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1
00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:15,056
♪ Love ♪
2
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,810
♪ exciting and new ♪
3
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,981
♪ come aboard ♪
4
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:26,651
♪ we're expecting you ♪
5
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:31,114
♪ and love ♪
6
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:35,326
♪ life's sweetest reward ♪
7
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:39,122
♪ let it flow ♪
8
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:43,001
♪ it floats back to you ♪
9
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:46,963
♪ the love boat ♪
10
00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:51,843
♪ soon will be making
another run ♪
11
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:55,138
♪ the love boat ♪
12
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:59,392
♪ promises something
for everyone ♪
13
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,853
♪ set a course for adventure ♪
14
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:07,942
♪ your mind on a new romance ♪
15
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:11,529
♪ and love ♪
16
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,825
♪ won't hurt anymore ♪
17
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:19,537
♪ it's an open smile ♪
18
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:23,875
♪ on a friendly shore ♪
19
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:28,338
♪ it's love ♪
20
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:34,552
♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪
21
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,476
♪♪
22
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:08,419
Oh, I do like the cargo
they have on this ship.
23
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:11,881
Don't rush me, girls.
There's plenty to go around.
24
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,217
Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
25
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,219
We're not gonna see any action
on this boat,
26
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:17,595
especially after these girls
find out
27
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,556
what we do for a living.
-You're right.
28
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,433
Instead of being an obscure
postal clerk,
29
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,394
meet a rich psychiatrist.
30
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,355
Hi, doc.
I'm the new lawyer on the block.
31
00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:29,524
Didn't I meet you gentlemen
on the plane?
32
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,734
I was the pilot.
33
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,236
What about you, Paul?
34
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,571
Me? Oh, no,
I'm not changing.
35
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,114
Oh, come on.
36
00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,366
If anybody asks,
I'm still a waiter, all right?
37
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:39,909
I may not be one
all my life,
38
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,579
but any girl who can't accept me
for what I am --
39
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:43,705
she's not for me.
40
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:44,789
Get him.
41
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:47,375
The man's got character.
42
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:51,045
He won't get much lovin', but
he's got a lot of character.
43
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:53,047
What is wrong
with being yourself, huh?
44
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,425
What,
a garage mechanic?
45
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,927
Paul, Paul, Paul,
I'm here to work on girls,
46
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,304
not work on cars.
47
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,101
Look who's here.
48
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:23,411
Love
these sentimental reunions.
49
00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:24,370
Who is she?
50
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:29,042
She is miss Lila stanhope --
society girl.
51
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,294
She comes into the restaurant
once in a while,
52
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:34,047
but she's always too good
to notice the hired help.
53
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,965
Hey, don't let her give you
a complex.
54
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,384
And, remember, this is
your psychiatrist speaking.
55
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,638
Come on. Let's go.
56
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,640
[ Laughs ]
57
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:47,810
Captain, I really appreciate you
going through all the trouble
58
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:51,522
finding last-minute cabin space
for Kendall park.
59
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,149
Well, Jimmy,
if this Kendall park
60
00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:55,318
does a feature story on you
for his news service,
61
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,111
it's good publicity
for the line, as well.
62
00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:01,324
It will be the first national
publicity I've ever had.
63
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,326
I sure hope
he likes my act.
64
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,828
Of course he'll like your act.
You're a funny comedian.
65
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,331
And I know comedy,
having spent a lot of time
66
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,333
observing my crew's
love affairs.
67
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,960
[ Both laugh ]
68
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,461
Hi.
69
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,461
Hi.
70
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:16,547
I'm Kendall park
from American news service.
71
00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:21,803
Well, uh, welcome aboard.
I'm captain stubing.
72
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,179
My pleasure.
73
00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:26,224
Kendall park
I expected to be a man,
74
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:29,644
and I've never been so happy
to be so wrong.
75
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:36,526
Hi. Anything you want to know
about the ship, just ask me.
76
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,028
We've got movies, bingo,
disco dancing,
77
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,698
shuffleboard, ping-pong,
card games, exercise classes,
78
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,700
sightseeing, saunas, pizzas,
gift shops, gymnasiums,
79
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:46,869
two swimming pools, lounge
chairs, and room service.
80
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,871
Thanks, but I just came to see
my cousin off.
81
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,043
Hello.
82
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,043
Hi.
83
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,212
My mother hasn't arrived yet,
has she?
84
00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:58,256
I'm hung up
with these custom officials.
85
00:04:58,339 --> 00:05:00,591
Well, don't worry.
I'll get her straightened away.
86
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:03,052
Well, I just want her to have
a good time.
87
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,722
You know, she hasn't really been
out and around much
88
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,056
since my dad passed away.
89
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,392
Don't worry.
We'll take good care of her.
90
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,394
Thanks.
I appreciate it.
91
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,229
Bye-bye.
92
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,229
Bye.
93
00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:15,523
Guys, as soon as gopher's mother
gets here,
94
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:17,233
we have to keep her busy.
95
00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:19,902
We'll get her involved in every
fun activity onboard ship,
96
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,362
and she'll be so busy...
97
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,448
That she's got to have
a good time.
98
00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:24,532
-Right.
-Okay?
99
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:25,908
-Right.
-Right.
100
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,744
♪ We joined the Navy ♪
101
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,412
♪ to see the world ♪
102
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,289
♪ and what did we see? ♪
103
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,583
♪ We saw the sea ♪
104
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,543
♪ we saw the pacific
and the Atlantic ♪
105
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:37,378
♪ but the Atlantic
isn't romantic ♪
106
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:40,757
♪ and the pacific isn't
what it's cracked up to be ♪
107
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,766
♪ We joined the Navy ♪
108
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,601
♪ to see the world ♪
109
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,269
♪ and what did we see? ♪
110
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:57,690
♪ We saw the sea ♪
111
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,568
Fantastic!
Fantastic!
112
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:04,572
Oh, miss McCoy, Mr. Washington,
and Dr. Bricker,
113
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:09,327
able seaman passenger roz Smith
reporting for fun and frolic!
114
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:12,288
Together:
Welcome aboard!
115
00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:14,123
Hey, where's that
swabbie son of mine?
116
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,583
Oh, he's busy
with the custom guys,
117
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:16,793
but he'll catch up to you
later.
118
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,461
Oh, great.
119
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:22,465
Oh, this deranged person is
young Lyle Wally.
120
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:25,134
We met on the bus on the way
down to the ship.
121
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,636
How do you do?
122
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,638
Oh, by the way,
what did the bus driver say
123
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:29,639
when you untied him?
124
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:32,767
Me? [ Gasps ]
I thought you untied him.
125
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:36,938
Well, at least we're sure of
a ride when the ship gets back.
126
00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:38,356
One more time.
127
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,483
♪ We joined the Navy ♪
128
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,318
♪ to see the world ♪
129
00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:44,195
♪ and what did we see? ♪
130
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:45,488
♪ We saw the sea ♪
131
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,156
♪ we saw the pacific... ♪
132
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,160
Wow! Talk about
your merry widows!
133
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,288
♪♪
134
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:08,010
[ Mariachi music plays ]
135
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,611
Jimmy, I usually cover
general news stories.
136
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,114
This is my first
show-business interview.
137
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:30,700
Am I asking all
the right questions?
138
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:33,828
I don't know if you're asking
the right questions,
139
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:37,081
but you're definitely doing
something right.
140
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,917
You're not at all what I thought
a comedian would be like.
141
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,170
I thought you'd always be
telling jokes,
142
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,254
trying to be funny.
143
00:07:43,337 --> 00:07:46,883
Well, I've been telling you
jokes all through dinner,
144
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,343
but, apparently, you didn't
think they were funny.
145
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,225
Before, when you said you wanted
to talk about us,
146
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,768
was that a joke?
147
00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,730
Well, we won't know how big
a joke that was
148
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:02,857
until we are married.
149
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:03,858
Married?
150
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:08,404
[ Laughing ]
That was a joke...
151
00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:09,989
[ Normal voice ]
I think.
152
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,536
♪♪
153
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,050
[ Knock on door ]
154
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:43,397
Oh, merrill, it's good to see
you again.
155
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,233
It's good to see you.
156
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,442
Please come in.
157
00:08:46,525 --> 00:08:49,111
Oh, thank you very much.
158
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:52,156
I, uh -- I was sorry to hear
about Elliot.
159
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,617
He was a fine man.
160
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:57,995
Yes, he was.
161
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,831
Well, perhaps we can talk
at some other time.
162
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:04,293
No, no. It's okay.
163
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,628
Please sit down.
164
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,296
Thank you.
165
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:13,010
You know, when you've lived
with someone
166
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:18,307
and loved someone
for 30-some odd years...
167
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:24,438
It's easier to say that life
must go on
168
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:28,484
[ voice breaking ] Than it is
to go on living that life.
169
00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:31,779
[ Sobs ] I'm sorry.
170
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,115
Don't be.
171
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:37,410
I once lost someone
I loved very much.
172
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,621
I know what you feel.
173
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,338
[ Normal voice ]
I worry about burl.
174
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,799
He's worried about you.
175
00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:56,304
That's why he asked you to come
on the cruise, isn't it?
176
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:59,765
He -- he wants
to cheer me up.
177
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:04,353
Well, as far as my son
is concerned,
178
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,189
I'm gonna have the time
of my life on this cruise.
179
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,483
Okay? Okay?
180
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,861
Okay.
181
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,529
You're quite a lady.
182
00:10:13,612 --> 00:10:16,240
You better believe it, kid.
183
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:17,658
And now, if you'll
get out of here,
184
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,202
I have to change
into some glad rags.
185
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,289
I'm having dinner
at the captain's table.
186
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:31,964
[ Door opens, closes ]
187
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:37,720
[ Laughter ]
188
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,222
Mmm.
The scenery at this table
189
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,600
is about to improve
a whole lot.
190
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,977
Gentlemen, may I introduce you
to your new tablemate,
191
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:45,978
miss Lila stanhope?
192
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:49,231
Don't get up.
I may steal one of your seats.
193
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,693
Fellas, I do believe we've won
the tablemate sweepstakes.
194
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,070
It's a pleasure,
miss stanhope.
195
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:55,529
-Hi.
-I'm ed corry.
196
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,198
This is
Jerry Crawford.
197
00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:57,948
Just call me "jer."
198
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,241
Hi.
199
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,576
And Louis acosta...
200
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:03,371
Dr. Acosta.
201
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:04,705
And this is
Paul stockwood.
202
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:10,586
You look very familiar.
203
00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:12,922
Really? You look
familiar to me, too.
204
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,091
We must have met someplace
before.
205
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,217
Where do you live?
206
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,802
New York -- Manhattan.
207
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,428
Well,
I live in Philadelphia,
208
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,264
but I spend a lot of time
in New York.
209
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,475
I know where it was.
210
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,938
Vanessa maitland's
coming-out party.
211
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,941
Uh...
212
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,944
No. I don't know anybody
named maitland.
213
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:38,322
Shilers?
Do you know the Wendell shilers?
214
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,324
Not personally, no.
215
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:44,328
Oh. We met someplace.
What do you do?
216
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,955
Do?
217
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,792
Oh,
you mean for a living?
218
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,419
Yes.
219
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,129
Um...I'm in banking.
220
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,839
Oh.
221
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:57,299
International finance,
you know -- that sort of thing.
222
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,926
Yeah, a financial genius.
223
00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:02,054
Well, I've been lucky.
I hire good people.
224
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,473
Well, maybe it was
the cannes film festival.
225
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,474
Maybe.
226
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,809
Possibly.
227
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,809
Could be.
228
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,811
No, it wasn't.
229
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,981
But it might have been skiing
at Saint-Moritz.
230
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:15,568
Maybe it was the jungle ride
at Disneyland.
231
00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:17,069
[ Laughter ]
232
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,284
I can't find my mother anywhere.
Are you sure she got onboard?
233
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:24,493
Well, it was either her
234
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,579
or the university of California
glee club.
235
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:28,456
I get the two mixed up.
-What?
236
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,166
Gopher,
I know you're concerned
237
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,626
about your mother having
a good time on the cruise,
238
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,171
but don't worry --
she's gonna be just fine.
239
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:38,340
Sir, I don't know.
Lately she seems awful blue.
240
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,342
That's why I sent her
the ticket.
241
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,011
Was she okay when you saw her?
242
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:44,680
She was so okay, her feet
didn't touch the ground.
243
00:12:44,763 --> 00:12:46,182
I've never seen her
happier.
244
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,683
That doesn't make sense.
245
00:12:47,766 --> 00:12:50,060
You must have my mother confused
with somebody else.
246
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:53,355
Gopher, I'd recognize
your mother anywhere.
247
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,025
Even if she were wearing
a sombrero?
248
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,319
[ "La cucaracha" plays ]
249
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,051
Gopher!
You look wonderful!
250
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,886
Hi, mom.
How are you?
251
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:27,389
Oh, fit as a fiddle
and ready to fly!
252
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,183
Good. Good.
253
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:30,893
This is my pal
Lyle Wally.
254
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,228
-How do you do?
-How are ya?
255
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:33,938
Give me five, cap.
256
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:36,398
If you haven't got five,
a couple of ones will do.
257
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,400
I also take
major credit cards.
258
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,236
Isn't he too much?
259
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,696
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
260
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:43,948
Please, sit down.
261
00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:46,700
Here you go, mom.
262
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:53,415
Merrill, if anybody has any pull
on this ship, you do, right?
263
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,750
That's obvious, isn't it?
264
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:57,795
Then tell your crew
to get ready for overtime.
265
00:13:57,878 --> 00:14:00,548
We're gonna boogie all night.
266
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:01,924
[ Laughs ]
267
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:20,442
Don't you think we should be
getting on with the interview?
268
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,777
All right.
269
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:25,072
So, how long have you been
in show business?
270
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,283
You're in show business.
I'm the interviewer.
271
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,327
Right. So, how long have I been
in show business?
272
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:33,539
♪♪
273
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,345
[ Slow jazz music plays ]
274
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,747
I've got it.
275
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,790
Last summer
at lake Louise --
276
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,168
French ambassador's
reception.
277
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:22,838
No. I wasn't in Canada at all
last summer.
278
00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:25,674
Now, you're sure that you
weren't in rio for Mardi Gras?
279
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,968
Positive.
280
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:31,972
Well, that about covers
this planet.
281
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:35,017
But I do know this --
if I ever had met you,
282
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,936
I would never forget it.
283
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:47,279
Are you sure you'd
rather not be inside?
284
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,614
The show's starting soon.
285
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:50,658
Mom, I work here.
286
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,826
I can see a show
any time I want.
287
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,204
I can't always see you.
How are you?
288
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:58,332
Me?
I never felt better.
289
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,751
I want to thank you
for sending me the ticket.
290
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:04,338
This cruise
is going to be a ball!
291
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:07,341
Say,
isn't that Lyle a card?
292
00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:11,053
His idea for later tonight is
to have a limbo contest --
293
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,722
you know, where you dance
under a pole
294
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,226
and they keep lowering
the pole?
295
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:19,228
Tomorrow the ship
will be in Mexico,
296
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,230
and I'll be in traction.
297
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,109
Mom, uh --
298
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:28,237
hey, rozzy,
the judges are waiting.
299
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,697
Get a move on!
300
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,615
Hold your horses.
301
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,743
Goph, you wanna be
in our limbo contest?
302
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,287
Uh, no, thanks.
I'm kind of tired.
303
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:40,416
Too tired to dance
under a pole?
304
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,251
How about under a Swede?
305
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,255
Isn't he wonderful?
306
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,299
One in a million, mom.
Good night.
307
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,551
Good night, son.
308
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:53,053
Wish me luck.
I'll need it.
309
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:00,936
My poor boy.
310
00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:04,773
Hey, there, Mrs. Smith.
311
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,401
You're here to cheer him up,
remember?
312
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,780
Come on.
313
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,245
[ Drumroll ]
314
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:20,456
[ Cymbal crash ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
315
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,583
we have a special treat for you
this evening --
316
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:27,296
a very funny man who proves that
humor is a worldwide commodity.
317
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:29,423
I'd like you to meet
Jimmy Kim!
318
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,766
Hurro.
[Hello.]
319
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,768
[ Laughter ]
320
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:47,274
Good evening.
I'm a comedian from Korea.
321
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:49,485
How many of you
are from Korea?
322
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,279
It's not important.
323
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,156
But most Koreans are poor,
324
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:57,451
and I come
from a very poor family.
325
00:17:57,534 --> 00:18:00,704
One time a burglar
broke into our house --
326
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,998
we robbed him.
327
00:18:03,081 --> 00:18:05,167
[ Laughter ]
328
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:08,337
In Korea,
I was a very boring guy,
329
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,380
but in america,
I play backgammon,
330
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,758
I hang out at discothèques,
331
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:15,677
and I know my sign.
332
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,513
Now I'm boring
in two countries.
333
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,014
[ Laughter ]
334
00:18:19,097 --> 00:18:22,851
Where I come from, we live
a very primitive life.
335
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,354
We eat natural food.
336
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:28,148
My family tried
to trace our roots.
337
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,108
We found out our ancestors
ate 'em.
338
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,657
In america, there are a lot
of things I don't understand.
339
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,867
Police, I do not understand.
340
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,369
I got caught speeding.
341
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:41,829
When I was speeding,
342
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,540
I noticed a state trooper
was also speeding.
343
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,500
[ Laughter ]
344
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:49,086
But I figured if I pretend
I don't speak English,
345
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,921
he might forgive me.
346
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:53,006
And I decide --
talk to him in Chinese.
347
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:57,386
I said -- [ Speaking Chinese ]
348
00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:58,846
Moo goo gai pan.
349
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,514
[ Laughter ]
350
00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:02,891
The state trooper took one look
at me and said,
351
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,562
[ speaking Chinese ]
352
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,231
[ Laughter ]
353
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,900
He gave me two tickets.
354
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,902
But I gave them back,
and I told him,
355
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,904
"keep your tickets because
your shirts won't be ready
356
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,239
until next Wednesday."
357
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,204
♪♪
358
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,627
Oh, it's beautiful,
isn't it?
359
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:34,923
Yeah. There's always something
about moonlight --
360
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:39,720
I mean, whether it's on the
mediterranean or the adriatic
361
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:41,305
or the riviera.
362
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:46,435
Don't you ever get
tired of it, Paul --
363
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:50,314
the running around,
the parties, the pace?
364
00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:52,774
Sometimes I wonder if
I'm looking for something
365
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,944
or simply trying to get away
from something.
366
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,238
Honest?
367
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,991
I wouldn't have expected that
from you, Lila.
368
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,952
What do you mean by that?
369
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,954
Well, sometimes it's easy
370
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,248
to get the wrong impression
of somebody.
371
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:11,960
After one dinner
and a dance?
372
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,462
[ Laughs ]
373
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,797
Well, I don't know
why I said that.
374
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,633
Let's talk
about something else.
375
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,426
All right. Let's.
376
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,428
[ Sighs ]
377
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:32,648
So, uh, what are you gonna
be doing in acapulco?
378
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,900
Paul...
379
00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:38,487
There's only so much moonlight
to go around.
380
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,864
It seems such a shame
to waste it.
381
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:05,097
Hurro.
382
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,431
What was that for?
383
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:09,017
Your act --
it's not only tasteless,
384
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,019
it's an insult
to the korean people.
385
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,646
-But, honey --
-stay away from me,
386
00:21:12,729 --> 00:21:15,232
and don't call me
your honey!
387
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:23,573
Hey, Louie...
388
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:25,367
You really turned
that blond girl on.
389
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,868
I bet you're glad
you didn't tell her
390
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,203
you're a postal clerk.
391
00:21:28,286 --> 00:21:30,205
Yeah, analyzing people
is a lot better
392
00:21:30,288 --> 00:21:32,541
than telling them
not to forget their zip code.
393
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,334
I was really moving
on that Louise.
394
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:35,210
Who, that big girl?
395
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:38,338
Yeah. I told her
I was an airline pilot.
396
00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:40,841
I'm used to handling
wide bodies.
397
00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:49,683
Well?
398
00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:49,683
Well?
399
00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:49,683
Well?
400
00:21:49,766 --> 00:21:51,268
Well...
401
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:53,020
Well, financial genius,
how'd you do?
402
00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,855
I am crazy about her.
403
00:21:54,938 --> 00:21:56,773
And I think she feels
the same way about me.
404
00:21:56,857 --> 00:21:59,109
Hey, she sure warmed up
for a girl who had
ice water in her veins.
405
00:21:59,192 --> 00:22:00,694
No, no, no,
I had her all wrong.
406
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:02,446
That girl is not
stuck-up at all.
407
00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:04,156
Not stuck-up
with a banker.
408
00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:06,742
How's she gonna feel when she
finds out you're a waiter?
409
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,577
Hey, wait a minute.
I got a foolproof idea.
410
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:10,078
She'll never know
you're a waiter.
411
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,538
-How?
-Quit your job.
412
00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:12,873
Good night.
413
00:22:16,501 --> 00:22:18,587
Set the alarm for 3:00.
414
00:22:41,818 --> 00:22:43,737
Well,
it was kind of unusual
415
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:46,281
when your mother
bribed the bandleader
416
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:48,950
to bring his group
onto the fantail at 3:00 A.M.
417
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:51,828
And then she insisted
that everyone in the band
418
00:22:51,912 --> 00:22:54,081
wear blindfolds
as they played gypsy music.
419
00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:55,749
Then what happened?
420
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:58,794
Well, the last thing I saw
was roz and Lyle dancing
421
00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:00,462
with roses
between their teeth.
422
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:02,047
The last thing you saw?
423
00:23:02,130 --> 00:23:04,633
Yeah.
They blindfolded me, too.
424
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:08,261
That's not right.
425
00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:09,679
You're telling me.
426
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:13,642
Have you ever tried to make
a ramos fizz blindfolded?
427
00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:15,352
I did all right
with the fizz,
428
00:23:15,435 --> 00:23:17,646
but I got ramos all over me.
429
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,106
Mom.
430
00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:21,274
Oh, good morning, son.
431
00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:23,151
Good morning, Isaac.
-Good morning.
432
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:24,778
-Guess what.
-What?
433
00:23:24,861 --> 00:23:26,363
I won the limbo contest.
434
00:23:26,446 --> 00:23:28,156
I'd hate to see
the losers.
435
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,699
I'll get you
some coffee.
436
00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:31,493
I don't need coffee.
I need surgery.
437
00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:33,495
Mom, sit down.
We gotta talk.
438
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:35,664
You're going overboard.
439
00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:37,290
You know,
I was contemplating that.
440
00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:40,043
Mom,
all this carrying on --
441
00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:42,838
look, I know you like
your friend Lyle.
442
00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:45,507
But, mom, there are so many
more people on the ship
443
00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:47,342
you haven't even met.
444
00:23:47,425 --> 00:23:51,721
Hey, do you know that we have
a course in gingham hatmaking?
445
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:55,851
And we even have
a tatting class.
446
00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:57,519
I'm not sure
I know what tatting is,
447
00:23:57,602 --> 00:23:59,229
but I bet you
it's right up your alley.
448
00:23:59,312 --> 00:24:01,523
Hey, one of the croupiers
said
449
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:04,192
that he'd teach me the odds
for craps.
450
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:06,403
Mom,
that's not what I meant.
451
00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:08,530
I know the dealers
are nice guys.
452
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:11,032
But don't you think that you'd
have more in common
453
00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:15,370
with people that you'd have more
in common with?
454
00:24:15,453 --> 00:24:16,413
Vicki...
455
00:24:18,582 --> 00:24:21,376
Mom, come on.
Vicki...
456
00:24:21,459 --> 00:24:23,545
There we go.
457
00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:25,172
I'd like you
to meet my mom.
458
00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:28,216
Oh, how nice to meet you,
Ms. Smith.
459
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:31,720
My pleasure, Vicki.
460
00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:34,431
Um...well, I'll just
leave you two alone.
461
00:24:34,514 --> 00:24:37,893
Vicki can play
every game there is.
462
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:40,395
How about playing hopscotch
on the shuffleboard court?
463
00:24:40,478 --> 00:24:43,857
Hopscotch?
That old game?
464
00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:46,610
Hey, what about
sleeping beauty?
465
00:24:46,693 --> 00:24:47,986
I never heard of it.
466
00:24:48,069 --> 00:24:51,072
Oh, it's great fun.
467
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:55,577
The one who can sit the longest
without moving wins.
468
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:16,431
Guess who.
469
00:25:16,514 --> 00:25:21,228
Mm, that's a tough one.
Give me another chance.
470
00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:27,442
Truman capote.
471
00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:29,986
[ Laughs ]
472
00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:32,280
You know, if I had to build
473
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:33,949
the most beautiful girl
in the world,
474
00:25:34,032 --> 00:25:35,951
she would look
exactly like you.
475
00:25:36,034 --> 00:25:39,204
Thank you. I wouldn't change
a thing about you either.
476
00:25:41,915 --> 00:25:45,293
You are everything
I have ever wanted, Lila.
477
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:50,298
You too.
478
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:51,591
Except...
479
00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:53,760
Except for what?
480
00:25:53,843 --> 00:25:56,429
Breakfast. I'm starved.
481
00:25:56,513 --> 00:26:00,016
Don't move.
Breakfast is coming right up.
482
00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:01,643
Good morning, Isaac.
483
00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:03,853
Good morning, Mr. Stockwood.
Would you like breakfast?
484
00:26:03,937 --> 00:26:05,647
No, I think I'll just have
coffee -- twice, please.
485
00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:08,066
I'll get the rest myself.
486
00:26:27,043 --> 00:26:31,298
Breakfast for two,
madame.
487
00:26:31,381 --> 00:26:34,009
Lila,
what's the matter?
488
00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:36,636
I just remembered
where we met.
489
00:26:37,971 --> 00:26:40,473
Now, look, I was
just about to tell you.
490
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:42,267
Lila, I --
491
00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:02,912
Would you mind telling me why
you slapped me last night?
492
00:27:02,996 --> 00:27:04,080
Please, don't hit me.
493
00:27:04,164 --> 00:27:06,708
I hated your act.
494
00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:09,294
I can understand that.
495
00:27:09,377 --> 00:27:12,505
I understand honest people
hating something
496
00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:15,884
and being honest enough
to say they hate it.
497
00:27:15,967 --> 00:27:17,218
You know what I hate?
498
00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:19,054
No. What do you hate?
499
00:27:19,137 --> 00:27:20,847
I hate honest people
500
00:27:20,930 --> 00:27:24,100
who are honest enough to say
they hate my act.
501
00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:29,356
Why are you so angry?
502
00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:31,399
Because
you made fun of Korea.
503
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:33,401
I especially
hated the joke
504
00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:37,238
about all Koreans being so poor
that they had to Rob burglars.
505
00:27:37,322 --> 00:27:39,366
It was a joke.
506
00:27:39,449 --> 00:27:41,284
I only try to amuse people.
507
00:27:41,368 --> 00:27:43,870
I don't find it amusing.
508
00:27:43,953 --> 00:27:46,873
Kendall, you have your way
of thinking. I have mine.
509
00:27:46,956 --> 00:27:51,086
Mine is to make people laugh --
all kinds of people.
510
00:27:51,169 --> 00:27:55,256
Before I saw you perform,
you seemed so nice.
511
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:57,175
I am nice.
512
00:27:58,802 --> 00:28:01,930
May I?
513
00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:04,599
You are going to have
a great smile
514
00:28:04,682 --> 00:28:07,227
if you ever
get around to it.
515
00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:10,313
Oh, I don't know
what to believe about you.
516
00:28:10,397 --> 00:28:12,607
That's show business.
517
00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:14,609
I think you are all
show business.
518
00:28:14,692 --> 00:28:17,570
You don't really care
about Korea at all.
519
00:28:17,654 --> 00:28:19,155
But I do!
520
00:28:19,239 --> 00:28:21,658
I'm just not
a political animal.
521
00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:26,454
Oh? What kind of animal
are you, Mr. Kim?
522
00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:36,840
♪♪
523
00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:52,522
Passengers taking
the puerto vallarta tour,
524
00:28:52,605 --> 00:28:54,983
please report to the desk in
the purser's lobby
525
00:28:55,066 --> 00:28:56,025
at 11:00 A.M.
526
00:28:56,109 --> 00:28:57,277
That's 11:00 A.M.,
527
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,487
and this is
burl "the Pearl" Smith
528
00:28:59,571 --> 00:29:02,115
saying,
"thanks for listening."
529
00:29:02,198 --> 00:29:05,118
Gopher, you're just the man
I'm looking for.
530
00:29:05,201 --> 00:29:07,328
I need some advice
about your mother.
531
00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:10,373
Oh, well, I have some advice
for you about my mother.
532
00:29:10,457 --> 00:29:13,334
Um, I don't think you realize
what the situation is.
533
00:29:13,418 --> 00:29:15,295
Roz was married
for 35 years.
534
00:29:15,378 --> 00:29:17,005
Six months ago,
her husband died.
535
00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:18,840
Since then,
she's been on her own.
536
00:29:18,923 --> 00:29:21,843
Is that the situation
you're talking about?
537
00:29:21,926 --> 00:29:22,886
Yes.
538
00:29:22,969 --> 00:29:25,722
Oh. Well, then,
I have it right.
539
00:29:25,805 --> 00:29:27,724
Okay, now, here's
what I want to know --
540
00:29:27,807 --> 00:29:30,351
you've been to puerto vallarta
a million times.
541
00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:33,021
What would be more fun
for roz and me --
542
00:29:33,104 --> 00:29:36,357
to sail a catamaran down
the coast for a picnic,
543
00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:38,193
take
scuba-diving lessons,
544
00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:39,986
or go for
a parachute ride?
545
00:29:40,069 --> 00:29:43,698
Sailing, scuba diving,
parachuting.
546
00:29:43,781 --> 00:29:46,534
All three -- okay.
You know her better than I do.
547
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:47,869
Thank you very much.
548
00:29:47,952 --> 00:29:50,622
Uh, sir? Lyle?
Mister? Lyle?!
549
00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:53,708
I was right about her
in the first place.
550
00:29:53,791 --> 00:29:55,418
She is a complete snob --
551
00:29:55,502 --> 00:29:58,546
never even gave me a chance
to defend myself.
552
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:01,382
"I just remembered
where we met,"
553
00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:02,926
and then she splits --
554
00:30:03,009 --> 00:30:06,513
humiliated that she's having
an affair with a lowly waiter.
555
00:30:06,596 --> 00:30:08,515
Just imagine,
she even kissed him!
556
00:30:08,598 --> 00:30:10,183
Thank you.
557
00:30:10,266 --> 00:30:12,560
She's probably in her cabin
right now, fumigating her lips.
558
00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,187
Don't worry about her.
559
00:30:14,270 --> 00:30:16,022
Why don't you come into
puerto vallarta with us?
560
00:30:16,105 --> 00:30:18,066
No, no, no.
I am gonna tell her off.
561
00:30:18,149 --> 00:30:19,692
She is not gonna get away
with this.
562
00:30:19,776 --> 00:30:21,027
That's good, Paul.
You should.
563
00:30:21,110 --> 00:30:22,403
And you can go back to being
a waiter,
564
00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,072
and she can go back
to her millions.
565
00:30:24,155 --> 00:30:26,866
Millions?
Maybe she'd like a doctor.
566
00:30:26,950 --> 00:30:28,743
How about a pilot?
567
00:30:26,950 --> 00:30:28,743
How about a lawyer?
568
00:30:28,826 --> 00:30:29,911
You're too shy
for a lawyer.
569
00:30:29,994 --> 00:30:32,413
I'm a shyster lawyer.
570
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:34,749
Millions?
571
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:34,749
Millions?
572
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:34,749
Millions?
573
00:30:42,549 --> 00:30:44,259
-Hello, Jimmy.
-Oh, Jimmy, hi.
574
00:30:44,342 --> 00:30:48,388
Oh, captain stubing, Julie, may
I speak to you for a second?
575
00:30:48,471 --> 00:30:49,764
Sure.
What's on your mind?
576
00:30:49,847 --> 00:30:51,724
I can't do my show tonight.
577
00:30:51,808 --> 00:30:53,268
You can't do your show?
578
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:54,936
Are you feeling all right?
579
00:30:55,019 --> 00:30:56,896
Oh, sure,
I feel fine...
580
00:30:56,980 --> 00:30:58,773
For someone
who feels terrible.
581
00:30:58,856 --> 00:31:01,276
What's the problem?
Can we help?
582
00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:04,279
Someone told me she thinks
my act is offensive
583
00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:05,947
to the korean people.
584
00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:07,657
Oh, I don't agree
with that at all.
585
00:31:07,740 --> 00:31:09,617
-No.
-You're not korean.
586
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:10,952
You may be right,
587
00:31:11,035 --> 00:31:12,787
and then again,
she may be right.
588
00:31:12,870 --> 00:31:16,291
I guess the "she" who thinks
your act is offensive to Koreans
589
00:31:16,374 --> 00:31:18,376
is Kendall park.
590
00:31:18,459 --> 00:31:22,005
Well, I'm sorry I won't be
seeing you perform tonight,
591
00:31:22,088 --> 00:31:23,965
but I wouldn't want you to do
anything
592
00:31:24,048 --> 00:31:24,799
that goes against
your conscience.
593
00:31:24,882 --> 00:31:27,468
I don't know which
is hurting more --
594
00:31:27,552 --> 00:31:30,555
my conscience or my heart.
595
00:31:34,892 --> 00:31:37,270
Tsk.
596
00:31:38,896 --> 00:31:40,189
I can't get over
your mama.
597
00:31:40,273 --> 00:31:42,317
I've never seen anyone
having so much fun.
598
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,278
Well, it's okay to have fun
up to a point,
599
00:31:45,361 --> 00:31:48,406
but it's a matter of propriety,
you know?
600
00:31:48,489 --> 00:31:51,034
I mean, she was just going
too far.
601
00:31:51,117 --> 00:31:52,869
Anyway, I think she's settled
down now.
602
00:31:52,952 --> 00:31:54,120
She's something else.
603
00:31:54,203 --> 00:31:56,164
I'd invite her to any party
I was having.
604
00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:57,665
Of course, we would
probably be raided.
605
00:31:57,749 --> 00:31:59,292
That was just a phase.
606
00:31:59,375 --> 00:32:02,378
Hey, burl, I'm glad
you could join us.
607
00:32:02,462 --> 00:32:05,590
I went out for more munchies.
Come on.
608
00:32:07,133 --> 00:32:10,011
[ Upbeat jazz music plays ]
609
00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:12,138
[ Laughs ]
610
00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:14,724
The hostess with the mostest
lives.
611
00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:42,585
Oh, don't worry.
612
00:32:42,669 --> 00:32:44,837
It won't take long for me to
tell you what I think of you.
613
00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:46,714
You are
a class-conscious snob --
614
00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:48,174
the most unbelievable --
615
00:32:48,257 --> 00:32:50,426
look who's calling somebody
class-conscious.
616
00:32:50,510 --> 00:32:53,096
Being a waiter wasn't good
enough for you, was it?
617
00:32:53,179 --> 00:32:55,014
If there's one thing
I can't stand,
618
00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:56,849
it's a person who's ashamed
of what he does.
619
00:32:56,933 --> 00:32:59,852
Excuse me.
620
00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:01,729
If I had told you
I was a waiter,
621
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:04,399
i wouldn't have had
a chance with you, right?
622
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:04,399
Wrong.
623
00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:05,858
When I was working
in the restaurant,
624
00:33:05,942 --> 00:33:07,068
you never even knew
I existed.
625
00:33:07,151 --> 00:33:09,070
You couldn't see me through
that upper crust
626
00:33:09,153 --> 00:33:10,863
you were coming from,
miss stanhope.
627
00:33:10,947 --> 00:33:13,074
Some upper crust.
628
00:33:13,157 --> 00:33:17,036
My father started in the steel
business stoking furnaces.
629
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,247
I don't care
what a man does.
630
00:33:19,330 --> 00:33:21,582
It's what he is.
Excuse me.
631
00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:23,251
Oh, really?
632
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:24,752
Well, then, tell me, please,
633
00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:26,421
why did you care for me
as a banker
634
00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:29,632
and walk out on me
as a waiter?
635
00:33:29,716 --> 00:33:32,051
Because I believed in you
636
00:33:32,135 --> 00:33:34,137
and because you lied to me.
637
00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:40,518
Excuse me.
638
00:33:56,075 --> 00:33:59,370
[ Soft jazz music playing ]
639
00:34:03,708 --> 00:34:05,752
[ French accent ] So,
has mademoiselle decided yet
640
00:34:05,835 --> 00:34:07,462
on dessert?
641
00:34:07,545 --> 00:34:09,630
No,
I can't make up my mind.
642
00:34:09,714 --> 00:34:11,132
Well,
if you will allow me,
643
00:34:11,215 --> 00:34:14,302
may I suggest
that you try the waiter?
644
00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:15,428
But, please, not flambé.
645
00:34:15,511 --> 00:34:16,971
What?
646
00:34:17,054 --> 00:34:19,807
[ Normal voice ] This waiter
needs a chance to apologize.
647
00:34:24,729 --> 00:34:29,692
Now, look...I know I shouldn't
have lied to you,
648
00:34:29,776 --> 00:34:31,527
and I'm sorry I did.
649
00:34:31,611 --> 00:34:34,030
It's just that I thought
it was the only chance
650
00:34:34,113 --> 00:34:35,323
I would have
to get to know you.
651
00:34:37,033 --> 00:34:40,203
You see...
652
00:34:40,286 --> 00:34:41,996
I think I fell in love
with you
653
00:34:42,079 --> 00:34:43,790
the first time
I ever saw you.
654
00:34:43,873 --> 00:34:48,377
And I know you can't forgive me
for what I did, but --
655
00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:49,837
don't say any more.
656
00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:51,172
No, no, Lila, I --
657
00:34:51,255 --> 00:34:55,009
shh. The customer
is always right.
658
00:35:02,767 --> 00:35:06,395
What's this?
A waiter kissing a passenger?
659
00:35:06,479 --> 00:35:07,522
He's not a waiter.
660
00:35:07,605 --> 00:35:10,233
He's just a passenger who
borrowed one of the outfits.
661
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,736
Well, he sure found
a big tipper.
662
00:35:18,074 --> 00:35:20,368
Bravo!
663
00:35:20,451 --> 00:35:21,536
More! More!
664
00:35:21,619 --> 00:35:22,870
Author! Author!
665
00:35:22,954 --> 00:35:24,539
They're calling
for an encore.
666
00:35:24,622 --> 00:35:26,958
Well, then, let's not
disappoint them.
667
00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:41,430
[ Slow jazz music plays ]
668
00:35:48,354 --> 00:35:51,607
Well, good evening, miss park.
Hi, roz.
669
00:35:51,691 --> 00:35:55,236
Hi. I got here early so I could
get a good table
670
00:35:55,319 --> 00:35:57,238
to hear your friend
perform again.
671
00:35:57,321 --> 00:35:58,865
-He's really great.
-He is?
672
00:35:58,948 --> 00:36:02,034
Yes. You know, the thing
I especially like about him
673
00:36:02,118 --> 00:36:04,287
is that, without any fuss,
674
00:36:04,370 --> 00:36:07,707
he gets the point across
that Koreans and us --
675
00:36:07,790 --> 00:36:09,250
we're all the same.
676
00:36:09,333 --> 00:36:11,919
And we all do the same, silly,
ridiculous human things
677
00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:13,713
that he pokes fun at.
678
00:36:13,796 --> 00:36:17,258
Yeah. And, you know, the joke
that really knocked me out
679
00:36:17,341 --> 00:36:19,969
was when he said that his family
was so poor
680
00:36:20,052 --> 00:36:22,388
and a burglar
broke into their house
681
00:36:22,471 --> 00:36:24,432
and his family
robbed the burglar.
682
00:36:24,515 --> 00:36:25,892
[ Laughs ]
683
00:36:25,975 --> 00:36:27,268
You really liked that joke?
684
00:36:27,351 --> 00:36:29,186
Liked it?
I loved it.
685
00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:32,940
It reminded me of some of the
jokes my father used to tell.
686
00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:34,775
You know, some of the passengers
told me
687
00:36:34,859 --> 00:36:36,611
they loved
Jimmy's political jokes --
688
00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:39,113
in the tradition
of our will Rogers.
689
00:36:39,196 --> 00:36:41,449
I guess Americans have always
loved political jokes.
690
00:36:41,532 --> 00:36:44,577
Yeah, and they love some
political jokes so much
691
00:36:44,660 --> 00:36:46,621
that they elected them
president.
692
00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,164
[ Laughs ]
693
00:36:53,002 --> 00:36:54,837
Um, excuse me.
694
00:37:04,555 --> 00:37:07,975
That's the smile I owe you from
watching your act last night.
695
00:37:08,059 --> 00:37:09,518
But you hated my act.
696
00:37:09,602 --> 00:37:11,187
I was wrong.
697
00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:13,439
What made you decide
you were wrong?
698
00:37:13,522 --> 00:37:15,858
Don't ask
too many questions.
699
00:37:15,942 --> 00:37:18,778
Hey, do you want to keep this
smile or don't you?
700
00:37:18,861 --> 00:37:20,488
Of course I do.
701
00:37:20,571 --> 00:37:23,574
Then go do your act --
for me.
702
00:37:33,376 --> 00:37:35,419
[ Fanfare plays ]
703
00:37:42,635 --> 00:37:44,011
Hurro.
704
00:37:44,095 --> 00:37:47,390
[ Laughter ]
705
00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:51,686
You know, Americans and Koreans
are very much alike,
706
00:37:51,769 --> 00:37:54,689
but there's one difference.
707
00:37:54,772 --> 00:37:57,024
In america, if a politician
takes a bribe,
708
00:37:57,108 --> 00:37:58,859
he goes to jail.
709
00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:01,404
In Korea, if a politician
takes a bribe,
710
00:38:01,487 --> 00:38:03,322
he goes to america.
711
00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:06,325
[ Laughter ]
712
00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:09,453
♪♪
713
00:38:23,009 --> 00:38:25,720
Burl, you weren't
at dinner.
714
00:38:25,803 --> 00:38:29,682
I couldn't take any more
of the high jinks.
715
00:38:29,765 --> 00:38:32,893
But are you coming to
the passenger talent show?
716
00:38:32,977 --> 00:38:36,564
It sounds like a hoot.
I might even sing a song.
717
00:38:36,647 --> 00:38:38,566
I hope the rest
of the passengers
718
00:38:38,649 --> 00:38:40,943
packed their earplugs.
[ Laughs ]
719
00:38:41,027 --> 00:38:44,321
I think I'll skip it.
720
00:38:46,782 --> 00:38:49,785
Did you love dad?
721
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:52,246
He was my husband.
722
00:38:52,329 --> 00:38:54,498
Yeah,
but did you love him?
723
00:38:56,625 --> 00:38:59,420
I don't understand.
724
00:38:59,503 --> 00:39:01,714
Mom, he's been dead
less than a year,
725
00:39:01,797 --> 00:39:04,759
and you're carrying on
like you don't give a damn.
726
00:39:04,842 --> 00:39:09,930
Parties and booze
and god knows what else --
727
00:39:10,014 --> 00:39:12,224
it's like you're thrilled --
728
00:39:12,308 --> 00:39:15,269
you're happy he's gone.
729
00:39:15,352 --> 00:39:18,773
[ Crying ]
Oh, burl, no.
730
00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:20,816
You couldn't mean that.
731
00:39:48,385 --> 00:39:50,262
I wish I could say
something clever
732
00:39:50,346 --> 00:39:53,099
like, "I didn't see
what just happened."
733
00:39:54,433 --> 00:39:58,229
But I'm your friend,
and I saw.
734
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:03,692
I don't know what to do.
735
00:40:03,776 --> 00:40:05,528
Don't do anything, okay?
736
00:40:05,611 --> 00:40:07,947
You forgot the part
where I'm your friend.
737
00:40:12,743 --> 00:40:15,830
When I got the phone call
738
00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:18,541
and the doctor told me
that my father had died,
739
00:40:18,624 --> 00:40:21,961
I just kind of sat there,
blank.
740
00:40:22,044 --> 00:40:25,673
I didn't know how I felt.
741
00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:28,884
And then I cried...
742
00:40:28,968 --> 00:40:31,178
But I don't know
if I cried for him
743
00:40:31,262 --> 00:40:33,889
or if I cried for me.
744
00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:37,852
Or maybe I just thought
I was supposed to cry.
745
00:40:37,935 --> 00:40:44,733
All I know is that someone
that I loved [sniffles]
746
00:40:44,817 --> 00:40:47,444
Wasn't there anymore.
747
00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:51,866
It doesn't matter now.
748
00:40:51,949 --> 00:40:54,702
Hey, man, it matters.
749
00:40:54,785 --> 00:40:56,620
Yeah.
Tell that to my mother.
750
00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:04,170
You brought her on a cruise
to cheer her up.
751
00:41:04,253 --> 00:41:05,671
She's not dumb.
752
00:41:05,754 --> 00:41:07,381
She understands that.
753
00:41:07,464 --> 00:41:09,216
And she understands
754
00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:12,636
that you're probably hurting
as much as she is.
755
00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:15,681
And the two of you sitting
around grieving
756
00:41:15,764 --> 00:41:19,059
is not gonna help
the situation.
757
00:41:19,143 --> 00:41:24,064
It's not gonna bring your father
back...Or her husband.
758
00:41:24,148 --> 00:41:27,610
Gopher...
759
00:41:27,693 --> 00:41:30,070
She's acting like this
760
00:41:30,154 --> 00:41:33,741
because she doesn't want you
to see her pain
761
00:41:33,824 --> 00:41:37,036
any more than you want her
to see yours.
762
00:41:46,003 --> 00:41:48,547
[ Sniffles ]
763
00:41:54,845 --> 00:41:56,639
[ Sighs ]
764
00:42:02,895 --> 00:42:06,982
Swami, tell me,
what do you see?
765
00:42:07,066 --> 00:42:09,944
I see a woman --
766
00:42:10,027 --> 00:42:12,613
a beautiful, blond woman
in her cabin.
767
00:42:12,696 --> 00:42:15,574
But I --
she -- she's voluptuous,
768
00:42:15,658 --> 00:42:17,326
and there's a man
knocking on her door.
769
00:42:17,409 --> 00:42:20,454
Wait. There's another man
knocking on her door
770
00:42:20,538 --> 00:42:22,581
and another man
knocking on her door.
771
00:42:22,665 --> 00:42:24,083
Hey,
where are you going?
772
00:42:24,166 --> 00:42:26,001
To get in line.
773
00:42:27,753 --> 00:42:29,338
Take a number!
774
00:42:29,421 --> 00:42:32,758
[ Fanfare plays ]
775
00:42:37,221 --> 00:42:39,473
3 mediums, rare!
776
00:42:39,556 --> 00:42:43,477
And now, continuing with
our passenger talent show,
777
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:45,604
representing
the promenade deck,
778
00:42:45,688 --> 00:42:50,651
the singing talent
of the incomparable roz Smith.
779
00:42:50,734 --> 00:42:55,155
[ Drumroll ]
780
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:58,284
[ Fanfare plays ]
781
00:43:03,747 --> 00:43:06,000
[ Musical introduction plays ]
782
00:43:11,297 --> 00:43:12,798
[ Music stops ]
783
00:43:17,428 --> 00:43:20,639
[ Music resumes ]
784
00:43:25,769 --> 00:43:28,397
[ Music stops ]
785
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:35,404
Hey.
786
00:43:41,243 --> 00:43:43,704
There was something I didn't say
to you outside.
787
00:43:43,787 --> 00:43:46,540
[ Music resumes ]
788
00:43:46,623 --> 00:43:49,710
You're the top.
789
00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:54,548
You're the colosseum.
790
00:43:54,631 --> 00:43:57,176
[ "You're the top" plays ]
791
00:43:57,259 --> 00:44:01,388
You're the top.
792
00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:04,516
Louvre museum.
793
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,560
♪ You're a melody ♪
794
00:44:06,643 --> 00:44:09,563
♪ from a symphony by Strauss ♪
795
00:44:09,646 --> 00:44:12,232
♪ you're a Bendel bonnet ♪
796
00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:14,401
♪ a Shakespeare sonnet ♪
797
00:44:14,485 --> 00:44:16,737
♪ you're Mickey mouse ♪
798
00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:18,405
[ Instrumental solo ]
799
00:44:18,489 --> 00:44:21,742
♪ You're the nile ♪
800
00:44:21,825 --> 00:44:24,370
♪ you're the tower of pisa ♪
801
00:44:24,453 --> 00:44:27,581
♪ you're the smile ♪
802
00:44:27,664 --> 00:44:30,250
♪ on the Mona Lisa ♪
803
00:44:30,334 --> 00:44:31,877
♪ I'm a worthless check ♪
804
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,129
♪ a total wreck, a flop ♪
805
00:44:34,213 --> 00:44:37,049
♪ but if, baby,
I'm the bottom ♪
806
00:44:37,132 --> 00:44:39,760
♪ but if, baby,
I'm the bottom ♪
807
00:44:39,843 --> 00:44:42,304
♪ but if, baby,
I'm the bottom ♪
808
00:44:42,388 --> 00:44:49,436
♪ you're the to-o-o-o-o-o-p ♪
809
00:45:24,596 --> 00:45:27,808
Goodbye, captain, doc.
Thanks for everything.
810
00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:29,810
-You're welcome.
-It was great having you.
811
00:45:29,893 --> 00:45:32,604
Did you get your feature story
on Jimmy?
812
00:45:32,688 --> 00:45:35,149
Yes. I got the pictures
and the facts,
813
00:45:35,232 --> 00:45:38,152
but someone else will have to
write the story.
814
00:45:38,235 --> 00:45:41,447
Because a wife can't testify
against her husband.
815
00:45:41,530 --> 00:45:43,782
Congratulations.
816
00:45:43,866 --> 00:45:46,493
Ah, he's a talented man.
817
00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:50,205
You know, I always had the
secret desire to be a comedian.
818
00:45:50,289 --> 00:45:51,665
You're kidding.
819
00:45:51,748 --> 00:45:53,625
No, I'm serious.
820
00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:55,836
"No, I'm serious"?
That's funny!
821
00:45:55,919 --> 00:45:58,297
[ Laughs ]
That's very funny!
822
00:45:58,380 --> 00:46:00,007
That's hilarious!
823
00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:13,312
What could have happened
to Lila?
824
00:46:13,395 --> 00:46:15,606
Maybe she decided you're not
right for her after all.
825
00:46:15,689 --> 00:46:17,691
Oh, that is cute, Louie --
extremely cute.
826
00:46:17,774 --> 00:46:20,527
Paul!
827
00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:23,363
I just got off the phone
to my dad.
828
00:46:23,447 --> 00:46:25,824
I told him all about you --
about us.
829
00:46:25,908 --> 00:46:27,868
He really wants to meet you.
830
00:46:27,951 --> 00:46:30,537
He said he'd like to help us
start up our restaurant
831
00:46:30,621 --> 00:46:32,247
in Philadelphia.
832
00:46:32,331 --> 00:46:33,749
Really?
833
00:46:32,331 --> 00:46:33,749
Yeah.
834
00:46:33,832 --> 00:46:36,710
That is just fantastic.
835
00:46:36,793 --> 00:46:39,838
I -- oh, now,
wait just a minute.
836
00:46:39,922 --> 00:46:41,673
I could never accept
anything like that.
837
00:46:41,757 --> 00:46:45,219
Uh, as your pilot, I will
fly you there personally.
838
00:46:45,302 --> 00:46:47,888
As your lawyer, for a small fee,
I'll draw up the contracts.
839
00:46:47,971 --> 00:46:49,681
No, fellas.
840
00:46:49,765 --> 00:46:52,226
And, as your psychiatrist,
if you refuse this proposal,
841
00:46:52,309 --> 00:46:54,895
you are nuttier
than a fruitcake.
842
00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:56,730
Well, what can I do?
843
00:46:56,813 --> 00:46:58,440
My three new chefs
say I should take it.
844
00:46:58,524 --> 00:46:59,900
Oh, great!
845
00:47:05,656 --> 00:47:06,907
Hey, wait.
846
00:47:06,990 --> 00:47:09,743
You fellas run
a fun ship here.
847
00:47:09,826 --> 00:47:11,578
Well,
one can but try.
848
00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:13,121
You're gonna have to take
a vacation
849
00:47:13,205 --> 00:47:14,414
to get over
your vacation.
850
00:47:14,498 --> 00:47:15,582
Oh, you're right!
851
00:47:19,294 --> 00:47:20,587
What can I say?
852
00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:22,798
You're the best.
853
00:47:22,881 --> 00:47:25,384
And every time I see you,
I love you more.
854
00:47:25,467 --> 00:47:28,720
And every time we part,
I miss you more.
855
00:47:28,804 --> 00:47:31,431
But, now, mom, when you come on
another cruise,
856
00:47:31,515 --> 00:47:32,933
you gotta do me a favor.
857
00:47:33,016 --> 00:47:34,601
Name it.
858
00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:39,106
When you're out by the pool,
do not blindfold the musicians.
859
00:47:39,189 --> 00:47:40,899
The violins
are still drying out.
860
00:47:40,983 --> 00:47:43,443
The piano's out of whack.
861
00:47:43,527 --> 00:47:45,779
I love you.
862
00:47:45,862 --> 00:47:47,155
I love you, too.
863
00:47:49,992 --> 00:47:51,785
Bye, mom.
864
00:47:51,868 --> 00:47:53,120
Lyle, come on.
865
00:47:53,203 --> 00:47:55,497
Ciao, big fella.
866
00:47:58,083 --> 00:48:01,753
"Ciao, big fella"?
"Ciao, big fella"?
867
00:48:01,837 --> 00:48:02,796
Hey, wait a minute!
868
00:48:02,879 --> 00:48:06,133
Mom, what ever happened to
old-fashioned mothers?
61542
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