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Captioning made possible
by Trimark Pictures
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♪ You got to face it
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00:00:54,356 --> 00:00:59,461
♪ love makes no sense
4
00:01:01,596 --> 00:01:03,574
♪ don't try to fight it
5
00:01:03,598 --> 00:01:07,545
♪ all your defenses
are useless ♪
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00:01:07,569 --> 00:01:11,449
♪ To you now
7
00:01:11,473 --> 00:01:13,050
♪ when you leave this room
8
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:17,779
♪ all you will think
about is me ♪
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♪ I'll be every song
on your radio ♪
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♪ Everything on your TV
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♪ just wait and see
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00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:33,604
♪ even though you
never looked at me ♪
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♪ I know the real you
is behind those eyes ♪
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00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:44,915
♪ Every true story
is full of lies ♪
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♪ That lead to
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00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:51,855
♪ The real you
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00:01:56,451 --> 00:01:59,487
Hi. This is Eli.
Leave a message.
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00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:03,867
Hey.
It's Tom...
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00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,769
Again. Um...
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00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,971
Call me.
21
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:13,577
♪ I'll take you by the hand
and soon I'll pull your heart ♪
22
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:19,016
♪ Out of your body,
and there is no way ♪
23
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,585
♪ You can escape me
24
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:26,690
♪ I know the real you
is behind those eyes ♪
25
00:02:27,549 --> 00:02:32,563
♪ Every true story
is full of lies ♪
26
00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:36,734
♪ That lead to
27
00:02:36,758 --> 00:02:40,438
♪ the real you
28
00:02:40,462 --> 00:02:48,102
♪ the real you
29
00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:55,018
♪ real you
30
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:59,990
♪ real you
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00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:06,454
♪ real... You
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00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:13,003
um... hi,
I'm Eli Wyckoff.
33
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,505
I'm here for my test results.
34
00:03:14,529 --> 00:03:16,073
And you're about an hour early.
35
00:03:16,097 --> 00:03:17,775
Why don't you go get
yourself some coffee?
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00:03:17,799 --> 00:03:20,077
Oh, I'm... I'm going
to wait, if that's okay.
37
00:03:20,101 --> 00:03:21,936
Okay.
All right.
38
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:29,043
This your first time?
39
00:03:29,811 --> 00:03:31,789
My... my first?
40
00:03:31,813 --> 00:03:34,057
No. No.
41
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:38,920
I have this habit of getting
tested after every boy...
42
00:03:39,521 --> 00:03:42,065
Guy that I ever...
You know.
43
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:45,102
Well, there's only been
like 3 in the past few...
44
00:03:45,126 --> 00:03:49,740
Oh... this is the third, so
it's not really a habit...
45
00:03:49,764 --> 00:03:50,808
Yet.
Uh-huh
46
00:03:50,832 --> 00:03:52,910
oh, no! It's not like I
think there's even a chance
47
00:03:52,934 --> 00:03:55,979
that I have... You know.
48
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,114
I know the dangers.
49
00:03:57,138 --> 00:03:59,149
I do the police blotter
for the Hollywood news,
50
00:03:59,173 --> 00:04:02,786
so... me and danger
are like this.
51
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,087
So why are you here?
52
00:04:05,947 --> 00:04:08,759
Feedback clinic.
This is Esther.
53
00:04:08,783 --> 00:04:10,561
Uh-huh...
54
00:04:10,585 --> 00:04:12,654
Well, did you suck his dick?
55
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,998
Then you better come in.
56
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,724
Okay.
57
00:04:20,061 --> 00:04:21,972
Hi, I'm Tom.
58
00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:24,074
And... i'm
an alcoholic.
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00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,933
Hi, Tom.
60
00:04:27,068 --> 00:04:29,246
So, um...
61
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,949
I'm 10 days away
from my 30-day chip.
62
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:42,784
Yeah, um... Anyway.
63
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:46,564
Both my parents are drunks.
64
00:04:46,588 --> 00:04:53,003
But, um... I still don't
feel like I belong here.
65
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:54,729
You know?
66
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,941
I mean, I go to flea markets.
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00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:04,982
I vote. Even for, like, school
board and... and prop... whatever.
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00:05:05,006 --> 00:05:06,884
I-I-I'm a special ed teacher,
for Christ's sake.
69
00:05:06,908 --> 00:05:08,118
It's not like I'm this
Hollywood has-been,
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00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:13,180
crouched in an airport bathroom,
sucking on a can of final net.
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00:05:14,015 --> 00:05:18,052
So... why am I here?
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00:05:20,121 --> 00:05:21,856
The truth?
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00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,960
Truth is, I met a guy.
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00:05:26,961 --> 00:05:33,276
And if... I had to pick
a... I don't know, a trigger,
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00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:37,004
you know, I'd... I'd have to say
it was all over this guy.
76
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:42,920
But, whatever. You know what?
Who cares... How it happened.
77
00:05:42,944 --> 00:05:45,246
Bottom line is I'm here.
78
00:05:46,948 --> 00:05:48,325
And I quit drinking... And guys,
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00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:51,085
because I can't be trusted
with either!
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00:05:54,656 --> 00:05:56,724
Thanks.
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00:05:59,994 --> 00:06:02,105
Nice going.
82
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,173
Oh. Ha ha.
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00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,342
Yeah, well, I'll get it
right one of these times.
84
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:06,376
It sounded right to me.
85
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,746
It's like you were
telling my story.
86
00:06:08,770 --> 00:06:09,880
Yeah?
Yeah.
87
00:06:09,904 --> 00:06:11,982
Well, I shared first, so I
get dibs on the book rights.
88
00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:13,350
That's fair.
89
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,952
So tell me about the guy.
90
00:06:14,976 --> 00:06:18,789
Uh, you know what? No. I don't
want to keep you from...
91
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:19,489
What? From what?
92
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:20,423
The important things in life,
93
00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:21,291
like stapling or filing?
94
00:06:21,315 --> 00:06:24,728
Oh, please! I couldn't
be more bored.
95
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:25,729
So this thing with that guy?
96
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,698
You seem pretty healthy with it.
97
00:06:27,722 --> 00:06:29,900
Only to the sight-
and hearing-impaired.
98
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,969
Pull up your chair, honey.
99
00:06:31,993 --> 00:06:34,929
This one?
Yeah. Move up.
100
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:42,913
So, you and your boyfriend.
You broke up.
101
00:06:42,937 --> 00:06:44,314
Oh, boyfriend.
I don't know.
102
00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:45,315
I don't know.
103
00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:49,019
I don't know, but... but
things just got too...
104
00:06:49,043 --> 00:06:49,987
Too!
105
00:06:50,011 --> 00:06:51,989
You know?
And I choked.
106
00:06:52,013 --> 00:06:53,223
I'm an alcoholic.
You do the math.
107
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:56,426
We met on a blind date,
which sucked.
108
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,929
Then we became friends, and...
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00:06:58,953 --> 00:07:00,330
Now we don't speak
to each other.
110
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:01,865
So, a happy ending.
111
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,768
How did we meet.
112
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,103
It all started with
this phone call
113
00:07:06,127 --> 00:07:08,138
from my best friend, Jackie.
114
00:07:09,030 --> 00:07:11,241
Tom! Pick up.
115
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:15,036
Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.
Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.
116
00:07:15,970 --> 00:07:17,447
Damn it. Where are you?
117
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,016
I'm at a pay phone,
'cause I can't get
118
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,217
my piece of shit
cell phone to work
119
00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:23,086
unless I'm standing on my head
with my fingers up my ass.
120
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,088
Whoo hoo! Yeah!
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00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,757
Fuck you!
122
00:07:26,781 --> 00:07:28,826
Anyway, um... Listen.
123
00:07:28,850 --> 00:07:31,028
Uh, what are you doing
Friday night?
124
00:07:31,052 --> 00:07:32,229
'Cause I just met this guy Brett
125
00:07:32,253 --> 00:07:33,731
at a furniture store on Montana,
126
00:07:33,755 --> 00:07:36,800
and he showed me this great
love seat to die for,
127
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:39,036
and I think I could
get it wholesale.
128
00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:42,864
There's just, um, one catch.
129
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,881
♪ Everything I want,
you got it ♪
130
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:53,216
♪ Everything I need,
you own it ♪
131
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:56,186
♪ Everything I need,
you got it ♪
132
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:58,455
♪ Everything in me,
you want it ♪
133
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:01,324
♪ Everything I want,
you got it ♪
134
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,894
♪ Everything I need,
you own it ♪
135
00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:06,964
♪ Everything I need,
you got it ♪
136
00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:10,267
♪ Everything in me,
you want it ♪
137
00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:11,802
An-an-any luck?
138
00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:14,204
Oh! Uh... With?
139
00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:15,305
Oh, I don't know.
I just figured by now
140
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:18,008
you'd be looking for change
beneath the seat cushions.
141
00:08:18,032 --> 00:08:20,077
Oh, god.
You did... you saw me?
142
00:08:20,101 --> 00:08:22,045
Um, yeah, no.
The whole routine.
143
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,213
The little dance thing.
144
00:08:23,237 --> 00:08:24,782
Oh, that's great.
That's great.
145
00:08:24,806 --> 00:08:26,049
Now I'm thoroughly mortified.
146
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:27,250
No, you're fine.
147
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:27,985
Don't... don't... don't
worry about it.
148
00:08:28,009 --> 00:08:29,787
Well, I know.
But now it's, um,
149
00:08:29,811 --> 00:08:32,389
it's your turn to do
something humiliating.
150
00:08:32,413 --> 00:08:35,192
Oh, well, I... I work
in a furniture store,
151
00:08:35,216 --> 00:08:37,260
so I've pretty much
covered those bases.
152
00:08:38,152 --> 00:08:39,229
Well, hello! Hey.
153
00:08:39,253 --> 00:08:42,199
What's humiliating about an
employee discount, right?
154
00:08:42,223 --> 00:08:43,300
Which, by the way,
155
00:08:43,324 --> 00:08:45,468
does that apply to this sort
of wheelie cartie thing?
156
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,237
'Cause this is yummy.
Right. Look.
157
00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:48,839
"A"... I get 10% off
of this crap,
158
00:08:48,863 --> 00:08:50,107
and "B"... you know, I don't... I
don't know if the whole
159
00:08:50,131 --> 00:08:54,812
clockwork orange come Ikea
thing is really your scene?
160
00:08:54,836 --> 00:08:55,478
Honestly.
161
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:56,479
Quite a salesman.
162
00:08:56,503 --> 00:09:00,083
Yeah, I don't even know
what half this shit is.
163
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,284
Okay. Great.
164
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:02,385
Well, you know what, though?
165
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:06,023
My heart does kind of beat
faster for this love seat.
166
00:09:06,047 --> 00:09:07,024
Oh, you're kidding!
167
00:09:07,048 --> 00:09:08,091
Why? Do you hate it?
168
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:11,594
No, I... it's the only thing
in the store that's mine.
169
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:12,262
Yours?
170
00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:14,131
Uh, one of my designs, yeah.
171
00:09:14,155 --> 00:09:16,834
Oh! You're a designer.
172
00:09:16,858 --> 00:09:17,600
Yeah, yeah.
No, this...
173
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,369
This was one of my
first projects.
174
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:21,604
Well, I love it.
Thank you.
175
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:22,372
Uh, what is the color?
176
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,607
Sort of a yellow,
beige, yellow...
177
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:25,275
Buttercup.
178
00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:26,944
Buttercup?
179
00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:28,870
Buttercup.
180
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,316
I'm... I'm not
gay. Okay?
181
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:34,417
Just 'cause I say
butter... you know.
182
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,619
You know, I have this argument
with Eli all the time.
183
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:37,654
God damn it, man.
184
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:38,989
You know, honestly, just
'cause I say buttercup
185
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:39,857
doesn't mean I'm gay, you know?
186
00:09:39,881 --> 00:09:41,158
Or I used to be gay,
or I want to be gay.
187
00:09:41,182 --> 00:09:42,392
Not gay, you know, just very...
188
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:46,263
Particular about the nomenclature
I use regarding my palette.
189
00:09:46,287 --> 00:09:49,266
And, uh, who's Eli?
The boyfriend?
190
00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:50,300
Right! No, no.
191
00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:52,569
He's my... he's my, you know,
he's my best friend,
192
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,437
who happens... happens to be gay.
193
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,573
Well, you know what I think?
194
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:57,941
I think you're one
of those guys who,
195
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,944
you know, sort of flirts with a girl,
maybe even takes her to dinner,
196
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,445
and then, you know,
when push comes to shove,
197
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:05,282
the only frenching you'll be
doing with her are her braids.
198
00:10:05,306 --> 00:10:06,549
Well! That's
pretty sassy.
199
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,285
So you've been braided
a lot recently?
200
00:10:08,309 --> 00:10:09,486
No, I... look, I know gay men.
201
00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:11,154
Okay? I practically invented them.
Oh, okay.
202
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:13,090
You know? And there's no
such thing as a straight guy
203
00:10:13,114 --> 00:10:15,993
with a gay best friend
he's not fucking.
204
00:10:16,017 --> 00:10:17,294
Hey! Don't give me that
look, all right? What?
205
00:10:17,318 --> 00:10:21,098
My friend Tom... who by the way, is
single, if you're interested...
206
00:10:21,122 --> 00:10:22,132
Yeah, he's the first to agree.
207
00:10:22,156 --> 00:10:24,434
Right, right. Uh, okay.
Well, thanks for the tip.
208
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:27,370
I'm not particularly
interested in... in... in Tom.
209
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:32,233
Uh, unless, of course, I
mean, he has your eyes.
210
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:42,252
So, there's actually a chance
that he didn't hate my guts,
211
00:10:42,276 --> 00:10:47,958
and I could be having his children on
that kick-ass, buttercup love seat.
212
00:10:47,982 --> 00:10:49,292
Which is where you come in.
213
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,660
I was like, great!
214
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:53,230
I figured next she'll be asking me
to blow some guy for 3-day blinds.
215
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:54,497
You know in the movies,
216
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:55,865
when a guy's in the supermarket
217
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:59,369
and he accidentally bumps shopping
carts with the love of his life?
218
00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:00,337
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, well.
219
00:11:00,361 --> 00:11:02,405
The last few times
I bumped carts with anyone,
220
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:05,242
they looked like they were
fresh off the special bus.
221
00:11:05,266 --> 00:11:08,145
That is why I let
my friends fix me up.
222
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:18,321
Hi. This is Eli.
Leave a message.
223
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,556
Eli, you there?
224
00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:20,991
Buddy? Hello, hello.
225
00:11:21,015 --> 00:11:23,026
That's right.
There's an x-file marathon on.
226
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:26,696
I cannot believe I'm friends
with a Trekkie. It's pathetic.
227
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,331
Okay, I am not a Trekkie.
You got that?
228
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,666
I just like the x-files.
229
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,601
I believe the truth is out there.
Don't you?
230
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:33,436
Yeah, whatever.
Look, man. I, uh...
231
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,437
Fully hooked you up.
232
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:36,273
You have a date on Friday night.
233
00:11:36,297 --> 00:11:38,175
What a minute.
What?!
234
00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:38,942
Mmm, yep, that's right.
235
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:39,809
Your losing streak
is over, my man.
236
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,079
He's, uh, a total stud,
like a big guy.
237
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:43,180
Okay, you always say that.
238
00:11:43,204 --> 00:11:44,247
It's like entry level.
239
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,115
It means he's got nipples.
240
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:46,316
For you, that'd be a step up.
241
00:11:46,340 --> 00:11:47,617
Ha ha. That's funny.
242
00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:49,586
Anyway, like, uh, his, uh, his
friend Jackie came into the store.
243
00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:51,288
I completely hit
it off. Yikes!
244
00:11:51,312 --> 00:11:53,756
Let me tell you. She's
got unbelievable K.B.
245
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,425
What is that? Killer butt? No.
246
00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:56,326
Killer boobs.
247
00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:58,595
Anyway, she told me
about her friend Tom.
248
00:11:58,619 --> 00:11:59,762
Uh, sounds like a nice guy.
249
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,531
I, uh, I told...
I lied, basically.
250
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:02,632
I said you were a great guy.
251
00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:03,633
Told her about you.
That's really nice.
252
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:05,335
And now you two have to
go out on Friday night.
253
00:12:05,359 --> 00:12:06,736
Okay, wait a minute, says who?
That's...
254
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:07,904
Hold on. Someone's
at the door.
255
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:08,938
Actually, you know what? Can
I... can I call you right back?
256
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,341
I just showed up at my
loser gay friend's place.
257
00:12:11,365 --> 00:12:12,075
I'll call you back.
258
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:13,243
That's funny.
It's mainly junk.
259
00:12:13,267 --> 00:12:16,213
Umm, anyway, look. I know it
didn't go all so, you know,
260
00:12:16,237 --> 00:12:19,282
that well the last time with, uh...
Richard, was it?
261
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,518
Rita! From ups.
She was a woman!
262
00:12:21,542 --> 00:12:23,786
Whatever, you know.
She was still gay.
263
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,555
That's your problem.
You're so picky.
264
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:28,025
Anyway, you yourself
said she had K.B.
265
00:12:28,049 --> 00:12:29,192
Killer... boobs?
No, butt.
266
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,561
Okay, you know, the whole initial thing?
It's got to stop.
267
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:34,431
And P.S. I never said K.B.
I said K.G. B.
268
00:12:34,455 --> 00:12:36,533
Killer garlic breath. Oh.
269
00:12:36,557 --> 00:12:37,700
Whatever. Look.
270
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:38,535
The bottom line is,
271
00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:41,438
I made a reservation
for you, for Tom,
272
00:12:41,462 --> 00:12:43,506
Friday night at Nick's, 8:00.
Be there or be square.
273
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,142
Okay, you know, I hate
it when people say that,
274
00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:46,509
'cause even when I'm
there, I'm square,
275
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:47,477
so what is the incentive?
276
00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:49,446
Well, he's a teacher.
Sounds like a great guy.
277
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:51,514
Maybe you'll get lucky. You'll
have to stay after class.
278
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:52,649
All right? Detention?
279
00:12:52,673 --> 00:12:53,716
You like that sort
of thing, don't you?
280
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:56,386
The discipline, the gravity
boots, the whole thing.
281
00:12:56,410 --> 00:12:57,120
You're welcome.
282
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:59,289
Of course, you went?
283
00:12:59,313 --> 00:13:01,348
Yep. I went.
284
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,501
♪ She landed on my roof
285
00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:13,203
♪ ...from Venus
286
00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:14,704
♪ her ship ran out of gas
287
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:17,374
♪ fast as light
and love came between us ♪
288
00:13:17,398 --> 00:13:19,742
♪ Fashion girl from outer space
289
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:23,313
♪ I'll never turn you on
290
00:13:23,337 --> 00:13:24,281
♪ future love
291
00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:25,515
♪ that's right, that's right,
that's right ♪
292
00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:27,150
♪ Making future love tonight
293
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,486
♪ that's right, that's right,
that's right ♪
294
00:13:29,510 --> 00:13:31,554
♪ Making future love tonight
295
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,423
♪ it's all right if I love you ♪
296
00:13:33,447 --> 00:13:34,824
♪ It's all right if I don't
297
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,859
♪ but I've been praying
that you're running away ♪
298
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:39,662
♪ 'Cause I got the feeling,
honey, that you won't ♪
299
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:42,532
♪ Supersonic safety love
300
00:13:42,556 --> 00:13:45,168
♪ I'll never turn you on
301
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:47,470
♪ that's right, that's right,
that's right ♪
302
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,539
♪ Making future love tonight
303
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:51,432
♪ that's right, that's right
304
00:13:56,237 --> 00:13:58,448
Believe me, I didn't have
high hopes for this date.
305
00:13:58,472 --> 00:14:00,417
Well, you didn't
have anything to lose.
306
00:14:00,441 --> 00:14:03,620
I know. Honestly, all
I kept thinking was,
307
00:14:03,644 --> 00:14:05,422
"I hope he doesn't smoke."
308
00:14:05,446 --> 00:14:07,524
♪ sometimes I wish I had a gun ♪
309
00:14:10,751 --> 00:14:11,794
Uh, I'm going to...
310
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,330
I'm going to go up to the
bar and get another drink.
311
00:14:13,354 --> 00:14:14,331
You want... you want something?
312
00:14:14,355 --> 00:14:16,233
Yes, yes. I'll have another
seltzer with lime.
313
00:14:16,257 --> 00:14:16,933
Seltzer with lime.
314
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:17,900
Make it a white wine spritzer.
315
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:19,302
Spritzer. Got it.
316
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:22,239
On second thought, can
I get a, uh, 7 & 7?
317
00:14:22,263 --> 00:14:24,207
Rocks with a twist.
318
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,074
Okay. Are you sure?
319
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:27,410
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I
always get a 7 & 7.
320
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,845
Oh, hi. Yeah. We're
going to have a...
321
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,613
Absolut Martini,
straight up, two olives.
322
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,573
Make it a little dirty.
323
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,219
You?
324
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:38,212
Uh...
325
00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:03,237
Do you like movies?
326
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:05,782
Yeah, I like movies.
327
00:15:05,806 --> 00:15:06,916
Yeah, me too.
328
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:09,886
I think it was gay night on
cable last night, 'cause I...
329
00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:12,213
In and out was on again.
330
00:15:13,647 --> 00:15:14,591
Uh-huh.
331
00:15:14,615 --> 00:15:15,458
Nah, I just thought it
was great, you know,
332
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,694
to see a movie like that,
with two guys.
333
00:15:17,718 --> 00:15:18,828
Not with two guys.
334
00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:23,857
You know, with two guys who...
You know... In the movie.
335
00:15:24,558 --> 00:15:26,469
I hated it.
336
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:28,238
Oh. Yeah. No. Me too.
337
00:15:28,262 --> 00:15:31,874
I just... Thought
it was light... Fun.
338
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,276
Fun?
339
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,577
Yeah.
340
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:38,548
Fun to see Kevin Kline get on his
sorry-assed, middle-aged knees
341
00:15:38,572 --> 00:15:40,383
and give us a big ole
Hollywood blow job
342
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:43,286
by catering to every
cliched, homophobic,
343
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,588
stereotypical idea of
what it means to be gay?
344
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,558
Without having the
decency or the courtesy
345
00:15:48,582 --> 00:15:52,362
or... or even just the balls to drop
a little trou' and show us his.
346
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:55,265
Wait a minute.
Come on. I don't know.
347
00:15:55,289 --> 00:15:56,666
I thought it was
nice to see a guy
348
00:15:56,690 --> 00:15:58,601
coming out to his
family, his friends.
349
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,937
Not to mention his fiance.
His fiance?
350
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,439
The loser bitch has been
waiting her whole life
351
00:16:02,463 --> 00:16:05,408
to marry this Nelly,
Barbara-loving, self-hating,
352
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:08,611
geriatric English teacher who
can't get it up for her.
353
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,580
And we're supposed to
feel sorry for her?
354
00:16:10,604 --> 00:16:13,283
Awww. No fucking way. I
mean, you do the math.
355
00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:16,377
Where the hell is the
waiter with my drink?
356
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,346
You want anything?
357
00:16:20,681 --> 00:16:23,584
I'm not even going
to mention birdcage.
358
00:16:29,290 --> 00:16:30,633
Can I get a diet coke? Sure.
359
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:34,036
All right. What was your
favorite movie of all time?
360
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:37,507
Let's just... Let's
just start with that.
361
00:16:37,531 --> 00:16:40,042
You know what? I'm not a big
fan of the favorites game,
362
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,669
so why don't you go first?
363
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:46,616
Oh. Okay. Um...
364
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,452
Well, I know it sounds
corny and cliche,
365
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:52,913
but I have to say
gone with the wind.
366
00:16:53,714 --> 00:16:54,424
I never saw it.
367
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:55,458
Yeah, right.
368
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,627
I didn't. I... I never
saw gone with the wind.
369
00:16:57,651 --> 00:16:59,629
You're kidding, right? No.
370
00:16:59,653 --> 00:17:02,064
I'm not kidding.
Come on.
371
00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:02,932
I... I never saw the movie.
372
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:05,001
You never saw the movie?
No. I never...
373
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:08,771
Okay, fine. Do you want me to
tell you that I saw the movie?
374
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,373
I will.
I saw the movie.
375
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,741
It was the best movie
I've ever seen.
376
00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:15,312
Especially, especially that
part where red buttons
377
00:17:15,336 --> 00:17:17,013
is up on the hill
with Charlotte.
378
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:19,081
Oh, my god.
You are scaring me!
379
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,750
What... what do you
want me to say?
380
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:24,044
I'm not a big fan of
black-and-white movies.
381
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:29,015
Relax, would you?
Relax.
382
00:17:30,651 --> 00:17:34,287
I saw fame like 15 times.
Does that help?
383
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:39,526
Well, it's a start.
384
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,634
Wow, K.E.
385
00:17:47,968 --> 00:17:48,911
What?
What?
386
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:51,681
What... what did you just say?
387
00:17:51,705 --> 00:17:52,382
Nothing.
388
00:17:52,406 --> 00:17:53,916
Yeah, you just said something.
389
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:54,617
No, n-no I didn't.
390
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:55,818
Yeah, you did.
You said, "K.E."
391
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,878
What... what... what is that?
392
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:02,687
It... it's nothing. It's...
it's nothing.
393
00:18:02,699 --> 00:18:04,126
It... It's stupid.
394
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:06,963
It's initial talk. Brett and I
have been doing it for years.
395
00:18:06,987 --> 00:18:09,932
It is so stupid. It means nothing.
Trust me.
396
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,000
Right, so I just took a hit.
397
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:12,469
No, no, no!
You didn't. Tom.
398
00:18:12,493 --> 00:18:14,804
Believe me.
I swear to you.
399
00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:16,697
Oh. Damn it.
400
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:24,905
It means...
Killer eyes, okay?
401
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,826
You know what?
I-i-I'm going to go.
402
00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:38,928
It's late, and uh...
Yeah.
403
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:42,098
Yeah, let's... let's you and I go.
404
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,567
On our way. Ways!
On our ways.
405
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:45,735
Separate.
You and me.
406
00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:48,170
You know. Here,
let's split it.
407
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:49,071
No, I got it,
I got it, I got it.
408
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:51,107
No. Let's split it.
No, I want to do this.
409
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,909
Please. I don't want to do that.
Just let me pay.
410
00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:54,444
Let me just split it.
Let me do this!
411
00:18:54,468 --> 00:18:57,480
Let me just pay for my own.
Just go!
412
00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:58,739
Going.
413
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,785
He hated me. It's like
I activated his gag reflex.
414
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,887
That is the last time I
will let you fix me up.
415
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,155
You got that?
Take it in.
416
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,991
Next date I go on is going to cost
me $2.00 for the first minute
417
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,660
and $1.50 each
additional minute.
418
00:19:10,684 --> 00:19:12,061
Did he say anything
about me and Jackie?
419
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:13,663
What? No,
it didn't come up.
420
00:19:13,687 --> 00:19:15,865
Are you sure the guy
was even gay?
421
00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:16,666
Are you kidding?
422
00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:19,201
I don't know. You
know... With you...
423
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:21,671
How many straight guys you
know pretend they're gay?
424
00:19:21,695 --> 00:19:22,805
Besides you?
Hello!
425
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:23,906
You sure he didn't
say anything about me?
426
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,675
Hey, you want eggs? I can
easily add an egg to this.
427
00:19:25,699 --> 00:19:27,777
Can I have eggs? Are there eggs?
Are there eggs?
428
00:19:27,801 --> 00:19:29,779
You have to relax. You're
becoming a crazy person.
429
00:19:29,803 --> 00:19:30,847
You've been whipping
for 20 minutes.
430
00:19:30,871 --> 00:19:33,450
Your mother told me you
were going to be like this.
431
00:19:33,474 --> 00:19:35,452
My mom called you again?
432
00:19:35,476 --> 00:19:36,453
What did you tell her?
433
00:19:36,477 --> 00:19:38,120
No, she's concerned about you.
434
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:39,188
You never... you never
talk to the woman.
435
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:42,483
You know? She thinks you're
becoming a big loser.
436
00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:43,560
Oh, that's...
That's nice.
437
00:19:43,584 --> 00:19:45,728
That's great. Thanks.
Thanks for that.
438
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,597
Easy for her to say.
439
00:19:47,621 --> 00:19:48,364
I know what's out there.
440
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,365
Guys with bad
fucking hair plugs,
441
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:52,635
staples in their dicks,
beanie baby collections,
442
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,103
or worse.
Worse?
443
00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:55,104
Oh, there's worse.
444
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:58,541
Oh, come on. It'll be so
much better next time.
445
00:19:58,565 --> 00:19:59,542
There won't be a next time.
446
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:03,813
Unless his name is Ben,
Jerry, or Jose Cuervo.
447
00:20:03,837 --> 00:20:07,183
Uh-huh. Like you haven't
already had those guys.
448
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,151
And their brothers.
449
00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:10,352
Haven't you ever wondered
what it's like to be with
450
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:14,891
the same guy for more than...
Oh, I don't know... 5 minutes?
451
00:20:14,915 --> 00:20:19,095
With the guys I meet,
5 minutes is all it takes.
452
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:20,863
Charming.
453
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,032
Okay, but more importantly,
454
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:26,569
mmm... what did Eli
say about me?
455
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,871
Is it going to
happen with Brett?
456
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,873
No idea.
Didn't mention it.
457
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,809
Oh.
458
00:20:32,833 --> 00:20:35,044
Like I care.
459
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,813
But maybe I should
call Brett, and just,
460
00:20:36,837 --> 00:20:40,216
you know, find out what
Eli said about your date.
461
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,184
Couldn't care less.
462
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:45,922
Right. Right. We
officially don't care.
463
00:20:45,946 --> 00:20:47,924
I get it... Yeah.
464
00:20:47,948 --> 00:20:51,861
I definitely am
not going to call.
465
00:20:51,885 --> 00:20:52,629
Where you going?
466
00:20:52,653 --> 00:20:55,231
Uh... home. To
officially not call.
467
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,166
No, no, no, no. You were
supposed to stay here
468
00:20:57,190 --> 00:20:59,969
and watch lifetime television
for women and gay men.
469
00:20:59,993 --> 00:21:01,170
Uh... no.
470
00:21:01,194 --> 00:21:02,872
It's Joan Van Arc in not
without my nose job.
471
00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:05,975
Oh, angel. I've already
lived that movie.
472
00:21:05,999 --> 00:21:08,578
All that shit people say
about finding "the one"?
473
00:21:08,602 --> 00:21:09,879
I'm sick of it.
474
00:21:09,903 --> 00:21:11,614
Tom certainly isn't.
475
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:14,050
I don't ever think I'm going
to meet the guy who is.
476
00:21:14,074 --> 00:21:14,917
You know, your whole problem is
477
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:17,587
there's no such thing
as "the one." okay?
478
00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:18,387
You're such a liar!
479
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:19,221
Like two seconds
ago, you told me how
480
00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:20,957
you think this girl
Jackie is the one.
481
00:21:20,981 --> 00:21:22,458
I met her one time.
482
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:24,260
I said she could be the one or one of
the ones. There's not just one "one."
483
00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,795
You know, there's
fractions of one,
484
00:21:25,819 --> 00:21:27,296
there's halves of one,
there's quarters of one.
485
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,066
You know, the idea is about
making yourself open to someone,
486
00:21:30,090 --> 00:21:33,126
you know, perhaps
Tom becoming the one.
487
00:21:34,695 --> 00:21:35,872
Are you coming to the flea
market with me tomorrow?
488
00:21:35,896 --> 00:21:39,041
No, sweetie, by tomorrow, I'm
hoping to actually have plans
489
00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:41,611
with a man who will appreciate
me for my body, okay?
490
00:21:41,635 --> 00:21:44,981
Not just my brains and
wit and sense of style.
491
00:21:45,005 --> 00:21:46,583
So dad's in town?
492
00:21:46,607 --> 00:21:47,850
You're disgusting.
493
00:21:47,874 --> 00:21:49,185
Why don't you take a
date to the flea market?
494
00:21:49,209 --> 00:21:51,821
Oh! Okay, that is why
you never go steady.
495
00:21:51,845 --> 00:21:55,825
I haven't gone steady since the
seventh grade. You do the math.
496
00:21:55,849 --> 00:21:57,694
Besides, he kept saying,
"you do the math,"
497
00:21:57,718 --> 00:22:00,129
even when it made no
sense. What a turn-off.
498
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:01,197
What's the turn-on?
499
00:22:01,221 --> 00:22:02,298
According to your mother,
you haven't had a hard-on
500
00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:03,265
since she first took you
to see the nutcracker
501
00:22:03,289 --> 00:22:05,835
at the Jewish community
center in first grade.
502
00:22:05,859 --> 00:22:07,369
Stop talking to my mother
about my sex life.
503
00:22:07,393 --> 00:22:08,237
What sex life?
I have one.
504
00:22:08,261 --> 00:22:10,840
Uh-huh. Right. Okay,
you know, it counts.
505
00:22:10,864 --> 00:22:12,609
I spent 10 years learning
which buttons to push,
506
00:22:12,633 --> 00:22:14,611
now I just have to look
at myself and I come.
507
00:22:14,635 --> 00:22:15,936
Eww.
508
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:35,364
♪ Everybody's looking
for something ♪
509
00:22:35,388 --> 00:22:39,869
♪ Step right up and tell
me what it's all about ♪
510
00:22:39,893 --> 00:22:43,372
♪ Well, don't you worry
'bout nothin' ♪
511
00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:47,877
♪ If you see what you like,
I'm sure we'll work it out ♪
512
00:22:47,901 --> 00:22:51,948
♪ I come and see you
on Sundays ♪
513
00:22:51,972 --> 00:22:56,052
♪ East side, West Side,
uptown or down ♪
514
00:22:56,076 --> 00:23:00,690
♪ And all your problems
will disappear ♪
515
00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:04,326
♪ When you lay your money down
516
00:23:04,350 --> 00:23:06,362
♪ vamos a alegresia ♪
517
00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:08,064
♪ Let's make a deal, man
518
00:23:08,088 --> 00:23:10,900
♪ vamos a alegresia ♪
519
00:23:10,924 --> 00:23:12,001
Hey!
520
00:23:12,025 --> 00:23:16,238
Hey! Hey, uh...
How are you doing?
521
00:23:16,262 --> 00:23:18,007
Good. Good.
How are you?
522
00:23:18,031 --> 00:23:21,010
Yeah. Good. Good, good. Good.
523
00:23:21,034 --> 00:23:23,880
You, um...
You look good.
524
00:23:23,904 --> 00:23:25,982
God... thanks.
525
00:23:26,006 --> 00:23:28,250
No, no, no. Really.
526
00:23:28,274 --> 00:23:31,053
So, what, you were
lying the first time?
527
00:23:31,077 --> 00:23:33,155
What? No!
No, no, no. I...
528
00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:34,924
You got that fresh,
Sunday morning,
529
00:23:34,948 --> 00:23:37,259
read the paper, cup
of coffee kinda look.
530
00:23:37,283 --> 00:23:38,961
Yeah, and here I thought
I had that stale,
531
00:23:38,985 --> 00:23:39,996
Sunday morning hangover,
532
00:23:40,020 --> 00:23:43,032
choke on my own
vomit thing going.
533
00:23:47,027 --> 00:23:48,270
What are you, uh,
what are you here for?
534
00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:49,739
You looking for
anything in particular?
535
00:23:49,763 --> 00:23:51,774
Um, yeah, yeah, actually,
536
00:23:51,798 --> 00:23:53,776
I'm looking for
a vintage Martini set.
537
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:58,080
You know, the shaker and the
glasses and the whole thing.
538
00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,816
Huh.
539
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,285
How about you? You just...
You just browsing?
540
00:24:03,309 --> 00:24:05,254
Me? Are you kidding?
I go nuts.
541
00:24:05,278 --> 00:24:09,191
I have to look for one
thing and just one thing.
542
00:24:09,215 --> 00:24:10,760
And that would be what?
543
00:24:10,784 --> 00:24:14,731
Hmm? A bathroom,
actually.
544
00:24:14,755 --> 00:24:15,798
Shit. They probably
don't have
545
00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:16,799
bathrooms at a place
like this, right?
546
00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,801
Probably just porta-potties.
God, I hate those.
547
00:24:18,825 --> 00:24:20,269
You know, my parents had
to rent like 4 of them
548
00:24:20,293 --> 00:24:22,271
for my sister's bat mitzvah.
549
00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:25,241
Come on. You didn't come
here looking for a bathroom.
550
00:24:25,265 --> 00:24:27,033
I didn't?
551
00:24:31,337 --> 00:24:35,217
Okay, I'm looking for an original
Cornelius action figure,
552
00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:37,787
you know, from
planet of the apes?
553
00:24:38,945 --> 00:24:41,423
What, you're yanking
my chain, right?
554
00:24:41,447 --> 00:24:42,491
Yeah, actually, no, I'm not,
555
00:24:42,515 --> 00:24:44,060
and I really hate
that expression,
556
00:24:44,084 --> 00:24:44,894
but you know, it was
good seeing you.
557
00:24:44,918 --> 00:24:46,528
I'll see you around.
No, no! No, don't.
558
00:24:46,552 --> 00:24:48,497
Come on, come on. Grow a
sense of humor, will ya?
559
00:24:48,521 --> 00:24:51,000
I'm not... you're funny!
I'm not laughing at...
560
00:24:51,024 --> 00:24:54,170
No, not funny bad.
You're funny good.
561
00:24:54,194 --> 00:24:56,005
Funny good. Look.
562
00:24:56,029 --> 00:24:57,840
Why don't we go grab
a cup of coffee,
563
00:24:57,864 --> 00:25:00,109
and then I'll help you
go look for your Dollie.
564
00:25:00,133 --> 00:25:01,277
Action figure!
565
00:25:01,301 --> 00:25:02,544
So, is it just the apes or do
you have Betsy wetsy, too?
566
00:25:02,568 --> 00:25:03,813
Because Jackie didn't tell me
that you were a doll collector.
567
00:25:03,837 --> 00:25:07,416
Interesting. You know, Brett didn't
tell me you were an asshole.
568
00:25:09,910 --> 00:25:13,179
Speaking of which,
what's up with those two?
569
00:25:24,124 --> 00:25:26,035
Hi. Hi.
Hi.
570
00:25:26,059 --> 00:25:27,169
Uh, so...
571
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:29,138
I, um, I thought
you should know,
572
00:25:29,162 --> 00:25:31,464
they, uh, they hated each other.
573
00:25:31,932 --> 00:25:36,502
Oh. Oh, right, uh, more
than life itself, yeah.
574
00:25:38,438 --> 00:25:42,142
No, no... No fucking
chemistry.
575
00:25:51,151 --> 00:25:53,262
I had the biggest planet
of the apes collection
576
00:25:53,286 --> 00:25:54,330
until, like, the sixth grade,
577
00:25:54,354 --> 00:25:56,432
when my parents made me
sell it at a garage sale.
578
00:25:56,456 --> 00:25:58,534
They were afraid it was
going to adversely affect
579
00:25:58,558 --> 00:26:00,870
my psychosexual development.
580
00:26:01,427 --> 00:26:03,205
They're both shrinks.
581
00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:04,373
Well, did it?
What?
582
00:26:04,397 --> 00:26:07,043
Affect your
psycho... Whatever?
583
00:26:07,067 --> 00:26:08,010
Well, I'm gay, aren't I?
584
00:26:08,034 --> 00:26:10,312
Oh. So the apes made you gay.
I don't know.
585
00:26:10,336 --> 00:26:11,513
What is that?
The ape theory?
586
00:26:11,537 --> 00:26:15,351
Well, you've got a half-naked
Charlton Heston in a cage...
587
00:26:15,375 --> 00:26:16,452
Where he belongs.
Yeah, right.
588
00:26:16,476 --> 00:26:18,354
Plus my huge crush
on Roddy McDowell
589
00:26:18,378 --> 00:26:20,156
and those cute, little
leather outfits.
590
00:26:20,180 --> 00:26:23,359
That, my friend, is a
gay, pre-teen happy meal.
591
00:26:24,084 --> 00:26:26,195
Do you have any Martini sets?
592
00:26:26,219 --> 00:26:27,196
No, afraid not.
593
00:26:27,220 --> 00:26:27,897
You know, I've got to
admit, I don't even know
594
00:26:27,921 --> 00:26:28,998
what a Martini set looks like.
595
00:26:29,022 --> 00:26:31,433
I... I wouldn't know a Martini
if it bit me in the ass.
596
00:26:31,457 --> 00:26:33,502
No, it shouldn't if you
know how to make them.
597
00:26:33,526 --> 00:26:35,537
Uh, I take it you do.
598
00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:36,405
In my house, you had to.
599
00:26:36,429 --> 00:26:38,340
I couldn't tie my
shoes till I was 10,
600
00:26:38,364 --> 00:26:39,441
but I can make a Martini.
601
00:26:39,465 --> 00:26:43,112
I was like Isaac on our
sinking little love boat.
602
00:26:45,405 --> 00:26:48,885
Thank you, sweetheart.
603
00:26:48,909 --> 00:26:50,086
This is perfect.
604
00:26:50,110 --> 00:26:55,091
So, Tommy. Have you met any
nice girls at school this year?
605
00:26:55,115 --> 00:26:57,259
Yeah. They're nice.
606
00:26:57,283 --> 00:27:00,196
Hey. You give any thought
to what we talked about?
607
00:27:00,220 --> 00:27:01,497
None of the other
fifth graders know
608
00:27:01,521 --> 00:27:03,199
what they're going
to do after high school.
609
00:27:03,223 --> 00:27:06,002
And what do I care about a
bunch of pansy fifth graders
610
00:27:06,026 --> 00:27:08,170
with silver spoons
in their mouths?
611
00:27:08,194 --> 00:27:10,907
I sort of like
the idea of teaching.
612
00:27:10,931 --> 00:27:13,333
Teaching sounds good.
613
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,013
That's terrific, honey.
614
00:27:18,104 --> 00:27:21,017
I can't remember them without
a drink in their hand.
615
00:27:21,041 --> 00:27:24,987
You know, when my father used to pitch
baseballs to me in the backyard...
616
00:27:25,011 --> 00:27:27,256
Uh-huh? He never spilt a drop.
617
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,291
Oh, my god. I can't
even imagine.
618
00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:30,426
Your parents didn't drink?
619
00:27:30,450 --> 00:27:33,229
No, we never played
games in the backyard.
620
00:27:33,253 --> 00:27:34,363
Never?
621
00:27:34,387 --> 00:27:36,198
First of all, we didn't
have a backyard.
622
00:27:36,222 --> 00:27:37,133
And second of all,
623
00:27:37,157 --> 00:27:40,336
the closest we ever
came to a game was...
624
00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:41,995
The feel wheel.
625
00:27:42,628 --> 00:27:44,706
Rage is at the top.
626
00:27:44,730 --> 00:27:47,209
Then we move down
to frustration,
627
00:27:47,233 --> 00:27:49,979
confusion, loneliness.
628
00:27:50,003 --> 00:27:54,716
On the other side, we have
loving, affectionate,
629
00:27:54,740 --> 00:27:55,517
silly!
630
00:27:55,541 --> 00:27:57,987
Okay?
Eli, you go first.
631
00:27:58,011 --> 00:28:01,190
Take your name and
put it on the emotion
632
00:28:01,214 --> 00:28:02,124
you're feeling right now.
633
00:28:02,148 --> 00:28:04,293
That's right, Eli. Don't think.
Look inside.
634
00:28:04,317 --> 00:28:06,195
What are you feeling?
Right now. Go.
635
00:28:06,219 --> 00:28:09,365
Don't think. Go. Go!
636
00:28:09,389 --> 00:28:10,332
Go!
637
00:28:10,356 --> 00:28:12,334
Do I have to,
Dr. Wyckoff?
638
00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:15,395
Can you do it for mommy?
639
00:28:23,303 --> 00:28:25,347
You'd just be walking
along and then you'd think...
640
00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:28,284
"Gee, I feel happy," and then you'd
put your little flag on the wheel?
641
00:28:28,308 --> 00:28:33,289
No, no. It's just... Something
my parents wanted us to do,
642
00:28:33,313 --> 00:28:35,457
so that... They would
feel more enlightened.
643
00:28:36,682 --> 00:28:39,528
Like getting us to say penis and
vagina at the dinner table.
644
00:28:39,552 --> 00:28:41,363
You know, so that we
would feel comfortable
645
00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:42,498
talking about sex,
646
00:28:42,522 --> 00:28:45,767
which is probably why now I
prefer pee-pee and hoo-hoo.
647
00:28:45,791 --> 00:28:48,604
More pee-pee than
hoo-hoo, I'd imagine.
648
00:28:48,628 --> 00:28:50,430
Does it show?
649
00:28:52,032 --> 00:28:54,543
I don't think that game would
have been a hit in my house,
650
00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:57,746
unless there was a section
on the wheel for thirsty.
651
00:28:57,770 --> 00:29:00,716
Well, there was a section
on the wheel for scared.
652
00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:05,345
But... you'd have had to
share that one with me.
653
00:29:21,061 --> 00:29:24,406
Hey, no chance on the
Eli and Tom thing. That's...
654
00:29:24,430 --> 00:29:25,674
Oh! What a pain.
655
00:29:25,698 --> 00:29:26,608
The gays are so picky.
656
00:29:26,632 --> 00:29:28,710
No, no, no, no. It's Eli.
I'm telling you.
657
00:29:28,734 --> 00:29:31,313
He's got the worst
D.K. On the planet.
658
00:29:31,337 --> 00:29:32,314
Donna Karan?
659
00:29:32,338 --> 00:29:35,317
No. Dating Kharma.
Oh!
660
00:29:35,341 --> 00:29:36,218
Yeah. No, it sucks.
661
00:29:36,242 --> 00:29:38,354
He told me that "a"...
He thinks he, like,
662
00:29:38,378 --> 00:29:39,521
insulted Tom a hundred times,
663
00:29:39,545 --> 00:29:42,324
and "b"... that he's...
You know, straight.
664
00:29:42,348 --> 00:29:43,059
Yeah.
665
00:29:43,083 --> 00:29:46,295
Okay, so now, Tom
is just a freak.
666
00:29:46,319 --> 00:29:47,529
You know, he officially hates
667
00:29:47,553 --> 00:29:48,664
any guy that he likes.
668
00:29:48,688 --> 00:29:51,233
Or worse, who likes him.
669
00:29:51,257 --> 00:29:52,401
What, dude?
670
00:29:52,425 --> 00:29:55,437
Yeah, well, welcome to the
wonderful world of self-hate.
671
00:29:55,461 --> 00:29:57,697
And he's not even Jewish.
672
00:29:58,431 --> 00:30:00,776
What on god's earth is this?
673
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,344
I mean, honestly,
that's the ugliest thing
674
00:30:02,368 --> 00:30:05,338
I've ever seen in my entire life.
675
00:30:25,725 --> 00:30:26,835
Morning.
676
00:30:26,859 --> 00:30:27,536
Morning.
677
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:31,640
What's, uh, what's the hurry?
678
00:30:31,664 --> 00:30:32,674
Oh, you know what?
679
00:30:32,698 --> 00:30:34,810
Today is decoupage day
at school,
680
00:30:34,834 --> 00:30:36,512
and I'm late, so...
681
00:30:36,536 --> 00:30:38,314
Oh, okay.
682
00:30:38,338 --> 00:30:41,150
Um, listen, I just...
683
00:30:41,174 --> 00:30:43,352
I want to apologize
for yesterday
684
00:30:43,376 --> 00:30:44,353
and last night.
685
00:30:44,377 --> 00:30:47,589
It just shouldn't have happened.
686
00:30:47,613 --> 00:30:48,690
Oh.
687
00:30:48,714 --> 00:30:51,327
I mean, I feel like we got
off to a really good start,
688
00:30:51,351 --> 00:30:53,429
but then I feel like
I kind of fucked things up,
689
00:30:53,453 --> 00:30:56,432
so I promise it won't
ever happen again.
690
00:30:56,456 --> 00:30:59,135
Good. Yeah. I...
691
00:30:59,159 --> 00:31:01,137
We shouldn't have...
692
00:31:01,161 --> 00:31:03,639
Anyway, it was both
of our faults, so...
693
00:31:03,663 --> 00:31:04,706
No. No. I... well, yeah.
694
00:31:04,730 --> 00:31:08,344
So, you know, let's just
pretend it never happened.
695
00:31:08,368 --> 00:31:09,745
Perfect.
696
00:31:09,769 --> 00:31:13,306
Great. All right.
I'll see you later.
697
00:31:26,586 --> 00:31:27,496
Hey.
698
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,455
How you doing?
699
00:32:06,326 --> 00:32:09,638
I don't know. We had a great time.
I don't get it.
700
00:32:10,830 --> 00:32:13,675
Looked to me like you did get
it... something called laid.
701
00:32:13,699 --> 00:32:16,278
You know, FYI, gay
guys don't necessarily
702
00:32:16,302 --> 00:32:18,314
play the same bases
as straight guys do.
703
00:32:18,338 --> 00:32:20,249
It's still fucking, dude.
704
00:32:20,273 --> 00:32:21,550
Hello, gentlemen.
705
00:32:21,574 --> 00:32:25,254
You don't mind if the brother hangs
out, do you? I had him fixed.
706
00:32:25,278 --> 00:32:26,288
Do I have a choice?
707
00:32:26,312 --> 00:32:27,389
I don't get the double standard.
708
00:32:27,413 --> 00:32:29,758
You know, guys can do all
kinds of things with women,
709
00:32:29,782 --> 00:32:32,728
and they won't call it sex
unless they actually fuck.
710
00:32:32,752 --> 00:32:33,895
You know, like sex with interns.
711
00:32:33,919 --> 00:32:35,197
Listen, I'm not judging you.
You know, it's just sex, man.
712
00:32:35,221 --> 00:32:38,300
I'm not being defensive. I'm trying
to explain to you that a guy
713
00:32:38,324 --> 00:32:39,468
can get together
with another guy
714
00:32:39,492 --> 00:32:42,704
and do all kinds of things
without necessarily, you know.
715
00:32:42,728 --> 00:32:43,672
Right. Good.
That's enough.
716
00:32:43,696 --> 00:32:46,275
It's a big step. I know
couples who have never
717
00:32:46,299 --> 00:32:48,610
and probably will
never actually...
718
00:32:48,634 --> 00:32:49,945
N.t... new topic.
719
00:32:49,969 --> 00:32:52,714
What? What is with you? You were
never this squeamish in college.
720
00:32:52,738 --> 00:32:54,583
That's because
you were dating women.
721
00:32:54,607 --> 00:32:56,318
Yeah, well, it's the same thing
722
00:32:56,342 --> 00:32:57,819
if you don't count the vaginas.
723
00:32:57,843 --> 00:32:59,921
Oof. I count them:
4... so far.
724
00:32:59,945 --> 00:33:00,856
Okay, you know what, Mitch?
725
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,925
Doesn't count if they
have inflate nozzles.
726
00:33:03,949 --> 00:33:05,561
Hey, look man,
it's not like, you know,
727
00:33:05,585 --> 00:33:07,696
you picked him up at
ye olde cock and balls
728
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:08,997
and got out the butter spray
729
00:33:09,021 --> 00:33:10,866
and the choke collar
and the whole thing.
730
00:33:10,890 --> 00:33:13,502
I mean, you spent
an afternoon together, right?
731
00:33:13,526 --> 00:33:15,737
I mean, obviously he likes you.
732
00:33:15,761 --> 00:33:17,430
Right.
733
00:33:18,531 --> 00:33:19,775
Fuck, these are new.
734
00:33:19,799 --> 00:33:21,577
What's the matter?
Are you cranky?
735
00:33:21,601 --> 00:33:23,512
You know, I don't want
to do this anymore.
736
00:33:23,536 --> 00:33:24,680
That's fine.
That's great.
737
00:33:24,704 --> 00:33:25,914
Okay. Well, you did
a terrific job.
738
00:33:25,938 --> 00:33:28,317
Hey, listen, what are you
doing on Friday night?
739
00:33:28,341 --> 00:33:29,785
Are you going to
go out with the guy?
740
00:33:29,809 --> 00:33:31,920
I don't know. Why, did
Jackie say something?
741
00:33:31,944 --> 00:33:34,523
I don't know, but if
you're coming Friday night,
742
00:33:34,547 --> 00:33:35,657
she can tell you herself.
743
00:33:35,681 --> 00:33:37,759
Yeah. No, I'm not doing that.
That's so seventh grade.
744
00:33:37,783 --> 00:33:39,928
Well, you'll
catch up. Huh?
745
00:33:39,952 --> 00:33:40,962
Did she invite Tom?
746
00:33:40,986 --> 00:33:42,864
No. It's just us.
It will be fine.
747
00:33:42,888 --> 00:33:44,866
7:00 Friday night.
All right?
748
00:33:44,890 --> 00:33:45,801
All right.
Take this.
749
00:33:45,825 --> 00:33:48,870
Have a Valerian or something.
Take a nap.
750
00:33:48,894 --> 00:33:49,738
He's too intense.
751
00:33:49,762 --> 00:33:52,040
You know, I like him
as a friend, but...
752
00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:52,741
Bullshit.
753
00:33:52,765 --> 00:33:54,743
That is just fear of intimacy,
754
00:33:54,767 --> 00:33:57,045
which by the way is so 1991.
755
00:33:57,069 --> 00:33:59,781
Pause. Marie?
756
00:33:59,805 --> 00:34:00,849
Yeah.
757
00:34:00,873 --> 00:34:03,885
Put the headphones on.
758
00:34:03,909 --> 00:34:05,854
The headphones... there you go.
759
00:34:05,878 --> 00:34:06,922
Um, nice, Marie,
760
00:34:06,946 --> 00:34:08,657
but I need more smile
761
00:34:08,681 --> 00:34:10,592
and less sell, okay?
762
00:34:10,616 --> 00:34:11,827
Uh, have fun.
763
00:34:11,851 --> 00:34:14,530
Okay. Great. Fun.
All right.
764
00:34:14,554 --> 00:34:15,597
Good. Topnotch.
Thanks.
765
00:34:15,621 --> 00:34:18,434
The way you did in
the audition, remember?
766
00:34:18,458 --> 00:34:19,935
The reason we hired you.
767
00:34:19,959 --> 00:34:22,037
Right.
Absolutely. Yes.
768
00:34:22,061 --> 00:34:24,406
Good note.
Really good note.
769
00:34:24,430 --> 00:34:25,965
Great.
770
00:34:26,866 --> 00:34:28,744
"New vita-power energy bars
771
00:34:28,768 --> 00:34:31,613
with tasty, chewy
goodness in every bite."
772
00:34:31,637 --> 00:34:32,814
I'm just glad you met a guy
773
00:34:32,838 --> 00:34:34,115
with half a brain in his head.
774
00:34:34,139 --> 00:34:35,817
Oh, wait, let me find
the love in that...
775
00:34:35,841 --> 00:34:37,753
Oh, right, there is none.
776
00:34:37,777 --> 00:34:39,688
Hey, I'm not the one who
fell in love with a guy
777
00:34:39,712 --> 00:34:41,957
who could only get a job
selling sperm samples
778
00:34:41,981 --> 00:34:44,593
and doing experimental
drug research.
779
00:34:44,617 --> 00:34:45,827
Wasn't he allergic?
780
00:34:45,851 --> 00:34:48,497
Yes, but he was cute,
and you know it.
781
00:34:48,521 --> 00:34:49,465
Yeah, when the hives cleared up.
782
00:34:49,489 --> 00:34:53,802
"During and after your
living and giving life."
783
00:34:53,826 --> 00:34:55,804
Pause. Sweetie?
784
00:34:55,828 --> 00:34:56,805
Uh, yeah.
785
00:34:56,829 --> 00:34:58,006
What are you doing?
786
00:34:58,030 --> 00:35:00,609
You're not
Kathleen Turner, okay?
787
00:35:00,633 --> 00:35:03,512
No, I'm not.
I'm not Kathleen Turner.
788
00:35:03,536 --> 00:35:05,046
That's right.
Yeah, I'm me.
789
00:35:05,070 --> 00:35:08,484
Is that what you're
saying? I should be me.
790
00:35:08,508 --> 00:35:10,552
No. What I'm saying
is that this isn't
791
00:35:10,576 --> 00:35:11,787
blue cross, blue shield.
792
00:35:11,811 --> 00:35:13,822
It's an energy snack,
so why don't we have
793
00:35:13,846 --> 00:35:15,724
some... I don't know... energy?
794
00:35:15,748 --> 00:35:18,494
Energy... yes, of course!
Okay, you're right.
795
00:35:18,518 --> 00:35:20,829
All right, because
it's vita-power,
796
00:35:20,853 --> 00:35:21,863
and "vita" means life.
797
00:35:21,887 --> 00:35:23,965
Okay, now, correct
me if I'm wrong:
798
00:35:23,989 --> 00:35:26,902
My intention should be to have...
799
00:35:26,926 --> 00:35:30,739
No, to give more life...
800
00:35:30,763 --> 00:35:32,107
Except as a bar.
801
00:35:32,131 --> 00:35:34,009
But, Jackie, my concern is that
802
00:35:34,033 --> 00:35:35,811
I'm going to be over the top.
803
00:35:35,835 --> 00:35:39,915
No. Honey, you're so
under the top right now
804
00:35:39,939 --> 00:35:42,050
it's like you're
selling me a douche.
805
00:35:42,074 --> 00:35:43,585
Okay? I'm getting you
806
00:35:43,609 --> 00:35:45,754
on the beach in
a floral-print dress
807
00:35:45,778 --> 00:35:47,623
talking about
feminine freshness.
808
00:35:47,647 --> 00:35:49,491
Is that the read
you're going for?
809
00:35:49,515 --> 00:35:50,526
No, that's not.
810
00:35:50,550 --> 00:35:52,160
Those were good word pictures.
811
00:35:52,184 --> 00:35:55,531
Okay, just translate them
for what I need.
812
00:35:55,555 --> 00:35:57,566
Okay, good.
Yeah, I can do this.
813
00:35:57,590 --> 00:35:58,934
I'm just going to keep going.
814
00:35:58,958 --> 00:36:02,704
You are so mean. You're not
even listening to her.
815
00:36:02,728 --> 00:36:05,774
Yes, I am. She thinks she's
doing books on tape.
816
00:36:05,798 --> 00:36:06,875
I think she's good.
817
00:36:06,899 --> 00:36:07,876
Well, don't change the subject.
818
00:36:07,900 --> 00:36:10,045
Brett and I are cooking
dinner on Friday night.
819
00:36:10,069 --> 00:36:11,547
Ha! What are you having?
820
00:36:11,571 --> 00:36:13,181
Shut up. You're coming.
821
00:36:13,205 --> 00:36:14,916
Is he invited?
822
00:36:14,940 --> 00:36:16,952
No. Just you.
823
00:36:16,976 --> 00:36:20,055
Pause.
824
00:36:20,079 --> 00:36:21,222
That's it. Go home.
825
00:36:21,246 --> 00:36:24,225
You want me to go?
I should go home?
826
00:36:24,249 --> 00:36:25,994
No, you're incredible.
827
00:36:26,018 --> 00:36:27,463
I mean, that voice...
828
00:36:27,487 --> 00:36:28,664
Don't even kid yourself.
829
00:36:28,688 --> 00:36:30,932
You're going to have
a huge career.
830
00:36:30,956 --> 00:36:32,768
Oh! Okay. I thought...
831
00:36:32,792 --> 00:36:35,961
Thank you.
Well, thanks to you.
832
00:36:50,576 --> 00:36:52,854
Jackie's a piece of work.
833
00:36:53,946 --> 00:36:57,082
Brett's a lying sack of shit.
834
00:36:58,584 --> 00:36:59,695
You look good.
835
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:01,663
I have no idea who this is.
I'm going to kill you.
836
00:37:01,687 --> 00:37:04,232
If this is a sports figure,
I'm going to kill you.
837
00:37:04,256 --> 00:37:05,634
Jaleel white!
838
00:37:05,658 --> 00:37:06,668
Elie Wiesel!
839
00:37:06,692 --> 00:37:07,803
You're actually not my partner.
Okay, come on. Go.
840
00:37:07,827 --> 00:37:10,639
What is it about this look
that makes you think I know?
841
00:37:10,663 --> 00:37:12,608
Come on. All right,
pass. Pass. Pass.
842
00:37:12,632 --> 00:37:13,775
Okay, this one.
Oh, fuck, open.
843
00:37:13,799 --> 00:37:16,578
Okay, the ex-football player
who allegedly killed his wife.
844
00:37:16,602 --> 00:37:19,648
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! "Allegedly"
...what are you, nuts?
845
00:37:19,672 --> 00:37:21,016
Just say it!
846
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,183
O.J. Simpson.
847
00:37:22,207 --> 00:37:23,251
Yes!
848
00:37:23,275 --> 00:37:25,153
That's like saying Jackie
allegedly got a nose job.
849
00:37:25,177 --> 00:37:26,221
Shut up.
850
00:37:26,245 --> 00:37:27,388
Both of you
shut up. Okay?
851
00:37:27,412 --> 00:37:31,250
All right, this one... the first
name rhymes with this...
852
00:37:32,818 --> 00:37:34,996
okay, could you never,
ever do that again?
853
00:37:35,020 --> 00:37:36,164
Just say it.
854
00:37:36,188 --> 00:37:37,899
Time! Time,
time. Time.
855
00:37:37,923 --> 00:37:39,735
Brett, is it maybe time?
856
00:37:39,759 --> 00:37:40,969
What the fuck was that?
857
00:37:40,993 --> 00:37:42,838
I bet you it was one of Brett's.
858
00:37:42,862 --> 00:37:44,072
They're so hard
because he's so smart.
859
00:37:44,096 --> 00:37:47,008
Apparently not smart enough to
know that you had a nose job.
860
00:37:47,032 --> 00:37:49,044
What, I told you about that.
861
00:37:49,068 --> 00:37:50,546
No, you didn't.
862
00:37:50,570 --> 00:37:51,479
So what's the diff?
863
00:37:51,503 --> 00:37:53,181
Come on, Brett,
like you couldn't tell...
864
00:37:53,205 --> 00:37:55,150
Every Jewish teen-age
girl with money
865
00:37:55,174 --> 00:37:56,284
winds up with that nose.
866
00:37:56,308 --> 00:37:58,319
Don't you think it's, like,
a little bit weird, though,
867
00:37:58,343 --> 00:38:01,947
that everyone on the planet
knows but your boyfriend?
868
00:38:02,982 --> 00:38:04,259
Seriously, Eli, who was that?
869
00:38:04,283 --> 00:38:06,662
Okay, well, I was
doing the hula, so...
870
00:38:06,686 --> 00:38:08,997
I mean, it's a little
strange. Right?
871
00:38:09,021 --> 00:38:12,133
Okay. They used to
call me the jackal.
872
00:38:12,157 --> 00:38:14,603
All right?
So I got a nose job.
873
00:38:14,627 --> 00:38:15,604
Are you happy now?
874
00:38:15,628 --> 00:38:18,139
All right. I give up.
What rhymes with hula?
875
00:38:18,163 --> 00:38:20,576
Wow. The jackal.
That's brutal.
876
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:21,743
You're being a jerk.
877
00:38:21,767 --> 00:38:23,712
Yeah, but I'm being
an honest jerk,
878
00:38:23,736 --> 00:38:25,881
so that counts
for something, I think.
879
00:38:25,905 --> 00:38:27,148
Oh, wait. Shh.
You hear that?
880
00:38:27,172 --> 00:38:30,686
That's the sound of you
not getting laid tonight.
881
00:38:30,710 --> 00:38:31,653
Ha ha ha ha...
882
00:38:31,677 --> 00:38:33,855
Oh, that's wonderful.
Did you guys hear that?
883
00:38:33,879 --> 00:38:36,658
That was the sound of
Jackie being a bitch.
884
00:38:36,682 --> 00:38:37,959
Did you guys hear that?
885
00:38:37,983 --> 00:38:39,294
Yeah, I did hear that...
886
00:38:39,318 --> 00:38:40,428
Well, what do you want from me?
887
00:38:40,452 --> 00:38:42,731
I don't know. How about
a little honesty. You know...
888
00:38:42,755 --> 00:38:44,199
Oh, come on. You know
what, the self-pity bus
889
00:38:44,223 --> 00:38:45,734
stops right in front of my
building, pal. Don't miss it.
890
00:38:45,758 --> 00:38:50,338
Well, maybe I'll get on the self-pity
bus, you know? Maybe I'll get a transfer.
891
00:38:50,362 --> 00:38:52,674
Okay, you know what?
Can we get out of here
892
00:38:52,698 --> 00:38:55,210
before they start
looking like my parents?
893
00:38:55,234 --> 00:38:56,177
Fine with me.
894
00:38:56,201 --> 00:38:56,945
All right.
Your place?
895
00:38:56,969 --> 00:38:59,715
Uh, yeah, okay.
We can take one c...
896
00:38:59,739 --> 00:39:02,350
Oh, hey, hey. Was that
Tallulah Bankhead?
897
00:39:02,374 --> 00:39:05,721
No, no.
Rula Lenska.
898
00:39:05,745 --> 00:39:08,213
Rula Lenska.
899
00:39:09,114 --> 00:39:11,126
Who the fuck is rula Lenska?
900
00:39:11,150 --> 00:39:14,029
Oh, I'm so sorry...
901
00:39:14,053 --> 00:39:16,397
Oh, you're tickling me.
902
00:39:16,421 --> 00:39:18,066
Guess they made up.
903
00:39:18,090 --> 00:39:21,226
Hope she paid for Scotchgard.
904
00:39:21,961 --> 00:39:24,139
Mmm. Oh,
don't do that.
905
00:39:24,163 --> 00:39:26,866
Ooh, not right now.
906
00:39:28,801 --> 00:39:31,246
Like when people say "ex cetera"
907
00:39:31,270 --> 00:39:32,013
instead of "et cetera"...
908
00:39:32,037 --> 00:39:35,183
What is that,
"ex cetera"? Crazy.
909
00:39:35,207 --> 00:39:36,251
Oh, my favorite is
910
00:39:36,275 --> 00:39:38,186
"for all intensive
purposes."
911
00:39:38,210 --> 00:39:40,255
That's like nuts.
It's like, you know what,
912
00:39:40,279 --> 00:39:41,690
where'd you go to school?
913
00:39:41,714 --> 00:39:43,158
Are you sure you don't
want a sandwich?
914
00:39:43,182 --> 00:39:45,293
I mean, I don't know how
you could eat that food.
915
00:39:45,317 --> 00:39:47,362
No offense, but Jackie
can't cook for shit.
916
00:39:47,386 --> 00:39:48,596
No wonder Brett's losing weight.
917
00:39:48,620 --> 00:39:51,833
Hey, hey, hey... Hollywood news.
Where's your section?
918
00:39:51,857 --> 00:39:53,669
Oh, no.
You don't have to.
919
00:39:53,693 --> 00:39:54,469
Oh, come on, please.
920
00:39:54,493 --> 00:39:56,204
I's embarrassing.
God, I mean it's...
921
00:39:56,228 --> 00:39:58,774
Here, that's it right there.
But don't...
922
00:39:58,798 --> 00:40:00,241
Look at that:
"Police blotter.
923
00:40:00,265 --> 00:40:01,442
Edited by Eli Wyckoff."
924
00:40:01,466 --> 00:40:03,211
Yeah. I don't
want you to...
925
00:40:03,235 --> 00:40:03,979
"Juan a. Mass, 35,
926
00:40:04,003 --> 00:40:07,282
"arrested early
Sunday for D.U.I.
927
00:40:07,306 --> 00:40:09,350
"Blood alcohol level
was 2.1
928
00:40:09,374 --> 00:40:13,221
when suspect was
apprehended by L.A.P.D."
929
00:40:13,245 --> 00:40:14,289
What?
930
00:40:14,313 --> 00:40:15,423
It says
"apprehended."
931
00:40:15,447 --> 00:40:17,358
No, it doesn't.
It's "apprehended."
932
00:40:17,382 --> 00:40:19,227
It says
"apprehended."
933
00:40:19,251 --> 00:40:20,328
Oh, my god. Shit!
934
00:40:20,352 --> 00:40:22,864
To apprehend.
That's when, what,
935
00:40:22,888 --> 00:40:24,332
they grab the guy on the ass?
936
00:40:24,356 --> 00:40:27,268
Goddamn. I proofread this
like a million times.
937
00:40:27,292 --> 00:40:28,837
Oh, god.
938
00:40:28,861 --> 00:40:29,838
Relax.
939
00:40:29,862 --> 00:40:30,471
Fuck!
940
00:40:30,495 --> 00:40:31,907
Do you know what you need?
941
00:40:31,931 --> 00:40:33,274
Yeah. A new job,
apparently.
942
00:40:33,298 --> 00:40:35,076
No, no, no, no.
You need a drink.
943
00:40:35,100 --> 00:40:36,477
A drink.
A real drink.
944
00:40:36,501 --> 00:40:38,146
Do you have any vodka?
945
00:40:38,170 --> 00:40:40,315
Um, I don't know.
Is this vodka?
946
00:40:40,339 --> 00:40:42,317
I've had it since like 1947.
947
00:40:42,341 --> 00:40:44,285
All right, do you
have Martini glasses?
948
00:40:44,309 --> 00:40:45,754
Those are my Martini glasses.
949
00:40:45,778 --> 00:40:47,923
And my juice glasses.
And my water glasses.
950
00:40:47,947 --> 00:40:49,891
All right, never mind.
They'll do.
951
00:40:49,915 --> 00:40:51,226
I am going to introduce you
952
00:40:51,250 --> 00:40:54,286
to the wonderful world
of Martinis.
953
00:41:20,379 --> 00:41:22,223
No, no, no.
Screen, screen.
954
00:41:22,247 --> 00:41:23,324
No, no. Let me get it.
955
00:41:23,348 --> 00:41:24,760
Come on. Let
the machine get it.
956
00:41:24,784 --> 00:41:25,226
You know what, I bet
you can't do it.
957
00:41:25,250 --> 00:41:26,895
I can do it.
958
00:41:26,919 --> 00:41:28,096
I dare you.
959
00:41:31,323 --> 00:41:32,233
All right.
960
00:41:32,257 --> 00:41:34,102
Hi. This is Eli.
Leave a message.
961
00:41:34,126 --> 00:41:36,137
I got to get that piece-
of-shit machine fixed.
962
00:41:36,161 --> 00:41:37,305
Eli, this is Dr. Wyckoff.
963
00:41:37,329 --> 00:41:38,774
There's something wrong
with your machine.
964
00:41:38,798 --> 00:41:39,340
Who's that, your shrink?
965
00:41:39,364 --> 00:41:40,375
No, it's my mom.
966
00:41:40,399 --> 00:41:41,176
You refer to her as...
967
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:42,443
It took her 12 years
to get her Ph.D.
968
00:41:42,467 --> 00:41:43,845
She likes to hear herself
say it, okay?
969
00:41:43,869 --> 00:41:45,280
Now move. No, come on.
I'm serious.
970
00:41:45,304 --> 00:41:47,448
Eli, I was just reading the new
England journal of medicine.
971
00:41:47,472 --> 00:41:49,317
And there's a pull-out
section on the new t.S.E...
972
00:41:49,341 --> 00:41:54,956
Testicular self-exam and how to
make it part of your lifestyle.
973
00:41:54,980 --> 00:41:55,523
My god.
974
00:41:55,547 --> 00:41:56,391
Do you want to try it?
975
00:41:56,415 --> 00:41:59,027
No. Come on. God damn it.
I can't bel...
976
00:41:59,051 --> 00:42:01,029
I faxed the diagram
over to your office.
977
00:42:01,053 --> 00:42:02,397
I put your name all over it.
978
00:42:02,421 --> 00:42:04,365
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
979
00:42:04,389 --> 00:42:05,867
Yeah. Don't listen.
980
00:42:05,891 --> 00:42:07,335
The hues just hit you
right in the face.
981
00:42:07,359 --> 00:42:10,806
You may want to give yourself
an exam while I read aloud.
982
00:42:10,830 --> 00:42:12,440
I think we should do
this exam together.
983
00:42:12,464 --> 00:42:15,901
Okay, let's take
a deep breath together.
984
00:42:16,268 --> 00:42:19,815
Okay, start by lifting
the penis to one side.
985
00:42:19,839 --> 00:42:21,182
Oh, my god.
986
00:42:21,206 --> 00:42:22,851
Slowly roll the testicle
987
00:42:22,875 --> 00:42:25,086
between the thumb and fingers,
988
00:42:25,110 --> 00:42:27,322
applying slight pressure.
989
00:42:27,346 --> 00:42:28,189
Ow!
990
00:42:29,148 --> 00:42:30,191
Hello? Mom?
991
00:42:30,215 --> 00:42:31,226
It's me.
992
00:42:31,250 --> 00:42:33,028
Who?
993
00:42:33,052 --> 00:42:33,761
Eli!
994
00:42:33,785 --> 00:42:36,431
Eli. Oh, well,
are we screening?
995
00:42:36,455 --> 00:42:38,466
Yeah... no.
I wasn't, actually.
996
00:42:38,490 --> 00:42:39,835
We just got in.
997
00:42:39,859 --> 00:42:42,237
We. Mm-hmm.
What does that mean?
998
00:42:42,261 --> 00:42:43,939
Can I call you back?
999
00:42:43,963 --> 00:42:45,273
Do we have company?
1000
00:42:45,297 --> 00:42:46,207
Yes.
1001
00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:48,109
Jewish?
1002
00:42:48,133 --> 00:42:49,344
No, but...
1003
00:42:49,368 --> 00:42:50,211
Cute?
1004
00:42:50,235 --> 00:42:51,612
Will you stop?
1005
00:42:51,636 --> 00:42:52,380
Wear a condom.
1006
00:42:52,404 --> 00:42:53,982
Oh, god, mom, no.
It's not like...
1007
00:42:54,006 --> 00:42:55,283
Did you hear the stuff
about the t.S.E.?
1008
00:42:55,307 --> 00:42:57,452
Did you hear what
I was talking about?
1009
00:42:57,476 --> 00:42:59,354
Yeah. We both did.
Thanks.
1010
00:42:59,378 --> 00:43:01,189
Maybe you could both
do it together then.
1011
00:43:01,213 --> 00:43:05,260
Nothing wrong with helping each
other with a testicular exam.
1012
00:43:05,284 --> 00:43:06,127
Mom...
1013
00:43:06,151 --> 00:43:06,794
Don't be shy.
1014
00:43:06,818 --> 00:43:07,695
I got to call you later, okay?
1015
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:09,464
Wait, honey, please,
hold on for a second.
1016
00:43:09,488 --> 00:43:12,267
Call me tomorrow morning
between 6:50 and 7:00...
1017
00:43:12,291 --> 00:43:14,193
Good-bye. God.
1018
00:43:15,060 --> 00:43:16,304
I feel so dirty.
1019
00:43:16,328 --> 00:43:19,507
So why does it matter
if I'm Jewish?
1020
00:43:19,531 --> 00:43:21,309
You heard that?
1021
00:43:21,333 --> 00:43:22,978
Oh, yeah.
1022
00:43:23,002 --> 00:43:23,778
Oh, my god.
1023
00:43:23,802 --> 00:43:25,213
I am going to go
to the bathroom now
1024
00:43:25,237 --> 00:43:27,615
and hope to god that
I can overdose on tums
1025
00:43:27,639 --> 00:43:29,985
or Maalox or pine-scented glade.
1026
00:43:30,009 --> 00:43:31,252
I'm so embarrassed.
1027
00:43:31,276 --> 00:43:32,620
Don't be.
It wasn't that bad.
1028
00:43:32,644 --> 00:43:35,190
Really.
It was funny, actually.
1029
00:43:35,214 --> 00:43:38,459
Will you please call mom for me?
I cannot talk to her.
1030
00:43:38,483 --> 00:43:40,328
The woman stopped
having boundaries
1031
00:43:40,352 --> 00:43:42,230
when she stopped wearing a bra.
1032
00:43:42,254 --> 00:43:44,032
And the fact that
I know that... ooh.
1033
00:43:44,056 --> 00:43:45,066
I know. It's scary.
1034
00:43:45,090 --> 00:43:46,968
Does she pull
that shit with you?
1035
00:43:46,992 --> 00:43:48,469
Are you kidding?
She wanted me to
1036
00:43:48,493 --> 00:43:51,372
tape my first time for her
professional evaluation.
1037
00:43:51,396 --> 00:43:53,108
And?
1038
00:43:53,132 --> 00:43:54,275
I'm not telling you.
1039
00:43:54,299 --> 00:43:56,644
Oh, god, and did I tell you... she
just sent me this article
1040
00:43:56,668 --> 00:43:59,080
about circle jerks
in the new safe sex.
1041
00:43:59,104 --> 00:44:00,448
Can you believe I thought
1042
00:44:00,472 --> 00:44:01,616
"circle jerks" was
a figure-skating term?
1043
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:05,020
Well, you know, it is...
With the male figure skaters.
1044
00:44:05,044 --> 00:44:07,588
Will you please call her
for me... please.
1045
00:44:07,612 --> 00:44:08,689
I cannot talk to her.
1046
00:44:08,713 --> 00:44:10,425
You know, you can't fight it.
1047
00:44:10,449 --> 00:44:11,659
And the more you
try to avoid her,
1048
00:44:11,683 --> 00:44:13,628
the more she's going to
insist on meeting...
1049
00:44:13,652 --> 00:44:15,630
What's your new
boyfriend's name?
1050
00:44:15,654 --> 00:44:18,066
Tom. And he's not
my boyfriend.
1051
00:44:18,090 --> 00:44:18,799
Whatever.
1052
00:44:18,823 --> 00:44:20,368
I don't know
what the hell he is.
1053
00:44:20,392 --> 00:44:22,303
What do you want him to be?
1054
00:44:22,327 --> 00:44:23,238
What?
1055
00:44:23,262 --> 00:44:25,040
I... no. Yeah.
1056
00:44:25,064 --> 00:44:27,943
It's like... I... no, no...
1057
00:44:27,967 --> 00:44:31,612
I just wish I knew
one way or the other.
1058
00:44:31,636 --> 00:44:34,649
Okay, put the bong down,
space cowboy.
1059
00:44:34,673 --> 00:44:39,111
He's your fucking boyfriend,
just like I said.
1060
00:44:48,053 --> 00:44:49,197
Eli.
1061
00:44:49,221 --> 00:44:50,956
Oh, hey.
1062
00:44:53,658 --> 00:44:57,738
♪ When you said to me
1063
00:44:57,762 --> 00:45:01,176
♪ you are not so old
1064
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:04,612
♪ did I know it then
1065
00:45:04,636 --> 00:45:07,482
♪ 'cause I had just been told
1066
00:45:07,506 --> 00:45:10,551
♪ I didn't think I'd find you
1067
00:45:10,575 --> 00:45:14,089
♪ perfect in so many ways
1068
00:45:14,113 --> 00:45:16,424
♪ but I've been waiting
1069
00:45:16,448 --> 00:45:17,592
♪ waiting
1070
00:45:17,616 --> 00:45:19,327
what is it with you and nudity?
1071
00:45:19,351 --> 00:45:21,696
Nothing. But that
movie was pandering.
1072
00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:23,031
It was an art film.
1073
00:45:23,055 --> 00:45:25,000
Yeah... the art of guys
with 6-pack abs
1074
00:45:25,024 --> 00:45:26,534
blowing each other
every chance they get.
1075
00:45:26,558 --> 00:45:28,536
And every
gay guy in L.A.
1076
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,271
Is like
"run, don't walk."
1077
00:45:30,295 --> 00:45:32,173
And the problem with that is...
1078
00:45:32,197 --> 00:45:34,242
Christ, you may as well
stay home and watch
1079
00:45:34,266 --> 00:45:36,177
the hand that rocks my ladle
1080
00:45:36,201 --> 00:45:37,078
or Pocahoncho.
1081
00:45:37,102 --> 00:45:39,180
At least those movies
don't pretend to be
1082
00:45:39,204 --> 00:45:40,681
something that they're not.
1083
00:45:40,705 --> 00:45:42,150
You have those?
Pop them in.
1084
00:45:42,174 --> 00:45:44,452
Oh, god. See? You're
part of the problem.
1085
00:45:44,476 --> 00:45:45,553
Let me get this straight.
1086
00:45:45,577 --> 00:45:47,422
You think that a movie
about 2 guys...
1087
00:45:47,446 --> 00:45:49,424
It can't be about love...
Just sex?
1088
00:45:49,448 --> 00:45:50,625
Those guys were in love.
1089
00:45:50,649 --> 00:45:53,128
Granted, it was a
special kind of love.
1090
00:45:53,152 --> 00:45:55,096
The kind of love
that required latex.
1091
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:56,764
Oh, my god. You know what,
never mind.
1092
00:45:56,788 --> 00:45:57,898
I cannot have this
argument with a guy
1093
00:45:57,922 --> 00:46:01,669
who never saw gone with
the wind... what is that?
1094
00:46:01,693 --> 00:46:02,670
God, would you relax.
1095
00:46:02,694 --> 00:46:06,241
Huh? You're going to give
yourself an aneurysm.
1096
00:46:06,265 --> 00:46:08,143
You are infuriating.
1097
00:46:08,167 --> 00:46:11,646
You... you don't have to.
1098
00:46:11,670 --> 00:46:14,673
Do you want me to stop?
1099
00:46:16,075 --> 00:46:17,818
No.
1100
00:46:17,842 --> 00:46:19,778
Mmm.
1101
00:46:20,812 --> 00:46:24,049
Man, you always smell so good.
1102
00:46:26,718 --> 00:46:28,763
Okay, there you go.
1103
00:46:28,787 --> 00:46:32,133
So, uh, Saturday
is tennis, right?
1104
00:46:32,157 --> 00:46:33,801
There must be an open on...
1105
00:46:33,825 --> 00:46:37,138
Australia, British.
Pakistani, right?
1106
00:46:37,162 --> 00:46:39,631
Is something wrong?
1107
00:46:41,166 --> 00:46:41,942
What? No, no.
1108
00:46:41,966 --> 00:46:44,545
I just want to watch TV,
that's all.
1109
00:46:44,569 --> 00:46:45,546
Huh.
1110
00:46:45,570 --> 00:46:48,507
That's okay.
Whatever. I get it.
1111
00:46:49,741 --> 00:46:51,086
Get what?
1112
00:46:51,110 --> 00:46:51,886
Same as usual.
1113
00:46:51,910 --> 00:46:53,721
The whole come-here-
go-away routine.
1114
00:46:53,745 --> 00:46:55,823
What, do you want me
to keep massaging you?
1115
00:46:55,847 --> 00:46:56,857
I will, but I got to tell you,
1116
00:46:56,881 --> 00:46:59,627
this isn't exactly the way
to get me to want to.
1117
00:46:59,651 --> 00:47:01,696
No, Tom, it's actually fine.
1118
00:47:01,720 --> 00:47:03,631
You know, that's just...
1119
00:47:03,655 --> 00:47:05,100
You're not attracted to me,
1120
00:47:05,124 --> 00:47:07,635
you want to just be friends...
I can handle that.
1121
00:47:07,659 --> 00:47:09,870
But then stop fucking
calling me and inviting me
1122
00:47:09,894 --> 00:47:12,373
to see semi-porn on
a Saturday afternoon.
1123
00:47:12,397 --> 00:47:14,109
And then drag me
back to my house
1124
00:47:14,133 --> 00:47:15,276
and start rubbing my shoulders
1125
00:47:15,300 --> 00:47:17,145
and expect me
to be like, "hey, buddy,
1126
00:47:17,169 --> 00:47:19,114
thanks a lot.
I'll see you around."
1127
00:47:19,138 --> 00:47:20,815
What is so wrong
with taking things slow?
1128
00:47:20,839 --> 00:47:22,883
Huh? Why does it
always have to be
1129
00:47:22,907 --> 00:47:24,752
all or nothing with you?
1130
00:47:24,776 --> 00:47:25,853
I don't know.
1131
00:47:25,877 --> 00:47:26,787
All right, fine.
1132
00:47:26,811 --> 00:47:29,624
Then maybe we should
cool it off for a while.
1133
00:47:29,648 --> 00:47:31,492
No, I like you. I do.
1134
00:47:31,516 --> 00:47:32,793
Thank you.
1135
00:47:32,817 --> 00:47:35,163
It's just...
1136
00:47:35,187 --> 00:47:37,465
I want to have a good time.
1137
00:47:37,489 --> 00:47:38,433
That's all.
1138
00:47:38,457 --> 00:47:41,136
I don't want to make this
this intense thing.
1139
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:44,696
And you seem to want this...
1140
00:47:45,464 --> 00:47:46,774
I don't know.
I don't know.
1141
00:47:46,798 --> 00:47:49,168
What do you want?
1142
00:47:50,902 --> 00:47:53,572
Eggs, actually.
1143
00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:56,575
Whatever.
1144
00:48:04,183 --> 00:48:05,059
Remember cooties?
1145
00:48:05,083 --> 00:48:08,229
Don't touch the losers
or you get cooties.
1146
00:48:08,253 --> 00:48:09,730
And who are the losers?
1147
00:48:09,754 --> 00:48:11,932
Easy. Anybody with
a hard-boiled egg
1148
00:48:11,956 --> 00:48:13,834
in their lunch bag.
1149
00:48:13,858 --> 00:48:15,536
Well, I don't think
1150
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,339
Tom liked what I had
in my lunch bag.
1151
00:48:18,363 --> 00:48:20,741
What about sex?
I mean, people do have sex.
1152
00:48:20,765 --> 00:48:23,444
Sex is the
logical outgrowth of...
1153
00:48:23,468 --> 00:48:24,912
Eli, let it out.
1154
00:48:24,936 --> 00:48:28,583
No, you know, I don't
want to talk about it.
1155
00:48:28,607 --> 00:48:29,550
Cop-out!
1156
00:48:29,574 --> 00:48:31,886
Why do you feel the need
to beat yourself up?
1157
00:48:31,910 --> 00:48:33,654
Why won't you
let us into the now?
1158
00:48:33,678 --> 00:48:37,225
Why do I feel like I'm in a
cheesy seventies est seminar?
1159
00:48:37,249 --> 00:48:38,226
Good. How else
do you feel?
1160
00:48:38,250 --> 00:48:40,961
Would you like us to bring
out the feel wheel?
1161
00:48:40,985 --> 00:48:42,630
You know what, no.
I would actually like it
1162
00:48:42,654 --> 00:48:45,924
if you would just leave me
alone for a little while.
1163
00:48:54,599 --> 00:48:55,643
Let me in.
1164
00:48:55,667 --> 00:48:56,977
I'm not going to hurt you.
1165
00:48:57,001 --> 00:48:59,647
I'm your friend.
What is wrong?
1166
00:48:59,671 --> 00:49:01,249
I'm fine, okay?
1167
00:49:01,273 --> 00:49:03,242
I don't think so.
1168
00:49:06,245 --> 00:49:07,388
It's this guy.
1169
00:49:07,412 --> 00:49:08,356
I knew it.
1170
00:49:08,380 --> 00:49:11,926
He has this reputation
for being sort of easy.
1171
00:49:11,950 --> 00:49:13,261
Mm-hmm.
1172
00:49:13,285 --> 00:49:14,629
Not with me.
1173
00:49:14,653 --> 00:49:16,564
With me, it's hard.
1174
00:49:16,588 --> 00:49:19,734
Or not hard... maybe
that's the problem.
1175
00:49:19,758 --> 00:49:21,960
Okay...
1176
00:49:26,265 --> 00:49:27,642
Oh, Eli. What is this?
1177
00:49:27,666 --> 00:49:29,944
A closeted gay teacher
is outed by a former student
1178
00:49:29,968 --> 00:49:30,978
on the night
of the academy awards
1179
00:49:31,002 --> 00:49:33,581
in the ground-breaking
comedy starring Kevin Kline.
1180
00:49:33,605 --> 00:49:35,316
I hate this film.
David, come in here,
1181
00:49:35,340 --> 00:49:37,285
you won't believe what
they're showing again.
1182
00:49:37,309 --> 00:49:38,986
What a piece-of-shit
film. Honestly.
1183
00:49:39,010 --> 00:49:40,555
Like we're supposed to believe...
1184
00:49:40,579 --> 00:49:42,323
Look at this.
They're showing it again.
1185
00:49:42,347 --> 00:49:43,190
They showed it last week.
1186
00:49:43,214 --> 00:49:44,292
That this woman's
going to fall in love
1187
00:49:44,316 --> 00:49:46,994
with a middle-aged, homophobic,
self-hating teacher
1188
00:49:47,018 --> 00:49:48,729
who's only now
discovered he's gay.
1189
00:49:48,753 --> 00:49:50,331
We hated this movie.
1190
00:49:50,355 --> 00:49:51,198
I don't think so.
1191
00:49:51,222 --> 00:49:53,033
Change the channel.
Change the channel.
1192
00:49:53,057 --> 00:49:54,793
Fuck you!
1193
00:50:07,572 --> 00:50:08,649
Hi.
1194
00:50:08,673 --> 00:50:10,017
Hi, sunny.
1195
00:50:10,041 --> 00:50:12,620
Mmm...
1196
00:50:12,644 --> 00:50:14,922
Oh, honey...
1197
00:50:14,946 --> 00:50:16,991
That's so sweet.
1198
00:50:17,015 --> 00:50:19,927
But right now
the thought of food
1199
00:50:19,951 --> 00:50:21,696
makes me want to borch.
1200
00:50:21,720 --> 00:50:24,299
Pretty picture
to wake up to, huh?
1201
00:50:24,323 --> 00:50:26,066
Well, "a"... I can't imagine
1202
00:50:26,090 --> 00:50:29,370
waking up to any other picture,
1203
00:50:29,394 --> 00:50:31,005
and, "b"...
1204
00:50:31,029 --> 00:50:34,309
I don't ever want to have to.
1205
00:50:34,333 --> 00:50:36,010
What is this?
1206
00:50:36,034 --> 00:50:37,312
It's your capers.
1207
00:50:37,336 --> 00:50:40,648
I know how you like
them on the side.
1208
00:50:40,672 --> 00:50:43,017
Oh, my god.
1209
00:50:43,041 --> 00:50:47,388
Oh, my god.
1210
00:50:47,412 --> 00:50:49,624
Oh, shit.
1211
00:50:49,648 --> 00:50:50,891
D... huh?
1212
00:50:50,915 --> 00:50:53,861
Oh, no.
No, no, no. I...
1213
00:50:53,885 --> 00:50:56,063
Of course I'll marry you.
1214
00:50:56,087 --> 00:50:58,733
It's just that now
everybody's going to think
1215
00:50:58,757 --> 00:51:02,293
we're doing it
because I'm pregnant.
1216
00:51:04,396 --> 00:51:07,575
You're kidding me.
Are you kidding me?
1217
00:51:07,599 --> 00:51:11,679
Holy... oh, my god.
1218
00:51:11,703 --> 00:51:14,515
Oh, my god.
1219
00:51:14,539 --> 00:51:15,983
Mmm. Mr. Preggers.
1220
00:51:16,007 --> 00:51:19,744
Mr. Preggers.
Wake up, Mr. Preggers.
1221
00:51:21,079 --> 00:51:23,624
We should have
never fooled around.
1222
00:51:23,648 --> 00:51:25,893
I know. Why don't you
have some more wine?
1223
00:51:25,917 --> 00:51:28,763
What can I say? He doesn't
make me weak in the knees.
1224
00:51:28,787 --> 00:51:31,666
Please. That is exactly
why you should be with him.
1225
00:51:31,690 --> 00:51:33,534
I mean, the ones
that make you dizzy
1226
00:51:33,558 --> 00:51:35,436
are only good for a quick fuck.
1227
00:51:35,460 --> 00:51:37,638
The rest are marriage material,
1228
00:51:37,662 --> 00:51:38,706
like Brett.
1229
00:51:38,730 --> 00:51:43,334
That is exactly
what I'm afraid of.
1230
00:51:44,636 --> 00:51:47,472
Wait. What?
1231
00:51:48,507 --> 00:51:50,918
Wow. Wow, that was fast.
1232
00:51:50,942 --> 00:51:53,621
Well, tick-tock, you know?
1233
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:56,724
You're crazy.
1234
00:51:56,748 --> 00:51:58,893
I want you to be
my man of honor.
1235
00:51:58,917 --> 00:52:00,094
There's no such thing.
1236
00:52:00,118 --> 00:52:01,128
So? You're
my best friend.
1237
00:52:01,152 --> 00:52:04,399
I couldn't even imagine
anybody else by my side.
1238
00:52:04,423 --> 00:52:06,434
And your first duty
as my personal slave
1239
00:52:06,458 --> 00:52:09,127
is to pretend to love it.
1240
00:52:10,662 --> 00:52:14,409
Fine. Fine. Fine.
1241
00:52:14,433 --> 00:52:17,636
Thanks.
I love you.
1242
00:52:22,674 --> 00:52:26,487
♪ I've been walking
backwards lately ♪
1243
00:52:26,511 --> 00:52:31,125
♪ To see if I could find you ♪
1244
00:52:32,183 --> 00:52:36,797
It's Jackie. Again. Hello?
1245
00:52:36,821 --> 00:52:40,100
Where are you?
Call me back... stat.
1246
00:52:40,124 --> 00:52:43,504
♪ Imagine you falling asleep ♪
1247
00:52:43,528 --> 00:52:48,876
♪ Watching TV in the den
1248
00:52:48,900 --> 00:52:54,649
♪ if I could bring you back ♪
1249
00:52:54,673 --> 00:52:56,784
♪ Talk about...
1250
00:52:57,942 --> 00:53:01,155
Hi, this is Tom.
Leave a message or don't.
1251
00:53:03,114 --> 00:53:04,992
This is the bride-to-be.
1252
00:53:05,016 --> 00:53:06,461
I really wouldn't mind
1253
00:53:06,485 --> 00:53:08,128
having my best friend
around right now,
1254
00:53:08,152 --> 00:53:12,132
being that it's the most
important time of my life.
1255
00:53:12,156 --> 00:53:15,936
But, hey, maybe that's
just too much to ask for.
1256
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:20,775
♪ Anything just to
see your face again ♪
1257
00:53:20,799 --> 00:53:24,945
♪ And just to make you smile
1258
00:53:24,969 --> 00:53:29,784
♪ and set me free
1259
00:53:29,808 --> 00:53:34,088
♪ if I could bring you back
1260
00:53:34,112 --> 00:53:38,258
♪ well, that'd be
the sweetest thing ♪
1261
00:53:38,282 --> 00:53:43,855
♪ If I could bring you back
1262
00:53:44,589 --> 00:53:48,660
♪ to me
1263
00:54:33,605 --> 00:54:35,249
♪ Turn his head and run
1264
00:54:35,273 --> 00:54:37,251
♪ and don't look back
1265
00:54:37,275 --> 00:54:38,152
♪ because I fear
1266
00:54:38,176 --> 00:54:42,757
♪ there is nothing
left to say to you ♪
1267
00:54:42,781 --> 00:54:45,259
♪ That you want to hear,
that you want to know ♪
1268
00:54:45,283 --> 00:54:46,727
♪ I think I should go
1269
00:54:46,751 --> 00:54:51,065
♪ the things I have done
are way too shameful ♪
1270
00:54:51,089 --> 00:54:53,300
♪ Oh
1271
00:54:53,324 --> 00:54:57,605
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh
1272
00:54:57,629 --> 00:55:03,711
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh
1273
00:55:03,735 --> 00:55:05,570
freeze!
1274
00:56:00,158 --> 00:56:02,336
Jack. Jack, pick up.
It's me.
1275
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:05,339
Jackie, please pick up.
1276
00:56:06,798 --> 00:56:09,801
All right, well,
I met someone...
1277
00:56:10,769 --> 00:56:13,714
Apparently. Fuck!
1278
00:56:16,374 --> 00:56:19,820
Listen, Jack, I'm...
1279
00:56:19,844 --> 00:56:24,659
I'm really sorry I haven't
returned your calls.
1280
00:56:24,683 --> 00:56:26,694
I've been a shit, all right,
1281
00:56:26,718 --> 00:56:31,622
and it's me.
It's not you.
1282
00:56:32,390 --> 00:56:34,669
Like you don't know that.
1283
00:56:40,098 --> 00:56:41,441
Jack, I really, really
1284
00:56:41,465 --> 00:56:43,844
need to talk to you, all right?
1285
00:56:43,868 --> 00:56:45,312
I'm freaking out here.
1286
00:56:45,336 --> 00:56:47,915
Oh, Jesus, this guy
has the number 8
1287
00:56:47,939 --> 00:56:51,642
tattooed on his...
Wait.
1288
00:56:52,310 --> 00:56:54,388
Correction. It says
"eighth wonder."
1289
00:56:54,412 --> 00:56:57,725
okay. Yeah. You know, I
really know how to pick them.
1290
00:56:57,749 --> 00:57:00,184
Jack, please call me back.
1291
00:57:05,890 --> 00:57:09,069
Open your eyes and look at me.
1292
00:57:09,093 --> 00:57:11,471
No, I don't think
I will kiss you...
1293
00:57:11,495 --> 00:57:14,766
Although you need kissing badly.
1294
00:57:20,939 --> 00:57:23,317
If the right moment ever came.
1295
00:57:23,341 --> 00:57:26,787
You're a conceited, black-hearted,
varmint, Rhett Butler,
1296
00:57:26,811 --> 00:57:28,455
and I don't know why
I let you come and see me.
1297
00:57:28,479 --> 00:57:31,191
I'll tell you why, Scarlett.
1298
00:57:31,215 --> 00:57:33,360
The war can't last much longer.
1299
00:57:33,384 --> 00:57:34,561
Really, Rhett. Why?
1300
00:57:34,585 --> 00:57:38,222
There's a little battle going
on right now that ought to...
1301
00:57:43,527 --> 00:57:44,772
Hello?
1302
00:57:44,796 --> 00:57:47,732
How have you been?
1303
00:57:53,237 --> 00:57:54,481
Okay.
1304
00:57:54,505 --> 00:57:55,983
Good.
1305
00:57:56,007 --> 00:57:59,110
Listen, um...
1306
00:58:01,813 --> 00:58:02,522
What?
1307
00:58:02,546 --> 00:58:04,124
Well, what I was
going to say was
1308
00:58:04,148 --> 00:58:05,760
I've been procrastinating
1309
00:58:05,784 --> 00:58:07,427
about this whole wedding thing.
1310
00:58:07,451 --> 00:58:10,765
I haven't gotten a gift
for Jackie's shower yet.
1311
00:58:10,789 --> 00:58:12,767
I guess I'm in denial.
1312
00:58:12,791 --> 00:58:15,302
I'm sure it's not
the first time.
1313
00:58:15,326 --> 00:58:18,196
Yeah. Right.
1314
00:58:18,562 --> 00:58:21,408
You know, Tom, I guess I
never got the e-mail,
1315
00:58:21,432 --> 00:58:24,979
you know, that our cooling-off
period was officially over.
1316
00:58:25,003 --> 00:58:28,849
And, frankly, I'd like
to renew my option.
1317
00:58:28,873 --> 00:58:31,118
Um... yeah. I...
1318
00:58:31,142 --> 00:58:32,510
Bye.
1319
00:58:36,114 --> 00:58:36,991
Fuck... fuck...
1320
00:58:37,015 --> 00:58:39,326
Hi, this is Eli.
Leave a message.
1321
00:58:39,350 --> 00:58:40,294
Yeah, it's Tom again.
1322
00:58:40,318 --> 00:58:42,863
Listen, I'm all for
keeping things casual...
1323
00:58:42,887 --> 00:58:44,164
Now he's over me.
That's just great.
1324
00:58:44,188 --> 00:58:45,833
But that doesn't
mean we can't go out
1325
00:58:45,857 --> 00:58:47,434
and buy a baby gift
together, does it?
1326
00:58:47,458 --> 00:58:49,103
I hate people like this.
1327
00:58:49,127 --> 00:58:50,204
I know.
1328
00:58:50,228 --> 00:58:51,505
They play this game. Once
you decide to play it, too,
1329
00:58:51,529 --> 00:58:53,273
they don't want to
play it anymore.
1330
00:58:53,297 --> 00:58:54,842
I mean, what the fuck is that?
1331
00:58:54,866 --> 00:58:56,343
Yeah. You know,
I'm starting to think
1332
00:58:56,367 --> 00:58:58,012
that's all there is
out there anymore.
1333
00:58:58,036 --> 00:58:58,712
Well, that's wrong.
1334
00:58:58,736 --> 00:58:59,646
Nope. No, here's
what I think.
1335
00:58:59,670 --> 00:59:02,049
I think who I am,
you know, what I've been...
1336
00:59:02,073 --> 00:59:03,050
Not working so much anymore.
1337
00:59:03,074 --> 00:59:05,252
From now on, there's
going to be a whole new Eli.
1338
00:59:05,276 --> 00:59:07,254
The whole love thing...
I don't buy it.
1339
00:59:07,278 --> 00:59:08,488
Well, how come it works for me?
1340
00:59:08,512 --> 00:59:10,825
Oh, my god, you are so full of shit.
It doesn't work for you.
1341
00:59:10,849 --> 00:59:13,393
You fall in love with a
different person each week.
1342
00:59:13,417 --> 00:59:14,628
My point exactly.
1343
00:59:14,652 --> 00:59:16,063
No, no, no. You fall in love
with the idea of being in love...
1344
00:59:16,087 --> 00:59:20,067
With a married man to, what, experience
the rush of breaking up a family?
1345
00:59:20,091 --> 00:59:23,938
Now you fall in love with a deaf
guy to learn sign language?
1346
00:59:23,962 --> 00:59:24,972
Well, I did.
1347
00:59:24,996 --> 00:59:26,907
Okay, honey, this does not
constitute sign language.
1348
00:59:26,931 --> 00:59:29,509
And then with a woman
just to piss off mom and dad.
1349
00:59:29,533 --> 00:59:31,145
Okay, how much
did that backfire?
1350
00:59:31,169 --> 00:59:33,213
That's the year that
they decided to run
1351
00:59:33,237 --> 00:59:34,248
for co-president of p-flag.
1352
00:59:34,272 --> 00:59:37,017
You know what, from now on,
it's just going to be
1353
00:59:37,041 --> 00:59:38,853
one-night stands, casual sex,
1354
00:59:38,877 --> 00:59:40,921
just a lot of close friends.
1355
00:59:40,945 --> 00:59:41,956
Hmph. You sound
pathetic.
1356
00:59:41,980 --> 00:59:44,124
No, you know what? For the
first time in my life,
1357
00:59:44,148 --> 00:59:45,860
I think I actually make sense.
1358
00:59:45,884 --> 00:59:48,428
Great. Glad to help you
through the pain. Bye-bye.
1359
00:59:48,452 --> 00:59:49,563
Bye. I'll call
you later.
1360
00:59:49,587 --> 00:59:52,632
Yeah, will you tell that
other Eli to give me a call?
1361
00:59:52,656 --> 00:59:54,101
This one sucks.
1362
00:59:55,493 --> 00:59:58,906
If that's him, you're
not going shopping.
1363
01:00:00,899 --> 01:00:02,877
Okay, FYI, the only
reason I'm here
1364
01:00:02,901 --> 01:00:05,612
is because your whole
tires-got-slashed-story
1365
01:00:05,636 --> 01:00:07,214
was so much more believable
1366
01:00:07,238 --> 01:00:09,316
than the first
13 messages you left me.
1367
01:00:09,340 --> 01:00:10,484
Personally, I thought I had you
1368
01:00:10,508 --> 01:00:13,120
with the tickets to
X files on ice.
1369
01:00:13,144 --> 01:00:15,579
I already saw it.
1370
01:00:20,118 --> 01:00:22,662
I always wanted one
when I was a kid.
1371
01:00:22,686 --> 01:00:23,630
Surprising, huh?
1372
01:00:23,654 --> 01:00:25,900
Oh, my god, I had so many dolls.
1373
01:00:25,924 --> 01:00:27,601
My dad would have killed me.
1374
01:00:27,625 --> 01:00:28,635
Really?
1375
01:00:28,659 --> 01:00:29,403
Yeah.
1376
01:00:29,427 --> 01:00:30,304
My house was like
a free-for-all.
1377
01:00:30,328 --> 01:00:32,572
My sister had all these
Barbies and kens,
1378
01:00:32,596 --> 01:00:34,141
and my parents
made me play with them.
1379
01:00:34,165 --> 01:00:35,943
Your parents forced you
to play with dolls?
1380
01:00:35,967 --> 01:00:39,679
Oh, it was just so I could learn
the names of all the body parts.
1381
01:00:39,703 --> 01:00:42,216
Pick whichever doll you like.
1382
01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:45,977
It's your choice.
They're all beautiful.
1383
01:00:47,011 --> 01:00:49,948
Good. Now switch.
1384
01:00:54,618 --> 01:00:57,064
What do you call this?
1385
01:00:57,088 --> 01:00:58,232
Vagina.
1386
01:00:58,256 --> 01:01:01,601
Yes. Vagina.
Good, Rayna.
1387
01:01:01,625 --> 01:01:05,005
Eli... vagina.
1388
01:01:05,029 --> 01:01:05,839
Vagina.
1389
01:01:05,863 --> 01:01:10,310
Now say it like you
mean it: Va-gi-Na.
1390
01:01:10,334 --> 01:01:11,711
Vagina.
1391
01:01:11,735 --> 01:01:14,381
Yes. Yes. Yes.
1392
01:01:14,405 --> 01:01:17,017
I always thought Ken was gay.
1393
01:01:17,041 --> 01:01:19,453
He was when I got
through with him.
1394
01:01:19,477 --> 01:01:22,046
That's another story.
1395
01:01:22,380 --> 01:01:24,624
You know, you and Ken together...
1396
01:01:24,648 --> 01:01:27,451
It's strangely erotic.
1397
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:32,632
Well, we have been known
to do private shows,
1398
01:01:32,656 --> 01:01:34,401
if you're interested.
1399
01:01:34,425 --> 01:01:36,670
Not today.
1400
01:01:36,694 --> 01:01:39,497
Okay.
1401
01:01:41,365 --> 01:01:42,509
Hello, there, Eli.
1402
01:01:42,533 --> 01:01:46,104
I'm fuzzy wuzzy the bear.
1403
01:01:51,209 --> 01:01:54,145
Jackie would love this bear.
1404
01:01:55,313 --> 01:01:57,124
♪ Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear ♪
1405
01:01:57,148 --> 01:01:58,692
♪ Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair ♪
1406
01:01:58,716 --> 01:02:02,496
♪ Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't
very fuzzy, was he? ♪
1407
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:03,630
Was he? Was he?
1408
01:02:03,654 --> 01:02:05,099
Was he? Was he?
Was he?
1409
01:02:05,123 --> 01:02:06,266
Was he?
Was he!
1410
01:02:06,290 --> 01:02:07,167
Was he! Was he!
1411
01:02:07,191 --> 01:02:10,270
Was he. Was he.
Was he.
1412
01:02:10,294 --> 01:02:11,238
That's what I said.
1413
01:02:11,262 --> 01:02:13,540
No, no.
You said, was he?
1414
01:02:13,564 --> 01:02:15,075
It's was he.
1415
01:02:15,099 --> 01:02:16,310
What's the difference?
1416
01:02:16,334 --> 01:02:17,344
You're kidding, right?
1417
01:02:17,368 --> 01:02:20,647
You just established that
fuzzy wuzzy had no hair.
1418
01:02:20,671 --> 01:02:22,582
Why would you then ask, was he?
1419
01:02:22,606 --> 01:02:24,618
Like a question,
like you didn't know
1420
01:02:24,642 --> 01:02:25,785
if he was fuzzy or not.
1421
01:02:25,809 --> 01:02:28,722
It is a question. I'm asking
if fuzzy is or isn't fuzzy.
1422
01:02:28,746 --> 01:02:30,224
What is so wrong about that?
1423
01:02:30,248 --> 01:02:31,625
It is a rhetorical question.
1424
01:02:31,649 --> 01:02:33,093
There's no answer to it.
1425
01:02:33,117 --> 01:02:34,228
It's supposed to be ironic.
1426
01:02:34,252 --> 01:02:37,421
"Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't
very fuzzy, was he."
1427
01:02:50,568 --> 01:02:54,114
I don't think it's that obvious if
fuzzy wuzzy was or wasn't fuzzy.
1428
01:02:54,138 --> 01:02:56,750
It is the point of the
whole goddamn thing.
1429
01:02:56,774 --> 01:02:58,252
Man, why are you so uptight?
1430
01:02:58,276 --> 01:03:01,221
No... there always has to be
a right way with you
1431
01:03:01,245 --> 01:03:02,556
and a wrong way with you.
1432
01:03:02,580 --> 01:03:05,159
I mean, is that why
you like being with me...
1433
01:03:05,183 --> 01:03:08,362
So you can feel like
you're right all the time.
1434
01:03:08,386 --> 01:03:10,330
What? No.
1435
01:03:10,354 --> 01:03:12,232
That's... is that what you think?
1436
01:03:12,256 --> 01:03:15,469
Alls I know is you have
this rigid idea
1437
01:03:15,493 --> 01:03:17,771
of how I should be.
1438
01:03:17,795 --> 01:03:20,340
"Alls you know"?
1439
01:03:20,364 --> 01:03:22,433
Right. Right. I can't.
1440
01:03:25,736 --> 01:03:27,147
Fuck!
1441
01:03:27,171 --> 01:03:30,117
Oh, boy, it's mine, mine, mine!
1442
01:03:31,342 --> 01:03:32,486
I love this.
1443
01:03:32,510 --> 01:03:35,155
Well, enjoy it now,
honey, because in a month or so,
1444
01:03:35,179 --> 01:03:37,557
you're going to be
ripping the seams.
1445
01:03:39,117 --> 01:03:40,194
I'm going to kill you.
1446
01:03:40,218 --> 01:03:42,762
Rachel, could you
shut the fuck up?
1447
01:03:42,786 --> 01:03:45,332
You're cackling like an idiot.
1448
01:03:45,356 --> 01:03:46,466
Come on, Liz, grab some bows
1449
01:03:46,490 --> 01:03:48,502
and help us with
the rehearsal bouquet.
1450
01:03:48,526 --> 01:03:50,237
Why do you want me to do it?
1451
01:03:50,261 --> 01:03:51,471
Because you think
it's the only time
1452
01:03:51,495 --> 01:03:53,207
I'm ever going to
get to hold one?
1453
01:03:53,231 --> 01:03:55,242
Okay, Liz, what time
is therapy, hon?
1454
01:03:55,266 --> 01:03:56,376
Do they make house calls?
1455
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:58,212
That's really sweet.
Very supportive.
1456
01:03:58,236 --> 01:03:59,246
I'm taking my gift back.
1457
01:03:59,270 --> 01:04:00,314
I'll make it.
I'll make it.
1458
01:04:00,338 --> 01:04:02,182
Thank you.
Nice person.
1459
01:04:03,174 --> 01:04:05,519
Wait! The door. Get the door.
Get the door.
1460
01:04:05,543 --> 01:04:08,712
Oh. Uh-oh.
1461
01:04:09,747 --> 01:04:10,990
Is Jackie here?
1462
01:04:11,014 --> 01:04:14,894
Hey, Jackie, did you forget
to pay some parking tickets?
1463
01:04:14,918 --> 01:04:15,662
Hello.
1464
01:04:15,686 --> 01:04:17,664
Are you Jackie gold?
1465
01:04:17,688 --> 01:04:18,798
I'll be Jackie gold.
1466
01:04:18,822 --> 01:04:20,800
I'm going to kill you guys.
1467
01:04:20,824 --> 01:04:22,502
I can't believe you did this.
1468
01:04:22,526 --> 01:04:23,737
Jackie, you have been
1469
01:04:23,761 --> 01:04:26,373
a bad, bad, bad girl,
haven't you?
1470
01:04:26,397 --> 01:04:30,134
Oh, baby!
Oh, yeah!
1471
01:04:31,269 --> 01:04:34,172
Put that thing away.
1472
01:04:38,409 --> 01:04:42,346
Go ahead... Great angle.
1473
01:04:44,282 --> 01:04:46,560
Oh, my god.
1474
01:04:46,584 --> 01:04:50,497
You work that Booty.
1475
01:04:50,521 --> 01:04:53,300
Uh, I love him.
1476
01:04:53,324 --> 01:04:54,534
Uh-huh!
1477
01:04:54,558 --> 01:04:56,794
This is it!
This is it!
1478
01:04:57,528 --> 01:04:59,406
Okay, that is going
to be amazing!
1479
01:04:59,430 --> 01:05:00,840
Enough with the pictures.
1480
01:05:00,864 --> 01:05:02,376
That was great.
It was great.
1481
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:03,877
I hate it with the pictures.
1482
01:05:03,901 --> 01:05:05,679
Ah, ring, ring, ring, ring.
1483
01:05:05,703 --> 01:05:06,246
Okay...
1484
01:05:06,270 --> 01:05:07,113
Forget about the ring.
1485
01:05:07,137 --> 01:05:09,516
Can we talk about
our friend the cop?
1486
01:05:09,540 --> 01:05:11,418
You mean your future ex-husband?
1487
01:05:11,442 --> 01:05:14,421
So how long you been doing this?
1488
01:05:14,445 --> 01:05:16,480
Too long...
1489
01:05:17,515 --> 01:05:19,459
Let's go, ladies.
1490
01:05:19,483 --> 01:05:21,261
Let me ask you this.
1491
01:05:21,285 --> 01:05:23,563
How many of these gifts
can I take home with me?
1492
01:05:23,587 --> 01:05:24,731
You're crazy.
1493
01:05:24,755 --> 01:05:26,966
I wrap beautifully, though.
1494
01:05:26,990 --> 01:05:28,702
Don't you think we should share?
1495
01:05:28,726 --> 01:05:32,339
You don't even like mine.
Can I take it back?
1496
01:05:32,363 --> 01:05:34,941
Excuse me... one second.
1497
01:05:34,965 --> 01:05:36,676
So, um, you know,
1498
01:05:36,700 --> 01:05:39,313
I've been kind of bad myself.
1499
01:05:39,337 --> 01:05:40,280
You have?
1500
01:05:56,920 --> 01:06:03,661
♪ Please forgive me
if I act a little strange ♪
1501
01:06:04,295 --> 01:06:09,309
♪ For I know not what I do
1502
01:06:10,601 --> 01:06:12,546
♪ Feels like lightning
1503
01:06:12,570 --> 01:06:17,375
♪ running through my veins
1504
01:06:18,008 --> 01:06:23,414
♪ every time I look at you
1505
01:06:25,949 --> 01:06:27,461
hey.
1506
01:06:27,485 --> 01:06:29,263
Hey.
1507
01:06:29,287 --> 01:06:31,431
How much do I owe you?
1508
01:06:31,455 --> 01:06:32,198
Uh, $9.22.
1509
01:06:32,222 --> 01:06:34,901
All right, why don't
you keep that.
1510
01:06:34,925 --> 01:06:35,769
Cool.
1511
01:06:35,793 --> 01:06:36,703
Thanks a lot.
1512
01:06:36,727 --> 01:06:38,037
Have a good night.
1513
01:06:38,061 --> 01:06:38,872
You, too. Thanks.
1514
01:06:38,896 --> 01:06:44,001
♪ And there's so much
I want to say ♪
1515
01:06:45,469 --> 01:06:51,575
♪ Want to tell you
just how good it feels ♪
1516
01:06:52,843 --> 01:06:55,455
♪ When you look at me...
1517
01:06:55,479 --> 01:06:56,456
Hey.
1518
01:06:56,480 --> 01:06:57,915
Hey.
1519
01:07:01,018 --> 01:07:03,530
Where did you find this?
1520
01:07:03,554 --> 01:07:06,557
Internet.
1521
01:07:08,892 --> 01:07:11,562
Thank you.
1522
01:07:12,430 --> 01:07:13,540
I took it out of the box
1523
01:07:13,564 --> 01:07:14,741
so you could play with it.
1524
01:07:14,765 --> 01:07:17,411
It came in a box?
The original box?
1525
01:07:17,435 --> 01:07:18,545
Mm-hmm.
1526
01:07:18,569 --> 01:07:20,414
Where is it?
1527
01:07:20,438 --> 01:07:22,640
I tossed it. Why?
1528
01:07:23,707 --> 01:07:25,309
Why?
1529
01:07:26,610 --> 01:07:28,546
Never mind.
1530
01:07:36,454 --> 01:07:38,998
And then it happened.
1531
01:07:39,022 --> 01:07:40,924
What?
1532
01:07:41,459 --> 01:07:43,903
We went where no 2 men
should ever go
1533
01:07:43,927 --> 01:07:45,038
without a prescription.
1534
01:07:45,062 --> 01:07:47,807
Trust me. You don't want
the details.
1535
01:07:47,831 --> 01:07:49,343
Are you nuts?
1536
01:07:49,367 --> 01:07:52,346
At my age, the details
are all I got.
1537
01:07:54,572 --> 01:07:56,015
Take off your...
1538
01:07:56,039 --> 01:07:57,884
Ouch!
1539
01:07:57,908 --> 01:07:59,118
It's the remote.
1540
01:07:59,142 --> 01:08:02,055
♪ Whoa-oh-oh-a
1541
01:08:02,079 --> 01:08:03,357
Let's not...
1542
01:08:03,381 --> 01:08:03,990
What?
1543
01:08:04,014 --> 01:08:05,859
That's the back of my leg.
1544
01:08:05,883 --> 01:08:07,026
Oh, sorry.
1545
01:08:07,050 --> 01:08:08,795
Kidding. Kidding.
1546
01:08:08,819 --> 01:08:10,764
That's funny.
That's funny.
1547
01:08:12,956 --> 01:08:14,401
Wait.
1548
01:08:14,425 --> 01:08:17,036
Don't you want to...
1549
01:08:17,060 --> 01:08:18,905
You have a thingie?
1550
01:08:18,929 --> 01:08:20,407
Shut up. Shut up.
1551
01:08:20,431 --> 01:08:21,375
Thingie?
1552
01:08:21,399 --> 01:08:22,108
You know what I mean.
1553
01:08:22,132 --> 01:08:24,043
Do you know what I mean?
1554
01:08:24,067 --> 01:08:26,036
Yeah. Yeah.
1555
01:08:26,670 --> 01:08:31,341
♪ For I know not what I do
1556
01:08:33,811 --> 01:08:34,754
Tom?
1557
01:08:34,778 --> 01:08:35,655
Yeah?
1558
01:08:35,679 --> 01:08:37,557
Look at me.
1559
01:08:37,581 --> 01:08:39,158
I... love you.
1560
01:08:39,182 --> 01:08:40,126
Oh, my god.
1561
01:08:40,150 --> 01:08:42,762
I love you.
1562
01:08:42,786 --> 01:08:46,390
Oh, my god.
1563
01:08:47,791 --> 01:08:52,362
♪ Every time I look at you
1564
01:09:09,713 --> 01:09:11,558
I'm hungry.
1565
01:09:11,582 --> 01:09:13,827
Yeah? You like eggs?
1566
01:09:13,851 --> 01:09:16,787
Why don't I make us some eggs?
1567
01:09:17,888 --> 01:09:19,899
Well, I'm supposed to
meet my parents
1568
01:09:19,923 --> 01:09:22,068
at the country club for brunch.
1569
01:09:22,092 --> 01:09:24,094
Do you want to come?
1570
01:09:33,871 --> 01:09:34,781
Hey.
1571
01:09:34,805 --> 01:09:36,583
Hi, mom.
1572
01:09:36,607 --> 01:09:38,452
Hi, sweetheart.
1573
01:09:38,476 --> 01:09:40,153
Hey, dad.
1574
01:09:40,177 --> 01:09:41,154
Tom.
1575
01:09:41,178 --> 01:09:42,922
Um, this is Eli.
1576
01:09:42,946 --> 01:09:44,791
Hi. It's nice
to meet you.
1577
01:09:44,815 --> 01:09:45,925
Hello, Eli.
1578
01:09:45,949 --> 01:09:46,693
Hi.
1579
01:09:46,717 --> 01:09:47,827
Nice to meet you.
1580
01:09:47,851 --> 01:09:49,896
Well, why don't we all sit down?
1581
01:09:49,920 --> 01:09:52,956
Lydia and I can share a menu.
1582
01:09:53,824 --> 01:09:55,068
I'll get another set up.
1583
01:09:55,092 --> 01:09:58,004
Do you guys want coffee
or juice or anything?
1584
01:09:58,028 --> 01:09:59,038
Yeah. Coffee
with milk.
1585
01:09:59,062 --> 01:10:02,141
Can I get a mimosa
and a coffee..And a water?
1586
01:10:02,165 --> 01:10:03,977
You'll fill up
on liquids, honey.
1587
01:10:04,001 --> 01:10:05,178
Save room for your meal.
1588
01:10:05,202 --> 01:10:06,613
Leave him alone, Lydia.
1589
01:10:06,637 --> 01:10:07,547
I wasn't criticizing him...
1590
01:10:07,571 --> 01:10:11,041
He's obviously old enough
to please himself.
1591
01:10:12,075 --> 01:10:13,186
Yeah. So, uh...
1592
01:10:13,210 --> 01:10:15,254
What have you guys been up to?
1593
01:10:15,278 --> 01:10:16,823
Well, not much really.
1594
01:10:16,847 --> 01:10:19,493
We got back from
Keenan on Friday.
1595
01:10:19,517 --> 01:10:20,460
And, oh...
1596
01:10:20,484 --> 01:10:23,029
And then I took the girls
from my church group
1597
01:10:23,053 --> 01:10:25,231
to see the phantom of the opera.
1598
01:10:25,255 --> 01:10:26,633
Oh, is that still running?
1599
01:10:26,657 --> 01:10:28,267
It was Friday night.
1600
01:10:28,291 --> 01:10:31,004
Right. Right.
I didn't know.
1601
01:10:31,028 --> 01:10:33,106
75 bucks a shot... it's absurd.
1602
01:10:33,130 --> 01:10:35,174
It's like throwing
money in the trash.
1603
01:10:35,198 --> 01:10:36,910
It's theater, Jim.
1604
01:10:36,934 --> 01:10:37,944
It's trash, Lydia.
1605
01:10:37,968 --> 01:10:41,872
All right. All right.
But how was it up in Keenan?
1606
01:10:44,542 --> 01:10:45,585
What?
What's wrong?
1607
01:10:45,609 --> 01:10:47,521
Now's not the time, honey.
1608
01:10:47,545 --> 01:10:52,049
So there's a right time
to ask about Amy?
1609
01:10:53,551 --> 01:10:55,161
Stupid.
Excuse me.
1610
01:10:55,185 --> 01:10:56,362
You heard me, Lydia.
1611
01:10:56,386 --> 01:10:59,265
You talk to me like that, you'll
see what you get from me.
1612
01:10:59,289 --> 01:11:00,767
Is that a threat, Lydia?
1613
01:11:00,791 --> 01:11:02,001
Dad, could you not...
1614
01:11:02,025 --> 01:11:03,236
Shut up, Tom.
1615
01:11:03,260 --> 01:11:05,763
Oh, that's rich.
1616
01:11:09,332 --> 01:11:10,677
Let's go.
1617
01:11:10,701 --> 01:11:12,546
Come on. Let's go.
1618
01:11:12,570 --> 01:11:15,214
Let go of me.
Don't do that.
1619
01:11:15,238 --> 01:11:18,217
Don't do that.
Get your hands off me.
1620
01:11:18,241 --> 01:11:19,252
I told you...
1621
01:11:19,276 --> 01:11:24,848
You always do this.
You always pull a scene.
1622
01:11:33,223 --> 01:11:34,925
Let's go.
1623
01:11:35,726 --> 01:11:38,104
Tom. Tom,
the valet's that way.
1624
01:11:38,128 --> 01:11:42,232
I'm not ready. If you want
to go, I'll take a cab.
1625
01:11:52,275 --> 01:11:54,645
It's a nice club.
1626
01:11:55,212 --> 01:11:56,690
You think if I were half-Jewish,
1627
01:11:56,714 --> 01:11:59,583
they'd let me
halfway in the pool?
1628
01:12:04,788 --> 01:12:07,057
I'm really sorry.
1629
01:12:08,626 --> 01:12:11,995
You didn't do anything.
1630
01:12:14,632 --> 01:12:16,600
Who's Amy?
1631
01:12:20,237 --> 01:12:22,015
She's my sister.
1632
01:12:22,039 --> 01:12:25,275
What? I didn't know
you had a sister.
1633
01:12:28,145 --> 01:12:30,056
Okay. I have
a sister... Amy.
1634
01:12:30,080 --> 01:12:33,727
She lives up north at a
special needs facility.
1635
01:12:33,751 --> 01:12:34,628
Was she in an accident?
1636
01:12:34,652 --> 01:12:37,797
No. No. F.A.S...
Do you know what that is?
1637
01:12:37,821 --> 01:12:39,933
Fetal alcohol syndrome.
Any other questions?
1638
01:12:39,957 --> 01:12:42,335
Hey, pal, I'm on
your side, remember?
1639
01:12:42,359 --> 01:12:45,071
I don't want anyone
on my side, remember?
1640
01:12:45,095 --> 01:12:48,141
You think just
because we fucked,
1641
01:12:48,165 --> 01:12:49,075
that makes us "we"?
1642
01:12:49,099 --> 01:12:52,245
I didn't ask for this,
for you, so just stop.
1643
01:12:52,269 --> 01:12:54,848
You called me, remember, so
make up your fucking mind!
1644
01:12:54,872 --> 01:12:59,052
How many ways do you need to be
told to leave me the fuck alone?
1645
01:12:59,076 --> 01:13:01,154
You know what, asshole?
1646
01:13:01,178 --> 01:13:03,113
Just one.
1647
01:13:15,926 --> 01:13:17,837
Alls I know...
1648
01:13:17,861 --> 01:13:18,905
All I know
1649
01:13:18,929 --> 01:13:21,975
is if I wasn't loaded
half the time,
1650
01:13:21,999 --> 01:13:24,177
I probably wouldn't
be in this mess.
1651
01:13:24,201 --> 01:13:26,012
Don't you feel like
the older you get,
1652
01:13:26,036 --> 01:13:28,047
the less you really
know about anything?
1653
01:13:28,071 --> 01:13:30,116
Absolutely.
I don't know shit.
1654
01:13:30,140 --> 01:13:33,386
People think just because I
managed to make it to 60
1655
01:13:33,410 --> 01:13:35,388
without getting
a Colombian necklace
1656
01:13:35,412 --> 01:13:37,356
or run over
by a u.P.S. Truck
1657
01:13:37,380 --> 01:13:41,027
that I have the answers
to life's questions.
1658
01:13:41,051 --> 01:13:43,763
Great. Great.
So there's no hope.
1659
01:13:43,787 --> 01:13:45,231
Ah, don't do that.
1660
01:13:45,255 --> 01:13:46,966
See, I'm not that deepshak Oprah
1661
01:13:46,990 --> 01:13:48,968
or whatever the hell
he calls himself...
1662
01:13:48,992 --> 01:13:51,170
Who tells you,
you believe in yourself,
1663
01:13:51,194 --> 01:13:53,106
you can do anything.
Pish.
1664
01:13:53,130 --> 01:13:53,940
Alls I know is
1665
01:13:53,964 --> 01:13:56,409
you keep your 2 eyes
on your own paper
1666
01:13:56,433 --> 01:13:58,477
and both hands on the wheel.
1667
01:13:58,501 --> 01:14:02,239
And a multivitamin can't hurt.
1668
01:14:02,806 --> 01:14:04,784
So I guess the lesson
is the same with booze
1669
01:14:04,808 --> 01:14:07,453
As it is with guys:
Wanting it and having it...
1670
01:14:07,477 --> 01:14:10,180
Totally not the same thing.
1671
01:14:10,748 --> 01:14:13,416
I'll be right back... bathroom.
1672
01:14:24,394 --> 01:14:25,371
Hey.
1673
01:14:25,395 --> 01:14:28,507
Sometimes I think
you can want it
1674
01:14:28,531 --> 01:14:30,834
and have it.
1675
01:14:31,769 --> 01:14:35,148
Isn't that what happens now?
1676
01:14:35,172 --> 01:14:36,850
Now?
1677
01:14:36,874 --> 01:14:38,084
Oh, what do you mean...
1678
01:14:38,108 --> 01:14:39,953
About Eli being at the wedding?
1679
01:14:39,977 --> 01:14:42,412
No, that's not what I meant.
1680
01:14:43,981 --> 01:14:45,524
Oh, wait, wait...
1681
01:14:45,548 --> 01:14:47,226
No, no, you wait a minute.
1682
01:14:47,250 --> 01:14:48,494
You made me wait too long.
1683
01:14:48,518 --> 01:14:50,363
You think too much, buddy.
1684
01:14:50,387 --> 01:14:51,998
Told you... negative.
1685
01:14:52,022 --> 01:14:53,432
Great.
1686
01:14:53,456 --> 01:14:56,803
So I guess that's it.
1687
01:14:56,827 --> 01:14:57,771
It's nice meeting you.
1688
01:14:57,795 --> 01:15:00,039
Oh, you're going to be
seeing a lot more of me.
1689
01:15:00,063 --> 01:15:02,776
You'll see. You know,
now that I'm off relationships
1690
01:15:02,800 --> 01:15:04,778
and just doing one-night stands.
1691
01:15:04,802 --> 01:15:06,212
Yeah. Sure.
1692
01:15:06,236 --> 01:15:07,546
Take a condom.
1693
01:15:07,570 --> 01:15:09,515
Used to put candy in this.
1694
01:15:09,539 --> 01:15:12,518
Anyway, I'm sorry
I talked your ear off.
1695
01:15:12,542 --> 01:15:17,423
Please. It's better than a
fucking movie, sweetheart.
1696
01:15:17,447 --> 01:15:20,293
Oh, don't you need
a parking validation?
1697
01:15:20,317 --> 01:15:22,428
Oh, god, right.
Thank you.
1698
01:15:22,452 --> 01:15:23,462
Thanks.
1699
01:15:24,554 --> 01:15:26,032
Oh, wait a second, hon.
1700
01:15:26,056 --> 01:15:28,434
Feedback clinic, this is Esther.
1701
01:15:28,458 --> 01:15:30,870
Oh, hi, honey.
1702
01:15:30,894 --> 01:15:33,206
How you doing?
1703
01:15:33,230 --> 01:15:33,873
What?
1704
01:15:33,897 --> 01:15:36,242
No, what?
Go ahead, ask me.
1705
01:15:36,266 --> 01:15:40,579
Well, I'm not a mind reader.
1706
01:15:40,603 --> 01:15:42,315
You ever seen me on the fucking
1707
01:15:42,339 --> 01:15:44,283
psychic friends network channel?
1708
01:15:44,307 --> 01:15:46,119
So what... all right...
1709
01:15:46,143 --> 01:15:49,088
Would you just
shut up for a minute?
1710
01:15:49,112 --> 01:15:52,115
Okay, so don't tell me.
1711
01:15:53,150 --> 01:15:56,062
Trust me, Esther,
one-night stands.
1712
01:15:56,086 --> 01:15:59,498
It's all black-and-white
for you, isn't it?
1713
01:15:59,522 --> 01:16:00,466
What?
1714
01:16:00,490 --> 01:16:03,069
I have been married to that putz
1715
01:16:03,093 --> 01:16:04,503
for 42 years.
1716
01:16:04,527 --> 01:16:07,473
The strongest, healthiest man
1717
01:16:07,497 --> 01:16:08,474
all his life.
1718
01:16:08,498 --> 01:16:11,978
And all of a sudden
he gets sick...
1719
01:16:12,002 --> 01:16:14,280
Lung cancer.
1720
01:16:14,304 --> 01:16:18,384
He never smoked
a day in his life.
1721
01:16:18,408 --> 01:16:21,154
Pretty fucking ironic, isn't it?
1722
01:16:21,178 --> 01:16:23,556
He's even got someone
taking care of him
1723
01:16:23,580 --> 01:16:27,417
in the afternoon...
Just like a little boy.
1724
01:16:28,351 --> 01:16:30,029
But he's dying.
1725
01:16:30,053 --> 01:16:32,498
And if I stop Hawking him
1726
01:16:32,522 --> 01:16:34,300
and giving him shit,
1727
01:16:34,324 --> 01:16:36,202
and calling him an asshole,
1728
01:16:36,226 --> 01:16:38,371
he'll know he's dying.
1729
01:16:38,395 --> 01:16:40,563
So I don't stop.
1730
01:16:41,398 --> 01:16:43,042
Plus, he is an asshole,
1731
01:16:43,066 --> 01:16:45,568
so that's a bonus.
1732
01:16:47,470 --> 01:16:49,949
So I've got my
grandmother's ring.
1733
01:16:49,973 --> 01:16:51,284
That's old and borrowed.
1734
01:16:51,308 --> 01:16:53,352
And Rachel got me
that blue thong.
1735
01:16:53,376 --> 01:16:54,253
Ooh, hoochie floss.
1736
01:16:54,277 --> 01:16:56,655
You got something else
that's new and blue?
1737
01:16:56,679 --> 01:16:58,591
Oh, actually, yeah, I do.
1738
01:16:58,615 --> 01:17:02,896
Holy shit, Tom!
What happened?
1739
01:17:02,920 --> 01:17:04,597
Bad date.
1740
01:17:04,621 --> 01:17:05,664
What did you do,
1741
01:17:05,688 --> 01:17:08,034
pick him up on the street?
1742
01:17:08,058 --> 01:17:09,002
Worse. AA.
1743
01:17:09,026 --> 01:17:11,504
Apparently, he uses sex
to work through anger,
1744
01:17:11,528 --> 01:17:15,274
which is fine when you're
not quite that angry.
1745
01:17:15,298 --> 01:17:18,077
What am I going to do with you?
1746
01:17:18,101 --> 01:17:20,646
I smell a lecture.
1747
01:17:20,670 --> 01:17:21,614
Fuck you, Tom.
1748
01:17:21,638 --> 01:17:24,350
Okay, you blow off a great guy...
1749
01:17:24,374 --> 01:17:25,484
Who by the way doesn't hit...
1750
01:17:25,508 --> 01:17:28,154
Because he made the tragic
mistake of falling for you.
1751
01:17:28,178 --> 01:17:31,057
And instead you're doing
like and Tina Turner
1752
01:17:31,081 --> 01:17:32,158
with some asshole from AA.
1753
01:17:32,182 --> 01:17:34,994
Well, you know, at least
he's not at Williams-Sonoma
1754
01:17:35,018 --> 01:17:38,521
registering for
a commitment ceremony.
1755
01:17:39,689 --> 01:17:40,433
You're right.
1756
01:17:40,457 --> 01:17:43,136
You're right.
Eli is such a loser.
1757
01:17:43,160 --> 01:17:45,395
I'm going home.
1758
01:18:00,643 --> 01:18:03,346
Holy shit.
1759
01:18:04,314 --> 01:18:05,658
What's the matter?
1760
01:18:05,682 --> 01:18:07,693
What? Nothing.
1761
01:18:07,717 --> 01:18:09,695
Bullshit. Why aren't
you getting dressed?
1762
01:18:09,719 --> 01:18:12,731
I'm nervous about
seeing Tom at the wedding.
1763
01:18:12,755 --> 01:18:13,599
That's all.
1764
01:18:13,623 --> 01:18:15,969
See, only you could
turn my wedding day
1765
01:18:15,993 --> 01:18:18,437
into the Eli Wyckoff show.
You know that?
1766
01:18:18,461 --> 01:18:20,139
I'm sorry, okay?
Believe me,
1767
01:18:20,163 --> 01:18:22,375
nobody can hate me
as much as I do.
1768
01:18:22,399 --> 01:18:23,276
Oh, my god. You know,
1769
01:18:23,300 --> 01:18:25,644
you have to change
the fucking record, man.
1770
01:18:25,668 --> 01:18:26,946
You have to stop!
1771
01:18:26,970 --> 01:18:30,616
You cannot make this be the be-all,
end-all of your entire life!
1772
01:18:30,640 --> 01:18:31,917
I'm not.
1773
01:18:31,941 --> 01:18:33,987
Yeah, that's exactly what you're doing.
Let me tell you something.
1774
01:18:34,011 --> 01:18:36,022
Love, right? It's going to come
up, and it's just going to
1775
01:18:36,046 --> 01:18:39,592
whack you on the back of the head
before you even know what hit you.
1776
01:18:39,616 --> 01:18:40,459
I don't believe that.
1777
01:18:40,483 --> 01:18:42,295
This is what happened
to me and Jackie.
1778
01:18:42,319 --> 01:18:43,196
You and Jackie were lucky.
1779
01:18:43,220 --> 01:18:45,364
You know, you're so...
You're unbelievable.
1780
01:18:45,388 --> 01:18:47,166
I was miserable
before I met her,
1781
01:18:47,190 --> 01:18:48,534
and it just happens, you know?
1782
01:18:48,558 --> 01:18:50,403
I mean, you're
a fucking amazing guy.
1783
01:18:50,427 --> 01:18:52,005
You don't have to
do this. Don't do...
1784
01:18:52,029 --> 01:18:54,773
Please shut up. You're
a great guy, you know.
1785
01:18:54,797 --> 01:18:55,741
I mean, if I were into guys,
1786
01:18:55,765 --> 01:18:58,311
we'd be in China right now
picking out a baby.
1787
01:18:58,335 --> 01:18:59,512
Thank god I'm not, but...
1788
01:18:59,536 --> 01:19:01,580
I'm kidding.
You know I love the gays.
1789
01:19:01,604 --> 01:19:03,282
And we appreciate it.
1790
01:19:03,306 --> 01:19:05,318
Guys.
1791
01:19:05,342 --> 01:19:05,985
Uh, Mitch.
1792
01:19:06,009 --> 01:19:07,586
I don't know if it's just me,
1793
01:19:07,610 --> 01:19:09,022
but I'm loving this tux.
1794
01:19:09,046 --> 01:19:10,289
You like the tux?
1795
01:19:10,313 --> 01:19:11,424
Loving it.
1796
01:19:11,448 --> 01:19:15,352
Mitch, remember how we discussed
the Ritalin situation?
1797
01:19:19,756 --> 01:19:22,768
Just please put on your pants.
1798
01:19:22,792 --> 01:19:24,670
Or get a tan.
1799
01:19:24,694 --> 01:19:26,239
Get doubles.
I want all of these.
1800
01:19:26,263 --> 01:19:27,673
Oh, yeah. When my
sister got married,
1801
01:19:27,697 --> 01:19:30,709
the best pictures were,
like, from the Instamatics.
1802
01:19:30,733 --> 01:19:32,711
Your sister got married?
1803
01:19:32,735 --> 01:19:33,446
Yes.
1804
01:19:33,470 --> 01:19:36,615
Jesus. Fuck.
What is my problem?
1805
01:19:36,639 --> 01:19:38,684
I'm like man poison...
1806
01:19:38,708 --> 01:19:41,154
Fucking penis raid.
1807
01:19:41,178 --> 01:19:42,521
Whatever.
1808
01:19:42,545 --> 01:19:43,556
Okay, girls...
1809
01:19:43,580 --> 01:19:45,058
How do I look?
1810
01:19:45,082 --> 01:19:46,559
Oh, my god.
1811
01:19:46,583 --> 01:19:49,262
You look like a movie star.
1812
01:19:49,286 --> 01:19:51,730
Really?
Yes.
1813
01:19:51,754 --> 01:19:52,465
Seriously.
1814
01:19:52,489 --> 01:19:53,466
Oh, Christ.
In a million years,
1815
01:19:53,490 --> 01:19:55,801
I never thought I'd be
wearing white this soon.
1816
01:19:55,825 --> 01:19:58,204
Yeah, well, you shouldn't
be, unless you want me
1817
01:19:58,228 --> 01:20:00,806
to call the pope and tell
him it happened again.
1818
01:20:00,830 --> 01:20:02,108
Hey, I would have
worn the cream one,
1819
01:20:02,132 --> 01:20:06,412
except for it made me look like
a Jenny Craig "before" picture.
1820
01:20:06,436 --> 01:20:08,514
Are you crazy?
1821
01:20:08,538 --> 01:20:10,516
Where's Tom?
1822
01:20:10,540 --> 01:20:11,350
He's out on the patio.
1823
01:20:11,374 --> 01:20:12,485
I mean, he is a man, after all.
What?
1824
01:20:12,509 --> 01:20:16,522
Repellent, remember? Gay or
straight... doesn't matter.
1825
01:20:16,546 --> 01:20:18,657
Hey, put that out.
1826
01:20:18,681 --> 01:20:20,393
You're killing my unborn child.
1827
01:20:20,417 --> 01:20:22,661
I was aiming a little higher.
1828
01:20:22,685 --> 01:20:23,329
Oh, nice.
1829
01:20:23,353 --> 01:20:26,332
What are you doing out here?
1830
01:20:29,859 --> 01:20:33,872
Oh, my god!
Eli was stalking you?
1831
01:20:33,896 --> 01:20:36,642
That is so romantic.
1832
01:20:36,666 --> 01:20:38,344
Well, not to me.
1833
01:20:38,368 --> 01:20:40,346
Oh. Oh, that's right,
that's right,
1834
01:20:40,370 --> 01:20:42,281
but if he tried to kill you,
1835
01:20:42,305 --> 01:20:44,850
then you'd be picking
out China patterns.
1836
01:20:44,874 --> 01:20:47,720
Hey, you all right?
1837
01:20:47,744 --> 01:20:49,688
Yeah. Yeah.
1838
01:20:49,712 --> 01:20:51,124
Just... you're
getting married.
1839
01:20:51,148 --> 01:20:53,626
I'm having abandonment issues.
1840
01:20:53,650 --> 01:20:55,728
I'm just extending
the family, babe.
1841
01:20:55,752 --> 01:20:57,230
Jackie, let's go!
1842
01:20:57,254 --> 01:20:59,465
We'll be right there!
1843
01:20:59,489 --> 01:21:01,124
Oh...
1844
01:21:05,195 --> 01:21:08,707
Tom, I owe you an apology.
1845
01:21:08,731 --> 01:21:09,642
For what?
1846
01:21:09,666 --> 01:21:12,845
The way I've been
pressuring you about Eli.
1847
01:21:12,869 --> 01:21:13,912
I realize I've just been trying
1848
01:21:13,936 --> 01:21:16,782
to make you like everybody
else, and you're not...
1849
01:21:16,806 --> 01:21:20,886
And that's one of the
things I love about you.
1850
01:21:20,910 --> 01:21:23,822
You're the only guy I know
who will probably never find
1851
01:21:23,846 --> 01:21:27,893
that one person to settle down
with, and still be very happy.
1852
01:21:27,917 --> 01:21:30,296
I envy that.
1853
01:21:30,320 --> 01:21:32,898
Jackie, get your ass in here,
1854
01:21:32,922 --> 01:21:35,168
or I'm wearing the veil.
1855
01:21:36,626 --> 01:21:38,804
We're coming!
1856
01:21:38,828 --> 01:21:41,207
But look at me. Shit!
1857
01:21:41,231 --> 01:21:44,643
I'm, like, one step away
from den mother, p.T.A.,
1858
01:21:44,667 --> 01:21:46,712
and, "hi, honey,
I'm home!"
1859
01:21:46,736 --> 01:21:48,814
How the fuck did that happen?
1860
01:21:48,838 --> 01:21:50,783
I guess you fell in love.
1861
01:21:50,807 --> 01:21:53,286
What? Oh, no, no, no.
I just got lipstick
1862
01:21:53,310 --> 01:21:55,721
all over every single
one of my teeth.
1863
01:21:55,745 --> 01:21:59,182
How did I do that? Hmm.
1864
01:22:00,283 --> 01:22:04,963
All right.
Well, it's show time.
1865
01:22:04,987 --> 01:22:08,891
You may exchange the rings.
1866
01:22:09,326 --> 01:22:12,729
Wow.
It's a nice one.
1867
01:22:17,634 --> 01:22:19,312
Congratulations!
1868
01:22:19,336 --> 01:22:21,847
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
1869
01:22:21,871 --> 01:22:23,382
You may kiss the bride.
1870
01:22:25,007 --> 01:22:26,285
Mazel tov!
1871
01:22:57,507 --> 01:22:59,376
Eli.
1872
01:23:01,978 --> 01:23:02,955
Eli.
1873
01:23:02,979 --> 01:23:04,323
Yeah?
1874
01:23:04,347 --> 01:23:06,892
How... how long are
we going to have
1875
01:23:06,916 --> 01:23:09,628
to keep ignoring each other?
1876
01:23:09,652 --> 01:23:11,297
What?
1877
01:23:11,321 --> 01:23:12,798
I'm not ignoring you.
1878
01:23:12,822 --> 01:23:13,966
Are you ignoring me?
1879
01:23:13,990 --> 01:23:17,736
Come on, Eli. You haven't
returned one of my phone calls,
1880
01:23:17,760 --> 01:23:21,540
and you've said maybe 3
words to me the entire day,
1881
01:23:21,564 --> 01:23:23,509
two of which were
"seafood newburg."
1882
01:23:23,533 --> 01:23:26,912
Which I have to say
was repulsive.
1883
01:23:28,571 --> 01:23:30,749
Can I get some more
champagne? Champagne?
1884
01:23:30,773 --> 01:23:32,285
Um, no.
Can I get a...
1885
01:23:32,309 --> 01:23:33,419
Oh, that's right.
I'm sorry.
1886
01:23:33,443 --> 01:23:35,654
Absolut Martini, straight up, two olives.
Make it dirty.
1887
01:23:35,678 --> 01:23:39,316
No, no. Actually, seltzer
with lime, please.
1888
01:23:39,882 --> 01:23:44,854
What? So now you're...
Not drinking?
1889
01:23:47,824 --> 01:23:51,370
Wow. Good for you.
1890
01:23:51,394 --> 01:23:53,672
Thanks.
1891
01:23:53,696 --> 01:23:54,873
I sort of had to.
1892
01:23:54,897 --> 01:23:57,800
I was slipping in the polls.
1893
01:23:58,100 --> 01:23:59,077
Yeah, well...
1894
01:23:59,101 --> 01:24:03,440
I, on the other hand,
need some more champagne.
1895
01:24:24,026 --> 01:24:25,504
Look, Eli, I'm sorry I didn't...
1896
01:24:25,528 --> 01:24:28,441
You know what?
Let's not do any of that...
1897
01:24:28,465 --> 01:24:32,602
"I'm sorry it didn't work
out" postmortem stuff, okay?
1898
01:24:33,370 --> 01:24:34,647
Okay.
1899
01:24:34,671 --> 01:24:39,084
Besides, it will free up some
time to make fun of people...
1900
01:24:39,108 --> 01:24:42,721
Like Mitch, man of mystery,
teaching the rabbi the macarena.
1901
01:24:42,745 --> 01:24:44,757
What is this, 1987?
1902
01:24:44,781 --> 01:24:45,824
Did you see Brett's mom?
1903
01:24:45,848 --> 01:24:48,727
I've never seen a woman
with more hair on her back.
1904
01:24:48,751 --> 01:24:51,497
I know. I keep waiting
for the Anti-fur activists
1905
01:24:51,521 --> 01:24:54,567
to storm in here
and throw paint on her.
1906
01:24:54,591 --> 01:24:55,701
Poor Brett and Jackie.
1907
01:24:55,725 --> 01:24:58,437
They have no idea what they've
gotten themselves into,
1908
01:24:58,461 --> 01:24:59,572
but they will... Mark my words.
1909
01:24:59,596 --> 01:25:02,575
See, first, they'll only
hang out with other couples,
1910
01:25:02,599 --> 01:25:04,977
and then they'll start
doing the "we" thing.
1911
01:25:05,001 --> 01:25:08,046
"Oh, we love this,
and we hate that."
1912
01:25:08,070 --> 01:25:09,582
And ordering for each other,
1913
01:25:09,606 --> 01:25:11,517
because "that's what
we always have."
1914
01:25:11,541 --> 01:25:13,919
Before you know it,
she'll be shopping
1915
01:25:13,943 --> 01:25:15,454
for lingerie at bloomingdale's,
1916
01:25:15,478 --> 01:25:16,789
and Brett, the poor loser,
1917
01:25:16,813 --> 01:25:18,691
will be outside
the dressing room
1918
01:25:18,715 --> 01:25:22,060
with her pocketbook in his lap.
1919
01:25:22,084 --> 01:25:23,529
Oh, my god.
1920
01:25:23,553 --> 01:25:26,532
You are so full of shit,
you know that?
1921
01:25:26,556 --> 01:25:29,668
You got this bullshit
"I don't need anyone" thing,
1922
01:25:29,692 --> 01:25:31,737
and you use that, thinking
it's going to shield you
1923
01:25:31,761 --> 01:25:35,508
from the fact that your parents
were drunks, had a lousy marriage,
1924
01:25:35,532 --> 01:25:37,142
and fucked up everyone
in their lives.
1925
01:25:37,166 --> 01:25:39,712
But it's your life now,
not theirs.
1926
01:25:39,736 --> 01:25:41,780
And what do you have
to show for it?
1927
01:25:41,804 --> 01:25:44,750
You're just another self-hating
recovering alcoholic
1928
01:25:44,774 --> 01:25:50,112
with nothing to live for
but a Martini and a blow job.
1929
01:25:54,551 --> 01:25:57,162
Eli. Eli!
1930
01:25:57,186 --> 01:25:58,130
Hey!
1931
01:26:00,156 --> 01:26:02,668
Don't you dare sum me up!
1932
01:26:02,692 --> 01:26:05,070
You don't know
the first thing about me.
1933
01:26:05,094 --> 01:26:07,806
And that would be whose fault?
Oh, god.
1934
01:26:07,830 --> 01:26:09,241
God. You know what?
1935
01:26:09,265 --> 01:26:12,545
It's so easy for you, Mr. Love
is a many-splendored thing.
1936
01:26:12,569 --> 01:26:15,448
But you know what?
I've seen it. I've seen it.
1937
01:26:15,472 --> 01:26:18,551
My parents loved one another
"till death do us part,"
1938
01:26:18,575 --> 01:26:20,753
and believe me,
it practically came to that.
1939
01:26:20,777 --> 01:26:23,589
I mean, have you...
Have you ever heard
1940
01:26:23,613 --> 01:26:27,826
the sound of two people
suffocating one another?
1941
01:26:27,850 --> 01:26:28,894
Have you?
1942
01:26:28,918 --> 01:26:31,697
Or the sound of ice cubes
smashing against the wall,
1943
01:26:31,721 --> 01:26:34,633
or a pot roast being
shoved down the disposal?
1944
01:26:34,657 --> 01:26:38,704
No. How could you possibly,
with your touchy-feely,
1945
01:26:38,728 --> 01:26:41,764
"I'm okay, you're okay" parents?
1946
01:26:42,031 --> 01:26:45,644
I'm sorry I'm bursting
your little bubble,
1947
01:26:45,668 --> 01:26:48,213
but there are
a million guys out there
1948
01:26:48,237 --> 01:26:50,649
who can give you what you want.
1949
01:26:50,673 --> 01:26:54,820
I'm just not one of them.
1950
01:26:54,844 --> 01:26:56,889
I'm sorry.
1951
01:26:56,913 --> 01:27:00,617
You do the math.
1952
01:27:01,250 --> 01:27:03,028
You know what?
1953
01:27:03,052 --> 01:27:08,024
Fuck you if that's the wrong
use of that expression.
1954
01:27:19,769 --> 01:27:24,750
♪ If I could bring you back ♪
1955
01:27:24,774 --> 01:27:28,654
♪ That'd be the sweetest thing ♪
1956
01:27:28,678 --> 01:27:33,592
♪ If I could bring you back
1957
01:27:33,616 --> 01:27:37,129
♪ I would do anything
1958
01:27:37,153 --> 01:27:43,602
♪ if I could bring you back ♪
1959
01:27:43,626 --> 01:27:47,697
♪ To me
1960
01:28:12,755 --> 01:28:16,593
I just wanted to say
before I go...
1961
01:28:17,259 --> 01:28:19,295
I'm sorry.
1962
01:28:21,230 --> 01:28:23,909
I don't want you
to leave here today
1963
01:28:23,933 --> 01:28:27,746
thinking that
you can't do this...
1964
01:28:27,770 --> 01:28:29,706
Being a...
1965
01:28:32,041 --> 01:28:34,677
Because you can.
1966
01:28:35,044 --> 01:28:38,615
Tom, you are going
to meet someone...
1967
01:28:38,915 --> 01:28:43,829
And you are going
to be so great at this.
1968
01:28:43,853 --> 01:28:45,964
And it's not going to be
like your parents,
1969
01:28:45,988 --> 01:28:51,861
and... and it's not going
to be like it was with me.
1970
01:28:55,932 --> 01:28:58,200
Anyway, um...
1971
01:29:01,370 --> 01:29:03,616
I'll see you around.
1972
01:29:03,640 --> 01:29:05,241
Eli.
1973
01:29:06,709 --> 01:29:08,386
What?
1974
01:29:08,410 --> 01:29:12,181
What exactly do you want?
1975
01:29:14,250 --> 01:29:16,061
What... what do I?
1976
01:29:16,085 --> 01:29:17,195
Yeah.
1977
01:29:17,219 --> 01:29:20,122
Yeah, you.
1978
01:29:21,824 --> 01:29:27,630
I wanted... This to stop
being so fucking hard.
1979
01:29:30,667 --> 01:29:33,302
I want to meet your sister.
1980
01:29:36,138 --> 01:29:38,917
I want to be over
this part, you know,
1981
01:29:38,941 --> 01:29:41,820
so that I can
call you an asshole,
1982
01:29:41,844 --> 01:29:44,222
even when you're sick, and...
1983
01:29:44,246 --> 01:29:47,392
You'd still know
how much I love you.
1984
01:29:47,416 --> 01:29:48,226
Eli...
1985
01:29:48,250 --> 01:29:50,228
I don't know what
you call that, Tom...
1986
01:29:50,252 --> 01:29:53,666
Pocketbook-holding,
suffocating, maybe...
1987
01:29:53,690 --> 01:29:57,870
But if I could ever have
anything even close to that...
1988
01:29:57,894 --> 01:29:59,829
Eli.
1989
01:30:25,755 --> 01:30:27,924
So I'm gonna go, okay?
1990
01:30:28,991 --> 01:30:31,336
Valet's got my car.
1991
01:30:31,360 --> 01:30:32,771
Got to...
1992
01:30:32,795 --> 01:30:36,408
Hey! There you are.
Oh, Eli! Hey.
1993
01:30:36,432 --> 01:30:37,009
Hey.
1994
01:30:37,033 --> 01:30:38,310
Uh, should I...
Or is...
1995
01:30:38,334 --> 01:30:39,377
Is everything okay?
1996
01:30:39,401 --> 01:30:41,914
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's up with the braid?
1997
01:30:41,938 --> 01:30:44,717
Oh, uh, Brett did it.
It's a long story.
1998
01:30:44,741 --> 01:30:46,985
Okay, I need to take
a personal moment.
1999
01:30:47,009 --> 01:30:48,486
What's the matter?
You're not having fun?
2000
01:30:48,510 --> 01:30:50,455
Oh, I was till
about 5 minutes ago.
2001
01:30:50,479 --> 01:30:51,423
What happened?
2002
01:30:51,447 --> 01:30:53,792
I put my left foot in,
I put my left foot out,
2003
01:30:53,816 --> 01:30:57,062
I put my left foot in,
and then I threw up.
2004
01:30:58,187 --> 01:30:59,331
The baby?
2005
01:30:59,355 --> 01:31:01,900
Uh, no. Brett's cousin Al
bumped his pokey into my hokey,
2006
01:31:01,924 --> 01:31:03,035
and I borched, all right?
2007
01:31:03,059 --> 01:31:06,071
I think Brett is the only
normal person in that family.
2008
01:31:06,095 --> 01:31:06,939
Yeah.
2009
01:31:06,963 --> 01:31:08,774
Okay, can we talk about
his brother Mitch?
2010
01:31:08,798 --> 01:31:09,875
Hello? Freaky Mcfreak!
2011
01:31:09,899 --> 01:31:11,443
I know. The guy wants to
get into Cirque Du Soleil.
2012
01:31:11,467 --> 01:31:14,379
I swear to you, he says he
can swallow his own leg.
2013
01:31:14,403 --> 01:31:17,082
Well... yo, what's up?
2014
01:31:17,106 --> 01:31:18,416
How are you doin'?
2015
01:31:18,440 --> 01:31:19,517
What am I missing?
2016
01:31:19,541 --> 01:31:23,088
Oh, just a family resemblance,
and I love you for it.
2017
01:31:23,112 --> 01:31:24,389
Okay. I don't know
what that means.
2018
01:31:24,413 --> 01:31:28,160
Uh, I'm really smashed. I think
I just made out with the rabbi.
2019
01:31:28,184 --> 01:31:29,161
Is that...?
2020
01:31:29,185 --> 01:31:30,062
He I hot.
2021
01:31:30,086 --> 01:31:31,029
Is there gonna be dancing?
2022
01:31:31,053 --> 01:31:32,164
Are we gonna dance?
2023
01:31:32,188 --> 01:31:32,965
'Cause I promised the family
2024
01:31:32,989 --> 01:31:35,768
some hot man-on-man
action tonight.
2025
01:31:35,792 --> 01:31:36,935
You and me?
2026
01:31:36,959 --> 01:31:37,469
No.
2027
01:31:37,493 --> 01:31:39,071
I think he means me.
2028
01:31:39,095 --> 01:31:40,505
Come on, guys.
Let's go.
2029
01:31:40,529 --> 01:31:43,308
It's gonna be fun.
Come on, sweetheart.
2030
01:31:43,332 --> 01:31:45,778
Oh, look at that ass!
2031
01:31:45,802 --> 01:31:46,711
A little something like that,
2032
01:31:46,735 --> 01:31:49,147
or if you want,
we could do eighties style.
2033
01:31:49,171 --> 01:31:51,016
No? Come on.
Stuff like that,
2034
01:31:51,040 --> 01:31:53,118
and then maybe a little unh!
2035
01:31:53,142 --> 01:31:54,953
You know what I'm saying?
2036
01:31:54,977 --> 01:31:55,687
Ow. Ow.
2037
01:31:55,711 --> 01:31:56,654
You're stepping on my foot.
2038
01:31:56,678 --> 01:31:59,024
How hot does this
broad look tonight?
2039
01:31:59,048 --> 01:32:01,093
So I meant to tell you,
2040
01:32:01,117 --> 01:32:03,161
I finally saw
gone with the wind.
2041
01:32:03,185 --> 01:32:04,462
And?
2042
01:32:04,486 --> 01:32:06,865
And... and I loved it.
2043
01:32:06,889 --> 01:32:07,766
Oh, thank god.
2044
01:32:07,790 --> 01:32:09,935
See, I think Scarlett
realizes in the end
2045
01:32:09,959 --> 01:32:12,104
that it was just fear
holding her back
2046
01:32:12,128 --> 01:32:14,039
from the guy
that she wanted to...
2047
01:32:14,063 --> 01:32:17,342
You know, hold her pocketbook.
2048
01:32:17,366 --> 01:32:18,543
Yeah.
2049
01:32:18,567 --> 01:32:21,113
And the thing
about Rhett Butler...
2050
01:32:21,137 --> 01:32:22,080
Yeah?
2051
01:32:22,104 --> 01:32:24,382
He wasn't
very fuzzy... Was he?
2052
01:32:24,406 --> 01:32:28,220
♪ I'm gonna make you love me ♪
2053
01:32:28,244 --> 01:32:32,190
♪ I'm gonna dry your tears
2054
01:32:32,214 --> 01:32:35,127
♪ and we're
gonna stay together ♪
2055
01:32:35,151 --> 01:32:39,021
♪ For a million years
2056
01:32:45,261 --> 01:32:49,241
♪ it's the least I can do
2057
01:32:49,265 --> 01:32:53,211
♪ just to make you my baby
2058
01:32:53,235 --> 01:32:57,282
♪ no words could describe
2059
01:32:57,306 --> 01:33:01,286
♪ oh, pinch me, I'm dreamin'
2060
01:33:01,310 --> 01:33:05,190
♪ your hair's long and black
2061
01:33:05,214 --> 01:33:09,161
♪ as it lays 'cross my pillow
2062
01:33:09,185 --> 01:33:13,065
♪ when I stare in your eyes
2063
01:33:13,089 --> 01:33:16,534
♪ I get lost in your glory
2064
01:33:16,558 --> 01:33:20,338
♪ I'll never leave
2065
01:33:20,362 --> 01:33:22,540
♪ oh, you want me to
2066
01:33:22,564 --> 01:33:26,168
♪ but that's all right
2067
01:33:27,269 --> 01:33:31,316
♪ I'm gonna make you love me
2068
01:33:31,340 --> 01:33:33,952
♪ I'm gonna dry your tears ♪
2069
01:33:33,976 --> 01:33:35,320
♪ Dry all the tears
2070
01:33:35,344 --> 01:33:38,323
♪ and we're
gonna stay together ♪
2071
01:33:38,347 --> 01:33:39,357
♪ For a million
2072
01:33:39,381 --> 01:33:43,328
♪ I'm gonna make you love me
2073
01:33:43,352 --> 01:33:45,998
♪ I'm gonna dry your tears ♪
2074
01:33:46,022 --> 01:33:47,199
♪ Dry all the tears
2075
01:33:47,223 --> 01:33:50,068
♪ and we're
gonna stay together ♪
2076
01:33:50,092 --> 01:33:53,362
♪ For a million years
2077
01:34:09,711 --> 01:34:14,192
♪ If the silence
doesn't kill you ♪
2078
01:34:14,216 --> 01:34:18,054
♪ Then illusion will
2079
01:34:20,489 --> 01:34:23,501
♪ and you're starin'
at the sky ♪
2080
01:34:23,525 --> 01:34:29,365
♪ But the moon ain't
gonna pay our bills ♪
2081
01:34:31,233 --> 01:34:34,379
♪ And we're laughin'
'bout it loud ♪
2082
01:34:34,403 --> 01:34:39,575
♪ When, oh, you know
it ain't no joke ♪
2083
01:34:41,410 --> 01:34:46,058
♪ You seem them
cake the roads with glitter ♪
2084
01:34:46,082 --> 01:34:50,352
♪ Trade your dreams for smoke
2085
01:34:53,322 --> 01:34:56,301
♪ teardrops in the treetops
2086
01:34:56,325 --> 01:35:02,031
♪ the wind is whistlin'
through the mountain's teeth ♪
2087
01:35:03,532 --> 01:35:11,940
♪ A song for
every wounded dove ♪
2088
01:35:15,777 --> 01:35:19,624
♪ But we're out further
2089
01:35:19,648 --> 01:35:24,386
♪ than the rainbow's edge
2090
01:35:25,021 --> 01:35:29,334
♪ going down,
down to the roots ♪
2091
01:35:29,358 --> 01:35:32,370
♪ Of love
2092
01:35:32,394 --> 01:35:34,772
Captioning made possible
by Trimark Pictures
2093
01:35:34,796 --> 01:35:36,999
Captioned by the National Captioning
Institute... www.ncicap.org...
150365
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