All language subtitles for Plan B (2021)

While I’m at the real estate
convention this weekend,

I want you to finish your PSAT test book.

‐ Ma, do you think we can skip
the coconut oil this morning?

‐ It's a tradition.
Are you too good for tradition?

Lupe, we talked about this.
Your outfit, your hair...

I mean, every day,
it gets more and more ridiculous.

‐ Jesus wore dresses
and nobody judged him, right?

‐ Everybody judged him,
they crucified him.

‐ Your online grade book says
you received a 96.

‐ What happened? ‐ It was just
one question about Judge Danforth.

It was a dumb mistake.

‐ There are no smart mistakes, Sunny.

One little mistake can ruin
the rest of your life.

‐ You look like a skunk,
a depressed skunk.

‐ Thought we don't use
insults in this house.

‐ Wipe that lipstick off.

Now.

‐ Now I'll pay attention to the minor
characters so I don't get tripped up again.

‐ What did I do to get such a good girl?

‐ What's up, bitch?

‐ Just studying for the calc test.
‐ Fuck!

‐ Munchie bag?
‐ Man!

Thank you.

My dad was in full form this morning.

Someone needs to seriously
depucker his asshole.

‐ How is Logan?

‐ Real good.

Look at all the squirt emojis
my butt caused.

‐ At least you're wearing
underwear this time.

Sunny, when you start dating, you'll see,

you gotta keep 'em hooked,
gotta use what God gave you.

What exactly do you think God gave me,

except a nightguard
and an overbearing mother?

Sunny, you can't be
embarrassed about this stuff.

Is Jason bringing the keg tonight?

‐ Yeah. Did I tell you?
We finally tried reverse cowgirl.

‐ And? How was it?

Amazing, right?

‐ Yeah. I mean, it wasn't...
that great for me,

but I feel like it looked cool.

My butthole's not my best feature...

‐ Girls are horse fucking and
I haven't even had my first kiss.

I'm so behind.

‐ Pretty sure that's not
what they mean, okay?

‐ Eww, gross, is that
like a Mexican thing?

‐ Yeah, I mean,
if your armpit hair's that long,

I can't imagine what else is overgrown.

‐ Eww! My God.

Glad you spent your free time thinking
about what my pussy looks like, Megan.

‐ My God, I don't.

Obviously. I don't.

‐ That was so funny.
She was really embarrassed.

Listen, obviously boys like
your "au naturel" look.

Meanwhile, the underwear my mom buys me
renders me invisible.

Take a look. It's like sexual camouflage.

‐ That's your underwear?

Thought you just shaved
your nipples and pubes off.

Our slumber party is gonna be bomb.

We're gonna do face masks and binge
My Hero Academia. Perfect night.

‐ Also, I have a thousand‐piece puzz
that I wanted to get my claws into.

‐ ‐ And we can go through all the
Halloween candy that your dad confiscated.

‐ If you can find it.
‐ I did and I ate it.

‐ Fuck.

When I look at Hunter,
I just creamed my pants.

Who plays hockey in a cardigan?

He's like...
He's like an athletic librarian.

I totally do not understand
the attraction.

I mean, he's, like, cute, but he's got
major guidance counselor vibes.

‐ Yeah. Well,
maybe you should invite him over

for a little "Disney+ and Thrust,"

He can bang you doggy style
while you watch Lady and the Tramp.

‐ How would we do the pasta thing
if he's behind me?

‐ Also, you know I want
my first time to be romantic,

looking into each other's eyes
as we make love.

‐ Only serial killers stare into
each other's eyes while they fuck.

It's like...

Doesn't it feel weird?
Doesn't it feel weird?

‐ Stop.
‐ Okay, exactly.

‐ So don't do that.
‐ Doesn't matter anyway. Look.

Megan Dillons has staked her claim.

‐ Do you need to like a little...
‐ Well, it would be...

‐ It's kind of dry.

‐ How am I supposed to compete with that?

‐ I definitely wouldn't lick it.

‐ I don't know, deep‐throat a basketball?

‐ Hello, ladies. Sunny, Lupe.

‐ Hi, Kyle.

‐ What's that behind your ear?

Is that a flattened penny
from the Corn Palace?

‐ She's never been there.
‐ Yeah, my mom doesn't let me go there.

She's weirded out
by the phallic nature of corn.

‐ I didn't even think about it
like that. I love that place.

My church's youth group is throwing
a talent show next week,

and so I'm premiering
some of my new closeup magic.

You should come. My church is awesome.

I mean, Lupe, does your dad's church
let you watch Harry Potter?

Because mine did.

‐ Kyle, how many times do I have to tell
you, I don't want to compare churches?

‐ Okay, okay, I just think it'll be fun.

Oooh!

I forgive you!

‐ That wedding was amazing.
‐ All right.

That's your car?

It's so used!

Man, I could never sit in here

because it looks like you gave rides
to the entire football team.

‐ ‐ And what if somebody
I know was given a ride?

Hell no!

‐ I wish I knew that nobody would want
something so damaged, and ugly.

I should have saved my car for my husband.

But now... it's all used up!

Abstinence.
'Cause one joy ride could ruin your life.

‐ Well, that was a hoot
and a half, wasn't it?

‐ Hey, if your vagina was a car,
what would it be?

‐ Ferrari.
‐ Shit, really?

‐ Stays covered up and completely
untouched in the garage.

‐ Mine would definitely be a Transformer.

You think you know her?
Boom, autobots pop out.

‐ I feel like if you're following the
metaphor, that means that you have crabs.

‐ What?
‐ Do you have crabs, Lupe?

‐ No. It's a surprise.
‐ What is surprising about your vagina?

‐ My vagina is awesome.
‐ Okay, so...

Basically, what's happening right now
is puberty is telling you

to step on the gas,

but just trust me
when I say it is okay to wait.

When you finally take that first drive,

you're gonna want it
to be with your spouse, okay?

Yes, Emma?

‐ If I let a guy ride in my trunk,
that doesn't like count, right?

‐ What if I want to drive my car alone,

you know, just to make sure
that the oil still works?

‐ Okay, okay, does anybody
have a real question?

- ‐ Yes, Hunter.
- It's a real question.

So, how does giving a passenger "a ride"

actually make a difference
in how a car drives?

‐ Well, just because the guy can tell

if the...

upholstery was ripped

by the other passengers,

so then the car can never get back

that "new car feeling" again.

‐ Yeah?
‐ You can't tear the upholstery.

That's a myth.
It just stretches and then it goes...

Who is that?
‐ ...back into place.

‐ Yeah. Yeah, okay, okay.

So why does this groom
care so much about this car

when he doesn't even have one,
'cause now he is just some bum

who is ragging on his wife

about her car?

‐ Right, so weird.
Why would he do that? What?

He has his car.

It's just, in the video, we're just
looking at his‐‐ at her car, okay?

‐ Then why aren't we seeing
his car being inspected?

Why is there no "his car" inspection?
‐ We don't know where his car is.

‐ I prefer to take public transportation
because it helps with the environment.

So... am I fucking everybody?

‐ Yuck!

‐ Just wanna be teaching Home Ec again.

‐ My God!

‐ I know, I know, I know!

‐ Dude. You gotta ask him out.
Don't lose momentum. Totally.

‐ Megan's dad accidentally shot himself
in the foot at the ammo store,

and so he isn't going on his hunting trip.
The party is canceled.

‐ Deep breath. ‐ No, you don't understand,
I've been planning this for two hours.

- ‐ Okay.
- That's a bummer.

I know.

‐ You know, Sunny's throwing a party
at her place later.

Yeah, gonna be dope. Way doper
than Megan's would have been, so...

‐ Yeah, Sunny throws the best parties.
‐ Really?

‐ Yeah, you know me.

Party queen.
Love a good high school party.

With the liquors and the touching...
All the other stuff. Drugs.

- Tide pods.
- Cool.

What time? If I'm invited.

‐ Yeah. No, yeah, of course,
you're invited. If you want to. Do you?

It's at my house,
you heard that part, right?

Is 8 p. m. good for you?

‐ 8 p. m. sounds great.

‐ I'll see you then.
‐ Cool.

Tight.

Cool and tight.

Like you.
‐ Catch you later.

‐ Bye. What the hell, Lupe?
If my mom finds out, I'm dead.

‐ She won't find out.
She's conveniently out of town,

and according to every teen movie
we've seen,

this is the perfect time to throw a party.

‐ You're right.

‐ Hunter's coming to my house!
‐ Yes!

‐ I just had a genius idea.
You should invite Logan.

‐ What? No.
‐ Yeah.

‐ No.
‐ Yeah.

‐ No.
‐ You have to invite him, Lupe!

When do I throw parties?

You made me invite Hunter.

‐ Okay, this is for you, okay?
‐ I'll take it.

‐ That's medicine.
‐.

‐ I dub thee... the Skull Fuck.

‐ What's a Skull Fuck?

‐ It's when a guy puts his junk
in your mouth and humps your skull.

‐ That's a real thing?
‐ I'll send you some links.

To Hunter!
‐ To Logan! Yes!

‐ God!

‐ God! Fuck. I feel that in my eyeballs.
‐ I don't like it.

‐ Pick a card, any card.

That's more than one card.

‐ No one's drinking our punch.
‐ Because people have no taste.

‐ Is that Logan?

‐ No. Billie Eilish’s dog is doing
an Instagram Live.

No sign of Hunter?

‐ There's a truck, there's a truck.

It could be the neighbors.
No, they're out of town.

It's him, it's him. My God.
How's my hair, how's my face?

How am I? How am me?
‐ You are gorgeous.

All right? I got you something.
Had a bowl of them at Hot Topic.

It's not for sex.

I mean, it is, but it's not why
I'm giving it to you.

It's like a good luck charm.
Right? Like a rabbit's foot.

Tastes like strawberries.

It's a big night for you, all right?
‐ ‐

‐ Throwing a rager, inviting your crush.

I just want you to have the best time.

‐ Thank you.
‐ Right.

‐ I will.
‐ All right! Go get 'em!

‐ Yeah! You can do it!

‐ All right...
‐ Have fun.

Yes.

Make good choices. Love you.

‐ No offense, but I can't believe
this is the party I'm at tonight.

‐ I like your shoulder glitter.

‐ Hey, I thought it would like stink
of curry in here, but it smells normal.

‐ Sorry to disappoint you.

‐ Hey.
‐ Hi.

‐ Sunny.
‐ Hunter.

Want a Skull Fuck?

‐ What?

‐ My God. My God, no.
It's the name of a drink.

I don't want you to fuck my skull,
or anyone's skull, unless you want to.

You're allowed to fuck people's skulls.
I'm gonna stop, I'm gonna stop now.

‐ Gotcha.

Sounds good.

- Is that what I think it is?
- Yeah.

Dragon Ball Z. Nice.

Wait, this is a very weird déjà vu,
but when I was little,

I put strawberry milk in a Yu‐Gi‐Mug

and it was under my bed
for like three weeks.

And...

it smelled exactly like this. It's...

‐ Well, you don't have to... drink it.

‐ Whoa, why is that spicy?

‐ There, there's
some pickle juice in there.

‐ Lupe did it.
‐ It's spicy.

It's like really spicy.
‐ Also cough syrup.

‐ Hey, dude.
I know, it's like psychopathic

to leave a voicemail.

But I figured you were driving
and couldn't text?

And just checking on what your ETA is,

'cause I'm just like a little nervous.

And also can't wait to see you
and, like, meet ya.

You'll meet Sunny, it'll be great.

Anyway, just text me when you're close.

‐ I'm close.
‐ Jesus, what the fuck?

‐ Sorry. It's just a bit I do
where I throw my voice.

See? I'm close. And now, I'm far!

‐ What? Eww.

Don't ever put your hot breath
on my ear again.

It sent chills down my spine.

‐ Okay, jeez, I just came here
to refresh my beverage.

Muy bueno margaritas.

Did I say that right?

‐ Kyle, I'm sorry, but you're a moron,
and your blazer makes me sad.

Now just...

go away.

‐ Partying and drinking.
I feel so stimulated.

Is this what white privilege feels like?

‐ Things going good with Hunter?

‐ Yeah, he likes Sailor Moon, too.
He's like the perfect man.

I'm gonna show him
my Sailor Mercury Funko.

Fuck. I wanna suck his face so bad.

‐ Whoa! All right, drunk Sunny is bold.

‐ Lupe, I'm gonna kiss him tonight,
and I'm not gonna take no for an answer.

But like consensually.

‐ Always. All right, you go do that.

‐ I'll go around.

‐ I know. This party sucks.

My God.

If Hunter wasn't here, I would have
ran out of here screaming.

‐ Did you see her room?
What's with all the toys?

‐ My God, I heard she's
actually 12 years old,

but her mom made her skip
a bunch of grades.

‐ My God, that's why she dresses
like a huge American Girl doll.

‐ Exactly.

‐ Hey, Hunter.

You didn't recognize me?

It's Sunny.

You got this, Sunny.
You are a grown woman.

This is the real me.

And you have erogenous zones.

I don't show this side at school because
I don't want to overwhelm people.

You've got tits!

You smell really nice, so...

You have a... pussy.

You know, if you're up for it,
then I could, um...

ride you, boy.

And you're gonna get the dick.

You're gonna get that d'yick!
Go get that d'yick!

Go get that dick!

Yes! Yes.

‐ Hey! Have you seen Hunter?

‐ Nah, man.

‐ I actually think he's with Megan.

‐ Megan. Do you know where they went?

‐ What was I saying?

The CIA declassified...

‐ Sorry, sorry. I didn't know
anyone else was in here.

No, it's fine.

I'm not going number one.

My eyes are, though.

‐ Are you having a shitty time
at this party, too?

‐ It's just...

everybody sees me

as this macho Christian warrior type guy,

like Chris Pratt, but I have feelings too.

‐ I know.

Of course. I'm sorry.

Can I ask you a question?

Do you see me as this like

unsexy 12‐year‐old?

‐ What? No!

I think you're very womanly.

You've got a great figure.

You got the whole
Princess Jasmine thing going on.

‐ That's the incorrect ethnic group.

‐ ‐ But...

‐ Sorry.

‐ That's okay. It's kind of
the closest princess we've got.

So I'll take it.

‐ I like your new look.

It's, it's cool.

It's mature.

‐ You're nice.

‐ Want a hug?

‐ Sure.

Um...

I'm touching your thing.

‐ Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you are.

Okay...

Wow. I've never seen
a thong in real life before.

‐ Here, take this.

‐ Hey, are you sure you want this?

‐ Yeah.
‐ Okay, yeah, me too.

‐ Okay, okay.

‐ Smells like Fruity Pebbles.

‐ Yum.

‐ Okay.
‐ Okay. All right.

‐ All right. Let's...

‐ Can't... I can't reach.

‐ Grab the squatty potty. Yeah.

‐ Exit only.
‐ Sorry.

‐ I'm so, sorry. Sorry.
‐ That's okay, that's okay.

‐ Just...
‐ Okay. Um...

‐ Does this feel good...?

My gosh!

Wow!

‐ We....

We... we just did it.

We did it.
‐ Yeah, we sure did.

‐ My gosh.

My gosh, I just had premarital sex.

How did that happen so fast?
It's like something just took over me.

How does everything change
in just a few seconds?

‐ I... I don't know.

‐ I'm drunk. I knew I shouldn't
have had that margarita mix.

You can't tell anyone about this.

‐ I won't. I won't tell any...
I won't tell anyone about this.

‐ Okay.
‐ Okay?

‐ Okay.

I'm sorry, I... I have to go pray.

‐ Hey, do you have a tampon?

It's like the elevator
from The Shining down there.

Are you okay?

I'm worried.

Call or, you know, text.

But also I'm cool, and I'm good.

So whenever you...

get here, that's great.

Um...

Hey, look, it's other friends.

And... Emma, what's going on?

Wassup?

Are you good?

‐ I don't know.

What's good, anyway?

Are you a‐good?

‐ No.

I'm not good.

‐

Shit. This is the worst alarm ever.

My God. Why are you doing this to me?

‐ It's already noon,
I just wanted to get a head start.

‐ What's the bucket for?

Aw, fuck.

‐ That.

Here, this helps.

‐ Thanks, man. Yeah.

This place is looking good.

For all your mom knows, you...
spent the whole weekend doing flash cards

and diddling yourself as usual.

‐ Um, did Logan come?

‐ Never showed up.

‐ I'm sorry. That sucks.

‐ How about you? What happened?

‐ I had sex.

‐ Wait. Wh... what?

My God.

You lost your virginity to Hunter?

Dude, tell‐tell me everything.

‐ I was so drunk, so it's a little hazy,
to be honest.

‐ No, no, no. You are a woman now.

Welcome to the club.

And you banged your crush
at your own party?

You are my hero.

Tell me everything
you remember, sex master.

‐ I have to pee.

‐

Okay.

Go, just... we'll talk after you
empty that bladder.

That bucket smells...

interesting.

Fuck.

‐ Lupe?

I was peeing.

And a condom fell out.

‐ What?

‐ A condom was inside me.
A condom full of goo.

Just like a goo balloon sitting in there.

Just like a condom full of spermatozoa.

I could get pregnant.

My mom's gonna kill me
and then she's gonna kill herself.

It's gonna be a murder‐suicide,
and my head is killing me.

That could be TSS!

Lupe, that could be Toxic Shock Syndrome!

I've never even put a tampon inside me.
It has carcinogens!

‐ It's okay, it's all right, all right?

Your headache is probably just
from a hangover.

All right? So let's go to the pharmacy,
get you some aspirin

and the Plan B pill, just in case.

‐ Is there an alternative?

‐ You mean a Plan B?

"‐ So basically escuincle
means little kid" but,

I love that word,
I love the way it sounds.

Like, come on.
Just try it with me.

Escuincle.

‐ Escuincle.

Okay, where is this supposed to be?
I don't see it anywhere.

It's in none of these aisles.

‐ No, we have to go up to the counter.
‐ What?

‐ Yeah.

‐ Indian Mafia. They're everywhere.

Sunny, there's no secret network
of Indians reporting back to your mom.

Don't worry about him, okay?
He's a professional.

Come on, let's go.

‐ Good morning.

It's so refreshing to see a young
woman from our little slice of the earth.

India?
‐ Yes, sir.

My mom's from Tamil Nadu.

‐ My family's Punjabi.

You know, you really remind me
of my daughter.

She just got into Northwestern.

I mean, look at you two?

I mean, look at this, the two of you,
you could be twins.

Here, hold it up there.
‐ No, that's okay.

‐ Come on, please, look, look at this.

I wanna get a picture for my wife.

My gosh, look, your spittin' image here.
God.

Okay, I'll take that back.

Very nice. Okay.
‐ Thank you.

‐ What can I do for you, my dear?

‐ I would like...

‐ I, need the Plan B pill.

‐ I love you.

‐ The Plan B pill?

Do you have any ID?

‐ Yeah.

‐ Yeah. You're 17.

I'm sorry, but I decline to offer you
the Plan B pill.

Have a nice day.

‐ What? Why? You can't do that.

‐ Yes, I can.

It's a little thing called
the conscience clause.

See, any medical professional
in the great state of South Dakota

can refuse to sell
birth control drugs to someone

if it goes against their beliefs.

And around here it does.

Honestly, it really
helps me sleep at night.

‐ Okay. What about me? Her.

What are we supposed to do here?

‐ I'm sorry, but my hands are tied,
morally speaking.

‐ Conscience clause?
‐ Sunny.

‐ A conscience clause.
‐ Hey, wait up.

‐ How is this even real?

God, one dumb mistake and it's gonna
ruin the rest of my life, great.

Just like my mom said.

‐ My God, she's everywhere.

‐ Okay, look.

Your life is not over.

What if we...

Amazon Prime the pill?

‐ Tomorrow's Sunday, so it would get here
like Monday the earliest.

That's too late.
‐ What about a hospital?

‐ It'll show up on my insurance. Fuck!

Punch me, right now.
Punch me in the uterus.

‐ Wait, you have to already be pregnant
for that to work.

Wait, Planned Parenthood?

‐ Yes! Okay, okay. Google.
Is there one near us?

‐ All right, the nearest one
is in Rapid City.

Not bad.
‐ Not bad?

It's already 1:30.

It's gonna take us like
69 hours to get there.

‐ What?

Why are you looking at biking directions?

‐ How else are we gonna get there?
We don't have a car.

‐... yeah, we do.

No. No! Absolutely not.

‐ Well, picture this.

You, your mom, your baby...

Driving around, going to school.

Going to open houses.

"Baby on board" sticker on the back.

‐ Fine.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Okay, so ideally I'd take the pill
within 24 hours of...

the encounter.

So, hopefully that should be fine.

It's like three hours there...
‐ Put it all the way back.

‐ I got it.

So hopefully it will be like
three hours there and like...

hopefully we don't get
like a wait time or anything.

So that works out perfectly.

So it'll be easy. It'll be so easy, right?

It'll be easy.

‐ You're not alone.

We're gonna do this together, okay?

‐ No, no, no...
‐ What? Aah!

Nope.

Dedicate this next song
to his baby mama Deena,

who's in her 23rd hour of labor.

Super nope.

‐ Wonder... wonder what this is.

‐ Is this Christian trap?

‐ Yeah, I believe it is.

‐ It's kind of good.

‐ Okay, good, because
I secretly love this song so much.

It's so fucking good, dude.

‐ Who are you?

‐ Okay, so like you really like it,
like you know all the words like it?

‐ Yeah. No, you will too.

My God, did you hear that?

Did you just fart?
‐ What?

‐ No, these are my pretzels.

‐ God dang, Lupe.
Take it easy on that thing.

‐ What? It's the mango one.
You love mangoes.

‐ Yeah, but every time I smell mangos now,
I'm picturing your insides rotting.

Didn't you read that article I sent you
on popcorn lung?

‐ Yes.

But I didn't finish it because
the title made me hungry.

So...

Now that we're...

sittin' in the car for hours alone...

why don't you tell me about
your sexual awakening?

‐ I don't know, it's, it's not a big deal.

‐ Are you being weird about it
'cause he was weird?

Did he keep his cardigan on?

Does he have like a giant
hairy birthmark on his dick?

‐ Eww, no.

‐ My God, did you fuck on your mom's bed?

Or was it on your bed?

Did you have that little stuffed elephant
just staring right at you?

Was it like involved in the action
or something?

‐ Dude, stop.

‐ Wait, was it bad?

Did he do something to you?

I'll fucking kill him.
‐ No, don't. No, no, no, no.

God, no.

It wasn't...
‐ Okay.

‐ I just...

I don't know.

Merge onto I‐90.

‐ It's blocked.

Take the exit.

‐ Bitch, I can't.

‐ That's okay, it's all right.
We'll just take the next one.

Okay, we've been driving
around in circles for an hour.

Where in the absolute fuck are we?

Please make a U‐turn when possible.

It's getting late
and I need to get that pill.

It gets dark super early in the winter.

We'll make it.

Please make a U‐turn when possible.

‐ I just did that. I just did that.

I don't like this bitch's tone.

Please make a U‐turn when possible.

‐ Shut the fuck up!
‐ Fuck you! Fuck you!

Shit, we're in a dead zone.

Fuck.

‐ Dude, what are we gonna do?

‐ My mom keeps a map
behind one of these seats.

Can you? I can't...

‐ Yes.
‐ Yes, okay.

‐ Okay.
‐ Okay.

Wonderful.

My God.

Okay.

Look at this thing. It's huge!

Where are we on here?

Okay.

- There's a greenish line here.
- ‐

What do these red lines mean?
Traffic?

This really needs a pinch‐and‐zoom.

We were looking at North Dakota.

‐ Jesus Christ, you know Westeros
like the back of your hand,

but you can't tell what state
we're looking at.

Wait, wait. I see a light.
I see a light.

We're saved, we're saved, we're saved!

‐ Yeah!

Fuck you, paper!

All right, let's make it quick.

God!

Hello, la... Hello, ladies.

‐ God.
‐ A couple of beautiful young women.

How are ya?
‐ You're so beautiful.

‐ Excuse me?
‐ Looks like we got a couple hot tamales!

‐ ‐ho‐ho, girl, I get it.
‐ Ho‐ho‐ho!

‐ I got a place you can put that finger.
‐ Tasty!

Hey, gimme some sugar, sugar!

‐ How you doin', sir?
‐ Thank you for your service.

‐ Excuse me.
‐ Hi.

‐ Hi, Doris.
‐ That's right.

‐ I was wondering if you could help me
get back onto the highway.

We're headed toward Rapid City.
‐ Yeah, yeah, sure.

You're gonna go right out
to that road you were on

and you're gonna keep on driving till you
get to Neil Larson's corn farm.

‐ Neil Larson's corn farm?
‐ ‐

You don't know Neil?

‐ No.

‐ He's the only person around here
who grows dent corn

instead of sweet corn.

Crazy.

‐ Yeah. So...

‐ You're gonna start countin'.

You're gonna give yourself
a one‐Mississippi, two‐Mississippi...

You'll go to 20‐Mississippi and then
you'll take a right at the doll museum.

‐ Are there any street names?

‐...

You know, probably.

So then you're gonna come to a rock...

But not just any rock...

Fist Rock.

And then things get a tiny bit strange.

There's a few houses
with bullet holes in 'em.

You'll go six more Mississippis,
and you will be on the highway.

‐ Okay. Think I got that.

‐ Yeah, you're welcome.
‐ Thank you.

‐ And if you guys got some time...

I don't know what you got
and what you don't got...

but if you got some time,
get up in that doll museum.

You are gonna love it.

It's beautiful, I got married there.

‐ ‐ Congratulations.

‐ Yeah, well, "congrats"
is not quite the word.

‐ ‐

Sorry.

‐ Something happened.

What happened?

‐ You wanna guess?

‐ It was an amicable split?

‐ No. Way worse. You wanna guess?

‐ I don't really want to.
‐ No.

‐ He did that thing from Footloose,

where he had one...
one foot in each car window

and he was sort of surfing, but, you know,

one started going faster
and veering a little to the right

and one started veering
a tiny bit to the left,

and he just split right in half,

right up the seam of his balls,
and just right up the middle of his face.

And just, the right half of him
was on one side,

the left half of him was on the other.

So we weren't married very long,
but we had a beautiful wedding

amongst those shorthaired dolls.

‐ How much for the food?

‐ You know what? I like you two.

Let's call it $2.67.

‐ Look what I got.
‐ What'd you get?

A little token of my friendship, yeah.

It's a friendship necklace.

‐ My God, it's so cute!
‐ Is that cool?

Dude, look at these things.

‐ I wasn't sure about you, but now...

Matching!

- Ooooh!
- This is so fun.

- Hello, pretty ladies.
- Hello.

‐ Bill and I were just having
a couple of... couple of beers,

just waiting for you to come back.

‐ Why don't you just fuck off, okay?

‐ Okay. We have a little live one here.

‐ Hey, Bill, I got a question.

You think these two Mexicans
got spicy tacos?

- ‐ What are you talking about, our vaginas?
- Yeah.

‐ I'd like to put my burrito in that taco.

With a side of beans
if you know what I mean.

‐ I'm South Asian, so like that metaphor
doesn't track, actually.

‐ What's the equivalent of your taco?

‐ Rotis, or like naan or something.

‐ They're fucking idiots,
so they won't even get it.

‐ Why don't you show us?
‐ I don't think so.

‐ Please leave.

‐ If you take one step closer,
I'll pee on you.

Seriously, I'll pee on you, dude.

Okay, I saw a TED Talk that says
that peeing discourages sexual assault,

so I intend on peeing on you,
and I don't miss, bucko.

‐ You can't even do it.
‐ All right, Sunny, start peeing. Do it.

She's gonna pass out!
She's gonna pass out!

- ‐ Pee on my face right now!
- Philip Peterson!

As I live and breathe,
I thought that was you.

‐ Doris?
‐ Yeah, Doris.

Yeah. We know each other.

- ‐ She knows my mom.
- I'll tell her you say hi.

- ‐
- No?

‐ Why don't you shut the fuck up?

B'yitch!

Look at her face!
Look at her face!

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey!

‐ Let's talk about it!

‐ I think you boys should leave.

‐ Doris, don't tell my mom!

‐ Let it all come out!

‐ Don't tell her! Don't tell my mom!

We'll see how it shakes down, Philip.

Don't tell my mom!
‐ Man, thank you.

‐ Sure. Are you okay?
‐ Yeah, thank you.

‐ Thank you, Doris, thank you so much.
‐ Okay.

What you got in there?

Tobacco, like every other teenager?

‐ It's...

it's m‐m‐m‐m‐marijuana.

It's marijuana.

‐ A little weedsie‐deedsie?

You know, I will trade you
a few hits off of that...

for those friendship crystals
that you stole.

‐ You stole these?

‐ They were really overpriced.

‐ Yeah, she took 'em.
That's why I came out with the bat.

‐ ‐ My gosh.

‐ I'm so so sorry. I just...

‐ No, it's fine.
I feel like we'll be even stevens.

So the condom just fell out?

I've been there.

‐ So, I just... I need
the morning after pill, like now.

So that's... what we're trying to do.

‐ We're headed to Planned Parenthood
in Rapid City, so...

‐ Well, I hate to tell you,
but they're probably closed for the night.

‐ Shit. Fuck.

My 24‐hour window is closing rapidly.

I'm down to like 61% efficacy
after 48 hours.

‐ You know, I wonder if my nephew Andy
could help you girls.

‐ Yeah?
‐ What?

‐ He gets me oxy at Canadian prices.

'Cause here it is, too expensive,
and there's some doctors

who won't prescribe it.

Like mine.

‐ I think there's only
one hit left in that.

‐ I feel like there's a little more
so I'm gonna keep going on it.

Okay, you know how earlier I told you
to go down to the doll museum

and take that right?

You won't take that right,
you'll just keep counting.

Sixteen Mississippi.

And then you're gonna take a left instead.

And he is set up in the playground
next to the middle school.

‐ He's in... he's in the playground?

‐ Yeah, yeah, that's where his office is.

Because he is not allowed to do business
from his mom's house anymore.

I think we're here.

Man.

Playgrounds go from fun to creepy
really quick at night.

Yo, what do you want?

‐ Hello?

We're looking for Andy?
His Aunt Doris sent us here.

‐ Auntie D?

Yeah! Okay, if she says you're cool.
We can do that b'ness.

Welcome to the kingdom.

What can I get you fine females
this evening?

‐ We need the morning after pill.

‐ Levonorgestrel?

That shit has been flying off my shelves.

All these girls gettin' seeded up.

Like to put that yogurt right in the cup.

Check that shit out.
I got one more right here.

‐ Um, yeah. Okay, that could be anything.

‐ Nah, girl, it's the pill.

Or speed.

There's like a really small chance
it might be PCP.

No, it's the pill.
Shit, you got me scared.

It's one hundo.

‐ No. No.
‐ What?

No, I'm sorry, I'm not paying
for an unmarked pill

that's probably PCP, no.

‐ Really small chance it's PCP.

Suit yourself.

You want that labeled shit, I got you.

I got Premarin, I got Ritalin,
Next Level Latisse.

I got bad coke, I got ephedra.

I smoked two of those, I saw God.
Looked like a rat.

That's just Excedrin.

I got meth, I got fake IDs.

I got meth‐‐ ‐ You sell fake IDs?

‐ Do I sell fake IDs?

Ha ha!

Check it out. Look at this.
I got one that looks just like you.

‐ Okay, well, Lupe,
if we find a 24‐hour pharmacy,

then, I mean, maybe we can...
maybe we can use a fake ID.

- ‐ Yeah.
- Here we go.

‐ Great.
‐ Shit. Look at that.

It's like a doppelbanger.

‐ How much is it?
‐ Three hundo.

‐ That's steep.

Okay, um, how's...

how's 50 bucks and a weed vape?

‐ What? No. ‐ It's for the cause,
dude, I'll pay you back later.

‐ No, I don't fuck with vapes.
That shit'll kill you.

Four hundo.
‐ It was only three a second ago.

‐ I don't know what to tell ya,
supply and demand, okay?

Shit, like, fluctuates with the market.

But like... I feel ya.

If that's too much,
we can find another way...

to pay.

Some of that...

‐ What?
‐ Okay, um...

Okay, gross. Gross!
‐ Eww!

‐ No.
‐ God, I'm 17.

‐ We're both 17. What the fuck.
‐ Dude, so am I.

I just have like literally never
drank water in my life.

‐ Okay, yeah, no, this is...
we're... this is disgusting.

We're gonna just go.
‐ Hold on.

If this is the only way...

then it's the only way.

‐ What? No, it's not the only way.
This is not the only way.

‐ I can't get pregnant, dude.

‐ You're not gonna get pregnant, but we're
also not gonna fucking suck his dick in a‐‐

We're in a playground!

‐ I'm running out of options,
I'm running out of time. I have to do it.

‐ Okay, if it's any consolation,
it's gonna be like so fast.

‐ Goddamnit.
Okay, we don't have to do this.

‐ I'm sucking his dick.
‐ No. No, no. No.

No, no. I'm gonna suck his dick.

‐ What? You can't suck his dick.
I'm gonna suck his dick.

‐ I love you, we're in this together.
I'm gonna suck his dick.

‐ I'm not gonna let you suck his dick.

‐ My innocent little
precious little baby, okay?

Doesn't mean anything to me, all right?
I've done this before.

- ‐ I believe in her, she could do it.
- Just shut up.

‐ Let me suck his dick.
‐ No, let me suck his dick.

‐ It's my mess, it's my problem.
It's my problem, my dick.

‐ No, I'm gonna do it.
‐ My problem, my‐‐ Lupe, please!

I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

Just don't judge me, okay?

‐ What? I would never.

‐ Shit, that's a good‐ass friend.

‐ I'm gonna suck it.
‐ Go in there and get it.

‐ Okay.

‐ I'm here if you need me.

‐ Just don't skull‐fuck me, okay?

‐ I can't even move my pelvis like that.

‐ Okay.

‐ Fuck, your dick is pierced!

‐ Hell, yeah!

Yeah, there was so much blood at Claire's.

You know, personally, I hate it,

but it feels really good for the ladies.

No!
‐ You'll see.

‐ I don't know what I'm doing.

I literally have no idea what I'm doing.
‐ Right, okay.

Um, just like pretend
you're eating a banana,

but don't use your teeth.

‐ Yeah, definitely don't use your teeth.

‐ Okay, okay.

‐ I'm sorry, I'm out, I can't do it.

‐ I can't do it.

‐ Sunny.

Sunny!
‐ My God!

‐ Sunny, th‐th‐th‐th‐the...
‐ What?

Th‐th‐th‐th...
‐ You ripped my dick!

- ‐ My God!
- What was it...? Fuck!

‐ Get it out, get it out!
‐ You ripped my dick!

Holy shit, you're dead!
‐ My God! My God!

‐ God!

I want my junk!

God! I can't see the eye!

Get in!
‐ You get back here!

Fuck me, I'm coming!
Fuck!

Is it in my hair? Is it in my hair?

Wait. No, no,
it's not in your hair anymore.

It's not in your hair anymore.
It's on the floor, I don't know.

Fuck you!
‐ My God!

- Go, go, go!
- Come back here with my dick!

‐ My God, he's right after...
‐ Fuck!

Go, go, go!
‐ My God!

‐ Fuck you!
‐ Fuck.

‐ My God. My God.

Who am I? Who am I?

I literally almost sucked
a bedazzled penis for a fake ID.

You did get it, right?
You stole it, you stole it?

‐ Yeah.
‐ Okay. And now I'm a thief.

‐ Here you go.
‐ Okay, thank you.

‐ All right.

‐ What? Dude, this is a 60‐year‐old man.
What?

‐ Let me see that. Wow.

Well, if you don't wax your mustache,

you could probably pull off
Pablo Jimenez III.

‐ Are you fucking kidding me?

I was on my literal knees for a fake ID
that I can't even use?

‐ Hey.

But I also got...

this.

‐ Yes, okay, yes, yes, you sneaky genius.

Thank you, thank God.

Okay, um, maybe we can look up
what the pill is.

Is there anything written on it?
‐ Let's see...

A clown face or a "P" or...
‐ Okay, hold on.

‐ I don't know.
‐ Hold on, let me pull over.

It also kind of looks
like a little worn down...

like... it's kind of faded.

Is the faded thing good?

‐ What do you mean, faded?

Faded like it's old?

You know, like, would that be great?

‐ My God, my God.

My mom, my mom is calling me.
My mom is calling me. What do we do?

‐ I don't know. This is why
I ignore my dad's phone calls

and I just pretend to be the busy signal,
like beep‐beep‐beep.

Do you want me to try it?
‐ No, how is that helpful? No!

‐ Well, she's also gonna know
if you're freaking out, so just be normal.

Be normal. Be normal.

‐ Be normal. Yeah.

‐ Yeah.
‐ Be normal. I'll look for the pill.

‐ Normal.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Be normal.
‐ Yeah, be normal.

‐ Helloooo!

Hi, Sunita, how are you?

‐ Good, good, good, I'm good.
I'm so good! How are you?

‐ Good!

This real estate convention is so crazy.

There are so many people
and new technologies.

‐ Shh!

‐ What was that?

‐ I drank water and it went down
the wrong pipe, Ma. Sorry!

‐ That's... that is really bad.

Be careful when you are swallowing.

‐ Yes.

Yes, Mom.

I'll be careful when I'm swallowing.

‐ Okay. Well, I will see you tomorrow.

Sunita?
‐ Yes, Mom.

‐ When you finish your prep tests,
look in the cabinet above the microwave.

I left a little surprise for you.

I can't hide anything from you.

It's a little bag of Hershey Kisses
I made for you when you finish.

But no cheating, only after you finish.

Okay, my good girl.

I love you.

Good night.

‐ Good night, Mom.

Love you.

I'm a piece of shit, dude.

‐ No, you're not.
‐ Yes, I am.

She thinks I'm this perfect person,
her perfect little girl.

Like... what if she knew?

Like, what if she knew
that I almost like blew

Monster Energy‐drinking goblin?

Or that I had sex, I lost my virginity,
in our home bathroom?

‐ She's not gonna find out, okay?
‐ I think I left the condom in the toilet.

I think I left it in the toilet.
It's just swimming around...

‐ Sunny, honey.
‐ ...it's like egg‐drop soup.

‐ Sunny. Don't spiral, okay?

Just breathe. Look at me.

Everything is gonna be okay.

Okay?

Maybe you need some rest.
Give your eyes a break.

Let me take a shift.

‐ Listen, I'm gonna take a break when
all the sperm inside me are dead, okay?

For now, we're going to go to the Planned
Parenthood, we're gonna park out in the parking lot

until we know that they're open.
‐ Sunny?

Get out of the car, I'm driving.

‐ Fine. Shit.

- Where are we?
- Please don't be mad.

‐ Are we in a bowling alley?
‐ Um...

- Yeah.
- Lupe!

‐ I know, but look, Planned Parenthood
is closed for the night, right?

‐ Right.
‐ And then we can't get the pill tonight.

‐ So we're going bowling?
‐ No. Well, possibly.

But Logan's band is playing here.

In Agatha.

‐ Lupe.

‐ No, look, I know.
‐ Agatha?

‐ I know, but look, we got time to kill.

You know, I just thought it might...
it could be fun.

Go in there, get a little music action.
‐ ‐

Okay, fine.

‐ Yeah?

‐ Fine.
‐ Okay.

I used to take singing lessons in Agatha.

‐ Yeah?

‐ Keys?
‐ Yeah.

‐ Right.
‐ Got 'em?

Here you go.
‐ Thank you.

‐ Um, do I...

It's my shirt from the party,
so do I smell... smell good?

Yeah?
‐ It's like musky.

‐ Okay.
‐ In a good way.

‐ Okay.

Okay.

Wait, wait...

Do I...

Do I look okay?

‐ What's happening right now?

‐ No, just like my lines and my...

‐ I've never seen you nervous before.

How are you nervous? Don't kick me.
How are you nervous right now?

It's like one dude in like
a string of dudes.

I don't understand.

‐ Yeah. I know, I know. I just...

this one is...

different.

‐ Okay, well...

Okay, but you know that
you're the catch here, right?

I know you like him, but you're the catch.

Like, Lupe, if Logan looks at you
and does not instantly worship you,

then like he's a straight‐up dildo, so...

You know, I'm gonna be there
the whole time.

I'm with you.
We're together on this.

‐ Thank you.

‐ I'm not letting go
so you have to get it.

‐ I'm here for you.
‐ ‐

‐ It's gonna be great.
‐ ‐

‐ It's gonna be great.
It's gonna be awesome.

‐ Okay.

‐ My God, shit.
Indian Mafia, look.

‐ Shit. Indian Mafia.

‐ Maybe I should leave just for a second.
‐ Sunny. Hey.

- Hunter.
- Holy shit.

What a turn of events.

‐ Wha... what are you doing here?

‐ My buddies wanted to check out the band,

and this place doesn't card, so,
you know, it's something to do.

Plus, they have a really cool arcade here.

They've got X‐Men on original hardware.

Um... What are you guys doing?

‐ Well, Lupe... Lupe has
a friend in the band, so...

‐ Cool. Um...

Do you guys want to sit with us?
We've got a table.

‐ Yeah. Okay.

‐ All right.

‐ Am I still asleep in the car
or am I dreaming?

‐ Wet dreaming.

‐ Hey, scoot. Look who I found.

‐ Hey, cool party last night.

Some really great conversations.

‐ Yeah, how... how late did it go?

I... I had to dip out.

‐ Um, I don't know. We passed out.

‐ Yeah.
‐ Nice.

Who do you know in the band?

‐ We are Rancid Tofu.

‐ A‐1, 2, 3, 4!

‐ I'm gonna go...

‐ Get it, girl.

‐ Hey, Hunter, I really gotta poop.
Do you wanna come with?

‐ No.

‐ All right, let's go.

‐ They're good.

‐ Yeah, I like them.
‐ Yeah.

You wanna dance?

‐ With me? Like, together?

‐ Yeah.
‐ What about Megan?

‐ What about Megan?

‐ Didn't you, um...

Didn't you, like,
hook up at my party or...?

‐ No. Whoa! No, no, no, no.

I gave her a ride home 'cause...
'cause she was like super wasted.

And then the second she got in my car,
she leaned over and vomited on me.

‐ ‐ Yeah.

I mean, I was pretty freaked out.
I almost hit a parked car.

You have no idea how hard it is
to get glitter barf out of the upholstery.

‐ No, I don't.

‐ You wanna dance or...?

‐ Yeah.
‐ Yeah?

‐ Yes.
‐ Okay. It's cool.

‐ Okay.

‐ Yeah! Ooh!

‐ Hey!
‐ Hi. I was just texting you.

Okay, so me and Hunter
are gonna go grab a bite.

So, are you and Logan chilling
for a bit...?

‐ Yes!
‐ Okay.

‐ You guessed it.
‐ Okay.

‐ Um, can I borrow the keys?
We'll just hang in the car.

‐ Yeah, all yours, all yours.

Um, but wait, no, I wanna meet Logan.

I'll just tell Hunter to like
wait a second for me.

‐ No. No, no, no, no, no.
It's cool. It's cool.

You go chill with your boy, all right?
You can meet Logan after.

‐ Okay.

‐ All right!
‐ Have fun! Have fun!

‐ All right!
‐ Make sure the condom fits snug!

‐ Come on, dude, shush!

‐ Hey, Logan?

‐ Lupe?

Hi.

I thought I recognized that ass out there.

Shit, I'm so sweaty.
I'm so sorry.

‐ No, you're... perfect.
‐.

Wow, it is trippy to see you in 3‐D.

‐ I know.
‐ Did you like the show?

‐ Yeah. My gosh.
It was fucking awesome.

You slayed it on the drums.

‐ Aw.
‐ Seriously.

I've kind of always wanted to play,
but I have terrible rhythm.

‐ No, I don't believe that for a second.
I saw you out there.

Come on.
‐ Okay.

‐ Okay, sit.
‐ All right.

‐ Whoa, careful!

‐ You okay?
‐ Yeah.

All right.

I can't... I...
‐ You're nailing it.

I mean, you're pretty good.

Hey, yo.

Logan.

Ooh.

Well are you gonna introduce me?

- ‐ Xander, this is Lupe.
- Lupe.

So you're the chick
that she's been texting

during band practice.

Hey, are you coming to Doug's?

‐ I don't know, maybe later.

I'm just... I'm gonna hang out
with my, um...

my friend here.

- ‐ Okay, okay.
- Yeah.

I mean, I have a car,
so if you want later, I could drive you.

‐ My God, you have a car?

That's so sick.

- ‐ Okay, that's enough.
- That's so cute.

- ‐ Stop teasing her.
- I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry.

- ‐ I'll see you later.
- You two have fun.

I'll call you if I need a ride, okay?
Love you.

‐ Fuck off. Love you.

Sorry.
‐ My gosh, he's great.

‐ Yeah, he's a lot, but he's the best.

‐ He seems like it.

‐ Um...

do you wanna go spark up?

‐ Yes.

‐ This is great.

‐ Man.

I never get to smoke actual weed.

What?

‐ Gotta vape because my dad...

‐ The 'rents will catch the sniffs.

‐ Indeed, indeed.

That's...

really brave of you
to wear that pin around here.

‐ Of all the names that
I have been called for wearing this,

"brave" is definitely a first.

I like your necklace.

‐ Thank you....

Sunny and I got it at a gas station.

It's a friendship crystal.

‐
‐ ‐

‐ You talk about her a lot.

Are you and Sunny like more than friends?

‐ No. God.

Um...

No, jeez, she's my best friend.

And I would probably kill for her.

Literally do anything for her.

‐ ‐ Seriously, it's gotten weird.

Um, but...

No, no.

Yeah, she doesn't even know I like...

people like you.

‐ Like really cool people, you mean?

‐ Yeah, like really cool people,

regardless of, what's in their pants.

‐ Have you thought about telling her?

‐ Yeah.

Yeah. I just haven't found
the right moment, you know.

I don't know.

Did you ever have a hard time
telling anyone?

‐ My parents.

‐

Yeah.

So...

how did you tell them?

‐ I didn't.

They walked in on me.

‐ No.

Gosh, that's the worst.
‐ Yeah.

‐ So, what happened?
‐ My mom cried.

Dad called me a disappointment,
and it was, you know...

went predictably downhill from there.

‐ Shit.

‐ Yep.
‐ Sorry.

My dad's a pastor.

‐ Whoa.

‐ So, yeah.

Um...

After my mom died...

he just got so insanely strict.

Like I can barely move in that house
without him yelling at me.

I'm just... too much trouble for him.

This would definitely be the last straw.

I'd be kicked out and going to hell.

‐ Shit.
‐ Yeah.

‐ I'm sorry.

I moved in with the band,

afterwards, and, believe it or not,

it makes a real difference
in your mental health

when you are free to be who you are.

‐ Really? What?
‐ I was shocked.

‐ I wonder what that is like?
I don't know.

‐ My God, I'm sorry, did I get you?

‐ No. You're fine.

‐ I think it makes you look brave.

‐ Fuck it.

I've been loving Ouran High School.

- ‐ Can I have some of your ketchup?
- Sure.

- I'm more of a Cowboy Bebop kind of guy.
- Really?

‐ Yeah.
‐ I wouldn't have pegged you as that.

‐ Did you just dunk that...

in, like, a full dunk?

‐ ‐Ketchup.

‐ You know, I've often said that
the thing waffles are missing

is the savory tang of tomato.

‐ You wouldn't get it.
It's my complicated palate.

‐ That's weird.

And I've seen my pregnant sister
dip pickles into peanut butter.

‐ Your sister's pregnant, cool.

‐ ‐
‐ Congrats. That's very exciting.

‐ Yeah.

You okay?

‐ Yeah. Yeah, I'm great.

I'm perfect. I'm awesome.

I'm great.

‐ Just as a casual observer,

you don't seem great.

‐ Yeah. No, I'm just like...

I'm having like a weird, rough day.

‐ But it's fine, it's great.
‐ Yeah.

‐ It's fine, so...
‐ Yeah.

‐ You know, I know someone
who can help with days like that.

Yes. If you just give me...
just give me like one second.

This is Mr. Waffles.

And when he's not being a 1940s announcer,

he's being a waffle, and a great listener.

‐ Hi, Mr. Waffles.
‐ Hello there, Sunny.

Ooh, hey, let's give him a Belgian accent.
Sacre bleu, Sunny.

‐ That's not Belgian.
That's like French.

‐ Sunny.
‐

‐ What is wrong?

‐ Mr. Waffles?
‐ Yes.

‐ Um...

I just made like
a really dumb mistake, so...

‐ No, Sunny, we all make
mistakes sometimes.

It's okay.

What happened?

‐ I...

had...

I had sex with someone...

who I don't even like.

I was drunk and...

it was meaningless.

And...

I don't know, it feels like
ever since that happened, if feels like

the universe has been trying
to punish me or something

because now there's a big chance
that I might get pregnant,

so me and Lupe tried to get
the Plan B pill,

but the Planned Parenthood
is closed down for the night,

so I'm literally just...

the dumb slut who is very stressed out,

and I'm sorry for unloading all of this
on you and Mr. Waffles,

but it just feels like... if you want
to switch booths or something...

‐ Sunny, Sunny, stop.
‐ ...I could totally understand

because this is embarrassing.
‐ Stop, whoa!

Stop! No.

First of all, you are not a slut.

That word is a bullshit double standard.

And second, you are not dumb.
You are the furthest thing from dumb.

You...

I've been afraid to talk to you
for the last three years

because you are actually
the smartest girl in school.

‐ You were scared of talking to me?

‐ Yeah.
‐ You?

‐ Yes.

When I was new in ninth grade,
you did a presentation

on the... the finished elements.

And I'm looking around in class
and I'm like, okay, great.

Yeah, even the teacher's confused,
so I am never

going to open my mouth around this girl.

‐ Number one, um...
it's finite element method.

But secondly, I am very happy

that you decided to open your mouth, okay?

‐ Me too.

And I don't think
that you have to feel guilt...

or shame.

I think that you did something that is
totally normal, totally human, and...

Ms. Flaucher, she might not agree.

But you know what,
I think that we both know

that our Sex Ed teacher has come
nowhere near having sex.

‐ Why is she the one teaching us?

‐ It is a miracle that we're not
all pregnant right now.

If I didn't have older sisters,
I mean, I would be an idiot.

And I think you're gonna... you're gonna
figure this out. And it's gonna be okay.

Let me know if I can help.

‐ You are helping.

What am I, chopped liver?

‐...
‐ Dude, why don't you just...

‐ Third wheel?

‐ Get out of here. Yeah, third wheel much.

Well, do not push me away.

I like her, too.

Well, dude, we can talk about this later.

Do not tell me to talk about it later.
I will talk about it right now.

This fucking guy.

Okay, I have one.
So, if you're on a desert island

and you could only bring Rihanna or TLC,
who would you bring?

And you have to say TLC.

‐... yow.

TLC.

Whoo! I love her.

Well...

Well, Sunny says
she'll be out front in five.

And she wants to meet you.

‐ Are you ready for that?

‐ Yeah. I think I am.

Fuck...

‐ What?
‐ The car smells like weed!

No!

Sunny's gonna kill me.
We gotta air this bitch out.

‐ You just go get Sunny
and I'll take care of it.

I'll just like roll down
the windows and...

‐ Really?
‐ Yeah, of course.

‐ You're the best.

She's gonna love you.

Rosie, you're everywhere!

‐ This is...?
‐ Yeah.

‐ Yeah.
‐ It's good.

‐ Lupe's waiting for me. So...

‐ All right, sorry again about the...
the windows being stuck.

‐ No, yeah, that's okay.

It helps with... the barf smell.

‐ Yeah. Yeah, that's like...

It's gonna be really hard to get out.
‐ Pungent.

‐ Very strong.
‐ Very... present, yeah.

‐ We gotta kiss before you get out.

‐ Yeah, yeah.
‐ Yeah? Okay.

‐ Yeah.

Okay.

‐ Okay.
‐ Bye.

‐ Bye.

Bye, Hunter.

See ya later.

Whooo!

You look happy.

‐ You do too.

‐ Where's the car?

‐ I parked it in the back
for some privacy.

‐ Eww.

‐ I can't wait for you to meet Logan.

‐ Me neither.

‐ What?

I don't... The van, it was...
I don't...

‐ Where is it?
‐ I don't... I don't know.

‐ How do you not know?

‐ No, I left it with Logan for a second.

‐ You left my car with a stranger?

‐ Not a stranger ‐‐ Logan!

‐ Okay, so where is he?

‐ Okay, maybe Logan went
with the band to Doug's party.

‐ Okay?
‐ Okay, where is Doug's party?

‐ I don't know.

‐ Who's Doug?

‐ I don't know.

‐ Great.
‐ Great.

‐ Great, that's great.

Cracked the case, Sherlock!
That's great!

‐ Okay, no, there's gotta be
an explanation, okay?

‐ Okay. Text him, then.
Come on, just text him.

‐ Left my phone in the van.

‐ Great! Great!

Cool!

‐ Call Hunter. Call Hunter.

Text Hunter.

‐ I don't have his number.

And my phone is at 12%.

This was supposed to be easy.

This was supposed to be three hours there,
three hours back, that's it.

‐ Okay, no, look, all right?
We're gonna figure this out.

Okay?

We're gonna figure this out.

What are you doing?

‐ It's my only choice at this point.

‐ No, it's not, it could be PCP.

‐ Really small chance it's PCP, remember?

‐ Sunny, Sunny!

‐ No, no!

You fucking bit my fingers!

Let me back in there!

No, spit it out!

Fuck!

Great.

‐ This is your fault.

‐ What?

How is this my fault?

‐ It's not my fault.

It's not my fault that you got catfished
by anemic Harry Styles.

It's not my fault that you
forced me to throw that party

that I didn't even
wanna throw, Lupe, okay?

You're even the one
that handed me the condom.

‐ Yeah. For good luck, not so you could
fuck the first guy who gave you attention.

‐ Wow. Fuck you.

‐ Fuck you!

‐ You're a truly shitty friend.

‐ I'm a shitty friend?

- ‐ Yeah.
- ‐ Yeah, I'm a shitty friend.

Friend. Friend... Find My...
Find My Friend.

You can use the Find My Friend app
to find my phone in the van.

‐ Cruel twist of irony.

Yeah. Thank God.

It's only 300 Mississippis away. Great.

Okay.

Fuck, it's fucking cold.

Well, the car's gone,

but it's a good thing
you still have your weed.

God, you're the worst.

You know what?
Give me a fucking break, Sunny.

Okay? I'm done with your selfish bullshit.

‐ I'm selfish? Right.

‐ Yeah, yeah.

Every time Sunny has a problem,
everyone just has to drop everything

and forget what they're doing,
but you know what?

I have problems, too, man, okay?
‐ Yeah, yeah.

Like what, getting too high
when you watch the movie Cats?

‐ Fuck off.

There's the van.

Shit! It's locked on this side,
is it locked on that side?

‐ Yeah.
‐ Okay.

Well, I could try to break the car window,
but then the alarm would go off.

Also I would have to explain
to my mom why it's broken

and that wouldn't be
a very fun conversation to have.

I don't really have the allowance to pay for it
either because I'm Indian and I don't get allowance.

‐ Why are you talking like that?
‐ How am I talking?

Are you okay? You're in slow motion.
Catch up.

‐ Sunny, I think what you took was speed.

‐ That makes a lot of sense
because I feel like I have

all the solutions
to the world's problems right now.

Global warming is definitely
the hardest puzzle, but my God,

this would be the perfect time
to take the PSAT‐‐

‐ Sunny, shut the fuck up. The car.
What do we do about the car?

‐ Um, okay, all right, hold on.

Okay, I went through
all the variables in my head

and I feel like the only option that we
have is to go inside and confront Logan.

‐ I don't think
we're welcome at that party.

‐ Twenty‐four hours ago we threw
the house party of the year.

We were born for this.

‐ Okay, we just need to find Logan
and to figure it...

Sunny?

Sunny?

Sunny!

Fucking Sunny...

Sunny!

Sunny!

Sunny?

Sunny?

Sunny! What the fuck!
‐ Sorry, sorry.

There was an uneven leg,
and I really had to fix it or I would die.

Like, I actually literally felt
like I was going to actually die.

‐ Okay, come on, let's go.
We're gonna go.

‐ Hey! Who are you,
why are you in my house?

‐ Your house.
‐ This is my house.

‐ Well, you must be Doug.

Tell you a funny story,

um, some people that we know
were possibly here

and it was just
a funny thing that happened‐‐

‐ You know what, Doug,
stay the fuck out of it.

It's none of your business.

‐ You're crazy.

I can see you're full of shit.

‐ And you thought I was full of shit.

I was just as scared as you were.

‐ Okay, dude.
‐ Come on.

‐ I think you can see me.

Why are you going?

‐ We have to go solve a problem, Doug.

‐ Wow.

‐ What the fuck, Logan!

‐ Lupe, My God,
I was literally just texting you.

- So sorry, dude.
- My phone is in the van.

Fuck.
‐ You are Logan?

‐ Yeah, hi, um...
‐ Why did you take the car?

‐ I didn't‐‐ I didn't, Xander did.

I tried to stop him,
but he just like literally took off.

I am so sorry.

‐ And who is Xander?

‐... he's my lead singer.

‐

I get it now.

Logan is also a girl's name.

And an airport.

But more importantly, it's the name...

Logan's a girl?

‐ So where is he with the keys?

‐ He is... playing hide‐and‐seek...

‐ Sorry, what?
‐ Think he might be tripping.

Doug is like always trying
to get Xander to party with him

and I think maybe this time he said yes
'cause I've literally been looking for him

for like 20 minutes now.

‐ I'm really good at hide‐and‐seek.

‐ So, I'd better go... do that.

So...
‐ Shit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'll help.

‐ Xander!
‐ Xander!

‐ I'm sorry.

Make sure that condom fits snug.

‐ Xander!

‐ Nope, not going in there. Too scary.
Not going.

Here we go, going back. Okay.

‐ No, it's just that these moths...

they keep flying into the flames and they
don't know that they're gonna die.

But they do.

‐ Sunny, what are you doing?

‐ It really is sad.

‐ There.

‐ Xander, what the...
‐ Shh! They don't know I'm in here.

‐ Gimme the keys, gimme the keys.
Gimme the keys, gimme the keys.

‐ You... I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to break up the band.

‐ Xander, no, she's not.

Dude, look, I don't know
what Doug gave you

but you are like
paranoid as fuck right now.

‐ You're gonna make it all fall apart.

Like Yoko.

‐ What the fuck is a Yoko?

‐ What is that pretty
little crystal around your neck?

Is that meth?

It looks like meth.

‐ Ye‐ye‐yeah‐yeah‐yes. Yes.

Yes. My favorite meth.
‐ Yes.

‐ That's why I keep it here
on this chain here close to my heart.

Yep, I've had some wonderful,
wonderful experiences

with this... meth.

So why don't you... give us the keys...

and I'll give you this meth?

‐ Keys, keys...

‐ Yes. Those keys.

‐ Okay. Okay, yeah.

‐ Okay. All right, come outside.

‐ Yeah.

‐ What the fuck!

‐ Run! Run! Run!
‐ My...

I got 'em, I got 'em, I got 'em!
‐ Wait, there's mud, there's mud.

What? Shit.

‐ Hurry up, we have to trudge!

‐ My foot's stuck!

‐

‐

Let's go!

‐ Yoko!

‐ I've never seen anything like this.
I don't know what's happening.

Trudge!

‐ Stop saying trudge!

‐ My God, my God.

‐ My God.

‐ Drive!
‐ I'm trying!

Fuck!

‐ Unlock‐‐ unlock the window.

‐ Do you wanna get fuckin' murdered?!
‐ Unlock the window!

‐ Fuck!

‐ Okay, go get it! Go get it!

‐ Yes!

‐ Yes!
‐ Watch out!

‐ Xander?!

Xander!

‐ I killed a man, a man.

Killed a man, I'm gonna be
pregnant in prison.

‐ Sunny, Sunny!

‐ My God.

‐ My God, Xander!

‐

‐ My God, are you okay?

‐ I think I'm really high, Logan.

‐ Yeah, no shit.
You're covered in blood and mud.

‐ Hey, that rhymes.

We could use that.

‐ Okay, whatever you want.

But right now can you get up?
‐ Okay.

‐ Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

What did I miss?

Whoa, Xand, you look like
a straight‐up monster, bro.

‐ Doug, Doug, will you
take him into the house, please?

And never give him
any of your shit ever again?

‐ Did you have a bad trip?
‐ Okay.

‐ Did you have a bad trip?

- ‐ Sorry.
- I had such a good trip.

‐ Fuck.

I need to go take care of him.

‐ Yeah, absolutely.

I'm... I'm... glad he's okay.

‐ Yeah.

Um... I'm really sorry about, like...

everything that's happened.

This is not how I wanted
our first date to go.

‐ Yeah. Well...

well, at least it was memorable.

‐ Bye, Lupe.

‐ Bye, Logan.

‐ You... you're okay to drive, right?
I mean, you're on speed.

‐ No.
‐ Yeah.

‐ But... hitting that guy with the car
really sobered me up.

No different than my usual
four coffees a day, so...

‐ Okay.

‐ So, were you just not gonna tell me?
‐ No...

I was. I was going to tell you.

‐ When? At your wedding?
‐ No!

I don't know, I just...

I was scared...

that things would change between us.

‐ How? What do you mean?
Like, what would change?

‐ I don't know. I don't, like...

Things would get weird.

I don't know, you'd be afraid
to like change in front of me,

or like... I was checking you out or...

like... you know, you wouldn't
wanna have sleepovers anymore.

‐ My God, are you nuts?

I wanna have sleepovers with you
till we're like little old ladies, okay?

You're my best friend, okay?
My best best friend, and I love you.

I like actually really love you,
do you understand?

I love you so much, I love you.

‐ I love... I love you.

‐ Sorry, I do feel a little speedy.
There's a little speed happening.

‐ Yeah, okay.
‐ In and out, in and out.

‐ Right, you're good, okay.

‐ It's helping my driving, actually.

‐ Why is Kyle calling me right now?

What do you want, Kyle?

Hey, Sunny, can we talk?

‐ Actually, no, um,
a little busy at the moment,

but like maybe later?

‐ I know, but I'm having
a really difficult time. Okay?

I keep thinking about the fact
that we had sex last night!

I'm tortured! I can't sleep.

‐ ‐Totally, totally.
Let's just talk tomorrow about it, okay?

‐ I keep thinking about the fact that I
put it in your rear end for a second.

That's a whole 'nother sin.
We did two sins!

‐ Goodbye, Kyle.

‐ What?

‐ I know, I know.

‐ Okay, why didn't you tell me?

‐ Because it's Kyle.

‐ We're on this whole road trip
because you had sex with Kyle?

‐ Okay, don't say it out loud.

‐...

Do you like him?

I‐I I'm so confused.

‐ No.

No. It just like happened, no.

‐ Why did you feel like you had
to lie to me about this?

‐ I don't know.

You're so experienced.

And you were so excited
when you thought it was Hunter.

And...

I wanted to feel like we were
on the same page for once.

Like...

I don't know, sometimes when I
talk to you, I feel like this little girl

talking to a fully realized sexual being.

It gets tiring.

‐ I'm sorry.

I did have sex
with that guy from church camp.

But that was like once.

And I just felt like...

it was better to be thought of as a slut

than as like a lesbo or whatever.

So I just...

let people think what they wanted to...

and played into it.

‐ But I'm not "people."

‐ I know.

And I think I'm...

ready to stop caring
what people think anyway.

No more secrets?

‐ No more secrets.

Um, I do have a question, though.

Can I call you Fruit Loop now

or is that like very offensive?

‐ You can absolutely call me Fruit Loop
and I will wear that name with pride.

‐ Yeah.

Kewl.

‐ Wait, did Kyle say
he put it in your rear end?

‐ No.
‐ No?

‐ I'm pretty sure I heard him say
it was in the rear end.

‐ It was‐‐ ‐ That was...

Sunny, no secrets!

‐ It was more like the taint, if anything.

‐ Yes!
‐ Yes!

Can we get breakfast after this?

No, dude, I gotta get home
before my mom does.

‐ We too early?

No.

‐ Sunny?

Look.

‐ Fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck!

My God!

‐ Hey...

Hey...

W‐w‐w‐we'll figure this out, okay?

We'll... I... I will...

I'll figure out a way
that we can get it somewhere else.

‐ Lupe.

I need my mom.

‐ Okay.

Okay. Come here.

Okay.

Hey.

Just breathe.

‐ I need my mom.

‐ Hey, it's okay, just breathe.

I love you.

‐ Hi, Kyle.

Hey, Sunny, I just...

wanted to apologize
for freaking out last night.

‐ That's okay.

I was pretty freaked out,
too, to be honest.

‐ You know, I realized something
this morning at church.

God forgives.

It's like the whole reason
Christianity exists.

He loves his children no matter what.

Even if they almost do butt sex.

I'm gonna hold onto that.

And I‐‐ I think we'll be okay.

‐ Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks.

‐ Take care, Sunny.

Sunny, I don't know
if I mentioned it before,

but my youth group
is doing a talent show next week...

‐ Okay, bye, Kyle!

‐ Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

‐ Guadalupe?

Mija. Thank God you're okay.

I was so worried about you.

Thank you, God.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

‐ Yeah, no, I'm...

I'm okay.

Thanks.

‐ What happened? Where were you?

‐ I just...

had to help Sunny with something

really important,

and it just took
a lot longer than we thought, so...

‐ Why didn't you answer my calls?
‐ You called?

‐ At least 10 times.
There was this weird busy signal.

Lupe, you gotta get better at...

No, you know what? Whatever.

Look, I'm just glad you're okay.

Mija, my mind went through
the worst‐case scenarios.

Just kept imagining you getting into
all kinds of crazy situations.

‐ Yeah, no... crazy situations for me.

‐ I gotta call your abuela,
tell her you're okay.

Okay, thank God, and don't
ever do this to me again, okay?

Gonna call your abuela.

‐ Hey, Dad?

‐ Yeah?

‐ Pr‐promise me you'll never, um,
kick me out.

‐ What? What do you mean?
Why would I do that?

‐ I‐I don't know.

I just, um, you know,
sometimes parents do that.

‐ Mija.

You're my little loquita.

Okay, it's not my job to judge you.

It's my job to be your dad,
no matter what.

You can kill someone
and you will always have a home here.

I mean, I gotta call your tíos
to bury the body,

gotta deal with my boss upstairs.

Plus, I will never hear
the end of it from your mom.

‐ I love you, Dad.

‐ I love you, too, mija.

Nice pin.

‐ Shut up.

‐ Mommy. I need to...

‐ You took my car

without my permission
to some bowling alley in Agatha?

‐ Damn you, Indian Mafia.

‐ You could be dead in a ditch!
What were you thinking?

I trusted you and you lied to me.

‐ I...
‐ What is this?

What happened to my good girl?

Because this,
this is not the daughter I raised.

‐ Maybe it is.
‐ Do not talk back at me.

‐ Maybe I'm not a good girl, Mommy.

Maybe I'm a terrible person
who deserves terrible things.

Maybe I should just stop trying
to be perfect for you all the time,

because the me that makes mistakes,
the me that you don't know...

I feel like it's never
going to be good enough for you.

Sunny?

Why do you think
you are a terrible person?

You know, growing up
I made a lot of mistakes.

And I was...

far from perfect.

Especially in my own mother's eyes.

My mother decided everything for me.

She talked at me, never with me.

I don't want our relationship
to be like that.

‐ I need a morning after pill.

I need the car because I needed to go
to the closest Planned Parenthood,

which is very far away,
and I tried to get it at a pharmacy here,

but the pharmacist refused
to sell me the pill,

so it turned into a wild goose chase.

‐ Wait. What do you mean he refused you?

‐ Good afternoon.
How may I help you?

‐ I need the Plan B pill,
for my daughter's friend.

‐ Okay.

So glad I'm here to see this.

‐ Great.

Now, when we get home, you are both
cleaning all this mud in here.

It's a total mess!

What's this?