All language subtitles for E.S01E08.Surprise! [eng]

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What are you doing?

Oh, uh, the pink annoys my eyes,
so I'm making a few changes.

-It's my room.
-It's our room.

I'm moving in.

What? No, you're not.

But we kissed.

Yeah, but�

I spent all morning
moving my stuff from the bathroom.

I'll help you put it back.

It's just people don't usually
move in together after just one kiss.

So, do you wanna keep the mural or no?

[Martin] So, the clinic's a no go then?

Looks like it.

And you're sure
they won't, like, do you a favour?

Just leave it. It's not gonna happen.

Well, at least you tried.
That's all you can ask.

So, any men on the go?

-Ew, Dad!
-Come on. I love a bit of gossip.

Uh, Carrie's gonna break up with Kash.

[Carrie] No, I'm not.

I'm not, Martin.

We just need to sit down
and talk about where we see this going,

and our expectations, and what we need.

[Martin] Yeah. Sounds like
you're gonna break up with him.

Look, I love Kash,
and I don't want to see him get hurt.

But, I think, if you have a better time
with a man who's been dead for 400 years,

it's a bit of a red flag.

[Carrie] I know. I just don't know
how I'm gonna broach it with him.

Don't ask me.

If I'm not feeling it,

I usually just send them a text
saying I don't have time to date anyone

because I've discovered
an invisible treasure map

on the back of
the Declaration of Independence.

-You National Treasure them?
-I National Treasure them.

Well, I'm not doing that.

I'm just gonna be an adult and say,
"Hey, can we have a quick chat?"

God, that's a bit dramatic, though,
isn't it?

Kash, I--

-[squealing] Surprise!
-[decorations scattering]

I'm throwing you a surprise party!

[squealing] Yay!

[shrieking]

-[Carrie] But why?
-[Kash] 'Cause I love you.

-Whoo-hoo!
-Where's the party?

Well, it's happening later.

It's not really a surprise then, is it?
You just told her.

Well, you'd expect the surprise to come

at the same time as the party,
wouldn't you?

So really, uh,
this is even more surprising.

Well, I don't want to have a party.

We're having a party?

Mm-hmm.

Well, I do have a slutty dress
I want to wear.

-[squealing] Yes!
-[shrieks]

What's a party?

-[people chattering]
-[pop music playing]

What do you think?

I think a serial killer did this.

I love it.

Aw, my favourite flowers.

[giggles]

This is strange, right?

Yes. It's not just you.

Ooh, I'd better empty the recycling now
so that we have adequate space

when it comes to clearing up
tomorrow morning.

You've thought of everything.

[clicks tongue]

[upbeat pop music playing]

[laughing] Isn't this amazing?

You genuinely like it?

[gasps] Maybe we're made for each other.

You both agree balloons are fun.

I don't think that's the foundation
for a lifelong partnership.

I can't have the talk with him
tonight though. It will ruin his party.

It's your party. This is the perfect time.
He has to listen to you.

[exhales deeply] You're right.
I'm doing it tonight.

Start the chat.

[inhales, exhales sharply]

Get your head in the game, Carrie!

[people chattering
in background continues]

-Have you tried the hummus?
-I love you.

-Thank you.
-What is it?

Chickpeas.

-Oh.
-Whoa, whoa.

-Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry. [chuckles]
-No. No, it's fine. It's just,

public kissing is maybe a bit�

-Yeah.
-Let's just take things slow.

[Mary] No, no.
I don't want a natty wine, young man.

Is that my mum? Oh, for fuck's sake!

-Let's go say hello.
-No!

No, not right now.
Just you stay here and be normal.

[house music playing]

Why are you here?

Your crisp selection
is absolutely baffling.

Thai sweet chilli,
but no cheese and onion? It's unnatural.

Why are you here?

So, I can't go to a party now?

Where's Andy and Ian?

[sighs] Don't even talk to me.
I had to leave that house.

Andy is being a total brat.

"My life's ruined this. I'm a freak that."

And all I said to her
was that she needed to stop whingeing

and pull herself up by the bootstraps.

So I thought I'd focus on you now.

-What do you mean?
-I'm gonna sort your life out.

Is there anything you need help with?

You're very single.

No career prospects.

[scoffs]

The hair.

I do not need any help. I'm fine.

Hey, why don't you mingle?
Why don't you talk to this guy?

[R&B music playing]

d Every time I close my eyes d

-Gordon!
-Jennifer.

d I wake up feeling so horny d

It's not a costume party.

I know. It's-It's the new me.

I'm embracing my power.

I'm the "come" guy.
So I should act like the "come" guy.

Ladies.

Okay. Well, Gordon, this is my mum.

Mum, Gordon.

Bye.

[Gordon] Hello.

Do not touch her!

[person at party]
Right. We'll wait for him.

I'll bring her over here
for a conversation.

Get him talking
about how much he likes her.

-[person at party 2] Yeah, I know.
-[upbeat house music playing]

[person at party 3]
Oi! Come on. Get it down ya! Down it!

[people at party chanting]
Down it! Down it! Down it! Down it!

Down it! Down it!

-[retches]
-[people gasp, shriek]

Okay, who wants to play strip poker?

[people laugh]

Just me. That's fine.

[laughing]

-[person at party 4] Put that away.
-Join in when you're ready.

[music continues in distance]

[people chattering]

And you have to take
your whole trousers off every time?

Yeah, I was looking into getting
a pair made with a flap in the back.

-Jen.
-Thank God.

[sighs] You're a lifesaver.

Did you see? Kash made macarons.
He remembered they're my favourite.

I mean, they're bad.

I wouldn't actually eat them, but�
[squeals]

Carrie, focus!

What is the one thing
you're supposed to be doing tonight?

[sighs] Balls.

I swear I keep meaning to bring it up,
but I just keep getting sidetracked.

And he's gone to all this effort.

I know it's hard,
but you have to push through.

Block everything else out,

and just get the words out
as quick as you can.

[gulps, exhales sharply]

[party horn honks, squeaks]

-Hey, can we have a chat?
-[Kash] Of course.

So�

I feel like the adult in the relationship,

and sometimes I feel more like your mum
than your girlfriend.

And I need you to be more mature.

[Kash] I hear you.

Is there something I can do
to prove to you that I'm listening?

I suppose you could start looking
for a stable job.

That would help.

Oh, that's a good one.
I haven't tried that yet.

Wait, no! Don't!

Kash, can we�

[distorted rewinding sounds]

-[pop music resumes playing]
-[people resume chattering]

[party horn honks, squeaks]

Mm-hmm. References? Yeah,
I can get them in before then. Definitely.

And the interview will be at 1:00 p.m.
on a Wednesday?

Yeah! Yeah, I can do that.

d If we're still alive d

-d My regrets are few d
-[exhales deeply]

So it's a devised theatre piece

about three undocumented cleaners
with invisibility

because they are invisible to society.

No.

She just keeps trying to talk to me.
[inhales sharply] It's exhausting.

You could just talk to your girlfriend.

No. No, it's the break-up chat. [pants]
I can feel it.

-She's been very unhappy lately.
-How long have you been doing this?

-I've been awake for 28 hours.
-You can't keep going forever, mate.

No, I don't need to.
I'm gathering information.

See, if I know why
she's breaking up with me, I can stop it.

I can fix it. [pants]

I'm just running out of energy.

Have you tried these?

It puts Red Bull to shame.

It's technically classified
as an industrial lubricant in the EU.

So you know it's good.

[gulps, pants]

Yeah?

[breathes heavily]

-[upbeat funk music playing]
-[grunts]

You got any more?

So, what happens if you touch yourself?

Nothing. And the ironic thing is,

it actually takes me quite a while
to climax.

Particularly with a new partner.

Ooh.

You're Jen's mum.

I think she doesn't want me
to talk to you.

Oh, of course she doesn't.
She may as well push me out the door.

She's very confusing.

Don't even start.
I can never tell what's going on with her.

Oh, well, she's having a terrible time
right now.

No, no. She told me she's fine.

Uh, no. She wants to go to the clinic
so they can help her find her power.

Because she feels left out without one.

But it costs money,
and she doesn't have that.

So they won't let her in.

That seems like something you'd mention.

She talks about it with her dad
all the time.

Did you know he's dead?

I'm aware.

Excuse me.

[house music playing]

Have we met?

I don't think so.

After you.

-[doorbell rings]
-[sighs]

d Glitter on the wet streets d

d Silver over everything d

You've brought way too much, man.
You're gonna crash.

Desperate times means desperate--
Whatever it is.

[Luke] Have you seen a girl?
She's about this tall.

Irish, but not the scary kind.

Jen.

-What are you doing here?
-I've been texting. You haven't replied.

Oh.

Did you come all this way
just to check in on me?

You usually respond straight away.
I assumed you were dead.

No, no, I've just been busy.

-With what?
-Hello.

Who likes a party? Because this boy does.

We don't need any pills, mate. We're good.

No. No. I'm not a drugs-man.
I'm Jen's boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

-Yeah.
-No.

Luke, why don't you go get yourself
a drink? Help yourself to anything.

What about "taking things slow"
is introducing me as your girlfriend?

-Aren't you?
-[stutters] It's complicated.

You say everything's complicated.

Because it is!
The real world is complicated!

I'm-I'm confused about a lot of things,
but you're the one thing that makes sense.

Do you even hear what I'm saying?

Maybe we should just give each other
some space.

What?

Maybe we should give each other
some space!

Jen, someone's in your room.

d Off with your head d

d Dance 'til you're dead d

Can you read?

What are you doing?

-[computer beeping]
-I'm hacking your computer.

I've been taking IT classes.
I know what all the bits are for now.

Stop it. Why would you do that?

Well, it's the only way to know
what's going on in your life.

Seeing as you won't tell me.

Please be more cryptic
so I fully understand what's happening.

You receive a lot of marketing emails
from a place called "The Clinic."

-Why didn't you come to me about it?
-Because you're judgmental.

Every time I talk to you,
you make me feel like shit.

It only seems like that

because a lot of the choices
you make are wrong.

Oh, okay, so i-if I was just perfect,
this wouldn't be an issue?

-Yes!
-You know, I used to be jealous

that Andy was your favourite.

But now, I think I dodged a bullet.

[chuckles]
You're not one to talk about favourites.

What are you talking about?

You're a monster if people think
you have a favourite child.

But no one bats an eye
if you have a favourite parent.

So I talk to Dad. Big deal.

You'll talk to him but not me?

Yeah, I do! Because he doesn't judge me
or try to fix me!

He's just-- He's just there.

He's not there! I am!

I'm right here!

Yeah, I know.

I shouldn't have brought him up.

It's fine.

-Do you want me to leave?
-No, no. No, you can stay. It�

Although, I think we've run out of crisps.

What? It's only 11:00.

Jesus Christ.
Who did the Ocado, Bobby Sands?

[chuckles]

Better go down there before
someone takes the last sweet chilli.

-[Carrie] Are you okay?
-No, I'm fine. Let's dance.

[Kash snores]

Kash, while I have you,
we should probably--

Talk? Okay.

[person at party 5]
Cheers, Carrie. Great party.

Actually, it's fine. Never mind.

[door opens]

We have a problem.

Okay, I still don't get it.

He's turning back time every time
I try and have the chat with him.

-That's not good.
-Not good? It's effed up!

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, relax.

[exhales sharply]
He knows exactly what I'm gonna do,

so he knows exactly how to throw me off.

I can't believe he'd do this to me
during my party.

Carrie. The party's part of it.

Oh, my God.

[Jen] Do you think he's been avoiding you?

[Carrie] Of course he has.
I've been chasing him all evening.

[Jen] He's only making it worse.

I swear to God, I've never met anyone
so stupid with this stuff.

He's hopeless.

What if he's been doing this
our whole relationship?

I guess you don't need
to have the talk anymore.

How am I ever gonna trust him again?
How am I even gonna break up with him?

It doesn't matter what I do.
He'll just keep turning back time.

Maybe I already have.

He's bound to run out of energy
at some point.

Usually he just carb loads,
but I haven't seen him eat much.

Is he taking drugs?

Oh, God. It's meth, isn't it?

Hey, fuck off. My house.

Bingo.

I knew they were up to something.

[sighs]

[chattering continues]

Hey, um, Carrie said she wants to have
a quick chat with you.

Mm-hmm.

-[grunts]
-[groans]

[grunts]

Poor fucker.

There you are.

I made you a cocktail.

Ooh. [chuckles]

It's just wine.

Yeah, but it's got
a little umbrella in it.

Yeah, it's good.

Mmm.

So, I was thinking, how would you like
to go for a little flight?

I could take off right now, if you like.
It's a beautiful night.

Really? Me?

There's not a hotter,
taller woman standing behind me, is there?

Because that has happened before.

No, it's just you and me.

Um, do you wanna go outside then?

Yeah.

[water running, flushing]

[Carrie] They're gone.

I know.

Randall, come on. Make me a new can.

Kash, I'm�

[inhales shakily] I don't wanna do this.

So don't.

Just don't. Please. I can fix it.

-Not this time.
-Randall, come on! Hurry up!

I'm not a vending machine, mate.
It's gonna take a while.

Don't say it.

I think we should break up.

[distorted rewinding sounds]

I think we should break up.

[distorted rewinding continues]

I think we should break--

�break up.

[inhales shakily]
I think we should break up.

[sniffles]

[sobs]

You need sleep. Let's get you to bed.

I'm sorry.

[can clatters]

Are you sure
your boyfriend's not gonna mind?

Oh. Oh, So that's what it is.
You're jealous.

[laughs]

That you have a boyfriend? Maybe.

Of that boyfriend in particular, no.

Why not?

Come on, really? Just seems like
a bit of a weirdo. [chuckles]

Come on.

He's not a weirdo.

He's a bit different,
but that doesn't mean he's not good.

Sure.

Look, you don't know him.

He's kind, and he's funny.

Not intentionally, most of the time,
but he makes me laugh.

[laughs] And he always
has the dumbest questions.

But it's like there's a logic to them.

And he actually wants to be with me.

You'd think that would be
the bare minimum, but�

That's it, really, isn't it?

He likes me. I like him.

Not that complicated.

You could aim a lot higher, Jen.

Nah, I'm good.

Jen.

Jen.

Where are you going?

Hey!

Whatever.

[grunts]

[pedestrians chattering]

[grunts]

[pedestrians laugh]

I swear, this has never happened before.

-[pedestrian 1] Okay.
-[pedestrian 2 laughs]

[Jen] Jizzlord?

Jizzlord!

[chattering]

Jizzlord!

Have you seen Jizzlord?

No.

Why?

[shouting] Jizzlord? Jizzlord?

Jizzlord!

Jizzlord!

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no!

[cat meows]

I'm sorry.

-I was being stupid earlier.
-[thunder rumbles]

Look, I act like I'm smarter than you,
but I'm not.

Not with important things.

-[rain pattering]
-[cat meows]

Fuck.

Can you hear me?

I don't want space! I want you to be here.

I don't know what I'm doing,
but I know I don't want you to go.

[thunder rumbles]

I want you to be my boyfriend!

You want a bin to be your boyfriend?

That's a bit of a slap in the face.
I'm not gonna lie.

[Gordon] Whoop, whoop.
Hey-o. Whoop, whoop.

Who wants to do body shots?

Gordon, it's 2:00 a.m. Go home.

We're young. We could go clubbing.

God, who am I kidding? This isn't me.

I hate this.

-[sighs] Do you want a cup of tea?
-[whimpering] Yes, please.

-Jesus, you'll catch your death.
-Mum, I want you to meet my boyfriend.

[shrieking] What? [gasps]

[Carrie gasps, chokes]

Hello again. What was your name?

-It doesn't matter.
-Jizzlord.

I'm sorry, it's what lord?

Uh, it's J--

Hey. This clinic.

I hear you don't have enough money for it.

Yeah.

I'll pay for it.

Really?

Yeah.

If it'll make you happy.

How much is it?

Twelve grand.

Fucking hell! What?

Jesus Christ. Lead with the price.
What did you let me do that for?

-What, you don't have it?
-Of course I don't have it!

I'm not a Saudi prince.

[Mary exclaims, pants]

[Gordon] I have it.

I've been supplementing my income

by providing a service
to unfulfilled women.

And that made you L12,000?

No, it's just pocket change. Straight
women just paid off my student loan.

Gordon. I can't take your gigolo money.
You earned it.

Really, i-it feels wrong.
I want you to have it.

I'm going to the clinic.

[singsong] You're going to the clinic.

[laughs, shrieks]

-[Jen] Oh.
-[grunts]

Okay. Well done. Very good.

-Oh, no, no, no.
-[Jizzlord groans]

Yeah, we have met.

Yep.

Morning.

Morning.

I've never seen you smile
for this long before.

Kinda hurts. I don't know
how people do it all the time.

I like it.

[Carrie grunts]

Uh, where are you going?

Did I do something wrong?
I'm sorry. Don't leave me.

[chuckles] I'm just going to the shop.
I really fancy some pancakes.

-I'll go.
-No, no, no, don't. I better go.

-Just flour, milk, eggs, sugar, right?
-No, you for--

Actually, yeah. Yeah, that's right.

I think I'm getting the hang of this.

-[cashier] That's L5.65, please.
-[child] Mummy, look!

-[mother] Just give me a minute.
-But, Mummy! That man looks like Daddy.

[gulps]

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