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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,335 [Theme music] 2 00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:18,268 Theme song: Love, exciting and new. 3 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,018 Come aboard. 4 00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:23,523 We're expecting you. 5 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:35,118 And love, life's sweetest reward, let it flow. 6 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,500 It floats back to you. 7 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:50,133 The love boat, soon we'll be making another run. 8 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:59,058 The love boat, promises something for everyone. 9 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:03,438 Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance. 10 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:14,115 And love won't hurt anymore. 11 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:22,957 It's an open smile on a friendly shore. 12 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,375 It's love. 13 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,964 Welcome aboard, it's love. 14 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:40,934 [Music playing] 15 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,417 Welcome aboard. 16 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:07,418 They're here! 17 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,795 They're here! 18 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:09,879 Oh, she's so cute. 19 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,382 Hi. 20 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:13,800 Come here, baby. 21 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:14,801 Come here. 22 00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:16,386 [Grunting] 23 00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:16,928 Come on, Shirley. 24 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:18,388 Vicki: Hi, Shirley. 25 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:19,222 Welcome aboard. 26 00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:21,391 Shake hands? 27 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,351 Aw. 28 00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:25,061 Didn't take you long to find a friend, did it, Shirley? 29 00:02:25,144 --> 00:02:27,355 Well, unless there's someone else 30 00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,898 on board with a seal named Shirley, 31 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,692 you must be Oscar tilton. 32 00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:31,317 Oh, you're Julie McCoy. 33 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,902 Yes. Welcome aboard. 34 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:33,945 Thank you. 35 00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:35,572 Hey, Shirley, say hello to the young lady who 36 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:36,739 booked our act for this cruise. 37 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,741 [Grunting] 38 00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:43,913 If she doesn't get paid on time, she sulks. 39 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,957 Like my agent. 40 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:46,583 Well, we've better get unpacked. 41 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,668 Come on, Shirley. 42 00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:49,168 We'll see you later. 43 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:58,177 Haven't I seen them on television? 44 00:02:58,261 --> 00:02:59,971 Yes, you have. 45 00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:00,680 Miss-- 46 00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:01,347 Karen Hughes. 47 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,099 Ok. 48 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:03,975 Yes. 49 00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:06,060 You're on the fiesta deck, cabin 136. 50 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,062 Isn't he adorable? 51 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,856 Julie: Oh, the seal's a she, miss Hughes. 52 00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,734 Her name is Shirley. 53 00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:13,735 I wasn't talking about her. 54 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:18,281 I was talking about him. 55 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,324 And I think that this could-- 56 00:03:23,202 --> 00:03:24,203 oh, no. 57 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:24,329 I'll see you later, gopher. 58 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:28,750 Welcome aboard. 59 00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,294 Oh, I'm Hattie Williams. 60 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,545 And this is my grandson, Carl. 61 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,135 Let's see. 62 00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:44,349 You are in adjoining cabins on aloha deck, cabins 130 and 132. 63 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,808 Is something wrong? 64 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,102 You don't get rowdy or mean, do you? 65 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:49,312 No, why? 66 00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:52,565 Well, it's just that i'd have to be the one to stop you. 67 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:53,900 And I'd hate to be a failure. 68 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:55,735 Carl wouldn't hurt a fly. 69 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:03,034 Wasn't a fly I was thinking of. 70 00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:04,494 How do you do? 71 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,244 Welcome aboard. 72 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:05,912 Hello. 73 00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:07,205 We're Mr. and Mrs. Rogers. 74 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:08,998 Which way to promenade 340? 75 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:09,791 Go up the stairs and to your right. 76 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,502 Thank you. 77 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:15,463 Tell me, are there many single girls on this cruise? 78 00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:15,797 We do get quite a few. 79 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,215 Good. 80 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:18,591 I may need your help. 81 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:19,884 I want to find one for my husband. 82 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,677 Harold, how about that one? 83 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,513 Harriet, stop it. 84 00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:07,724 I'm not interested in any other women. 85 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,392 I am happy with you. 86 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:12,061 But you're not going to have me around much longer. 87 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,063 And I want to make sure you're well cared for after I'm gone. 88 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:17,900 You're not going anywhere. 89 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,445 I know your mother passed away at an early age, but-- 90 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,613 yes, and so did her mother and her sister. 91 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,574 But that doesn't mean that you're going to pass away. 92 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,242 Yes, it does, Harold. 93 00:05:26,325 --> 00:05:28,327 It's the curse of the [inaudible].. 94 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,955 The men live forever, and the women never make it to 45. 95 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,249 Harriet, only the other day the doctor 96 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,126 said that you were in perfect health. 97 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,587 What does a doctor know about curses? 98 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,714 Now, sit back and enjoy. 99 00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:43,176 I've made a great selection for you. 100 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,552 All you have to do is pick one. 101 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:01,736 Wait, wait, wait. 102 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,946 There's a customer over here. 103 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,199 Tell 'em the bar's closed. 104 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,246 What's the matter with Isaac? 105 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,039 You know what I think? 106 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,082 What? 107 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,417 I think he's afraid of that big guy over there. 108 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,170 Well, if you have to be afraid of someone, 109 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:19,462 I guess he's a good choice. 110 00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:27,136 [Grunting] 111 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,179 What's the matter, Shirley? 112 00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:29,097 [Grunting] 113 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:31,265 Oh, i'm-- I'm sorry. 114 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:34,310 Sorry, I just wasn't watching. 115 00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:35,103 How's that? 116 00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:35,978 Any better? 117 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,271 [Grunting] 118 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:38,106 You should gargle. 119 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,115 Hi. 120 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,408 I'm Karen Hughes. 121 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:50,827 Oh, hi, Karen. 122 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:51,953 I'm-- I'm Oscar tilton. 123 00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:53,663 That's Shirley. 124 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:53,788 Hi, Shirley. 125 00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:00,711 I hope I'm not interrupting anything. 126 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:05,174 I just thought you might like to talk to a human for a change. 127 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,552 [Grunting] 128 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:08,719 She was only kidding, Shirley. 129 00:07:11,722 --> 00:07:14,392 She is very sensitive. 130 00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,686 You think she knew what we were talking about? 131 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,563 Mm. 132 00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:19,188 But that's impossible. 133 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,858 She's just an animal. 134 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,818 [Grunting] 135 00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:26,571 She was only joking, honey. 136 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,534 Would you be a little careful with what you say? 137 00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:34,287 You see, she's my bread and butter, and without her. 138 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,746 I don't have an act. 139 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:36,455 That's not true. 140 00:07:40,459 --> 00:07:40,877 You're the real star. 141 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,254 [Grunting] 142 00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:47,091 I've seen you on television-- 143 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:50,344 Johnny Carson, merv Griffin, John Davidson. 144 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,053 You were marvelous. 145 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,723 Oh, thank you. 146 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:57,476 Of course, they only invite me because of Shirley. 147 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,477 But it's you they talk to. 148 00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:02,732 And you're funny and bright and have the-- 149 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,109 well, I'm only a school teacher. 150 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:08,279 And I don't know much about your business. 151 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,532 But despite what you say, I think you're great. 152 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:12,241 Well, thank you. 153 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,409 You're very, very sweet. 154 00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,211 I've got to get her to the cabin. 155 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:23,961 Hey, listen, why don't you come to rehearsal later? 156 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,838 I'd love to. 157 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,090 Oh, wonderful. 158 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:28,966 [Grunting] 159 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:29,967 All right, all right. 160 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:30,426 I'm coming. 161 00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:33,262 I'm coming. 162 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,013 After you. 163 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,306 [Grunting] 164 00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:37,600 Bye bye. 165 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:38,184 [Grunting] 166 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,644 That's your opinion. 167 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,115 Before I return your tray, are you moving 168 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,951 back in or just visiting? 169 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:55,701 I'm sorry about that. 170 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,787 Something urgent came up. 171 00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:58,996 I think it's coming up again. 172 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:05,962 Bartender? 173 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,421 Yes, sir? 174 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,131 Could you bring a glass of orange juice to that table? 175 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,883 Got you covered. 176 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:11,008 I'll be right there. 177 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,056 Could you make that a pair? 178 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,182 My grandmother would like one, too. 179 00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:23,854 Your grandmother? 180 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,315 Thanks. 181 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:26,941 Here. 182 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:28,401 It's time for my break. 183 00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:29,193 Isaac, wait! 184 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:29,986 Isaac! 185 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,074 It's your turn. 186 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,459 How about her? 187 00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:49,839 No. 188 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:53,009 Harold, you've got to be cooperative. 189 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:56,679 Now, I've picked out nine women so far, 190 00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:59,056 and you've said no to all of them. 191 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,558 Harriet-- Harriet, i'm-- 192 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:04,145 I'm not going to play this game with you. 193 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,521 But what's the matter? 194 00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:09,025 Don't you like any of the ones I picked out? 195 00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,026 Well, you know, they-- 196 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:13,070 they are kind of-- 197 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:16,782 you know, they're older. 198 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,242 Oh. 199 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,994 You want someone younger. 200 00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:22,288 Sure. 201 00:10:22,371 --> 00:10:25,166 Why fly tourist when I can go deluxe? 202 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,877 Well, you pick one out. 203 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:38,804 Her. 204 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:44,769 Her? 205 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:45,644 The young one with-- 206 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:46,437 her. 207 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:52,693 [Laughs] You'll be dead before me. 208 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,579 [Playing harmonica] 209 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:08,459 [Tooting horns] 210 00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,378 A little slow. 211 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,254 [Grunting] 212 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,340 [Playing harmonica] 213 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,134 [Grunting] 214 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:19,929 What's wrong, Shirley? 215 00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,180 Huh? 216 00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,890 [Grunting] 217 00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:25,101 Shirley, she is a guest. 218 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,602 [Grunting] 219 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:29,438 Well, big deal. 220 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,902 Will you please come-- 221 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:38,906 oh, all right. 222 00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,039 Hi, Karen. 223 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:47,957 Hi. 224 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,291 Is something wrong with Shirley? 225 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,585 I think maybe she's jealous. 226 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,379 And now, look, she's very possessive 227 00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:56,215 and we really have to rehearse. 228 00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:58,551 So if you wouldn't mind, you know-- 229 00:11:58,634 --> 00:11:59,301 oh, no. 230 00:11:59,385 --> 00:11:59,969 Of course not. 231 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,388 I'm sorry, but [inaudible]. 232 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:03,472 I understand. 233 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:08,185 Goodbye, Shirley. 234 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,568 She did that on purpose. 235 00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:16,735 I'm terribly sorry. 236 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:17,987 I don't know what to say. 237 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:21,323 I-- listen, can I see you later after I put her to bed? 238 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:22,283 Of course. 239 00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:23,242 I'll look forward to it. 240 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:26,328 [Inaudible]. 241 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,955 Shirley, that was terribly rude. 242 00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:29,498 What have you got to say for yourself? 243 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,958 [Grunting] 244 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:36,464 Oh, listen, you. 245 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,398 I think I'll run down and pick up the evening paper, 246 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:57,943 see what's going on in the world. 247 00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:05,493 And as long as I'm down there, I might jog a couple of miles, 248 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:06,327 loosen up a little. 249 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,415 Might even make it five miles. 250 00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,709 Got to keep in shape. 251 00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:15,920 Well, I'll see you later. 252 00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:18,214 Don't wait up for me. 253 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:18,839 [Grunting] 254 00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:23,677 All right. 255 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:24,678 All right. 256 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,691 Now I lay me down to sleep. 257 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,027 I pray the lord my soul to keep. 258 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:41,820 Go to sleep. 259 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,113 [Grunting] 260 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,534 Oh, yes, yes. 261 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,956 And bless Lloyd Bridges and flipper. 262 00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:53,415 Now go to sleep. 263 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:39,295 Isaac. 264 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,300 Isaac, Isaac, Isaac. 265 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:44,967 Been friends a long time, right? 266 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,553 I'm not going to tell you. 267 00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:49,471 Tell me what? 268 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,265 Why I've been acting so dumb. 269 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,475 Aw, I know you are afraid of that big guy. 270 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,894 I'm not afraid of him. 271 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,230 It's that little old lady with him. 272 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,107 Forget that you heard it from me. 273 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,233 The little old lady? 274 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:04,028 She's Mrs. Williams, my high school English teacher. 275 00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:08,365 Oh, you're afraid of your English teacher? 276 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:11,368 Did you forget to turn in a composition? 277 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,495 You don't understand. 278 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,332 I just can't face her. 279 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,167 You were that bad, huh? 280 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,003 No, I was that good. 281 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:25,174 You're looking at Mrs. Williams's prize student. 282 00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,009 You know, Isaac, it's amazing. 283 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,261 The more you talk, the less sense you make. 284 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:38,729 Gopher, I was voted most likely to succeed. 285 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:39,855 Some success, huh? 286 00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:41,231 I guess I can make a better ramos 287 00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:46,195 fizz than the other guys that are now doctors and lawyers. 288 00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:50,658 But Mrs. Williams thought I was going to be a great journalist, 289 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:55,412 a nobel prize winner. 290 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,706 Ever try to write with a swizzle stick? 291 00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,250 That's why you're hiding, huh? 292 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:03,045 I just can't let her see me as a bartender, 293 00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:06,048 even if it is chief bartender. 294 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,092 Well, I think you're being awfully hard on yourself. 295 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:17,518 Isaac Washington? 296 00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:21,689 Mrs. Williams, what a surprise. 297 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,899 Isaac, I didn't know you were working on this boat. 298 00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:26,902 Isaac Washington was one of my best students. 299 00:16:26,985 --> 00:16:29,029 Well, that doesn't surprise me. 300 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,198 I'm burl Smith, the assistant purser. 301 00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:32,574 - How nice to meet you. - How do you do? 302 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:33,826 Nice to meet you. 303 00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:37,705 Tell me, Isaac, what you do on this ship? 304 00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:40,207 Well, the fact is-- 305 00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,418 well, what doesn't he do, Mrs. Williams? 306 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:45,671 Isaac Washington here is the heart of the ship. 307 00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:50,551 He's first officer, that far from being a captain. 308 00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:54,930 I knew you would succeed. 309 00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:57,725 Yeah, well, actually, that's all wrong. 310 00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:00,477 Well, he's so modest. 311 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:01,437 Was he that way at school? 312 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,105 Oh, absolutely. 313 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:06,275 When he was elected president of the student body, 314 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,026 he asked for a recount. 315 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,862 Well, that's the way he is around here. 316 00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:13,157 He is always concerned about everybody. 317 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,618 Tell me, Isaac, do you suppose I could see where you work? 318 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,287 I've never been on a big ship before, 319 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:20,789 and I'd love to watch what you do. 320 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,959 Well, what I really do is-- 321 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,295 well, I don't see any problem with that, Mrs. Williams. 322 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,672 With first officer Washington's permission, 323 00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:29,798 I could set it up tomorrow morning 324 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,009 between 10:30 and 11:00. 325 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:32,968 When the ship docks in puerto vallarta, 326 00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:36,430 captain stubing will go ashore and leave 327 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,807 the ship in your hands. 328 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:39,767 Uh, right. 329 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:40,768 Wonderful. 330 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:43,645 I'll see you, then, in the morning, Isaac. 331 00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:44,480 Goodnight. 332 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:45,481 Goodnight. 333 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:46,607 Now you're acting dumb. 334 00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:47,649 Do you think I'm going to become the first officer 335 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,777 by tomorrow morning? 336 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:50,652 Why not? 337 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,863 We are equal opportunity employers. 338 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,275 Hi. 339 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,486 I'm sorry if i'm late, but I didn't 340 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:34,696 want Shirley to get suspicious. 341 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,825 I'm glad you're here. 342 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,035 You sure cater to Shirley. 343 00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:43,038 Well, it's just that she's so jealous. 344 00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:45,707 Last month, I hired this cleaning woman. 345 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:49,127 And well, Shirley saw us together, and she ran away. 346 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:49,878 No. 347 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:50,879 Yeah. 348 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,674 Just waddled out of the water and took off. 349 00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:55,050 And she came back a week later, thank heavens. 350 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,178 Because without Shirley, I'm out of business. 351 00:18:58,262 --> 00:18:59,388 Oh, that's not true. 352 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,557 You are very talented person. 353 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,016 And I don't ever want to hear you 354 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:06,603 putting yourself down again. 355 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,647 [Chuckles] 356 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:39,595 There she is, the next Mrs. Rodgers. 357 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,471 All right, Harold, you're on. 358 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:47,561 Harold-- 359 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:50,355 what's the matter? 360 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:53,942 I feel like I'm sending you off to school. 361 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:54,776 Go ahead. 362 00:19:57,779 --> 00:19:58,697 Go ahead. 363 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,046 I'm Harold Rogers. 364 00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:19,343 Um, Cindy sterling. 365 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:29,645 Anybody ever tell you you look like George Brent? 366 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:30,646 George who? 367 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:31,104 Brent. 368 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:34,149 The movie actor. 369 00:20:34,232 --> 00:20:36,652 Maybe a little bit of Herbert Marshall. 370 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:43,700 Good evening. 371 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,535 Look over there. 372 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:47,412 He found a girl, that pretty blond. 373 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:48,163 Who did? 374 00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:49,331 My husband. 375 00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:51,667 Well, I'm sure it's just a temporary thing. 376 00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,710 Bite your tongue. 377 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,632 Oh, I just love old movies. 378 00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:00,008 I go all the time. 379 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,134 But basil rathbone-- 380 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,720 I am so glad to see you two getting along like this. 381 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,014 You'll like him. 382 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:10,352 He's attractive, thoughtful, a good provider, and as a lover, 383 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:13,897 Burt Reynolds could take lessons from him. 384 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:16,817 Really? 385 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,819 You want references? 386 00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:21,989 I can give them to you in writing. 387 00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:29,454 Well, I think he's nice, too, but who are you? 388 00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:30,664 I'm his wife. 389 00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:44,469 Well, back to older women. 390 00:22:08,952 --> 00:22:11,830 Hey, Shirley, wait up. 391 00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:15,709 I never dreamed a TV star would see anything in me. 392 00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:17,294 And I never dreamed anything like this 393 00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:19,838 could happen to me, a guy who runs around 394 00:22:19,921 --> 00:22:22,007 with a pocketful of fish. 395 00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:23,425 All I ever attracted was pussycats. 396 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:28,847 I thought all i'd ever have was Shirley, 397 00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:30,223 but now I have so much more. 398 00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:42,652 [Splash] 399 00:22:42,736 --> 00:22:44,613 What was that? 400 00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:46,114 I didn't hear anything. 401 00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:52,037 Is Shirley here? 402 00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:56,416 Here? 403 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:57,626 No, she's asleep. 404 00:22:57,709 --> 00:22:59,127 No, I just followed her here. 405 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:04,299 I thought she-- oh, no! 406 00:23:04,382 --> 00:23:08,136 Oh, my god! 407 00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,263 Shirley-- she must have seen us. 408 00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:11,515 She jumped overboard. 409 00:23:11,598 --> 00:23:11,848 Shirley! 410 00:23:11,932 --> 00:23:14,309 Shirley! 411 00:23:14,392 --> 00:23:15,102 Shirley! 412 00:23:37,415 --> 00:23:39,584 Gopher, if the captain ever finds us in here-- 413 00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:40,669 man, relax. 414 00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:42,838 We'll have her out of here in five minutes. 415 00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:43,505 Captain will never know. 416 00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:44,506 He went ashore with Vicki. 417 00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:47,592 Now, better put on one of the captain's hats. 418 00:23:57,561 --> 00:23:58,436 Excuse me. 419 00:23:58,520 --> 00:23:59,354 Oh, hi. 420 00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:00,313 Am I late? 421 00:24:00,397 --> 00:24:01,773 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Mrs. Williams. 422 00:24:01,857 --> 00:24:02,232 You come right in. - Yes. 423 00:24:02,315 --> 00:24:03,567 Look official. 424 00:24:07,070 --> 00:24:11,616 Isn't this impressive? 425 00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:15,537 Just what are your duties, Isaac? 426 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:18,540 Mrs. Williams, what I really want you to know is-- 427 00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:19,332 that's all right, sir. 428 00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:20,375 I'll fill her in. 429 00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:22,460 You just resume your numerous responsibilities. 430 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,549 Is something wrong? 431 00:24:27,632 --> 00:24:28,550 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 432 00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:30,635 It's just that, well, when first officer 433 00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:34,389 Washington is on duty his total attention to the ship. 434 00:24:34,472 --> 00:24:36,808 That's a good attitude. 435 00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:38,393 Mm hm. 436 00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:40,604 But to answer your question, Mr. Washington 437 00:24:40,687 --> 00:24:47,068 is in charge of navigation, maritime procedures, engines, 438 00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:49,738 crew, passengers, everything. 439 00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:52,866 That doesn't leave much for the captain to do, does it? 440 00:24:52,949 --> 00:24:55,827 Well, captain is just an honorary position. 441 00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,537 They find some guy that looks good in a uniform. 442 00:24:57,621 --> 00:25:01,166 Captain stubing is just for show, judging dance 443 00:25:01,249 --> 00:25:03,084 contests and stuff like that. 444 00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:04,920 Are you the captain? 445 00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:07,589 Yes, ma'am. 446 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:10,675 I just finished judging a cha-cha contest. 447 00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:14,471 You must be proud to have two such fine young man 448 00:25:14,554 --> 00:25:15,805 sailing with you. 449 00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:16,514 I can't tell you how proud. 450 00:25:20,602 --> 00:25:23,647 Well, I can see you're very busy. 451 00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:27,442 Thank you for showing me your ship, first officer Washington. 452 00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:29,402 I'll walk you back to your cabin. 453 00:25:29,486 --> 00:25:31,446 I'll help. 454 00:25:31,529 --> 00:25:31,571 Gentlemen. 455 00:25:39,537 --> 00:25:42,249 If it isn't in an imposition, I'd like to see both of you 456 00:25:42,332 --> 00:25:44,459 in my office tonight right after we leave port. 457 00:25:44,542 --> 00:25:45,418 Yes, sir. 458 00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:46,419 Yes, sir. 459 00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:48,421 I'll try to look real good in my uniform. 460 00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:04,312 The whole thing is crazy. 461 00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:06,940 My wife is driving me nuts. 462 00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:07,941 What am I going to do? 463 00:26:08,024 --> 00:26:11,528 Well, why not just go along with her idea? 464 00:26:11,611 --> 00:26:13,863 You mean really find another woman? 465 00:26:13,947 --> 00:26:15,699 Yeah. 466 00:26:15,782 --> 00:26:18,827 That way, she'll enjoy the cruise. 467 00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:20,537 And you certainly will, too. 468 00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:25,250 I don't want to be with anyone else. 469 00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:27,002 But you won't be for long. 470 00:26:27,085 --> 00:26:29,754 The odds are that when she finally actually sees 471 00:26:29,838 --> 00:26:31,548 you're paying attention to some sexy, voluptuous woman, 472 00:26:31,631 --> 00:26:35,510 she'll get jealous and snap back into her senses. 473 00:26:39,097 --> 00:26:41,182 Maybe that'll do it. 474 00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:42,100 What if she doesn't get jealous? 475 00:26:42,183 --> 00:26:43,893 What if she approves? 476 00:26:43,977 --> 00:26:48,023 Then you're stuck with a sexy, voluptuous woman. 477 00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:49,858 [Knocking] 478 00:26:49,941 --> 00:26:56,448 Come in. 479 00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:58,366 I've lost her, Karen. 480 00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:01,036 She's gone forever. 481 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:02,245 Stop blaming yourself. 482 00:27:02,329 --> 00:27:04,289 It's not your fault. 483 00:27:04,372 --> 00:27:06,916 I should never have let her find out about us. 484 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,626 She was so sensitive. 485 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:10,545 You'll got another seal. 486 00:27:10,628 --> 00:27:12,964 Oh, not like Shirley. 487 00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:20,055 No, it's over, my dreams, my career, my life. 488 00:27:20,138 --> 00:27:22,057 Oscar. 489 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:25,477 All I have left now are memories, memories 490 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:26,853 and 300 pounds of anchovies. 491 00:27:47,290 --> 00:27:49,459 Excuse me. 492 00:27:49,542 --> 00:27:51,878 No, no, no, please don't go. 493 00:27:54,672 --> 00:27:57,634 I want to apologize for me and my wife. 494 00:27:57,717 --> 00:28:00,053 We're not a kinky couple, honest. 495 00:28:00,136 --> 00:28:01,137 You're not? 496 00:28:01,221 --> 00:28:06,017 It's just that she wants to find a woman for me. 497 00:28:06,101 --> 00:28:07,560 That's normal? 498 00:28:07,644 --> 00:28:11,856 Harold, believe me, Irene Dunn would not do it. 499 00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:14,484 Oh, no, you don't understand. 500 00:28:14,567 --> 00:28:18,196 You see, my wife is convinced she's going to die. 501 00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:20,448 And she wants to be certain that i'm 502 00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:23,618 looked after when she's gone. 503 00:28:23,701 --> 00:28:25,995 Oh. 504 00:28:26,079 --> 00:28:29,707 You mean-- oh, me. 505 00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:32,669 Well, that's so beautiful, trying 506 00:28:32,752 --> 00:28:36,256 to find her own successor. 507 00:28:36,339 --> 00:28:39,050 I remember a movie where greer Garson was dying, 508 00:28:39,134 --> 00:28:43,972 and she did the same thing with vivien Leigh for Ronald colman. 509 00:28:44,055 --> 00:28:46,933 And they all lived happily ever after, except greer. 510 00:28:55,733 --> 00:28:59,195 Cindy, Cindy, would you consider 511 00:28:59,279 --> 00:29:01,698 spending some time with me, letting 512 00:29:01,781 --> 00:29:02,449 my wife see us together? 513 00:29:02,532 --> 00:29:09,330 Oh, it would be a privilege. 514 00:29:09,414 --> 00:29:11,958 We just have to be absolutely certain that she 515 00:29:12,041 --> 00:29:12,917 comes in at the precise moment. 516 00:29:22,552 --> 00:29:24,012 Excuse me, doc. 517 00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:26,306 Oh, hi, Harold. 518 00:29:26,389 --> 00:29:28,516 I see you're following my prescription. 519 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:32,145 Doctor, we need your help to get my wife to come 520 00:29:32,228 --> 00:29:34,522 to Cindy's cabin tonight. 521 00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:36,483 Aloha deck 357. 522 00:29:36,566 --> 00:29:39,110 Say right at 9 o'clock sharp. 523 00:29:39,194 --> 00:29:42,197 Aloha 357 at 9 o'clock sharp. 524 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:43,781 And what will be happening? 525 00:29:43,865 --> 00:29:44,616 Oh, we will be doing everything 526 00:29:44,699 --> 00:29:47,035 we can to make his wife happy. 527 00:29:52,582 --> 00:29:54,292 Julie: Ok, that's on deck four. 528 00:29:54,375 --> 00:29:54,709 Hi, Karen. 529 00:29:54,792 --> 00:29:55,960 Hi, Julie. 530 00:29:56,044 --> 00:29:57,462 I've been looking for you. 531 00:29:57,545 --> 00:29:58,630 Oh? 532 00:29:58,713 --> 00:30:01,049 I was thinking about the show tonight. 533 00:30:01,132 --> 00:30:04,260 I don't think there's going to be a show. 534 00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:05,720 Let Oscar go on, Julie. 535 00:30:05,803 --> 00:30:08,598 Well, you see, I signed up a seal act. 536 00:30:08,681 --> 00:30:10,600 Now how do you do a seal act with no seal? 537 00:30:10,683 --> 00:30:11,684 He doesn't need a seal. 538 00:30:11,768 --> 00:30:12,560 He's funny without it. 539 00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,896 I know you're crazy about the guy. 540 00:30:14,979 --> 00:30:17,565 You have to give him a chance. 541 00:30:17,649 --> 00:30:19,317 He's convinced that without Shirley, he's worthless. 542 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,819 Oh, Julie, please. 543 00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:23,488 I'm talking about more than an act. 544 00:30:23,571 --> 00:30:28,576 I'm talking about his life. 545 00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:30,787 Well, is he willing? 546 00:30:30,870 --> 00:30:34,958 He will be when I finish talking to him. 547 00:30:35,041 --> 00:30:35,625 Ok. 548 00:30:35,708 --> 00:30:36,793 We'll give it a shot. 549 00:30:36,876 --> 00:30:38,545 But if you're wrong, just remember, the three of us 550 00:30:38,628 --> 00:30:39,963 may have to swim back to Los Angeles. 551 00:31:10,118 --> 00:31:10,159 Captain stubing: Come in. 552 00:31:23,548 --> 00:31:25,258 If you're busy, we can come back later. 553 00:31:25,341 --> 00:31:26,050 Next month? 554 00:31:37,895 --> 00:31:41,816 Impersonating a superior officer, 555 00:31:41,899 --> 00:31:45,320 unauthorized passenger on the bridge, degrading a superior. 556 00:31:48,698 --> 00:31:49,449 Well? 557 00:31:49,532 --> 00:31:50,867 Would you believe we were drunk? 558 00:31:50,950 --> 00:31:51,534 No. 559 00:31:51,618 --> 00:31:53,286 I don't think you would. 560 00:31:53,369 --> 00:31:55,038 Your turn. 561 00:31:59,042 --> 00:32:03,880 Captain, this whole thing wasn't gofer's fault. 562 00:32:03,963 --> 00:32:04,672 Oh? 563 00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:10,136 Can I speak to you alone? 564 00:32:10,219 --> 00:32:10,261 You're dismissed. 565 00:32:16,684 --> 00:32:21,773 Sir, um, by dismissed, do you mean dismissed, 566 00:32:21,856 --> 00:32:22,523 or do you mean-- 567 00:32:22,607 --> 00:32:24,025 [popping sound] 568 00:32:24,108 --> 00:32:26,194 I'll let you know later. 569 00:32:26,277 --> 00:32:26,986 Ok. 570 00:32:34,994 --> 00:32:38,414 Captain, what you overheard on the bridge was-- 571 00:32:38,498 --> 00:32:42,001 Isaac, do you know what I heard? 572 00:32:42,085 --> 00:32:44,128 I heard a man trying to live up to an image 573 00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:46,422 that other people have of him. 574 00:32:46,506 --> 00:32:49,676 But sir, Mrs. Williams was a very special woman 575 00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:54,847 in my life, a teacher. 576 00:32:54,931 --> 00:33:00,061 She-- she expected great things of me. 577 00:33:00,144 --> 00:33:01,562 Ok. 578 00:33:01,646 --> 00:33:04,232 Let's say that she was fooled by the masquerade. 579 00:33:04,315 --> 00:33:09,696 But ultimately, the only one you'd be kidding is yourself. 580 00:33:09,779 --> 00:33:11,489 The problem that needs answering is not 581 00:33:11,572 --> 00:33:14,367 what Mrs. Williams wants of Isaac 582 00:33:14,450 --> 00:33:16,577 but what Isaac wants of Isaac. 583 00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:21,416 Have a word with her. 584 00:33:21,499 --> 00:33:23,084 If she's the woman I think she is, 585 00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:24,210 she may help you with your answer. 586 00:33:27,588 --> 00:33:30,049 Thank you, captain. 587 00:33:30,133 --> 00:33:31,384 You're dismissed. 588 00:33:37,306 --> 00:33:41,894 Sir, by dismissed, do you mean-- 589 00:33:41,978 --> 00:33:42,729 you're not fired. 590 00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:47,984 Thank you. 591 00:33:48,067 --> 00:33:48,776 Yet. 592 00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:09,589 It's almost showtime. 593 00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:11,382 What are you talking about? 594 00:34:11,466 --> 00:34:13,050 You have to go on. 595 00:34:13,134 --> 00:34:14,385 I can't go on without Shirley. 596 00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:15,803 Yes, you can. 597 00:34:15,887 --> 00:34:16,512 I know you can. 598 00:34:16,596 --> 00:34:17,346 I've seen you. 599 00:34:17,430 --> 00:34:18,639 You're bright and funny and witty. 600 00:34:18,723 --> 00:34:20,767 Well, that was Shirley. 601 00:34:20,850 --> 00:34:22,977 It was you. 602 00:34:23,060 --> 00:34:25,313 Maybe I'm prejudiced because I'm in love with you. 603 00:34:25,396 --> 00:34:27,523 But I'm sure you can be funny-- 604 00:34:27,607 --> 00:34:29,484 in love with me? 605 00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:31,444 Yeah. 606 00:34:31,527 --> 00:34:34,655 I thought it was only me in love with you. 607 00:34:34,739 --> 00:34:36,491 I know you can do it. 608 00:34:36,574 --> 00:34:40,369 You really can. 609 00:34:40,453 --> 00:34:42,830 A seal act without a seal. 610 00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:44,916 Well, that's certainly different. 611 00:34:44,999 --> 00:34:47,043 Then you'll do it? 612 00:34:47,126 --> 00:34:49,337 Well, if I fail, at least we won't starve. 613 00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:52,924 Bottom line is that we've got 300 lbs of frozen fish 614 00:34:53,007 --> 00:34:53,758 to fall back. 615 00:35:12,151 --> 00:35:12,819 Cindy: Be right out. 616 00:35:12,902 --> 00:35:16,656 Don't hurry on my account. 617 00:35:16,739 --> 00:35:18,115 Did you leave the door unlocked? 618 00:35:27,792 --> 00:35:29,377 One minute to nine. 619 00:35:29,460 --> 00:35:30,211 There's lots of time. 620 00:35:30,294 --> 00:35:30,878 Not really. 621 00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:31,838 We'd better get started. 622 00:35:31,921 --> 00:35:33,089 But i-- i-- 623 00:35:57,405 --> 00:35:59,323 Doc, doc, I've been looking all over for you. 624 00:35:59,407 --> 00:35:59,740 Have you seen Mrs. Rogers? 625 00:35:59,824 --> 00:36:01,617 Not lately. 626 00:36:01,701 --> 00:36:04,453 Look, doc, there is a super chick, right over there, 627 00:36:04,537 --> 00:36:05,204 who is dying to meet you. 628 00:36:05,288 --> 00:36:07,790 She say she freaks on medics. 629 00:36:07,874 --> 00:36:10,751 Yeah, but first I have to-- 630 00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:11,669 she does? 631 00:36:11,752 --> 00:36:12,336 She's right over there. 632 00:36:16,257 --> 00:36:17,425 You'd better get started, doc. 633 00:36:17,508 --> 00:36:18,342 There's not much time. 634 00:36:18,426 --> 00:36:20,177 The ship gets in tomorrow afternoon. 635 00:36:40,656 --> 00:36:43,326 [Applause] 636 00:36:44,911 --> 00:36:46,329 Thank you. 637 00:36:46,412 --> 00:36:48,039 Ladies and gentlemen, tonight the acapulco lounge 638 00:36:48,122 --> 00:36:52,543 proudly presents Oscar and Shirley. 639 00:36:52,627 --> 00:36:54,128 [Applause] 640 00:37:01,385 --> 00:37:02,637 Thank you very much. 641 00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:05,181 Thank you. 642 00:37:05,264 --> 00:37:06,057 Thank you very much. 643 00:37:06,140 --> 00:37:07,266 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 644 00:37:07,350 --> 00:37:09,518 A funny thing happened to me on my way over here. 645 00:37:09,602 --> 00:37:12,396 Shirley decided to put me in business for myself. 646 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,315 Now, it was quite a blow. 647 00:37:14,398 --> 00:37:16,734 Shirley and I were very close. 648 00:37:16,817 --> 00:37:18,277 We worked together for over 10 years. 649 00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:22,156 And well, Shirley was more than a partner. 650 00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,909 She was-- well, how would you men like it if you woke up 651 00:37:24,992 --> 00:37:27,870 in the morning and you found out that your wife had run off 652 00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:30,248 and was never coming back? 653 00:37:30,331 --> 00:37:31,457 You, sir? 654 00:37:31,540 --> 00:37:35,211 Why are you laughing? 655 00:37:35,294 --> 00:37:36,671 Now on with the show. 656 00:37:40,132 --> 00:37:46,555 A one, a two, and a three. 657 00:37:46,639 --> 00:37:48,683 Now I have to confess that this trick is a lot more 658 00:37:48,766 --> 00:37:51,560 effective with a seal. 659 00:37:51,644 --> 00:37:52,687 My next number is a duet. 660 00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:54,814 And without Shirley, i'm going to need a volunteer. 661 00:37:54,897 --> 00:37:56,524 Anybody want to volunteer? 662 00:37:56,607 --> 00:37:58,442 [Chatter] 663 00:38:01,529 --> 00:38:02,029 Anybody want to-- 664 00:38:02,113 --> 00:38:05,074 gopher, how about you? 665 00:38:05,157 --> 00:38:05,825 Oh, no, no. 666 00:38:05,908 --> 00:38:07,535 Come on, gopher. 667 00:38:07,618 --> 00:38:08,411 [Applause] 668 00:38:08,494 --> 00:38:11,872 We're going to have some fun. 669 00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:15,668 Come on, now. 670 00:38:15,751 --> 00:38:17,294 [Inaudible] It's very simple. 671 00:38:17,378 --> 00:38:18,963 See, I play on the harmonica. 672 00:38:19,046 --> 00:38:21,298 I play dun, dun, da dun dun. 673 00:38:21,382 --> 00:38:24,427 And you play on the horns, dun dun, dun dun. 674 00:38:24,510 --> 00:38:25,219 You got it? 675 00:38:25,302 --> 00:38:26,679 I guess so. 676 00:38:26,762 --> 00:38:27,513 Oh, that's a good boy. 677 00:38:27,596 --> 00:38:28,222 Come on now. 678 00:38:28,306 --> 00:38:29,265 It's really very simple. 679 00:38:29,348 --> 00:38:31,058 You know, this could be a steady job for you. 680 00:38:31,142 --> 00:38:31,517 I hope you like anchovies. 681 00:38:35,146 --> 00:38:35,980 [Inaudible] No, no, no. 682 00:38:36,063 --> 00:38:37,106 They don't work. 683 00:38:37,189 --> 00:38:37,898 You don't squeeze them. 684 00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:39,942 You blow into them. 685 00:38:40,026 --> 00:38:41,485 You'll get the hang of it. Just sit down. 686 00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:42,069 You ready now? Here we go. 687 00:38:42,153 --> 00:38:44,697 [Playing harmonica] 688 00:38:44,780 --> 00:38:46,699 [Tooting horns] 689 00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:49,368 Perfect. 690 00:38:49,452 --> 00:38:51,037 Wonderful. 691 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:52,955 [Playing harmonica] 692 00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:54,373 [Tooting horns] 693 00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:56,500 [Playing harmonica] 694 00:38:57,501 --> 00:38:58,419 [Tooting horns] 695 00:38:58,502 --> 00:38:59,920 Now in tempo. 696 00:39:00,004 --> 00:39:01,380 [Playing harmonica] 697 00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:04,508 [Tooting horns] 698 00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:06,469 [Playing harmonica] 699 00:39:06,552 --> 00:39:07,511 [Tooting horns] 700 00:39:11,474 --> 00:39:12,183 [Playing harmonica] 701 00:39:12,266 --> 00:39:12,933 [Tooting horns] 702 00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:13,934 Little faster. 703 00:39:14,018 --> 00:39:15,561 [Playing harmonica] 704 00:39:15,644 --> 00:39:16,771 [Tooting horns] 705 00:39:16,854 --> 00:39:17,563 [Playing harmonica] 706 00:39:17,646 --> 00:39:18,272 [Tooting horns] 707 00:39:18,355 --> 00:39:20,900 [Harmonia and horns playing 708 00:39:20,983 --> 00:39:29,450 together] 709 00:39:29,533 --> 00:39:30,451 [Applause] 710 00:40:01,273 --> 00:40:01,899 Doc! 711 00:40:01,982 --> 00:40:03,901 Oh, hi, Harold. 712 00:40:03,984 --> 00:40:05,486 Oh, no. 713 00:40:05,569 --> 00:40:06,320 I blew it. 714 00:40:06,403 --> 00:40:06,987 I forgot to get your wife. 715 00:40:07,071 --> 00:40:09,073 I'm terribly sorry. 716 00:40:09,156 --> 00:40:11,242 Do you realize what you just put me through? 717 00:40:11,325 --> 00:40:12,159 I've spent the last four hours lying 718 00:40:12,243 --> 00:40:15,371 in bed next to a naked woman. 719 00:40:15,454 --> 00:40:16,455 Why are you angry? 720 00:40:16,539 --> 00:40:16,831 How would you feel? 721 00:40:16,914 --> 00:40:18,457 I would-- 722 00:40:18,541 --> 00:40:20,000 I apologize sincerely. 723 00:40:20,084 --> 00:40:21,460 Because of you, I've been making love 724 00:40:21,544 --> 00:40:23,379 all night long for nothing. 725 00:40:23,462 --> 00:40:24,505 Harold, that's-- 726 00:40:24,588 --> 00:40:27,007 you ruined my whole evening. 727 00:40:27,091 --> 00:40:28,342 Ok, I'll tell you what I'll do. 728 00:40:28,425 --> 00:40:30,594 I'll go get your wife now and bring her. 729 00:40:30,678 --> 00:40:31,345 And you go back inside with Cindy. 730 00:40:31,428 --> 00:40:35,141 Back to Cindy, are you crazy? 731 00:40:35,224 --> 00:40:37,017 I'm lucky to be alive. 732 00:40:37,101 --> 00:40:39,353 What can I do to help? 733 00:40:39,436 --> 00:40:41,313 Nothing. 734 00:40:41,397 --> 00:40:43,774 I have a plan of my own. 735 00:40:43,858 --> 00:40:45,317 Harriet may be ready to lose me, but there 736 00:40:45,401 --> 00:40:47,153 are other things more important to her 737 00:40:47,236 --> 00:40:50,364 she may not be ready to give up. 738 00:40:50,447 --> 00:40:51,240 Oh. 739 00:40:51,323 --> 00:40:52,449 Well, what if your plan doesn't work? 740 00:40:52,533 --> 00:40:54,577 Then I'll just have to try Cindy's way again. 741 00:41:05,129 --> 00:41:06,797 Harold, where have you been? 742 00:41:06,881 --> 00:41:08,007 I looked everywhere for you. 743 00:41:08,090 --> 00:41:11,677 There were so many women at the dance, all candidates. 744 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:12,386 Let's go up and see-- 745 00:41:12,469 --> 00:41:14,638 Harriet, the search is over. 746 00:41:14,722 --> 00:41:17,725 I have found your successor. 747 00:41:17,808 --> 00:41:19,852 Oh? 748 00:41:19,935 --> 00:41:22,855 Well, that blonde that you approved of, you remember? 749 00:41:22,938 --> 00:41:23,314 The young one with the-- 750 00:41:23,397 --> 00:41:26,400 she'll be fine. 751 00:41:26,483 --> 00:41:29,403 I was with her in her cabin a while, 752 00:41:29,486 --> 00:41:34,283 and I think we're pretty, you know, compatible. 753 00:41:34,366 --> 00:41:36,410 Oh, that's nice. 754 00:41:36,493 --> 00:41:38,329 Oh, it really is. 755 00:41:38,412 --> 00:41:39,455 That's what I wanted. 756 00:41:39,538 --> 00:41:42,082 I just have to accept it. 757 00:41:42,166 --> 00:41:44,585 I guess it's all settled. 758 00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:46,754 I guess so. 759 00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:48,964 Just a few little details. 760 00:41:49,048 --> 00:41:51,467 Be sure and have your savings account transferred to her name 761 00:41:51,550 --> 00:41:52,426 now. 762 00:41:52,509 --> 00:41:55,054 There is a little sports car she likes, 763 00:41:55,137 --> 00:41:57,181 and it'll be just enough. 764 00:41:57,264 --> 00:41:59,433 My bank account? 765 00:41:59,516 --> 00:42:01,018 I saved that from the house money, Harold. 766 00:42:01,101 --> 00:42:02,937 It took me 11 years. 767 00:42:03,020 --> 00:42:06,899 Believe me, she'll appreciate it all the more. 768 00:42:06,982 --> 00:42:10,569 And it'd be better if you didn't wear that necklace anymore. 769 00:42:10,653 --> 00:42:13,822 Cindy likes it, and it might get scratched. 770 00:42:13,906 --> 00:42:15,199 No, Harold. 771 00:42:15,282 --> 00:42:17,076 Wrong. 772 00:42:17,159 --> 00:42:19,662 What's the difference? 773 00:42:19,745 --> 00:42:20,287 You'll be gone anyway. 774 00:42:20,371 --> 00:42:22,331 Wrong again, Harold. 775 00:42:22,414 --> 00:42:25,000 There will be no sports car. 776 00:42:25,084 --> 00:42:27,002 Oh, no, Harold. 777 00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:28,587 I'm going to keep the blue dress and the necklace. 778 00:42:28,671 --> 00:42:32,299 And I'm going to live for however long it takes. 779 00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:33,384 Are you sure? 780 00:42:33,467 --> 00:42:34,969 Yes. 781 00:42:35,052 --> 00:42:37,930 I'll tell Cindy the deal is off. 782 00:42:38,013 --> 00:42:39,890 And there'll be no more talk of another woman. 783 00:42:39,974 --> 00:42:41,642 No more. 784 00:42:41,725 --> 00:42:43,727 Ever. 785 00:42:43,811 --> 00:42:46,313 Oh, I guess I just didn't realize, Harold. 786 00:42:46,397 --> 00:42:50,484 It's all I wanted to hear. 787 00:42:50,567 --> 00:42:52,069 I love you, Harriet. 788 00:42:52,152 --> 00:42:54,863 And I always will. 789 00:42:59,952 --> 00:43:03,080 I love you, too, Harold. 790 00:43:03,163 --> 00:43:06,000 That's the only reason I ever-- 791 00:43:06,083 --> 00:43:08,502 let's not talk about it anymore. 792 00:43:08,585 --> 00:43:10,254 Let's make this a night to remember. 793 00:43:10,337 --> 00:43:11,171 Right. 794 00:43:11,255 --> 00:43:14,341 We'll go right up to the dance and-- 795 00:43:14,425 --> 00:43:18,345 I've got a better idea, Harold. 796 00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:23,517 Harold, come to bed. 797 00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,311 I was right all along. 798 00:43:25,394 --> 00:43:27,521 They will be burying me first. 799 00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:41,327 Good evening, Mrs. Williams. 800 00:43:41,410 --> 00:43:45,080 Good evening, Isaac. 801 00:43:45,164 --> 00:43:47,875 I have a confession to make to you. 802 00:43:47,958 --> 00:43:50,919 I'm not the first officer of this ship. 803 00:43:51,003 --> 00:43:53,589 I'm the chief bartender. 804 00:43:53,672 --> 00:43:54,840 I know. 805 00:43:54,923 --> 00:43:57,426 You do? 806 00:43:57,509 --> 00:43:59,553 When I told Carl about it, he thought 807 00:43:59,636 --> 00:44:04,016 it was a coincidence that the bartender was named Isaac. 808 00:44:04,099 --> 00:44:08,854 So I thought it was more than a coincidence, and I checked. 809 00:44:08,937 --> 00:44:09,897 You're disappointed? 810 00:44:09,980 --> 00:44:11,899 Yes. 811 00:44:11,982 --> 00:44:12,691 Very. 812 00:44:16,070 --> 00:44:22,242 Oh, not in you, Isaac, in myself for not being a better teacher. 813 00:44:22,326 --> 00:44:26,330 Mrs. Williams, you were the best teacher I ever had. 814 00:44:26,413 --> 00:44:29,124 Then why wasn't I able to teach you that who you are 815 00:44:29,208 --> 00:44:31,418 isn't important? 816 00:44:31,502 --> 00:44:34,963 It's what you are that counts. 817 00:44:35,047 --> 00:44:36,632 Isaac, do you think it matters to me 818 00:44:36,715 --> 00:44:41,428 whether you're a bartender, a ditch digger, 819 00:44:41,512 --> 00:44:44,598 or a captain of a luxury liner? 820 00:44:44,681 --> 00:44:47,434 All that matters to me is that you 821 00:44:47,518 --> 00:44:50,521 are happy at what you're doing and whatever 822 00:44:50,604 --> 00:44:54,233 it is, you're doing your best. 823 00:44:58,195 --> 00:45:02,241 You know, school's been out all these years, 824 00:45:02,324 --> 00:45:04,076 and I think you just taught me the most 825 00:45:04,159 --> 00:45:07,121 important lesson of all. 826 00:45:07,204 --> 00:45:10,999 Mrs. Williams, I love you. 827 00:45:47,995 --> 00:45:48,745 I hate to leave this ship. 828 00:45:48,829 --> 00:45:50,664 Last night was the most wonderful 829 00:45:50,747 --> 00:45:52,249 night I've had in years. 830 00:45:52,332 --> 00:45:54,293 I'm sure it was for you. 831 00:45:54,376 --> 00:45:55,461 Yes, dear, it was wonderful. 832 00:45:55,544 --> 00:45:56,837 Oh, Harold, I want to make up for all 833 00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:57,713 the agony I put you through. 834 00:45:57,796 --> 00:46:00,007 From now on, I promise that every night 835 00:46:00,090 --> 00:46:03,677 will be wonderfully wild and passionate, like last night. 836 00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,304 Can I sit down for a minute? 837 00:46:05,387 --> 00:46:06,346 Of course, dear. 838 00:46:14,605 --> 00:46:18,859 Mrs. Rogers, you're still alive. 839 00:46:18,942 --> 00:46:19,568 I certainly am. 840 00:46:19,651 --> 00:46:21,987 But he doesn't look too well. 841 00:46:22,070 --> 00:46:24,281 I didn't get much sleep last night. 842 00:46:24,364 --> 00:46:25,908 Should you ever again decide to pass on, 843 00:46:25,991 --> 00:46:29,119 I just want you to know that you can go peacefully, 844 00:46:29,203 --> 00:46:32,498 because I'll be waiting in the wings for Harold. 845 00:46:32,581 --> 00:46:34,041 I wouldn't wait, dear. 846 00:46:34,124 --> 00:46:37,669 When I go, Harold will be more than ready to go with me. 847 00:46:43,008 --> 00:46:46,470 Oh, I was afraid i'd missed saying goodbye to you. 848 00:46:46,553 --> 00:46:47,554 No chance, Mrs. Williams. 849 00:46:47,638 --> 00:46:48,889 I've been watching for you. 850 00:46:48,972 --> 00:46:52,351 You be sure and drive this boat carefully. 851 00:46:52,434 --> 00:46:53,685 It's a ship, Mrs. Williams. 852 00:46:53,769 --> 00:46:54,561 And you don't drive it-- 853 00:46:54,645 --> 00:46:56,063 Mr. Washington, I don't think we're 854 00:46:56,146 --> 00:46:58,065 ready to teach the teacher. 855 00:46:58,148 --> 00:46:59,233 When you come back, Mrs. Williams, you and I will 856 00:46:59,316 --> 00:47:03,153 go up on the bridge and you can drive the boat any way 857 00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:04,071 you want. 858 00:47:04,154 --> 00:47:07,366 Oh, thank you, captain. 859 00:47:07,449 --> 00:47:09,284 Captain, thank you for a most enjoyable time. 860 00:47:09,368 --> 00:47:11,245 Captain stubing: You're very welcome. 861 00:47:11,328 --> 00:47:12,162 Julie: Bye, bye. 862 00:47:12,246 --> 00:47:13,121 Thanks for sailing with us. 863 00:47:13,205 --> 00:47:13,830 Man: Bye, bye. 864 00:47:13,914 --> 00:47:15,624 Well, I guess it's goodbye. 865 00:47:15,707 --> 00:47:17,584 We sure want to thank you for everything. 866 00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:19,503 Oh, you more than thanked us with that sensational 867 00:47:19,586 --> 00:47:21,505 solo act of Oscar's. 868 00:47:21,588 --> 00:47:22,256 Solo? 869 00:47:22,339 --> 00:47:23,757 What about me? 870 00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:25,300 Now, listen, would you consider giving up the sea 871 00:47:25,384 --> 00:47:25,717 and becoming a-- 872 00:47:25,801 --> 00:47:27,928 [grunting] 873 00:47:28,011 --> 00:47:30,639 Oh, Shirley. 874 00:47:30,722 --> 00:47:32,224 Looks like I've already been replaced. 875 00:47:32,307 --> 00:47:33,600 [Grunting] 876 00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:35,727 Your brother's in the gangway. 877 00:47:35,811 --> 00:47:36,937 He said that she turned up at your beach house. 878 00:47:37,020 --> 00:47:39,231 I guess she got homesick and changed her mind. 879 00:47:39,314 --> 00:47:41,275 [Grunting] 880 00:47:41,358 --> 00:47:43,360 You want to go back? 881 00:47:43,443 --> 00:47:44,903 [Grunting] 882 00:47:44,987 --> 00:47:46,405 Ok, well, on my terms. 883 00:47:46,488 --> 00:47:49,950 First, no more [inaudible]. 884 00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:53,412 And second, we got a new manager, Karen. 885 00:47:53,495 --> 00:47:55,789 Take it or leave it. 886 00:47:55,872 --> 00:47:57,708 [Grunting] 887 00:47:57,791 --> 00:47:59,835 Well, I guess a raise is in order. 888 00:47:59,918 --> 00:48:03,130 Five fish an hour. 889 00:48:03,213 --> 00:48:05,465 Split the difference, seven and a half. 890 00:48:05,549 --> 00:48:06,008 [Grunting] 891 00:48:07,467 --> 00:48:09,636 We got a deal. 892 00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:10,637 Come on, Karen. 893 00:48:10,721 --> 00:48:11,638 Come on, Shirley. 894 00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:12,431 Bye. 895 00:48:15,726 --> 00:48:16,393 Bye, bye. 896 00:48:16,476 --> 00:48:17,144 Bye. 897 00:48:27,070 --> 00:48:29,740 [Theme music] 59792

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