All language subtitles for Une Ravissante Idiote (German)

THE EVENTS AND CHARACTERS
PORTRAYED IN THIS FILM

ARE RIGOROUSLY AUTHENTIC
AND TURNED ENGLAND UPSIDE DOWN

IN THE MID-1960s.

WITH THE LAUDABLE AIM
OF POPULARIZATION, THE WRITERS

ENSURED THAT THE PROTAGONISTS
EXPRESSED THEMSELVES IN THE LANGUAGE

OF EACH COUNTRY WHERE THIS DOCUMENT
IS AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC.

A RAVISHING IDIOT

A FILM BY
ÉDOUARD MOLINARO

BASED ON THE NOVEL BY
CHARLES EXBRAYAT

There she is.

She's only on her roast beef
and Yorkshire pudding.

Is the beef tender?

Are you kidding? It's unassailable.

-How long until she's done?
-A good ten minutes.

Éléonore, you're an angel.

And you're a dimwit, Mr. Compton.

Have you decided to talk
to her today, yes or no?

-I can't do it.
-And why not?

You know, she's practically French.

Look.

So?

No, there's no room.

Poor England.

One roast pork with apple sauce!

Thank you, young man. It's for me.

And the check, please, miss.

-Take him his check, please!
-He can wait, I have three others.

-Your check, sir.
-Here.

Thank you.

You're too kind.

Excuse me, ma'am!

I'm sorry, Mr. Compton,
but this lady was here before you.

Miss, oh, miss,

if only I dared,
if only I had the courage to dare.

I love you, miss,

and you don't even know it.

Oh, miss, can't you feel the passion

burning just a few feet away
from you?

Is something burning?

Éléonore, close the kitchen door,
please.

Archibald! I'm done now,
we're leaving.

Stop that!

Archibald,
please would you give me that shoe?

Thanks.

Archibald!

My little doggy! There he is!

Oh, my baby boy!

Mr. Director!

Mr. Compton,

you are a model employee.

I'm delighted and flattered
to agree with you.

A perfect employee...

When you finally decide
to grace us with your presence!

Understood, sir.

What time do you call this,
Mr. Compton?

Midnight... Midday.

My watch must have stopped.

Without a doubt, Mr. Compton.

Your watch has been out of order
for six months!

It's exactly 2:13 p.m.

Well, given the circumstances,

it would appear that I am late.

It may not surprise you, Mr. Compton,

to learn that our establishment finds
you to have plenty of personality

but regrets having to deprive itself
of your services.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

Compton!

Before we part ways,

I'd like to introduce you
to your successor in this office,

James W.C. Tapple, my nephew.

Come closer.

It's a pleasure.

What time is it, James?

2:15 p.m.

And?

35 seconds.

Dear Mr. Compton,

England is an island with nothing
to sell but gray matter,

hard work and accuracy.

James possesses all those qualities
upon which the future

of the United Kingdom depends.

Well...

God save the Queen.

So, that's the way it is, huh?
Well, sir,

you can forget Harry Compton
and say goodbye to Nicolas Miloukne.

-Mr. Compton!
-I don't know him!

You can apply for my Russian visa.

-Were you fired?
-As usual.

Guess who's replacing me.

The boss' nephew, as usual.

-How did you know?
-I'm familiar with capitalist morals.

Anyway, even if I wasn't,
it's written all over your face.

You were right.

There's nothing for the son
of Serge Miloukne on this island.

-I'm leaving!
-Listen to me.

You don't understand.

Soviet Russia is full of people
who are far more competent than you

and far more useful over there
than you could ever be.

Just look at you!

-So what?
-So what!

It wasn't freedom your father chose
when he came to England.

-It was love.
-Oh, love.

And love succeeded beyond all hope.

That's how you came to be here.

You're an Englishman, Harry Compton.

Look at me. Do you really think
I could pull this off?

Now, look at you.

Nicolas Miloukne is dead.

Just like your father.

You're not going to Russia.

-Yes, I am.
-No, you're not going to Russia.

I have plans for you here.

Big plans.

No, not really.

I don't really like any of this.

You've been dressing me such a long
time, you should know what suits me.

I need elegance, something discreet
yet remarkable.

It's not easy.

Have I made myself clear?

Where did you go?

Pearl! Clementine!

At your service.

You abandoned me, you great coward!

In any case, I'm leaving.

Wait! You haven't seen
everything yet.

We still have a few other designs
from Paris.

Send in Princess!
It's an evening dress.

I hope I like it,
for your sake, Pearl.

You'll see, ma'am, it's...

Ravishing!

-So?
-It's really very charming.

-Can I take a closer look?
-I should think so.

Come closer, dear.

Adorable. Turn around, child.

-The back isn't bad, either.
-Beautiful.

-What wonderful silk!
-Wonderful, but not very solid.

-Excuse me?
-What does that mean?

While I was putting it on,
the fabric ripped.

We even had to pin it.

Come on, now, that's impossible.

Here, look. I'm not lying.

I don't like being doubted.

All right, off you go.

I hope you won't blame me
for my honesty, Mr. Pearl.

I like that girl a lot.

I'll take the dress,
but in another material.

I'll also need something for sports.

Perhaps a little woolen suit.

-Do you have anything like that?
-I'm afraid we do!

Did you see what that girl did to us?

I'll have a nervous breakdown.

Calm down, this is all my fault.

She was doing so well
with alterations,

why did you make her a model instead?

Because she's ravishing!

Ravishing, yes, but an idiot!

You were fantastic, Penelope.

Those people are taking more and more
liberties with their employees.

Miss, you are an obelisk
of stupidity.

From now on you'll be back
where you belong, doing alterations.

Before you continue to ruin me,
my dear,

would you be so kind
as to drop me off at the Admiralty?

I didn't know you could be
so quick, Donald.

I was looking for you, sir.
The Admiral is waiting.

-The Admiral?
-Indeed, sir.

Come in.

Come on in, Reginald.

-How are you?
-Very well, thank you.

Perfect.
You can leave your things here.

Did you follow my instructions
regarding the Avalanch file?

To the letter, sir.

The file is firmly concealed

in my personal double-lock safe.

Forgive me,
I forgot to introduce you.

Inspector Cartwright
from the Intelligence Service.

Sir Reginald Dumfrey,
head of our D Office.

-How do you do?
-How do you do?

Reginald, do you have any idea about
the contents of the Avalanch file?

I'd prefer not to know, sir.

With even the slightest emotion,
I break out into giant hives.

Avalanch is the general plan
for the mobilization

of NATO fleets in the event
of a global conflict.

-It's very simple.
-Very simple? No, thank you.

Is your safe properly secure?

I chose the make you recommended.

Twenty years ago.

And I assume that your staff
is trustworthy?

Beyond reproach.

So, there's nothing to fear?

The file is currently at your home
in Chelsea?

Exactly, sir.

Well, then, my dear Reginald,

what would you call this?

Avalanch.

Av... Avalanch!

You don't say.

-But that's impossible.
-Don't beat yourself up, Reginald.

This is the real file.

The one you have at home is a fake.

A fake? Then why go
to so much trouble?

So that the fake gets stolen.

What?

Explain, Cartwright.

Some time ago,

the Russians decided that
they would seize Avalanch

by any means possible.

We know the team in charge
of the mission. They're old friends.

We don't want to bother them.

We could swap them.

That would be stupid.

But the latest link in the chain,

the executant, is brand new.

New, but not unknown to us.
Good-looking fellow, isn't he?

-So, he's the one...
-He doesn't know it yet.

He's a nice young man,
and a little excitable.

It won't be long before he shows up
at your place.

At my place?

There's no way the Russians know
the file is in Chelsea.

-They know, Reginald.
-That's impossible.

I'm sorry, but someone
has betrayed you.

-Betrayed me?
-Come now, Reginald.

We also have some of our own
working on the other side.

I know the backgrounds
of all my employees.

So do we! Listen to me, Reginald.

This document must be stolen from us.

But why?

The current situation is intolerable.

You probably haven't noticed,

but over the past three years

we've failed to identify
the top Soviet spy in London.

The military is no better informed
than we are.

We're very familiar with the type
of person to normally play this role.

It tends to be a charming man

with whom we maintain
a courteous relationship.

But for three years now, nothing!
It's unacceptable.

This is therefore
the perfect opportunity.

This young man steals the file.

The file moves through the network,
we follow the file,

and we finally discover this critical
yet overly discreet character.

-So, all I have to do is wait for...
-Compton.

-Harry Compton.
-To take the file from my office?

-Reginald!
-Sorry.

No, Reginald, you're going to host
a big party, with lots of guests.

The file should be relatively easy
to steal.

Don't worry, all costs will be
covered by the Admiralty.

Do you have anything on the calendar,
a special occasion to celebrate?

I must have been married
for 20 years now.

So, you'll celebrate
your 20th wedding anniversary.

Lady Dumfrey will be surprised
and delighted.

By the way, when you tell her
the news,

make sure you mention
the Avalanch file to her as well.

Are you suggesting
that my wife is a suspect?

No, as God is my witness.

But you'll agree that Barbara
is a notorious gossip.

If her chatter can be beneficial
to England's cause for once,

then let's make the most of it.
What's wrong, Reginald?

Nothing, it's just my hives.

"The cake is at the bakery.

"Awaiting delivery. Kind regards,

"Uncle Bob." It's all there.

So... You have family in England?

You never mentioned them before.

-Who is Uncle Bob?
-It's Aunt Fanny.

I see.

And Aunt Fanny is Jim.

Hidden behind those three names
is one sole person, our leader,

who is, in fact...

Damn, the coffee!

Who is, in fact...?

426.

That's all I know,
I've never met him.

And Uncle Bob likes cake?

Very much so.

Especially if you replace
the word "cake" with "Avalanch"

and the word "bakery"
with "Sir Reginald Dumfrey."

-Two sugars?
-Three.

So, what do I have to do?

You must get yourself to
Sir Reginald's, whatever it takes,

even by force.

-Using a revolver?
-No, using a vacuum cleaner.

Here, look.
You're a traveling salesman

working for Webb and Curtis.

-If it's necessary.
-It's essential.

You are offering this device for
a free trial period of eight days.

It's very easy to use.

No outlet required.

Ultra-light storage cell. No wheels.

The propeller holds the appliance
one centimeter above the ground.

Multiple adaptors

for cleaning anywhere and everywhere.

Watch this.

Apart from that, the mission
is very simple.

You'll be exploring the house,

mapping it out and identifying
potential hiding places.

Of course, should you happen
to come across the file...

Exactly.

-You can count on me.
-OK, let's move on to the staff.

It's almost certain

that Rosemary, the maid,
will come and answer the door.

What does she look like?

She's blonde
and a bit of a silly goose.

That's when your charm comes in.

What will you do?

I'll ring the doorbell,
and she'll answer.

I'll say: "Hello there, miss,

"would you be interested
in a vacuum cleaner?"

-That's what you'll say?
-Yes.

She'll slam the door in your face!

No, when she opens the door,
you look at her,

smile, and say:
"Hello, my beautiful blonde."

Hello, my beautiful blonde.

I could never do that.

Hello, my beautiful blonde.
I'm from Webb and Curtis.

Hello, beautiful blonde.

I'm from Webb and Curtis.

Hello, my beautiful blonde.
I'm from Webb and Curtis.

Can I help you?

I...

-My name's Harry Compton.
-That's not my fault, is it?

No, of course not.

What it is you want?

It's about a vacuum cleaner.

I'm sorry, we get cold callers
like you every day.

Like me? Impossible.

Have you ever heard
of Webb and Curtis?

-I can't say I have.
-What about our slogan?

-Your slogan?
-Don't sweat while you sweep:

our vacuums are dirt cheap!

It's very nice, but I'm not
interested. I'm the cook.

Then might I see the person in charge
of the household?

I'm sure a demonstration
would convince her.

Well, all right, then.

-Rosemary!
-What is it?

A vacuum cleaner.

But Sir Reginald
didn't order a vacuum cleaner.

He will once you give
this marvelous machine a try!

Don't sweat while you sweep:
our vacuums are dirt cheap!

It's the latest model from Webb
and Curtis: automatic, aerodynamic,

100 times more powerful.
It's the future of vacuuming. Try it.

-But I've already finished cleaning.
-Have you?

Look at that. It's shameful.

But now...

You'll see,
it's lighter than a feather.

-It's your turn!
-Amazing, you can barely feel it.

Don't forget that, due to the fog,
English dust is the world's best.

It deserves a vacuum
that can handle it.

Spotlessly clean every day,
you'll see.

Goodness, that's a bargain.

All done here.
Where are the dustiest spots?

-They're everywhere!
-Then we'll clean them all.

What's in here?

-That's Sir Dumfrey's office.
-His office?

Sir Dumfrey's office?

Where he keeps his papers?
Luck is on my side.

I mean, wherever you find papers,

there will be dust.

What are you doing?

Compton, Harry Compton.

From Webb and Curtis,
selling the cleaners of tomorrow.

Don't sweat while you sweep:
our vacuums are dirt cheap!

Get out!

-What?
-Get out!

But sir, the profession of traveling
salesman is recognized by law!

Well, I don't recognize it.

Young man, don't you dare come
prowling around here again.

You'll land yourself in deep water!

Need a hand, sir?

No, that won't be necessary.

Besides, all of this is
in very poor condition. Thank you.

I'll be going now.

Éléonore!

One apple hedgehog.

Another one? That's her third.
She'll make herself ill.

-Go and help her finish it, then.
-I'd love to.

I know someone else who would, too.

Éléonore, ask her if she'd allow me
to buy her dessert.

I hope you have enough money on you.

-What?
-Forty-five minutes

of uninterrupted desserts
makes for a pretty steep check.

But I'll do it. It makes my job
more interesting.

Tell her I'm feeling overjoyed

and I want someone to share it with.

Her grace has consented
to receive you.

My name's Harry Compton.

Would you mind if I sat down?

Isn't that why you're here?

Thank you, miss. Miss...?

Lightfeather. Penelope Lightfeather.

-Penelope? It can't be.
-But it is.

-Why? Don't you like it?
-Oh, yes,

it's a wonderful name.

Penelope, the virtuous wife
of Ulysses.

-But I'm not married.
-I'm glad to hear it.

That's why you can call me Penny.

-Well, Penny, can I buy you...
-An apple hedgehog.

-Pardon?
-An apple hedgehog.

Two. I don't want anything else.

Two apple hedgehogs!

-What?
-Two apple hedgehogs.

All right.

-Do you work?
-Yes, at a dressmaker's.

Of course, as a model.

No, I do alterations
for at-home appointments.

At-home appointments?

I have a lump in my throat.

Drink something hot, it'll go away.

I don't want it to.

-I've met the woman of my dreams.
-Yes, that's what Éléonore told me.

What?

She said something joyous
had just happened to you.

Where did you meet her?

Right here.

Right here?

But when?

Right now.

These are the last ones left,
we don't have any more.

I can't be certain, Mr. Compton,
that what you're saying is correct.

I apologize, miss, I didn't mean...

However, it's not at all
an unpleasant thing to hear.

Oh, Penny.

You love her,
Nicolas Sergeiovich Miloukne.

She's an idiot, but you love her.

You will start an English family

while you betray England.

Penny, let's get out of here.

-And go where?
-Anywhere. What does it matter?

I'm sorry, Harry, I can't.

There's a client waiting for me.

I have to work all afternoon.

Call her and tell her you're sick.

A worthy citizen of
the United Kingdom must not lie.

Yes, you're right.

You don't have to lie. I'll call her.

You?

Yes. I'll say that I'm your doctor.

-What's this lady's number?
-It's Flaxman 2070.

I'll just be a minute.

What's your client's name?

Dumfrey. Mrs. Barbara Dumfrey.

Harry!

It's nothing, don't worry.

What was the name again?

Mrs. Barbara Dumfrey.

By the way, who was
that Doctor Haywood?

A strange young doctor
with a charming voice.

He's looking after my new seamstress.
She's not well.

I'm sure he's taking
great care of her.

-You mean that this physician...
-Isn't a physician at all.

He's a heart specialist,
if you know what I mean!

Well, what do you expect?

It's Saturday afternoon
and the weather is half decent.

I don't blame her at all.

That's very sweet of you, Babe.

I was 20 myself, once.

You just reminded me.

Babe, honey,

what would you say
to celebrating our anniversary

with a huge party?

That would be wonderful!

Naturally, I'll give you
carte blanche for your expenses.

I want everyone to be there

and for the buffet to be perfect.

I'm so grateful for your faith in me.

By the way, you still haven't told me
what you wanted from the safe.

I was simply changing
the combination.

Why?

Barbara, can you keep a secret?

Honestly, Reginald.

At the Admiralty's request,

this safe will, from now on,

protect a document

vital for the defense
of the Western world.

For heaven's sake, lower your voice.

Well, naturally, the Russians
want to get their hands on it.

But Reggie,
it doesn't belong to them.

I don't think that argument
is compelling enough.

Those Russians
aren't true gentlemen at all.

Now, watch carefully.

B. A. B. E.

Your pet name is protecting the West.

Harry!

Harry, I'm afraid that
you'll scorn me.

Me, scorn you? Why?

Because I want you to kiss me.

Me, kiss you?

You're appalled, aren't you?

Do you lack conviction, Harry?

Are you aware that walking here
is prohibited?

There are signs.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

You probably didn't have
the time to read them.

-I understand.
-We've done nothing wrong!

Are you insinuating
that my eyesight is defective?

I saw you.

That's not very gentlemanly.

I'm not a gentleman, I'm a policeman,

hence why you are obliged
to show me some identification.

Next time, contain your enthusiasm,

or at least make sure
that you really are alone.

Your papers, miss.

My papers? All right.

One moment.

This is a card from the Society
for the Protection of Animals.

-That won't suffice.
-I'm sorry.

You're a member of
the Communist Party?

That's not against the law,
of course,

but it is rather troublesome.

And why is that?

I can't say exactly, but you'd better
come down to the station.

Goodbye, Harry.

You must hate me.

I hope you can forgive me

for not having the courage
to tell you I was a Party member.

I'm so happy I got to meet you.

Goodbye.

Won't I see you again?

After everything that's happened,
it's impossible.

Harry, promise me you won't tell
anyone about this.

The place where I work
is very conservative.

And we're living off the sweat
of the poor.

Harry?

Mr. Bagda, there's a client here.

A client? Already?

All right, I'm coming.

-Balaniev.
-You don't miss a trick, do you?

You've never done me the honor
of coming to try my specialties.

I hope, for your sake, that you never
have to taste mine.

Take a seat.

How's your friend
Harry Compton getting on?

Great. I'm expecting him
any minute now.

Don't lie. His first attempts
have been disastrous.

One more mistake from him
and the whole case is compromised.

We need to get rid
of that little idiot.

-Well, I won't do it.
-What?

Look, I've known him all his life.

I was his father's only friend.

You were the friend of a turncoat

and now of his incompetent offspring!

Listen to me, Bagda. We've never had
any complaints about you.

That's why I'm giving you 48 hours.

Either your protégé brings us
that file,

or you eliminate him yourself
once time is up.

If you can't bring yourself to do it,
I will.

But that means I'll have to ask
someone else for help,

and you can bet
they won't be as lenient as I am.

I'll have the borsch,
then the blinis.

RUSSIAN SPECIALTIES

Careful! People know me around here.

Come on, this way.

-Is that your room?
-Yes.

Oh, Penny!

Is that you, Penny?

I was about to fetch you, Nana,
to introduce you to Mr. Compton.

But first he was impatient
to see my bedroom.

Don't worry about it.

Without her glasses,
Nana can't see anything.

Why, good evening, ma'am!

Yes, I absolutely had to see it.

You have a beautiful home.

I met Miss Lightfeather
in the park...

I mean, at a restaurant.

My name's Harry Compton.

And you're in love with Penny!

Excuse me? Oh, no!

Well... Yes, with your blessing.

Well, that's not for me to give.
It's up to her.

And so, you wanted to come and see
where she lived?

That's only natural.

It proves your good intentions.

Would you like a cup of tea?

It would be my pleasure.

-My name's...
-Harry Compton, I know.

Keep Penny company
while I'm in the kitchen.

Everything all right?

Bagda!

But... You're not going to...

No, I won't.

Of course I won't. But I should!

-Listen, Bagda...
-No!

Not only have you failed miserably,

but you've been avoiding me.

I had to spend half an hour

getting rid of those two cops!

Listen here. I trusted you.

When I put your name forward,

they gave me carte blanche.

Now they want to see results.

What would you do?

I'd tell them that the operation
is right on track.

Don't you dare mock me.

We have someone on the inside.

What?

Lady Barbara's seamstress.
She's my...

My fiancée.

Let's go to my place.
You can tell me everything there.

If I'm not mistaken, you're in love.

You're not mistaken.

Well, I don't like this story at all.

There are millions of girls
in London,

and you just happen to fall
for Lady Barbara's seamstress?

It just so happens
she belongs to the Party

and she's a complete idiot.

Penny is incapable of deception.

That's what I want to make sure of.

Yes, young man?

Forgive me.

-Inspector Kelly.
-Pleased to meet you.

What can I do for you, Inspector?

It's about Miss Lightfeather.

Oh, God, has there been an accident?

No, no, it's more of a warning.

I don't understand.

A political warning.

I knew this would happen
sooner or later.

She's a very special case, Inspector.

She's both a communist

and the sweetest girl
you'll ever meet.

Everyone loves her.

You can ask anyone
in the neighborhood.

She's a perfect idiot, Inspector.

Her... How do I put this?

Her mind is on vacation,
all year round.

Sir, women and politics

just don't mix.

Remember Joan of Arc?

You know, I've only ever looked
at her legs, so...

She'll do anything to help out.

She's such a charitable soul.

She's a little slow up there.

The girl couldn't even catch a cold.

She adores animals.

Isn't that right, Charlie?

I can tell you,
in complete confidence,

that she's allergic
to redcurrant jelly.

Listen, Inspector: take her
and lock her up!

She's stupid and she's a fool.

It's simply shameless at this point.

She's very cute
and so deliciously primitive.

You know, the mischievous ones,

the deluded and perceptive ones,

they make a cuckold of you, sir,
stealing your clientele.

Well?

You were right. This girl

could be extraordinarily useful
to us.

-What will she have to do?
-I'll take care of that.

Bring her to the restaurant tonight.
Dinner's on me.

I'm sorry, ma'am! I don't know
what's wrong with me today.

I'm being such an idiot.

You're daydreaming
about your doctor, dear.

Penelope.

Well, Marjie, what do you say?

They couldn't make better in Paris!

Penelope.

-So, Marjie?
-You look regal.

Ma'am, you're just so classy.
Everything suits you.

Penelope!

Mr. and Mrs. Farrington.

Dorothy! Donald! How delightful!

I'm just passing by.

I'll leave Dorothy with you.
All the best.

You know, everyone's talking
about your party.

-Let's hope it's a big success.
-If you're there, of course it will.

Whoops!

Twenty happy years of marriage,
how could we not celebrate?

Reginald has even started
courting me again.

No! Did you hear that, Donald?

Really? I'd better be on my way.

Donald, you know I've always had
a little crush on you.

Sir Reginald needn't worry.

No one could match him in a fight.

Such a flatterer!

-See you tomorrow, Donald!
-Ladies.

Now, girls, listen to my news!

What, there's more?

You know my pet name.

Yes, "Babe." It's a little youthful,
but still charming.

I'm far more youthful
than you might think.

Reginald has just given me

the most sumptuous gift
of our life together.

-What's that?
-His confidence.

Follow me.

B, A, B, E.

I must admit,
your vodka is pretty good!

Come up and try my raki,
it's even better.

Mustafa!

-No, his name is Kamal.
-But Mustafa is much more fun.

I feel so good!

Poor Harry!

Why "poor Harry"?
He has nothing to complain about.

Yes, he does!

Well, excuse me, but I feel...

Bad. You feel very, very bad.

Otherwise, how else
could you be happy?

Yes, I suppose that's true.

Deep down, I feel vaguely sad.
Vaguely sad.

Is it because of your job?

My job? No, not at all.

It's because of his father.

But it's been ages since Papa...

Was put in prison. He's in prison.

You shouldn't be ashamed.
You can tell her.

She loves you.
She should share your pain.

Harry's father is in prison,

the victim of an abhorrent injustice.

Him, too? Well, I never!

Come, dear.

Harry told me that you can't bear
the thought of injustice.

Certainly not!
When I was at Max and Peter's...

Yes, I know. He told me everything.

But he's never told you
about the hardships in his life.

He's too shy.

However, you could be
of immense service to him.

-Me?
-Listen,

Harry has only one aim: to liberate
the man who fathered him.

Proof of his father's innocence

is laid out in black and white

in a document held by a powerful man.

How wonderful!

Harry has decided

to retrieve it, no matter the cost,

from its illegitimate keeper.

He's right! What a terrible man!

Isn't he, Mustafa?

Who is it?

Sir Reginald Dumfrey.

Sir Reginald?

What a coincidence!

I was just with his wife
earlier today!

I think she likes me.

Listen, we'll tell her everything.

I'm sure she'll get you
your papers back.

-Let's go!
-No!

I don't think that's the best idea.

We need to be cunning

to try to find out where Sir Reginald
keeps his important documents.

In his safe, of course.

Without a doubt, but that
doesn't help us much.

Yes it does, because I know
the combination.

-You know the...?
-Of course. It's "Babe."

Lady Barbara's pet name.

She sure talks a lot. She says
whatever comes into her head.

If I were her, I wouldn't be
so trusting.

Penelope, it was destiny
that brought you and Harry together.

No, it was Éléonore,
the waitress from Lion's.

-Now, this document...
-All right, all right.

If Harry wants, I'll arrange

for him to visit Lady Barbara.

He can get his papers back,
and there we go.

No, Penny. I can never set foot
in that house.

I've already tried...
Thinking about it.

Well, I have my own ideas.

It's lucky I'm here,
isn't it, Mustafa?

-Will you tell us?
-No, just leave it to me.

I'm not like Lady Barbara.

I don't go around telling everyone
my secrets.

-Oh, my goodness!
-What is it?

Look at the time! Quick, Harry!
Nana will start to worry.

See you soon, sir.
Thank you for everything.

Whoops!

-Are you really in love with her?
-Yes.

My poor boy!

Why?

As soon as we have that file,

Balaniev is going to report her
to the police.

-What?
-That's the deal.

When all this is over,

we'll be far, far away.
I've got your visa

and I'll go with you.

-What about her?
-Harry!

Go on, go! Don't dwell on it.

-Yes?
-Balaniev?

You can come.

Stop making that face,

or I'll complain to Nana.

Let's go and say goodnight to her.
Come on!

Harry, promise me that
you'll never cause me any suffering.

Enough, I beg you!

Penny, I'm a wretch
who doesn't deserve your trust!

I'm a monster, Penny!

You should really get up.

That's not a good attitude
to have, Harry.

-My name isn't Harry.
-Really? That's a shame.

Poor Penny, my name is
Nicolas Sergeiovich Miloukne.

You know, that's such a pretty name!

She should be spitting in my face,
but she says it's pretty!

Miloukne, Mrs. Miloukne.

It has a nice ring to it.

Penny, try to understand.
I've been deceiving you.

-What? With who?
-With Bagda.

That's awful!

I'm a spy. Bagda is also a spy,

and together we spy.

Is that all? You scared me!

I love spies.

They're handsome, strong
and intelligent.

Just like you.

But I am the most vile being
you could ever imagine.

Are you exaggerating a little?

Why can't you see the bad
in anything?

Because there's bad in everything.

You just have to accept it,
otherwise how do you go on living?

I don't want to go on living!
I'm damned!

Goodbye, Penny.

I wanted to make you happy,
but it's just not possible.

Nothing is possible anymore,

so the only thing

left for me to do for you
is disappear.

Goodbye!

Sorry.

What an excitable boy!

Nicolas Sergeiovich Miloukne,
you're a traitor.

Yes, I'm a traitor.

Nicolas Sergeiovich Miloukne,
you're a coward.

Yes, I'm a coward.

Nicolas Sergeiovich Miloukne,
you're a wretch.

-I already acknowledged that.
-Miloukne!

Call me Compton.

How did you know my name?

I've been behind you for six
kilometers. You kept repeating it.

-Where do you think you're going?
-Hell.

You're out of luck. I'm heaven sent.

Leave me alone. I must die.

I have to die, it's the only way out!

Believe me, I'm a traitor.
A double traitor.

At the end of the day,

your life does not belong to you.

If you betray the Lord,

you will be a triple traitor.

-Yes, that's a lot of betrayal.
-Too much.

The Thames is not the solution.

Instead, think about how God
wanted to test you.

-He's testing me, all right.
-Live, my son.

After the night, there will be light.

Love your fellow man.

Love and you will find
reasons to hope.

But I do love.

Then your earthly existence

belongs to the woman
who's thinking of you.

Compton, Bagda, Balaniev...

Three executants
with no one above them!

This is impossible!

There has to be a leader!

They haven't replaced him
with an electronic brain!

Just be patient, sir.

Compton will have the file tomorrow.

That little Compton doesn't seem

to be taking his mission seriously.

-What makes you think...
-It's the oldest story in the book!

He's in love.

What? With whom?

Honestly, Reginald,
do I have to spell it out for you?

With Penelope Lightfeather.

My seamstress?

I mean, Babe's seamstress?

Could he be using her
to get to my safe?

What do you think, Reginald?

I'm trying my best, sir.

Come in!

Gentlemen, it was a close call.

One second more and we'd be waiting
three more years

to find out who the top Russian spy
in London is.

Explain yourself, Cartwright.

Compton tried to kill himself.

How utterly absurd!

That's exactly what I told him.

Your spiritual son.

Harry? What's he doing here?

I was going to ask you
the same thing.

I hope that you weren't the one
to initiate this impromptu visit.

Scram!

No, no, no! I can't do this anymore.

I'm throwing in the towel.

What's going on, Harry?

I'm disgusted

with myself, with you,
and everything we're doing.

It's over. Over!

You can report me
to whoever you like.

It's not mission accomplished,
it's mission terminated! Bye!

Harry!

-This is all going to end very badly!
-I don't care.

I'm a lost cause.
I told Penny the truth.

You told her?

I told her that I'm a spy,
and so are you.

What?

Her grandmother is also aware
of the situation,

so it is, indeed, hopeless. Goodbye!

Miloukne!

This takes the cake.

Everyone knows my name tonight.
Who are you?

I am whom it may concern.
At least, I represent them.

-So, you want to give up on us?
-Exactly.

In that case, you need
to give up on life.

So will the other people
so dear to you

who have already had a taste
of your unfortunate revelations.

You wouldn't do that.

Oh, yes I would.

Without hesitation.

Unless, of course...

I accept my role
and bring you the file.

Agreed, and understood.

But listen up!

You won't touch a hair
on Penny's head.

-Prove your loyalty, and so will we.
-Nor her grandmother's.

I swear!

I promise.

Fine.

We need that seamstress,

at least until the day
after tomorrow.

But the grandmother is too dangerous.

Who knows what she heard
that moron say?

We need to get rid of her.

-Fine, I'll do it.
-No!

Tomorrow, late afternoon.
When she's alone.

Of course, the method is up to you.

-It's me again.
-Come in, Inspector.

Penny's gone to the movies
with her boyfriend.

You just missed her.

How unlucky!

I was just about to have some tea.

-I'm sure you'd like a cup.
-A cup?

Why not?

-Are you all by yourself here?
-I never get bored.

I always find something
to keep me busy.

Please, sit.

If I sit, Mrs. Lightfeather,

soon you'll no longer need
to keep yourself busy.

I'm afraid I don't understand.

Are you afraid of death,
Mrs. Lightfeather?

It's not a nice thing to think about,

but I don't think I'm particularly
scared of it.

Why do you ask?

Because I'm here to kill you,
Mrs. Lightfeather.

Would you like a slice of cake,
Inspector?

-I don't think you understand...
-Yes, I do!

-You've come to murder me.
-Yes!

I understand.

I'm sure you've taken
all the necessary precautions

and that there's no point trying
to complicate your task any further.

Yes, you're exactly right.

However, might I ask you

why my death is so desirable to you?

You just happen to be
in the firing line.

Somewhat by chance, somewhat
due to major international issues.

I must say I'm surprised,

but I have no reason
to question your motives.

-A little more tea?
-Gladly.

It's my grandmother's blend.

It's delicious.

Whoops! It looks a little strong,

but perhaps with enough sugar...

Yes, I take a lot of sugar.

Whenever you're ready,
Mrs. Lightfeather.

If we could postpone for another
20 minutes or so,

that should give me enough time
to prepare.

Is that all right?

Fine, but no longer than 20 minutes.

I'm sure it will be plenty.

Don't worry,
I'll leave the door open.

When will the night end, Jane?

When Jackson and his gang
are six feet under

and your father can finally
shake the Sheriff's hand.

-My daughter swore it!
-We only ever promised.

Anyway, oaths are made to be broken.

Penny, how is your grandmother?

Come on, Harry! We just saw her.
She's fine.

-Let's go. I need to see her.
-Harry!

I absolutely must see her. Come on!

Really, Harry, I don't understand!

You made us leave right
at the time of the crime!

I blame you for ruining it!

Heaven forbid that I deprive you
of anything, Penny!

Gosh!

No matter what you do,

don't turn on the lights.

-What's new?
-Is that you, Harry?

-Is Penny not with you?
-I'm here, Nana.

Here, put your glasses on.

You know, I'm a little jealous!

Right in the middle of the movie,
he wanted to come and see you.

-Really?
-Yes.

I'm very flattered.

It's nothing. I mean, it's normal.

Anyway... Are you all right?

It's just my rheumatisms.

Oh, so nothing fatal!

Yes. Good. Excuse me.

Yes, I know. It was me.

Sit down.

It's still warm. The tea, I mean.
Try not to be so agitated.

-The man, that man...
-He's just sleeping.

He must be very tired, you know.

He came by the other day
pretending to be a police officer

and tonight he was back
saying he was going to kill me

to help restore international order.

What happened?

I looked after him
like a mother does.

A nice cup of tea

with a hearty dose
of my sleeping pills.

It calmed him right down.
He'll sleep through the night.

Ma'am, I cannot leave you here

with the individual behind me.

There's no room for you.

No problem. I'll keep watch
from the couch. That way,

if he wakes up, I'll be there.

How lovely. You can give him
another dose.

Harry, you shouldn't have lied
to poor Nana.

Did you think I wouldn't recognize
your friend?

You saw him?

You set up this whole crazy story
just to spend the night here.

It really wasn't worth it.

You should just have asked Nana.

Come on.

I'm going to...

We'll all sleep under one roof.

You, your friend, Nana and me.

It's going to be fun.

Goodnight, spy!

I'll keep watch.

What are you doing in my bed?

Is this your bed?

No, this isn't my bed.

Where am I, then?

At the home of the poor old lady
you wanted to murder

and who fortunately
mistook you for a madman.

-I remember. It was the tea!
-But you promised me.

It's all right. I have to get out
of here without being seen.

Fine. Wait here.

There's no one about. Come on.

I'll be over to see you later.

Hands up! You're done for.

I can't believe you'd leave
without saying goodbye!

It's very bad manners
and highly ungentlemanly.

I apologize. I have to leave.
Goodbye.

You have plenty of room
for improvement, Mr. Bagda.

I wouldn't want to insult you,

but you look as much like
a police officer as Harry does a spy.

Tell me, just between us... Did you
arrange all of this with Harry?

Well, yes, I did,

but please don't tell
your grandmother. I'm so ashamed.

-Please, excuse me.
-Goodbye!

He told me everything.

-He told you everything?
-Everything.

I didn't want to do it, Penny.
I swear.

He promised me
he wouldn't do anything.

-Goodbye.
-No!

Don't you start this again!

It's time for breakfast.

Sit down.

Forgive me, Penny.

I'd love to, but for what?

Well... For all of this...

All right. We'll ask Nana
what she thinks.

But for now, we have
important things to discuss.

Important things?

Honestly, Harry! How could you
have forgotten about the file?

-And your father?
-My father?

My father? The file!

Babe, darling, guests are arriving
and you're not even ready!

I already called

Pearl and Clementine twice!

They're closed and my dress
still isn't here!

I've been crying.

Please, think of your makeup!

Marjie, be a doll, and go and greet
our friends on my behalf.

Excellent.

-Finally!
-I came as quick as I could.

-I had to take a taxi.
-Hurry, dear!

There's never been anything like it.

It's sure to cause a stir!

I hope so. Rosemary!

I'm sorry, I'd better go.
I also need to get dressed.

I'm meeting friends for dinner
at the Lune Indépendante.

What a funny name!
Have a lovely evening.

You too, ma'am.

Are you sure she's coming,
after everything that's happened?

She's convinced that you were just
being a good friend to me.

What an idiot!

It's vital that you get inside
the Dumfrey residence tonight.

Have you seen the time?

-As long as she hasn't forgotten.
-She hasn't.

Did she at least tell you
how she's planning to do it?

I believe it has something to do
with Lady Barbara's dress.

Are you kidding me?

-Rosemary!
-Yes, ma'am?

Are you fastening me in, or not?

You can be so clumsy, poor girl!

It's a little tight.
I can hardly breathe.

Look at my waist!

Will you ever be ready?
This is getting ridiculous!

Ravishing!

You're walking funny. What's wrong?

I feel 20 years younger!

I'm glad, but come on!
Everyone's waiting!

I don't mean to rush you,
my dear Penelope,

but might I remind you
that tonight is the night?

Look at your face!

Tonight, and preferably
as soon as possible.

We need to get into the Dumfreys'!

More vodka.

Penny, please. This is serious.

Come on, Mr. Bagda.
You're not the one in prison.

You're lucky it's Harry's father
who's locked up,

because if it were you
I'd leave you in there.

Will you please do something

before I wring
that little parakeet's neck?

Good evening, ma'am.

William, table for two.

Good evening. How are you?

Me? I'm perfectly fine.

But you...

I read the newspapers.

Not a word on the death
of Mrs. Lightfeather.

Not a word? How strange.

I gave the old lady a call.

Lucky for you, there was no answer.

That's why you're still alive.

Otherwise, I hope
your young man is ready

for his mission at the Dumfreys'.

Yes...

He's feverishly preparing.

This time, I want you

to monitor the operation yourself.

How will I get into Sir Reginald's
house? That's impossible.

It would be impossible

if I'd left everything
to your imagination.

Fortunately, I have it all planned.

We have another man down there,
posing as a waiter: Peter Walter.

Around 8:30 p.m., his mother
will tragically suffer a heart attack

and he'll be forced
to telephone a friend,

namely you,

to replace him.

What about my clients?

Peter Walter will replace you.

I see you've thought of everything.

Everything, even failure.

So, what does your plan involve?

Have a little patience, sir.

I can't be patient anymore!
I've had enough!

If that's how you feel,
then I'll leave.

All right, fine!

If it's not too much to ask...

Yes, tell him, Penny.
I'm begging you.

Fine.

Here it is.

I used 400 instead of 30.

What's 400 and what on earth is 30?

The thread! For the button loops!

-What button loops?
-Made from ribbon!

I know it's hard to understand,
but it makes sense!

The ribbon button loops.

Ah, the ribbon button loops!

Lady Barbara's dress has a skirt.
The skirt has a ribbon.

Like a belt!
Everyone knows what that is.

I made it three centimeters
too narrow.

-That's not much.
-No, it's a lot. It's very tight!

The dress is fastened using
the button loops

that I made using a very fragile
400 thread.

At the slightest movement

or if she drinks too much...

All the darts around the waist
will fall apart.

So, it's all sorted. She'll call me.

-Your coffee is ready upstairs, sir.
-Let's go.

But won't the maid help her
to repair the dress?

Rosemary?
She's as clumsy as anything.

I'm sure Lady Barbara
will be straight on the phone to me.

Is Pearl and Clementine closed?

She'll call here.

She knows I'm at
the Lune Indépendante.

With a name like that,
she won't forget it.

-Penny, you're fantastic!
-I think so, too!

It's incredible! The dress splits,

she calls you, and you bring Harry.

-But what if it doesn't split?
-It'll split.

I did the same with my dress
to demonstrate.

Look.

You see? It's far too tight.

One big gesture,

and there it goes!

You see?

Sublime.

I mean, it certainly won't be

as attractive when it happens
to Barbara.

Oh, Judge, you are a scoundrel!

I'm French, ma'am. May I offer you
a glass of champagne?

No, thank you,

I've just spotted a tray
of cucumber canapés

that won't last much longer!

-It's too far!
-Hold on.

I don't think you'll manage.

Where are those waiters?

I'm almost there!

Yes, hello?

No, sir, these are not the roomettes.

Herbert, where have you been hiding?

Marjorie was so worried.

There are so many lovely ladies
here tonight.

Really, ma'am?
I only have eyes for you.

Bravo, Herbert. You're improving.

Even Donald would be jealous
of your smooth talking.

Mr. Gonzali, how delightful!

-You're drinking too much, Babe.
-It's such a wonderful party!

-How about a waltz?
-Why not?

After you.

I'm getting too old for this.

I'm all out of breath.

Well, it suits you.

Let's have another drink.
I'm about to burst!

It's lucky skirts are fitted
to the waist this year.

If loose dresses were in style,
Harry's father would be a goner.

He is a goner, and so are we!

Your friend seems a little nervous.

The Scottish Labor MP,
what was his name again?

Kinley. Mac Kinley.

That's right. Do you know
what he said to me?

"I don't think
there's anything special

"about your Laurence Olivier.

"I've seen him." I asked him:

"What did you see him in?"

And he responded: "A taxi!"

Yes, hello?

Yes, she's right here. Hold on.

Really?

Why, I don't understand it!

What about Rosemary?

No?

I'm astonished.

Right away?

That will be very difficult.

I'm with...

Yes, that's right. With my doctor.

I should bring him with me?

All right. I'm on my way.

Penelope, dear, it's almost like
you're angry with me.

I'm sorry, ma'am, but this
is very frustrating.

I don't like to be rushed.

All right. There we go.

Fabulous! You're an angel!

Come on, quick!
I'm sure some of my guests

will be delighted to meet you.

But ma'am, I'm here with my...
Well, my...

Ah, your doctor?

I completely forgot. I must be giddy!
Introduce us.

This is Harry.

Doctor Hayward! Charmed, I'm sure.

You have a beautiful voice.

He's ravishing. Don't let him wander.

See you later!

Reggie, are you leaving already?

Babe, honey, I'm going to lie down
in my office for ten minutes.

I'm exhausted.

Here, why not go and chat to
the Admiral?

He's just arrived and he's looking
for a new figurehead.

Fine, but only for two minutes,
not a second longer.

-Penny?
-Yes?

The office is that way, isn't it?

Yes, it's that way. Come on.

The safe is back there,
behind the television.

Turn on the lights.

Good evening.

Good evening, sir.

Did I give you a fright?

How silly of me. I do apologize.

-Miss Lightfeather, I assume?
-That's right.

And this gentleman?

Harry Compton.

-Really?
-Yes, of course.

That is certainly my name.

He's saying that now.

The other day, he was calling himself
something else entirely.

He's been a doctor,
a traveling salesman,

a bank employee...

He tells so many stories, you know?

Sometimes, he even thinks...

-Guess what.
-Goodness...

He's a spy. He thinks he's a spy!

How funny, and very practical.

Life is so monotonous
when you're just being yourself.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

No, we're the ones who should...

No, no, you're young and in love.

I should get back to my guests.

You know, you're a very nice man.

It's hard to believe

that you would commit
such injustices.

I beg your pardon?

Look at him. Look at his face!

Don't you feel sorry for him?

Gosh, no. He's a good-looking fellow.

What's more, he's incredibly lucky.

Incredibly lucky? With his father
in jail, and all because of you?

-Harry!
-What is it now?

What's the matter with him?

Wake up!

There he is.
I'm sure it's nothing serious.

I'd better go now.

We can continue
this conversation later.

Quick! Get the file.

Give me one second.

Hurry up. Bagda's waiting for us.

Meet me outside.

A whisky, sir?

Hoping to find more customers
for your vacuum cleaners?

This is going to cost you,
my good man!

Where's Harry?

I was just looking for him.

He should be waiting outside
with the file.

-You have the file?
-Of course.

Harry was in a rush to get it to you.

I don't understand why.

This is about his father, not yours.

He must be waiting for me
at the house. I'll go now.

What about me?
What's wrong with everybody tonight?

-Call me a cab!
-Certainly, miss.

I'm sorry!

One minute. Are you interested
in Lady Barbara's seamstress?

-Is that any of your business?
-Do you know who I am?

Yes, a capitalist stooge.

The file!

That's it, I've lost it.
I need to warn Bagda.

No. There's something more urgent
I must do.

To honor the Miloukne name.

Surgeon? Is that you?

-I never expected this from you.
-Me neither, ma'am.

You were fantastic, old boy!

I've never seen anything like it!

How do you do it?

You have good news, I hope?

Very good news. Excellent.
Is Compton not here?

I don't care about Compton.
Do you have the file?

Well, no, not exactly.
He has it. He should be here.

He left before I did.

We'll wait for him together.

I'm sure he won't be long.

Peter Walter.

Here are the accounts.
We served 35 covers.

Your clients are charming people.

Should I go back to the Dumfreys'?

There's no need, Peter.

Go to bed. I'll call you tomorrow.

Don't waste your fear.
You may need it.

Close the door, you imbecile!

-Do you have it?
-Have what?

-The file. Give it to me, quick.
-I don't have it.

Interesting.

Explain that to your friend Bagda,
who swears the opposite is true.

Finally, Harry!
What's the meaning of this?

Penny told me you were successful.

I ran into the maître d'.
He recognized me.

We went to settle our differences
in the garden.

There was a bit of a match

and the file was lost in the scuffle.

I looked everywhere, but...

Is that all you've got?

I don't have anything.

That doesn't sound like
a sufficient explanation to me.

-Listen, Balaniev...
-You need to listen to me!

I'll say it again, for the last time.

I don't know why, but I've never
trusted you, Bagda.

But recent events
have proven me right.

I phoned Mrs. Lightfeather again

after checking
the number you gave me,

which was a fake.

Well, somehow I must have
gotten through to the afterlife,

because she picked up.

How about that?

I can explain.

I'm sure you can,
but I'm no longer interested.

I'm only interested in one thing:
the file.

Either one or both of you
are lying to me.

I'll give you five minutes.

If you have nothing else to confess
once your time is up,

I'll start by shooting the kid.

After that, dear Bagda,
you'll benefit

from an additional five minutes.

If you insist on deceiving me
after that,

then I can promise you
two or three hours

of very special festivities.

Now, gentlemen, check your watches.

Think carefully about what you're
going to do. It's worth it.

Good evening, everyone!

Penny, I can certainly say
that your arrival was most timely.

It's a good thing you told me

how important the Avalanch file was!

-Excuse me?
-Look.

-What do you think?
-Something went very wrong.

You don't say.

We'll have to come up
with a valid reason

for this lamentable fiasco.

Put this back in your safe

and go back to your guests.

All right.

Forgive me, sir, for earlier.

My course was involuntary.

I was cowardly attacked

-from behind.
-By who?

By a man who has already
broken into the house

pretending to sell vacuum cleaners!

Where is he?

I kicked him out, sir. I did my duty.

You're an imbecile, Surgeon.

Well, I say!

Hey! Penny!

Here.

That's enough!

You know it's very bad
to kill your fellow man?

Shut up, or I'll start crying.

Perhaps it would be good for you.

It would be good for me
if I could wrap you up with him!

That wouldn't be kind or hygienic.

I'm about to do something
I'll regret...

Haven't you already done it?

Is she doing this on purpose?

That's just the way she is.

Help me move him.

What are you going to do with him?

Get rid of him, if you don't mind.

Not at all.

Get her to keep her mouth shut
once and for all,

or I'll do it for her!

Behave, won't you?

Just a little more vodka.

Boss, look.

Rest in peace,
Fedor Alexandrovich Balaniev.

You were a worthy enemy.

Do you really think they...?

Why else would they be carting
around a rolled-up carpet?

They're headed to the Thames.

-How do you know?
-What would you do?

You have such beautiful hair!

Harry, stop it!

-This is not the time!
-I'm not doing anything!

-Good evening.
-Lovely Bambi!

You're being a little
too friendly, miss.

She loves policemen.

That means she has good taste.
Where are you off to?

I'm driving my niece back
to my sister's in Putney.

Perfect, perfect.

What have you got
rolled up in that carpet?

Oh, that? A dead body.

Perfect, perfect.

What kind of dead body?

A Soviet spy. Would you like to see?

Go on, off you go.

The ignition!

-Did you hear that, sergeant?
-Of course. Honestly!

Want to hear something even funnier?

What's that, sergeant?

Everything the young lady told you
was true.

Those people really are transporting
the body of a Russian spy

they just assassinated.

If that cop had even the slightest
inkling that what you said was true,

I swear, before being arrested,
I'd give you a good seeing to.

Thank you, Mr. Bagda,
from the bottom of my heart.

Does it bother you
when I tell the truth?

Not at all. Not at all.

Look, everyone's here.

They look so stern!

Yoohoo!

Now, then...

What's wrong with you?

-Miaow, miaow, miaow, miaow!
-Miaow miaow, huh?

-Is she crazy?
-Pretty much.

When she was little, she was buried
alive under the rubble

during a bombing.

-It was the shock, you see.
-Oh, really?

Poor girl!

So, where are the three of you
off to?

The four of us.
You forgot about the body.

The body? A dead body?

Oh, of course.
You must be playing a game.

Sometimes, on Sundays,
to pass the time,

my wife and I play Exquisite Corpse.

Anyway, try to get some rest, miss,

and go straight to bed.

Goodnight.

That fool of a sergeant
almost ruined everything.

Now that they've made it
through the cops,

vehicle 16-16, vehicle 16-16,
Inspector Cartwright.

I'm alerting the river police, over.

River department. Evening, Inspector.
We hear you loud and clear.

Good evening.
Is your cockleshell ready?

Ready, Inspector. So are the divers.
Which direction?

We're heading towards the docks.

Make sure you hold onto the carpet.
I'm keeping it!

Yes, it could be useful.

Come on, let's go!

You need to take me home now.
Nana will be getting worried.

Penelope, I daresay
you're being flighty.

Have you forgotten
about Harry's father?

You're keeping me
from my other guests, Donald.

Well, they're very lucky.

See you later.

Herbert.

I'd like to get your opinion
on something.

This file that was stolen
and then abandoned by the thief

-is a most alarming story.
-Say no more about it.

I never thought of Sir Reginald
as irresponsible.

Don't you think it's suspicious
that the Admiral

would allow that document
back into his care?

That seems even more irresponsible
than Sir Reginald to me.

Surely it's better to give it
to someone else for safekeeping?

All is well.
The file is back in the safe.

So, here's my plan.

Penny will go alone to open
the safe and retrieve the file.

You keep watch over the guests.

Once you have the file,

take the stairs without worrying
about being seen or not.

I'll be waiting for you
at the bottom, on the right.

You pass it to me, and head out
via the garden.

Got it?

Well, well.

Look who's back.

I wanted to apologize for earlier.

Get out.

You haven't done anything all night.

-I wouldn't agree.
-I don't care. Get out!

Here. I'll head out.

Just what I was looking for!

-Well done! Give it here.
-No!

These papers concern Harry's father.
Harry gets the file.

-Don't be ridiculous. Give it to me.
-No!

No! This is important!

That's the last thing we need.

Just in time, miss.

Penelope, dear, where have you
been hiding?

I've been looking for you
for an hour.

Reggie's file! Thank you.

Honestly, Reginald,
are you doing this on purpose?

I was just handed this, again!

Jesus Christ!

Over here, Reginald.

This time, I'll accompany you myself.

Go on, get out of here!

Reginald, what's going on here

runs contrary
to all laws of espionage.

-I don't understand.
-I'm not surprised.

There is only one solution.

Logically, this file
should have been stolen.

-It wasn't.
-Alas!

So, let's assert that
an important document

under the name of Avalanch

was stolen from your home
at some point during the evening.

I will give you
an official reprimand.

-I beg your pardon?
-Well,

a false reprimand, if you prefer,

but one that appears real
to the public.

Your sacrifice will be acknowledged
in due course.

I am at your service, Admiral.

We need to make an actor
out of you, Reginald.

-A what?
-A good actor.

Because no one, you understand,

no one can know about this except us.

Reginald, I cannot leave you here

with a file

that was attempted
to be stolen twice this evening.

If you don't mind,
I'll be taking it with me.

As you wish, Admiral.
I'll fetch it for you.

Something to drink, sir?

Admiral!

Admiral, the Avalanch file

has been stolen once again!
My safe is open!

Yes, please. I'll have a scotch.

There's something fishy going on
around here, Sir Reginald.

I expect you in my office at 8 a.m.
tomorrow, ready to explain yourself!

Tomorrow at eight, Admiral.

-Mr. Bagda.
-What?

Who are you?

Someone wanting to know
what happened to our comrade,

Fedor Alexandrovich Balaniev.

I tried to reach him,
but he wasn't at home.

Of course not. He was in the Thames.

In this weather?

The weather doesn't matter
if you're dead, right, Bagda?

-I don't understand.
-Really?

Where have you hidden
the Avalanch file?

I don't have it. I never had it!

What was I thinking?

You don't have time
to read the papers.

The stolen file
is all over the headlines,

but of course,
you had nothing to do with it.

Could Harry have double-crossed me?

Or Penelope? No, that's impossible.

Sure it is. Well, it's just a theory.

It's a shame for you, since you're
either a traitor or an imbecile.

Either way,
there's only one solution.

Could I just get out of bed?

Whatever for?

Where would be a more comfortable
place to die?

-Hello?
-Harry!

It's Bagda. I'm dying.

I can't hear you. Hold on.

-I'm dying!
-What?

They came for me
and left me with three bullets.

Be careful. They're on their way
to find the girl and kill her

just like me. Hurry!

Hurry...

Balaniev last night,
Bagda this morning.

I hope we won't be too late
for Compton.

-Harry Compton?
-He just left.

He didn't even have his breakfast.
The youth of today...

-Where's Penny?
-In her room, I think.

Penny, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!

Now he's doing it
in the mornings, too!

If you carry on, your children
will be riddled with complexes.

My father never existed.
It was all a lie.

Goodness, a spontaneous generation!

He was never in prison.

Well, that's much better for him,
isn't it?

You don't understand!

The document I asked you to steal

was all about the defense
of the West!

Is that all?

You wonder how
he comes up with it all.

Goodbye, Penny.

I would have been happy
with you and Nana,

but I've behaved badly.
Very, very badly.

Now I have to pay for it.

I can only hope
that they'll be content

with taking my life, and spare yours.

Goodbye. Lock your doors
and call the police.

I'm sorry, Mr. Compton,

but you have in your possession
a document that I desperately need.

I don't have it, I swear!

In that case, it must be in the hands
of the charming Miss Lightfeather.

I recognize you!

-That's a shame.
-Really? Why?

Because I'm going to have
to kill you,

and your grandmother,
to whom I pay my respects.

It's astounding, the number of people

trying to murder me these days!

I find such ambitions
to be quite improper!

If you touch Nana, I'll scratch you!

Give me the file,
and I'll leave you in peace.

You have one minute.

Go on.

One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven...

Allow me to relieve you.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

Eleven.

Enough, Farrington!

THE BEST SOLUTION!

It's better this way, believe me.

Well done, Harry Compton.

So... You're not
in the clergy anymore?

I haven't been for quite a while.

Inspector Cartwright,
from the Intelligence Service.

You know the truth.
Tell him that I'm a spy,

and working for the Soviets.

You were working for the Soviets.

Soon enough,

you won't be working for anyone.

Drop your weapon, Cartwright.

-The other miss?
-If you like.

Did you kill Farrington?

I'm afraid so, yes.

He was a charming agent,

but not particularly thorough.

An agent?

Do I understand correctly, Miss,
that you're the one

we've been searching for in vain
these past three years?

You must be astonished.

Give me the file
as quickly as possible

and no harm will come to you.

No harm? Are you joking?

As if the head of
London's Soviet spy network

would leave us alive

in the knowledge
of such a valuable secret?

Impossible.

You don't lack subtlety,
Mr. Cartwright.

That's enough!

You're going to be late
for your shift!

Inspector,

try to convince this idiot

that she doesn't have long to live.

Again? I'm sick of this!

It's impossible to live
with all these people

trying to kill you.

Inspector, tell her she has
no right to do this.

If Barbara knew about any of this,
she's kick you out!

I'm sorry to disturb you, but

I think... I don't feel very well.

Nana!

I hope that didn't hurt too much?
Quick, handcuffs.

Gentlemen, you may come out.

Captain Fellow, MI5,
Office of Soviet Affairs.

Hello, Inspector.

May I introduce
Lieutenant Lightfeather?

Well done, honey! You were fabulous.

Well played, Lieutenant.

You could have told us, you know.

Why?

The Special Forces
were on the case before you.

Have you ever known MI5
to collaborate with the Admiralty,

or even the Intelligence Service?

Never. You respected tradition.

I regret the entire rigmarole,
Inspector.

But the Admiralty's walls
weren't watertight enough

to share the secret of my identity
with these gentlemen.

Harry! Harry!

-He can't go far.
-Leave him!

It always needs time to warm up!

Nana, bring me some clothes, quick!

MI5, line T, MI5, line T,

calling vehicle 526,
calling vehicle 526.

Lieutenant Lightfeather here, over.

Morning, Lieutenant.
Receiving you loud and clear.

Good morning.

If you haven't moved,

at the end of the road

you should spot young
Nicolas Sergeiovich Miloukne,

alias Compton.

Do you see him?

Perfectly, Lieutenant.
He looks rather agitated.

Very good. Arrest him
and bring him up to the house.

You made a mockery of me.
You deceived me.

Yes, Harry, I deceived you.

I was totally, utterly deceitful,
except for one thing.

I love you.

I love you very, very much

and you're the worst spy
I've ever met.

Come on, now. After all,
you're my prisoner.

Present arms!

Order arms!

Soldiers, fall out!