All language subtitles for OK Eng The.Big.Wedding.2013.1080p.BluRay.x264.YIFY {eng}
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
2
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,562
DON:
There's an old expression
that marriage is like
3
00:01:00,645 --> 00:01:02,438
a phone call in the night.
4
00:01:02,522 --> 00:01:05,692
First comes the ring, and then you wake up.
5
00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,321
My wife, Ellie, and I were married
6
00:01:10,405 --> 00:01:14,701
for 20 years before we woke up.
Or fell asleep.
7
00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:18,580
Or whichever it was
that ultimately led to our divorce.
8
00:01:18,663 --> 00:01:20,915
But we never stopped loving each other.
9
00:01:20,999 --> 00:01:23,418
How could we, after three
beautiful children?
10
00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:28,381
Jared, Lyla, and our
adopted son, Alejandro.
11
00:01:29,674 --> 00:01:31,551
We had built a home, and a history,
12
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:32,760
and a family together,
13
00:01:32,844 --> 00:01:34,137
and that stuff just doesn't evaporate
14
00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:36,931
with the stroke of a pen
and some lawyer's fees.
15
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,183
At least I hope it doesn't.
16
00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:41,436
Hello?
17
00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:44,772
(CHUCKLES)
18
00:01:51,988 --> 00:01:53,114
Oh, wow.
19
00:01:59,704 --> 00:02:01,080
(SNIFFS) Ugh!
20
00:02:09,714 --> 00:02:11,090
Oh.
21
00:02:11,883 --> 00:02:13,009
Yep.
22
00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:18,556
(CHUCKLING)
23
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,728
(GASPS) Look at them.
24
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,480
(GASPS) Oh.
25
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:27,649
Oof.
26
00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:28,900
(DOOR OPENING)
27
00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:30,777
DON: I mean, you can't be serious.
28
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:32,987
I mean, it's really that
gargantuan of a deal?
29
00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:34,197
BEBE: It's blasphemy.
30
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,323
(BARKS)
31
00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:36,806
DON: Which do you think came first?
32
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:39,035
The Catholic Church, or cunnilingus?
33
00:02:39,118 --> 00:02:41,663
Oh. Please do not use that language.
34
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:43,373
What do you mean,
I can't say "Catholic Church"?
35
00:02:43,456 --> 00:02:44,749
- No. The other thing.
(BARKS)
36
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:45,875
Hercules, be quiet.
37
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,039
What do I use in its place?
38
00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:48,126
You know, when it comes up in conversation.
39
00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:49,127
Well, that is the point.
40
00:02:49,128 --> 00:02:50,797
It's not supposed to
come up in conversation.
41
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,006
DON: How about chowing box?
42
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:53,131
BEBE: Stop it, Donald.
43
00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:55,133
- Muff diving? Huh?
- Stop. You're so bad.
44
00:02:55,134 --> 00:02:56,386
Poon jab?
45
00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:57,887
(LAUGHING) Poon job?
46
00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:00,348
Well, I just had lunch, but if you insist.
47
00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:01,683
Oh, Donny!
48
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:03,434
Oh, my...
49
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:05,144
- Cunnilingus.
(MOANS)
50
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,021
You are such a slut.
51
00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:09,148
Lucky girl. (GROWLS)
52
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,150
(GASPS) Ohh!
(DON GROANS)
53
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:14,152
- Sorry. Oh, my...
DON: - Oh, jeez!
54
00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,655
- Eleanor?
- Oh!
55
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,156
- Hi.
- Hi.
56
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,034
Oh, my God. I don't...
Really, I'm so terribly sorry.
57
00:03:20,493 --> 00:03:21,911
He told me that nobody was here.
58
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,371
And I don't know why he did.
The key was over...
59
00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:24,455
Anyway, I'm just...
60
00:03:24,539 --> 00:03:25,540
I'm gonna... You know what I'm gonna do?
61
00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:27,166
Oh, my goodness. Ellie?
62
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,793
- Hi, Bebe.
- Hi.
63
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,670
You look, um... You look wonderful.
64
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,171
Thanks. But, um...
65
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,006
Gosh, it's been such a long time.
66
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:35,258
It's great to see you. I hardly...
67
00:03:35,341 --> 00:03:36,551
I hardly recognize you.
68
00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:38,261
I mean, you look so...
69
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,138
- So?
- So... So...
70
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:41,764
- Unexpected.
BEBE: - Unexpected.
71
00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:43,821
- No, that's not...
- Hey, there's Donald.
72
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:46,060
Ellie. You look like a summer day.
73
00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:47,437
Oh, well, that's because
you're on the floor.
74
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,188
Hey, what else is new?
75
00:03:49,814 --> 00:03:50,857
ELLIE: Oh, Oh.
76
00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:52,191
Yeah. Thanks.
77
00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:55,403
- Oh...
- Oh.
78
00:03:55,486 --> 00:03:56,654
How long's it been?
79
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,365
- Ooh, ten years.
- Impossible. Oh!
80
00:03:59,449 --> 00:04:01,325
- Oh, you're not, I'm...
- Ooh! Oh, no, that's okay.
81
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,201
- No, that's just...
- The little blue helper.
82
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:05,163
What goes up doesn't always come down.
83
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,622
It's like a blue thing, like that.
84
00:04:06,706 --> 00:04:08,332
I thought you weren't getting in
till around 5:00.
85
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:09,459
6:30.
86
00:04:09,542 --> 00:04:10,585
You didn't tell me that.
87
00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:11,669
Well, that's fine.
88
00:04:11,753 --> 00:04:13,921
I just took a little stroll
through the village,
89
00:04:14,005 --> 00:04:17,925
and it's just so amazing
how little things have changed.
90
00:04:18,134 --> 00:04:19,510
(ALL LAUGHING)
91
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,221
Oh, God.
92
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:24,640
Honey, why don't you
take her up to the Embroidery Room.
93
00:04:24,724 --> 00:04:26,267
I'm gonna round up some sheets.
94
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,560
At your service, madame.
95
00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,854
- Right this way.
- Oh, thank you.
96
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:32,064
The Embroidery Room?
97
00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:35,693
Oh, your old office. I don't go in there.
98
00:04:36,194 --> 00:04:37,278
She's got you on the wagon?
99
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:40,573
I ain't had a steak or a
drink in three years.
100
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:42,617
I can't sculpt worth a fart,
101
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,242
but they give me a lollipop
102
00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:45,912
every time I leave the cardiologist.
103
00:04:46,204 --> 00:04:47,245
ELLIE: Where are the kids?
104
00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:50,458
Jared's at work
and AI's enjoying Pre-Cana with Missy.
105
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:51,542
Pre-Cana, oh, no.
106
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:53,251
You mean the Catholic
thing with the priest?
107
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:55,171
Yeah, you know the O'Connors.
108
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,672
(BELL TOLLING)
109
00:04:59,509 --> 00:05:02,887
MOINIGHAN: Matrimony
is God's greatest gift to his children.
110
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,348
To be sanctified, nurtured and protected
111
00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:07,391
against the seeds of dissent,
112
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,852
we're told too often
lead to the chasms of discord,
113
00:05:09,936 --> 00:05:11,771
from which too often many of today's unions
114
00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:13,064
are unable to recover.
115
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:17,318
It all too often leads to
divorce, which is a sin
116
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:19,278
in the eyes of God.
117
00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:21,364
But no pressure.
118
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:26,285
Melissa, how long have
you and this young man been courting?
119
00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:29,287
Just over a year.
120
00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:32,166
But we've known
each other since middle school.
121
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,168
Alejandro, is it?
122
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,575
You do speak English, don't you?
123
00:05:37,755 --> 00:05:39,549
No. No, actually, I don't.
124
00:05:39,632 --> 00:05:41,676
(CHUCKLES)
- Oh, I see.
125
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,177
He just graduated from Harvard.
126
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:45,179
Him and half of China. (CHUCKLES)
127
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,848
(SPEAKING MAN DARIN)
128
00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:50,017
(CHAIR CREAKS)
129
00:05:50,101 --> 00:05:51,727
He also speaks five languages,
130
00:05:51,811 --> 00:05:53,145
English being very much one of them.
131
00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:54,230
Really?
132
00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:56,816
So, tell me this, Alejandro.
133
00:05:57,650 --> 00:06:01,404
Have you been successful thus far
at being intimate with young Mellissa?
134
00:06:03,072 --> 00:06:04,198
Excuse me, sir?
135
00:06:04,282 --> 00:06:06,742
Father Moinighan's just fine, son.
136
00:06:06,826 --> 00:06:08,494
What I'm asking is,
137
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:12,456
is Miss O'Connor's virginity still intact?
138
00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:20,338
(CLICKS TONGUE) I see.
139
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:23,634
And, uh, did we partake of birth control?
140
00:06:23,718 --> 00:06:26,053
- Of course.
- Ah, of course.
141
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:28,346
(MOINIGHAN CLICKING TONGUE)
142
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:29,932
Birth control.
143
00:06:30,016 --> 00:06:31,809
Relationships between consenting adults
144
00:06:31,893 --> 00:06:33,644
shall remain privately betwixt themselves,
145
00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:35,353
and the Church, of course.
146
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:36,606
I guess we're going to Hell, then.
147
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,399
In God's good time, my son.
148
00:06:39,025 --> 00:06:40,359
I'm kidding.
149
00:06:40,902 --> 00:06:42,111
So, tell me, young man.
150
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:44,697
I know your adoptive
parents, Don and Ellie,
151
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,365
are other than Catholic.
152
00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,159
Yeah. Yeah. My mom is Je-Buddhist.
153
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:50,036
That's Jewish/Buddhist.
154
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:51,746
And my father thinks that
organized religion is for...
155
00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:55,541
His biological mother is
very much a Catholic.
156
00:06:55,625 --> 00:06:57,501
She works for a bishop in Colombia.
157
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,377
- Good for her.
MISSY: - And we're very excited
158
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:01,881
because we just
found out that she's coming to the wedding.
159
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,466
- She is.
- Oh, wonderful.
160
00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:07,470
- Oh, God.
- Yes?
161
00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:11,140
What?
162
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:13,643
Sorry. Nothing. It's fine.
163
00:07:13,726 --> 00:07:16,270
I'm assuming that your mother
will be very encouraging
164
00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:18,689
of her grandchildren
being raised in the Church.
165
00:07:20,399 --> 00:07:22,860
Uh, actually, we decided to wait
until they're old enough
166
00:07:22,944 --> 00:07:24,403
and then just let them decide.
167
00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:26,906
Hell it is, then.
168
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:31,410
(EXHALES)
169
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,044
Hi. Is Jared in?
170
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,545
- Are you a patient?
- Sister.
171
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,506
JANE: Oh. Oh. Right.
172
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,299
- Hi, I'm Jane.
- Hi.
173
00:07:45,383 --> 00:07:47,802
He's in a delivery,
so you can wait over in the Daddy's Room
174
00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,178
and I'll let him know that you're here.
175
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,596
Okay.
176
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:52,932
Hello.
177
00:07:55,226 --> 00:07:56,227
(GAGS)
178
00:07:57,395 --> 00:07:58,479
(BABY COOS)
179
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:02,440
MAN: No, I mean
she literally pulled it out of the socket.
180
00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:03,442
(SIGHS)
181
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:05,443
- I figured I'd be a lot safer here.
- Thank Christ.
182
00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:06,696
Are you freaking kidding me?
183
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:09,365
We're in a hospital.
184
00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:10,616
(CHUCKLES)
185
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,077
Right. Sorry.
186
00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:15,204
Just practicing.
187
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,957
I don't even smoke. I quit a month ago.
188
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,250
It's a girl.
189
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,794
Oh, my God. I gotta call you back.
Is she...
190
00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,461
They're both doing just fine.
191
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:24,543
Would you like to meet her?
192
00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,054
(BABIES GURGLING)
193
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,228
(CRASHING)
194
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,147
(BABIES CRYING)
195
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,691
There you are.
196
00:08:44,442 --> 00:08:45,483
LYLA: Am I dead?
197
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:48,779
Sorry. Jared'll be in in a sec.
198
00:08:48,863 --> 00:08:50,156
My hero.
199
00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:51,490
He's a sweetie, huh?
200
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,700
Hmm.
201
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:57,246
I hope this isn't too inappropriate to ask,
202
00:08:57,496 --> 00:09:00,166
but is it true that he's
never really had...
203
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:01,500
It's true.
204
00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:03,169
Oh.
205
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,503
Okay. What kind of a doily
206
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:07,173
passes out in the Daddy's Room?
207
00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:11,719
- I hope you feel better.
- Thank you.
208
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,512
- Doctor.
- Thank you.
209
00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:15,598
Thank you. (HUMMING)
210
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:16,807
She's perky.
211
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,268
Who, Jane? Yeah, she's great.
212
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:20,728
She's screaming for a shot at the title.
213
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:21,812
Nice.
214
00:09:21,896 --> 00:09:23,416
What could possibly be wrong with her?
215
00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:27,860
I am so over this whole
fresh-faced, Ivy League,
216
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,653
preppie, bouncy, ponytail-y type.
217
00:09:30,029 --> 00:09:31,509
Don't you have to be under one first?
218
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:32,530
Good one.
219
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:33,574
She knows, by the way.
220
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:34,867
Yeah. A bunch of us went out
221
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,535
for too many margaritas last month.
222
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:39,997
Now they have, like, an
un-virgin pool going.
223
00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:41,082
What?
224
00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:44,085
A bevy of hot nurses
are conspiring to bang your brains out?
225
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:45,503
You should press charges.
226
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:49,340
No, not my brother. He's
gotta wait for love.
227
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:50,548
Yeah, well...
228
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,927
It seemed like
a really noble idea when I was 15.
229
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,096
Anyway, I'm starting to waver.
230
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:56,472
Shut up.
231
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:57,890
No, I'm gonna be 30 soon.
232
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,558
But then that would mean
that I've wasted the last
233
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,228
15-plus years.
234
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,438
You're fine.
235
00:10:04,522 --> 00:10:06,564
Well, call what's-her-name back in here.
236
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:07,900
Come on. You can use my bed.
237
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:10,444
I'll wait in the hall. I
can laugh really quietly.
238
00:10:10,528 --> 00:10:13,447
Or I could just
put you back in there with the babies.
239
00:10:13,531 --> 00:10:14,573
No.
240
00:10:15,074 --> 00:10:16,075
Oh.
241
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,868
Whoa, whoa. You okay?
242
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:19,662
(EXHALES)
243
00:10:19,829 --> 00:10:20,830
I want you to...
244
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,999
Look right at me. Right at my nose.
245
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,963
Yeah, you might have a concussion.
246
00:10:29,046 --> 00:10:30,256
How will I know?
247
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,216
Headaches, vomiting.
248
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,468
Hmm. And I haven't even seen Dad yet.
249
00:10:34,552 --> 00:10:35,553
(CHUCKLES)
250
00:10:36,554 --> 00:10:38,013
Hey. Where's Andrew?
251
00:10:38,097 --> 00:10:40,224
I don't know. Can we bookmark it?
252
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:44,145
I want to keep the whole "Lyla's desiccating
her life" lectures down to one a day.
253
00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:45,354
I can't wait.
254
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:46,605
See you, Jared.
255
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,566
Neither can they.
256
00:10:51,861 --> 00:10:53,529
He's huge.
257
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,613
(BOTH GASPING)
258
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:56,949
(SIGHING)
259
00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:02,580
I remember. (CHUCKLES)
260
00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:05,916
Look at Jared.
261
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:07,835
(CHUCKLES)
262
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:12,256
Lyla. Oh, look how tiny Alejandro was.
263
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,843
BEBE: One of the workers
almost painted over that
264
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,178
while we were redecorating.
265
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:20,639
I had my knitting needle to his throat
when Donald pulled me off of him.
266
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,559
ELLIE: Yeah. And now they're all grown.
267
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:24,643
Yeah.
268
00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:26,896
You were so wonderful to them.
269
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:30,649
Well, they're not
officially my kids, but, you know...
270
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,027
God, you look stunning.
271
00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:36,447
Cut the crap, Bebes.
I look a decade older and so do you.
272
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,658
Said the one of us not
wearing control tops.
273
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:44,371
Wait until you see Muffin. Oh, my God.
274
00:11:44,455 --> 00:11:45,748
I heard she had work done.
275
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,958
Really, like, somebody said it was scary.
276
00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:51,212
Well, let's just say most of her face
is now behind her ears.
277
00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:52,975
(LAUGHING)
- And she's completely mental.
278
00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:55,466
She's driving me crazy
about the details of the wedding,
279
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,718
which is ironic because
we're hosting it here.
280
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:58,802
- Right.
- Right?
281
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:00,930
And I'm catering it. Organic, of course.
282
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:04,433
Oh, God, I was just so
terrified to see you.
283
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:08,646
Oh, don't be.
I mean, look, it was a long time ago.
284
00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:10,648
So...
285
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:13,734
Yeah. Well, now that you're here,
I realize how much I missed you.
286
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,445
Well. Hey, I want to say something.
287
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:17,695
- This house?
- Yeah?
288
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,365
It looks absolutely incredible.
289
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,367
When were you two married, anyway?
290
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:24,702
Oh, we weren't. I don't need a ring.
291
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:26,747
I mean, maybe
I'd like to have a ring some time, but...
292
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:27,831
You should tell him.
293
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,458
He knows. He knows.
294
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,419
Doesn't exactly back stroke
through the deep end
295
00:12:32,503 --> 00:12:33,712
of the sensitivity pool.
296
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,422
Hey. Look at you two.
297
00:12:35,506 --> 00:12:37,091
Haven't seen this much tail around here
298
00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:38,592
since the last poochie died.
299
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,887
(BOTH LAUGH POLITELY)
300
00:12:45,099 --> 00:12:46,725
LYLA: Oh, Well.
301
00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:50,479
JARED: Welcome to the jungle.
302
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:52,147
I truly loathe this place.
303
00:12:52,231 --> 00:12:56,734
Oh. Is that because you've hooked up
with, like, half the staff?
304
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:58,536
It was high school.
And hand jobs don't count.
305
00:12:58,612 --> 00:12:59,655
Oh, thank God.
306
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:02,950
LYLA: Hi. Oh, look at you.
You look gorgeous.
307
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,286
Oh, so do you.
Oh, my God, your hair, I love it.
308
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,162
- Thanks.
- I'm so glad you're here.
309
00:13:07,246 --> 00:13:08,746
- Sister.
- Immigrant.
310
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,748
- Ambulance chaser.
- Partner.
311
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:14,628
Hey, good for you. Where's Andrew?
312
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,089
- Oh, God.
- Are you okay?
313
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,341
- I gotta sit down.
- Come. Come.
314
00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:22,760
She's drunk already?
315
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:25,681
Mild concussion. This should be fun.
316
00:13:27,308 --> 00:13:29,810
MISSY: It's, like, as
soon as we got engaged,
317
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,147
it suddenly dawned on them
that he's not Caucasian.
318
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,606
Wait, you're not Caucasian?
319
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:35,899
Not at the moment.
320
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,359
JARED: Well, that's upsetting.
321
00:13:37,443 --> 00:13:39,278
They're, like,
putting on this whole dinner theater,
322
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:41,196
PC act, pretending to be really cool,
323
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:42,656
but really they're freaking out
324
00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:43,781
that they're gonna have beige grandkids.
325
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:45,103
Isn't that a little hypocritical,
326
00:13:45,159 --> 00:13:46,952
considering your father's
being investigated for...
327
00:13:47,036 --> 00:13:49,913
There's my little princess!
328
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,708
Darling. A wisp.
329
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:53,792
No, it's fine.
330
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,793
Sweetheart, you know the Corns.
331
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,379
- Hi.
MISSY: - Hi. Good to see you.
332
00:13:57,463 --> 00:14:00,798
And this is her friend Alejandro.
333
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,593
MAN: - Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
334
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,386
- AI is fine.
MAN: - Good. AI.
335
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:06,804
- Well, hello, Lyla.
- Muffin.
336
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:07,890
How's Chicago?
337
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,684
Crawling with spics and Jews.
338
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:13,645
Mazel tov.
339
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:18,067
DON: I'm shaking, I mean,
it's been so long.
340
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:19,610
What the hell am I gonna say to her?
341
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:20,973
BEBE: Don, you're gonna do fine.
342
00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:24,239
I need, uh, a drink.
343
00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:25,824
Babe, hey.
344
00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:28,702
Thanks, babe.
345
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:31,080
ELLIE: - There she is.
- Okay.
346
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,375
Hello, sweetheart.
347
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:35,709
How are you?
348
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:36,834
Donald.
349
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,295
You look breathtaking.
350
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:39,963
You've packed on a few.
351
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:41,924
You know, only in the good spots. But...
352
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:46,387
Do you... Well, is it okay if I...
353
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,722
Actually, I'm just...
I'm not feeling so hot right now.
354
00:14:48,806 --> 00:14:50,557
Oh, hey. I miss you so much.
355
00:14:50,641 --> 00:14:51,642
LYLA: Oh, hey.
356
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:54,395
I wasn't actually kidding.
I really don't feel well.
357
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:55,854
I really wish we could spend some time,
358
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:56,980
- you know, just the three...
- Dad!
359
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,565
(VOMITING)
(PEOPLE GASPING)
360
00:14:58,649 --> 00:15:00,442
ELLIE: Oh, my God. Is she...
361
00:15:00,526 --> 00:15:03,112
DON: You all right?
ELLIE: Oh, my God.
362
00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:04,530
(GULPING)
363
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,287
Okay. So much better.
364
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,081
So give us the lowdown.
365
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:15,874
Rehearsal dinner tomorrow.
366
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:17,501
Saturday wedding at the house.
367
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,586
And where are we going on our honeymoon?
368
00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:22,005
Vietnam and Cambodia.
369
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,882
Yeah. We suggested Venice,
but we don't count.
370
00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:26,844
Because it's safer.
371
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:31,056
But also, of course, because Venice
is Alejandro's native language.
372
00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:37,104
Your name is Muffin.
373
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:38,939
Yes.
374
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:41,733
I love Cambodia.
375
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:43,026
And it's perfectly safe.
376
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,946
I know, because I lived
there for three months.
377
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,906
Mom found herself in Asia.
378
00:15:48,449 --> 00:15:49,867
- What?
(DON GROANS)
379
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:51,452
(CHUCKLES) That's absurd.
380
00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:53,120
- What'd I miss?
LYLA: - Mom.
381
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,122
Don't you know Tantra?
382
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:56,206
Is that how you say it?
383
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:57,915
You had a nine-hour orgasm once?
384
00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,710
(GASPS)
- Seriously?
385
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:00,919
That's gross.
386
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:03,922
A little self-exploration
wouldn't kill you, young man.
387
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,048
Okay.
388
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:08,427
Or maybe a little less
self-exploration, in your case.
389
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:09,831
ELLIE: - Oh.
LYLA: - Right, virgy?
390
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:11,221
- So it's on.
LYLA: - Oh, yeah.
391
00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:12,473
One-nothing.
392
00:16:12,556 --> 00:16:13,849
- Nine hours?
- Okay.
393
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:14,932
Doesn't that hurt?
394
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:16,101
JARED: Wait a second. Lyla.
395
00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:18,854
Why isn't Andrew here?
396
00:16:20,606 --> 00:16:21,939
Trouble in paradise?
397
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,275
You're a peach.
398
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,942
And they're all tied up.
399
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,612
Okay, I don't understand.
What's he talking about?
400
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:27,945
- Andrew's moved out.
(GASPS)
401
00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:28,947
He's moved out?
402
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:31,658
Is he fooling around?
403
00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:32,950
Because I'll tweeze his balls off.
404
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:33,951
ELLIE: Oh, great idea.
405
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:35,579
Yeah, 'cause karmically
that would make a ton of sense.
406
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,663
What happened?
407
00:16:36,747 --> 00:16:37,955
We can talk about this later.
408
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:38,957
Uh, you know what?
409
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:41,752
As long as it's come up,
let's just get it over with.
410
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,086
Because I'm sure Barry and Muffin here
411
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,922
are just dying to hear all about
412
00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:47,216
the tests, and the injections,
413
00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:50,135
and humiliation I've so enjoyed
the last four years.
414
00:16:50,219 --> 00:16:51,803
- No, we really don't...
- Shh!
415
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,182
Honey...
416
00:16:56,892 --> 00:16:59,853
We were fighting. All the time.
417
00:16:59,937 --> 00:17:01,021
And it just...
418
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,525
It just got really hard,
and he couldn't take it.
419
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:08,153
And I knew that,
so I cut him loose before he did it to me.
420
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:09,988
Amen. So...
421
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:12,950
Who do you have to lynch
for a cosmo around here?
422
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:15,994
ELLIE: - Okay.
- I don't get it.
423
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,539
She can't have children.
424
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:20,749
Okay, could you please excuse me, just...
425
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,125
- No, no. No. I've got it.
- No, no. Don.
426
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,627
I don't think it's a good idea.
427
00:17:26,797 --> 00:17:28,382
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
428
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:43,021
DON: Before you end it all, you should know
they filled in the kiddy pond last summer.
429
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,106
So?
430
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,857
DON: Let's just say, the grown-up pool
431
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:48,318
is a few degrees warmer this year.
432
00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:49,570
Where are you?
433
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:52,906
DON: Right behind you.
Same place I've always been.
434
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:54,032
(GROANS)
435
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,035
Is it okay if I...
436
00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:00,372
Yeah. Thought you were afraid of heights.
437
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,207
The heights are fine.
438
00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:03,691
It's the lows I'm not in love with.
439
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,836
How's it coming?
440
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:09,047
Uh, spectacular.
I'll get there well before Christmas.
441
00:18:10,841 --> 00:18:12,361
I know we're supposed to do this whole
442
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,970
father-daughter Kumbaya on a stick thing,
443
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,513
but it just doesn't work that way.
444
00:18:16,597 --> 00:18:17,723
I'm gonna sit down.
445
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:18,849
Okay.
446
00:18:20,726 --> 00:18:22,060
I know.
447
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:27,774
Mom wasn't the only one you cheated on.
448
00:18:27,858 --> 00:18:29,066
I know.
449
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:33,614
I still don't know how Bebe sleeps at night
in a house you and Mom built together.
450
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,407
And the decent thing
would have been to just sell it,
451
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,200
or burn the place down.
452
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,327
I'm sorry.
453
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:39,828
For what?
454
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,247
That things rarely
turn out the way we want them to.
455
00:18:42,331 --> 00:18:43,624
(SCOFFS)
456
00:18:45,042 --> 00:18:46,084
Yeah.
457
00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:49,086
Listen, honey. You know,
this thing with Andrew...
458
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,130
Don.
459
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,091
Want my cosmo?
460
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:58,055
Down to my toenails.
461
00:18:58,305 --> 00:18:59,765
No, thanks.
462
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,819
Mother-pisser.
463
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,364
My God, you must be so excited.
464
00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,075
It's been, what, like four years
since you've seen them?
465
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,326
Here, sweetie, have some vegetables.
466
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,118
I'm kind of nervous, actually.
467
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,120
Yeah. What? You don't have to be. Why?
468
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,873
Well, because my sister's
never even left Colombia.
469
00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:25,999
That's plenty.
470
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:28,085
Oh, really?
Is she as traditional as your mother?
471
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,127
I think so. She's extremely shy. So...
472
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:33,006
Well, listen to me.
We are going to make them feel
473
00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:35,926
as welcome and at home as we possibly can.
474
00:19:36,385 --> 00:19:38,135
Did you know that I have to promise
475
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,471
to raise our kids Catholic
476
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,138
or the priest won't even
perform the ceremony?
477
00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,684
Oh, come on. That's very
14th-century of him.
478
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:44,927
- Right?
- Just, listen to me,
479
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:48,689
cross your fingers behind your back,
and just say, "Hallelujah, Jesus."
480
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,147
That's what Missy keeps saying.
481
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,149
But it's the principle
of the whole thing, isn't it?
482
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,944
No, it's not. It's marriage.
483
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:58,407
One compromise down, 2.999 million to go.
484
00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,410
Speaking of compromises,
485
00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:06,164
I have something that I
need to ask you guys.
486
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,165
Anything.
487
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:10,877
It's just, it's... It's kind of a big one.
488
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,170
(MUMBLING)
489
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,756
Don? Oh, my God!
490
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,842
Do you know what your son just told me?
491
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:18,427
- Huh?
- Oh, my God.
492
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:21,178
You know how the Catholics
have this thing about divorce?
493
00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:23,682
Well, it turns out that Madonna
494
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,892
is under some sort of ridiculous impression
495
00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:28,562
that divorce is a great big, fat sin.
496
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:29,646
Who's Madonna?
497
00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:32,149
AI's biological mother! What are you, nuts?
498
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:33,190
I'm not listening.
499
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:34,591
And she's also under the impression
500
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:38,530
that of all the big, fat divorce sinners
in this whole big, wide world,
501
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,907
you and I are not among them.
502
00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:42,534
- Uh...
- Don?
503
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:44,202
Can you even hear what I'm saying?
504
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,329
- Not remotely.
- We're not divorced!
505
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,123
- Got it?
- What?
506
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,751
For the next three days,
you and I are husband and wife.
507
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,002
- What?
- Yes!
508
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,920
Shit! (SCREAMS)
509
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:55,422
(ELLIE SCREAMS)
510
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:57,215
Don!
511
00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:02,220
I feel terrible.
512
00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,975
They're just letting
anyone into Harvard these days, huh?
513
00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:10,020
And you never told her
about them because...
514
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,231
I mean, there was no way
she was ever gonna come here.
515
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:16,109
It never even occurred to me
until that Pre-Cana.
516
00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:17,319
ELLIE: - Well, wait a minute.
- Oh.
517
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,529
What would happen if she knew the truth?
518
00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:21,948
You told me what she put you
through during the adoption.
519
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:25,243
She gave up her only son so that I
could have a chance at a better life.
520
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:26,411
And now, she left Colombia,
521
00:21:26,495 --> 00:21:28,789
which she swore
she would never do. On an airplane,
522
00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:29,956
which she's petrified of,
523
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,666
only to find out that
I've been lying to her
524
00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:32,834
about being raised by heathens
525
00:21:32,918 --> 00:21:34,336
for the past 15 years.
526
00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:36,421
- No offense.
- None taken.
527
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,590
It'd break her poor little heart.
528
00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:40,842
Why don't we just fake it
for a of couple days? No big deal.
529
00:21:40,926 --> 00:21:43,303
ELLIE: And what makes either of you
think you could pull this off?
530
00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:47,057
Sweetie, there's just
one little part that I'm stuck on.
531
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:49,266
If those two are still married,
532
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:51,144
then what does that make me?
533
00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:55,899
My concubine?
534
00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,070
I hadn't really gotten there yet.
535
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:01,488
- I see.
(CUTLERY CLATTERS)
536
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,281
All right.
537
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,743
More tea, anyone?
538
00:22:08,578 --> 00:22:10,287
I thought my life was a shit storm.
539
00:22:10,288 --> 00:22:11,623
I feel awful.
540
00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:13,507
Well, then what the hell
are you waiting for?
541
00:22:16,503 --> 00:22:17,629
This is gonna go great.
542
00:22:17,712 --> 00:22:20,552
Before we start shitting kittens,
why don't we just sit the old gal down
543
00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:22,509
and lay it all out for her?
You and I are divorced.
544
00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:24,803
It's not like we moved
to a fucking petting zoo or something.
545
00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:26,721
ELLIE: She's from another country.
546
00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:28,098
A very different country.
547
00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:29,850
And her values aren't the same as ours.
548
00:22:29,933 --> 00:22:31,434
So just pretend to be
married for the weekend.
549
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:32,519
What's the big deal?
550
00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:33,923
Where would you like me to start?
551
00:22:33,979 --> 00:22:35,939
Hey, listen. You were no Mardi Gras, toots.
552
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:37,065
What did you call me?
553
00:22:37,148 --> 00:22:38,525
DON: Let's get that straight. Oh.
554
00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:40,026
And it's an expression. It's an expression.
555
00:22:40,110 --> 00:22:42,362
Of endearment.
So don't get all Jane Fonda about it.
556
00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:44,321
ELLIE: Uh-huh. Well, you know, the Tibetans
557
00:22:44,322 --> 00:22:45,322
have a wonderful expression
558
00:22:45,323 --> 00:22:46,366
for moments like these as well.
559
00:22:46,449 --> 00:22:47,450
Yeah?
560
00:22:47,534 --> 00:22:50,327
Loosely translated,
it means, "Go fuck a yak, Don."
561
00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:53,123
That's the moment. I finally feel home.
562
00:22:53,206 --> 00:22:54,332
So, she's leaving.
563
00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:56,751
Some apology.
What is the matter with you? Why can't...
564
00:22:56,835 --> 00:22:57,961
She won't listen to me.
565
00:22:58,044 --> 00:22:59,336
She's not going anywhere.
566
00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:01,131
Honey, this is all very dramatic.
567
00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:02,716
- Can't we just...
- Put a sock in it, Donald.
568
00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,885
Let me help you with this.
569
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:06,469
Let's go in the kitchen,
let's have some tea...
570
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,972
- You hate my tea.
- I love your tea.
571
00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:10,265
BEBE: Really?
DON: Okay, okay.
572
00:23:10,348 --> 00:23:12,349
I do hate your tea.
But the rest of you is pure perfection.
573
00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:14,561
- Just take the suitcase.
- Honey, please. Look...
574
00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:15,979
ALEJANDRO: Bebe?
575
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:17,147
- Jesus.
(DOG BARKING)
576
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:19,983
I'll call Holly
and have her oversee the catering.
577
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:21,943
I promise, we can figure this out.
578
00:23:22,027 --> 00:23:24,821
This weekend should be about you and Missy,
579
00:23:24,905 --> 00:23:25,947
and your happiness.
580
00:23:26,031 --> 00:23:28,950
And if my presence
means that that doesn't happen...
581
00:23:29,034 --> 00:23:31,286
But, Bebe, you're a big
part of that happiness.
582
00:23:31,369 --> 00:23:32,369
I'll just...
583
00:23:32,370 --> 00:23:33,997
No. Because then every time
584
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:35,874
you look back on your wedding day,
585
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:37,374
it's gonna be with pain and regret.
586
00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:38,696
And I can't allow that to happen.
587
00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:41,796
(SIGHS) I love you, sweetie.
588
00:23:42,923 --> 00:23:43,924
Oh.
589
00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:47,677
Ciao, baby. Just consider this
my wedding present, okay?
590
00:23:48,261 --> 00:23:51,264
Oh, God, help your father
before he blows his bypass.
591
00:23:52,015 --> 00:23:53,308
Pop, I got it.
592
00:23:53,892 --> 00:23:55,185
(GRUNTS)
593
00:23:57,312 --> 00:23:58,396
BEBE: That's it.
594
00:23:59,397 --> 00:24:02,400
There. You be brave, and elegant.
595
00:24:02,859 --> 00:24:06,071
Okay? Don't take shit
from any of the old people.
596
00:24:06,738 --> 00:24:08,740
Bebe. Bebe!
597
00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:10,407
Please, you don't have to do this.
598
00:24:10,408 --> 00:24:11,408
Oh, pishposh.
599
00:24:11,409 --> 00:24:14,746
I'm gonna go to The Plaza,
use Donald's platinum card.
600
00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:17,123
Listen. Look, I need you this weekend.
601
00:24:17,207 --> 00:24:19,209
I can't get through this without you.
I can't...
602
00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:21,878
Back off, Donald. You're
already on thin ice.
603
00:24:21,962 --> 00:24:23,254
What the hell did I do?
604
00:24:24,673 --> 00:24:26,257
It's not what you did.
605
00:24:26,341 --> 00:24:28,425
Okay. Okay, what didn't I do?
606
00:24:28,426 --> 00:24:30,053
Why don't you ask your wife?
607
00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:31,376
Maybe she'll explain it to you.
608
00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:32,806
(ENGINE STARTING)
- Bebe.
609
00:24:32,889 --> 00:24:34,349
DON: - My fault.
- Yep.
610
00:24:34,432 --> 00:24:37,435
My fault! Un-fucking-believable.
611
00:24:38,853 --> 00:24:41,648
Piece of wedding advice, kid,
stay single as long as you can.
612
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,900
- Will do.
- Trust me.
613
00:24:44,275 --> 00:24:46,444
As long as you possibly can.
614
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:48,445
ELLIE: Hey, I'm sorry,
but may I just say something here?
615
00:24:48,446 --> 00:24:50,448
The woman that you
supposedly love is devastated,
616
00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:52,826
and all you've got, Don, is "stay single."
617
00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:53,994
it was a joke.
618
00:24:54,077 --> 00:24:56,453
Right, I forgot,
you haven't laughed since the '60s.
619
00:24:56,454 --> 00:24:57,831
Yeah. Not since I married you.
620
00:24:57,914 --> 00:24:59,749
Yeah, well, promise to never do that again.
621
00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:01,458
Oh, believe me, not in a million years.
622
00:25:01,459 --> 00:25:03,086
Well, but let's not bring
your mother into this.
623
00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:04,212
Um, guys.
624
00:25:05,213 --> 00:25:06,464
- Ki-yai!
(GRUNTS)
625
00:25:07,924 --> 00:25:09,759
You just punched me in the face!
What are you doing?
626
00:25:09,843 --> 00:25:11,469
I could tell you something,
I earned my green belt,
627
00:25:11,511 --> 00:25:14,180
and you talk shit
about my mother again, I swear, Don...
628
00:25:14,264 --> 00:25:15,348
- Guys!
ELLIE: - What?
629
00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:18,027
I thought she wasn't coming until tomorrow.
630
00:25:18,059 --> 00:25:19,227
That was yesterday. For God's sake.
631
00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:21,646
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
632
00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:23,189
You just punched me in the fucking face.
633
00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:24,394
I'm sorry. Here we go, dear.
634
00:25:25,692 --> 00:25:26,693
What are you doing?
635
00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:27,819
What do you mean, what am I doing?
636
00:25:27,902 --> 00:25:29,612
I don't know. After what you just did?
637
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:31,489
- You're gonna hold my hand.
- It's okay.
638
00:25:31,823 --> 00:25:36,536
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
639
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:40,665
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
640
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:42,792
Thank you for inviting me to your home.
641
00:25:43,001 --> 00:25:44,002
Oh...
642
00:25:44,085 --> 00:25:46,046
(CONTINUES SPEAKING SPANISH)
643
00:25:46,421 --> 00:25:48,590
I pray that Alejandro and Melissa
644
00:25:48,673 --> 00:25:51,508
are as wonderful together as you've been.
645
00:25:51,509 --> 00:25:52,509
Mmm!
646
00:25:52,510 --> 00:25:54,304
- Gracias. Gracias.
- Yeah.
647
00:25:55,388 --> 00:25:58,558
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
648
00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:05,315
No, no.
649
00:26:05,398 --> 00:26:07,150
(SPEAKING BROKEN SPANISH)
650
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:12,113
Whatever. Just whatever...
651
00:26:12,197 --> 00:26:13,530
No, I've got it. I've got it, honey.
652
00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:15,533
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
653
00:26:18,078 --> 00:26:19,120
(LAUGHS) Oh, dear.
654
00:26:19,204 --> 00:26:20,455
Thank you. Welcome.
655
00:26:24,250 --> 00:26:25,543
Anyway.
656
00:26:27,337 --> 00:26:28,922
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
657
00:26:29,547 --> 00:26:32,175
Oh, she wants to know
why your nose is bleeding.
658
00:26:32,258 --> 00:26:34,803
Oh, this? Well, no, it's...
No English, right?
659
00:26:35,428 --> 00:26:36,513
No.
660
00:26:36,554 --> 00:26:37,639
(LAUGHING)
661
00:26:37,722 --> 00:26:40,642
Because my wife is
one of the great cunts of the 19th century.
662
00:26:40,725 --> 00:26:41,935
Uh...
663
00:26:42,018 --> 00:26:43,353
Yeah. There you go.
664
00:26:48,608 --> 00:26:50,443
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
665
00:27:00,078 --> 00:27:01,454
Mama. Here we go.
666
00:27:02,956 --> 00:27:04,833
Hi. Hello.
667
00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:07,001
This is my sister Lyla.
668
00:27:07,710 --> 00:27:09,712
- Hi.
- And this is Jared.
669
00:27:10,588 --> 00:27:11,589
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
670
00:27:11,631 --> 00:27:13,590
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
671
00:27:13,591 --> 00:27:15,802
Uh, the lawyer and the doctor.
672
00:27:16,136 --> 00:27:17,387
Yes.
673
00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:19,055
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
674
00:27:20,223 --> 00:27:23,726
She said my son is lucky
to have such role models.
675
00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:25,937
Aww, we're your role models.
676
00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:27,522
That's a mistranslation.
677
00:27:27,605 --> 00:27:29,606
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is. This is Nuria.
678
00:27:29,607 --> 00:27:30,984
Hi.
679
00:27:31,067 --> 00:27:32,610
Hey. Really nice to meet you.
680
00:27:34,070 --> 00:27:35,738
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
681
00:27:35,822 --> 00:27:37,448
Oh, you see, it's not...
682
00:27:37,532 --> 00:27:38,616
Excuse me. Sorry.
683
00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:43,621
Sorry. It's not...
We're in between interior decorators.
684
00:27:43,788 --> 00:27:45,832
Yes, and there's a statue, too.
685
00:27:45,915 --> 00:27:48,168
And oh, my goodness,
I have such wonderful taste.
686
00:27:48,251 --> 00:27:49,961
DON: Yeah.
ELLIE: Don, darling.
687
00:27:50,044 --> 00:27:51,628
I think it would be a wonderful idea
688
00:27:51,629 --> 00:27:54,299
if you showed her your studio, dear.
689
00:27:54,382 --> 00:27:55,633
I don't think that's such a good idea.
690
00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:58,636
Hey, you know,
I think that's a really good idea.
691
00:27:59,512 --> 00:28:01,113
DON: Right.
ELLIE: (LAUGHS) There you go.
692
00:28:01,222 --> 00:28:02,473
Thank you, sweetie.
693
00:28:03,224 --> 00:28:04,601
DON: Right this way.
694
00:28:10,815 --> 00:28:13,443
That's a commission.
695
00:28:15,737 --> 00:28:18,489
Birthday present for some fat cat's wife.
696
00:28:18,990 --> 00:28:20,241
It's...
697
00:28:20,658 --> 00:28:22,702
Yeah. Sucks being sober.
698
00:28:26,039 --> 00:28:27,081
You like?
699
00:28:28,875 --> 00:28:30,585
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
700
00:28:33,046 --> 00:28:36,382
Well, that's weird that
AI's got a sister, right?
701
00:28:36,466 --> 00:28:37,675
Yeah. And a mother.
702
00:28:37,759 --> 00:28:38,801
Are you jealous?
703
00:28:38,885 --> 00:28:39,966
ELLIE: Don't be ridiculous.
704
00:28:40,011 --> 00:28:43,264
I mean, it's just,
I never thought I'd actually meet her.
705
00:28:44,599 --> 00:28:46,684
You really think
you and Dad can pull this off?
706
00:28:46,768 --> 00:28:47,977
We're adults.
707
00:28:48,436 --> 00:28:50,688
(CHUCKLES) Since when?
708
00:28:51,231 --> 00:28:53,816
Oh, no. How many pictures
can one woman have?
709
00:28:55,443 --> 00:28:56,694
On. (GASPS)
710
00:28:57,612 --> 00:28:59,781
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, yeah.
711
00:28:59,864 --> 00:29:03,326
ELLIE: Oh. That is so not okay.
Oh, no, no, no.
712
00:29:03,409 --> 00:29:04,702
(CHUCKLING)
713
00:29:11,042 --> 00:29:12,210
Amor.
714
00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:14,629
Alejandro?
715
00:29:14,712 --> 00:29:16,256
Looks just like him, right?
716
00:29:17,048 --> 00:29:18,715
Y Melissa.
717
00:29:18,716 --> 00:29:20,218
Yeah, if I ever finish.
718
00:29:21,177 --> 00:29:22,387
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
719
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,222
What's that? I don't understand.
720
00:29:24,305 --> 00:29:27,100
Oh, oh. She asked if you know Missy well.
721
00:29:27,725 --> 00:29:29,227
Oh,
si, si. Since...
722
00:29:30,228 --> 00:29:31,771
Her parents are friends of ours.
723
00:29:32,563 --> 00:29:34,315
(ALEJANDRO TRANSLATING)
724
00:29:34,399 --> 00:29:36,401
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
725
00:29:36,484 --> 00:29:39,737
Do you think that
Missy and I love each other enough
726
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,073
to have happiness forever?
727
00:29:46,536 --> 00:29:47,745
Si.
728
00:29:50,748 --> 00:29:51,958
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
729
00:29:54,377 --> 00:29:56,212
She thinks you are a serpent.
730
00:29:56,296 --> 00:29:57,297
Oh.
731
00:29:58,214 --> 00:30:00,842
Well, flattery will get you everywhere.
732
00:30:00,925 --> 00:30:02,010
(CHUCKLES)
733
00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:03,261
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
734
00:30:04,595 --> 00:30:07,764
It's a symbol of duality,
the struggle between spirit and matter.
735
00:30:07,765 --> 00:30:10,143
I know she's not saying
something good about me.
736
00:30:10,226 --> 00:30:12,812
(CONTINUES SPEAKING SPANISH)
737
00:30:12,895 --> 00:30:15,315
ALEJANDRO: Perverse thrill
of a man competing
738
00:30:15,398 --> 00:30:18,067
with the purity of artistic expression.
739
00:30:18,151 --> 00:30:19,902
So, she's calling me a pervert.
740
00:30:19,986 --> 00:30:21,571
ALEJANDRO: - Essentially.
- Yeah.
741
00:30:21,779 --> 00:30:23,489
I think it was a compliment.
742
00:30:24,824 --> 00:30:26,367
How refreshing.
743
00:30:29,787 --> 00:30:32,290
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
744
00:30:34,792 --> 00:30:37,587
Now she would like to
meet Father Moinighan.
745
00:30:37,670 --> 00:30:38,796
- Really?
- Mmm.
746
00:30:39,088 --> 00:30:42,799
Well. It's possible
his hangover's worn off by now.
747
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:43,843
(CHUCKLES)
748
00:30:56,689 --> 00:30:57,815
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
You have no new messages
749
00:30:57,857 --> 00:30:59,816
in your mailbox. Please...
750
00:30:59,817 --> 00:31:01,110
(DISCONNECTS CALL)
751
00:31:11,579 --> 00:31:14,082
Careful. We've had
shark problems in the past.
752
00:31:15,958 --> 00:31:17,627
Freshwater sharks?
753
00:31:17,710 --> 00:31:18,961
(CHUCKLES)
754
00:31:19,045 --> 00:31:20,838
Touché. Uh, may I?
755
00:31:28,429 --> 00:31:32,850
So, it must have been wonderful
to grow up here.
756
00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:37,855
Yeah. Yeah, some of us
are still working on it.
757
00:31:39,190 --> 00:31:41,609
You went to Harvard with Alejandro?
758
00:31:41,692 --> 00:31:42,944
I did. Yeah.
759
00:31:44,445 --> 00:31:45,863
In that I just drove him there.
760
00:31:45,905 --> 00:31:48,865
But I think I definitely
would have enrolled
761
00:31:48,866 --> 00:31:52,203
had I not got my parents' DNA.
762
00:31:52,870 --> 00:31:54,497
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
763
00:31:59,877 --> 00:32:03,214
You... You are funny.
764
00:32:05,341 --> 00:32:10,012
Thank you. And you're... You are...
765
00:32:13,015 --> 00:32:14,475
We are permitted to swimming?
766
00:32:14,559 --> 00:32:15,560
Why?
767
00:32:15,893 --> 00:32:17,895
No, I mean, yeah. Totally. Let's, um...
768
00:32:17,937 --> 00:32:19,738
My sister got a ton of
swimsuits in her room.
769
00:32:19,772 --> 00:32:22,400
I'll... Let me grab one, I'll be one sec.
770
00:32:24,402 --> 00:32:26,404
- Holy shit.
- What?
771
00:32:26,487 --> 00:32:27,572
Holy shit.
772
00:32:28,156 --> 00:32:29,532
Are you coming?
773
00:32:35,705 --> 00:32:41,794
Yeah. I should probably just... Yeah.
774
00:32:45,006 --> 00:32:47,425
So, bathing suits,
775
00:32:47,508 --> 00:32:50,219
it's not really that
big a deal in Colombia, huh?
776
00:32:50,553 --> 00:32:52,929
Well, I am only here for a few days,
777
00:32:52,930 --> 00:32:56,225
and I would like
to see as much of America as I can.
778
00:32:56,309 --> 00:32:57,351
That's only fair.
779
00:32:58,311 --> 00:33:01,355
Since we're seeing so much of you.
780
00:33:05,151 --> 00:33:08,196
You will show me around?
781
00:33:08,696 --> 00:33:11,824
Yeah. I can... Wouldn't
be, you know... Yeah.
782
00:33:11,908 --> 00:33:14,452
I got the rehearsal dinner tonight,
but then I could...
783
00:33:14,535 --> 00:33:16,954
And you will make love to me also?
784
00:33:20,541 --> 00:33:21,751
Hmm...
785
00:33:21,834 --> 00:33:23,211
(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)
786
00:33:25,046 --> 00:33:26,797
(PRAYING SOFTLY)
787
00:33:28,132 --> 00:33:30,885
Just so we're clear,
you're (IMITATES RIPPING)
788
00:33:30,968 --> 00:33:31,969
from the will.
789
00:33:32,178 --> 00:33:33,679
Bebe's been trying
to rope him in here for years.
790
00:33:33,763 --> 00:33:36,224
Anyone comes at me with a ring or a crown,
791
00:33:36,307 --> 00:33:37,974
or any other legally binding bullshit,
792
00:33:37,975 --> 00:33:39,685
I take out their kneecaps. That's it.
793
00:33:39,769 --> 00:33:40,977
A crown?
794
00:33:40,978 --> 00:33:42,438
But you're a happily married man, darling.
795
00:33:42,522 --> 00:33:44,273
Remember that tonight
when we're in bed together.
796
00:33:44,357 --> 00:33:46,983
I will, right after
the pigs fly out of my ass, sweetie.
797
00:33:46,984 --> 00:33:48,611
- That's a nice image.
- Oh, would you...
798
00:33:48,694 --> 00:33:49,986
Good morning, Father.
799
00:33:49,987 --> 00:33:51,364
Oh, I thought my eyes deceived me,
800
00:33:51,447 --> 00:33:53,324
but my ears bespoke the truth.
801
00:33:53,407 --> 00:33:55,493
There are Griffins in my humble church.
802
00:33:55,576 --> 00:33:57,870
Bill. How goes the war?
803
00:33:57,954 --> 00:33:59,539
Well, being on the wagon's
not entirely bad.
804
00:33:59,622 --> 00:34:01,998
If only the wheels
didn't squeak so perniciously.
805
00:34:01,999 --> 00:34:04,502
Padre and I did AA together. Twice.
806
00:34:04,585 --> 00:34:06,921
No, three times. And
third time's the charm.
807
00:34:07,004 --> 00:34:08,004
(ELLIE LAUGHS)
808
00:34:08,005 --> 00:34:10,174
Father, I would like you
to meet my biological mother.
809
00:34:10,633 --> 00:34:11,634
Madonna Soto.
810
00:34:11,717 --> 00:34:13,636
It's a great privilege to meet you, madam.
811
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,304
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
812
00:34:17,390 --> 00:34:18,766
MOINIGHAN: Your mother's
a little old school.
813
00:34:18,849 --> 00:34:20,369
I'm sorry, but my Latin's a bit rusty.
814
00:34:20,434 --> 00:34:22,019
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
815
00:34:25,314 --> 00:34:26,915
My mother would like to give confession.
816
00:34:27,024 --> 00:34:28,234
Right.
817
00:34:31,195 --> 00:34:33,614
My mother would
like all of us to give confession.
818
00:34:33,698 --> 00:34:35,031
- Nope. Sod off. Screw that.
- Like hell I will.
819
00:34:35,032 --> 00:34:36,033
Guess what? No.
820
00:34:36,534 --> 00:34:38,578
Forgive me, Father, for this is bullshit.
821
00:34:38,661 --> 00:34:42,038
Don, it's a lovely gesture
to make to your guest.
822
00:34:42,039 --> 00:34:43,791
How's sobriety working for you?
823
00:34:43,874 --> 00:34:45,668
Sucks a dick. You know that. Shit.
824
00:34:46,294 --> 00:34:48,879
It's wonderful to see you
and Donny together again.
825
00:34:48,963 --> 00:34:52,008
Oh, yeah. We got "remarried" this morning.
826
00:34:52,049 --> 00:34:53,050
You're kidding.
827
00:34:53,509 --> 00:34:55,553
- Can you keep a secret?
- It's confession.
828
00:34:55,636 --> 00:34:57,013
(CHUCKLES)
829
00:34:57,054 --> 00:34:58,681
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
830
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,103
MOINIGHAN: I thought
you were against organized religion.
831
00:35:04,186 --> 00:35:06,062
Well, after this weekend,
I may need all the help I can get.
832
00:35:06,063 --> 00:35:07,231
Go on, my son.
833
00:35:07,315 --> 00:35:09,984
Is it wrong to lie to someone you love
834
00:35:10,067 --> 00:35:12,903
if the only reason that you're deceiving
them is to protect their happiness?
835
00:35:12,987 --> 00:35:14,071
Well, that depends.
836
00:35:14,155 --> 00:35:17,867
Are you disrupting the lives of anyone else
by enacting your deception?
837
00:35:21,329 --> 00:35:23,497
(CONTINUES SPEAKING SPANISH)
838
00:35:27,001 --> 00:35:29,587
What's a ring gonna prove after eight
years of love and companionship?
839
00:35:29,670 --> 00:35:31,831
I mean, she's my girl.
What else does she want from me?
840
00:35:31,881 --> 00:35:33,841
Oscar Wilde once said that marriage
841
00:35:33,924 --> 00:35:36,092
is a triumph of imagination
over intelligence.
842
00:35:36,093 --> 00:35:37,595
Oscar Wilde?
843
00:35:37,678 --> 00:35:40,264
Oscar Wilde used
to make whoopsie with altar boys.
844
00:35:40,348 --> 00:35:43,099
That's true. Forget what I just said.
845
00:35:43,100 --> 00:35:45,186
This place, I miss it.
846
00:35:45,269 --> 00:35:46,771
- Mmm.
- It's like...
847
00:35:47,647 --> 00:35:48,648
It's like home.
848
00:35:48,731 --> 00:35:51,442
Even he's like home.
Even Don is like home to me.
849
00:35:51,525 --> 00:35:52,818
It's so strange.
850
00:35:52,902 --> 00:35:53,944
Does that frighten you?
851
00:35:54,028 --> 00:35:56,822
Well, I mean, obviously,
that part of my life is over,
852
00:35:56,906 --> 00:36:00,451
and I do think that that's a good thing.
853
00:36:00,534 --> 00:36:02,119
Well, there's different kinds of love.
854
00:36:02,787 --> 00:36:04,080
- There are?
- Yeah.
855
00:36:04,121 --> 00:36:05,331
You know, just because you're divorced
856
00:36:05,414 --> 00:36:08,125
doesn't mean
you're legally required to hate him.
857
00:36:09,126 --> 00:36:11,962
You know, you're not as dumb
as Don says you are.
858
00:36:12,046 --> 00:36:13,129
Thank you.
859
00:36:13,130 --> 00:36:14,131
I'm outta here.
860
00:36:14,924 --> 00:36:16,926
- Nice chatting with you.
- Bullshit.
861
00:36:23,891 --> 00:36:27,143
Griffin, table for 50.
862
00:36:27,144 --> 00:36:29,772
Uh, actually, the O'Connors requested
863
00:36:29,855 --> 00:36:32,942
a private table on the Rose Terrace.
864
00:36:33,150 --> 00:36:34,151
Outside?
865
00:36:34,902 --> 00:36:36,570
Isn't it supposed to rain?
866
00:36:36,654 --> 00:36:39,281
That was communicated to them, yes.
867
00:36:40,324 --> 00:36:42,158
Uh, right this way.
868
00:36:42,159 --> 00:36:43,828
(THUNDER CRASHING)
869
00:36:44,412 --> 00:36:46,162
Barry, what's with the alfresco?
870
00:36:46,163 --> 00:36:48,004
- It's gonna piss all over us.
- No, it's fine.
871
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:49,166
We just thought it would be more private.
872
00:36:49,208 --> 00:36:50,251
She insisted.
873
00:36:50,334 --> 00:36:52,378
The thought that anyone
would see us eating with a bunch of,
874
00:36:52,461 --> 00:36:53,713
what was the expression you used, Mom?
875
00:36:53,796 --> 00:36:57,383
Uh, Barry O'Connor.
It's very, very nice to meet you.
876
00:36:57,466 --> 00:37:01,262
Nice to meet you. This is my wife, Muffin.
877
00:37:01,345 --> 00:37:03,556
We're delighted to make your acquaintance.
878
00:37:03,764 --> 00:37:06,684
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
879
00:37:06,767 --> 00:37:08,686
And of course our daughter, Melissa.
880
00:37:08,769 --> 00:37:09,979
Hi.
881
00:37:10,938 --> 00:37:13,190
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
882
00:37:25,119 --> 00:37:26,203
Mama?
883
00:37:26,746 --> 00:37:27,830
It's okay.
884
00:37:28,789 --> 00:37:31,834
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
885
00:37:52,229 --> 00:37:54,023
What the fuck did she just say?
886
00:37:54,106 --> 00:37:55,232
Shh! Please.
887
00:37:56,108 --> 00:37:57,860
DON: I don't know what she's saying.
888
00:37:59,653 --> 00:38:00,654
(WHISPERING)
889
00:38:06,243 --> 00:38:08,204
You have my blessing.
890
00:38:08,245 --> 00:38:10,164
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
891
00:38:10,331 --> 00:38:11,999
BARRY: All right.
892
00:38:14,210 --> 00:38:15,336
- Come sit.
BARRY: - Yeah.
893
00:38:15,419 --> 00:38:17,755
You know, contemplate, place to put it.
894
00:38:21,258 --> 00:38:22,885
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
895
00:38:23,260 --> 00:38:25,261
Hey, Don. Where's Bebe?
896
00:38:25,262 --> 00:38:28,224
We were supposed to
go over the crudités presentation together.
897
00:38:28,265 --> 00:38:30,100
Yeah. Well, her aunt just passed,
898
00:38:30,184 --> 00:38:31,704
so she had to go back to Poughkeepsie.
899
00:38:32,269 --> 00:38:33,270
MADONNA: Nuria!
900
00:38:33,521 --> 00:38:35,481
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
901
00:38:35,564 --> 00:38:37,691
- But her aunt's dead.
- That's what I said.
902
00:38:53,082 --> 00:38:54,667
God knows I hate a boring dinner.
903
00:38:54,750 --> 00:38:56,126
Everybody have enough ice water?
904
00:38:56,335 --> 00:38:59,839
Good evening, and welcome
to Weeblewog Country Club.
905
00:38:59,922 --> 00:39:01,298
My name is Yvette.
906
00:39:02,174 --> 00:39:04,927
And I will be your captain this evening.
907
00:39:05,010 --> 00:39:06,302
Bebe?
908
00:39:06,303 --> 00:39:07,304
(THUMPING)
- Ow!
909
00:39:07,388 --> 00:39:10,099
BEBE: Tonight our soup is a lobster bisque,
910
00:39:10,182 --> 00:39:12,309
flavored with twice
the recommended daily dose of sodium.
911
00:39:12,393 --> 00:39:14,895
We also have a filet mignon.
912
00:39:14,979 --> 00:39:18,983
Not organic, stuffed with
bleu cheese, sour cream,
913
00:39:19,066 --> 00:39:20,609
bacon, and a defibrillator.
914
00:39:20,693 --> 00:39:22,319
DON: I'll have the filet mignon.
915
00:39:22,528 --> 00:39:23,863
Don't think so.
916
00:39:24,530 --> 00:39:25,656
Excuse me, miss.
917
00:39:25,739 --> 00:39:28,242
Our guests really aren't
used to American food.
918
00:39:28,325 --> 00:39:30,326
Do you think that Chef Claude
919
00:39:30,327 --> 00:39:33,956
could whip up some chimichangi thingy?
920
00:39:34,081 --> 00:39:35,332
No. Stop it.
921
00:39:35,583 --> 00:39:36,750
MUFFIN: What, I didn't say it right?
922
00:39:36,834 --> 00:39:38,711
No, you said it fine.
923
00:39:39,128 --> 00:39:40,212
Just fine.
924
00:39:40,462 --> 00:39:41,547
Are you okay?
925
00:39:43,048 --> 00:39:44,300
(SOFTLY) Just fucking with him.
926
00:39:45,009 --> 00:39:46,302
BARRY: Fine.
927
00:39:46,343 --> 00:39:47,344
Mama.
928
00:39:48,137 --> 00:39:49,346
What's the rumpus?
929
00:39:49,972 --> 00:39:51,724
Oh, um, she was wondering why the wedding
930
00:39:51,807 --> 00:39:53,349
is being held at our house,
931
00:39:53,350 --> 00:39:55,561
and not at the O'Connors'.
932
00:39:56,687 --> 00:39:57,688
Um...
933
00:39:58,230 --> 00:40:02,568
Well, we thought we'd shake it up a little.
934
00:40:02,902 --> 00:40:04,570
Uh, besides, our house...
935
00:40:04,653 --> 00:40:06,280
- Is in foreclosure?
936
00:40:06,363 --> 00:40:07,531
- Okay, that's...
MISSY: - That's right.
937
00:40:07,615 --> 00:40:09,366
He has to plead poverty
938
00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:13,203
because he's
being investigated for stock fraud.
939
00:40:13,287 --> 00:40:14,370
Spectacular fork.
940
00:40:14,371 --> 00:40:16,081
BARRY: It's more complicated
than that, I think.
941
00:40:16,165 --> 00:40:18,125
But we still have money. We do.
942
00:40:18,208 --> 00:40:19,877
- Really. It's just...
- Okay.
943
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,962
It's overseas for the time being.
944
00:40:22,046 --> 00:40:23,213
BARRY: That's enough!
945
00:40:25,090 --> 00:40:26,842
I'm gonna check on the soup.
946
00:40:28,385 --> 00:40:31,347
I wanted to tell you
that your house is the most
947
00:40:31,388 --> 00:40:33,389
amazing place that I have ever seen.
948
00:40:33,390 --> 00:40:34,808
You built it yourselves, yes?
949
00:40:34,892 --> 00:40:36,143
(THUDDING)
950
00:40:36,393 --> 00:40:37,436
We did, actually.
951
00:40:37,519 --> 00:40:38,812
Tell her the story.
952
00:40:39,188 --> 00:40:40,549
MISSY: Yeah, it's really romantic.
953
00:40:40,856 --> 00:40:42,983
It is. It is romantic.
954
00:40:43,067 --> 00:40:45,401
It's fine. Tell her. Tell the story.
955
00:40:45,402 --> 00:40:48,405
Don and I, we were living
in the city separately.
956
00:40:48,864 --> 00:40:50,282
She wouldn't shack up with me
957
00:40:50,366 --> 00:40:51,646
because we weren't in matrimony.
958
00:40:51,700 --> 00:40:53,744
ELLIE: So Don's latest exhibition
959
00:40:53,827 --> 00:40:55,120
had sold out completely.
960
00:40:55,204 --> 00:40:56,412
Third in a row.
961
00:40:56,413 --> 00:40:58,499
It did well. Awash in humility. As always.
962
00:40:58,582 --> 00:40:59,833
One of the many things she loves about me.
963
00:40:59,917 --> 00:41:00,918
That's our Donny. Yes.
964
00:41:01,001 --> 00:41:03,379
Can we please just skip
to the happy ending?
965
00:41:03,420 --> 00:41:04,420
(SPITS)
966
00:41:04,421 --> 00:41:05,422
ELLIE: So Don and I,
967
00:41:05,464 --> 00:41:07,383
we decided we'd take a
drive to the country,
968
00:41:07,424 --> 00:41:09,510
and we came to this open field. Remember?
969
00:41:09,593 --> 00:41:11,053
We parked there, we went for a walk.
970
00:41:11,136 --> 00:41:12,805
And it was so wonderful.
971
00:41:12,888 --> 00:41:13,931
It was sunset.
972
00:41:14,014 --> 00:41:16,016
Do you remember that, Don? Sweet.
973
00:41:16,100 --> 00:41:19,269
And we came across this gorgeous pond.
974
00:41:20,062 --> 00:41:23,983
And he proposed to me
as the sun kind of went down.
975
00:41:24,066 --> 00:41:27,361
DON: I was...
I was sneaking out here on Saturday
976
00:41:27,444 --> 00:41:28,821
while she was
spending time with her folks, and...
977
00:41:28,904 --> 00:41:30,446
Yeah, but I knew what you were up to.
978
00:41:30,447 --> 00:41:31,532
Believe me, I knew what he was up to.
979
00:41:31,615 --> 00:41:32,783
- Oh, you?
- I did.
980
00:41:32,866 --> 00:41:33,993
You didn't have a clue.
981
00:41:34,076 --> 00:41:35,619
- What are you talking about?
- You were clueless.
982
00:41:35,703 --> 00:41:36,704
He spent three months
983
00:41:36,787 --> 00:41:38,163
searching the entire New
England countryside
984
00:41:38,247 --> 00:41:39,455
for the most beautiful spot,
985
00:41:39,456 --> 00:41:41,257
and when he found it,
he took her back there.
986
00:41:41,291 --> 00:41:42,459
And then when he proposed...
987
00:41:43,002 --> 00:41:44,003
He planted...
988
00:41:44,086 --> 00:41:45,671
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
989
00:41:49,633 --> 00:41:50,843
And then they built a house over the years
990
00:41:50,926 --> 00:41:53,469
under the shade of the
tree, and added on to it
991
00:41:53,470 --> 00:41:57,725
every time Don
sold another sculpture, until, well...
992
00:41:57,808 --> 00:41:59,852
(MADONNA SPEAKING SPANISH)
993
00:42:01,186 --> 00:42:03,814
You are very lucky to find a man like that.
994
00:42:04,231 --> 00:42:05,482
Oh, yes, of course.
995
00:42:05,524 --> 00:42:07,317
I'm just... I'm terribly lucky.
996
00:42:07,401 --> 00:42:09,236
Thank you. Thank you.
997
00:42:09,945 --> 00:42:11,363
ELLIE: Uh, Yvette?
998
00:42:11,822 --> 00:42:14,199
Will you please excuse me, just for...
999
00:42:15,743 --> 00:42:17,077
- Jared!
(CUTLERY CLATTERS)
1000
00:42:17,161 --> 00:42:18,494
May I please speak with you?
1001
00:42:18,495 --> 00:42:19,496
Yeah, sure.
1002
00:42:20,122 --> 00:42:22,374
You know what? I got...
Give me, like, one sec.
1003
00:42:22,458 --> 00:42:24,460
I got, like, a terrible leg cramp.
1004
00:42:24,501 --> 00:42:26,253
ELLIE: Uh-huh. Nuria, dear. Please. Yes.
1005
00:42:26,336 --> 00:42:27,503
Please. May I take you to the restroom,
1006
00:42:27,504 --> 00:42:28,547
please, the ladies' room?
1007
00:42:28,630 --> 00:42:30,549
Where we can wash your beautiful hands.
1008
00:42:31,258 --> 00:42:32,968
BARRY: Well, (CLEARS THROAT)
1009
00:42:34,386 --> 00:42:36,930
here's to a wonderful dinner.
1010
00:42:37,389 --> 00:42:40,809
And a really
1011
00:42:40,893 --> 00:42:41,894
- neat wedding.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
1012
00:42:41,977 --> 00:42:43,520
- Huh? Okay.
- Indeed.
1013
00:42:44,438 --> 00:42:45,481
ALEJANDRO: Cheers.
1014
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:51,403
(SPLASHING)
1015
00:42:56,158 --> 00:42:57,409
BARRY: Madonna,
1016
00:42:57,493 --> 00:42:59,536
how is your bisque?
1017
00:43:00,329 --> 00:43:01,413
Huh?
1018
00:43:05,834 --> 00:43:07,503
(RAIN POURING)
1019
00:43:08,545 --> 00:43:10,547
Oh, for Pete's sake.
1020
00:43:18,055 --> 00:43:19,264
Oh, my God.
1021
00:43:19,348 --> 00:43:21,058
So, the thing to remember
is that men are like pumpkins,
1022
00:43:21,141 --> 00:43:22,351
the good ones are either taken
1023
00:43:22,434 --> 00:43:23,477
or they've had everything scraped
1024
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:24,560
out of their heads with a spoon.
1025
00:43:24,561 --> 00:43:26,562
MUFFIN: I'm melting! Oh, my God!
1026
00:43:26,563 --> 00:43:27,731
- My face!
- What's happened?
1027
00:43:27,815 --> 00:43:29,942
What's happening in here?
1028
00:43:30,025 --> 00:43:32,945
Well, Nuria and I
have become very close friends.
1029
00:43:33,028 --> 00:43:35,572
Yes. She was just explaining to me.
1030
00:43:36,448 --> 00:43:37,699
- Really?
BOTH: - Mmm-hmm.
1031
00:43:41,662 --> 00:43:43,038
Wish I had been adopted.
1032
00:43:43,705 --> 00:43:45,332
Can we please just elope now?
1033
00:43:45,582 --> 00:43:47,876
Seems like the lesser
of two evils at this point.
1034
00:43:48,335 --> 00:43:50,712
Really? Because I'm pretty sure
Vegas is just back that way.
1035
00:43:50,796 --> 00:43:52,796
I'm pretty sure that you
wouldn't survive the trip.
1036
00:43:53,006 --> 00:43:55,467
- What the hell is going on with your family?
- Why?
1037
00:43:57,970 --> 00:43:59,096
Oh.
1038
00:43:59,179 --> 00:44:03,142
My kingdom, my kingdom,
my kingdom for a steakhouse.
1039
00:44:03,225 --> 00:44:04,393
(CHUCKLES)
1040
00:44:04,810 --> 00:44:06,353
DON: What a bust that was.
1041
00:44:08,105 --> 00:44:09,606
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1042
00:44:12,025 --> 00:44:13,152
What are you grinning at?
1043
00:44:13,235 --> 00:44:15,863
(GIGGLES) Oh, it's just women's lib.
1044
00:44:16,613 --> 00:44:18,614
You know something, I'm cold.
1045
00:44:18,615 --> 00:44:20,117
Are you sure that heat's all the way up?
1046
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,619
Well, yeah. We'll take a steam
when we get back to the house.
1047
00:44:22,703 --> 00:44:24,496
Wait a minute,
you have a steam in the guest room?
1048
00:44:24,580 --> 00:44:25,747
Nope. The master bedroom.
1049
00:44:26,123 --> 00:44:27,624
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
1050
00:44:27,666 --> 00:44:28,667
Whatever you say.
1051
00:44:28,750 --> 00:44:30,626
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have no new messages in your mailbox.
1052
00:44:30,627 --> 00:44:32,796
Ridiculous. It's like I ceased to exist.
1053
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:34,464
What's that, Lyla?
1054
00:44:34,548 --> 00:44:37,009
No texts, no calls. Nothing.
1055
00:44:38,635 --> 00:44:39,636
Hombres.
1056
00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:40,846
I know, right?
1057
00:44:41,180 --> 00:44:42,638
ELLIE: No offense, Lyla, but honestly.
1058
00:44:42,639 --> 00:44:44,516
Really, you did leave him.
1059
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,643
Yeah, he doesn't have
to make it so easy for me.
1060
00:44:47,936 --> 00:44:49,396
You think he'll show up at the wedding?
1061
00:44:49,479 --> 00:44:50,772
He does, I'll tell him
to fuck the fuck off.
1062
00:44:50,856 --> 00:44:52,399
- Language.
ELLIE: - Oh, Lyla.
1063
00:44:52,482 --> 00:44:54,568
He said terrible things to me.
1064
00:44:54,651 --> 00:44:56,695
- Punch him in the nose?
- Of course not.
1065
00:44:56,778 --> 00:44:58,572
Because that would be unladylike.
1066
00:44:59,281 --> 00:45:00,866
What are you looking at me for?
1067
00:45:03,911 --> 00:45:04,953
You miss him.
1068
00:45:07,414 --> 00:45:08,582
A little.
1069
00:45:08,665 --> 00:45:11,335
That's what I thought.
Look, just give him a call.
1070
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:13,128
I can't.
1071
00:45:32,522 --> 00:45:34,733
So, I was thinking
we could maybe go to my room,
1072
00:45:34,816 --> 00:45:37,778
listen to some music, or you know...
1073
00:45:38,695 --> 00:45:39,696
Whatever.
1074
00:45:40,530 --> 00:45:41,573
No, thank you.
1075
00:45:41,823 --> 00:45:44,701
But you may read me
some poetry, if you wish.
1076
00:45:45,661 --> 00:45:46,662
Poetry?
1077
00:45:46,912 --> 00:45:47,913
Yes.
1078
00:45:48,705 --> 00:45:49,705
Are you serious?
1079
00:45:49,706 --> 00:45:51,833
Yes. Your mother was very informative.
1080
00:45:52,125 --> 00:45:54,711
I deserve to be treated with respect.
1081
00:45:58,215 --> 00:45:59,633
Don't we all.
1082
00:45:59,716 --> 00:46:00,716
MISSY: Say it louder.
1083
00:46:00,717 --> 00:46:02,237
ALEJANDRO: I'm an idiot.
MISSY: A what?
1084
00:46:02,261 --> 00:46:06,431
I'm a galactic idiot.
My idiocracy knows no bounds.
1085
00:46:06,515 --> 00:46:10,310
You won't tell a tiny white lie to a priest
that you'll never see again,
1086
00:46:10,394 --> 00:46:12,562
but make a complete farce of our wedding?
1087
00:46:12,646 --> 00:46:13,729
- I know.
- That's no problem?
1088
00:46:13,730 --> 00:46:14,731
I know.
1089
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,234
I feel so bad for Bebe.
1090
00:46:17,317 --> 00:46:19,903
You know how many months she and my
mom have been planning this.
1091
00:46:19,987 --> 00:46:23,407
I know. I know. I'm an idiot.
1092
00:46:28,287 --> 00:46:30,914
I did talk with Father Moinighan, though.
1093
00:46:31,331 --> 00:46:32,666
For reals?
1094
00:46:32,749 --> 00:46:34,751
I promised that little
1095
00:46:34,793 --> 00:46:36,878
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
1096
00:46:36,962 --> 00:46:40,257
would grow up ravenous
for the sweet baby Jesus.
1097
00:46:40,340 --> 00:46:41,341
Did you?
1098
00:46:42,467 --> 00:46:44,094
May have had crossies when I said it.
1099
00:46:46,221 --> 00:46:47,556
Thank you.
1100
00:46:48,098 --> 00:46:50,726
You really truly love me.
1101
00:46:50,767 --> 00:46:51,768
I do.
1102
00:46:52,894 --> 00:46:54,396
Yeah, you do.
1103
00:46:58,608 --> 00:47:00,277
And you'll fix all the other stuff?
1104
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:01,778
What's it worth to you?
1105
00:47:02,529 --> 00:47:03,572
Huh?
1106
00:47:03,655 --> 00:47:05,115
You honestly think...
1107
00:47:11,538 --> 00:47:14,791
It's too bad I'm saving
myself for marriage.
1108
00:47:15,334 --> 00:47:16,752
I'll see you tomorrow.
1109
00:47:17,794 --> 00:47:19,796
I'm busy tomorrow.
1110
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,799
MISSY: All I hear is, "Blah, blah, blah."
1111
00:47:23,884 --> 00:47:25,886
ELLIE: So, you know, call her again.
1112
00:47:25,969 --> 00:47:29,348
I tried, but she had the
front desk lock me out.
1113
00:47:32,017 --> 00:47:33,769
Tell me again how this is my fault.
1114
00:47:33,810 --> 00:47:34,810
Don.
1115
00:47:34,811 --> 00:47:36,931
WOMAN: (ON TV)
...in a year. Many of these children...
1116
00:47:36,938 --> 00:47:38,299
DON: Now, where'd you dig that up?
1117
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,400
Oh, my God, I can't
believe how tiny he was.
1118
00:47:40,484 --> 00:47:41,485
Yeah.
1119
00:47:42,152 --> 00:47:43,487
Sometimes I wonder
1120
00:47:43,945 --> 00:47:45,155
if we did the right thing.
1121
00:47:45,322 --> 00:47:47,115
Ellie, for two people
who did a lot of things wrong,
1122
00:47:47,199 --> 00:47:48,742
adopting AI wasn't one of them.
1123
00:47:48,825 --> 00:47:50,702
Yeah, he's the kindest of us all.
1124
00:47:50,786 --> 00:47:51,787
Yeah.
1125
00:47:51,828 --> 00:47:54,623
We didn't do that
many things that were wrong, did we?
1126
00:47:55,582 --> 00:47:57,042
Everybody's happy now.
1127
00:47:57,125 --> 00:47:58,293
- Well...
- Right?
1128
00:47:58,377 --> 00:47:59,753
(STAMMERS) Yeah, right.
1129
00:47:59,836 --> 00:48:02,297
Kids are great.
You're having nine-hour orgasms.
1130
00:48:02,381 --> 00:48:03,965
Uh... (LAUGHS)
1131
00:48:04,049 --> 00:48:05,850
No, no, no, just... Yeah,
well, give or take.
1132
00:48:06,843 --> 00:48:08,845
- I'm intrigued.
- Yeah, I'm stunned.
1133
00:48:08,929 --> 00:48:10,846
- Prove it.
- You wish.
1134
00:48:10,847 --> 00:48:12,849
- For old time's sake.
- Oh, my God. Okay.
1135
00:48:13,141 --> 00:48:15,602
You know what,
I think the coast must be clear by now.
1136
00:48:15,685 --> 00:48:16,770
Ooh.
1137
00:48:17,854 --> 00:48:18,855
Good to see you, Ell.
1138
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:21,983
I think you said that already.
1139
00:48:25,862 --> 00:48:26,947
- What the hell?
- Oh!
1140
00:48:27,030 --> 00:48:28,824
- Ow!
- What are you doing?
1141
00:48:28,865 --> 00:48:29,866
Oh!
1142
00:48:30,867 --> 00:48:33,495
Shoot. You're gonna
wake Madonna, for God's sake.
1143
00:48:33,578 --> 00:48:34,579
Shh.
1144
00:48:34,871 --> 00:48:35,871
Ow!
1145
00:48:35,872 --> 00:48:38,667
I have been reading sonnets. Out loud.
1146
00:48:38,750 --> 00:48:39,876
Well, that's very romantic.
1147
00:48:39,918 --> 00:48:41,878
So romantic for you, dear. What?
1148
00:48:42,879 --> 00:48:46,007
I am 29 years old, and
I've finally, I mean, I...
1149
00:48:46,383 --> 00:48:47,384
What?
1150
00:48:47,884 --> 00:48:49,885
I can't believe
I'm getting cock-blocked by my own mother.
1151
00:48:49,886 --> 00:48:52,013
I merely told her that
there are certain things
1152
00:48:52,097 --> 00:48:53,889
that women should expect from a man
1153
00:48:53,890 --> 00:48:56,560
before she just
jumps into bed with him. All right?
1154
00:48:57,227 --> 00:49:00,772
Yeah, I know.
Don't you think it's kind of hard to...
1155
00:49:00,856 --> 00:49:01,857
What?
1156
00:49:01,898 --> 00:49:03,378
Send her flowers every day for a year
1157
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,040
when she goes back to Colombia on Monday.
1158
00:49:05,068 --> 00:49:06,069
C'est la guerre.
1159
00:49:07,028 --> 00:49:08,780
(GASPS) Oh...
1160
00:49:08,864 --> 00:49:09,906
So sorry.
1161
00:49:10,323 --> 00:49:11,907
Oh, my goodness.
Well, anyway, good night, sweetheart.
1162
00:49:11,908 --> 00:49:13,076
Sweet dreams, of course.
1163
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:14,161
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1164
00:49:14,244 --> 00:49:15,911
You suck.
Buenas noches.
1165
00:49:15,912 --> 00:49:17,747
ELLIE:
Buenas noches.
1166
00:49:22,794 --> 00:49:24,087
(GASPS) Oh!
1167
00:49:25,255 --> 00:49:26,715
Noches.
1168
00:49:26,965 --> 00:49:28,133
Noches again.
1169
00:49:29,926 --> 00:49:31,511
(EXHALING)
1170
00:49:31,803 --> 00:49:34,055
Oh! Back so soon?
1171
00:49:34,139 --> 00:49:37,225
Oh, yeah.
The temptation was more than I could stand.
1172
00:49:37,309 --> 00:49:38,934
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
1173
00:49:38,935 --> 00:49:40,312
Now you're talking.
1174
00:49:41,354 --> 00:49:43,064
- Uh...
- Be gentle.
1175
00:49:43,148 --> 00:49:45,066
(CHUCKLES)
- Or don't.
1176
00:49:47,152 --> 00:49:48,361
Good night.
1177
00:49:49,154 --> 00:49:51,573
- Good night? Says you.
- Yup.
1178
00:49:51,656 --> 00:49:53,158
Oh, please. Come on, you
didn't really think
1179
00:49:53,241 --> 00:49:55,243
that we'd go through with this, did you?
1180
00:49:55,327 --> 00:49:56,828
No one ever died from dabbling.
1181
00:49:56,912 --> 00:49:59,164
Uh-huh. Just our marriage.
1182
00:49:59,247 --> 00:50:00,956
- Fair point.
- Yeah.
1183
00:50:00,957 --> 00:50:03,293
But, you know,
I couldn't stand being ignored.
1184
00:50:04,419 --> 00:50:05,879
I ignored you?
1185
00:50:05,962 --> 00:50:09,508
You didn't need a soothsayer to know that
you were terrified of being alone with me.
1186
00:50:09,591 --> 00:50:11,927
I'm sorry, Don. Really, lam.
1187
00:50:11,968 --> 00:50:14,095
Just, you know, with the children gone,
1188
00:50:14,971 --> 00:50:17,474
I guess I didn't think
we had much in common anymore.
1189
00:50:17,557 --> 00:50:20,060
Yeah, so we picked up another kid
to avoid the issue.
1190
00:50:21,978 --> 00:50:24,564
You know, I tried to stick it out.
I really did.
1191
00:50:24,648 --> 00:50:25,982
I know you did, Don.
1192
00:50:29,027 --> 00:50:30,195
Wanna fool around?
1193
00:50:30,278 --> 00:50:31,821
(LAUGHS) Oh!
1194
00:50:33,114 --> 00:50:35,450
You need to marry Bebe.
1195
00:50:35,534 --> 00:50:37,869
And that's nothing you don't already know.
1196
00:50:38,578 --> 00:50:40,996
And what about you?
Anybody special since...
1197
00:50:40,997 --> 00:50:41,997
Me?
1198
00:50:41,998 --> 00:50:42,998
Yeah, of course.
1199
00:50:42,999 --> 00:50:44,167
There have been guys here and there.
1200
00:50:44,251 --> 00:50:47,504
Yeah. And I guess nothing
I'd write home about,
1201
00:50:47,587 --> 00:50:48,964
nothing special.
1202
00:50:49,297 --> 00:50:51,258
Well, I did date this local cop
1203
00:50:51,341 --> 00:50:52,384
when I lived over on Courtesy.
1204
00:50:52,467 --> 00:50:54,261
He was really quite nice.
1205
00:50:54,803 --> 00:50:57,055
And then in New York City
I met this stock broker
1206
00:50:57,138 --> 00:50:59,349
who actually proposed to me
on the third date.
1207
00:50:59,432 --> 00:51:02,352
You know, that should have
been my first clue. God.
1208
00:51:03,270 --> 00:51:04,563
But then...
1209
00:51:05,522 --> 00:51:07,065
(SNORING)
(GROANS)
1210
00:51:20,287 --> 00:51:22,037
(RHYTHMIC THUDDING)
1211
00:51:22,038 --> 00:51:24,583
ELLIE: A little more left. Left. Oh!
1212
00:51:24,666 --> 00:51:26,041
- Oh, yeah!
(DON GROANING)
1213
00:51:26,042 --> 00:51:28,253
ELLIE: In there! That's right!
DON: Right there?
1214
00:51:28,336 --> 00:51:30,088
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1215
00:51:30,171 --> 00:51:31,923
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1216
00:51:57,157 --> 00:51:58,783
What happened to you?
1217
00:51:59,075 --> 00:52:00,327
What time is it?
1218
00:52:01,036 --> 00:52:02,637
A little after 8:00. I thought you quit?
1219
00:52:02,871 --> 00:52:04,998
Thought I quit a lot of things. 8:00?
1220
00:52:06,207 --> 00:52:07,626
So that would make it, hey...
1221
00:52:09,044 --> 00:52:11,796
Forty minutes. Not bad for starters.
1222
00:52:14,090 --> 00:52:15,300
Was that what that...
1223
00:52:16,092 --> 00:52:19,012
You didn't. Oh, tell me you didn't.
1224
00:52:19,095 --> 00:52:23,141
You and Mom for 40, that's... You scumbags.
1225
00:52:23,224 --> 00:52:24,476
Gross. What?
1226
00:52:25,477 --> 00:52:27,354
- What about Bebe?
- I know.
1227
00:52:28,104 --> 00:52:30,106
God, what is wrong with you?
1228
00:52:33,485 --> 00:52:35,110
Forward, ducklings.
1229
00:52:35,111 --> 00:52:36,529
(BARKING)
1230
00:52:38,114 --> 00:52:42,118
We are gonna cater the shit out of this
thing whether they like it or not.
1231
00:52:43,119 --> 00:52:44,412
(HONKING)
1232
00:52:46,122 --> 00:52:49,668
I know you can't understand me,
but now that you're here,
1233
00:52:49,751 --> 00:52:53,797
I want you to know that I've always been
intimidated by you.
1234
00:52:54,589 --> 00:52:58,134
Even so, I never
tried to take your place with him,
1235
00:52:58,218 --> 00:53:03,056
but I always encouraged
the phone calls, and the visits.
1236
00:53:03,431 --> 00:53:05,767
And meeting you, oh, my God,
1237
00:53:06,101 --> 00:53:10,980
I see where so much
of what's good in him comes from.
1238
00:53:11,064 --> 00:53:13,148
And I just, I'm just so...
1239
00:53:13,149 --> 00:53:16,820
I'm just so happy you're here.
1240
00:53:17,404 --> 00:53:21,950
Uh, do you...
Uh, oh, um, do you understand me?
1241
00:53:22,534 --> 00:53:24,160
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
1242
00:53:41,177 --> 00:53:42,887
DON: You working on anything lately?
1243
00:53:44,180 --> 00:53:45,765
Haven't touched a chisel in years.
1244
00:53:46,182 --> 00:53:48,183
Wow, shame. You have more talent
1245
00:53:48,184 --> 00:53:49,936
in your little finger
than I have in my whole body.
1246
00:53:50,019 --> 00:53:51,186
I'm a big girl now, Don.
1247
00:53:51,187 --> 00:53:52,187
You don't have to say that anymore.
1248
00:53:52,188 --> 00:53:53,690
It happens to be true.
1249
00:53:54,566 --> 00:53:55,817
Hair of the dog?
1250
00:53:56,651 --> 00:53:57,986
No.
1251
00:53:58,069 --> 00:54:00,697
You sure today's the day
you want to fall off the wagon?
1252
00:54:00,780 --> 00:54:02,532
Coin flip at this point.
1253
00:54:08,580 --> 00:54:10,039
Pass the riffler.
1254
00:54:10,373 --> 00:54:11,374
How is it
1255
00:54:12,500 --> 00:54:14,169
that you can make something so beautiful
1256
00:54:14,210 --> 00:54:16,838
and yet be such a complete douchebag?
1257
00:54:17,213 --> 00:54:19,174
I'm a complicated serpent.
1258
00:54:19,215 --> 00:54:20,800
Or whatever the hell she said.
1259
00:54:20,884 --> 00:54:23,052
So is this what happens with men?
1260
00:54:23,136 --> 00:54:24,888
Just a grain of strife in the relationship
1261
00:54:24,971 --> 00:54:26,611
and suddenly you're knee-deep in your ex?
1262
00:54:26,931 --> 00:54:28,183
Grandpa?
1263
00:54:28,224 --> 00:54:29,225
Grandpa?
1264
00:54:30,226 --> 00:54:32,437
Sweetie, I may be on the back nine of life,
1265
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:34,189
but I just spent the last 40 minutes
1266
00:54:34,230 --> 00:54:36,149
laying more pipe than I have in 20 years.
1267
00:54:36,232 --> 00:54:37,942
I didn't say no to the scotch
1268
00:54:38,026 --> 00:54:39,611
'cause I didn't want the drink.
1269
00:54:41,863 --> 00:54:43,239
So wait a second.
1270
00:54:45,450 --> 00:54:46,618
You're...
1271
00:54:51,831 --> 00:54:53,166
Andrew doesn't know.
1272
00:54:55,668 --> 00:54:58,254
I'm not one of those women who thinks
1273
00:54:59,130 --> 00:55:01,216
I deserve to have a child
1274
00:55:01,257 --> 00:55:04,093
just because my uterus
suddenly decides to work.
1275
00:55:05,053 --> 00:55:06,554
He either loves me or he doesn't.
1276
00:55:22,695 --> 00:55:25,198
(SIGHS) I'd hug you, but...
1277
00:55:25,365 --> 00:55:26,533
After last time...
1278
00:55:42,298 --> 00:55:44,884
I'll just try one of these.
1279
00:55:51,182 --> 00:55:52,307
- Delicious.
- Good.
1280
00:55:52,308 --> 00:55:53,685
Happy you're pleased, Mr. Griffin.
1281
00:55:53,768 --> 00:55:54,769
You are paying for it.
1282
00:55:54,853 --> 00:55:57,355
Mmm-hmm. Well, you know,
I think I'll have a few more.
1283
00:55:57,438 --> 00:55:58,439
No.
1284
00:55:59,148 --> 00:56:00,316
I don't think so.
1285
00:56:00,733 --> 00:56:03,278
You know, if I were talking to you,
1286
00:56:03,403 --> 00:56:05,071
I would ask you what happened over there.
1287
00:56:05,321 --> 00:56:06,447
- With Lyla?
- Yeah.
1288
00:56:06,531 --> 00:56:08,157
- Did you see us?
- I did.
1289
00:56:08,241 --> 00:56:09,284
How about that?
1290
00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:11,326
It must be very comforting to know that
1291
00:56:11,327 --> 00:56:13,037
not everybody hates you.
1292
00:56:13,496 --> 00:56:15,331
Eases the burden somewhat.
1293
00:56:18,918 --> 00:56:20,335
Listen. There's something I need...
1294
00:56:20,336 --> 00:56:21,838
No. I'm not talking to you.
1295
00:56:24,966 --> 00:56:26,342
Is she upset about something?
1296
00:56:26,426 --> 00:56:27,552
Yeah, she is.
1297
00:56:28,887 --> 00:56:30,597
I'm not sure what to do about it.
1298
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:31,880
Well, you love her, don't you?
1299
00:56:32,181 --> 00:56:33,349
More than anything.
1300
00:56:33,850 --> 00:56:35,350
Well, then,
1301
00:56:35,351 --> 00:56:38,354
you do whatever it takes
to make her happy again.
1302
00:56:51,826 --> 00:56:53,369
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
NURIA:
- Si?
1303
00:56:53,453 --> 00:56:56,205
JARED: Can I come in?
NURIA: Uh, okay.
1304
00:56:56,372 --> 00:56:57,498
JARED: Oh, geez.
1305
00:56:58,374 --> 00:57:00,835
NURIA: (CHUCKLES)
Can you help me, please?
1306
00:57:00,919 --> 00:57:03,504
JARED: Oh, my God, this is so not fair.
1307
00:57:04,505 --> 00:57:05,715
All right.
1308
00:57:08,217 --> 00:57:09,344
(NURIA GRUNTS)
1309
00:57:09,385 --> 00:57:10,386
Sorry.
1310
00:57:11,387 --> 00:57:12,764
(CHUCKLES)
1311
00:57:15,224 --> 00:57:16,267
Listen, I...
1312
00:57:16,351 --> 00:57:22,023
No, it's, come here,
impolite to interrupt a performance.
1313
00:57:22,523 --> 00:57:23,733
A performance?
1314
00:57:25,610 --> 00:57:26,986
JARED: Item one.
1315
00:57:28,196 --> 00:57:29,405
Serenade her.
1316
00:57:32,033 --> 00:57:33,743
(PLAYS UKULELE)
1317
00:57:36,663 --> 00:57:39,958
(SINGING)
There's not a lot of words
that rhyme with Nuria
1318
00:57:41,334 --> 00:57:42,710
But I really want to
1319
00:57:43,795 --> 00:57:45,421
Reassure ya
1320
00:57:45,505 --> 00:57:47,131
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
1321
00:57:48,049 --> 00:57:49,968
That I will try not to be
1322
00:57:51,678 --> 00:57:53,888
Premature-ia
1323
00:57:53,972 --> 00:57:55,431
(CHUCKLING)
1324
00:57:56,182 --> 00:57:57,183
I...
1325
00:57:58,685 --> 00:58:03,606
Look, I decided
that I will not make love with you.
1326
00:58:05,441 --> 00:58:07,402
Okay. Um...
1327
00:58:07,610 --> 00:58:09,821
I disagree. Here's why.
1328
00:58:10,279 --> 00:58:12,448
Look. I did everything on your list.
1329
00:58:12,490 --> 00:58:14,033
Breakfast in bed.
1330
00:58:14,909 --> 00:58:17,370
And I even did a list of the top 10
1331
00:58:17,453 --> 00:58:19,414
greatest moments in our relationship.
1332
00:58:21,499 --> 00:58:23,292
"The first moment I saw you."
1333
00:58:25,336 --> 00:58:27,922
"The first moment I saw you naked."
1334
00:58:28,673 --> 00:58:31,009
That's... It's very sweet.
1335
00:58:31,801 --> 00:58:32,844
But
1336
00:58:33,177 --> 00:58:34,554
we are brother and sister.
1337
00:58:35,013 --> 00:58:38,433
Yeah, but only a little bit.
1338
00:58:41,436 --> 00:58:45,398
Look, you have waited a long time for love.
1339
00:58:46,274 --> 00:58:50,486
And I could not forgive myself
if I took that away from you.
1340
00:58:51,696 --> 00:58:53,114
No, you're right.
1341
00:58:56,492 --> 00:58:58,036
The song is nice, though.
1342
00:58:59,912 --> 00:59:02,790
Um, this... Flowers every day, for a year.
1343
00:59:05,251 --> 00:59:06,836
(WAGON WHEELS SQUEAKING)
1344
00:59:10,548 --> 00:59:11,966
We have to tell her.
1345
00:59:13,176 --> 00:59:14,677
I'm not sure I agree.
1346
00:59:14,761 --> 00:59:17,430
Well, we at least
have to invite her to our wedding.
1347
00:59:18,097 --> 00:59:19,390
I'm... I'm sorry?
1348
00:59:19,474 --> 00:59:20,641
(LAUGHING)
1349
00:59:21,851 --> 00:59:24,270
I'm kidding you. I'm kidding you.
I'm kidding.
1350
00:59:25,146 --> 00:59:26,606
- Thank Christ.
- Yeah.
1351
00:59:26,689 --> 00:59:30,359
I mean, not that it would
be a bad idea, but...
1352
00:59:30,443 --> 00:59:35,615
Yeah. No, it's okay.
We're behind each other.
1353
00:59:37,742 --> 00:59:39,035
Finally.
1354
00:59:39,327 --> 00:59:40,536
We're still family.
1355
00:59:41,704 --> 00:59:43,289
Still family.
1356
00:59:43,748 --> 00:59:45,291
ALEJANDRO: So, what's going on?
1357
00:59:46,292 --> 00:59:47,710
ELLIE: Um, oh...
1358
00:59:47,794 --> 00:59:51,339
First things first. Thank you.
1359
00:59:53,216 --> 00:59:54,509
No.
1360
00:59:54,801 --> 00:59:58,554
Well, honey, your father
and I wanted to give you something.
1361
00:59:59,555 --> 01:00:01,474
- Together?
DON: - Crazy, right?
1362
01:00:01,682 --> 01:00:02,975
We're so proud of you.
1363
01:00:03,059 --> 01:00:05,770
We really are proud of you,
of the man you've become,
1364
01:00:06,187 --> 01:00:08,439
and of the woman that you love,
1365
01:00:08,523 --> 01:00:12,318
of the wonderful life
that you have ahead of you, and so...
1366
01:00:16,572 --> 01:00:17,573
We love you, bud.
1367
01:00:25,623 --> 01:00:28,292
You, um... You carved this from the tree?
1368
01:00:28,709 --> 01:00:29,919
Your mother's idea.
1369
01:00:30,002 --> 01:00:33,589
No, actually it wasn't my idea,
but I'm speechless at the modesty.
1370
01:00:37,051 --> 01:00:38,511
Oh, wow.
1371
01:00:42,598 --> 01:00:45,226
I saved a few just in case
the first didn't take.
1372
01:00:48,604 --> 01:00:50,022
I don't know what to say.
1373
01:00:53,192 --> 01:00:56,112
Does this come with a piece of land?
Waterfront, if possible.
1374
01:00:56,195 --> 01:00:58,322
Sure, just click your heels three times.
1375
01:00:59,031 --> 01:01:00,992
See you on the flip side, kid.
1376
01:01:01,159 --> 01:01:02,160
(LAUGHING)
1377
01:01:02,660 --> 01:01:04,245
I love you guys.
1378
01:01:05,621 --> 01:01:06,664
Thank you.
1379
01:01:24,307 --> 01:01:25,641
It's perfect.
1380
01:01:32,982 --> 01:01:34,150
(GASPS)
1381
01:01:34,233 --> 01:01:37,653
Oh, my gosh, look at you!
1382
01:01:38,654 --> 01:01:39,780
You're here.
1383
01:01:39,864 --> 01:01:41,949
Of course I'm here. Where would I be?
1384
01:01:42,533 --> 01:01:44,577
You look gorgeous.
1385
01:01:44,827 --> 01:01:45,912
Except this.
1386
01:01:45,995 --> 01:01:48,706
Well. Let me put that, here you go.
1387
01:01:48,789 --> 01:01:51,666
Which reminds me of the prom fiasco.
1388
01:01:51,667 --> 01:01:53,461
- You remember the junior prom?
(CHUCKLES)
1389
01:01:53,544 --> 01:01:55,880
White tux and blood
everywhere from the pin?
1390
01:01:55,963 --> 01:01:57,798
There you go. Perfect.
1391
01:01:59,550 --> 01:02:00,551
Thank you.
1392
01:02:01,719 --> 01:02:06,224
Hey. We're family. At
least most of the time.
1393
01:02:06,307 --> 01:02:08,893
All the time. Mom.
1394
01:02:14,482 --> 01:02:18,152
(GASPS) Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
1395
01:02:20,988 --> 01:02:22,031
Hey.
1396
01:02:22,323 --> 01:02:23,366
I know, we were just talking...
1397
01:02:23,449 --> 01:02:24,617
Hi, Bebe.
1398
01:02:24,700 --> 01:02:25,952
Right, Mrs. Griffin. I was just leaving.
1399
01:02:26,035 --> 01:02:27,119
No, no, that's okay. No, it's all right.
1400
01:02:27,203 --> 01:02:28,537
Wait a second. Mom?
1401
01:02:28,621 --> 01:02:30,206
ELLIE AND BEBE: Yes?
MADONNA: Si?
1402
01:02:30,289 --> 01:02:31,415
Uh...
1403
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:37,213
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
1404
01:02:37,713 --> 01:02:38,714
BEBE: Hello.
1405
01:02:55,273 --> 01:02:57,942
Um, Bebe?
1406
01:02:58,025 --> 01:03:01,028
Have you by any chance seen our boyfriend?
1407
01:03:01,654 --> 01:03:05,741
No, not since this morning.
My... Oh, fudge.
1408
01:03:06,909 --> 01:03:10,079
- Well. If it isn't...
ELLIE: - Oh, no.
1409
01:03:10,162 --> 01:03:15,084
Uh, one, two, three.
It's like a convention.
1410
01:03:15,167 --> 01:03:18,753
Donald Robert Griffin, what have you done?
1411
01:03:18,754 --> 01:03:20,006
ELLIE: Oh, my God. He's plastered!
1412
01:03:20,089 --> 01:03:21,890
- I'm sorry, sweetheart, I...
ELLIE: - No, no.
1413
01:03:21,924 --> 01:03:24,093
DON: - I, you know, we...
- Oh, my gosh.
1414
01:03:24,176 --> 01:03:25,760
One minute we were sleeping...
1415
01:03:25,761 --> 01:03:26,762
BEBE: How...
1416
01:03:26,846 --> 01:03:30,057
The next minute, boom, boom,
chi-boom, boom, chicka boom...
1417
01:03:30,933 --> 01:03:32,101
Excuse me?
1418
01:03:32,852 --> 01:03:34,770
DON: We came into the bedroom.
1419
01:03:34,937 --> 01:03:35,980
And what are you gonna do?
1420
01:03:36,063 --> 01:03:37,773
You do what you do in the bedroom.
1421
01:03:38,024 --> 01:03:39,525
ELLIE: Don!
1422
01:03:40,026 --> 01:03:41,485
The two...
1423
01:03:44,572 --> 01:03:45,948
I'm sorry, Bebe.
1424
01:03:48,075 --> 01:03:52,204
Wow, you really know how
to serve your revenge cold, don't you?
1425
01:03:57,793 --> 01:03:59,170
DON: Come on, honey.
1426
01:04:02,757 --> 01:04:04,884
- All right, I forgive you.
- You do?
1427
01:04:04,967 --> 01:04:05,968
Well, I mean, of course.
1428
01:04:06,052 --> 01:04:07,553
Otherwise I'm a hypocrite, right?
1429
01:04:07,636 --> 01:04:09,055
So, all right, I forgive you.
1430
01:04:09,138 --> 01:04:10,306
DON: I'm sorry, too.
1431
01:04:11,849 --> 01:04:13,267
Forty minutes, by the way.
1432
01:04:14,727 --> 01:04:15,810
(DON GROANS)
(MADONNA GASPS)
1433
01:04:15,811 --> 01:04:17,855
Aah! Whoa!
1434
01:04:19,190 --> 01:04:20,858
NURIA: Hey. Hey, wait.
1435
01:04:23,027 --> 01:04:25,821
Of course. You look amazing.
1436
01:04:26,614 --> 01:04:27,615
Thank you.
1437
01:04:27,698 --> 01:04:28,741
There's no chance that you've...
1438
01:04:28,824 --> 01:04:29,824
No. No.
1439
01:04:29,825 --> 01:04:31,077
...changed your mind?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
1440
01:04:31,202 --> 01:04:32,827
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
1441
01:04:32,828 --> 01:04:35,331
BEBE: Well, you have to admire
the symmetry of it.
1442
01:04:35,414 --> 01:04:36,832
Hey, Donald, sit down.
1443
01:04:36,874 --> 01:04:38,918
Although, I guess
if we were really being sticklers,
1444
01:04:39,001 --> 01:04:40,835
you'd have to put your dick in Muffin.
1445
01:04:40,836 --> 01:04:41,836
ELLIE: What?
1446
01:04:41,837 --> 01:04:43,422
I dig the vulgarity,
1447
01:04:43,506 --> 01:04:45,925
but why would I ever want
to bang Muffin O'Connor?
1448
01:04:46,008 --> 01:04:48,844
Well, I'm just saying,
if you want to go for true symmetry.
1449
01:04:49,011 --> 01:04:50,554
What are you talking about?
1450
01:04:50,638 --> 01:04:51,722
BEBE: Eleanor?
1451
01:04:51,806 --> 01:04:52,848
Uh...
1452
01:04:54,975 --> 01:04:57,770
Would somebody just please
punch me in the face again?
1453
01:04:57,853 --> 01:04:59,854
Because I don't know...
What are we talking about?
1454
01:04:59,855 --> 01:05:01,315
She cheated on you first.
1455
01:05:01,399 --> 01:05:02,691
- What?
- Oh...
1456
01:05:02,775 --> 01:05:03,859
I...
1457
01:05:04,193 --> 01:05:05,860
What. Wait. Well, wait a second.
1458
01:05:05,861 --> 01:05:07,261
Well, there was... It was like a...
1459
01:05:08,864 --> 01:05:10,658
Mistake. Honey...
1460
01:05:10,741 --> 01:05:12,159
DON: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
1461
01:05:12,243 --> 01:05:16,871
If making it even
means that I'm supposed to boink Muffin,
1462
01:05:16,872 --> 01:05:19,875
that would mean that you boinked...
1463
01:05:25,506 --> 01:05:26,507
Barry.
1464
01:05:26,590 --> 01:05:27,758
- What?
- What?
1465
01:05:27,842 --> 01:05:29,301
DON: - Why?
- What do you mean, why?
1466
01:05:29,385 --> 01:05:30,386
What's the rumpus?
1467
01:05:30,469 --> 01:05:33,889
Wait, wait, wait.
You slept with Missy's father today?
1468
01:05:33,973 --> 01:05:35,890
No, no, no. Not today.
1469
01:05:35,891 --> 01:05:37,892
It was years ago, when we were married.
1470
01:05:37,893 --> 01:05:40,020
He must have read you a ton of poetry, huh?
1471
01:05:40,104 --> 01:05:41,313
How could you?
1472
01:05:41,397 --> 01:05:43,065
I was really very unhappy at that time.
1473
01:05:43,149 --> 01:05:44,233
- What about me?
ELLIE: - Well, I don't really
1474
01:05:44,316 --> 01:05:45,985
- care about you.
- I know you don't!
1475
01:05:46,068 --> 01:05:47,194
Listen, I don't know what to say.
1476
01:05:47,278 --> 01:05:48,654
It was practically an accident.
1477
01:05:48,737 --> 01:05:51,115
And I never told anyone.
Never. Not one person.
1478
01:05:51,198 --> 01:05:53,534
Except, of course, my very best friend.
1479
01:05:53,909 --> 01:05:56,162
It was a long time ago. it was.
1480
01:05:56,245 --> 01:05:58,414
And now you all have a wedding to go to.
1481
01:05:58,497 --> 01:05:59,874
I'm gonna call the movers.
1482
01:05:59,915 --> 01:06:00,916
ALEJANDRO: No.
ELLIE: Wait, no.
1483
01:06:00,958 --> 01:06:02,917
Just for the record,
1484
01:06:02,918 --> 01:06:04,920
whatever happens, no way am I ever
1485
01:06:04,962 --> 01:06:06,839
bumping uglies with Muffin O'Connor.
1486
01:06:06,922 --> 01:06:07,922
I beg your pardon?
1487
01:06:07,923 --> 01:06:08,923
What the hell did you just say?
1488
01:06:08,924 --> 01:06:10,301
Just because you porked my wife
1489
01:06:10,384 --> 01:06:11,844
doesn't mean I have to return the favor.
1490
01:06:11,927 --> 01:06:13,262
Excuse me?
1491
01:06:13,345 --> 01:06:14,388
ALEJANDRO: All right, that's it.
1492
01:06:14,472 --> 01:06:15,890
- Oh, God.
BARRY: - What are you doing?
1493
01:06:15,931 --> 01:06:17,266
You look amazing, by the way.
1494
01:06:17,349 --> 01:06:18,350
Please. Okay.
1495
01:06:18,934 --> 01:06:22,146
Look, I... Barry, Barry, it wasn't me.
1496
01:06:22,229 --> 01:06:24,939
Okay, so I did the thing with you.
I mean, I didn't do that.
1497
01:06:24,940 --> 01:06:26,358
I did the... Whatever you do.
1498
01:06:26,442 --> 01:06:28,235
I'm sorry about it. it was a mistake.
1499
01:06:29,236 --> 01:06:31,697
Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck me.
1500
01:06:31,780 --> 01:06:32,781
Where is he going?
1501
01:06:32,865 --> 01:06:34,700
Overseas, I imagine.
1502
01:06:34,783 --> 01:06:36,452
So you're the one.
1503
01:06:36,535 --> 01:06:37,870
And I'm so sorry, Muffin.
1504
01:06:37,953 --> 01:06:39,205
You have to understand
1505
01:06:39,288 --> 01:06:41,248
that it didn't mean one single thing.
1506
01:06:41,332 --> 01:06:43,167
I feel so used.
1507
01:06:43,250 --> 01:06:44,960
MUFFIN: Don't even worry about it.
1508
01:06:45,419 --> 01:06:48,297
Barry and I have an understanding.
1509
01:06:48,964 --> 01:06:53,052
I occasionally look the other way,
and he doesn't harp on my fetishes.
1510
01:06:54,512 --> 01:06:55,721
What fetishes?
1511
01:06:56,305 --> 01:06:57,973
Your wife, for example.
1512
01:06:58,974 --> 01:07:00,184
Which one?
1513
01:07:00,601 --> 01:07:02,394
They're both equally delicious.
1514
01:07:02,853 --> 01:07:03,896
Oh.
1515
01:07:03,979 --> 01:07:06,690
And that's the ballgame.
Wow. I did not see that one coming.
1516
01:07:07,900 --> 01:07:09,984
- Hi.
- Hi.
1517
01:07:09,985 --> 01:07:12,321
Yeah. You guys might want to step out here.
1518
01:07:12,988 --> 01:07:14,198
DON: Good idea.
1519
01:07:17,493 --> 01:07:18,869
- Oh.
(GASPS)
1520
01:07:18,953 --> 01:07:19,995
Hmm.
1521
01:07:22,998 --> 01:07:25,084
- Oh, God. This is humiliating.
- Mmm-hmm.
1522
01:07:25,167 --> 01:07:26,544
(GUESTS APPLAUDING)
1523
01:07:32,758 --> 01:07:33,968
- What?
- What do we do?
1524
01:07:34,009 --> 01:07:36,178
- About which one?
- You know, Bebe.
1525
01:07:37,638 --> 01:07:40,975
Can't live without her, right? Right?
1526
01:07:42,017 --> 01:07:45,020
Okay. So, you've
gotta think about what you're gonna do.
1527
01:07:46,146 --> 01:07:47,231
Right.
1528
01:07:48,148 --> 01:07:50,024
- Where are the children?
- I don't know.
1529
01:07:50,025 --> 01:07:52,027
Dying of embarrassment somewhere?
1530
01:07:52,111 --> 01:07:53,862
You think they might call it off?
1531
01:07:53,946 --> 01:07:55,948
Oh, man, Muffin, get over it.
1532
01:07:56,031 --> 01:07:57,031
Okay. It's okay.
1533
01:07:57,032 --> 01:07:59,033
You're gonna have
beige grandkids that are bilingual.
1534
01:07:59,034 --> 01:08:00,786
We'll see about that, won't we?
1535
01:08:00,869 --> 01:08:03,205
Oh, we will see about that. Yes, we will.
1536
01:08:03,455 --> 01:08:05,039
ALEJANDRO: Sure you're okay with this?
1537
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:06,041
MISSY: You kidding me?
1538
01:08:06,083 --> 01:08:08,335
Just get this over with
before anybody sees us.
1539
01:08:08,419 --> 01:08:10,044
ALEJANDRO: Father?
MOINIGHAN: Everybody ready?
1540
01:08:10,045 --> 01:08:11,380
ALEJANDRO: Just give us
the Cliff Notes version.
1541
01:08:11,463 --> 01:08:12,590
I'm sorry, but I have...
1542
01:08:12,673 --> 01:08:14,800
MISSY: Oh, come on, please,
before anything else happens.
1543
01:08:14,883 --> 01:08:16,093
Okey dokey.
1544
01:08:17,011 --> 01:08:18,429
Melissa, do you take...
1545
01:08:18,512 --> 01:08:19,763
Yes, I do.
1546
01:08:21,307 --> 01:08:23,642
MOINIGHAN: Do you,
Alejandro Soto Griffin...
1547
01:08:23,726 --> 01:08:25,060
ALEJANDRO: Yes.
1548
01:08:25,894 --> 01:08:27,021
I do.
1549
01:08:28,647 --> 01:08:29,648
LYLA:
On your marks...
1550
01:08:30,065 --> 01:08:31,066
Get set...
1551
01:08:31,483 --> 01:08:33,027
I'm pregnant.
1552
01:08:34,570 --> 01:08:35,863
Surprise.
1553
01:08:36,864 --> 01:08:37,948
Oh!
1554
01:08:42,369 --> 01:08:43,412
(GASPS)
1555
01:08:43,495 --> 01:08:44,538
Oh, look! Lyla!
1556
01:08:44,622 --> 01:08:46,957
Oh, God, they're eloping on the dock!
1557
01:08:48,083 --> 01:08:49,084
No, no! No!
1558
01:08:49,710 --> 01:08:51,462
- Stop! Don't do it!
- Holy mother.
1559
01:08:52,087 --> 01:08:53,339
- Oh!
MOINIGHAN: - Alejandro...
1560
01:08:53,464 --> 01:08:54,715
You put the ring... Yeah.
1561
01:08:54,798 --> 01:08:56,216
The ring on her finger.
You put the ring on his finger.
1562
01:08:56,300 --> 01:08:57,676
MUFFIN: No, no! Don't!
MOINIGHAN: Blah, blah, blah.
1563
01:08:57,760 --> 01:08:59,011
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
1564
01:08:59,094 --> 01:09:00,494
- You may...
MUFFIN: - Please. Stop!
1565
01:09:00,512 --> 01:09:01,597
- ...kiss the bride.
MUFFIN: - No!
1566
01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:03,097
- Now can we elope?
- Definitely.
1567
01:09:03,098 --> 01:09:04,099
(GUESTS EXCLAIMING)
1568
01:09:05,184 --> 01:09:07,686
MOINIGHAN: - Now, now, Muffin.
- How could you do this to me?
1569
01:09:09,605 --> 01:09:11,106
(ALL SCREAMING)
1570
01:09:15,194 --> 01:09:16,570
She can't swim.
1571
01:09:16,654 --> 01:09:17,655
Really?
1572
01:09:24,244 --> 01:09:26,121
(BAND PLAYING JAZZ)
1573
01:09:39,510 --> 01:09:40,511
Hey.
1574
01:09:41,929 --> 01:09:45,307
Look, I know we might never
see each other again, so,
1575
01:09:46,558 --> 01:09:48,686
I thought maybe we'd toast to
1576
01:09:48,769 --> 01:09:50,854
what was almost a beautiful friendship.
1577
01:09:51,939 --> 01:09:52,940
Hmm.
1578
01:09:53,148 --> 01:09:54,608
No, you know,
1579
01:09:54,775 --> 01:09:57,151
your mother was the one that told me that
1580
01:09:57,152 --> 01:10:01,365
American women are more reserved
when it comes to their sexuality.
1581
01:10:01,615 --> 01:10:03,325
Except for her, of course.
1582
01:10:03,659 --> 01:10:06,245
I think I Will not...
1583
01:10:08,163 --> 01:10:09,540
Take her advice anymore.
1584
01:10:10,290 --> 01:10:13,335
The men of Colombia will be thrilled.
1585
01:10:15,671 --> 01:10:17,089
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
1586
01:10:18,507 --> 01:10:19,717
What?
1587
01:10:21,301 --> 01:10:23,137
Close the door.
1588
01:10:26,724 --> 01:10:27,766
Oh.
1589
01:10:32,855 --> 01:10:37,317
Bebe! Bebe! Bebe!
1590
01:10:43,449 --> 01:10:45,033
(ELLIE CLEARS THROAT)
1591
01:10:46,201 --> 01:10:47,202
Is that them?
1592
01:10:48,162 --> 01:10:51,832
BEBE: Yeah.
They're gonna be spectacular together.
1593
01:10:53,751 --> 01:10:55,127
They're smarter than we are, huh?
1594
01:10:55,210 --> 01:10:58,547
BEBE: It's hard not to be.
I mean, what was I thinking?
1595
01:10:58,630 --> 01:11:00,431
What an idiot. I mean,
what is wrong with me?
1596
01:11:00,507 --> 01:11:01,925
No, there's nothing wrong with you.
1597
01:11:02,009 --> 01:11:03,093
At all, Bebe.
1598
01:11:03,177 --> 01:11:04,303
In fact, you know what
I've come to believe?
1599
01:11:04,386 --> 01:11:06,220
I believe you're the
sanest one of all of us.
1600
01:11:06,221 --> 01:11:07,890
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
1601
01:11:07,973 --> 01:11:10,267
You don't have to say that. That's crazy.
1602
01:11:10,350 --> 01:11:12,227
That doesn't make it any less true.
1603
01:11:14,229 --> 01:11:16,023
You've always been more beautiful.
1604
01:11:16,106 --> 01:11:18,609
Ellie. And, I mean, I think actually that's
1605
01:11:18,692 --> 01:11:20,152
probably one of the reasons
1606
01:11:20,235 --> 01:11:22,529
that I found Don so attractive.
1607
01:11:22,613 --> 01:11:25,407
Come on. You were in love with Don Griffin
1608
01:11:25,491 --> 01:11:27,367
from the first time I introduced you
1609
01:11:27,534 --> 01:11:28,744
at the Crabtree summer party.
1610
01:11:28,827 --> 01:11:30,245
Was it that obvious?
1611
01:11:30,329 --> 01:11:31,371
Yeah, to me.
1612
01:11:31,455 --> 01:11:33,540
Well, then why didn't
you hit me with your car or something?
1613
01:11:33,624 --> 01:11:36,251
Come on, you were my best friend.
1614
01:11:38,253 --> 01:11:39,922
Still are, I hope.
1615
01:11:41,173 --> 01:11:43,884
Oh, Bebe. It wasn't him.
1616
01:11:44,092 --> 01:11:46,386
Oh, yeah, okay, so he was flirting,
1617
01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:47,930
but I made the first move.
1618
01:11:48,764 --> 01:11:50,808
- Why?
- Because...
1619
01:11:52,100 --> 01:11:54,353
I wanted to make sure I was over him.
1620
01:11:54,436 --> 01:11:56,313
And you know what? it turns out
1621
01:11:56,396 --> 01:11:59,274
I've been over him for such a long time.
1622
01:12:01,276 --> 01:12:03,278
I want you to know something else.
1623
01:12:03,862 --> 01:12:05,697
I've always been happy
1624
01:12:06,281 --> 01:12:09,076
that it was you he turned to.
1625
01:12:11,662 --> 01:12:13,288
I told you I forgive you.
1626
01:12:13,330 --> 01:12:14,832
Then forgive him, too.
1627
01:12:17,918 --> 01:12:19,628
(JARED AND NURIA MOANING)
1628
01:12:19,711 --> 01:12:21,213
JARED: Oh, my God!
1629
01:12:23,298 --> 01:12:24,383
Oh, my God.
1630
01:12:25,342 --> 01:12:26,552
Again.
1631
01:12:26,927 --> 01:12:28,178
Oh, hell yeah.
1632
01:12:30,305 --> 01:12:31,305
Ah!
1633
01:12:31,306 --> 01:12:33,308
MAN: - Excuse me...
- No, thank you.
1634
01:12:36,895 --> 01:12:38,564
At least no one will ever forget it.
1635
01:12:38,772 --> 01:12:39,773
I'm an orphan.
1636
01:12:39,857 --> 01:12:41,400
No, no. It's not that bad.
1637
01:12:41,483 --> 01:12:45,320
My mother's a lesbian, and my father
has had his penis in your mom.
1638
01:12:45,988 --> 01:12:47,406
Ugh! That's a picture.
1639
01:12:47,698 --> 01:12:49,449
If it makes you feel any better,
I think my brother
1640
01:12:49,533 --> 01:12:50,993
is somewhere having sex with my sister.
1641
01:12:51,076 --> 01:12:52,077
What?
1642
01:12:52,661 --> 01:12:54,329
They are all coming out of the woodwork.
1643
01:13:00,335 --> 01:13:02,004
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
1644
01:13:03,338 --> 01:13:07,926
No. No, I'm just saying call me
if she gets back to the hotel.
1645
01:13:08,343 --> 01:13:11,763
Well, how the hell...
Listen, how am I supposed to know?
1646
01:13:11,847 --> 01:13:13,348
That's why I'm asking you.
1647
01:13:13,557 --> 01:13:14,600
Ow!
1648
01:13:15,392 --> 01:13:18,145
And that makes a full set.
What the hell did I do now?
1649
01:13:18,228 --> 01:13:20,354
Do you know why I've
stayed away from you for all these years?
1650
01:13:20,355 --> 01:13:22,399
I have some idea. But I... Okay.
1651
01:13:22,482 --> 01:13:25,485
Because like it or not, I'm your daughter.
1652
01:13:25,694 --> 01:13:26,904
Jared got all of Mom's traits,
1653
01:13:26,987 --> 01:13:28,906
and I won the lottery with all of yours.
1654
01:13:29,364 --> 01:13:31,365
Yeah. You know, if we're the same,
1655
01:13:31,366 --> 01:13:34,368
how come no one's
popping you in the face every five minutes?
1656
01:13:34,369 --> 01:13:35,370
Huh?
1657
01:13:36,371 --> 01:13:37,706
You know, when you cheated on Mom
1658
01:13:38,081 --> 01:13:41,001
I became terrified that I was gonna
ruin my marriage the same way.
1659
01:13:41,919 --> 01:13:43,253
And I don't want to be like that.
1660
01:13:43,337 --> 01:13:45,380
I don't want to be like you anymore.
1661
01:13:46,048 --> 01:13:48,300
- Andrew's here.
- Yeah, I know, Dad.
1662
01:13:48,634 --> 01:13:50,135
I wonder who called him?
1663
01:13:51,637 --> 01:13:52,638
Yeah, okay, two things.
1664
01:13:52,721 --> 01:13:55,349
Then if you never speak
to me again, so be it.
1665
01:13:56,183 --> 01:14:00,520
Look. I know you would figure out that
I called him.
1666
01:14:01,188 --> 01:14:02,981
And you're right, Lyla, we are alike.
1667
01:14:03,065 --> 01:14:05,399
Neither of us are particularly close
to being stupid.
1668
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:06,818
And you know what, you can hate me
1669
01:14:06,902 --> 01:14:08,695
for the rest of your life,
if that's what you need.
1670
01:14:08,779 --> 01:14:10,614
But I'm gonna tell you
what I need as your father.
1671
01:14:10,697 --> 01:14:12,157
I need as your father
1672
01:14:12,240 --> 01:14:13,575
to be able to give my little girl
1673
01:14:13,659 --> 01:14:15,410
the best chance at a happy life.
1674
01:14:15,494 --> 01:14:19,413
Because ultimately, and we're all selfish,
that gives me the best chance at a happy life.
1675
01:14:19,414 --> 01:14:20,874
Even if you hate me for it.
1676
01:14:20,958 --> 01:14:22,358
- I don't hate you.
- Let me finish.
1677
01:14:22,417 --> 01:14:24,044
Let me finish.
1678
01:14:24,127 --> 01:14:26,420
I know you love me,
sweetheart, even if you don't.
1679
01:14:26,421 --> 01:14:27,714
I do know that.
1680
01:14:27,798 --> 01:14:30,838
And I know that when Mom and I split up
you felt that you had to pick a side.
1681
01:14:30,842 --> 01:14:32,177
And I was okay with that.
1682
01:14:32,260 --> 01:14:34,262
Because, you know,
she needed you more than I did.
1683
01:14:34,346 --> 01:14:35,555
And I understand that.
1684
01:14:37,808 --> 01:14:39,226
(SIGHS)
1685
01:14:39,768 --> 01:14:44,439
The day you were born,
I went out and I got blasted,
1686
01:14:45,190 --> 01:14:49,486
and I left your mom alone.
I just drank my face off.
1687
01:14:52,030 --> 01:14:54,448
You know, you had these
swollen little eyes,
1688
01:14:54,449 --> 01:14:56,451
and these pink little hands.
1689
01:15:00,455 --> 01:15:01,915
You were so...
1690
01:15:02,457 --> 01:15:05,627
I couldn't rectify how something
1691
01:15:08,005 --> 01:15:11,466
so incandescent could come
from an old douchebag like me.
1692
01:15:12,092 --> 01:15:13,093
Same with the boys.
1693
01:15:13,176 --> 01:15:15,017
You know, but for a few
mistakes along the way,
1694
01:15:15,053 --> 01:15:18,015
I did the best I could
to earn my place in all of your lives.
1695
01:15:19,224 --> 01:15:21,025
You know, you can
be mad at me, not mad at me.
1696
01:15:21,184 --> 01:15:24,104
It's never gonna change
how I feel about you.
1697
01:15:25,063 --> 01:15:27,983
And, look, I know these are
just words to you now.
1698
01:15:28,483 --> 01:15:29,818
But trust me, you'll understand what I mean
1699
01:15:29,901 --> 01:15:31,528
when your daughter is born.
1700
01:15:37,492 --> 01:15:39,202
How do you know it's a girl?
1701
01:15:40,746 --> 01:15:44,041
I don't. I'm just hoping
you'll be that lucky.
1702
01:16:01,099 --> 01:16:03,310
And I'm sorry that I'm so late, by the way.
1703
01:16:03,393 --> 01:16:05,228
I actually wasn't planning on coming.
1704
01:16:05,312 --> 01:16:06,313
You didn't miss much.
1705
01:16:06,396 --> 01:16:08,356
My mom's a part-time lesbian.
1706
01:16:08,440 --> 01:16:11,860
(CHUCKLES) I don't have
a response for that.
1707
01:16:11,943 --> 01:16:13,445
That's okay.
1708
01:16:13,612 --> 01:16:14,613
(SIGHS)
1709
01:16:17,324 --> 01:16:18,325
Hi.
1710
01:16:19,534 --> 01:16:20,577
Hey.
1711
01:16:20,744 --> 01:16:21,912
You look beautiful, honey.
1712
01:16:21,995 --> 01:16:23,580
I'm not the one who invited you.
1713
01:16:24,247 --> 01:16:28,543
Okay. He said that
you had something to tell me.
1714
01:16:28,752 --> 01:16:29,753
We're just gonna go.
1715
01:16:29,836 --> 01:16:31,505
No, no, no, no, no.
1716
01:16:31,546 --> 01:16:33,924
You are my sister now.
This involves you as well.
1717
01:16:35,217 --> 01:16:36,468
You never called me.
1718
01:16:37,552 --> 01:16:40,347
Well, you did say that
you never wanted to speak to me again.
1719
01:16:41,139 --> 01:16:42,766
You said terrible things to me.
1720
01:16:43,850 --> 01:16:44,851
I know.
1721
01:16:45,560 --> 01:16:49,064
We were in a... I was...
I'm sorry. I am sorry.
1722
01:16:50,899 --> 01:16:51,983
I...
1723
01:16:53,568 --> 01:16:54,736
I'm pregnant.
1724
01:16:55,737 --> 01:16:57,572
That's why you barfed on Dad.
1725
01:16:58,740 --> 01:16:59,866
Sorry.
1726
01:17:02,577 --> 01:17:03,745
Oh.
1727
01:17:03,829 --> 01:17:07,541
Are you serious? I don't believe this.
1728
01:17:10,794 --> 01:17:13,587
Andrew, I won't bring this baby
into an unhappy marriage.
1729
01:17:13,588 --> 01:17:16,341
I agree. I agree. We can work on that.
1730
01:17:17,592 --> 01:17:18,802
Okay.
1731
01:17:20,053 --> 01:17:21,054
Can I...
1732
01:17:24,141 --> 01:17:25,600
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1733
01:17:30,981 --> 01:17:34,317
Beatrice. I know you're still here
1734
01:17:34,401 --> 01:17:36,778
because I just threw
your car keys in the pond.
1735
01:17:36,862 --> 01:17:38,738
And into the kitty litter.
1736
01:17:38,822 --> 01:17:41,408
- Beatrice?
- I love it.
1737
01:17:41,491 --> 01:17:43,076
- Beatrice.
- Oh, my God.
1738
01:17:43,160 --> 01:17:44,661
- Oh.
- I think that's for you.
1739
01:17:44,744 --> 01:17:47,122
Get your tight little ass
out here, toute de suite.
1740
01:17:47,205 --> 01:17:49,541
Beatrice Martha McBride,
you come out here now
1741
01:17:49,624 --> 01:17:51,168
or I'll huff, and I'll puff,
and I'll blow your house...
1742
01:17:51,376 --> 01:17:54,337
And you'll give everybody here a migraine
if you don't shut the dilly up.
1743
01:17:54,421 --> 01:17:55,589
What do you want?
1744
01:17:55,630 --> 01:17:56,631
Okay.
1745
01:17:56,756 --> 01:17:59,259
Here you go. Sorry for cutting in.
1746
01:17:59,342 --> 01:18:01,011
I just want to tell you something.
1747
01:18:01,094 --> 01:18:03,638
Well, okay. We're all listening.
1748
01:18:04,014 --> 01:18:07,809
If I've learned anything about life,
it's that it's all but a dream.
1749
01:18:08,018 --> 01:18:09,227
- Brilliant.
- And there's no wizard
1750
01:18:09,311 --> 01:18:11,313
pulling levers behind a curtain,
1751
01:18:11,396 --> 01:18:12,856
which means, as far as I can see,
1752
01:18:12,939 --> 01:18:14,816
the only real use in loving someone
1753
01:18:15,650 --> 01:18:17,194
is that it makes your life better.
1754
01:18:17,277 --> 01:18:20,071
And my life would suck infinitely more
without you in it.
1755
01:18:20,488 --> 01:18:21,698
CROWD: Aww!
1756
01:18:23,575 --> 01:18:24,659
That's it?
1757
01:18:24,868 --> 01:18:25,911
That's the truth.
1758
01:18:26,453 --> 01:18:27,704
(ALL BOOING)
1759
01:18:28,622 --> 01:18:31,458
Okay. Okay. I just have one answer for you.
1760
01:18:31,541 --> 01:18:34,419
No, no, I did not ask you a question.
1761
01:18:34,502 --> 01:18:35,670
The answer is yes.
1762
01:18:35,754 --> 01:18:38,215
I did not ask him a question.
1763
01:18:38,298 --> 01:18:42,469
Yes. Yes. Yes, I am a horse's ass.
Yes, I will ogle,
1764
01:18:42,552 --> 01:18:44,137
but never again, other
than perhaps mentally,
1765
01:18:44,221 --> 01:18:45,555
fondle another woman.
1766
01:18:45,680 --> 01:18:47,681
And yes, I will embarrass you,
1767
01:18:47,682 --> 01:18:49,142
and shock you, and often cause you
1768
01:18:49,226 --> 01:18:50,685
to question every last reason in the world
1769
01:18:50,769 --> 01:18:52,570
why you would ever love
me in the first place.
1770
01:18:52,604 --> 01:18:53,688
- Yes.
- You...
1771
01:18:53,939 --> 01:18:56,566
- Yeah?
- Think that I still love you?
1772
01:18:57,525 --> 01:18:58,568
Really, you don't?
1773
01:19:01,363 --> 01:19:03,697
- Keep going.
- Right, right. And yes,
1774
01:19:03,698 --> 01:19:07,744
I would rather gouge out my eyeballs
with hot spoons than cause you pain again.
1775
01:19:07,827 --> 01:19:10,830
And yes, I will keep you
on an alabaster pedestal.
1776
01:19:10,914 --> 01:19:12,123
Words.
1777
01:19:13,500 --> 01:19:14,709
And yes,
1778
01:19:15,252 --> 01:19:18,296
I will love you and only you
for the rest of my life,
1779
01:19:18,380 --> 01:19:19,714
if you will allow me
1780
01:19:19,881 --> 01:19:21,132
(BOX CLICKS OPEN)
1781
01:19:22,759 --> 01:19:26,304
the honor of becoming your husband.
1782
01:19:26,638 --> 01:19:27,722
(GASPS)
1783
01:19:31,309 --> 01:19:33,687
Where the fuck did you get that ring?
1784
01:19:33,728 --> 01:19:35,608
I've had it around for a
while, six years or so.
1785
01:19:35,647 --> 01:19:36,898
Six years?
1786
01:19:37,274 --> 01:19:38,733
So, what do you say?
1787
01:19:39,192 --> 01:19:40,485
Oh, what the hell.
1788
01:19:40,568 --> 01:19:41,945
MOINIGHAN: That's the spirit.
1789
01:19:42,320 --> 01:19:43,321
Okay then.
1790
01:19:44,197 --> 01:19:46,658
By the power still vested in me,
1791
01:19:47,033 --> 01:19:49,911
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
1792
01:19:50,245 --> 01:19:51,955
You may kiss the bride.
1793
01:19:52,872 --> 01:19:55,041
(WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE)
1794
01:20:00,755 --> 01:20:02,465
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
1795
01:20:45,800 --> 01:20:47,761
Wait a second.
1796
01:21:02,817 --> 01:21:03,818
(CHUCKLES)
1797
01:21:10,658 --> 01:21:11,825
(LAUGHING)
1798
01:21:11,826 --> 01:21:13,578
You'll always love me.
1799
01:21:24,839 --> 01:21:26,299
May I have this dance?
1800
01:21:30,470 --> 01:21:31,638
Oh!
1801
01:21:33,807 --> 01:21:35,308
ANDREW: Ooh, yeah.
1802
01:21:35,392 --> 01:21:37,060
Oh! (LAUGHS)
1803
01:21:38,853 --> 01:21:40,397
Ohh! Oh, Oh.
1804
01:21:40,480 --> 01:21:42,232
Oh, some wedding, huh?
1805
01:21:42,315 --> 01:21:43,441
It's my first two-fer.
1806
01:21:43,525 --> 01:21:44,734
Yeah. Congratulations.
1807
01:21:44,818 --> 01:21:45,819
You, too.
1808
01:21:45,860 --> 01:21:49,030
Yeah. You know, you were right.
1809
01:21:49,864 --> 01:21:51,116
About what?
1810
01:21:51,825 --> 01:21:54,077
There are different kinds of love.
1811
01:21:55,286 --> 01:21:56,871
Which one are you feeling now?
1812
01:21:56,913 --> 01:21:58,873
(EXHALES) All Of them.
1813
01:22:11,261 --> 01:22:12,262
Whoo!
1814
01:22:24,482 --> 01:22:26,901
DON:
Welcome to the family, baby Jane.
1815
01:22:26,943 --> 01:22:30,822
Lesson one, your grandmothers are all nuts.
128442