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JIMMY: Unfortunately,
Hope got bit by a cow
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00:00:04,227 --> 00:00:05,694
at Natesville's petting zoo.
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00:00:05,728 --> 00:00:08,113
Luckily, the petting zoois run by the butcher shop,
4
00:00:08,164 --> 00:00:10,332
so to avoid a messy lawsuit,they gave us
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00:00:10,350 --> 00:00:11,800
500 pounds of beef.
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So lately, we've been eatingnothing but meat.
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00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:17,284
All right, tonight
we're having steak-etti
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with meatballs and meat sauce.
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And make sure you leave room
for beef cobbler.
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(grunts)
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I haven't pooped in a week.
12
00:00:26,795 --> 00:00:28,429
Me, neither.
13
00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:31,632
But I know it's coming,
and it's gonna be bad.
14
00:00:31,666 --> 00:00:33,834
Four trains arriving
in the station at once.
15
00:00:33,852 --> 00:00:35,636
Ooh, sorry I'm late.
16
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I was at the gym trying
to work off some of this meat,
17
00:00:38,807 --> 00:00:41,191
and I met a new girlfriend.
18
00:00:41,226 --> 00:00:43,694
I knew it. I called lesbo
three months ago.
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00:00:43,728 --> 00:00:46,363
I'd have 20 bucks
if I'd gotten any takers.
20
00:00:46,398 --> 00:00:48,682
No, you wouldn't have,
because she's just a friend.
21
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,484
Which I desperately need.
22
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:53,153
Especially after I found out
my Internet friend Cassandra
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00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,788
doesn't actually exist.
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Hey, I was just trying to help.
25
00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,158
(cell phone ringtone playing) Ooh.
26
00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,860
Oh! That's Rachel calling
right now.
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00:00:59,878 --> 00:01:01,128
Isn't she pretty?
28
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,830
(screams)
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00:01:02,864 --> 00:01:04,531
(both scream)
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(screams)
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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What the hell is wrong with you people?
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I'm sorry. When I panic,
I throw things.
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Your new friend
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is my ex-girlfriend.
36
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,224
I was 18.
37
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I had just come out of my goth phase
38
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and was thinking of going to college.
39
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So I drove out to one, thinkingif I didn't end up going,
40
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I could still say I went to college
41
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and hope the questions ended there.
42
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Um...
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I'd like some pork and beans, please.
44
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(chuckles) You're funny.
45
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Wait, we're not actually here
to feed students.
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I'm not a student. No, I was
thinking of becoming a student,
47
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:48,491
but now that I've seen
everyone in their...
48
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,159
fancy horsey guy shirts,
49
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I'm thinking maybe I'll just
take my pork and beans
50
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and be on my way.
51
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Well, you don't have to be rich.
52
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You know, a lot of people
get here just by being smart.
53
00:01:58,151 --> 00:02:00,253
Strike two. Beans, please.
54
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,755
Here. But I don't think
you should give up
55
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,257
on yourself so easily.
56
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:05,842
You're an underdog.
57
00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,844
Everybody loves an underdog.
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Especially a cute underdog.
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(chuckles)
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BURT:
Wow.
61
00:02:16,687 --> 00:02:18,054
She's not just Natesville hot.
62
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:19,589
She's at least Milwaukee hot.
63
00:02:19,623 --> 00:02:21,674
Yeah, I don't know, Jimmy.
64
00:02:21,692 --> 00:02:25,144
Long-distance relationships
aren't such a good idea.
65
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:27,446
Plus, she's in college.
And while we've never been,
66
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:30,316
according to college movies,
things can get a little crazy.
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00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,184
Put the answers
to the final exam in your pouch,
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next thing you know, you're hopping away
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00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:34,601
from the university police.
70
00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:39,325
Am I the only one who saw
Big Kangaroo on Campus?
71
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:42,662
Well, me and Rachel are gonna work,
72
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:45,864
because I am gonna see her
every chance I get.
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(sighs)
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00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:49,034
And I did.
75
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I went to see her every single weekend.
76
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:53,806
Hi.
(chuckles)
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Everything was going along great
until Uncle Jonas died. (crying)
78
00:02:57,060 --> 00:03:00,563
But I want to go see Rachel,
not watch Maw Maw.
79
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,381
Life is so unfair.
80
00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:04,066
Uncle Jonas gets stomach cancer,
81
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,485
and now I'm the one who has to suffer.
82
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,820
Stop being so selfish.
83
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,822
Your mother just lost
a member of her family.
84
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,607
(crying, sniffling)
85
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(door opens)
86
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,363
(door shuts)
87
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:21,000
And now it starts to get interesting.
88
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(chuckling)
89
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,370
Since I couldn't go see Rachel,
90
00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:27,006
I tried to send hersomething special every day.
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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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00:03:38,602 --> 00:03:41,086
But none of my giftscould make up for the distance.
93
00:03:41,104 --> 00:03:42,254
And eventually the letter
94
00:03:42,272 --> 00:03:45,924
my parents warned me about arrived.
95
00:03:45,943 --> 00:03:48,611
"Dear Jimmy, there's
no easy way to say this.
96
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,647
"I've met someone else,
and I'm breaking up with you.
97
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,983
"Even though you have
the biggest trouser snake
98
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:56,035
of any man I've ever been with."
99
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,037
It said that?
100
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,606
No, I just threw that in
to make you feel better.
101
00:04:00,624 --> 00:04:03,576
And that sent me into a breakup funk.
102
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:08,130
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
103
00:04:09,967 --> 00:04:13,586
♪ It's not warm when she's away ♪
104
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:18,957
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
105
00:04:18,976 --> 00:04:21,927
♪ And she's always gone too long ♪
106
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:25,531
♪ Any time she goes away
107
00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:31,937
♪ Wonder this time where she's gone ♪
108
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:36,809
♪ Wonder if she's gone to stay
109
00:04:38,996 --> 00:04:41,980
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
110
00:04:41,999 --> 00:04:44,983
♪ And this house just ain't no home ♪
111
00:04:45,002 --> 00:04:49,154
♪ Any time she goes away
112
00:04:49,172 --> 00:04:51,957
♪ I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
113
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:54,627
♪ I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
114
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,096
♪ I know, I know,
I know, I know. ♪
115
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,716
That Rachel is a demon child
from the jowls of hell.
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00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,636
And we don't want her in our lives ever again.
(doorbell rings)
117
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,522
Well, that's gonna be a problem
118
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'cause I invited her over for meat.
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(whispers):
Hit the deck!
120
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,727
(groans)
121
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,813
(quietly): Maw Maw, get down.
We're hiding.
122
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,816
I'm 86 years old. I've...
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00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,685
got a colon packed with meat.
124
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This is gonna take me a while.
(grunts)
125
00:05:26,857 --> 00:05:27,997
(doorbell rings)
126
00:05:29,143 --> 00:05:31,061
(quietly): Would you guys please get up?
127
00:05:31,095 --> 00:05:33,229
Look, Rachel is great.
128
00:05:33,263 --> 00:05:35,332
I've never had a BFF before.
129
00:05:35,366 --> 00:05:37,217
And I finally found someone
who's worthy of me
130
00:05:37,251 --> 00:05:38,197
using that ridiculous phrase.
131
00:05:38,249 --> 00:05:39,783
(quietly): We're just
trying to protect Jimmy.
132
00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:42,118
Obviously we care about him
a little more than you do.
133
00:05:42,152 --> 00:05:43,152
SABRINA:
Really?
134
00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:45,955
Okay, fine. Name his
top three allergies.
135
00:05:45,989 --> 00:05:47,290
Trick question.
136
00:05:47,324 --> 00:05:48,742
He doesn't have any allergies.
137
00:05:48,776 --> 00:05:51,327
If I eat peanuts, I'll die!
138
00:05:51,345 --> 00:05:53,046
That's right. He will.
139
00:05:53,097 --> 00:05:54,764
Because Jimmy's a weakling.
140
00:05:54,799 --> 00:05:57,500
His heart can't handle
seeing Rachel again.
141
00:05:57,518 --> 00:06:00,336
That is why I forbid you
to open that door.
142
00:06:00,354 --> 00:06:01,805
You can't tell me what to do.
143
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,973
And you can't tell Jimmy
what to do anymore, either.
144
00:06:04,007 --> 00:06:06,393
Look, you are not a teenager anymore.
145
00:06:06,444 --> 00:06:08,478
You're a husband and a father,
146
00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:10,513
and even if no one
else here believes it,
147
00:06:10,531 --> 00:06:13,433
I know that you are man enough
to handle this.
148
00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:15,485
Sabrina's right.
(sighs)
149
00:06:17,204 --> 00:06:19,355
(sighs)
150
00:06:19,373 --> 00:06:21,574
She was right about me
being able to switch
151
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:25,211
from baths to showers,
and she is right about this.
152
00:06:25,246 --> 00:06:27,180
I'm an adult now.
153
00:06:31,552 --> 00:06:33,536
(sighs)
154
00:06:33,554 --> 00:06:36,089
I rang the bell so long ago,
but I knew I had the right house
155
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:38,675
because I could smell all the meat.
Oh, yeah, the...
156
00:06:40,711 --> 00:06:42,645
Jimmy?
Uh...
157
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,314
hello, Rachel.
158
00:06:44,348 --> 00:06:46,266
Uh...
So,
159
00:06:46,317 --> 00:06:48,384
funny story:
160
00:06:48,402 --> 00:06:51,020
It turns out that my husband Jimmy
161
00:06:51,054 --> 00:06:52,939
is your old boyfriend.
162
00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:55,558
Yeah. Oh, my God.
It's-it's been so long.
163
00:06:55,576 --> 00:06:56,943
Yes, it has.
164
00:06:56,994 --> 00:06:59,112
Which is why I hope
what I'm about to say
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doesn't ruin your new friendship
with Sabrina.
166
00:07:00,698 --> 00:07:02,649
Jimmy, what are you doing?
167
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,203
Saying something that needs to be said.
168
00:07:05,519 --> 00:07:08,188
When I wrote this seven years ago,
169
00:07:08,239 --> 00:07:10,473
I wanted to make sure
that if I ever ran into you,
170
00:07:10,491 --> 00:07:12,492
you would know exactly
how I felt when you dumped me.
171
00:07:12,526 --> 00:07:14,310
"I thought that everything was going
172
00:07:14,328 --> 00:07:15,478
"to be great between us.
173
00:07:15,496 --> 00:07:17,864
"Then, all of a sudden, it was gone.
174
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:20,333
"If our relationship
was a hit new movie,
175
00:07:20,367 --> 00:07:22,035
it would be called Crash."
176
00:07:22,086 --> 00:07:24,454
Wh-When I wrote this,
uh, seven years ago,
177
00:07:24,488 --> 00:07:25,955
that movie had just
won the Academy Award.
178
00:07:25,989 --> 00:07:28,424
Never saw it, but I heard it was good.
179
00:07:28,459 --> 00:07:31,327
Uh, da-da-da-da,
let me see, a couple
180
00:07:31,345 --> 00:07:33,797
Hurricane Katrina references.
181
00:07:33,831 --> 00:07:36,266
Uh... Osama Bin Laden
is dead now,
182
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,218
so that doesn't work.
183
00:07:38,269 --> 00:07:39,853
This is really catching me off guard.
184
00:07:39,887 --> 00:07:42,338
I... I don't even know
what to say.
185
00:07:42,356 --> 00:07:43,590
I mean...
186
00:07:45,276 --> 00:07:49,062
Well, I see you're still cozy
with Lance and Sally.
187
00:07:49,113 --> 00:07:51,481
I am so embarrassed.
188
00:07:51,515 --> 00:07:54,567
I have been calling
them Burt and Virginia
189
00:07:54,618 --> 00:07:57,320
for like 30 years.
190
00:07:57,354 --> 00:07:59,455
Oh, my...
191
00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:01,241
Wait a second.
192
00:08:01,292 --> 00:08:02,242
You know them?
193
00:08:02,293 --> 00:08:03,743
Yeah, I know them.
194
00:08:03,794 --> 00:08:05,762
They're the whole reason we broke up.
195
00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:07,247
Mom! Dad!
196
00:08:11,085 --> 00:08:12,368
Oh, look, Sally.
197
00:08:12,386 --> 00:08:13,908
It's Rachel.
198
00:08:19,754 --> 00:08:21,264
JIMMY:
I don't believe this!
199
00:08:21,824 --> 00:08:23,491
Okay, let us explain.
200
00:08:23,526 --> 00:08:25,059
It's not what you think.
201
00:08:25,077 --> 00:08:27,946
VIRGINIA:
Jimmy was interested in girls
202
00:08:27,997 --> 00:08:29,998
at a very young age.
203
00:08:33,252 --> 00:08:35,170
I'm gonna give this ring
204
00:08:35,204 --> 00:08:36,871
to that girl over there
205
00:08:36,905 --> 00:08:39,124
and ask her to be my girlfriend.
206
00:08:39,175 --> 00:08:40,875
Okay, good luck.
Go get 'em, tiger.
207
00:08:46,298 --> 00:08:47,682
Excuse me?
208
00:08:47,716 --> 00:08:49,417
VIRGINIA: The problem
was Jimmy liked girls
209
00:08:49,435 --> 00:08:51,052
that were way out of his league.
210
00:08:51,086 --> 00:08:53,921
I guess the urinal isn't the
only place he aims too high.
211
00:08:56,108 --> 00:08:58,276
VIRGINIA: And sure enough,
once she realized
212
00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:01,196
there were smarter,richer guys out there,
213
00:09:01,230 --> 00:09:03,097
Jimmy was kicked to the curb.
214
00:09:15,461 --> 00:09:18,046
And we were left to pick up the pieces.
215
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,132
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
216
00:09:23,469 --> 00:09:26,604
♪ It's not warm when she's away ♪
217
00:09:29,141 --> 00:09:32,227
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
218
00:09:32,261 --> 00:09:35,480
♪ And she's always gone too long ♪
219
00:09:35,514 --> 00:09:38,566
♪ Any time she goes away
220
00:09:40,969 --> 00:09:45,306
♪ Wonder this time where she's gone ♪
221
00:09:46,325 --> 00:09:49,944
♪ Wonder if she's gone to stay
222
00:09:51,997 --> 00:09:55,783
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
223
00:09:55,817 --> 00:09:58,753
♪ And this house just ain't no home ♪
224
00:09:58,787 --> 00:10:02,323
♪ Any time she goes away
225
00:10:02,341 --> 00:10:04,209
♪ I know, I know, I know...
226
00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:05,493
Close your eyes.
227
00:10:05,511 --> 00:10:07,662
♪ I know, I know,
I know, I know... ♪
228
00:10:09,548 --> 00:10:12,183
I finally got him to go to sleep.
229
00:10:12,218 --> 00:10:14,602
Poor little guy's heart is broken.
230
00:10:14,637 --> 00:10:16,304
Just broken.
231
00:10:18,164 --> 00:10:21,364
Burt, I'm talking about our son.
232
00:10:21,484 --> 00:10:22,450
How can you...
233
00:10:22,484 --> 00:10:24,035
Don't look at me.
234
00:10:24,086 --> 00:10:25,741
Are you crying?
235
00:10:25,861 --> 00:10:27,822
His tiny heart is shattered.
236
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,792
(sniffs) It's making me so sad.
237
00:10:30,826 --> 00:10:32,093
(sobs)
238
00:10:32,128 --> 00:10:33,661
So...
239
00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:34,963
(sobbing)
240
00:10:36,966 --> 00:10:38,884
...sad.
241
00:10:38,935 --> 00:10:40,886
(crying):
I know.
242
00:10:42,239 --> 00:10:44,419
I hate this.
243
00:10:44,539 --> 00:10:48,310
I hate being so sad.
244
00:10:48,344 --> 00:10:49,644
We can't ever let
245
00:10:49,678 --> 00:10:51,563
this happen to us again.
246
00:10:51,614 --> 00:10:53,114
Promise?
247
00:10:53,149 --> 00:10:54,616
I... (gulping sobs)
248
00:10:55,439 --> 00:10:57,595
I promise.
249
00:10:57,715 --> 00:10:59,516
VIRGINIA: Knowing we
couldn't take seeing Jimmy
250
00:10:59,538 --> 00:11:01,323
get his heart broken ever again,
251
00:11:01,357 --> 00:11:02,623
we made sure he stayed away
252
00:11:02,743 --> 00:11:04,263
from women that were out of his league.
253
00:11:04,342 --> 00:11:06,326
Mommy, this is Tracy.
254
00:11:06,344 --> 00:11:08,128
She's really smart.
255
00:11:08,162 --> 00:11:09,763
She helped me with my letters,
256
00:11:09,798 --> 00:11:13,100
and she taught me
that boogers aren't food.
257
00:11:14,853 --> 00:11:17,137
Thanks for coming over.
258
00:11:17,171 --> 00:11:19,023
Most kids don't want to
be friends with Jimmy.
259
00:11:19,057 --> 00:11:21,108
I don't know if it's
because he has cooties
260
00:11:21,142 --> 00:11:23,611
or because I'm a witch
who eats children.
261
00:11:23,645 --> 00:11:26,346
(gasps)
262
00:11:28,494 --> 00:11:30,896
And it didn't stopwhen Jimmy became a teenager.
263
00:11:31,016 --> 00:11:32,570
Hello?
264
00:11:32,621 --> 00:11:34,371
Oh, hi, Susan.
265
00:11:34,406 --> 00:11:36,624
You're the head cheerleader, right?
266
00:11:36,658 --> 00:11:38,375
That's great.
267
00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:40,911
What'd you get on your S.A.T.'s?
268
00:11:41,997 --> 00:11:43,196
Wow.
269
00:11:43,215 --> 00:11:45,583
Yeah, Jimmy can't come
to the phone right now.
270
00:11:45,634 --> 00:11:49,303
He's in the bathroom
taking his, um, worm medication.
271
00:11:49,337 --> 00:11:50,838
Yep.
272
00:11:50,872 --> 00:11:53,841
His underwear looks like
the sidewalk after it rains.
273
00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:55,208
Hello?
274
00:11:56,228 --> 00:11:57,811
What is wrong with that boy?
275
00:11:57,846 --> 00:11:59,880
Right down the block, there's
that bucktoothed redhead
276
00:11:59,898 --> 00:12:01,815
with the one Frankenstein shoe.
277
00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:04,217
She's perfect for him.
278
00:12:04,236 --> 00:12:05,352
VIRGINIA:
We thought he had learned
279
00:12:05,386 --> 00:12:07,034
to leave those types of girls alone.
280
00:12:07,154 --> 00:12:08,991
But then Jimmy met Rachel,
281
00:12:09,111 --> 00:12:11,825
and she sounded a littletoo good for our taste.
282
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,494
Me and Rachel are gonna work,
283
00:12:13,528 --> 00:12:16,780
because I am gonna see her
every chance I get.
284
00:12:16,831 --> 00:12:18,398
(exhales)
285
00:12:18,416 --> 00:12:20,233
(sighs)
286
00:12:20,252 --> 00:12:22,453
You know we got to put a stop to this.
287
00:12:22,504 --> 00:12:24,288
So we told Jimmy Uncle Jonas died
288
00:12:24,339 --> 00:12:26,073
and that we were going to the funeral.
289
00:12:26,091 --> 00:12:28,842
But instead we went to spy on Rachel.
290
00:12:28,877 --> 00:12:31,428
We figured that sinceshe was away at college,
291
00:12:31,463 --> 00:12:33,847
Rachel was probably alreadycheating on Jimmy,
292
00:12:33,882 --> 00:12:36,433
but we had to go up there and get proof.
293
00:12:36,468 --> 00:12:38,936
So to blend in, Burt and Idressed like students
294
00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:40,688
in all the college movies we saw.
295
00:12:40,722 --> 00:12:43,307
This isn't anything like
the college movies we saw.
296
00:12:43,358 --> 00:12:45,526
Yeah. Where's
the uptight dean
297
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,861
and the crazy frat guys and...
298
00:12:47,896 --> 00:12:50,197
where's the kangaroo, for God's sake?
299
00:12:50,231 --> 00:12:52,066
I'm pretty sure you dreamt that movie.
300
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:55,035
No. Indiana Jones and the Planetof the Pickles was a dream.
301
00:12:55,070 --> 00:12:57,237
I'm pretty sure this one's real.
302
00:12:57,271 --> 00:12:58,906
(Rachel laughing)
303
00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:00,491
VIRGINIA:
Ooh, there's Rachel.
304
00:13:00,542 --> 00:13:01,575
I recognize her from the picture.
305
00:13:01,609 --> 00:13:03,327
I can't believe how hot she is.
306
00:13:03,378 --> 00:13:04,778
I mean, the picture cut
her off at the waist.
307
00:13:04,796 --> 00:13:06,780
I just assumed her ass ballooned out.
308
00:13:06,798 --> 00:13:08,082
(gasps) That must be the guy
309
00:13:08,116 --> 00:13:09,550
she's cheating on Jimmy with!
310
00:13:09,584 --> 00:13:11,001
As soon as they kiss,
I'll snap a picture,
311
00:13:11,052 --> 00:13:12,052
and we can go home.
312
00:13:12,087 --> 00:13:13,420
(both laugh)
313
00:13:13,454 --> 00:13:14,672
VIRGINIA:
Yo.
314
00:13:14,723 --> 00:13:17,474
(Burt imitates birdcall)
315
00:13:17,509 --> 00:13:19,510
(Rachel laughs quietly)
316
00:13:20,562 --> 00:13:21,595
Crap.
317
00:13:21,629 --> 00:13:23,847
All of a sudden, the slut gets shy?
318
00:13:23,898 --> 00:13:25,399
This could be harder than I thought.
319
00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:28,235
You go talk to that guy;
I'll talk to Rachel.
320
00:13:28,269 --> 00:13:29,770
On it.
321
00:13:36,995 --> 00:13:38,145
Excuse me.
322
00:13:38,163 --> 00:13:39,312
Hi.
323
00:13:39,331 --> 00:13:41,982
I made some terrible decisions
in my youth,
324
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,984
so I'm just now getting to college.
325
00:13:44,002 --> 00:13:46,570
Could you tell me
where the laundry room is?
326
00:13:46,604 --> 00:13:49,623
Oh, um, it's in the basement
of the student union.
327
00:13:49,657 --> 00:13:51,492
So you have to go out the door,
328
00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:53,660
down the stairs, past the econ building,
329
00:13:53,678 --> 00:13:56,430
through the quad...
Whoa. Lot of college words there.
330
00:13:56,464 --> 00:13:57,548
(laughing):
Yeah. Sorry.
331
00:13:57,599 --> 00:13:59,332
You know what?
I'm actually headed that way,
332
00:13:59,351 --> 00:14:00,634
so I'll just show you.
333
00:14:00,668 --> 00:14:01,802
I'm Rachel.
334
00:14:02,837 --> 00:14:06,056
Sally. Nice to meet you.
335
00:14:06,107 --> 00:14:07,391
So...
336
00:14:07,442 --> 00:14:09,526
are you hooking up with that hottie
337
00:14:09,561 --> 00:14:11,344
I saw you with earlier?
338
00:14:11,363 --> 00:14:12,846
Richard?
No. He's, uh...
339
00:14:12,864 --> 00:14:15,816
he's in my a capella group;
we're just friends.
340
00:14:15,850 --> 00:14:18,035
Right. Where have I
heard that before?
341
00:14:18,069 --> 00:14:20,687
Oh, yeah, just from every
single guy and girl
342
00:14:20,705 --> 00:14:23,023
who are "friends" right
before they had sex.
343
00:14:23,041 --> 00:14:24,124
Well, not us.
344
00:14:24,159 --> 00:14:25,859
Besides, I already have a boyfriend.
345
00:14:25,877 --> 00:14:28,295
He lives in Natesville,
and his name is Jimmy.
346
00:14:28,329 --> 00:14:29,630
(quietly):
Oh.
347
00:14:29,664 --> 00:14:31,665
(scoffs) Jimmy from Natesville.
348
00:14:31,699 --> 00:14:34,218
Sounds like a big-nosed
kid with a bad haircut
349
00:14:34,252 --> 00:14:36,303
who wet the bed till he was seven.
350
00:14:36,337 --> 00:14:38,806
But if that's what you like.
351
00:14:41,593 --> 00:14:43,977
Hey. So, what'd you
find out about Richard?
352
00:14:44,012 --> 00:14:45,646
He's premed, he likes
sports-scent deodorant,
353
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,314
he's got about 30 bucks in his wallet,
354
00:14:47,348 --> 00:14:48,649
and he doesn't lock his door.
355
00:14:48,683 --> 00:14:50,818
It's obvious he and Rachel
are perfect for each other.
356
00:14:50,852 --> 00:14:52,069
According to his diary,
357
00:14:52,103 --> 00:14:53,937
he hates his thighs and
he's shy with women,
358
00:14:53,988 --> 00:14:56,240
so it might take him a
while to make his move.
359
00:14:56,274 --> 00:14:57,390
Yeah, but in six months,
360
00:14:57,409 --> 00:14:58,826
when he finally does make his move
361
00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:00,277
and he and Rachel end up together,
362
00:15:00,328 --> 00:15:02,062
Jimmy's heart is gonna be
completely shattered,
363
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,281
and we're gonna be left
to pick up the pieces.
364
00:15:04,332 --> 00:15:06,033
Man, we got to help Jimmy.
365
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,701
And we got to free the Burmese people
366
00:15:07,735 --> 00:15:09,036
from their oppressive regime.
367
00:15:09,070 --> 00:15:11,455
After talking to Richard,
I wandered into a protest.
368
00:15:11,506 --> 00:15:13,207
Well, his heart's gonna
get broken eventually,
369
00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:15,742
so for Jimmy's sake,
we've got to break it now,
370
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,011
so it doesn't get more broken, later.
371
00:15:18,046 --> 00:15:20,214
He's lucky he has us.
372
00:15:21,916 --> 00:15:23,383
VIRGINIA: So we posedas full-time students,
373
00:15:23,417 --> 00:15:25,585
and we found some stuffin the dorm lost-and-found
374
00:15:25,603 --> 00:15:28,522
that helped us fit in better.
375
00:15:28,556 --> 00:15:30,140
(mouthing)
376
00:15:30,191 --> 00:15:31,442
ALL:
♪ Do, do, do... ♪
377
00:15:31,476 --> 00:15:33,560
And to get closer to Richard and Rachel,
378
00:15:33,594 --> 00:15:35,446
Burt and I joined the Cliff Notes,
379
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,231
their a capella group.
380
00:15:37,265 --> 00:15:39,900
♪ Bum-bum, bum-bum ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do... ♪
381
00:15:39,934 --> 00:15:42,569
I worked on getting Rachelmore interested in Richard...
382
00:15:42,603 --> 00:15:44,404
RICHARD:
Hey, guys.
383
00:15:44,438 --> 00:15:46,406
Mmm, mmm!
384
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:50,110
Better not see him naked on payday.
385
00:15:50,128 --> 00:15:51,879
...while Burt worked on
386
00:15:51,913 --> 00:15:54,447
gently building up Richard's confidence.
387
00:15:54,466 --> 00:15:56,616
What the hell is wrong with you?
388
00:15:56,634 --> 00:15:57,951
Be a man!
389
00:15:57,969 --> 00:15:59,553
And stop letting me slap you around.
390
00:15:59,587 --> 00:16:02,956
RICHARD: ♪ To sell your
body to the night ♪
391
00:16:02,974 --> 00:16:05,392
♪ Roxanne
392
00:16:05,426 --> 00:16:07,460
♪ Do, do, do ♪
♪ Roxanne
393
00:16:07,479 --> 00:16:09,897
♪ Do, do, do... ♪
♪ You don't have
394
00:16:09,931 --> 00:16:12,733
♪ To put on the red light
395
00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:16,103
♪ Roxanne... ♪
♪ Put on the red light...
396
00:16:16,137 --> 00:16:18,572
Meanwhile, we also had to makesure that we intercepted
397
00:16:18,606 --> 00:16:21,241
any mail or packagesthat Jimmy sent Rachel,
398
00:16:21,276 --> 00:16:23,410
and vice versa.
399
00:16:23,444 --> 00:16:27,581
♪ Roxanne... ♪
♪ Put on the red light
400
00:16:27,615 --> 00:16:31,418
♪ Roxanne... ♪
♪ Put on the red light
401
00:16:31,452 --> 00:16:34,671
♪ Roxanne... ♪
♪ Put on the red light.
402
00:16:34,706 --> 00:16:36,006
(Virginia whoops)
403
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,541
(indistinct chatter)
404
00:16:39,127 --> 00:16:40,377
I think somebody
405
00:16:40,428 --> 00:16:41,908
was checking you out during rehearsal.
406
00:16:41,930 --> 00:16:43,380
Was it that creepy security guard?
407
00:16:43,431 --> 00:16:45,649
My R.A. said they
were gonna fire him.
408
00:16:45,683 --> 00:16:46,717
No.
409
00:16:46,768 --> 00:16:47,801
Her.
410
00:16:47,835 --> 00:16:50,053
(whispers):
Behind you.
411
00:16:50,104 --> 00:16:52,839
You and Richard harmonize
so well together.
412
00:16:52,857 --> 00:16:54,942
You should have sex and get married.
413
00:16:54,976 --> 00:16:57,344
No way she'd ever be into me.
414
00:16:57,362 --> 00:16:59,012
Any woman would be interested in you.
415
00:16:59,030 --> 00:17:01,281
You're smart,
you're funny, you can sing.
416
00:17:01,316 --> 00:17:02,866
Unless you're dealing
with baby-sized equipment,
417
00:17:02,901 --> 00:17:04,517
you can have your pick.
418
00:17:04,536 --> 00:17:07,354
Sally, I told you, I'm with Jimmy.
419
00:17:07,372 --> 00:17:09,356
You haven't heard from him
for a couple of days.
420
00:17:09,374 --> 00:17:10,741
I'm sure he's busy cheating on you.
421
00:17:10,792 --> 00:17:13,660
I read somewhere how nine
out of ten Jimmys cheat.
422
00:17:13,694 --> 00:17:16,413
I don't know, I think she just
sees me more like a friend.
423
00:17:16,464 --> 00:17:17,915
You ever seen that show Friends?
424
00:17:17,966 --> 00:17:19,249
Everybody was hooking up.
425
00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,802
David Schwimmer nailed Jennifer Aniston.
426
00:17:21,836 --> 00:17:23,837
Anything is possible.
427
00:17:23,871 --> 00:17:26,173
You know what?
You're right.
428
00:17:26,207 --> 00:17:27,975
I'm gonna go for it.
429
00:17:28,009 --> 00:17:29,209
(whispers):
Attaboy!
430
00:17:32,063 --> 00:17:33,430
(gasps) Wh...
431
00:17:33,481 --> 00:17:35,432
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what the hell are you doing
432
00:17:35,483 --> 00:17:36,733
kissing my...
(grunts)
433
00:17:36,768 --> 00:17:38,218
friend Sally?
434
00:17:38,236 --> 00:17:39,486
You told me to.
435
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,989
You said she was checking
me out during rehearsal.
436
00:17:42,023 --> 00:17:43,607
No, I wasn't!
437
00:17:43,658 --> 00:17:45,826
You... kind of were.
438
00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:46,994
No... uh...
439
00:17:47,028 --> 00:17:49,029
You're not even my type.
440
00:17:49,063 --> 00:17:50,197
Sally, you're always talking
441
00:17:50,231 --> 00:17:51,832
about how hot you think Richard is.
442
00:17:51,866 --> 00:17:52,950
You are?
443
00:17:53,001 --> 00:17:55,018
A hot guy for you,
444
00:17:55,069 --> 00:17:56,987
Rachel, not for me.
445
00:17:57,021 --> 00:17:58,471
We're nothing alike.
446
00:17:58,489 --> 00:18:00,824
You're rich, and I'm not.
447
00:18:00,858 --> 00:18:02,475
That's what I like about you.
448
00:18:02,493 --> 00:18:06,263
You're, like, a real
working-class broad.
449
00:18:06,297 --> 00:18:07,998
I'll bet you're dirty.
450
00:18:08,032 --> 00:18:09,499
(gasps, grunts)
451
00:18:13,922 --> 00:18:15,872
What the hell is going on here?
452
00:18:15,924 --> 00:18:17,708
Uh... well,
453
00:18:17,759 --> 00:18:19,710
according to this bulletin board,
454
00:18:19,761 --> 00:18:22,045
um, lasagna day at the student union.
455
00:18:22,096 --> 00:18:24,264
"All Folked Up" is at the coffee house!
456
00:18:24,299 --> 00:18:28,018
(singsongy): And somebody's
getting rid of a futon.
457
00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:35,302
Why do you have a backpack
full of stuff from my boyfriend?
458
00:18:35,511 --> 00:18:36,545
What?
459
00:18:36,596 --> 00:18:37,879
That's not my bag.
460
00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:39,163
VIRGINIA:
That, uh, must be
461
00:18:39,181 --> 00:18:40,164
your bag.
462
00:18:40,182 --> 00:18:41,967
Oh, my God, this...
463
00:18:42,001 --> 00:18:43,969
this is all making sense now.
464
00:18:44,003 --> 00:18:45,687
The bag of stuff from Jimmy,
465
00:18:45,721 --> 00:18:48,607
you trying to get me to cheat
on Jimmy with Richard,
466
00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:50,508
why he hasn't called me lately.
467
00:18:50,742 --> 00:18:52,510
You're hooking up
with Jimmy, aren't you?
468
00:18:52,528 --> 00:18:53,645
What?!
469
00:18:53,679 --> 00:18:55,564
VIRGINIA:
No, that's crazy!
470
00:18:55,615 --> 00:18:57,983
Trust me, I could never
hook up with Jimmy.
471
00:18:58,017 --> 00:18:59,284
(chuckles)
472
00:18:59,318 --> 00:19:00,452
Stop it!
473
00:19:00,486 --> 00:19:02,687
I'm tired of all the lies, Sally!
474
00:19:02,705 --> 00:19:03,989
You're my sister.
475
00:19:04,023 --> 00:19:05,824
I need you to stop lying.
476
00:19:07,451 --> 00:19:09,160
The Indian chief who raised us
477
00:19:09,194 --> 00:19:10,378
would want you to be honest.
478
00:19:10,413 --> 00:19:12,030
You were raised by an Indian chief?
479
00:19:12,048 --> 00:19:14,583
I am dating Jimmy.
480
00:19:14,634 --> 00:19:15,700
(sighs) In fact...
481
00:19:17,003 --> 00:19:20,088
...here's a picture
of me and Jimmy
482
00:19:20,139 --> 00:19:22,615
and my... brother...
483
00:19:22,875 --> 00:19:23,875
...and...
484
00:19:23,893 --> 00:19:26,311
our tribe's medicine woman.
485
00:19:26,345 --> 00:19:27,979
I can't believe this.
486
00:19:28,014 --> 00:19:29,314
Well, believe it.
487
00:19:29,348 --> 00:19:31,189
When I found out Jimmy
was seeing someone else,
488
00:19:31,216 --> 00:19:32,696
I knew I had to get her out of the way
489
00:19:32,815 --> 00:19:35,020
so I could keep all that hot...
490
00:19:35,054 --> 00:19:37,188
Jimmy man-action
to myself.
491
00:19:38,608 --> 00:19:40,575
You know what?
492
00:19:40,610 --> 00:19:43,445
If you want Jimmy so bad,
you can have him.
493
00:19:43,496 --> 00:19:46,865
So I forged a breakup
letter from Rachel,
494
00:19:46,899 --> 00:19:49,000
sent it off to you in the mail, and...
495
00:19:49,035 --> 00:19:50,619
the rest is history.
496
00:19:50,670 --> 00:19:53,004
Wait, sorry, I got lost
at the beginning.
497
00:19:53,039 --> 00:19:54,873
Could you go back to when the goofy
498
00:19:54,907 --> 00:19:56,308
grocery store manager walks in?
499
00:19:56,342 --> 00:19:57,876
He's in this one, right?
500
00:19:57,910 --> 00:19:59,461
I can't believe you guys.
501
00:19:59,512 --> 00:20:01,513
You should write a book on parenting
502
00:20:01,547 --> 00:20:03,798
called The Oppositeof What You Should Do.
503
00:20:03,849 --> 00:20:04,916
You should be thanking us.
504
00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:06,217
If you had stayed with Rachel,
505
00:20:06,251 --> 00:20:07,752
you never would've
knocked up a serial killer
506
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:09,921
and married the cutest
girl in the supermarket.
507
00:20:09,939 --> 00:20:11,139
JIMMY: You're right. So I guess
508
00:20:11,190 --> 00:20:12,941
I should just run on down
to the pharmacy,
509
00:20:12,975 --> 00:20:15,593
get out a greeting card
that says "Thank you, parents,
510
00:20:15,611 --> 00:20:17,445
"for secretly breaking up
my relationship
511
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,732
and hoping that I'm lucky enough
to stumble into something good."
512
00:20:20,766 --> 00:20:22,450
They-they do have
some crazy ones now.
513
00:20:22,485 --> 00:20:24,786
I saw one that said,
"Sorry your bird died."
514
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:25,904
(snorts) Really?
515
00:20:27,456 --> 00:20:28,573
RACHEL:
I am out of here.
516
00:20:28,607 --> 00:20:29,874
You people, seriously,
517
00:20:29,909 --> 00:20:31,409
you're clinically insane.
518
00:20:31,443 --> 00:20:33,411
Clinically insane or...
519
00:20:33,445 --> 00:20:36,915
clinically insane like a fox?
520
00:20:38,084 --> 00:20:40,385
Hey, wait, this is a new marriage, okay?
521
00:20:40,419 --> 00:20:43,722
If it doesn't work out, I'll call you.
522
00:20:43,756 --> 00:20:45,974
(sighs)
523
00:20:46,008 --> 00:20:48,426
I can't believe it.
524
00:20:48,460 --> 00:20:50,562
She's gone.
525
00:20:50,596 --> 00:20:53,131
My BFF wasn't for F.
526
00:20:53,149 --> 00:20:55,133
Well, look at the bright side.
527
00:20:55,151 --> 00:20:57,819
Because of us, you weren't
friends for very long,
528
00:20:57,853 --> 00:20:59,738
so even though she broke up with you,
529
00:20:59,772 --> 00:21:01,239
it doesn't hurt that much.
530
00:21:02,742 --> 00:21:07,362
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
531
00:21:07,413 --> 00:21:10,031
Jimmy really did find
the perfect girl for him.
532
00:21:10,082 --> 00:21:11,866
We did a good thing.
533
00:21:11,917 --> 00:21:14,152
SABRINA: ♪ Ain't no
sunshine when she's gone ♪
534
00:21:14,170 --> 00:21:18,089
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
535
00:21:18,124 --> 00:21:21,693
♪ And this house just ain't no home ♪
536
00:21:21,727 --> 00:21:23,294
♪ Any time
537
00:21:23,329 --> 00:21:27,298
♪ She goes away
538
00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:31,335
♪ I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know... ♪
539
00:21:32,193 --> 00:21:41,457
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
540
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,063
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
541
00:21:45,113 --> 00:21:49,663
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39521
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