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1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,804
In order to break free
of the earth's atmosphere,
2
00:00:03,836 --> 00:00:05,173
a rocket ship must attain speeds
3
00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:07,541
of upwards
of 25,000 miles per hour.
4
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:09,143
Bull. If they
went that fast,
5
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:11,312
they would just be squashed
in the back of their seats.
6
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,846
They wouldn't float around.
7
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,982
You're confusing acceleration
with velocity.
8
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,051
You feel it when you first
start going faster,
9
00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:19,520
but once you're up to speed,
you don't even notice.
10
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,089
I mean, right now
we're on a planet
11
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,224
that's spinning
at a thousand miles per hour,
12
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,093
and that's just
rotational velocity.
13
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:27,995
We're also traveling around
the sun at almost 67,000
14
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,330
miles per hour,
and then
15
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,665
the whole solar system is
hurtling through the galaxy,
16
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,834
which is hurtling away
from all the other galaxies
17
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,303
because the universe
is expanding.
18
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,410
Whee!
19
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:45,913
♪ Yes, no, maybe
20
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:48,449
♪ I don't know
21
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:51,785
♪ Can you repeat the question?
22
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,054
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
23
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:56,457
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
24
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,859
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
25
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,961
♪ And you're not so big
26
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:03,397
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
27
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,399
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
28
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:07,901
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
29
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:10,704
♪ And you're not so big
30
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:15,409
♪ Life is unfair.
31
00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:19,980
Did you
hear that?
32
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,382
Firing
retro-jets, Captain.
33
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,050
Hal, I think
somebody's trying
34
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,418
to break into
our house.
35
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:25,786
I'll do it
in the morning.
36
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,289
What was that?
37
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,660
Oh, my God!
Hal!
38
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,128
I'll get 'em, Lois.
39
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,535
REESE: Got him!
40
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,248
What would
have happened
41
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:55,849
if Reese didn't
knock him out?
42
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:58,018
He would have seen
our TV and stereo
43
00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:00,421
and known he'd made
a terrible mistake.
44
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,622
Now let go of my arm.
45
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:02,923
He came through
the window
46
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:03,957
right in front of us.
47
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:04,925
I-I can't explain it.
48
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,960
It was like, it was like
we were paralyzed,
49
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,628
and then my son
Reese came in,
50
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,830
swinging this bat.
51
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:10,931
He saved us all.
52
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,466
Yeah, it's
a good thing
53
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,435
Reese got to him
before I did.
54
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,969
And where were you, sir?
55
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,305
I was in bed.
56
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,872
Actually, trapped in bed.
57
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:21,975
You see, my wife insists
on tucking in the corners--
58
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,977
I mean, really
tucking them in.
59
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,513
I saw his head in the moonlight.
60
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,014
It looked like
a big, fat pitch
61
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,148
sitting over the plate.
62
00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:29,950
If only there were
more kids like you,
63
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,485
our streets would
be a lot safer.
64
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:32,953
Thanks.
65
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,288
You look familiar.
66
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:38,058
Did you ever participate
in our ride-along program?
67
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,961
Sort of.
68
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,663
It's like being
in a straitjacket.
69
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:43,831
You twist and you twist
70
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:46,300
and you just can't shake
the damn sheets loose.
71
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:49,136
Well, the most important
thing is, we caught the guy.
72
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,871
You know what?
Why don't I show you?
73
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,006
Follow me to the bedroom and
I'll tuck you in. You'll...
74
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,976
Sir! You don't tuck in
police officers.
75
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,045
Craig! I got your lunch!
76
00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,380
Sorry I'm late.
77
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:02,182
Picked up your burgers and I had
to drive a half an hour
78
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,818
across town to get your chicken
from Nugget World.
79
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:09,857
I thought you said you wanted
to help me lead a normal life.
80
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,092
Did you get the extra mayo?
81
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,193
Yes.
82
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:15,028
From which place?
83
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:17,665
When are you getting the nurse?
84
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,334
Well, gee, Lois, it's just
that I've been so busy
85
00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:22,870
with, you know,
having my arms and legs broken
86
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,905
when your kids' dog
chased me out into traffic.
87
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,408
Plus, I can't sleep
knowing the mental trauma
88
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,443
my cat suffers
staying at Mother's.
89
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,178
Then there's all
the forehead sticks
90
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,946
I went through learning
to go to the bathroom.
91
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:36,417
Craig, the insurance company
gave you money for a nurse.
92
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:40,721
Ah, Lois, poor, sweet,
money-wasting Lois.
93
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,022
I've got something better.
94
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,056
Oliver!
95
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,662
Oh, my God, is
that a monkey?
96
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,231
It's a helper monkey.
97
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,700
They're highly trained
and they donate them free
98
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,067
to the permanently disabled.
99
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,803
You're not
permanently disabled.
100
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,038
For the next six weeks,
he thinks I am.
101
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,873
Craig, I am
not taking care
102
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,575
of you and
a wild animal.
103
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,577
Lois, it's not a wild animal.
104
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,245
It's a capuchin monkey.
105
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,914
They're nature's butlers.
106
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,248
I got a good one, too.
107
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,818
His brother worked
for Stephen Hawking.
108
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,689
My God, when was the last time
this thing was cleaned?
109
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,161
This is the worst
job in the world.
110
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,230
Why do we
put up with this?
111
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,766
I don't know about you, but I'm
still paying off law school.
112
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:26,767
Okay, everybody!
113
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,769
Clear out. You're all fired.
114
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,304
What?
Camp's closing.
115
00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:32,072
They cut down
the last tree today.
116
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,074
Anyone want to take
a picture with it?
117
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,609
A mining company
bought the land.
118
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,745
You got to be out of
here by the end of today.
119
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,580
We're just out like
that without notice?
120
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,415
This is the circle
of life up here.
121
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:42,916
First they cut down the trees.
122
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,852
Then the mining company
strips the land.
123
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,421
Then, with any luck at all,
they turn whatever's left
124
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:48,922
into a nuclear
waste dump.
125
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,924
It's the only way we're
going to wean ourselves
126
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,993
from our unhealthy
dependence on foreign oil.
127
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:56,029
Well, I guess
I'm going to have to move
128
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,065
back in with my parents.
129
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:00,934
And then,
after the awards ceremony
130
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,836
they gave me a tour
of the police station.
131
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,104
Did you know
that the mirrors
132
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,839
in the interrogation room
are two-way?
133
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,941
It's a good thing
they didn't have that before.
134
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,177
"For heroism
and meritorious action."
135
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,845
Reese, I'm so proud of you.
136
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,347
Okay, Dewey,
are you finally
137
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,315
going to be able
to go to sleep now?
138
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:18,018
You saw all the policemen
and how strong the bars are.
139
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,052
Yeah, but...
140
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:20,454
And you saw
that the police station
141
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:22,456
is much too big
for a helicopter
to carry it away
142
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:23,857
to a secret hideout
under the sea.
143
00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:25,292
But...
No buts, Dewey.
144
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,894
That guy is
in a jail cell.
145
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,328
He's not going anywhere.
146
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:29,397
REESE:
I wouldn't bet on it.
147
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,031
With our legal system
148
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,633
he's probably back
on the streets right now.
149
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,667
Dewey.
150
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:34,702
Mom, Dad,
151
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,537
this whole thing's
got me thinking.
152
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,805
I mean, usually those cops
153
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,040
are throwing me in the back
of their squad cars,
154
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,009
but today they were all
clapping for me.
155
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,711
Well, you're
a real hero.
156
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:46,079
And it was really cool,
you know, protecting you guys,
157
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,015
saving your lives.
158
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,383
Thanks again.
159
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:51,018
And it's made me realize
160
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,986
for the first time in my life,
161
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,755
I know what my purpose is.
162
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,890
I think I've found my calling.
163
00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:59,226
Mom, Dad...
164
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:00,561
I want to be a pig.
165
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,097
MALCOLM:
Go to sleep.
166
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:05,999
I'm still scared.
167
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:09,336
Read me a story.
Please.
168
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,739
I've already read you
every book in this place.
169
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,574
Please.
170
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:28,088
"Aardvark. A burrowing mammal
of Southern Africa."
171
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:31,391
"Myocardium. The muscle tissue
of the heart."
172
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,471
It's all right.
It's all right.
173
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,205
It was just me
turning off the light.
174
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,239
Where are you?!
175
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,919
Sorry.
176
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:02,456
Go back to sleep.
177
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,030
"Commingle."
178
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:18,639
It turns out it was all
a simple misunderstanding.
179
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,177
It's Larry who should have
gotten the spin-off show,
180
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,513
not the Ropers, huh, Oliver?
181
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:28,916
Oh, Lois, you're not
drinking your tea.
182
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,284
Oliver, Lois takes
sugar in her tea.
183
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:32,520
One lump.
184
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:39,126
I usually like to thank him
when he does something right.
185
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,762
Um, thank you, Oliver.
186
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,764
Isn't he amazing?
187
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,599
He makes the bed,
he does dishes.
188
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:47,835
He even changes his own diaper.
189
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,303
Oliver, temple massage.
190
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,641
Oh...
191
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:58,612
This is about
as good as it gets.
192
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,380
Lois, you want
some of this?
193
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:01,915
I have to go.
194
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:07,320
Oh, you're like
a furry little geisha.
195
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,129
Hey, what's going on here?
196
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,831
We're just playing.
197
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,066
It's getting a little loud.
198
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:21,301
This is a nice neighborhood.
199
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,004
Let's keep it that way.
200
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,875
Stay in school.
201
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:31,745
Hey, you kids!
Wear your helmets!
202
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:32,913
That's not safe!
203
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,214
Who the hell are you?
204
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,654
Ouch! Ow!
205
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:43,190
See? You should be
more careful.
206
00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:46,393
Play safe. Be smart.
207
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:48,762
Did you get the job?
208
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,731
No. It was a stupid idea anyway,
209
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,666
auditioning for a cruise ship.
210
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,267
And what kind of a piano player
211
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,369
doesn't know the music
to Cabaret?
212
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,005
Honey, this is useless.
213
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,840
We have to go someplace
where there's work!
214
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,108
We're not leaving our home.
215
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:02,275
Something will come up.
216
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:04,745
We're not here.
What?
217
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,380
Piama! I know
you're in there!
218
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,050
Hey, what's the problem?
219
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,218
Look, I'm sorry.
220
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:12,886
We served your
eviction notice
30 days ago.
221
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:13,887
You have to leave.
222
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,255
Eviction? What are
you talking about?
223
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,624
Why didn't you tell me?
224
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,291
Because it's not happening.
225
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,928
Hey, the tribal council made
a deal with the mining company.
226
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,262
You're getting a settlement.
227
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,563
Part of a settlement.
228
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:26,199
Only one-fifteenth of your
property's on tribal land.
229
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,868
Forget it!
230
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,603
We'll just live in
the other part of the house.
231
00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:30,638
You can't do that.
232
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,105
This whole area's been
designated
233
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,607
as an arsenic containment basin.
234
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,909
Nobody's stealing
my property.
235
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,978
Let's just all cool down.
236
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,047
Uh, you may actually
not want to touch her.
237
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,382
Don't tell me how to do my job.
238
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,751
All right, missy,
239
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,786
let's get one
thing straight.
240
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,849
What time is it?
241
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,617
Oh, damn!
242
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:20,120
It's too dark
to see my Rolex.
243
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,521
No matter.
244
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,457
I'll just take out
the maximum amount,
245
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,694
and everything
will be fine.
246
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:30,931
Yeah, that ought to do it.
247
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:34,367
Now, where did
I park my Bentley?
248
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,103
Damn my inability
to see in the dark.
249
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,470
Hey!
250
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:40,841
Can I help you with something?
251
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,444
Your money's hanging out of
your pocket.
252
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,013
You might want
to tuck it back in.
253
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,214
This is a bad neighborhood.
254
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:50,718
Thank you.
255
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,629
Ooh, that lasagna smells good.
256
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,964
Took you long
enough, though.
257
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,133
What, did you have to
fly to Italy to get it?
258
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,467
Never mind.
259
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,336
Let's, uh, let's dig in.
260
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:11,338
Oh! Oh!
261
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,573
Hot, hot, hot.
262
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,608
Let-Let's just let it
cool down a little bit.
263
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,716
Oh! Hot! Tongue!
264
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,018
Blisters!
Please, God, no! Water!
265
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,488
Water. Good monkey.
266
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,690
Closer. Closer.
267
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,062
Aah! Hot!
268
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,897
Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
269
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,912
:
You're out.
270
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,013
I was safe.
271
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,614
Out.
Safe.
272
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,088
Looks like someone
smashed up
273
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,622
your trash cans
pretty good.
274
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,024
Maybe if you brought them in
on time,
275
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,492
this kind of thing
wouldn't happen.
276
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:09,696
Oliver!
277
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,932
Is my milkshake ready?
278
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,534
It was supposed to be ready
an hour ago!
279
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,304
If it's warm,
you can go ahead and drink it
280
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,439
'cause I won't.
281
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,441
All right, I will.
282
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,911
Where is it?
283
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:26,980
Oliver?
284
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:36,323
You know what,
I've changed my mind.
285
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,425
I'm not in the mood
for a milkshake anymore.
286
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,463
Well, since you did go
to all that trouble.
287
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,141
Mmm, good.
288
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:11,024
Well, I've been awake
for a week straight.
289
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,993
First 96 hours were tough,
290
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,662
but I really think I'm starting
to get my second wind.
291
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,868
Who needs sleep anyway?
292
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,769
Just a waste of time.
293
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:26,940
They say that Thomas Edison--
he only got, like...
294
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,608
Well, he didn't...
295
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:32,812
What was I talking about?
296
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,314
Never mind.
297
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,727
Craig, I can't stay long.
298
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,362
I got your mail.
299
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,798
Geez, it's boiling in here.
300
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,567
Really?
I hadn't noticed anything.
301
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:55,802
I was just
302
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,637
spending a pleasant afternoon
at home
303
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,339
here with Oliver.
304
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:03,877
Lois, that monkey
is out to get me.
305
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:05,545
What?
He tried to poison me
306
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:06,679
and now he's
trying to cook me alive.
307
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,415
He is an evil little monkey.
308
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,550
Craig, you're asking
an animal with a brain the size
309
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,252
of a piece of gum
to run your household.
310
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,353
Stop being paranoid.
311
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,322
I am not being paranoid.
312
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,523
I've seen him staring
313
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,059
at me when I'm pretending
to be asleep.
314
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,428
He's been chewing
on my brake cables.
315
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,730
You have got to get me
out of here.
316
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,099
You are not staying with me.
317
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,034
Craig...
318
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,401
that monkey is not...
319
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:34,241
Lois, you tell
such amusing stories. Shh.
320
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,044
You are getting
a real nurse tomorrow.
321
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:45,018
MAN:
Just a quart of milk?
322
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:47,087
WOMAN:
That's it.
323
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:00,633
What are you doing?
324
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,635
I was waiting
for that spot!
325
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,271
Oh, you got a problem
with me, pal?
326
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,273
Oh, bring it on.
327
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,408
Well, you want it? You got it.
328
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,709
I'll kick your ass.
329
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,045
You think I'm afraid of you?
330
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,413
I am not afraid!
331
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,315
No one's tucked in now!
332
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,950
Just give me 30 seconds.
333
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:19,419
I'll beat you
like I was your daddy.
334
00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:23,656
I am going to pound your head
335
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,993
out through your
butt, and then
336
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,627
I'm going to make you kiss it.
337
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,062
I am very sorry, sir.
338
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,498
Oh, yeah, yeah, you're
going to be sorry.
339
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:32,765
Hey, hey, where are you going?
340
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,734
What, are you going to run away,
little girl?
341
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,069
Why don't you
come out here
342
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:37,204
and fight like a man?
343
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,848
Hey, Mom, what
are you doing?
344
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,450
Unloading the groceries.
345
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,620
You're, uh, a little far
on the sidewalk, aren't you?
346
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:54,988
Who cares? Grab a bag.
347
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:57,924
You have to leave the sidewalk
free for pedestrians.
348
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,659
Stop stalling and help unload.
349
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,529
Are you walking away from me?
350
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,631
Excuse me?
351
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,133
You can't leave your car here.
352
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,602
I will leave my car wherever
I want to leave my car.
353
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,038
Well, I'd hate to see
354
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,639
anything happen to your car.
355
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:17,144
Just bring in the bags, Reese.
356
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,286
Officer in need of assistance!
357
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,455
Repeat: Officer in need
of assistance!
358
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,357
WOMAN :
911 emergency.
359
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,593
:
This is Craig Feldspar.
360
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:07,993
You've got to help me.
361
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,230
My monkey butler
is trying to kill me.
362
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:13,800
I don't know how much time
I have...
363
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,005
That lawyer was a total idiot.
364
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,073
Are you kidding?
365
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:21,941
A $50 fine was a great deal.
366
00:17:21,973 --> 00:17:23,410
It probably costs
367
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,278
ten times that amount to wire
that deputy's jaw shut.
368
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:27,380
He totally deserved
what happened.
369
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:28,915
This is not helping us.
370
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,883
Look, here's the settlement
check from the tribe.
371
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:32,452
We can use it to pay your fine.
372
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:33,853
I'm not taking a settlement
373
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,188
and I'm not paying the fine.
374
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,289
I'm getting a real lawyer
375
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,524
and taking this to trial.
376
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,392
That would take
four or five months.
377
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:40,893
There is a bulldozer in the yard
378
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,595
and it is going to flatten
this house
379
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:43,896
whether we're in it or not!
380
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,798
I'm not scared
of a bulldozer.
381
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,467
You know what?
The bulldozer doesn't care
382
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,136
if you're scared or not.
383
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,403
It will still crush you.
384
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:51,704
We have to get out of here.
385
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:52,739
I can't.
386
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,141
Why are you so scared to leave?
387
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,376
I don't know.
388
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,812
Francis, I've been
on this reservation
389
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,214
my whole life.
390
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,750
I don't know anything else.
391
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,318
I'm just a hick.
392
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:06,786
I'm not like you.
393
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,555
I can't just pick up
394
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,891
and start a new life
whenever I need to.
395
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,327
I'm not as brave
as you, okay?
396
00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:16,596
Brave?
397
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:19,599
I'm not brave.
I just didn't know any better.
398
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:20,767
What?
399
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,603
If I had had any idea
of how horrible it was up here,
400
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,004
I never would have come.
401
00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:26,773
And I never
would have met you.
402
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:31,110
I'm not brave,
I'm just stupid and lucky.
403
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:33,580
And you're with me now,
404
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,149
so my stupid luck
will take care of you.
405
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:44,424
Hopefully, one-fifteenth of a
share will pay off our fine
406
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,693
and maybe buy us a bus ticket.
407
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:47,660
Oh, my God.
408
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:49,362
What?
409
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:50,430
Oh, my God.
410
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,265
That's more than I made
all last year.
411
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,133
See, this is what
I'm talking about.
412
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:59,739
HAL:
Craig, you in there?
413
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,712
Craig? What happened?
414
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:08,581
Behind you.
415
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,454
What the hell's wrong
with that monkey?
416
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,622
He's crazy.
417
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:19,192
Well, he picked the wrong guy
to mess with.
418
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,394
CRAIG:
Oh, no!
419
00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:22,662
God, please, no!
420
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:26,299
Hang on, Craig.
421
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,700
No, leave me.
Save yourself.
422
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,168
I am not going
423
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,037
to leave you here, buddy.
424
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,175
You'll be safe here.
425
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,188
Not my Romulans.
426
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:02,869
Oh!
427
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:04,604
Oof!
428
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:23,423
I always pictured
an ending like this.
429
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:32,765
Take that, you damn,
dirty helper monkey!
430
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,101
So, where do you want to go?
431
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,202
I don't care.
432
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,938
All I know is we've
got $2,000 left
433
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,907
and a car
pointed south.
434
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:58,257
Read it to
me again, Dad.
435
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:00,627
Okay, son.
436
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,330
"Local man subdues monkey.
437
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:07,334
"A disabled man
was saved by a local hero
438
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,935
when he was..."
439
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,572
Oh...
440
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:13,906
I can't believe it.
441
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,008
Dewey's finally
fallen asleep.
442
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:19,278
I'm only 11 hours away
from the world record.
443
00:21:19,312 --> 00:21:22,114
So, at least some
good will come of...
444
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:27,854
"Experts say the capuchin monkey
can weigh up to nine pounds.
445
00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:33,460
'He's a real hero,' said victim
Craig Feldspar, age 36."
446
00:21:33,493 --> 00:21:35,495
"A real hero."
30881
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