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1
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,675
[static]
2
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:11,887
What? No. No, I can't stay with my
boyfriend because he is still in prison.
3
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:13,764
Besides, we're not that serious.
4
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,933
We talked through the toilet
and I've only seen a picture of his dick.
5
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:18,394
Look, I'm really sorry.
I should've been honest with you.
6
00:00:18,394 --> 00:00:19,311
I'm over it.
7
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:21,021
And just to be clear,
you and I are no longer...
8
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,898
A couple? No, we're not.
9
00:00:22,898 --> 00:00:24,525
[Barb]
You've been locked up for three years.
10
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,652
I know you're itchin' to get laid.
11
00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,988
Maybe it's time to scratch that itch.
12
00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:31,907
What the hell.
Probably never see you again.
13
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,534
Mm-mm.
14
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,953
That's not social distancing.
15
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,499
[Barb crying]
16
00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:51,010
[♪ "Only the Lonely" plays]
17
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:54,513
[crying]
18
00:00:57,850 --> 00:00:58,851
[sighs]
19
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:00,936
[music continues]
20
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,146
[camera shutter clicks]
21
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:31,735
[typing]
22
00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:34,572
[dings]
23
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:53,632
Hmm.
24
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,352
[mouths words]
25
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,854
[inhales]
26
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,814
[exhales]
27
00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:20,159
[music stops]
28
00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:21,243
Hand me the vacuum.
29
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,328
Yep.
30
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:27,875
And what's with this cheese?
31
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,210
That's gonna represent
a Swiss bank account.
32
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,962
Or the plan still having
some holes in it.
33
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,088
Haven't decided yet.
34
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,094
[funk music plays]
35
00:03:49,772 --> 00:03:50,773
What are you doing?
36
00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:55,110
Oh, nothin'.
Just puttin' my hand on your knee. Why?
37
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,195
Don't do that.
38
00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:57,446
Oh, okay.
39
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,825
I thought maybe we were cool again,
like we were in prison.
40
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,370
Since... we kissed.
41
00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:06,121
I don't know what you're talking about.
42
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,082
Come on, we weren't that drunk.
43
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:10,209
We played rock, paper, scissors.
44
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:12,586
My paper covered your rock,
we had a little bit of a moment,
45
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,213
and then we just...
46
00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:15,506
That didn't happen.
47
00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:18,050
Uh...
48
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:21,720
Oh, okay. I see.
I see what you're doin'.
49
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,146
Did the TV break?
50
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:33,941
Gloria's comin' up with a plan
to steal the Congresswoman's money.
51
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:37,236
What are you doin' with my magazines?
I use those.
52
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,197
Look what you did.
You cut off the "C."
53
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,449
Now it's a recipe for asserole.
54
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,159
Where's the new phone I got you?
55
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:48,288
Oh, I sent it to Jean Michel Duklon
so we could finally video chat,
56
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:52,418
but he told me
a squirrel was chasing a bird,
57
00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:54,003
the bird startled the mailman,
58
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,587
the mailman dropped the package,
59
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,588
when he went to pick it up,
60
00:04:56,588 --> 00:05:00,175
accidentally stepped on it
and broke the camera.
61
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,594
It's my fault
for not paying for insurance.
62
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,180
Hey, what's the vacuum for?
63
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,016
Oh, the vacuum represents the housekeeper.
64
00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:11,353
Okay. You know how the Congresswoman
is selling all her valuables
65
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:14,523
and dumping her cash
into a secret bank account
66
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,066
under her housekeeper's name?
67
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,026
Yeah. Lucia.
68
00:05:17,026 --> 00:05:20,279
Yep, and the first thing we need to do
is unearth some information about her.
69
00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:21,488
Last name, address...
70
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,699
Why'd you cut out a boner ad?
71
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,785
[whispers]
Or is it not for the wall?
72
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,454
It's for the wall.
73
00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:31,623
In fact, it's for you.
74
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,751
We're gonna need you to start dating Stan.
75
00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:34,835
Excuse me?
76
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,504
Stan, the bank manager
who's in love with you.
77
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,798
The only way this is gonna work
is if you start dating him.
78
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,760
So when I show up to the bank
as Lucia to make a transfer, you can...
79
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:46,764
I'm in a committed relationship.
I can't hold another man's hand.
80
00:05:46,764 --> 00:05:49,850
And I sure as hell can't run in sand
with this wonky hip.
81
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:53,812
No, you need to find another picture
and figure out how to make it work.
82
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:54,897
Find another...
83
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,567
Wait, do you think I just
cut up a bunch of pictures first
84
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,319
and then came up with the plan?
85
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:02,613
Here. Put this up there.
86
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:04,698
We used to trick
our dog Pickles to go to the vet.
87
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,700
Maybe there's a way
you can trick the Congresswoman
88
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,910
into givin' us all her money.
89
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:09,036
I like that idea, Mom.
90
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,538
We're gonna have to figure out
what kind of treats she likes.
91
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:15,250
Barb, this is a lot of money.
I'm just asking you to...
92
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,168
Cheat.
93
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:19,505
You're askin' me to cheat
on the first man in my whole life
94
00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:21,548
I've remained faithful to
and it's not gonna happen.
95
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:27,846
Nope. If I have to choose
between love and money,
96
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,223
I'm choosin' love.
97
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,936
But, seriously, you need to find
another way to get this money.
98
00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:36,021
I wanna surprise my man
with a lime-green Tesla
99
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,690
and I've also got my eye
on some elective surgical procedures.
100
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:43,028
And from what I'm askin' them
to accomplish, it ain't gonna be cheap.
101
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:52,079
Someone needs to tell her
her boyfriend doesn't exist
102
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,455
and she's being scammed.
103
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:56,708
Yeah, well, uh...
I don't wanna be here for that.
104
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:59,378
You're just gettin' started on the plan.
105
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,671
Maybe you can find a way around it.
106
00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:02,548
Jack, this isn't just about the plan.
107
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:05,425
This is about Barb.
She's been taking care of us.
108
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,718
We need to take care of her.
109
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,804
Sooner or later,
Rooster's gonna tell Barb
110
00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:11,390
that he's engaged to Wiggles,
you and I will be gone,
111
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:14,768
and Barb will be here all alone,
sending half her money to this asshole
112
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,646
and using the rest to turn herself
into FrankenMILF.
113
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,606
She deserves to know the truth.
114
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,400
Well, I guess you're right.
Who's gonna tell her?
115
00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:24,820
Rock, paper, scissors?
116
00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:29,741
I don't think she's gonna listen
to either of us.
117
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:33,787
This guy has her so brainwashed,
she's not gonna believe he doesn't exist
118
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,164
unless she sees it for herself.
119
00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:46,091
Get the treats.
We're taking Pickles to the vet.
120
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:49,178
[♪ "Talk About the Good Times"
by Jerry Reed plays]
121
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,097
This was a great idea.
122
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,225
Can't tell you the last time
I've been to D.C.
123
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:38,894
And thanks for drivin'
so I can look at the cherry blossoms.
124
00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:40,187
Yeah, no problem.
125
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,356
[blinker clicking]
126
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,275
Oh, no, Jack, honey...
D.C.'s that way.
127
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,612
[sighs] We're not going to D.C., Barb.
128
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:49,655
What?
129
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,699
[grunts]
130
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,702
[sighs]
131
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,871
We're taking you to see
Jean Michel Duklon.
132
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,373
Surprise.
133
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,333
No, we can't show up unannounced.
134
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,210
Why not? It'll be romantic.
135
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,294
What if he's not home?
136
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,713
He splits his time between Ohio
and the South of France.
137
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:10,217
He is home. I've been using the phone
you sent him to find his location.
138
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:11,885
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
139
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,804
- Turn this car around.
- Do not turn this car around.
140
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:16,890
Hey, what are you doin'?
Barb? Barb?
141
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,768
I swear to God,
if you don't turn this car around,
142
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,103
I'll jump.
143
00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:22,813
- Barb, no!
- Pull over!
144
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,898
- Barb, don't jump!
- Pull over!
145
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,608
- She's not jumping.
- I feel like she might.
146
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,277
I'm jumping!
147
00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:29,736
[tires screech]
148
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:34,283
And don't think I don't know
what you did with the Twizzlers!
149
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:37,244
Treatin' me like a damn dog with worms.
150
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:40,956
Fine, we won't go see him!
He wasn't gonna be there anyway!
151
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:45,377
How do you know?
152
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,421
[grunts]
153
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:48,922
Rock beats blank stare.
154
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,048
Tell her, Jack.
155
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,342
Tell me what?
156
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,511
We think you're being scammed.
157
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:55,595
[scoffs]
158
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:59,057
Not to say you're not
a ripe, beautiful woman,
159
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:04,104
but don't you think it's a little odd
that you've never talked face-to-face
160
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,315
because his camera phone
is always broken?
161
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,983
He drops things. Big whoop.
162
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:11,069
Yeah, but you always
send him cash and gifts.
163
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,571
He never sends you anything back.
164
00:10:12,571 --> 00:10:14,531
Because he's between jobs.
165
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:18,410
The Eastern Ohio male modeling industry
has been crippled by Covid.
166
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,746
He lives five hours away,
he's never come to visit you.
167
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:24,791
Because he's a saint
who takes care of his sick father.
168
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,335
He can't leave him alone.
169
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:29,671
Doesn't all that
sound a little convenient?
170
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:32,382
I mean, trust me,
I know a scam when I see one.
171
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:36,136
You might know a scam,
but you sure as hell don't know love.
172
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,764
You just think all men are scumbags
because you gave your heart
173
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:42,476
to Jack in prison and it turns out
he was lyin' to you the whole time.
174
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:44,811
Ah, scumbag's a little strong.
175
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:49,024
And you can't believe a younger man
could be attracted to a mature woman
176
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:51,985
because you're repulsed
by the thought of being with an older man.
177
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,780
Older man?
We're 12 years apart.
178
00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:57,824
And that's prison years.
There's no sun damage in lockup.
179
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:58,867
Let it go, Jack. Just...
180
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,118
Show me a crow's foot.
181
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,536
Other side.
182
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:02,996
- Nothing.
- [grunts]
183
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:06,708
If you are so convinced that he is real,
why are you so scared to go see him?
184
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,335
Because I'm not ready.
185
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,171
I got a whole list of nips
and tucks and lifts I gotta do
186
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,631
before I see him in person.
187
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:15,175
I mean, this bra's puttin' in the work,
but without it,
188
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,761
I got a left knocker
that's got a mind of its own.
189
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,763
You sent him a phone
so you could video chat.
190
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,681
He was gonna see you then,
why not see you now?
191
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,102
Because if we video chat,
I can dim the lights,
192
00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:28,397
pick my own angle,
smear a little Miracle Whip on the lens.
193
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,940
I control the environment,
194
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:33,860
just like when I send him pictures of me
from no less than 20 feet away.
195
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,657
- [sighs]
- [camera shutter clicks]
196
00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:40,742
What are you doin'?
What are you doin'?
197
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,995
[Gloria]
He can zoom in on the pictures, Barb.
198
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:45,997
Huh.
199
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,834
[Barb]
You can just do that with your fingers?
200
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:49,751
[Gloria] Mm-hmm.
201
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,461
He knows what I look like?
202
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,671
Warts and all.
203
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:53,755
[exhales]
204
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:55,590
Well, then...
205
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:58,885
...take me to my lover.
206
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,223
And it's not a wart, it's a skin tag.
207
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:06,393
And it's on the list, under nips.
208
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,978
[scoffs]
209
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:19,698
[phone beeping]
210
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,116
What are you doing?
211
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,076
Lettin' him know we're comin'.
212
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,079
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You are not warning him.
213
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,665
If he's real,
he'll be thrilled when you surprise him.
214
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:31,293
- [both grunting]
- [phone rings]
215
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:33,753
Hey, oh, uh...
216
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,838
Hello?
217
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,966
Hey, so I was at the house showin'
Wiggles how we spy on people and shit
218
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,177
and the Congresswoman
called up some guy
219
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,678
to come pick her up
and take her to work.
220
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,972
Yeah, that's great, Rooster.
Can, uh...
221
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,891
Can I call you back?
I'm a little busy right now.
222
00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:48,768
She also said that they gotta
stop by the cleaning lady's house
223
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,770
and pay her for the work last weekend.
224
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,148
They're goin' to Lucia's!
225
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,733
We're on our way over there to follow her.
226
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,776
Rooster says the Congresswoman's
goin' to Lucia's house.
227
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:57,819
He's gonna follow her.
228
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:01,490
Absolutely not. We can probably figure out
where she lives online.
229
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:05,118
Rooster, do not follow the Congresswoman!
230
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,078
I think Gloria feels like
we can hold off on that.
231
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,955
Yeah, I heard.
232
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:09,873
[phone beeps]
233
00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:13,460
- Fine, keep the damn phone.
- [sighs]
234
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:19,341
Rather see the surprised look on his
very real, very handsome face anyway.
235
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:21,927
[sighs]
236
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:25,514
[train crossing bell rings]
237
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:28,016
I got road snacks!
238
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:29,643
We're not going.
239
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:33,021
Really? Why? You were so excited.
240
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,732
They think I'll screw it up
by doing something stupid.
241
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:39,110
That's crazy.
You're the smartest guy I ever dated.
242
00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,279
Come on.
243
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,573
Who taught me unicorns were extinct?
244
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,992
I didn't want you to waste
any more time saving up for one.
245
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:49,120
Who taught me that 2% milk
is actually 100% milk?
246
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,455
- Me.
- See?
247
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:51,748
They only think you're stupid
248
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,875
'cause you haven't shown 'em
how smart you are yet.
249
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:57,295
What do you say, baby?
Should we prove 'em wrong?
250
00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:58,213
Let's do it.
251
00:13:58,213 --> 00:13:59,297
[both chuckle]
252
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:04,010
Who taught me there's
actually a calculator in my phone?
253
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:06,805
Well, I did. Do you use it ?
254
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:10,141
No, it's too hard,
but it's nice to know it's there.
255
00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,862
Was the kiss less than spectacular?
256
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:25,657
Excuse me?
257
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:26,825
Is that why you're pretending
we didn't kiss?
258
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:27,826
Wait, what?
259
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,327
'Cause I'm out of practice.
260
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,955
I haven't voluntarily kissed anyone
in 26 years.
261
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,206
When did you guys kiss?
262
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,124
We didn't.
263
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:36,001
[sighs] She's pretending it didn't happen.
264
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:39,254
Oh. That's because
she doesn't believe in love.
265
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:40,880
I believe in love.
266
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,466
But that kiss that he's talking about,
it didn't happen.
267
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,969
- Fine.
- [phone chimes]
268
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,266
Goddammit.
Rooster's gone rogue.
269
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,684
[sighs]
270
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,025
[phone chimes]
271
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,444
Shit!
272
00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:03,903
They should be impressed
that I remember
273
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,448
where the Congresswoman lives,
but they're telling me to go home.
274
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,784
I still don't think I can do this.
275
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,621
That's bullshit.
You can do anything.
276
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:16,499
Who taught me that Thanksgiving
is only a holiday in America and...
277
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:17,917
What was the other place again?
278
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:18,960
Turkey.
279
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:23,798
[whispers] Oh, here she comes.
Get down.
280
00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:24,966
I guess you can't threaten
281
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,427
to put your foot up Lindsey Graham's ass
for a few weeks.
282
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,929
Poor guy probably bleached
and waxed his hole for nothing.
283
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,139
Funny, Collin.
284
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,932
I was gonna give you
an after-lunch painkiller,
285
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,018
but you just blew that little treat.
286
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:37,145
[grunts]
287
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:39,064
[sighs]
288
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,940
Thanks for believing in me, baby.
289
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:41,983
Of course.
290
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:45,236
This kinda reminds me of the time
when you told your mother
291
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,238
that even though
she thought I was garbage,
292
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,907
you knew I could still do great things.
293
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:51,159
Remember what you said?
294
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:54,996
It's called "garbage can,"
not "garbage cannot."
295
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,289
[both chuckle]
296
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,541
[car departs]
297
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,378
[engine starts]
298
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,646
Here we are.
Chateau de Jean Michel.
299
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,731
Jean Michel is his first name.
300
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,859
Duklon is his last name,
not whatever you said.
301
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,486
You want one of us to go with you?
302
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:30,407
Do I look like I need a chaperone?
This ain't the damn prom.
303
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:32,659
Just be ready to take a few pictures.
304
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,370
If this goes the way I hope,
305
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,039
it's gonna end up
in the wedding slideshow,
306
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:40,875
accompanied by a Van Halen song.
307
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:43,503
I'd tell you which one,
but I want it to be a surprise.
308
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,005
Okay. Okay.
309
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,392
Ah, damn hip locked up!
310
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:59,561
It just locked up!
311
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:02,063
I gotta wrestle this bastard
back into place.
312
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,441
[grunts]
313
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:08,695
Cover your ears.
The pop can be a bit startling.
314
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:12,282
[grunting]
315
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:13,199
Okay.
316
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,868
[grunting continues]
317
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:17,871
Someone's here.
318
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:27,338
Holy shit, he's beautiful.
319
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:29,549
And he's real.
320
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,092
He's 100% real.
321
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,635
Well, just because...
322
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:36,931
I mean, I'll admit it,
I was terrified you guys were right.
323
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,933
That I was being tricked,
324
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:43,730
and no one would ever love
a washed-up old woman like me.
325
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,357
But someone does.
326
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:47,817
He does.
327
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:50,987
[sobbing] He loves me.
328
00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,743
Shit. We need to find a motel.
329
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:57,952
- What?
- Why?
330
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:01,247
Well, you saw how amazing he looks.
331
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:05,335
I can't show up smellin'
like the inside of a 1976 Pacer.
332
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:08,505
And plus,
until my hip pops back into place,
333
00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,840
I can't jump after he kisses me,
334
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,843
so it's not gonna sync up with
the Van Halen song about jumping.
335
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,137
What is that song called?
336
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,055
-"Jump."
-"Jump."
337
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:20,266
That's it! "Jump." [chuckles]
338
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:23,311
Don't tell Rooster, I want someone
at the wedding to be surprised.
339
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:27,357
Barb, don't take this the wrong way,
but you've looked a lot worse.
340
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,566
Just... Just go out there.
341
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,609
No way.
342
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:34,364
I need to ice my hip, shower,
and get a good night's sleep.
343
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:38,284
And if there's a Marshalls nearby,
maybe pick up a sexy new blouse
344
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:39,744
- and a sturdier bra.
- [phone chimes]
345
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:43,039
'Cause this one's
startin' to walk off the job.
346
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:46,000
Holy shit. Rooster found Lucia.
347
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:56,719
- [phone chimes]
- Oh.
348
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:58,304
What'd they say?
349
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,766
They sent an emoji fist bump
and said that Jack's gonna come back later
350
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:04,519
to steal her mail so that we know
her last name for the fake ID.
351
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,437
[chuckles] You did it!
352
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:10,066
Victory blunt, victory blunt...
353
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,359
Oh, it's a little messed up, though,
354
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,779
'cause I feel like
I just proved myself,
355
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,365
and they still don't trust me
to get her last name.
356
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,909
[coughs]
357
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,911
You thinking about stealing her mail?
358
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,291
Nope. Something better.
359
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:28,084
Stealing one of her kids?
360
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,670
No. Uh...
361
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,338
What...
362
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,758
What's the first thing that a cop
wants to look at when they pull you over?
363
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:37,719
My titties.
364
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:40,138
Well, no, after that.
365
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,975
Your license.
366
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:48,354
I'm gonna steal this lady's license.
367
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,481
Cool.
368
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,692
[laughs]
369
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,489
Just give me a second.
370
00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:02,952
My husband took the face shield
and went out to get us some milkshakes.
371
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:06,080
We only have two rooms available.
372
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:09,334
Jack and I can share. That way,
you can get your beauty rest.
373
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:12,420
I'm gonna get snacks from the machine.
374
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:20,595
A woman doesn't volunteer to share a room
unless she's plannin' on gettin' laid.
375
00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:23,932
[clicks tongue] Good luck, stud.
376
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:25,224
[chuckles]
377
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:37,695
Have there been any changes
in the way people kiss
378
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,864
in the last 26 years
that you're aware of?
379
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:42,116
Hmm...
380
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:44,160
Well, I've been hearing
a lot of chatter lately
381
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,829
about people licking
each other's hiney-holes.
382
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:47,997
[gasps]
383
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,582
Would you consider that kissing?
384
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,833
I wouldn't.
385
00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:56,047
Me neither. So, no,
I think kissing is still just kissing.
386
00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,340
Thank you.
387
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,054
[door unlocks]
388
00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:16,150
[grunting]
389
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:24,409
Did you push the beds together?
390
00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,203
No, they were like this.
391
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:29,163
Must have been
the last people who stayed here.
392
00:21:36,254 --> 00:21:37,296
Oh...
393
00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:42,635
I can't figure you out, Gloria.
Why won't you acknowledge our kiss?
394
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:43,720
[sighs]
395
00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:48,683
Because if we kissed,
we'd be talking about what it meant
396
00:21:48,683 --> 00:21:51,269
instead of concentrating on our plan
to steal millions of dollars
397
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:52,353
from an evil Congresswoman.
398
00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:54,230
We'd lose focus
and the next thing you know,
399
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:56,607
we'd be back in prison
talking through the toilet.
400
00:21:56,607 --> 00:21:58,609
That is why the kiss never happened
401
00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:00,528
and that is why
we are not sleeping together.
402
00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:02,196
Well, why are we sharing a room?
403
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:03,573
Because we're not sleeping.
404
00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:08,286
We are gonna rob Jean Michel Dumbass
or whatever his real name is.
405
00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:10,747
What do you mean?
He looked just like his pictures.
406
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:11,789
Better than the pictures.
407
00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,332
I gotta agree with Barb on this one.
408
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:16,085
Ugh. No one who looks like that
is in love with Barb.
409
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:17,837
Okay, he may be using his own picture,
410
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,798
but he's still asking her
to send him money.
411
00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:22,383
Did you see that gold watch
he was wearing?
412
00:22:22,383 --> 00:22:24,469
To be honest,
my eyes stopped at his biceps.
413
00:22:24,469 --> 00:22:26,637
I've been tryin' to figure
how to get mine to pop like that.
414
00:22:26,637 --> 00:22:27,555
It's so...
415
00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:28,848
We are stealing that watch.
416
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:31,851
For our plan to work,
I need a fake ID that says I'm Lucia
417
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,936
and selling that watch
should cover the cost.
418
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,814
Can't we rob him tomorrow?
419
00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:39,942
After Barb talks to him
and we're 100% certain it's a scam?
420
00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:41,527
I'm already convinced.
421
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:44,072
If we're gonna hit this guy,
we need to do it tonight.
422
00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:44,989
[loud pop]
423
00:22:46,074 --> 00:22:47,617
[Barb]
Hip's back in!
424
00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:49,535
[both sigh]
425
00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:50,620
[suspenseful music plays]
426
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:53,247
[snoring]
427
00:23:03,841 --> 00:23:04,675
[door unlocks]
428
00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:33,788
[grunts]
429
00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:49,971
He lives with his dad. His sick dad.
He wasn't lyin'.
430
00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:51,848
- I'm puttin' the watch back.
- No!
431
00:23:51,848 --> 00:23:53,224
- Yeah.
- No, listen.
432
00:23:53,224 --> 00:23:54,725
That doesn't prove anything.
433
00:23:54,725 --> 00:23:56,811
- Innocent until proven guilty.
- In what country?
434
00:23:56,811 --> 00:23:57,895
[door unlocks]
435
00:24:02,233 --> 00:24:03,234
[sighs]
436
00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:13,619
Hey, baby.
437
00:24:16,831 --> 00:24:18,749
Hey. Hey, you're early.
438
00:24:18,749 --> 00:24:22,128
Yeah, they sent me home.
Covid's got people scared to eat out.
439
00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:26,674
- Well, I'm not scared.
- Mm.
440
00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:28,759
[upbeat French music plays]
441
00:24:36,642 --> 00:24:37,643
[Abby moans]
442
00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:41,063
- [Abby moaning]
- Oh!
443
00:24:42,732 --> 00:24:44,734
[Abby]
Oh, that's my spot, baby.
444
00:24:46,444 --> 00:24:47,570
[Abby moans]
445
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,655
[vibrating]
446
00:25:05,087 --> 00:25:06,088
[engine starts]
447
00:25:14,805 --> 00:25:16,140
That was, um...
448
00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:19,602
That was...
quite the session.
449
00:25:19,602 --> 00:25:21,604
Herculean effort.
450
00:25:23,439 --> 00:25:24,774
On a weeknight, too.
451
00:25:33,783 --> 00:25:35,785
Did he eat an energy bar while she was...?
452
00:25:35,785 --> 00:25:37,286
- I believe he did.
- Mm.
453
00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:43,584
Goodnight.
454
00:25:44,627 --> 00:25:46,254
[sighs]
455
00:25:48,297 --> 00:25:50,383
[grunts] This didn't happen.
456
00:25:50,383 --> 00:25:52,468
Absolutely not.
457
00:25:52,468 --> 00:25:56,389
Oh, my God. [grunts]
458
00:25:56,389 --> 00:25:57,306
Oh, shit.
459
00:25:57,306 --> 00:25:59,392
[moaning]
460
00:26:07,316 --> 00:26:10,861
Hey! Wakey, wakey!
Time to go surprise my man!
461
00:26:14,365 --> 00:26:16,784
Are we gonna tell her
what we saw last night?
462
00:26:16,784 --> 00:26:19,495
[indistinct]
463
00:26:21,956 --> 00:26:24,375
I'm gonna take that as a no.
464
00:26:28,462 --> 00:26:30,464
[suspenseful music plays]
465
00:26:31,507 --> 00:26:33,175
There she is.
466
00:26:33,175 --> 00:26:34,885
You got this, baby.
467
00:26:39,765 --> 00:26:42,768
[♪ "Been Caught Stealing"
by Jane's Addiction plays]
468
00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:06,310
[screams]
469
00:28:07,311 --> 00:28:08,312
[sighs]
470
00:28:10,648 --> 00:28:14,735
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I forgot about gravity.
471
00:28:14,735 --> 00:28:16,487
Why do I always forget about gravity?
472
00:28:20,241 --> 00:28:22,201
Rooster, it's okay.
473
00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:25,496
No, I should've quit while I was ahead.
Jack and Gloria were right. I'm a screwup!
474
00:28:26,372 --> 00:28:32,086
{\an8}Yeah, well, I don't know if they're gonna
feel that way when you show them this.
475
00:28:33,295 --> 00:28:34,588
You got it?
476
00:28:34,588 --> 00:28:38,217
When you smashed into her cart,
the stuff in her purse flew everywhere.
477
00:28:38,217 --> 00:28:40,010
I pretended to help clean up
478
00:28:40,010 --> 00:28:42,680
and then I did the old...
[whooshes] slip-it-into-the-tit.
479
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:46,809
Same thing I do with dollar bills
if there are two dancers on the stage.
480
00:28:48,561 --> 00:28:51,230
What's wrong? You did it.
481
00:28:51,230 --> 00:28:52,314
No, I didn't.
482
00:28:53,607 --> 00:28:54,442
You did.
483
00:28:56,527 --> 00:28:57,987
Remember that Fourth of July
484
00:28:57,987 --> 00:29:00,531
when I spilled blue Slurpee
all over my white dress
485
00:29:00,531 --> 00:29:02,450
and then you dumped
your red Slurpee on me
486
00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:04,952
so it looked like I did it on purpose?
487
00:29:04,952 --> 00:29:06,370
Yeah.
488
00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:08,706
And when I had black mold
in my apartment
489
00:29:08,706 --> 00:29:10,583
'cause I left the tub running,
490
00:29:10,583 --> 00:29:13,335
who painted over it
so I wouldn't have to see it anymore?
491
00:29:13,335 --> 00:29:17,465
Me, but you don't even use it that much
'cause baths make you wheeze.
492
00:29:17,465 --> 00:29:21,886
My point is, I screw up sometimes, too.
493
00:29:21,886 --> 00:29:24,305
But you're always there
to catch me when I fall.
494
00:29:24,305 --> 00:29:26,265
That's why we're good
for each other.
495
00:29:26,265 --> 00:29:28,893
Like oil and water, right?
496
00:29:28,893 --> 00:29:30,478
One's good for salad dressing
497
00:29:30,478 --> 00:29:33,022
and one's good
for cleaning up salad dressing.
498
00:29:33,022 --> 00:29:34,523
They work together.
499
00:29:36,150 --> 00:29:37,818
You're pretty smart, too, Wiggles.
500
00:29:37,818 --> 00:29:39,236
We both are.
501
00:29:39,236 --> 00:29:41,030
Except for when we're not.
502
00:29:41,030 --> 00:29:43,782
We just need to make sure that
we don't screw up at the same time.
503
00:29:49,163 --> 00:29:52,333
Baby, I don't think this is my car.
504
00:29:54,877 --> 00:29:56,879
[lawnmower whirring]
505
00:30:04,053 --> 00:30:05,846
[Barb]
Oh, my Lord.
506
00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:07,681
[sighs]
507
00:30:12,394 --> 00:30:13,395
How do I look?
508
00:30:14,438 --> 00:30:15,272
They even?
509
00:30:16,273 --> 00:30:18,442
Oh, uh...
identical twins.
510
00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:19,527
[chuckles]
511
00:30:20,402 --> 00:30:22,404
[lawnmower whirring]
512
00:30:24,990 --> 00:30:25,824
Hey!
513
00:30:30,204 --> 00:30:31,205
Hey!
514
00:30:34,375 --> 00:30:35,417
Can I help you?
515
00:30:35,417 --> 00:30:36,710
It's me.
516
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,256
You didn't zoom in
on the pictures, did you?
517
00:30:40,256 --> 00:30:42,591
You were wrong.
He didn't zoom in on the pictures.
518
00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:45,636
Hey!
519
00:30:45,636 --> 00:30:47,304
I'm sorry. Who are you?
520
00:30:49,098 --> 00:30:51,016
Barb. It's Barb.
521
00:30:52,685 --> 00:30:54,019
Je swiss Barb.
522
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,813
I'm sorry, ma'am.
I think you're confused.
523
00:30:55,813 --> 00:30:59,108
Ma'am? But it's me.
524
00:31:00,150 --> 00:31:02,069
Your little honeysuckle.
525
00:31:02,069 --> 00:31:03,070
My what?
526
00:31:03,070 --> 00:31:04,655
Hey, asshole. It's over, all right?
527
00:31:04,655 --> 00:31:07,324
Just admit you've been scamming her
so she can get on with her life.
528
00:31:07,324 --> 00:31:09,410
Gloria, leave him alone.
529
00:31:09,410 --> 00:31:10,786
I think he has amnesia.
530
00:31:10,786 --> 00:31:12,913
He doesn't even have
his accent anymore.
531
00:31:13,747 --> 00:31:16,292
Sweetie, did you hit your head recently?
532
00:31:16,292 --> 00:31:17,376
No.
533
00:31:17,376 --> 00:31:19,795
See? He doesn't even
remember hitting his head.
534
00:31:19,795 --> 00:31:21,297
Hey, buddy,
what you're doin' isn't cool.
535
00:31:21,297 --> 00:31:23,173
Just be honest with her.
536
00:31:23,173 --> 00:31:24,508
Hey, what's goin' on, baby?
537
00:31:24,508 --> 00:31:25,676
Baby?
538
00:31:25,676 --> 00:31:28,762
Ah, hell no.
539
00:31:28,762 --> 00:31:30,723
I don't know what's goin' on,
but I'm callin' the cops.
540
00:31:30,723 --> 00:31:32,766
Seriously? You're gonna use
the same phone she sent you
541
00:31:32,766 --> 00:31:33,767
to call the cops?
542
00:31:33,767 --> 00:31:34,977
That's a dick move, bro.
543
00:31:34,977 --> 00:31:37,146
What are you talkin' about?
I bought him that phone for his birthday.
544
00:31:37,146 --> 00:31:41,233
Ah, soon as I get my shoulder warmed up,
it is go-time, bitch.
545
00:31:41,233 --> 00:31:45,779
Okay, when I find your name
in her contacts and call that phone,
546
00:31:45,779 --> 00:31:49,158
it's not gonna ring, right?
[chuckles]
547
00:31:49,158 --> 00:31:51,327
[phone rings]
548
00:31:51,327 --> 00:31:53,412
- [man on phone] Bonjour, mon amour.
- [man on phone] Bonjour, mon amour.
549
00:31:54,705 --> 00:31:56,707
[suspenseful music plays]
550
00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:03,714
[French accent]
Are you there, honeysuckle?
551
00:32:04,798 --> 00:32:09,345
I'm looking out upon the Champs-Elysees
and thinking of you.
552
00:32:09,345 --> 00:32:10,429
Really?
553
00:32:12,431 --> 00:32:13,641
[normal voice] Barb?
554
00:32:13,641 --> 00:32:17,394
No. No, no. It's too soon.
It's too soon. I'm not ready.
555
00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:19,480
[♪ "Only the Lonely" plays]
556
00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:12,700
[camera shutter clicks]
557
00:33:14,118 --> 00:33:15,119
[dings]
558
00:33:25,879 --> 00:33:26,880
Wow.
559
00:33:28,507 --> 00:33:30,509
[speaking French]
560
00:34:07,171 --> 00:34:08,422
I fell in love the moment I saw you.
561
00:34:08,422 --> 00:34:11,717
But since I used my son's picture,
I was too scared to tell you the truth.
562
00:34:11,717 --> 00:34:14,970
I knew that if you ever saw me in person,
it would all end.
563
00:34:16,221 --> 00:34:17,765
But then you started sending me money.
564
00:34:17,765 --> 00:34:19,391
Wait, you didn't ask her for money?
565
00:34:19,391 --> 00:34:21,310
No, she just sent it.
566
00:34:21,310 --> 00:34:24,438
And I was going to send it back,
but then I thought,
567
00:34:24,438 --> 00:34:28,942
"What if I used your money
to give you everything you've dreamed of?"
568
00:34:28,942 --> 00:34:31,445
I used to look like John Michael.
569
00:34:31,445 --> 00:34:34,114
I thought maybe I could turn back time.
570
00:34:34,114 --> 00:34:38,952
I started buying testosterone pills, HGH,
following Tom Brady's meal plan.
571
00:34:38,952 --> 00:34:42,122
The guy won't let you eat a tomato, Barb.
572
00:34:42,122 --> 00:34:44,041
And I really want a tomato.
573
00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:47,002
But I want you more.
574
00:34:47,002 --> 00:34:50,130
I feel like there's too many people
in this room for all the Covid stuff.
575
00:34:50,130 --> 00:34:51,924
- Maybe we should move this outside.
- Shh.
576
00:34:51,924 --> 00:34:53,592
Every penny you ever sent me,
577
00:34:53,592 --> 00:34:56,512
I invested in trying
to make your dreams come true.
578
00:34:56,512 --> 00:34:58,764
I even started hair transplants.
579
00:34:58,764 --> 00:35:00,390
You only send me
a couple of hundred a month,
580
00:35:00,390 --> 00:35:01,850
so I had to do it in installments,
581
00:35:01,850 --> 00:35:03,852
but I think it's starting
to look pretty good.
582
00:35:03,852 --> 00:35:04,770
[all groan]
583
00:35:06,647 --> 00:35:08,899
Barb, the pictures weren't me.
584
00:35:09,942 --> 00:35:12,486
The emails, sexting...
585
00:35:12,611 --> 00:35:14,071
- [all groan]
- Oh, God.
586
00:35:14,071 --> 00:35:17,616
...all the late-night phone calls,
those were me.
587
00:35:17,616 --> 00:35:19,993
Every time I said I love you,
I meant it.
588
00:35:22,079 --> 00:35:23,831
I love you, Barb.
589
00:35:27,251 --> 00:35:28,877
Let me see the top of your head again.
590
00:35:32,714 --> 00:35:33,882
Ugh.
591
00:35:33,882 --> 00:35:37,469
Yeah. No, it's not gonna happen, buddy.
592
00:35:45,936 --> 00:35:49,273
I, uh...
I found this outside on the sidewalk.
593
00:35:49,273 --> 00:35:51,275
I don't know.
Maybe you know.
594
00:36:11,879 --> 00:36:17,175
As pathetic as that guy was,
he really did love me, didn't he?
595
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:20,345
He sure did, Barb.
596
00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:22,598
[Jack]
He was just afraid to tell the truth.
597
00:36:24,141 --> 00:36:27,352
He knew you were out of his league,
so he lied just to stay in the game.
598
00:36:27,936 --> 00:36:29,229
So he'd have any chance at all.
599
00:36:29,229 --> 00:36:31,273
It doesn't mean
he didn't care about you.
600
00:36:32,274 --> 00:36:34,484
If anything,
it shows that he did.
601
00:36:35,736 --> 00:36:38,655
Well, when the hair comes in,
maybe he won't be so bad.
602
00:36:39,656 --> 00:36:42,993
Maybe, but you need
to start seeing Stan first.
603
00:36:42,993 --> 00:36:44,703
We need to focus on the plan.
604
00:36:47,289 --> 00:36:50,250
What about after the plan?
What's gonna happen after the plan?
605
00:36:51,251 --> 00:36:56,715
I guess if we get through
all of this and end up millionaires,
606
00:36:56,715 --> 00:36:58,592
then, yeah...
607
00:36:58,592 --> 00:37:01,261
if she decides
she wants to give it a shot...
608
00:37:01,261 --> 00:37:03,055
maybe there's a future there.
609
00:37:04,139 --> 00:37:05,515
Maybe.
610
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,518
You guys screwed, didn't you?
611
00:37:08,518 --> 00:37:10,938
Nope. Didn't happen.
612
00:37:10,938 --> 00:37:12,272
[phone chimes]
613
00:37:14,816 --> 00:37:17,319
Well, today is full of surprises.
614
00:37:18,528 --> 00:37:20,280
[Gloria]
Rooster got Lucia's license.
615
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:21,782
[Barb]
Hot damn!
616
00:37:23,033 --> 00:37:25,035
{\an8}[♪ "Can't Help Falling in Love"
in French plays]
617
00:39:18,231 --> 00:39:22,235
Barb, one of the Congresswoman's
sculptures just sold for 46 grand.
618
00:39:22,235 --> 00:39:24,738
You're kiddin' me.
Let me see, let me see.
619
00:39:25,363 --> 00:39:28,116
We got this new kind
of Asian spaghetti soup.
620
00:39:28,116 --> 00:39:29,701
Raymond noodles.
621
00:39:30,410 --> 00:39:34,206
And sure, my sister's a crack addict,
we got a handful of felons,
622
00:39:34,206 --> 00:39:37,459
and my father was a Methodist
for a few weeks, under duress.
623
00:39:38,085 --> 00:39:42,464
Let go! I bruise like a banana
and it's comin' up on my tank-top season!
624
00:39:42,964 --> 00:39:43,799
[grunts]
625
00:39:43,799 --> 00:39:44,716
[screams]
626
00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:53,350
[laughs]
627
00:39:54,267 --> 00:39:55,227
[grunts]
628
00:40:02,484 --> 00:40:06,071
♪ We're gonna get high,
high, high, high, high tonight ♪
46676
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