All language subtitles for A Damsel In Distress (1937) English

'Order, order.
Silence, Mr. Keggs.'

Ladies and gentlemen,
I assume you're all aware

of what we're here for.

This sweepstake
has been inaugurated

in order to provide a harmless
little sporting flutter

for the ladies and gentlemen

of the domestic
staff of Tottney castle.

Get on with it.
When does the balloon go off?

- Order, order.
- Silence.

We've come to the conclusion
that pretty soon Lady Alyce

will make up her mind
to get married.

I put all the eligible in this hat

and whoever draws the happy man--

Gets the pot!

Whoever draws the happy man
will become the possessor

of the total amount subscribed.

Well, we will now
proceed with the drawing.

Thomas, the port man.

He draws the honorable
Wilfred Washington Watkins.

Oh, bah.
Why couldn't I pull Reggie!

- Why do you favor Mr. Reggie?
- With Lady Caroline's backin'--

Did you ever know when
the ol' girl didn't get her way?

Antoun, our respected cook.

Sir George Belgrave.

Ha ha, too bad.

Now, I draw.

Oh, ha, Mr. Reggie!

That ladies and gentlemen,
concludes the proceedings.

Hey, what about me?

What about my 10 shillings
in the pot.

I'm sorry, there are
no more starters, my boy.

Well, what's the matter
with writing

me on a ticket marked Mr. X.

- Mr. X?
- Meaning the field.

Then if her Ladyship turns down
Mr. Reggie and the rest of them

and marries some
tee-total stranger, I collect.

- Any objections?
- No, no.

Very well.

There we are, ha ha.

Ha ha yourself with nobs on.

- Should I tell you something?
- What?

Lady Alyce is in love
with a young American fellow

she met in Switzerland last year.

- Balmy, that's what you are.
- Oh, balmy, am I?

Why is Lady Caroline appointed
you to watch where she goes?

- How do you know all this?
- Listenin' in a keyhole.

Mr. Keggs,
she's running off to London.

Lady X. She told me
not to tell a soul.

- To London, what for?
- To see Mr. X. It's a walkover.

Lady Caroline
mustn't hear a word of this.

Where are you going?

- Where are you off to?
- To protect my investment.

Hello.

Yeah, this is
Jerry Halliday's apartment.

No, I'm his publicity man.

About what?
Oh.

Oh, well, you'll have
to talk to my secretary.

She's not in yet, yeah.

You better call about 12 o'clock.

She'll be in then
to go out to lunch.

Hello.

Should have been in two hours ago.

Yeah, why?
What happened?

- What happened?
- Yeah.

If you're not on time I'll have
to get another stenographer.

Another stenographer?
Do you think

there's enough work
for the two of them?

Look, I mean I'm gonna fire you.

- You...fire me?
- Yes.

Why if it weren't for my father
backing Jerry Holiday's

first show in the United States

you wouldn't be
here in London now, now!

If not for your father,
you wouldn't work

for me for tow weeks.

You wouldn't even be
working for me for two days.

Not even for two minutes.

Well, a girl couldn't ask
for shorter hours than that.

Here. Sharpen this pencil.

Did you type that letter
I dictated last night?

Well, I didn't have time,
so, I mailed 'em my notebook.

I hope they could read my shorthand.

You mailed your notebook?

You know, Gracie,
I'm beginning to think

that there is nothing up here.

Oh, George, you're self-conscious.

There..

- That's it, huh?
- 'Yeah.'

- I'm not in!
- He's not in.

- Find out who it is.
- Oh. Uh, who?

- It's a Hawaiian.
- A Hawaiian?

Well, he must be, he says
he's brown from the morning sun.

Look, the man's name is Brown.

The Morning Sun, is the
newspaper he's working on.

- But tell him I'm not here.
- Oh he's not here.

I tell you he's not here.
Oh, you don't, huh?

You can ask him yourself
if you don't believe.

George, will you tell him,
he doesn't believe me.

Hello,
Mr. Halliday is not in.

Mr. Jerry Halliday, the
destroyer of feminine hearts.

I just saw a crowd of women
running. And why is that?

Because you were chasing them.

No, because they were chasing me.

- Oh.
- You and your publicity.

As long
as these people wanna believe

that you're same
off the stage as on

it's okay as long as you're
cashing in at the box-office?

Thanks to you every woman
rushes at me or away from me.

Did it ever occur to you
that I might be interesting

to meet a young lady who could
stand still for just one second.

Sit down, sit down.
Story is a story, Jerry.

And-and as long as they're read--

Alright, here's a story
a true story for you.

- I'm through.
- What?

- What do you mean?
- 'Oh, Jerry.'

Until I can live this butterfly
character you've pinned on me.

No more love scenes and love songs

no more love dances and no
lovesick publicity men.

Listen, Jerry, you..
Jerry, wait, Jerry!

Good morning, uh,
can I hide here please?

Listen, Miss,
this is just too much.

- But Keggs mustn't see me.
- Keggs?

Yes, he's following me, Keggs.

Aunt Caroline's pet watchdog.

There he is. Hide me!

- You, sir, you, sir.
- And what's your trouble?

So you're the American, eh?
You can't get away with this?

- What sort of thing?
- A young lady just got in.

- Oh, surely not, sir.
- "Surely not?"

I've been in the cab all this
time, I would have noticed her.

- Let me look inside, sir?
- I will not, sir.

Then I should be bound
to force my way in.

I shall be bound to force you out.

How did you know
my name was Keggs?

It's written right
on the wall back of you.

- Who is he?
- He's Jerry Halliday.

- He live there?
- Yes, The Devonshire.

- The Devonshire?
- Mm-hmm.

You're the American!
Right! I'm your friend.

Don't give her up,
we're goin' to win.

I suppose you're wondering
what this is all about.

Oh, no, it's none of my business.

And, of course,
you're much too well-bred

to inquire
into other people's business.

Of course I am.

What's it all about?

Well, I'm in a perfectly
simple piece of trouble

and it would bore you
to death if I told you about it.

Open that door, sir, you hear me?

Go away, my good man.

Hello. What's all this?

I have another little idea here.

I say..

Hello, hello, hello.

Get out of there.

You've committed
a breach of the peace.

You'll be charged
for this you know.

I'm glad you arrived.
I don't know who this man is.

- He's been annoying.
- There's a young lady in there.

- 'This is ridiculous.'
- 'There is.'

- 'There is not.'
- We shall see.

A practical joker, eh?
Playing jokes on the law.

Come with me. Both of you.

There was a lady. You're evading
the truth if you deny it.

I'm evading nothing,
and I'm denying nothing..

Ladies and gentlemen,
with your kind attention

I will give you my impression

of the celebrity artist
Jerry Halliday.

- Jerry Halliday, it's him.
- Give us a step, Jerry.

Come on, it is, come on it is.

Come on, Jerry,
give us a dance, will you?

- Don't be stingy.
- 'Jerry, step up.'

Step it off, come on,
Jerry, you can do it, boy.

A bit of music for Jerry.

- Come on, Jerry!
- Music.

Now, come here.

♪ Bad news go away ♪

♪ Call 'round some day ♪

♪ In March or May ♪

♪ I can't be bothered now ♪

♪ My bonds and shares ♪

♪ May fall downstairs ♪

♪ Who cares who cares ♪

♪ I'm dancing
and I can't be bothered now ♪

♪ I'm up among the stars ♪

♪ On earthly things I frown ♪

♪ I'm throwing off
the bars that held me down ♪

♪ I'll pay the piper ♪

♪ When times get riper ♪

♪ Just now I shan't ♪

♪ Because you see
I'm dancing and I can't ♪

♪ Be bothered now ♪♪

I say there!

Chomp the roses, will you?

Make the work twice
as hard, will you?

Take that, that and that.

- Beg pardon, your lordship.
- What is it?

- Your milk, my lord.
- Milk?

What am I, a baby
or a calf? Take it away.

- Reggie.
- Yes, Uncle John.

- Stop that noise!
- Righto!

- And stop saying, righto.
- Righto!

- Take it away.
- Beg pardon, my lord.

Lady Caroline's orders. I'm not
to move until you've drunk this

to the last drop.

- Father.
- Hello, my dear.

- Would you do me a favor?
- What?

Marry that saxophone playing pest
and take him away from here.

I'm not going to marry Reggie,
you know the reason.

Alright, then the next time
you step up to London

let me go with you.
I'd like to see him.

So would I.

Going to see him, your American?

How could I with Keggs following
me and fighting in the streets?

I wish you'd be
sensible and forget him.

Keeping us apart a year
hasn't made me forget him.

I should imagine
that proves I love him.

Stop that nonsense.
Look!

Uh-oh!
Stormy weather approaching.

John! Read this please!

You know perfectly well,
I can't read without my glasses

What the devil is it?

It may interest you to know

that Keggs
spent last night in prison.

Keggs. Keggs,
come here please.

Oh, Keggs.

- So you hit a policeman, eh?
- No, my lord. I kicked him.

Caroline, if you can put up
with a kicking steward I can't.

You're sacked for being drunk
and disorderly

in a public place.

Keggs was not drunk and
disorderly.

- You were an eyewitness?
- Yes.

Then you were in London
yesterday. I am appalled!

'I went there to meet
a man and Keggs followed.'

I jumped into
the first cab to avoid him.

That's where he struggled
with the man in the cab.

- 'You met your American?'
- I've never seen the man.

I got into his cab.

Like you'll get
in the cab with a stranger.

You're only saying this
to put us off the scent.

From now on you'll be in the
grounds and be watched at all times.

'Those are your father's orders.
Are they not, John?'

Righto. Bah!

- Good morning, children.
- Good morning, Jerry.

- Aah, fan mail.
- Yes.

I'm through with that.

Now, listen to reason, Jerry,
you can't quit even temporarily.

I'm going to
hide away in the country

where no one has ever heard
of Halliday, the butterfly man.

"Beneath who's feet
women's hearts are crushed

as grapes in a winepress."

You wrote that!

Isn't this cute!

'"And if you come then'

"no one will
suspect your presence.

I love you. Alyce M."

Ha ha ha.

That's the girl in the cab.

- What cab?
- Well, she was in trouble.

- Trouble?
- Tottney Castle.

I wonder where that place is.

Look, it's got a coat of arms.
It's a bona fide castle.

Oh, that's where
Napoleon came from.

- Napoleon?
- Yeah, Napoleon Bonafide.

Her father backed your
first show, remember?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, here it is, Tottney Castle.

"The present owner
is Lord Marshmorton.

"He has a sister, Lady Caroline
and a daughter, Lady Alyce.

"Since the 15th century

"Tottney Castle has been
the seat of the earl--

Oh, George,
you'll have to do something

about that Brooklyn accent.

- You mean oil.
- I mean earl.

Oil and earl
are two different things.

Your daddy does go
to bed oily, does he?

He did when he worked
for the gas station.

Listen, Gracie, in England there
are several titles for nobility

lords, dukes, earls--

Yeah, oh-ho, that's my daddy.

If he ever gets his dukes
on the earl company's money

lord help them.

- I made that up myself. Yeah.
- You did, huh?

- Where's the car?
- Downstairs.

Say, have you any idea what a
publicity story this will make?

Can't you see the headlines?

"Pretty Peeress Putty
in Halliday's Hands!"

"I love you. Alyce M."

I mean it's incredible.

How can she write this
when she doesn't even know me?

Everybody reads my stuff.

Thursday is visitors' day.
What's today?

Well, I do not know.

You can tell if you'd look at
the newspaper on your desk.

Oh, this is no help, George.
It's yesterday's paper.

- Her father--
- Backed my first show..

- Hurry, Thomas.
- Yes, Mr. Keggs.

Bus will be here any moment

We should be over run
by the proletariat.

'Yes, Mr. Keggs.'

Why they should want to pay a
shilling a head to be lead about

like animals gaping in the
interiors of their betters

is a thing I could never understand.

Makes them feel envious of us.

Keggs, I'm expecting the
Madrigal singers this morning.

When they come
show them into the ballroom.

- Yes, my lady.
- Oh, dear, is this Thursday?

I fear so, milady.

Well, open the doors
and windows after they've gone.

Yes, milady.

♪ Hey hey the mother
of sweet home sweet ♪

♪ The mother of sweet hey hey
home ♪♪

Kindly keep in line,
please. Kindly keep in line

and hand me
your shillings as you pass.

Thank you.

- Good ol' Tottney Castle.
- Oh, isn't it beautiful!

It's almost pretty enough
to be a filling station.

Filling station? Well, this
castle is over 300 years old.

Oliver Cromwell
went through here in 1628.

Well, that was
pretty fast time in those days.

I mean he went through
the castle, Gracie.

- Couldn't stop the car, huh?
- No, he couldn't stop the car.

Admission is one shilling.

Oh, well,
we usually get more than that.

Give us our shillings
and we'll enter.

But I don't pay
the people, the people pay me.

Oh, well,
then give me my money back.

But you didn't give me any money.

- That's not my fault.
- Here's your money, mister.

- Oh, thank you.
- Come on, Gracie.

- How much did he give you?
- Two shillings.

- And how much is the admission?
- One shilling.

Oh, well, oh,
then give me my change.

Oh, I beg your pardon, madam

I was a little confused
for the moment.

- You--
- Don't mention it.

- But hey, not so fast there.
- Oh! Hello there, how are you?

Say, I'm-I'm sorry hat, old man.

This castle is not open to you.

I thought it's open
to anyone who pays a shilling.

To you not on payment
of a million pounds.

Thomas, Henry, Eject him.

- Come, Albert.
- But look..

Outside the ropes.

George, imagine meeting a deep
sea diver here of all places.

- A deep sea diver?
- Yes.

That's a suit of armor.

Then, Mr. Armor must be around
somewhere in his underwear.

He's not in the suit.

Probably slipped out for a smoke.

- Yeah, oh.
- Oh.

We are now in the main hall.

Do you know just
what that sign says, madam?

"Do not finger art.."

Well, I don't blame art.
If I were art I'd object too.

I don't get it.

Next, I would like
to point out this portrait

of a very famous countess,
mother of five daughters

and whose husband was--

I know, Eddie Cantor.

- Go right ahead.
- Thank you.

I'm happy to relate that
his lordship gave more than

5000 pounds for that portrait.

5000 pounds of what?

I told ya, I was your friend,
didn't I? Now I proved it.

- Good boy!
- Don't muss my hair!

- You got a cigarette?
- Sorry, this is my last.

Then I'll have to have one on me own.

See them?

They're the madrigal singers.
You can slip in with 'em.

And then I'll take you
to see Lady Alyce.

- Good.
- You got here just in time.

If I ever seen an impatient
woman, she's one!

'Now this balcony
is an historical spot'

known in the family traditions
as Leonard's Leap.

In the year 1787,
a young Scottish nobleman

Lord Leonard of Strathbango,
hurled himself from that balcony

to avoid compromising

the beautiful
Countess of Marshmorton.

This was a feat
of bravery and daring

which in the whole
history of the castle

has never been duplicated.

- Thank you all.
- Thank you.

Did he break his neck?

Oh, George, maybe
he didn't even lighten his neck.

Maybe.

Now, those of you who may wish

will be conducted by the footmen
to inspect the model dairy.

Why?

I'm happy to relate
that his lordship

is the owner of no fewer
than 1,500 cows.

Does he herd sheep?

Oh, George! You can't say,
"Does he herd sheep?"

You mean, does he hear sheep?
Or has he heard sheep?

But you can't say..

Does he herd sheep? No.

Well, now, we will return
by way of the ballroom.

Ha ha. George, isn't he
a silly man?

Now, let's all start together!

Right-o.

And let's try and finish together.

♪ There was a jolly British tar
who met a milkmaid bonny ♪

♪ He said how beautiful you are
with a hey and a nonny ♪

♪ With a hey and a nonny ♪

♪ Such golden hair
I ne'er did see ♪

♪ With lips to shame the cherry ♪

♪ Oh buxom milkmaid marry me ♪

♪ With a down-a-derry ♪

♪ With a down-a-down-a-derry ♪

♪ Our hearts could rhyme said he ♪

♪ 'Tis flattered I'm said she ♪

♪ But oh me you see you see
you see you see I happen to be ♪

♪ I happen to be
the mother of three ♪

♪ A wife already and mother
of three of three of three ♪

♪ Of three of three of three ♪

♪ The mother of three ♪

♪ A jolly tar he laughed a laugh ♪

♪ 'Tis for the best my bonny ♪

♪ That you won't be my better
half with a hey and a nonny ♪

♪ With a hey and a nonny ♪

♪ I near forgot on seeing you
that I've a wife in Kerry ♪

♪ In Spain and also Timbuktu
with a down-a-derry ♪

♪ With a down-a-down-a-derry ♪

♪ You've got me thinking twice
goodbye to shoes and rice ♪

♪ For me just now you see just
now you see I happen to be ♪

♪ I happen to be
the husband of three ♪

♪ A-spliced already
and husband of three ♪

♪ A-spliced already
and husband of three ♪

♪ Of three ♪♪ Of three ♪

♪ Of three ♪♪ Of three ♪

♪ Of three of three of three
of three of three of three ♪

♪ A husband of three ♪

♪ Ah.. ♪♪

- After him. And turn him out!
- Very well, milady.

Thomas. Henry.

Sit down. Hurry up!

Sit down.

Close your eyes.

Now, count.

Count?

You're surprising her, ain't ya?

It'll make it more romantic.

She can creep softly in
and plant a kiss on your brow.

Alright.

Count.

One, two..

...three, four--

Louder!

'Five!'

- 'Six.'
- Give it a bit more.

Eleven. Twelve.

'Thirteen. Eighteen.'

'Nineteen. Twenty.'

Twenty-one,
twenty-two, twenty-three.

Twenty-four,
twenty-five, twenty-six.

Twenty-seven,
twenty-eight, twenty-seven.

I said that before.
Twenty..

I got here
just as quickly as I could.

You did?

Yes.

You're feeling quite well?

Well, I'm not used
to all this excitement.

One of our gardeners
got sunstroke yesterday.

- Is that so?
- Yes.

He stood out in the sun too long
without his hat on and..

...it made him more
funny in the head.

Uh, now what happens?
What can I do to help you?

Help?

Well, you're in distress
aren't you?

In a way, yes.

- They're keeping you prisoner.
- Yes.

Well, I wouldn't have dreamed
it possible in this day and age.

Locking a girl up like a
prisoner to keep her away from--

The man she loves.

How did you know?

Uh, you're quite sure
about this being in love thing?

I mean, it isn't just
a quick schoolgirl crush?

Oh, no!

It's the real thing?

Really, I-I find this
quite embarrassing.

Oh, don't be shy.
Not with me. I mean..

...I want you to just..

...well, tell me everything.

But I couldn't possibly,
I've only met you once.

I'll tell you what..

...let's pretend that
I'm an old friend of the family.

An uncle or something like that.

And uh, well..

...you're talking about
a third person who isn't here.

- How's that?
- That might make it easier.

Alright. Here we go.

You do really..

...shall we say, uh,
care for this man?

I love him!

Why?

Well, in the first place he's..

...the most charming man
in the world.

And in the second place,
he's divinely handsome.

You're crazy.

Well, I-I beg your pardon.
I think so.

Well, alright then. We won't
argue that point any further.

Go on.

American?

Yes.

Uh, you'd say
he's got what it takes.

Listen, you know, I can
stand just so much and then--

- Alyce. Alyce!
- It's Aunt Caroline.

- 'Alyce.'
- Yes?

- Well, I want to speak to you.
- Uh, just a moment.

You gotta get outta here,
if she finds you..

The balcony!

'But don't go near the edge.'

- Where's that man?
- What man?

Now, it's no good
staring at me like that.

That man was seen coming upstairs.

I know you're hiding him.

The balcony!

Do not be silly, Aunt Caroline!

The balcony!

Well, it appears
I was mistaken. I'm sorry.

- He did it!
- Did what?

The leap!
Leonard, I mean.

Well, of course, he did.

Aunt Caroline, has any man been
known to do it since Leonard?

Certainly not!

What courage!

Leonard, you mean?

Yes, Leonard, of course.

- Keep the motor running.
- Did you see her, Jerry?

- Yes. Yes.
- Good. Now we can go to Paris.

Don't lose courage,
I'll be waiting help you.

What do I do next?

Thanks.

Say you, gardener..

...look where can
one stay around here?

There are several
cottages down the road.

Can you keep your mouth shut?

I want you to give this note to
Alyce the first chance you get.

And, uh, here's a pound
for your trouble.

Did you tell his lordship
I wish to see him?

- Yes, milady.
- Where is he now?

He's coming now.
He was taking his bath.

Very well.

- Stop that infernal noise!
- 'Yes. Stop it, Reggie.'

Right-o.

Well, what is it?
What is it?

- I want to speak to you, John.
- A nice time to choose.

Keggs, repeat to his lordship
what you've just told me.

Very good, milady
I've been informed, milord

by the cook, who was informed
by the second footman

who was informed
by the scullery maid

who had it from the milkman--

- You forgot the first maid.
- 'Will you shut up?'

Right-o.

Well, go ahead, man.
What did the syndicate tell you?

The three mysterious Americans
are now the occupants

of Leonard's Manor, milord.

Alyce's American and his friends.

They're just down the road.

Well, John?

What do you mean?
What do you expect me to do?

You will go
and horsewhip him immediately.

Oh, but I-I couldn't possibly.

Why, I-I hardly know the fellow.

You will horsewhip him once
you've had your breakfast.

Alright.
I'll think it over.

Since you rented this bungalow,
what am I expected to do?

Sit around and
watch you being a hermit?

Where's your sense of romance?

Didn't you hear what she said?

Leonard lived here.

Oh, have some sense, Jerry.
Come on!

Oh, I can't go now.
She needs me. She's in trouble.

Oh, Jerry, don't be
so pessimistic.

Maybe she'll still be
in trouble when you get back.

Go and pack
your things, Mr. Halliday.

- He's on his way over here.
- Who?

His lordship! He's coming over
to chase you out of the place.

- 'Chase me out of the place?'
- Please, sir. You better hurry.

If you don't go,
he's gonna horsewhip you!

My, my, how old-fashioned!

Horsewhipping a man
in this day and age

'when they can run over him
with an automobile.'

- What will they think of next?
- Please, sir, hurry! Hurry!

Relax, my dear boy,
I'm not leaving.

I like it here.

I'm filled with the
spirit of Leonard.

Please, sir, change your mind.
You can't defy him!

Well, it's time for someone
defied the old wolf.

That's him! He'll kill me
if he finds me here!

You better take Gracie
into the next room..

Oh, no. I wanna
see what happens?

You'll hear.

Enter.

Oh, I was expecting someone else.

However, peasantry is always
welcome across my threshold.

'Kick the cat off the stool
and sit down, son.'

'As a matter of fact, I..'

...I was expecting your boss.

And it would've been
a most unpleasant fortnight

he'd have spent
the next 10 minutes.

And pray, tell, who does
he think he is, ordering me

out of the country and
threatening to horsewhip me?

I'd like to see him try it!

What do I care if he's the earl
of yon neighboring castle?

An earl.

So what?

And how did he become an earl?

Because some ancestor of his
gypped the poor common people

out of their lands.
The old pirate!

Do you wanna know what else
I think of Lord Marshmorton?

Why, he's nothing
but a...highbinder.

- Have you finished?
- Yes. I think that's all.

Good.

Come out, you young scoundrel.
Come out of the..

Please, Lord Marshmorton,
you know I'm sorry--

- Go on. Get out!
- I'm very sorry. Yes, milord..

You're Lord Marshmorton?

I am.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, isn't it awful?
Isn't it terrible?

Isn't what awful?
Isn't what terrible?

I can't hear a thing.

What's this?

The answer to the
letter you gave me.

You mean that you gave
my note to Lady Alyce?

Of course I did.
You tipped me most liberally.

There's her answer.

Oh, then-then you're on my side.

Of course I am.
Alyce loves you.

What?

And I respect her judgment.

She loves you and
that's good enough for me.

I don't think the Marshmortons
are fenced off

from the rest of the world
by some sort of divinity.

My sister does but she's an ass!

Isn't she?
I mean, is she?

'Course she is.
Always has been.

She wants her stepson,
Reggie to marry Alyce.

Over my dead body, sir.

Well, she didn't specify that

but I have no doubt she'd be
glad if it could be arranged.

He's going to take her
to the fair this afternoon.

Caroline expects him to propose
to her on the ship Deschutes.

Well, I'll be darned.

Is that all you're going to say?

No, sir. It is not.

If I were in your position

I would go to the fair myself
and take her away from him.

That's just what I shall do, sir.

Good boy! Well..

...I must be
getting back to my roses.

Oh, by the way, if you should
happen to run into my sister

you tell her I horsewhipped you
within an inch of your life.

Right-o..

♪ The tall looking young.. ♪♪

Oh, you're still alive, huh?

Alive?

I've just begun to live.

- You've just begun to live?
- Why, I've just begun to live.

- Oh, he's just begun to live.
- Oh, I've just begun to live.

♪ I've just begun to live
yes I've just begun to live ♪

♪ I've just begun to live
oh I've just begun to live ♪

♪ Ah I've just begun to live ♪♪

'Step up, ladies and gents.'

'This way to the World Of Joy'

'which is includin'
the Tunnel Of Love.'

'All for sixpence,
the half part of a shilling.'

Gents, many of you
are shy of the fairer sex.

You wanna pop the question
but don't know how.

'Give your girl sixpence
of Tunnel Of Love and achieve'

'the consummation
to reckon widths.'

'Yes, gents, your money back
if she don't fling her arms'

'around your neck
and cry out to you.

'When she says that,
you say "Will you be mine?"'

'How can she help but whisper
the little word that keeps'

'the clergy men
from the poorhouse.'

'Money will be returned to all'

'members of the male sex'

'if ya don't click
in the first five minutes.'

'Step up, gents. This way,
for the Tunnel Of Love.'

'Buy your ticket right over
there and hurry right in.'

- Come on, George!
- Not me. That's for children.

I don't like those things.
I never did and never will.

- Jerry, don't get me a ticket.
- Why not?

- 'Cause I've a weak heart.
- Don't be silly, George.

If Jerry pays for the ticket,
how can that affect your heart?

- Come on, George.
- No. No. Not me.

I don't get any pleasure
outta these things.

Come for the fun of it,
it's lotsa fun having fun

even if you don't enjoy it.

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

I'd been hoping
that I'd meet you again.

Oh, you have?

Yes, to thank you about yesterday.

Did you hurt yourself?

Oh, no, no, no.

Just skinned my hands a little.
It was nothing at all!

This is a lot of fun, isn't it?

- Yeah, it's alright.
- What do they call this thing?

Tunnel Of Love.

Oh.

I say, I'm with the lady
in the car right ahead.

You must be a magician!

No, but really,
aren't you with the gentleman

in the car ahead?

Oh. So I am.

Well, if we're both
in the car ahead

then who can the two people
be in this car?

Yes. That's right.
There must be some mix up.

Shall I strike a match?

Why hit a poor little match?
It isn't his fault.

Although, I always say..

How do?

Although, I always say..

Say, you're pretty!

You know, I was gonna
say the very same thing.

Why don't you say it,
if you think you're pretty.

You have as much right
to say it as I have.

I say, do you live here?

No. Where I live,
we sit in chairs.

I must've meant something else..

I, uh...it's uh,
it's lovely weather, isn't it?

Yes. It's a shame we can't see it.

- Oh, rather.
- How do?

Uh, by the way, did you see
the newspapers this morning?

- No. Did you see them?
- No.

But I wish this was yesterday.

Although I didn't see the papers
yesterday morning.

Did you see the papers
yesterday morning?

No.

I never see the papers.
But they're nice to talk about.

Yes. They're so true to life.

Oh well aren't we all?

How do?

Say, everybody knows you,
don't they?

Yes.

By the way, I saw your father
this morning.

- Oh, yes?
- Yes, he called at my house.

I thought him a grand person.

Oh, he is.

- And truthful I suppose.
- What do you mean?

I mean, you can rely upon
what he tells you.

He wouldn't just have a little fun

make a practical joke
or anything like that.

- Of course not!
- No.

Why, what did he tell you?

- About you.
- What about me?

He told me about you
having fallen in love with--

Oh.

Well, I'm not ashamed of it.

Of course not.

You can't help falling in love.

I know that.

It's like being hit
by a thunderbolt.

That's right!

I know some people laugh
at the idea

of falling in love at first sight.

They're wrong.

I'm glad you think so.
Because I did.

Head over heels.

Alyce.

How do?

You look nice and happy.
What's happen to you?

George, that was more fun. Now,
let's go down the moving stairs.

Oh, no. Come here.

The safest way,
take the lift. Inside.

The safe way.

♪ What made good Queen Bess
such a great success ♪

♪ What made Wellington
do what he did at Waterloo ♪

♪ What makes every Englishman
a fighter through and through ♪

♪ It isn't roast beef or ale
or home or mother ♪

♪ It's just a little thing
they sing to one another ♪

♪ Stiff upper lip
Stout fella ♪

♪ Carry on old bean ♪

♪ Chin up
Keep muddling through ♪

♪ Stiff upper lip
Stout fella ♪

♪ Dash it all I mean ♪

♪ Pip pip to old man trouble
And a toodle-oo too ♪

♪ Carry on
through thick and thin ♪

♪ If you feel
you're in the right ♪

♪ Does the fightin' spirit win ♪

♪ Oh quite quite quite
quite quite ♪

♪ Stiff upper lip
Stout fella ♪

♪ When you're in a stew ♪

♪ Sober or blotto
this is the motto ♪

♪ Keep muddling through ♪♪

I'm sorry, milady.
I'm so sorry.

I thought it was clearly
understood, Keggs

that I would not tolerate
another of these outbursts.

'Yes, milady. I-I fight the urge
constantly, milady'

but this time it seemed
to get the better of me.

A man of character, Keggs

should learn to control
his passions.

Yes, milady.
Thank you, milady.

- Father.
- Just a minute, dear.

I'm looking for a snail
behind this bush somewhere.

Go around there
and cut off his retreat.

I'll teach him
to eat up the flowers.

Father, do stop talking
about snails.

I want to ask you something.

Do you think it shows a weak
character changing one's mind?

What about?

Well, about, um, for instance,
falling in love.

Hey, hello. What's this
you're telling me?

You've changed your mind
about your ski-jumping fellow?

Mm-hmm. I just found suddenly
that I don't love him.

I suppose that delights you.

Not at all.
I'm sorry, I liked the chap.

- But you've never met him.
- Of course I've met him.

I called at his house yesterday
to deliver that note you wrote.

- But that's not the man.
- Not the man?

No, that's the American
I met in London, in a cab.

Well, whoever he is, I told him
you were potty about him.

Practically gave him my blessing.

You told him I was..

- Oh. Then that's why.
- Why, what?

- Why he kissed me.
- 'Naturally.'

But, papa, you don't understand.
I slapped him.

- Naturally, he's a stranger.
- But he's not a stranger.

That is, in a way he is
and he isn't.

I realized in a flash
that, um, I love him.

I can't help myself.
I know you think I'm crazy.

Love him? But-but you said
just now you didn't.

I didn't say I didn't,
I said I did.

But now I guess he won't have
anything to do with me anymore.

Why? Because you slapped him?
Ha ha ha, what rot.

Your poor mother used to slap me
often before we got engaged.

Do you think I minded?
Of course I didn't.

Showed she was beginning to take
an interest in me.

Every time I kissed her
she slapped me.

And every time she slapped me,
she came and apologized.

And every time she apologized,
I kissed her again

and before long
there we were in a private suite

shaking the confetti
out of our hair.

Well, do you think
I ought to apologize?

Well, he might kiss you again.

'But suppose he didn't? I mean,
suppose he didn't forgive me?'

He'll forgive you,
everything will end happily.

I shall come along
and dance at your wedding.

Oh, father, you're a darling.

You go along
and do your apologizing.

I've got to get this snail.

- Hello, Keggs.
- Milady.

'Come here, you.'

I want a few words
with you in private.

Eavesdropping is a low habit
his lordship will not tolerate.

And so, young idiot Albert,
I'm afraid I'm now forced

to give you the sack.

Please, Mr. Keggs,
let me off this once.

Well, I'm a soft-hearted man

and I should hate to ruin
a young lad's prospects.

You promise you won't do it again?

Word of honor.

Very well.

Thank you, Mr. Keggs.

Oh, by the way, do you
happen to have that ticket?

- The one marked "Mr. X".
- Yes.

Would you mind exchanging it
for the one marked Mr. Reggie?

Fat chance.

Just as you please.

I'm afraid, on second thought
I'll discharge you after all.

Pity it is too.

Being dismissed
without a character.

Breaking your poor old
mother's heart.

It's men like you what lead to
half the crimes in the country.

Here you are.

Thank you.

Thank you.

♪ We'll drink drink drink
to the Musketeers ♪

♪ The Musketeers ♪

♪ We're all for one
and one for all ♪♪

What are you so cheerful about?

We're going to Paris.

And what are you so cheerful about?

We're going to Paris.

Hmm. Suppose you'd like to stay
here and play Leonard

so you could save Lady Alyce
again, huh?

I never want to see her again.

- 'She's here.'
- Who?

The girl who slapped you.

Where?

On the jaw.

'She's coming up the lane.'

Let's go outside.

A man in love wants to be by
himself with the girl he loves.

Oh, Georgie!

I didn't know you felt
that way about me.

- This is so sudden?
- Yeah.

Come on. Let's go.

- Hello.
- How do you do?

Uh, may I come in?

Is there something
I can do for you?

I suppose it seems very odd to
you my coming here like this.

Not at all.
Neighborly.

Won't you have a seat?

Umm, no thank you.
I can only stay a moment.

I'd feel safer
if you were sitting.

- I just wanted to speak to you.
- You've come just in time.

See, I'm leaving for Paris
almost immediately.

You mean,
you're never coming back?

You can always buy a punching bag.

But that's what I came
to speak to you about, you see.

I came to say
that I'm sorry I slapped you.

You see, father's just explained
everything to me

and now I understand
how it happened.

Oh, I see. Your father explained
to you why you slapped me.

No! No!

Well, things are
frightfully mixed up.

I mean, father made
a mistake about you

and then after
he spoke to you yesterday

naturally thought
you were somebody else.

Naturally.

I didn't know. Of course, I
thought you were being yourself.

Then father explained he thought
you were the other man.

Of course, how were you to know
that I didn't mean you.

Do you understand?

Perfectly.

And you see why I slapped you?

Let me get this straight.

Whom did you slap,
me or the other fellow?

Why, you!

- And who's the other fellow?
- Jeffrey.

Jeffrey? Who's he?

An American I met in Switzerland
about a year ago.

Oh.

They don't want me marrying him.
That's why they locked me up.

To keep me from seeing him.

Oh, I see.

Your father thought I was he

and naturally
I thought he meant me.

I see.

Well, I'm afraid I've made
an awful fool of myself.

No. No, no, you haven't.

- And this chap, uh, Egbert--
- Jeffrey.

Jeffrey.
He's the man you love.

- Uh, no. No.
- What do you mean, "No?"

Well I suddenly realized
I didn't really love Jeffrey.

All that had just
been a school girl crush.

The reason that
that was so clear to me was

because I suddenly realized
that I love somebody else.

A third man?

No.

Will you please stop saying no
and talk sense?

You're just about
the stupidest man I ever met.

How I ever came to fall in love
with you I'll never understand.

Did I hear correctly?
Did you just say..

Yes.

- Well, are you sure it's me?
- Yes.

When did you first feel this,
what you just said, coming on?

Yesterday, in a flash,
right after I slapped you.

Whoa! Then slapping me
made you love me?

Yes.

Darling, slap me again.

♪ If I should suddenly
start to sing ♪

♪ Or stand on my head
or anything ♪

♪ Don't think that
I've lost my senses ♪

♪ It's just that my happiness
finally commences ♪

♪ For long long ages
of dull despair ♪

♪ Are turning into thin air ♪

♪ And it seems that suddenly ♪

♪ I've become
the happiest man alive ♪

♪ Things are looking up ♪

♪ I've been looking
the landscape over ♪

♪ And it's covered
with four-leaf clovers ♪

♪ Oh things are looking up
since love looked up at me ♪

♪ Bitter was my cup ♪

♪ But no more
will I be the mourner ♪

♪ For I've certainly
turned the corner ♪

♪ Oh things are looking up
since love looked up at me ♪

♪ See the sun beams
everyone beams ♪

♪ Just because of you ♪

♪ Love's in session
and my depression ♪

♪ Is unmistakably through ♪

♪ Things are looking up ♪

♪ It's a great little world
we live in ♪

♪ Oh I'm happy as a pup
since love looked up at me ♪

When am I going to see you again?

I do wish you could come
to the ball tonight.

To see you I'd even risk
Aunt Caroline's bloodhounds.

Father'd help you get in.

Besides, there'll be
so many people there

I'm sure no one would notice you.

I'll be there.

Goodbye.

Beg your pardon, sir.

The lady and gentleman
have just arrived.

The lady said I was to mention
the "Tunnel Of Love".

Oh yes!

Quite so.

Uncle John, let me introduce
Miss Allen, Mr. Burns.

- My uncle, Lord Marshmorton.
- How do you do?

You certainly have
a swell crowd tonight.

You must've taken in
a lot of shilling.

- Gracie, we're guests.
- Oh, that's alright. So are we.

These are my friends,
Miss Allen, Mr. Burns.

- How do you do?
- How do?

Well, come along.

Now, you wait here and I'll
go ahead and pop that surprise

that I told you about at the fair.

Miss Allen, is he coming
here tonight?

Your friend Mr. Halliday.

Well, sure he's not coming And
you know why he's not coming?

Because he wasn't invited.

That's why he's not coming here
tonight, Lord Marshmallow.

Gracie, it's Marshmorton,
not Marshmallow.

That's what I said.
Marshmallow.

Look, Gracie,
marshmallow is soft and mushy.

Oh, please, George,
you don't know this gentleman

well enough to say that about him.

Umm, I'm sorry.
Would you explain that please?

Certainly. Miss Allen, have you
seen a toasted marshmallow?

No, but I'm dying to see that.
I'll bet you're a scream.

Well, here we go.

John, I insist you make
Reggie stop that noise.

Noise? It's dance music.

- Swing.
- Swing?

In Tottney Castle?

It's time the old place
was brightened up a bit.

Oh! How do you do?
I'm so glad to see you.

Oh, you're grand!

Really? Well, thanks.

Oh, yes.
Oh, you're a beautiful dancer.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

If it weren't for two things
you'd be a terrific dancer.

- What's that?
- Your feet.

- Ouch!
- Pardon me.

Does my heart good to see
Your Ladyship so happy tonight.

Thank you, Palmer.

Why, Albert!

Your Ladyship..

Oh goodness gracious.

What's the matter?

Your Ladyship..

I can't tell you.

Oh, of course you can.

I won't give you away to Keggs.

Have you been eating
green apples again?

No. It's not me stomach
that's achin'. It's me heart.

You're heart?
Are you in love?

No. But you are.

And with someone
not worthy of your passion.

And to think that I helped
bring you together.

That's what hurts.

What do you mean?

That American, that Halliday.

Look what he went
and wrote about you.

A nice young respectable fellow
I thought he was.

When I heard, Your Ladyship
was gone on him

I did all I could
to help this out.

But I should've busted
his bloomin' head

when I first seen him.
That's what I should've done.

And I've got a good mind to do it.

There, there, Albert.
You won't have to.

Don't cry anymore.

Good evening, Mr. Keggs!

You're uncommonly gay,
young Albert.

- Any reason?
- Wouldn't you like to know.

Did you say
there was 10 pounds in the pot?

Yes. And what of it?

You wouldn't know what to do
with all that money, Mr. Keggs.

Find father and tell him
not to admit Mr. Halliday.

Yes, milady.

And tell him I never want to see
the gentleman again.

'Yes, milady.'

♪ I was a stranger in the city ♪

♪ Out of town
with the people I knew ♪

♪ I had that feeling
of self-pity ♪

♪ What to do
what to do what to do ♪

♪ The outlook
was decidedly blue ♪

♪ But as I walked through
the foggy streets alone ♪

♪ It turned out to be
the luckiest day I've known ♪

♪ A foggy day in London Town ♪

♪ Had me low and had me down ♪

♪ I viewed the morning
with alarm ♪

♪ The British Museum
had lost its charm ♪

♪ How long I wondered
could this thing last ♪

♪ But the age of miracles
hadn't passed ♪

♪ For suddenly I saw you there ♪

♪ And through
foggy London Town ♪

♪ The sun was shining
everywhere ♪

♪ How long I wondered
could this thing last ♪

♪ But the age of miracles
hadn't passed ♪

♪ For suddenly I saw you there ♪

♪ And through
foggy London Town ♪

♪ The sun was shining
everywhere ♪♪

Excuse me, you lordship, are you
watching for a Mr. Halliday?

Shh. Yes.

Lady Alyce told me to tell you
he was not to be admitted.

She never wants to see him again.

Thank you, milord.

Yoicks, yoicks, yoicks.

Sorry, sir. You are not
to be admitted.

Oh. I see.

Good evening, Mr. Halliday.

Good evening, Keggs.

It is indeed a pleasure
to see you, sir.

It is indeed a pleasure
to see you too, Keggs.

Nothing would please me more
than to be of some assistance.

Do you feel alright?

Why, on a romantic night
like this? Oh, yes, sir.

Keggs, just what's on your mind?

You wish to see Lady Alyce,
of course?

- I do.
- Very well.

Then I am happy to relate
that I am now in position

to extend to you
what is known as a helping hand.

You didn't give me that
impression the last time we met.

No. But since then
there's been a readjustment

of certain matters
very close to me.

The result of which
Lady Alyce's wishes and yours

are very close to my heart.

Keggs, I have always felt that
beneath that macabre exterior

there lies a heart of gold.

Thank you, sir. You mind to slip
in through the music room door?

♪ The man who only lives
for making money ♪

♪ Lives a life that
isn't necessarily sunny ♪

♪ Likewise the man
who works for fame ♪

♪ There's no guarantee that time
won't erase his name ♪

♪ The fact is the only work
that really brings enjoyment ♪

♪ Is the kind
that is for girl and boy meant ♪

♪ Fall in love
you won't regret it ♪

♪ That's the best work of all
if you can get it ♪

♪ Holding hands at midnight ♪

♪ 'Neath a starry sky ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Nice work if you can get it ♪

♪ And you can get it
if you try ♪

♪ Strolling with the one girl ♪

♪ Sighing sigh after sigh ♪

♪ Boy it is ♪

♪ Nice work if you can get it ♪

♪ And you can get it
if you try ♪

♪ If you try ♪

♪ Just imagine someone ♪

♪ Waiting at the cottage door ♪

♪ Where two hearts become one ♪

♪ Who could ask
for anything more ♪

♪ Lovin' one who loves you ♪

♪ And then taking that vow ♪

♪ Nice work if you can get it ♪

♪ And if you get it ♪

♪ Won't you tell me how ♪

♪ Holding hands at midnight
'neath a starry sky ♪

George, look! Jerry's pretending
he's one of the singers.

A little louder, Gracie,
everybody didn't hear ya.

Oh, alright.
Jerry's pretending he's..

Ow!

♪ Strolling with the one girl ♪

♪ Sighing sigh after sigh ♪

♪ Nice work if you can get it ♪

♪ And you can get it
if you try ♪

♪ Just imagine someone ♪

♪ Waiting at the cottage door ♪

♪ Where two hearts become one ♪

♪ Loving one who loves you ♪

♪ And then taking that vow ♪

♪ It's nice work
if you can get it ♪

♪ And if you get it ♪

♪ Won't you tell me how ♪♪

Alyce.

- I got in.
- So I see.

Yes, but it was very difficult.
Why didn't you come to help me?

Oh, I just thought I wouldn't.

- You just thought you wouldn't?
- I changed my mind.

I don't understand.

Well, I was a little
too tired to come down.

I'm awfully lazy. It did seem
a lot of trouble to take.

What's happened? What's caused
this sudden change in you?

Change?

Yes, this afternoon you sa--

Oh, surely you didn't
take that nonsense seriously?

Imagine a man
of the world like you..

You always believe
everything a girl tells you?

Yes. When it's a girl like you.

How simple you are.

I can't believe this is you.

Yes. It is.

When you're leaving you'll find
the front door more convenient

than jumping from my balcony.

You might fall and break your neck

and if that happened..

I wouldn't even notice it.

No way. It's you!

Yes, it is.
At least I think it is.

I'm not quite sure.

Albert, have you ever
been in an earthquake?

No.

I've just been in one. It's
a very interesting experience.

You're going along great
and then all of a sudden..

...the bottom drops
out of the world.

Albert, my boy,
we were misinformed.

Huh?

I mean, regarding the state
of Lady Alyce's feelings.

You were mistaken, father
was mistaken, I was mistaken.

Now I find that she was mistaken.

- She does not love me.
- Did she say so?

She did,
and in no uncertain terms.

Shall I tell you
something, mister?

Yes, and make it funny
will you? I need a laugh.

You aren't the first one
to have this happen to you.

She does it to all the boys.

Well, that's some consolation.

Toodle-doo.

Albert.

Well, my little man,
I've got some good news for you.

Thank you, Mr. Keggs.

I'm going to give you back
your original ticket.

That's fair enough, isn't it?

- But I don't want Mr. Halliday.
- Oh yes, you do.

Or would you like me to remember
that I caught you eavesdropping?

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Ahem, ahem, ahem.

Well?
Now how are you getting along?

Oh, just wonderful!
Reggie made up his mind.

Well, good!

- I'm unsure if she'll have me.
- Why don't you ask her?

Well, sure.
You always ask a girl first.

I don't know how to do
these things gracefully.

Well, Reggie,
maybe I could help a little bit.

Just sit right down.
Right there.

That's it. Now, I sit
on your lap like this.

Gracie, you sit right there.

- Oh, isn't this fun.
- This is fun.

Now, just carry on from there.

Well, now that that's over with,
will you marry me?

Yes.

Did you say marry you?

Yes.

Well, certainly.

Oh...thank you.

Thank you.

George!

- Yes?
- We've just become engaged.

- What do we do now?
- Well how about a little kiss?

Oh, I'd be glad to.

Well..

Would you play this please?
It's a request.

Well, certainly, Albert.

♪ Aah.. ♪

Good evening, sir.

Good evening, sir.

I asked you not to let him in.

You know, you change
your mind so often

I thought I'd make it up for you.

I believe you're moonstruck.

Your poor mother
always got very eccentric

at the time of the full moon.

Used to write poetry about elves
and gnomes and things.

Father, would you mind
if we didn't dance anymore?

I've got a headache.
I'm going to my room.

Softy.

Who, me?

Yes, you.

Letting the girl you love
walk past without so much

as an effort to stop her.
The spirit of Leonard.

Well, I couldn't very well
make a flying tackle, could I?

- I don't love her!
- Nonsense! Sure, you love her.

I suppose what's happened is
she's told you she doesn't love you.

Dear boy, her mother
told me that a hundred times.

And you married her.

Well, you see I, uh,
well, of course I married her.

At St. George's, Hanover Square.

In a dash tight pair
of trousers, I remember.

If it isn't too personal,
uh, how did you convince her?

By being firm, dash it.
Firm!

Resolute! Ruthless!

- Oh, hello.
- 'Hello, John.'

Alyce is just like her mother.
Always changing her mind.

First, the ski-jumper,
then it's you.

In my case, it was
a roller-skating instructor.

He was the most conceited,
arrogant, supercilious..

Oh, sorry.

What I'm driving at is
Alyce needs a lesson.

Just as her mother did.
And I gave it to her.

I dashed madly to her room and I
said, "Emily, I mean business."

Oh, I see.

You'll find her
in her sitting room now.

Though you may yet imagine it,
my boy, I had the reputation

in those days, of being
quite a fellow with the ladies.

I can tell you an episode
of a tobacconist's assistant

that, uh, well,
that's neither here nor there.

Now, you go to her. And I'm glad
I've not been too subtle.

Uh, do you think Lady Caroline
will approve of this?

Never you mind about Caroline.

You do your part,
I'll take care of her.

Right-o.

Uh, Thomas.

Yes, milord?

Find Lady Caroline,
tell her I want to see her

in the library immediately.
It's most important.

Very good, milord.

- Who's there?
- Opportunity.

- And it only knocks once.
- What are you doing here?

I shall need
a little time to explain.

And also a little privacy.

Palmer, stay here.

Palmer, go.

Go!

This is much better, don't you
think? You and I here alone.

Get out of here.

Oh, no. I mean business!

I demand that you leave here
immediately.

I'm not the kind of fellow who
can be lead on and pushed aside.

Just another one
of those fish you've caught

until you reel it up alongside
the boat and then given it back.

This time the fish jumps out
of the water and bites you!

- Are you mad?
- Yes I am. About you.

I'm like the
Northwest Mounted Police.

I always get my girl.

Get out of here.

Oh, anger makes you
even more beautiful, Alyce.

I imagine you'll be very interesting

after I get to know you.

What do you expect
to accomplish by this?

You're the sort of girl
who has to have her mind

made up for her! And I'm going
to bend you to my will.

Oh, I see. It ought to make
a good story for the papers.

- You, you, winepress.
- Winepress?

Beneath those twinkling feet
women's hearts are crushed

like grapes in a winepress.

- Where did you get that?
- I read it.

- In a newspaper?
- Yes.

And despite the fact that
it might spoil your publicity

I'm not going to be number 28.

Oh! This is the reason
you changed your mind about me?

- Yes.
- But it's entirely untrue.

And not one of this women exist

'except in his horrible
imagination.'

- Whose?
- That wine press agent of mine.

The idiot!

Oh, Alyce, I can't
tell you how sorry I am.

You being in all this.

Number 28? Tch-tch.

Well, I wouldn't have
minded being number 28

if it weren't for the other 27.

- Beg your pardon, milady.
- What is it, Palmer?

There's something very odd
going on in Lady Alyce's room.

Quite, quite, I understand.
You can go, Palmer.

Well, go, go, go!

You see? In half an hour,
it'll be all over the house.

What are we to do?
What are we to do?

There's never been a scandal
in Tottney Castle before.

If I remember correctly,
150 years ago

Lord Leonard was seen slipping
into Lady Marshmorton's room.

It had quite slipped my memory.

Oh!

But you recollect, John,
they subsequently married.

Do you seriously suggest
Alyce should marry

that awful bounder Halliday?

Of course.
There's nothing else to do.

Otherwise we should be centuries
living down this scandal.

Come, John. We will act.

Now, how're we gonna
break the news to Aunt Caroline?

Well, father ought to tell her
after we tell him.

- Father?
- Yes.

He doesn't believe in letting
only boy scouts do good deeds.

- So, here's his chance.
- Good old father. Ha ha.

Alyce! Open the door, please.

She mustn't find you here.
It'll ruin everything.

- But we're getting married.
- Yes, I know.

But if she finds you here,
we'll never get married.

Alyce! Open the door, please.

- Well, wh-what can I do? Hide?
- You can't. They'll find you.

Alyce? Alyce!

- Wh-what shall I do?
- Do it again.

- Do what again?
- The leap. Leonard's leap.

- The leap?
- 'Ye-es!'

Oh, oh, of course.
The leap! Ha ha.

But isn't there some
other way that we could..

Hurry! Hurry!

- This one out here?
- Yes. That one.

- Oh, you-you mean, over here?
- Yes, over there. Hurry.

Wait!

- He's done it again.
- What a man!

Young man, come back.

- Are you alright?
- Come back...into the house.

Me?

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself, Alyce.

Think of the scandal.
You might at least consider us.

Okay, I'm coming inside.

You know, you only go
on a honeymoon once.

Wouldn't you like to go to Paris?

Then Venice and then home
to your own little love-nest?

Well, George,
I didn't think you cared.

- Goodbye, Reggie.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You can't leave Reggie like this.

Don't be silly. We can't take
him with us on our honeymoon.

Goodbye!

Goodbye!

Goodbye. Goodby..

- My boy, we win.
- We do?

- You're going to marry Alyce.
- I am?

- Tonight.
- You mean it?

Come on, you Tottney wildcats.

Give!