All language subtitles for The.Love.Boat.S04E27.Maid.For.Each.Other.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love
boat"]

Theme song: Love, exciting
and new, come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest
reward, let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat soon will
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

We set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

[Music playing]

[Phone ringing]

Oh, hey, you guys, my aunt
Loretta hasn't come aboard yet,

has she?

- Not yet, gopher.
- Relax, gopher.

Don't be nervous.

You're acting like
you're auditioning

for the part of her nephew.

Now, believe me,
you've got the job.

Sir, I know.
I know.

I want her to be proud of me.

She's so used to
hobnobbing with all

these sophisticated celebrities.

Just because your aunt Loretta
is an international celebrity,

you know she's still your aunt.

Judging from the
picture you have of her,

I'd say that your aunt
Loretta has just come aboard.

Aunt Loretta!

Gopher!

Ooh, ooh.

Muah.

I was afraid you weren't going
to get here before we sailed.

Oh, I was too.

The plane was late.

I thought you
had your own plane.

Well, that's why I was late.

I stayed on board to see
the end of the movie.

That's the last time I
show "gone with the wind."

That sure beats standing
in line at the movies.

Your own plane, I
don't even have a bike.

Oh, aunt Loretta, I want you
to meet some perfect strangers.

This is our ship's
doctor, Adam bricker.

- Hello.
- Doctor.

And this is Julie McCoy,
our cruise director.

- Welcome aboard.
- Surely.

And this is Vicki
stubing and her father,

captain merrill stubing.

This may not be
my very own ship,

but I certainly hope
you enjoy the crew.

Oh, I'm sure I will, captain.

And if she doesn't,
she'll just buy the ship

and make me the captain.

Oh, don't worry, sir.

I'll always find
a place for you.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

Oh.

Stupid of me.

No, I take that back.

It wasn't stupid of me.

It was very intelligent of me.

Otherwise, I never
would have met you.

Hi, Duncan Harlow.

That's my aunt Loretta.

Charmed.

Well, i--

I'm sure you all
have some work to do.

And I don't want
to be in the way.

So I, uh, I think I'll
get a breath of city air

before we sail.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye.

She's lovely, gopher.

Yeah, runs in the family.

Loretta, where have you been?

It's chilly.

And you took my fur.

Oh, well, i--

I am sorry.

I, uh--

yes, well, bring
the suitcases.

Um, oh, no, no, ma'am.

Um, this way.

[Music playing]

Yeah, the captain's going
to take good care of you.

I promise.

[Inaudible]

There you go.

Here, I hope you'll forgive me.

I love you.

I love you very much.

Well, hello.

Hello, there.

I'm Ted Harper, and this
is Richard Henderson.

Hi.

I'm the sexy one.

And he's the best
friend of the sexy one.

It's ok.

This man has been
embarrassing me since college.

Hey, rich, be fair.

I've actually been embarrassing
you since grade school.

Uh, rich, how about
checking us in?

The sexy one has to find
somebody to be sexy with.

Terrific, yeah.

Is he really your best friend?

For 20 years.

We have absolutely
nothing in common,

except 56 of us fraternity
brothers invested

$100 apiece into a
pot about 12 years ago

to go to the last bachelor.

Ted and I are the only two left.

Wow.

56 times 100, that's
almost $6,000.

A lot more than that.

We invested the money
in glamor stocks,

which performed glamorously.

Now it's worth about $50,000.

Wow.

So who's going to
hold out the longest?

You know, I don't think either
of us will ever get married.

See, Ted, he likes
all the ladies.

And me, I, uh, I guess
I'm married to my job.

Hm.

That's Richard.

What do you think of
your future husband?

He's kind of cute.

But I always hoped
I'd marry for love.

Well, don't look at me.

I'm planning on a long
and wealthy bachelorhood.

Come on.

Don't get cold feet now.

Ok, a deal's a deal.

Thanks, Paula.

I knew I could count on
an old friend like you.

If I'm such an
old friend, how come

I've never met Richard before?

Well, with
$50,000 on the line,

he hasn't exactly been
anxious to meet girls.

Besides, I never thought
of this idea before.

[Horn blowing]

Crowd: Goodbye.

Goodbye.

[Music playing]

Eddie?

Eddie Martin.

Karen.

Hi.

Hi.

Just "hi, Karen?"

In cumberland high, it was
undying love in the back seat

of your father's ship.

You remember that?

Yeah, well, a lot's
happened since then.

Well, I should hope
so, for both our sakes.

You work here?

Uh, yeah, I do.

I work here.

Good.

Well, then we'll have
time to catch up on what

each other's been doing.

You know, you're a lucky guy.

Me?

Sure, I had to
pay for this cruise.

Well, you did
it again, merrill.

You got us out of port without
sideswiping a single ship.

Well, I do have a
nice touch, don't I?

[Crying]

Is there something you
want to tell me, merrill?

Shh.

"Dear captain, I know that you
will take good care of my baby.

I've tried, but I can't."

Aw.

"God forgive me."

It's ok.

[Music playing]

Careful, Loretta,
you're mussing my slip.

Yes, ma'am.

You know, Loretta, I think
your problem is that you think

you're too good to be a maid.

Now, just because
you had some money--

[laughs]

I didn't have
some money, ma'am.

Before my husband died,
I had lots of money.

And you had lots of debts.

Don't forget, Loretta.

I could probably get a maid
who hadn't had lots of money

and would just like to work.

Yes, ma'am.

Uh, Mrs. Randolph, as I
told you, by coincidence,

my nephew is a member
of the ship's crew.

And he doesn't know
that I'm working it.

I'm not interested in
your personal life, Loretta.

I'm not paying you to talk.

I'm paying you to work.

Yes, ma'am.

[Music playing]

I don't know.

The more I think
about it, the less

I like the idea of talking
somebody into marriage.

We're just setting a trap.

He's a free citizen.

Nobody's forcing
him to walk into it.

And besides, you'll be
getting $10,000 from me,

and you can divorce
him in six months.

It sounds worse all the time.

Don't worry.

Now, remember his weaknesses.

He's very practical.

That's right.

He's a nice man, but very,
very slow with the dollar.

And he's very health
conscious, and he's

a nut about being punctual.

And here he comes now.

Don't forget the punctuality.

Where'd you go?

I thought you were going
to wait for me to change.

Ah, I'm sorry, rich.

I came out to get some sun.

Say, listen, I hear there's
a shuffleboard contest.

What time do you have?

Uh--

it's exactly 35 minutes and
7/10 of a second past 3:00.

Make that 8/10 of a second.

Are you always
that time conscious?

Yes, indeed.

We're all servants of time.

And by being
punctual, we greatly

please our stern employer.

Beautiful way to put it.

Well, come on, rich.

Let's go catch a
shuffleboard contest.

That's ok, Ted.

You-- you go ahead.

I'd like to talk some
more to this young lady.

That is, if you don't mind.

I don't mind.

I plan to sit here for another
13, um, three quarters minutes.

You're very time conscious.

Well, time is life.

Life is time.

Exactly.

I wonder whose it is.

Well, whoever left this baby
is either still on the ship

or got off before we sailed.

Thanks, goph, that
narrows it down.

Well, until we
return to Los Angeles

and turn it over to
the proper authorities,

the responsibility
of the baby is ours.

I wonder if it's
a boy or a girl.

Oh, it's a boy.

How do you know?

Well, I looked.

It's stitched in right
here on his bonnet--

Matthew.

- Doc?
- Huh?

Can I hold him?

Yeah, ok.

Thank you.

Aw, you cute little rascal.

Does anyone have any
idea how he got here?

I think he swam.

He's all wet.

Oh.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Do I have to physically bump
into you again to talk to you?

Or could we just settle
for figuratively bumping

into each other this time, huh?

Well, this time I'll settle
for figuratively bumping

into each other, although who
knows what the future brings?

Exactly.

Now, when I came
aboard, I didn't

realize that there was going
to be a lovely lady in mind.

And looking even
further into the future,

would you have dinner
with me this evening?

Well, I've been invited to
sit at the captain's table,

but, uh, since my nephew has
great influence on this ship,

I'm sure you're
welcome to join us--

that is, if you care to.

I will sit anywhere to be
near your, even if I have

to share you with the captain.

Thank you.

It isn't every maid who
gets to go on an ocean voyage.

Oh, you brought your
maid along on the cruise.

Well, even a maid deserves
to be treated nicely.

Hi, Karen.

Oh, hi.

Listen, I want to
apologize for before.

I was very rude.

Oh, no, you weren't, Eddie.

You know, except
for the beard, you

haven't changed a bit since
you took me to the senior prom.

Thanks.

That was one of the
best nights of my life.

Yeah.

How's everything in New York?

I understand you're a
successful decorator.

Yeah, I've been very lucky.

And bumping into you,
maybe I'm lucky again.

Yeah, well, I've got
a lot of work to do.

Uh, could-- could we
have dinner tonight?

Uh, no, I'm sorry, Karen.

It's, uh, it's
against the rules.

Belowdecks don't
mix with abovedecks.

Then I'll change decks.

I'm sorry, Karen.

I guess our timing
never was the best.

Ah, here you go,
San Francisco sunrise.

[Crying]

That baby's crying.

Thank you, Washington.

He's been crying for an hour.

I'm going him down to doc's
and get him checked over.

Maybe he's just hungry.

Hey, big fella,
you want a pretzel?

Isaac, he doesn't
even have any teeth.

Neither does my uncle,
and he eats everything.

Will you cut out the jokes?

I think he's sick.

Poor baby.

Are you the proud father?

Oh, no, no, um,
he was abandoned,

right here on the ship.

Oh, that's horrible.

Who'd do a cruel
thing like that?

Listen, are you guys
just going to stand

there and let that baby cry?

[Music playing]

This baby isn't sick.

It just a little love.

That's all.

Eddie, you and that baby
seem to belong together.

[Music playing]

I just can't believe all
the things we have in common.

May I help you, folks?

Uh, grapefruit juice, please.

Oh, that's my favorite.

Make that two.

All right.

Please bring my grapefruit
juice with no ice.

Then with my grapefruit
juice with no ice,

bring me a separate
glass of ice.

Certainly, that's the
only way to drink it.

If they bring you the ice
in the grapefruit juice,

you only get half as
much grapefruit juice.

However, if you order a
glass of ice separately,

you not only get
twice as much as ice,

you get twice as much
grapefruit juice.

I never thought of that.

This way, it's like getting
two glasses of grapefruit juice

for the price of one.

Hi.

Hi.

Ah, my watch stopped.

I think it's broken.

Aw.

Let me see that.

That should last
your lifetime.

Why, thanks.

Isn't she great?

Yeah, I guess so, if
you like practical women.

[Music playing]

That's a fabulous
story, Loretta.

I bet you've dined with every
celebrity that ever lived.

Well, everyone
but queen Elizabeth.

We kept missed
each other's calls

and never did get together.

Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

She called.

I forgot to give
you the message.

Oh, I'm sorry.

By the way, gopher,
whose baby was

that I saw you with on deck?

Oh, you must mean
little Matthew.

We don't know.

He was abandoned.

But we're all
taking care of him.

You should've seen the way
gopher changed his diapers.

What's wrong with the
way I changed his diapers?

Poor little Matthew
almost had to go

through life with gopher's
fingers pinned to his bottom.

Not true, Vicki.

Now, anyone can make a mistake.

Where's Richard?

He went to the cabin
to get something.

Oh.

Things are going just great.

He's swallowing the whole
thing hook, line, and sinker.

How do I look?

Oh, just look casual,
like you're on a date.

Now, listen.

Remember, at dinner,
you have to convince

him you're a fellow health nut.

Turkey.

Oh, that'd be a
smart thing to order.

See you later.

Sorry, I forgot my vitamins.

Some people don't believe
vitamins, but I do.

Oh, I take some vitamins
myself once in a while.

I used to take more
vitamins, but I've

cut down to only 53 different
kinds before each meal.

These days, i'm
concentrating more on herbs.

I've found that squaw vine is
absolutely marvelous for almost

everything.

Yucca-- I'm sure you
know-- is for the muscles.

And skunk cabbage stops
whooping cough in its tracks.

I'd given up all hope of
ever meeting a woman like you.

Mm.

Loretta, there's your maid.

Gopher: I didn't know
you brought your maid.

Oh, well, wherever
I go, she goes.

Excuse me.

Mrs. Randolph, I thought
you were going to have

your dinner in your cabin.

I changed my mind.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Would you care to join us?

Thank you.

I know we're living
in a changing world,

but I'm of the old school.

I don't approve of ladies
and their maids sitting

down to dine at the same table.

Oh, she's such an eccentric.

Loretta, I, for one, think
it was very charming of you

to ask her to sit with us.

Well, I want to
treat us as equals.

But being from the old school,
she just won't have it.

[Music playing]

I really should be
getting back to my cabin.

All right-- in
about three hours.

Hi.

Well, hi.

Well, dinner wasn't
much fun alone, you know.

The way you look and with
all the guys on the ship,

I find it hard to believe
you couldn't find someone.

Well, maybe I wasn't looking.

Better be careful-- that's
the way it usually happens.

I know.

Eddie, what's the matter?

Where's the old Eddie I used
to know with a smile as bright

as sunshine, huh?

I guess I just got a
lot on my mind, Karen.

Can I help?

No, I don't think so.

Hey, it's me, Karen, remember?

We used to tell each
other everything.

Karen, uh, I was married.

And my wife died about--
about six months ago.

Oh, I'm really sorry.

It's all right.

Thank you.

I'm just having a little trouble
getting my life back together.

Well, I can imagine.

I also have a
little baby, a son.

Well, he's a lucky boy.

I bet you're a wonderful father.

I can tell by the way you
held that baby on deck today.

Um, where is he, your baby?

Oh, he's, uh, he's being
taken care of by some friends.

Oh.

You're a marvelous dancer.

Thank you.

I used to be very
clumsy till I started

running 12 miles a day, six
miles forward, six miles

backward.

You're a very nice dancer too.

In fact, you're a very nice man.

I'll go get us a couple
of grapefruit juices.

Remember.

I know, one glass
of grapefruit juice,

one glass of ice.

This is easier than
I thought it would be.

I think he's in love with you.

Well, I'm glad you're
enjoying it so much.

I feel terrible.

How can you play
such a dirty trick

on a good friend of yours?

Listen, if one of us
doesn't get married,

that money is going
to stay there forever.

This way, uh, at least one
of us will get to enjoy it.

We still have a deal, don't we?

[Sighs] Yes.

Then keep dancing, kid.

[Music playing]

Oh, what a beautiful night.

But I really should be
getting back to my cabin.

Mrs. Randolph will be
wondering what happened to me.

Mrs. Randolph really is my maid.

But, um, sometimes she treats
me as if she were my governess.

It's fitting you
should have a governess,

because you make me feel
like a very little boy again.

A very naughty little boy.

Loretta, I'm a
very wealthy man,

and I control a very
powerful conglomerate.

But right now, i'm
thinking of a merger.

Is that all you can
think about, out here

in the moonlight?

Yes.

I would like to merge
my lips with yours.

Well, I would hate to
disappoint the stockholders.

Ah.

What a wonderful evening.

And what a wonderful girl.

Richard, there's something
I want to tell you.

What is it?

Well, uh, I don't know
how to tell you this.

Um, i'm, um, well, I'm finding
it very difficult to say.

I think I know
what you're saying.

I've been finding it very
difficult to tell you too.

As a matter.

Of fact, I've never told
anyone before in my life.

But here goes.

I love you.

That was a lot easier than
I thought it would be.

Now do you want to try it?

Go ahead.

It's easy.

Uh, I love you too, Richard.

There you go, one more
thing we have in common.

Wait till Ted finds
out he's going

to have 50,000 more bucks.

Huh?

Nothing.

It's a private joke.

[Music playing]

Uh, you called me, ma'am?

Yes, I've been calling you.

What more, I have been
calling you all night.

Where in the world
have you been?

Well, I guess I
was sound asleep.

I went to your room.

Well, maybe I
was sleepwalking.

Loretta, you've worked
for me for five years.

You never walk in your sleep.

Well, it comes and goes
just about every five years.

I don't want to hear
any more about it.

Now, here's the list of what I
want you to to do for me today.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, Mrs. Randolph, could I
take a second to see my nephew?

We haven't seen each
other in such a long time.

All right, but don't
disappear all morning.

I won't.

Thank you.

[Music playing]

Well, aren't you
surprised about us?

Surprised isn't
the word for it.

Who would have
ever thought I'd find

my future wife on this cruise?

Who indeed?

I'm going to miss
you, old buddy.

Oh, yeah?

Well, while you're missing
me, you can sit around

and count your money too.

Come on, Paula.

Let's walk off this breakfast.

See you later, Ted.

Well, everything's arranged
just the way you wanted.

They can get married in
the city hall in acapulco.

I think they look
happy, don't they?

Yeah.

Tell me something.

Hm?

For a man, who
just won $50,000,

why don't I feel happier?

Maybe you're
starting to realize

that your friend may have gotten
the better end of the deal.

Of course, I'm biased.

I'm a woman.

[Crying]

There, there, Matthew.

Everything's going
to be all right.

Dad, why is he so cranky?

Is he ok?

I hope so, Vicki.

[Knocking]

Come in.

I think we have a problem, Adam.

He feels very warm.

Warm?

Hell, this baby is burning up.

[Crying]

Hi.

Good morning, darling.

Coffee?

Oh, thank you.

Well?

Well what?

Are you going to tell me?

Tell you what?

I know your
secret, aunt Loretta.

How did you find out?

You can't hide things from me.

I saw you two
kissing last night.

That old Harlow is
really a mover, isn't he?

Oh, you-- you
mean Duncan Harlow.

Mhm.

Well, yes, I like
Mr. Harlow a lot.

So are you going
to marry him or not?

Oh, I only just met him.

Well, maybe that be a good
time to get married, before we

find out each other's faults.

[Crying]

I'm going to put you down now.

Nice and easy.

Lie down.

There you go.

I'm no pediatrician,
merrill, but all my tests

point to the same conclusion.

Matthew has autoimmune
hemolytic anemia.

What's that?

It's a severe
bladder infection.

He needs a transfusion,
otherwise--

otherwise what?

I just don't know
if he'll make it.

I'll make arrangements to
have him flown to Los Angeles.

No, we don't have that
kind of time, merrill.

He needs blood right away.

Use mine.

I wish I could.

You see, Matthew's
blood type is ab.

It's extremely rare.

Maybe a passenger.

Well, we can try.

But, well, keep your
fingers crossed.

Only three people
in 100 have type ab.

It's ok.

It's all right.

I think we should drink
a toast to our marriage.

To the woman I've
waited for all my life.

I can't marry you, Richard.

What do you mean
you can't marry me?

Ted set the whole thing up
with me to win the $50,000.

I don't believe this.

You're just too nice a
guy to go through with it.

You mean,
everything was a lie?

[Sighs] Everything.

Ted thinks the reason I
was doing it was because he

was going to give me $10,000.

The real reason is I was
hoping to make him jealous.

[Sighs]

[Sighs] I feel terrible.

That son of a gun, he got me.

I can't believe I let
myself fall for that.

I'm sorry, Richard.

I am going to get that louse.

I don't know how, and
I don't know when.

But I am going to get him.

And you're going to help me.

Loretta, I want to talk to you
about something very serious.

All right, I'll put
on my very serious face.

Loretta, I do not
do things by whim.

But I put you through
the computer of my mind,

and the final result was, "wow,"
with three exclamation points.

I want to marry you.

Oh, well, I thought
you were going to talk

about something serious.

I have never been more
serious in my whole life.

Hell, i-- I love you.

And you don't have
to worry about my

marrying you for your
money, because i'm

very well off myself.

There you are.

I'm sitting there drinking.

I've been looking
for you all day.

Excuse me.

But I don't think that
that is the proper tone

of voice for a maid to
use to her employer.

Maid?

Do I look like a maid?

She's the maid.

I'm the employer.

And the employer's telling
the maid she's fired.

[Music playing]

Oh, it's beautiful
here, isn't it?

Yeah.

Well, you seem to be
feeling better today, huh?

Yeah, a little bit.

Eddie, listen, I
know that you're going

through a rough time right now.

But I just want to
tell you that I really

care about you and for you.

Thanks.

Karen, I know I could care
about you too, if I let myself.

But right now, I just can't.

I can't.

I understand.

No, I don't think you do.

It's not what you think.

I haven't told you everything.

Well, I'm a good listener.

Merrill stubing (on intercom):
This is your captain.

I have an announcement
of utmost importance.

A blood donor is
needed immediately.

If you have blood
type ab, contact

the ship's doctor right away.

An infant is gravely ill.

Oh, could it be that
poor abandoned baby?

Oh, my god, no.

Where are you going?

I'm going to my son, Karen.

Won't be long before I'll
be Mrs. Richard Henderson.

How do you like
my wedding dress?

Oh, you look lovely.

Hey, that's the way you wore
your hair when we first met.

- Is it?
- Sure.

Don't you remember?

Oh, women don't remember
those silly things.

And isn't that the
perfume you always wore?

Yes and no.

Behind this ear is new.

Behind this ear is
the one you remember.

Oh, that's even better
than I remember it.

Richard loves it too.

I'm so lucky.

Some people marry for
love, some for money.

I'm marrying for
both love and money.

And I have you to thank for it.

Oh, yeah, I fixed
things up real good.

Is something wrong?

No, no, nothing's wrong--

nothing except that I love you.

Ted, please.

I'm practically married.

Then you're also still
practically single.

Marry me when we
get to acapulco.

Marry you?

That's right.

I want you to live with me in
a big house with lots of kids.

What about Richard?

We won't have room.

I mean lots of kids.

I can't do it to him.

It'll break his heart.

He'll have $50,000.

He can get a transplant.

What do I tell him?

Nothing, nothing, I'll
tell him after the wedding.

You're both very nice.

Please.

Well, I guess I
have known you longer.

Dad, how long have
they been in there?

Vicki, you've
asked me that five

times in the last five minutes.

Sorry, dad.

I'm sorry, honey.

I shouldn't be snapping at you.

It's just that I'm worried
about little Matthew in there.

Poor Eddie, I can
imagine how he feels.

Eddie's a good person,
captain, and a caring person.

Abandoning a baby
is a serious offense.

Well, I'm sure that he
had an important reason

for doing what he did.

Well, yes, I'm sure.

But I cabled the authorities
the minute we found Matthew.

So I'm afraid it's
out of my hands.

For god sakes, don't
let him die, doc, please.

I'm doing everything
in my power, Eddie.

I promise you that.

Matthew: [Wailing]

It's ok.

Aunt Loretta, something wrong?

There's only one
thing wrong, but it's

a pretty big one thing.

I am not who you think I am.

Well, I think you're
my aunt Loretta.

You're not my aunt Loretta?

Oh, of course i'm
still your aunt Loretta.

It's just that I'm not a
wealthy aunt Loretta anymore.

When my husband died,
gopher, I found out

that all of his companies
were heavily in debt.

So I had to sell everything
to pay back what he owed.

Oh, I still travel
all over Europe, but,

uh, now as Mrs. Randolph's maid.

You are a maid?

Oh.

I didn't want the
rest of the family

to worry or feel sorry for me.

So i-- I just
didn't tell anyone.

Oh, aunt Loretta, i--

well, I guess you and I
are going to have to do

some serious family planning.

Because if you're a maid,
that means that Thursday

is your day off, right?

Oh, gopher.

Oh, well, Mrs.
Randolph just fired me.

So now I have mondays,
Tuesdays, wednesdays,

and Fridays off too.

Hm.

Did you tell Mr.
Harlow about this?

Yes, he knows.

And I'm sure he doesn't
need another maid.

I'm leaving the
ship at acapulco.

Oh, aunt Loretta, I'm sorry.

Well, I really love you.

Come here.

Oh.

They've been in
there for three hours.

Well, I'm sure doc's
doing all he can, sir.

Any news?

No, not yet.

Oh, Eddie.

Is he all right?

Yeah, he's going to be ok.

I think this man
could use a drink.

Hey.

Orange juice.

[Music playing]

Announcer (on intercom):
Good afternoon,

and welcome to acapulco.

The ship will remain in
acapulco until 12 midnight.

And so in front
of these witnesses,

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

Ha, ha.

I got you.

I got you.

You tried to do it to
me, but I did it to you.

Is he telling the truth?

Did you set me up?

Here you are, Paula, $10,000
for helping me out scheme

the schemer.

Ted.

Would-- would somebody finish
kissing the bride for me?

Announcer (on intercom):
Your attention, please.

Our light club tour will
leave in one half hour.

Captain, please.

I'm sure if you spoke
to the authorities--

I want to help you, Eddie.

But the authorities can take
your baby away from you.

After all, you did abandon it.

Captain, my back
was to the wall.

When my wife died, my mother
started taking care of Matthew.

And then she got sick.

The only reason why
I brought him to you

was because of all
the people I know,

I knew you'd find
him a good home.

I appreciate that.

But my only concern is
what's best for the baby.

I've thought of nothing
else for the last few days.

And I know what's
best for Matthew.

It's me.

He's my son.

He needs me.

I need him.

But you still have
the same situation.

Matthew still has no
one to take care of him.

Yes, he does.

Eddie, I'll help you
look after Matthew.

That is, if you want me to.

Are you sure?

I've been sure
since high school.

Look, it has to be
more than coincidence

that brought us together again.

And Eddie, I do love you.

I love you too.

Captain, please.

Please, i-- I need
another chance.

Karen and I can give
Matthew a very good home.

Well, Dr. Bricker worked
hard trying to save the baby.

I guess the least I can do
is try to save the family.

Oh, Karen.

Ted, please.

Remember when I
told you that you only

had to be married to
Richard for six months

then you could divorce him?

Yeah, I remember.

Well, in divorcing me,
how about doing me a favor

and don't wait so long?

Ted, I want to try to explain.

Look, Paula, there's
nothing to explain.

I tried to con rich.

Instead, he conned me.

I got caught in my own trap.

No, it's not the
same trap at all.

That money wasn't for me.

It was for us, for our marriage.

I love you.

I have for years.

But you let Richard set me up.

No.

I let Richard do me a favor.

Come to think of it, I
haven't kissed the bride yet.

May I?

Until I tell you to stop.

[Music playing]

Well, aunt
Loretta, I guess if I

can't talk you out of leaving,
this is goodbye for a while.

I'll write you soon as
I get settled, gopher.

Where are you
going with those?

Oh, those are my suitcases.

I'm leaving.

Well, you have the
family silverware in there.

But no matter what
you've got in there,

I'm not letting you
off this ship with it.

In fact, you're not leaving
the ship with or without it.

Oh, thank heavens
someone needs a maid.

Hey, congratulations.

I haven't seen you
two since the wedding.

I guess you haven't.

I married this one.

Strange cruise.

You see what I have
to do because of you.

I hope you're satisfied.

I am.

Mhm.

Oh, Mrs. Randolph,
I really do want

to thank you for everything
during the past five years.

Don't expect a reference.

She won't need one.

She's already found
a new position.

Bye-bye, aunt Loretta.

Aw.

You're still my
favorite relative.

No, thank you, cupid.

Well, if things go
the way I have planned,

you may be having
yourself a new relative.

Well, that's ok with me, unc.

Bye, gorgeous.

Goodbye, handsome.

And if you ever need any shirt
signed, just let me know.

Captain, Vicki,
listen, doc, I don't

know how we can ever thank you.

By just taking care
of that son of yours.

Don't worry.

We will.

Oh.

Uh, um, we all
chipped in and have

a little something towards
Matthew's college education.

[Music playing]

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love
boat"]