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1
00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:05,705
Mm-hmm.
2
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:08,141
Is this important?
3
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,576
It'll just take a second.
4
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:12,345
Fine, but Mr. Donaghy
is on another call right now
5
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,748
and doesn't have time for a
separate interaction with you.
6
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,383
Everything he
says will have
7
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:17,550
to work for
both conversations.
8
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:18,551
Really?
9
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:19,686
Lemon.
10
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,121
"Lemon" works for your business call?
11
00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:22,389
Oh, right, uh...
12
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,090
Well, I just wanted
to let you know that
13
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:26,593
I have to go to Chicago for jury
duty because I never changed
14
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:27,660
my residence to New York.
15
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,062
Why not?
16
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,765
Because I wanted to vote
in a swing state, Jack.
17
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:33,533
Also, I want to stay
18
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,734
on the mailing list at
Chicago Pizza Explosion.
19
00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:36,469
How fast can you turn it around?
20
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:37,470
Who, me?
21
00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:38,505
Oh, right.
22
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:39,806
Uh, I'll fly back in the morning.
23
00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:41,207
I never get
put on a jury.
24
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,777
I wear my Princess Leia costume
and they dismiss me immediately.
25
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,445
Well, that sounds good for both of us.
26
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:46,613
Thank you very much, sir.
27
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:48,782
Ha, that last part didn't work both ways.
28
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,983
You said "sir."
29
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,785
I think it worked fine.
30
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:52,786
I'll have Jonathan
31
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,454
call Travel and upgrade your flight.
32
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:55,455
Sweet!
33
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:56,723
What do you
take to fly?
34
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,324
Candy and magazines.
35
00:00:58,324 --> 00:00:59,826
No, pills.
36
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,694
Nobody flies without medication anymore.
37
00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:04,597
Why shouldn't you enjoy
the same luxuries as a dog?
38
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:07,088
"Comanapracil"?
39
00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:11,104
"May cause dizziness, sexual
nightmares and sleep crime."
40
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,366
It's very good.
41
00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:15,875
Tyler Brody on two, sir.
42
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:18,078
Tyler Brody, the dude from the Olympics?
43
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,680
Yes, he was the silver
medalist in tetherball.
44
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,482
Speedman's caught an angle!
45
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:23,583
Tyler Brody is flailing!
46
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,852
And there's the coil!
47
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,720
Lance Speedman is the Olympic
Tetherball Champion...
48
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,490
and Tyler Brody can't believe it!
49
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:33,660
Boy, there are a lot of weird
Olympic events these days.
50
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:37,464
Not that weird, Lemon.
51
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,299
Tetherball, we faked.
52
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,767
What? Why would you fake an Olympic event?
53
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,168
For ratings.
54
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:45,505
We staged several events so that
Americans could win more medals.
55
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:48,408
That's despicable.
56
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,643
It took years of planning and
now Tyler Brody
57
00:01:50,643 --> 00:01:52,312
is threatening to go public
and ruin everything.
58
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:54,047
So obviously, I have a lot on my plate
59
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:55,682
and no time to baby-sit the sixth floor.
60
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,817
So before you go gallivanting
off to Chicago
61
00:01:57,817 --> 00:02:00,285
make sure you get your people under control.
62
00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:02,689
Be a manager.
63
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:03,656
Yeah, yeah.
64
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,095
Liz, Tracy is countersuing me!
65
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,730
For "defamation of character."
66
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,166
How can you "defame" someone
who's been arrested
67
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,901
in three different Chuck E. Cheeses?
68
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,036
Do you know who I am?!
69
00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:20,340
Seriously, please tell me who I am!
70
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,076
Jenna, I'm not taking sides
in this lawsuit thing.
71
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,310
It's ridiculous.
72
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:25,345
Tracy's video game
never would have worked
73
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,346
without my voice acting.
74
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,381
I deserve to get paid.
75
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:29,749
Liz Lemon!
76
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:31,117
Nemesis.
77
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:33,381
Liz, will you tell Tracy I don't
even want to speak to him?
78
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,156
Okay, two can play at that game.
79
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,258
Liz, could you please tell
Kenneth that Liz wants him?
80
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,059
That's not even...
Okay, that's it.
81
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:42,095
I am calling Human Resources
82
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,596
and setting up a mediation for you.
83
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:46,966
I told you, I don't
drink that much at work.
84
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:49,230
Mediation is a binding form of
non-judicial dispute resolution.
85
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,505
I watched "Boston Legal" nine
times before I realized
86
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,073
it wasn't a new "Star Trek."
87
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:57,443
Liz, you have to admit
this is unfair.
88
00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:58,745
I got nothing.
89
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:01,614
Meanwhile, Grizz and
Dotcom bought a boat.
90
00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:03,883
Cape Hatteras is lovely
this time of year.
91
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:06,920
Well, of course Tracy takes
care of his boys and not you.
92
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,054
He thinks he can
93
00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:09,622
take advantage of you
because you're a woman.
94
00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:12,325
Men think they can get
away with anything.
95
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:13,993
It's like when Adrien Brody
kissed Halle Berry
96
00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:15,261
at the Oscars.
97
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,763
No one has it harder in this
country today than women.
98
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,731
It turns out we can't be president.
99
00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:21,167
We can't be network news anchors.
100
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:23,770
Madonna's arms
look crazy.
101
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,772
Tyler, I know you're upset we
didn't pick you for the gold
102
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,373
and I'm going to
make it up to you.
103
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,676
How would you like to
host "Deal or No Deal"
104
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,778
in the privacy of your own home?
105
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,279
I think I'll hold a press
conference instead...
106
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:36,942
tell the world there's no such
thing as Olympic tetherball.
107
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:41,154
...or synchronized running.
108
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,089
Or octuples tennis!
109
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,357
It's all a lie.
110
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:45,959
A white lie that
did a lot of good
111
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,256
for this country's morale.
112
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,729
Did you know that
President Bush's approval rating
113
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,798
was almost as high as 15%
following the Olympics?
114
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:56,035
Gasp! Olympic hero Tyler Brody!
115
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:57,637
Olympic fraud!
116
00:03:57,637 --> 00:04:00,340
There's no such thing as Olympic tetherball.
117
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,175
They made it all up for the ratings.
118
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,144
What are you saying?
119
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,279
Tyler...
120
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,648
You can be the voice of "Knight Rider..."
121
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:11,751
the film!
122
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,776
I'm listening.
123
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
124
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:39,712
Okay, I'm Jeffrey, I am a mediator.
125
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:43,449
And you two are having
a dispute, now why is that?
126
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,684
Because Tracy thinks he can
treat me unfairly
127
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,219
because I'm a woman.
128
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,720
What?! Please.
129
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,222
We're here because white folks
think they can do
130
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,057
whatever they want to do to black folks.
131
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:52,292
It's like when Adrien Brody
kissed Halle Berry
132
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,493
at the Oscars.
133
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:56,329
White people stole
jazz, rock-n-roll
134
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:58,698
Will Smith and heart disease.
135
00:04:58,698 --> 00:04:59,899
Now they think
136
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:01,134
they can take my hard-earned money.
137
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,802
Okay, well, if we look at how voice actors
138
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,037
are normally compensated...
139
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,571
Liz says,
in today's America
140
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:07,206
it's harder to be
a woman than a black man.
141
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:08,975
Liz Lemon? That chick is dumb!
142
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,310
Okay...
143
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,811
Tracy, do you know women still
get paid less than men
144
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,146
for doing the same job?
145
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,581
Do you know it's still illegal
to be black in Arizona?!
146
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:17,250
Do you have any idea
how hard it is
147
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,616
to be an overweight transgender
in this country?!
148
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,519
No, Grandma, no...
149
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:38,738
"Believe in the stars."
150
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,740
It's like that doesn't even
mean anything anymore.
151
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,608
Kenneth...
152
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,610
I'm sure I can trust
your discretion about
153
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:45,845
what happened in
my office today.
154
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,613
What you overheard was some rather
155
00:05:47,613 --> 00:05:49,615
grown-up talk.
156
00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:51,684
Was any of it real,
Mr. Donaghy?
157
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,887
Beer pong? Jazzercise?
Women's soccer?
158
00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:56,923
You're not in Stone Mountain
anymore, Kenneth.
159
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,758
This is the
real world
160
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,026
and not everything is in black and white.
161
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,119
There's always a right thing
to do, Mr. Donaghy.
162
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,831
Just, sometimes, it's not
the easy thing to do.
163
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:11,938
Tyler Brody was not the only
hero I lost today, sir.
164
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,707
The other hero was you,
in case that wasn't...
165
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:15,696
I got it, Kenneth.
166
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,148
If it weren't for you people,
I'd still be in Africa...
167
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,550
gorgeous, politically
stable Africa!
168
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,551
My people?
169
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,320
Women are the oppressed ones.
170
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,981
And it's even harder
being a beautiful woman.
171
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,558
Everyone assumes I don't try
in bed, it's discrimination!
172
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:35,161
Whatever, You couldn't last
one day in my shoes, Maroney!
173
00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:36,162
Right, Toof?
174
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,430
No, thank you.
175
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,965
I could totally be black.
176
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:39,966
You should try
being a white woman!
177
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,067
Okay, I will!
178
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,168
No, no, no, no, no!
179
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,469
I don't like where
this is heading.
180
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:45,304
"Freaky Friday" social experiment!
181
00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:46,362
Oh, it's on!
182
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,175
Where is Liz Lemon?
183
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,344
I don't really think it's fair
for me to be on a jury
184
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,745
because I can read thoughts.
185
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,113
Dismissed!
186
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:59,085
Welcome aboard
Flight 1876 to New York...
187
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,090
Hello?
188
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,792
Lemon, as part of our deal
to keep him quiet
189
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,994
Tyler Brody is going to be on
your show this week.
190
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,562
But he won't do any tetherball stuff.
191
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:11,431
Boy, Jack, it must be nice to
dump your problems
192
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,432
on other people.
193
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,800
It is.
194
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,601
Lemon, do you think Kenneth admires you?
195
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,770
Sure, that kid looks up to everybody.
196
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,639
He calls Tracy's lizard "sir."
197
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:20,773
So someone would have to
be a complete monster
198
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,008
to lose his respect.
199
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,010
Yeah... I don't know what
we're talking about.
200
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,578
We're talking
about nobody...
201
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,671
a hillbilly nobody that
doesn't know anything.
202
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,954
Hello?
203
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,389
Tracy is a white woman, Liz.
204
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,457
What?
205
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,624
He's trying to prove
206
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:40,593
that being a white woman is
easier than being a black man.
207
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:42,595
Wait, no...
what about the mediation?
208
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:43,729
We are way past that.
209
00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:45,898
This is gonna be bigger than
when Tyra Banks
210
00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:47,066
put on that fat suit.
211
00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:48,401
And don't worry...
212
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,736
When I prove Tracy wrong,
you'll get all the credit.
213
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:52,636
What are you
gonna do, J...?
214
00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,178
Hello?
215
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:02,215
Liz, it's
Becky, your college roommate!
216
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,249
I'm sorry, who?
217
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,884
See, Liz Lemon?
218
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:05,952
You're already treating me
with more respect.
219
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,320
Oh, God, Tracy...
220
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,721
You wait till I test
this noise out on society.
221
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,857
Minds will be blown!
222
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,191
No! No society.
223
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:15,294
Do not go outside, do not
let Jack Donaghy see you!
224
00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,964
Tracis,
listen to meem... oh, boy.
225
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,031
This pills am strong.
226
00:08:19,031 --> 00:08:21,100
You can't fix this, Liz Lemon!
227
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,569
It's about race, It's about being a woman.
228
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:26,105
It's about money.
It's about being on TV!
229
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:29,108
And no one understands all that.
230
00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,097
Hello.
231
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:36,105
I'ma call you back, I snitting nexta Borpo.
232
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:45,224
Well, Portland's got a fun, little waterfront.
233
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:49,262
Would you mind if I closed
this window shade...
234
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,564
I'm trying to adopt a baby but my job
235
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,598
is making it impossible
236
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,000
because my Work Self
237
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,135
is suffocating my Life Me!
238
00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:57,169
I'm Liz Lemon
239
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:59,228
and I lost my virginity at 25.
240
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,207
I saw the show about
following your fear
241
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,543
and it inspired me to wear
shorts to work.
242
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,669
It didn't go great.
243
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,546
Do you know Tracy Jordan?
244
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,915
I took
a pill earlier, but...
245
00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:10,349
I didn't get my
September issue
246
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,943
of "O" magazine, do you have
the number for subscriptions?
247
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,652
Why would you?! Aah!
248
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:18,991
I eat emotionally.
249
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:21,360
And, one time, at summer camp,
I kissed a girl on a dare
250
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,795
but then she drowned!
251
00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:26,332
And here comes some more stuff,
I hate my feet.
252
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,367
And, once, I had a sex dream
about Nate Berkus
253
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:30,369
but halfway through,
he turned into Dr. Oz.
254
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,004
Has that ever
happened to you?
255
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:34,373
A hug! This is happening!
256
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:35,499
It's all right, Liz,
it's all right.
257
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:37,109
I'm okay.
258
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:38,177
Please stay close.
259
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,112
Uh, can you keep your hands
outside my clothes?
260
00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:40,846
Okay.
261
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:41,813
Good.
262
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,785
Kenneth, I'm a good person.
263
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,386
If you say so, sir.
264
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:50,189
But sometimes,
life is complicated.
265
00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:52,592
There isn't always a right answer.
266
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,393
Say you're in a lifeboat...
267
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,028
"You're in a lifeboat."
268
00:09:56,028 --> 00:10:00,566
The boat holds eight people...
but you have nine onboard.
269
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:01,901
Either you will capsize
270
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:03,836
and everyone will drown
or one person can be
271
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:05,771
sacrificed to save the others.
272
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,040
Now, how do you decide
who should die?
273
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,543
Oh, I don't believe in
hypothetical situations
274
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:13,879
Mr. Donaghy, That's like
lying to your brain.
275
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:15,514
Kenneth, you've lived
a sheltered life.
276
00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:17,683
Virtue never tested is no virtue at all.
277
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,674
Oh, I have been tested, sir.
278
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,155
There are only two things
I love in this world...
279
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:25,191
everybody and television.
280
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,893
But up in my neighborhood,
we can't even afford cable.
281
00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:30,262
So my neighbor,
the Colonel, and I
282
00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:33,232
just watched whatever the ol'
rabbit ears pick up.
283
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:34,867
A lot of folks have chosen to go ahead
284
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,102
and steal cable
285
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:38,537
from the poor, defenseless
cable company.
286
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:40,873
But not me.
287
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:44,677
As bad as I want all those
channels, I don't do it
288
00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:46,278
because stealing is wrong.
289
00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:49,015
Kenneth, I'm familiar
with the 10 Commandments.
290
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:51,279
10?
291
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:56,022
A lot of us women eat
emotionally, Liz.
292
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:58,424
And while we're not always
in control of our feelings
293
00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:01,060
we do control of
the decisions we make.
294
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,395
I know, of course.
295
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,193
Now, you say that
you want a child
296
00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:09,965
and yet, you let Jenna and Tracy
fill that role in your life.
297
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:11,604
Maybe you're afraid
298
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,406
of taking that next step.
299
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,041
Oh, my God, that's it!
300
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:16,709
Now that we've
leveled off
301
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:18,144
I think they're gonna
serve us a little snack.
302
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:20,079
So true, so wise.
303
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,348
You know, when you say
that to everything
304
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,216
it makes me feel like
you're not listening.
305
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:25,851
Sorry.
306
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,086
Here, try this.
307
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:30,623
It's wonderful salt-water
taffy from Rhode Island.
308
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,392
Wow, is this one of
your "favorite things"?
309
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:34,160
Oh, yes.
310
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,495
And I have so many wonderful
favorite things this year.
311
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:39,658
Sweater capes,
calypso music...
312
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,730
paisley tops...
Chinese checkers
313
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:44,904
High-heel
flip-flops
314
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:47,840
that lift up your butt
and give you a work-out.
315
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,241
And you...
316
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:51,106
Liz Lemon.
317
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:54,241
Too many women are wearing
themselves too thin these days.
318
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,716
And what suffers
because of that?
319
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:57,650
Your bowel movements.
320
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:58,651
Your personal life.
321
00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,752
Personal life, yes.
322
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:02,588
I want to help you,
what can I do?
323
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,290
Oh, my God,
would you say...
324
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:07,359
"Please welcome, Liz Lemon!"
325
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:08,427
No.
326
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:09,595
But here is what
I will do.
327
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:11,731
While I'm in New York,
if you want
328
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,899
I can stop by
and I can talk
329
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,127
to Tracy and Jenna.
330
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,670
Solve that little
problem for you
331
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,772
so you can
concentrate
332
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,607
on Liz for once.
333
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:24,610
Oh, you are the best
person in the whole world.
334
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:37,022
Good grief.
335
00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:38,324
Hi, strangers!
336
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:41,761
Do you think I'm sexy?
Giggle, giggle, giggle!
337
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:45,097
Tracy, I know it's you.
And, yeah, I do.
338
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,600
I'm meeting my girlfriends
for brunch!
339
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,468
I hope we can sit outside!
340
00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:50,833
Lipstick!
341
00:12:58,077 --> 00:12:59,879
Jack, what are you
doing down here?
342
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:01,580
It's been a real
crazy day, Lemon.
343
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:02,715
We're bidding to build a wind
farm in Turkey
344
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,049
and I'm trying
to convince the board
345
00:13:04,049 --> 00:13:06,018
to sell the
Locomotive Division
346
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:08,320
and Kenneth is being
a real stick in the mud.
347
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,413
Well, there's nothing
to see down here!
348
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:14,193
Everything is under
control in Studio 6H.
349
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:15,594
Good morning!
350
00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:17,255
No! No, no, no!
351
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:19,565
No, no, no!
352
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:22,261
No, no, no...
wait, stop!
353
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:24,870
Why do you have a monster claw?
354
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,605
They ran out of
white make-up 'cause I insisted
355
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:27,594
they do my buttocks.
356
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:30,609
Good morning!
357
00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:32,444
What is going on here?
358
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:33,712
Jenna and I are
doing a social experiment.
359
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:34,713
No, you're not.
360
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,615
Wait, what is
Jenna doing?
361
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:37,716
? You gotta ease on down?
362
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:39,618
? Ease on down the road?
363
00:13:39,618 --> 00:13:40,642
Jenna, stop that right now.
364
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:44,056
This is worse than when you
wore your shorts to work.
365
00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:45,925
You realize this
is incredibly offensive.
366
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:46,659
Yes.
367
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,261
And you realize blackface makeup
reignites racial stereotypes
368
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:50,629
African-Americans have worked
369
00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:52,331
for hundreds of years
to overcome.
370
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,299
Here we go.
371
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:54,099
Yeah, it's bad.
372
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:55,234
I get it,
Go get some baby wipes!
373
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:56,702
We're trying to prove
374
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:59,071
women or black men.
375
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:01,674
white men.
376
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,309
We make the unpopular,
difficult decisions...
377
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,977
the tough choices.
378
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:06,779
We land on the moon and Normandy
Beach, and yet, they resent us.
379
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,314
Well, sir...
380
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,616
I'm sorry to disagree,
but I am also a white man...
381
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,618
No, you are not,
socio-economically speaking
382
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:14,320
you are more like
an inner-city Latina.
383
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,922
The point is, men like
me have to step in
384
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,090
and clean up messes like this.
385
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,726
No, you don't, I've got
this under control!
386
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:23,395
She's coming, Jack,
Oprah is coming!
387
00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:26,558
And she's gonna fix everything,
Oprah!
388
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,575
Oh, my, what was that?
389
00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:38,344
We've tripped the
emergency brake, Kenneth.
390
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,045
Mr. Donaghy?
391
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,081
And I've hermetically
sealed this elevator car.
392
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:44,183
No air can get
in or out.
393
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:47,152
Don't worry, folks,
help will be here soon
394
00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:49,788
and we have enough oxygen...
for eight people.
395
00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:52,658
Unfortunately, there are
nine of us in here.
396
00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:54,493
Now... one must die.
397
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,629
Mr. Donaghy!
398
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,030
In the panel where the
elevator phone should be
399
00:14:58,030 --> 00:14:59,964
I placed a pistol
loaded with one bullet.
400
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:10,342
It's empty!
401
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:13,312
Then you'll have to choke me
with my belt.
402
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,542
I will fight you. It's human nature.
403
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,184
What is wrong with you?!
404
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:25,891
Oprah smells like rosewater
and warm laundry.
405
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:29,361
Did she tell you any of her new
favorite things for this year?
406
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:35,334
Calypso, paisley, Chinese
checkers and sweater capes.
407
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:36,902
Let's go to
the mall!
408
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:39,234
Did she touch you?
409
00:15:47,212 --> 00:15:48,847
Well, Kenneth, I give up.
410
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:51,684
I thought pure morality
died with Chuck Heston
411
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:52,851
but you proved me wrong.
412
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,853
You are better
than all of us.
413
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:58,057
You are one Latina fantastica.
414
00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,992
Hola.
415
00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:01,560
Kenneth Ellen Parcell...
416
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,562
you are my hero.
417
00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:05,931
You don't mean "hero" like
"sandwich," do you?
418
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:08,491
No, Kenneth... not like sandwich.
419
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:56,382
Oh, no.
420
00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:09,528
Oprah's coming.
421
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,630
I haven't
seen Oprah since
422
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,966
she did that episode about
the worst celebrity dads.
423
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,267
Um, Liz?
424
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,394
Your guest is here.
425
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:19,531
Oprah!
426
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:22,532
Hello, Liz Lemon!
427
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,415
Uh, how you doin'?
428
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:30,616
Hi!
429
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,584
What were you on?
That's a kid.
430
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:35,254
That does explain some
of the stuff she said.
431
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,848
I get to fly first class 'cause
my mom is a flight attendant!
432
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:40,016
I lost my headgear at Six Flags.
433
00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:42,861
My boyfriend's in ninth grade!
434
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:45,697
It's not Oprah.
435
00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:46,965
I thought
it was Oprah.
436
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,934
It's a spunky, little tween.
437
00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:52,871
Now, as I am sure Liz has told
you, I am Pam.
438
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:54,273
Pam.
439
00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:55,638
I'm a middle school
class vice president...
440
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,011
a certified and trained
baby-sitter
441
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,046
and I recently got Internet
in my room!
442
00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:02,648
I think I gave her wine.
443
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,183
I believe I can achieve anything.
444
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:07,786
So let's get down
to solving this problem.
445
00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,253
Now which one of you is "Jana"?
446
00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:16,028
Hello, Mr. Donaghy.
447
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,296
Did you have a
good night, Kenneth?
448
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:20,632
Oh, yes, sir, hardly any
screaming from the Colonel.
449
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:22,835
Actually,
I was thinking...
450
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:27,739
We all try to be perfect,
but the world...
451
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:29,575
maybe, well...
452
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,643
uh, what I'm
trying to say...
453
00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:35,781
There's a whole channel on
the cable that just tells you
454
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,583
what's on the other channels!
455
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,151
I know, Kenneth, it's okay.
456
00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:42,988
I am glad I'm not
a white man, Mr. Donaghy.
457
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:47,092
Is SpongeBob
SquarePants
458
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:48,660
supposed to be terrifying?
459
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,288
You're darn right he is, Kenneth.
460
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:57,102
Yesterday, Liz
and I realized
461
00:18:57,102 --> 00:19:01,406
that she's probably wearing
the wrong bra size.
462
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,203
Oh.
463
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:07,613
Yup... that one's
definitely bigger.
464
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,948
And that
made me feel sad.
465
00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,314
Now show me your
emotion drawings.
466
00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:16,555
Tracy, your emotion
is upside-down.
467
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:20,292
That's the way
my world is right now.
468
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:22,060
I guess I'm gonna have to
clean up your mess after all.
469
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:24,196
She's 12, how did I...
470
00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:25,731
It's okay, it happens
to the best of us.
471
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:28,400
In-flight medication is how
I met M. Night Shyamalan
472
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,568
until it turned out to be...
473
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,737
That was the best
day of my life.
474
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:32,804
Liz...
475
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:33,805
we worked it out.
476
00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:35,240
I've been hearing...
477
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,576
but I haven't been listening.
478
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:42,548
And I need to stop being a
frenemy and be your real B.F.F.
479
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:46,541
Well... Iooks like
my work here is done.
480
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:50,556
So, I'll see you at my
parents' house for dinner.
481
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:51,990
My best friend
Gayle can't make it
482
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,926
because she has some
algebra test tomorrow.
483
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:54,915
Oh, Gayle!
484
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:57,596
Good job, Lemon.
485
00:19:57,596 --> 00:19:59,464
Good job, Pam, really.
486
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:00,799
take credit.
487
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,096
Hmm.
488
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:07,172
? Lean on me...
when you're not strong?
489
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:08,807
We're not doing that now.
490
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,707
Stop that, do you hear me?
491
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,112
I don't think I should be
drinking this.
492
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:16,081
Oh, come on, like you
never have a drink.
493
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,784
Well, I did have some champagne
at my cousin's wedding once.
494
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:21,086
Yeah, you did! To Oprah!
495
00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:23,422
My name is Pam.
496
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,322
Oh, Oprah!
497
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,124
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