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[ bell chiming ]
2
00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:46,089
[ woman ]
Coolidge college
Was established in 18--
3
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:48,918
Who knows this ?
It was in your freshman facts.
4
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:52,269
[ man narrating ]
The first day
Of spring semester.
5
00:00:52,313 --> 00:00:54,706
A time to say good-bye
To the parents once again...
6
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:57,753
And say hello to a few
New student bodies.
7
00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:05,674
As for me, well,
I like to start off
Each semester with a--
8
00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:08,764
Well, with a certain
Time-honored tradition,
A ritual, if you will,
9
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:11,984
That allows me to get my head
In the right place.
10
00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:22,125
Okay, so suk mee's
A little old.
11
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:25,259
But she is just so damn good.
12
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,348
[ slurping ]
13
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:29,828
She's great
With these quick jobs,
14
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:33,093
Plus there's no substitute
For decades of experience.
15
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:35,921
That looks amazing.
16
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:39,186
Aw, that's perfect.
You're a pro.
17
00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:43,320
A pro.
Hey, look at me.
18
00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:46,497
- a pro.
- [ spitting ]
19
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:48,673
Well, gosh,
That was great.
20
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:51,850
Thanks for the quick job
There, uh, suk mee.
21
00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:57,247
I need these
In 20 minutes. Super.
22
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:12,001
[ slurping ]
23
00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:17,528
We've got a jumper !
24
00:02:17,572 --> 00:02:19,922
[ sirens wailing ]
25
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,502
Hold on, son.
You don't want to do this.
26
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:38,201
I didn't want
To come here, either.
They made me come.
27
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:41,857
They made me !
28
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:44,860
First year can be kind of
Scary, can't it, timmy ?
29
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:47,428
My-my name's not--
30
00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:52,172
But do you know what I've
Learned here in my seven years
Here at coolidge, timmy ?
31
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:55,653
I've learned that you
Can't treat every situation
As a life and death matter...
32
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,612
'cause you'll die
A lot of times.
33
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,918
Write that down.
34
00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:03,400
I-I don't have a pencil.Well, remember that then.
35
00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:06,447
And you know something,
Timmy ?
36
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:11,495
I think you've got
The balls to make it here.
37
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:14,455
Call me nuts,
38
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:16,500
But I believe in you.
39
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:23,203
You see, timmy,
You can't let this
Lead you all the time.
40
00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:25,292
Sometimes
You gotta heed this.
41
00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:30,035
And I think you got a lot
Of heart in there, mister.
Don't you ?
42
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:33,561
Don't you ?
I mean, look around you. [ screaming ]
43
00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:35,693
Look at this place-- [ thud ]
44
00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:38,348
[ crowd groaning ]timmy ?
45
00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:40,524
Timmy ?
46
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:44,224
Great work, van !
Thanks !
47
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:49,185
Remember my credo, timmy !
"Don't be a fool,
Stay in school."
48
00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:55,713
God ! I love this place.
49
00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:58,847
Hey, van.Dan, the man.
50
00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:00,892
[ girl ]
I called you
Last night, van !
51
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:04,635
[ tires squealing ]
52
00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:09,727
[ narrating ]
My name is van wilder, and this
Is my home-- coolidge college.
53
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:18,170
[ security alarm beeps ]
54
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:23,175
The last, well, seven years
Have gone by way too fast.
55
00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:27,441
This school's given me
So much, I just can't seem
To give enough back.
56
00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:30,444
[ girl ]
That's van.[ girl #2 ] that's him !
57
00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:34,143
[ girl ]
Oh, my god !Wow.
58
00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:36,101
Yeah, wow.
59
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:46,503
I was the first ever
Male cheerleader
At huntington high !
60
00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:48,549
The first ever !
61
00:04:48,592 --> 00:04:53,597
Give me a "V" !
Give me an "A" !
Give me an "N" !
62
00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:58,689
- what does it spell ?
- I see a rabbi and he's
Performing a circumcision.
63
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:01,170
On himself, though.
[ laughs ]
64
00:05:01,213 --> 00:05:03,868
You will become disciplined.
65
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:07,307
Your mind will
Become a weapon.
[ karate shouts ]
66
00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:12,007
[ yells ]
67
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,624
I'm sorry. You really
Just don't fit the profile.
68
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:27,414
- we're just gonna do
A little word association.
- cookies !
69
00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,896
Hi. My name is van.
70
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:34,377
[ deep voice ]
Hi. My name is terry.
71
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:36,553
[ deep moan ]
72
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,991
By the way, can you
Tell me if there'll be
Any international travel ?
73
00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:42,385
Huh ? Huh ? Huh ?
74
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:46,520
Seriously, I swear to god.
I'm really uncomfortable.
It's time you should go.
75
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:50,654
It spells "Van !"
76
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:55,920
Not one acceptable candidate.
77
00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:59,359
What is wrong with
The youth of today ?
78
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:04,842
The internet, dude.
It fries their brain cells, man.
79
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:08,237
[ whimpering ]it's cool, colossus.
We'll find somebody.
80
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,239
C-loss, get your ass
Off my shirt.
81
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:18,421
- yo, you really should
Have him neutered, man.
- [ colossus growls ]
82
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:22,643
That's up to him.
They are getting bigger,
Aren't they ?
83
00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:25,515
[ doorbell rings ]I'll get that.
84
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,130
Looks like
We got one more.
85
00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:40,225
What's your name ?
86
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:45,448
I'm taj mahal...
Badalandabad.
87
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:47,363
Wh-where you from, taj ?
88
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:51,759
I'm an exchange student
From banglapur, india. Welcome.
89
00:06:51,802 --> 00:06:53,848
What can we do for you ?
90
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:58,418
My exchange program
Culminates at the end
Of this school year.
91
00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:01,203
At which time, I must
Return to my home country...
92
00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:04,119
Where I do not have
Many friends.
93
00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:08,819
I would like very much
To spend my remaining days here
Serving as your assistant.
94
00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:12,780
We're gonna do a little
Word association. Say the first
Thing that comes to mind. Milk.
95
00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,957
Tit !
Oh, mommy.
96
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,481
Most indians would say cow
Because they are sacred,
97
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:21,571
But I hear "Milk,"
I-I think giant jugs.
98
00:07:21,615 --> 00:07:23,965
You see, I cannot
Go home a virgin.
99
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:28,491
I came here to study
The great american art
Of muff diving.
100
00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:31,451
To smack clam,
Munch rug,
101
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:34,192
Dine at just one
American pink taco stand.
102
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:37,631
I want to-- how is it--
Park the porpoise.
103
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:40,721
You know, I want to take it
Through the car wash, baby,
104
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,723
And get it waxed,
You know.
105
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:46,596
I want to wax it, wax it,
You know, and air dry.
106
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,817
You know, air dry that shit.
Yeah, yeah. Air--
107
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:54,735
I want-- I would like to be
Your assistant very much,
Mr. Van wilder.
108
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:57,477
You'll need a copy
Of my class schedule
So you can take notes.
109
00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:01,002
You'll also handle my finances.
I lecture at the freshman
Crisis group every other monday.
110
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:03,221
I'm spearheading the
"Save the swim team speedo
Spectacular"...
111
00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:05,528
And the "Bloated belly beer
Bash to battle bulimia"
This semester.
112
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:08,444
This is sick boy's room.
Not a week's gone by he hasn't
Come down with some ailment--
113
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,360
Shingles, hepatitis, crabs--
That was his fault.
114
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:13,405
Matzo ball soup,
Jewish penicillin.Thanks, van.
115
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:16,365
Don't pick at it.
Moving on.
116
00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:20,587
You'll need to move my 7:15
To 8:15, my 8:15 to 9:45
And my 9:45 to wednesday.
117
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,589
You owe $75,000
For the speedboat.
118
00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:24,634
Cancel my guest lecture
At wharton school.
119
00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:27,550
I feel like going
Somewhere tropical-- tahiti.
Are you writing this down ?
120
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,857
Yes, sir.You owe $200,000
For the thoroughbred.
121
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:32,860
Schedule a massage
After my golf game
Tomorrow afternoon.
122
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,166
At the happy ending ?Ah, yes.
123
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:39,170
And another $39,000
For your son's tuition
And housing this semester.
124
00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:42,391
Tuition ?
Van is still in school ?
125
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:45,263
For the better part
Of a decade.
126
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:51,661
[ man ]
"Depression:
Is prozac really the answer ?"
127
00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:53,663
"Famine--
Crisis in rwanda."
128
00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:56,057
"Tracking tuition:
Where does our money
Really go ?"
129
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:59,408
Each article well-written
And extensively researched
By our own gwen pearson...
130
00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:03,847
And each article skipped
Over by the majority
Of the student body.
131
00:09:03,891 --> 00:09:06,415
I don't care.
I won't pander to them.
132
00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:13,683
"Light beer vs. Dark--
The showdown"
By darius grayson.
133
00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:17,295
- is that the same--
- pulitzer-prize winning
Darius grayson.
134
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:19,254
He was an alumnus
Of our journalism staff.
135
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:23,171
He wrote his
Best stuff in detox.
Still does, I'm told.
136
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:26,261
I have got a very challenging
Assignment for you.
137
00:09:26,304 --> 00:09:29,917
A story that nobody's
Been able to get.About what ?
138
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:33,398
No, no, no.
It's about whom.
139
00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:42,146
[ security alarm beeps ]
140
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:46,020
[ crowd shouting, cheering ]
141
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,891
[ buzzer sounding ]
142
00:09:47,935 --> 00:09:50,328
It does not look good.
143
00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:53,549
[ man on p.A. ]
The end of the first half.
The chickadees need a miracle...
144
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,899
To come back in this one.
145
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:07,998
[ alarm blaring ]sir, I'm gonna have to ask you
To step away from van's vehicle.
146
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:11,698
Wilder ! He's got no
Business parking there.
That's my spot.
147
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,440
They need me, ted.
148
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:23,710
This is the first time
In my life I'm glad I'm deaf.
I can't hear the "Boos."
149
00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,799
Now, listen up.
150
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:28,628
I'm gonna go over this
One more time !
151
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:31,718
In the event they switch
To the zone defense,
152
00:10:31,761 --> 00:10:35,156
We must swing the ball
Around the perimeter.
153
00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:38,681
- [ continues speaking ]
- this ball club is the heart
Of this institution.
154
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:41,379
You win, it beats.
You lose, it breaks.
155
00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:44,339
You're not
Boxing out, big papa.
You're my windex man.
156
00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:47,037
I want you shining glass.
Quentin, we got to "D" up
Out there.
157
00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:50,519
Darius, I want you all over
That ball like a fat kid
On a cupcake.
158
00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:53,522
What are you looking at,
Susie ? Your mom called.
You left your legs at home.
159
00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:58,570
For god's sake !
I'd do anything for you guys.
160
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:03,314
Which is why I'm throwing you
A little soiree tomorrow night,
But not without a "W" tonight.
161
00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:06,709
Wanna know why ?
Because nobody wants
To celebrate a loss, guys.
162
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:09,538
- you invite those freak
Honeys from mt. Holyoke ?
- I already did.
163
00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:13,542
They said they'd
Try to make it if they
Weren't humping the matadors.
164
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:16,980
- matadors ?
- [ chattering indistinctly ]
165
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:21,071
Come on, fellas.
We got a ball game to win.
166
00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:23,683
Whoo ! All right !
Come on ![ shouting ]
167
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:27,425
Let's go kick
Some matador tail--
168
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:43,746
[ man on p.A. ]
Oh, the humanity ! Look !
169
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:52,189
How bad do you want to be...
170
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:54,409
A delta ?
171
00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:57,020
Would you walk on
Broken glass ? [ glass shattering ]
172
00:11:57,064 --> 00:12:01,982
Let the shards tear
Into your achilles tendon,
Causing acute achondroplasia,
173
00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:06,073
Which could lead
To non-congenital dwarfism
As you got older ?
174
00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:10,207
Just ease up on the medical
Terms, all right ? Just keep it
Simple and terrifying.
175
00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:14,124
There are very few things
More terrifying than
Non-congenital dwarfism, okay ?
176
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:17,606
Hey, richard.
Ready to study ?
177
00:12:17,649 --> 00:12:20,783
[ whispering ]
Gwenny, I said 9:30.
It's 9:20.
178
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:23,351
I'm in the middle of
An 80-year tradition here.
179
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:28,878
I will be up when I'm done
With my presidential
Responsibilities, all right ?
180
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:31,098
Okay. I'll wait
For you upstairs.
181
00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:35,145
Who's my alabaster
Princess ? Hmm ?
182
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:40,237
You are.
You are, you--
183
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:44,285
[ whispering ]
Relax, guys.
They're just doritos.
184
00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:47,070
Listen to me,
You little fuck stains !
185
00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:51,205
When I count to three, you
Will jump or else be banished
From this house forever !
186
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:53,773
One, two--
187
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,953
Fuck !
188
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:02,303
♪♪ [ rap ]
189
00:13:10,702 --> 00:13:13,096
Ohh ! Whoo !
190
00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:20,887
Whoo ! Whoo ! Whoo !
191
00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:25,456
Excuse me.
Where can I find van wilder ?
192
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,329
In the guiness book of
World-fucking-records,man,
193
00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:30,940
Under the "Raddest
Fuckin' dude alive."
[ chuckles ]
194
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,942
Okay. Thanks.
195
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:35,205
Now, anyone of these
Three rooms, gramps.
196
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:44,475
Van wilder ?
Van ?
197
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:48,175
[ chuckling ]
198
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:51,134
Sweet joseph,
My son's a fairy.
199
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:54,921
Dad, what are you
Doing here ?
200
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:58,315
Oh, thank god. [ girl ]
No jammies. Party foul.
201
00:13:58,359 --> 00:14:01,884
Oh, no-- hey, hey--
Oh, dear god.
202
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:05,888
[ girl ]
Next time, you'll know better.
[ giggles ]
203
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:13,069
Seven years, and no degree ?
You should have graduated
Twice by now.
204
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:15,332
I've done a lot
In seven years, dad.
205
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,508
If you don't
Have your doctorate,
You haven't done enough.
206
00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:20,990
You have wasted enough
Of your time and my money.
Pack up our panties, son,
207
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:22,992
Because we are heading home.
208
00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:24,864
[ dialing phone ]no !
209
00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:31,522
- I'm staying here
With my friends.
- fine.
210
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:33,698
Maybe your friends
Can pay your tuition.
211
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:37,180
Because this morning
I placed a stop payment
On this semester's check.
212
00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:40,009
I'm sorry, son.
But sometimes in life...
213
00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:43,883
You have to realize
A poor investment
And simply cut your losses.
214
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:48,235
Write that down.
215
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:04,512
[ van ] I need more time.
There's got to be something
That we can work out.
216
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:08,516
[ inhales ]
What is that intoxicating
Scent you're wearing, doris ?
217
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:12,912
- I have cats.
- meow.
218
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:18,091
Maybe you could put me
On some sort of, uh,
219
00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:21,964
Extension... Program ?
220
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:26,229
- a little pay-as-you-go ?
- mr. Wilder, are you trying
To seduce me ?
221
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:30,712
Who, me ? No-o-o.
222
00:15:30,755 --> 00:15:33,106
[ chuckles ]
223
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:35,238
Hey ! Hey !
224
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:40,504
You know, m-m-m-maybe
This isn't such a good idea.
225
00:15:40,548 --> 00:15:42,854
Being bad seldom is.
226
00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:56,694
- oh, yeah, that's the shit.
- hey, guess what.
227
00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:59,741
I'm feeling
A little cold sore come on.
228
00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:03,527
Maybe we shouldn't do this
For three to six weeks.
229
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:07,227
Shut up, bitch,
And give me some sugar.
230
00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:21,676
Fill this out.
It's the standard payment
Plan extension form.
231
00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:26,855
You mean...
We didn't have to, uh--
232
00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:29,162
But aren't you glad we did ?
233
00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:44,568
You can either mail this in
Or drop it off.
234
00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:48,746
- go, baby, go !
Whoo ! Whoo ! Whoo !
- mail it in !
235
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:52,576
Mail it in !
Mail it in.
236
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:56,015
Van, you must make
Four monthly payments
Of $5,000 each.
237
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:58,278
I'm sorry, taj.
I'm gonna have to
Let you go.
238
00:16:58,321 --> 00:17:01,672
I-I don't have the resources
To pay for your services
Anymore.
239
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:06,373
A good soldier does not
Leave his commander just
Because he lies wounded,
240
00:17:06,416 --> 00:17:10,333
Arms torn off at the sockets,
Intestines spilling out
Onto the mud.
241
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:12,422
I will stay on at no charge.
242
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:16,426
Okay.Exactly how much money
Do you have ?
243
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:18,689
He has only $34.Damn, van.
244
00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:21,257
What the hell are you
Gonna do with $34, man ?
245
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:27,046
♪♪ [ soul ]
246
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:46,239
[ farts ]
247
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,937
[ squeaks ]
248
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,637
Whoo !
249
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:58,338
- congratulation, taj.
Your first blow job.
- in my country,
250
00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:02,603
A woman's mastery of her
Gastronomical releases is
The ultimate aphrodisiac.
251
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:07,260
Desiree is the foremost
Connoisseur of chili con carne
And a t.A. At coolidge.
252
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,175
I wish I had teachers
Like that.
253
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:13,875
[ narrating ]
And just like that,
Topless tutors was born.
254
00:18:13,918 --> 00:18:17,487
"X"... Equals...
255
00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:19,489
Six ?
256
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:22,275
Yeah !
257
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:26,409
[ narrating ] desi told me
How she and her grad school pals
Could use some extra income.
258
00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:30,109
Taj proved to be an excellent
Company accountant...
259
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:33,242
As well as our most
Valued client.
260
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,201
♪♪ [ rock ]
261
00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:45,124
Excuse me ? Hi.
262
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:48,910
I'm looking for
Information on a current
Student here-- van wilder.
263
00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:58,528
Freshman year.
I'll get the others.Wait, wait.
264
00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:01,444
There are more of these ?Actually,
There are many more.
265
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:04,317
It seems mr. Wilder didn't
Quite come out of his shell...
266
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,536
Until mid-sophomore year.
267
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:09,148
Oh. Thanks.
268
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:15,371
[ man ]
It's like this itchy,
Rashy, burning sensation,
269
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:17,547
And it hurts when I--
270
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:21,508
- dance ?
- when I pee.
271
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:24,511
- you hooked up
With a burner, didn't you ?
- yeah.
272
00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:27,209
She seemed like a nice girl,
Said it was her first time ?
273
00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:30,212
You should always check
The quality of the turf before
You step out on the field.
274
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:34,042
Listen, go the campus
Hospital, see stu.
Tell him van sent you.
275
00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:36,218
And remember:
Don't be a fool.
Wrap your tool.
276
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:38,220
Thanks, van.
Thanks a lot !
277
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,222
Don't thank me.
Thank penicillin.
278
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:45,401
Crazy kids
With their crazy... V.D.
279
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,666
- you must be van.
- hi.
280
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:52,626
I'm gwen pearson,
Staff writer for
The liberator.
281
00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:56,325
Hi. Oh. Okay, look.
282
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:59,502
That old bag is stronger
Than she looks, all right ?
283
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:02,592
I'm doing a human
Interest piece on you.
284
00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:06,248
Well, I'm-I'm flattered.
I'd love for your piece
To be on me.
285
00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:09,338
But sadly,
I don't do interviews.
I never have, never will.
286
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:12,733
- I do lunch, though.
- my editor did say
This would be a challenge.
287
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:16,040
- van, second date
With emily. Red, blue ?
- blue. Brings out your eyes.
288
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:18,913
Kid's got killer eyes,
Not unlike yourself.
Has anyone ever told you that ?
289
00:20:18,956 --> 00:20:21,524
- yes, my boyfriend.
- oh.
290
00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:25,049
- is it true this is your
Seventh year at coolidge ?
- carry the two-- yes.
291
00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:28,575
What's your boyfriend's name ?
Does he go to school here ?
Does he appreciate you ?
292
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:32,056
-that's none of your business.
-you know what ? You're right.
293
00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:37,497
His name's richard.
He's premed.
294
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:40,935
- van, you have a 1:30
With the swim team.
- on it.
295
00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:42,980
- you have an assistant ?
- yes, I do.
296
00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:47,507
Is there anything
You could tell me
About yourself...
297
00:20:47,550 --> 00:20:50,249
That I haven't already
Found out from public records ?Uh-huh.
298
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,990
I'll be at the quad tomorrow
Night at 10:00. Sound good ?Yes.
299
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:56,080
It's a date.It's an interview,
Not a date.
300
00:20:58,735 --> 00:21:01,085
Gwen, first dates
Areinterviews.
301
00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:06,613
- [ gwen ]
You going out tonight ?
- mm-hmm. Rob's coming over.
302
00:21:06,656 --> 00:21:08,789
I'm closing in
On that diamond, gwen.
303
00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:11,357
The dynamic duo will
Seal the deal tonight.
304
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,446
Good luck, ladies.
305
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:19,887
Somebody got awfully
Dressed up to quiz me
On my first anatomy midterm.
306
00:21:19,930 --> 00:21:23,325
I'm so sorry, baby.
I totally forgot.
307
00:21:23,369 --> 00:21:25,371
I have an interview
For the paper.At 10:00 at night ?
308
00:21:25,414 --> 00:21:28,896
Can't you postpone it ?
Gwen, first exam,
Most crucial.
309
00:21:28,939 --> 00:21:32,203
And it's not like
You're on a deadline
For the boston globe.
310
00:21:32,247 --> 00:21:34,205
It's the only time
He had available.
311
00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:37,644
I'll call you as soon
As I get back, okay ? Bye.
312
00:21:37,687 --> 00:21:39,733
He ?
313
00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:48,089
All right !
Hey, gwen, all right !
You're just in time.
314
00:21:48,132 --> 00:21:50,700
Take your clothes off.I'm not taking off
My clothes.
315
00:21:50,744 --> 00:21:54,400
It is the nakedmile run.
Everybody else is in
Their birthday suit.
316
00:21:55,879 --> 00:22:00,449
- except that guy.
- um, I have a few
Questions for you.
317
00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:03,800
In time. This is gonna be fun.
That three-letter word,
Starts with "F."
318
00:22:03,844 --> 00:22:07,326
So, you're quite the campus man,
Heading events like
The jaäger olympics.
319
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:12,113
Oh, yes. Well, you know,
You haven't lived until you
Shot putted blitzed on jaäger.
320
00:22:12,156 --> 00:22:16,204
- heinie ?
- this was a really bad idea.
I'm gonna leave.
321
00:22:16,247 --> 00:22:19,642
Hey, are we gonna
Reschedule or what ?
322
00:22:19,686 --> 00:22:21,905
[ gunshot ]
323
00:22:29,435 --> 00:22:32,655
Who's a big boy ?
Who's a big boy ?
324
00:22:32,699 --> 00:22:35,223
Oh, god !
325
00:22:35,266 --> 00:22:40,402
- those things could
Raise the titanic.
- you van wilder ?
326
00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:43,144
[ narrating ]
The strip club owner got tired
Of using his "B" squad,
327
00:22:43,187 --> 00:22:45,668
So he came back
For the starting lineup.
328
00:22:45,712 --> 00:22:47,801
Topless tutors was dead.
329
00:22:49,193 --> 00:22:52,066
We are truly up the ganges river
Without a bamboo oar.
330
00:22:52,109 --> 00:22:54,895
We're still $1,200 short
Of your next tuition payment.
331
00:22:54,938 --> 00:22:58,202
Taj, I learned a long time ago
That worrying is like
A rocking chair.
332
00:22:58,246 --> 00:23:01,031
It gives you something to do,
But it doesn't get you anywhere.
333
00:23:01,075 --> 00:23:06,472
- write that down.
- don't even sweat it, taj.
I got a plan.
334
00:23:06,515 --> 00:23:09,910
- let's go get fucked up.
- sounds good.
- is that all you think about ?
335
00:23:09,953 --> 00:23:14,480
Now, I admit I applied
For this job because I wanted
To cut loose and shake my rump,
336
00:23:14,523 --> 00:23:18,962
But I do not believe
This dilemma will be
Solved by partying.
337
00:23:19,006 --> 00:23:21,095
[ doorbell rings ]
338
00:23:21,138 --> 00:23:25,708
- can I help you, son ?
- I certainly hope so,
Mr. Wilder.
339
00:23:25,752 --> 00:23:27,754
I come to you in desperation.
340
00:23:27,797 --> 00:23:32,019
I'm panos patakos,
President of the lambda
Omega omega fraternity.
341
00:23:32,062 --> 00:23:36,110
I'm sure you're aware
Of our... Stigma. Yeah.
342
00:23:36,153 --> 00:23:38,634
You guys have had
The best g.P.A. Last 50 years.
343
00:23:38,678 --> 00:23:41,637
Indeed.
But, believe it or not,
344
00:23:41,681 --> 00:23:45,032
The best g.P.A.
Doesn't get you laid.It damn well should.
345
00:23:45,075 --> 00:23:49,732
Amen. This month marks
Our 75th anniversary.
346
00:23:49,776 --> 00:23:53,606
I am here to ask you
To aid us in throwing a party--
347
00:23:53,649 --> 00:23:55,608
A party we can be proud of--
348
00:23:55,651 --> 00:23:59,481
A party people will
Actually show up to.
349
00:23:59,525 --> 00:24:02,658
I'd really love to help you out,
But I have a bamboo oar
Stuck up my ganges.
350
00:24:02,702 --> 00:24:06,357
It's very scary stuff,
And I just don't have the time.
351
00:24:06,401 --> 00:24:08,882
How much
Is your time worth ?
352
00:24:11,537 --> 00:24:14,627
[ narrating ]
Panos reminded me that
I had one very valuable skill...
353
00:24:14,670 --> 00:24:19,893
I'd yet to tap--
My undeniable ability
To throw one hell of a party.
354
00:24:19,936 --> 00:24:22,199
♪♪ [ disco ]
355
00:24:24,419 --> 00:24:27,683
I was hanging on by a thread,
But I was still making tuition.
356
00:24:30,338 --> 00:24:33,602
The strawberry !
No, eat the strawberry !
It's worth 250 !
357
00:24:33,646 --> 00:24:35,909
Don't you think
I know that ?
358
00:24:35,952 --> 00:24:38,215
You treat me like a child.I don't like the way
You condescend to me.
359
00:24:38,259 --> 00:24:40,304
Don't do that !Frankly, you're juvenile.
360
00:24:40,348 --> 00:24:42,481
- guys ?
- uh-oh !
361
00:24:42,524 --> 00:24:44,570
I know ms. Pac man's special.
362
00:24:44,613 --> 00:24:47,834
She's fun, she's cute,
She swallows.
363
00:24:47,877 --> 00:24:50,010
But, uh,
We got to talk, guys.
364
00:24:50,053 --> 00:24:53,100
Huddle up ! Come on !
Team meeting here.
365
00:24:53,143 --> 00:24:56,059
Cowboy. All right.
366
00:24:56,103 --> 00:25:01,195
- I look at you guys
And you know what I see ?
- collective g.P.A. Of 52,000 ?
367
00:25:01,238 --> 00:25:04,459
Yeah-- no ! I see
A bunch of party animals...
368
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:07,244
Crouched in attack position,
Ready to strike.
369
00:25:07,288 --> 00:25:09,377
Am I right ?
370
00:25:09,420 --> 00:25:14,295
- no one even knows we're here.
- [ chuckles ]
Au contraire, mon freères.
371
00:25:14,338 --> 00:25:18,560
Girls ? Hi.
I'd like you to meet
Sherri and terri.
372
00:25:18,604 --> 00:25:21,258
Two girls utterly infatuated...
373
00:25:21,302 --> 00:25:23,913
With men who have
Larger than normal...
374
00:25:23,957 --> 00:25:26,220
Medulla oblongatas.
375
00:25:27,395 --> 00:25:29,615
[ computer keys clacking ]
376
00:25:31,573 --> 00:25:35,925
Pearson, I got a hot news tip
For you. It's friday night.
Get the hell out of here.
377
00:25:35,969 --> 00:25:39,363
I know. I'm just doing
Some final revisions
To this piece on euthanasia.
378
00:25:39,407 --> 00:25:43,193
Oh, I read that.
Made me want to kill myself.
I'm kidding.
379
00:25:43,237 --> 00:25:46,414
- where's my wilder story ?
- there is no story.
The guy's a joke.
380
00:25:46,457 --> 00:25:49,025
I mean, he tries to turn
Every interview into a date.
381
00:25:49,069 --> 00:25:51,158
A good writer gets her story,
No matter what.
382
00:25:51,201 --> 00:25:54,117
Now, please get me
The wilder piece.
383
00:25:54,161 --> 00:25:56,119
He's throwing
A big party tonight.
384
00:25:56,163 --> 00:25:58,513
You should be there.
385
00:26:02,473 --> 00:26:04,998
♪♪ [ continues ]
386
00:26:05,041 --> 00:26:07,566
Hey.This is really
A pimping good time.
387
00:26:07,609 --> 00:26:11,178
Yes, it is.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
388
00:26:11,221 --> 00:26:15,008
Look who's checking out
The badalandabad.
Her name's naomi.
389
00:26:15,051 --> 00:26:17,488
That's "I moan" backwards.
390
00:26:18,794 --> 00:26:20,796
I put in
A good word for you.
391
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:25,409
Hey, tajy.
Let's boogie.
392
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:42,862
[ yells ]
393
00:26:45,212 --> 00:26:49,259
These are the most
Pathetic bunch of pledges.You picked 'em.
394
00:26:51,087 --> 00:26:54,047
Hey, babe.Gwen, why aren't you
In costume ?
395
00:26:54,090 --> 00:26:56,136
I can't stay.
I have to work tonight.
396
00:26:56,179 --> 00:26:59,487
- you're gonna miss
The biggest party of the year.
- [ crickets chirping ]
397
00:26:59,530 --> 00:27:04,187
Well, um, I gotta go.
I'll call you tomorrow.What ?
398
00:27:04,231 --> 00:27:06,189
This party so rocks,
Richard.
399
00:27:06,233 --> 00:27:09,540
This party sucks rectum,
Jeannie.Okay.
400
00:27:11,064 --> 00:27:13,675
Where the hell
Is everyone ?
401
00:27:13,719 --> 00:27:16,156
Mad props for this
Pimping good time...
402
00:27:16,199 --> 00:27:20,464
Go out to those
Hung and handsome bad boys
Of lambda omega omega !
403
00:27:20,508 --> 00:27:24,207
[ cheering, applause ] [ van ] thanks for
The good times, fellas.
404
00:27:33,695 --> 00:27:37,786
- gwen. Hey, let's
Get you some skates.
- I'm not here to skate.
405
00:27:37,830 --> 00:27:40,006
Look, for some reason
My editor thinks you're a story.
406
00:27:40,049 --> 00:27:42,573
Well, what do you think ?Well, as a story,
407
00:27:42,617 --> 00:27:46,012
I think...
You're a little soft.
408
00:27:46,055 --> 00:27:50,016
Uh, wow. All this time,
I thought I was more to you
Than some flaccid story.
409
00:27:50,059 --> 00:27:53,062
A dilemma
Has arose up front.
410
00:27:53,106 --> 00:27:55,804
I don't know if we got
Our point across before--crystal clear, guys.
411
00:27:55,848 --> 00:27:58,372
One hundred percent.
Don't go anywhere, okay ?
412
00:27:58,415 --> 00:28:00,374
Oh, there he goes.Oh, seriously.
413
00:28:00,417 --> 00:28:03,812
Van is a godsend.I would have paid him way more
Than a grand for this party.
414
00:28:03,856 --> 00:28:06,119
[ man ]
I would have cashed in
My israel bonds.
415
00:28:06,162 --> 00:28:08,121
How do you put
A price on dignity ?
416
00:28:08,164 --> 00:28:10,689
How do you put
A price on poonani ?Yes !
417
00:28:10,732 --> 00:28:12,734
[ shouting ]
418
00:28:12,778 --> 00:28:15,041
Oh, my god !
Feel this !
419
00:28:19,610 --> 00:28:22,265
Whoa ! Trick or treat.
What's going on ?
420
00:28:22,309 --> 00:28:25,573
This vaginal discharge
Won't let us partake
In the par-tay.
421
00:28:25,616 --> 00:28:29,533
Graphic.
I'm sure that we can
Accommodate a few more, yeah ?
422
00:28:29,577 --> 00:28:33,276
No can do.
We're at maximum capacity.
423
00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:37,237
Gwen ?
What are you doing here ?
424
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,022
- you two know each other ?
- she's my girlfriend,
Gluteous erecti.
425
00:28:40,066 --> 00:28:42,851
You must be premed dick. Yeah, that's right.
426
00:28:42,895 --> 00:28:46,115
What's it to you ?Thanks for the story.
427
00:28:46,159 --> 00:28:49,292
- [ both ] what story ?
- brilliant, pearson.
428
00:28:49,336 --> 00:28:53,775
I have been inundated with
People telling me how much they
Enjoy reading about this guy.
429
00:28:53,819 --> 00:28:56,778
They want more, and so do I.
I want you to do a follow-up.
430
00:28:56,822 --> 00:29:00,086
I did your story, elliot.
I'm not doing another one.
431
00:29:00,129 --> 00:29:04,177
Even if I tell you it's gonna
Be on the front page of the
Graduation issue in two months ?
432
00:29:05,831 --> 00:29:08,137
[ van ]
And I quote,
"Van wilder is a party pimp."
433
00:29:08,181 --> 00:29:10,923
Sick boy. Can you believe
She wrote that ?[ phone rings ]
434
00:29:10,966 --> 00:29:14,361
Van wilder's phone.
I do not foresee that
To be a problem.
435
00:29:14,404 --> 00:29:16,842
And that guy she's with,
All kinds of wrong for her.
436
00:29:16,885 --> 00:29:20,802
Sick boy, how you doin' ? Van, the shingles
Are all gone.
437
00:29:20,846 --> 00:29:23,196
- that ointment really worked.
- [ girl screams ]
438
00:29:23,239 --> 00:29:25,981
- thanks.
- lookin' good there, buddy.
439
00:29:32,379 --> 00:29:34,337
We'll call you back.Unbelievable.
440
00:29:34,381 --> 00:29:36,992
[ ringing ]van wilder's phone.
441
00:29:37,036 --> 00:29:40,430
Terrible.I think so.
Uh, yeah. Hang on.
442
00:29:40,474 --> 00:29:42,563
[ phone ringing ]unbelievable.
443
00:29:42,606 --> 00:29:45,000
Van's room.
Saturday night, yeah.
444
00:29:45,044 --> 00:29:47,916
That's-- how did you--
From the paper ? [ doorbell ringing ]
445
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:51,659
Yeah, that's fine !
Okay, thanks.
No problem confirming. Bye.
446
00:29:51,702 --> 00:29:54,183
- this writing, it's just--
- hi. I was just wondering...
447
00:29:54,227 --> 00:29:57,317
- no !
- if you could...
Slam the door in my face.
448
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,842
Van, you must listen to me.
Because of her article,
449
00:30:00,886 --> 00:30:04,715
Practically everybody wants
To have a party thrown by
Van wilder, the party liaison.
450
00:30:04,759 --> 00:30:07,153
Your cash camel has arrived !
451
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,159
We need to talk.
452
00:30:15,291 --> 00:30:18,077
This is why
I don't do interviews.
You totally slammed me.
453
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,601
You journalists and your
Irresponsible reporting.
454
00:30:20,644 --> 00:30:23,691
I recorded quotes that you
Received money from the lambdas
To throw them a party.
455
00:30:23,734 --> 00:30:26,259
What are you, bugged ?
Do I need to frisk you ?
456
00:30:26,302 --> 00:30:28,696
Why is my story
Such a big deal to you ?
457
00:30:28,739 --> 00:30:31,655
Because I didn't want
The students to know
I threw the party.
458
00:30:31,699 --> 00:30:34,920
Yeah, they paid me,
But that's not
The only reason I did it.
459
00:30:34,963 --> 00:30:39,011
Those lambdas are cool
In their own right. People
Just needed to realize it.
460
00:30:39,054 --> 00:30:41,883
I'm sorry.
I didn't know, you know,
You had a benevolent agenda.
461
00:30:41,927 --> 00:30:44,277
There's two sides
To every story, gwen. Look.
462
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:48,150
I have a chance to make front
Page of the graduation issue
Which is a huge deal to me.
463
00:30:48,194 --> 00:30:51,588
Please, let me get
The other side.
464
00:30:51,632 --> 00:30:53,939
There's this function
I'm hosting tomorrow night.
465
00:30:53,982 --> 00:30:57,116
If you want...
You can tag along.
466
00:30:57,159 --> 00:30:59,466
- I'll be there.
- it's a date.
467
00:30:59,509 --> 00:31:02,121
It's an interview.
468
00:31:02,164 --> 00:31:04,340
[ man ]
Remember, today's assignment
Is about shadow.
469
00:31:04,384 --> 00:31:06,560
So don't get too hung up
On detail.
470
00:31:06,603 --> 00:31:08,562
All right, everybody ?
471
00:31:08,605 --> 00:31:11,913
[ male student ]
Oh, lord !
472
00:31:11,957 --> 00:31:15,830
[ male student #2 ]
So much sinew,
I need a bigger pencil.
473
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:19,181
[ ringing ]8:30 p.M. Yeah, that's fine.
Hello ? Hello ?
474
00:31:19,225 --> 00:31:23,359
[ narrating ] word spread
Around campus. My calendar was
Filled with parties to plan.
475
00:31:23,403 --> 00:31:26,972
Van wilder, party liaison,
Was born.
476
00:31:28,277 --> 00:31:31,237
At the hillel house,
I broke bread.
477
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,195
And then I broke the boredom.
478
00:31:33,239 --> 00:31:35,197
[ shouting, cheering ]
479
00:31:37,199 --> 00:31:39,854
They said that
I did them amitzvah.
480
00:31:39,898 --> 00:31:43,205
That's yiddish for "Good deed."
Write that down.
481
00:31:43,249 --> 00:31:45,816
Oh, yeah,
And she came too.
482
00:31:49,603 --> 00:31:53,912
This is the second party
Of his she's gone to.Sounds serious. Threatened ?
483
00:31:53,955 --> 00:31:55,914
[ hits ball ] [ man groans ]
484
00:31:55,957 --> 00:31:58,220
Threatened ? Please.
485
00:31:59,830 --> 00:32:03,269
I'm president of both
My fraternity and
The student government.
486
00:32:03,312 --> 00:32:06,707
He's nothing more
Than a mild rectal itch.
487
00:32:06,750 --> 00:32:10,189
[ groans ]you know what you do about
A mild rectal itch, gordo ?
488
00:32:10,232 --> 00:32:12,365
What's that,
Richard ?You scratch it.
489
00:32:12,408 --> 00:32:14,497
And then you scratch it
Some more.
490
00:32:14,541 --> 00:32:17,848
The more you scratch at it,
The worse it gets, until finally
You have nothing left...
491
00:32:17,892 --> 00:32:20,025
But a raw, chafed,
492
00:32:20,068 --> 00:32:22,549
Possibly infected
Anal cavity.
493
00:32:22,592 --> 00:32:24,812
And then it's won.
494
00:32:24,855 --> 00:32:29,904
When all you had to do
From the start was take
A medicated pad...
495
00:32:29,948 --> 00:32:32,341
And smother it.
496
00:32:32,385 --> 00:32:34,387
[ gasps, groans ]
497
00:32:37,216 --> 00:32:39,958
All right, people,
Midterm is next week.
498
00:32:41,785 --> 00:32:46,442
Here you have your five
Categories-- commerce and
Trade and so forth and so on.
499
00:32:46,486 --> 00:32:48,444
[ whispering ]
What you doing ?
500
00:32:48,488 --> 00:32:52,274
[ whispering ]
I'm in the middle of class.
You know, that five-letter word.
501
00:32:52,318 --> 00:32:55,364
I thought we could spend
Some time together...
502
00:32:55,408 --> 00:32:57,714
For the story.
503
00:32:57,758 --> 00:33:01,196
Hey.
I want you to have this.
504
00:33:02,893 --> 00:33:05,548
Yeah. [ mcdoogle ]
And thank you.
505
00:33:05,592 --> 00:33:08,899
-all right, things to remember--
Commerce and trade--
-[ fire alarm ringing ]
506
00:33:08,943 --> 00:33:11,859
Everybody just file out
In an orderly fashion.
507
00:33:11,902 --> 00:33:14,601
[ moans ]
508
00:33:20,737 --> 00:33:22,696
What ? Wha--
509
00:33:22,739 --> 00:33:25,220
Come on. Hop in.I am not getting
In that thing with you.
510
00:33:25,264 --> 00:33:27,701
If you want the story,
You'll get in this thing
With me.
511
00:33:30,095 --> 00:33:32,053
What happened ?
Is everyone okay ?
512
00:33:36,231 --> 00:33:38,277
Wilder.
513
00:33:40,061 --> 00:33:43,282
Are we gonna get in trouble
For being in here ?No, no. It's cool.
514
00:33:43,325 --> 00:33:45,980
Equipment manager owes me
A favor. I introduced him
To his wife.
515
00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:51,072
Life is all about developing
Relationships, gwen.
I hope you can skate.
516
00:33:52,204 --> 00:33:54,989
So the deal is,
I score,
517
00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:57,644
You cooperate and answer
All my questions ?
518
00:33:57,687 --> 00:34:00,995
I miss--dinner for two, me and you.
519
00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:03,041
Clothing optional.
520
00:34:06,087 --> 00:34:08,611
♪♪ [ hard rock ]
521
00:34:13,312 --> 00:34:16,228
♪♪ [ man singing
Indistinctly ]
522
00:34:18,273 --> 00:34:20,710
[ muscles cracking ]ow.
523
00:34:24,845 --> 00:34:27,065
Come on !
524
00:34:34,333 --> 00:34:36,596
Holy crap.
525
00:34:47,128 --> 00:34:50,392
[ horn sounding ]
526
00:34:55,093 --> 00:34:58,139
- my brothers play hockey...
- [ spitting ]
527
00:34:58,183 --> 00:35:01,142
For the rangers.
528
00:35:01,186 --> 00:35:03,797
My dad just didn't
See me as a sound
Investment anymore.
529
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:08,193
But he gave up on me
And my mom long before
I ever came here.
530
00:35:09,977 --> 00:35:12,153
Maybe seven years of tuition...
531
00:35:12,197 --> 00:35:14,677
Is a good way to remind him
That you're still angry.
532
00:35:16,375 --> 00:35:20,161
So, uh, how long have you
And premed richard
Been together ?
533
00:35:20,205 --> 00:35:23,512
Since my freshman year.I bet he's
A tighty whitey guy.
534
00:35:23,556 --> 00:35:26,602
Excuse me ?White, elastic band,
Constrictive.
535
00:35:26,646 --> 00:35:30,563
Can tell a lot about a person by
The kind of drawers they wear.
Like you. Granny panties.
536
00:35:30,606 --> 00:35:34,262
Does that allude to me
Being the plain, boring type ?No.
537
00:35:34,306 --> 00:35:36,569
I just wanted a visual.
538
00:35:36,612 --> 00:35:41,356
I think it takes a lot more than
The kind of underwear one wears
To define them as a person.
539
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,838
Like what ?Like their actions.
540
00:35:44,881 --> 00:35:47,884
For instance, most people...
541
00:35:47,928 --> 00:35:50,626
Want to get out of school
So they can make money.
542
00:35:50,670 --> 00:35:54,282
You're trying to make money
To stay in school.
543
00:35:54,326 --> 00:35:57,198
Why ?I like it here.
544
00:35:59,244 --> 00:36:01,333
What about your future ?
545
00:36:01,376 --> 00:36:06,120
You take life
Way too seriously.Life is serious.
546
00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:08,949
I used to party
With this guy
Who once told me,
547
00:36:08,992 --> 00:36:12,648
"Van, don't take life
Too seriously. You'll
Never get out alive."
548
00:36:14,911 --> 00:36:17,218
He used to write
For the school paper.
549
00:36:17,262 --> 00:36:21,875
He kept babbling about
The differences between
Light and dark beer.
550
00:36:21,918 --> 00:36:25,226
Yeah. Very strange,
But good advice.
551
00:36:25,270 --> 00:36:29,404
You think about the future
Too much, you kind of forget
About the present...
552
00:36:29,448 --> 00:36:31,493
Obviously.
553
00:36:31,537 --> 00:36:34,844
And I am really enjoying
The present right now...
554
00:36:34,888 --> 00:36:38,065
Sharing a penalty box
And a tri-latte
With gwen pearson...
555
00:36:38,108 --> 00:36:41,851
Who believes censorship
Reflects society's lack
Of confidence in itself.
556
00:36:41,895 --> 00:36:44,114
You actually read that article ?
557
00:36:44,158 --> 00:36:47,857
Okay, look,
I read the damn article,
But don't tell anyone...
558
00:36:47,901 --> 00:36:53,298
Because if word gets out
That I read, my reputation--
Shot to hell.
559
00:36:57,606 --> 00:37:02,350
She's smart, she's
Beautiful, she can skate.
560
00:37:02,394 --> 00:37:06,180
She's not for you, dude.
She's too high-strung.
561
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:08,356
Besides, babes that fine--
[ scoffs ]
562
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,359
They're way into themselves
And shit. [ taj ] van.
563
00:37:13,492 --> 00:37:17,713
After this weekend,
We should have sufficient funds
To cover your next two payments.
564
00:37:17,757 --> 00:37:19,976
I mean,
This girl is dynamite.
565
00:37:21,848 --> 00:37:23,937
Too bad she's dating
Strapper john, m.D.
566
00:37:25,895 --> 00:37:29,159
[ gasps ]
Where did you find that ?
567
00:37:29,203 --> 00:37:32,032
In your room a few days ago.
568
00:37:32,075 --> 00:37:35,340
I'm trying to spark this bong,
But this damn thing won't light.
569
00:37:35,383 --> 00:37:38,299
That's no bong !
It's for my schlong !
570
00:37:38,343 --> 00:37:40,258
♪♪ [ low tone ]
571
00:37:41,868 --> 00:37:43,652
[ coughing ]
572
00:37:43,696 --> 00:37:46,612
Hold on.
You mean I put my mouth
On your cock pump ?
573
00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:50,180
Oh, damn !
574
00:37:50,224 --> 00:37:52,139
[ gagging ]
575
00:37:54,054 --> 00:37:57,536
[ tube shatters ]I have a date with naomi
Tomorrow night...
576
00:37:57,579 --> 00:38:00,582
And I just wanted
To bring my "A" game.
577
00:38:00,626 --> 00:38:05,195
Taj, come on !
Look, that's what
I'm here for, right ?
578
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,328
Now, follow
My foolproof plan...
579
00:38:07,372 --> 00:38:10,505
And I'm gonna help you put
The bang in banglapur.
580
00:38:10,549 --> 00:38:13,465
All you need are
The three fundamentals:
Scented candles,
581
00:38:14,857 --> 00:38:18,687
Massage oil...
And barry white.
582
00:38:18,731 --> 00:38:21,037
Write that down.
583
00:38:21,081 --> 00:38:24,345
Hey, no cock pump.No cock pump.
584
00:38:24,389 --> 00:38:26,869
Barry white.
585
00:38:26,913 --> 00:38:29,698
I'm gonna go wash my hands now. [ richard ]
Oh, gwen !
586
00:38:29,742 --> 00:38:33,659
Your labia feels so good
Around my swollen phallus.
587
00:38:33,702 --> 00:38:37,837
[ moaning ]
I'm fairly confident
I'm going to ejaculate.
588
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:41,623
I'm releasing my seminal fluids
Inside of you now !
589
00:38:41,667 --> 00:38:44,583
[ grunting ]
590
00:38:46,236 --> 00:38:48,848
[ glass shattering ]
591
00:38:48,891 --> 00:38:51,851
[ winces, sighs ]
592
00:38:54,462 --> 00:38:56,377
Are you okay ?
593
00:38:57,726 --> 00:39:00,076
Yeah. Why ?
594
00:39:02,035 --> 00:39:05,908
Well, didn't you--well, it's kind of hard
In 15 seconds.
595
00:39:05,952 --> 00:39:08,171
Damn it, gwen !
596
00:39:10,565 --> 00:39:15,091
You know the kind of pressure
I'm under with my exams.
[ sighs ]
597
00:39:15,135 --> 00:39:17,442
I'm sorry.No, look, I'm sorry.
598
00:39:17,485 --> 00:39:22,185
This semester's marks could well
Determine the next ten years of
Our lives. You realize that ?
599
00:39:24,057 --> 00:39:28,844
You know,
You shouldn't take life
Too seriously.
600
00:39:28,888 --> 00:39:30,803
You'll never
Get out alive.
601
00:39:35,155 --> 00:39:37,853
What the hell
Is that supposed to mean ?
602
00:39:41,204 --> 00:39:43,816
I'm late
For my study group.
603
00:39:45,078 --> 00:39:47,036
[ elastic snapping ]
604
00:39:52,390 --> 00:39:55,175
[ gordon ]
She was getting awfully chummy
With the rectal itch.
605
00:39:55,218 --> 00:39:58,178
Son of a bitch.
Disappear !
606
00:39:58,221 --> 00:40:00,485
Yes, superior leader,
Sir.
607
00:40:03,401 --> 00:40:05,751
It's time to excise
That cancerous lump.
608
00:40:05,794 --> 00:40:10,320
Forget him. Let's crap in the
Chapter room and make pledges
Clean it up. It'll be fun.
609
00:40:10,364 --> 00:40:13,454
I wish I could, gordo.
I got dinner at gwen's
Parents' house.
610
00:40:13,498 --> 00:40:16,414
Sounds special.
Is wilder gonna be there ?
611
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,026
Hey, guys.
Hey, richard.
612
00:40:20,069 --> 00:40:23,029
Is there anything
I can do for you today ?
613
00:40:27,512 --> 00:40:29,470
Dear van--
614
00:40:29,514 --> 00:40:32,430
♪♪ [ techno ] [ people chattering
Indistinctly ]
615
00:40:34,649 --> 00:40:38,000
Here you go, taj.
Get your rave on, man.Thanks.
616
00:40:38,044 --> 00:40:41,308
"See you tonight. Gwen."
The invite to
The parents' house.
617
00:40:41,351 --> 00:40:45,443
This is-- this is big.
This is very, very big.
618
00:40:45,486 --> 00:40:47,619
Doesn't she have
A boyfriend ?Details.
619
00:40:47,662 --> 00:40:49,838
I'm off.
Taj, you're in charge.No, no, no, no !
620
00:40:49,882 --> 00:40:53,189
I do not think
I'm capable of handling
Such a responsibility.
621
00:40:53,233 --> 00:40:56,018
Listen to me.
Do you know why I chose
You as my assistant ?
622
00:40:56,062 --> 00:40:58,543
So you could teach me
How to muff dive ?No.
623
00:40:58,586 --> 00:41:01,763
Well, yeah, but also...
624
00:41:01,807 --> 00:41:04,157
Because you have
The potential to be great.
625
00:41:13,601 --> 00:41:15,560
[ doorbell chimes ]
626
00:41:19,955 --> 00:41:21,914
Hello.Hi.
627
00:41:21,957 --> 00:41:23,959
May I help you ?Yeah.
628
00:41:24,003 --> 00:41:27,180
- I'm van--
- van. You made it.
629
00:41:27,223 --> 00:41:30,531
Evelyn, this is one
Of your daughter's
Acquaintances from school.
630
00:41:30,575 --> 00:41:34,535
- there's room for one more ?
- by all means.
Come in, please.
631
00:41:38,191 --> 00:41:41,847
Definitely be out
Of the question unless
They all agreed with us...
632
00:41:41,890 --> 00:41:44,545
And we talked it over.
633
00:41:46,373 --> 00:41:49,376
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
634
00:41:51,421 --> 00:41:54,860
Van, this is dr. Henke,
Proctologist.Oh !
635
00:41:54,903 --> 00:41:58,907
Well, holy crap. I hope you're
Not on call tonight, huh ?
[ chuckles, groans ]
636
00:41:58,951 --> 00:42:02,084
Dr. Beaverman, o.B.-g.Y.N.
637
00:42:02,128 --> 00:42:05,479
Van wilder,
G-l-a-d to meet you.
638
00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:09,178
- and of course, gwen's father.
- I'm gonna go out
On a limb here.
639
00:42:09,222 --> 00:42:11,006
Dr. Pearson ?
640
00:42:11,050 --> 00:42:13,531
Indeed. Indeed. Super.
641
00:42:13,574 --> 00:42:17,230
All right. So, am I here
For a physical ?
642
00:42:17,273 --> 00:42:20,842
'cause I'm gonna need
A few cocktails before I start
Coughing for you fellas.
643
00:42:20,886 --> 00:42:24,063
[ chuckling ]
644
00:42:28,284 --> 00:42:31,766
- [ whispering ]
What are you doing here ?
- I don't know.
645
00:42:31,810 --> 00:42:33,768
No, thank you.
646
00:42:33,812 --> 00:42:36,466
Mr. Wilder here
Is quite the collegian.
647
00:42:36,510 --> 00:42:38,773
He's in his,
What, sixth year ?
648
00:42:38,817 --> 00:42:42,124
Lucky number seven actually.
649
00:42:42,168 --> 00:42:44,910
- what are you studying, son ?
- I dabble in
A bit of everything.
650
00:42:44,953 --> 00:42:47,826
I've tried to experience
All that coolidge has to offer.
651
00:42:47,869 --> 00:42:49,828
Surely you have
A career in mind.
652
00:42:49,871 --> 00:42:54,702
No, not really.
I'm still looking for that
Dare-to-be-great situation.
653
00:42:54,746 --> 00:42:59,011
Maybe you should
Start looking for that
Dare-to-be-employed situation.
654
00:42:59,054 --> 00:43:01,753
The student body finds van
So intriguing that
My editor asked me...
655
00:43:01,796 --> 00:43:04,407
To do an exposeé on him
For the school newspaper.
656
00:43:04,451 --> 00:43:08,020
- well, isn't that wonderful ?
- that will be quite
The page-turner.
657
00:43:08,063 --> 00:43:11,632
It'll be a very well-written
Article. Gwen is an extremely
Gifted journalist.
658
00:43:11,676 --> 00:43:14,287
Are you and richard
In the same fraternity ?
659
00:43:14,330 --> 00:43:20,162
Oh, no, no.
Van isn't exactly
Delta iota kappa material.
660
00:43:20,206 --> 00:43:22,991
Richard, you rascal,
You never told me
That you were a dik.
661
00:43:24,253 --> 00:43:26,299
[ whispering ]
Not that you had to.
662
00:43:26,342 --> 00:43:29,215
I'm gonna go get
Another bottle of champagne.
663
00:43:29,258 --> 00:43:31,565
Richard, will you
Help me open it ?Sure.
664
00:43:37,745 --> 00:43:41,793
Wow. If he's here,
Who's running hell ?
665
00:43:43,403 --> 00:43:46,972
What exactly do you think
You're doing out there ?Proving a point.
666
00:43:47,015 --> 00:43:50,497
Your friend doesn't fit in.
He's a virus, and
I'm the vaccine.
667
00:43:50,540 --> 00:43:52,847
I can't believe
You're doing this.Pop quiz. True or false.
668
00:43:52,891 --> 00:43:56,677
You and that g.D.I. Have been
Spending an inordinate amount
Of time together.
669
00:43:56,721 --> 00:43:59,854
True. Now here's a multiple
Choice question for you.
You're "A," an asshole;
670
00:43:59,898 --> 00:44:02,988
"B," an asshole who isn't
Staying at my place tonight,
Or "C," all of the above ?
671
00:44:03,031 --> 00:44:07,035
What's "B" again ?
Gwenny, I'm kidding.
I apologize.
672
00:44:07,079 --> 00:44:11,300
- gwenny, where are you going ?
- to go save van.
673
00:44:11,344 --> 00:44:14,521
'cause god only knows what
My parents and their stuck-up
Friends are doing to him.
674
00:44:15,870 --> 00:44:18,003
[ gasping ]
675
00:44:18,046 --> 00:44:21,006
[ laughter ]
676
00:44:22,355 --> 00:44:24,531
Oh ! Okay ! All right !
677
00:44:24,574 --> 00:44:27,665
You're a natural, dr. P.
Hey, what are you looking at ?
678
00:44:27,708 --> 00:44:30,668
Henke, you're up.
Come on.All right. All right.
679
00:44:32,191 --> 00:44:34,541
Easy, sailor.
680
00:44:34,584 --> 00:44:36,586
[ laughter continues ]
681
00:44:57,782 --> 00:45:01,046
All right, wilder, let's dance.
682
00:45:01,089 --> 00:45:04,832
- it's a good day to die,
Mcdoogle.
- [ engine revving ]
683
00:45:04,876 --> 00:45:06,965
Oh, yes. [ engine whirring ]
684
00:45:29,814 --> 00:45:32,773
Jesus ! Criminy !
685
00:45:32,817 --> 00:45:35,689
What happened to you, wilder ?
Don't think I don't remember.
686
00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:39,954
You got an "A" in my freshman
Economics class. You remember
One thing, young man--
687
00:45:39,998 --> 00:45:43,131
Apathy is the glove
Into which evil slips its hand.
688
00:45:43,175 --> 00:45:45,133
I'll write that down.
689
00:45:45,177 --> 00:45:47,788
You do that.
You're not fooling
Anybody, wilder !
690
00:45:47,832 --> 00:45:50,878
You're only fooling yourself !
691
00:45:57,189 --> 00:45:58,756
[ tires screeching ]
692
00:45:58,799 --> 00:46:02,237
Why don't you walk ?I think I'll walk from here.
693
00:46:03,891 --> 00:46:08,156
Are you stalking me ?
Because that would be super.
694
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:12,160
My mom did want me
To invite you to her
Tupperware party next week.
695
00:46:12,204 --> 00:46:15,816
Was that a--
Judges' ruling.
696
00:46:15,860 --> 00:46:19,037
Uh-huh. Yeah.
I do believe that
Was a joke.
697
00:46:23,998 --> 00:46:27,567
I want to apologize for what
Richard did the other night.
698
00:46:27,610 --> 00:46:30,439
It was a really immature stunt.
699
00:46:30,483 --> 00:46:32,833
Yeah, I know,
700
00:46:32,877 --> 00:46:35,880
But sometimes guys
Can do some pretty
Childish things, gwen.
701
00:46:39,709 --> 00:46:41,624
Let us proceed.
702
00:47:16,746 --> 00:47:20,098
- is he ready ?
- ah, yeah, he's ready.
703
00:47:20,141 --> 00:47:22,970
- it's go time.
- [ panting ]
704
00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:31,109
[ dog whimpers ]
705
00:47:31,152 --> 00:47:34,242
Such a good boy.
706
00:47:34,286 --> 00:47:38,420
Oh, stop for a second.
Stop for a second. Stop.
707
00:47:38,464 --> 00:47:40,379
Okay. Keep going.
708
00:47:41,554 --> 00:47:44,339
[ groans ]
For the love of god.
709
00:47:44,383 --> 00:47:46,298
Smile, buddy.
710
00:47:52,260 --> 00:47:56,134
Lovely. It's all about
Presentation, gentlemen.
711
00:48:00,181 --> 00:48:02,183
[ moans ]
712
00:48:04,403 --> 00:48:07,362
[ hutch ]
Well, I'll be damned !
713
00:48:07,406 --> 00:48:09,625
Poor guy just needed
A little t.L.C.
714
00:48:12,759 --> 00:48:15,805
[ doorbell chimes ]
715
00:48:15,849 --> 00:48:18,721
I got it, guys.
No problem whatsoever.
716
00:48:20,462 --> 00:48:23,901
[ scoffs ]
Let the damn baby
Have his ball back.
717
00:48:23,944 --> 00:48:27,730
Thank you, brothers.
718
00:48:30,559 --> 00:48:34,868
It's not like he can see
Out of it anyway. Loser.
719
00:48:40,700 --> 00:48:42,615
Awesome work, sisters.
720
00:48:45,792 --> 00:48:48,273
Special delivery, richard !
721
00:48:49,752 --> 00:48:52,886
Time-out.What the fuck, jeannie ?
722
00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:56,281
"From the sisters
Of sigma theta tau."
Well, dig in, guys.
723
00:49:00,633 --> 00:49:02,678
Mmm.
724
00:49:02,722 --> 00:49:04,942
Oh, they're still warm.
725
00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:10,817
So creamy. [ richard ]
They're awesome !
726
00:49:10,860 --> 00:49:13,341
Oh !
727
00:49:13,385 --> 00:49:15,300
[ gargling ]
728
00:49:16,736 --> 00:49:19,173
[ gordon ]
Oh, they're so creamy.
729
00:49:20,740 --> 00:49:22,872
God, these are excellent.
730
00:49:22,916 --> 00:49:25,701
Um, guys ? Richard ?
731
00:49:25,745 --> 00:49:28,269
Hmm ? Hmm ?
732
00:49:28,313 --> 00:49:30,663
[ boy ]
I think I've had these before.
733
00:49:30,706 --> 00:49:32,621
Richard.
734
00:49:38,845 --> 00:49:40,847
- [ gagging ]
- oh, my god !
735
00:49:45,199 --> 00:49:47,462
♪♪ [ slow soul ] [ girl ]
I love this song.
736
00:49:47,506 --> 00:49:51,162
I know.
It is the white barry.
737
00:49:55,731 --> 00:49:57,820
Is that for me ?
738
00:49:57,864 --> 00:49:59,779
I long to rub you
The right way.
739
00:49:59,822 --> 00:50:03,435
You're such a bad
Little badalandabad.
740
00:50:06,220 --> 00:50:09,006
[ speaking native language ]
741
00:50:10,877 --> 00:50:13,184
No harm, no foul.
742
00:50:14,881 --> 00:50:16,883
- [ screams ]
- are you all right ?
743
00:50:16,926 --> 00:50:19,886
Never better,
My little jasmine flower.
744
00:50:21,670 --> 00:50:25,022
♪♪ [ continues ]
745
00:50:30,375 --> 00:50:32,333
[ moans softly ]
746
00:50:34,118 --> 00:50:36,816
That feels so good.
747
00:50:41,038 --> 00:50:44,519
[ moaning continues ]
Oh, my god !
748
00:50:44,563 --> 00:50:48,045
Oh, tajy !
749
00:50:48,088 --> 00:50:49,872
Take me.
750
00:50:49,916 --> 00:50:53,702
I want you now. Now !
751
00:50:53,746 --> 00:50:55,704
Shit !
752
00:50:55,748 --> 00:50:57,967
[ moans ]
Don't tease me.
753
00:51:04,148 --> 00:51:07,107
This is the culmination
Of my being.
754
00:51:07,151 --> 00:51:10,719
Baby, I'm about to culminate.
Now get over here.
755
00:51:11,981 --> 00:51:13,853
Oh, tajy, I'm so hot.
756
00:51:13,896 --> 00:51:16,769
- I feel on fire.
- oh, yeah, me too, baby.
757
00:51:16,812 --> 00:51:19,206
Burning up. Oh, yeah, baby,
I'm burning up.
758
00:51:19,250 --> 00:51:21,643
You are most amazing
To make me feel so...
759
00:51:21,687 --> 00:51:24,777
Damn hot !
[ screams ]
760
00:51:24,820 --> 00:51:26,648
[ screams ]
761
00:51:29,521 --> 00:51:32,045
I wonder how
T-bad's date's going.
762
00:51:32,089 --> 00:51:36,136
Well, scented candles,
Massage oils, barry white.
763
00:51:36,180 --> 00:51:40,140
Yeah, we can't be too far
From climax, huh ?
764
00:51:40,184 --> 00:51:42,925
- [ screaming ]
- whoa !
765
00:51:46,059 --> 00:51:48,670
♪♪ [ continues ]
766
00:51:53,414 --> 00:51:55,938
[ siren wailing ]
767
00:51:59,203 --> 00:52:02,858
Why do I always fail ?You put too much pressure
On yourself.
768
00:52:02,902 --> 00:52:05,252
Don't worry about the money.
I'll figure something out.
769
00:52:05,296 --> 00:52:08,212
More importantly,
770
00:52:08,255 --> 00:52:12,346
When the time is right...
It'll happen.
771
00:52:12,390 --> 00:52:14,348
You'll find the one.
772
00:52:29,798 --> 00:52:33,324
Hi. I need to see
The grade transcripts
For van wilder, please.
773
00:52:33,367 --> 00:52:35,326
I don't think so.
774
00:52:35,369 --> 00:52:38,894
Student transcripts
Are confidential. Sorry.
775
00:52:40,331 --> 00:52:43,247
♪♪ [ hip-hop, indistinct ]
776
00:52:45,553 --> 00:52:48,513
[ fire alarm ringing ][ gasping ]
777
00:53:11,536 --> 00:53:14,234
Swim team really does
Need your love, folks.
778
00:53:14,278 --> 00:53:19,239
And if milty mingleton
Can shove himself...
779
00:53:19,283 --> 00:53:21,894
Into that weenie bikini...
780
00:53:25,637 --> 00:53:29,206
Then you don't need
To be shy about making
Your donations now !
781
00:53:37,039 --> 00:53:39,259
[ bathing suit squeaking ]
782
00:53:41,392 --> 00:53:43,959
[ cheering stops ]
783
00:54:01,325 --> 00:54:03,327
Whoo !
784
00:54:03,370 --> 00:54:06,634
All right !
785
00:54:06,678 --> 00:54:09,246
Thank you, milty !
786
00:54:11,944 --> 00:54:14,642
After we put all the water
Back in the pool,
787
00:54:14,686 --> 00:54:17,341
We'll be accepting donations
In the form of...
788
00:54:17,384 --> 00:54:19,778
Cash, visa
And full-frontal nudity.
789
00:54:19,821 --> 00:54:22,302
Hutch, take over.
790
00:54:23,651 --> 00:54:27,046
[ hutch ]
That's right, folks.
Save the swim team.
791
00:54:27,089 --> 00:54:28,830
Hi, gwen.
792
00:54:28,874 --> 00:54:31,311
Bikini-clad judges
For a fund-raiser ?
That's pretty ingenious.
793
00:54:31,355 --> 00:54:33,661
Sex sells, gwen.
Sex sells.
794
00:54:33,705 --> 00:54:36,969
It's not too late
For you to enter the doubles
Breaststroke if you like.
795
00:54:37,012 --> 00:54:41,930
No, thanks. I forgot my suit.
I just came across a bit
Of interesting information.
796
00:54:41,974 --> 00:54:46,848
All right, look. The vet
Assured me that canine semen
Is perfectly healthy.
797
00:54:46,892 --> 00:54:48,850
In fact, surprisingly rich--
798
00:54:48,894 --> 00:54:51,636
You've been 18 units shy
Of graduating for the past
Six semesters.
799
00:54:55,596 --> 00:54:59,644
Whoa. You, uh, went klepto
On my transcripts.
800
00:54:59,687 --> 00:55:04,083
What's going on with you, van ?
You're actively trying
Not to get out of here.
801
00:55:04,126 --> 00:55:08,653
Why are you doing this, huh ?
Do you ever stop playing
The in-depth reporter ?
802
00:55:08,696 --> 00:55:11,786
I just want to know why
You're putting off your life.
803
00:55:11,830 --> 00:55:14,876
Not for the paper.
For me.
804
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:18,358
Well, I have no comment...
805
00:55:18,402 --> 00:55:20,360
For either of you.
806
00:55:24,059 --> 00:55:27,106
[ crowd cheering ]
807
00:55:29,891 --> 00:55:32,851
[ woman ]
♪ who wants to be ordinary
808
00:55:32,894 --> 00:55:35,680
♪ in a crazy, mixed-up world
809
00:55:35,723 --> 00:55:38,813
♪ I don't care
What they're saying ♪
810
00:55:38,857 --> 00:55:41,816
♪ as long as I'm your girl
811
00:55:41,860 --> 00:55:45,777
♪ hey, you were
On my side ♪
812
00:55:47,256 --> 00:55:52,131
♪ and they
They just rolled their eyes ♪
813
00:55:52,174 --> 00:55:54,133
♪♪ [ fades ]
814
00:55:54,176 --> 00:55:57,876
External occipital
Protuberance.
815
00:55:57,919 --> 00:56:00,269
Posterior gluteal line.
816
00:56:04,796 --> 00:56:07,102
Dorsal appendage. Gwen.
817
00:56:07,146 --> 00:56:09,844
Was the last one right ?Yeah, that's right.
818
00:56:09,888 --> 00:56:13,457
Wrong ! The dorsal
Appendage exists only in
Marine-equipped mammalia.
819
00:56:13,500 --> 00:56:16,416
I knew you weren't listening.
What's wrong with you ?
820
00:56:16,460 --> 00:56:20,333
Nothing. I'm fine.
Let's get out of here,
Go grab a beer.
821
00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:24,293
Are you insane ?
You know my midterm
And finals ritual.
822
00:56:24,337 --> 00:56:27,209
I study till 11:00.
Nine solid hours of sleep.
823
00:56:27,253 --> 00:56:29,211
[ together ]
Protein shake in the morning.
824
00:56:29,255 --> 00:56:32,650
Okay, very cute.
And also correct.
825
00:56:32,693 --> 00:56:35,435
Which gives us two hours
And 53 minutes of study time.
826
00:56:35,479 --> 00:56:38,525
So, honey, please focus.
All righty ?
827
00:56:42,877 --> 00:56:45,314
I have confirmations
From the african-american club,
828
00:56:45,358 --> 00:56:47,969
The gay and lesbian caucus,
Mecca, hepa, peta.
829
00:56:48,013 --> 00:56:50,407
This multi-coalition party
Was a masterful plan.
830
00:56:50,450 --> 00:56:53,148
It should triple our income.
I just hope it's enough.
831
00:56:53,192 --> 00:56:55,499
Van, you must listen to me.
832
00:56:55,542 --> 00:56:58,676
We are merely one party away
From accomplishing our goal.
833
00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:03,202
She's right, huh ?
What if I'm avoiding
Graduation because I'm scared ?
834
00:57:03,245 --> 00:57:07,685
Listen to yourself, meathead.
You've never doubted yourself
In your whole life.
835
00:57:07,728 --> 00:57:10,078
This girl's got you thinking,
Man. It's not good.
836
00:57:11,253 --> 00:57:14,213
Not good at all.Hey, you !
837
00:57:14,256 --> 00:57:17,085
Please move banner
A skosh higher, huh ?
838
00:57:17,129 --> 00:57:19,740
Hey.
You got all this.
839
00:57:19,784 --> 00:57:23,483
I'm gonna go, uh--
I'm gonna make some calls
For the party, okay ?
840
00:57:27,139 --> 00:57:29,315
Hi, van.Hi, donna.
841
00:57:29,358 --> 00:57:32,361
Hey, van.Oh, hey, guys.
842
00:57:32,405 --> 00:57:34,538
[ gasps ]
843
00:57:34,581 --> 00:57:37,671
What are you doing in here ?I had to talk to you.
844
00:57:37,715 --> 00:57:41,370
I thought a lot about
What you said, and, uh--
845
00:57:41,414 --> 00:57:43,764
Well, just--
846
00:57:43,808 --> 00:57:45,853
Just take a look at this.
847
00:57:45,897 --> 00:57:48,334
Yeah. Doodles.
848
00:57:48,377 --> 00:57:51,511
I attended class today.
Just about stayed
The whole time too.
849
00:57:51,555 --> 00:57:54,383
I'm glad you went
To all your classes today.
850
00:57:54,427 --> 00:57:57,952
And a few that weren't mine.
Stepped into the wrong one.
Liked what I heard, stayed.
851
00:57:57,996 --> 00:58:00,433
[ gwen ]
That's great.
It really is.
852
00:58:00,477 --> 00:58:04,350
It really is.
But don't do it for me.
853
00:58:05,786 --> 00:58:10,008
Do it for you.Maybe I'm doing it
For both of us.
854
00:58:11,444 --> 00:58:15,448
I shouldn't even
Be talking to you like this.
855
00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:18,669
- and I shouldn't be in
The women's locker room !
- shut up.
856
00:58:18,712 --> 00:58:21,541
But sometimes you gotta let
Your heart lead you...
857
00:58:21,585 --> 00:58:25,197
Even if you know
It's someplace you know
You're not supposed to be.
858
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:28,896
How often does your heart
Lead you into the women's
Locker room ?
859
00:58:31,595 --> 00:58:34,859
- this would be a first.
- why do I find that
Hard to believe ?
860
00:58:34,902 --> 00:58:36,861
I'm not saying that
I've never been in here before.
861
00:58:36,904 --> 00:58:39,559
I'm saying it's usually
A different part of my anatomy
That does the leading.
862
00:58:39,603 --> 00:58:41,605
Oh, my god.
863
00:58:45,260 --> 00:58:48,786
[ jeannie ] I just couldn't
Believe it. Gwen and van
In the women's locker room.
864
00:58:48,829 --> 00:58:53,747
I just couldn't believe it.
Let me tell you something--[ hangs phone up ]
865
00:58:56,750 --> 00:58:58,709
[ beeps ]
866
00:59:02,408 --> 00:59:06,891
I'm sorry, fellas.
The bakery's closed.
867
00:59:09,284 --> 00:59:11,722
I'm here to enlist
Your services.Let me guess.
868
00:59:11,765 --> 00:59:15,073
"Come as your favorite
Drunk-on-jis,
Come-gargling frat boy party ?"
869
00:59:15,116 --> 00:59:18,511
Then your mom can come.
870
00:59:18,555 --> 00:59:21,296
It's gonna be
A bachelor party.
871
00:59:21,340 --> 00:59:26,258
One last night of debauchery
With the fellas before settling
Down with my fianceée, gwen.
872
00:59:26,301 --> 00:59:31,742
Oh, please, you didn't
Think she'd be interested
In a fuckup like you, did you ?
873
00:59:36,442 --> 00:59:39,924
Oh, van, van, van, van,
Van, van, van,
874
00:59:39,967 --> 00:59:42,056
Van, van.
875
00:59:42,100 --> 00:59:44,058
Hmph.
876
00:59:44,102 --> 00:59:46,408
That ought to be enough
To get you started.
877
00:59:51,152 --> 00:59:54,547
[ laughing ]
878
00:59:57,594 --> 00:59:59,813
[ line ringing ]
879
00:59:59,857 --> 01:00:02,773
[ phone ringing ]
880
01:00:04,035 --> 01:00:05,645
Hello ?
881
01:00:05,689 --> 01:00:07,647
[ van ]
Gwen ?Casey.
882
01:00:07,691 --> 01:00:10,607
I'm just using gwen's computer.Is gwen there ? I really
Need to talk to her.
883
01:00:10,650 --> 01:00:14,001
She's at richard's getting
Ready for the engagement
Dinner tonight. Message ?
884
01:00:14,045 --> 01:00:16,351
Nope. That's all right.
885
01:00:24,185 --> 01:00:26,666
Bye.
Thanks for coming.
886
01:00:26,710 --> 01:00:29,364
Ah, lindsey and rob make
Such a great couple,
Don't you think ?
887
01:00:29,408 --> 01:00:31,366
Yeah, I'm happy for them.Yeah.
888
01:00:31,410 --> 01:00:34,282
They're gonna make a great
Married couple too.
You know why ?
889
01:00:34,326 --> 01:00:37,808
Because they love
Each other ?Because they're compatible.
890
01:00:39,766 --> 01:00:43,248
It's like a heart transplant
Patient finding a donor
With the same blood type...
891
01:00:43,291 --> 01:00:45,424
And just the right
Chromosome anomalies.
892
01:00:45,467 --> 01:00:49,515
A perfect match...
Connected forever.
893
01:00:49,558 --> 01:00:52,300
Yeah, but that would mean
One of them would have
To be dead.
894
01:00:52,344 --> 01:00:56,609
Gwenny, I'm just saying
That they're--
They're a match.
895
01:00:56,653 --> 01:00:58,872
Just like you and me.
896
01:01:03,094 --> 01:01:06,010
Uh-huh.
Looky, girl.
897
01:01:06,053 --> 01:01:08,708
Gwendolyn elizabeth pearson,
898
01:01:08,752 --> 01:01:12,712
I'd be honored
If you and I surgically
And spiritually...
899
01:01:12,756 --> 01:01:15,497
Grafted our lives together.
900
01:01:15,541 --> 01:01:18,457
Richard, I don't know
What to say.
901
01:01:18,500 --> 01:01:22,548
Just say yes, because
I've got even more
Amazing news.
902
01:01:22,591 --> 01:01:24,811
Northwestern called
This morning.
They wanna interview me.
903
01:01:24,855 --> 01:01:27,596
They're gonna send some
Recruit alums to campus
For written and oral exams.
904
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:30,556
And then I am in !
Whoo !
905
01:01:30,599 --> 01:01:32,906
Oh, man, northwestern.
906
01:01:32,950 --> 01:01:36,344
That's great.
I'm so happy for you,
Richard.
907
01:01:36,388 --> 01:01:41,523
Gwenny, be happy for both
Of us. The richard and gwen
Life plan is kicking in.
908
01:01:41,567 --> 01:01:45,179
Northwestern.
I am the shit.
909
01:01:45,223 --> 01:01:48,835
Oh ! And your father wants
To get us a place over in forest
Grove as an engagement present.
910
01:01:48,879 --> 01:01:51,708
My parents know about this ?Yeah, I told everyone.
911
01:01:51,751 --> 01:01:54,841
[ scoffs ]where are you going ?
912
01:01:56,625 --> 01:01:59,237
I'm not sure,
And for some reason...
913
01:01:59,280 --> 01:02:01,892
I feel really good
About that.
914
01:02:06,113 --> 01:02:09,073
♪♪ [ stereo:
Slow rock ballad ]
915
01:02:11,292 --> 01:02:15,732
Hey, van, can I borrow--
My god, what happened
To you ?
916
01:02:16,994 --> 01:02:20,258
- I got hit by a big truck.
- are you okay ?
917
01:02:20,301 --> 01:02:24,566
[ singing with stereo ]
♪ I'm all out of love
I'm so lost without you ♪
918
01:02:24,610 --> 01:02:27,004
♪ I know you were right
919
01:02:27,047 --> 01:02:30,659
♪ believing for so long ♪♪ [ discordant chord ]
920
01:02:33,750 --> 01:02:37,275
Dope song.
What's it called ?
921
01:02:37,318 --> 01:02:39,756
"Gwen used me for her story,
Then married an ass wipe...
922
01:02:39,799 --> 01:02:43,368
And ran over my heart
With a big metaphorical truck."
923
01:02:43,411 --> 01:02:45,674
Originally performed
By air supply.
924
01:02:45,718 --> 01:02:47,807
Who's air supply ?
925
01:02:47,851 --> 01:02:49,940
How old are you, sally ?
926
01:02:51,419 --> 01:02:53,857
I'm old enough to be jealous
Of that gwen girl.
927
01:02:58,339 --> 01:03:01,342
♪♪ [ continues ]
928
01:03:01,386 --> 01:03:04,041
Okay, you can do this.
929
01:03:08,349 --> 01:03:10,525
♪ I'm all out of love
930
01:03:10,569 --> 01:03:13,311
♪ I'm so lost
Without you ♪
931
01:03:13,354 --> 01:03:16,705
♪ I know you were right
Believing for so long ♪♪
932
01:03:16,749 --> 01:03:20,187
You must be gwen--
The truck driver.
933
01:03:20,231 --> 01:03:22,320
[ van ]
Gwen.
934
01:03:22,363 --> 01:03:25,323
Hey. Excuse me.
Gwen !
935
01:03:25,366 --> 01:03:28,543
Hey, hold up a second.
What are you doing here ?
936
01:03:28,587 --> 01:03:31,285
What am I doing here ?
What were you doing in there ?
937
01:03:31,329 --> 01:03:34,985
As smashed as I am,
I'm pretty sure
That's my room, wasn't it ?
938
01:03:35,028 --> 01:03:39,685
-what was that girl,
A freshman ?
-she reads at a sophomore level.
939
01:03:39,728 --> 01:03:42,862
This was a big mistake, van.
I'm leaving.
940
01:03:42,906 --> 01:03:46,779
What are you even doing here ?
Did you come to hire me
To do your bachelorette party ?
941
01:03:46,823 --> 01:03:50,348
'cause your party pimp
Has already been booked
By your fianceé.
942
01:03:50,391 --> 01:03:54,004
My fianceé ?
What are you talking about ? When are you tying the knot ?
943
01:03:54,047 --> 01:03:56,354
Seriously, I'd really
Like to hold that date open.
944
01:03:56,397 --> 01:03:59,487
That is none of your business.
And you know what.
945
01:03:59,531 --> 01:04:02,577
You're none of mine.
946
01:04:07,582 --> 01:04:11,108
[ gordon ] sounds to me like
Your rectal itch was getting
A late-night booty scratch.
947
01:04:11,151 --> 01:04:15,939
First, my bitch turns down
My proposal. Then she runs
Straight into that loser's arms.
948
01:04:15,982 --> 01:04:18,419
Now I don't even know
Where my bitch is.
949
01:04:18,463 --> 01:04:21,292
Wilder's got some big blowout
Planned for tonight. Maybe
Your bitch is gonna be there.
950
01:04:21,335 --> 01:04:23,685
You do not call her that,
Gonad !
951
01:04:23,729 --> 01:04:25,905
Hey, guys.
Just giving you all the 411.
952
01:04:25,949 --> 01:04:28,516
I'm a counselor
For the further leaders
Of america's overnighter.
953
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:34,218
But the bus doesn't leave
For a few hours. Is there
Anything I can do before I go ?
954
01:04:34,261 --> 01:04:38,918
Okay, listen up.
We've got one quick
Stop off before we go.
955
01:04:38,962 --> 01:04:41,442
[ boy ]
Tit wad !
956
01:04:43,053 --> 01:04:45,620
All right, thank you, man.
Enjoy yourself.
957
01:04:45,664 --> 01:04:47,796
All right, sister.
Enjoy yourself.
Power to the people.
958
01:04:47,840 --> 01:04:51,017
How you doing,
My man ?What's up ?
959
01:04:51,061 --> 01:04:54,673
I hate to break this to you,
Uh, ming, but you ain't asian.
960
01:04:54,716 --> 01:04:57,981
Man, you ever heard
Of tiger woods, bitch ?
961
01:04:58,024 --> 01:05:01,027
Boy, you better get out of here
Before I hit you upside
The head with a three iron.
962
01:05:01,071 --> 01:05:04,204
What's wrong with you ?
Enjoy yourself.
963
01:05:04,248 --> 01:05:07,425
What's wrong, dog ?Nothing. I just don't feel
Much like partying tonight.
964
01:05:07,468 --> 01:05:09,993
That's a first.
965
01:05:10,036 --> 01:05:13,257
Hey, van. I just wanted to
Come by and extend
An olive branch.
966
01:05:13,300 --> 01:05:16,913
I.D., please.Well, it's a terrible
Picture of me, but--
967
01:05:16,956 --> 01:05:19,916
Well, I'll be the judge of--
Whoa, ho, ho !
968
01:05:19,959 --> 01:05:21,961
There's nothing fake
About this I.D.
969
01:05:22,005 --> 01:05:24,703
Did you sit behind me
Two semesters ago ?
970
01:05:24,746 --> 01:05:27,358
I think I remember this behind.
I mean, you sitting behind me.
971
01:05:27,401 --> 01:05:30,491
This whole rivalry thing
Has become a tad childish.
972
01:05:30,535 --> 01:05:34,974
Well, I hope we can put it
All behind us and be friends.
973
01:05:35,018 --> 01:05:39,370
That's what gwen wants.You have absolutely no idea
What gwen wants.
974
01:05:41,198 --> 01:05:43,461
Say hi to your gerbil
For me.
975
01:05:45,637 --> 01:05:48,553
♪♪ [ rock ]
976
01:05:49,989 --> 01:05:51,948
Okay, kids.
977
01:05:51,991 --> 01:05:53,950
This is our uncle jaäger.
978
01:05:53,993 --> 01:05:56,865
That's right.
Drink up.
979
01:05:56,909 --> 01:05:59,694
This tastes like shit.
Do you have any scotch ?
980
01:06:01,609 --> 01:06:04,047
Oop, gotta go.
Sorry. Bye.
981
01:06:04,090 --> 01:06:06,049
Bye-bye. Call me.
982
01:06:06,092 --> 01:06:07,833
Gentlemen.
983
01:06:07,876 --> 01:06:09,748
Trooper.Hey.
984
01:06:09,791 --> 01:06:11,750
We got an anonymous tip...
985
01:06:11,793 --> 01:06:15,188
That there's some
Underage drinking going on here.Hutch ?
986
01:06:15,232 --> 01:06:17,277
Hell no, man. I've been
At the door all night.
987
01:06:21,934 --> 01:06:24,284
Good enough for me.
Have fun, guys.
988
01:06:24,328 --> 01:06:28,027
All right, trevor.
Stay cool.
989
01:06:28,071 --> 01:06:32,031
I love you, man.No, man.
990
01:06:32,075 --> 01:06:33,902
I love you.[ belches ]
991
01:06:35,948 --> 01:06:39,299
Those circus midgets
Cannot hold their booze !
992
01:06:39,343 --> 01:06:41,258
[ siren wails ]
993
01:06:43,564 --> 01:06:46,480
Don't worry, van.
We'll get you out, man.
994
01:06:46,524 --> 01:06:48,874
[ chuckling ]
995
01:06:55,185 --> 01:06:56,795
[ all groaning ]
996
01:06:58,231 --> 01:07:01,800
Delta iota kappa rules !
997
01:07:01,843 --> 01:07:05,543
[ ringing ][ answering machine beeps ]
998
01:07:05,586 --> 01:07:08,546
Damn it, gwen, pick it up.
I know you're there.
999
01:07:08,589 --> 01:07:11,201
You know
I have my northwestern
Interview next week.
1000
01:07:12,550 --> 01:07:16,510
Look, I need you
To help me "Release"...
1001
01:07:16,554 --> 01:07:18,556
Some... Pressure.
1002
01:07:18,599 --> 01:07:22,690
You know,
Help me "Relax."
1003
01:07:22,734 --> 01:07:26,781
Just so we're clear, I'm talking
About intercourse. I know
You had a fling with wilder.
1004
01:07:26,825 --> 01:07:31,003
And... It's okay.
You just had to get it
Out of your system.
1005
01:07:31,047 --> 01:07:33,745
I just hope
You used some protection.
1006
01:07:33,788 --> 01:07:36,443
And I wouldn't want
Our future children
To be tainted...
1007
01:07:36,487 --> 01:07:39,142
Because mommy went slumming
One night back in college.
1008
01:07:40,534 --> 01:07:43,711
Why don't you go "Release"
Your own pressure ?
1009
01:07:43,755 --> 01:07:48,412
Oh, and just so we're clear.
I'm telling you to go
Fuck yourself !
1010
01:07:52,546 --> 01:07:56,115
Hi, partner in crime.
Is there anything I can
Do for you today ?
1011
01:07:56,159 --> 01:07:59,901
Oh, my god !
We make such the fab team !
1012
01:07:59,945 --> 01:08:04,123
Last night, I was so like bonnie
And you were so like clyde.
And now this.
1013
01:08:04,167 --> 01:08:07,344
Would you shut up ?
I'm trying to pleasure you.
1014
01:08:07,387 --> 01:08:09,563
Sorry, richard.
Pleasure away.
1015
01:08:11,739 --> 01:08:15,003
- p.S., this is
An awesome room.
- p.S., shut the fuck up !
1016
01:08:19,747 --> 01:08:22,446
Here, I'm done...
With all of this.
1017
01:08:22,489 --> 01:08:25,840
The wilder story's not done.Why don't you read it
Before you criticize ?
1018
01:08:25,884 --> 01:08:28,756
He got expelled today.
Is that in your story ?
1019
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:31,368
'cause it should be.
1020
01:08:41,204 --> 01:08:44,250
Is van here ?He don't wanna see you.
1021
01:08:44,294 --> 01:08:46,470
Excuse me ? Look.
1022
01:08:46,513 --> 01:08:49,603
Why don't you
Just leave him alone ?Home wrecker.
1023
01:09:00,875 --> 01:09:03,356
♪♪ [ slow rock ]
1024
01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:06,403
[ ringing ]
1025
01:09:10,189 --> 01:09:15,063
[ man ]
♪ she said I'll try to make
This painless if I can ♪
1026
01:09:17,718 --> 01:09:19,938
♪ she was sorry
1027
01:09:19,981 --> 01:09:23,071
♪ and then she began to cry
1028
01:09:23,115 --> 01:09:27,032
♪ couldn't look me
In the eye ♪
1029
01:09:29,643 --> 01:09:32,342
Oh, thank you !
Thank you !
1030
01:09:33,908 --> 01:09:37,695
Out of my way !
Whoo !
1031
01:09:38,435 --> 01:09:41,699
♪♪ [ fades ]
1032
01:09:41,742 --> 01:09:46,312
Stop packing !
You can appeal the expulsion.
It's here in the school charter.
1033
01:09:46,356 --> 01:09:50,360
"Any student has the right to
Appeal an expulsion before the
University judicial board...
1034
01:09:50,403 --> 01:09:53,189
And state his or her case
Within 48 hours
Of being discharged."
1035
01:09:53,232 --> 01:09:56,888
Do you want my hot tub
Or should I just give it
To milty ?
1036
01:09:56,931 --> 01:10:01,197
We can get the law club to help.
They owe you after the "Sue me,
Screw me" soiree you threw.
1037
01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:04,243
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
Um, I'm really not interested.
1038
01:10:04,287 --> 01:10:07,725
- you're not hearing me--
- it's over, taj !
1039
01:10:10,554 --> 01:10:12,860
Fuck you, van wilder !
1040
01:10:14,384 --> 01:10:17,082
You heard me.
I say-- I say,
1041
01:10:17,125 --> 01:10:19,345
Fuck you, you-you-you--
1042
01:10:19,389 --> 01:10:21,521
You-- you--
1043
01:10:21,565 --> 01:10:23,784
You pussy ass motherfucker !
1044
01:10:23,828 --> 01:10:25,743
You-- you dicksucker !
1045
01:10:25,786 --> 01:10:27,875
Don't sugar coat it, taj.
1046
01:10:27,919 --> 01:10:30,530
Tell me how you really feel.
Seven years.
1047
01:10:32,097 --> 01:10:34,795
Seven years !
I've accomplished nothing !
1048
01:10:34,839 --> 01:10:36,797
There's no reason to
Stay here anymore !
1049
01:10:36,841 --> 01:10:38,712
Sure, sure.
You've made tons of friends...
1050
01:10:38,756 --> 01:10:41,672
Who in the drop of a ruby
Would do anything for you.
1051
01:10:41,715 --> 01:10:45,719
But that doesn't mean much.
And who cares about sick boy
And the charities you've helped,
1052
01:10:45,763 --> 01:10:48,722
And all of our athletics--
Those are all so minuscule ?
1053
01:10:48,766 --> 01:10:50,811
And I guess so is a promise...
1054
01:10:50,855 --> 01:10:54,032
Made to
A wet-behind-the-ears kid
From india whose only dream...
1055
01:10:54,075 --> 01:10:57,209
Was to bury his face
In a beautiful woman's
Lotus patch.
1056
01:10:57,253 --> 01:11:01,300
- taj--
- you have shown me a life
I could only dream about...
1057
01:11:01,344 --> 01:11:04,085
Back home while masturbating
In my father's woodshed.
1058
01:11:05,130 --> 01:11:07,959
Most importantly,
You saw potential...
1059
01:11:10,135 --> 01:11:12,268
In me.
1060
01:11:12,311 --> 01:11:16,924
If you do not see
Potential in yourself,
Then you are a blind man.
1061
01:11:18,883 --> 01:11:21,668
I'm leaving. Then leave.
1062
01:11:21,712 --> 01:11:23,931
But leave the honorable way.
1063
01:11:23,975 --> 01:11:27,326
You've been looking for that
Dare to be great situation.
1064
01:11:27,370 --> 01:11:29,807
It is at your doorstep.
1065
01:11:32,070 --> 01:11:33,680
Van !
1066
01:11:33,724 --> 01:11:37,075
We need to talk.
1067
01:11:47,215 --> 01:11:49,261
Get me the law club.
1068
01:12:02,883 --> 01:12:05,146
It's ridiculous !
It's preposterous !
1069
01:12:05,190 --> 01:12:07,671
It's ludicrous !
By god, it's impetuous !
1070
01:12:07,714 --> 01:12:10,761
- so does that mean
You gonna help us ?
- oh, it's on.
1071
01:12:13,546 --> 01:12:16,506
♪♪ [ rap, indistinct ]
1072
01:12:30,520 --> 01:12:34,872
[ crowd chanting ]
Let van stay !
Let van stay ! Let van stay !
1073
01:12:34,915 --> 01:12:37,701
Let van stay !
Let van stay !
1074
01:12:39,616 --> 01:12:42,706
We are now in session.
Mr. Wilder.
1075
01:12:42,749 --> 01:12:47,972
You were found to be in
Violation of article 2, section
"B" of coolidge's bylaws--
1076
01:12:48,015 --> 01:12:50,409
Soliciting of alcohol
To extreme minors,
1077
01:12:50,453 --> 01:12:53,630
Which is grounds
For immediate expulsion.
1078
01:12:53,673 --> 01:12:55,849
You have opted to appeal.
1079
01:12:55,893 --> 01:12:58,852
The floor is yours.
1080
01:12:58,896 --> 01:13:01,681
[ clears throat ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
1081
01:13:07,078 --> 01:13:09,036
As you know, um,
1082
01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:12,039
I've been a student here
For seven years, and I've--
1083
01:13:12,083 --> 01:13:17,218
Let van stay !
Let van stay ! Let van stay !
1084
01:13:17,262 --> 01:13:19,699
- [ people gasping ]
- [ car alarm wailing ]
1085
01:13:19,743 --> 01:13:21,832
[ gavel pounding ] [ moomey ]
Order ! Order !
1086
01:13:21,875 --> 01:13:24,400
Settle down, everyone.
1087
01:13:24,443 --> 01:13:27,925
- continue, mr. Wilder.
- [ man over bullhorn ]
I'm okay.
1088
01:13:27,968 --> 01:13:31,015
I've learned a lot here...
At coolidge.
1089
01:13:31,058 --> 01:13:34,018
Uh, let the record show
That, uh,
1090
01:13:34,061 --> 01:13:36,020
When I attended class,
1091
01:13:36,063 --> 01:13:39,153
I did receive
Exemplary marks.
1092
01:13:39,197 --> 01:13:43,114
However, it was
Only when I met, uh,
A special someone,
1093
01:13:45,464 --> 01:13:48,032
That I realized
What I was doing--
1094
01:13:48,075 --> 01:13:50,469
Hiding.
1095
01:13:50,513 --> 01:13:53,907
See, after this is real life,
And I wasn't ready for that.
1096
01:13:53,951 --> 01:13:56,823
I don't know why exactly.
I do know...
1097
01:13:56,867 --> 01:14:00,261
That I don't wanna end up
Like my father whose whole life
Revolves around work.
1098
01:14:00,305 --> 01:14:02,481
But I see that now.
1099
01:14:02,525 --> 01:14:06,746
And, uh,
I'm ready to move on.
1100
01:14:06,790 --> 01:14:09,445
Well, that's that.
Good luck, loser.
Who's ready for lunch ?
1101
01:14:09,488 --> 01:14:12,491
- mr. Bagg, you will be quiet.
- what's any of this got to do
With the fact...
1102
01:14:12,535 --> 01:14:15,842
That he's guilty
Of an infraction
That deserves expulsion ?
1103
01:14:15,886 --> 01:14:18,671
- mr. Wilder ?
- [ clears throat ]
1104
01:14:22,806 --> 01:14:25,504
I can't argue
Against the infraction.
1105
01:14:25,548 --> 01:14:28,855
I was responsible
For that party, so what
Happened was my fault.
1106
01:14:28,899 --> 01:14:32,946
I'm here to lay myself at the
Mercy of this court and suggest
An alternative punishment.
1107
01:14:34,034 --> 01:14:35,993
Make me graduate.
1108
01:14:36,036 --> 01:14:38,517
If you'll kindly take
A look at my transcripts,
1109
01:14:38,561 --> 01:14:42,129
You'll see that I'm a mere
18 units shy of graduating with
A degree in leisure studies.
1110
01:14:42,173 --> 01:14:45,350
I am pleading to this
Committee, reinstate me.
1111
01:14:45,393 --> 01:14:50,137
Let me audit my last six
Classes, take the finals and
Leave coolidge with a degree.
1112
01:14:54,577 --> 01:14:59,016
God, I've... Bled...
1113
01:14:59,059 --> 01:15:02,498
Crimson and blue
For nearly a decade.
1114
01:15:02,541 --> 01:15:06,458
This school
Has given me so much.
Let me repay coolidge...
1115
01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:09,417
By parting ways
As a graduate.
1116
01:15:11,289 --> 01:15:14,727
[ applause ]
1117
01:15:20,472 --> 01:15:22,822
What are the courses
Mr. Wilder needs in order
To graduate ?
1118
01:15:22,866 --> 01:15:25,738
Biology, english lit,
Calculus, economics,
1119
01:15:25,782 --> 01:15:28,175
Sociology
And political science. Wow.
1120
01:15:28,219 --> 01:15:31,614
- that's quite a load.
- well, van can handle
Quite a load.
1121
01:15:33,790 --> 01:15:37,663
If we expel him,
There could be some sort
Of a coup d'eétat.
1122
01:15:37,707 --> 01:15:41,841
He broke a rule.
He should pay the consequences. Well, let's take a vote.
1123
01:15:41,885 --> 01:15:44,017
There's five of us here.
Majority rules.
1124
01:15:44,061 --> 01:15:46,237
I vote reinstatement.
1125
01:15:46,280 --> 01:15:49,109
Mr. Bagg ?Expulsion.
1126
01:15:49,153 --> 01:15:52,417
Miss haver ?Reinstatement...
1127
01:15:52,460 --> 01:15:54,462
Over and over.
1128
01:15:54,506 --> 01:15:57,074
Okay. Uh, mrs. Seay ?
1129
01:15:57,117 --> 01:16:00,512
- expulsion.
- professor mcdoogle ?
1130
01:16:00,556 --> 01:16:03,297
You know, I've waited
A long, long time
For this day to come.
1131
01:16:03,341 --> 01:16:07,693
Either way, van wilder's tenure
Here at coolidge is over.
1132
01:16:12,263 --> 01:16:14,570
Let's see what
The kid's made of.
1133
01:16:15,875 --> 01:16:17,747
He's in ! He's in !
1134
01:16:28,801 --> 01:16:31,151
Hey, jeannie.Look.
1135
01:16:31,195 --> 01:16:34,067
I just wanted to explain
About the whole, you know,
Richard thing.
1136
01:16:34,111 --> 01:16:37,331
Me and richard's unspoken bond
Blossomed the other night
In one beautiful,
1137
01:16:37,375 --> 01:16:39,507
Symbiotic act.
1138
01:16:39,551 --> 01:16:42,162
- what sort of act ?
- messing up that
Van wilder party.
1139
01:16:43,294 --> 01:16:45,644
And then we bumped uglies.
1140
01:16:45,688 --> 01:16:47,864
It was the best
Ten seconds ever.
1141
01:16:49,735 --> 01:16:54,305
- ever.
- yes, these interviews are
Somewhat of a formality,
1142
01:16:54,348 --> 01:16:58,091
But I think it's crucial
We like-minded people
Get to know one another.
1143
01:17:01,094 --> 01:17:03,357
Gwenny. Gwenny.
1144
01:17:03,401 --> 01:17:06,317
Ah, I knew you'd come
To your senses.Hello, richard.
1145
01:17:06,360 --> 01:17:09,668
All right, look.
I know we have a lot of surgery
To perform on our relationship.
1146
01:17:09,712 --> 01:17:12,802
But right now I am prepping
For the biggest moment
Of our lives.
1147
01:17:12,845 --> 01:17:17,328
I have a written exam first,
And then an interview with
Five northwestern alums.
1148
01:17:17,371 --> 01:17:19,330
[ giggles ]
All doctors.
1149
01:17:19,373 --> 01:17:22,028
That's why I came--
To help make you your shake.
1150
01:17:22,072 --> 01:17:24,291
That'd be terrific, gwenny.I'll see you downstairs.
1151
01:17:24,335 --> 01:17:29,383
Oh, but hurry.
Interview's in a half-hour,
Other side of campus.
1152
01:17:30,776 --> 01:17:33,344
Sorry about that.
1153
01:17:41,134 --> 01:17:45,573
Northwestern !
I am the shit.You certainly will be.
1154
01:17:45,617 --> 01:17:48,272
Oh, gwenny,
Thank you.
1155
01:17:51,449 --> 01:17:53,407
Mmm !
1156
01:17:53,451 --> 01:17:57,020
Good luck, honey.
You deserve it.
1157
01:17:57,063 --> 01:17:59,022
Yeah.
1158
01:18:03,548 --> 01:18:06,246
I certainly do.
[ belches ]
1159
01:18:06,290 --> 01:18:09,032
♪♪ [ pop, indistinct ]
1160
01:18:11,948 --> 01:18:14,864
[ stomach groaning ]
1161
01:18:22,828 --> 01:18:26,310
[ farts ]ow.
1162
01:18:26,353 --> 01:18:29,966
[ loud farting ]
1163
01:18:39,845 --> 01:18:42,587
[ stomach gurgling ][ whimpers ]
1164
01:18:46,112 --> 01:18:48,114
[ loud farting ]
1165
01:18:49,376 --> 01:18:52,336
[ indistinct ]
1166
01:18:59,560 --> 01:19:02,738
- [ farts ]
- [ groans ]
1167
01:19:04,696 --> 01:19:07,568
[ panting ]
1168
01:19:10,049 --> 01:19:13,226
Cytosine.Nothin' but net, my man.
1169
01:19:13,270 --> 01:19:17,187
Now remember,
Before any final,
Take a pregame dump.
1170
01:19:17,230 --> 01:19:20,233
- [ farts ]
- [ whimpering ]
1171
01:19:21,974 --> 01:19:24,498
[ loud moan ]
1172
01:19:28,764 --> 01:19:30,722
[ farting continues ]
1173
01:19:33,203 --> 01:19:35,988
Thanks for coming in.
You did a great job,
Really.
1174
01:19:36,032 --> 01:19:38,817
Richard ! I was just
Talking about you.[ stomach gurgles ]
1175
01:19:38,861 --> 01:19:41,515
Hey, surprise.
I'm on your oral exam board.
1176
01:19:41,559 --> 01:19:44,388
Look, come in here.
I want you to meet
Your future alumni.
1177
01:19:44,431 --> 01:19:46,433
I gotta go--no, come on.
It's a great time.
1178
01:19:46,477 --> 01:19:48,914
Look, it's richard. [ stomach rumbling ]
1179
01:19:48,958 --> 01:19:52,613
Finished his written exam
In only 20 minutes.
This kid is a dynamo.
1180
01:19:52,657 --> 01:19:55,094
Richard, I want you to meet
Dr. Stern.
1181
01:19:55,138 --> 01:19:58,663
- dr. Fine.
- it's a pleasure
To meet you, mr. Bagg.
1182
01:19:58,706 --> 01:20:01,144
- I've heard a lot about you.
- [ whimpering ]
1183
01:20:01,187 --> 01:20:04,147
Dr. Brown. These orals are something
Of a formality.
1184
01:20:04,190 --> 01:20:07,933
- we just want to
Get to know you better.
- [ stomach rumbling ]
1185
01:20:07,977 --> 01:20:09,630
And dr. Smelnick.
1186
01:20:09,674 --> 01:20:12,851
Richard, is there something
You want to say ?
1187
01:20:12,895 --> 01:20:16,333
You look like you want
To get something out, son.
1188
01:20:18,639 --> 01:20:20,511
[ loud farting ]
1189
01:20:20,554 --> 01:20:24,602
- oh, my god !
- [ screaming ]
1190
01:20:25,516 --> 01:20:29,085
[ farting ]
1191
01:20:29,128 --> 01:20:32,392
- vile.
- oh, it burns !
[ gasps ]
1192
01:20:34,220 --> 01:20:38,355
- I'm bleeding !
- dear god, that's wretched.
1193
01:20:38,398 --> 01:20:39,704
[ farts ][ screams ]
1194
01:21:02,379 --> 01:21:05,164
"Oh, I kept the first
For another day.
1195
01:21:05,208 --> 01:21:08,167
"Yet knowing how way
Leads on to way,
1196
01:21:08,211 --> 01:21:11,257
I doubted if I should
Ever come back."
1197
01:21:11,301 --> 01:21:14,391
I want you to tell me what
Robert frost was trying
To express here.
1198
01:21:14,434 --> 01:21:16,784
I'm gonna need at least
One more booklet.
1199
01:21:16,828 --> 01:21:19,875
What ? [ tv reporter ]
In other school news,
1200
01:21:19,918 --> 01:21:22,529
We have an update
On the "Wilder watch."
1201
01:21:22,573 --> 01:21:25,837
A rigorous day has been
A success for van the man.
1202
01:21:25,881 --> 01:21:30,407
Five finals in the can
With professor mcdoogle's
Advanced econ final to go.
1203
01:21:30,450 --> 01:21:33,062
Van ? Van !
1204
01:21:33,105 --> 01:21:36,369
Van ! Van, wake up,
Wake up, wake up.Okay.
1205
01:21:36,413 --> 01:21:38,981
Your final's in exactly
Seven minutes !All right.
1206
01:21:39,024 --> 01:21:41,984
♪♪ [ rock ]
1207
01:21:43,333 --> 01:21:45,857
[ man ]
♪ it's funny how
You're the same ♪
1208
01:21:45,901 --> 01:21:48,991
♪ I never want to
Go back ♪
1209
01:21:49,034 --> 01:21:52,168
♪ and I'm sorry
I ever came ♪♪
1210
01:21:52,211 --> 01:21:54,387
It's the moment of truth,
People.
1211
01:22:05,703 --> 01:22:07,705
[ bell tolling ][ grunts ]
1212
01:22:07,748 --> 01:22:12,405
Ah, mr. Wilder. I'm so
Glad you could fit us into
Your schedule this morning.
1213
01:22:12,449 --> 01:22:14,973
Wouldn't miss it
For the world, sir.
1214
01:22:16,148 --> 01:22:17,976
All right.
1215
01:22:18,020 --> 01:22:21,066
Pass these out.
Thank you.
1216
01:22:41,695 --> 01:22:44,394
It's getting to be
That time of the hour.
1217
01:22:47,963 --> 01:22:52,750
And your time is up,
Mr. Wilder. Pencils down.
1218
01:22:57,668 --> 01:22:59,539
Thank you.
1219
01:22:59,583 --> 01:23:01,628
[ gwen ] for four years,
I have been grooming myself
For the real world.
1220
01:23:01,672 --> 01:23:06,242
And I, like many of us, define
The real world as the stuff
That happens after graduation.
1221
01:23:06,285 --> 01:23:10,986
But I was wrong.
It took a man by the name
Of van wilder to teach me that.
1222
01:23:11,029 --> 01:23:13,771
You've all undoubtedly
Been to one of van's parties.
1223
01:23:13,814 --> 01:23:17,079
He's probably touched
Your life in someway,
Whether you know it or not.
1224
01:23:17,122 --> 01:23:19,690
Watch van do belly flops
Into a pool,
1225
01:23:19,733 --> 01:23:24,477
But make sure you see
That he's raised $5,000 to give
The swim team a next season.
1226
01:23:24,521 --> 01:23:27,741
As you're all aware,
Van was almost expelled.
1227
01:23:27,785 --> 01:23:31,963
What you probably don't know
Is that he was set up by a
Pathetic, egomaniacal frat boy,
1228
01:23:32,007 --> 01:23:35,184
One who this reporter
Knows firsthand to have
A serious problem...
1229
01:23:35,227 --> 01:23:38,143
With premature ejaculation. [ farts ]
1230
01:23:38,187 --> 01:23:40,580
And in reaction
To this lynching,
1231
01:23:40,624 --> 01:23:44,236
Van put in more effort
In six days than most
Have all semester.
1232
01:23:44,280 --> 01:23:49,024
Win or lose, we should thank him
For reminding us what
We're all capable of.
1233
01:23:49,067 --> 01:23:51,287
That's simply what he does--
1234
01:23:51,330 --> 01:23:54,203
He inspires the uninspired.
1235
01:23:58,946 --> 01:24:02,863
Van. Hurry. The night
Of fun and fornication's
Upon us.
1236
01:24:02,907 --> 01:24:04,996
Hey, have you heard
From gwen ?
1237
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:08,130
Um, no, she--
She hasn't yet called back.
1238
01:24:08,173 --> 01:24:11,046
Right. I'll be down
In a minute, okay ?
1239
01:24:11,089 --> 01:24:13,352
Okay.See ya, "V."
1240
01:24:19,010 --> 01:24:20,925
[ knocking ]
1241
01:24:29,673 --> 01:24:31,675
Wilder.
1242
01:24:31,718 --> 01:24:33,894
Mcdoogle.
1243
01:24:33,938 --> 01:24:37,855
Jesus. This is some pad
You got here.
1244
01:24:37,898 --> 01:24:40,162
Decorated in early fuck.
1245
01:24:45,080 --> 01:24:48,344
Well, I made it a point
To personally come
Down here, wilder.
1246
01:24:48,387 --> 01:24:50,607
I wanted to give you the results
Of your test firsthand.
1247
01:24:50,650 --> 01:24:53,088
And just as I expected,
1248
01:24:54,219 --> 01:24:56,830
You succeeded.
1249
01:24:56,874 --> 01:24:59,094
Ninety-one percent.What ?
1250
01:25:00,747 --> 01:25:02,706
I'm proud of you, wilder.
1251
01:25:02,749 --> 01:25:05,143
I've been waiting all these
Years for you to realize
Your potential.
1252
01:25:05,187 --> 01:25:07,145
That's why you and I
Had friction ?
1253
01:25:07,189 --> 01:25:10,409
I thought it was
'cause I fooled around with
Your daughter freshman year.
1254
01:25:10,453 --> 01:25:14,674
Why ? What--
You fooled around
With my daughter ?
1255
01:25:14,718 --> 01:25:17,024
What ?
1256
01:25:17,068 --> 01:25:19,984
♪♪ [ rock ]
1257
01:25:33,302 --> 01:25:35,260
Hey, I know you.
1258
01:25:35,304 --> 01:25:37,697
Thank you very much.You're the best, van.
1259
01:25:37,741 --> 01:25:40,222
Hey, I couldn't have
Did it without you.
Appreciate it.
1260
01:25:40,265 --> 01:25:44,182
I need you to fill up
The whole thing with ice.
Pack as much as you can inside.
1261
01:25:44,226 --> 01:25:47,577
Okay ? Excuse me.
I'm sorry.I'm sorry.
1262
01:25:47,620 --> 01:25:49,535
Hi.
1263
01:25:49,579 --> 01:25:52,495
My name is
Orissa punjab nizamabad.
1264
01:25:52,538 --> 01:25:56,194
- hi.
- I've just transferred here
From banglapur.
1265
01:26:04,985 --> 01:26:07,814
Hey. Excuse me.
Can you tell me...
1266
01:26:07,858 --> 01:26:10,469
Where I might find
The raddest fucking
Dude alive ?
1267
01:26:10,513 --> 01:26:13,429
Yeah, by the pool, gramps.
1268
01:26:13,472 --> 01:26:17,215
Hey, I know you, man !
Oh, fuck.
1269
01:26:17,259 --> 01:26:20,218
Congratulations, van.
I knew you had it in you.
1270
01:26:23,395 --> 01:26:25,571
Dad ! I can't believe
You're here.
1271
01:26:25,615 --> 01:26:27,573
I can't believe
You graduated.
1272
01:26:27,617 --> 01:26:31,664
A friend of yours...
Sent me this.
1273
01:26:33,100 --> 01:26:36,582
I'm proud of you, van,
Graduation or no graduation.
1274
01:26:36,626 --> 01:26:39,498
Thank you. And I'm...
Sorry that I spent...
1275
01:26:39,542 --> 01:26:42,980
Such a buttload of
Your money for so long.[ chuckles ]
1276
01:26:43,023 --> 01:26:46,375
It's by far
The best investment
I ever made.
1277
01:26:56,167 --> 01:26:59,214
- you did good.
- let's get this man "Leid."
1278
01:26:59,257 --> 01:27:02,391
[ chuckles ]
Meet my new girl.
1279
01:27:02,434 --> 01:27:04,393
Hi.
1280
01:27:10,442 --> 01:27:12,488
[ man ]
♪ I feel so peculiar
1281
01:27:12,531 --> 01:27:15,186
♪ I'm not one bit afraid
1282
01:27:15,230 --> 01:27:17,710
♪ no way
1283
01:27:17,754 --> 01:27:20,017
You look...
1284
01:27:20,060 --> 01:27:23,020
So, uh, wow.
1285
01:27:23,063 --> 01:27:26,110
Wow.I was hoping
You'd say that.
1286
01:27:27,764 --> 01:27:30,506
♪ hello, hello
1287
01:27:30,549 --> 01:27:32,899
♪ won't you come right in
1288
01:27:34,336 --> 01:27:37,991
May I ?As long as
We cuddle afterwards.
1289
01:27:42,257 --> 01:27:46,609
There's so much
That I need to say--
The article--
1290
01:27:54,181 --> 01:27:56,706
I was scared
That you wouldn't come.
1291
01:27:56,749 --> 01:27:59,839
Well, I was trying
To decide what panties
I should wear.
1292
01:27:59,883 --> 01:28:02,799
Which ones did you choose ?
1293
01:28:02,842 --> 01:28:05,323
None.
1294
01:28:11,286 --> 01:28:13,244
♪ hello, hello
1295
01:28:13,288 --> 01:28:15,333
♪ won't you come right in
1296
01:28:15,377 --> 01:28:19,685
♪ I'd give anything
Just to see you again ♪
1297
01:28:19,729 --> 01:28:21,600
♪ hello, hello
1298
01:28:21,644 --> 01:28:23,863
♪ won't you come right in
1299
01:28:23,907 --> 01:28:28,172
♪ step into my world
Where you know you're ♪
1300
01:28:28,215 --> 01:28:30,217
♪ hello, hello
1301
01:28:30,261 --> 01:28:32,481
♪ won't you come right in
1302
01:28:32,524 --> 01:28:36,702
♪ I'd give anything
Just to see you again ♪
1303
01:28:36,746 --> 01:28:40,532
♪ hello, hello
Won't you come right in ♪♪
1304
01:28:40,576 --> 01:28:42,926
♪♪ [ rock ]
1305
01:28:45,407 --> 01:28:47,191
[ groans ]
1306
01:28:47,234 --> 01:28:50,194
[ whimpering ]
1307
01:28:53,023 --> 01:28:55,242
It's gonna be
A bachelor party--
1308
01:28:55,286 --> 01:28:58,245
One last night
Of debauchery
With the fellas.
1309
01:29:08,081 --> 01:29:10,345
- you can't even-- oh.
- oh.
1310
01:29:10,388 --> 01:29:12,390
I mean, this girl is--
[ gasps ]
1311
01:29:13,826 --> 01:29:17,221
I was wondering-- I'll do it.
1312
01:29:21,530 --> 01:29:24,663
I'm getting
My shit together.
Just one second.
1313
01:29:24,707 --> 01:29:27,057
I can't do this !
1314
01:29:31,409 --> 01:29:33,672
[ dog whimpers ]
1315
01:29:33,716 --> 01:29:37,023
[ crew laughing ]aah !
1316
01:29:37,067 --> 01:29:39,591
Oh, man. My mama never
Told me I'd be doing this.
1317
01:29:39,635 --> 01:29:41,637
[ crew laughing ]
1318
01:29:41,680 --> 01:29:43,682
I want to chew the--
1319
01:29:43,726 --> 01:29:45,858
And then--
[ growling ]
I don't know how.
1320
01:29:51,821 --> 01:29:55,128
[ crew laughing ]
1321
01:29:55,172 --> 01:29:59,742
This is what
White jockey blowin'
Hookers will do to you.
1322
01:30:08,054 --> 01:30:11,014
[ crew laughing ]
1323
01:30:14,974 --> 01:30:16,889
♪♪ [ ends ]
109492
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