All language subtitles for Are.You.Being.Served.S09E02.Conduct.Unbecoming

("Are You Being Served Theme")

♫ Ground floor perfumery,
stationery and leather goods

♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware and food

♫ Going up

♫ First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits ♫

- Thank you for your custom, madam.

If it's not rude, may I ask

where do you want 20
pairs of tights at one go?

- Well, a girlfriend and I are
going to Italy for a holiday,

and everywhere you go
there the men grab at you.

- No.

Oh, I've never heard of that before.

What part of Italy?

- Rome.

It's hardly safe to go in a restaurant,

never mind the street.

You just have to swat them like flies

with your handbag, and run for it.

- No.

- I've even been pinched
in the Via Veneto.

- No wonder you need such thick ones.

(audience laughing)

There's your receipt.

Have a nice holiday.

- Thank you.

- Have you thought where you're going

for your holiday this year, Mrs. Slocombe?

- Well, I had thought of going

to the Isle of Wight with Mrs. Axelby.

But on second thought,

I might go and try to
get a peep at the Pope.

(audience laughing)

- But he's in Rome, and that's
where them men grab you,

and ladder your tights.

- The pilgrim's path is never easy.

(audience laughing)

- Ah, good morning, Capt. Peacock.

Not like you to be late, sir.

- Whether I'm early or late,

I don't expect a comment from a junior.

- Thank you ever so much
for my lift this morning.

- Lift?

Oh, yes. Don't mention it.

Mind you, it was lucky that I
spotted you at the bus stop.

- You were parked there when I arrived.

(audience laughing)

- I was just adjusting my seatbelt.

- Oh, did you have the same problem

with yours that you had with mine?

We had ever such a struggle.

- Of course, you and Mrs.
Peacock are different sizes.

Which is why I expect Capt.
Peacock had such a struggle.

- Don't let me forget to
pay toward my breakfast.

- No, no, no, no, it was only a snack.

- Well, that's very kind of you.

- It was nothing.

- For you maybe, but it's the first time

that I've ever been to the Ritz.

(audience laughing)

- The Ritz?

- Pass me the signing-in book.

- Yes, sir.

- And get on with your work.

- Yes, sir.

Oh dear, you've left the 10 off, sir.

- What do you mean?

- Well, it's 10 past nine.

You've put under arrival 9 a.m.

Shall I put it in for you, sir?

- If you're not very careful, Mr. Spooner,

I shall put it in for you.

(audience laughing)

Now, where's Mr. Humphries?

- Oh, he had an early customer, sir.

He wanted a golf club to
go with a cap he bought.

So, Mr. Humphries has
taken him up to sports,

so that he can put it
all on the same bill.

- Oh, very well. Carry on.

- Oh, you're asking for
trouble, Mr. Spooner.

You know very well that
Mr. Humphries isn't in yet.

- Don't worry, I forged
his name in the book.

He'll be here in a minute.

- What's the matter with him?

This is the third morning he's been late.

He's not been at all himself lately.

- Well, when he appears
at the top of the stairs

try and distract old Peacock's attention.

Otherwise I'll be in the soup with him.

- Right.

- Mrs. Slocombe,

as a senior salesperson you should know

that your sales area does not extend

passed the center display stand.

- Capt. Peacock--

- And I trust you're not going

to make a belligerent remark,

as I'm in no mood to bandy words with you.

- No, Capt. Peacock.

I just came to borrow a pen.

- Have mine.

- Thank you.

Now, where are we?

Oh yes, Capt. Peacock.

10 past nine.

(audience laughing)

- He'll have it in for you doing that.

- Well, he's just like a dictator.

If he was in South America,

he'd have been overthrown by now.

- I can see it now.

Evita Slocombe takes over.

Hey, come to think of it,

there is a slight family resemblance.

- I don't look anything like Eva Peron.

- No, not to her to her old man.

- Get that basket off the floor,

or you'll cop it from Capt. Peacock.

- Not half as much as Mr. Humphries will.

Look, he's trying to creep in.

- Oh, oh goodness me my
suspender's come undone.

(audience laughing)

You have a go Miss Brahms.

- Oh gosh, my suspender has gone.

- You're not wearing suspenders.

- That's what I mean, they've gone.

- Oh get back behind your counter.

And Harman get off the floor.

(audience laughing)

Mr. Humphries, are you free?

- I'm free.

- Why is this dummy suddenly wearing

a hat and coat, and carrying a suitcase?

- Dummies often wear hats and coats,

and carry suitcases.

It suggests to the customer travel.

- Then, this one must be
expecting a long journey,

he has a half-eaten
sandwich in his pocket.

And the bite shows a
gap in the front teeth.

While the suitcase has
the initials W.C.H.,

which point to one very
obvious fact that you,

Mr. Humphries, are late again.

And to make matters worse,

you persuaded Mr. Spooner to
perjure himself on your behalf.

In fact, your whole
behavior these past few days

has been most peculiar.

What have you to say?

(mumbling)

What are you trying to say?

- It's his mother.

(mumbling)

They've had a tiff.

(mumbling)

It's a very personal matter.

(mumbling)

He's had to pack his bag and leave home.

(mumbling)

He's sorry he was late,

and he was the one that put me up

to putting his name in the book,

and saying he was with a customer.

- You little fibber that was your idea.

(audience laughing)

- If you'd only come to
me in the first place,

and taken me aside,

and told me that you
had personal problems,

I would've understood.

I am not unapproachable.

And after all, we have been acquaintances

for quite some time.

Now, come along. Stand up like a man.

Or as near as you can get to it.

(audience laughing)

Pretend that none of this happened.

- Thank you, Capt. Peacock.

It's not like me to go to pieces,

but I've been under a great
deal of strain, recently.

- The matter is finished.

- I'll go and hang these up.

(clearing throat)

(audience laughing)

- Oh, poor Mr. Humphries.

No wonder he's been looking pale.

He loves his mother.

It must've been something quite serious

to make them fall out.

- Well, it's about time he left home.

I mean, he's over 40.

- Well, some men take longer.

And if ever he needs a bed,

he can be sure of one at my home.

- Can I help you ladies?

- Yes, where's Mr. Humphries?

I've got something in the
pram that belongs to him.

- Have you still got
that bed at your house?

- No wonder he's not been himself.

- Mr. Humphries.

- Yes, Capt. Peacock?

- Someone to see you.

- It's my next-door
neighbor and her daughter.

Hello, what are you doing here?

- I spoke to your mother this morning.

She suggested that I
should come into town,

and leave this with you.

- Poor man, as though he
hasn't enough problems.

- You don't think it's his, do you?

- Oh, however I could leave it behind?

That little face, and those
pointed ears mean a lot to me.

- Blimey, it is his.

(audience laughing)

- Come on.

- She's been ever so upset.

- Well, so have I.

- Any messages?

- Just tell her to cancel
my raspberry yogurt.

- Very well.

- And tell her I'm never
coming home ever, ever again.

Don't worry.

I'm not going to cry in front of you.

(sobbing)

(audience laughing)

(cash register tinging)

- Just look at him chatting her up again.

- I can't get over him giving her a lift,

and breakfast at the Ritz.

- Well, he always chats up the new girls.

And if he looks like getting anywhere,

he starts spending it like water.

- Perhaps a little more wine.

- Oh no, I'm late as it is.

I'd better get back.

Can I pay for my lunch?

- No, no, no, it was my pleasure.

- Oh, thank you.

- See you later.

- He's only putting his
name on it for tomorrow.

- It's pathetic.

A man of his age chatting
up a young girl like that.

- I quite agree.

Mind you, when I was younger,
he used to chat me up.

But he never got anywhere.

- Yeah, but I mean he was younger then,

and well, you was more of an age.

- You might not realize it,

but when I was younger I had men

coming out of the woodwork.

(audience laughing)

- She used spray on
Rentokil to keep 'em off.

(audience laughing)

- She's a nice girl, Miss Belfridge.

A bit lonely, of course, being new,

and not knowing anyone.

- And if your wife finds out that

you've been waiting at bus stops,

you might be lonely too.

- Now, really Mrs. Slocombe.

I was just making Miss
Belfridge feel at home.

She happens to be a very bright girl,

and there was nothing
more to it than that.

- Did you say to wait at
the front door tonight,

or the back?

- The back.

- Sorry, I forget everything.

- Very bright.

- No wonder he put his name on the bottle.

- I really don't see why I can't speak

to a member of staff without
all these unnecessary comments.

- Once you have a reputation,

it isn't easy to lose it.

- Reputations are built on gossip.

I have no interest in
Miss Belfridge whatsoever.

- Well, I'm glad about that.

'Cause she just kissing
a bloke in maintenance.

- Where?

- Sorry, my mistake.

- Here, where is Mr. Humphries got to?

- Oh, he said he was going
to the pub for a quick one.

- That's not like Mr. Humphries.

- Well, he'd better hurry up
'cause dinner's nearly over.

- Here, you'll never guess what.

There's been a punch up down the pub.

- Oh, but that's where Mr. Humphries is.

- Oh, I hope he's all right.

- He started it.

Apparently, some geezer
complained that Mr. Humphries

kept playing the same tune

over and over again on the jukebox.

- What was it?

- I do it my way.

(audience laughing)

Hey, look out I think he's had a few.

- Blimey, I'd better
get him a black coffee.

♫ Who can I turn to

♫ When nobody needs me

♫ My heart wants to know

♫ And so I must go

♫ Where destiny leads me ♫

- Humphries, I want you
in my office immediately.

- My word, that was quick.

(audience laughing)

- Have you been drinking?

- I just went to the pub.

I only had one.

- You look as if you've had more than one.

- Well, I had a leaky glass,

and they had to keep filling it up.

(audience laughing)

- There is a very serious matter

I have to talk to you about.

- I'm sure that what you've got to say

can be said in front of my colleagues.

- Here, drink this.

- Oh, thank you.

- Oh, very well.

During the past few days,
there's been a discrepancy

in the returns from the cash
till on the men's counter.

- No.

- Well, a pound here or there
can always be a mistake,

one must make allowances for human error,

but lately it's escalated,

and I'm afraid I had to
employ a covert operation

to identify the miscreant.

- You sneaky devil.

- Last night, witnessed by my secretary,

I put two marked five pound notes

in the till on the men's counter.

I have just checked the
contents against sales.

- And?

- No sales, but the two five
pound notes are missing.

I must therefore assume
that whoever's responsible

still has them about their person.

- You don't mean to say
you suspect Mr. Humphries?

- I've got nothing to hide.

Nothing at all.

One hanky.

My wallet.

40 pence in change.

And

me lucky conker.

(audience laughing)

- Where are the marked notes, then?

- They don't appear to be here.

- In that case, I think you
owe Mr. Humphries an apology.

- Yes, I apologize.

I'm placed in a very difficult position.

Any discrepancy falls on my head.

- Bounces off his ears.

- Well, let's see who has the notes,

and end this unfortunate
matter once and for all.

- Well, I'm skint.

- 35p, and a picture of Groucho Marx.

- One 10 pound note, and five singles.

- And a receipt for breakfast at the Ritz.

- Three pounds and 25 and a half p.

- 120 in 20s.

(audience laughing)

- It was him.

- Last week's overtime.

Check with accounts if
you don't believe me.

- No, no, no, no, no, it's
two marked five pound notes

we're looking for, and
clearly they're not here.

- What about Mr. Rumbold?

He's got a key for the till.

- Don't be ridiculous, I was
the one who set the trap.

- It's only fair, as we've had to expose

our personal belongings
that you should do the same.

- Oh, very well.

Examine that, Peacock.

- If you insist, sir.

- I do.

- Would the mark you placed
on the five pound notes

be a cross in red ink, sir?

- Yes, that's right.

- In the top right hand corner?

- Correct.

- And this is your wallet?

- Of course.

It's got my initials on it.

C.R. for Cuthbert Rumbold.

In gold.

- Then, I must assume that this
is one of the missing notes.

- Good heavens.

- CR, of course, we should've
guessed criminal record.

(audience laughing)

- Wait a minute, let me think.

Yes, I remember.

Miss Brahms had a personal
advance from me last week,

and paid it back this morning.

You must remember, Miss Brahms.

Please.

- Oh yes, I think I do remember,

but I got that fiver
from you Mrs. Slocombe.

- So, the arch villainess
is unmasked at last.

- Now I am forced to recall
the events of the morning,

I do remember lending Miss Brahms a fiver.

It was one of two that I
got from Capt. Peacock,

in exchange for a tenner
that I had to change

to get a five to give to Miss Brahms.

- I can see it now.

Peacock in Pentonville.

The toff tells all.

- Before you all jump
to hasty conclusions,

those two five pound notes
that I gave to Mrs. Slocombe

were given to me by Mr. Humphries.

Now, do you deny it?

- No, it's perfectly true.

I gave you two five pound notes

out of the till in exchange
for a 10 pound note.

- Well, that accounts
for one five pound note.

- And none of us has the other.

- Well, I'm forced to say
that the finger of guilt

did, for a time, point to your department,

but I retract my suspicions
as there's no definite proof.

- The relief of it all.

(sobbing)

- He's going through a personal crisis.

(mumbling)

Left home.

(mumbling)

Nowhere to go.

(mumbling)

Nearly 49.

- 45.

(audience laughing)

- And he's very relieved
that it's all over.

Now, come on chuck, dry your eyes.

- A cross on the corner.

- Oh, it came out of your top pocket.

- I'm afraid this is the end
of a very promising career.

- But I'm innocent.

- It doesn't look like it.

- You can't convict a
man without a fair trial.

- Oh, I wouldn't dream of doing so.

We'll keep this an internal matter.

We'll have an inquiry in the department

before we even consider dismissal.

So, if you wouldn't mind all waiting

behind for five minutes after we close,

we can settle it then.

- Five minutes?

- Well, it's an open and shut case,

it shouldn't take any longer.

- Depends who the judge is.

- This is not a trial, Mr. Harman.

- No, more in the nature
of a kangaroo court.

- What's that?

- That's when they jump over the heads

of the normal laws of justice.

- It won't be a bit like that.

We shall investigate
every aspect of the case,

anything that can be said

in Mr. Humphries' favor will be said,

and all mitigating circumstances

will be considered most sympathetically.

- And then they sack him.

(audience laughing)

(cash register tinging)

- Mr. Harman.

Are you ready?

- Yes m'lord. The jury
are all at their places.

- Don't call them a jury, Mr. Harman.

They are a committee of inquiry

consisting of his fellow workers.

- Excuse me, why is old Mr.
Wagstaff been dragged in here?

- Well, I always take him to the bus stop,

so he might as well sit
there while he's waiting.

(audience laughing)

- Oh very well. Let's get on.

- Yes.

The court should like to
call the prisoner to the dock

accompanied by the defense
counsel, Mrs. Betty Slocombe.

Called to the bar at 5:30,

only had time for one gin and tonic

before she was called out again.

(audience laughing)

- What's going on?

- Well, somebody's got
to speak up for him,

he can't put it properly himself.

- That's been my trouble all along.

(audience laughing)

- The court would like to
call Capt. Stephen Peacock,

QC and bar.

- What's he doing here?

- I've elected Capt. Peacock to put

the case against Mr. Humphries.

- The court is now in session.

Would the accused kindly take the stand?

- Perhaps we can get this over with.

Capt. Peacock.

- Now, the charge against Mr. Humphries--

- Objection!

- What is it?

- My client objects to Miss
Belfridge being on the jury.

On the grounds that she's
your secretary, and is biased.

Seeing as how she's up for a rise,

and doesn't want to get
into your bad books.

- Miss Belfridge is merely an employee

who happens to work in my office,

she's completely impartial.

Isn't that so, Miss Belfridge?

- Yes, Cuthbert.

- Objection sustained.

- Oh, very well.

Come and sit next to me,
and you can take notes.

Now, let's get on with this.

(audience laughing)

Peacock.

- Oh, I'm sorry sir, yes.

Well, if I might have
your undivided attention.

(high-pitched whistling)

(audience laughing)

Do we have to have that?

- Unfortunately, one of his
batteries is rather low.

- The charge against Mr. Humphries is--

- Objection!

He can't hear what's being said,

and my client objects to
him being on the jury.

Don't you?

- Well, I don't care one way or the other.

Which is unusual for me.

(audience laughing)

- Mr. Wagstaff.

Mr. Wagstaff.

Can you hear me?

- If ever I saw a guilty man,

it's him.

(audience laughing)

- Mr. Wagstaff is discharged.

- Here, go downstairs
and wait at the exit.

- We don't seem to be getting anywhere.

Please get on with it, Capt. Peacock.

- I'm doing my best, sir.

Now, the charge is that Mr. Humphries

removed a marked five
pound note from the till.

This was later discovered
in his top pocket

which proves he did it.

There my case rests.

Do you wish to examine the defendant?

- Do I have to?

(audience laughing)

- Well, it would give him the chance

to make some feeble explanation to explain

an otherwise open and shut case.

- Oh, very well.

Do you deny the charge?

- I do.

- Then, how do you explain
that this five pound note

was found in your top pocket?

- Well, I've had a lot of
problems at home, recently.

You see, my mother's taken up with

this man that she hardly knows.

Excuse me, she met him
while they were out jogging.

Well, he was jogging, she was
feeding the ducks in the park.

Well, she's moved him into the spare room.

I said to her, if she does
that I'm going to leave home.

Well, this morning I
packed me case, and I did.

- Mr. Humphries, does
all this have anything

whatsoever to do with the case?

- Well, of course it does.

You see, when I left home
I broke open me piggy bank.

So, I put all the small
change in the case,

brought it here,

I counted it, it was
just over five pounds.

So, I put all the change in the till,

took out a five pound note,

and put it in me top pocket.

- And you expect us to
believe that tissue of lies.

Ha!

I put it to these gentlemen.

- Here!

- Ladies and gentlemen.

Why didn't he tell us this before?

By his very reticence,
he has accused himself.

- Objection!

- What now?

- The reason he didn't mention it before

was because he was
half-cocked from the pub,

and by the time he'd sobered up,

and had time to think things over,

and remember the events of the morning,

events which my learned
counsel might recall

suggested a lack of honesty on more than

one member of the staff.

- To whom are you referring?

- My learned oppo here,
what's doing the persecuting.

That's whom.

And who deliberately entered a false time

of arrival in the signing
in book this morning.

- Objection. This has
nothing to do with the case.

- Objection overruled.

Any dishonest action, by
any member of the staff,

could place that member
of staff under suspicion

of not being entirely honest.

- Permission to cross-examine?

- Proceed.

Is the jury paying attention?

- Oh, nothing's being missed, sir.

- The court now calls
Capt. Stephen Peacock

to take the stand.

- It's like the remake of 12 Angry Men.

- On a low budget.

(audience laughing)

- Go on, Mrs. Slocombe, girl. Have a go.

- Are you Capt. Stephen Peacock,

a floorwalker at Grace Brothers?

- No, I'm a rice pudding
maker in Epping Forest.

(audience laughing)

- The defendant will answer the question.

- Well, of course I am.

If I wasn't, would I be sitting here

at six o'clock at night playing
this damn stupid charade?

- Will the jury kindly note this outburst.

A display of aggression
to a simple question,

might indicate a disturbed mind.

And as I shall prove, a dishonest mind.

The mind of a man who
is desperate for money

to keep up appearances at the Bowles club.

The mind of a man who has two Parker pens.

And can afford the Ritz,

and I don't mean crackers.

(audience laughing)

(clapping)

- Harman.

- Did you, or did you not, enter a false

arrival time in the
signing-in book this morning?

- To answer that I would have to ask you

what time you think I arrived?

- I, and others, know that
you arrived at 10 past nine,

and put down nine o'clock in the book.

So there, what have you got to say

to that clever chops?

(audience laughing)

- May I ask for the book?

- I'll get it.

- I find it difficult to believe that

a senior member of staff
could do such a thing.

Mind you, this is a most fascinating case.

- What about my case?

- Silence in court.

Exhibit A, the signing-in book.

- Right, now let's get this quite clear.

You, Mrs. Slocombe, accuse Capt. Peacock

of arriving at 9:10 on
the morning of the 12th,

but deliberately entering
9 a.m. in the book.

- Spot on.

- How then do you account for the fact

that 9:10 is the time
entered into the book?

- What?

Oh yes, I put that 10 down meself.

- You admit it?

- I've just told you.

- So, you deliberately tried to get

Capt. Peacock into trouble by entering

a false arrival time in the book?

Capt. Peacock, Capt.
Peacock you may stand down.

- No, it wasn't like that at all.

Mr. Spooner, you come
over here and tell them,

isn't it true what I said about him coming

at 10 past nine,

and putting nine o'clock down in the book?

- Objection.

Defense is leading the witness.

- Shut up!

Now, come on what time did he arrive?

- 10 past nine.

- Which is the time entered in the book.

- But that's what I put in meself!

- Well, you saw them.

- I did, I did.

And I'd swear to that
on the staff magazine.

- May I ask Mr. Spooner
just one pertinent question

which will settle his validity

as a witness once and for all?

- I wish you would.

- Mr. Spooner, did you or did you not,

enter Mr. Humphries' time of
arrival this morning as 9 a.m.?

The truth now.

- Yes, I did.

- And did the aforementioned
Mr. Humphries arrive at 9 a.m.?

- No sir, he didn't.

- Would it not be more correct to say

that he arrived at 9:15,

and that you perjured
yourself on his behalf?

Look at me boy!

- Yes, sir. It's true, sir.

- No more questions.

You may return to the jury.

(audience laughing)

- Objection!

My client doesn't want
somebody on the jury what lies.

- Hey, can't I say anything?

- No, I've got to say it for you.

- Up to now, you've made matters worse.

- Oh well, you have a go then,

because I'm dying to powder me nose.

- Would the court please
be so inclined as to grant

permission for defense
counsel to visit the Khazi.

(audience laughing)

- Permission granted.

- I was going whether it was or not.

- I'm sorry for all this fuss,

but what I said is true.

I did put the change in the till.

I did take a five pound note out,

and I did put it in me top pocket.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

this is the face of an innocent man.

Miss Brahms, you believe me, don't you?

- Oh, of course I do.

- Mr. Spooner, who's
come on so well recently,

you believe me?

- Never in any doubt.

- Mr. Harman, have I been
anything but straight?

(audience laughing)

- Could you rephrase that, please?

- Have I ever nicked anything?

- You've always behaved
like a perfect gentleman.

- I know, but have I ever nicked anything?

- I don't think he's got the bottle.

- Capt. Peacock, under that stern facade

there is a man who knows
what's right and what's wrong.

Can you honestly say, with
your hand on your heart,

that I have ever taken
anything that wasn't mine?

- No.

- Thank you.

- Up till now.

I must point out, that if it wasn't you,

then the finger of suspicion
will fall upon one of us.

And we'll have to go
through all this again.

- Oh no.

- Look, Capt. Peacock is quite right.

Hands up for guilty.

Not guilty.

Four all.

Well, I have the casting vote.

Guilty, and the judge's decision is final.

I will now pass sentence.

Mr. Humphries, I must ask you to resign.

- Resign?

From Grace Brothers?

- It's the only honorable
thing for a gentleman to do.

But may I say that it is
a great sadness for me

that one small flaw in an
otherwise exemplary character

should mar such a promising career.

- I'd try the YMCA if I was you.

- I'm already on their waiting list.

Do you know I can't believe
this is happening to me.

I've always been such a good boy.

(audience laughing)

- Stiff upper lip.

- Mr. Harman, I want that till changed,

and new keys issued.

(elevator bell chimes)

- I'm sorry about the delay,

but I had a bent coin.

Where is he?

- He's resigned.

- What about my winding up speech?

- Well, you're too late.

I shall never forget that
sad look on his little face.

And all that just for five quid.

- No, no, no, no, over 50
pounds has gone missing.

The buck had to stop somewhere.

- Here, this till's faulty.

There's a load of notes stuck at the back.

- [Mrs. Slocombe] The missing money.

- He was innocent.

- Now, he's left home and
he's not talking to his mother

we'll never find him to tell him.

- I hope he doesn't throw
himself under a train.

- If only we knew where he'd gone.

(elevator bell chimes)

(audience laughing)

- I forgot my Paddington bear.

- Look, we found the missing
money, it wasn't you.

- Well, I said I didn't do it.

(phone ringing)

- Maintenance and packing.

A message for whom?

Oh yeah, it's for you.

It's your mother.

She don't half sound upset.

- Hello?

Hello mother.

Well, I said he'd let you down.

Look, why don't you put his jogging shoes

outside the front gate,

and I'll be home as soon as I can.

Bye.

If only you could talk,

you'd have told them, wouldn't you?

Mind you, you might've told
them one or two other things,

so it's just as well.

(audience laughing)

- Oh, I was always on your side.

- Oh, if you do that again,

I'll be over to your side.

(audience laughing)

("Are You Being Served Theme")

♫ Ground floor perfumery,
stationery and leather goods

♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware and food

♫ Going up

♫ First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits

♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear and shoes

♫ Going up

♫ Second floor carpets,
travel goods and bedding

♫ Material, soft furnishings,
restaurant and teas

♫ Going down

♫ First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits

♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear and shoes

♫ Going down

♫ Ground floor perfumery,
stationery and leather goods

♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware and food

♫ Going up ♫