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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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HIT AND RUNAWAY
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PRIEST: The lord is my shepherd.
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I shall not want.
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He maketh me lie down
in green pastures.
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He leadeth me beside still waters.
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[INAUDIBLE] my soul.
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He leadeth me in the
paths of righteousness,
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for his [INAUDIBLE].
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Yea, though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death,
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I will fear no evil.
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For thou art with me.
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They rod and thy
staff, they comfort me.
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Though prepares a table before me
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in the presence of mine enemies.
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Thou anointest my head with oil.
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My cup runneth over.
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Surely goodness and mercy shall follow
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me all the days of my life.
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And I will dwell in the
house of the lord forever.
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Amen.
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Come on.
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Don't let mom see you crying.
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Hey, stupid.
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What?
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I need your help.
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It's worse than we thought.
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Dad owed a lot of people.
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We're not going to
lose the place are we?
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No thanks to you.
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Dad was sending you money every month.
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That's none of your business.
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WOMAN: It is now.
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Shut up, Barbara.
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MAN: Hey, hey, hey.
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Every penny that he sent you came out
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of my kid's college education.
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Your kid's three years old.
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So what.
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All right.
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It wasn't every month.
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What are you always
protecting him for?
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Alex, we can't afford
it anymore, all right?
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You want money from the family,
you gotta come work at the cafe.
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You can stay down here.
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What in this shit hole?
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We'll clean it up.
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You can start tomorrow.
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Don't give me that face.
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What, do you want us
to lose the business?
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You want to see mom out in the street?
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Mom, leave that alone.
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Hey, stupid, come on.
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Get in there.
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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[MYSTICAL CHIMING]
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[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
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[APPLAUSE]
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[MUSIC CONTINUES]
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[APPLAUSE]
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Freeze, you guzzbucket
piece of Euro trash!
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[SCREAMING]
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[GUNFIRE]
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[SCREAMING]
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Well, looks like you
just went out of style.
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Now I know what you're thinking.
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This tuxedo, is it Armani
or Yves Saint Laurent.
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Well, to tell you the truth,
I forgot to look at the label.
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So being that you just mowed
down five of the top 10 fashion
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models in the world, you better be
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asking yourself a very
important question.
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That smell you smell, is
that because you pissed
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in your pants, or did I just forget
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to wear my Calvin Klein
Obsession for Men?
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[GASP]
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[GUNSHOT]
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I'm writing a hit screenplay.
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Norman, listen, I know you asked
me not to call you at home,
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all right.
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But look, I just had an idea.
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No, no, no, listen.
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I'm telling you, this is the one.
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You wanted something for
Jagger Stevens, right?
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All right.
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A fashion model who's really a cop.
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I already got a title,
man... "Hit and Runway."
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No, listen.
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Fashion, you got your
female demographic.
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You blow up a couple of Ferraris.
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The guys will go ape shit.
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It, it has to sell.
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Yeah.
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Right, develop it, yeah.
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Who is your main character?
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Does he like mustard on his pretzels?
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Or does he scrape off the salt?
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I understand the
registrar has asked you
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all to bring in something to read.
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Any volunteers?
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Yes.
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I don't really have a story yet.
102
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But, um, this is how I
picture the opening scene.
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Interior, auditorium, day.
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A fashion show is in progress.
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The room is filled with rich,
stuck up celebrity types.
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We dolly in on the hero.
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And his eyes scan the crowd.
108
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Alex, your hero, does he have a name?
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He's, you know, like
undercover cop, typical.
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No, no there is no such
thing as a typical cop.
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In the original "Die Hard", the cop
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is defined by an urgent need
to reconcile with his wife.
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In-in "Dirty Harry" you
have a bitter vigilante
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who has to find
redemption in an Orwellian
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nightmare of thwarted individualism.
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Tony.
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His name's Tony.
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Tony's love interest, the highest paid
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model in the world, and a major babe.
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She's, uh, Swedish.
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Anushka.
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Hey, I was going for some coffee.
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I was wondering maybe
if you wanted to...
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Mmm.
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You know, I have some vacuuming to do.
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Keep a clean department.
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Yeah.
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That's great.
129
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I got a Dustbuster at home.
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I believe this is yours.
131
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It, um, it fell behind my chair.
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It appears to be a synopsis
of your... by the way, um,
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I thought it was very
courageous of you to read today.
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I'm Gwen, by the way.
135
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My friend's cousin used to work
as an assistant fashion editor.
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00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,933
So if you ever need any
help with your script...
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Thanks.
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00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:54,706
[LAUGHING]
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It's been like, what,
two years since HB?
140
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Yeah, just about.
141
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Oh my god.
142
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,179
How's Ron?
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MAN: He's great.
144
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So who's the new waiter?
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I got him working weeknights.
146
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You know how to work that thing?
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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Um, these, uh, [COUGH] these pastries,
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are they, um, made on the premises?
150
00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:02,674
Uh, yeah.
151
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Yeah, they are.
152
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Um, I'm Elliot Springer, by the way.
153
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,181
And I saw you last year
in that great play,
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00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,449
"Bottoms on Parade."
155
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:13,685
You were the, uh, third
jockstrap from the left.
156
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:17,189
The arc of your character
really stood out.
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00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,191
I mean, there are no small parts,
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00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,926
and you certainly proved it.
159
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:24,696
Uh, listen, um, I'm a
playwright, OK, really.
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00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:27,199
And, um, I don't know if
you'd be interested in this.
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00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,967
But, uh, here's my, here's my resume.
162
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,169
And, uh, these are my press clippings.
163
00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:32,471
And I don't want to brag, but I was
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00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:33,939
mentioned in Michael Musto's column.
165
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:36,675
Anyway, I'm working on something
new... "Chicken of the Sea."
166
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:38,176
That's what you get
when a bird and a fish
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00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:41,178
fall in love. [NERVOUS LAUGH]
It's a, a comedy, hopefully.
168
00:09:41,179 --> 00:09:43,916
Anyway, um, there's a great
part in here for you...
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Ned, the shy anthropology student.
170
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,186
There's no nudity in it yet.
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00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,688
Uh, I, I'll take a look at it.
172
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:51,690
And I put my phone number
on the top right-hand comer
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of every page.
174
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:04,970
[PHONE RINGING]
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00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:08,707
[INAUDIBLE] it's Alex.
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[BEEP]
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00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:09,675
NORM (ON ANSWERING
MACHINE): Yo, Alex.
178
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:10,742
It's Cousin Norm.
179
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:12,678
I met with Ray Tilman today.
180
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,445
And guess what?
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00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,447
I mentioned "Hit and Runway"
for Jagger, and he loved it.
182
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,448
Loved it!
183
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,249
Yo, Alex.
184
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,483
Norm, hey.
185
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:19,952
Turns out Jagger
is looking to do something funny.
186
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,954
And Ray thought "Hit and
Runway" was hilarious.
187
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,723
Rough detective in the hoity
toity world of high fashion.
188
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:26,692
He said it was the
best idea for a comedy
189
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:27,960
since "Kindergarden Cop."
190
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:28,427
Comedy?
191
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:29,695
NORM (ON ANSWERING
MACHINE): Best part?
192
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,413
He's tired of paying $3
million a shop for scripts,
193
00:10:31,414 --> 00:10:32,931
so he's willing to go with an unknown.
194
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:33,966
Here's the deal.
195
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,467
If you can show Ray
you can write funny,
196
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,202
he wants you to write a first draft.
197
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,971
He'll even through you a
little cash under the table.
198
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:39,972
Can you do that?
199
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,206
Can you write funny?
200
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,474
Yeah, yeah.
201
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,208
I can write funny.
202
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,176
How's the class going?
203
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:44,443
Great.
204
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:45,677
You got stuff you can show,
205
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:46,445
sketches?
206
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,163
Yeah, I got some very
funny stuff, very funny.
207
00:10:48,164 --> 00:10:49,948
NORM (ON ANSWERING MACHINE).
Don't bullshit me, Alex.
208
00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:51,183
You got a shot here.
209
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,451
Can you give me something by Monday?
210
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:53,185
Yeah, you got it.
211
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,186
Something funny on Monday.
212
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,454
NORM (ON ANSWERING
MACHINE): On my desk.
213
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,689
Ciao, baby.
214
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:58,457
A shot!
215
00:10:58,458 --> 00:10:59,958
Yes!
216
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:03,929
Writing samples?
217
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,435
Rocko and Tina's night out.
218
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:12,204
What's this?
219
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,706
I'm taking a movie writing class.
220
00:11:14,707 --> 00:11:15,941
Really?
221
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:17,209
Yes.
222
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:20,912
Rocko walks up to Tina in a bar.
223
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:22,681
Hey, I'll be Rocko.
224
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,916
We'll do it together, all right?
225
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:27,252
Hey, Tina.
226
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,687
Your feet must really be tired.
227
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:32,924
Why is that, Rocko?
228
00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:35,661
Because you have been running
through my mind all night.
229
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:42,200
What are they charging for this class?
230
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,168
Fuck you, Frank.
231
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:44,936
You didn't think that was funny.
232
00:11:44,937 --> 00:11:46,672
I won't pay nine bucks for it.
233
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,206
You want a second job, let me give you
234
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:51,443
some good advice...
hotel motel management.
235
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,515
Don't forget to lock up.
236
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:59,918
[MUSIC PLAYING]
237
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:22,240
I am writing a hit screenplay.
238
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:33,185
[INAUDIBLE] God, I know I
don't talk to you often enough.
239
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:38,957
But you brought me this far.
240
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:44,196
Please, don't let me down now.
241
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:47,666
[MUSIC PLAYING]
242
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,200
[BEEP]
243
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:23,668
WOMAN (ON ANSWERING
MACHINE): Hi, Mr. Springer.
244
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:25,170
This is Ruth from Congenial Tax.
245
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:28,440
We have a job for you
tomorrow in the midtown area.
246
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:29,941
Call in the morning
for all the details.
247
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:32,477
And don't forget to
pick up your time card.
248
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:33,945
[BEEP]
249
00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:35,180
ALEX (ON ANSWERING
MACHINE): Hey, Elliot.
250
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:37,916
This is, uh, this is Alex Andero.
251
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:39,451
Um, look, we never met before.
252
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,920
But I got some business I
need to talk to you about.
253
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:44,923
Um, look, you know what, I'll
just call you back later.
254
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:46,691
[BEEP]
255
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:47,926
Hey, um, Elliot.
256
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,695
It's Alex Andero, again.
257
00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:52,464
Hey, I might be in your
neighborhood later.
258
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,666
You know what, I'll
try calling you back.
259
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,667
[BEEP]
260
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,668
Hey, uh, Elliot.
261
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,670
It's, uh, it's Alex Andero again.
262
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,673
Um, you know what, just happened to be
in your neighborhood and I though, uh...
263
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,708
[BUZZER]
264
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,414
You've gotta get yourself an elevator.
265
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,916
Did you get my messages.
266
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,417
Uh, yeah.
267
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,653
That's a couple of biscottis.
268
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:15,420
Family owns a restaurant.
269
00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:22,194
Do you mind if I sit down?
270
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:27,165
So, uh, I'm busy.
271
00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:27,933
You're busy.
272
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:30,635
I'll cut right to the chase.
273
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:32,904
My cousin is Norman Rizzoli.
274
00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:35,440
And, uh, he threw out one of my ideas
275
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,908
to Jagger Stevens's people.
276
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,410
And they're interested.
277
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,646
So I want you to write
a screenplay with me.
278
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:43,915
Now I'll get basic story credit.
279
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:45,450
We'll share writing credit.
280
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:47,886
And the cash, I'm
willing to negotiate.
281
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,421
What was the idea?
282
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,890
It, it's about a high fashion model
283
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,391
who solves international crimes.
284
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:56,161
[PHONE RINGING]
285
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:58,897
Uh, just a second.
286
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:02,167
[PHONE RINGING]
287
00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:03,168
Hello?
288
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:06,137
You're kidding.
289
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:08,907
Shit.
290
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,408
What channel?
291
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,177
Could you spot me?
292
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,179
I spotted you the moment
you walked in the door.
293
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:15,413
Oh my god.
294
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:16,915
That's my line.
295
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,184
You heard that, too, didn't you?
296
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:21,419
They stole the whole scene!
297
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:22,454
You know who it was, don't you?
298
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,422
It was that, that little
weasel from LA, that, that,
299
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:27,158
that mental case, the one from Suzanne
300
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,927
Somers's production company.
301
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,896
What am I going to do?
302
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:33,164
I can't call Jacobian Minors.
303
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:34,900
Listen, Michael, I'll call
you back in 20 minutes.
304
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:35,634
I got company.
305
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:45,911
Could you hand me that pillow, please?
306
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:54,886
[MUFFLED YELLING]
307
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:04,462
You know when someone
robs you of your work,
308
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,431
it's kind of like having your child
309
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:08,433
untimely ripped from your womb.
310
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:13,638
Sorry, Alex.
311
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,674
But this movie is just not for me.
312
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:16,641
Can I call you tomorrow?
313
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,143
You got a work number?
314
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,678
I, I don't think so.
315
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,646
It sounds like one of those
high budget nightmares.
316
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,648
You might want to try Joe Esterhofs.
317
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,151
Just make a left when you
get out the front door,
318
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,952
and walk about 3.000 miles.
319
00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:29,654
Yo.
320
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,423
Maybe you don't hear what I'm saying.
321
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,458
Alex, I appreciate your persistence.
322
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,126
You'll probably go very far in life,
323
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:37,662
or in Hollywood,
whichever one you choose.
324
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:40,665
But have you ever
collaborated on a screenplay?
325
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,400
It's kind of like a
marriage, only the two people
326
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:45,170
actually have to talk to each other.
327
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,438
OK.
328
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:50,642
Um, for one thing, I'm gay.
329
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,477
You're kidding.
330
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:54,179
Like completely?
331
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,914
I'm a gay man.
332
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:59,184
This is a gay man's apartment.
333
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,654
Gay face, gay wrists,
gay, gay, gay, gay.
334
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:06,691
This wasn't obvious to you?
335
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:13,431
Oh!
336
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:15,166
Oh, sorry.
337
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:16,434
Hi, Joey!
338
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,369
Oh, hi.
339
00:17:17,903 --> 00:17:19,904
The playwright, I, I gave you my play.
340
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,439
You didn't read it yet.
341
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,140
I have been really busy.
342
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:25,643
"Hollywood Premier."
343
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,178
Yeah, showbiz Bible.
344
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:31,683
Hey, is that...
w-w-would you mind if I?
345
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,685
Oh my god. $2.5 million?
346
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:34,652
What?
347
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:37,188
Somebody just asked me to write
for Jagger Stevens a script.
348
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:37,889
Wow.
349
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:38,890
Alex something.
350
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,191
His family owns a restaurant.
351
00:17:40,192 --> 00:17:41,926
He had some story about a
cousin who's a producer.
352
00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:43,661
I think he was on drugs.
353
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:45,630
Uh, uh, Norman Rizzoli.
354
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:46,631
How did you know that?
355
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:47,432
Alex Andero.
356
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:48,133
I work for his brother.
357
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:49,901
You mean over at the cafe, really?
358
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:50,435
Yeah.
359
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:53,171
Hey, you can keep that.
360
00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,907
And, uh, you know, if, if
you decide to work with Alex,
361
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,176
I'll see you around the restaurant.
362
00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:02,147
[MUSIC PLAYING]
363
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:33,912
Come in.
364
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:37,649
Just grab a seat.
365
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:49,894
I just, uh, I'll just,
uh, sit over here.
366
00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:58,169
Listen, before we get started,
first of all, I'm straight.
367
00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:02,407
Because of what you said earlier
about writing being like marriage.
368
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:04,442
I was exaggerating.
369
00:19:04,443 --> 00:19:05,677
We don't even have to be friends.
370
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:06,644
I, I'd prefer that.
371
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,414
You know, professional.
372
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:10,882
It's nothing personal.
373
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,918
Unless you think you can't
handle yourself around me.
374
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:16,421
You're not attracted to me.
375
00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:19,157
You're not physically repulsive.
376
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:19,891
Really?
377
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,926
Then again, you're not my type.
378
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:22,694
Oh, good.
379
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:23,895
That deodorant. Phew.
380
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:25,897
Heh, you should smell
me before I put it on.
381
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:27,132
You want to smell my breath?
382
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,433
I'm sure it's revolting.
383
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:28,933
Great.
384
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:35,907
So, I guess, I guess we
should just get started.
385
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:39,677
What I basically see is there
is some kind of smuggling ring
386
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:43,915
going on down at the modeling
agency, cocaine maybe.
387
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:44,649
OK.
388
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:48,419
My next thought is how do
models smuggle cocaine.
389
00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:50,155
Well, first I thought
they could swallow it.
390
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,423
But that's not funny.
391
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:54,159
Besides, models only eat
breakfast, lunch, and dinner,
392
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,960
like they're going to eat
Glad bags full of crack.
393
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:57,896
So then it hits me.
394
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,664
Where else would beautiful
women be carrying
395
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:02,400
little plastic bags about yay big?
396
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:03,902
You ready for this?
397
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:04,903
Breast implants.
398
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:10,441
You, you like that?
399
00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:14,145
So their breasts would
double for luggage?
400
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:15,647
Product placement.
401
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,882
We could write Samsonite
across their brassieres.
402
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,918
Should I, should I write that down?
403
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,886
No.
404
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,888
What are, what are those?
405
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,023
Uh, these.
406
00:20:25,191 --> 00:20:29,127
"The Incinerator," "High
Voltage," "Death Squad."
407
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,662
Some of these are pretty violent.
408
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,430
How bad could they be?
409
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:33,398
[GUNFIRE FROM TV]
410
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,400
[LAUGHING]
411
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:41,673
[GUNFIRE FROM TV]
412
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:45,143
Oh shit.
413
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:48,146
One way we can make the violence
funny is by cranking it up.
414
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:49,647
You know, like that scene where, uh,
415
00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:51,649
the bald guy gets
his head chopped off.
416
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:53,418
In our movie, he should
get his head chopped off.
417
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:57,422
It should fall out a 30-story
window, roll out into traffic,
418
00:20:57,423 --> 00:21:00,925
and then get hit by a station
wagon full of cub scouts.
419
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:01,926
Steamrolled.
420
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,395
ALEX: Yeah. [LAUGHING]
Now you're talking.
421
00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:05,663
Sure we shouldn't be taking notes?
422
00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:08,166
Yeah, it's all etched in my
memory like the Holocaust.
423
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,435
Ow!
424
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:12,403
Hey, you like that?
425
00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:14,172
1981, Little League Champions.
426
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:15,173
Where are you going?
427
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:16,407
I wanted to make this work.
428
00:21:16,408 --> 00:21:18,176
But short of a complete
frontal lobotomy,
429
00:21:18,177 --> 00:21:21,879
I don't see how I can make my
thinking coincide with yours.
430
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:26,417
Alex, the film you want to
make is demeaning to women.
431
00:21:26,418 --> 00:21:27,685
It's demeaning to men.
432
00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:29,454
It's demeaning to amoebas.
433
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:31,656
I thought you wanted me to
write a romantic comedy,
434
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:33,658
something sweet like,
like, "The Little Mermaid."
435
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:34,659
What we just witnessed down there
436
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:36,461
is more like "The Little
Mermaid" meets Mrs. Paul,
437
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,429
and gets turned into a fish stick.
438
00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:39,163
Oh hey, guys.
439
00:21:39,164 --> 00:21:41,165
How's the script coming.
440
00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:41,666
It's...
441
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,704
Just, just promise me one thing.
442
00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:48,139
When you become rich and famous, you
443
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,408
gotta bring me out to Beverly
Hills to be your pool boy.
444
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:59,150
God, what am I doing?
445
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,655
Could you really see
the two of us together?
446
00:22:07,192 --> 00:22:11,162
Well neither could I.
447
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:12,163
Hey.
448
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,432
You like that guy?
449
00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:16,701
Because, you know, Joey, he
seemed pretty impressed, huh?
450
00:22:16,702 --> 00:22:18,903
You know, like if you
play your cards right,
451
00:22:18,904 --> 00:22:21,439
you might work some kind of
date out of this whole thing,
452
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,408
you know, a little
romantic rendez vous-ing.
453
00:22:23,409 --> 00:22:24,942
Hopeless.
454
00:22:24,943 --> 00:22:26,144
Hopeless is not a
word in my vocabulary.
455
00:22:26,145 --> 00:22:29,414
I suspect there are lot of words
that aren't in your vocabulary.
456
00:22:29,415 --> 00:22:31,182
Listen.
457
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:32,183
I appreciate your concern.
458
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,951
But you don't understand.
459
00:22:33,952 --> 00:22:35,687
Joey is gorgeous.
460
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:37,422
I'm funny looking.
461
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:39,657
In the gay world, we have
the caste system no lesser
462
00:22:39,658 --> 00:22:40,425
rigid than the Hindus.
463
00:22:40,426 --> 00:22:43,394
It would be like a Brahman
dating an untouchable.
464
00:22:43,395 --> 00:22:45,163
Sorry I wasted your time.
465
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:46,397
Hey, hey.
466
00:22:46,398 --> 00:22:48,633
Come here.
467
00:22:48,634 --> 00:22:51,936
I want to show you something.
468
00:22:51,937 --> 00:22:53,671
What do you see?
469
00:22:53,672 --> 00:22:55,405
I see a successful person.
470
00:22:55,406 --> 00:22:56,140
Hmm?
471
00:22:56,141 --> 00:22:56,941
Come on.
472
00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:57,642
Say it.
473
00:22:57,643 --> 00:22:58,910
I'm successful.
474
00:22:58,911 --> 00:23:01,412
If you believe, the
world will believe.
475
00:23:01,413 --> 00:23:02,647
I read that in a book.
476
00:23:02,648 --> 00:23:03,915
What book was that, "Mein Kampf"?
477
00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:05,416
If you want something, you gotta
478
00:23:05,417 --> 00:23:06,918
be able to look at
yourself in the eye,
479
00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:10,154
and you gotta say it out loud.
480
00:23:10,155 --> 00:23:12,156
What do you want more than
anything else in the world?
481
00:23:16,195 --> 00:23:17,161
I want Joey to want me.
482
00:23:17,162 --> 00:23:17,895
All right.
483
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:19,430
Now look in the mirror.
484
00:23:19,431 --> 00:23:22,900
And tell yourself, I am a sexy man.
485
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:25,903
I'm not the type of
man who inspires lust.
486
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:26,904
I bought a dildo once.
487
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:27,672
It lost its erection.
488
00:23:27,673 --> 00:23:29,140
Say it.
489
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:30,641
I am a sexy man.
490
00:23:30,642 --> 00:23:31,642
I don't want to be a liar.
491
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:35,646
OK.
492
00:23:38,650 --> 00:23:39,717
I am a sexy man.
493
00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:41,152
Now how do you feel?
494
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:42,153
Like Richard Nixon.
495
00:23:44,656 --> 00:23:45,423
Oh my god.
496
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:45,923
That's him.
497
00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:47,158
Look across... don't look.
498
00:23:47,159 --> 00:23:50,161
OK, Elliot, Elliot!
499
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:53,698
You're forcing me to
take drastic action now.
500
00:23:53,699 --> 00:23:56,901
If I get you a date with Joey,
will you write my script with me?
501
00:23:56,902 --> 00:24:00,438
[DANCE MUSIC]
502
00:24:11,417 --> 00:24:12,417
All right.
503
00:24:12,418 --> 00:24:15,920
Let's get this over with.
504
00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:17,155
He's over there.
505
00:24:17,156 --> 00:24:17,955
No.
506
00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:19,157
Pretend you don't notice him.
507
00:24:19,158 --> 00:24:19,924
Come on.
508
00:24:19,925 --> 00:24:21,459
I'll buy you a beer.
509
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:22,160
Excuse me.
510
00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:30,902
What would you like, darling.
511
00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:33,704
I'd like you to put some clothes on.
512
00:24:33,705 --> 00:24:34,672
Two beers.
513
00:24:39,645 --> 00:24:42,146
OK, he's seen us.
514
00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:43,648
Don't, don't look.
515
00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:45,183
Don't look.
516
00:24:45,184 --> 00:24:46,184
What's he doing?
517
00:24:46,185 --> 00:24:47,885
He's waylaid.
518
00:24:47,886 --> 00:24:48,920
All right.
519
00:24:48,921 --> 00:24:51,656
Turn around slowly, very slowly.
520
00:24:56,662 --> 00:25:00,164
All right. [CLEARING THROAT]
Now nod in his direction.
521
00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:01,666
Do it all with your eyes.
522
00:25:07,906 --> 00:25:09,640
He's inviting us over.
523
00:25:09,641 --> 00:25:10,408
Don't.
524
00:25:10,409 --> 00:25:12,143
If you go over there, any idea
you had of getting of laid
525
00:25:12,144 --> 00:25:13,911
can just go right out the window.
526
00:25:13,912 --> 00:25:16,147
Make him come to you.
527
00:25:16,148 --> 00:25:17,682
Look at you. You look
like your breast feeding.
528
00:25:17,683 --> 00:25:18,149
Come on.
529
00:25:18,150 --> 00:25:19,650
Hold the beer bottle down, all right?
530
00:25:19,651 --> 00:25:20,918
Relax.
531
00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:24,188
Come on, let the bottle
swing, like bull's ball,
532
00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:27,158
hanging loose.
533
00:25:27,159 --> 00:25:28,159
Could I buy you a drink?
534
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:28,926
Beat it.
535
00:25:28,927 --> 00:25:30,928
I'm talking to my friend.
536
00:25:30,929 --> 00:25:32,897
When you want a real man.
537
00:25:32,898 --> 00:25:34,432
Fuck you, you big fruit.
538
00:25:34,433 --> 00:25:35,466
[RECORD SCRATCH]
539
00:25:35,467 --> 00:25:37,935
[GLASS SHATTERING]
540
00:25:40,906 --> 00:25:43,441
You know, you were being
homophobic and offensive.
541
00:25:43,442 --> 00:25:46,177
It's a good thing Joey knew that
guy, or he'd have killed you.
542
00:25:46,178 --> 00:25:47,879
Well, good luck on your script.
543
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,647
You know, I almost
wish we could do this.
544
00:25:49,648 --> 00:25:52,650
But to, uh, get a movie down
to Hollywood you need a mirac...
545
00:25:52,651 --> 00:25:54,652
[KNOCKING]
546
00:25:54,653 --> 00:25:57,188
Where'd you guys go?
547
00:25:57,189 --> 00:25:59,423
Oh, Alex, I'm sorry about Harold, man.
548
00:25:59,424 --> 00:26:02,460
Every since he's been
on steroid's he's just been...
549
00:26:02,461 --> 00:26:03,160
He feels terrible.
550
00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:05,429
And he wanted me to give you these.
551
00:26:05,430 --> 00:26:08,165
Trockaderos are doing
"Swan Lake," two tickets.
552
00:26:13,438 --> 00:26:16,140
Hey, Elliot, you like ballet?
553
00:26:16,141 --> 00:26:17,942
Come on, this is "Swan Lake."
554
00:26:17,943 --> 00:26:20,444
It's the ballet. [THUD]
555
00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:25,416
Oh, "Swan Lake," the... I'd
like to go see that one.
556
00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:27,451
Uh, do you want to go Saturday night?
557
00:26:27,452 --> 00:26:29,153
Uh, that's usually
the night I sit home
558
00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:30,153
and feel sorry for myself.
559
00:26:30,154 --> 00:26:30,922
[THUD]
560
00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:33,891
[CLEARING THROAT] Yeah, I could
do that another night, I guess.
561
00:26:33,892 --> 00:26:34,658
OK.
562
00:26:34,659 --> 00:26:36,694
Um, 7:45 in front of the theater.
563
00:26:36,695 --> 00:26:39,630
[MUSIC PLAYING]
564
00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:53,638
Elliot!
565
00:27:53,639 --> 00:27:55,640
Elliot!
566
00:27:55,641 --> 00:27:56,907
I am so sorry.
567
00:27:56,908 --> 00:27:58,909
My audition went way over.
568
00:27:58,910 --> 00:27:59,910
Guess what, though?
569
00:27:59,911 --> 00:28:01,646
I might get a part in "Grease."
570
00:28:01,647 --> 00:28:03,147
The country or the show?
571
00:28:05,884 --> 00:28:10,454
Uh, I, the swan is
probably dead by now.
572
00:28:10,455 --> 00:28:10,955
Yeah.
573
00:28:10,956 --> 00:28:13,891
I'm sorry.
574
00:28:13,892 --> 00:28:15,893
Um, what do you want to do?
575
00:28:18,897 --> 00:28:21,632
Hey, what do you think
about the apartment?
576
00:28:21,633 --> 00:28:24,435
I'm thinking I need something
a little bit more neutral
577
00:28:24,436 --> 00:28:25,903
on the walls.
578
00:28:25,904 --> 00:28:27,672
You could always hang
up a map of Switzerland.
579
00:28:30,175 --> 00:28:31,909
[WEAK LAUGH]
580
00:28:31,910 --> 00:28:32,677
Very funny.
581
00:28:36,882 --> 00:28:37,648
Oh, don't.
582
00:28:37,649 --> 00:28:38,916
No, don't, don't look at those.
583
00:28:38,917 --> 00:28:45,156
Um, I... urn, well, OK.
584
00:28:45,157 --> 00:28:49,660
Um, oh, that, that's
me on "Fire Island."
585
00:28:49,661 --> 00:28:51,896
That's me in "Carousel."
586
00:28:51,897 --> 00:28:53,130
I was such a little queen.
587
00:28:53,131 --> 00:28:57,134
I can't believe they let
me play Billy Bigelow.
588
00:28:57,135 --> 00:29:01,672
Hey, by the way, um,
did you get the feeling
589
00:29:01,673 --> 00:29:05,142
Alex was trying to push us together?
590
00:29:05,143 --> 00:29:07,411
Alex, no.
591
00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:08,879
Oh, oh here's my head shot.
592
00:29:11,683 --> 00:29:14,418
What do you think?
593
00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:16,420
It's gorgeous.
594
00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:20,658
But...
595
00:29:20,659 --> 00:29:21,459
What?
596
00:29:21,460 --> 00:29:23,661
I'm not supposed to tell you that.
597
00:29:23,662 --> 00:29:24,895
Why not?
598
00:29:24,896 --> 00:29:27,131
Uh, for one thing you probably already
599
00:29:27,132 --> 00:29:29,633
know that you're gorgeous.
600
00:29:29,634 --> 00:29:31,902
Uh, I recently learned that
there's some kind of rule
601
00:29:31,903 --> 00:29:33,671
against drooling on a first date.
602
00:29:33,672 --> 00:29:36,907
Oh, so this is a first date.
603
00:29:36,908 --> 00:29:37,908
Mm.
604
00:29:37,909 --> 00:29:39,443
Any other rules I should know about?
605
00:29:39,444 --> 00:29:40,144
Yes.
606
00:29:40,145 --> 00:29:41,412
Uh, no.
607
00:29:41,413 --> 00:29:46,417
Well, um, rule number
two, keep my mouth shut.
608
00:29:46,418 --> 00:29:47,651
Why?
609
00:29:47,652 --> 00:29:49,687
Because if I start talking,
I might reveal something,
610
00:29:49,688 --> 00:29:51,388
something like I have
a huge crush on you.
611
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:01,165
Oh!
612
00:30:01,166 --> 00:30:03,400
Don't, don't look at that.
613
00:30:03,401 --> 00:30:05,903
[INAUDIBLE]?
614
00:30:05,904 --> 00:30:08,405
You keep a picture of Barney
Miller in your photo album?
615
00:30:08,406 --> 00:30:09,940
Are you two related?
616
00:30:09,941 --> 00:30:14,879
I happen to like Jewish men a lot.
617
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:23,921
Well, um, I happen to
like Jewish men a lot, too.
618
00:30:23,922 --> 00:30:26,924
But I don't walk around
with a picture of Ben-Gurion
619
00:30:26,925 --> 00:30:27,925
in my wallet.
620
00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:30,661
I, I think they're hot.
621
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:33,397
I mean, being Jewish is great.
622
00:30:33,398 --> 00:30:35,432
But I just don't think
of it as a sexy religion.
623
00:30:35,433 --> 00:30:37,902
I mean, you would never
see a Jewish pom movie.
624
00:30:37,903 --> 00:30:40,137
[JEWISH ACCENT] Oh
yeah, slap that tuchus.
625
00:30:40,138 --> 00:30:43,140
Oh yeah.
626
00:30:43,141 --> 00:30:44,208
You're really turning me on.
627
00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:49,914
There's something about
those "ch" sounds that... oh.
628
00:30:49,915 --> 00:30:50,881
They go right through me.
629
00:30:53,418 --> 00:30:57,454
Do you mean like Channukah?
630
00:30:57,455 --> 00:30:59,657
OK. [WHIMPERING] Stop that.
631
00:31:03,628 --> 00:31:04,895
Pesach?
632
00:31:04,896 --> 00:31:05,663
Oh.
633
00:31:05,664 --> 00:31:06,647
Chazerai?
634
00:31:06,648 --> 00:31:07,665
Chhhhhh.
635
00:31:07,666 --> 00:31:08,432
Yeah!
636
00:31:08,433 --> 00:31:09,900
OK, anything in Yiddish.
637
00:31:09,901 --> 00:31:10,668
Meshugenah.
638
00:31:10,669 --> 00:31:12,436
Fiddler on the Roof! (SINGING) If I
639
00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:15,439
were a rich man, (SINGING).
640
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:29,453
Chh... Oy.
641
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,443
THREE WEEKS LATER
642
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:38,162
Do you like my room?
643
00:31:38,163 --> 00:31:44,668
I, uh, may need something
more neutral on these walls.
644
00:31:44,669 --> 00:31:46,670
You could always hang
up a map of Switzerland.
645
00:31:46,671 --> 00:31:48,906
[LAUGHTER]
646
00:31:48,907 --> 00:31:52,176
Yeah, right.
647
00:31:52,177 --> 00:31:54,879
What if I told you I
was an undercover cop?
648
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:56,680
Cops gotta be quick on the trigger.
649
00:31:56,681 --> 00:32:00,417
And, uh, you have a slow hand.
650
00:32:00,418 --> 00:32:02,653
Well, if I remember right,
you never complained.
651
00:32:02,654 --> 00:32:04,922
[OOHING]
652
00:32:04,923 --> 00:32:08,659
Alex, um, you've certainly
made progress this month.
653
00:32:08,660 --> 00:32:12,162
But Anushka, is she still Swedish?
654
00:32:12,163 --> 00:32:12,930
No.
655
00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:15,432
She was bom in Dallas in 1970.
656
00:32:15,433 --> 00:32:17,434
Her father was a Southern Baptist.
657
00:32:17,435 --> 00:32:20,437
Her mother was a Sephardic Jew
who loved Ingmar Bergman films.
658
00:32:20,438 --> 00:32:21,438
In 1989...
659
00:32:21,439 --> 00:32:22,172
Thank you.
660
00:32:22,173 --> 00:32:23,908
Thank you.
661
00:32:23,909 --> 00:32:29,146
[CLAPPING]
662
00:32:29,147 --> 00:32:29,914
Sorry.
663
00:32:33,151 --> 00:32:33,651
Thanks.
664
00:32:33,652 --> 00:32:34,652
"One on One."
665
00:32:34,653 --> 00:32:36,687
Are your writing about basketball?
666
00:32:36,688 --> 00:32:38,455
Oh, not really.
667
00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:42,426
Well, actually, um, it's about
a girl on a basketball team.
668
00:32:42,427 --> 00:32:43,894
But... you know I played
some ball in school.
669
00:32:43,895 --> 00:32:44,662
Oh.
670
00:32:44,663 --> 00:32:45,162
Yeah.
671
00:32:45,163 --> 00:32:46,964
If you ever need some expert advice.
672
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:47,731
Would you?
673
00:32:47,899 --> 00:32:48,666
Yeah.
674
00:32:48,667 --> 00:32:51,902
If it's not too much
trouble, that would be great.
675
00:32:51,903 --> 00:32:52,937
Well, oh, now's not good.
676
00:32:52,938 --> 00:32:53,671
But...
677
00:32:53,672 --> 00:32:55,906
OK.
678
00:32:55,907 --> 00:32:57,408
Hey, you know what?
679
00:32:57,409 --> 00:32:59,910
We're in this together, right?
680
00:32:59,911 --> 00:33:00,444
Excuse me.
681
00:33:00,445 --> 00:33:02,446
Gwen, could we have a, a chat out
682
00:33:02,447 --> 00:33:03,480
in the hall for just a minute?
683
00:33:03,481 --> 00:33:05,149
I just want to discuss, you know,
684
00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:06,951
your commitment to the process, OK?
685
00:33:06,952 --> 00:33:07,651
OK.
686
00:33:11,923 --> 00:33:15,492
That was wonderful, Alex.
687
00:33:15,493 --> 00:33:17,895
I didn't know you could act.
688
00:33:17,896 --> 00:33:20,664
I do a little bit of everything.
689
00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:25,436
Um, if you'd like to
schedule another reading,
690
00:33:25,437 --> 00:33:29,173
I'd be available for rehearsals.
691
00:33:29,174 --> 00:33:30,641
Call me.
692
00:33:30,642 --> 00:33:32,142
My number's on the back.
693
00:33:36,881 --> 00:33:39,149
Hey, Elliot.
694
00:33:39,150 --> 00:33:40,918
We got a hit.
695
00:33:40,919 --> 00:33:45,422
We got a big, fucking blockbuster hit.
696
00:33:45,423 --> 00:33:46,657
I'm talking $200 million.
697
00:33:46,658 --> 00:33:51,161
You're a noodle doodle foodie pop.
698
00:33:51,162 --> 00:33:52,162
I gotta call you back later.
699
00:33:52,163 --> 00:33:54,431
We got...
700
00:33:54,432 --> 00:33:56,934
I love you, too.
701
00:33:56,935 --> 00:33:58,902
Look, when we sell this thing, we
702
00:33:58,903 --> 00:34:00,404
gotta hold on to marketing rights.
703
00:34:00,405 --> 00:34:04,675
I'm talking bubblegum cards,
action figure... what is this?
704
00:34:04,676 --> 00:34:08,679
"Hit and Runway."
705
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:09,413
Our script?
706
00:34:09,414 --> 00:34:11,415
The script we're going to write.
707
00:34:11,416 --> 00:34:13,884
Remember when you
said I worry too much?
708
00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:15,419
You were right.
709
00:34:15,420 --> 00:34:17,955
I just wasn't being true to my vision.
710
00:34:17,956 --> 00:34:21,158
What we were writing
together, you and I, [SIGH]
711
00:34:21,159 --> 00:34:26,897
it was just some cartoon
copy of a love affair.
712
00:34:26,898 --> 00:34:28,432
Are you fucking out of your mind?
713
00:34:28,433 --> 00:34:29,433
Geraldine?
714
00:34:29,434 --> 00:34:31,435
Jagger's not going to fall for girl
715
00:34:31,436 --> 00:34:34,671
named Geraldine, a nerdy
four-eyed fashion editor.
716
00:34:34,672 --> 00:34:38,909
Small breasts, apologetic,
with a slight stammer?
717
00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:41,145
We're writing an action
film, not your life story.
718
00:34:41,146 --> 00:34:43,414
Sometimes we have to kill our babies.
719
00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:44,648
Give me that.
720
00:34:44,649 --> 00:34:47,418
No!
721
00:34:47,419 --> 00:34:49,486
You're not getting
anymore ice cream, Elliot,
722
00:34:49,487 --> 00:34:51,655
until you answer me a question.
723
00:34:51,656 --> 00:34:54,425
What was so terrible about
what we were writing?
724
00:34:54,426 --> 00:34:55,159
It was funny.
725
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:56,193
It was sexy.
726
00:34:56,194 --> 00:34:58,896
Anushka, the leading lady,
she was two-dimensional.
727
00:34:58,897 --> 00:35:00,431
What are you talking
about, two dimensional?
728
00:35:00,432 --> 00:35:01,632
She was stacked.
729
00:35:01,633 --> 00:35:03,434
I just didn't find her interesting.
730
00:35:03,435 --> 00:35:05,669
Well, maybe you didn't find
her interesting because you're...
731
00:35:09,441 --> 00:35:13,444
Or maybe because I'm I
can tell when women are
732
00:35:13,445 --> 00:35:14,912
being exploited and trivialized.
733
00:35:14,913 --> 00:35:17,681
As a gay Jew, I can identify
with the oppression of women.
734
00:35:17,682 --> 00:35:20,451
Well, as a straight Italian,
I can identify with Jagger.
735
00:35:20,452 --> 00:35:21,685
And let me tell you
something, Jagger's
736
00:35:21,686 --> 00:35:23,420
not going to fall for
some mousy little chick.
737
00:35:23,421 --> 00:35:24,922
Joey's falling in love with me.
738
00:35:24,923 --> 00:35:27,658
How long have you known
this guy, three weeks?
739
00:35:27,659 --> 00:35:28,659
Oh my god.
740
00:35:28,660 --> 00:35:30,627
Would you look at that moon.
741
00:35:30,628 --> 00:35:31,929
[GIGGLING]
742
00:35:31,930 --> 00:35:36,433
Where are you go... hey.
743
00:35:36,434 --> 00:35:37,668
That's it?
744
00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:39,169
No more discussion?
745
00:35:39,170 --> 00:35:40,904
OK, OK, OK, OK, wait, wait.
746
00:35:40,905 --> 00:35:42,172
Look, look.
747
00:35:42,173 --> 00:35:44,174
I'm willing to make some
minor changes, all right.
748
00:35:44,175 --> 00:35:45,943
But Anushka, she's
still got to be a babe.
749
00:35:45,944 --> 00:35:47,177
I mean, that's where I draw the line.
750
00:35:47,178 --> 00:35:48,145
All right?
751
00:35:48,146 --> 00:35:51,682
I mean the leading lady, I don't
give a shit what you name her...
752
00:35:51,683 --> 00:35:54,184
all right, Zelda, Gertrude, whatever.
753
00:35:54,185 --> 00:35:55,419
I mean, she's got to be beautiful.
754
00:35:55,420 --> 00:35:56,920
She will be beautiful.
755
00:35:56,921 --> 00:35:58,155
She'll have inner beauty.
756
00:36:01,659 --> 00:36:05,896
[HONKING]
757
00:36:05,897 --> 00:36:07,164
Be with you in a minute.
758
00:36:11,903 --> 00:36:14,905
Uh, now before you
say anything, maybe I
759
00:36:14,906 --> 00:36:16,406
was being a little extreme last night.
760
00:36:16,407 --> 00:36:19,443
So, uh, I think we can compromise.
761
00:36:19,444 --> 00:36:21,912
We'll keep Geraldine
as a love interest.
762
00:36:21,913 --> 00:36:24,414
But we'll give her this scene where
763
00:36:24,415 --> 00:36:26,917
she takes off her glasses.
764
00:36:26,918 --> 00:36:30,687
And Jagger, he perceives her
as being conventionally pretty.
765
00:36:30,688 --> 00:36:35,425
OK, and, and, I... I, you know, this
766
00:36:35,426 --> 00:36:39,163
is just some of the best
writing I've ever done.
767
00:36:39,164 --> 00:36:40,164
[INAUDIBLE] coffee?
768
00:36:40,165 --> 00:36:43,167
[PHONE RINGING]
769
00:36:43,168 --> 00:36:43,934
Joey?
770
00:36:43,935 --> 00:36:44,935
Hi, sweetie.
771
00:36:44,936 --> 00:36:46,453
Uh, yeah, yeah.
772
00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:47,437
I just told him.
773
00:36:47,438 --> 00:36:48,906
Uh, he seems to take it pretty well.
774
00:36:48,907 --> 00:36:49,640
No, no, no, no.
775
00:36:49,641 --> 00:36:51,909
No, wear the... wear the
blue one for the audition.
776
00:36:51,910 --> 00:36:53,410
Blue is good for O'Neal.
777
00:36:53,411 --> 00:36:55,412
It brings out your eyes.
778
00:36:55,413 --> 00:36:56,146
We need to talk.
779
00:36:56,147 --> 00:36:57,648
You want me to what?
780
00:36:57,649 --> 00:36:58,916
From my bar mitzvah?
781
00:36:58,917 --> 00:37:00,450
Um, all right.
782
00:37:00,451 --> 00:37:02,419
Now control yourself, OK?
783
00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:05,656
One second.
784
00:37:05,657 --> 00:37:10,394
[SINGING HEBREW PRAYER]
785
00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:11,662
I'm leaving.
786
00:37:11,663 --> 00:37:16,166
[SINGING IN HEBREW]
787
00:37:16,167 --> 00:37:18,402
I'm not even going to try
to talk to you right now.
788
00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:20,470
Uh, I, I'll call you back, yep.
789
00:37:20,471 --> 00:37:22,439
I think we need some
time away from each other.
790
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:23,674
You didn't like it?
791
00:37:23,675 --> 00:37:25,676
It stinks.
792
00:37:25,677 --> 00:37:26,944
She's beautiful, but nobody can see,
793
00:37:26,945 --> 00:37:28,679
because she's wearing glasses?
794
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,181
What is she, fucking Clark Kent?
795
00:37:31,182 --> 00:37:31,882
Want to work tomorrow?
796
00:37:31,883 --> 00:37:34,151
You know what, I'm going to
finish this script myself.
797
00:37:34,152 --> 00:37:34,685
You can't.
798
00:37:34,686 --> 00:37:35,953
Don't worry you'll still get credit.
799
00:37:35,954 --> 00:37:36,887
I'm not going to rip you off.
800
00:37:36,888 --> 00:37:38,655
Uh, that's not what I mean.
801
00:37:38,656 --> 00:37:39,423
You can't.
802
00:37:42,927 --> 00:37:45,162
Wait a minute.
803
00:37:45,163 --> 00:37:46,663
You don't think I can write, do you?
804
00:37:46,664 --> 00:37:48,432
Uh, I don't know.
805
00:37:48,433 --> 00:37:50,634
You haven't written a
word while I was around.
806
00:37:50,635 --> 00:37:53,170
You think you're the only
one responsible for this.
807
00:37:53,171 --> 00:37:55,172
You were in the room.
808
00:37:55,173 --> 00:37:55,906
You brought me coffee.
809
00:37:55,907 --> 00:37:56,907
Fuck you.
810
00:37:56,908 --> 00:37:59,443
You're not the only one around
here with a sense of humor.
811
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:02,679
No offense, but you're
about as funny as the floor.
812
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:03,480
The floor?
813
00:38:03,481 --> 00:38:04,181
The floor.
814
00:38:04,182 --> 00:38:06,650
The floor?
815
00:38:06,651 --> 00:38:09,152
You know what, I've been studying you,
816
00:38:09,153 --> 00:38:11,922
the way you put that little
spin on the end of the sentence.
817
00:38:11,923 --> 00:38:13,924
I don't need you anymore.
818
00:38:13,925 --> 00:38:15,892
And give me that back... Fuck!
819
00:38:15,893 --> 00:38:16,660
You gave it to me.
820
00:38:16,661 --> 00:38:19,162
My jacket, fuck!
821
00:38:19,163 --> 00:38:20,163
Give me a paper towels.
822
00:38:20,164 --> 00:38:21,465
I don't have any paper towels.
823
00:38:21,466 --> 00:38:21,898
A rag.
824
00:38:21,899 --> 00:38:22,933
Give me a rag.
825
00:38:22,934 --> 00:38:24,668
Here.
826
00:38:24,669 --> 00:38:25,435
What is this?
827
00:38:25,436 --> 00:38:26,903
Dirty underwear.
828
00:38:26,904 --> 00:38:27,938
Jesus Christ.
829
00:38:27,939 --> 00:38:28,672
That's disgusting.
830
00:38:28,673 --> 00:38:31,174
Well, your apartment's no prize.
831
00:38:31,175 --> 00:38:32,676
Alex, wait.
832
00:38:32,677 --> 00:38:33,410
Wait.
833
00:38:33,411 --> 00:38:35,445
I'm sorry.
834
00:38:35,446 --> 00:38:39,449
I, I, I didn't mean
what I said... entirely.
835
00:38:39,450 --> 00:38:40,651
Alex, wait, wait.
836
00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:44,454
Look, writer to writer, have
you ever been in love before?
837
00:38:44,455 --> 00:38:45,455
And when you fell in love?
838
00:38:45,456 --> 00:38:47,190
Did you fall in love
with the body? No.
839
00:38:47,191 --> 00:38:48,458
You fell in love with the person.
840
00:38:48,459 --> 00:38:49,426
Who'd you fall in love with?
841
00:38:49,427 --> 00:38:51,662
My personal life has
nothing to do with this.
842
00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:53,430
Of course it does.
843
00:38:53,431 --> 00:38:55,666
Where are these characters
going to come from, hmm?
844
00:38:55,667 --> 00:38:57,134
They, they have to, to laugh.
845
00:38:57,135 --> 00:38:58,435
They have hurt.
846
00:38:58,436 --> 00:39:00,437
They have to love the
same way that we do.
847
00:39:00,438 --> 00:39:02,472
It's only a movie.
848
00:39:02,473 --> 00:39:04,708
If you, if, if you
had a daughter, would
849
00:39:04,709 --> 00:39:06,910
you want Anushka to be her
role model, a woman who
850
00:39:06,911 --> 00:39:10,147
has no higher purpose than,
than looking good in a bikini.
851
00:39:10,148 --> 00:39:12,683
I thought I could help you.
852
00:39:12,684 --> 00:39:16,153
[MUSIC PLAYING]
853
00:39:51,155 --> 00:39:54,424
Hey, stupid, take an
order on table six.
854
00:39:54,425 --> 00:39:55,425
Hurry up.
855
00:39:58,663 --> 00:40:00,464
Thanks.
856
00:40:00,465 --> 00:40:02,432
Alex?
857
00:40:02,433 --> 00:40:05,202
Gwen, um, Gwen Colton from class.
858
00:40:05,203 --> 00:40:07,904
Hey, what you got?
859
00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:10,440
Oh, well, it seemed
to be working for you.
860
00:40:10,441 --> 00:40:14,678
So I... hey, did you ever get
a chance to read my script?
861
00:40:14,679 --> 00:40:16,480
You know, I've been kind of busy.
862
00:40:16,481 --> 00:40:17,681
Of course, with your own script.
863
00:40:17,682 --> 00:40:20,450
Which, by the way, I
thought was wonderful.
864
00:40:20,451 --> 00:40:22,886
The dialogue, the characters.
865
00:40:22,887 --> 00:40:24,454
You, you like the characters?
866
00:40:24,455 --> 00:40:25,922
GWEN: Yeah.
867
00:40:25,923 --> 00:40:26,423
Really?
868
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,428
Sure.
869
00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:33,930
Anushka, the, the,
the woman character?
870
00:40:33,931 --> 00:40:36,466
Oh right, the, um, the model, mhmm?
871
00:40:36,467 --> 00:40:38,201
You're an intelligent woman.
872
00:40:38,202 --> 00:40:41,438
You didn't think she was too...
873
00:40:41,439 --> 00:40:42,472
Um, stereotypical?
874
00:40:42,473 --> 00:40:44,908
Uh, two dimensional, plastic?
875
00:40:47,945 --> 00:40:50,914
See, the reason I'm
asking, my writing partner...
876
00:40:50,915 --> 00:40:53,150
Oh you have a partner?
877
00:40:53,151 --> 00:40:53,650
Yeah.
878
00:40:53,651 --> 00:40:55,719
I, uh, I had one.
879
00:40:55,720 --> 00:40:57,687
Anyway, he wanted to
make the female lead
880
00:40:57,688 --> 00:40:59,423
like some little
bookworm with glasses.
881
00:40:59,424 --> 00:41:02,959
Could you imagine?
882
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:04,895
I mean, not that there's
anything wrong with that.
883
00:41:04,896 --> 00:41:07,431
It's just that, you know,
this is an action movie.
884
00:41:07,432 --> 00:41:11,168
I mean, she's got to be attractive.
885
00:41:11,169 --> 00:41:12,903
For, for, for the average guy.
886
00:41:15,406 --> 00:41:17,174
Did, did I tell you
my partner was gay?
887
00:41:17,175 --> 00:41:18,175
- No.
- All right.
888
00:41:18,176 --> 00:41:20,911
Listen to this. My partner Elliot,
he wants to write this scene where
889
00:41:20,912 --> 00:41:22,946
Geraldine takes off her
glasses, and suddenly
890
00:41:22,947 --> 00:41:24,881
there's this beautiful
woman underneath.
891
00:41:24,882 --> 00:41:26,917
You know, I just think that's dumb.
892
00:41:26,918 --> 00:41:28,185
OK, now I agree with you.
893
00:41:28,186 --> 00:41:29,920
I mean, what kind of idiot
would fall for a girl,
894
00:41:29,921 --> 00:41:31,188
just because she
takes off her glasses.
895
00:41:31,189 --> 00:41:33,890
And besides, and you can
tell your, uh, gay partner,
896
00:41:33,891 --> 00:41:36,460
in real life, when a woman
takes off her glasses,
897
00:41:36,461 --> 00:41:38,495
she doesn't suddenly
become a beauty queen.
898
00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:39,463
She, she squints.
899
00:41:39,464 --> 00:41:42,933
And she gets these, um, funny
little red marks on her nose.
900
00:41:42,934 --> 00:41:44,167
Look right here.
901
00:41:47,638 --> 00:41:51,141
You see the red marks?
902
00:41:51,142 --> 00:41:51,942
Where?
903
00:41:51,943 --> 00:41:53,143
See, the movies never show these.
904
00:41:53,144 --> 00:41:53,877
Look closer.
905
00:41:53,878 --> 00:41:54,878
Do you see them?
906
00:42:01,385 --> 00:42:05,622
Anyway, um, that's what
the movies don't show.
907
00:42:05,623 --> 00:42:07,924
Sorry I was on the phone for so long.
908
00:42:07,925 --> 00:42:08,892
Hello.
909
00:42:08,893 --> 00:42:10,894
Bob, look who our waiter is.
910
00:42:10,895 --> 00:42:13,129
I didn't get a chance to tell
you, but after last class,
911
00:42:13,130 --> 00:42:15,632
Bob offered to tutor me privately.
912
00:42:15,633 --> 00:42:17,634
Two decaf mochaccinos, please.
913
00:42:27,144 --> 00:42:29,880
Hey, bring this to table five.
914
00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:32,616
And oh, by the way, Eileen's making
Thanksgiving at our house this year.
915
00:42:32,617 --> 00:42:35,151
Mom says you should bring a date.
916
00:42:35,152 --> 00:42:36,119
What?
917
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:36,853
Nothing.
918
00:42:36,854 --> 00:42:37,621
Oh, oh, yeah.
919
00:42:37,622 --> 00:42:38,388
Sure.
920
00:42:49,584 --> 00:42:50,985
"ONE ON ONE"
921
00:42:53,638 --> 00:42:54,371
[PHONE RINGING]
922
00:42:54,372 --> 00:42:56,873
[WEEPING] Hello?
923
00:42:56,874 --> 00:42:58,909
Gwen, hey, it's Alex.
924
00:42:58,910 --> 00:43:00,410
Yeah, listen, I just read your script.
925
00:43:00,411 --> 00:43:01,611
I liked it. I liked it a lot.
926
00:43:01,612 --> 00:43:02,913
You did?
927
00:43:02,914 --> 00:43:04,381
That's wonderful.
928
00:43:04,382 --> 00:43:06,650
[SOBBING] No.
929
00:43:06,651 --> 00:43:07,384
Bob wanted to.
930
00:43:07,385 --> 00:43:09,152
But ugh, just the thought.
931
00:43:09,153 --> 00:43:11,855
I thought he was
interested in my mind.
932
00:43:11,856 --> 00:43:14,124
Well, I read your script.
And I thought it was great.
933
00:43:14,125 --> 00:43:15,225
- Really?
- Really.
934
00:43:15,226 --> 00:43:16,626
- You're not just saying it?
- No.
935
00:43:16,627 --> 00:43:18,662
- No?
- No.
936
00:43:18,663 --> 00:43:21,097
I mean, you know, a girl on
an all-guys basketball team,
937
00:43:21,098 --> 00:43:23,099
it was great.
938
00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:27,103
The main character, Rachel,
you don't find her too naive?
939
00:43:27,104 --> 00:43:27,871
No, no.
940
00:43:27,872 --> 00:43:28,872
She was a nice girl.
941
00:43:28,873 --> 00:43:29,606
Nice?
942
00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:30,874
I was trying to give her an edge.
943
00:43:30,875 --> 00:43:31,441
No, I got that, too.
944
00:43:31,442 --> 00:43:33,143
I got the edge.
945
00:43:33,144 --> 00:43:36,646
And you got to the part where,
um, Rachel chooses to play
946
00:43:36,647 --> 00:43:38,415
and denies Jerry a spot on the team,
947
00:43:38,416 --> 00:43:39,616
and you thought it made sense?
948
00:43:39,617 --> 00:43:41,117
Mhmm.
949
00:43:41,118 --> 00:43:44,621
Did she seem like someone
who really needed to win?
950
00:43:44,622 --> 00:43:46,656
I know.
951
00:43:46,657 --> 00:43:48,892
I'm too nice, even in sleep away camp,
952
00:43:48,893 --> 00:43:51,428
when we had to choose sides for
the red team or the blue team,
953
00:43:51,429 --> 00:43:53,129
I always volunteered to be purple.
954
00:43:53,130 --> 00:43:56,099
Hey, the important thing is
that you set yourself a goal,
955
00:43:56,100 --> 00:43:57,133
and you did it.
956
00:43:57,134 --> 00:43:58,401
And you know what else?
957
00:43:58,402 --> 00:44:00,870
It doesn't matter what I think.
958
00:44:00,871 --> 00:44:03,907
If you believe, the
world will believe.
959
00:44:03,908 --> 00:44:06,643
Thank you.
960
00:44:06,644 --> 00:44:08,445
God, I must look awful.
961
00:44:08,446 --> 00:44:08,878
I'm sorry.
962
00:44:15,886 --> 00:44:18,388
Oh, this is beautiful.
963
00:44:18,389 --> 00:44:20,857
Frank, are you getting this, huh?
964
00:44:20,858 --> 00:44:22,859
Ma, look at the lasagna.
965
00:44:22,860 --> 00:44:25,862
Oh, I hope everybody in
this family is hungry.
966
00:44:25,863 --> 00:44:27,397
Because we have food.
967
00:44:31,135 --> 00:44:32,869
You eat lasagna for thanksgiving?
968
00:44:32,870 --> 00:44:33,637
Yes.
969
00:44:33,638 --> 00:44:36,673
See, we, we stuff it in a turkey.
970
00:44:36,674 --> 00:44:38,875
I am going to stuff
your head in the turkey.
971
00:44:38,876 --> 00:44:39,643
Don't cut that.
972
00:44:39,644 --> 00:44:40,110
ALEX: Easy.
973
00:44:40,111 --> 00:44:40,910
Ma.
974
00:44:40,911 --> 00:44:43,613
It's beautiful.
975
00:44:43,614 --> 00:44:45,115
So where did you guys meet, anyway?
976
00:44:45,116 --> 00:44:46,883
Oh, they're taking a
screenwriting class.
977
00:44:46,884 --> 00:44:49,119
You guys see that move, "Cop Land?"
978
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:52,922
We just rented it with
Stallone and de Niro.
979
00:44:52,923 --> 00:44:55,892
You know, I heard that Stallone
had to gain weight for that.
980
00:44:55,893 --> 00:44:56,926
They should have hired me.
981
00:44:56,927 --> 00:44:58,428
I could have done it
without gaining weight.
982
00:44:58,429 --> 00:45:01,097
Yeah, you would have
had to lose weight.
983
00:45:01,098 --> 00:45:01,865
MAN: You, OK, mom?
984
00:45:01,866 --> 00:45:06,169
Get my mom a fork, please.
985
00:45:06,170 --> 00:45:10,140
[SNORING]
986
00:45:10,141 --> 00:45:12,108
No, it's not going to be like this.
987
00:45:12,109 --> 00:45:14,611
This is going to be the... the...
988
00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:22,152
Can I see you a minute?
989
00:45:29,627 --> 00:45:30,393
Is mom lying down?
990
00:45:30,394 --> 00:45:30,894
No.
991
00:45:30,895 --> 00:45:31,861
She's depressed.
992
00:45:31,862 --> 00:45:33,630
She's not taking her pills.
993
00:45:33,631 --> 00:45:34,397
I'm worried about her.
994
00:45:34,398 --> 00:45:35,131
Leave her alone.
995
00:45:35,132 --> 00:45:35,899
She's fine.
996
00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:36,900
No, she's not fine.
997
00:45:36,901 --> 00:45:39,102
She shouldn't be working anymore.
998
00:45:39,103 --> 00:45:40,637
That's why I've been thinking.
999
00:45:40,638 --> 00:45:42,906
I want you full time
around the restaurant.
1000
00:45:42,907 --> 00:45:43,606
No.
1001
00:45:43,607 --> 00:45:44,874
I, I can't.
1002
00:45:44,875 --> 00:45:45,909
Alex, you can't write.
1003
00:45:45,910 --> 00:45:47,444
Norman says I got a shot.
1004
00:45:47,445 --> 00:45:51,414
Norman is a fat fuck who
talks out of his hole.
1005
00:45:51,415 --> 00:45:53,149
Listen, I want to make you a partner.
1006
00:45:53,150 --> 00:45:54,451
I'm going to teach you the books.
1007
00:45:54,452 --> 00:45:56,152
I don't know.
1008
00:45:56,153 --> 00:45:57,620
Come on, Alex.
1009
00:45:57,621 --> 00:46:01,624
Can you imagine the Andero
brothers in business together.
1010
00:46:01,625 --> 00:46:02,625
Hey.
1011
00:46:02,626 --> 00:46:03,893
Come here.
1012
00:46:03,894 --> 00:46:06,629
Daddy, am I as pretty as Barbie?
1013
00:46:06,630 --> 00:46:09,899
Oh, you're prettier, much prettier.
1014
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:11,134
And if, god forbid, something should
1015
00:46:11,135 --> 00:46:14,871
happen to me, who's going
to take care of mom?
1016
00:46:14,872 --> 00:46:16,606
Come here, sweetie.
1017
00:46:16,607 --> 00:46:18,441
Are you sure we're allowed to be here?
1018
00:46:18,442 --> 00:46:20,410
My best friend from high
school coaches here now.
1019
00:46:20,411 --> 00:46:22,112
So he gave me a set of keys.
1020
00:46:22,113 --> 00:46:23,613
I can come in here any time I want.
1021
00:46:23,614 --> 00:46:25,381
Wow.
1022
00:46:25,382 --> 00:46:27,117
GWEN: You know, If
you work full time,
1023
00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:28,618
you can still find time to write.
1024
00:46:28,619 --> 00:46:30,887
I work during the day.
1025
00:46:30,888 --> 00:46:32,889
I just wish I could talk
some sense into Elliot.
1026
00:46:32,890 --> 00:46:35,125
You know, he might
not be entirely wrong.
1027
00:46:35,126 --> 00:46:38,128
I mean, writing the
heroine as an ordinary girl
1028
00:46:38,129 --> 00:46:39,129
might not be commercial.
1029
00:46:39,130 --> 00:46:42,398
But... hey, what's that you're doing?
1030
00:46:42,399 --> 00:46:43,133
Want to play?
1031
00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:43,867
No.
1032
00:46:43,868 --> 00:46:44,400
Come on.
1033
00:46:44,401 --> 00:46:45,902
No. I, uh, I really don't want...
1034
00:46:45,903 --> 00:46:46,669
Come on.
1035
00:46:46,670 --> 00:46:46,903
No.
1036
00:46:46,904 --> 00:46:48,104
You wrote a movie about basketball.
1037
00:46:48,105 --> 00:46:48,872
My shoe.
1038
00:46:48,873 --> 00:46:51,641
Come on, you big wuss.
1039
00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:52,442
OK.
1040
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:57,380
Yes!
1041
00:46:57,381 --> 00:46:58,414
[GIGGLING]
1042
00:46:58,415 --> 00:46:59,449
OK, come on again.
1043
00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:00,617
OK
1044
00:47:00,618 --> 00:47:02,418
Come towards me.
1045
00:47:02,419 --> 00:47:04,387
Mhmm.
1046
00:47:04,388 --> 00:47:05,655
That's no fair.
1047
00:47:05,656 --> 00:47:06,656
- You're bigger than me.
- Come on.
1048
00:47:06,657 --> 00:47:07,924
You want to learn about
competition, right?
1049
00:47:07,925 --> 00:47:08,658
Yeah.
1050
00:47:08,659 --> 00:47:09,425
OK, now's your chance.
1051
00:47:09,426 --> 00:47:10,126
OK.
1052
00:47:10,127 --> 00:47:11,127
Come on, killer.
1053
00:47:11,128 --> 00:47:13,663
Get angry.
1054
00:47:13,664 --> 00:47:15,398
[INAUDIBLE].
1055
00:47:15,399 --> 00:47:16,633
Alex, I can't.
1056
00:47:16,634 --> 00:47:17,600
I just... oh, wow.
1057
00:47:17,601 --> 00:47:18,668
Ow.
1058
00:47:18,669 --> 00:47:19,369
I have a cramp.
1059
00:47:19,370 --> 00:47:20,403
Are you all right?
1060
00:47:20,404 --> 00:47:21,137
What?
1061
00:47:21,138 --> 00:47:22,639
[SQUEALING] My glasses.
1062
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:23,640
My glasses.
1063
00:47:23,641 --> 00:47:24,407
Yeah, right.
1064
00:47:24,408 --> 00:47:25,108
Let me see.
1065
00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:35,885
Is this OK?
1066
00:47:36,654 --> 00:47:37,854
Be careful they don't break.
1067
00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:38,888
I need them to see.
1068
00:47:48,866 --> 00:47:51,868
[ACCORDION CHRISTMAS MUSIC]
1069
00:47:53,387 --> 00:47:56,857
FADE OUT:
CHRISTMAS IN NEW YORK
1070
00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:07,116
The gun goes off.
1071
00:48:07,117 --> 00:48:10,386
Geraldine gets thrown
back into Jagger's arms.
1072
00:48:10,387 --> 00:48:14,624
And that's how the glasses fall off.
1073
00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:17,160
Turn around.
1074
00:48:17,161 --> 00:48:18,895
Perfect.
1075
00:48:18,896 --> 00:48:23,633
Then Jagger lifts them from her face,
1076
00:48:23,634 --> 00:48:25,401
and puts them in his pocket.
1077
00:48:25,402 --> 00:48:27,637
I like that, in his pocket.
1078
00:48:27,638 --> 00:48:31,140
And then he holds her in his arms.
1079
00:48:31,141 --> 00:48:32,876
I like that too.
1080
00:48:32,877 --> 00:48:34,911
And she says, I love you.
1081
00:48:34,912 --> 00:48:36,179
And then he kisses her.
1082
00:48:36,180 --> 00:48:37,647
I, I don't like that.
1083
00:48:37,648 --> 00:48:39,382
At that moment she'd be flustered.
1084
00:48:39,383 --> 00:48:40,116
Oh, come on, man.
1085
00:48:40,117 --> 00:48:42,619
We're wasting too much time.
Norman's starting to get on my case.
1086
00:48:42,620 --> 00:48:43,620
Shh.
1087
00:48:43,621 --> 00:48:47,423
Just give me a second, OK?
1088
00:48:47,424 --> 00:48:48,157
OK.
1089
00:48:48,158 --> 00:48:48,858
Um, all right.
1090
00:48:48,859 --> 00:48:50,894
So what did Gwen actually say
when you took off her glasses?
1091
00:48:50,895 --> 00:48:52,395
I don't know. I wasn't taking notes.
1092
00:48:52,396 --> 00:48:53,396
OK.
1093
00:48:53,397 --> 00:48:54,397
All right.
1094
00:48:54,398 --> 00:48:55,398
Um, all right.
1095
00:48:55,399 --> 00:48:57,667
Let's just, let's just
recreate the situation.
1096
00:48:57,668 --> 00:48:58,401
OK.
1097
00:48:58,402 --> 00:49:00,436
Here's the situation.
1098
00:49:00,437 --> 00:49:02,171
Some guy that I have the hots for,
1099
00:49:02,172 --> 00:49:05,408
he, uh, he grabs me
in his big hairy arms.
1100
00:49:05,409 --> 00:49:08,878
And then he very delicately
takes off my glasses.
1101
00:49:08,879 --> 00:49:12,181
OK, now, do I just recklessly
blurt out my passion?
1102
00:49:12,182 --> 00:49:15,385
Or do I say something to mask my
feeling, something, something,
1103
00:49:15,386 --> 00:49:17,654
to show that I'm not a pushover?
1104
00:49:17,655 --> 00:49:18,621
Ah, got it.
1105
00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:19,856
OK.
1106
00:49:19,857 --> 00:49:22,125
Don't break them.
1107
00:49:22,126 --> 00:49:25,895
I need them to see.
1108
00:49:29,133 --> 00:49:31,601
Wait.
1109
00:49:31,602 --> 00:49:33,603
That's exactly what she said.
1110
00:49:36,373 --> 00:49:38,107
How'd you know that?
1111
00:49:38,108 --> 00:49:39,876
I was a young girl myself, once.
1112
00:49:39,877 --> 00:49:40,877
Oh!
1113
00:49:40,878 --> 00:49:44,414
And, uh, and then Jagger will say,
1114
00:49:44,415 --> 00:49:50,887
then why don't I move a little closer?
1115
00:49:50,888 --> 00:49:53,389
And then he kisses her.
1116
00:49:53,390 --> 00:49:57,126
[GIGGLING WITH SATISFACTION] Oh,
I'm giving myself goosebumps.
1117
00:49:57,127 --> 00:50:04,133
[TYPING]
1118
00:50:04,134 --> 00:50:05,134
You OK?
1119
00:50:05,135 --> 00:50:07,437
I'm never going to be any good.
1120
00:50:07,438 --> 00:50:08,638
You've come up with some good lines.
1121
00:50:08,639 --> 00:50:10,106
No, it's hopeless.
1122
00:50:10,107 --> 00:50:14,110
See, hanging around
with me has already
1123
00:50:14,111 --> 00:50:15,611
improved your vocabulary.
1124
00:50:15,612 --> 00:50:17,447
It's like you can play both parts.
1125
00:50:17,448 --> 00:50:20,917
Well, that's because when
I'm writing for Jagger,
1126
00:50:20,918 --> 00:50:21,884
I pretend I'm a top.
1127
00:50:21,885 --> 00:50:24,620
And when I'm writing for Geraldine,
I pretend I'm a bottom.
1128
00:50:24,621 --> 00:50:26,422
It's called being versatile.
1129
00:50:26,423 --> 00:50:28,391
I'm not saying that you
have to take it up the kazoo
1130
00:50:28,392 --> 00:50:30,626
to be creative.
1131
00:50:30,627 --> 00:50:31,661
It helps.
1132
00:50:31,662 --> 00:50:35,098
I, I'm just saying that you've
got to be more vulnerable to,
1133
00:50:35,099 --> 00:50:37,633
uh, to get in touch with
the woman inside of you.
1134
00:50:40,637 --> 00:50:42,605
So every man has a female side?
1135
00:50:45,409 --> 00:50:48,845
Every man?
1136
00:50:48,846 --> 00:50:50,380
Steven Seagal?
1137
00:50:50,381 --> 00:50:56,386
I'm sure under that butch
ponytail he is easily hurt.
1138
00:50:56,387 --> 00:50:58,621
OK, that's it for today.
1139
00:50:58,622 --> 00:51:00,890
Oh, this screenplay
is ruining my figure.
1140
00:51:04,628 --> 00:51:05,862
So how are you guys getting along?
1141
00:51:05,863 --> 00:51:06,629
Couldn't be better.
1142
00:51:06,630 --> 00:51:07,897
I mean, the sex has always been great.
1143
00:51:07,898 --> 00:51:10,900
But the last few weeks
we've just gone beyond that.
1144
00:51:10,901 --> 00:51:17,640
What Joey and I have together,
Alex, in a word... trust.
1145
00:51:17,641 --> 00:51:21,611
Channukah, because it is
the festival of liberation
1146
00:51:21,612 --> 00:51:24,614
from oppression, has
a special significance
1147
00:51:24,615 --> 00:51:26,883
to gays and lesbians.
1148
00:51:26,884 --> 00:51:31,921
So in honor of their
recent commitment ceremony,
1149
00:51:31,922 --> 00:51:36,125
Sherry Zimetbaum and Sarah Rabinowicz
1150
00:51:36,126 --> 00:51:40,630
will light the first
candle on the menorah.
1151
00:51:40,631 --> 00:51:42,131
[CLAPPING]
1152
00:51:42,132 --> 00:51:42,899
Come on.
1153
00:51:42,900 --> 00:51:43,399
Let's go.
1154
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:43,866
What?
1155
00:51:43,867 --> 00:51:44,600
Now?
1156
00:51:47,404 --> 00:51:50,406
Don't you want to say goodbye
to any of your friends?
1157
00:51:50,407 --> 00:51:52,642
I don't know these people.
1158
00:51:52,643 --> 00:51:53,409
Elliot.
1159
00:51:53,410 --> 00:51:54,911
[INAUDIBLE]
1160
00:51:54,912 --> 00:51:56,412
Who's the cute shiksa?
1161
00:51:56,413 --> 00:52:00,383
He's my, well, we're together.
1162
00:52:00,384 --> 00:52:02,118
Gary Shapiro.
Are you thinking of converting?
1163
00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:03,886
Actually he's very
happy as a Lutheran.
1164
00:52:03,887 --> 00:52:06,889
If you'll excuse us.
1165
00:52:06,890 --> 00:52:09,158
Elliot Springer, who's your friend?
1166
00:52:09,159 --> 00:52:11,127
Joey Worciuekowski, goyem.
1167
00:52:11,128 --> 00:52:14,397
But I'm fascinated
with the Jewish culture.
1168
00:52:14,398 --> 00:52:16,632
What's with the eight candles, rabbi?
1169
00:52:16,633 --> 00:52:19,135
Well, um, 2.000 years ago they took
1170
00:52:19,136 --> 00:52:21,604
oil that was only
supposed to last one day.
1171
00:52:21,605 --> 00:52:23,139
It lasted for eight.
1172
00:52:23,140 --> 00:52:25,108
My mother performs that
same miracle with pot roast.
1173
00:52:25,109 --> 00:52:26,142
If you'll excuse us...
1174
00:52:26,143 --> 00:52:28,177
You know, Joey, I do
teach a beginning class
1175
00:52:28,178 --> 00:52:29,912
in Jewish studies at the New School.
1176
00:52:29,913 --> 00:52:31,414
Oh, when do you teach, rabbi?
1177
00:52:31,415 --> 00:52:32,115
Call me Saul.
1178
00:52:35,385 --> 00:52:36,119
I can't believe it.
1179
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,888
You were cruising the rabbi. That's
the last time I take you to temple.
1180
00:52:38,889 --> 00:52:40,623
I wasn't cruising the rabbi.
1181
00:52:40,624 --> 00:52:43,659
He moved in on you like a,
like a heat seeking missile.
1182
00:52:43,660 --> 00:52:45,628
- You're a Jew magnet.
- All right. Will you stop it?
1183
00:52:45,629 --> 00:52:47,630
What's Rabbi Pinkus going
to want with me, huh?
1184
00:52:53,103 --> 00:52:54,137
[SCOFFING]
1185
00:52:54,138 --> 00:52:56,139
[PHONE RINGING]
1186
00:52:56,140 --> 00:52:58,441
[BEEP]
1187
00:52:58,442 --> 00:52:59,876
Hello?
1188
00:52:59,877 --> 00:53:00,877
Hey, Norm.
1189
00:53:00,878 --> 00:53:03,412
What's up?
1190
00:53:03,413 --> 00:53:04,113
What?
1191
00:53:06,650 --> 00:53:09,452
You're kidding.
1192
00:53:09,453 --> 00:53:10,119
Who is it?
1193
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,889
Jagger read it personally?
1194
00:53:12,890 --> 00:53:14,624
Three days?
1195
00:53:14,625 --> 00:53:16,392
We have a deadline.
1196
00:53:16,393 --> 00:53:17,393
Three days?
1197
00:53:17,394 --> 00:53:19,629
We can't finish the
script in three days.
1198
00:53:19,630 --> 00:53:20,429
It's Christmas.
1199
00:53:20,430 --> 00:53:21,631
I'm going to a party.
1200
00:53:21,632 --> 00:53:23,399
Jagger Stevens wants
to read our script.
1201
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:24,100
Tuck that in.
1202
00:53:24,101 --> 00:53:25,134
Well, all right.
1203
00:53:25,135 --> 00:53:29,172
I've got two new vocabulary
words for you... im-possible.
1204
00:53:29,173 --> 00:53:31,407
Even if you worked 24 hours a
day, at the rate we're going...
1205
00:53:31,408 --> 00:53:33,142
At the rate we're going,
Jagger would be chasing villains
1206
00:53:33,143 --> 00:53:34,377
in a fucking wheelchair, all right?
1207
00:53:34,378 --> 00:53:35,444
Look me in the eye.
1208
00:53:35,445 --> 00:53:37,113
- I don't want to look you in the eye.
- That's because you know I'm right.
1209
00:53:37,114 --> 00:53:38,881
Look, Gwen thinks we can do this.
1210
00:53:38,882 --> 00:53:41,117
And besides, I'm going to be
with you every step of the way.
1211
00:53:41,118 --> 00:53:42,418
I gotta do Joey tonight, OK?
1212
00:53:42,419 --> 00:53:44,420
We're at a very delicate
point in our relationship.
1213
00:53:44,421 --> 00:53:45,888
I thought you said you trusted him.
1214
00:53:45,889 --> 00:53:48,424
I-I-I never said that I trusted him.
1215
00:53:48,425 --> 00:53:50,626
I just meant that if anything
serious, really serious
1216
00:53:50,627 --> 00:53:53,129
happened, like I got
mauled by a grizzly bear
1217
00:53:53,130 --> 00:53:54,630
he'd be there to
notify the authorities.
1218
00:53:54,631 --> 00:53:58,401
But, but trust him not
to break up with me, no.
1219
00:53:58,402 --> 00:53:59,135
What's this?
1220
00:53:59,136 --> 00:54:05,374
It's our schedule... three
basic meals, bathroom breaks,
1221
00:54:05,375 --> 00:54:07,410
time to return phone messages.
1222
00:54:07,411 --> 00:54:12,615
Elliot, this is the only way
that we can get this done.
1223
00:54:12,616 --> 00:54:14,617
I believe in you.
1224
00:54:14,618 --> 00:54:17,153
I believe in us.
1225
00:54:17,154 --> 00:54:21,424
[PHONE RINGING]
1226
00:54:21,425 --> 00:54:22,858
Let the machine get it.
1227
00:54:22,859 --> 00:54:24,126
What-what-what if it's Joey?
1228
00:54:24,127 --> 00:54:25,661
What's more important?
1229
00:54:25,662 --> 00:54:29,632
One night out with Joey, or a lifetime
1230
00:54:29,633 --> 00:54:33,135
of sitting on top of the world?
1231
00:54:33,136 --> 00:54:35,605
[PHONE RINGING]
1232
00:54:40,444 --> 00:54:41,377
Ow.
1233
00:54:41,378 --> 00:54:43,379
Hello.
1234
00:54:43,380 --> 00:54:44,880
Hi, Joey.
1235
00:54:44,881 --> 00:54:45,648
Yep, it's Alex.
1236
00:54:45,649 --> 00:54:46,882
Give me the phone, Alex.
1237
00:54:46,883 --> 00:54:47,883
Yeah, listen.
1238
00:54:47,884 --> 00:54:48,618
Something's come up.
1239
00:54:48,619 --> 00:54:49,385
Yep, major deadline.
1240
00:54:49,386 --> 00:54:50,453
You're breaking my wrist.
1241
00:54:50,454 --> 00:54:52,622
Yeah, he feels bad too.
1242
00:54:52,623 --> 00:54:53,623
He sends his love, OK.
1243
00:54:53,624 --> 00:54:54,890
Bye.
1244
00:54:54,891 --> 00:54:57,360
Ow ow ow ow ow.
1245
00:54:57,361 --> 00:54:59,128
You know what, you're going
to thank me for this later.
1246
00:55:05,869 --> 00:55:07,103
Where are you going?
1247
00:55:07,104 --> 00:55:08,871
Downstairs to find a pay phone.
1248
00:55:08,872 --> 00:55:11,440
You want a screenplay
written in three days?
1249
00:55:11,441 --> 00:55:12,108
Write it yourself.
1250
00:55:38,869 --> 00:55:52,415
[GASP]
1251
00:55:52,416 --> 00:55:54,150
Did you erase that?
1252
00:55:54,151 --> 00:55:57,887
[SIGH] Give me those pages.
1253
00:55:57,888 --> 00:55:58,888
Move over.
1254
00:55:58,889 --> 00:56:01,424
Get out.
1255
00:56:01,425 --> 00:56:04,393
So what did Joey say just now?
1256
00:56:04,394 --> 00:56:06,429
He said that you were right.
1257
00:56:06,430 --> 00:56:07,630
I hate you.
1258
00:56:07,631 --> 00:56:10,633
Where are we?
1259
00:56:10,634 --> 00:56:13,369
They're still in the den
of the evil drug lord.
1260
00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:16,639
We gotta get past this.
1261
00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:18,374
This scene still
doesn't feel right to me.
1262
00:56:27,417 --> 00:56:28,617
[TYPING]
1263
00:56:28,618 --> 00:56:31,420
Alex, um, you're, you're
going to hate me for this.
1264
00:56:31,421 --> 00:56:36,659
But, um, objectively speaking, do,
1265
00:56:36,660 --> 00:56:40,396
do Jagger and Geraldine really
need to wind up together?
1266
00:56:40,397 --> 00:56:41,864
I mean, uh, here's this guy.
1267
00:56:41,865 --> 00:56:42,865
He's a professional liar.
1268
00:56:42,866 --> 00:56:44,400
He put her life in danger.
1269
00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:46,635
He slept with her
under false pretenses.
1270
00:56:46,636 --> 00:56:49,405
OK, a mercenary killer's got, what,
1271
00:56:49,406 --> 00:56:51,107
two years of community college?
1272
00:56:51,108 --> 00:56:54,110
OK, let me just try to take this in.
1273
00:57:04,204 --> 00:57:06,122
Writer to writer, let's
look at this objectively.
1274
00:57:12,629 --> 00:57:19,135
So you don't feel that Geraldine
and Jagger belong together.
1275
00:57:22,639 --> 00:57:27,176
After all the work we've
done, with two days to finish
1276
00:57:27,177 --> 00:57:30,413
the script, you want
to change your mind,
1277
00:57:30,414 --> 00:57:35,618
and have Jagger walk off
into the sunset alone.
1278
00:57:35,619 --> 00:57:38,154
So Jagger doesn't get the
girl at the end, any girl.
1279
00:57:41,658 --> 00:57:43,159
Would you hand me that pillow.
1280
00:57:47,130 --> 00:57:50,399
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
1281
00:57:59,142 --> 00:58:01,110
I knew it!
I knew this was going to happen.
1282
00:58:01,111 --> 00:58:03,879
I'm fucked. You're doing this
to fuck with me, right?
1283
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:05,915
I just don't believe
that Jagger and Geraldine
1284
00:58:05,916 --> 00:58:07,416
would have a future together.
1285
00:58:07,417 --> 00:58:09,618
Well, I believe it.
1286
00:58:09,619 --> 00:58:12,655
And even more important,
Ray Tilman will believe it.
1287
00:58:12,656 --> 00:58:13,656
And guess what?
1288
00:58:13,657 --> 00:58:18,661
20 million people paying $9 a
shot are going to believe it.
1289
00:58:18,662 --> 00:58:20,629
I'm sorry you're missing your party.
1290
00:58:20,630 --> 00:58:22,631
But Jesus fucking Christ.
1291
00:58:22,632 --> 00:58:24,400
Just doesn't feel truthful.
1292
00:58:24,401 --> 00:58:26,902
Well, then fucking lie.
1293
00:58:26,903 --> 00:58:27,870
Can you do that?
1294
00:58:27,871 --> 00:58:29,672
Can you lie?
1295
00:58:29,673 --> 00:58:31,640
Pretend they're in love.
1296
00:58:31,641 --> 00:58:33,642
What's with you, Elliot?
1297
00:58:33,643 --> 00:58:36,145
If I had 1/10 of your talent, I'd
1298
00:58:36,146 --> 00:58:39,114
be a fucking millionaire by now.
1299
00:58:39,115 --> 00:58:42,184
A guy with your brains
living like this?
1300
00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:43,619
I mean, what's, what's with you?
1301
00:58:43,620 --> 00:58:44,887
Don't want to make it?
1302
00:58:44,888 --> 00:58:47,423
Don't you want to get in there?
1303
00:58:47,424 --> 00:58:48,123
In where?
1304
00:58:48,124 --> 00:58:51,427
There, where the money
is, where the power is.
1305
00:58:56,867 --> 00:58:59,869
This is our chance to
play with the big boys.
1306
00:58:59,870 --> 00:59:02,638
I am never going to get in there.
1307
00:59:02,639 --> 00:59:04,173
You might, but I won't.
1308
00:59:04,174 --> 00:59:06,408
Even if I win an Academy
Award, if I become the head
1309
00:59:06,409 --> 00:59:09,645
of a major studio, I still
will never get in there.
1310
00:59:09,646 --> 00:59:12,414
I will just be another little
faggot with a few more zeros
1311
00:59:12,415 --> 00:59:14,884
at the end of his bank balance.
1312
00:59:14,885 --> 00:59:16,652
And by the way, I'm not
doing this for Ray Tilman.
1313
00:59:16,653 --> 00:59:18,921
I've had too many
friends trying to please
1314
00:59:18,922 --> 00:59:20,623
idiots like Ray Tilman.
1315
00:59:20,624 --> 00:59:22,691
And even the ones who buy
big houses, they still
1316
00:59:22,692 --> 00:59:24,627
wind up living in little tiny closets.
1317
00:59:28,131 --> 00:59:31,100
So in answer to your question, no.
1318
00:59:31,101 --> 00:59:32,101
I can't lie.
1319
00:59:35,639 --> 00:59:36,405
I need coffee.
1320
00:59:36,406 --> 00:59:37,172
Excuse me.
1321
00:59:42,412 --> 00:59:45,147
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1322
00:59:52,105 --> 00:59:53,573
"Gay and Loving It!" "Gay Leadership"
1323
00:59:56,710 --> 00:59:58,745
GAY AND LOVING IT!
1324
01:00:00,914 --> 01:00:02,248
WHERE THE MEN ARE
1325
01:00:04,050 --> 01:00:06,252
THE GAY MAN'S HEALTH GUIDE
1326
01:00:33,396 --> 01:00:34,129
Hey, Elliot?
1327
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:40,402
OK, I'm sorry.
1328
01:00:40,403 --> 01:00:44,873
And I wouldn't want you to write something
that doesn't feel truthful, all right?
1329
01:00:44,874 --> 01:00:46,909
Elliot?
1330
01:00:46,910 --> 01:00:47,610
Fuck!
1331
01:00:51,147 --> 01:00:52,414
Jesus!
1332
01:00:52,415 --> 01:00:53,616
Where are you going?
1333
01:00:53,617 --> 01:00:54,416
Don't try to stop me.
1334
01:00:54,417 --> 01:00:55,918
Been bugging me all night.
1335
01:00:55,919 --> 01:00:57,886
Maybe it's why I haven't
been able to concentrate.
1336
01:00:57,887 --> 01:01:01,390
Just five minutes, and
we'll go back to work.
1337
01:01:01,391 --> 01:01:06,395
[MUSIC - "DECK THE HALLS"]
1338
01:01:06,396 --> 01:01:07,596
Elliot, oh my god.
1339
01:01:07,597 --> 01:01:09,398
Chuck, get the camera.
1340
01:01:09,399 --> 01:01:10,399
Get the camera and the hat.
1341
01:01:10,400 --> 01:01:11,166
Get the hat.
1342
01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:12,134
Get it. Come over here.
1343
01:01:12,135 --> 01:01:13,135
No, no, no, just come over here.
1344
01:01:13,136 --> 01:01:15,104
Come on, come on. [INAUDIBLE].
1345
01:01:15,105 --> 01:01:15,871
Come on.
1346
01:01:15,872 --> 01:01:19,108
Come on.
1347
01:01:19,109 --> 01:01:20,909
Joey said you weren't coming.
1348
01:01:20,910 --> 01:01:21,610
Where is he?
1349
01:01:21,611 --> 01:01:22,878
Smile, darling.
1350
01:01:22,879 --> 01:01:26,649
Uh, he's [GIGGLING] he's
around here somewhere.
1351
01:01:26,650 --> 01:01:27,383
Wait here.
1352
01:01:27,384 --> 01:01:28,651
I'll be right back.
1353
01:01:28,652 --> 01:01:31,120
[GIGGLING]
1354
01:01:34,658 --> 01:01:38,160
[MUSIC - DECK THE HALLS]
1355
01:01:53,410 --> 01:01:56,879
I am a sexy man.
1356
01:02:00,650 --> 01:02:01,650
[SOFT GIGGLE]
1357
01:02:01,651 --> 01:02:05,120
[KISSING]
1358
01:02:05,121 --> 01:02:07,122
Oh, Joey.
1359
01:02:07,123 --> 01:02:09,625
Rabbi Pinkus!
1360
01:02:09,626 --> 01:02:14,430
At, at a Christmas party?
1361
01:02:14,431 --> 01:02:16,899
Joey, wait!
1362
01:02:16,900 --> 01:02:17,399
I'm sorry.
1363
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:18,367
I'm really sorry.
1364
01:02:18,368 --> 01:02:19,635
I knew this would happen.
1365
01:02:19,636 --> 01:02:20,703
I knew it.
1366
01:02:20,704 --> 01:02:24,873
How did it... how did you... the
two... when did this happen?
1367
01:02:24,874 --> 01:02:26,875
I bumped him underneath the mistletoe.
1368
01:02:26,876 --> 01:02:29,878
In the bath tub?
1369
01:02:29,879 --> 01:02:31,647
What, what is he doing here?
1370
01:02:31,648 --> 01:02:32,915
I saw him on the street yesterday.
1371
01:02:32,916 --> 01:02:34,149
And he didn't have any other plans.
1372
01:02:34,150 --> 01:02:35,851
So you brought him here.
1373
01:02:35,852 --> 01:02:39,421
Are you going to see him again?
1374
01:02:39,422 --> 01:02:41,390
I should have told
you this this morning.
1375
01:02:41,391 --> 01:02:43,158
What, that wanted to date my rabbi?
1376
01:02:43,159 --> 01:02:44,126
No, Elliot, listen.
1377
01:02:44,127 --> 01:02:45,861
I, I just want to have to
tell you this over the phone.
1378
01:02:45,862 --> 01:02:47,162
Oh god.
1379
01:02:47,163 --> 01:02:49,631
I'm just not sure that I
want to be with one person
1380
01:02:49,632 --> 01:02:50,632
right now.
1381
01:02:50,633 --> 01:02:52,434
He's my rabbi.
1382
01:02:52,435 --> 01:02:56,405
I'll never be able to show
my face at services again.
1383
01:02:56,406 --> 01:02:57,639
I'm sorry.
1384
01:02:57,640 --> 01:02:58,640
I'm really sorry.
1385
01:03:03,613 --> 01:03:05,881
Listen, I, I don't want to
leave Saul up there alone.
1386
01:03:05,882 --> 01:03:06,648
So...
1387
01:03:11,621 --> 01:03:14,857
Merry Christmas.
1388
01:03:14,858 --> 01:03:17,426
Should I call you tomorrow?
1389
01:03:17,427 --> 01:03:19,862
ALEX: Hey, slow down.
1390
01:03:19,863 --> 01:03:22,164
[COUGHING] They're probably up there
1391
01:03:22,165 --> 01:03:24,900
planning their first trip to Israel.
1392
01:03:24,901 --> 01:03:25,634
Come on.
1393
01:03:25,635 --> 01:03:27,636
We gotta get back to work.
1394
01:03:27,637 --> 01:03:29,872
I can't believe how much this hurts.
And this is just the denial phase.
1395
01:03:29,873 --> 01:03:33,142
Imagine how shitty I'm going
to feel when reality kicks in.
1396
01:03:33,143 --> 01:03:34,643
Hey, you played a game.
1397
01:03:34,644 --> 01:03:38,113
You gotta take the fall.
1398
01:03:38,114 --> 01:03:39,648
Straight men.
1399
01:03:39,649 --> 01:03:40,415
Blech.
1400
01:03:40,416 --> 01:03:43,152
You get hit in the balls,
you just walk it off.
1401
01:03:43,153 --> 01:03:44,686
Exactly.
1402
01:03:44,687 --> 01:03:46,421
So you got wounded in battle.
It happens.
1403
01:03:46,422 --> 01:03:48,891
You know, that's why they call
it a war between the sexes.
1404
01:03:48,892 --> 01:03:50,659
This wasn't between the sexes.
1405
01:03:50,660 --> 01:03:52,194
OK, brother against brother.
1406
01:03:52,195 --> 01:03:53,896
A civil war, whatever.
1407
01:03:53,897 --> 01:03:55,397
Come on, let's go.
1408
01:03:55,398 --> 01:03:56,365
I can't!
1409
01:04:01,371 --> 01:04:03,405
I don't tell many people this.
1410
01:04:03,406 --> 01:04:05,641
You know that trophy
back in my apartment?
1411
01:04:05,642 --> 01:04:08,377
When I was nine years old, my dad
1412
01:04:08,378 --> 01:04:09,645
coached my little league baseball
1413
01:04:09,646 --> 01:04:12,614
team, Andero's Daredevils.
1414
01:04:12,615 --> 01:04:15,150
We were playing Carlucci's Glassware.
1415
01:04:15,151 --> 01:04:18,620
It was the championship
game, seventh inning.
1416
01:04:18,621 --> 01:04:21,890
We were down by one run.
1417
01:04:21,891 --> 01:04:23,125
Tony Falcone gets up.
1418
01:04:23,126 --> 01:04:25,394
He hits a triple.
1419
01:04:25,395 --> 01:04:25,894
I'm up next.
1420
01:04:29,165 --> 01:04:34,636
All I gotta do is hit the
ball, and we score a run.
1421
01:04:34,637 --> 01:04:36,605
Struck out on three pitches.
1422
01:04:36,606 --> 01:04:39,875
Just bust into tears.
1423
01:04:39,876 --> 01:04:41,143
I'm ready to go home.
1424
01:04:44,113 --> 01:04:45,447
Know what my dad does?
1425
01:04:45,448 --> 01:04:48,350
Gives you a big hug, and tells
you that he loves you anyway?
1426
01:04:48,351 --> 01:04:49,885
No.
1427
01:04:49,886 --> 01:04:52,120
He whacks me across the face.
1428
01:04:52,121 --> 01:04:55,624
And he says, don't you ever embarrass
1429
01:04:55,625 --> 01:04:58,126
me in front of Carlucci again.
1430
01:04:58,127 --> 01:05:00,395
You get your ass out there.
1431
01:05:00,396 --> 01:05:01,663
You finish the game.
1432
01:05:01,664 --> 01:05:03,398
He did what?
1433
01:05:03,399 --> 01:05:05,634
Next time up, I got a double.
1434
01:05:05,635 --> 01:05:08,103
Our team got that trophy.
1435
01:05:08,104 --> 01:05:08,871
God.
1436
01:05:08,872 --> 01:05:10,906
I thought my childhood was fucked up.
1437
01:05:10,907 --> 01:05:13,408
I only had to tell
my father I was gay.
1438
01:05:13,409 --> 01:05:15,410
Hey, I had a great childhood.
1439
01:05:15,411 --> 01:05:19,114
He smacked you in the face.
1440
01:05:19,115 --> 01:05:20,148
Just forget about it.
1441
01:05:20,149 --> 01:05:22,851
That's, that's child abuse.
1442
01:05:22,852 --> 01:05:24,119
Just drink it and shut up.
1443
01:05:31,394 --> 01:05:33,662
How old did you say you were?
1444
01:05:33,663 --> 01:05:35,397
Bartender?
1445
01:05:35,398 --> 01:05:38,867
[MUSIC - "SILENT NIGHT"]
1446
01:05:52,148 --> 01:05:55,183
OK, come on.
1447
01:05:55,184 --> 01:05:56,885
A little work will do you some good.
1448
01:06:05,128 --> 01:06:06,628
Elliot, come on.
1449
01:06:06,629 --> 01:06:09,431
(SLURRED SINGING) Dreidel, dreidel,
1450
01:06:09,432 --> 01:06:12,901
I made you out of clay.
1451
01:06:12,902 --> 01:06:17,406
And when you're hot and
ready, dreidel I will...
1452
01:06:29,152 --> 01:06:30,886
Hold my hands.
1453
01:06:30,887 --> 01:06:31,887
Hold my hands.
1454
01:06:49,138 --> 01:06:50,105
Yep, OK.
1455
01:06:57,680 --> 01:07:00,115
Oh, jeez.
1456
01:07:00,116 --> 01:07:03,151
We're fucked.
1457
01:07:03,152 --> 01:07:06,621
[MUSIC - GEORGE THOROGOOD, "BAD
TO THE BONE"]
1458
01:07:13,396 --> 01:07:14,162
Lights.
1459
01:07:17,633 --> 01:07:19,134
Nice shades.
1460
01:07:19,135 --> 01:07:20,902
Hey, Lana.
1461
01:07:20,903 --> 01:07:22,671
Happy New Year.
1462
01:07:22,672 --> 01:07:25,107
You never called me.
1463
01:07:25,108 --> 01:07:28,610
You know, your feet
must really be tired.
1464
01:07:28,611 --> 01:07:29,878
Why is that?
1465
01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:32,114
Because you've been running
through my mind since the day
1466
01:07:32,115 --> 01:07:33,181
we met.
1467
01:07:33,182 --> 01:07:34,116
[CHUCKLING]
1468
01:07:34,117 --> 01:07:40,422
Well, in that case, you
must be completely exhausted.
1469
01:07:40,423 --> 01:07:41,390
Why is that?
1470
01:07:41,391 --> 01:07:48,397
Because in my mind I've been
fucking the shit out of you.
1471
01:07:48,398 --> 01:07:52,167
[MUSIC - GEORGE THOROGOOD, "BAD
TO THE BONE"]
1472
01:08:08,618 --> 01:08:12,120
What the fuck?
1473
01:08:12,121 --> 01:08:14,623
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1474
01:08:20,163 --> 01:08:22,130
Everything OK, honey!
1475
01:08:22,131 --> 01:08:24,599
Argh!
1476
01:08:24,600 --> 01:08:25,634
Coffee!
1477
01:08:25,635 --> 01:08:28,136
We went out for coffee.
1478
01:08:28,137 --> 01:08:28,603
Jeez!
1479
01:08:32,642 --> 01:08:34,142
What happened last night?
1480
01:08:34,143 --> 01:08:36,144
I knew this was going to happen.
1481
01:08:36,145 --> 01:08:37,646
You never wanted to write with me.
1482
01:08:37,647 --> 01:08:39,147
You only wanted my body.
1483
01:08:39,148 --> 01:08:39,915
Where are you going?
1484
01:08:39,916 --> 01:08:41,149
Home, to take a shower.
1485
01:08:41,150 --> 01:08:42,117
I feel dirty.
1486
01:08:42,118 --> 01:08:43,385
Your pants.
1487
01:08:43,386 --> 01:08:44,619
Who took my pants off?
1488
01:08:44,620 --> 01:08:45,887
Did you take my pants off?
1489
01:08:45,888 --> 01:08:46,621
Fuck.
1490
01:08:46,622 --> 01:08:50,158
Where did you put them?
1491
01:08:50,159 --> 01:08:53,428
They were in the bedroom.
1492
01:08:53,429 --> 01:08:54,896
Stay away from me.
1493
01:08:54,897 --> 01:08:56,631
Alex, I weigh 112 pounds.
1494
01:08:56,632 --> 01:08:57,632
You're trying to confuse me.
1495
01:08:57,633 --> 01:08:59,634
Even if I wanted to
use you like a woman...
1496
01:08:59,635 --> 01:09:01,436
All that stuff about
me having a female side.
1497
01:09:01,437 --> 01:09:02,404
You were trying to soften me up.
1498
01:09:02,405 --> 01:09:03,872
I hate that.
1499
01:09:03,873 --> 01:09:06,374
All you gay guys, you think
everybody's secretly gay.
1500
01:09:06,375 --> 01:09:08,410
Well let me tell you something, Jack.
1501
01:09:08,411 --> 01:09:11,613
This boy is 100% Grade A straight.
1502
01:09:11,614 --> 01:09:12,380
Where's my belt?
1503
01:09:12,381 --> 01:09:15,617
Where's my fucking belt?
1504
01:09:15,618 --> 01:09:18,420
Boo.
1505
01:09:18,421 --> 01:09:19,121
Ah!
1506
01:09:31,434 --> 01:09:32,868
Did you make a backup?
1507
01:09:32,869 --> 01:09:36,838
I told you not to open the window.
1508
01:09:36,839 --> 01:09:38,373
It's the yellow one.
1509
01:09:42,111 --> 01:09:42,844
No!
1510
01:09:42,845 --> 01:09:44,613
Wait!
1511
01:09:44,614 --> 01:09:46,882
Back up!
1512
01:09:56,092 --> 01:09:59,861
Hey, I thought you had some
kind of writing deadline.
1513
01:09:59,862 --> 01:10:02,097
You still working with that gay guy?
1514
01:10:02,098 --> 01:10:05,600
Hey, me and Barbara just
rented that movie, "In and Out."
1515
01:10:05,601 --> 01:10:09,137
I thought Calvin Klein
was really funny.
1516
01:10:09,138 --> 01:10:10,605
Kevin Kline.
1517
01:10:10,606 --> 01:10:12,574
Calvin Klein's the guy
with the underwear.
1518
01:10:12,575 --> 01:10:14,576
No, that was Marky Mark.
1519
01:10:14,577 --> 01:10:19,848
No, Marky Mark's that black rap
singer, the guy that got shot.
1520
01:10:19,849 --> 01:10:22,851
ALEX: Bless me father,
for I have sinned.
1521
01:10:22,852 --> 01:10:27,856
Um, I guess it started
with this morning,
1522
01:10:27,857 --> 01:10:30,091
when I woke up in bed with Elliot.
1523
01:10:30,092 --> 01:10:34,829
I mean, Elliot and I don't
usually sleep together.
1524
01:10:34,830 --> 01:10:36,598
Fuck.
1525
01:10:36,599 --> 01:10:38,600
Forget I said that.
1526
01:10:38,601 --> 01:10:43,371
See, me and Elliot
are writing partners.
1527
01:10:43,372 --> 01:10:49,110
And we're trying to
write this screenplay.
1528
01:10:49,111 --> 01:10:56,084
And the disk fell out the window.
1529
01:10:56,085 --> 01:11:07,128
And now I'm thinking
maybe I did wrong,
1530
01:11:07,129 --> 01:11:11,099
maybe God doesn't want
me to be a writer.
1531
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:15,604
OK, here is the problem, father.
1532
01:11:15,605 --> 01:11:19,107
Elliot and me, we couldn't
figure this one out.
1533
01:11:19,108 --> 01:11:21,109
The guy in our script, the girl's
1534
01:11:21,110 --> 01:11:23,612
supposed to fall for him.
1535
01:11:23,613 --> 01:11:28,383
But Elliot says that he...
that she wouldn't, unless he
1536
01:11:28,384 --> 01:11:30,885
goes through some kind of change.
1537
01:11:30,886 --> 01:11:32,420
PRIEST: Your protagonist.
1538
01:11:32,421 --> 01:11:33,088
What?
1539
01:11:33,089 --> 01:11:35,590
PRIEST: Does he have a need?
1540
01:11:35,591 --> 01:11:38,326
Yeah.
1541
01:11:38,327 --> 01:11:39,361
I mean, yeah.
1542
01:11:39,362 --> 01:11:43,131
I guess he needs to be loved.
1543
01:11:43,132 --> 01:11:49,104
So why wouldn't she love him?
1544
01:11:49,105 --> 01:11:51,873
I mean, he, he saved her life.
1545
01:11:51,874 --> 01:11:54,609
He hung upside down from a helicopter.
1546
01:11:54,610 --> 01:11:56,578
He took a bullet in his shoulder.
1547
01:11:56,579 --> 01:11:59,381
I mean, what else has he got to do?
1548
01:11:59,382 --> 01:12:00,115
You know?
1549
01:12:00,116 --> 01:12:01,850
Stop being a cop, turn in his badge?
1550
01:12:08,391 --> 01:12:09,858
[BUZZING]
1551
01:12:09,859 --> 01:12:10,859
ELLIOT (ON INTERCOM): Who is it?
1552
01:12:10,860 --> 01:12:13,595
Elliot, Jagger's got to turn in
his badge at the end of the movie.
1553
01:12:13,596 --> 01:12:14,095
You were right.
1554
01:12:14,096 --> 01:12:15,096
ELLIOT (ON INTERCOM): Go away.
1555
01:12:15,097 --> 01:12:16,831
He's got to get in touch
with his female side.
1556
01:12:16,832 --> 01:12:18,867
You know, now that he's found love,
1557
01:12:18,868 --> 01:12:21,069
he doesn't need a big gun.
1558
01:12:21,070 --> 01:12:23,104
And it's not just Jagger.
1559
01:12:23,105 --> 01:12:24,839
You know, it, it's me, too.
1560
01:12:29,412 --> 01:12:30,378
Fucking pain in the ass.
1561
01:12:30,379 --> 01:12:31,579
ELLIOT (ON INTERCOM). I heard that.
1562
01:12:35,818 --> 01:12:37,852
Here's what's left of the script.
1563
01:12:37,853 --> 01:12:39,854
There's the computer.
1564
01:12:39,855 --> 01:12:46,861
I'm turning in my badge.
1565
01:12:46,862 --> 01:12:47,595
Oh, I got it.
1566
01:12:47,596 --> 01:12:51,366
I got it.
1567
01:12:51,367 --> 01:13:07,082
Because now I'm ready
to risk it all for love.
1568
01:13:10,353 --> 01:13:12,387
What do you think?
1569
01:13:12,388 --> 01:13:14,356
I think badge has a D in it.
1570
01:13:18,094 --> 01:13:19,127
Start talking.
1571
01:13:19,128 --> 01:13:22,364
We're at a fashion show.
1572
01:13:22,365 --> 01:13:27,369
Jagger Stevens parades down
the runway in a tuxedo.
1573
01:13:27,370 --> 01:13:32,574
Meanwhile, an unshaven
villain heads for the exit.
1574
01:13:32,575 --> 01:13:41,583
Jagger spies the commotion,
and pulls out a gun.
1575
01:13:41,584 --> 01:13:49,090
Jagger: freeze,
you scuzzbucket...
1576
01:13:49,091 --> 01:13:52,093
Piece of Euro trash.
1577
01:13:52,094 --> 01:13:54,095
[SCREAMING]
1578
01:13:54,096 --> 01:13:57,098
[GUNFIRE]
1579
01:13:57,099 --> 01:14:00,602
[MUSIC - "CAROL OF THE BELLS"]
1580
01:14:39,141 --> 01:14:41,109
[GUNSHOT]
1581
01:14:41,110 --> 01:14:44,379
[MUSIC - "CAROL OF THE BELLS"]
1582
01:15:29,475 --> 01:15:34,246
FADE IN: EXT. CAFE ANDERO'S - NIGHT
THE WAIT IS FINALLY OVER!!!
1583
01:15:37,867 --> 01:15:38,867
[STOMPING]
1584
01:15:38,868 --> 01:15:39,601
This is so exciting.
1585
01:15:39,602 --> 01:15:40,602
Don't you want to listen?
1586
01:15:40,603 --> 01:15:41,636
No, I'm a jinx.
1587
01:15:41,637 --> 01:15:44,172
The further I am away I am
from the phone, the better.
1588
01:15:44,173 --> 01:15:45,373
GWEN: I've heard
so much about you.
1589
01:15:45,374 --> 01:15:46,074
Hey.
1590
01:15:55,584 --> 01:15:59,354
Elliot, I don't know
how to tell you this.
1591
01:16:02,091 --> 01:16:02,891
Jesus.
1592
01:16:08,364 --> 01:16:09,597
They loved it!
1593
01:16:09,598 --> 01:16:11,599
[LAUGHING]
1594
01:16:11,600 --> 01:16:13,868
They want to do it.
1595
01:16:13,869 --> 01:16:16,371
Ray and Jagger are going to be
in New York tomorrow morning.
1596
01:16:16,372 --> 01:16:18,106
They want to meet us
for a story conference.
1597
01:16:18,107 --> 01:16:20,875
That's wonderful!
1598
01:16:20,876 --> 01:16:22,343
You, go home.
1599
01:16:22,344 --> 01:16:23,344
Get a good night's sleep.
1600
01:16:23,345 --> 01:16:26,080
The meeting is tomorrow at
eight o'clock in the morning.
1601
01:16:26,081 --> 01:16:26,848
All right?
1602
01:16:26,849 --> 01:16:28,383
I'll call you at 6:30.
1603
01:16:28,384 --> 01:16:29,817
I'll set an alarm.
1604
01:16:29,818 --> 01:16:31,085
I'll set two alarms.
1605
01:16:31,086 --> 01:16:33,388
Jagger Stevens wants to meet with us?
1606
01:16:33,389 --> 01:16:34,589
You and me?
1607
01:16:34,590 --> 01:16:36,858
Elliot, we did it.
1608
01:16:36,859 --> 01:16:39,160
Alex, it's a miracle.
1609
01:16:39,161 --> 01:16:43,097
[LAUGHING] Hey, 6:30.
1610
01:16:43,098 --> 01:16:48,102
[LAUGHING] Oh!
1611
01:16:48,103 --> 01:16:52,574
Oh!
1612
01:16:52,575 --> 01:16:56,578
(SINGING) California, I'm on my way.
1613
01:16:59,381 --> 01:17:00,415
What is this?
1614
01:17:00,416 --> 01:17:01,883
Oh, happy Valentine's Day.
1615
01:17:04,587 --> 01:17:06,821
Oh.
1616
01:17:06,822 --> 01:17:08,356
Jeez.
1617
01:17:08,357 --> 01:17:09,591
I didn't get you a card.
1618
01:17:09,592 --> 01:17:10,858
That's OK.
1619
01:17:10,859 --> 01:17:14,362
I am just so happy for you.
1620
01:17:14,363 --> 01:17:17,098
Well, hey what do you think
I should wear tomorrow?
1621
01:17:17,099 --> 01:17:18,833
Stick around, all right?
I'm going to need your advice.
1622
01:17:24,607 --> 01:17:27,875
So, uh, what do you want for dinner?
1623
01:17:27,876 --> 01:17:29,077
ALEX: What?
1624
01:17:29,078 --> 01:17:30,411
Nothing.
1625
01:17:30,412 --> 01:17:33,381
ALEX: Hey, where do you
think I should live in LA?
1626
01:17:33,382 --> 01:17:35,416
I hear Santa Monica is nice.
1627
01:17:35,417 --> 01:17:37,852
All right.
1628
01:17:37,853 --> 01:17:39,087
Which is the power tie?
1629
01:17:39,088 --> 01:17:41,889
Um, the blue one.
1630
01:17:41,890 --> 01:17:42,590
Yeah?
1631
01:17:42,591 --> 01:17:42,824
Here.
1632
01:17:42,825 --> 01:17:44,092
Put your glasses on.
1633
01:17:47,830 --> 01:17:49,097
The blue one.
1634
01:17:49,098 --> 01:17:49,831
Really?
1635
01:17:49,832 --> 01:17:51,099
Mhmm.
1636
01:17:51,100 --> 01:17:51,833
Huh.
1637
01:17:51,834 --> 01:17:54,102
All right.
1638
01:17:54,103 --> 01:17:55,436
Hey, are you hungry?
1639
01:17:55,437 --> 01:17:57,872
I've got a half a meatbail
gyro in the fridge.
1640
01:17:57,873 --> 01:17:58,606
Come here.
1641
01:18:05,347 --> 01:18:08,383
I won the award for best
screenplay in the class.
1642
01:18:08,384 --> 01:18:09,350
It's $75.
1643
01:18:09,351 --> 01:18:11,352
It's not exactly a
ticket to Hollywood.
1644
01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:12,854
But...
1645
01:18:12,855 --> 01:18:15,623
Bob, what a sleaze, huh?
1646
01:18:15,624 --> 01:18:17,392
Bob wasn't the only judge.
1647
01:18:17,393 --> 01:18:18,092
No, no!
1648
01:18:18,093 --> 01:18:20,595
You're right.
1649
01:18:20,596 --> 01:18:21,863
Alex, is everything OK?
1650
01:18:21,864 --> 01:18:22,897
Mhmm.
1651
01:18:22,898 --> 01:18:25,366
Because these last
few weeks have been...
1652
01:18:25,367 --> 01:18:27,101
No, everything's fine.
1653
01:18:27,102 --> 01:18:27,835
Alex...
1654
01:18:27,836 --> 01:18:29,103
[PHONE RINGING]
1655
01:18:29,605 --> 01:18:30,838
NORM (ON SPEAKER):
Alex, one more
1656
01:18:30,839 --> 01:18:32,106
thing for the meeting tomorrow.
1657
01:18:32,107 --> 01:18:34,842
Ray tells me that Jagger's hot
for, uh, what was that called?
1658
01:18:34,843 --> 01:18:35,576
"Chicken of the Sea."
1659
01:18:35,577 --> 01:18:37,612
Is that the play you sent in?
I never got around to reading it.
1660
01:18:37,613 --> 01:18:39,580
Yeah, yeah, Normie, hold
on just a second, all right?
1661
01:18:39,581 --> 01:18:40,615
Could you just hang that up?
1662
01:18:40,616 --> 01:18:41,382
OK.
1663
01:18:41,383 --> 01:18:43,651
Thank you.
1664
01:18:43,652 --> 01:18:44,852
Yeah, so what's the story.
1665
01:18:44,853 --> 01:18:47,121
Just thought, I'll be riding
with Ray from the hotel tomorrow.
1666
01:18:47,122 --> 01:18:49,090
And I thought we could package
something. So, "Chicken of the Sea."
1667
01:18:49,091 --> 01:18:50,358
ALEX: Mhmm, "Chicken
of the Sea."
1668
01:18:50,359 --> 01:18:50,858
It's, uh...
1669
01:18:50,859 --> 01:18:52,093
- The play you wrote?
- Yeah.
1670
01:18:52,094 --> 01:18:53,861
Yeah, it, look, it's hard describe.
1671
01:18:53,862 --> 01:18:55,863
And, uh, look, do me
a favor, all right.
1672
01:18:55,864 --> 01:18:57,331
Don't mention this in
front of Elliot tomorrow.
1673
01:18:57,332 --> 01:18:59,100
He's a little touchy about
things I write on my own.
1674
01:18:59,101 --> 01:19:00,134
NORM (ON SPEAKER): No prob.
1675
01:19:00,135 --> 01:19:01,569
Just trying to cover all the bases.
1676
01:19:01,570 --> 01:19:02,336
Ciao.
1677
01:19:04,606 --> 01:19:05,373
Would you hold that?
1678
01:19:05,374 --> 01:19:06,074
I'll be right back.
1679
01:19:09,378 --> 01:19:11,112
"Chicken of the Sea," i-isn't that
1680
01:19:11,113 --> 01:19:12,346
the play that Elliot wrote?
1681
01:19:17,586 --> 01:19:19,620
I'm sorry, this is really
none of my business.
1682
01:19:19,621 --> 01:19:21,589
No, no.
1683
01:19:21,590 --> 01:19:22,857
Was that your writing simple.
1684
01:19:22,858 --> 01:19:25,326
It, it, it, it got us the job.
1685
01:19:25,327 --> 01:19:26,394
All right?
1686
01:19:26,395 --> 01:19:27,428
What's the big deal?
1687
01:19:27,429 --> 01:19:29,597
You know, I needed to show Norman
that I could write comedy.
1688
01:19:29,598 --> 01:19:38,106
So I sent him "Chicken of the Sea."
1689
01:19:38,107 --> 01:19:40,575
OK.
1690
01:19:40,576 --> 01:19:44,612
The truth is, I wanted to tell Elliot
that I put my name on his script.
1691
01:19:44,613 --> 01:19:46,114
You put your name on his script?
1692
01:19:46,115 --> 01:19:47,615
Yeah, all right?
1693
01:19:47,616 --> 01:19:49,350
But hey, as soon as they
started sniffing around,
1694
01:19:49,351 --> 01:19:50,618
I pulled him into it.
1695
01:19:50,619 --> 01:19:51,619
And Elliot still doesn't know?
1696
01:19:51,620 --> 01:19:52,386
Why?
1697
01:19:52,387 --> 01:19:53,087
Why?
1698
01:19:53,088 --> 01:19:54,088
Why should he know?
1699
01:19:54,089 --> 01:19:56,090
Because he's one of your
best friends, that's why?
1700
01:19:56,091 --> 01:19:57,091
He's not my best friend.
1701
01:19:57,092 --> 01:19:58,326
He's my business partner.
1702
01:19:58,327 --> 01:20:00,361
This is scaring me.
1703
01:20:00,362 --> 01:20:01,095
Gwen.
1704
01:20:01,096 --> 01:20:03,331
Gwen, Gwen, wait Gwen.
1705
01:20:06,068 --> 01:20:08,369
Come here.
1706
01:20:08,370 --> 01:20:09,070
Hey.
1707
01:20:13,075 --> 01:20:15,643
Come on.
1708
01:20:15,644 --> 01:20:16,844
You're not jealous, are you?
1709
01:20:19,615 --> 01:20:21,849
First Bob, and now you.
1710
01:20:21,850 --> 01:20:23,351
What is it about this business that
1711
01:20:23,352 --> 01:20:25,586
brings out the worst in people?
1712
01:20:25,587 --> 01:20:26,120
Gwen!
1713
01:20:29,124 --> 01:20:29,590
Shit!
1714
01:20:33,095 --> 01:20:36,130
Fuck.
1715
01:20:36,131 --> 01:20:41,602
[PHONE RINGING]
1716
01:20:41,603 --> 01:20:42,103
Ow.
1717
01:20:42,104 --> 01:20:42,821
I'm up.
1718
01:20:47,376 --> 01:20:48,376
Where have you been?
1719
01:20:48,377 --> 01:20:49,110
[INAUDIBLE].
1720
01:20:49,111 --> 01:20:51,846
Let me see your teeth.
1721
01:20:51,847 --> 01:20:52,847
Come on.
1722
01:20:52,848 --> 01:20:54,582
Is that the only tie you own?
1723
01:20:57,886 --> 01:20:59,086
[BUZZING]
1724
01:21:01,824 --> 01:21:04,625
Alex!
1725
01:21:04,626 --> 01:21:06,360
Hey, this must be Elliot.
1726
01:21:06,361 --> 01:21:08,129
Norm Rizzoli, good
to finally meet you.
1727
01:21:08,130 --> 01:21:08,863
Listen.
1728
01:21:08,864 --> 01:21:09,831
Ray's inside.
1729
01:21:09,832 --> 01:21:11,132
Jagger's on his way up.
1730
01:21:11,133 --> 01:21:12,567
Can I get you kids
something, a Danish?
1731
01:21:12,568 --> 01:21:13,868
A couple of Snappies?
1732
01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:17,572
Hey, Rene, take care of
my boys, eh, luscious.
1733
01:21:17,573 --> 01:21:19,841
Can I get you something to drink?
1734
01:21:19,842 --> 01:21:21,108
Um club soda with lime.
1735
01:21:21,109 --> 01:21:22,109
You got it.
1736
01:21:27,850 --> 01:21:29,851
Get me Letterman.
1737
01:21:29,852 --> 01:21:31,586
Ray Tilman.
1738
01:21:31,587 --> 01:21:32,353
He knows what it's about.
1739
01:21:35,591 --> 01:21:37,391
Dave, you got my message?
1740
01:21:37,392 --> 01:21:38,125
All right, look.
1741
01:21:38,126 --> 01:21:40,628
Jagger will not go on
after Dennis Rodman.
1742
01:21:40,629 --> 01:21:42,096
I'm sorry, if you want
to Jagger on the show,
1743
01:21:42,097 --> 01:21:43,831
you can bump the freak
to Thursday night.
1744
01:21:43,832 --> 01:21:45,099
What's this?
1745
01:21:45,100 --> 01:21:48,836
Yes, yes, no, yes.
1746
01:21:48,837 --> 01:21:51,105
What the fuck is this?
[INAUDIBLE] red book.
1747
01:21:51,106 --> 01:21:51,873
Yeah, yeah, Dave.
1748
01:21:51,874 --> 01:21:53,374
I'm still here.
1749
01:21:53,375 --> 01:21:55,576
So how's the mileage on the new car.
1750
01:21:55,577 --> 01:21:57,111
Jagger's on his way up.
1751
01:21:57,112 --> 01:21:59,080
You two did a hell of a job.
1752
01:21:59,081 --> 01:22:00,081
Great, Dave.
1753
01:22:00,082 --> 01:22:01,349
So, you climbing this weekend?
1754
01:22:01,350 --> 01:22:02,083
Right.
1755
01:22:02,084 --> 01:22:03,851
Bye.
1756
01:22:03,852 --> 01:22:05,853
Guy needs a fucking life.
1757
01:22:05,854 --> 01:22:08,589
OK, next order of
business, "Hit and Runway."
1758
01:22:08,590 --> 01:22:09,624
Sorry this has to be quick.
1759
01:22:09,625 --> 01:22:13,094
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
1760
01:22:26,842 --> 01:22:27,608
RAY: Perfect.
1761
01:22:27,609 --> 01:22:30,378
Now we're all here.
1762
01:22:30,379 --> 01:22:32,613
First I want you to
know, "Hit and Runway"
1763
01:22:32,614 --> 01:22:35,082
is exactly what Jagger wants.
1764
01:22:35,083 --> 01:22:35,883
It's funny.
1765
01:22:35,884 --> 01:22:36,651
It's romantic.
1766
01:22:36,652 --> 01:22:37,084
We're pumped.
1767
01:22:37,085 --> 01:22:38,586
And we're ready to cut
the check, provided
1768
01:22:38,587 --> 01:22:40,821
you make a few very minor changes.
1769
01:22:40,822 --> 01:22:43,591
Studios tell me they're going to
go back to basics, pure action.
1770
01:22:43,592 --> 01:22:46,594
So point one, yeah, we
might be able to keep
1771
01:22:46,595 --> 01:22:48,596
some humor if we make
it a buddy movie.
1772
01:22:48,597 --> 01:22:50,598
We give him a sidekick,
one of those rappers,
1773
01:22:50,599 --> 01:22:52,867
a kooky Jap who does Kung Fu.
1774
01:22:52,868 --> 01:22:53,868
What else is funny?
1775
01:22:53,869 --> 01:22:55,636
Fat, fat is funny.
1776
01:22:55,637 --> 01:22:59,106
Point two, Geraldine, the nerdy girl.
1777
01:22:59,107 --> 01:23:01,075
We love Jagger being
tom between two chicks.
1778
01:23:01,076 --> 01:23:03,577
But make them both stacked and Jagger
1779
01:23:03,578 --> 01:23:05,613
would have to choose
between the four of them.
1780
01:23:05,614 --> 01:23:07,848
We got Elle Macpherson
to play the good babe.
1781
01:23:07,849 --> 01:23:09,583
And Linda Evangelista
can play the cunt.
1782
01:23:09,584 --> 01:23:11,385
Of course we've got to act
fast before she gets too
1783
01:23:11,386 --> 01:23:12,887
old to give the young guys a boner.
1784
01:23:12,888 --> 01:23:13,854
[CHUCKLING]
1785
01:23:13,855 --> 01:23:15,156
OK, let's see.
1786
01:23:15,157 --> 01:23:16,824
Yeah, point three, evil photographer.
1787
01:23:16,825 --> 01:23:19,360
Obviously, this guy
is not into chicks.
1788
01:23:19,361 --> 01:23:20,094
Great.
1789
01:23:20,095 --> 01:23:21,095
Gay themes are big.
1790
01:23:21,096 --> 01:23:22,863
But you didn't take it far enough.
1791
01:23:22,864 --> 01:23:26,100
He should be total fucking
slime, you know, euro fag.
1792
01:23:26,101 --> 01:23:29,070
We don't have to actually see
him take a fist up the ass.
1793
01:23:29,071 --> 01:23:31,605
But, you know, we
know how he likes it.
1794
01:23:31,606 --> 01:23:32,373
That's it.
1795
01:23:32,374 --> 01:23:33,107
I'm leaving.
1796
01:23:33,108 --> 01:23:36,410
RAY: Bon Jovi, maybe.
1797
01:23:36,411 --> 01:23:37,845
Just give us a minute.
1798
01:23:37,846 --> 01:23:40,848
He's got something.
1799
01:23:40,849 --> 01:23:42,616
Elliot.
1800
01:23:42,617 --> 01:23:44,085
It's not that bad.
1801
01:23:44,086 --> 01:23:44,852
We can do this.
1802
01:23:44,853 --> 01:23:46,587
I would rather hang upside
down by my testicles.
1803
01:23:46,588 --> 01:23:48,389
What the fuck are you guys doing?
1804
01:23:48,390 --> 01:23:50,825
Norman, hold it.
1805
01:23:50,826 --> 01:23:54,095
Listen, Elliot, I am not
going to let you blow this.
1806
01:23:54,096 --> 01:23:55,863
Now we're going to
march back in there.
1807
01:23:55,864 --> 01:23:58,833
And we're going to do
exactly what they want.
1808
01:23:58,834 --> 01:24:00,434
We're out of club soda.
1809
01:24:00,435 --> 01:24:01,602
Is Perrier all right?
1810
01:24:01,603 --> 01:24:02,603
Thank you.
1811
01:24:02,604 --> 01:24:03,070
Great.
1812
01:24:06,608 --> 01:24:08,142
Please.
1813
01:24:08,143 --> 01:24:11,379
God, please, Elliot.
1814
01:24:11,380 --> 01:24:12,613
After all we've been through together,
1815
01:24:12,614 --> 01:24:14,115
I will get you through
this, all right.
1816
01:24:14,116 --> 01:24:17,084
Where are you, this
guy's fucking therapist?
1817
01:24:17,085 --> 01:24:18,853
We got a deal on the table.
1818
01:24:18,854 --> 01:24:20,855
Norman, please, give us a minute.
1819
01:24:20,856 --> 01:24:21,589
Give...
1820
01:24:25,861 --> 01:24:30,831
Elliot, I know you want to
make the world a better place.
1821
01:24:30,832 --> 01:24:34,835
But can't you do that
after we get rich, huh?
1822
01:24:34,836 --> 01:24:38,906
I don't want to wash
dishes the rest of my life.
1823
01:24:38,907 --> 01:24:40,074
Please.
1824
01:24:40,075 --> 01:24:43,577
If you can't do this for
yourself, do it for me.
1825
01:24:43,578 --> 01:24:46,113
I am doing this for you.
1826
01:24:46,114 --> 01:24:49,083
Alex, Alex, look me in the eyes.
1827
01:24:49,084 --> 01:24:51,085
Do you really think in a million years
1828
01:24:51,086 --> 01:24:53,087
I could write the script
that that man wants?
1829
01:24:53,088 --> 01:24:54,588
Could you?
1830
01:24:54,589 --> 01:24:58,592
You want to be a
writer, a real writer.
1831
01:24:58,593 --> 01:25:01,095
That man in there,
he's the Antichrist.
1832
01:25:01,096 --> 01:25:03,364
He's Satan with psoriasis.
1833
01:25:03,365 --> 01:25:04,598
Don't give in to him.
1834
01:25:04,599 --> 01:25:07,101
If you do, you will set yourself
up for a life so miserable
1835
01:25:07,102 --> 01:25:08,369
that you'll wish you
were washing dishes.
1836
01:25:11,406 --> 01:25:15,609
Alex, "Hit and Runway" is our baby.
1837
01:25:15,610 --> 01:25:19,847
It deserves better than this.
1838
01:25:19,848 --> 01:25:20,881
All right.
1839
01:25:23,385 --> 01:25:24,118
Jesus!
1840
01:25:27,589 --> 01:25:30,357
Would you at least come
back in the room with me?
1841
01:25:39,101 --> 01:25:40,601
So can we get a rewrite by next week.
1842
01:25:43,371 --> 01:25:47,608
That, uh, [CLEARING THROAT]
may be a little soon.
1843
01:25:47,609 --> 01:25:48,876
OK, and, and you are?
1844
01:25:48,877 --> 01:25:50,611
Alex Andero.
1845
01:25:50,612 --> 01:25:52,113
How soon can you get it to me, Alex?
1846
01:25:52,114 --> 01:25:57,852
Um, one little thing,
Geraldine, you didn't, you
1847
01:25:57,853 --> 01:26:02,590
didn't like the, uh, the concept
that Jagger's character might
1848
01:26:02,591 --> 01:26:06,093
fall for, you know, a, a,
a different type of girl?
1849
01:26:06,094 --> 01:26:06,861
In word, no.
1850
01:26:06,862 --> 01:26:07,862
10 days?
1851
01:26:07,863 --> 01:26:16,837
Yeah, uh... except, except
the, um, the gay thing,
1852
01:26:16,838 --> 01:26:19,874
[CLEARING THROAT] you don't think that
1853
01:26:19,875 --> 01:26:22,109
will be a little offensive to...
1854
01:26:22,110 --> 01:26:24,612
Well, we gotta be a little sly.
1855
01:26:24,613 --> 01:26:25,846
That's why we have writers.
1856
01:26:25,847 --> 01:26:26,614
Two weeks?
1857
01:26:30,652 --> 01:26:38,359
Well, Ray, um, Mr. Tilman,
the, uh, the, the script
1858
01:26:38,360 --> 01:26:42,630
that you're asking us to
write, how can I put this?
1859
01:26:45,600 --> 01:26:48,335
It's just not nice.
1860
01:26:48,336 --> 01:26:49,187
Very interesting.
1861
01:26:51,606 --> 01:26:52,873
OK, now if you'll excuse me.
1862
01:26:52,874 --> 01:26:54,842
Hold it, Ray.
1863
01:26:54,843 --> 01:26:56,877
I'm not doing "Hit and Runway."
1864
01:26:56,878 --> 01:26:57,845
I told you before we started.
1865
01:27:01,082 --> 01:27:03,384
- This is what I want to do.
- Look, this is not the time or the place.
1866
01:27:03,385 --> 01:27:04,385
No, Ray.
1867
01:27:04,386 --> 01:27:05,853
I've been silent long enough.
1868
01:27:11,826 --> 01:27:14,395
Alex Andero, I need
to tell you something
1869
01:27:14,396 --> 01:27:16,830
in front of all these people.
1870
01:27:16,831 --> 01:27:21,602
Reading this play was one of the
most painful experiences of my life.
1871
01:27:29,077 --> 01:27:34,114
Now I know what you're thinking.
1872
01:27:36,851 --> 01:27:41,088
Is this the end of your career,
or the start of something new?
1873
01:27:41,089 --> 01:27:45,092
Well, to tell you the truth,
I don't even know myself.
1874
01:27:45,093 --> 01:27:47,861
Now being that I'm one of the
hottest properties in show
1875
01:27:47,862 --> 01:27:51,599
business, you better ask yourself
1876
01:27:51,600 --> 01:27:53,133
a very important question.
1877
01:27:53,134 --> 01:27:55,636
Do I feel lucky?
1878
01:27:55,637 --> 01:28:01,609
"Chicken of the Sea", Act
one, a lonely, confused man,
1879
01:28:01,610 --> 01:28:03,844
searching for his sexual identity,
1880
01:28:03,845 --> 01:28:06,113
dating women with little success.
1881
01:28:06,114 --> 01:28:08,582
Act two, he bursts of the closet,
1882
01:28:08,583 --> 01:28:11,385
proclaims his true identity.
1883
01:28:11,386 --> 01:28:15,356
You sent this to me for a
reason, didn't you, Alex?
1884
01:28:15,357 --> 01:28:17,591
You saw right through me.
1885
01:28:17,592 --> 01:28:20,094
Well now, I'm finally ready to bring
1886
01:28:20,095 --> 01:28:21,595
this message to the world.
1887
01:28:24,099 --> 01:28:29,570
Alex Andero, I love you.
1888
01:28:41,082 --> 01:28:42,383
He wrote it.
1889
01:28:56,364 --> 01:28:58,098
ALEX (VOICEOVER): You
know what hurts the most?
1890
01:28:58,099 --> 01:29:01,602
Writing with Elliot was
the best time of my life.
1891
01:29:01,603 --> 01:29:04,638
You know, figuring out things?
1892
01:29:04,639 --> 01:29:06,106
That moment when you
get a piece of it,
1893
01:29:06,107 --> 01:29:07,074
and you just start sailing.
1894
01:29:07,075 --> 01:29:09,076
I mean, there were times when
I didn't care if we finished,
1895
01:29:09,077 --> 01:29:09,843
you know what I mean?
1896
01:29:09,844 --> 01:29:12,579
Really, "Hit and Runway",
that's what it's called?
1897
01:29:12,580 --> 01:29:15,382
If I were you I'd keep the
title, change the story.
1898
01:29:15,383 --> 01:29:16,116
What do you mean?
1899
01:29:16,117 --> 01:29:18,385
Seriously, though, I gotta,
I gotta go before you wake up.
1900
01:29:18,386 --> 01:29:21,588
Because this working
nights is a killer.
1901
01:29:21,589 --> 01:29:22,589
Wait.
1902
01:29:22,590 --> 01:29:23,857
Wait, Woody!
1903
01:29:23,858 --> 01:29:24,591
Woody!
1904
01:29:35,103 --> 01:29:38,072
Keep the title.
1905
01:29:38,073 --> 01:29:39,373
Change the story.
1906
01:30:04,866 --> 01:30:05,599
Turn that off.
1907
01:30:05,600 --> 01:30:06,834
I want to talk to you.
1908
01:30:11,373 --> 01:30:15,109
I appreciate your being
around here since dad died.
1909
01:30:15,110 --> 01:30:18,579
But Alex, this restaurant
has been my whole life.
1910
01:30:21,616 --> 01:30:25,352
It doesn't have to be yours.
1911
01:30:25,353 --> 01:30:26,620
Hey, stupid, come here.
1912
01:30:34,596 --> 01:30:37,631
OK, we got a very simple
system here, all right?
1913
01:30:37,632 --> 01:30:38,899
Money comes in.
1914
01:30:38,900 --> 01:30:41,602
Money goes out.
1915
01:30:41,603 --> 01:30:44,104
As long as this number is bigger
than this number, we're doing OK.
1916
01:30:47,108 --> 01:30:50,611
These are the keys to the back door.
1917
01:30:50,612 --> 01:30:55,082
This is the warranty for
the cappuccino machine.
1918
01:30:55,083 --> 01:30:58,585
And this one is for the bank.
1919
01:30:58,586 --> 01:31:02,589
You sign right there.
1920
01:31:02,590 --> 01:31:03,357
Any questions?
1921
01:31:07,595 --> 01:31:10,864
What did you call me before?
1922
01:31:10,865 --> 01:31:13,634
When you came in, you
called me something.
1923
01:31:13,635 --> 01:31:14,835
I called you stupid.
1924
01:31:14,836 --> 01:31:16,136
How come?
1925
01:31:16,137 --> 01:31:17,104
I always call you stupid.
1926
01:31:17,105 --> 01:31:18,071
Since when?
1927
01:31:18,072 --> 01:31:19,072
Since you were a kid.
1928
01:31:19,073 --> 01:31:21,642
Ain't you been listening?
Come on. Sign the thing.
1929
01:31:21,643 --> 01:31:23,110
Why'd you call me stupid?
1930
01:31:23,111 --> 01:31:24,378
Me and dad, we, we
told you to do things.
1931
01:31:24,379 --> 01:31:25,646
You did them slow.
1932
01:31:25,647 --> 01:31:29,616
Maybe I did them slow because you
1933
01:31:29,617 --> 01:31:32,085
and dad were always calling me stupid.
1934
01:31:32,086 --> 01:31:33,821
You know, maybe I wasn't stupid.
1935
01:31:33,822 --> 01:31:34,855
Maybe I was just pissed off.
1936
01:31:37,392 --> 01:31:38,592
Was I stupid as a kid, mom?
1937
01:31:38,593 --> 01:31:40,360
Not particularly.
1938
01:31:40,361 --> 01:31:42,095
What else do you remember about me?
1939
01:31:42,096 --> 01:31:43,096
Hey, hey, hey, leave mom alone.
1940
01:31:43,097 --> 01:31:43,864
Come on.
1941
01:31:43,865 --> 01:31:45,399
Oh, for Christ's sakes.
1942
01:31:49,370 --> 01:31:52,105
Frank, I'm 27 years old.
1943
01:31:52,106 --> 01:31:54,608
And I have no idea who I am.
1944
01:32:00,081 --> 01:32:02,349
Dad smacked me around a lot.
1945
01:32:02,350 --> 01:32:03,383
How come?
1946
01:32:03,384 --> 01:32:06,086
Well, you asked a lot of questions.
1947
01:32:06,087 --> 01:32:12,359
Ma, kids are supposed to ask question.
1948
01:32:12,360 --> 01:32:14,361
Frank, I, I, I can't do this.
1949
01:32:17,599 --> 01:32:20,367
Hey, hey, get back in
there and apologize.
1950
01:32:20,368 --> 01:32:22,369
I'm not going to be
your partner, Frank.
1951
01:32:22,370 --> 01:32:22,836
All right.
1952
01:32:22,837 --> 01:32:24,838
I mean, you want me
to have a normal life.
1953
01:32:24,839 --> 01:32:26,607
But I ain't normal.
1954
01:32:26,608 --> 01:32:28,609
You know, I used to be the
smartest kid on the block,
1955
01:32:28,610 --> 01:32:30,611
until you started beating
the crap out of me.
1956
01:32:30,612 --> 01:32:32,412
I was teaching you
how to defend yourself.
1957
01:32:32,413 --> 01:32:33,614
From who?
1958
01:32:33,615 --> 01:32:35,382
You and dad?
1959
01:32:35,383 --> 01:32:37,084
What, you want to fight me, huh?
1960
01:32:37,085 --> 01:32:37,584
Come on.
1961
01:32:37,585 --> 01:32:39,386
You're not too old for me
to take a crack at you.
1962
01:32:39,387 --> 01:32:40,087
Let's go!
1963
01:32:40,088 --> 01:32:41,855
OK, OK, come on.
1964
01:32:41,856 --> 01:32:42,823
Knock my brains out.
1965
01:32:42,824 --> 01:32:43,857
Finish what you started.
1966
01:32:43,858 --> 01:32:44,625
Eh, screw it.
1967
01:32:44,626 --> 01:32:46,093
Get the fuck out of here.
1968
01:32:46,094 --> 01:32:48,395
Go write a movie with
our boyfriend, all right?
1969
01:32:48,396 --> 01:32:50,130
Write about how you wasted
your money on a class.
1970
01:32:50,131 --> 01:32:53,333
Write about how that
producer shot you down.
1971
01:32:53,334 --> 01:32:55,869
Write how you hung out
with a homo all year.
1972
01:32:55,870 --> 01:32:56,837
What you say?
1973
01:32:56,838 --> 01:32:59,106
Write about how you
fucked up your life.
1974
01:32:59,107 --> 01:33:01,608
That's it.
1975
01:33:01,609 --> 01:33:02,609
That's it.
1976
01:33:18,826 --> 01:33:21,428
Elliot!
1977
01:33:21,429 --> 01:33:23,096
We have to talk.
1978
01:33:23,097 --> 01:33:25,599
Listen, there's something
we can do together.
1979
01:33:25,600 --> 01:33:26,400
I had another dream.
1980
01:33:26,401 --> 01:33:27,634
Hand me that suitcase.
1981
01:33:27,635 --> 01:33:29,369
Look, I couldn't
figure it out first. But...
1982
01:33:29,370 --> 01:33:30,103
Jack Spring.
1983
01:33:30,104 --> 01:33:31,103
Nice to meet you.
1984
01:33:31,104 --> 01:33:32,223
Hi.
1985
01:33:33,608 --> 01:33:35,842
What are you... are, are
you going somewhere?
1986
01:33:35,843 --> 01:33:38,879
I, um, I, I'm just going to visit
1987
01:33:38,880 --> 01:33:40,113
my parents for a couple days.
1988
01:33:40,114 --> 01:33:42,115
So what do you think of my
son flying out to Hollywood?
1989
01:33:48,590 --> 01:33:52,092
Actually, uh, Jagger
asked me to come out to LA
1990
01:33:52,093 --> 01:33:55,395
to work on "Chicken of the Sea."
1991
01:33:55,396 --> 01:33:56,863
Wow.
1992
01:33:56,864 --> 01:33:58,365
That's great.
1993
01:33:58,366 --> 01:33:59,366
Is he paying you?
1994
01:33:59,367 --> 01:34:00,867
Not really.
1995
01:34:00,868 --> 01:34:01,602
Maybe [INAUDIBLE].
1996
01:34:01,603 --> 01:34:02,836
$100.000.
1997
01:34:02,837 --> 01:34:04,071
You'd think he could take a cab.
1998
01:34:12,614 --> 01:34:15,616
Hey, Elliot, before you go, look...
1999
01:34:15,617 --> 01:34:16,350
Got your ticket?
2000
01:34:16,351 --> 01:34:17,117
Yeah.
2001
01:34:17,118 --> 01:34:18,619
NIECE: You forgot it last time.
2002
01:34:18,620 --> 01:34:20,353
Uh, Alex, this is my niece.
2003
01:34:20,354 --> 01:34:21,105
Hi.
2004
01:34:25,093 --> 01:34:29,363
So, um, you had another
idea for a script?
2005
01:34:29,364 --> 01:34:32,399
Some other time.
2006
01:34:32,400 --> 01:34:34,868
Don't you need somebody
to water your plants?
2007
01:34:34,869 --> 01:34:37,838
Oh, um, I, Alex,
would, would you mind?
2008
01:34:37,839 --> 01:34:39,373
I, urn, I asked Michael.
2009
01:34:39,374 --> 01:34:40,607
But he's not here until Saturday.
2010
01:34:40,608 --> 01:34:41,375
So...
2011
01:34:41,376 --> 01:34:41,875
No problem.
2012
01:34:45,847 --> 01:34:47,381
I, I, I was going to call you.
2013
01:34:47,382 --> 01:34:48,081
But...
2014
01:34:56,591 --> 01:35:03,096
Hey, Elliot, I, uh, I wanted to say
2015
01:35:03,097 --> 01:35:08,101
I was sorry about taking your script.
2016
01:35:08,102 --> 01:35:10,370
It was wrong.
2017
01:35:10,371 --> 01:35:14,107
And, um, I don't blame you if you
2018
01:35:14,108 --> 01:35:16,877
never want to talk to me again.
2019
01:35:16,878 --> 01:35:19,846
But I hope that never happens.
2020
01:35:19,847 --> 01:35:24,084
[HONKING]
2021
01:35:24,085 --> 01:35:24,851
Go on.
2022
01:35:24,852 --> 01:35:27,120
Get in the car.
2023
01:35:27,121 --> 01:35:30,857
Um, Alex, I...
2024
01:35:30,858 --> 01:35:32,359
Go on.
2025
01:35:32,360 --> 01:35:33,360
Your dad's waiting.
2026
01:35:37,098 --> 01:35:40,100
[MUSIC PLAYING]
2027
01:38:33,074 --> 01:38:36,810
[CRYING SOFTLY]
2028
01:38:48,322 --> 01:38:51,291
[TYPING]
2029
01:38:53,644 --> 01:38:54,845
"HIT AND RUNWAY"
2030
01:38:55,780 --> 01:39:02,086
EXT. GRAVEYARD - DAY
2031
01:39:04,021 --> 01:39:06,524
"A RAINY DAY..."
2032
01:39:23,057 --> 01:39:26,593
[MUSIC PLAYING]
2033
01:39:33,334 --> 01:39:36,069
So, after "One on One"
placed first at the festival,
2034
01:39:36,070 --> 01:39:38,371
I thought they'd buy my next script.
2035
01:39:38,372 --> 01:39:39,072
But they didn't.
2036
01:39:39,073 --> 01:39:40,573
So I hated LA.
2037
01:39:40,574 --> 01:39:43,043
But then I wrote another one,
and it just got optioned.
2038
01:39:43,044 --> 01:39:46,346
So I love it again.
2039
01:39:46,347 --> 01:39:48,581
Uh, you writing something new?
2040
01:39:48,582 --> 01:39:49,582
Mhmm, yeah.
2041
01:39:49,583 --> 01:39:55,822
Um, a mean a woman, why
they can't communicate,
2042
01:39:55,823 --> 01:39:57,057
but why they keep trying.
2043
01:40:03,564 --> 01:40:06,532
I mean, being Jewish is great, but
you never see a Jewish porn movie.
2044
01:40:06,534 --> 01:40:08,802
Yeah, slap that tuchus.
Hit him in the tuchus.
2045
01:40:08,803 --> 01:40:09,536
Hit him...
2046
01:40:09,537 --> 01:40:12,105
Oh, I'm, I'm telling
you, you're turning me on.
2047
01:40:12,106 --> 01:40:13,573
There's something
about the "ch" sound.
2048
01:40:13,574 --> 01:40:15,342
You go right through me.
2049
01:40:24,385 --> 01:40:26,052
He wants me to convert to Buddhism.
2050
01:40:26,053 --> 01:40:27,354
I hate his friends.
2051
01:40:27,355 --> 01:40:28,355
They hate me.
2052
01:40:28,356 --> 01:40:30,090
LA is repulsive.
2053
01:40:30,091 --> 01:40:31,558
The producers I'm working with now
2054
01:40:31,559 --> 01:40:33,827
make Ray Tilman look
like Mother Theresa.
2055
01:40:33,828 --> 01:40:36,062
And I wake up most mornings
disgusted with myself,
2056
01:40:36,063 --> 01:40:38,365
and terrified that the
world is going to end.
2057
01:40:38,366 --> 01:40:39,065
So things are good?
2058
01:40:39,066 --> 01:40:40,333
I can't complain.
2059
01:40:40,334 --> 01:40:42,335
[HONKING]
2060
01:40:50,544 --> 01:40:53,046
Your movie was so wonderful.
2061
01:40:53,047 --> 01:40:54,314
Don't get me started.
2062
01:41:06,360 --> 01:41:09,362
[HONKING]
2063
01:41:19,123 --> 01:41:26,464
HIT AND RUNWAY
140771
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