519
Um...
153
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,519
Can we maybe get all that crap off
him?
154
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,120
Leave him, he's happy in it.
155
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,239
Sorry I'm late. Hope you're not
going to put me on the naughty step.
156
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,839
We prefer to not use negative labels
here.
157
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:55,119
We prefer to use positive
reinforcement.
158
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,919
Oh, my bad.
159
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,400
Please don't use the B-word.
160
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,360
Bet she's fun at parties.
161
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,399
OK, so we'll move on to the next
question.
162
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,319
Will there be alcohol sales at the
aforementioned premises?
163
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,559
HE LAUGHS
164
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,039
Yes! Obviously!
165
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,999
This thing is going to be huge, let
me tell you.
166
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,224
Everybody's going to be like,
167
00:07:18,226 --> 00:07:20,039
"Hey, have you been
to All Steve's Pals?"
168
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,119
And they'll be like, "What's All
Steve's Pals?"
169
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,759
And they'll be like, "Oh, jeez, only
the best damn cocktail bar
170
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,119
in all Lichfield, duh!"
171
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,253
- Dale.
- Yeah?
172
00:07:28,255 --> 00:07:30,239
You're coming across as drunk.
173
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,719
I'll field that question.
174
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,759
There will be alcohol.
175
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,199
Would you like a sneak preview?
176
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,360
I've got a fresh bottle
of Adrian Chiles.
177
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,759
No, thank you.
178
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,239
You freaking get it.
179
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,519
This, right here, this is what it's
all about.
180
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,999
Man, you...
181
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,319
You get it, Frank.
182
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,599
OK, listen, can I be frank, Frank?
183
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,800
"Frank, Frank"!
184
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,239
That's hilarious.
185
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,479
See, this is why you get it.
Exactly.
186
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,880
Everybody else in this council, they
don't get it, but, you...
187
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,079
...you get it, yeah, yeah.
188
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,239
It says on the application that the
premises will be
189
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,439
an indoor beach bar.
190
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,879
Correcto, Franco.
191
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,919
All Steve's Pals will be the
ultimate
192
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,160
in Miami-style high-class beach
bars.
193
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,999
Have you seen the video Club
Tropicana?
194
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,479
It's basically going to be that,
but with topless dancers.
195
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,639
So there will be entertainment
on-site?
196
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,999
All Steve's Pals is all about
entertainment.
197
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,119
Dancers, swing ball, duelling - it's
the lot.
198
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,559
URINATES
199
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:36,285
Dale! Psst...
200
00:08:36,287 --> 00:08:38,479
Yeah, yeah, carry on. Carry on.
I'm listening.
201
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,719
I just really needed to go.
202
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,159
OK, I think we're done here.
203
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,359
Thank you.
204
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:43,879
All right, sorry, I'm back.
205
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,119
So, when do we get the licence?
206
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,999
Also, do you know what colour the
licence is?
207
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,759
And do you want to get a kebab?
I'm so hungry.
208
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,560
The licence has not been granted.
209
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,159
Bad move, Mr Suit and Tie.
210
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:02,040
The council has made a powerful
enemy today.
211
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,759
There must be something we can do,
anything, please.
212
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,079
Like, we just...
213
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,920
...we really need this licence.
214
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:29,160
Perhaps if it was worth my while.
215
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,600
There are ways to grease the wheel.
216
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:42,120
This could go easier if I got my
slice of the pie.
217
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,359
Seriously. Here's my card.
218
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,079
I'm just going to write a few random
letters on the back.
219
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:54,920
B-R-I-B-E.
220
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,799
Frank!
221
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,079
HE LAUGHS
222
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,959
Sorry, I just remembered the whole
"Frank, Frank" thing from earlier.
223
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,159
Great times.
224
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:08,959
Right, um,
225
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,399
if you don't mind, I'm just, I'm
going to have to go vomit,
226
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,600
but it was really nice meeting you.
227
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,719
I'll be honest with you,
228
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,319
I'd love to find Sid a place
here...
229
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:27,159
Oh, that's great!
230
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,240
We've never had a
transgender child before.
231
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:32,400
Sorry?
232
00:10:32,402 --> 00:10:35,568
I know, strictly speaking, there
aren't any places available,
233
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:40,119
but between you and me, I've been
holding back a space
234
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:43,799
for a non-cis child for the last
three years.
235
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,439
OK, I think there's been a
bit of a mistake...
236
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,879
That's great, Frances.
237
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:53,279
It's great to find a place where Sid
can be who Sid wants to be.
238
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:57,119
My daughter goes here, and I think
she'd really get along with Sid.
239
00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,839
They're such similar spirits.
240
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,079
Sid's having a birthday party
tomorrow.
241
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,319
Just bring her along!
242
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,479
I'd love to.
243
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:08,039
Number's on the back of the card.
244
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,920
OK, Lorna, can I have a word,
please, in private?
245
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,079
OK, we are not pretending that Sid
is transgender.
246
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,239
- We don't know he isn't.
- We're pretty sure, actually.
247
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,079
It's a really good nursery, Ken.
248
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,039
But is it this good, Lorna?
249
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,599
I'll see you tomorrow.
250
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,279
Can everyone just hold on a minute
here?
251
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:30,839
Ken! Shut this down and you will
never ever
252
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,680
have sexual intercourse again in
your adult life.
253
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,799
Right. See you tomorrow.
254
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,279
Bye.
255
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,919
Bye. OK, Sidney.
256
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,840
Where are you? Oh!
257
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:49,079
I wasn't sure what birthday cake
really says gender fluid,
258
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,399
so I just went for plain sponge.
259
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,879
It's got no icing.
260
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,520
Maybe I should text Frances, see
what she says.
261
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,079
No. She'll think we are amateurs.
262
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,999
Mental, mental amateurs.
263
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,879
Oh, I bumped into Noel from your
office when I was there.
264
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,359
What?
265
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,999
You know he lies, don't you?
266
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,079
He can't be trusted. It's
pathological.
267
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,359
He told me he invented the
smartphone. He's a lunatic.
268
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,599
It was weird. He asked me to say hi
to you.
269
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,239
That is weird.
270
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,079
Ah, probably best not to dwell on
it.
271
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,639
I told him to bring Alfie over, to
the party tomorrow.
272
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,039
Why would you do that?
273
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,319
Him and Sid get on.
274
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,479
They're toddlers, Lorna, of course
they get on.
275
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,959
Sid gets on with the madwoman with
the cats at number 14.
276
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,199
Should we invite her, too?
277
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,799
Oh, look what I got for Sid.
278
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,199
The belle of the ball.
279
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,799
OK, this is going too far, Lorna.
280
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,480
Yeah, I know.
281
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:41,199
Maybe it doesn't matter about what
nursery you go to.
282
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,999
I mean, Dylan didn't go to a good
nursery and he turned out fine.
283
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,439
How was your day, love?
284
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,599
Um, amazing!
285
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,359
I never realised they still have to
pay you
286
00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:51,999
when you're using the toilet.
287
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,199
It's like, every time I'm sat on
that toilet,
288
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,479
they're actually paying me to do
it.
289
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,439
I mean, I need to go for one now,
290
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,839
but there is no chance I am wasting
a dump at home when someone will
291
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,479
literally pay me to shit.
292
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,079
Ha! The daft twats!
293
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,439
Yeah, as you were, Lorn. Yeah.
294
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,599
DOOR CLOSES
295
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,319
- Everything OK?
- No, bad news, guys.
296
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,799
The alcohol licence fell through.
297
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,919
- No cocktail bar.
- Oh...
298
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,199
That's a shame.
299
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,279
And the council guy, he was saying
some pretty weird things.
300
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:27,079
Something about making it worth his
while and having a slice of pie.
301
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,119
- Like, what does that even mean?
- I don't know.
302
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:30,799
It means he wants to bribe you,
dickhead.
303
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,759
Just bung him some money, you'll
get your licence.
304
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,279
You're saying if I bribe him, the
bar is back on?
305
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:37,999
- No!
- Yes!
306
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,919
What?!
307
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,040
Yes! That is the best news ever!
308
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:49,159
Oh, gosh, not in the stomach, Rach.
309
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,999
I've got a lot packed
in there right now.
310
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,439
Eurgh!
311
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,719
This is so exciting.
312
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,919
My final five grand.
313
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,159
Wait, this whole bribe thing, it's
all above board, right?
314
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,359
No, it's a bribe.
315
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,544
Right, yeah.
316
00:14:02,546 --> 00:14:04,559
This is how things get
done in the dirty world
317
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:05,959
of entertainments licensing.
318
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,959
We are like the Kray twins.
319
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,840
We don't take shit from any...
320
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,680
Oh, come on.
321
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,519
You are literally taking shit from
someone.
322
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:17,986
I'm very disappointed in you.
323
00:14:17,988 --> 00:14:19,081
I'm sorry.
324
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:21,677
Have a lovely day.
325
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,879
Stop being nice to people.
326
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:27,079
You're taking the whole fun out of
this bribing trip.
327
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,120
Prick!
328
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,280
Bye.
329
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,319
I've managed to get Sid into the
dress.
330
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,879
He says he wants to be Spider-Man.
331
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,119
Good work.
332
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,559
Lorn, is it wrong that we're doing
this?
333
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,079
It feels massively wrong.
334
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,799
Maybe...
335
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:55,239
Maybe, actually, by doing this,
we're being great parents.
336
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,559
By helping him to overcome
prejudice.
337
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,639
Yeah. That's bollocks, though, isn't
it?
338
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,199
DOORBELL CHIMES
339
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,679
- Noel, hi!
- Lorna,
340
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,279
- how's it going?!
- Hello, Noel.
341
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,759
Lorna, could you check on Sid?
342
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,879
I think he was playing with scissors
in the bedroom.
343
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,239
- What?
- Yeah.
344
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,999
How are you holding up, big guy?
345
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,799
The office isn't the same without
you.
346
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,319
- Come on, then.
- Yeah...
347
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,159
Yeah, can we have a moratorium on
work talk?
348
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,839
Today's really about the kids,
isn't it?
349
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,519
Yeah, it's awful what they've done.
350
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,999
I'm dead against the suspension,
Ken, I want you to know that,
351
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,309
and I want Lorna to know the same.
352
00:15:28,311 --> 00:15:30,079
Right, OK, well, we
don't need to tell her.
353
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,425
It'll only upset her, OK? I should
have tried harder to stop this.
354
00:15:32,426 --> 00:15:34,719
- Stop what?
- Private conversation!
355
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,919
That's actually quite
rude, thank you, Lorna.
356
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,479
In you go, Noel. Have a nice time.
357
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,799
DOORBELL CHIMES
358
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,639
- Oh! Oh! You made it!
- Hello.
359
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,119
Hello. This is Jessie.
360
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,359
Hello. Hello, Jessie.
361
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,759
Now, you go and play with Sid, OK?
362
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:54,039
Aw, what a darling dress.
363
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,479
Yes, yes, it's his favourite.
364
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,679
I can't get it off him.
365
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,359
- Not that I'd want to.
- No.
366
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,959
- It's great. Come in.
- Aw.
367
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,439
Oh, this is for Sid.
It matches his dress.
368
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,240
Oh!
369
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:16,639
This is it, the licence officer's
house.
370
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,559
Time to make him an offer he can't
refuse.
371
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,879
Although, technically, of course, he
can.
372
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,160
HE EXHALES
373
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:32,640
I don't think he's in.
374
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:35,840
Steve?
375
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,040
Just post the bribe and let's get
out of here.
376
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,279
- OK.
- That's it, we're done.
377
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:47,519
We are bribers now.
378
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,279
Yeah!
379
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,999
Wait, should we still have the
money?
380
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,480
What have you posted?
381
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,599
Yep.
I posted the dog poo.
382
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,400
Oh, for fuck's sake.
383
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:08,880
Dale...
384
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,839
We'd already had a boy and a girl,
which is so binary.
385
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,399
Then Sid came along.
386
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,719
Yeah!
387
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,000
- Mini-burger?
- Mm-hm.
388
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,439
Wow. And these are vegan?
389
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:28,639
Lorna, they're sublime.
390
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,159
Yeah, vegan.
391
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,999
Vegan beef.
392
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,759
- You'll have to give me the recipe.
- Uh-huh.
393
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:38,639
So, Lorna, just to say, I know
you're angry about it...
394
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,479
Game time, everyone!
395
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:41,679
Musical statues.
396
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,479
Everyone! And the adults.
397
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,279
And you, Noel. It's a party.
398
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,439
Come on.
399
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,600
And everybody's... dancing!
400
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:53,839
? Wave your hands... ?
401
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,359
Are you dancing?
402
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,720
Come on, hold my hand.
403
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,760
MUSIC STOPS
404
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,919
So, yeah, as I was saying...
405
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,719
Er, no talking in the game, thank
you, Noel.
406
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,719
In fact, you can leave the game.
You're out. Away from Lorna.
407
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,559
Over there, please. That's it.
408
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:11,920
Off we go.
409
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,079
Back in the fucking game, Lorna,
please.
410
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,760
Still in.
Off we go dancing!
411
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:24,799
Everyone.
412
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,760
That's it.
413
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,680
I can't reach it.
414
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,919
There's an open skylight on the
roof.
415
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,479
There's only one thing for it.
416
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,199
I'll parkour up the side of
the house,
417
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,680
flip up onto the roof and ease my
way in.
418
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,600
Let's do this!
419
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,080
Huh!
420
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,880
Oh!
421
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,319
Good news is, I got the bag.
422
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,919
Bad news...
423
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,640
...poop's still in the house.
424
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,120
There's a window open.
425
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,759
Give me a leg up. I can get in here.
426
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,439
Are you sure?
427
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,439
Dale, I'm effectively special ops.
428
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,799
They call me The Eel. I can glide
into any space.
429
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,600
Come on. Give me a leg up.
430
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,120
Oh...
431
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,520
HE GRUNTS
432
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,439
OK.
433
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,680
Flip me over. Flip me over.
434
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,520
Flip.
435
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,159
That's it. Now push.
436
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,759
Keep pushing. Keep pushing.
437
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,439
COINS CLATTER
438
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,439
Whoa, you carry a lot of change.
439
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,759
I like arcades.
440
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,199
Keep pushing.
441
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,599
Argh!
442
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,559
HE CRASHES
443
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,079
Are you OK?
444
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,159
It's all right, the ground broke my
fall.
445
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,959
DISHES CLATTER
446
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,519
Just going to black out for a bit.
447
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,999
I'm in a lot of pain.
448
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,639
In a lot of...
449
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,080
...pain.
450
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,280
Boo! You did a poo-poo?
451
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:44,999
- Hi, Ken.
- Hi.
452
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,239
I couldn't help noticing that you
only gave a prize
453
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,399
to the winner of musical
statues.
454
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,599
Yeah, because they won. Hm.
455
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,319
Just worried that the others might
associate themselves with failure.
456
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,119
Negative reinforcement.
457
00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:00,039
Good point.
458
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,079
I'll get some medals made up for all
of them.
459
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,360
Great. Thanks, Ken.
460
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,479
Ken, is there somewhere I can
change him?
461
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,679
Oh, yeah, just use that room at the
end of the corridor.
462
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,679
Cheers, thanks.
463
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,359
Rachel, where's your mum?
464
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:15,280
Oh, she's in my room, changing Sid.
465
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:21,440
WESTERN MUSIC
466
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,119
Are going to do it now?
467
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,279
- Yeah.
- Why not stay here for a bit?
468
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,719
Because my son needs changing.
469
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,119
What are you doing, Ken?
470
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:36,828
Why don't I change him for you?
471
00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:37,847
What?
472
00:21:37,849 --> 00:21:40,479
Well, no, I'd really, really like
to, and it is my house, so...
473
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:41,959
I'll change my own son, thanks.
474
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,439
No, no, I insist.
475
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:44,879
Come on, little fella.
476
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,599
Phwoar, Jesus, what's he been
eating, the fish heads?
477
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,119
Can you let go of his hand, please?
478
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:50,479
What is this?
479
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:51,919
Is it a nanny state?
480
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,240
Can't a man change another man's
son's nappy?
481
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:58,359
- Hey...
- No, he can't.
482
00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,279
- What's going on?
- Ken's being weird.
483
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,999
I just offered to change his son.
484
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,239
Nothing weird.
485
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,519
You're being weird, Ken.
486
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,719
Look at you.
487
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,079
I know you're under a lot of
pressure at work, but come on,
488
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,199
if you need to change anyone, change
your own son.
489
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,279
What sort of pressure at work?
490
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,159
I think you should leave, actually,
Noel.
491
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,559
You can't say that.
492
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,879
Thinking I should change my son just
because he's wearing a dress.
493
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,239
- That's not what I meant!
- It's not the Dark Ages.
494
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,799
I think you should go right now.
Without speaking to Lorna.
495
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,599
Personally, I think it is
inspirational
496
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,559
the way Ken and Lorna have decided
to raise Sid.
497
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,039
Thank you.
I'm not having a go at the dress.
498
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:31,479
He can wear what he wants.
499
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,400
Daddy made me wear it for nursery.
500
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,360
Is that true?
501
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:45,039
I can't believe you would fake a
child's gender identity
502
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,160
just to get into a good nursery.
503
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:49,960
We've done a lot worse.
504
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,879
Come on, Jessie.
505
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,959
Thank you for coming.
506
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,799
Um... Don't forget your party bags.
507
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,440
CHILDREN CRY
508
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,039
Two bunches, please.
509
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,999
And can the message say,
510
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,479
"Sorry we tried to trick you into
thinking our child
511
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,159
"was transgender to gain a nursery
place."
512
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,039
Yeah, maybe just, "Sorry."
513
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,079
Yeah, just, "Sorry."
514
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:23,560
As soon as possible, please.
515
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:26,759
We can smooth this over.
516
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,160
Uh-huh.
517
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,040
HE GASPS
518
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,799
How are we doing out there, Dale?
519
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,839
One knock for fine, two knocks for
someone's coming.
520
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,399
HE KNOCKS ONCE
521
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,319
Three knocks for Connie called you
and she wants me back.
522
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:54,399
Come on, three.
523
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,079
Ah...
524
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,280
I'll get some bog roll to wrap
this up.
525
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,560
No, Dale, no more Mr Nice Guy,
you're a briber now.
526
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,040
Oh, just as I thought I was out,
they pull me back in.
527
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,519
Hi, ma'am, I'm Dale.
528
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:20,720
Do you need some help?
529
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,440
Wow, you have a lot of shopping.
530
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,360
So many bags for just two people.
531
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:39,479
Oh, you've been such a good girl
today.
532
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,839
PHONE BEEPS
533
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,199
Oh, Mummy's got a message.
534
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,840
What's that, then?
535
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,320
Hmm...
536
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:52,479
SHE GASPS
537
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,920
Hi. Steve Chance.
538
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,079
Don't worry about that, a dog did
that.
539
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,760
Oh...
540
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:21,160
Delivery for you. Take care.
541
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:28,120
Subs by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
542
00:25:28,170 --> 00:25:32,720
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38543
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.