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It began as a singularity,
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the entire universe compressed
into a space the size of a proton.
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Then the Big Bang...
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blew it apart.
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Matter, converted from energy,
swirled and compressed itself into stars
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Red Giants...
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and tiny white dwarfs.
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Stars congealed into galaxies.
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Massive nebulae
and timeless spiral clusters,
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spinning faster and faster
into the endless void.
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Black holes arose, swallowing matter.
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Constellations filled the night sky.
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Libra...
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Stifficus.
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Planets took form.
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Moons arose...
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Atoms formed molecules,
then molecules formed life
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throughout the universe...
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Alien creatures, hideous in form.
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The earth took form.
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Then God appeared.
22
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And Gods voice was heard.
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Shut up you stupid monkey...
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And then a single celled organism
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evolved into the highest form
of intellect known to God...
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MAN.
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It was one of those days you
never forget. I'd arrested Osmond Bin Laden
28
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at a Lakers-Knicks game. Now I was back
in D. C. on the QT making my way asap
29
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to the HQ when I heard the APB:
-All available units to big joes,
30
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hostage situation, armed terrorists.
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The police needed my negotiating skills,
perfected by years of volunteer service
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with the pet rescue division. Coaxing cats
out of trees and gerbils out of holes,
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made you smart about a lot of things.
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This is the Washington police force.
There is no way out.
35
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:05,591
You have five minutes to give
yourselves up, and counting.
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You're surrounded!
Throw down your arms! Now!
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Come out! We've got ya!
-Yeah? And we've got burgers
38
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and hostages and fries...
-I'm ordering you to give yourselves up!
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And I'm ordering one car and one plane.
40
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One plain what?
-One plain plane. With pilot.
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I want those hostages! Now!
-One hostage coming up!
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Those hostages were my new gerbils.
They needed marshal Dick Dix to free them.
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Shit!
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Dix! This is police business!
You have no jurisdiction here!
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Now get lost!
46
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,712
Alright!
47
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,918
Well...
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Let's play a little game of
Simon says, good...
49
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:29,157
Simon says: Get your hands on your
head and line up in front of me here...
50
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hurry it up!
51
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Let's go.
52
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What are you? A bunch of fanatics?
You hate this county, you're mad
53
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just because we don't play soccer here?
-But Mr. Simon, we are the hostages.
54
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Who do you think you're talking to?
A dummy? These hard-working immigrants
55
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are the backbone of this country!
They put the damn on the hover,
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they put the railroad ties
over the great divine
57
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and they did it with a smile buddy.
They weren't mad at anybody.
58
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,912
No. Don't lower yourselves to their level.
I'll take care of this.
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I'll seek to it that they get a fair trial
and then we'll strung them up.
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Fire the tear gas!
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I'm gonna kill him! Dix!
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Dix!
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00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:41,193
Let's get one thing clear.
This situation was not created by the police
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but it was created by people
who are getting in the way of the police.
65
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The police aren't there to create disorder.
The police are here to protect disorder.
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You come back here!
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There's nothing better
than a job delicately handled,
68
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:06,833
but now it was a time to meet
the big boss Secretary Osgood.
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I loved my job.
Every day was different.
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Every assignment was different. Everything
about the department was different.
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00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:24,553
Enough, enough, stop, stop.
-This is not respectful for the deceased.
72
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To the untrained eye, this looked like
the normal bullpit of any old precinct.
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But hidden deep within the bowels of this
house grave matters of state were at play.
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Dix, come on in. Good to see you, my boy.
-Good to see you Mr. Secretary.
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This is Cassandra Menage, Executive Officer
on Vegan. -How do you do?
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She is in charge of Human and Alien affairs.
-Some kind of dating service?
77
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She oversees our sensitive Alien operations!
-Well there's nothing sensitive about them.
78
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All you need is to tighten up the borders.
-Dix, I'm talking about alien Aliens.
79
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:17,199
Alien, aliens.
You mean like from outer space?
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00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:21,233
Yes, Vegan is a lunar base,
just like Area 51, but shielded
81
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:25,273
from Earth by a reflective bubble,
and there are plenty of Aliens there.
82
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:29,313
Cassandra files classified reports
to the various international governments.
83
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This latest one she delivered it in person.
If what she says is true,
84
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:37,433
the future of the planet is at stake.
-Now that could be serious.
85
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:41,473
I know it smells funny, but the President
of the United States has been kidnapped
86
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and is being held captive on Vegan.
The man in the White House is a clone.
87
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:49,553
Just a minute, it says here the man
in the White House is a clown.
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Clone.
89
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:56,913
Clone. That's what it says here.
-Yeah, I know. That's my report...
90
00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,953
This isn't a joke, Dix.
-I know that Sir, but I saw the President
91
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on television the other night.
-That wasn't the President.
92
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:09,830
She's right. We're all set for
Memory Recapture. Have a seat Marshal.
93
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,873
Cassandra, your brainwaves
will be transmitted to the screen,
94
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,913
so we'll be able to see
exactly what you saw and heard.
95
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,999
When you're ready,
I want you to tell us what happened.
96
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Close your eyes,
relax and let your unconscious take over.
97
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Let your mind go blank.
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Dix.
99
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,556
Dix!
100
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,592
You need to watch the screen.
101
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:47,479
I'd gone to the Vegan mines to investigate
a grievance by one of the miners...
102
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,513
After a lot of turns and twists,
I realized I was completely lost.
103
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My way was blocked by a cave-in.
Then I noticed light coming through
104
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a crack in the wall.
I moved forward and found myself in a room
105
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,633
overlooking some kind of operating theatre.
106
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:07,673
A man was talking in an alien dialect,
so I switched the Auto-Trans to English
107
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,713
to see if I could recognize his voice,
108
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,753
but I couldn't.
-I will get that sillicon for you
109
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:19,793
if you will make me
leader of the new world.
110
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,833
By using DNA building blocks
I will create clones
111
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of existing world leaders
who will follow our orders.
112
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Activate the cloning machine,
113
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and now for our latest clone creation.
114
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A world leader admired by all.
115
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:49,313
And there he was, Groucho Marx.
But what happen next
116
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:54,354
was more frightening still.
-In Washington, the man in power,
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00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:58,393
the President, is a clone... our clone.
Now, let me...
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introduce you to his predecessor,
the real President of the United States!
119
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,513
Now we got cloning control,
we will take your earth
120
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:13,918
and all it's silicon too,
then its hasta la vista.
121
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Bastards!
122
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:22,433
And that's when I ran, as fast as I could.
-They took the President,
123
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:26,473
took his DNA and put an impostor
in the White House. Kidnapping,
124
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:30,559
robbery, and fraud. Breaking the law.
-Dix, I want you to go to Vegan
125
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:34,593
to make a routine inspection.
I'll arrange the clearances.
126
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:39,111
If the President is there,
find him and bring him back.
127
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:43,153
The implications here are very grave.
Any mistakes, even fumbles,
128
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:47,193
will be denied at this end.
You're acting on your own.
129
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:51,597
And when you both meet again on Vegan,
you've never seen each other before.
130
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:56,111
I've forgotten already.
-It'll take me longer than that...
131
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,152
Oh... that's so nice.
-Oh, thank you,
132
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I always had a good memory, even as a boy.
-Well, Marshal.
133
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:08,312
Miss...
-Menage.
134
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:22,478
If you don't stop pulling your thing,
you're going to go blind, Richard!
135
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,599
But I like pulling on it, Mum!
136
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:32,315
Your son is rapidly loosing his sight.
And we don't know why, Ms. Dix.
137
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,432
Mum, meet my new girl friend.
138
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:41,110
Richard, you have to wear your glasses.
139
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I have the outer most faith in you,
Marshal Dix, have a good flight.
140
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:52,036
Thank you Mr. Secretary,
but I think this must be broken.
141
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:57,111
I didn't have a lot of time.
I had to catch a plane to cape Kennedy,
142
00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:02,439
then the shuttle to Vegan
and avoid any pressing delays.
143
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:26,634
The department was gonna to have to dive
in at the deep end,
144
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:30,912
because I was headed for the moon to maybe
save the President of the United States.
145
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:31,749
This should help beam me up.
I've got to get back to my ship.
146
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:35,713
Scotty, Bones, Mr. Spock,
where the hell are you?
147
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:49,156
Secretary Osgood was right when he told
me there were plenty of aliens on Vegan.
148
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:53,716
But he had forgotten
to tell me how butt ugly they were.
149
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,752
They were ugly from any direction.
150
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:05,591
The rules: Smuggling or assisting any Alien
back to Earth means immediate imprisonment.
151
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,393
Open your bag, please.
-Yo, is that Marshal Dix? It's ok.
152
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,558
He's police. Lieutenant Shitzu,
Vegan Security. Misswick. -Miss who?
153
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:16,752
Misswick. M. S. W. I. C.
Mother-Sucker-who's-in-charge.
154
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,593
Is this your bag?
155
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:23,116
I'm writing a book...
-Welcome to Vegan, Marshal Dix...
156
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:27,233
That's right isn't it?
Dix... as in more-than-one-dick?
157
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:31,751
Good to be someplace where your feet
will do what you tell them to do...
158
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:36,032
Attention! Sensors detected
an alien hiding in a human life-form.
159
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,511
Move down!
160
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:48,633
What's going on?
-That fool's a conversion.
161
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:52,673
Do you need holy water for that?
-When these brothers first came here,
162
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:56,713
we didn't know about their plan to use
conversions to take over the Earth.
163
00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:00,753
Lucky for us, all our asses were saved,
due to the sounds of our modern life:
164
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,793
Arcade, TV, rap, hip-hop.
All that irritatin' shit.
165
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:08,992
High-pitch sound
makes these suckers explode.
166
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,072
Close the lid, babboom!
167
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,991
Good. Fangullo.
168
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:29,872
Mi scusi, mi dispiace.
I am capitain Valentino Di Pasquale.
169
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,913
I don't speak Alien.
-He ain't kickin' no jive-ass Alien lingo!
170
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,952
He jes' tryin' to show some love!
-What?
171
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,993
Mi dipacia, diabola. He try to speak-a
inna piccolo Ebonico. -Pickle what?
172
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:45,033
No disrespect, y'all up in this ice cream
and you don't even know the flavour!
173
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,469
You think he don't understand plain Inglish?
174
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:51,510
Please, my father was from Brooklolino...
-Yo man, did years in Vegas babe,
175
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:57,029
who can take the sun, yea.
Right back babe, yea.
176
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:01,358
That guy is right, Marshal,
this way, this way. Andiamo!
177
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:24,754
Our operation and research director,
Dr Pratt, will show you around.
178
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,792
The base commander couldn't be hear,
cuz' he's out playing golf.
179
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,308
Everything is alright!
180
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:34,956
Good, that means that nothing works.
-But he did ask me to escort you
181
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,992
to a reception here tonight.
182
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,152
Yeah, one stronzo alien less.
183
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,191
Dr Pratt?
184
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,911
Dr Pratt!
185
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,959
Yes, Lieutenant?
-Oh, you scared me again, you got me.
186
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:03,073
You keep on getting me each time,
I tell you. This is Marshal Dix.
187
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:07,796
Ah, yes, right on time.
I'll never understand these inspections.
188
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,594
What are we looking for this time?
-Routine...
189
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:16,589
Perhaps you may be interested
in my pi�ce de resistance.
190
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:20,633
Piece of what?
-A scale replica of the entire complex.
191
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:25,629
Here's the entrance to the mines...
the administration complex...
192
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:30,800
the spaceport... all the details...
Now... We are... here.
193
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,633
No, no, no, don't touch.
Its very delicate.
194
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:40,674
Doctor, the next time you're on Earth,
I'll show you
195
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:47,671
the Piper Club model I made.
-I'd certainly look forward to that.
196
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:52,718
Here's the report, Doctor Pratt.
-Thank you, gentlemen, my assistant,
197
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,672
Yetta Pussel.
-Gentlemen...
198
00:20:55,720 --> 00:21:00,714
I took the liberty of requesting a copy
of the last routine inspection.
199
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,753
Now, all our research is carried out here.
200
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:09,794
Our study of silicon, for example.
Abundant on Earth, non-existent
201
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:14,868
on many other planets. For most Aliens
it's life supporting, like food to us.
202
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:20,668
Hence our ongoing conflict with them
and our tight security here.
203
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:24,713
Works real good on the old Johnson.
-Johnson... President Johnson?
204
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:29,276
There are no Presidents on Vegan.
I'm afraid we're being battered
205
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:33,279
by a mistaken sense of humor.
-Alright, my main man Marshal Dix.
206
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,312
Okay?
-Dr Uschi K�nstler,
207
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:40,239
Senior Base Science Officer.
-Doctor?
208
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:44,273
Yes. Of psychology,
parapsychology and solar proctology...
209
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:48,393
I also supervise genetic replication...
210
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,752
Clones.
-Are those clones?
211
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:56,271
No just plain old-fashioned rabbits.
But we've made major advances with sheep.
212
00:21:56,320 --> 00:22:00,393
Molly for instance, was created only
yesterday, the exact age and likeness
213
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:04,433
of Dolly, her mother-in-law.
-Can you do that with human beings?
214
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,473
No, that is not allowed.
-It's strictly against international policy.
215
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:12,513
I should hope so.
It's against my policy, too.
216
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:17,554
I was in the Marines.
-Careful, that's the rapid-cloning switch.
217
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,593
You tamper with that,
and we'd be overrun
218
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,633
with all kinds of animals.
-The officer of Human Alien Affairs,
219
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:29,434
Miss Menage, will show you your quarters.
-I'm headed in that direction.
220
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,632
Maybe, the Marshal and I
can go down together and meet her.
221
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:56,472
I just met him. Yes, from what I can see,
he'll be absolutely fine...
222
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:31,435
Welcome to Vegan, Marshal Dix...
-I'm glad to be here.
223
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:40,798
Oh, the very person we wanted to see.
This is Marshal Dix.
224
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,191
Oh!
225
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,589
He is...
226
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,992
he is... here...
227
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,872
on a routine inspection.
228
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,878
Yes, I can see that...
229
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:04,272
Menage. Cassandra Menage.
230
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,595
The Marshal...
231
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:11,593
needs to be accommodated.
Marshal, you can...
232
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,598
let me down now.
233
00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:22,353
Perhaps you can take care of his needs.
234
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:29,272
Does he have any needs left
to be taken care of?
235
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:34,553
Well, it was nice meeting you Marshal Dix.
-Thank you, me too.
236
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,512
Marshal, if you please.
I had checked into the room
237
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:44,117
I'd be sharing with Capitaine Di Pasquale.
Unpacked my stuff
238
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:48,153
and then sent Cassandra off to the library
to look for plans that might lead us
239
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:52,751
to the location of the cloning lab.
And now on with the dead crime-motive sketch
240
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:56,793
to the alien I had seen
on Osgood's recapture screen.
241
00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:01,311
I was ready for a little lunar socializing
and snooping. Hey! What are you doing?
242
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:06,593
I'm your escort, I'm keeping tabs on you.
-Take your hand out of my pocket.
243
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:11,668
Keep tabs on somebody else.
-Hey champagne.
244
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:26,074
Apparently, some of these aliens
learned English by monitoring movies
245
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:30,113
on our tv transmission satellites.
They all sounded like Hollywood actors.
246
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:34,676
Even here everyone wants to be a star.
-I saw the Alien that was in the caves.
247
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,837
Yes, me too...
248
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,791
Two?
-Yea?
249
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,799
Ah, Marshal Dix, there you are.
-How do you do?
250
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:51,914
Commander Sir Cecil Humphrey Wickernuts.
My wife, Oona Hottenlocker-Wickernuts.
251
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,999
So you're from Washington.
I hope you'll put in a good word for us.
252
00:25:56,040 --> 00:26:00,033
What's that?
-I found it on the floor.
253
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:05,154
Ah, it's Grop...
no, no, no it's Prong, yes... no...
254
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:09,034
You know what they say.
They all look alike.
255
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:13,631
We're throwing a party
tomorrow at the club. Do join us.
256
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:18,629
Miss Menage here will be singing, too.
-What a voice she has! True nightingale...
257
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,148
Thank you.
-Miss Menage,
258
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:27,275
enchant�. Excuse us, won't you.
There's something I'd like you to look at.
259
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,915
Excuse me.
-Of course.
260
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:42,353
So, Marshal Dix,
you gonna be my new roomate?
261
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:46,393
Molto bene, you see this is a good way
262
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:51,230
to know where your food has been first.
263
00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:00,872
Excuse me.
-Please.
264
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:05,914
I thought you'd like to hear how your
Alien Courtesy Center's coming along.
265
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,953
It was your idea, you may remember.
Perhaps you'd like to come
266
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:13,993
and see my renderings.
-I'd be happy to...
267
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:18,033
All erections on Vegan are
rubber stamped by me, you know.
268
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:21,356
That must keep you busy...
269
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:33,913
Hey there, you ever done it monkey style.
270
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,635
Too bad, could have been a hairy ride.
271
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,472
Oh my God, my dress!
272
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,514
Do like, the music?
273
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:56,195
I love the sound of the flute.
274
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,994
Doctor Pratt, is this is yours...
275
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:11,720
Where did you get that?
-Fell on the floor.
276
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,471
Thank you...
277
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,598
Come this way.
278
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:26,154
Let's sit here shall we.
Miss Menage...
279
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,431
Waiter.
280
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,191
Excuse me.
281
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:48,952
I don't think these false
eyelashes become you.
282
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:57,033
Bon appetit.
-Merci.
283
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:01,633
Excuse me, Doctor Pratt, Captain Pasquale
is going to take me back to the apartment
284
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:05,673
in a few minutes, you can reach me there,
if you need me. Good night.
285
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,598
Good night, Dix.
286
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:32,673
Excuse me.
-Yeah.
287
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:38,551
Thanks. I thought I'd never get rid of him.
-Leave now, before he gets back.
288
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,592
Okay, I'll go. Thanks.
289
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:48,431
Miss Menage has gone back to her apartment.
She's got a headache.
290
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:55,033
Really, well, that's too bad.
-Oh, yes, real bad.
291
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:07,671
It is important in life to have two boxes.
One for food, and only one for fun.
292
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:13,557
As you can see, I am not only
a master of the buffet, I am a master...
293
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:18,033
of disguise. All kinds: look.
294
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:39,754
What?
-Oh, the final touch.
295
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:45,875
Now you don't gonna to believe your eyes.
Look my special magic maker.
296
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:53,599
You like it.
-Ah, very good. -I know.
297
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:57,633
Oh, sorry. Let me un-zip your face.
298
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,712
Oh, the telephone.
299
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:06,833
-Yes. -I'm at Pratt's. It's all clear.
-I got over there
300
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:10,873
faster than a speeding bullet,
if you know what I mean.
301
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:15,914
If any plans existed that could lead us to
the human cloning lab and the president,
302
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,032
I was sure this is were they would be.
303
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:23,033
My job was to get in get the plans
304
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:26,675
and get out as quickly
and as quietly as possible.
305
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:08,590
Cassandra, I'm in.
-Roger.
306
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,112
It's all clear down here.
307
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:34,231
Oh...
308
00:34:28,240 --> 00:34:32,836
I saw lights flashing in your office.
And somebody was dancing the can-can.
309
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,872
Right. Let's have a look, shall we?
310
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:39,913
It's Pratt.
-I'm coming. I'm on my way.
311
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,038
What kind of man
would do something like that?
312
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:24,193
I know exactly what kind, Doctor K�nstler.
313
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:30,556
And I promise you,
he going to pay dearly for this...
314
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:32,591
very dearly.
315
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:03,080
Who is it?
-This is Dr Pratt.
316
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:07,113
I want a few words with you, Marshal.
-Yes.
317
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:11,551
I don't have all day, Dix.
Just open the door, will you?
318
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,160
I'll be a moment, Doctor Pratt.
319
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,793
Open the door!
-Just putting on my trousers,
320
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,593
just putting on my trousers.
321
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:28,713
Ah, just cleaning yourself up,
are you Marshal?
322
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:33,834
You are shaving, aren't you?
-Yes, I shave my whole face.
323
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:37,873
My wiskars grow pretty fast. I start
very early when have important function
324
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:42,914
to attend to, like the one this evening.
Come in, come in.
325
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:47,750
Oh, good to see you.
-Let go of my hand Dix!
326
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:51,793
What are you doing? You fool, let go of me.
What are you doing to me?
327
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:57,597
Look at me. What are you doing.
Dix you imbicile, stop it!
328
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:01,633
There is something I want you to know...
I know who you are
329
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:07,755
and I know why you're here...
But you will never going to find him!
330
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:40,472
The man behind the whole thing is
Dr Griffen Pratt. He has told me
331
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:44,513
he got the President prisoner,
even challenged me to go find him.
332
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:48,553
He's as guilty as jam lips
kissing a fruit tart. -Pratt.
333
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:52,673
We have to be very careful.
-Yea.
334
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:57,672
I'm going to change now.
See you later.
335
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:05,192
I think I'll skip this one.
336
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:14,116
You and Shitzu, keep an eye on Dr Pratt.
-Ok.
337
00:38:19,720 --> 00:38:25,033
Please, Marshal Dix wants us to keep
an eye on Dr Pratt. Capito! Micione.
338
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:28,470
Pratt? Why doctor Pratt.
-I don't know.
339
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:33,036
But I do know what I better do right now.
340
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:36,516
Excuse me. Oh, what a line.
341
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:57,871
Your Majesties and Humble Beings.
Let's hear a warm Vegan welcome
342
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:02,948
for our star attraction:
Miss Cassandra Menage!
343
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:43,394
I didn't think anyone
could take my mind off of Pratt,
344
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:47,433
but suddenly there she was:
On stage,
345
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:51,473
a woman who could take
anyone's mind off of anything.
346
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:55,513
She had deep nurturing instincts and
strong family things that make her
347
00:39:55,560 --> 00:40:00,270
an ideal mother for an child.
Cassandra was a nightingale.
348
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:04,593
The old saying,
wet birds never fly at night,
349
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:08,474
I think she could fly anytime
she wanted to.
350
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:18,033
There he was, Dr Griffin Pratt.
A man who could ruin
351
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:22,073
anyone's wet dream.
Suave, cool with all the moves
352
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:26,113
of a slick ballroom dancer.
353
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:30,153
It was time for Dr Pratt
to find out that he'd met his match,
354
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:34,671
his intellectual equal.
I was about to arrange that introduction.
355
00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:38,713
Doctor Pratt... you said to me,
I know why you're here
356
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:44,118
and I know what you want. We'll there's
something I want you to know, so do I.
357
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:48,153
So do I?
-Yes, know why I'm here, know what I want.
358
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:52,193
We stand here facing each other
like Chief Ten Bears and Josey Wales.
359
00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:56,233
Chief Ten Bears?
-He would say, There is iron in your words
360
00:40:56,280 --> 00:41:00,273
that you know, as there is iron in my words
that I know. As there's iron in the words
361
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:04,313
that your living that you don't know it.
Turn back to Ten Bears before it's too late.
362
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:08,353
Chief Ten...?
-Ten Bears.
363
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,995
And the other one? -Josey Wales.
Who is he?
364
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:15,032
Clint Eastwood.
-Clint Eastwood...
365
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:21,599
you are a very convincing thinker, Marshal.
Let me get back to you. On this one.
366
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:25,599
Out of order, it's thirty minutes
I've been waiting here.
367
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,793
You man stand clear, stand clear.
-What is it? Another Alien Conversion?
368
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:52,075
Close enough...
369
00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:33,152
What's the celebration about?
-You'd be giggy too, bro,
370
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:37,591
if you only dumped once a year.
-Where's Pasquale.
371
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:43,632
I hate aliens.
372
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:48,390
Why do they have eat fama beans, fangulo?
373
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:54,232
Okay fellas, now come on,
you've been over-served here.
374
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,431
Marshal, Marshal.
-Yes.
375
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:22,235
I have to speak to you.
-Is this some kind of performance?
376
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:27,035
He's a cyborg, it happens all the time,
I'll to put him back together tomorrow,
377
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:30,072
he's going to be just fine.
Come on, I need to talk to you.
378
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:38,630
Make yourself at home.
I'm gonna be right back.
379
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:56,755
Hello.
380
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:06,108
Something's going on.
381
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:10,153
I don't know who's behind it.
I don't know what they're doing,
382
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:14,193
or why they're doing it.
All I know is, I know,
383
00:44:14,240 --> 00:44:18,358
I want you to know.
384
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:22,712
Well, I'm glad you told me.
-Marshal, I know exactly why you're here.
385
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:26,036
I can help you,
386
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,432
but therefore you have to trust me.
387
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,992
Did you know that a male lion
388
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:40,114
can mate forty-five times in three hours?
389
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:44,312
I don't have a lion.
I don't even have a dog.
390
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:21,954
One of the advantages of working undercover,
was that sometimes things got uncovered
391
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:25,993
that you didn't expect to get uncovered,
and you learned about things
392
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:31,034
that you didn't expect to learn about.
Whatever Dr Kunstler was trying to hide,
393
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:35,995
she sure wasn't doing a very good job.
-Anything you mind, Dick?
394
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:39,589
No, I'm not even thinking.
395
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:43,476
Doctor K�nstler! Get a grip!
396
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:50,073
That does it, it's time you went home.
-I am at home.
397
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:53,635
It's time I went home.
-Stay...
398
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:57,673
Don't you want to find out the rest?
-No, the stuff about the lion,
399
00:45:57,720 --> 00:46:00,757
that was good enough for me.
400
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:10,795
There you are! At last you come!
401
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:16,913
My God, is that all you people
do up here in the evenings?
402
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:20,953
It is good for the lip, Marshal,
a nice, sweet, warm decaf,
403
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:25,118
non-fat latte,
a touch of mocha, no foam.
404
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:27,674
Do you want some?
-No, thank you.
405
00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:31,713
I came by to see how Valentino was doing
after that dreadful thing at the club.
406
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:35,230
Pretty bad, huh?
-I also told him
407
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:38,989
about the President being a prisoner.
We need all the assistance we can get.
408
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:43,033
Yeah, but...
-The elephant is sitting on my lips.
409
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:47,596
I say nothing to Lieutenant Shitzu.
-I saw you leave the club with Dr K�nstler.
410
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:50,632
What happened?
-Oh... nothing!
411
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:54,673
Strange young lady.
Another wild goose chase.
412
00:46:54,720 --> 00:46:59,589
I don't know about the wild goose, but the
chase looks like it was very exciting.
413
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:06,591
No, it is a little cold in here,
I think I'll have some of that hot coffee.
414
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:13,313
My God! Someones' stolen my zipper!
415
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:24,110
I thought I said no contact.
-I know sir.
416
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:28,153
But I am now convinced the President
is here and is being held prisoner.
417
00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:32,193
The man behind it is Doctor Griffin Pratt.
-Are you sure? -I'm positive.
418
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:38,793
Send in the Galactic National Guard.
-Who is it?
419
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:42,833
No! That would sign
the President's death warrant.
420
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:46,873
You must handle this with Miss Menage.
Confront Pratt, threaten him, anything.
421
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:50,913
But work fast. The President's life
is at stake, to say nothing of our planet.
422
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:55,750
What this impostor will say at conference
in Paris on Friday, God only knows.
423
00:47:55,800 --> 00:48:00,351
Momento. Don't you think for a minute
that Marshal Dix is doing nothing up here.
424
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:05,076
He's dealing with one of the most important
man of the American government.
425
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:10,114
This guy, lives in a big white house,
but I can't tell you who is him.
426
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:20,271
Cassandra?
427
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:24,991
Cassandra?
428
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:01,473
Wait a minute, you mean the President
is a prisoner here on Vegan?
429
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:05,513
How did you know?
-You just told us, man.
430
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:08,120
-Ah, fangulu, I did not. -Yes you did!
-I did? -Yes.
431
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:16,633
Doctor Griffin Pratt.
-I hope you don't think there's anything
432
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:20,673
you've missed the other night, Marshal.
-Just one thing, you, you're under arrest,
433
00:49:20,720 --> 00:49:24,713
you have the right to remain silent...
-Before you say another word,
434
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:28,753
there's something I want you to know.
I was ordered to reconstitute the President.
435
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,792
Reconstitute? What does that mean?
-First...
436
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:35,833
drain all his body fluids...
-What's that? Some sort of enema?
437
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:40,351
No, no, no, drain all his blood.
Then reconstitute it into refined plasma,
438
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:44,598
ready to activate, the clone.
-Well... wouldn't that kill him?
439
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:48,633
Most certainly. -I thought so.
The thought of killing the President
440
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:52,673
has kept me up all night.
Well, to be perfectly honest,
441
00:49:52,720 --> 00:49:56,713
I may have dozen off,
so at least half the night.
442
00:49:56,760 --> 00:50:01,231
I don't know how I let this happen.
I feel like I was drugged or brain-washed
443
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:06,035
or whatever they did to me.
But your words about Chief Ten Bears
444
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:09,072
and Josey Eastwood... -Clint Eastwood.
Eastwood...
445
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:13,636
brought me to my senses
and I must undo the damage I've done!
446
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:18,390
I want to take you to the President and
help you get him out of here. But fast.
447
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:22,433
Faster than you think.
I just came from Cassandra's apartment.
448
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:26,473
She's been kidnapped.
-Kidnapped? Abducted?
449
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:31,196
Up till now it's a simple kidnapping.
She left a note on her door in glue.
450
00:50:31,240 --> 00:50:36,598
See it says Help,
spelled backwards, H.E.L.P.
451
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:42,795
We'd better get moving. There may be
two lives we have to save.
452
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:47,599
This is the easiest way
to get to the President.
453
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:51,315
But don't touch that button.
454
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:59,191
Follow me...
455
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:11,473
Put this on, you'll be less conspicuous.
456
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:29,114
Mr. Dix, meet the President.
457
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,515
Mr. President, is that really you?
458
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:42,873
That depends on what you mean by is.
459
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:46,913
... are that really you?
-Of course it's me.
460
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:51,158
I keep telling these people
about my birthmark. Here, take a look.
461
00:51:55,080 --> 00:52:00,074
I'm the only man with a birthmark like that.
Almost a perfect four-leaf clover.
462
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:04,636
It does look like a four-leaf clover.
-If that isn't sufficient,
463
00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:08,958
then give me the name of someone
who plays the sax as good as this.
464
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:12,993
Mr. President, I'm convinced.
My name is Marshal Dix,
465
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:16,999
International Security Force.
I'm here to take you back to Washington
466
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:20,032
where you belong.
-Great. Yea.
467
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:31,871
Cassandra!
468
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:34,912
When did you get here?
469
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:39,158
Surely, you didn't think it was going
to be as easy as all that, did you, Dix?
470
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:44,194
Now, do you wish to become
a Rodman or a Rodham?
471
00:52:44,240 --> 00:52:48,233
I see the President is getting upset.
Perhaps we should switch him
472
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:52,432
with Cassandra.
-Alright, that's he does it!
473
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:56,473
You're under arrest!
And so are these bozos, here.
474
00:52:56,520 --> 00:53:01,514
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say will be written down...
475
00:53:01,560 --> 00:53:03,551
Seize them!
476
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,270
Such grace... Such property...
477
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:19,313
What a cunning stunt.
478
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:22,352
Any move and I'll ripe your faces off.
479
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:27,394
I was a sucker for that romantic talk.
This young woman
480
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:31,433
could not only sing like a dove,
she was blessed with a serene peace
481
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:35,473
that would have been at home
in a Tibetan monastery.
482
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:40,514
She had everything:
the delicate footwork of a ballet dancer,
483
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:45,554
the high-kicks of a Rockette.
Boy, did I love those high-kicks.
484
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:51,914
Very impressive. But now as they say,
it's your turn to bite the dust.
485
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:58,513
I'm glad you were here.
I feel safe with you.
486
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:04,317
Let's not talk about me. We gotta
get out of here. Follow her, Mr. President.
487
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:11,913
Captain Pasquale. See if you can locate
Lieutenant Shitzu and doctor Kunstler.
488
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:16,954
Meet us in front of the research center.
We're heading for Washington D.C.
489
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:20,959
and the White House
and bring your make-up case.
490
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:25,278
Who was this guy?
-Come on, all of you, Rupert up again,
491
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:29,871
come on Kubrick, pull yourself together,
up, that's it, good boys, good boys.
492
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:33,230
No, no, wait, let them go.
493
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:40,311
Di pasquale worked hard and fast
to disguise the President as Fidel Castro,
494
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:45,036
or ZZ Top, take your pick.
Anyway, it was the perfect way
495
00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:49,119
to get to Washington.
-It's me, it's me.
496
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:55,235
Oh sorry. Step back. Please.
-I wonder if ZZ Top needs a sax player?
497
00:55:14,240 --> 00:55:18,233
It was good to see Washington D.C. again,
but this was no time to sightsee.
498
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:22,592
In couple of days, that clone-clown
would be shooting his mouth off in Paris.
499
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:26,633
I'd contracted Secretary Osgood.
He came up with a water tight plan
500
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:30,673
to make the switch.
-Okay guys, time for me
501
00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:34,076
to shake hands with little willie.
502
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:39,912
Marshal, did you bring an umbrella?
-No, just grab him before he takes aim.
503
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:56,593
Di Pasquale disguised the President
that nobody would think twice about.
504
00:55:56,640 --> 00:56:01,077
A dirty old man.
505
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:02,678
Yes.
506
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:07,033
At the Three Tenors Gala Concert
in Paris this Friday night,
507
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:11,596
following the
International Heads of State Conference,
508
00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:15,633
I will announce changes that will benefit
509
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:19,639
the future of our world forever.
-Good job. Well done, everyone.
510
00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:23,673
Now all that remains is to get
our friend off to clone heaven.
511
00:56:23,720 --> 00:56:27,713
We kept Earth to ourselves for far too long.
-What?
512
00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:30,479
Hey, that's Doctor Pratt?
-Yea, yea, it's-a him!
513
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:34,513
We must be willing to reach out...
514
00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:39,839
Please, there are forces at work here,
let's just forget about it and move on.
515
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:43,919
Now if someone will give me a hand
getting our imposter out of here...
516
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:47,953
Wait. This is moving a little too fast.
I think there are forces at work.
517
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:51,993
But I think that they're our own.
More than possible,
518
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:56,033
that we've been set up
to put clone in the White House...
519
00:56:56,080 --> 00:57:00,073
And take the real President out.
-Right.
520
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:04,113
Why are you the President?
-Because of the birthmark!
521
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:08,153
When you're cloned,
your birthmark is cloned, too.
522
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:12,193
But I don't have a birthmark!
I had it removed three months ago.
523
00:57:12,240 --> 00:57:17,109
Personal reasons. If you'll give me
a little help, I'll show you.
524
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:27,268
Oh, my God!
-Doctor K�nstler,
525
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:31,916
the birthmark should be on the side!
-You see where there used to be something,
526
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:36,590
but now there is no birthmark there now.
-There is a simple solution.
527
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:40,758
One dead president.
-So it's not just Doctor Pratt,
528
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:43,792
it's you, too.
-Very good, Dix.
529
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:50,959
Now that really is a job well done.
-Not well enough done, Mr. President.
530
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:55,994
Do you have anyone you can trust
who can get us to Paris? -Yes.
531
00:57:56,960 --> 00:58:00,953
The President's plan was genuine
but his travel plans didn't fly.
532
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:06,757
Then suddenly our luck turned full circle
and we were airborn.
533
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:14,633
The job was to undo what I had
already undone. There was the president,
534
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:18,673
and he had a birthmark
on his left hip to prove it.
535
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:22,713
We had the real president
536
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:26,753
but he had removed the birthmark,
so we couldn't prove anything.
537
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:30,793
How it would be all worked out,
I didn't know, but I did know
538
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:35,152
that the President had to make
every effort to keep his pants on.
539
00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:49,556
Thank you very much.
Thank you, thank you.
540
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:51,591
Bonjour, bonjour.
541
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:56,430
C, what is a four letter word for word?
542
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:03,633
Do you have reservation.
-I have reservations about being asked
543
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:07,355
about if we have reservations.
In America they have Indians,
544
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:11,951
they have reservations,
but no one asks if they have them.
545
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:23,949
What is that?
-That is a hockey cup.
546
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:28,152
Yea, we use it to play
sand hockey in the desert...
547
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:31,590
Do you have identification.
-Well, yea...
548
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:36,270
Ah, prince yaboty of Jabooty,
good to see you son,
549
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:39,039
take this, it's me Shitzu...
550
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:42,079
Good to see you. Oh my god.
551
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:48,793
Doctor Pratt wouldn't look under this.
-You look too conspicuous.
552
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:52,833
Me, how about you?
That arab accent sounds kind of German.
553
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:07,719
Ah, really, it is a rat trap...
554
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:11,719
Do you have an invitation?
-Yes, of coarse.
555
01:00:16,440 --> 01:00:19,432
The artist formerly known as...
556
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:23,393
It is Prince, in disguise.
Excuse me Mr. Formally known as,
557
01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:27,473
smile please.
Wait, you're not the artist
558
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:32,310
formely known as Prince.
The real artist is over here.
559
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:39,317
My God, it's the Pope. Come on Dix,
let's get out of here before he corners us.
560
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:43,072
They serve Italian dinner tonight.
561
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:46,152
I think I'll have the Toreodor.
562
01:00:54,440 --> 01:00:59,230
Yabooty, yabooty, you camel,
pay me what you owe me.
563
01:01:11,160 --> 01:01:15,153
Keep a low profile.
Did he call me a camel.
564
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:27,713
They wanted you to play a saxophone solo
after which intermission?
565
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:32,754
The White House itinerary said after
the first intermission that I would
566
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:37,271
appear magically on stage through a
trap-door. But we don't have a sax.
567
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:40,756
We will.
-Hey hello,
568
01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:44,713
do you want to taste an ice-cream,
it's very, very good. Here, take it.
569
01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:49,273
Or maybe you like vanillia,
vanillia is wonderful,
570
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:53,438
the best Italien ice flavor. Pistachio,
bonissimo. You like ice cream.
571
01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:57,075
No.
-No, thank you very much.
572
01:01:59,920 --> 01:02:02,229
Gelati, gelati, gelati!
573
01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:20,352
Mon sax. Voleur.
574
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:37,753
Ice cream, gelat�, italiana, chocolato,
vanillia, gorgonzola...
575
01:02:37,800 --> 01:02:41,793
Oh signore, congratulations.
This is a great ice cream, it....
576
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:45,833
Sir, you will have to move!
-Please. Let it go.
577
01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:52,318
Shit!
578
01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:58,269
I'm sorry Ms. President, I'm really sorry.
-No, no, it was only an accident.
579
01:02:58,320 --> 01:03:02,313
You see, it was only an accident.
-Okay, we got this, go back to work.
580
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:06,353
Thanks for stopping by.
-I see our friends are here.
581
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:13,112
Do you want an ice cream.
-I think we'd better alert the police.
582
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:21,989
I think I better go check to find out
what's going on.
583
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:28,228
The gang's all here.
584
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:33,591
Oh, ice cream.
585
01:03:35,720 --> 01:03:40,714
One is disguised as an ice cream vendor,
the other as a French police officer.
586
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:43,479
What, merde!
-Inspector Wazoo,
587
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:47,035
the President's life may be at stake.
588
01:03:47,640 --> 01:03:52,668
We will search zi place from top to bottom.
Allons! Vite! Allons! Casse-toi!
589
01:03:52,720 --> 01:03:56,713
We knew where they were at the hotel
in Washington, didn't we, Osgood?
590
01:03:56,760 --> 01:04:00,753
You had to be there. You were busy
being the man in the moon. I was there.
591
01:04:00,800 --> 01:04:05,794
They only can make the switch under
the stage at the trap-door lifts.
592
01:04:05,840 --> 01:04:09,833
Let's take a look, shall we?
-Let's go get your saxophone
593
01:04:09,880 --> 01:04:14,237
and check backstage.
-What did the Japanese delegation say?
594
01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:18,273
Oh, you can't understand a word they say.
They said, would I enjoy sushi.
595
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:23,030
Well I said sure thing man,
send Suzi to my room.
596
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:28,518
Oh, I'm just kidding,
you could trust me baby.
597
01:05:21,800 --> 01:05:26,430
Hey, this is no a rap concert.
I hate Opera.
598
01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:42,673
Take this.
-Ditch the Arab disguises.
599
01:05:42,720 --> 01:05:46,713
They're checking everyone.
600
01:06:08,280 --> 01:06:12,193
Maybe there'll be some costumes
under the stage?
601
01:06:15,320 --> 01:06:18,039
Are you okay?
602
01:06:18,840 --> 01:06:22,833
Where are we?
-Under the stage. Do you think, the roof?
603
01:06:22,880 --> 01:06:25,758
There must be something in here,
604
01:06:25,920 --> 01:06:29,913
now you stay in that outfit,
so keep your face covered.
605
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:34,033
There must be something here for me.
So we won't look so much like a team.
606
01:06:34,080 --> 01:06:37,072
That a good idea, Dix.
607
01:06:37,120 --> 01:06:40,476
It's mostly woman's clothes in here.
608
01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:45,351
Allo?
609
01:06:48,160 --> 01:06:51,596
Allo?
-Oui, oui, oui... allo!
610
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:55,993
That's what I call a really
nice prop there Maestro.
611
01:06:56,040 --> 01:07:01,068
Maestro, is it that you?
-Yea, yea, it's the Maestro?
612
01:07:01,720 --> 01:07:05,395
Oh, I heard zis crash! Are you alright?
613
01:07:05,760 --> 01:07:10,629
It was an accident.
I'm a-changing my robes,
614
01:07:10,680 --> 01:07:15,674
as Pharaoh to the robe I use
for singing for farrow in the Aida.
615
01:07:15,720 --> 01:07:18,598
Oh... pardon.
616
01:07:22,400 --> 01:07:24,391
Oh la l�!
617
01:07:24,440 --> 01:07:28,433
I told you they were not right.
618
01:07:28,480 --> 01:07:32,473
You know this is probably zee wrong time.
But could you just
619
01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:37,150
sing une petit note, a little note per...
620
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:38,474
Si, si.
621
01:07:38,520 --> 01:07:42,991
Molto grande, molto grande,
molto grande, Clementine.
622
01:07:45,080 --> 01:07:49,790
you gone and I lost forever,
molto grande, clementine.
623
01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:56,473
Merci, I'm sorry, these are for yours.
-No, no, you keep them, as a memento,
624
01:07:56,520 --> 01:08:01,799
they are not the right condom
for my beard.
625
01:08:01,840 --> 01:08:05,230
Merci, I will cherish these.
-Arrividerci.
626
01:08:05,280 --> 01:08:08,511
Merci.
-Pronto di salami. -Chow.
627
01:08:08,560 --> 01:08:12,872
Pasta di fasa-ota.
628
01:08:29,560 --> 01:08:33,792
What is this?
-The platform. Up and down, up and down.
629
01:08:57,880 --> 01:09:00,758
What the hell is this?
630
01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:04,995
Pardon, pardon. You 'ave piss?
-Well, I had one three hours ago.
631
01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:09,033
Does that count?
-Show me your piss.
632
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:12,231
What?
-You need a big-stodge piss.
633
01:09:12,280 --> 01:09:14,589
Backstage... Okay...
634
01:09:20,960 --> 01:09:23,952
I think he said backstage pass...
635
01:09:27,680 --> 01:09:30,672
Don't touch the control panel.
636
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:34,554
Zis is where everything is controlled.
637
01:09:45,880 --> 01:09:49,031
No one will get pissed while I am here.
638
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:54,991
Fix the controls.
639
01:11:59,200 --> 01:12:03,193
If it looks like
they're going to succeed,
640
01:12:03,240 --> 01:12:07,711
kill the President...
the real one that is.
641
01:12:21,400 --> 01:12:25,393
I want them found and seized.
-There is no one...
642
01:12:25,440 --> 01:12:29,433
Ah, shut up you fool!
I got and a rest now
643
01:12:29,480 --> 01:12:33,473
and then changing my costumes
for the second act. When I come back,
644
01:12:33,520 --> 01:12:37,513
you had better have caught them
or else... schnip, clip, swish.
645
01:12:37,560 --> 01:12:39,551
Capice?
646
01:12:42,600 --> 01:12:46,991
You know the story about the women
in the doctors office. She says, I'm sick.
647
01:12:47,040 --> 01:12:51,033
He says, well here, let me take
your temperature through your rectum.
648
01:12:51,080 --> 01:12:56,029
What is a going on here.
I am an outrage.
649
01:12:56,920 --> 01:13:01,789
Oh Maestro,
oh I have to thank you again for this.
650
01:13:01,840 --> 01:13:05,833
You see I have kept it close to my heart.
-What are you talking about,
651
01:13:05,880 --> 01:13:09,634
I didn't give you anything.
Besides my condoms are engraved
652
01:13:09,920 --> 01:13:14,072
with my portrait and covered with fur.
These are counterfeit!
653
01:13:14,120 --> 01:13:19,717
Now out of my way!
-Oh, counterfeit, Maestro.
654
01:13:25,320 --> 01:13:29,313
Doctor Kunstler is one of them.
She's a superspy.
655
01:13:29,360 --> 01:13:33,353
I told you she was a supp... suppository.
656
01:13:33,400 --> 01:13:36,119
I knew she was in bed with Pratt.
-What? And she had me in her apartment.
657
01:13:36,160 --> 01:13:40,153
She danced for me, rubbed her body
all over mine. Used her tongue.
658
01:13:40,200 --> 01:13:44,830
The slut, a lap dance.
-Could have been... Lappland, Finland...
659
01:13:44,880 --> 01:13:48,873
Then she told me about the lion.
They mate forty-five times in three hours.
660
01:13:48,920 --> 01:13:52,913
How many times?
-You just keep your eyes on Kunstler.
661
01:13:52,960 --> 01:13:55,952
She has order to kill the President.
662
01:13:56,000 --> 01:13:59,470
She gets up on the tables.
He gets behind her.
663
01:13:59,520 --> 01:14:03,229
Wardrobe! Wardrobe! Where is my costume?
664
01:14:03,280 --> 01:14:07,273
I know it was here. I hung it myself.
-And I'll hang you myself,
665
01:14:07,320 --> 01:14:11,313
if you don't find it.
-Luciano! They came to hear you sing,
666
01:14:11,360 --> 01:14:15,353
not see your clothes.
-You think the French won't notice
667
01:14:15,400 --> 01:14:20,394
if I'm on an Italian battlefield fighting
the Germans wearing American boxer shorts?
668
01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:31,198
''Hey doctor, that's not my rectum.''
''Yea, that's ain't my thermometer either.''
669
01:14:32,600 --> 01:14:36,195
Mr. President, we're ready for you now:
670
01:14:36,240 --> 01:14:41,837
Well, I'm on.
-Good luck snookums.
671
01:14:46,680 --> 01:14:51,629
no more birthmark games tonight,
just remember, you don't have one anymore,
672
01:14:51,680 --> 01:14:55,673
but there's a clone and he does have it.
So you just keep your pants on tonight
673
01:14:55,720 --> 01:14:59,713
and keep your fingers crossed that Osgood
won't remember what he thought
674
01:14:59,760 --> 01:15:04,754
he saw in the hotel, thought he didn't
see what he thought he saw
675
01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:09,271
in the hotel, I was right the first time.
676
01:15:09,320 --> 01:15:14,314
First the condoms, now my costume.
And you still haven't found them.
677
01:15:14,360 --> 01:15:17,875
Your robe.
-Sure. Skuzi.
678
01:15:19,680 --> 01:15:24,674
Or rather, that he doesn't know
what he thought didn't see in the hotel.
679
01:15:24,720 --> 01:15:28,269
he didn't see the birthmark and...
680
01:15:31,120 --> 01:15:35,989
Monsieur le President.
Everything is chicked and ready.
681
01:15:36,040 --> 01:15:41,194
blow your instrument with cuntfidence,
knowing that I am holding the fart.
682
01:15:57,080 --> 01:16:01,198
Thank you, thank you, and now,
Ladies and Gentlemen,
683
01:16:01,240 --> 01:16:04,755
it gives me great pleasure
to introduce our surprise guest.
684
01:16:19,640 --> 01:16:23,428
So far so good.
-Don't be a pessimist.
685
01:16:29,840 --> 01:16:34,038
I like the way he blows his horn
-My son like to tute too.
686
01:16:37,880 --> 01:16:39,871
Let's go!
687
01:16:45,080 --> 01:16:47,594
You alright?
688
01:16:49,760 --> 01:16:53,070
Here, catch the saxophone.
689
01:17:04,320 --> 01:17:07,312
So, now?
-I'll lower the trap door.
690
01:17:07,360 --> 01:17:11,399
You get on it, go up and I'll bring
the clone down and put the arm on him.
691
01:17:40,000 --> 01:17:40,989
What?
692
01:17:52,360 --> 01:17:56,353
You messed up things for the last time.
693
01:18:00,640 --> 01:18:02,278
Yes!
694
01:18:28,760 --> 01:18:31,433
�a va merde!
695
01:18:33,120 --> 01:18:35,588
'oo is 'oo?
696
01:18:37,440 --> 01:18:40,432
We have here, two President.
697
01:18:41,280 --> 01:18:45,353
Two of them, my gosh,
this could be an interns nightmare.
698
01:18:45,400 --> 01:18:47,595
Two, identicule.
699
01:18:48,880 --> 01:18:52,873
Identical, yes...
But are our memories the same?
700
01:18:52,920 --> 01:18:57,516
Here's something I composed when
I was six years old. No one knows it.
701
01:19:11,760 --> 01:19:15,355
So, now who is the real President?
702
01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:21,196
Okay... How about this one?
I learned it yesterday.
703
01:19:45,040 --> 01:19:50,160
Not so good, huh! There's your clone.
He remember everything about my life,
704
01:19:50,200 --> 01:19:54,318
Until the time he was cloned
and nothing after that.
705
01:19:54,360 --> 01:20:00,356
Right, there's your clone, Dr Pratt.
-You're the one who did this to me.
706
01:20:00,400 --> 01:20:04,393
I'm going to destroy you. You hear me.
707
01:20:13,040 --> 01:20:16,032
What...
-Lord, give me a sign.
708
01:20:17,960 --> 01:20:19,951
You've got mail.
709
01:20:22,640 --> 01:20:26,633
God says, let there be music,
on with the show.
710
01:20:39,040 --> 01:20:43,352
So much for taking over the world!
-I just wanted to rid the world of idiots.
711
01:21:52,680 --> 01:21:54,671
Look out!
712
01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:58,552
Oh that's going to leave a mark.
713
01:22:36,440 --> 01:22:39,671
The solution is, kill the President.
714
01:22:57,640 --> 01:23:00,632
Holy shit baby.
715
01:23:23,040 --> 01:23:25,600
Hasta Lavista baby.
716
01:23:37,480 --> 01:23:42,031
Ladies and Gentlemen, This may have been
the greatest save of all time...
717
01:23:42,080 --> 01:23:46,073
and the man responsible for this,
718
01:23:46,120 --> 01:23:51,717
is from Interplanetary Security:
Marshal 'Dick' Dix.
719
01:23:56,880 --> 01:24:00,919
Thank you, Mr. President.
-You're very welcome Marshal Dix
720
01:24:00,960 --> 01:24:03,952
and the world thanks you.
721
01:24:33,120 --> 01:24:37,636
Now I knew what it was like
to be a roman candle on the 4th of July.
722
01:24:37,680 --> 01:24:42,117
But this hero stuff was not for me.
I was ready to get back on the beat,
723
01:24:42,160 --> 01:24:47,154
hear the wail of sirens and my gun
and play with my handcuff
724
01:24:47,200 --> 01:24:51,193
Yes, I was ready to plant my flag
back in Washington D.C.
725
01:24:51,240 --> 01:24:55,233
where every congressmen has the
constitutional right to be a felon.
726
01:24:55,280 --> 01:24:58,272
Good old America.
727
01:25:10,200 --> 01:25:12,589
Here's your soup Sir.
728
01:25:13,040 --> 01:25:17,033
Mmm, smells great.
729
01:25:17,080 --> 01:25:20,993
Well, I want to drink a toast.
730
01:25:24,280 --> 01:25:27,636
I want to drink a toast to you.
731
01:25:33,680 --> 01:25:37,673
No to you. You've made the world
a safe place again.
732
01:25:37,720 --> 01:25:43,670
Well your high kicks, help out
pretty good there, too, you know.
733
01:25:43,720 --> 01:25:46,996
How are things on Vegan?
I hear you've gotten a promotion.
734
01:25:50,440 --> 01:25:55,309
Yes, I'm responsible
for all new erections.
735
01:25:56,440 --> 01:26:00,433
Congratulations,
I'm not a bit surprised.
736
01:26:00,480 --> 01:26:05,474
I love spending my vacations here on earth.
This place is so peaceful...
737
01:26:05,520 --> 01:26:09,513
the ocean... the music...
The product placements...
738
01:26:16,240 --> 01:26:18,595
Are you alright?
739
01:26:24,360 --> 01:26:27,352
Just picking my teeth.
740
01:26:28,800 --> 01:26:34,079
There's something I need to tell you.
I see dead people.
741
01:26:34,440 --> 01:26:40,675
What?
-I see dead people. Look.
742
01:26:40,720 --> 01:26:42,711
David Bowie.
743
01:26:42,760 --> 01:26:47,754
Our dessert specials today are silicon
hooter pie with whipped cream, for you.
744
01:26:47,800 --> 01:26:52,316
We have silicon-lips ice cream, for you.
-And we've got guns,
745
01:26:52,360 --> 01:26:55,158
big guns, for you.
746
01:26:55,200 --> 01:26:59,193
Guns, big guns, those aren't guns...
747
01:26:59,920 --> 01:27:01,911
This is a gun.
748
01:27:08,760 --> 01:27:13,709
Oh, Marshal, you've made the world
a safe place again, again.
749
01:27:13,760 --> 01:27:17,753
Your so wonderful,
you know you could be my father.
750
01:27:17,800 --> 01:27:22,510
Oh, no, no. That concert was the
first time I was in France, ever.
751
01:27:22,560 --> 01:27:24,551
Oh, Richard.
752
01:27:36,960 --> 01:27:42,956
Subtitles: VICOMEDIA 11/2002
67496
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