All language subtitles for Boston.Legal.S02E19.2005.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.DDP-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

ALAN: Previously on Boston Legal…

I believe Rachel's using again.

What proof do you have?

She asked to borrow $40.

Crystal meth users live their lives
in $40 increments.

I want you to find out if my daughter
is using drugs again.

What time do you get off work?

She's sweet, beautiful.
Nothing rattles her.

-Even when she lost her ATM card.
-What are you talking about?

Rachel lost her ATM card.
So I loaned her 40 bucks.

You have a child. A child!

You bastard.

I'm helping Melissa, who seems to have
fallen into a black hole of debt.

Very black.

(slow stinger playing)

AGENT JOSEPH: Melissa Hughes?

Uh… why?

Are you Melissa Hughes?

(loudly) Alan!

These people are looking for,
um, Melissa Hughes.

They have guns.

ALAN: What's going on?

Can we see some identification, please?

Do I have to do that?

Don't I have the right
to not incriminate myself?

Why don't we start with you
identifying yourselves?

I'm Special Agent Joseph Reynolds
with the US Treasury Department.

This is Special Agent Thomas Leahy,
also with the Treasury Department.

Are you Melissa Hughes?

(groans)

All right.

Please put your hands behind your back,
Ms. Hughes.

-MELISSA: What?
-I asked before. I'll do so again.

ALAN: What is going on?

This woman is under arrest for evasion
of federal income taxes.

AGENT JOSEPH:
You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can be used
against you in a court of law.

You have the right to speak
to an attorney.

I'm her attorney. We'll waive Miranda.

There's no need to take her into custody.

I'll surrender her myself
at her arraignment.

I'm sorry, sir. Let's go, ma'am.

Hold up.
Did you just call me "ma'am," you…

No talking, Melissa.
And don't be making any statements.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Alan!

(theme music playing)

Alan!

I dreamt I had a three-way with Denny…

and Denny.

(groans) Good Lord!

I wouldn't even want to dream
that you just told me that.

This must be the way my subconscious
is telling me

I need to get back out there
and start dating again.

Ah, well, then allow me to take advantage
of your situation.

My nephew Michael just moved here
from New York.

He's an investment banker
with Price Stearns.

And he needs someone to show him around.

Shirley, you're my boss.

And you're coming up for partner soon,
so it's one of those lose-lose situations.

DENISE: Fine.

Give me his number.

DENNY: Good morning, Shirley.

(emphatically) Denise…

Hi, Denny.

You dreamt we had sex together.

(whimsical music playing)

How did you know?

You mean I'm right?

-(gasps)
-(claps)

I ask everybody that.

You're the first person who ever said yes.

Uh, Shirley, could we talk for a second?

It's rather important.

Oh, yeah.

(sighs)

-Dinner?
-(clears throat)

Rachel is using again.

I found a crystal meth kit
in her bathroom.

I'm so sorry.

I've decided to do an intervention.

I see no other alternative
but to get her into a facility.

And, Fiona?

I'll assume custody until Rachel is well.

Legally, social services.

I cannot allow for that.

Are you looking for my counsel here, Paul,
or simply informing me?

I guess a little of both.

(sighs)

There's a private investigation company
that specializes in these matters.

I've already contacted them.

You sure this is what you wanna do?

There's a child involved.

What choice do I have,
other than going to the police?

(somber stinger playing)

I'm not sure I can get you out of this.

Can't you just make one of those really,
really long speeches

like you did with my credit card thingy?

This is a little bit more serious
than not paying your credit card bills.

Oh, come on.

I can't be the first person to forget
to pay her taxes.

You sent the form back
with a note saying, "Stick it."

I was extremely close to my grandfather.

I'm sure you feel
you've just explained things.

Yeah! He served in World War II.

He was such a proud American.

And I just started thinking
how embarrassed he would be

by what's happening today.

What's happening?

Us torturing people,
the spying on our own people,

squashing everybody's civil liberties.

My grandfather would weep.

It makes me weep.

Melissa, you need to change the channel.

The awful things you speak of never happen
on the fair and balanced newscast.

CLERK: 41625.

The United States versus Melissa Hughes.
Violation of Internal Revenue Code: 7-6…

Alan Shore for Miss Hughes, Your Honor.
I believe we can waive reading.

And in fact, since the total amount
is around $400,

I would submit that my client simply

pay it together with late penalties,
and we can dispose of this…

The government's not interested in a deal,
Your Honor.

The defendant didn't just fail
to pay her taxes.

She wrote "Stick it" on a post-it
and attached it to her returns.

Your Honor, it's quite simple.

When my client filed her taxes,
she inadvertently mailed the post-it note

she had written to herself as a reminder
to stick the check in the mail.

What is this jibber-jabber?

I don't like jibber-jabber
in my courtroom.

Oh, my goodness.

Your client stands accused
of a federal crime.

-Do you want a trial, Mr. Shore?
-Immediately.

-Mr. Shapiro?
-The government stands ready.

10:00 a.m. tomorrow.

And I would ask counsel
to check his sense of humor at the door.

My courtroom is a temple of decorum.

And I do not tolerate jibber-jabber!

(coughing)

(comical stinger playing)

(in cracked voice) Ten o'clock.

It's almost 3:00 now,
so I'd like to wait until tomorrow.

I want to do this
while Fiona is at school.

How do you know the school will release
Fiona to you?

PAUL: Rachel authorized me last week
when I picked her up.

Do not expect my daughter
to just go along for the ride.

She will resist you
with everything she's got.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

(door shuts)

Brad, should the police come
asking questions,

I would count on your support
on the justification issue.

Paul, I'll do what I can,
but I can't really support justification.

I beg your pardon?

Well, what can I tell the police,

that I saw her not taking drugs?

That she took me
to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting?

I'm counting on your support,
and I will get it.

(tense stinger playing)

I did not see a person on drugs.

I'm sorry.

-DENISE: Yes?
-RECEPTIONIST: Michael Reisz is here.

Um, send him back.

(Michael chuckles)

Hi, Michael.

Well, it's, um, it's nice to meet you.
Shirley's told me so much about you.

Yow. Giggity, giggity.

(suggestive stinger playing)

Beg pardon?

Shirley, when you told me
your nephew was "sweet,"

somehow, in his mind,
that was synonymous with "horny."

(sirens hooting)

Oh.

Lovely. Okay, call me back.

-Evening, officer.
-Evening.

License and registration, please.

I missed it.

When did they make a left turn
on red legal in Massachusetts?

-Did I do that?
-Uh-huh.

You know,
it's been a really stressful day.

Um, I'm an attorney
at Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

Why are you telling me that?

You think that's gonna influence me
or something?

That doesn't seem right.

Hmm, I… I didn't. I'm sorry.

No. I made a mistake.

Officer, why don't you just give me
a ticket and we'll call it a night?

(laughs softly)

Now that was the right thing to say.

I'm gonna let you off
with a warning this time.

Really? Oh, thank you so much.

This… this is the first good thing
to happen to me all day.

Same here.

(tender music playing)

(upbeat stinger playing)

We've stipulated as to your noncompliance.

The only testimony to be taken
would be yours.

-Okay.
-I'll take one last shot at settling it.

Actually, I've decided I want to continue
with the trial.

Sorry?

I think it's what my grandfather
would want.

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Please stop talking
about your grandfather.

But…

Melissa, the prosecution is looking
to make a point.

You could go to jail for a long time.

Are you listening to me?

Hmm?

Yeah.

You get to go and fight battles for things
you believe in every day.

And it is so… admirable.

I've never really stood up for anything.

I… I know it sounds all stars and stripy
but my grandfather…

I'm sorry, but he did.

He talked about the America he fought for.

Now I want to fight for it.

Okay, first of all, and I think your
grandpa would agree with me,

there's nothing more American
than paying your taxes.

I want to have my day in court.

At the risk of having your day in prison?

You want to bone me up?

(suggestive music playing)

I beg your pardon?

For my testimony. Shouldn't you prep me?

You seem prepped.

You okay?

My head hurts.

(smacks lips)

Let's get to court.

(action stinger playing)

(upbeat stinger playing)

(elevator dings)

(mellow music playing)

RECEPTIONIST: Ms. Bauer, your messages.

Denise?

I'm… I'm sorry.

And for the record,
he's not horny around me.

It's okay. I met someone else,
and the night took a whole other twist.

He's a police officer
and a real gentleman.

-You slept with him?
-I did not.

-You did, too.
-I did not.

-(sternly) Denise.
-Maybe a little.

You slut.

I have a really good feeling
about this one.

Well, then you can send
your thank you notes to me and Michael.

(cell phone rings)

This is Denise.

SCOTT: Hi, it's me.

Hey, you. It's him.

-(whispers) A next-day caller.
-(whispers) Oh.

What's up?

Listen, I was wondering if you could
meet me down at the police station.

Um… sure. I get off for lunch around noon.

Uh, I don't… I don't know
if I can make lunch.

Why not?

SCOTT: I have been arrested.

What? What for?

Impersonating a police officer.

(upbeat music playing)

I've always believed the United States
was not only the strongest country,

but also the most moral one.

And, so naturally, that's what
prompted you to tell them to stick it?

(chuckling) I just felt so… embarrassed.

Embarrassed. Over…?

Well, I guess, first, the whole weapons
of mass destruction thing.

Now maybe we lied,
maybe we made a mistake,

but either way as… as goofs go,
to start a war?

Hello?

(chuckles)

It embarrassed you?

Didn't it you?

-Didn't it you?
-Objection.

Ms. Hughes,
please do not address the jury.

(whispers) Okay.

It seems as though you oppose the war.

Actually, I don't.

If the government had said, "We need
to do anything to get rid of Saddam,"

I would've said, "Let's roll."

And if we had apologized after making
such a humongous gaffe

with the whole weapons thingy,

I'm sure I could've accepted that, too.

But instead, we were so arrogant.

It was… embarrassing. (chuckles)

-Yes. Anything else?
-MELISSA: Torture.

Our military tortured prisoners.

Aren't we supposed to be the country
that stands for human rights?

I mean, doesn't it just make
you want to hide?

-Ms. Hughes!
-And spying.

(laughing)
Do we spy on our own citizens now?

All this to fight terrorists

because they're a threat to freedom
as we know it?

I mean, talk about burning down
the barn to kill the rats.

Am I the only one embarrassed by this?

D.A. SHAPIRO:
What about the military, Ms. Hughes?

Have our soldiers embarrassed you?

I have always been as proud of our troops
as I am grateful.

Now I believe you said
that you're actually for the war.

-I guess you'd be for winning it.
-Of course.

Well, what chance do you think
we'd have of victory

if people started not paying their taxes?

Not good.

But I guess if you're ashamed enough
to be an American.

-She never said she was "ashamed" to be.
-It's okay…

She said she was "embarrassed" as.

A distinction often missed by those
who confuse dissent for disloyalty.

Mr. Shore, sit down.

I am sitting.

Okay, you got me.

But I was about to sit after objecting
to the DA's jibber-jabber.

-There he goes again.
-(laughs) There I go again!

Stop with the jibber-jabber!

The issue here is, did she pay her taxes?

She didn't.

You be quiet, Mr. Shore.

And, Mr. Shapiro,
sit down while you're ahead.

JUDGE ROBERT:
We will have closing arguments.

And then the jury will rule,
and then I will give my sentence.

Small point, judge.

You probably shouldn't indicate
to the jury you expect a sentencing.

I could be wrong.

Enough jibber-jabber!

(coughing)

(comical stinger playing)

May I come in?

(sighs)

I feel horrible about
how it ended the other day.

Well. Gee. (scoffs)

It's just…

If you're using crystal meth…

(groans)

PAUL: Rachel.

What I know about you,
or I should say suspect,

is that you really don't want to
eliminate drugs from your life.

You want to be able to manage them.

Nice talking to you, Dad.

I would like you
to check yourself into rehab.

Fine. I'll think about it. Thanks for…

You have a daughter.

You know…

sometimes, being there
is more important than being sober.

(soft tense music playing)

(door opens)

(door shuts)

(tense music intensifies)

What the hell is this?

You're going to rehab, Rachel.

Are you out of your mind?

Ms. Lewiston, we're doing this easy,
or we're doing this hard.

Well, let's do it easy, then.

Screw you. And screw you. What…

-MEN: Ma'am. Ma'am, please.
-(yells) Get your hands off of me!

Get your… What are you doing?

-This is my house!
-MAN 1: Get her off the floor.

RACHEL: What is this, Dad?

Daddy, make them stop!

-PAUL: Rachel, I'm only…
-MAN 1: Get her out of here.

-Daddy, make them take their hands off me!
-PAUL: Rachel.

-Get off of me!
-MAN 1: Get her out the door.

(screaming)

-Push her. Push her.
-Get off of me!

(men grunting)

RACHEL: Let go!

Let go, you bastards!

Let go of me!

(upbeat stinger playing)

(prison alarm buzzing)

(sighs)

So…

have you been doing this for a long time?

A few years.

It's just…

You drive around, and you see people
behaving so irresponsibly, so rudely.

You know, speeding and cutting people off,

uh, running red lights,
like there are no rules!

(sighs)

One… one time, I just pulled a guy over
and straightened him out.

All I do is warn people.

I just want to help keep the public safe
and… and law-abiding.

So you're like, um…
hall monitor for the world?

But that has nothing to do
with what happened between us.

That was real.

You're a special person, Denise.

Most women would be put off with the idea
of dating a policeman.

(softly) You are not a policeman.

I will be your attorney, but that's all.

(prison alarm buzzing)

That… that's all!

(percussive music playing)

I'll see you in court.

(keys rattle, door opens)

Whatever feelings you have for me now,
you have to know…

Where's Fiona?

She's with me. She's doing well.

I want to see her.

I'll bring her.

This person, this Brad Chase,
is he a PI? Does he work for you?

He's a lawyer who works for me.

Well, he's a lawyer in need of a lawyer.
I'm suing him.

On what grounds?

Invasion of privacy,
infliction of emotional distress.

My attorney made a whole list.

You have a lawyer.

Have you moved for a temporary
restraining order?

No.

RACHEL: She's allergic to soy,
and wheat if she has too much.

Make sure to minimize sugar.
No soft drinks.

Stay away from the processed foods.
I like to keep it organic.

There's a list of her favorite foods,
her school,

her friends for play dates,
her pediatrician.

There's numbers for each.

She functions best on routine,
so stick to it.

You tell her…

I'm in the hospital. You don't tell why.

And bring her here.

(somber music playing)

Goodbye, Dad.

(somber music continues playing)

Melissa, you could very well go to prison.

Yeah.

You'll visit me, right?

You gonna make one of those really
long speeches?

They're so hot.

I can stand up
and argue just about any case.

But the long shots,
of which this is one, are different.

Those I need to somehow believe in.

And unfortunately, what I believe here…

is that you broke the law.

(inhales deeply)

Well, then I guess between now
and the time you jump up,

you're gonna have to
find something to believe in.

Why, Alan? That's all I'm gonna ask. Why?

Some people see things as they are
and ask "why?"

Others see things as they never were
and claim mad cow.

Do you have any idea

what would happen if all the little people
stopped paying their taxes?

The rich people would have
to start paying theirs?

Exactly!

This is personal.

You're jeopardizing my loopholes.

What's this all about? Talk to me.

It's about civil disobedience, Denny.

It's about anarchy. It's about…

(chuckles)

…the girl.

(Denny clicks tongue)

I have a completely inexplicable,
unwarranted, small, but…

embarrassing crush on the girl.

-That girl?
-She's…

fruity chewing gum, shopping malls,
and sexy sweatpants and…

Whereas, I'm…

not.

I have no intention of acting on it,

nor do I regard it as anything more
than a moment's passing fancy.

But as moments go…

(mellow music playing)

(groans)

My head hurts.

Evidently, she is not challenging
the commitment. I don't know why.

Maybe she can't afford a lawyer.

Oh, she's got a lawyer.

She's suing you.

Me?

I don't really think she has cause
of action or…

Paul, what is she suing me for?

(sighs) Brad, I apologize for putting you
in the middle of all this.

But, well, as this plays out,

I would appreciate you protecting
my relationship with her if you can.

What about my relationship with her?

Do you have one?

Well, not really.

I just don't like being the bad guy here.

(gloomy music playing)

Well, let's just try to repair this,
for everybody's sake.

Especially hers.

(upbeat stinger playing)

BRAD: I heard a rumor I was being sued.

Your father asked me to find out
if his daughter was using drugs.

I didn't betray anyone's trust

because at the time
that I accepted his request,

I didn't know you.

Now, as for the person I came to know…

A person whose trust you cultivated.

I didn't betray her.

Well, I told your father
that I did not see you using.

I did not see an unfit parent.
I did not support his intervention.

What a guy. I'm still suing.

No, you're not.

Because any action filed would put

the Department of Social Services
on notice.

And right now, everything is private,
which is how you want it.

That's why you're not moving for a TRO.

You're not suing anybody.

I'm not moving for a restraining order
because I belong here.

I'm a drug addict.

I'm staying here
because I want to get well,

so I can get my daughter back.

You can go now.

-Look, I'm sorry that everything…
-That makes it all better.

What wasn't a lie was how much
I enjoyed meeting you.

I think, well, as far as drug addicts go,
you're a really nice person.

(giggles)

Well, that is so sweet.

Can I have 40 bucks?

-Drug addict humor.
-Very good.

Tell my father to bring Fiona.

(soft stinger playing)

Docket number 4175.
Commonwealth versus Scott Warner.

One count, impersonating a police officer.

You've heard the charges before you.
How do you plead?

Your Honor, not gui…

(loudly) Guilty!

Your Honor, that's, uh, not "not guilty."

That's guilty.

What is going on?

Your Honor, if I may have a moment
to confer with my client.

-(whispers) What are you…
-Denise, I have to do this.

Sir. I believe in rules.

-(whispers) Scott.
-And as much as I hate to admit it…

I broke the rules.

Mr. Warner,
do you realize that by pleading guilty,

you waive your constitutional rights,

and I may impose upon you any sentence
up to and including the maximum?

I understand completely, Your Honor.

Fine. The defendant is remanded
until sentencing.

Well, I guess I'll see you in a few hours
at the hearing.

It's a few hours too many
as far as this fella goes.

(comedic stinger playing)

I'm such a loser.

Clearly, she committed a crime.

She didn't pay her taxes.

The only question is,
will you hold her accountable?

Now, no doubt Mr. Shore will try to paint
her as some kind of activist hero.

But she is no hero, folks.

At a time…

when freedom has never been
more precarious in this country,

for her to refuse her civic
and legal duty to pay her taxes

while we have soldiers dying over there.

This woman's deliberate action
is as unpatriotic, as un-American,

as it is illegal.

This is the cut-and-run behavior
of a coward.

Don't you dare… declare her a hero.

When the weapons of mass destruction
thing turned out not to be true,

I expected the American people to rise up.

(scoffs)

They didn't.

Then, when the Abu Ghraib
torture thing surfaced

and it was revealed that our government
participated in rendition,

a practice where we kidnap people

and turn them over to regimes
who specialize in torture,

I was sure then,
the American people would be heard from.

We stood mute.

Then came the news that we jailed
thousands of so-called terrorist suspects,

locked them up
without the right to a trial

or even the right to confront
their accusers.

Certainly, we would never stand for that.

We did.

And now it's been discovered
the executive branch

has been conducting massive,

illegal, domestic surveillance
on its own citizens. You and me.

And I at least consoled myself
that finally,

finally, the American people
will have had enough.

Evidently, we haven't.

In fact, if the people
of this country have spoken,

the message is, "We're okay with it all."

Torture, warrantless search, and seizures.

Illegal wire tappings,

prison without a fair trial, or any trial,

war on false pretenses.

We as a citizenry are apparently
not offended.

There are no demonstrations
on college campuses.

In fact, there's no clear indication
that young people even seem to notice.

Well, Melissa Hughes noticed.

Now, you might think,
instead of withholding her taxes,

she could've protested
the old-fashioned way.

Made a placard and demonstrated

at a presidential
or vice-presidential appearance.

But we've lost the right to that as well.

The secret service can now declare
"Free speech zones," to contain, control

and, in effect, criminalize protest.

Stop for a second and try to fathom that.

At a presidential rally,
parade or appearance,

if you have on a supportive T-shirt,
you can be there.

If you're wearing or carrying something
in protest, you can be removed.

This in the United States of America!

This in the United States of America!

Is Melissa Hughes
the only one embarrassed?

Mr. Shore.
That's a chair for witnesses only.

(softly) The really long speeches
make me so tired sometimes.

Please get out of the chair.

Actually, I'm sick and tired.

Get out of the chair.

And what I'm most sick and tired of…

is how every time somebody disagrees
with how the government is running things,

he or she is labeled "un-American."

Evidently, it's speech time.

And speech in this country is free,
you hack!

Free for me, free for you.

Free for Melissa Hughes to stand up to her
government and say, "Stick it."

-Objection!
-I object to government

abusing its power to squash
the constitutional freedoms

of its citizenry.

And God forbid, anybody challenge it,
they're smeared as being a heretic.

Melissa Hughes is an American.

Melissa Hughes is an American.

Melissa Hughes is an American.

Mr. Shore, unless you have anything
new and fresh to say, please sit down.

You've breached the decorum
of my courtroom with all this hooting.

Last night, I went to bed with a book.

Not as much fun as a 29-year-old.

But the book contained a speech
by Adlai Stevenson.

The year was 1952.

He said, "The tragedy of our day
is the climate of fear in which we live,

and fear breeds repression.

Too often, sinister threats to the bill
of rights, to freedom of the mind,

are concealed under the patriotic cloak
of anti-communism.

Today, it's the cloak of anti-terrorism."

Stevenson also remarked,

"It's far easier to fight for principles
than to live up to them."

I know we are… all afraid.

But the Bill of Rights…

We have to live up to that.

We simply must.

ALAN: That's all Melissa Hughes
was trying to say.

She was speaking for you.

I would ask you now to go back
to that room and speak for her.

(resolute music intensifies)

Before I hand down my sentence,
does the defendant wish to say anything?

DENISE: Your Honor,

while impersonating an officer
is a serious offense,

my client's intentions were sound.

He never harmed anyone.

And he has accepted full responsibility
for what he's done.

He's also very contrite.

Thank you.

I hereby sentence Scott Warner
to 600 hours of community service.

SCOTT: If I may be heard, Your Honor.

-(whispers) Scott.
-If it please the court,

as you well know…

I have already performed 600 hours
of community service while on patrol.

You must feel it yourself, Your Honor.

Our society, over the past decade,
has become ruder and ruder.

Breaking rules, cursing,
driving recklessly.

Some are calling it an epidemic.

And I believe, as do experts,

that it is a symptom of the growing
social isolation that we all feel.

(hopeful music playing)

Your Honor, I'm just one guy out there
asking people to be more courteous.

But what if this were utopia…

and we all did it?

Wouldn't that be something?

I mean, wouldn't that be just… great?

Uh, so while I will gladly take
any sentence you see fit as…

as I respect you, Your Honor,

I would ask you to reconsider my sentence.

I will.

Three months in prison
and 1,200 hours of community service.

(gavel pounds)

(crowd mumbling)

That was a lovely… moving speech.

-Wait for me?
-Absolutely not.

-If I were to appeal, would you handle it?
-Absolutely not.

So this is goodbye?

Definitely.

Okay.

(quirky music playing)

(whispers) Okay, that was assault.

Goodbye, Denise.

JUDGE ROBERT:
Will the defendant please rise?

Mr. Foreman, the jury has reached
a unanimous verdict?

Yeah, Judge, guilty.

Wait till I ask you.

Now, what say you?

The suspense is killing me.

We, the jury, find the defendant
Melissa Hughes, guilty as charged.

(softly) Great.

JUDGE ROBERT: Miss Hughes,
the jury has found you guilty

of federal income tax evasion.

Permission to be heard
on sentencing, Judge.

Stop your hooting!

I'm in no mood for any more
of your jibber-jabber.

The court fines Ms. Hughes $1,000

and sentences her
to 30 days in prison, suspended.

Adjourned. (gavel pounds)

Thirty days in prison?

Suspended, Melissa.

Jibber-jabber gave you no jail time.

Oh.

(whimsical music playing)

That's good.

It's very good.

(sighs)

(upbeat stinger playing)

(exclaiming happily)

RACHEL: Oh, hey!

Oh, honey.

(Rachel smooches, sighs)

FIONA: Are you feeling better?

I'm feeling much better.

Oh, it's so good to see you.

Are you coming home soon?

I'm coming home real soon, honey.

-How are you?
-FIONA: Fine.

Grandpa gave me ice cream.

Uh, organic.

FIONA: And grilled cheese.

Uh, whole grain.

And, Brad played monkey with me.

Oh. I bet he's a big ape.

Hey, you guys, will, uh,
you give me and Fiona some special time?

Sure.

Thank you.

(tender music playing)

Wave goodbye to the big ape.

FIONA: Bye, big ape.

RACHEL: Oh, sweetheart. Oh, honey.

-Here we go. Whoa!
-(both laugh)

Thank you.

You're quite welcome.

MELISSA: Maybe we should, um…

celebrate over dinner.

Melissa.

Pay your taxes.

That's about as far as you should go.

(tender music playing)

(mellow music playing)

DENNY: She just kissed you?

ALAN: Mm-hmm.

Is she coming over later to guard you
against… night terrors?

No.

I told you, I'm not gonna pursue it.

Why not?

Are you depressed because you lost?

I didn't lose.

She was found guilty.

She didn't get any jail time.
That's an empiric victory.

Ooh.

Suddenly you're in favor of emperors.
The truth is out.

(scoffs) That's all he wants to be, Alan.

-ALAN: An emperor?
-DENNY: Damn right.

ALAN: You know what I miss most about
our country, Denny?

Not the loss of our civil rights so much
as our compassion, our soul, our humility.

No.
(exclaiming)

Soul, that's a religious thing.

State, Church.

It's unconstitutional
for the United States to have a soul.

Apparently.

We seem to be becoming a mean people.

Learned Hand once said,
"Liberty lies in our hearts.

And once it dies there,
no constitution can save it."

Just once I wish you'd quote a Republican.

I want a kinder and gentler nation.

Nothing quite so optimistic
as a kiss from an idealistic girl.

-Who the hell said that?
-I did.

Oh.

It's strange, isn't it,

how love supersedes everything
that goes wrong?

I still remember the first time Bev,
let me go "porkeling."

That's like when you go snorkeling
with your…

I follow.

Sometimes, I close my eyes
and I can still see her there.

Right there.

(soft music playing)

Love trumps all.

(softly) Love…

trumps all.

DENISE: Next on Boston Legal…

-Why did you try to kidnap this woman?
-She was helping me escape.

She says that you've moved her
into an assisted-living facility

and are selling off all her assets.

-Shirl.
-Ivan?

Admit you're having
an emotional affair with me.

Consider making it physical, since,
after all, we're already halfway there.

He won't stop until he gets what he wants.

Why not be part of the fun?

For once, I don't trust myself with him.

I love you, Shirley.

I love you, too.

DENNY: Shirley deserves better than us.

You're not gonna hurt her, Ivan.

You know me.

(theme music playing)

OLD WOMAN: You stinkah!