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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,995 --> 00:00:08,049
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,214 --> 00:00:11,745
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,885 --> 00:00:14,761
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,854 --> 00:00:18,081
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,424
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,565 --> 00:00:23,129
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,214 --> 00:00:24,816
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:26,529
♪ He's... a... ♪
10
00:00:26,614 --> 00:00:30,717
♪ Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
*FAMILY GUY*
11
00:00:30,801 --> 00:00:32,482
*FAMILY GUY*
Season 19 Episode 15
12
00:00:32,567 --> 00:00:34,321
Episode Title: " Customer of the Week"
Aired on: March 28, 2021
13
00:00:48,005 --> 00:00:50,382
Alexa, what's in the news
this morning?
14
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,013
Here is your morning briefing.
15
00:00:52,098 --> 00:00:54,771
In Washington, D.C.,
Congress has passed a measure..
16
00:00:54,863 --> 00:00:57,652
Alexa, skip to
celebrity birthdays.
17
00:00:57,770 --> 00:01:00,575
Mario Lopez is
47 years old today.
18
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,567
No way!
Someone should tell his face.
19
00:01:03,652 --> 00:01:04,835
I know, right?
20
00:01:05,226 --> 00:01:06,812
Seriously!
21
00:01:06,897 --> 00:01:09,415
Okay, see you later,
Alexa.
22
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:11,129
You're my best friend.
23
00:01:11,492 --> 00:01:14,344
And you're...
you're awesome, Lois.
24
00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:16,351
Best friends.
25
00:01:16,928 --> 00:01:20,217
Hey, Mom,
my period started on the couch.
26
00:01:21,468 --> 00:01:24,765
You wanted to have a family,
you wanted this life.
27
00:01:25,304 --> 00:01:27,531
My shoes are on the roof.
Get 'em.
28
00:01:30,592 --> 00:01:32,859
♪ The driver on the bus peeks to check
his phone ♪ - Come on, move your arm up.
29
00:01:32,943 --> 00:01:34,724
- Up. Close your hand.
- ♪ Check his phone ♪
30
00:01:34,809 --> 00:01:36,539
- Okay, push it through. Good.
- ♪ Check his phone ♪
31
00:01:36,623 --> 00:01:38,873
Just let me do it. - ♪ The driver on
the bus peeks to check his phone ♪
32
00:01:38,958 --> 00:01:41,068
- Other arm. Almost done.
- ♪ Whoops, he hit a dog ♪
33
00:01:41,153 --> 00:01:43,834
Move your thumb.
Move your thumb. Push.
34
00:01:44,812 --> 00:01:46,460
- There. Done.
- ♪ The driver on the bus ♪
35
00:01:46,545 --> 00:01:47,906
♪ Says, "Shut up, shut up,
shut up ♪
36
00:01:47,990 --> 00:01:51,030
♪ Let me think for a second." ♪
37
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,767
Why did you do this?
38
00:01:54,852 --> 00:01:56,965
If they didn't want us
to put our foot down there,
39
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,761
they shouldn't make it
a perfect fit for a toilet shoe.
40
00:01:59,846 --> 00:02:02,324
- Who's "they"?
- Uh, Big Toilet?
41
00:02:02,409 --> 00:02:04,081
"Big Toilet"?
Is that a thing?
42
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,334
Shh!
43
00:02:05,627 --> 00:02:07,737
Welcome back to
the Stuff You Should Just Spend
44
00:02:07,822 --> 00:02:09,308
the Money On podcast.
45
00:02:09,393 --> 00:02:12,550
Today's episode: "Expressing
Your Dog's Anal Glands."
46
00:02:12,635 --> 00:02:15,354
Yeah, you really don't
want to DIY on the anal glands.
47
00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:17,681
Just spend the money.
It can't cost more than,
48
00:02:17,766 --> 00:02:19,000
I don't know, 30 bucks.
49
00:02:19,085 --> 00:02:21,162
$30 is three months of Netflix.
50
00:02:21,247 --> 00:02:23,006
So don't watch
The Crown for three months.
51
00:02:23,091 --> 00:02:25,648
- I like The Crown.- What if I like The Crown?
52
00:02:25,733 --> 00:02:27,426
Watch it all in one weekend.
53
00:02:27,511 --> 00:02:29,637
If you don't finish
a Netflix series in a weekend,
54
00:02:29,722 --> 00:02:31,640
- that's on you.
- Lois, can we just...
55
00:02:31,848 --> 00:02:33,412
can we just kiss a little first?
56
00:02:33,497 --> 00:02:35,148
You know what?
I think it's actually starting
57
00:02:35,232 --> 00:02:36,968
to clear up on its own.
♪ Whoa, Black Betty ♪
58
00:02:37,052 --> 00:02:38,748
♪ Bam-a-I am, hey, Black Betty ♪
59
00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:39,905
♪ Bam-a-I am! ♪
60
00:02:40,005 --> 00:02:42,462
[♪]
61
00:02:48,230 --> 00:02:50,967
Take a bite out of my ass,
you sack of dirt!
62
00:02:57,967 --> 00:03:00,552
Ah... you made it.
63
00:03:01,888 --> 00:03:04,599
Morning, Kyle, Lisa, Kyle H.
64
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:05,795
Morning, Lois.
65
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,631
What'll it be this morning?
The usual?
66
00:03:07,716 --> 00:03:10,280
Ah, you know it.
And with the morning I had,
67
00:03:10,365 --> 00:03:11,506
better make it a large.
68
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:13,175
So the usual.
69
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,323
How are the muffins
this morning, Lisa?
70
00:03:16,408 --> 00:03:19,534
Oh, not the banana nut, 'cause
I know you're allergic to nuts.
71
00:03:20,003 --> 00:03:21,224
That's right, I am.
Good memory.
72
00:03:21,308 --> 00:03:23,186
Well, it's what makes you
so unique.
73
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:24,303
Hurry up!
74
00:03:24,388 --> 00:03:26,282
You know, I always thought
that peanut allergies
75
00:03:26,367 --> 00:03:28,186
just went away
when you became an adult.
76
00:03:28,271 --> 00:03:29,787
You know, like tonsils.
77
00:03:29,993 --> 00:03:31,554
Tonsils go away, right?
78
00:03:31,717 --> 00:03:33,957
I thought I read that.
What are tonsils?
79
00:03:34,261 --> 00:03:36,124
Anyway, let me
put in my card.
80
00:03:36,209 --> 00:03:37,525
I got one
with a chip on it.
81
00:03:37,609 --> 00:03:39,831
It's like we're living
in the Star Wars.
82
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,626
Okay, tip.
83
00:03:41,711 --> 00:03:42,961
I'll do cash.
84
00:03:43,046 --> 00:03:44,413
Good, you heard me.
85
00:03:44,498 --> 00:03:46,918
"Would you like to donate
a cup of coffee
86
00:03:47,003 --> 00:03:48,723
to a soldier overseas?"
87
00:03:48,808 --> 00:03:51,201
Yeah, that seems like
a good cause.
88
00:03:51,286 --> 00:03:53,355
Hey. Here's your
free cup of coffee
89
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,644
- from a lady in Rhode Island.
- What?
90
00:04:07,767 --> 00:04:09,534
[♪]
91
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,675
Excuse me. Are you in line
for the bathroom?
92
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,461
- No.
- Oh.
93
00:04:26,578 --> 00:04:28,154
Then move!
94
00:04:28,847 --> 00:04:30,503
Give me the key!
95
00:04:34,347 --> 00:04:36,480
So, how was
everybody's day?
96
00:04:36,565 --> 00:04:39,285
- I made the football team...
- Congratulations.
97
00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:42,097
...throw up because I put
cleaner in the Gatorade.
98
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:43,205
Still pretty good.
99
00:04:43,290 --> 00:04:46,260
You know, the funniest thing
happened to me today.
100
00:04:46,345 --> 00:04:48,638
I go to this coffee shop
every morning,
101
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,561
and they do this fun thing
where every week
102
00:04:50,646 --> 00:04:52,342
they choose
a Customer of the Week.
103
00:04:52,427 --> 00:04:54,926
It's just a silly thing,
which is why it's so fun.
104
00:04:55,011 --> 00:04:57,366
Anyway,
I've never been picked.
105
00:04:57,451 --> 00:04:58,889
Which is fine.
106
00:04:59,044 --> 00:05:00,201
The thing is...
107
00:05:00,286 --> 00:05:01,295
Oh, boy.
108
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:03,380
...I'm friendly, I always tip,
109
00:05:03,465 --> 00:05:04,901
I almost never say
anything
110
00:05:04,985 --> 00:05:06,835
when foreigners loudly
FaceTime,
111
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,692
and in general,
I'm a pretty good person.
112
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:10,904
Right?
113
00:05:10,989 --> 00:05:13,118
Yeah. I mean,
you show little patience
114
00:05:13,203 --> 00:05:15,733
for the handicapped at times,
but... yeah.
115
00:05:15,818 --> 00:05:17,420
Yeah, it just,
it just feels like
116
00:05:17,508 --> 00:05:19,092
it should probably be
my time.
117
00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:20,837
Well, maybe this'll be
your week.
118
00:05:20,922 --> 00:05:22,172
Oh, you think so?
119
00:05:22,257 --> 00:05:23,530
I don't know.
That-that felt like
120
00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:25,233
the right thing to say,
so I said it.
121
00:05:25,318 --> 00:05:26,634
I do impulsive things.
122
00:05:26,718 --> 00:05:29,193
That's how I ended up getting
Rod Stewart's hair.
123
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:30,584
Morning, luv.
124
00:05:30,677 --> 00:05:33,061
Mind if I sing a tune
into your vagina?
125
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:36,426
[♪]
126
00:05:38,576 --> 00:05:40,648
Everybody,
if we could have your attention,
127
00:05:40,732 --> 00:05:43,881
we'd like to announce this
week's Customer of the Week.
128
00:05:44,022 --> 00:05:46,065
Ah. I've never seen them
do it live.
129
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,647
This must be what it feels like
to see Bruce.
130
00:05:50,408 --> 00:05:53,342
This week's
Customer of the Week is...
131
00:05:54,077 --> 00:05:55,404
Lester!
132
00:05:56,951 --> 00:05:59,151
[♪]
133
00:06:19,552 --> 00:06:21,929
Hey, Bon,
Wednesday Wisdom's live!
134
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:24,171
- Is it good?
- No.
135
00:06:24,256 --> 00:06:25,561
It's great!
136
00:06:31,693 --> 00:06:33,517
You know what I think
the problem is, Stewie?
137
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:34,976
I need to show them
138
00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:36,871
that I deserve to be
Customer of the Week.
139
00:06:36,955 --> 00:06:38,193
- You don't.
- Well, they probably
140
00:06:38,277 --> 00:06:39,774
see a woman like me
and think,
141
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,632
- "She's got it all."
- They don't.
142
00:06:41,717 --> 00:06:43,273
I know it's
a silly little award,
143
00:06:43,358 --> 00:06:44,861
- but I don't ask for much.
- You do.
144
00:06:44,945 --> 00:06:46,297
And this is the one place,
145
00:06:46,381 --> 00:06:48,318
the one place
that makes me feel happy.
146
00:06:48,403 --> 00:06:49,737
- You aren't.
- I don't understand
147
00:06:49,821 --> 00:06:50,973
what I'm doing wrong.
148
00:06:51,058 --> 00:06:53,551
I-I feel like I really vibe
with everyone there.
149
00:06:53,636 --> 00:06:55,723
- You don't.
- I'm one of their best customers.
150
00:06:55,808 --> 00:06:57,075
You know,
if I stopped showing up,
151
00:06:57,159 --> 00:06:58,513
they'd probably wonder
where I went.
152
00:06:58,597 --> 00:07:00,561
- They wouldn't.
- Because I'm a nice person.
153
00:07:00,645 --> 00:07:01,937
- You're not.
- I tip in cash.
154
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:03,922
- So?
- And I can't think of one reason
155
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,620
- why they wouldn't pick me.
- I can.
156
00:07:05,705 --> 00:07:07,185
Oh, thanks for listening,
Stewie.
157
00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:09,207
- I had no choice.
- You know, I'm gonna show them
158
00:07:09,291 --> 00:07:10,945
that I deserve to win
this award.
159
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,027
I need this...
Just like I needed
160
00:07:13,112 --> 00:07:15,448
my own Gregor
"The Mountain" Clegane.
161
00:07:15,683 --> 00:07:17,448
- Next.
- Hi, Gil.
162
00:07:17,556 --> 00:07:18,480
Uh, can I get...
163
00:07:18,565 --> 00:07:19,933
Pound of honey ham.
Cut it thin.
164
00:07:20,018 --> 00:07:22,113
Oh, excuse me,
I believe I was next.
165
00:07:22,198 --> 00:07:23,815
Step aside, lady.
166
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,003
Yeah, hi, Gil.
167
00:07:30,088 --> 00:07:32,206
Can I try a piece
of the pepper turkey?
168
00:07:32,442 --> 00:07:34,809
[♪]
169
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,456
Here you go.
Anything else today?
170
00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:41,566
Yeah, the coffee,
and you know what?
171
00:07:41,651 --> 00:07:44,543
I'll take that piece of artwork
for sale on the wall.
172
00:07:44,628 --> 00:07:46,082
Really? That's my painting.
173
00:07:46,167 --> 00:07:47,879
Wha...? Is it?
174
00:07:47,964 --> 00:07:49,801
You are very talented.
175
00:07:49,885 --> 00:07:51,946
Well, how much do
I owe you?
176
00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:55,440
- $600.
- $600?
177
00:07:55,591 --> 00:07:56,845
Do you still want it?
178
00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:57,930
Of course.
179
00:07:58,940 --> 00:08:01,020
It's important to support
local artists
180
00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:02,832
by spending
a year's worth of co-pays
181
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,834
on a painting of a...
182
00:08:06,211 --> 00:08:07,270
...bridge.
183
00:08:07,355 --> 00:08:08,963
A ladder and an apple.
184
00:08:09,047 --> 00:08:12,246
A ladder and an apple!
What a theme!
185
00:08:12,331 --> 00:08:13,709
Can you split it
on two debit cards?
186
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:14,801
I have a limit.
187
00:08:14,886 --> 00:08:16,832
I can't really ring it up
on the register.
188
00:08:16,917 --> 00:08:18,237
It has to be cash.
189
00:08:20,059 --> 00:08:21,323
Perfect!
190
00:08:21,408 --> 00:08:23,741
[♪]
191
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,292
- By the way, I told you.
- Told me what?
192
00:08:29,377 --> 00:08:31,082
I told you nobody
could tell I was drinking.
193
00:08:31,166 --> 00:08:34,026
- No one cares.
- I care. I do.
194
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,770
Here, take this. Start recording
right before they say my name.
195
00:08:38,855 --> 00:08:40,684
And hold it landscape,
not portrait.
196
00:08:40,769 --> 00:08:43,465
This is an important moment,
not a fast-food worker fight.
197
00:08:43,550 --> 00:08:45,449
I wish it was
a fast-food worker fight.
198
00:08:45,534 --> 00:08:48,836
- What?
- I wish it was a fast-food worker fight.
199
00:08:48,948 --> 00:08:50,362
Welcome, everybody.
200
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:53,456
This week's
Customer of the Week is...
201
00:08:54,675 --> 00:08:56,573
...Terry Newcustomer.
202
00:08:58,596 --> 00:09:02,757
Wow, this is so unexpected,
because I'm such a new customer.
203
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,246
Lois, should I stop recording?
204
00:09:04,331 --> 00:09:05,519
Oh, you got a text.
205
00:09:05,603 --> 00:09:06,687
Oh, I clicked it.
206
00:09:06,771 --> 00:09:07,671
Oh, it's Bonnie.
207
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:08,956
She's responding to you.
208
00:09:09,041 --> 00:09:11,268
Oh, about me.
Oh, I'm reading the old texts.
209
00:09:11,546 --> 00:09:12,630
Oh, I should stop.
210
00:09:12,715 --> 00:09:13,632
Oh, but I can't.
211
00:09:13,717 --> 00:09:14,825
Oh, you're unhappy.
212
00:09:14,910 --> 00:09:15,970
Oh, who's Greg?
213
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,628
Oh, there's Greg.
214
00:09:17,713 --> 00:09:19,780
[♪]
215
00:09:20,901 --> 00:09:23,855
All right, on three, everyone
say their favorite Spider-Man.
216
00:09:23,955 --> 00:09:26,409
All right? One, two, three.
217
00:09:27,454 --> 00:09:28,814
- What?! - What?!
- What?! - What?!
218
00:09:33,972 --> 00:09:35,645
In fact, there'd be
no superhero movies
219
00:09:35,730 --> 00:09:36,741
without Tobey Maguire.
220
00:09:36,825 --> 00:09:39,261
No way!
Garfield never got a chance.
221
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,720
Is Affleck the best Batman?
222
00:09:40,805 --> 00:09:42,332
No. But he had
the best Batman body.
223
00:09:42,417 --> 00:09:44,874
He'll be the first ex-Spider-Man
to win an Oscar.
224
00:09:44,958 --> 00:09:48,105
Just 'cause it's in animation,
people think it's not legit.
225
00:09:51,388 --> 00:09:53,511
[♪]
226
00:10:01,284 --> 00:10:02,600
I don't get it!
227
00:10:02,684 --> 00:10:03,762
Wait, Spider-Man?
228
00:10:03,847 --> 00:10:05,371
He's a guy with spider powers.
229
00:10:05,456 --> 00:10:07,074
Can't I have one thing
in my life?
230
00:10:07,159 --> 00:10:08,340
Is that too much to ask?
231
00:10:08,425 --> 00:10:09,871
What is it, do they hate me?
232
00:10:09,956 --> 00:10:12,449
Because astrologically
I'm very compatible
233
00:10:12,534 --> 00:10:14,199
with Kyle H. And Lisa.
234
00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:16,191
I'm a Gemini
and they're both Aquarius,
235
00:10:16,276 --> 00:10:17,910
so we're natural matches!
236
00:10:17,995 --> 00:10:20,043
Kyle is a Virgo,
which doesn't match with Gemini,
237
00:10:20,128 --> 00:10:22,410
but they're supposed
to at least care about people!
238
00:10:22,495 --> 00:10:23,621
What am I missing?
239
00:10:23,995 --> 00:10:26,043
You know, Mom, if you
really want to get noticed,
240
00:10:26,128 --> 00:10:27,840
you should save
one of their lives.
241
00:10:27,925 --> 00:10:29,586
- What?
- There was a kid at school
242
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:32,270
who got a whole page
in the yearbook dedicated to him
243
00:10:32,355 --> 00:10:35,145
because he saved a kid
who had a peanut allergy.
244
00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:36,644
Peanut allergy?
245
00:10:37,550 --> 00:10:38,836
I have a peanut allergy.
246
00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:42,566
Yeah. This kid accidentally ate
something with peanuts in it
247
00:10:42,650 --> 00:10:44,042
and the other kid came over
248
00:10:44,127 --> 00:10:46,253
and Pulp Fictioned him
with an EpiPen.
249
00:10:46,382 --> 00:10:47,448
Huh...
250
00:10:48,097 --> 00:10:49,363
I can't even touch peanuts.
251
00:10:50,112 --> 00:10:51,956
That kid was a hero.
252
00:10:52,174 --> 00:10:53,198
Hero...
253
00:10:53,671 --> 00:10:54,738
You flush it!
254
00:10:54,823 --> 00:10:56,453
It scares me
when it goes away.
255
00:10:57,636 --> 00:10:59,051
Yes... hero.
256
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:00,269
I'll be a hero,
257
00:11:00,354 --> 00:11:02,428
and then they'll have
to make me Customer of the Week.
258
00:11:02,512 --> 00:11:04,824
Why is this story
all about Mom this week?
259
00:11:04,909 --> 00:11:07,690
What, are we giving
Seth's voice a rest?
260
00:11:22,261 --> 00:11:25,137
Okay, I'll just pour
some of these Planters peanuts
261
00:11:25,222 --> 00:11:26,554
into Lisa's car.
262
00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:27,828
The official peanut
263
00:11:27,912 --> 00:11:29,496
of poisoning
people with allergies.
264
00:11:29,792 --> 00:11:31,770
What?
O, she's kidding!
265
00:11:31,855 --> 00:11:33,160
Come on, look at me:
266
00:11:33,245 --> 00:11:35,707
Top hat, gloves, shoes,
no other clothes.
267
00:11:35,792 --> 00:11:37,028
I'm a good guy!
268
00:11:37,401 --> 00:11:40,660
Okay, now I wait
for her to get in her car
269
00:11:40,745 --> 00:11:42,262
and start to have a reaction.
270
00:11:42,347 --> 00:11:45,402
Then I'll swoop in
and save her with this EpiPen.
271
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,705
Then I'll be a lock
to be Customer of the Week.
272
00:11:47,987 --> 00:11:50,207
Stewie, you okay back there?
273
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:52,315
Having fun playing
with Mommy's phone?
274
00:11:52,417 --> 00:11:54,277
Yup. I put
the headphones up my nose,
275
00:11:54,362 --> 00:11:55,722
but I made it work.
276
00:11:57,608 --> 00:11:59,355
Okay, there she is.
277
00:11:59,612 --> 00:12:01,090
She's walking to her car...
278
00:12:01,175 --> 00:12:02,571
she's getting out her keys...
279
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,488
she's starting her car...
280
00:12:04,573 --> 00:12:06,315
driving away?
281
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:13,644
Damn it, I didn't put
enough peanuts in there.
282
00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:16,158
Oh, shaving cream!
283
00:12:17,378 --> 00:12:20,204
Ooh, shaving cream.
284
00:12:22,953 --> 00:12:24,671
Oh...
285
00:12:24,756 --> 00:12:26,992
shaving cream.
286
00:12:31,258 --> 00:12:32,458
Oh, good.
287
00:12:32,666 --> 00:12:35,242
Oh, shaving cream.
288
00:12:41,937 --> 00:12:45,180
Mom, why are we at the hospital
to visit your barista?
289
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,618
Chris, I promise
that if one of your baristas
290
00:12:47,703 --> 00:12:50,289
ever gets into an accident,
I'll go to the hospital, too.
291
00:12:50,374 --> 00:12:52,321
Okay.
That's all I wanted to hear.
292
00:12:52,406 --> 00:12:55,687
I've got a lot of baristas
who make questionable choices.
293
00:12:56,515 --> 00:12:58,388
Hi, you must be Lisa's mother.
294
00:12:58,473 --> 00:12:59,508
How's she doing?
295
00:12:59,593 --> 00:13:01,360
Did she say what happened?
296
00:13:01,445 --> 00:13:03,968
No, she's mostly just said...
297
00:13:05,757 --> 00:13:07,485
Oh, that's not a good moan.
298
00:13:07,570 --> 00:13:10,125
Well, apparently,
someone put peanuts in her car
299
00:13:10,210 --> 00:13:11,548
and she's deathly allergic.
300
00:13:11,632 --> 00:13:12,716
Oh, no.
301
00:13:13,046 --> 00:13:14,382
Here are flowers.
302
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:16,444
She took those
from a guardrail memorial.
303
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:18,722
D-Do they have any leads on
who could have done it?
304
00:13:18,806 --> 00:13:19,773
No.
305
00:13:19,858 --> 00:13:21,274
Good. Grief!
306
00:13:21,359 --> 00:13:23,985
"Good grief," is what
Charlie Brown would say here.
307
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:25,899
Peanuts. Probably
a poor choice of reference.
308
00:13:25,984 --> 00:13:28,023
But they're going to check the
parking lot surveillance tape
309
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:29,140
to see who did.
310
00:13:29,224 --> 00:13:31,930
Surveillance tape? Good grief!
311
00:13:32,015 --> 00:13:32,995
Uh, who are you again?
312
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:35,930
I'm a... a very good customer.
313
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,166
Oh, my God, I've got to go.
314
00:13:37,421 --> 00:13:39,450
Exit stage left!
315
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,931
That was a very sad door
to run in to.
316
00:13:56,181 --> 00:13:58,509
What the hell? Lois?
317
00:14:00,811 --> 00:14:02,673
Put the phone down,
Kyle H.
318
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:06,705
...so then
I start hearing people say
319
00:14:06,790 --> 00:14:07,885
there are different levels
320
00:14:07,970 --> 00:14:09,550
of peanut allergies
and I was like, "Levels?"
321
00:14:09,634 --> 00:14:12,260
I mean, when I hear allergy,
I think rash,
322
00:14:12,345 --> 00:14:14,651
not throat-close-car-crash.
323
00:14:14,736 --> 00:14:17,416
Okay, well, I-I'm so glad
that we could talk about this
324
00:14:17,501 --> 00:14:20,215
and that you understand
how we got to where we are.
325
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,704
So, are you gonna let me go?
326
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:22,783
Yes.
327
00:14:22,868 --> 00:14:24,952
I mean, once I figure out
this whole kerfuffle.
328
00:14:25,037 --> 00:14:26,112
Oh.
329
00:14:26,197 --> 00:14:28,884
Why, are you scared, Kyle H.?
330
00:14:29,579 --> 00:14:31,268
This isn't scary.
331
00:14:31,353 --> 00:14:32,940
I'm a good person.
332
00:14:33,025 --> 00:14:35,237
Now, there are two ways
we can go from here:
333
00:14:35,322 --> 00:14:37,198
You can give me
your absolute trust,
334
00:14:37,283 --> 00:14:39,963
or I can get you hooked
on heroin.
335
00:14:40,048 --> 00:14:41,612
Heroin's not bad.
336
00:14:41,697 --> 00:14:44,529
Not having heroin,
that's what's bad.
337
00:14:44,614 --> 00:14:47,052
Y-You can trust me. It's just...
338
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,211
Just what?
339
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,463
I have a cat.
340
00:14:49,648 --> 00:14:51,282
Someone needs to feed him.
341
00:14:54,301 --> 00:14:57,208
Now, a bad person
would say "who cares" here.
342
00:14:57,293 --> 00:14:59,755
But since I am a good person,
343
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,747
I will take care of your cat.
344
00:15:01,832 --> 00:15:03,334
Now, open your mouth,
I'm gonna stuff
345
00:15:03,419 --> 00:15:05,122
my son's baseball sock in it.
346
00:15:16,801 --> 00:15:18,355
What the hell? Who are you?
347
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:19,583
Oh, hello.
348
00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:23,318
Um, hi,
I'm Kyle H.'s cat-sitter.
349
00:15:23,403 --> 00:15:25,639
He didn't tell me
he had roommates
350
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:27,776
who could feed his cat
for him.
351
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,615
Wait, why do you have
his laser pointer
352
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:31,997
and Heisenberg keychain?
353
00:15:32,082 --> 00:15:34,847
Yeah, his keychain flair is how
he expresses his quirkiness.
354
00:15:34,932 --> 00:15:36,589
He must be in danger!
355
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,709
You can't leave us
like this, lady.
356
00:15:43,794 --> 00:15:44,818
Don't say "lady."
357
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,138
It makes me feel old.
358
00:15:46,223 --> 00:15:48,458
And why is everyone acting
like this is my fault?
359
00:15:48,543 --> 00:15:50,974
If anything,
it's Kyle H.'s fault.
360
00:15:51,059 --> 00:15:52,419
I'm a good person.
361
00:15:52,504 --> 00:15:53,904
People are gonna know
we're gone.
362
00:15:53,989 --> 00:15:55,061
I promised my boyfriend
that I'd...
363
00:15:55,145 --> 00:15:56,511
- Wait, you're gay?
- Yeah.
364
00:15:56,596 --> 00:15:57,559
You sound surprised.
365
00:15:57,644 --> 00:15:59,646
I don't know,
you just don't present as gay.
366
00:15:59,731 --> 00:16:00,888
Oh, so gays "present"?
367
00:16:00,973 --> 00:16:02,708
No, no, no, that's not...
368
00:16:02,793 --> 00:16:04,128
What? I'm woke, okay?
369
00:16:04,212 --> 00:16:05,497
Is he your boyfriend?
370
00:16:05,582 --> 00:16:06,826
No, I'm not gay.
371
00:16:06,911 --> 00:16:08,708
What? But you're roommates.
372
00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:09,943
- So?
- So?!
373
00:16:10,027 --> 00:16:11,567
And that's not weird?
374
00:16:11,652 --> 00:16:13,115
I mean, do you have
your own bathrooms?
375
00:16:13,199 --> 00:16:15,075
- No.
- What, so you just walk around
376
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,520
like there's nothing potentially
377
00:16:16,605 --> 00:16:17,622
- sexual?
- Yeah.
378
00:16:17,707 --> 00:16:19,576
Yeah. I mean,
ever since he joined the gym,
379
00:16:19,661 --> 00:16:20,881
he's really turned
his body around.
380
00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:22,802
But that's not what
I'd be attracted to.
381
00:16:22,887 --> 00:16:25,138
It's more sticking to
his commitment to get healthy.
382
00:16:25,223 --> 00:16:27,271
- That's attractive.
- Aw, thank you, bro.
383
00:16:27,356 --> 00:16:28,482
Mm, you're welcome, bro.
384
00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:29,802
See, this!
385
00:16:29,887 --> 00:16:32,247
I don't know.
I-I guess I'm not woke, okay?
386
00:16:32,332 --> 00:16:34,388
Fine, you win
with your gay stuff.
387
00:16:34,473 --> 00:16:36,653
That's what you want,
right? To win?
388
00:16:36,856 --> 00:16:39,622
Here, drink whatever you
think a day's worth of water is.
389
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,232
Look, what I was trying
to say is that
390
00:16:41,317 --> 00:16:44,060
you can't leave us like this
because I promised my boyfriend
391
00:16:44,145 --> 00:16:46,194
that I'd make a meal for
his grandmother's meal train.
392
00:16:46,278 --> 00:16:49,293
If I don't drop it off, they're
gonna know something's wrong.
393
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,974
What are you supposed
to make?
394
00:16:55,059 --> 00:16:57,497
- Beef Wellington.
- What... Beef Wellington?!
395
00:16:57,582 --> 00:16:58,716
- For tonight?
- Yeah, why?
396
00:16:58,801 --> 00:17:00,349
- Is that hard?
- Yes!
397
00:17:00,434 --> 00:17:03,801
If you're starting
at 2:00 p.m., very! Yes!
398
00:17:09,356 --> 00:17:11,264
Lois, have you seen
the pooping iPad?
399
00:17:11,349 --> 00:17:13,411
I can only go
while watching Tiger King.
400
00:17:13,496 --> 00:17:15,287
- Huh?
- The iPad we use only
401
00:17:15,372 --> 00:17:17,938
while pooping and occasionally
on flights for Stewie.
402
00:17:18,161 --> 00:17:20,900
Ew, I play Elmo's ABCs
on that.
403
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,043
Is that why
I keep getting pink eye?
404
00:17:23,858 --> 00:17:24,958
I don't know where it is.
405
00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:26,216
But it's definitely not
in the shed.
406
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:27,772
So don't even look back there
in the shed.
407
00:17:27,856 --> 00:17:30,435
What, you mean
the earwig fortress? No thanks.
408
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:31,615
I haven't been in there
since I won
409
00:17:31,699 --> 00:17:32,950
the Battle
of the Wheelbarrow.
410
00:17:33,817 --> 00:17:34,695
Nyah-ha!
411
00:17:34,780 --> 00:17:37,575
Too fast and too smart
for you, earwigs.
412
00:17:39,043 --> 00:17:41,754
Now, to continue
clearing the yard...
413
00:17:41,838 --> 00:17:45,231
...collecting
moisture and sleeping in wood.
414
00:17:45,825 --> 00:17:46,778
Hey, Lois,
what ever happened to
415
00:17:46,863 --> 00:17:48,918
- that Customer of the Week thing?
- Th-the what?
416
00:17:49,003 --> 00:17:50,630
The Customer of the Week
at the coffee shop.
417
00:17:50,714 --> 00:17:51,724
Did you ever win?
418
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,052
Why? Why would you
bring that up?
419
00:17:53,136 --> 00:17:54,364
What are you,
obsessed with it?
420
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:56,348
Uh, you...
You had been talking about it...
421
00:17:56,433 --> 00:17:58,175
Oh, so you can hear me
when I say that,
422
00:17:58,260 --> 00:18:00,146
but can't hear me
when I say "get off the couch."
423
00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:01,974
I like to be up
by people.
424
00:18:02,059 --> 00:18:03,715
May I be excused to...
425
00:18:03,868 --> 00:18:08,043
bring this plate
of moisture to the crawl space?
426
00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:10,621
Yeah, for the record,
427
00:18:10,706 --> 00:18:12,426
I would rather
drink a sinus infection
428
00:18:12,511 --> 00:18:13,771
than win that stupid award.
429
00:18:13,856 --> 00:18:15,195
It's all rigged anyway.
430
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,048
Did you know that Lester lived
in the same building as Lisa?
431
00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:19,606
How is that fair, huh?
432
00:18:19,691 --> 00:18:22,260
God, what a boring thing
to bring up at dinner, Brian.
433
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,801
I'm going to the sunroom,
434
00:18:23,886 --> 00:18:26,754
and that's where I'll be from
9:00 to 11:00 if anyone asks.
435
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,572
No one come check on me.
436
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:32,793
You guys want to play spin
the bottle for finger stuff?
437
00:18:32,895 --> 00:18:34,678
Crank this night up a notch?
438
00:18:34,763 --> 00:18:36,340
I'm in.
439
00:18:38,547 --> 00:18:39,890
Good evening.
I'm Tom Tucker.
440
00:18:39,975 --> 00:18:42,017
In local news,
two roommates were found
441
00:18:42,102 --> 00:18:43,970
bound and gagged in
their apartment this morning
442
00:18:44,054 --> 00:18:47,173
in what they're calling,
"The Cat-Sitter Tie-er Upper."
443
00:18:47,258 --> 00:18:49,694
Guys, we need to get better
name-comer-upper-withers.
444
00:18:49,779 --> 00:18:52,605
[♪]
445
00:18:56,447 --> 00:18:58,731
[♪]
446
00:19:13,865 --> 00:19:15,286
Okay.
447
00:19:20,641 --> 00:19:21,742
Lois?
448
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,246
I'm just finishing
the dishes.
449
00:19:24,786 --> 00:19:26,536
I'm a good person, Joe.
450
00:19:26,622 --> 00:19:29,168
Sometimes good people
do bad things, Lois.
451
00:19:29,283 --> 00:19:30,700
You can finish the dishes.
452
00:19:30,863 --> 00:19:32,498
Then I gotta take you in.
453
00:19:32,582 --> 00:19:34,459
You can't take her away, Joe!
454
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,711
And you can put in
one load of laundry.
455
00:19:37,834 --> 00:19:39,484
Then I gotta take you in.
456
00:19:40,799 --> 00:19:43,225
After that, you can write
down the Wi-Fi log-in.
457
00:19:43,310 --> 00:19:45,303
Then I gotta take you in.
458
00:19:46,313 --> 00:19:47,856
Where's the peanut butter?
459
00:19:49,169 --> 00:19:50,704
Well, Peter, I think
the main difference is
460
00:19:50,788 --> 00:19:52,760
Chinese people are from China
461
00:19:52,845 --> 00:19:54,971
and Japanese people
are from Japan.
462
00:19:56,742 --> 00:19:59,606
Yes, that's probably why you
were banned from the restaurant.
463
00:20:05,369 --> 00:20:08,246
[♪]
464
00:20:08,526 --> 00:20:10,902
[♪]
465
00:20:29,699 --> 00:20:30,676
Good morning.
466
00:20:30,761 --> 00:20:32,904
Ah, what a charming place
this is.
467
00:20:33,051 --> 00:20:35,583
Oh, look, you do
a Customer of the Week.
468
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,044
How cute.
469
00:20:37,129 --> 00:20:40,404
Now, I'll take
a Nitro Cold Brew.
470
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,349
And with the morning I've had,
better make it a large.
471
00:20:43,434 --> 00:20:44,747
Hey, that's funny.
472
00:20:44,832 --> 00:20:46,513
Yeah, I know.
473
00:20:46,832 --> 00:20:48,504
There you go.
474
00:20:49,668 --> 00:20:51,986
And there you go.
475
00:20:52,879 --> 00:20:54,989
Well, you could have said
thank you.
476
00:20:55,168 --> 00:20:57,250
Don't see a lot of
five dollar bills in there.
477
00:20:57,653 --> 00:21:00,801
I must be a pretty good person
to give a five.
478
00:21:01,049 --> 00:21:03,215
Sync corrections by srjanapala
33323
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