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1
00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:03,525
Previously on "You Me Her"...
2
00:00:03,568 --> 00:00:05,353
-So, this is happening.
-Listen to me.
3
00:00:05,396 --> 00:00:07,703
I just finished telling someone
that I was the complication.
4
00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:09,531
-What someone?
-Ruby.
5
00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:12,229
Fuck this.[ Door slams ]
6
00:00:12,273 --> 00:00:13,709
[ Knock on door ]Izzy: Jack left,
7
00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,189
and you said
he never leaves.
8
00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,582
Clomid time.You must really want a kid.
9
00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:19,149
Jack: Maybe I can thank you
for real
10
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:20,759
by taking you out
to dinner tomorrow night.
11
00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:22,631
I have no fucking clue
12
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,372
what I want sexually
13
00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:25,982
or reproductively.
14
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,157
I'm falling for you.
15
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:28,854
I have to get to class.
16
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:30,900
I'm scared shitless.
I can't sleep.
17
00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:32,858
Do you really think
that I'm rebound girl?
18
00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:35,339
Well, define rebound.
19
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:38,081
Why don't you call
Weird Janis and her lover
20
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:39,735
and find out
the appropriate attire
21
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:40,997
for this cleansing ceremony?
22
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,520
Okay, fine...Mom.
23
00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:43,782
You do realize
that you can't
24
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,088
just say
"Weird Janis and her lover."
25
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,221
Oh, it's some freaky chick
at his agency.
26
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:49,527
Let me be
excruciatingly clear.
27
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,181
If you tell Lori about this,
I will --
28
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,661
You'll break my legs?
29
00:00:52,704 --> 00:00:53,923
This'll make you
feel better.
30
00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:56,491
Jack has
a big, romantic dinner
31
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,362
with an ex-girlfriend
tonight.
32
00:00:58,406 --> 00:00:59,972
If you go
on this date tonight
33
00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:01,974
instead of going to help Emma
survive the next two days,
34
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:03,672
when she knows that
I came here to get you,
35
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:04,934
there's no turning back.
36
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:06,588
I know who he's with.
37
00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:07,806
Ruby.
38
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:18,469
♪♪
39
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:25,650
[ Doorbell rings ]
40
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,348
Do you think
it's Jack?
41
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:28,827
He has a key.
42
00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:30,090
Right.
43
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:34,268
Oh, God.
44
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:36,661
What?My parents could be early.
45
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,275
Well, you're gonna have
to answer the door
46
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:42,537
at some point, Em.
47
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:44,016
We can do this.
48
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:46,193
Yeah.
49
00:01:46,236 --> 00:01:48,151
Oh, what?
You want me to hide?
50
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:52,329
[ Doorbell rings ]You want me to hide?
51
00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:56,072
Not so much hide.
Just...don't be seen.
52
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,334
Like, stay up here.
53
00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:59,336
Sure. Awesome.
54
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:03,253
Bring me some leftovers.
55
00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:05,037
[ Ringing continues ]
56
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:06,213
[ Sighs ]
57
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:10,260
Don't forget about me.
58
00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:11,740
Coming!
59
00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:27,799
Lose your key?
60
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,411
Can I come in?
61
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,675
Shit, yeah.
Come on in.
62
00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:36,330
It's, uh --
You don't need an invitation.
63
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,163
So, uh...
64
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:51,997
Did you really
have a date?
65
00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:55,697
It wasn't a date.
66
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,264
What was it?
67
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,964
Something
I decided not to do.
68
00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:04,053
[ Scoffs ]
69
00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:06,011
Well, I guess
I should be grateful, right?
70
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,230
I mean,
at least you didn't --
71
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,492
I love you.
72
00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:16,196
I love you.
73
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:19,721
[ Footsteps approaching ]
74
00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:22,245
Yay!
The other dickhead is back!
75
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,942
[ Chuckles ]
76
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:30,384
I could've done that,
you know,
77
00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:32,342
'cause I am like
a motherfucking yoga ninja.
78
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:34,605
[ All chuckle ]
79
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,477
I don't know
how other throuples do it
80
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,218
without one of them
always feeling
81
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:40,568
like they were
the odd human out.
82
00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:43,832
Is there a support group
for polyamory somewhere?
83
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:45,834
Please, there's a support group
for dandruff sufferers.
84
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:48,750
Did I hear that right?
You wanna work this out?
85
00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:54,016
I should've
come and gotten you.
86
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:56,061
I never should've left.
87
00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:58,281
Emma's made me give up
everything worth living for.
88
00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:02,067
Uh, she means toxic levels
of booze, weed, and pizza.
89
00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:04,418
She's making me drink
this disgusting potion
90
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:06,028
that's supposed to, like,
91
00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:07,464
cut the pot
out of your fat cells,
92
00:04:07,508 --> 00:04:09,249
but, really, all it's doing
is just, like,
93
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,425
destroying my entire
digestive system.
94
00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:13,035
Oh, cry me a river
95
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:15,907
with your brave and harrowing
cleanse journey.
96
00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:17,692
I...
97
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:19,346
[ Sighs ]
98
00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:21,652
I die a little
every second I'm at work.
99
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:23,654
And with rent this high,
100
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,526
I'm gonna have
to start my firm in a yurt,
101
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,223
so I win.
102
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,398
[ Laughter ]
103
00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:31,183
Guess we're
all caught up now.
104
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:32,663
Yeah.
105
00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:34,622
Um...
106
00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:36,145
except for Seattle?
107
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:40,105
Is that a thing, Em?
108
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:42,804
Yeah. Is it?
109
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,415
No.
110
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:47,243
Not anymore.
111
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,245
How about we, uh,
keep working
112
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,421
on that whole
"fuck it out" thing?
113
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:54,468
Yeah, "fucking it out"
is a versatile
114
00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,861
and indispensable
relationship salve.
115
00:04:56,905 --> 00:05:00,648
♪♪
116
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:06,393
♪ There's no one that I love
117
00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:09,874
♪ More than you
118
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:12,921
♪ And I'm still running wild [ Laughs ]
119
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:19,014
Jack: So, when does the Seaver
RV come and crash the party?
120
00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:21,190
Oh, shit.
121
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:24,280
Oh, there's so much to do.
122
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,413
Like what?
The house is clean.
123
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,240
Reeks horribly
of pumpkin spice --
124
00:05:28,284 --> 00:05:30,895
Okay, can you give the fucking
candles a break already?
125
00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:33,681
Sorry.
That was a little over the top.
126
00:05:33,724 --> 00:05:37,554
My parents
make me a tad...psychotic.
127
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,559
Speaking of your parents,
128
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,909
what's the plan for this one
right here?
129
00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:47,912
And we're back to referring
to me in the third person.
130
00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:49,174
Awesome.
131
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:50,654
Guess what --
"this one" is right here,
132
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,656
and she has ears
on both sides of her head.
133
00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:59,620
I also hate it when you
guys do the married-forever
telepathy thing
134
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:00,925
so I don't know
what's going on.
135
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,755
Look at you.
136
00:06:04,799 --> 00:06:07,323
Right? Look at her.
137
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,370
How do you wake up
so pretty?
138
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,154
I know.
139
00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:14,330
It's truly amazing.
Mm-hmm.
140
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,549
What's happening?
141
00:06:18,726 --> 00:06:21,337
Okay,
here's the dealio --
142
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,904
You gotta leave.
143
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,341
What?
Well done.
144
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,429
So gentle.
145
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:27,909
It's true.
What?!
146
00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:29,476
Just --
Wait.
No, no, no, no, no.
147
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:32,174
No, the keeper
of the goddamn throuple flame
148
00:06:32,217 --> 00:06:33,915
is the one
that has to go?
149
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:37,222
[ Cellphones chime ]
150
00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:40,356
Shit.
Shit.
Baby doc appointment.
151
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,618
I completely spaced that.
152
00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:43,054
30 minutes.
We gotta go.
153
00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:44,491
We can drop her off
on the way.
154
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,449
Okay, one more
third-person reference,
155
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:47,624
and I'm gonna fucking snap.
156
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:50,018
Hey.
157
00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:51,976
You do understand
the fundamental principle
158
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,500
of why I needed
to get back here
159
00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:55,719
before Hal and Rita landed,
right?
160
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,155
Izzy, I'm sorry...
161
00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:59,810
but there's no version
of "normal suburban life"
162
00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:01,508
that includes you.
163
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:04,554
Hal and Rita already think the
only reason we don't have a kid
164
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:07,383
is that we're too weird
and don't want one badly enough.
165
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,602
[ Sighs ]
166
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:16,436
Okay, so what does happen to me
if you're pregnant?
167
00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:19,177
Is that where I get off?
168
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:22,267
Because "there's no version
of normal suburban life
169
00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:23,660
that includes me"?
170
00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:25,096
No.
No.
171
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:28,012
A baby doesn't change
the three of us.
172
00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:31,189
Oh, do you promise that?
173
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:32,887
Yeah. Promise.
174
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,976
Izzy, we love you.
175
00:07:35,019 --> 00:07:37,282
And our baby would love you,
too.
176
00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:41,286
Jack and Emma's baby
in Jack and Emma's house?
177
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:44,942
It's fine.
178
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:47,554
I'll stay at Nina's
for a few nights.
179
00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,425
Right, it'll just be
a few nights, so...
Yeah.
180
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,167
And then we'll come and get you,
and we'll bring you home.
181
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:53,298
Okay.
182
00:07:53,342 --> 00:07:57,651
♪♪
183
00:07:57,694 --> 00:08:00,349
I think
that went relatively well.
184
00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,482
I don't.
185
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:07,399
♪♪
186
00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:13,362
So, that's -- that's it?
187
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:16,713
[ Sighs ]
But we had so much sex.
188
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:19,063
I'm very sorry.
189
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:21,805
But, no, Emma,
that's not "it."
190
00:08:21,849 --> 00:08:25,983
Fertility medication is just
one path to conception.
191
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:28,464
Okay,
so what would be next?
192
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,292
Well, based on what we know,
193
00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:33,513
my professional recommendation
would be surrogacy.
194
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:37,125
So it would still be
our baby,
195
00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:39,040
but just in
somebody else's womb?
196
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:41,477
A carefully screened
but qualified surrogate
197
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,348
from a reputable agency.
198
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:44,785
All right,
well, how do we start?
199
00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:48,049
Well, how about we start
with a conversation?
200
00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:50,355
-Well --
-A private conversation?
201
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:51,966
I-I'm sorry.
202
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,837
I didn't mean to jump ahead.It's okay. It's okay.
203
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,317
Take your time.
204
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,927
Make sure you're both
on the same page --
205
00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:59,016
bringing a third person
into your relationship
206
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,452
in such an intimate way
207
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:02,672
can be emotionally complex
and challenging.
208
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,544
You have no idea.
209
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,589
♪♪
210
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:09,244
So just barely
introduce the Vermouth,
211
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:11,333
like wave it
over the glass.
212
00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:13,204
Oh, and I'll take some
of those blue cheese olives
213
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:14,554
you got there.
214
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:15,903
Oh.
215
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:17,469
Right-- Chat later.
216
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,689
You going camping?Yeah, at your place.
217
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,430
I'm the
odd chick out again.
218
00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:23,345
I thought Jack was
down and out,
219
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:25,129
and Emma was going full flannel
in the Emerald City?
220
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:26,653
Yeah, Jack's back.
221
00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:29,960
We got all schmaltzy,
we had crazy amazing makeup sex,
222
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,832
but her parents
are showing up tonight,
223
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:35,096
so I'm in a time-out
so they can play normal
224
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,967
for a couple days.
225
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:38,142
Got it. Okay.
226
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:39,927
Shot.
227
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,847
[ Sighs ]
God! I miss you...
228
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,806
and downtown
and binge drinking...and you.
229
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,373
You'd be welcomed back
with open arms,
230
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:53,027
just say the word.
231
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:56,378
Starting to worry
that it's not gonna be up to me.
232
00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:59,990
Another. Please.
233
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:00,991
Hit me.
234
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:04,734
What?!
235
00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:08,477
Talk to me.
236
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,218
Think of me
as your bartender.
237
00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:11,654
You are my bartender.
238
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,482
Oh, yeah.
[ Chuckles ]
239
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:15,745
Okay,
so what's going on?
240
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:18,748
They're meeting
with their baby doc.
241
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:21,969
What if they're pregnant?
242
00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:23,710
Well,
wouldn't they call you?
243
00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,015
Maybe not.
244
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:27,235
Maybe they're too busy
trying to figure out
245
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:30,151
how to spring the good news
on her parents.
246
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:33,154
Okay, let's
connect the dots here, Iz.
247
00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:35,678
You were legit bummed about
not being knocked up
248
00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:37,027
the other day.
249
00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:39,247
[ Sighs ]
I don't know, man. It's...
250
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:45,427
That baby would've belonged
to the three of us
251
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:51,085
because he or she was conceived
when we were all together.
252
00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:54,871
But this baby would be
all theirs...
253
00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:58,875
something they started
way before me.
254
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,311
Shot.
255
00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:06,578
Give me that!
256
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:11,627
Spill it, sista.
Let it all out.
257
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:18,416
It's just,
maybe I'm just a...kooky blip
258
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:21,332
they gradually stop talking
about and pretend to forget.
259
00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:29,384
Are you supposed
to do that?
260
00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:31,081
Nope!
261
00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:34,868
Okay.
262
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:38,698
Here's
my bartender wisdom --
263
00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:41,135
You need to find out if
the Griswolds are really in it
264
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:43,180
before you waste any more
of your hot years.
265
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:45,052
You know what
I'm getting real sick of?
266
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:46,575
Trying harder than
the other two
267
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:48,272
to make
this relationship work.
268
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,144
Sorry, how was that?Oh, my God.
269
00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:52,276
What kind of relationship
are you in?
270
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,843
It doesn't matter.
I got things to do.
271
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:55,192
Yeah, you do,
272
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:57,412
right after
you fix that dude a martini.
273
00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:58,761
Oh, no hurry --
I just come here
274
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,154
to sit in a really
uncomfortable chair
275
00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:02,983
and watch sports
on my phone.
276
00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:08,031
So what do I do?
277
00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:10,033
You don't do anything.
278
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:11,600
It's their move.
279
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:13,471
I hope they have
the common decency
280
00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:14,951
to be miserable
without me.
281
00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:18,259
♪ You won't even need my name
282
00:12:18,302 --> 00:12:21,784
♪ I'm here for you
to bleed me dry ♪
283
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:25,396
♪ You're gonna make me
feel so chic ♪
284
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,486
♪ You're gonna leave me
high and dry ♪
285
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:30,358
Hey.
286
00:12:30,401 --> 00:12:32,229
Thanks for this.
287
00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:34,101
I needed to think
of anything
288
00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:36,799
other than
my persistent infertility.
289
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:39,759
[ Chuckling ]
It's fine. I get it.
290
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,675
Do you think
we're making a mistake
291
00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:46,591
sending Izzy away every time
she's an inconvenience?
292
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:49,072
I mean, we already
broke up with her twice.
293
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:50,857
Yeah,
but this is different.
294
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:53,033
This is a...
295
00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:55,775
three-day elaborate lie.Yeah.
296
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,298
Which, to her, probably means
297
00:12:57,341 --> 00:13:00,301
that we're not sure
this is permanent, right?
298
00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:04,218
Which makes us the dickheads
that she keeps calling us.
299
00:13:04,261 --> 00:13:06,220
Exactly.Okay, so what do we do?
300
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:09,701
How do we explain
her presence here?
301
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:12,269
Housekeeper?
Does she know how to do accents?
302
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:14,706
[ Chuckles ] Okay, that's
at least moderately racist.
303
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,317
What? No.
It's not racist at all.
304
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:19,886
I didn't specify
which accent, so...
305
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:20,887
[ Gasps ]
306
00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:22,627
Ding, ding, ding.
307
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:27,458
I have an idea, a brilliant idea
that not only brings Izzy back
308
00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:30,635
but it makes my parents so happy
that I won't need to take
309
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,160
all the pain killers
I've stored in the freezer.
310
00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:35,771
You have painkillers
in the freezer?
311
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,556
Um...now that you are
Notorious Orgy Girl,
312
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,080
I'm gonna keep
Andy safely locked away
313
00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:41,342
at his place
for a couple nights.
314
00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:43,126
Excuse me.
315
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:45,433
Hey, Michelle.
316
00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:47,000
I wasn't trying
to eavesdrop --
317
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,740
I'm not really
"Notorious Orgy Girl."
318
00:13:48,784 --> 00:13:50,177
She was just joking.
319
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:51,874
Don't care.
320
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,702
So, when you said
the name Andy,
321
00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:55,530
were you referring
to Andy Cutler?
322
00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,445
I've seen you guys together,
right?
323
00:13:57,488 --> 00:13:59,447
Yeah. So?
324
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:02,754
Let me guess -- things are
getting real serious real fast
325
00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,453
even though he just got out
of something else?
326
00:14:05,496 --> 00:14:07,194
Oh, well, maybe.
327
00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:09,500
Yeah, well,
that's his thing.
328
00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:10,893
He's a love junkie.
329
00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:12,764
You know, the chase,
the courtship,
330
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:15,071
the dizzy, buzzy, fuzzy,
can't-get-enough stuff.
331
00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:17,900
Oh, my God. [ Chuckles ]
What, that's his shit?
332
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,771
That's his shit.
333
00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:24,167
Dude's a serial monogamist,
doesn't break between steadies.
334
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:27,431
It's firsthand intel,
woman to woman.
335
00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:33,785
Neen, Neen...
that's just her side of it.
336
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:36,527
Yeah, except it fits
like a fucking glove.
337
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:38,355
[ Cellphone chimes ]What? What's that?
338
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:39,661
It's nothing.
339
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:41,881
No.
Stop.
340
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:43,143
"Come home"?
341
00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,666
Fuck them.
342
00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:47,016
Okay, fuck them,
fuck Andy, fuck everyone.
343
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,670
Let's just dump everybody
344
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:51,629
and -- and go back to being
you and me, okay?
345
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:53,588
"Izni."
Izni?
346
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:56,417
We have a couples name?
That's so dumb. I love it!
347
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,375
I gotta get
another tattoo.
348
00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:00,900
What do you mean
anothertattoo?
349
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:02,423
[ Sighs ]
350
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:04,686
Might as well just get this
over with.
351
00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:10,170
I think you misspelled.
352
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,737
No, it's not "edgy."
It's E-J-I.
353
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:15,044
Like Emma-Jack-Izzy?
354
00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:16,916
My God.I know. It's so big.
355
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:18,091
It's so dumb.
356
00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:20,180
We were --
We were really drunk.
357
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,616
It's bad.
358
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,052
[ Sighs ]
359
00:15:23,096 --> 00:15:25,620
So what should I do?
360
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,927
Well, I think the answer's
right there on your ass.
361
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,450
[ Chuckles ]They made the move.
362
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:32,018
Go home, dummy.
363
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:33,323
Are you sure?
364
00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:35,456
Yeah.
365
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,720
Okay.
366
00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:40,983
I'm being a total
narcissistic douche
367
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,725
for leaving you
after that chick just...
368
00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:46,554
I'm gonna stay 'cause --No. Go.
369
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,338
Go.
370
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:49,600
Seriously.
371
00:15:49,644 --> 00:15:50,993
I love you.
372
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,864
I love you, too.
373
00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:54,083
[ Sighs ]
374
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:56,999
♪♪
375
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:03,092
"Serial monogamist."
376
00:16:03,136 --> 00:16:06,008
[ Chuckling ]
Ouch, right?!
377
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:09,664
♪♪
378
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:17,324
Got milk,
so Lucky Charms are a safe
379
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:20,892
but dependably fulfilling
option.
380
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:28,552
Treasure found.
381
00:16:28,596 --> 00:16:30,815
Hot Pockets.
382
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:35,124
Which ice cream pairs best?
383
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,257
Salted Caramel.
384
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,258
Duh.
385
00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:47,571
[ Humming to the tune
of "Hot Blooded" ]
386
00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:49,704
♪ It's a
387
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:53,882
♪ Hot Pocket, nuke it and see
388
00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:57,364
[ Snorts, chuckles ]
389
00:16:57,407 --> 00:16:59,322
Wow!
390
00:16:59,366 --> 00:17:01,020
That --
391
00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:03,761
That was...
quite a performance.
392
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:08,070
I thought
that you were --
393
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:11,160
Shh.
Okay.
394
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:13,075
You're obviously stoned.
395
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:15,208
So who made this moment
possible for you?
396
00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:16,861
Hmm?
397
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:20,996
You don't have a car.
You haven't left the house.
398
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:26,088
And be advised --
if I catch you lying to me,
399
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,525
you will never
set butt cheek
400
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:30,788
in that lovely car
of yours again.
401
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,053
Oh.
402
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:36,011
Did I mention I've found you
a ride to school
403
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,492
so I'm no longer
punishing myself?
404
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:41,538
Missy Carrington.
405
00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:43,236
Missy Carrington?
406
00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:44,672
Mm-hmm.
407
00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:46,804
She smells like
asparagus pee.
408
00:17:46,848 --> 00:17:48,589
Hold your breath.
It's only three semesters.
409
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:51,244
It was Izzy.
Izzy gave it to me.
410
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:59,556
[ Voice breaking ]
I'm definitely getting
my face eaten off.
411
00:18:01,993 --> 00:18:05,910
♪♪
412
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:08,435
[ Crickets chirping, owl hoots ]
413
00:18:09,262 --> 00:18:11,525
Dave: Damn, Janis,
this place is far out.
414
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:13,092
Carmen: So to speak.
415
00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:16,007
Janis: Hashtag blessed
that you finally came.
416
00:18:16,051 --> 00:18:18,445
The mosquitos
don't bother you out here?
417
00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:21,622
[ Both laugh ]
418
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,754
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
419
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:29,456
Oh.[ Note plays ]
420
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:33,764
[ Recorder plays ]
421
00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:42,338
I'm a little scared
right now.
422
00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:46,777
[ Playing continues ]
423
00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:51,217
[ Whispering ]
We could run. I want to run.
424
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:54,568
Get it --
you're our surrogate,
425
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:57,310
all filled up
with my eggs and Jack's sperm.
426
00:18:57,353 --> 00:18:59,616
It's brilliant.Right?
427
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,488
And the very concept
of grandchildren
428
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,707
will surge
so many endorphins
429
00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:05,579
to their sixty-something
frontal lobes,
430
00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:08,103
they'll basically be stoned
the whole time.
Mm-hmm.
431
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,888
They'll forget all about
Mexicans and gays
432
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:14,588
and the government's
imminent seizure of their guns.
433
00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:16,894
Iz? Izzy?
434
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:17,765
[ Sighs ]
435
00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:19,593
Don't you like the plan?
436
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:21,203
I have a question.
437
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:22,900
As your surrogate,
438
00:19:22,944 --> 00:19:24,772
why would I be living
in your guest room?
439
00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:26,643
I'm pretty sure
that that's not the uzhe.
440
00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:28,254
Because you're
uneducated and poor.
441
00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:30,169
Right! That's the brilliance
of the plan.
442
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,866
Ohhhh, right.
443
00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:34,434
Okay, so I'm your
white-trash baby vessel.
444
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:35,739
Loving it.
445
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,437
So when you're done
with my womb,
446
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,135
do I just move back
into my trailer or...?
447
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,919
Okay, I hear you saying
you're loving it,
448
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:43,312
but I don't
feel you loving it.
449
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,618
It's just make-believe.
450
00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,010
We came up with a way
you could stay.
451
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:47,577
I mean, what's --
what's the problem?
452
00:19:47,621 --> 00:19:49,318
I guess when I read
"Come home!,"
453
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:51,233
I had this
naively idealistic notion
454
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:54,149
that we were gonna bravely
live our truth together.
455
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,890
[ Chuckles ] What?
With -- with myparents?
456
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:58,240
With Hal and Rita?
Yeah, no.
457
00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,547
Yeah, you haven't met them yet.
This is not a time for truth.
458
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,288
So we're just gonna lie
to them forever?
459
00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:04,638
Of course not.
They'll die some day.
460
00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:06,596
I mean,
they're not immortal.
461
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,076
[ Knock on door ]
462
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,904
[ Sighs ]Oh, man.
463
00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:12,428
Do I seriously have
to act stupid this whole time?
464
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:14,125
Yes.
Yes.
465
00:20:14,169 --> 00:20:15,953
So fucked up.
466
00:20:17,128 --> 00:20:18,391
Hey.
467
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,610
Is Izzy around?
468
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:25,049
It's no biggie, just not being
an asshole or anything.
469
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:30,403
[ Wolf howls ]
470
00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:33,275
So, Janis...
471
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:34,972
why did I have the idea
that you two have been together
472
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:36,191
for like 15 years?
473
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,193
Caleb here would've been
a toddler.
474
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,761
In a way,
we've been together forever,
475
00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:45,113
since before time.
476
00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:47,768
And what about
in the other way?
477
00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:49,726
Roughly three weeks.
478
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,641
Wow.
479
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:53,687
'Cause I feel
like you've been talking
480
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,123
about having a, uh...
481
00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:56,994
a "lover" --
is that right? --
482
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,474
since we started
working together.
483
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,694
Well,
the names may change,
484
00:21:00,737 --> 00:21:03,305
but what they mean to me
does not.
485
00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:04,567
Huh.
486
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,656
So why do you think
you're here?
487
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:09,050
After all this time
deflecting my invitations?
488
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:10,834
Oh, no, it's not that.Oh, no deflecting.
489
00:21:10,878 --> 00:21:14,098
No, we just, you know --
we have very nutty...Busy lives.
490
00:21:14,142 --> 00:21:16,927
I mean, we have kids, right?
So it's constantly --Viruses and flus and...
491
00:21:16,971 --> 00:21:18,755
Abrasions and cuts.
492
00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:20,888
You're on a quest.
493
00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:22,977
You're looking
for something, yes?
494
00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:24,239
Yes.
495
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,502
[ Laughing ] Yes!
496
00:21:26,546 --> 00:21:29,462
I asked them, Caleb.
497
00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:30,941
Well, you know, I-I think
498
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:34,075
we have been looking
for something.
499
00:21:34,118 --> 00:21:35,729
Something we lost.
500
00:21:35,772 --> 00:21:37,339
Somewhere along the line,
we --
501
00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:40,734
we became...uncool.
502
00:21:40,777 --> 00:21:43,737
Ah! I see that.
503
00:21:43,780 --> 00:21:45,216
Yes.
504
00:21:46,566 --> 00:21:48,829
Janis: Not long ago,
I had another lover.
505
00:21:48,872 --> 00:21:52,746
She was a mustang,
wild and wise.
506
00:21:52,789 --> 00:21:54,095
I miss her.
507
00:21:54,138 --> 00:21:56,271
But she wasn't literally
a horse, right?
508
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:57,794
Like, please tell me
she wasn't.
509
00:21:57,838 --> 00:21:59,796
Can I ask you what is in this?
Because it is fantastic.
510
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:01,232
I'm -- I'm like --
511
00:22:01,276 --> 00:22:02,756
It is literally putting me
in a better mood.
512
00:22:02,799 --> 00:22:04,366
Is that possible?
513
00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:08,327
It's a rare Indian dish
called beh!
514
00:22:08,370 --> 00:22:12,940
It's tofu, white beans, onion,
ginger, coriander, turmeric,
515
00:22:12,983 --> 00:22:15,377
'shrooms,
and a dash of Ayahuasca.
516
00:22:20,121 --> 00:22:21,383
Excuse me?
517
00:22:21,427 --> 00:22:22,993
What was that?
518
00:22:23,037 --> 00:22:24,560
[ Loudly ]
Oh, it's a rare Indian dish --
519
00:22:24,604 --> 00:22:26,040
No, no, no,
you don't have to yell again.
520
00:22:26,083 --> 00:22:27,520
I just want to hear
the last two ingredients.
521
00:22:27,563 --> 00:22:30,131
'Shrooms and Ayahuasca.
522
00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:34,831
[ Both laugh ]
523
00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:36,833
Put the spoon
in the bowl.
524
00:22:36,877 --> 00:22:39,880
Put the spoon
in the bowl.
525
00:22:42,143 --> 00:22:43,492
You what?
526
00:22:43,536 --> 00:22:45,712
I-I would just like to point out
once again,
527
00:22:45,755 --> 00:22:48,410
that I'm not being
an asshole.
528
00:22:48,454 --> 00:22:50,020
Everyone makes mistakes.
529
00:22:50,064 --> 00:22:51,457
For example,
530
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:54,808
sometimes your neighbors
invite a young woman
531
00:22:54,851 --> 00:22:57,811
into their relationship
who then goes on
532
00:22:57,854 --> 00:23:00,335
to teach your teenage daughter
to do drugs.
533
00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:03,686
Can we not say "drugs"
like I was tapping her veins?
534
00:23:03,730 --> 00:23:06,907
I gave her a little weed
after she begged and pleaded
535
00:23:06,950 --> 00:23:08,822
and swore she wouldn't tell.
536
00:23:08,865 --> 00:23:10,389
And come the fuck on.
537
00:23:10,432 --> 00:23:12,608
You don't actually believe
this was her first time.
538
00:23:12,652 --> 00:23:14,175
[ Sighs ]
539
00:23:14,218 --> 00:23:16,046
She's found my weed
so many times
540
00:23:16,090 --> 00:23:17,570
I've run out
of hiding places
541
00:23:17,613 --> 00:23:19,267
that don't require
cavity searches.
542
00:23:19,310 --> 00:23:21,443
So you were insinuating
that Izzy
543
00:23:21,487 --> 00:23:23,924
introduced Ava to drugs
to what?
544
00:23:23,967 --> 00:23:25,491
Make this a bigger
fucking deal?
545
00:23:25,534 --> 00:23:27,580
Mnh-mnh.
Jack: Oh.
546
00:23:27,623 --> 00:23:30,017
If it talks like an asshole
and walks like an asshole...
547
00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:32,802
Did you tell her that, uh...
you and I smoked pot
548
00:23:32,846 --> 00:23:35,239
on that porch
two nights ago?
549
00:23:35,283 --> 00:23:37,894
Wha-- You big,
fat hypocrite!
550
00:23:37,938 --> 00:23:39,592
Okay. We --
551
00:23:39,635 --> 00:23:42,508
Do you remember when you briefly
had credibility?
552
00:23:42,551 --> 00:23:44,074
Do you miss it?
553
00:23:44,118 --> 00:23:46,120
Does it keep in touch?
554
00:23:46,163 --> 00:23:48,122
Hey, Izzy, still,
555
00:23:48,165 --> 00:23:50,690
you did give
Lori Matherfield's daughter pot.
556
00:23:50,733 --> 00:23:52,779
Uh --Will there ever be a time
557
00:23:52,822 --> 00:23:55,477
you don't use my whole name
like extended profanity?
558
00:23:57,348 --> 00:23:59,176
Just for
shits and giggles,
559
00:23:59,220 --> 00:24:00,961
maybe one time,
you can make an adult decision?
560
00:24:01,004 --> 00:24:02,528
Oh, you mean
like calling an escort
561
00:24:02,571 --> 00:24:04,530
because your sex life's
a snore?
562
00:24:04,573 --> 00:24:07,489
Or smoking pot
with your 14-year-old nephew?Oh, God.
563
00:24:07,533 --> 00:24:10,623
Yeah, and now
we're playing this big ruse
564
00:24:10,666 --> 00:24:12,276
that I'm their
white-trash surrogate
565
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,365
so I can stay
while her parents visit.
566
00:24:14,409 --> 00:24:16,324
First, she's a hooker,
567
00:24:16,367 --> 00:24:19,458
then she's their niece,
then she's their sugar baby,
568
00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:22,765
and now
she's the baby mama?
569
00:24:22,809 --> 00:24:24,550
You guys are
fucking loony, man.
570
00:24:24,593 --> 00:24:25,812
[ Chuckles ]
571
00:24:25,855 --> 00:24:27,553
Okay, you little shit.
572
00:24:27,596 --> 00:24:29,598
Now you've narced me out
and called me a hooker,
573
00:24:29,642 --> 00:24:31,252
so I'm gonna give you
an ass beating
574
00:24:31,295 --> 00:24:33,602
your mom should've given you
a long time ago.
575
00:24:33,646 --> 00:24:35,212
Big threats
from such a little chick.
576
00:24:35,256 --> 00:24:36,649
-I'm not so little!
-Let's do this thing.
577
00:24:36,692 --> 00:24:38,651
-I'm ready.
-I'm gonna end you.
578
00:24:38,694 --> 00:24:40,522
You want to go?
Yeah, I'm ready to go.You think you're so tough?
579
00:24:40,566 --> 00:24:44,091
[ Animals calling ]
580
00:24:44,134 --> 00:24:46,485
Caleb: I'm so comfortable
with you two already.
581
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:49,139
[ Farts ]Oh, come on, Caleb.
That is not okay.
582
00:24:49,183 --> 00:24:51,228
Janis:
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
583
00:24:51,272 --> 00:24:53,230
Dave go home.
584
00:24:53,274 --> 00:24:55,624
Shh.
585
00:24:55,668 --> 00:24:57,974
Ahhh.
586
00:24:59,454 --> 00:25:00,803
Stop. Stop.
587
00:25:00,847 --> 00:25:01,891
Stop!
588
00:25:03,937 --> 00:25:05,504
I hear something.
589
00:25:05,547 --> 00:25:06,853
[ Car horn plays tune ]
590
00:25:06,896 --> 00:25:07,984
Is that --
591
00:25:08,028 --> 00:25:09,290
It's Hal and Rita.
592
00:25:09,333 --> 00:25:11,510
Oh, God.
593
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:17,385
[ La Luz's "I Wanna Be Alone
[With You]" plays ]
594
00:25:17,428 --> 00:25:21,824
♪ Nobody can tell me
595
00:25:21,868 --> 00:25:24,958
♪ I can't do as I please
596
00:25:25,001 --> 00:25:29,005
♪ I wanna be alone, o-o-oh
597
00:25:29,049 --> 00:25:34,271
♪ Alone with you
598
00:25:34,315 --> 00:25:38,580
♪ As we move into night
599
00:25:38,624 --> 00:25:41,975
♪ Don't gotta be so shy
600
00:25:42,018 --> 00:25:45,718
♪ I wanna be alone, o-o-oh
601
00:25:45,761 --> 00:25:48,982
♪ Alone with you
41548
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