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1
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:35,442
One time, my cousin Walter
got this cat stuck in his ass.
2
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:40,281
True story. He bought it at our local mall
so the whole fiasco wound up on the news.
3
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,040
It was embarrassing
for my relatives and all.
4
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,618
But the next week,
he did it again.
5
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:49,876
Different cat, same results, complete
with another trip to the emergency room.
6
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:53,050
So I run into him a week later in the
mall and he's buying another cat.
7
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,548
And I says to him, "Jesus,
Walt, what are you doing?
8
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,381
"You know you're just going to get
this cat stuck in your ass, too.
9
00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,715
"Why don't you knock it off?"
10
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,393
And he said to me, "Brodie,
how the hell else
11
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,720
"am I supposed
to get the gerbil out?"
12
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,806
My cousin was a weird guy.
13
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:57,773
Brandi Svenning, come on down.
I'm taking your ass to Florida.
14
00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:01,731
Let's go. Where's your luggage? Come
on, the plane leaves in an hour.
15
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,487
T.S., did you see
Julie Dwyer last night?
16
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,736
Yeah, saw her
at the video store.
17
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:09,697
She was talking about being on
your dad's stupid game show.
18
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,916
Oh, my God, he's not here, is he?
Yeah, he's inside.
19
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:17,873
T.S., did you tell her that every time
you're on TV, you look 10 pounds heavier?
20
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:24,758
Yeah, well, I told her that the
way TV shows are shot sometimes
21
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,215
makes you look a lot fatter
than you are in real life.
22
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,971
Why, what did she do,
call up and cancel?
23
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,473
No, not exactly.
24
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,686
T.S., you know that Julie had a
huge weight problem in school.
25
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,734
She had the fattest ass.
26
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,436
And when you said that to her
27
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,693
she went straight out to the
YMCA and started doing laps.
28
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,742
It's because she wanted to
be fit for the show tonight
29
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:49,115
and well
30
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,365
in the middle of her 700th lap
31
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:56,122
this embolism popped in her
brain and she dropped dead.
32
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,329
Right in mid-backstroke.
33
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,756
She's fucking dead?
34
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:05,295
Then her sister told her parents
why she was doing all the laps
35
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:08,130
and it got back
to my father and...
36
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,883
Shit, T.S., he's
really pissed at you.
37
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:14,266
I mean, it's awful
about Julie's death
38
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:17,807
and now, he doesn't even have a
female contestant for his show.
39
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,545
Well, can't you calm him down
or something?
40
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,569
Well, I've done that.
41
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:22,811
Thank God. How? I told
him I'd do the show.
42
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,396
Good. What?
43
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:28,238
Wait a minute. No.
We're leaving for Florida.
44
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:31,195
T.S., I can't go,
I've got to stay here.
45
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,530
No, I've got something
planned for Florida.
46
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:34,831
No, we've gotta go.
47
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,831
But, T.S., I'm doing this to get
you out of trouble with my father.
48
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:41,164
Help him out of a bind, which,
you know, you kind of...
49
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,295
Well, at least
a little responsible for.
50
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:46,503
I bet he's as happy as a pig in shit
that you're not going away with me.
51
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:49,805
Are you kidding? He's absolutely
devastated about Julie.
52
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,604
I can't believe you!
Brandi, the guy hates me.
53
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:09,074
You know, I bet he sees this tragedy
as an excellent opportunity
54
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,071
as a way to keep you
from going away with me.
55
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:14,280
Would you calm down? I mean,
you're being a complete ass.
56
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,706
Sometimes, I almost forget that
you're such a daddy's girl.
57
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,127
It makes me sick.
58
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,131
Well, you know
what I think is sick?
59
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,834
This relationship.
60
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,303
Come on, I thought we weren't
going to go through this
61
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,721
make-up, break-up shit anymore.
62
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:34,015
Yeah, well, you can just
forget about making up.
63
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,389
You know, you are exactly
like my father.
64
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,562
It's always about what you
need, what you've got planned
65
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:42,391
screw everybody else,
my shit is more important.
66
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:44,726
You're as thoughtless
and self-absorbed as he is.
67
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,062
In fact, the two of you
have so much in common
68
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,489
I think you should date
each other.
69
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,401
Brandi, wait.
70
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:08,008
Sweet fucking Christ,
would you knock it off?
71
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,550
God!
What?
72
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,560
What time is it?
9:30.
73
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,846
Man, go back to sleep!
74
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,033
Thank Christ.
75
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,833
What the hell are you doing?
Finishing my game.
76
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,799
No. You promised me breakfast.
Breakfast!
77
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,718
Breakfast, shmeckfast. Look
at the score, for God's sake.
78
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,305
I'm only in the middle of the
second and I'm winning 12 to 2.
79
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,557
Breakfasts come and go, Rene.
80
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,593
Now Hartford, the Whale?
81
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:03,306
They only beat Vancouver once,
maybe twice, in a lifetime.
82
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,066
You hit the bathroom already?
83
00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,983
Don't worry. I didn't let
your mother see me.
84
00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:12,656
Who's worried?
Are you kidding me?
85
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:16,235
I've never met a person who lives in
as much fear of his mother as you do.
86
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,660
I do not.
87
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,537
So that's why
I have to sneak in here
88
00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:22,616
after everyone's asleep at night and
sneak out undetected in the morning?
89
00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:25,499
You want I should tell my mother
what we do in here at night?
90
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,751
That you play videogames and
I fall asleep unfulfilled?
91
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,254
Go ahead. It beats
the sneaking-around shit.
92
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,506
What can I say?
She doesn't like you.
93
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,553
You've never even
introduced me to her.
94
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,382
Yeah, 'cause you're always in the
goddamned bathroom, all right?
95
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,513
What the hell do you do
in there all the time?
96
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,059
You really want to know?
97
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,731
I asked, didn't I? I'm playing
the role of the concerned guy.
98
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,103
I cry.
99
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,777
You cry?
I cry.
100
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,404
Any particular reason?
101
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:54,992
Hey-
102
00:08:56,619 --> 00:09:00,328
I think about the people that make
decisions that affect our lives.
103
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,958
The doctors who make
advancements in curing diseases.
104
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,128
The engineer
that designs skyscrapers.
105
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:14,043
The guy that maps out a plane's
flight path. The navigator.
106
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,968
I think about how those people
are out there every day
107
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,391
making a difference,
leading big lives
108
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:26,980
and how they refuse to be intimidated by
the tremendous odds of failure they face.
109
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:31,401
And how they only concern themselves
with peers and company that apply
110
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,024
to their goals and noble causes.
111
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:36,732
Jesus! I'd hate to tell you what I
think about when I'm in the bathroom.
112
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,867
I think about all that and I cry
113
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,990
because I have nothing better
to do than fuck you.
114
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,510
You're dumping me?
115
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:01,469
Is this because I didn't
introduce you to my mother?
116
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,404
You're a fickle broad.
117
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:24,113
Holy shit!
If it isn't mon frère.
118
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:31,037
Usual vault rules apply: touch
not, lest ye be touched.
119
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:33,042
You're such
an anal-retentive bastard.
120
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:36,626
I tried to teach you how to handle
comics in the sixth grade, but no
121
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,211
you wanted to play
Little League instead.
122
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:43,140
What's that? Like it? I framed
it before you got here.
123
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,594
Oh, my God!
Rene dumped you!
124
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,555
Hell hath no fury
like a woman scorned for Sega.
125
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,890
Wow! Look at this laundry list
of complaints.
126
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,936
You have no direction, no college
ambition, no job prospects.
127
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,987
Yeah. It also says
I have no dick.
128
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:01,283
But you'll notice that follows the
financial question, proving once more
129
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:02,484
what women really look for.
130
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:06,038
Wow, she calls you callow in here.
You say that like it's bad.
131
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:10,166
It means frightened and weak-willed.
Really?
132
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:15,335
Shit. That was the only part of the
letter I thought was complimentary.
133
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,503
Yeah, well, you're lucky.
134
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,924
Unlike you, I didn't even get a letter
filled with obscure adjectives.
135
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,009
What are you telling me here?
136
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,341
I, too, now am
in the framing business.
137
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,598
Holy shit!
Brandi dumped you.
138
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:32,230
Wait a second, aren't you two
supposed to go to Florida?
139
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,275
Should've left this morning.
It gets worse.
140
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,695
I was gonna propose to her.
Where?
141
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,490
On the Universal tour.
You're kidding! What part?
142
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,243
When Jaws pops out of the water.
143
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:49,156
That's the most romantic thing
I've ever heard.
144
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:52,455
Too bad I'm not trying
to marry you.
145
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:56,338
Let me ask you something. Did
you ever fart in front of her?
146
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,257
Why do you ask?
147
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,052
I never farted in front of
Rene, not once, all right?
148
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:05,301
Then last week I let one slip.
Today she dumps me.
149
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,176
You think that that's why
Rene dumped you?
150
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:10,931
She's not
the shallow type, Brodie.
151
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,888
She was going down
on me at the time.
152
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:16,267
Shut up! What can I say? I
was feeling very relaxed.
153
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,568
When I'm relaxed, I squirt.
154
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:22,280
If all she did was dump
you, you got off light.
155
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:23,698
I can't believe this shit.
156
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:25,617
Why are we sitting here
trying to figure out
157
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,583
where we went wrong
with our significant others?
158
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,120
We just nailed it, in your case.
159
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:33,292
No, there is something out there that can
help ease our simultaneous double loss.
160
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:36,502
Ritual suicide? No, you idiot.
The fucking mall!
161
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,455
I prefer ritual suicide.
162
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:42,133
Come on, man! It'll be great. They got
these new cookies at the cookie stand.
163
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,086
You have to try them,
they're awesome.
164
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:07,409
I love the smell of commerce
in the morning!
165
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,704
You're really making that last.
Waste not, want not.
166
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,456
What, you want to say something?
About a million things
167
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:21,882
but I can't express myself monosyllabically
enough for you to understand them all.
168
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:23,667
Asshole!
Prick!
169
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,627
Fuck you! What the hell
was that all about?
170
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:30,512
He's a jerk from Fashionable Male, this
upscale wannabe shop on the 2nd floor.
171
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:33,093
He's the manager. The guy's
always giving me shit.
172
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:36,347
I've no idea why. I thought
everybody loved you at this mall.
173
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:40,146
"F" him! Where do you want to go first?
Back to Brandi's.
174
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:44,067
Look, Brandi is the past, my friend.
She's behind you now.
175
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:49,326
You face forward, or you face the
possibility of shock and damage.
176
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,490
You should learn
to heed your own advice.
177
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:57,372
Where the hell did that come from?
What's going on here?
178
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,499
It looks like a stage
is being erected.
179
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:03,628
What is this monstrosity? Maybe
it's for the Easter Bunny pictures.
180
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:06,801
Impossible! The Easter Bunny Court is
down at the other end of the mall.
181
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:10,097
It's been up since two days after
Christmas. I want answers.
182
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,427
Ask one of the workers.
183
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:15,515
No, there's a soul
who might know what's up.
184
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,104
Willam.
185
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,113
Willam!
Poopie trim.
186
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,028
Brodie, man, what's going on?
187
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:36,247
What, do you work here now? No, man.
Just hanging with T.S.
188
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:39,538
Willam, what
exactly are you doing?
189
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,211
Looking for the hidden picture.
190
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:44,210
If you stare at these things long
enough, you're supposed to see
191
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,587
some kind of hidden
three-dimensional picture.
192
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:50,713
Oh, yeah, look. It's a sailboat.
You saw it, too? Dammit!
193
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,548
What? I've been
staring at this thing
194
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:56,101
for a week now from opening till closing
and I can't see a goddamned thing!
195
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:59,851
You gotta relax your eyes. Everyone
sees this thing except me.
196
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,308
Today's my day. I brought
a lunch and a soda
197
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:06,270
and I'm not gonna leave until I see this
sailboat everyone keeps talking about.
198
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,150
So, Willam,
199
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:11,612
would you happen to know what
this stage business is all about?
200
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,192
It's not a stage!
201
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,737
I'm gonna see it
if I have to go blind trying.
202
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,869
No man, this stage over here.
203
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:21,039
That thing? I think some
game show in the mall today.
204
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:24,963
I think it's going to be on TV. It's
called Truth or Date or something.
205
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,915
Oh, my God! That's Brandi's
father's game show.
206
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,588
What is it? It's this cheesy
Dating Game rip-off thing.
207
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:30,959
Supposed to be for college kids.
208
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:34,347
Just trying to capture the '90s youth
market with a staple of '70s television.
209
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,892
Why can't they bring back
or remake good shows
210
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,264
like BJ and the Bear?
211
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,312
Now there's a concept I can't get
enough of: a man and his monkey.
212
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,231
Would you guys shut up?
213
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:46,644
You're breaking my concentration.
Sorry, Willam.
214
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,354
Now I have to start
all over again.
215
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:54,742
Good luck with that thing.
Remember, relax your eyes.
216
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:03,664
Wow, a sailboat!
Shut up!
217
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,130
Could this week get any worse?
218
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,924
Now she's going to be auctioned
off on live TV from a mall.
219
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:13,094
Not "a" mall, all right? "The" mall.
Show some respect.
220
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:16,094
It doesn't have to go down like
that, if we trash the thing.
221
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,516
There's a unique way of getting
back in her good graces,
222
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:19,843
by ruining her father's show.
223
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,141
You're a clever one. I can
get someone to do it for us.
224
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:25,769
We'll be blame-free and Brandi
won't be able to do the show.
225
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:29,440
Who is this imaginary hatchet man?
Hatchet men.
226
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,838
Knock it off!
227
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:54,669
Kitty, kitty, kitty!
228
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,220
Kitty, kitty, kitty!
Hey, Jay!
229
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,969
Brodie, man!
Nootchy nootchies!
230
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:02,219
And look at this shit.
The mad, fat, chick-killer.
231
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,350
I can't believe how fast
word travels in this town.
232
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,101
Excellent. What's he doing?
233
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,607
Shithead here watched
Empire and Jedi last week
234
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:11,026
and ever since, he's been trying
to do the Jedi mind trick.
235
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:14,526
Crazy fuck thinks he'll levitate shit
with his thoughts. Knock it off!
236
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:17,279
The Force is strong with this one.
Dude, don't encourage him.
237
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,203
So I was telling T.S. here we
gotta find Jay and Silent Bob.
238
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,767
If there's anyone
that can help us out
239
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,907
it's the two guys that have
even less to do than us.
240
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,001
What is this shit? Everyone's
looking for us today.
241
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:29,250
We're ducking Tricia 'cause she wants to
talk to Obi-Wan about her video set-up.
242
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,798
Why him? Silent Bob's
an electrical genius.
243
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:35,093
He won the science fair in eighth
grade by turning his mom's vibrator
244
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:37,216
into a CD player,
using chicken wire and shit.
245
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:40,219
Motherfucker's like MacGyver. No,
motherfucker's better than MacGyver!
246
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,390
Knock it off!
247
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,969
And it's that kind of smarts
we need, right, mopey?
248
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,144
Leave me out of this.
249
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:49,816
We need you to embark on a little sabotage
mission on behalf of T.S.'s love life.
250
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,321
You know about this game show
thing they've got going on here?
251
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,279
We need you guys to somehow
ensure that it doesn't happen.
252
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,239
Is that it? We were gonna
do that anyway.
253
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,415
Really? Why?
What else are we gonna do?
254
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:09,915
Silent Bob just stole the schematic of
the stage from some foolish carpenter
255
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,464
and found a weakness, just
like the fucking Death Star.
256
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,541
He figures if you
pull this crossbeam out
257
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:17,343
fucking bickety-bam, the whole
stage comes crashing down.
258
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,216
We were thinking
about something simple,
259
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,969
but if you want to destroy the
stage, we're all for that.
260
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,426
Only problem is LaFours.
Who's LaFours?
261
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,558
You don't know who LaFours is?
They don't know who LaFours is!
262
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,436
He's only the most feared security
guard in the business, man.
263
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:34,440
460 collars, all convicted. I
hear he's even got two kills.
264
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,771
Holy shit! I never thought
I'd see the day
265
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:40,109
when two such highly reputable
mischief-makers as yourselves
266
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:43,320
douse their drawers at the sight
of a mall security guard.
267
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:46,623
Shit, bitch! We're gonna bust out
that stage like a high-school kegger.
268
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,950
We're just gonna
outwit LaFours, X-Men style.
269
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,661
Should I call you Logan,
Weapon X?
270
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:53,964
No, Wolverine!
Snicky, snicky, snoine.
271
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:57,793
What he's doing is imitating Wolverine's
berserker attack with his Adamantium claws.
272
00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:00,920
I never would have guessed. All
right, guys. You have your mission,
273
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:04,303
go forth and wreak havoc.
Bye, baby kitties.
274
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,722
Damn, Silent Bob,
show some heart.
275
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:08,928
Pss, pss, pss.
276
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,061
That's better.
We're on the job.
277
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,392
Thanks.
278
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:18,939
I have to admit I'm shocked you
didn't try to dissuade them.
279
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,074
I would if I actually thought for
a second they could pull it off.
280
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,653
Ye of little faith,
want a cookie?
281
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,241
What's he doing?
282
00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:34,546
If you stare at this poster for a few
seconds, a hidden picture appears.
283
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:36,873
Can we do it? Please?
284
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:38,958
All right, go ahead, but hurry,
285
00:19:39,053 --> 00:19:40,509
the Easter Bunny's waiting.
286
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,758
Wow, it's a schooner!
287
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:48,476
You dumb bastard! It's not a
schooner, it's a sailboat.
288
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:51,680
A schooner is a sailboat,
stupidhead.
289
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:56,560
You know what?
There is no Easter Bunny!
290
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:59,442
Over there is just
a guy in a suit!
291
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,694
But they're engaged. It doesn't
matter, it can't happen.
292
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,199
Why not?
It's bound to come up.
293
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:10,327
It's impossible. Lois could
never have Superman's baby.
294
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:13,035
Do you think her fallopian
tubes can handle his sperm?
295
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:16,497
I guarantee he blows a load like a
shotgun, right through her back.
296
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:17,751
What about her womb?
297
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,842
Do you think it's strong
enough to carry his child?
298
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:20,962
Sure. Why not?
299
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,669
He's an alien,
for Christ's sake!
300
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:26,256
His Kryptonian biological makeup
is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun.
301
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:29,342
If Lois gets a tan, the kid could
kick right through her stomach.
302
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:33,187
Only someone like Wonder Woman has a
strong enough uterus to carry his kid.
303
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:36,517
The only way he could bang regular
chicks is with a Kryptonite condom.
304
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:37,771
But that would kill him.
305
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:40,736
How did I go from the verge of
hot Floridian sex with Brandi
306
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:43,104
to Man of Steel coital debates
with you in the food court?
307
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,409
Cookie stand is not part of the food court.
Of course it is.
308
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,700
The food court is downstairs,
the cookie stand is upstairs.
309
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,518
It's not like we're talking
quantum physics here.
310
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:54,751
The cookie stand counts as an eatery,
the eatery's a part of the food court.
311
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:58,080
Bullshit. Eateries that operate within
the designated square downstairs
312
00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,209
qualify as food court.
313
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,837
Anything outside
of said designated square
314
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,965
is considered an autonomous
unit for mid-mall snacking.
315
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:08,343
Now if you're gonna wax
intellectual about the subject...
316
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:09,932
Holy shit!
317
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,261
Wait here.
Where are you going?
318
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,015
Cherchez la femme.
319
00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:24,814
That would look terrible on you.
320
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:26,525
Didn't I dump your ass
this morning?
321
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:30,078
Look, I know you've had some time to
think about the mistake you've made
322
00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:32,701
and I just want to let you know
you don't have to apologize.
323
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,999
I'm sure you were just PMSing
or something.
324
00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,827
Brodie, what kills me about you
is your inability to function
325
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:40,584
on the same plane of
existence as the rest of us.
326
00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:41,751
Piss off.
327
00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:46,545
Okay. I see you want to continue with
this charade of ending our union.
328
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:47,674
Fine, I'll play along.
329
00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:50,803
But if we're divorced, we're gonna
have to divide our mutual possessions.
330
00:21:50,893 --> 00:21:52,120
What the hell
are you talking about?
331
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,226
You have
my Punisher War Journal ♪6,
332
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:57,226
my copy of Fletch and the
remote control to my TV.
333
00:21:57,483 --> 00:22:01,101
I know it's gonna be hard to give this stuff
up because of its sentimental attachment.
334
00:22:01,195 --> 00:22:02,401
Sentimental attachment?
335
00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:03,853
If I have any of that crap,
336
00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:07,066
it's because you brought it over
to my house and left it there.
337
00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:11,327
Okay, then let's talk about coming up
with a schedule for visitation rights.
338
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:12,653
For what?
For the mall.
339
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:15,991
I figure you can have the odd days,
I'll take the even days and weekends.
340
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:19,168
When there's any special function
like a sidewalk sale, boat show...
341
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:20,586
Brodie. Brodie!
342
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:24,419
I have always taken you
with a grain of salt.
343
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,211
On your birthday, when you
asked me to do a striptease
344
00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:29,921
to the theme from Mighty
Mouse, I said okay.
345
00:22:30,224 --> 00:22:31,714
When we were at that hotel,
prom night
346
00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:33,550
and you asked me to sleep
underneath the bed
347
00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:36,102
in case your mother burst in,
I did it.
348
00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:38,388
And even when we were
at my grandmother's funeral
349
00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:39,793
when you told
most of my relatives
350
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:43,651
that you could see her nipples through
her burial dress, I let it slide.
351
00:22:43,737 --> 00:22:46,729
If you think that I'm gonna suffer
any more of your shit with a smile
352
00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:50,863
now that we're broken up, you're in for
some serious fucking disappointment.
353
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:56,291
What?
354
00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:59,458
Phase one: First, you
take a run at LaFours
355
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:00,831
with a sock full of quarters.
356
00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:04,334
I'd do it, but I pulled my back out
humping your mom last night. Nudge.
357
00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:07,463
You clock him on his headpiece
and knock his ass out cold.
358
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,169
That's when phase two kicks in.
359
00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:12,722
I attack the structure Wolvie-berserk
style and knock out the fucking pin
360
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:17,097
and bickety-bam, the motherfucker's rubble.
Hence, no game show.
361
00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:20,581
What? Do you know
that kid or something?
362
00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:23,660
I hope his pants get caught
and a bloodbath ensues.
363
00:24:23,754 --> 00:24:24,789
What is with you today?
364
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,837
Don't get me wrong.
I don't wish the kid harm,
365
00:24:26,924 --> 00:24:28,881
but his mother should suffer
that horrific ordeal
366
00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:30,959
so she'll learn
how to manage her child.
367
00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:32,822
That's sort of a harsh
lesson, don't you think?
368
00:24:32,846 --> 00:24:37,215
There's not a year goes by that I don't
read about an escalator accident
369
00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:40,681
involving some bastard kid that
could've been easily avoided
370
00:24:40,771 --> 00:24:43,263
had some parent,
I don't care which one,
371
00:24:43,357 --> 00:24:44,973
but some parent, conditioned him
372
00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:47,809
to fear and respect
that escalator!
373
00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:51,980
Wow! Look who it is.
374
00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:57,829
Jerk!
375
00:24:57,913 --> 00:25:00,655
Little Tricia Jones! What's
a pretty girl like you
376
00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:04,538
doing sitting alone in the middle
of this monument to consumerism?
377
00:25:04,628 --> 00:25:07,916
Updating my calendar and waiting
for Jay and Silent Bob.
378
00:25:08,090 --> 00:25:11,583
And I suppose you're here
with no agenda, as per usual.
379
00:25:11,719 --> 00:25:13,835
On the contrary,
I'm here for comics.
380
00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:17,513
T.S. Quint, Tricia Jones.
They call her Trish the Dish.
381
00:25:17,599 --> 00:25:18,839
Nobody calls me that.
382
00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:23,178
Our little Tricia here is only
15 but somehow she's a senior.
383
00:25:23,272 --> 00:25:24,353
How'd you manage that?
384
00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:28,687
Don't listen to him. I studied my ass off.
Yeah, right.
385
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:30,688
So what do you say? You wanna nail T.S.
or what?
386
00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:31,860
Jesus, Brodie!
387
00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:35,030
Calm clown. Tricia's compiling
data for this book she's writing
388
00:25:35,117 --> 00:25:38,576
about the sex drive of men
ages 14 to 30.
389
00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:39,906
If I remember correctly,
390
00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:43,991
it's titled Bore-gasm: A Study of
the '90s Male 's Sexual Prowess.
391
00:25:44,126 --> 00:25:46,959
Ready to get sick? Tell him
about the advance you got.
392
00:25:47,046 --> 00:25:50,789
Pendant Publishing gave me $20,000 based
on a treatment and a sample chapter.
393
00:25:50,924 --> 00:25:52,380
You're kidding.
It's true.
394
00:25:52,468 --> 00:25:54,800
She'll be the youngest author
to tackle the subject.
395
00:25:55,054 --> 00:25:57,591
So Tricia here sleeps with a
bunch of guys as research.
396
00:25:57,681 --> 00:25:59,137
If that's not enough, get this:
397
00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:01,181
She videotapes all of them.
What?
398
00:26:01,268 --> 00:26:05,136
I get everybody's consent before we do it.
Most guys get off on it.
399
00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:06,846
Men are easily amused.
400
00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:09,398
What are you
writing in the calendar?
401
00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:11,522
I was coding
last night's research.
402
00:26:11,612 --> 00:26:14,400
She means sex.
I know what she meant.
403
00:26:14,782 --> 00:26:17,524
What kind of codes?
Here, look.
404
00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:20,033
The smiley face is for
when I go down on the guy.
405
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:23,158
The smiley face with lashes is for
when the guy goes down on me.
406
00:26:23,248 --> 00:26:25,205
The circle is for
when we have sex.
407
00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:27,909
The circle with the "X" in it
is for when I have an orgasm.
408
00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:31,166
The little house is when we do it
inside and the grass is for outside.
409
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:34,123
That kid is back
on the escalator again!
410
00:26:34,301 --> 00:26:36,759
How old was last night's subject,
if you don't mind me asking?
411
00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:40,008
Twenty-five. It was the guy who
runs that store Fashionable Male.
412
00:26:40,099 --> 00:26:42,682
Holy shit! You slept
with that asshole? Why?
413
00:26:42,768 --> 00:26:44,475
I needed a 25-year-old.
414
00:26:44,561 --> 00:26:47,144
And he has quite a distaste
for you, I might add.
415
00:26:47,231 --> 00:26:50,189
He mentioned me during sex?
Afterwards.
416
00:26:50,275 --> 00:26:53,393
He says he wants to kick your ass. I'd
steer clear of him, if I were you.
417
00:26:53,487 --> 00:26:55,524
Tell me you videotaped
him saying that. No.
418
00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:57,446
I shut the camera off
after the sex.
419
00:26:57,533 --> 00:26:59,649
You should have heard the
stuff he wanted to do.
420
00:26:59,743 --> 00:27:01,325
I'm having a hard time
with this.
421
00:27:01,411 --> 00:27:03,652
Do your parents know about this?
Of course.
422
00:27:03,747 --> 00:27:06,284
That's remarkable.
That's criminal. That kid...
423
00:27:06,792 --> 00:27:09,910
That kid is back
on the escalator again!
424
00:27:10,003 --> 00:27:11,710
Leave it alone.
What?
425
00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:16,583
So, I heard you were going to propose
to Brandi Svenning in some theme park.
426
00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:19,419
When are men going to learn
that women want romance?
427
00:27:19,513 --> 00:27:23,598
Not Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
Be fair, all right?
428
00:27:23,809 --> 00:27:28,269
Everyone wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
We gotta go.
429
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:30,937
Remember my offer.
430
00:27:31,024 --> 00:27:33,766
I'm young, virile, sensitive
to a woman's needs...
431
00:27:33,861 --> 00:27:36,023
Somehow I doubt it, Sega-boy.
432
00:27:36,405 --> 00:27:38,612
Good luck
with the comic-book store.
433
00:27:39,032 --> 00:27:41,774
"Sega-boy." God,
Rene's got a big mouth!
434
00:27:41,869 --> 00:27:44,611
What does that mean, "Good luck
with the comic-book store"?
435
00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:47,704
How does that junior Masters and
Johnson know about my proposal?
436
00:27:47,791 --> 00:27:49,907
It's not like she's in an
exclusive club or anything.
437
00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:51,208
What are you talking about?
438
00:27:51,295 --> 00:27:53,502
Sean Hartle's giving everyone
the inside scoop.
439
00:27:53,589 --> 00:27:55,045
What? What's he saying?
440
00:27:55,132 --> 00:27:59,000
How her father made her do the game show
so you couldn't take her to Florida.
441
00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:01,301
Now, what the hell is this shit?
442
00:28:01,889 --> 00:28:04,472
What do you got to do to get
comics around this place?
443
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,136
One side, Red.
444
00:28:06,226 --> 00:28:08,968
What the hell's going on here?
I was warned about you.
445
00:28:09,104 --> 00:28:11,436
Take it easy before I have
you removed... Warned?
446
00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:14,106
What the fuck are you talking about?
Tell him, Steve Dave.
447
00:28:14,193 --> 00:28:15,649
Fuck you, fan-boy!
448
00:28:15,736 --> 00:28:18,273
Would you testosterone-seething,
He-Man comic book fans
449
00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:20,091
finish up with this tough-guy
back-and-forth?
450
00:28:20,115 --> 00:28:22,435
I got some questions I need answered.
Look, who's in there?
451
00:28:22,492 --> 00:28:24,733
You got to ask me nicely.
Fuck this.
452
00:28:24,870 --> 00:28:26,281
Jesus Christ!
453
00:28:26,371 --> 00:28:28,112
Get the hell off of him.
Come on.
454
00:28:28,207 --> 00:28:31,416
You fuckers think just 'cause a guy
reads comics he can't start some shit?
455
00:28:31,501 --> 00:28:33,208
I'll fucking take all of you on!
456
00:28:33,295 --> 00:28:34,376
Somebody get a medic!
457
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:36,625
There's a little boy
caught in the escalator!
458
00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:38,831
Come back here
and arrest this goon!
459
00:28:38,967 --> 00:28:41,129
You're fucking next, man.
Jesus, Brodie!
460
00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:44,588
I'm not going anywhere until I find
out why I can't get my comics.
461
00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:46,467
All right.
462
00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:48,264
Excuse me.
Don't hit me.
463
00:28:48,352 --> 00:28:51,390
Why is there a line?
Stan Lee is signing comics.
464
00:28:53,482 --> 00:28:54,768
Stan Lee?
465
00:28:55,776 --> 00:28:58,313
Okay, Lunchbox,
let's try this again.
466
00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:01,316
We tie you to the roof, you
jump and sail like a Spitfire
467
00:29:01,406 --> 00:29:03,818
passing right over
the arch-nemesis LaFours.
468
00:29:03,909 --> 00:29:06,401
You then swing up to the stage
and knock out the pin.
469
00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:09,487
And when that's gone, the stage is
trashed and we go smoke a bowl.
470
00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:11,993
You got it? Now,
get your fat ass out there!
471
00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:15,702
And, dude, don't forget your helmet.
Snoogins.
472
00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:50,324
Fly, fat-ass, fly!
473
00:30:06,388 --> 00:30:08,720
What the fuck?
474
00:30:09,308 --> 00:30:10,798
You fucker!
475
00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:12,265
Security? ls it alive?
476
00:30:12,352 --> 00:30:14,184
Yeah.
This is Popular Girl.
477
00:30:14,271 --> 00:30:17,104
We just had something crash
through the wall.
478
00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:19,932
Stan Lee! How does something
as big as the creator
479
00:30:20,027 --> 00:30:22,485
of the most important titles
in comics history
480
00:30:22,571 --> 00:30:26,235
coming to my mall get by me? I
must be slipping in my old age.
481
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:28,157
The name amongst names.
482
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:30,484
There's a million questions
I'd love to ask him.
483
00:30:30,579 --> 00:30:31,785
Her father!
484
00:30:31,872 --> 00:30:34,910
I knew this game show thing was just a
beard for an attempt to break us up.
485
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,083
Why can't he just leave us alone and
let us follow through with our plans?
486
00:30:38,170 --> 00:30:40,286
What kind of man
are you, anyway?
487
00:30:40,380 --> 00:30:43,498
I'm talking comics and you
bring up chicks and romance?
488
00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:47,051
While we're on the subject, why the hell
do you want to get married now, anyway?
489
00:30:47,137 --> 00:30:49,504
You're still in college.
I was just gonna propose.
490
00:30:49,598 --> 00:30:51,367
The wedding wouldn't be
till after we graduate.
491
00:30:51,391 --> 00:30:53,007
Waste of time, if you ask me.
492
00:30:53,101 --> 00:30:55,433
My grandmother always said,
"Why buy the cow
493
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,261
"when you get the sex
for free?"
494
00:30:57,814 --> 00:30:59,475
She did?
All the time.
495
00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:01,682
Of course, she became a
lesbian on her 60th birthday,
496
00:31:01,777 --> 00:31:03,393
but that's beside the point.
497
00:31:03,487 --> 00:31:06,070
Where the hell are these
two going in such a hurry?
498
00:31:20,420 --> 00:31:23,503
Is he gone? Halfway to
Buy Me Toys by now.
499
00:31:25,342 --> 00:31:28,505
Damn, that bastard's faster
than Walt Flanagan's dog.
500
00:31:28,595 --> 00:31:30,506
What's with all the running?
501
00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:32,383
What the hell happened to him?
502
00:31:32,474 --> 00:31:34,886
The human brown-eye here
is a walking calamity.
503
00:31:34,976 --> 00:31:37,388
We'll have to take a pass on
the stage-trashing business,
504
00:31:37,479 --> 00:31:39,345
otherwise he's liable
to kill himself.
505
00:31:39,439 --> 00:31:41,726
Sorry, bro.
No hard feelings.
506
00:31:41,983 --> 00:31:43,473
Isn't that Rene?
507
00:31:43,652 --> 00:31:46,440
She's probably looking for me.
I better go talk to her.
508
00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:48,817
I don't know.
She's with somebody.
509
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:53,659
Wait a minute, isn't that... The
asshole from Fashionable Male!
510
00:31:53,787 --> 00:31:56,154
Son of a bitch! My God!
You think that they're...
511
00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:58,535
Could be. It'll explain
why he hates me so much.
512
00:31:58,625 --> 00:32:00,582
And there's only one way
to find out.
513
00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:03,001
Can you run interference
with the lug?
514
00:32:03,088 --> 00:32:05,625
What are you gonna do?
Get some answers.
515
00:32:19,020 --> 00:32:21,603
You work at the Fashionable
Male, don't you?
516
00:32:22,232 --> 00:32:23,643
Yeah? so?
517
00:32:24,985 --> 00:32:27,568
That's a great store
you got there.
518
00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:33,066
Thanks. Listen, I'm trying to spend my
lunch hour with my lady friend here.
519
00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:34,987
So why don't you beat it?
520
00:32:38,874 --> 00:32:41,241
That's your girlfriend?
Right there?
521
00:32:44,546 --> 00:32:48,414
If you don't stop gawking at me and get
the hell out of here, I'll kick your ass.
522
00:32:48,508 --> 00:32:51,751
Haven't you ever heard the phrase,
"The customer's always right"?
523
00:32:52,554 --> 00:32:54,261
Let me tell you a little secret:
524
00:32:54,347 --> 00:32:56,179
The customer's always
an asshole!
525
00:33:00,812 --> 00:33:03,349
Jesus Christ! What the hell
gives with the cover boy?
526
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:06,353
None of your damn business. He'd
kick your ass if he knew about this.
527
00:33:06,443 --> 00:33:09,231
Are you insane? The guy
looks like a date rapist!
528
00:33:09,696 --> 00:33:11,403
Is that my jacket?
Start the elevator.
529
00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:15,279
Not until you tell me what the situation
is with you and the Sperminator out there.
530
00:33:15,368 --> 00:33:16,984
How long has this been going on?
531
00:33:17,078 --> 00:33:19,536
Since I finally mustered the
good sense to send you packing.
532
00:33:19,623 --> 00:33:21,743
He's a much more suitable
companion than you, any day.
533
00:33:21,791 --> 00:33:23,077
Are you nuts?
534
00:33:23,168 --> 00:33:26,627
The guy's pure testosterone! He's a
walking hard-on, looking for a hole!
535
00:33:26,713 --> 00:33:29,831
I need testosterone after babysitting
you and your comic book collection.
536
00:33:29,925 --> 00:33:31,461
I forgot
what real men were like.
537
00:33:31,551 --> 00:33:35,761
I can't believe you have the nerve
to come to my mall and pick up guys!
538
00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:37,429
No, Shannon did the picking up.
539
00:33:37,516 --> 00:33:39,436
He's already taken me to lunch
at the Cheese Haus
540
00:33:39,518 --> 00:33:42,260
purchased tickets for the opera
night and took me to stores I like!
541
00:33:42,354 --> 00:33:44,686
I took you shopping
all the time!
542
00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:46,434
You took me
where you went shopping, jerk!
543
00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:47,525
Do you think I care
544
00:33:47,609 --> 00:33:49,941
what rat-hole store in that
shit-pit you call the dirt mall
545
00:33:50,028 --> 00:33:51,380
has got
the latest Godzilla bootlegs?
546
00:33:51,404 --> 00:33:54,362
You call eating pizza in the same
dive pizzeria every night eating out?
547
00:33:54,449 --> 00:33:57,692
Do I give a shit when two major comic
labels are crossing over characters
548
00:33:57,786 --> 00:34:00,619
and selling two editions of the
book in varied-ink chromium covers?
549
00:34:00,705 --> 00:34:01,945
I'm a girl, damn it!
550
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:06,034
I want to do girly things like fix someone's
hair and get romantic phone calls.
551
00:34:06,127 --> 00:34:07,834
I call you all the time!
552
00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:10,458
"Rene, my mom's asleep. Come
over." You call that romantic?
553
00:34:10,549 --> 00:34:13,712
When was the last time you pulled out
my chair or told me I was beautiful?
554
00:34:13,802 --> 00:34:15,918
This guy does all this
in the span of a day!
555
00:34:16,012 --> 00:34:18,754
This guy already introduced me
to his mother.
556
00:34:18,848 --> 00:34:19,963
Really?
557
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:22,299
He was up and at work
by 9:00 this morning.
558
00:34:22,394 --> 00:34:24,510
Unlike my ex-boyfriend,
who would sleep until 1:00,
559
00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:27,187
'cause he played Sega and
watched videos all night long!
560
00:34:27,274 --> 00:34:29,436
Which, by the way, has enormous
effect on your libido.
561
00:34:29,526 --> 00:34:31,483
Now you attack my libido?
562
00:34:31,570 --> 00:34:34,608
There's no libido to attack.
No libido to attack?
563
00:34:40,078 --> 00:34:43,867
You're sure you saw her get on, right?
Maybe she was getting off.
564
00:34:54,843 --> 00:34:56,254
Ow .
565
00:34:56,344 --> 00:34:58,585
Sorry.
It's all right.
566
00:35:10,817 --> 00:35:13,104
There, that was romantic, right?
567
00:35:14,362 --> 00:35:16,103
Passionate, yeah.
568
00:35:16,197 --> 00:35:19,565
No, Brodie.
That was too little, too late.
569
00:35:21,244 --> 00:35:22,359
Too little?
570
00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:25,112
You said it was a good size.
571
00:35:25,206 --> 00:35:28,699
The effort, you retard. The
effort was too little, too late.
572
00:35:29,919 --> 00:35:34,004
But now that you mention it, when
a girl says it's a good size
573
00:35:34,090 --> 00:35:36,673
it's a nice way of saying
that it's small.
574
00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:46,977
Hey!
575
00:35:47,687 --> 00:35:51,021
I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch.
No, forget about him.
576
00:35:51,107 --> 00:35:54,645
He just wanted to give me something that
he forgot to give me a long time ago.
577
00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,522
He's harmless now. Okay?
578
00:35:59,199 --> 00:36:01,907
Fine. I gotta get back
to the store. Let's go.
579
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:12,246
Right there in the elevator?
580
00:36:12,337 --> 00:36:14,999
I don't know what came over me.
She challenged my libido.
581
00:36:15,090 --> 00:36:17,878
I felt obligated to defend
myself against her accusations.
582
00:36:18,885 --> 00:36:20,196
It's not like
you still wanted her.
583
00:36:20,220 --> 00:36:22,507
Not in the least.
I'm over her.
584
00:36:22,597 --> 00:36:26,090
- Holy shit! You really love that girl.
- Year, right.
585
00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:29,427
No, I never noticed it before, but
she really fuels your engine.
586
00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:31,103
You have this new glow
about you.
587
00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:32,189
I don't have a glow.
588
00:36:32,273 --> 00:36:33,273
You do. You're glowing.
589
00:36:33,358 --> 00:36:35,850
If I have a glow
it's because just I got laid.
590
00:36:35,944 --> 00:36:40,563
I'd look the same if I banged anyone in
that elevator, present company excluded.
591
00:36:40,657 --> 00:36:43,194
Deny it all you want. I think you're
too proud to admit you want her back.
592
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:43,941
Deny it all you want. I think you're
too proud to admit you want her back.
593
00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:46,743
I suddenly want something
very bad to happen to you.
594
00:36:46,830 --> 00:36:48,571
What is your problem?
I don't understand.
595
00:36:49,958 --> 00:36:52,575
Gwen! I'm sorry.
You fucker!
596
00:36:56,548 --> 00:37:00,041
See! That's what you get
for fucking with me.
597
00:37:00,218 --> 00:37:02,300
Hey, Gwen, he didn't really
mean to hit you.
598
00:37:02,387 --> 00:37:06,096
He's got a funny way of showing it,
by elbowing me in my frigging tit!
599
00:37:06,182 --> 00:37:07,547
Why the hell are you glowing?
600
00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:08,928
I'm not glowing.
601
00:37:09,018 --> 00:37:10,179
Brandi dumped him.
602
00:37:10,270 --> 00:37:12,307
Would you stop saying that?
603
00:37:12,397 --> 00:37:14,638
I know. I heard.
You heard? How?
604
00:37:14,733 --> 00:37:17,395
She told me. I ran into her
a few minutes ago.
605
00:37:17,485 --> 00:37:19,396
Really? Where?
By the stage.
606
00:37:22,031 --> 00:37:23,567
Do you want me to rub it?
607
00:37:24,826 --> 00:37:29,070
Work with me, people, would you please?
No, I don't want this here.
608
00:37:29,164 --> 00:37:31,326
I want it toward the front.
The rug keeps popping up.
609
00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:33,248
If I put the podium there,
it'll stay down.
610
00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:34,334
Move it!
611
00:37:36,337 --> 00:37:38,829
Mr. Svenning!
Give me the podium!
612
00:37:39,549 --> 00:37:44,009
You put the podium down
over here...
613
00:37:45,472 --> 00:37:46,507
Like this.
614
00:37:47,098 --> 00:37:51,387
You stamp the carpet down with your feet.
You speak English?
615
00:37:52,020 --> 00:37:53,055
Like this.
616
00:37:54,856 --> 00:37:57,518
Mr. Svenning!
Let me help you up.
617
00:37:57,609 --> 00:38:00,192
Get off! Move!
Here, let me help you.
618
00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:04,317
All right, where's Brandi?
Let go of me!
619
00:38:04,407 --> 00:38:05,863
Where's Brandi?
620
00:38:08,703 --> 00:38:11,195
You're fired.
You get the hell out of here.
621
00:38:11,664 --> 00:38:13,120
Get off my set!
622
00:38:14,417 --> 00:38:15,532
Where is she?
623
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,542
You are out of her life.
624
00:38:17,837 --> 00:38:20,955
Now, you stay out of her business
and mine, understand me?
625
00:38:21,049 --> 00:38:22,915
Come on, people.
Are we working here?
626
00:38:23,009 --> 00:38:25,501
Get the backdrop ready.
Are those lights ready to go?
627
00:38:25,637 --> 00:38:27,344
Okay, Mr. Svenning.
Excuse me.
628
00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:28,761
Go on the other side
629
00:38:28,848 --> 00:38:32,057
and put the podium over the
bad spot in the carpet, okay?
630
00:38:32,143 --> 00:38:33,554
The hole? Please. Go. Now.
631
00:38:33,645 --> 00:38:34,726
So, you made her dump me
632
00:38:34,813 --> 00:38:36,520
and now you're going to
auction her off
633
00:38:36,606 --> 00:38:38,973
in an effort to better
further your own career?
634
00:38:39,067 --> 00:38:40,387
Not that
it's any of your concern,
635
00:38:40,443 --> 00:38:42,150
but Brandi agreed
to be on Truth or Date.
636
00:38:42,237 --> 00:38:45,821
After that shit you pulled last night, I
think she's even looking forward to it.
637
00:38:45,907 --> 00:38:49,241
It'll give her a chance
to find herself a decent guy.
638
00:38:49,452 --> 00:38:50,692
Somebody with a brain.
639
00:38:50,787 --> 00:38:52,869
You admit it? You are
behind our break-up.
640
00:38:52,956 --> 00:38:53,956
Admit it?
641
00:38:54,415 --> 00:38:58,033
Hell, I'm as proud of it as I
am of this game show here.
642
00:39:01,714 --> 00:39:04,422
Listen to me.
It's over between you two.
643
00:39:05,260 --> 00:39:09,094
The sooner you get that, the
better off we're all gonna be.
644
00:39:10,098 --> 00:39:12,430
Understand me? You don't.
645
00:39:13,977 --> 00:39:16,469
Guard, come here.
Get this guy off of my set.
646
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:21,565
If he gives you any shit, you have
my permission to castrate him.
647
00:39:21,651 --> 00:39:23,483
You can't do this!
648
00:39:23,570 --> 00:39:24,776
I just did.
649
00:39:30,118 --> 00:39:32,405
Get me LaFours.
Right away, sir.
650
00:39:32,954 --> 00:39:34,365
Well, go on!
651
00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:36,534
How about these?
652
00:39:36,624 --> 00:39:39,082
Very sexy.
That sounded convincing.
653
00:39:39,502 --> 00:39:40,708
I'm preoccupied.
654
00:39:40,795 --> 00:39:43,878
T.S., she told you. She's just
doing it as a favor to her father.
655
00:39:43,965 --> 00:39:44,965
Regardless.
656
00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:47,165
It's not like she'll fuck
the guy on public access.
657
00:39:47,260 --> 00:39:49,843
She might as well.
You're overreacting again.
658
00:39:49,929 --> 00:39:53,718
That's why your relationships fail.
It's certainly why ours did.
659
00:39:53,808 --> 00:39:57,847
You got bent out of shape the same way
over that costume party in high school.
660
00:39:57,937 --> 00:39:59,894
You fucked Rick Derris
on a pool table!
661
00:40:00,023 --> 00:40:02,890
With everyone watching, no less.
It was a costume party, T.S.
662
00:40:02,984 --> 00:40:04,600
No one could tell it was me.
663
00:40:04,694 --> 00:40:07,982
Besides, who else but you
remembers shit like that?
664
00:40:08,156 --> 00:40:09,863
I would've been a sexy chick.
665
00:40:09,949 --> 00:40:11,906
Do you remember
that costume party?
666
00:40:11,993 --> 00:40:15,452
Might that have been the one where you
banged Rick Derris on the pool table?
667
00:40:15,538 --> 00:40:16,824
Nobody remembers shit like that?
668
00:40:16,915 --> 00:40:19,327
How is it that you recall
the most trivial events?
669
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:23,160
I'll never forget it. How many chances do
you get to see Smokey fuck the Bandit?
670
00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:25,165
Didn't I look just like
Burt Reynolds?
671
00:40:25,256 --> 00:40:27,042
Except for the moustache.
672
00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:29,917
You know, they have a whole room
you're supposed to do that in?
673
00:40:30,011 --> 00:40:32,548
Some pervert wanted to
see me naked so badly today
674
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,138
he busted in on me twice
while I was trying on stuff.
675
00:40:35,224 --> 00:40:37,340
This saves him the effort.
676
00:40:38,519 --> 00:40:40,977
How much longer are we gonna be
in this chick store, anyway?
677
00:40:41,064 --> 00:40:42,416
I'm starting to get
a mean hard-on.
678
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,807
Brodie, Tell me about
the Rene break-up.
679
00:40:44,901 --> 00:40:47,438
I threw her away
like a parking ticket.
680
00:40:47,528 --> 00:40:50,316
Don't front, Brodie. I talked
to Rene's cousin this morning.
681
00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:54,024
It was vice-versa. They certainly
aren't acting broken up.
682
00:40:54,118 --> 00:40:55,608
Go ahead.
Ask him about the elevator.
683
00:40:55,703 --> 00:40:58,616
Tell me about the elevator.
It goes up and down.
684
00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:03,417
Rene seems so coarse, anyway.
What was it like to date her?
685
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:06,252
Ever slept with somebody?
Uh, yeah.
686
00:41:06,381 --> 00:41:07,917
I mean,
really slept with somebody.
687
00:41:08,049 --> 00:41:11,041
Beside them, not just fuck
them on a gaming table.
688
00:41:11,427 --> 00:41:13,839
We slept together one time,
remember, in high school?
689
00:41:13,930 --> 00:41:16,012
That ski trip?
That was you?
690
00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:19,891
Yes, Brodie, I've slept beside
many people. All right.
691
00:41:20,019 --> 00:41:22,260
You know how when someone lays
with their back to you
692
00:41:22,355 --> 00:41:25,347
and you lay behind them really close
and you throw one arm over them?
693
00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:26,981
It's called spooning.
694
00:41:27,068 --> 00:41:28,729
But you gotta put
the other arm somewhere.
695
00:41:28,820 --> 00:41:31,812
You can either lay on it or just
shove it in between your bodies.
696
00:41:31,906 --> 00:41:34,443
The only other option is
to stretch it above your head.
697
00:41:34,534 --> 00:41:38,198
But sometimes my arm pops out of the
socket when I'm sleeping like that.
698
00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:40,991
So, I was constantly searching
for someplace to keep my arm
699
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:43,198
while still laying close to her.
700
00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:45,666
And?
701
00:41:45,753 --> 00:41:49,667
What do you mean, "And"? That's like a
metaphor for our whole relationship.
702
00:41:51,259 --> 00:41:54,251
I'm all out. I'll meet you
at the food court.
703
00:41:55,513 --> 00:41:59,006
I know exactly how he feels.
Excuse me.
704
00:42:01,936 --> 00:42:04,223
Fill this with Coke, no ice.
705
00:42:08,401 --> 00:42:10,108
Want a sip of my soda?
706
00:42:15,116 --> 00:42:16,823
Smartass ex-boyfriend.
707
00:42:17,493 --> 00:42:21,487
I got two things to tell you.
One: I don't like you.
708
00:42:21,581 --> 00:42:22,992
I see you every week
in this mall.
709
00:42:23,082 --> 00:42:24,743
I don't like
shiftless layabouts.
710
00:42:24,834 --> 00:42:27,166
You're one of these
fucking loser mallrat kids.
711
00:42:27,253 --> 00:42:30,416
You don't come here to work or
shop, you hang out all day.
712
00:42:30,506 --> 00:42:32,167
Act like you fucking live here.
713
00:42:32,258 --> 00:42:34,875
I have no respect for people
with no shopping agenda.
714
00:42:34,969 --> 00:42:37,802
Is this what's known as
motivated salesmanship?
715
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:44,552
Rene told me to leave you alone,
but she's fucking clueless.
716
00:42:51,069 --> 00:42:52,980
Now, you see, Bruce,
717
00:42:53,446 --> 00:42:57,360
I like to pick up girls on the rebound
from a disappointing relationship.
718
00:42:57,450 --> 00:43:00,067
They're more vulnerable, they're
in much more need of solace
719
00:43:00,161 --> 00:43:02,619
and they're fairly
open to suggestion.
720
00:43:02,705 --> 00:43:06,824
And I use that suggestion to fuck
them someplace very uncomfortable.
721
00:43:07,001 --> 00:43:09,493
What,
like the back of a Volkswagen?
722
00:43:09,587 --> 00:43:13,455
No, like somewhere girls dread.
723
00:43:17,762 --> 00:43:20,299
Did we ever get along?
Once or twice.
724
00:43:20,515 --> 00:43:23,257
How come we went out as long as we did?
You had cable.
725
00:43:23,351 --> 00:43:25,058
So, are you gonna stay
for the show?
726
00:43:25,144 --> 00:43:27,385
Absolutely not. As soon as
he gets back here, I'm gone.
727
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:30,222
T.S. Quint. Where's your
sense of chivalry?
728
00:43:30,858 --> 00:43:32,895
Oh, my God! ls that Brodie?
729
00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:36,603
You're fucking kidding?
The Easter Bunny did this?
730
00:43:36,697 --> 00:43:38,108
All I said was the Easter Bunny
731
00:43:38,199 --> 00:43:40,065
at the Menlo Park mall
was more convincing.
732
00:43:40,159 --> 00:43:41,999
He just jumped the railing
and knocked me down.
733
00:43:42,078 --> 00:43:45,116
He's fucking dead! Let it go.
He's under a lot of pressure.
734
00:43:45,206 --> 00:43:46,350
What the hell happened to him?
735
00:43:46,374 --> 00:43:48,185
The guy in the Easter Bunny
suit kicked his ass.
736
00:43:48,209 --> 00:43:49,209
I had it coming.
737
00:43:49,293 --> 00:43:52,831
Fuck all that shit. Come on, Silent Bob.
What really happened?
738
00:43:52,922 --> 00:43:56,165
The proprietor of Fashionable Male
beat a rain check into my stomach.
739
00:43:56,259 --> 00:43:58,125
Shannon Hamilton?
You know that guy?
740
00:43:58,219 --> 00:43:59,755
I went out with him
after we dated.
741
00:43:59,846 --> 00:44:02,304
He tried to screw me somewhere
very uncomfortable once.
742
00:44:02,390 --> 00:44:05,132
What, like the back of a Volkswagen?
Sounds like his M.O.
743
00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:07,012
Can you get up?
Am I still glowing?
744
00:44:07,103 --> 00:44:09,470
You're barely breathing. Was
Rene involved in any of this?
745
00:44:09,564 --> 00:44:11,805
This was an independent act
of aggression.
746
00:44:11,899 --> 00:44:14,766
He told me that his intentions
were to penetrate my ex-girlfriend
747
00:44:14,861 --> 00:44:17,694
in the most notorious of body cavities.
Sounds just like him.
748
00:44:17,780 --> 00:44:20,317
You better tell Rene. Let him
do whatever the hell he wants.
749
00:44:20,408 --> 00:44:23,867
If she's not smart enough to see him for
what he is, she deserves the discomfort.
750
00:44:23,953 --> 00:44:27,787
I, on the other hand, have had just about
all the discomfort I can stand for a day.
751
00:44:27,915 --> 00:44:29,326
Shit, I'm late. I gotta go.
752
00:44:29,417 --> 00:44:31,311
You're just gonna leave
with him in this condition?
753
00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:33,451
I gotta split.
You gonna be okay?
754
00:44:33,546 --> 00:44:35,833
Couple of pins in the hip,
I'll be good as new.
755
00:44:35,923 --> 00:44:39,336
That's my boy.
Bye, guys. Be good.
756
00:44:40,553 --> 00:44:44,342
Women, always leaving you when you've
just had the crap kicked out of you.
757
00:44:44,432 --> 00:44:46,451
You look like you're gonna live to me.
You stay here.
758
00:44:46,475 --> 00:44:48,182
I gotta hit the bathroom.
759
00:44:48,936 --> 00:44:51,428
Please, don't say "hit!"
760
00:44:54,901 --> 00:44:56,312
All right, honey.
761
00:44:56,402 --> 00:44:58,422
Don't forget to look for
your Easter eggs on Sunday.
762
00:44:58,446 --> 00:45:00,278
Bye-bye, Easter Bunny.
763
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:03,440
All right, who's next?
It's hot in this goddamn suit!
764
00:45:04,368 --> 00:45:07,281
Hey, guys. Wait in line
like everybody else.
765
00:45:07,580 --> 00:45:09,696
What the hell is this?
This is for Brodie.
766
00:45:23,846 --> 00:45:24,881
He's here.
767
00:45:24,972 --> 00:45:26,303
What?
Him and Brodie.
768
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:28,597
Don't sweat it, though.
He's leaving.
769
00:45:29,477 --> 00:45:32,310
He seems really broken up
over this whole thing.
770
00:45:32,396 --> 00:45:35,263
Maybe because we're
broken up for good this time.
771
00:45:36,234 --> 00:45:40,694
I remember when I dumped T.S. I was all
right with it till he started dating you.
772
00:45:40,780 --> 00:45:43,943
A little jealousy residue?
I thought so at first.
773
00:45:44,033 --> 00:45:45,990
Then I realized
it was more than that.
774
00:45:46,202 --> 00:45:47,738
When I saw how he was with you,
775
00:45:47,828 --> 00:45:49,694
how well you two
complemented each other,
776
00:45:49,830 --> 00:45:52,538
it finally hit me that
T.S. is a great catch.
777
00:45:53,376 --> 00:45:56,664
Gwen, you were always cheating on him.
Capricious youth?
778
00:45:56,796 --> 00:45:58,707
Doesn't mean
I wasn't regretful about it.
779
00:45:58,839 --> 00:46:01,251
Jesus, Gwen. The last thing
I need at this point
780
00:46:01,342 --> 00:46:03,253
is a lecture on my love life.
781
00:46:03,344 --> 00:46:07,008
All I'm saying is that the really
good guys are few and far between.
782
00:46:07,139 --> 00:46:09,426
In fact,
I haven't met one since T.S.
783
00:46:09,517 --> 00:46:14,182
Even if I did meet one, I guarantee I'd
use him as the basis for my comparison.
784
00:46:14,313 --> 00:46:16,350
You can have him
if you want him.
785
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:19,023
Believe me,
I might consider trying
786
00:46:19,694 --> 00:46:21,856
if he weren't so hung up on you.
787
00:46:23,030 --> 00:46:24,987
Well, I gotta get home.
788
00:46:25,533 --> 00:46:28,150
Have a great show.
Okay. Bye.
789
00:46:38,754 --> 00:46:40,540
Chocolate-covered pretzel?
790
00:46:41,507 --> 00:46:44,420
This is Roddy,
Mr. Svenning's assistant.
791
00:46:44,510 --> 00:46:47,593
Mr. Svenning would like to
have a word with you.
792
00:46:47,972 --> 00:46:52,182
Where? These are melting.
Copy that. By the stage.
793
00:46:54,145 --> 00:46:56,386
Tell him I'll be there
in a minute.
794
00:46:58,482 --> 00:47:00,189
What do you think?
I don't trust it.
795
00:47:00,359 --> 00:47:02,726
Maybe he's calmed down a little bit.
We'll talk reasonably.
796
00:47:02,820 --> 00:47:05,858
Reasonably, shmeasonably. You should
go over there and give him shit.
797
00:47:05,948 --> 00:47:07,718
You kidding? I'm trying
to marry his daughter.
798
00:47:07,742 --> 00:47:10,484
All right, so you can't scream
at him, but after all he's done
799
00:47:10,578 --> 00:47:13,696
you should still kind of stick it to him.
How do you propose I do that?
800
00:47:13,789 --> 00:47:15,951
You stink-palm him.
Stink-palm?
801
00:47:16,417 --> 00:47:18,579
Take your hand and you stick
it in your ass like this.
802
00:47:18,669 --> 00:47:20,669
You've been walking all day
and you're also nervous
803
00:47:20,755 --> 00:47:22,166
and no doubt
you're sweaty as hell.
804
00:47:22,256 --> 00:47:23,483
You should see yourself
right now.
805
00:47:23,507 --> 00:47:24,838
A man with his hand
in his pants.
806
00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:26,632
I probably look like my old man.
807
00:47:27,678 --> 00:47:29,214
Now you shake hands
with the guy.
808
00:47:29,347 --> 00:47:32,339
"Hey, Mr. Svenning. How've
you been?" What's the point?
809
00:47:32,433 --> 00:47:34,515
Know how long it takes
for that smell to come off?
810
00:47:34,602 --> 00:47:37,515
Scrub all you like, it'll stick
around for at least two days.
811
00:47:37,605 --> 00:47:39,721
How does he explain it
to his colleagues and family?
812
00:47:39,815 --> 00:47:42,227
They'll think he doesn't know
how to wipe his ass properly.
813
00:47:42,318 --> 00:47:45,436
Meanwhile, you yourself are left
with a hand that smells like shit?
814
00:47:45,696 --> 00:47:49,280
Small price to pay for the
smiting of one's enemies.
815
00:47:49,450 --> 00:47:51,657
I think I'll pass.
Do me a favor.
816
00:47:51,744 --> 00:47:53,735
Stay here while
I go talk to him.
817
00:48:06,509 --> 00:48:09,718
I assure you, tonight's program
will go off without a hitch.
818
00:48:09,804 --> 00:48:11,420
I hope so, Jared, for your sake.
819
00:48:11,514 --> 00:48:13,514
You picked a dangerous mall
to host a game show in.
820
00:48:13,599 --> 00:48:15,715
I hear the Easter Bunny
was accosted this morning.
821
00:48:15,810 --> 00:48:17,721
If there's anything even
remotely resembling
822
00:48:17,812 --> 00:48:19,849
the trouble you had
at the Governor's Ball,
823
00:48:19,939 --> 00:48:21,539
you're gonna be
hosting the Lotto drawing
824
00:48:21,565 --> 00:48:23,897
on public access
the rest of your career.
825
00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:26,442
Gentlemen, please trust me.
826
00:48:26,529 --> 00:48:29,066
I have just taken
the necessary precautions
827
00:48:29,156 --> 00:48:32,990
to insure everything
will go smoothly.
828
00:48:38,999 --> 00:48:43,539
Nothing to worry about.
Sound test!
829
00:48:43,921 --> 00:48:46,663
I tell you what. Why don't...
830
00:48:47,049 --> 00:48:50,667
Why don't I meet you back here
around show time?
831
00:48:58,894 --> 00:49:00,350
Somebody said
you wanted to see me?
832
00:49:00,438 --> 00:49:01,803
Quint,
833
00:49:03,566 --> 00:49:07,685
I accept the fact that you
no doubt fucked my daughter.
834
00:49:08,279 --> 00:49:10,020
The two of you
835
00:49:10,531 --> 00:49:15,116
have been dating long enough for you to
have slimed your way into her panties
836
00:49:15,202 --> 00:49:19,446
and I'm sure you did just that
at least once or twice
837
00:49:19,540 --> 00:49:22,623
in my own house,
probably while I was at home.
838
00:49:22,710 --> 00:49:27,671
Brandi has a bright future.
839
00:49:28,424 --> 00:49:33,385
She is an extremely
intelligent and capable girl.
840
00:49:33,512 --> 00:49:38,257
And I'm sure that one day she'll
be even more successful than me.
841
00:49:39,268 --> 00:49:40,303
Maybe.
842
00:49:40,394 --> 00:49:41,429
But you...
843
00:49:43,022 --> 00:49:47,892
You, on the other hand,
have absolutely no ambition.
844
00:49:50,237 --> 00:49:54,572
And no chance of making it
in the real world.
845
00:49:58,037 --> 00:50:01,780
My daughter is too good for you.
846
00:50:02,625 --> 00:50:07,085
You will never,
ever be with her.
847
00:50:10,216 --> 00:50:12,924
If there isn't anything else...
848
00:50:13,594 --> 00:50:15,210
Hey, fellas!
849
00:50:15,804 --> 00:50:19,422
Well, well, well,
if it isn't my neighbor.
850
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:21,716
Mr. Svenning, how have you...
851
00:50:21,810 --> 00:50:24,677
Damn! Would you feel that
iron-grip handshake!
852
00:50:24,772 --> 00:50:26,433
Like Burt Reynolds and shit.
853
00:50:26,524 --> 00:50:28,640
So, what's going on here?
854
00:50:29,109 --> 00:50:33,398
T.S. and I were just discussing
a few of his lesser points.
855
00:50:33,489 --> 00:50:35,480
Of which he does have many.
856
00:50:35,574 --> 00:50:38,362
Hey! Look at that ring.
What is that?
857
00:50:38,452 --> 00:50:42,821
That is my junior-college class ring.
Cum laude, '69.
858
00:50:42,957 --> 00:50:46,746
I also hope to come loud
one day, preferably in a 69.
859
00:50:50,047 --> 00:50:53,790
Say, would you like
a chocolate-covered pretzel?
860
00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:56,546
They're a little melty, but,
damn, are they exquisite.
861
00:50:56,637 --> 00:50:59,971
If I remember correctly,
you're a big pretzel fan.
862
00:51:02,017 --> 00:51:04,133
Dark chocolate?
Yeah!
863
00:51:04,645 --> 00:51:05,726
Come on!
No, please, no!
864
00:51:05,813 --> 00:51:08,145
They're awesome. Here you go.
865
00:51:12,403 --> 00:51:13,814
Thank you.
866
00:51:22,705 --> 00:51:26,289
That's good. Very nice.
867
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:31,832
Being a man who believes in
868
00:51:32,214 --> 00:51:34,501
"one good turn
deserves another"...
869
00:51:36,427 --> 00:51:37,963
I have something
870
00:51:38,053 --> 00:51:39,464
to offer
871
00:51:39,555 --> 00:51:40,795
the both of you.
872
00:51:40,889 --> 00:51:42,300
Really, what's that?
873
00:51:48,355 --> 00:51:50,687
What is this?
These are called handcuffs.
874
00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:53,436
Once I realized you two
were in the mall,
875
00:51:53,527 --> 00:51:55,734
I decided to set up
this little ambush
876
00:51:56,447 --> 00:51:57,983
to remove
877
00:51:58,073 --> 00:52:03,034
you and your sidekick here from
the premises, permanently.
878
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:06,954
Why am I his sidekick? How do
you know he's not my sidekick?
879
00:52:07,041 --> 00:52:09,032
You're nothing
but a lot of talk and a badge.
880
00:52:09,126 --> 00:52:12,585
Rene! Get Jay and Silent Bob!
Please!
881
00:52:12,671 --> 00:52:15,538
Hurry!
Did somebody call your name?
882
00:52:16,717 --> 00:52:18,799
I have to go to the bathroom.
Wait here, okay?
883
00:52:18,886 --> 00:52:21,594
Hey, anything for you, babe.
It's your day.
884
00:52:21,722 --> 00:52:23,087
Thanks.
885
00:52:24,642 --> 00:52:27,304
I'll tell you, what you need
is a fatty-boombatty blunt.
886
00:52:27,394 --> 00:52:29,226
Then I guarantee you see
a sailboat
887
00:52:29,313 --> 00:52:33,398
an ocean, and maybe even some of them
big-titted mermaids doing lesbian shit.
888
00:52:33,525 --> 00:52:36,483
Look at me, look at me,
you sloppy bitch!
889
00:52:37,655 --> 00:52:40,067
Dude, you're a mad chick magnet!
890
00:52:40,324 --> 00:52:43,737
T.S., Brodie, security guards.
891
00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:46,489
Under arrest, they need help!
Go!
892
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:52,242
Wow. A sailboat.
893
00:52:53,587 --> 00:52:55,874
Brenda?
Dick!
894
00:53:01,512 --> 00:53:04,721
This is illegal! You can't
arrest us for nothing!
895
00:53:08,310 --> 00:53:09,892
All right.
896
00:53:09,978 --> 00:53:12,686
I believe when Mr. LaFours
turns us over to the police
897
00:53:12,773 --> 00:53:15,390
the bag of contraband that
he's "found" on our persons
898
00:53:15,484 --> 00:53:18,021
will give them more than enough
reason to keep us locked up.
899
00:53:18,112 --> 00:53:21,571
At least for the duration of this evening's
show. Isn't that right, Mr. LaFours?
900
00:53:24,618 --> 00:53:28,987
Come, son of Jor-El!
Kneel before Zod!
901
00:53:29,081 --> 00:53:30,081
Snootchy bootchies!
902
00:53:39,550 --> 00:53:41,507
Vulcan nerve pinch?
That was close.
903
00:53:41,593 --> 00:53:44,085
What about that stink-palm back there?
He even licked his hand.
904
00:53:44,179 --> 00:53:46,511
We gotta disappear, man.
They'll be looking for us.
905
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:49,348
Thank you, man. We owe you one.
You want to hide?
906
00:53:49,435 --> 00:53:51,275
I know just the place.
Whatever. Let's just go.
907
00:53:51,353 --> 00:53:53,185
Don't I even get to
wash my hand first?
908
00:54:11,832 --> 00:54:13,664
What the shit are we gonna do?
909
00:54:26,180 --> 00:54:29,844
Come on, we're fucked! They're
right behind us. Come on!
910
00:54:33,562 --> 00:54:36,395
Yeah! Bad-ass! Yeah!
911
00:54:58,921 --> 00:55:01,709
Where do you get those
wonderful toys?
912
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:07,301
This is where we're hiding out?
913
00:55:07,387 --> 00:55:09,003
This is the dirt mall!
914
00:55:09,056 --> 00:55:13,050
Cops never come in here. Neither
does any self-respecting consumer.
915
00:55:15,771 --> 00:55:18,183
I never could figure out
what you saw in this place.
916
00:55:18,273 --> 00:55:20,981
Good buys. Great people.
Earthy aromas.
917
00:55:21,068 --> 00:55:23,105
- Hey, Walt!
- Brodie!
918
00:55:23,195 --> 00:55:26,108
They know me here. I wouldn't
be too proud of that.
919
00:55:26,198 --> 00:55:28,235
Listen to the sound of
defeat in your voice.
920
00:55:28,325 --> 00:55:30,817
Might it have to do with the
fact that I've been defeated?
921
00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:32,822
Man, you're giving up? You?
922
00:55:32,913 --> 00:55:35,826
You used to be a stand-up kind of guy.
What happened to that guy?
923
00:55:35,916 --> 00:55:39,500
The guy who punched Amanda Gross' mother
after she called him “low-class."
924
00:55:39,586 --> 00:55:42,795
That wasn't me, that was you.
Oh, yeah.
925
00:55:42,881 --> 00:55:44,667
It wasn't her mother,
it was her grandmother.
926
00:55:44,758 --> 00:55:47,090
No wonder the bitch
went down so fast.
927
00:55:48,095 --> 00:55:52,259
You should have boards in them.
All right? Bloody savage.
928
00:55:53,058 --> 00:55:55,846
That is one of your more
admirably deplorable traits.
929
00:55:55,936 --> 00:55:58,223
You, unlike me, would beat
up somebody's grandmother
930
00:55:58,313 --> 00:56:01,897
or an entire senior citizens' community
if you believed in the principle.
931
00:56:01,984 --> 00:56:04,100
But only if they
were really old.
932
00:56:04,278 --> 00:56:06,110
Maybe I was deluded.
933
00:56:06,446 --> 00:56:08,107
Maybe you were right
this morning
934
00:56:08,198 --> 00:56:11,031
when you said if something stupid
could change how she feels
935
00:56:11,118 --> 00:56:12,700
she's not into it
in the first place.
936
00:56:12,786 --> 00:56:15,619
You'd listen to me?
To something I said?
937
00:56:15,789 --> 00:56:19,407
Jesus! Haven't I made it clear
during the tenure of our friendship
938
00:56:19,501 --> 00:56:20,741
that I don't know shit?
939
00:56:20,836 --> 00:56:23,669
I mean, half the time I'm
just talking out of my ass.
940
00:56:23,797 --> 00:56:25,253
Or sticking my hand in it.
941
00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:29,334
Sometimes, but on occasion you've been
known to let a nugget of truth slip out.
942
00:56:29,469 --> 00:56:31,585
This morning might have been
one of those occasions.
943
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,262
You know what you need?
944
00:56:33,348 --> 00:56:35,214
Some sage-like advice.
945
00:56:35,309 --> 00:56:37,346
You've given me enough
for one day, thanks.
946
00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:40,970
Not from me, from Ivannah.
Who's Ivannah?
947
00:56:49,948 --> 00:56:52,736
I can't even find the words.
Is that ingenuity or what?
948
00:56:52,826 --> 00:56:55,113
What's palm-reading have to do
with being topless?
949
00:56:55,203 --> 00:56:56,785
It makes the news
easier to take.
950
00:56:56,872 --> 00:56:58,738
She could tell me
I'll die in 10 minutes
951
00:56:58,832 --> 00:57:00,493
so long as she told me topless.
952
00:57:00,667 --> 00:57:04,706
Your maleness amazes me sometimes.
What can I say? I love tits.
953
00:57:04,838 --> 00:57:08,001
What kind of people patronize this service?
People like us.
954
00:57:08,634 --> 00:57:10,341
Wait a minute,
you're not suggesting...
955
00:57:10,427 --> 00:57:12,464
Don't be such
a damn fundamentalist.
956
00:57:12,554 --> 00:57:15,592
I've already reached my lowest.
This is where I draw the line.
957
00:57:15,682 --> 00:57:17,673
You used to like tits, too.
958
00:57:17,768 --> 00:57:21,352
I love tits as much as the next guy,
but why pay some old hag good money
959
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:25,181
for supernatural chicanery coupled with
sagging, wrinkled, weathered boobs?
960
00:57:26,777 --> 00:57:29,860
Man, this place is
something out of Octopussy.
961
00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:33,613
You've come for
a glimpse at your future?
962
00:57:33,700 --> 00:57:35,862
Amongst other things.
963
00:57:36,703 --> 00:57:40,321
Talents like those I possess
are not to be taken lightly.
964
00:57:40,707 --> 00:57:44,325
If you have heart condition,
suffer from nervous nausea
965
00:57:44,419 --> 00:57:47,878
or have a family history
of stress-induced breakdown...
966
00:57:47,965 --> 00:57:51,708
Empire Entertainment
recommends you do not partake
967
00:57:51,802 --> 00:57:55,295
in the fortune-telling
activities contained within.
968
00:57:56,723 --> 00:57:57,963
You guys still in?
969
00:57:58,058 --> 00:58:00,470
We're both healthy
and strapping young men.
970
00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:03,643
You give me $58.60.
971
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:07,481
What?
972
00:58:09,194 --> 00:58:11,936
You expect me to pay for this? I'm broke.
I'll pay you back.
973
00:58:12,030 --> 00:58:15,068
I knew it. I can't believe you.
I didn't even want to do this.
974
00:58:15,158 --> 00:58:16,774
You'll thank me later.
975
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:21,115
Thank you.
976
00:58:25,002 --> 00:58:28,620
All right, gentlemen,
free your mind.
977
00:58:29,297 --> 00:58:30,913
I'd like to free something.
978
00:58:31,216 --> 00:58:33,173
Focus.
That's what I was thinking.
979
00:58:33,260 --> 00:58:34,921
She said "focus."
Whatever.
980
00:58:39,599 --> 00:58:43,263
I sense a grave disturbance
between you both.
981
00:58:43,770 --> 00:58:47,308
A difficulty in affecting
a resolution
982
00:58:47,566 --> 00:58:49,102
for a problem.
983
00:58:49,860 --> 00:58:51,476
Something hard.
984
00:58:51,820 --> 00:58:55,063
I'm convinced. She's got the gift.
Try to contain yourself.
985
00:58:55,157 --> 00:58:58,400
Miss, I appreciate the effort and
I'm sure you're very good at
986
00:58:58,493 --> 00:58:59,983
whatever it is you do,
987
00:59:00,078 --> 00:59:04,663
but my shallow friend isn't interested in
his future, so you can cut the theatrics.
988
00:59:05,500 --> 00:59:09,414
What a relief. I do so much better when I
don't have to say things in character.
989
00:59:09,504 --> 00:59:11,495
You don't have to
say anything at all.
990
00:59:11,590 --> 00:59:13,581
You paid,
I should tell you something.
991
00:59:13,675 --> 00:59:15,632
In order to do that
992
00:59:16,344 --> 00:59:18,506
I have to work completely
993
00:59:20,182 --> 00:59:23,140
unfettered.
994
00:59:29,941 --> 00:59:31,056
Oh, yes.
995
00:59:31,818 --> 00:59:35,402
I can definitely sense
the problem. Here.
996
00:59:35,906 --> 00:59:37,817
Girl trouble.
997
00:59:38,033 --> 00:59:42,778
Apparently, you're both on the outs
with your respective steadies.
998
00:59:42,996 --> 00:59:45,738
That's amazing.
That's disgusting!
999
00:59:45,832 --> 00:59:49,496
You both feel the pain
1000
00:59:50,212 --> 00:59:51,452
of loss.
1001
00:59:51,546 --> 00:59:54,538
But only one of you
makes it vocal.
1002
00:59:54,841 --> 00:59:58,254
The other one suffers silently.
1003
00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:01,086
My God, you're right.
We gotta go.
1004
01:00:01,181 --> 01:00:03,297
How can this be resolved?
1005
01:00:03,391 --> 01:00:06,224
I would say, yes,
1006
01:00:06,436 --> 01:00:07,926
combine your efforts.
1007
01:00:08,021 --> 01:00:09,056
That's what I see.
1008
01:00:09,147 --> 01:00:10,933
Let me tell you what I see...
That's great!
1009
01:00:11,024 --> 01:00:14,608
I don't buy her power.
All right, when's my birthday?
1010
01:00:15,987 --> 01:00:20,447
Between the first and the last
1011
01:00:21,159 --> 01:00:23,446
of October.
1012
01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:26,029
Did you hear that?
Very haunting. Let's go.
1013
01:00:26,164 --> 01:00:31,079
Why are you stuck here in this dirt mall
and not in an upscale commercial setting?
1014
01:00:31,336 --> 01:00:33,828
You could be raking in the dough
with your kind cf accuracy.
1015
01:00:33,922 --> 01:00:37,711
Believe it or not, some people still
frown on topless fortune-telling.
1016
01:00:37,884 --> 01:00:41,093
Unfortunately, it's the only
way that I'm effective.
1017
01:00:41,805 --> 01:00:44,797
Really? It's the third
nipple that does it.
1018
01:00:44,891 --> 01:00:46,131
You have a third nipple?
1019
01:00:46,226 --> 01:00:47,967
What are you talking about?
1020
01:00:48,061 --> 01:00:50,644
It's clear as day!
Look at it, for God's sake.
1021
01:00:50,730 --> 01:00:53,097
You can stare at it.
I don't mind.
1022
01:00:53,483 --> 01:00:56,066
Understanding is reached
1023
01:00:56,153 --> 01:00:58,986
only after confrontation.
1024
01:01:01,241 --> 01:01:02,572
Of course!
1025
01:01:03,368 --> 01:01:07,077
Thank you so much. I can't tell
you how informative you've been.
1026
01:01:07,539 --> 01:01:08,745
Thank you very much.
1027
01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:12,579
And don't ever lose that nipple.
I won't.
1028
01:01:19,885 --> 01:01:22,547
Do you have...
Any other extra body parts?
1029
01:01:22,637 --> 01:01:24,594
No.
Just curious.
1030
01:01:24,848 --> 01:01:27,761
You could double-check me,
if you like.
1031
01:01:27,851 --> 01:01:29,842
Really? T.S.: Come on!
1032
01:01:40,155 --> 01:01:41,941
Works every time.
1033
01:01:54,336 --> 01:01:55,451
You're gonna what?
1034
01:01:55,545 --> 01:01:57,456
I'll get on her dad's show.
Are you kidding?
1035
01:01:57,547 --> 01:02:01,040
Last time he had dope planted on us.
What will he do this time?
1036
01:02:01,134 --> 01:02:03,546
He can't touch us once it starts.
It's a live feed.
1037
01:02:03,637 --> 01:02:05,878
He can't risk losing face
in front of the network execs.
1038
01:02:05,972 --> 01:02:08,304
It can't happen.
I'll make it happen.
1039
01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:10,473
"Understanding is reached
only after confrontation."
1040
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:13,097
That's what Ivannah said. Brandi
will respond to confrontation.
1041
01:02:13,188 --> 01:02:16,146
Hey, weren't you the guy that
broke up with Brandi Svenning?
1042
01:02:16,942 --> 01:02:18,432
What the hell's
your problem, anyway?
1043
01:02:18,526 --> 01:02:21,564
You're supposed to be the impetuous
one, not me. Why are you fighting me?
1044
01:02:21,655 --> 01:02:22,655
I'm being rational!
1045
01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:25,948
You're scared you may want to
follow my lead and win Rene back!
1046
01:02:26,034 --> 01:02:28,492
Rene who?
Whatever. Just do me a favor.
1047
01:02:28,578 --> 01:02:30,139
Meet me by the stage
once the show starts.
1048
01:02:30,163 --> 01:02:32,530
I'll need your help.
Where are you going?
1049
01:02:32,666 --> 01:02:35,533
Shopping. What the hell
am I supposed to do?
1050
01:02:37,087 --> 01:02:39,454
Dude, this looks like your mom.
1051
01:02:39,839 --> 01:02:42,171
I've been looking all over for you two.
We're hiding.
1052
01:02:42,259 --> 01:02:43,294
In a bookstore?
1053
01:02:43,385 --> 01:02:45,592
Last place anyone'd look
for me and this tubby bitch.
1054
01:02:45,679 --> 01:02:47,261
I need your help.
What?
1055
01:02:47,347 --> 01:02:49,509
You two up for getting stoned?
Look who you're asking.
1056
01:02:56,356 --> 01:02:58,939
You looking at that
couple inside?
1057
01:02:59,859 --> 01:03:03,193
Actually, I was just looking at
this little pink number over here.
1058
01:03:03,280 --> 01:03:07,194
That's kind of nice.
They look happy, don't they?
1059
01:03:07,492 --> 01:03:10,826
What, the bras? No, the couple.
They look happy.
1060
01:03:11,538 --> 01:03:13,825
I guess, as far as couples go.
1061
01:03:13,915 --> 01:03:17,533
You know, it reminds me of an
issue of Spider-Man I did.
1062
01:03:17,919 --> 01:03:21,787
When Peter Parker and Gwen
Stacy went lingerie shopping.
1063
01:03:22,382 --> 01:03:24,373
Of course,
the Green Goblin showed up
1064
01:03:24,467 --> 01:03:27,175
and he pumpkin-bombed
the hell out of the place.
1065
01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:30,220
But aside from that, it's
pretty much the same thing.
1066
01:03:30,307 --> 01:03:31,718
Oh, my God!
1067
01:03:32,892 --> 01:03:34,474
Holy shit!
1068
01:03:36,104 --> 01:03:39,017
Aren't you...
Stan Lee. Hi.
1069
01:03:41,067 --> 01:03:44,059
What's up, boys? You guys on this show?
That's the rumor.
1070
01:03:44,237 --> 01:03:47,150
Man, between hoping to win,
the crowd out there
1071
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:49,948
and being on TV, I'd be scared
as hell if I were you two.
1072
01:03:50,076 --> 01:03:52,534
Yeah? Sure, man.
What if you fuck up?
1073
01:03:52,620 --> 01:03:54,110
Your friends
and family watching.
1074
01:03:54,205 --> 01:03:57,698
I'd be piss scared I'd get a boner
or fucking fart or something.
1075
01:03:57,792 --> 01:04:00,534
He's got a point, man. This is live.
Anything could happen.
1076
01:04:00,628 --> 01:04:03,461
Shut the fuck up, man.
You're making me nervous.
1077
01:04:03,631 --> 01:04:06,339
There's only one thing
that could take off that edge.
1078
01:04:06,426 --> 01:04:08,133
Make you feel relaxed as hell.
1079
01:04:08,636 --> 01:04:11,549
Make you forget how many people are
staring at you here and on TV.
1080
01:04:11,639 --> 01:04:13,255
And what's that?
1081
01:04:13,767 --> 01:04:15,929
Snootchy-bootchy nootchies!
1082
01:04:16,436 --> 01:04:19,645
The Fantastic Four. Reed Richards.
Can his whole body stretch?
1083
01:04:19,773 --> 01:04:22,891
I mean every part, you know, like his...
I know what you mean.
1084
01:04:22,984 --> 01:04:26,102
We never really tackled stuff
like that in the old days.
1085
01:04:26,196 --> 01:04:28,358
What with the comic-book code
and all.
1086
01:04:28,448 --> 01:04:31,031
I can't believe I'm standing
here talking to you!
1087
01:04:31,117 --> 01:04:34,530
You're responsible for the greats.
Let's do the list. Spider-Man?
1088
01:04:34,662 --> 01:04:36,323
Guilty.
The Incredible Hulk?
1089
01:04:36,414 --> 01:04:38,451
Afraid so.
This is so cool.
1090
01:04:38,541 --> 01:04:40,999
The X-Men?
Now that you mention it.
1091
01:04:41,086 --> 01:04:43,498
Shit, man. You are a god!
1092
01:04:43,588 --> 01:04:45,374
Hey, look at that couple.
1093
01:04:45,465 --> 01:04:48,002
Boy, they sure seem to
be in love, huh?
1094
01:04:48,134 --> 01:04:49,920
What's with that?
That's the second time
1095
01:04:50,011 --> 01:04:51,718
you've commented on
couples in love.
1096
01:04:51,805 --> 01:04:53,842
Well, I like that sort of thing.
1097
01:04:53,932 --> 01:04:56,094
Tell me, do you
have a girlfriend, Brodie?
1098
01:04:56,267 --> 01:04:58,474
Had one. We just broke up.
1099
01:04:59,145 --> 01:05:02,558
The Thing? ls his dork made of orange
rock like the rest of his body?
1100
01:05:02,649 --> 01:05:04,560
It's a superhero secret.
1101
01:05:04,651 --> 01:05:07,484
Tell me, Brodie. Why did you
and your girlfriend break up?
1102
01:05:07,570 --> 01:05:11,188
She was a pain in the ass. She wanted
me to be this typical boyfriend guy.
1103
01:05:11,282 --> 01:05:14,149
She said I was too into my
own world of comics and all.
1104
01:05:14,744 --> 01:05:15,950
I can relate.
1105
01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:19,788
There was a time when it was
all about comics for me.
1106
01:05:19,874 --> 01:05:22,912
I had a girl,
probably the same as yours.
1107
01:05:23,503 --> 01:05:27,292
She always complained that I spent
too much time with my own comics.
1108
01:05:27,382 --> 01:05:31,171
And eventually we broke up.
See, what did she know?
1109
01:05:31,261 --> 01:05:32,922
Here you are now,
a legend in the field.
1110
01:05:33,012 --> 01:05:35,094
You had a slew of women
since her, right?
1111
01:05:35,849 --> 01:05:37,339
Lots of women.
1112
01:05:37,434 --> 01:05:41,143
Jagger and me, we had a running
contest to see who had the most.
1113
01:05:41,354 --> 01:05:44,767
Matter of fact, last time I
looked, I was way ahead.
1114
01:05:44,858 --> 01:05:48,192
Damn, that's hot!
But I never forgot that girl.
1115
01:05:48,278 --> 01:05:50,360
Did you ever get back
together with her?
1116
01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:52,939
One day I found out
she got married.
1117
01:05:53,116 --> 01:05:56,529
I had blown it.
I had missed my window.
1118
01:05:56,619 --> 01:05:57,780
No way.
1119
01:05:58,121 --> 01:05:59,657
What'd you do?
1120
01:05:59,914 --> 01:06:01,575
I went on with my life.
1121
01:06:01,875 --> 01:06:05,368
I created some
special new superheroes.
1122
01:06:05,795 --> 01:06:09,834
They were characters that reflected
my own heartbreak and my own regrets.
1123
01:06:09,924 --> 01:06:11,005
How so?
1124
01:06:11,092 --> 01:06:15,882
Doctor Doom wears body armor to
conceal his own mangled form.
1125
01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:17,511
Right?
Yeah.
1126
01:06:17,599 --> 01:06:21,137
That was me beneath the armor.
1127
01:06:21,269 --> 01:06:22,304
The Hulk.
1128
01:06:22,645 --> 01:06:26,889
A normal guy one minute,
a rage of emotions the next.
1129
01:06:27,108 --> 01:06:30,146
Just like me when I thought
about what I'd given up.
1130
01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:34,188
So you created each character as a way
to deal with your one big regret.
1131
01:06:34,282 --> 01:06:39,027
Yeah, the girl that got away. Look,
do yourself a favor, Brodie.
1132
01:06:39,120 --> 01:06:40,155
Don't wait.
1133
01:06:40,288 --> 01:06:43,155
Because all the money,
all the women
1134
01:06:43,249 --> 01:06:45,456
even all the comic books
in the world
1135
01:06:45,543 --> 01:06:48,331
they can't substitute for
that one person.
1136
01:06:48,588 --> 01:06:52,422
I don't know. All the comics in the world?
Trust me, true believer.
1137
01:06:52,592 --> 01:06:55,960
Well, good talking to you.
Keep up all the good work.
1138
01:06:56,095 --> 01:06:58,553
You keep reading 'em,
I'll keep writing 'em.
1139
01:06:59,641 --> 01:07:02,008
Hey, Stan!
Yeah?
1140
01:07:02,602 --> 01:07:04,388
She really meant
that much to you?
1141
01:07:04,479 --> 01:07:08,063
Brodie, I'd give it all up,
all of it
1142
01:07:08,149 --> 01:07:10,607
for just one more day with her.
1143
01:07:11,444 --> 01:07:12,809
Take care.
1144
01:07:23,289 --> 01:07:25,030
Stan!
Hi!
1145
01:07:25,166 --> 01:07:28,204
I think he bought it. What kind
of story did you give him?
1146
01:07:28,294 --> 01:07:30,535
It was the Vulture's
soliloquy, you know,
1147
01:07:30,630 --> 01:07:32,462
from the Spider-Man
anniversary issue.
1148
01:07:32,549 --> 01:07:35,086
"Love Be a Vulture Tonight."
Yeah.
1149
01:07:35,176 --> 01:07:37,588
I can't thank you enough, Mr.
Lee. Forget it.
1150
01:07:37,679 --> 01:07:40,091
You know, I think you ought to
get him some help.
1151
01:07:40,181 --> 01:07:43,970
He seems to be really hung up
on superheroes' sex organs.
1152
01:07:44,143 --> 01:07:46,475
But he'll outgrow it.
1153
01:07:52,151 --> 01:07:53,607
I think I felt it move.
1154
01:07:54,445 --> 01:07:55,480
Just kidding.
1155
01:07:55,572 --> 01:07:57,633
Just the two I'm looking for.
I need help. With what?
1156
01:07:57,657 --> 01:07:59,694
Let me borrow the Shannon
Hamilton tape. Why?
1157
01:07:59,784 --> 01:08:02,151
It's important! The future of
my relationship depends on it.
1158
01:08:02,245 --> 01:08:05,363
It's at my house. Take T.S.'s
station wagon, parked in 2D.
1159
01:08:05,456 --> 01:08:07,572
I don't even have a license.
Just go!
1160
01:08:08,418 --> 01:08:10,159
You still got that
stage schematic?
1161
01:08:10,253 --> 01:08:12,836
I need you to wire
something together for me.
1162
01:08:18,845 --> 01:08:20,552
Jesus.
What's with him?
1163
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:23,843
I don't know. I'm suddenly
not feeling too well.
1164
01:08:24,267 --> 01:08:26,258
But everything is fine.
1165
01:08:26,352 --> 01:08:28,013
We're about to start.
1166
01:08:28,104 --> 01:08:31,847
You are in for something really
special tonight, gentlemen.
1167
01:08:32,692 --> 01:08:34,274
I have lined up...
1168
01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:40,693
Excuse me.
Jesus.
1169
01:08:45,038 --> 01:08:46,119
Sorry.
1170
01:08:46,205 --> 01:08:49,869
I have lined up some
really bright kids here.
1171
01:08:49,959 --> 01:08:52,667
This promises to be
a lot of fun.
1172
01:08:52,754 --> 01:08:53,994
I'm sure you're gonna love it.
1173
01:08:54,088 --> 01:08:55,704
Shouldn't you be
in bed or something?
1174
01:08:55,798 --> 01:08:59,382
No. I wouldn't miss this
for the world.
1175
01:09:04,474 --> 01:09:08,092
Make sure everybody's ready
and let's start.
1176
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:18,731
How much did you smoke?
1177
01:09:18,821 --> 01:09:22,985
All it took was a fat chronic blunt.
These guys were lightweights.
1178
01:09:23,076 --> 01:09:25,113
How much do I owe you?
My treat.
1179
01:09:25,244 --> 01:09:28,157
As long as you promise, next
time you pop your old lady,
1180
01:09:28,247 --> 01:09:30,955
you make her call you "Jay."
Snootchy bootchies.
1181
01:09:31,084 --> 01:09:32,449
Let's hope there is a next time.
1182
01:09:32,585 --> 01:09:34,417
All right, I'm ready.
1183
01:09:34,754 --> 01:09:37,416
You're never gonna believe
who I just met.
1184
01:09:37,757 --> 01:09:41,091
What the hell happened to these two?
Power of the Dark Side.
1185
01:09:41,260 --> 01:09:42,466
Wait, there's only two.
1186
01:09:42,595 --> 01:09:44,802
There's supposed to be three.
Where's the third guy?
1187
01:09:44,889 --> 01:09:47,597
- I never saw a third guy.
- Who's this asshole?
1188
01:09:47,725 --> 01:09:49,716
What the hell happened
to those guys?
1189
01:09:49,977 --> 01:09:52,264
They got lightheaded.
You got that right.
1190
01:09:52,397 --> 01:09:55,014
They gonna cancel the show?
What do you care?
1191
01:09:55,108 --> 01:09:58,271
I'm supposed to be on it. I'm Gil Hicks.
Suitor Number Three.
1192
01:09:58,403 --> 01:10:01,646
We're taking their place. I'm T.S.
Quint. This is Brodie Bruce.
1193
01:10:01,781 --> 01:10:05,775
Didn't I see you on the news? Dude.
Don't give him any shit, all right?
1194
01:10:05,910 --> 01:10:08,026
Something's going on here.
Where's Mr. Svenning?
1195
01:10:08,121 --> 01:10:11,113
Mr. Svenning has come down with
a sudden case of diphtheria.
1196
01:10:11,249 --> 01:10:12,455
What happened to those two?
1197
01:10:12,583 --> 01:10:14,699
Homeboys got a case
of the mad munchies.
1198
01:10:14,794 --> 01:10:17,252
Hey, Rowdy Roddy. Isn't this
the guy Svenning had arrested?
1199
01:10:17,338 --> 01:10:19,170
Yes, it is.
All right, Quint.
1200
01:10:19,257 --> 01:10:22,124
I don't know how you got back in,
but I'm alerting Mr. Svenning.
1201
01:10:22,218 --> 01:10:24,676
We'll postpone the start
until we figure this all out.
1202
01:10:24,762 --> 01:10:28,096
You called down the thunder,
now you've got it! Security!
1203
01:10:28,182 --> 01:10:29,672
Hey, Roddy!
What?
1204
01:10:32,061 --> 01:10:35,053
- Jesus Christ, you knocked him out.
- Now hit him!
1205
01:10:35,148 --> 01:10:37,560
Somebody call security?
What happened to those two?
1206
01:10:37,650 --> 01:10:40,483
They got stoned and knocked him out.
He needs medical attention.
1207
01:10:40,570 --> 01:10:41,935
That's not what happened.
1208
01:10:42,029 --> 01:10:44,566
Could you have him removed?
The show's about to start.
1209
01:10:44,657 --> 01:10:45,818
Whatever.
1210
01:10:48,661 --> 01:10:50,322
Look, dude.
No more shit, all right?
1211
01:10:50,413 --> 01:10:53,280
Just go out and woo like you're
supposed to and nobody gets hurt.
1212
01:10:53,374 --> 01:10:55,411
When Tricia shows up
with the videotape,
1213
01:10:55,501 --> 01:10:57,162
you get it to Silent Bob,
understand?
1214
01:10:57,253 --> 01:11:00,211
I'm on it. Wait a sec,
where is that tubby bitch?
1215
01:11:23,654 --> 01:11:27,147
Good evening and welcome
to Truth or Date.
1216
01:11:27,241 --> 01:11:30,950
One match made here
ignites the fires of romance.
1217
01:11:31,037 --> 01:11:33,119
Hi, I'm Bob Summers, your host
1218
01:11:33,206 --> 01:11:36,289
and tonight we'll watch as one
of our three lucky suitors
1219
01:11:36,375 --> 01:11:40,209
woos our beautiful,
eligible suitor-ette.
1220
01:11:40,296 --> 01:11:43,960
Ladies and gentlemen, get ready
for romance in the making
1221
01:11:44,050 --> 01:11:47,418
as we introduce the suitors!
1222
01:12:09,617 --> 01:12:13,906
Our first suitor goes to Marymount
College where he majors in Economics.
1223
01:12:14,205 --> 01:12:16,993
Say hi to Doug Paging.
1224
01:12:22,171 --> 01:12:24,128
Do it, Doug!
1225
01:12:24,215 --> 01:12:27,674
Our second suitor hails from
Canisius College in Buffalo
1226
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:29,876
where he majors in
Communications.
1227
01:12:29,971 --> 01:12:33,589
Say hi to Rob Feature.
1228
01:12:40,982 --> 01:12:43,189
Our final suitor goes to Rutgers
1229
01:12:43,276 --> 01:12:46,314
where he majors in Fine
Arts and Greek mythology.
1230
01:12:46,445 --> 01:12:49,437
A nice welcome for Gil Hicks.
1231
01:12:51,325 --> 01:12:53,157
Pay attention, dick.
1232
01:12:53,953 --> 01:12:55,910
May the best man win.
1233
01:12:56,414 --> 01:13:00,248
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
to introduce our lovely suitor-ette.
1234
01:13:00,334 --> 01:13:03,998
From Monmouth State, where she majors
in Astronomy and Earth Sciences,
1235
01:13:04,088 --> 01:13:08,582
a big welcome for the
lovely Brandi Svenning.
1236
01:13:20,146 --> 01:13:23,184
AH right, everybody knows
how the game is played.
1237
01:13:23,274 --> 01:13:27,142
Our lovely suitor-ette will ask a
series of questions of our suitors
1238
01:13:27,236 --> 01:13:29,853
and make her decision based
on their answers.
1239
01:13:29,947 --> 01:13:31,233
Anything goes!
1240
01:13:31,365 --> 01:13:33,276
Brandi, are you ready?
1241
01:13:33,576 --> 01:13:35,237
Absolutely, Bob.
1242
01:13:35,369 --> 01:13:37,576
Then you may fire when ready.
1243
01:13:41,417 --> 01:13:43,033
Suitor Number One.
1244
01:13:43,544 --> 01:13:46,912
If you were a car,
what kind of car would you be?
1245
01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:53,089
The kind you'd never dump
your boyfriend in.
1246
01:13:57,224 --> 01:14:00,637
Suitor Number Two. Can't you
call me the Second Suitor?
1247
01:14:00,728 --> 01:14:03,641
"Suitor Number Two" sounds like
a bathroom code, you know?
1248
01:14:05,691 --> 01:14:07,602
Second Suitor.
1249
01:14:07,693 --> 01:14:10,651
If we were making whoopee...
What's whoopee?
1250
01:14:16,243 --> 01:14:17,654
If we were...
1251
01:14:17,745 --> 01:14:20,578
If we were being intimate...
What, like fucking?
1252
01:14:24,877 --> 01:14:25,877
Yeah.
1253
01:14:26,212 --> 01:14:30,627
If we were, you know, what
kind of noises would you make?
1254
01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:39,179
No, I think that's
kind of personal.
1255
01:14:39,266 --> 01:14:41,223
I don't think I should
answer that.
1256
01:14:42,436 --> 01:14:44,302
Suitor Number Three.
1257
01:14:45,147 --> 01:14:47,605
What would our first date
be like?
1258
01:14:48,192 --> 01:14:51,810
First I'd take you shopping to the
stores you'd want to shop in.
1259
01:14:51,904 --> 01:14:55,272
And then we'd do a little lunch,
probably at the Cheese Haus
1260
01:14:55,366 --> 01:14:57,073
followed by some golfing.
1261
01:14:57,201 --> 01:15:01,991
Then at night, we 'd take in an
opera, probably Die Fledermaus.
1262
01:15:02,415 --> 01:15:06,249
Then I'd follow it all up with
a drive to a secluded beach
1263
01:15:06,419 --> 01:15:08,501
where I'd pop on the radio
1264
01:15:08,587 --> 01:15:11,955
and then we could slow dance
till the sun came up.
1265
01:15:13,217 --> 01:15:16,585
That was the biggest
load of crap I've ever heard!
1266
01:15:17,263 --> 01:15:20,676
I mean, look at you, you're the
kind of guy that would beg for sex.
1267
01:15:20,933 --> 01:15:23,140
I should know,
we can smell our own.
1268
01:15:29,608 --> 01:15:31,394
Suitor Number One.
1269
01:15:31,944 --> 01:15:35,232
If we fell in love,
how would you propose to me?
1270
01:15:35,614 --> 01:15:38,948
When Jaws popped out of the water.
Excuse me?
1271
01:15:40,286 --> 01:15:42,118
I'll propose to you right now.
1272
01:15:42,204 --> 01:15:44,366
I propose you stop letting
your father run your life
1273
01:15:44,457 --> 01:15:47,218
and be true to yourself and not give
up on someone you know has value.
1274
01:15:47,251 --> 01:15:49,618
Take off your socks
when you make whoopee
1275
01:15:49,712 --> 01:15:53,000
or whatever that word is. He
hates it when you leave them on.
1276
01:15:54,091 --> 01:15:56,378
What?
Hypothetically speaking.
1277
01:15:56,469 --> 01:15:59,336
Suitor Number One,
you sound familiar.
1278
01:15:59,597 --> 01:16:03,306
Like your conscience, maybe? Look, lady.
You don't know him, all right?
1279
01:16:03,768 --> 01:16:06,009
Now make with the questions.
1280
01:16:06,145 --> 01:16:08,136
Suitor Number Three.
1281
01:16:08,481 --> 01:16:11,143
Is your kiss like a soft breeze,
1282
01:16:11,233 --> 01:16:13,725
a firm handshake,
or a jackhammer?
1283
01:16:13,986 --> 01:16:15,727
What's the funny guy
doing with his hands?
1284
01:16:15,821 --> 01:16:17,653
I don't want to know.
1285
01:16:19,033 --> 01:16:21,320
What the fuck is
going on up there?
1286
01:16:21,577 --> 01:16:23,193
Definitely a jackhammer.
1287
01:16:23,287 --> 01:16:26,120
I'm in there with some
pressure, and when I'm done,
1288
01:16:26,207 --> 01:16:29,245
you're not the same as before.
You're changed.
1289
01:16:29,335 --> 01:16:31,576
Where do you come up
with this shit?
1290
01:16:31,670 --> 01:16:35,584
That is the cheesiest response to
an honest question I've ever heard.
1291
01:16:35,674 --> 01:16:38,086
I saw you kiss and it
wasn't anything like that.
1292
01:16:39,095 --> 01:16:43,840
Suitor Number Two, you have to wait until
you're addressed before you respond.
1293
01:16:43,933 --> 01:16:48,177
Richard Dawson, go back to your podium until
it's time to play the Feud, all right?
1294
01:16:51,357 --> 01:16:53,815
Who did you see me kiss?
Some dude backstage.
1295
01:16:53,901 --> 01:16:55,901
I don't know who he was,
but he seemed unimpressed.
1296
01:16:55,986 --> 01:16:58,944
I didn't kiss any guy backstage, I swear.
I'm not gay.
1297
01:16:59,031 --> 01:17:00,988
Hey, Suitor-ette,
this guy's a homophobe.
1298
01:17:01,075 --> 01:17:02,986
You heard how repulsed
he sounded.
1299
01:17:03,077 --> 01:17:05,409
Is this the kind of guy you
want to spend a vacation with?
1300
01:17:05,496 --> 01:17:07,487
This hatemonger?
I don't hate gay people!
1301
01:17:07,581 --> 01:17:08,912
So you love them?
Yes!
1302
01:17:09,041 --> 01:17:11,829
I mean, no! Textbook closet case.
Self-loather.
1303
01:17:11,919 --> 01:17:14,126
Can't be comfortable
with his own sexuality.
1304
01:17:17,216 --> 01:17:18,627
Brodie said to give this to you.
1305
01:17:18,717 --> 01:17:20,958
Are you watching this shit,
man? It's fucked up!
1306
01:17:21,053 --> 01:17:22,964
I don't want to be here
when that tape
1307
01:17:23,055 --> 01:17:24,762
does what I think
it's going to do.
1308
01:17:25,057 --> 01:17:28,015
Miss Suitor-ette, how about
you answer a question for me?
1309
01:17:28,894 --> 01:17:31,932
I don't think that... How
strong are your convictions?
1310
01:17:32,022 --> 01:17:33,183
What are you talking about?
1311
01:17:33,274 --> 01:17:35,515
How easily do you quit? Say
you wind up with one of us.
1312
01:17:35,609 --> 01:17:37,850
Hopefully not Rush Limbaugh,
over here.
1313
01:17:37,945 --> 01:17:39,777
I'm not like Rush Limbaugh!
1314
01:17:39,864 --> 01:17:43,482
Why not, because he's fat? You got
something against fat people, too?
1315
01:17:47,538 --> 01:17:49,495
Snootchy bootchies!
1316
01:17:50,124 --> 01:17:51,740
Are you ready?
1317
01:18:03,596 --> 01:18:06,930
If! have a conviction,
I stick to it.
1318
01:18:07,057 --> 01:18:08,889
Were you ever in love?
1319
01:18:09,101 --> 01:18:11,684
Yes, as a matter of fact.
Really?
1320
01:18:11,979 --> 01:18:14,311
What happened to your boyfriend?
1321
01:18:15,274 --> 01:18:17,641
We broke up.
Why?
1322
01:18:18,986 --> 01:18:22,320
It just didn't work out.
I mean, were you unhappy?
1323
01:18:22,406 --> 01:18:24,238
Sometimes.
Why?
1324
01:18:25,451 --> 01:18:26,691
T.S.?
1325
01:18:26,785 --> 01:18:28,025
Hey, what about the rest of us?
1326
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:30,487
Why don't you ask me a question?
1327
01:18:30,623 --> 01:18:31,988
Suitor Number Two.
1328
01:18:32,082 --> 01:18:34,949
Hey, what about me?
Gil, just shut the fuck up!
1329
01:18:37,004 --> 01:18:38,369
Second Suitor,
1330
01:18:39,089 --> 01:18:41,296
would you ever make
whoopee in public?
1331
01:18:41,425 --> 01:18:43,507
I already did once today.
1332
01:18:47,056 --> 01:18:50,720
But my cousin Walter jerked off
in public once. True story.
1333
01:18:50,809 --> 01:18:52,345
He was on a plane to New Mexico
1334
01:18:52,436 --> 01:18:54,518
when all of a sudden
the hydraulics went.
1335
01:18:54,605 --> 01:18:57,267
The plane started spinning
around, going out of control.
1336
01:18:57,358 --> 01:18:59,440
He decides it's all over,
whips it out
1337
01:18:59,526 --> 01:19:01,312
and starts beating it
right there.
1338
01:19:01,403 --> 01:19:03,565
All the passengers take
a cue from him,
1339
01:19:03,656 --> 01:19:06,148
they whip it out
and start beating like mad.
1340
01:19:06,242 --> 01:19:08,574
So all the passengers are
beating off,
1341
01:19:08,661 --> 01:19:10,402
plummeting to their certain doom
1342
01:19:10,496 --> 01:19:11,952
when all of a sudden
1343
01:19:12,081 --> 01:19:15,244
the hydraulics kick back in
and the plane rights itself.
1344
01:19:15,668 --> 01:19:16,908
It lands safely
1345
01:19:17,002 --> 01:19:20,916
and everyone puts their pieces,
or whatever, away and deboard.
1346
01:19:21,006 --> 01:19:24,169
Nobody mentions the phenomenon
to anyone else.
1347
01:19:31,016 --> 01:19:32,927
Did he come or what?
1348
01:19:33,018 --> 01:19:34,554
Jesus Christ, man!
1349
01:19:34,645 --> 01:19:37,683
There are just some things you
don't talk about in public.
1350
01:19:38,274 --> 01:19:39,514
Second Suitor,
1351
01:19:39,984 --> 01:19:42,942
if you were a comic-book character,
what character would you be?
1352
01:19:43,028 --> 01:19:44,985
Wow, that's a great question.
1353
01:19:45,197 --> 01:19:47,985
A tough one, though. What does
one gauge his response on?
1354
01:19:48,075 --> 01:19:50,612
Physical prowess?
Keen detection skills?
1355
01:19:50,703 --> 01:19:52,740
The ability to banter well
with super villains?
1356
01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:54,571
How's your
comic-book collection, Brodie?
1357
01:19:54,665 --> 01:19:56,827
It's going good.
But, I mean...
1358
01:19:56,917 --> 01:19:58,954
Comics!
What are you talking about?
1359
01:19:59,044 --> 01:20:01,911
I don't collect comics.
Comics are for kids!
1360
01:20:02,006 --> 01:20:03,292
I knew it.
1361
01:20:03,382 --> 01:20:04,793
Suitor Number One,
1362
01:20:04,883 --> 01:20:07,375
you just don't know when
to quit, do you? No.
1363
01:20:07,469 --> 01:20:10,177
No, but you sure do.
I thought you were in love.
1364
01:20:10,264 --> 01:20:11,720
I was in love.
1365
01:20:12,057 --> 01:20:14,173
But I thought
that I had a partner.
1366
01:20:14,268 --> 01:20:17,477
Somebody who wouldn't fall to pieces
when things didn't go his way.
1367
01:20:17,563 --> 01:20:18,563
How so?
1368
01:20:18,605 --> 01:20:20,812
My father needed a contestant
for his show, T.S.
1369
01:20:20,899 --> 01:20:22,481
What was I supposed to do?
1370
01:20:22,568 --> 01:20:25,526
Show a little backbone.
Show a little backbone?
1371
01:20:25,696 --> 01:20:27,312
What did you do?
1372
01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:30,907
When I walked away, did you make
any effort to repair that breach?
1373
01:20:31,076 --> 01:20:32,316
No, you just ran off
1374
01:20:32,411 --> 01:20:35,324
and cried on the shoulder of
Bumble the Boy Wonder over there.
1375
01:20:35,414 --> 01:20:38,497
Boy Wonder?
I'm all man, lady!
1376
01:20:38,584 --> 01:20:41,747
So you're here now and you're
ruining my father's new show.
1377
01:20:42,087 --> 01:20:45,079
You're airing all our
personal business on stage.
1378
01:20:45,299 --> 01:20:48,337
You've gone this far, T.S., why don't
you just tell them the whole story?
1379
01:20:48,427 --> 01:20:51,340
There we were, mere hours from
spending an entire week together
1380
01:20:51,430 --> 01:20:55,640
away from our family, school. She throws
in the towel because her daddy says so.
1381
01:20:55,726 --> 01:20:59,765
The girl who was meant to be sitting
in this chair died in a pool.
1382
01:21:00,397 --> 01:21:02,729
And when I tried
to explain this to him,
1383
01:21:02,816 --> 01:21:04,853
he was such an asshole about it
1384
01:21:04,943 --> 01:21:08,277
that even though it killed me
to do it, I broke up with him.
1385
01:21:08,947 --> 01:21:11,655
You know,
I've been crying all day.
1386
01:21:11,742 --> 01:21:14,780
But what did he do?
He just goes on with his life.
1387
01:21:14,995 --> 01:21:17,327
I mean here he is.
He's hanging out at a mall.
1388
01:21:17,414 --> 01:21:19,451
You put yourself on an
auction block for God's sake
1389
01:21:19,541 --> 01:21:21,202
in front
of a live studio audience.
1390
01:21:21,293 --> 01:21:23,534
Do I get a chance to field
any more questions?
1391
01:21:23,629 --> 01:21:24,629
No!
1392
01:21:24,713 --> 01:21:26,545
Look, I think
I should say something here.
1393
01:21:26,632 --> 01:21:28,623
I know both of you
pretty well. Suitor-ette,
1394
01:21:28,717 --> 01:21:31,459
Suitor Number One has done nothing
but pine over you all day
1395
01:21:31,553 --> 01:21:33,233
trying to figure out a way
to win you back.
1396
01:21:33,472 --> 01:21:36,510
When this public opportunity
to literally do that arose,
1397
01:21:36,600 --> 01:21:39,217
he pulled his shit together,
risked life and limb
1398
01:21:39,311 --> 01:21:42,178
and faced the odds to get up
here and give it his best shot.
1399
01:21:42,272 --> 01:21:45,640
I'm tired of this whole thing!
You're both retarded for each other!
1400
01:21:45,776 --> 01:21:49,144
Forget about the shit that happened
and do what you're supposed to!
1401
01:21:49,363 --> 01:21:51,730
I think the audience
would agree with me there.
1402
01:21:59,415 --> 01:22:01,952
Ask her, you silly bastard!
1403
01:22:04,628 --> 01:22:06,210
Miss Suitor-ette,
1404
01:22:06,922 --> 01:22:08,788
Suitor Number One loves you,
1405
01:22:08,882 --> 01:22:11,590
has always loved you,
and will always love you.
1406
01:22:12,386 --> 01:22:14,844
He's only got one question
that he'd like to ask.
1407
01:22:17,599 --> 01:22:19,260
Will you marry me?
1408
01:22:37,536 --> 01:22:38,697
Yes.
1409
01:23:01,226 --> 01:23:04,184
Snootchy bootchies,
Brodie-nootchies!
1410
01:23:15,324 --> 01:23:17,907
Are we set or what?
Good to go.
1411
01:23:35,135 --> 01:23:36,842
A sailboat.
1412
01:23:48,982 --> 01:23:52,350
I think it's safe to say,
we've made our match.
1413
01:23:52,444 --> 01:23:55,186
These two lucky people will
soon be winging their way
1414
01:23:55,280 --> 01:23:59,615
to beautiful, sunny Florida for
a week of theme parks, beaches
1415
01:23:59,785 --> 01:24:02,117
and a lot more
from the look of it!
1416
01:24:02,621 --> 01:24:04,658
I guess that about
wraps it up for...
1417
01:24:05,082 --> 01:24:08,245
Not just yet, Pat Sajak.
1418
01:24:08,335 --> 01:24:09,746
All right?
1419
01:24:11,922 --> 01:24:13,458
You! All right.
1420
01:24:13,966 --> 01:24:17,254
I believe you have something
that belongs to me.
1421
01:24:18,011 --> 01:24:19,297
Yeah? What's that?
1422
01:24:19,471 --> 01:24:22,680
Not you, asshole! The girl.
1423
01:24:23,809 --> 01:24:25,299
You have my heart.
1424
01:24:28,981 --> 01:24:30,517
What can I say?
1425
01:24:30,649 --> 01:24:32,265
I love the retard.
1426
01:24:33,110 --> 01:24:36,319
Wait a minute. I thought tonight
we were supposed to, you know...
1427
01:24:36,530 --> 01:24:37,611
Hamilton!
1428
01:24:37,698 --> 01:24:40,816
Let's try to wrap this up, all right?
I promised her breakfast.
1429
01:24:40,951 --> 01:24:42,362
All right, that's it.
1430
01:24:42,578 --> 01:24:45,536
You're dead, mallrat. I'm going
to fuck you up beyond repair!
1431
01:25:02,723 --> 01:25:06,182
Sailboat. Sailboat.
Goddamn sailboat.
1432
01:25:06,852 --> 01:25:10,846
Ladies and gentlemen, this tall
drink of water headed my way
1433
01:25:10,939 --> 01:25:12,930
is a pillar of
the shopping community
1434
01:25:13,025 --> 01:25:16,268
who informed me earlier today
of a nefarious plan of his
1435
01:25:16,361 --> 01:25:19,103
to screw my girlfriend
in a very uncomfortable place.
1436
01:25:19,197 --> 01:25:21,859
What?
Like the back of a Volkswagen?
1437
01:25:26,204 --> 01:25:28,366
And as he comes up here to...
1438
01:25:30,292 --> 01:25:31,703
Holy shit!
1439
01:25:34,129 --> 01:25:36,541
Without further ado,
I'd like to present you all
1440
01:25:36,632 --> 01:25:39,920
with an accurate portrayal of the
proprietor of Fashionable Male.
1441
01:25:40,010 --> 01:25:41,546
Now, Silent Bob!
1442
01:25:43,639 --> 01:25:46,222
I said now, Silent Bob!
1443
01:25:47,893 --> 01:25:49,554
When, Lord?
1444
01:25:49,978 --> 01:25:53,471
When the hell do I get to see
the goddamn sailboat?
1445
01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:56,023
Now, now, now!
1446
01:26:06,912 --> 01:26:08,823
Who's your favorite New Kid?
1447
01:26:10,332 --> 01:26:11,367
Call me Joey.
1448
01:26:11,458 --> 01:26:14,325
Oh, yeah. Don't make me get loose.
I think that's it.
1449
01:26:15,212 --> 01:26:18,750
Yeah. Call me Donnie.
Come on. Oh, girl.
1450
01:26:18,840 --> 01:26:20,001
Yeah, please don't go.
1451
01:26:20,092 --> 01:26:22,459
Goddamn.
This is one wacky game show.
1452
01:26:23,595 --> 01:26:25,381
That girl's only 15.
1453
01:26:27,599 --> 01:26:31,012
15? I thought she was 36.
1454
01:26:31,603 --> 01:26:34,766
Hey, come on, guys. Tell me
you wouldn't have popped her?
1455
01:26:48,829 --> 01:26:49,990
Where you're going,
1456
01:26:50,080 --> 01:26:52,321
they screw people
in a very uncomfortable place.
1457
01:26:52,416 --> 01:26:53,781
Really?
Yeah.
1458
01:26:54,793 --> 01:26:56,955
You can't strike a prisoner
in police custody.
1459
01:26:57,045 --> 01:26:58,786
Come on, just once?
1460
01:26:58,922 --> 01:27:01,163
All right, but make it fast.
1461
01:27:04,052 --> 01:27:07,261
Would you have gone on
vacation with the winner?
1462
01:27:07,472 --> 01:27:08,962
What do you think?
1463
01:27:10,142 --> 01:27:12,634
I don't know,
I think you would have.
1464
01:27:13,979 --> 01:27:16,220
But I would have
sent you a postcard.
1465
01:27:18,150 --> 01:27:20,061
What the hell is wrong with me?
1466
01:27:20,152 --> 01:27:23,645
If the tape was out of your reach,
how the hell did you get it?
1467
01:27:24,364 --> 01:27:26,355
The Jedi mind trick!
1468
01:27:26,450 --> 01:27:28,862
Holy shit!
Motherfucking Yoda and shit!
1469
01:27:29,536 --> 01:27:31,447
Adventure? Excitement?
1470
01:27:32,038 --> 01:27:34,370
A Jedi craves not these things.
1471
01:27:41,840 --> 01:27:43,501
(BROKEN PLAYING
1472
01:28:02,486 --> 01:28:05,695
Did you see that shit?
Do you call that romance?
1473
01:28:06,323 --> 01:28:07,859
I call that illegal.
1474
01:28:09,534 --> 01:28:10,865
So.
1475
01:28:12,954 --> 01:28:13,989
So what?
1476
01:28:14,498 --> 01:28:17,490
I was just wondering, if maybe
you're not busy tomorrow night...
1477
01:28:17,626 --> 01:28:18,787
Yeah?
1478
01:28:20,545 --> 01:28:23,162
Would you like to have dinner
at my house and meet my mother?
1479
01:28:23,256 --> 01:28:26,214
I can't guarantee
she'll like you, but...
1480
01:28:32,641 --> 01:28:35,303
It was just a warm-up.
Please, come on?
1481
01:28:35,393 --> 01:28:37,680
The show would always
go smoother and be less racy.
1482
01:28:37,771 --> 01:28:40,809
The show was a piece of shit.
Unoriginal, uninspired, you know.
1483
01:28:40,899 --> 01:28:43,561
The only thing that saved it
was this guy here.
1484
01:28:43,652 --> 01:28:45,438
I'm Bentley Garrison,
with the network.
1485
01:28:45,529 --> 01:28:47,361
Me and Mason thought
you were hysterical.
1486
01:28:47,447 --> 01:28:49,609
Hilarious. You've got
great presence, kid.
1487
01:28:49,699 --> 01:28:52,487
Have you ever considered
hosting your own talk show?
1488
01:28:54,830 --> 01:28:55,410
Him?
1489
01:28:55,413 --> 01:28:56,413
Him?
1490
01:28:56,748 --> 01:28:58,409
(SUSANNE PLAYING
1491
01:30:00,770 --> 01:30:01,770
Yeah?
118621
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