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1
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:24,158
*
2
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:29,330
JEEF:
Cardassian disruptor,
Klingon disruptor,
3
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,332
Romulan disruptor.
why are we throwing out
4
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,665
so many disruptors?
5
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,102
Orders from the Grand Nagus.
6
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,370
No more arms sales.
We're going straight.
7
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,506
But these are worth a fortune.
8
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,607
Rom doesn't care.
9
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,442
He says equality and hospitality
10
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,177
are more profitable
in the long run.
11
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,912
I want to be rich now.
12
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,614
What even is this thing?
13
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,616
Careful!
That's a Genesis Device!
14
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,451
No, it isn't.
It's too small.
15
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,520
It's an updated
portable version.
16
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,622
These are used
to terraform planets.
17
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,490
You could have rearranged
our molecules.
18
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,559
We should rearrange
the captain's molecules
19
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,594
for leaving so much latinum
on the table.
20
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:03,063
We could buy a ship with this.
Maybe even a fleet.
21
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:06,267
Gem doesn't care.
He thinks Rom is the next Lonz.
22
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,602
-(alarm blares)
-We're under attack!
23
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,839
(chuckles)
Right on time.
24
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:20,514
Move us away from that ship.
Full impulse.
25
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,550
But, Captain, they could be
looking to trade.
26
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,586
It's always good business
to know about new customers
27
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:26,820
before they walk in your door.
28
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:29,157
Ah, ah.
Rule of acquisition 62:
29
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:32,025
"The riskier the road,
the greater the profit."
30
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,494
Come on, get on with it.
31
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,763
Jeef, you're up to something.
I can smell it.
32
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:37,497
I don't know
what you're talking about.
33
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,633
You're only here
as a favor to my cousin.
34
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:42,002
I never trusted you.
Throw him out the airlock!
35
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,604
They told me
we would make a profit.
36
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,539
GEM:
I knew it!
37
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,907
They're firing at us!
38
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:50,043
(screaming)
39
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,783
*
40
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,102
*
41
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,639
*
42
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:05,919
FREEMAN:
Captain's log, stardate 58901..
43
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:09,056
The Cerritos has traveled
to Ferenginar.
44
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,825
The Ferengi leadership is
submitting a formal application
45
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:14,462
to begin the process
of joining the Federation--
46
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:17,298
an alliance that could benefit
the entire quadrant.
47
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:20,000
This may just be a first step,
48
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,936
but it's still
a historic occasion.
49
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,838
I hope you've been practicing
your notarizing.
50
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,275
You are about to witness
the quickest signing
51
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:28,476
in Starfleet history.
52
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,110
These are the Ferengi, Admiral.
53
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,812
I think we should be
prepared for...
54
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,814
A cakewalk? (scoffs)
We're not dealing with
55
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,149
the old Ferenginar anymore.
Rom and Leeta
56
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,185
have brought
so much progressive change,
57
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,521
it makes Moab IV inside the dome
58
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,324
look like Moab IV
outside the dome.
59
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,259
(laughs)
60
00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:47,828
Well, you-you'd get it
if you'd ever been to Moab IV.
61
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:50,364
Respectfully, sir,
the tenth rule of acquisition...
62
00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:52,566
Whoever's been attacking ships
across the quadrant
63
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,402
has disrupted
their trade routes.
64
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,537
Rom is desperate
for Federation resources.
65
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,872
This is just an application.
We'll be in and out in no time.
66
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,207
-(door whooshes open)
-(assistant clears throat)
67
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,909
Announcing Grand Nagus Rom
68
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,644
and First Clerk Leeta.
69
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,013
Welcome, Grand Nagus.
70
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:09,216
I am honored to have you
aboard the Toronto.
71
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,751
The pleasure is ours, Admiral.
72
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:14,054
We offer you this ceremonial
bust of good fortune.
73
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,122
Oh, thank you.
74
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:17,491
The likeness
is quite flattering.
75
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,527
We also offer you
the ceremonial invoice
76
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,094
for the bust of good fortune.
77
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,596
How much is... Oh, my.
78
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:23,997
In the spirit of unity,
79
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,567
we gave you the "friends
and family" discount.
80
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,603
-Um, did you bring any latinum?
-(sighs)
81
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,005
RUTHERFORD:
See here on the stabilizers?
82
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,507
I was thinking
if we repositioned the...
83
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:34,742
-Matrix?
-We could...
84
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,109
-Beef up the dampeners?
-And...
85
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,278
-Get a .005% smoother ride.
-I was gonna say
86
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,814
win engineering's "most
beefed-up dampener" competition,
87
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,049
but, yeah, that, too.
88
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:44,352
-(both laughing)
-Mariner, geez.
89
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,286
You've been weathering
that stem bolt for so long,
90
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,722
it probably can't even
self-seal anymore. What's up?
91
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,724
Nothing. I'm doing great.
Uh, Ransom
92
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,526
is supportive of everything
I want to do.
93
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:53,927
For the first time in years,
94
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,063
I have total autonomy
and zero complaints.
95
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:58,666
So, why are you sitting here
looking pissed off?
96
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,200
Stop staring at me. Shut up.
97
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,635
Lieutenant junior grades.
98
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,103
Lieutenant juniors grade?
99
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,805
Lieutenants junior grade?
Whatever.
100
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,307
You four just pulled the most
coveted job at Starfleet.
101
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,877
BOTH:
Balancing the positron
compression chamber?!
102
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,945
No.
Travel guide duty!
103
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,313
I thought that was a myth.
104
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:14,915
What's travel guide duty?
105
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:17,385
Starfleet has travel guides
for all habitable planets.
106
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:21,121
The file for Ferenginar hasn't
been updated in years, so...
107
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,757
Starfleet's gonna foot the bill
for us to go to as many bars,
108
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,759
restaurants, bars,
hotels, pubs, bars,
109
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,828
saloons, cantinas and bars
as we want.
110
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,797
Also museums, historical sites,
111
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,832
but, basically, yeah,
it's mostly bars.
112
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,901
Oh. How many places
do people usually review?
113
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:35,403
I don't know.
Four or five?
114
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,670
Great.
I'm gonna do 40.
115
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:38,005
I'll pack my schedule so full
116
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,040
that I do everything
and enjoy nothing.
117
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,609
It's not a contest, Lieutenant.
118
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:42,909
-You can take your...
-Sir,
119
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,211
I'm only a lieutenant
junior grade.
120
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,746
I have everything to prove.
(gasps)
121
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,415
I need to make an itinerary!
122
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,016
(whimpering)
123
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,350
Does he drink a lot of coffee?
124
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:51,485
-Oh, yeah.
-Mm-hmm, tons.
125
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:52,853
We also need someone to act
126
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,455
as a couple.
And since the Cerritos is
127
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,857
statistically the horniest
and least romantically committed
128
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,593
crew in Starfleet, we have
no married officers aboard.
129
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:02,329
You want us to pretend
to be married and review stuff?
130
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,231
-Oh, that sounds hilarious.
-(giggles)
131
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,299
Yeah, we're already such a good
team, we finish each other's...
132
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,469
-Diophantine equations.
-(laughing)
133
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,439
Maybe I should have
Honus and Nurse Westlake
134
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,773
take a crack at it.
135
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,742
Commander, we are
an expert science team.
136
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,010
I'm pretty sure
we can handle a fake romance.
137
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,480
-Let's go get packed, honey.
-(snorts)
138
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,882
(laughing)
139
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,150
You pulled some strings
to get us assigned
140
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,585
to travel guide duty,
didn't you?
141
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:25,919
I might have had
something to do with it.
142
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,855
Ugh, why is it so weird
when you're nice?
143
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,690
Because I'm also so handsome.
144
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,358
Total package.
145
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,793
(grumbles)
146
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:38,131
Wow.
147
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:40,300
-(giggles)
-(exclaims)
148
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,681
Wow. Oh, it's like
what heaven would look like
149
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,382
if God was stupid.
150
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,217
Oh, I'm just
so excited to haggle at
151
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,786
the Museum of Gambling.
(gasps)
152
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,387
Oh, and gamble
at the Museum of Haggling!
153
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,056
Let's go find the
honeymoon suite, pudding bear.
154
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,692
Right this way, muffin skunk.
155
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:05,793
-(laughing)
-Excellent cutesy speak.
156
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,628
Yeah, just nice and natural
157
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:08,762
and definitely
the way people talk.
158
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,163
Now, if you'll excuse me,
159
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,632
I promised a friend
I'd meet up with him.
160
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,166
And I have to squeeze
161
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,068
an unforgiving amount
of experiences into my day.
162
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,471
-We sound natural, right?
-Totally.
163
00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:19,740
We got married at a wedding.
164
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,143
This way, my sweet wife.
165
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:25,212
I'm so excited to wake you up
from a deep sleep
166
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,047
whenever it sounds like
you're having a nightmare.
167
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,982
And I'm excited to know
how you like your hamburgers
168
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,784
so I can order them for you
and ask the waiter
169
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,284
to take it back
when they've made it wrong.
170
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,321
I'm not gonna feel weird
about using your toothbrush
171
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,156
because our gums
are in a partnership.
172
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,158
Yeah, and I'm gonna
wear your gym shorts around
173
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,260
our shared quarters
with nothing up top
174
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,063
because who cares about nudity
with our situation?
175
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:46,634
-(chuckles) You-you are?
-Sure. I, uh...
176
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,802
I love being married
to my husband.
177
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,838
I love you, too.
178
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,474
You know what, maybe we should
just go back to the ship.
179
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:57,110
Yeah, pretending to be married
is kind of weird.
180
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,478
-Let's...
-FERENGI: Ah!
181
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:01,582
Our Starfleet VIPs.
Attention, everyone.
182
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,618
These young lovers
are getting a great deal.
183
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:05,986
(guests gasping)
184
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,056
(guests cheering)
185
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,569
All right.
(grunts)
186
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:25,072
Dropping bags off in hotel room
is off the list.
187
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,074
We got the for-profit minibar,
the for-profit toilet,
188
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,842
the machine that charges you
to pay for the toilet
189
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:29,910
and the minibar.
190
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,812
View screen works.
191
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,346
That's everything.
192
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,948
I give this hotel
a nine out of ten.
193
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,318
Now, off to the Museum
of Bribery.
194
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,120
(music playing)
195
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,688
Oh, weird.
A what-you-call-it--
196
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,557
a "commer-seal"?
197
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,058
Ooh.
198
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:50,864
-Aah!
-You're fired.
199
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:53,767
ANNOUNCER:
Slug-O Cola. This happens
to everyone who drinks it.
200
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,803
(laughs)
They just lie to you?
201
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,805
Hilarious.
Well, time to head out.
202
00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:01,308
ANNOUNCER:
And now, Pog & Dar:
Cop Landlords.
203
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,176
-(funky music playing)
-Huh? Mm.
204
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,713
This is like a holo-novel,
but way sleazier.
205
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,147
(both shouting)
206
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,017
POG:
You're making my partner mad.
207
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,185
-Just sign the lease, dirtbag.
-MALE: No.
208
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,955
(indistinct conversations)
209
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:18,992
Hey, Quimp.
210
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:22,162
Well, if it isn't
my favorite pathetic human.
211
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,798
-Is that a new pip I see?
-Uh, yep.
212
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:27,668
-I'm an LJG again, for now.
-(laughs)
213
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,502
Congratulations.
I never thought
214
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,471
you'd dig your way
out of crashing that Oberth.
215
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,207
Ditto. Still, being
a lieutenant kind of sucks.
216
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,010
My stupid mentor won't stop
trying to make feel like
217
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,012
a valued part of the team.
218
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,148
Oh, sounds like
a real nightmare.
219
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,549
You would hate it, too.
But whatever.
220
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,284
You know, I'm excited
to leave all that behind
221
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,086
-so we can hang.
-Read my mind.
222
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,421
Hey, maybe some brunch?
Casual meal with some yogurt.
223
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,790
Two shots of Cardassian tequila
and a dagger of the mind
224
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,192
-on the rocks.
-Wow.
225
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,027
That's pretty hard
for 10:00 a.m.
226
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,363
It's 10:00 a.m.?
Ooh, make it three shots.
227
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:59,532
Ha! I'll have the same.
It'll be fun to let loose.
228
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:00,868
Uh, yeah. I need it.
229
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,402
Where'd you even get that one?
230
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:05,005
-He didn't bring the drinks yet.
-Do we care?
231
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,674
-(glass shatters)
-MALE: Hey!
232
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,677
VASSERY:
Now, Mr. Grand Nagus...
233
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,912
-Just Nagus.
-Sorry. Nagus.
234
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,547
Grand Nagus.
235
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,151
Now that we have paid
our ceremonial invoice,
236
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:19,720
perhaps we should focus
on the application?
237
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,254
Uh, it's a boilerplate...
238
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:24,191
Ooh! Do you still play baseball?
We should put in there
239
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:25,993
that Ferenginar
gets to play baseball.
240
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,627
I like baseball.
It's fun.
241
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:30,764
I think we can slip that in.
(chuckles)
242
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:34,534
If that's the type of adjustment
you need to get this done.
243
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,170
I'm just a former bartender,
but I was looking at the numbers
244
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:39,773
and was wondering
if they could be different.
245
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,642
Different numbers?
I'm not sure what you mean.
246
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,011
-Just a moment, my love.
-(gasps)
247
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,379
Oh. Baseball.
248
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:50,117
Listen, my husband isn't exactly
a shrewd businessman.
249
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,785
He just likes to feel involved.
250
00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,854
Ah, I think I see what you mean.
251
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:56,189
Play ball!
252
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,424
(laughs)
253
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,326
-Admiral, a word, please?
-Stand down, Captain.
254
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,428
You were saying, First Clerk?
255
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,096
If we can open up the document
256
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:05,232
and let him shuffle around
a couple of numbers,
257
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,834
he'll feel like
he accomplished something.
258
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,669
-I don't see
any problem with that.
-(clears throat)
259
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:12,706
This is a classic dumb cop/
reasonable cop routine.
260
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:15,442
The terms of the membership
application are locked,
261
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,878
-but if we open them up...
-Thank you for
the input, Captain,
262
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,279
but we'll be fine.
263
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:20,480
-He's practically a child.
-ROM: One, two,
264
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,949
-three strikes.
-(glass shatters)
265
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,216
-You're out.
-VASSERY: Grand Nagus,
266
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,617
I've just reopened the contract.
267
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,319
Why don't you show me
some of the numbers
268
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,455
that seem wrong,
and we'll fix them together?
269
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,358
We'll start on page 11,
subsection B,
270
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,560
incentivization vis-à-vis
the great Ferengi people
271
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:36,363
and our reluctant acceptance
of your Federation.
272
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,331
-She means bribes.
-Then we'll move
273
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,934
to the tariffs on Ferengi
exports to outlying territories.
274
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:43,236
DAR:
Freeze! You're under arrest
for having a pet
275
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,438
over 25 pounds
in one of my units.
276
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,175
He was 20 pounds when I got hi.
I swear... (shouts)
277
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,243
-Aah!
-Aah!
278
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,511
DAR: You just surrendered
your deposit
279
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,281
-and your life.
-(Pog coughing)
280
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,183
I'm not gonna make it, partner.
281
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,818
Hey, you hang on
one second, buddy.
282
00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,453
I just need to enjoy
the crisp, refreshing taste
283
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,422
-of a Slug-O Cola.
-(laughs)
284
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:05,058
Oh, they put commercials
in the shows?
285
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,260
It's like mind control.
286
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,962
Transfer your latinum to me,
287
00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:10,998
or I'll tell everyone
you supported tenants' rights.
288
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,866
(coughs)
I'm proud to be scammed
289
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,536
by a landlord cop as conniving
as you, partner.
290
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,438
(groans)
291
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,508
Okay, I guess
I should finally do my...
292
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,110
ANNOUNCER: Up next--
Will They, Won't They?
293
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,477
The workplace sitcom
where everyone
294
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:25,612
is secretly in love
with each other.
295
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:26,780
I'm sorry, what?
296
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,249
Oh, Blongo,
I don't know what to do.
297
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,118
I'm secretly in love with Nilm,
298
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,719
but she's engaged to Bok,
299
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,321
-who's always extremely...
-(scoffs)
300
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,223
This kind of hacky,
lowest-common-denominator
301
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,858
schlock won't work on me.
302
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:41,294
-...her flirtations with Kret.
-But I better watch
303
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,630
so officers who aren't
as resilient as I am
304
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:44,998
will know what to avoid.
305
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,466
But you should go for it.
306
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,936
Even though I'm secretly
in love with you.
307
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,004
*
308
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,941
Whew! I'm so grateful everything
is shaped like a heart,
309
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:56,709
or else I'd forget that
I'm here for romantic reasons.
310
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,111
Yeah, it's like,
who decided that hearts
311
00:12:58,145 --> 00:12:59,479
are the universal symbol
for love?
312
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,281
If anything,
it should be kissy lips
313
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:04,051
or gorgeous green eyes.
Or something.
314
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,418
-What?
-(door whooshes open)
315
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,588
Knock-knock! It's me, Parth,
your hug-cierge.
316
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,523
It's time for your
couple's photo session.
317
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,125
-BOTH: Our what?
-Put on these outfits.
318
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,393
-(chuckles nervously)
-Uh, okay.
319
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,863
RUTHERFORD:
Uh, I'm almost ready.
320
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,697
TENDI:
(grunts) Me, too.
321
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,933
-Mm...
-Uh... Aah!
322
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:21,334
(both grumble quietly)
323
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:24,771
(gasps)
Wow. You look so handsome.
324
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:25,973
Thanks.
325
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,208
And you look, uh... captivating?
326
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,677
Sorry, I'm trying
to make my mind come up
327
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:31,879
with a less intense word,
328
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,882
but hoo-boy,
is it extremely warm in here?
329
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,249
You bet it is, soldier.
330
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:39,086
Now, let's commemorate
your love!
331
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,388
Ooh, shameless.
332
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,890
Really press
yourselves together.
333
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,691
Publicly display that affection.
334
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,159
I think that's enough.
335
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,761
No problem.
We'll move on to the lingerie.
336
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:49,897
-Aah!
-Aah!
337
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,464
Sorry, can't!
Late for dinner.
338
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,804
*
339
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:00,607
ALL:
Dabo!
340
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,509
(laughs)
Damn, Quimp, I got to admit--
341
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:03,810
at first I was skeptical,
342
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,613
but Ferengi public libraries
go hard.
343
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:10,450
I told you, nobody's read a book
in here in a thousand years.
344
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,785
(slurping)
Wow.
345
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,788
You can still drink an alarming
amount of glowing alien liquors,
346
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:18,658
-but I must call it.
-No, you can't take off now.
347
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,227
We haven't even gotten
to the part of the night
348
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,229
-where we regret stuff.
-Yeah, that
349
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,631
-sounds fun. Oh!
-(grunts) Oh, my goodness.
350
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:27,534
-A thousand apologies, good sir.
-Oh, not a worry at all.
351
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,502
Did you just
spill a drink on my friend?
352
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,104
I've been a proper fool.
And, of course,
353
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,405
-I'll reimburse...
-You better
354
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:33,706
get ready to reimburse me for
355
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,542
a new 'burse shirt,
too, butt-ass,
356
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,810
'cause this one's about to be
soaked in your blood.
357
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:40,914
Madam, please. I'm just trying
to enjoy an evening out
358
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,749
with the rest of my biker gang.
359
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:45,752
Sounds like this guy's
all bark and no fight!
360
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:48,221
(grunting)
361
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,991
(laughs, groans)
362
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,960
(shouts)
363
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,195
Oh, Mariner. Ow!
364
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,668
-(Rom humming tune)
-VASSERY: (sighs)
So we'll adjust
365
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,604
the table on page 17
concerning exchange rates.
366
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,073
That would be satisfactory.
367
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,707
I believe we're almost
wrapped up.
368
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,210
Ooh, I have an idea.
Let's finish at my palace.
369
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,878
Much better photo op
for the signing,
370
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,281
plus all my favorite
baseballs are there.
371
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,249
Oh, yeah, yeah,
if that's what it takes, fine.
372
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,584
(clears throat)
373
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,119
He's making you feel
like you're close,
374
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,488
then delaying to make you
frustrated enough
375
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,191
-to sign anything.
-I can't tell the council
376
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:26,326
we failed
at the simplest of tasks.
377
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,261
All Rom cares about is baseball,
378
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,998
and all Leeta cares about
is fine print.
379
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,533
I... I can do this.
380
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,469
*
381
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,475
The Starfleet Experience
Bar & Grill?
382
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:43,910
Huh. Maybe this will
feel like we're at work.
383
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,379
Ooh, look! The waiter's
wearing one of those
384
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,048
old velour uniforms that
used to catch fire all the time.
385
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,082
(both gasp)
386
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:52,352
Oh, good eye, muffin... top.
387
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:53,786
(both sigh)
388
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,455
Do you think maybe we could--
I don't know--
389
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:56,923
just go back to acting
like friends for a bit?
390
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,459
Yes. Oh, man,
I'm so glad you said something.
391
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,727
Yeah.
Who knew pretending to be
392
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,762
in a relationship
with each other would be
393
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,897
-more nerve-racking
than sealing a radiation leak?
-Yeah.
394
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,600
Let's just keep it strictly
friend stuff from now on.
395
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:08,568
Agreed.
396
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:09,836
-Hello, lovers.
-BOTH: Aah!
397
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,004
I'm so sorry.
398
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:12,805
The waiter gave you
the standard menus.
399
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,307
-(glass shatters)
-MALE: Hey!
-He didn't know you were
400
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,076
here for our
deluxe romance package.
401
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:19,046
Parth, buddy,
you're a top-notch hug-cierge,
402
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,880
-but we have to come clean.
-(alarm blares)
403
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:23,183
Just a second.
Hold that thought.
404
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,185
-Well, well, well.
-(alarm stops)
405
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,519
It looks like we've caught
406
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,321
two people lying about
being a couple
407
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:31,158
to defraud our company
out of a discount.
408
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:35,195
This is, of course, one
of Ferenginar's worst felonies.
409
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,996
So these two
are hereby sentenced
410
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:40,967
to a lifetime working
in the subaquatic sulfur mines!
411
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,669
(sighs)
Sorry about that.
412
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,737
Enforcing the law is my least
favorite part of the job,
413
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:47,107
but one that I take
with deadly seriousness.
414
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,775
Anyhoo, what were you admitting
415
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,410
before I sentenced
those two liars
416
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,479
to a life of misery?
417
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,548
That we are more in love
than ever before!
418
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:58,785
-That's right, smumpy.
-Oh, good.
419
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:01,888
Now for the most
romantic meal possible.
420
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,656
RUTHERFORD:
Sexy chocolate statues
421
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,392
of each other for dinner?
422
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,026
-Great.
-It's customary
423
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,061
that after every bite
you tell the whole restaurant
424
00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:11,198
something you find attractive
about each other.
425
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,367
The chairs can detect
if you're lying, so be sincere.
426
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,002
(cheering, whooping)
427
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,609
MARINER:
Oh, thanks for bailing me
out of jail.
428
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,645
Do you understand how many
people I just had to bribe
429
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,646
to keep your little
drunken fistfight
430
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,816
from ruining Starfleet's
diplomatic mission?
431
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:31,284
(retches)
432
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,120
Hey, you know me, man.
433
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,921
I'm a wild rogue,
living on the edge of chaos.
434
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:35,855
I sit weird in chairs.
435
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,257
You can't predict me.
(grunts)
436
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:38,825
Usually your chaos
means something.
437
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,661
But it's weird this time.
You seem angry about nothing.
438
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,763
Yeah, right. Oh, look,
if anyone's weird, it's you,
439
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,632
Mr. "I Should Probably
Be Getting to Bed."
440
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,100
You've changed, dude.
441
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:49,702
Yeah, I have. That's what
happens when you're not
442
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,472
stuck in a perpetual state
of immature rebellion.
443
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:53,840
Wow. Immature?
444
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,442
You have all the support
you ever wanted,
445
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,344
nobody to scream at
or rail against,
446
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,712
and look at you--
still picking fights
447
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,381
to make sure you get hurt.
448
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,983
What? No.
That-That's not what that was.
449
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,787
I just want you to be careful.
450
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,822
So you can live long enough
to pay me back.
451
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,458
If I lose any more,
they'll have to
452
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:12,892
put my account on this monument.
453
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,262
-(Ferengi crying)
-MARINER: Uh, isn't this
454
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,963
a memorial to the dead?
455
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,332
So much lost income!
456
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:23,035
Is there no justice
in this galaxy?
457
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:25,905
Man, I got to give it to you,
Ferengi keep it on-brand.
458
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,876
Sorry I cost you money
and got you punched.
459
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:33,146
Mariner, I love you,
but you need to figure out
460
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,682
whatever's eating you up inside.
461
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,056
-(patrons applauding)
-Uh...
462
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,960
Uh, Tendi's got...
463
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,329
fun hair?
464
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,431
(cheering)
465
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,234
Uh, uh, I like your hair, too.
466
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,968
PARTH:
Congratulations.
467
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,304
You have completed
468
00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,507
the Ferengi all-inclusive
newlywed discount package.
469
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,475
You may now consummate
your marriage.
470
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:03,710
-What?!
-What?!
471
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,612
(chuckles)
Not where we can see you.
472
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,947
-(both sigh)
-You do it in the blind box,
473
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,516
-where we can hear it.
-(patrons exclaim)
474
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,851
(groaning)
475
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,653
Please alert the chef
that I will be reviewing
476
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,088
this restaurant for my planet's
official foodie archives.
477
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:17,624
My species invented space travel
478
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,260
in order to seek out
strange new meals.
479
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:21,628
D'Vana, Samanthan!
480
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,730
What a coincidence.
These are, famously,
481
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:26,533
the two closest
platonic friends on my ship.
482
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:28,568
-Huh? Platonic?
-Hello!
483
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,437
-Security!
-Uh...
-Um...
484
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:34,241
-How dare you
call us only friends?!
-(patrons gasp)
485
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:37,710
You've been trying to break up
our love from the start!
486
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,847
Uh, yeah.
You know we both love you.
487
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,382
You do?
488
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,983
Just because the Ferengi
newlywed discount
489
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,319
can only be used by two
out of the three of us,
490
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,054
you have the nerve
to come down here
491
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:50,257
-and try to ruin our marriage?
-MIGLEEMO: Wha...
492
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,024
You guys love me?
493
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,226
Of course we do.
494
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,794
You're undeniably attractive
to both of us.
495
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,029
But now that I see you here,
I want a divorce
496
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,765
-so we can be together.
-But we can't...
497
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:01,601
Thanks so much, Migleemo.
You ruined our marriage!
498
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,236
We'll never forgive you.
499
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:05,037
I didn't realize.
I'm sorry.
500
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:07,574
Please don't break up
because of me.
501
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:10,076
Security, stand down.
502
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,878
RUTHERFORD:
Now that we're divorced,
503
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,179
we're going back to our ship
504
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,515
-and never talking again.
-That's right.
505
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:18,451
Huh, I had no idea
they were married
506
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,186
or that they both loved me.
507
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,555
-Can I interest you
in our homewrecker package?
-(laughs)
508
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,658
You don't have to throw up
in my mouth twice. Let's do it.
509
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:28,094
LEETA:
In addition to the contractual
changes, we are now
510
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:30,563
allowed use of any ship
in Starfleet at our discretion,
511
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,500
whether we end up joining
the Federation or not.
512
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,435
And ten points on the back end
of every holo-novel program
513
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:36,836
in perpetuity.
514
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,606
(sighs) I don't think
they have back end,
515
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:41,240
but yes, yes.
516
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:42,842
-(whispers)
-Uh-huh.
517
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,345
Also, the Nagus would like you
to dance for him.
518
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,614
(sighs)
519
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:49,716
(clears throat)
I've made those changes
520
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,319
and added a billion bars
of gold-pressed latinum
521
00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:53,486
as a signing bonus.
522
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,887
Wh-What? Captain!
523
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,357
Keep dancing.
Why so giving, Freeman?
524
00:20:57,390 --> 00:21:00,192
I just want to wrap this up
and free the admiral
525
00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,662
before he signs away
the entire fleet. (chuckles)
526
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:05,965
-He's clearly under your thumb.
-I am not!
527
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:08,134
I don't buy it.
There has to be a catch.
528
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,870
Of course.
I've added one provision.
529
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:12,939
Here comes the other shoe.
530
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:15,942
Before you receive
any of these signing bonuses,
531
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:19,078
you must recruit
one other planet yourself,
532
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:22,782
-since you're so good at it.
-What are you thinking, Carol?
533
00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,116
That's nothing.
We do it all the time.
534
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:27,887
Ha! Do you realize
what just happened?
535
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,156
You know how many planets
are in debt to us?
536
00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:32,525
Bringing just one in
will be nothing.
537
00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:34,461
We'll be in debt
to them forever.
538
00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:36,796
It's all right, Admiral.
They get nothing.
539
00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:38,230
-We're done here.
-(Rom laughs)
540
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:39,899
What?
What do you mean?
541
00:21:39,932 --> 00:21:41,200
You owe us a fortune.
542
00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:44,404
Yes, contingent
on bringing in a planet.
543
00:21:44,437 --> 00:21:47,039
But I didn't say which planet.
544
00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:48,708
You might want to read
the fine print.
545
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:50,309
(muttering)
546
00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:53,446
Qo'noS, the Klingon homeworld?
That's impossible!
547
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,847
Oh, I know.
548
00:21:54,881 --> 00:21:57,016
You forgot the eighth rule
of acquisition.
549
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:59,986
"Small print
leads to large risk."
550
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:02,789
(gasps) You swindled
like a true Ferengi.
551
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:04,624
I swear I had
nothing to do with this.
552
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,993
You're lucky she did.
As much as we're
553
00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:08,728
in favor
of joining the Federation,
554
00:22:08,761 --> 00:22:11,898
the Grand Nagus can't sign with
a bunch of suckers and rubes.
555
00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:14,266
Captain Freeman, you showed me
that there are those
556
00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,703
in the Federation
who respect our culture.
557
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:19,439
Let's start over.
Bring me the standard papers.
558
00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:21,641
I'll sign.
559
00:22:26,112 --> 00:22:28,615
(sighs)
Please accept my apologies.
560
00:22:28,648 --> 00:22:30,316
I shouldn't have doubted you.
561
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,752
I'll be relaying
your acuity to Command.
562
00:22:32,785 --> 00:22:35,187
Thank you, Admiral.
Happy to be of aid.
563
00:22:35,221 --> 00:22:38,591
Now, who wants to check out
my batting cages?
564
00:22:38,625 --> 00:22:42,395
FREEMAN:
With the application submitted,
so begins the first step
565
00:22:42,429 --> 00:22:44,897
to the Ferengi
joining the Federation.
566
00:22:44,931 --> 00:22:46,899
There are many more
hurdles to leap,
567
00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:50,069
but today felt like
a good start.
568
00:22:51,471 --> 00:22:54,541
Well, Mariner, was guide duty
as fun as rumored?
569
00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,008
Uh, I had to take out
a predatory loan
570
00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:57,243
from one of my closest friends,
571
00:22:57,276 --> 00:22:58,911
apparently I get
in fights for no reason,
572
00:22:58,945 --> 00:23:01,914
and I can feel my hangover
in my entire spine.
573
00:23:01,948 --> 00:23:03,550
Why are you getting into fights?
574
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:05,585
Ugh. You wouldn't understand.
575
00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:07,720
Okay.
How about you two?
576
00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:08,988
How was the couple's retreat?
577
00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:10,823
Oh, faking a relationship
was way,
578
00:23:10,857 --> 00:23:12,358
way out of our
comfort zone, sir.
579
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:15,094
Yeah, we just don't have
any natural chemistry.
580
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:17,964
-Want to help me reroute
that phase conduit?
-Sure.
581
00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:19,466
Ha!
582
00:23:19,499 --> 00:23:21,868
We got to squeeze in there.
583
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,836
-Hand me the spanner.
-On it.
584
00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:25,972
(sighs)
Now, this makes sense.
585
00:23:26,005 --> 00:23:28,841
Wait, where's Mr. Boimler?
586
00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:30,342
(PADD rings)
587
00:23:30,376 --> 00:23:32,512
Mr. Boimler, did you do
too many locations?
588
00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:34,146
-Are you in need of aid?
-Uh, no.
589
00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:37,717
I watched eight hours straight
of Ferengi programming.
590
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,819
I'm sorry I let you down, sir.
591
00:23:39,852 --> 00:23:42,054
-Honestly, I'm proud of you.
-Really?
592
00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:44,256
You've always had a problem
going with the flow,
593
00:23:44,290 --> 00:23:46,859
but today it looks like
you got out of your own way.
594
00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:48,260
Thank you, sir.
595
00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:49,529
I've authorized
the local authorities
596
00:23:49,562 --> 00:23:50,897
to drag you out of there.
597
00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:52,164
Just go limp,
don't fight them.
598
00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:53,700
-(Boimler screaming)
-Get out of here!
599
00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:56,536
-(laughs)
-(screaming continues)
600
00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:57,970
I really like that lieutenant.
601
00:23:58,004 --> 00:23:59,606
-(whip cracking)
-BOIMLER: Oh! Aah!
602
00:23:59,639 --> 00:24:03,710
Oh! Oh, no. Oh, oh, no, no,
no, no, no, no! (grunts)
603
00:24:08,214 --> 00:24:11,651
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
604
00:24:58,264 --> 00:25:00,066
(man imitates weapons firing)
605
00:25:01,901 --> 00:25:04,771
Chirp.
45881
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