All language subtitles for Boston.Legal.S02E18.2005.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.DDP-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

BRAD: Previously on Boston Legal…

I was a drug addict.

I needed my father and you abandoned me.

-Who is this?
-RACHEL: Your granddaughter.

EMCEE:
Please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Denny Crane.

-BEVERLY: Denny.
-Bev has hired an army of lawyers

to gut this firm.

An agreement has been reached
in the matter of Crane vs Crane.

I will buy a house for Bev in Hawaii.

You'll be the one that got away
from Denny Crane.

Look me up if you're ever
on the big island.

I am the big island.

Denny, they're doing some sort
of renovations at my hotel.

I was wondering if I could spend the night
at your place.

Stay as long as you need.

(blues music playing)

WOMAN (on TV): …believe
that 24% of married couples,

which to me is a very large number,

-do not sleep in the same bed.
-(knocks on door)

ALAN: Denny, you ready to go?

-And they say it has nothing to do…
-And they're happy about it.

-ALAN: Denny!
-With not being compatible

…with a person.
You want to get a good night's…

Denny, you must go to work.

It's hump day, your favorite day.

I don't have a favorite anything anymore.

Listen, I understand the need to retreat
into oneself after a failed love affair,

but you haven't gone to work
in three days.

You've been in that bed for two.

You're drinking scotch
at nine in the morning.

And most disturbingly,
you're watching The View.

Leave me alone.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Same team! Same team!

Consider this an intervention.

(sighs)
It's no use, Alan.

Nothing interests me anymore.

Construction worker Russell Blayney,

arrested for attempted murder
for setting a booby trap in his home

to catch burglars.

Miguel Dominguez allegedly broke
into Blayney's house

and received a reported 50,000 volts
of electricity through his body,

paralyzing him from the waist down
and leaving us all with the question,

Russell Blayney victim or vigilante?

ANCHOR: Thank you, Russ, for that report.

DENNY: That case…

I want that case!

I see your bliss is back as well.

(quirky stinger playing)

Your Honor, the Commonwealth moves
that bail be denied.

Mr. Blayney is charged with attempted
murder and is an obvious flight risk.

-If I may, my client…
-DENNY: Your Honor.

I need a moment with my client.

You don't have a client here, Mr. Crane.

Count to ten, Judge.

Mr. Blayney, do you know who I am?

Yeah, you're Denny Crane.

I've seen you go on Larry King.
You're famous.

So, who would you rather have
as your attorney,

me or Hacky McGuilty-Verdict here?

I've faced him before.
You'd rather have him.

Don't feel bad, son.
Takes a big man to recognize a bigger man.

We're waiting, Mr. Crane.

Uh, I move for a continuance, Your Honor.

I just got the case.

(theme music)

ALAN: Shirley.

First thing in the morning,
haven't even had my coffee.

Normally I'd make a witty retort
about caffeine

and your aging reproductive system,
but not today, Alan.

I have a problem.

Karl Hauser died this week.

The photographer?

I knew him years ago.

We hadn't been in touch
for some time, but…

Well, he's dead.

I'm sorry.

I met Karl when I was a sophomore
at Wellesley.

I spent the summer in Manhattan,

and we met in the West Village.

He was this amazing, fascinating man,

and he told me I was very pretty, and…

I did some modeling for him.

Please tell me this is going
where I think it's going.

Yeah, it is.

Karl took some very tasteful
black-and-white nudes of me.

I am so disappointed in you, Shirley.

-"Tasteful"?
-There's going to be an estate auction,

and I want you to find a way
to block the sale of those photographs.

How many pictures are we talking about?

I think there were 15, maybe 20…

That's not so many.

Rolls of film that he used.

I am so glad I came into work today.

Down, boy. This is serious.

Karl promised me that he wouldn't show
the photographs to anyone.

However, I signed a standard release
saying that he could show them to…

everyone.

Why are you so worried
about this, Shirley?

You were young.
Young people do all sorts of things.

And now you wear clothes
to the office every single day.

Shocking as it may seem to you, Alan,
I like my privacy.

Maybe I'll want to be
a Federal judge someday.

And being a named partner
at a prestigious law firm…

(chuckles)

…well, it's not good for business.

I'll give you my best effort.

Of course, at some point,

I will have to examine
the evidence thoroughly.

(quirky music)

(slow music)

(indistinct chatter)

-Oh! Here we are.
-Oh! Sorry we're late.

No problem.

Fiona, say hello to grandpa.

-Hi, pa-pa.
-(laughs) Hello, sweetheart.

I guess you're pa-pa from now on.

Well, that's one of the nicest names
I've ever been called.

RACHEL: Ah, we were almost out the door.

She insisted on wearing
the red cowboy boots.

I finally said okay. And of course,
then we could only find one.

And we finally found the other one
on top of the refrigerator.

-Oh!
-And you get to where it's pointless

to ask how it got on top
of the refrigerator.

You just grab it and go.

I-I took the liberty of ordering coffee
and some hot chocolate.

-RACHEL: Oh, thanks so much.
-(laughs)

We can just stay a second.

It's Fiona's first day
at Happy Duck Day Care.

Ah!

Is that a good place?

But don't let the cheesy name fool you.

They're great. I went to so many places.

I had a checklist I used.

Ah, yeah. Here it is.

Well, let's see what we have here.

"Childcare questions.
Are they licensed and monitored?

Do they afford opportunities
for both active and quiet play?

Is the staff trained in CPR?

Do the kids appear happy?"

(laughs)

-Rachel, this is a very thorough list.
-Well, she's my daughter.

-Where are my keys?
-It's in your pocket.

-Yep, here they are.
-PAUL: Ah.

Dad, uh, in all the cowboy boot
madness this morning,

I lost my ATM card somewhere.

You think you could loan me 40 bucks?

No problem.

You know, um…

Rachel, uh…
if you're in a hurry to get to work,

I can drop Fiona off at, uh…

Happy Duck, is it?

Oh, thanks. We'll make it okay.

Fiona, we have to go.

Thank pa-pa for your hot chocolate.

Thanks, pa-pa, for my chocolate.

You're very welcome.

-Thanks, Dad.
-Bye, darling.

See you.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye, Fiona.
(chuckles)

Bye-bye.

(mellow stinger playing)

(sighs)

(door opens)

By your look, it's not good.

I believe Rachel's using again.

She's back on crystal meth.

What proof do you have?

We were supposed at 8:00,

coffee shop near her apartment.

She showed up 20 minutes late
with Fiona in tow.

She was harried, disorganized.

She couldn't find her keys.

Paul, you have just described
every single working mother in America.

Then she asked to borrow $40.

Crystal meth users live their lives
in $40 increments. Cash.

Paul, this is a very serious accusation,

and you need to be absolutely certain
before you make it.

I know.

If I'm right, and I do nothing,
Fiona could be in danger.

If I act and I'm wrong…

Rachel will never speak to me again.

She'll cut me out forever.

What do I do?

You've lived through a lot with Rachel,

and this relationship you're developing
with her now is very new.

You might want to ask yourself
if your history with Rachel's drug use

is causing you to overreact.

Just think about it.

(action stinger playing)

You, Blondie, you're on my team.

If you've seen the news,
you know what a travesty this is.

A man arrested for defending his own home.

It's a farce and not the funny kind.

This is one serious farce.

May I ask what we're pleading?
It seems self-defense…

Don't like that kind of thinking.
That's defensive thought.

DENNY: We've got to strike first.
Preempt them.

What'd they say in the news?
"Victim or vigilante?" It's neither.

This is Russell Blayney, hero.

-You want to try this case in the press?
-Exactly.

I want to grab the public's… attention

with a story, a character, a narrative.

We have to create our own reality.

You! Young punk. You must know computers.

Set up a website. One of those blobs,
"Justice for Russell Blayney."

And you, Denise, you'll be my second.

You look good on camera.

(comical stinger playing)

Karl Hauser's widow is here.

Straightforward, standard release
Karl used for all his models.

A lifetime of papers and contracts
and you manage to find mine.

SHIRLEY: God bless the organized.

MARGUERITE:
And there's no mistaking your signature.

Oh!

(gasps)

I'm so sorry. It's just, here you are.

(disgruntled sigh)

I may cry.

He loves art.

SHIRLEY: Marguerite, I'm sorry,
but your husband was an adult, uh…

a famous man of the world,
and I was an immature kid

who did not understand
the document she was signing.

SHIRLEY:
There was no meeting of the minds here.

So this contract, I'm afraid,
is not binding.

As I recall, it wasn't your minds
that met.

(Alan chortles)

MARGUERITE: If you were
old enough to screw my husband,

you were old enough to understand
what you were signing.

Your husband talked me into doing quite
a few things I didn't understand.

Tell me, why should I do
something nice for you?

And don't say because you did
something nice for my husband.

What do you intend to do with the photos?

Half of Karl's collection
is already promised

to the Museum of Modern Art in New York.

I intend to auction off the other half,
including those photos.

Your pictures will be going on the block.

(whimsical stinger playing)

I need a favor.

-A very important, very personal favor.
-Of course.

After an extended absence,
I have recently reconnected…

with my daughter, Rachel,

and I've learned that I have a beautiful
granddaughter named Fiona.

Congratulations, Paul.

My… daughter is a drug addict.

Or at least, she was.

She says she's clean now,
but I have my suspicions.

If she is using again,

then my granddaughter could be in danger.

My specialty isn't family law,
but what I know…

No, no, you misunderstand.
I don't want your legal advice.

I want you to find out
if my daughter is using drugs again.

Brad, if this year has taught me anything,

it's that you will get the job done
by any means necessary.

I would never ask this of you
unless it was essential.

(tense music)

Absolutely.

I'll do what I can.

(knocking on door)

What have you got?

The 26th Amendment.

Karl Hauser was taking naked pictures
of me, not denying me the vote.

The 26th Amendment,
which not only extended

the right to vote to 18-year-olds,
but also persuaded the states

to grant them status as adults,
was ratified in 1971.

The photos were taken in 1966,

which by the way, is my new favorite year.

(laughs)
And now mine as well.

I wasn't 21 when I signed that agreement,

I was legally a minor,

and therefore can repudiate the contract.

And I am an idiot.

Why didn't I think of this sooner?

I'm going to credit karma or Freud.

Either way, it's because
I was destined to discover

and revel in the natural wonders
of all that is you.

(whimsical stinger playing)

(door shuts)

(light music playing)

Uh, excuse me.

I'm looking for some books
on addiction and recovery.

Uh, yeah, they're in the self-help section
right over there.

Thanks.

Is there, you know, one book
that's better than the others?

Yeah. This way.

This one has some good advice
on the early stages,

when you're detoxing
and all that wonderful stuff.

And this one is really good
for that time right after you've stopped,

when you're trying to figure out
how to put your life back together.

Well, you know a lot about this.

Well, clean five years,
three months and seven days.

It's hard, but when you're ready,
you can get there.

-Thanks.
-RACHEL: Sure.

Ah, what time do you get off work?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not coming on to you.

I was just hoping
that we could talk some more.

I've sort of run out of people to talk to.

I get off at 7:00.

-Thanks.
-Sure. I'm Rachel.

I'm Brad. Nice to meet you.

-You're buying those, right?
-Oh, right. Right.

(delightful stinger playing)

I-I hang Sheetrock,
mostly for industrial buildings.

A craftsman. He works with his hands.
Write that down.

-What else?
-Oh, well, I live alone.

Jamaica Plain.

My ex-wife left me the house.
It's not a bad neighborhood.

But it does border one and it's vulnerable

because I have those
old-fashioned lever windows.

I can't afford an alarm system.

I've been broken into four times
in the last two years.

Drug addicts, they take everything.

They took my TV, my bike,
my power tools, my guitar.

Musician. He writes the songs.

(Denny mumbling)

Uh…

But what finally did it for me
was when I was building an end table

for my father for his television remote,
his nebulizer because he has some asthma.

And I'm halfway done
and some guy breaks into the house

and he… and he steals my table saw.

My table saw!

I mean, that was it.
That's… that was all I could take.

I'm not into guns.

Don't write that down.

But I knew that I had to do something.

So that's when I rigged up
my little system.

You know, just a little jolt, you know?
Send them a little shock.

Tell us what happened that night.
You were at home?

Yeah, I was awake, actually.

Um, I was putting some dishes away
in the dishwasher

and I heard some noise on the porch.

And I thought, here we go, this is it.

So I moved into the living room.

-So you saw him?
-Yeah, he was looking

right through the window.
He's a big wetback, you know?

-Latino.
-Drug addict! He was completely high.

I could see it in his eyes
even from inside the house.

And then what happened?

Well, he… he starts for the window.

Now I don't know if you've ever seen
anyone on crystal meth or acid

or I don't know, whatever this guy was on,

but you know, they're big and they're ugly
and they feel like they're invincible.

So he starts trying to pry open the window

with a screwdriver or something.

And, uh…

you know, that was it.

(mumbles jerkily)

The electricity went up the screwdriver
into his body.

He completed the circuit.

-Sounds horrible.
-Honestly, you know, it wasn't.

I mean, watching this guy,
it was like watching every guy

who broke into my house over the years
and took from me, stole my stuff.

I mean, he was just getting
what he deserved, right?

Let me tell you the most
unbelievable thing.

Did you know that
when you get electrocuted,

you know, your blood literally boils?

Right inside the veins.

That's how the electricity flows
through your body, through your veins.

And so here's this guy, he's a wetback,

but I could see his veins are glowing
through his skin

as he was being charred
from the inside out.

And I… I could smell his flesh burning,
which was weird.

It smelled like a roast.

A well-deserved, cooked roast.

That's when I, you know,
finally turned off the electricity…

when he was good and done.

(quirky stinger playing)

(slow stinger playing)

Well, so much for putting our hero
on the stand.

Oh, he's on the stand, all right.

Denny, with all due respect,

the man was practically wearing a bib
with a knife and a fork in each hand

-as he was telling that story.
-Denise, never give up an option.

The man was alit with passion.
The kind of passion that moves juries.

-So?
-So we tell his story,

not necessarily all his story,
but the part we want to tell.

We're the ones creating the narrative.

(upbeat stinger playing)

BRAD: Are you kidding?

Were you kidding
about wanting to get straight?

No.

(all applauding)

TIM: Thank you, Patrick.
And keep coming back, buddy.

Um, are there any other
new members here today?

Brad, would you like to share?

I…

No. I'm new.
(shudders)

It'll make you feel better.

Right. Um…

Hi, uh…

Say your name.

I'm Brad. I'm a drug addict.

ALL: Hi, Brad.

I'm not used to talking in public.

Well, actually, I am,
just not talking about myself.

Wow. You're just going
to let me keep going.

Okay.

I was in the marine corps

during the first Gulf War,
Operation Desert Storm.

February 24, 1991, I was a lieutenant
in the Second Reconnaissance Battalion

of the First Marine Expeditionary Force,
and under enemy

mortar, artillery and small arms fire,
we breached minefields, trenches,

barbed wire and disabled
six enemy divisions.

By the morning of the 28th, from 100 hours
after the ground operations had begun,

our coalition forces had destroyed
42 enemy divisions.

That's the bulk of the Iraqi army
in the Kuwaiti theater of operations.

(sneaky music playing)

So then I started using drugs.

(quirky stinger playing)

(slow music playing)

Denny, you're shiny and in a wedge.

My team, Alan.

I'm back and I'm feeling it.

I've realized a truth about myself.

I just love…

power.

Well, it seems to have a thing
for you as well.

It's my natural state.
It's my homeostasis.

Don't read anything into that remark.

I already did.

(uplifting stinger playing)

ALL: God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

It works if you work it, so work it!

See you soon.

-(indistinct chatter)
-Bye.

-WOMAN: That was wonderful.
-Thank you.

That was a nice story.

Uh, thanks.

Too bad it was a lie.

"I won the war, then started using"?

I've been coming to these meetings
every day for five years.

If you didn't want to share your problems,
you should've just passed.

Oh, sharing's not really my thing.

It's probably just how I was raised.

Doesn't mean you can't change.
I was raised the same way.

-Really?
-Yeah, my mother was warm, but…

my father…

kept every emotion
tightly tucked away in his suit pocket,

right next to his watch.

It's not always that easy to open up.

Ah, but it is.
You just say what's on your mind.

(sachet ripping)

Instead my dad? Always the Attorney.

He'd just sit back and play little games.

You know, ferreting out information
with his obtuse questions.

And on the rare occasion
when he would open up and talk to me,

he wasn't happy unless I told him
what he wanted to hear.

You know, being him…

I think it's a hard way to live.

I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry…

Well, buy me a cup of coffee
and I might forgive you.

Great.

(mellow stinger playing)

And therefore, at age 19,
Ms. Schmidt was in fact a minor.

There was no parental consent here,
so in essence,

your husband was illegally taking
nude photographs of an underage girl.

You make a legitimate argument, Mr. Shore.

Not my favorite kind but I'm glad to play
for that team when necessary.

And you could certainly take us to court
and fight this battle with that argument.

We will if we have to.

However, I believe your goal was to get
these photos out of the public eye.

I'm afraid with a court battle,
a very public court battle,

these photos could find their way
to the press.

Before that could happen, of course,
we'd ask the court to seal all exhibits

and issue an appropriate gag order
to prevent disclosure.

ATTY. MICHAEL: And you'd win.
But you know what?

Thanks to the internet,
winning doesn't matter anymore.

These photos could somehow
find their way onto the web,

then all around the world,
and then where would you be?

Marguerite.

SHIRLEY: Marguerite.

Oh, I'll be right out.

Alan.

I'm sorry.

(somber music playing)

Thank you.

Marguerite.

Those pictures…

I have grandchildren.

The thought of them seeing
those photographs…

I understand.

I'm sorry.

(somber music continues playing)

(door shuts)

Your Honor, Mr. Dominguez's
prior burglary convictions

and history of drug abuse
have no bearing on whether the defendant

-improperly electrified his home.
-DENNY: Nonsense.

This felon was higher than a kite
when he got zapped.

He has six prior convictions for larceny,
burglary, grand theft auto.

Of course, it's relevant.

The prejudicial effect of the victim's

-prior criminal activity…
-Your Honor, my client is a victim here.

…clearly outweighs any probative value
such evidence would have for the jury.

Enough. Mr. Ginsberg is right.

The evidence is highly prejudicial
and will be barred at trial.

Mr. Crane, you may not bring up
Mr. Dominguez's prior bad acts

unless the door to impeachment
has been opened.

(reporters clamoring)

Before answering any questions,

I want to thank my client Miguel Dominguez
for bravely agreeing to be here today.

Mr. Dominguez suffers
from severe paralysis

and a host of other debilitating symptoms
as the result of his electrocution.

Nevertheless, he is here today
to stand up for all of us,

to help in the fight to make our country
a safer place,

a place where citizens do not take the law
into their own hands.

Mr. Dominguez is an inspiration
to his community.

He is a hero.

Thank you.

(reporters clamoring)

That bastard stole my story.

(quirky stinger playing)

(upbeat stinger playing)

-What about branding?
-I haven't branded yet.

-No branding?
-Uh-uh.

Denny.

-Denny…
-Oh, Denise Bauer.

-Candy Springtime, Public Relations.
-Hello.

-Hi.
-She's with Sherling Thompson.

The same public relations firm
the government uses,

-so you know she's good.
-Denise.

We're rolling out a new campaign
to take back the story on Mr. Blayney.

(stutters)
"Take back the story"?

Oh, Denny tells me
that you haven't branded him yet.

So I took the initiative
and created a brand.

Russell Blayney, American homeowner.

-"American homeowner"?
-Simple. It's to the point.

And cozy.

Say it for me, Denny.
Press conference voice.

"Russell Blayney, American homeowner."

Now wait a minute.

(in serious tone)
"American homeowner, Russell Blayney."

See, it works both ways. Versatile.

But do we really think
that we need to label Mr. Blayney?

Denny?

Uh, Denise. Rodney King?

Rodney King, uh, severely beaten
by the police over ten years ago.

See, you remember. Why? Branding.

They didn't call him "Rodney King,
wife beater, alcohol abuser,

"who swung a tire iron
at a convenience store clerk."

They called him "Rodney King, motorist",
or "Motorist, Rodney King."

Brings to mind images of a jaunty man

in a riding hat and cap in a model T.

That's what we want.

"Russell Blayney, American homeowner."

Not "Russell Blayney
eats them boiled, baked or fried."

But Rodney King was beaten.

Okay, now this is just a mock-up.

Obviously, we will replace Jimmy Stewart
with Mr. Blayney.

But the banner can
and should be behind you

every press conference, Denny.

Notice I used the same font
as "Mission Accomplished."

Americans are comfortable with that font.

Now we will send B-roll of Mr. Blayney
to the press, working in his garage,

using his table saw,
working with his power tools,

fixing things around the house.

And as far as the talking points,
keep it simple, Denny.

Speak of the opposition
as the drug-crazed intruder,

the incident as the harrowing
home invasion.

Now I know you're tight with Larry King,

but we are negotiating with Nightline,

Hardball and The Daily Show.

(Denny sucks teeth, mumbles)

That is where most Americans
get their news.

(quirky music)

SHIRLEY: There's no way
we're going to win this, is there?

Legally, yes, there is.

As for accomplishing your goals? No.

But when you have occasion
to ask for my help, Shirley,

typically, it's not really legal help
you're looking for.

I'll assume this is no exception.

Alan, I've already
caused Marguerite Hauser

as much pain as I care to.

I'll leave the creativity to you.
Just don't hurt her.

America is under siege,

not from Saddam or pro-terrorists,

butfromnamby-pamby
pro-burglaryadvocates

who want to strip us of theright
toprotectwhat's ours.

That's what our…

Looks like Denny's being Denny.

He's creating the reality.

I doubt many people would want
to live in Denny's reality.

All I know is there are two rotten guys
in this case,

and both sides are trying
to make theirs as the hero.

If you've got a problem with this case,
I suggest you talk to the guy

whose name is on the door.

I'm not naive, Paul.

I know this kind of manipulation
goes on all the time.

But I'm an attorney, not a spin doctor.

DENNY: Oh, yes, you are.

We all are.

That's what Attorneys do,

tell stories, create characters,
capture an audience,

try them make them feel
what we want them to feel.

That's good lawyering.

Only these days, everybody's trying
to get in on our act,

the government, corporations.

There are no facts anymore, kiddo.

Only good or bad fiction.

Which story do you plan to sell the jury?

Don't you worry.

This case will never go to trial.

(sneaky stinger playing)

Mr. Shore, with all due respect,
you are on our last nerve.

You said you had an intriguing offer.

Get to it.

Delighted. First, how about we ask
all the lawyers to leave the room?

You're a lawyer.

Okay. How about all the lawyers
who aren't me?

(laughing)

Here it is, then.

Simply put… it's Shirley Schmidt.

As much as I admire and respect her,

if I don't resolve this case,

I'm afraid she'll get nervous
and fall back on old habits.

She'll call in the old guard,
one of the cronies in banking and finance,

someone who smells like old pipe smoke
and hair tonic,

someone with a florid nose
from too many old fashions

at lunch down the street.

And this fella, whoever he is,
will have friends,

friends who work in banks,
who probably shouldn't,

who don't treat confidential information
very confidentially.

And then Marguerite, the old crony
will discover how deeply in debt you are.

And once he learns this, my replacement
will make a few phone calls,

write a few letters and seek out
your husband's most distant

and forgotten relative.

Perhaps a less fortunate cousin
who always admired

but could never afford one of
your husband's beautiful artworks.

And my replacement will reach out to him
and commiserate

and convince him
to contest your husband's will.

At which point,
your husband's estate will be tied up.

Well, it could be for years.

Decades, really.

And if this replacement of mine turns out
to be this fella I'm thinking of,

it could get really ugly.

For such a vague man, you've been
extraordinarily clear, Mr. Shore.

Yes, and here's the thing.

I just don't like the way these people
operate around here.

It's just not right.

These photographs are yours to do
with what you please

and you should get a fair market price.

So, before I simply give up

and call it a day…

I'd like to ask you one question.

(sneaky percussive music playing)

And what is that?

What is your price?

(dramatic stinger playing)

(upbeat stinger playing)

Have you made contact with Rachel?

BRAD: I did.

I told her I was a drug addict.

-And?
-She took me

to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting,
told me that if I wanted to get clean,

that I needed to work the program.

So she's no longer using?

No. She's been clean for five years.

I mean, she's calm,
rational, straightforward.

Very down-to-earth, as a matter of fact.

Fine. (sighs)

Thank you, Brad.

You know, Paul, for what it's worth,

she really wants to have
a relationship with you.

And I with her.

And you know, what might help
is if you showed her a little faith.

-She might pick up on that.
-I beg your pardon?

Well, she says that sometimes,
you can be very… judgmental.

Brad, while your efforts
are fully appreciated,

your advice to a father
concerning his daughter is not.

You have no idea the years I've spent
dealing with my daughter's illness.

So it would behoove you
to be more circumspect.

I'm sorry.

That was over the line.

But, I mean, Paul, the truth is
you've got really, a hell of a daughter.

She's sweet, she's beautiful.
Nothing rattles her.

Even when she lost her ATM card,

I would've panicked
but she was really cool.

What are you talking about?

Oh, Rachel lost her ATM card,
so I loaned her 40 bucks.

(pensive music)

(door shuts)

Dad.

I had a lunch meeting nearby.

How very impromptu of you and unusual.

Yes. Well, people can change.

Yes, they can.

Come on in.

RACHEL: Can I get you something to drink?

PAUL: No, no. I…

I thought I would take Fiona
to the aquarium,

if that's all right with you.

Yeah, I pick her up from daycare
in 20 minutes.

Hmm. I'll go with you.

Sure.

(Paul clears throat)

May I use your bathroom?

Through there.

(bathroom door opens)

(tense music playing)

(tense music intensifies)

(bathroom door opens)

You have a child.

A child!

-This is my house.
-How long?

-You came here and you set me up.
-You will not ruin her.

-Give me that.
-You have ruined everything and everyone

-you've ever come in contact with.
-I hate you.

You will not do this to my granddaughter!

I hate you. You bastard!

-(basket clatters)
-(door opens)

-(panting)
-(door slams shut)

Is counsel prepared to begin voir dire?

We are, your Honor.

The Commonwealth may begin.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Assistant District Attorney Ginsberg.

Now as we begin to pick
our potential jury members,

I just want to get to know
a bit about you.

First off, by show hands,

how many of you have heard
about this case on the news?

I see.

And how many of you have seen opposing
counsel Denny Crane on the news?

Juror number seven, can you tell us
what opinions you've formed?

I think people should be allowed
to defend their homes.

Like Mr. Crane said,
if the guy didn't want to get hurt,

he shouldn't have been robbing anyone.

Commonwealth challenges
juror number seven for cause.

No objection, your Honor.

Juror number seven, you are excused.

I've worked hard to become
an American homeowner.

If the guy tried to break into my place…

-I'd do the same thing.
-…I'd want to kill the son of a bitch.

It's my right as an American homeowner.

JUROR 2: I may live in an apartment,

but I still consider myself
an American homeowner.

-American homeowner.
-American homeowner.

-American homeowner.
-JURORS: American homeowner.

God bless America.

Your Honor, with his television
appearances and theatrics,

Mr. Crane has tainted the jury pool
to such an extent

that the Commonwealth moves
for a change of venue.

Denied, Mr. Ginsberg.

You both have manipulated
the media coverage of this case,

only Mr. Crane has done
a better job of it.

You will play in the sandbox
that you built.

(sneaky stinger playing)

Shirley, Blondie, join me.

I'm happy to inform you
there's going to be a plea bargain

in the American homeowner case.

How do you know?

Today, my office has indicted
city councilman Adam Patrick

on charges of accepting bribes
and illegal campaign contributions.

ATTY. MICHAEL: He has agreed to surrender
at his arraignment.

He's changing the narrative.

We're yesterday's news.

You gotta hand it to him. The guy's good.

He's creating his next reality.

I wonder what he's gonna put on the table.

-No jail time.
-How can you be so sure?

Years of experience.

And he called a half an hour ago.

(comical stinger playing)

SHIRLEY:
What are you going to do with those?

I haven't decided.

You know the one where you're not
quite sure what you're looking at,

then you take a step back
and realize what it is?

-That one may be going in the powder room.
-Alan…

Tell you what,
I'll leave them to you when I die.

As things stand, I'm quite sure
I'll pass on before you.

Show those pictures to anyone
and I'll see to it myself.

Shirley, I have no intention
of sharing those with anyone.

I'm keeping you all to myself.
I give you my word.

You're one of the few people
for whom I know that to be true.

(mellow music playing)

Thank you.

No, thank you.

I understand congratulations are in order.

Never lost, never will.

(Alan chortles)

I may not be the Denny Crane I once was,
but until today, I didn't realize

that this Denny Crane
might be even better.

Opposing lawyers everywhere are quaking
in their custom-fitted shoes.

Damn right they are.

So who cares if she…

Who cares?

You're still upset about Bev.

What I don't understand is,

I was married to one of my wives
for five years, got over her in a day.

Bev and I were married for three hours,
and yet…

And yet?

Do you know that I even have memories
of her that aren't sexual?

I'm sure you do.

I miss her.

I miss her.

Well, are the rumors true?

You have naked photos of Shirley?

Aw, come on.

What's the big deal?

I've had naked photos of Shirley
for years.

(whimsical music playing)

Denny, she's asleep in all these.

Here's one where she woke up.

Have you ever seen a beautiful,
naked woman...

look that angry?

(comical stinger playing)

ALAN: Next on Boston Legal…

This woman is under arrest for evasion
of Federal income taxes.

-I just got fed up.
-With what?

With the way the Federal government
is running things.

-What's this all about?
-It's about civil disobedience, Denny.

It's about anarchy. It's about… the girl.

I've decided to do an intervention.

The "loving, let's all hug" kind
or the other one?

What the hell is this?

You're going to rehab, Rachel.

Screw you.

I have a really good feeling
about this one.

-You slept with him.
-I did not.

-Denise…
-Maybe a little.

You slut.

(theme music playing)