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1
00:00:06,216 --> 00:00:11,216
Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
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00:00:45,947 --> 00:00:49,751
Yeah, of course we're
still exclusive, Tiff.
3
00:00:51,019 --> 00:00:52,219
Oh, don't listen to Chelsea.
4
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:54,421
Chelsea asked me before
I even knew we were
5
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:56,490
so it's like, I don't
know what to tell her.
6
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:00,728
Hey, hold on.
7
00:01:03,031 --> 00:01:03,865
Hello?
8
00:01:07,936 --> 00:01:09,369
Hey, who's there?
9
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:14,341
Hey, whoever you are, show
yourself.
10
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,951
That's what I thought, some
pussy ass kids or something.
11
00:01:22,984 --> 00:01:26,854
No, of course I'm not
gonna bone her, okay?
12
00:01:26,888 --> 00:01:29,256
You know, she smells
like a rotten pumpkin.
13
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:30,123
Chelsea?
14
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:31,659
She looks like Don Knotts.
15
00:01:31,693 --> 00:01:32,527
Gross!
16
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:34,662
Whoa!
17
00:01:34,696 --> 00:01:35,697
Yo, yo, bro.
18
00:01:36,965 --> 00:01:41,101
I'm a real deal legit
MMA champ around here.
19
00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:44,939
You're tangling with
the fucking king, bruh.
20
00:01:44,973 --> 00:01:46,841
Oh, that's how it's gonna be?
21
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:50,044
This motherfucker wants to step
to me?
22
00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:54,414
Tiff, I'm gonna have to call you
back.
23
00:01:58,753 --> 00:01:59,954
Hello?
24
00:01:59,988 --> 00:02:01,488
Thad?
25
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:02,957
Hello?
26
00:02:02,991 --> 00:02:03,858
Whatever.
27
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,126
I better not catch you fucking
Chelsea.
28
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:09,097
You are so disgusting.
29
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,464
Fuck off!
30
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:14,102
♪ Hawk and Rev
save another day ♪
31
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,739
♪ Fighting vampires, chasing
them away ♪
32
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:52,172
♪ Step up, step up ♪
33
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:06,788
Not cool, guys!
34
00:03:06,821 --> 00:03:07,655
Not cool!
35
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:11,959
Come on, seriously?
36
00:03:11,993 --> 00:03:13,995
♪ Baby, my baby ♪
37
00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:14,862
Mom!
38
00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:17,832
Dad?
39
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,299
Hello?
40
00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:20,134
Hey!
41
00:03:20,168 --> 00:03:22,603
Come on, you little bitch.
42
00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:25,372
♪ From the inside
to the outside ♪
43
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,875
♪ The beast is getting low ♪
44
00:03:27,909 --> 00:03:29,577
♪ Girl, you're welcome here ♪
45
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:34,481
♪ It's more than you know ♪
46
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,651
♪ You have my word ♪
47
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:37,518
Crap.
48
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:40,822
Son of a bitch!
49
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,025
Fuck!
50
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:45,760
Huh, nice try, assholes.
51
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:49,864
♪ You have my word as the
branches have the sky ♪
52
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,667
♪ As these lungs take the air ♪
53
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:55,536
♪ There is no question of why ♪
54
00:03:55,570 --> 00:04:00,575
♪ My word is good ♪
55
00:04:00,842 --> 00:04:03,611
♪ My word is law ♪
56
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,413
Dear
Hawk, when we asked you
57
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,015
to move out six months ago,
58
00:04:08,049 --> 00:04:10,317
we did not mean into the
backyard.
59
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:12,352
Your hobo camp is
killing the grass
60
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,188
and the neighbors
complained to the city
61
00:04:14,222 --> 00:04:15,623
about the smell again.
62
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:18,793
Also, if you're reading
this, you broke in.
63
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:21,428
But this time, the
alarm was on, wasn't it?
64
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:22,897
That's right.
65
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,364
The police are on their way
66
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:27,135
and you're no longer authorized
to be on the property.
67
00:04:27,168 --> 00:04:30,270
Again, this does not mean
we don't love you, son.
68
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:32,607
It just means it's time
to leave the nest.
69
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,442
All the best, mom and dad.
70
00:04:54,262 --> 00:04:55,096
Oh!
71
00:04:57,999 --> 00:05:03,004
You get back
here, you son of a bitch!
72
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:31,331
Sorry I'm late.
73
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:32,567
This rabid soccer mom
74
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,503
just tried to murder
me with her minivan.
75
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:36,469
You wanna talk about it?
76
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:37,305
No!
77
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,739
I want her to die.
78
00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:39,807
That's good.
79
00:05:39,841 --> 00:05:40,875
Get the anger out.
80
00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,009
Fine.
81
00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:45,279
I want her little shiny
minivan to explode into flames
82
00:05:45,313 --> 00:05:48,082
and her whole un-American
soccer-playing family
83
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,251
to roast alive and crackle!
84
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:51,185
Okay, I get it.
85
00:05:51,219 --> 00:05:53,120
We all have our inner
battles to fight.
86
00:05:53,154 --> 00:05:53,955
Why don't you join in?
87
00:05:53,988 --> 00:05:55,189
It might make you feel better.
88
00:05:55,223 --> 00:05:56,891
What, do I just...
89
00:05:58,326 --> 00:05:59,594
Yeah, like that.
90
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:01,229
Just like...
91
00:06:01,262 --> 00:06:02,096
Yeah.
92
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,464
Yeah, focus on your breathing.
93
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:05,498
That's good.
94
00:06:07,001 --> 00:06:08,836
Just like that.
95
00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:10,204
Wow.
96
00:06:10,238 --> 00:06:11,739
That's good, Hawk.
97
00:06:12,874 --> 00:06:14,609
How does this help
us kick ass again?
98
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:15,442
It doesn't.
99
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:17,111
I'm a vegan pacifist, remember?
100
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,680
What, are we supposed to keep
doing it?
101
00:06:19,714 --> 00:06:21,816
Yes, until you come
to terms with your anger
102
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:22,884
and you can manage it.
103
00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:23,885
Yeah, well, that could be a
while.
104
00:06:23,918 --> 00:06:26,354
My asshole parents just
kicked me out again.
105
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,221
I thought you were out.
106
00:06:27,255 --> 00:06:28,956
I was out,
107
00:06:28,990 --> 00:06:30,024
in the yard.
108
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,727
Now they want me out out,
like off the property.
109
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,161
Well, it is about time, right?
110
00:06:34,195 --> 00:06:35,963
Who's freaking side are you on
here?
111
00:06:35,997 --> 00:06:36,864
That's good, Hawk.
112
00:06:36,898 --> 00:06:37,698
Go for it.
113
00:06:37,732 --> 00:06:38,933
Express how you really feel.
114
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:39,767
Fine!
115
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:40,601
I want them to die, Rev.
116
00:06:40,635 --> 00:06:42,670
I want them all to die, every
one!
117
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,338
I want everyone to die!
118
00:06:44,372 --> 00:06:48,276
Death, dismember, dead,
murder!
119
00:06:48,309 --> 00:06:49,610
Okay.
120
00:06:49,644 --> 00:06:51,478
We might be here a while.
121
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,915
In other news
tonight, local MMA champ,
122
00:06:53,948 --> 00:06:56,784
Thadwick Dunfrey was
found dead earlier today.
123
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,886
Police claim it's an isolated
incident
124
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,522
with no connection to
all the other recent...
125
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:02,356
I'm sorry.
126
00:07:02,390 --> 00:07:03,291
Where was I?
127
00:07:03,324 --> 00:07:04,825
You were explaining why you
were late
128
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:05,660
again.
129
00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:06,493
Jesus Christ!
130
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:07,595
What's the big deal?
131
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,397
It's an empty goddamn
building for Christ's sakes.
132
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,133
First of all, please stop
using the Lord's name in vain.
133
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:14,669
And second, your shift
starts at seven, Hawk.
134
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:17,805
And every time you're late, you
really...
135
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:18,639
You screw me.
136
00:07:18,673 --> 00:07:19,472
Oh, don't worry.
137
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:20,308
I won't tell your wives.
138
00:07:20,341 --> 00:07:21,742
I mean, this has got to stop.
139
00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:22,576
I got it.
140
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:23,577
I'm sorry.
141
00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,913
My asshole prick parents
finally kicked me out.
142
00:07:25,947 --> 00:07:27,415
It's been kind of a rough day.
143
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,516
Look on the bright side.
144
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,318
I mean, at least you can
finally get your own place.
145
00:07:30,351 --> 00:07:31,218
Yeah, right.
146
00:07:31,252 --> 00:07:32,787
I could barely even get this
shit job
147
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:36,257
after Uncle Sam boned me
on that whole assault BS.
148
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:39,126
Well, you did stab a fellow
soldier with a two by four.
149
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,028
Prepare to face your death,
Dirkman.
150
00:07:41,062 --> 00:07:43,764
Never, human scum!
151
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,543
Take that, you undead piece of
garbage.
152
00:07:57,011 --> 00:07:59,847
Shit, I guess I'm going to
prison.
153
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,516
He was a bloodsucking,
allergic to the sun,
154
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,585
filthy ass vampire, Arnold,
155
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:07,321
and I would stab him a
thousand more times if I could.
156
00:08:07,355 --> 00:08:09,657
You do realize vampires
don't exist, right?
157
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,758
If they don't exist,
158
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,860
why the hell did I stab
that man with a two by four?
159
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,595
'Cause you're a paranoid
schizophrenic
160
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:15,830
who better be taking his meds
161
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,598
or his PO is gonna
be getting a call.
162
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,432
All right, all right.
163
00:08:18,466 --> 00:08:19,266
Jesus!
164
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:20,968
No need for threats.
165
00:08:26,374 --> 00:08:29,643
Hey, you mind if I
leave some of my stuff?
166
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:30,911
Absolutely not.
167
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,246
And in lieu of your tardiness,
168
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,115
I'm gonna need you to
drop some breaks tonight.
169
00:08:34,148 --> 00:08:36,650
My breaks are legally mandated
by the federal government.
170
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:37,918
And if you've got a problem with
that,
171
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,687
you take it up with the damn
liberals.
172
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:40,955
I thought you were an
anarchist.
173
00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:42,523
Not when it comes to my
breaks.
174
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:47,561
♪ And if we don't need
to fight to survive ♪
175
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:56,370
♪ Just surrender the fight ♪
176
00:08:57,405 --> 00:09:02,410
♪ If we don't need to
see all that is wrong ♪
177
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:07,615
♪ Then just I do ♪
178
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,718
♪ The boys are right ♪
179
00:09:29,470 --> 00:09:30,471
Holy shit!
180
00:09:33,808 --> 00:09:35,776
I feel like we really
sank our teeth into them.
181
00:09:35,810 --> 00:09:37,912
I can still taste the blood.
182
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:40,314
Mother effin' vampires.
183
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,083
This way, Forneus.
184
00:09:42,116 --> 00:09:44,218
Say cheese, fang faces.
185
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,354
What was that?
186
00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:48,456
Oh, shit!
187
00:09:48,489 --> 00:09:50,559
It came from over here.
188
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:01,402
Must have just been a
headlight or something.
189
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,703
All right.
190
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:03,971
Let's get this little guy
inside.
191
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,606
I'm famished.
192
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,041
Come on, Forneus.
193
00:10:09,477 --> 00:10:10,945
Hey, it's Hawk.
194
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,947
Either they're filming
another remake of Lost Boys
195
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,983
or I just saw some filthy ass
vampires.
196
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,084
Office, ASAP.
197
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,662
You did not office ASAP.
198
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:29,663
I was on the bus.
199
00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:32,333
But I called and told
you I saw vampires,
200
00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:34,536
like straight out of Lost Boys.
201
00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:36,737
Again, I was on the bus.
202
00:10:39,273 --> 00:10:40,341
Is that porn?
203
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:41,842
No, it's public domain.
204
00:10:41,876 --> 00:10:42,877
It's porn.
205
00:10:44,145 --> 00:10:46,280
It's nonxploitation, actually.
206
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,381
Non?
207
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,316
You know what, Hawk, never mind.
208
00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:50,918
What is it that I'm doing here?
209
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:51,785
I mean, this isn't like the
first time
210
00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,154
that this has happened before.
211
00:10:53,187 --> 00:10:55,890
Actually, Rev, it's
very, very different.
212
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:56,724
How so?
213
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:57,791
Well, for one,
214
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,895
they had one of those guys
in a leather mask deal.
215
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:01,862
Like a gimp?
216
00:11:01,896 --> 00:11:04,431
Yeah, on a leash,
and they went into 201.
217
00:11:04,465 --> 00:11:05,567
201's vacant.
218
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:06,967
Not anymore it's not.
219
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,369
It's filled with a bunch of
these guys
220
00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:12,139
and their beady black
eyes and bloody mouths.
221
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:17,912
I thought you couldn't
take pictures of vampires.
222
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:20,881
So I don't understand.
223
00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:22,116
They don't give you a key?
224
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,050
It isn't in the contract.
225
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,752
They didn't give me healthcare
either.
226
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:25,587
So you're just supposed to
guard
227
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:26,720
the outside of the building?
228
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:27,721
Yeah.
229
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,023
I guess whatever they
do behind closed doors
230
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,057
is their business.
231
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:30,891
What about you?
232
00:11:30,925 --> 00:11:31,959
You're the janitor.
233
00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:32,927
Don't you get a key?
234
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,930
Actually, I'm the
groundskeeper, so.
235
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:36,764
Whatever.
236
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:37,731
Is that an actual lock pick?
237
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:38,699
Negative.
238
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,901
It's my mini Swiss army.
239
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:42,604
What?
240
00:11:42,637 --> 00:11:43,404
It's good enough for the Swiss
army,
241
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:44,573
it's good enough for me.
242
00:11:44,606 --> 00:11:46,073
All right, I need to get back
to work.
243
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,610
That dog poop is not gonna clean
itself.
244
00:11:48,643 --> 00:11:50,978
Ooh, Rev, look at this.
245
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,213
Hawk, no, no, no.
246
00:11:52,246 --> 00:11:53,747
That's, that's oil.
247
00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,749
Oh, that's oil.
248
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:58,319
That comes from cars.
249
00:11:58,352 --> 00:12:00,721
I'm gonna, I'm gonna go.
250
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:04,892
I swear to God, Rev, on my
mother's grave, I saw them.
251
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:07,428
Your mother's alive, Hawk.
252
00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:09,129
Your mother's alive.
253
00:12:15,436 --> 00:12:16,270
Dammit.
254
00:12:24,546 --> 00:12:26,648
Hawk, I told you not
to call this number.
255
00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,148
You gotta call dispatch.
256
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:29,216
Yeah, sorry, Jack.
257
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:31,485
It's just, they keep hanging up
on me.
258
00:12:31,519 --> 00:12:34,723
And my fight against the
injustice and supernatural,
259
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:35,923
it just can't wait.
260
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:36,957
Fine.
261
00:12:36,991 --> 00:12:37,791
Go ahead.
262
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:38,627
Okay.
263
00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:41,395
I wanna report some very highly,
264
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,364
extremely suspicious activity.
265
00:12:43,397 --> 00:12:44,566
Mm-hmm.
266
00:12:44,599 --> 00:12:47,702
Earlier tonight, this
very highly suspicious SUV
267
00:12:47,736 --> 00:12:49,303
pulled up in our alley.
268
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,372
So naturally, I went to go check
it out.
269
00:12:51,405 --> 00:12:52,373
Naturally.
270
00:12:52,406 --> 00:12:54,709
Yeah, so I went over
there
271
00:12:54,743 --> 00:12:57,444
and what do you know,
out popped two vampires.
272
00:12:57,478 --> 00:12:58,680
Two vampires?
273
00:12:58,713 --> 00:13:01,982
Yeah, like the
gang from Lost Boys.
274
00:13:02,016 --> 00:13:03,350
The original or the
sequels?
275
00:13:03,384 --> 00:13:04,184
The original.
276
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,819
Not such a big fan of the
sequels.
277
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:06,920
Yeah, me neither.
278
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,789
You do realize that
false reporting of crime
279
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,291
is a violation of your
probation.
280
00:13:10,324 --> 00:13:11,660
This actually happened.
281
00:13:11,693 --> 00:13:12,960
That's what you said
about the sleeper cell.
282
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,461
Yes, but this time is
different.
283
00:13:14,495 --> 00:13:16,497
And that's also what you said
about the Russians invading.
284
00:13:16,531 --> 00:13:18,866
Well, I saw Red Dawn one
too many times that week.
285
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:19,800
And the werewolves?
286
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,802
Well, that time, I just plain
messed up.
287
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:24,104
All right, Hawk, here's
what's gonna happen.
288
00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:26,373
You stop calling in crazy stuff
in the middle of the night.
289
00:13:26,407 --> 00:13:28,743
In exchange, I'm not gonna
arrest you.
290
00:13:28,777 --> 00:13:29,644
Got it?
291
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:30,779
- But...
- Bye.
292
00:13:32,046 --> 00:13:33,047
Goddammit.
293
00:13:43,357 --> 00:13:47,696
♪ Oh, Hawk, no one ever believes
you ♪
294
00:13:47,729 --> 00:13:50,464
♪ Nobody ever sees you ♪
295
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:54,234
♪ In the way that you wanna be
seen ♪
296
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,970
♪ Baby, don't you know ♪
297
00:13:57,004 --> 00:14:00,709
♪ You're just a lone ranger ♪
298
00:14:00,742 --> 00:14:03,645
♪ There ain't no danger ♪
299
00:14:03,678 --> 00:14:07,448
♪ Oh, just let it be, just let
it be ♪
300
00:14:07,481 --> 00:14:10,150
♪ Oh, let it be ♪
301
00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:17,091
Any more sightings?
302
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,125
No.
303
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:18,959
I don't what happened.
304
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,829
They just disappeared or
something,
305
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,863
kinda like all these folks.
306
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,365
Yeah, that's what they do.
307
00:14:24,398 --> 00:14:25,966
What, the people or the
vampires?
308
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,135
The imaginary things
you see in your head.
309
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,471
I did not imagine them, Rev.
310
00:14:30,505 --> 00:14:31,740
Well, at least you didn't
call the police again.
311
00:14:31,773 --> 00:14:32,774
That's good.
312
00:14:36,377 --> 00:14:37,177
No!
313
00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:38,011
It doesn't even matter.
314
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,113
They didn't believe me anyway,
so.
315
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,315
You reported vampires
with a gimp on a leash.
316
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,584
Oh, okay.
317
00:14:42,617 --> 00:14:45,553
I see how it is.
318
00:14:45,587 --> 00:14:46,588
Oh, come on, Hawk.
319
00:14:46,621 --> 00:14:47,421
I'm sorry.
320
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:48,656
I just, I don't wanna see you
321
00:14:48,690 --> 00:14:50,257
get in trouble again, that's
all.
322
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,091
I agree, Rev.
323
00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:52,126
You are sorry.
324
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,762
You're a four-eyed,
bird-legged groundskeeper
325
00:14:53,795 --> 00:14:55,730
who doubts his friends.
326
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,266
Are we still doing tai chi
today?
327
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,636
I only do tai chi with my
friends.
328
00:15:01,669 --> 00:15:04,572
♪ Well, I didn't sleep a wink
last night ♪
329
00:15:04,606 --> 00:15:07,509
♪ Work's drying up and money's
tight ♪
330
00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:10,678
You talking to me, fang face?
331
00:15:10,712 --> 00:15:12,146
What's that, blood sucker?
332
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:14,381
Oh, you want my life force?
333
00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:16,250
Why don't you come take
it then, you corpse?
334
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,753
♪ There's holes on my safety net ♪
335
00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:23,758
♪ And it's a goddamn lie
when I say I'm doing fine ♪
336
00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:30,264
♪ Didn't think this was
what I'm supposed to get ♪
337
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,099
♪ By doing everything that I ♪
338
00:15:41,643 --> 00:15:42,877
Oh!
339
00:15:42,911 --> 00:15:44,144
Hey, Terry!
340
00:15:44,178 --> 00:15:45,245
What the hell, man?
341
00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:46,079
Hey, Hawk.
342
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,281
I didn't realize you were home.
343
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,884
What the hell does that mean?
344
00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:02,396
No, I called it in because I
thought it was a real threat.
345
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,064
These three vampires.
346
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:04,899
Yeah.
347
00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:05,966
Well, no.
348
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,736
Two of them were vampires,
one of them was a gimp.
349
00:16:08,770 --> 00:16:09,571
A gimp.
350
00:16:09,604 --> 00:16:10,872
Yes, on a leash.
351
00:16:10,905 --> 00:16:12,072
A gimp on a leash?
352
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,140
Yes!
353
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,810
Jesus Christ, has no one
in this town heard of S&M?
354
00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:16,945
I'm a Mormon, Hawk.
355
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,446
And please, stop using
the Lord's name in vain!
356
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,448
What is your point, Arnold?
357
00:16:21,482 --> 00:16:23,083
That is my point.
358
00:16:30,625 --> 00:16:32,493
Hey, it's Hawk.
359
00:16:32,527 --> 00:16:34,127
Yeah, I just wanted to say I'm
real sorry
360
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,497
about calling you four eyed,
bird legged,
361
00:16:36,531 --> 00:16:39,132
and ignoring you on the
beach earlier today.
362
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,835
It just, it really hurts
363
00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:44,104
when my only friend in the
world doesn't believe me.
364
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,206
Anyway, I've been thinking more
about it,
365
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,308
and it is all in my head.
366
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:52,714
Maybe I've been imagining the
whole thing.
367
00:16:54,516 --> 00:16:56,149
Holy shit!
368
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,018
They're back.
369
00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,654
We should probably call this
in.
370
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,689
I already did, remember?
371
00:17:01,723 --> 00:17:03,257
They're not gonna believe us.
372
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:04,458
What if I do it?
373
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:05,527
They'll still think it's me.
374
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:06,360
Trust me.
375
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,427
You call them that much?
376
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:10,097
The world's a terrifying
place, Rev.
377
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:10,965
Shit!
378
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,166
Did they see us?
379
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,067
No.
380
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:14,903
Did they see us?
381
00:17:14,936 --> 00:17:15,904
Shh.
382
00:17:15,937 --> 00:17:16,905
Are you kidding me?
383
00:17:16,938 --> 00:17:17,872
Sorry.
384
00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:19,807
Wow, look at that gimp.
385
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,077
I think I sharted.
386
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:24,946
Oh, God.
387
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,431
All right, I'll be willing to
consider...
388
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,266
Yes, I knew it.
389
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,836
If and only if we lay
out some ground rules.
390
00:17:48,870 --> 00:17:49,904
Rules of engagement.
391
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:50,738
I love it.
392
00:17:50,772 --> 00:17:51,739
What did you have in mind?
393
00:17:51,773 --> 00:17:54,074
First off, no hurting
or killing of any kind.
394
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:55,743
Wait, does that rule out
staking?
395
00:17:55,777 --> 00:17:57,477
Staking hurts and/or kills.
396
00:17:57,512 --> 00:17:58,312
Okay.
397
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,180
What about asphyxiation by
garlic?
398
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,381
Asphyxiat...
399
00:18:02,550 --> 00:18:03,450
Asphyxiation.
400
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:04,318
Asphyxi...
401
00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:05,285
Asphyxiation.
402
00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:07,689
Asphyxiation implies hurting
or killing.
403
00:18:07,722 --> 00:18:09,891
Okay, well, how about
holy water boarding?
404
00:18:09,924 --> 00:18:10,892
Water boarding is torture.
405
00:18:10,925 --> 00:18:11,926
So even if it's holy?
406
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,127
Yes, that is the same...
407
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,296
Secondly, we get help.
408
00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:17,297
No, no.
409
00:18:17,331 --> 00:18:19,067
I'm a black belt and I
was army special ops.
410
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,001
I got this.
411
00:18:20,034 --> 00:18:23,303
You guarded urinal cakes and
TP, Hawk.
412
00:18:24,539 --> 00:18:25,974
Fine.
413
00:18:26,007 --> 00:18:27,341
I got a guy.
414
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,643
I'll text him.
415
00:18:28,676 --> 00:18:29,476
And no arrests.
416
00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:30,310
What?
417
00:18:30,344 --> 00:18:31,411
Jesus Christ!
418
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,984
Are you really gonna wear that?
419
00:18:36,017 --> 00:18:37,250
I like my jumpsuit.
420
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,886
Yeah, but you always wear
them.
421
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,421
I mean, what if we have to
do cloak and dagger stuff?
422
00:18:41,455 --> 00:18:44,092
What, like sitting on street
corners?
423
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:44,926
Oh, shit.
424
00:18:44,959 --> 00:18:46,460
There he is.
425
00:18:50,064 --> 00:18:51,164
Where'd you find this guy?
426
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,201
Oh, army prison, maximum
security.
427
00:18:55,703 --> 00:18:57,872
Put these on your faces.
428
00:18:58,740 --> 00:18:59,641
And get in.
429
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:18,526
Okay, take off the blindfolds.
430
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,531
Hawk, he's got a gun.
431
00:19:23,564 --> 00:19:24,799
No shit, Rev.
432
00:19:24,832 --> 00:19:27,267
Okay, tell me who sent you.
433
00:19:29,937 --> 00:19:31,338
Tell me or you're gonna
know what it's like
434
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,273
to have hot metal pierce your
flesh.
435
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:35,242
Actually, I kinda know
what that feels like.
436
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,111
I actually shot myself in
bootcamp.
437
00:19:37,145 --> 00:19:37,979
Shut up.
438
00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:39,947
Who are you?
439
00:19:39,981 --> 00:19:42,650
It's Hawk from cell block
nine.
440
00:19:42,684 --> 00:19:46,486
You stopped that Nazi
skinhead from raping me.
441
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:48,388
I'm the guy who stabbed
442
00:19:48,422 --> 00:19:52,126
the vampire soldier with a two
by four.
443
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,061
Oh, yeah.
444
00:19:54,662 --> 00:19:56,430
I remember you.
445
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,132
You're the dumbest guy I ever
met.
446
00:19:58,166 --> 00:19:59,133
Oh, that's him.
447
00:19:59,167 --> 00:20:00,400
Shut the fuck up, hippie!
448
00:20:00,434 --> 00:20:01,401
Oh, no, no, no.
449
00:20:01,435 --> 00:20:02,369
He's cool, he's cool.
450
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,738
This is my partner, Rev.
451
00:20:03,771 --> 00:20:04,972
It's not his fault.
452
00:20:05,006 --> 00:20:09,443
His folks brought him up on a
vegan, yogi, nudist commune.
453
00:20:27,461 --> 00:20:29,764
What are you looking at,
hippie?
454
00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:30,631
Nothing.
455
00:20:31,899 --> 00:20:33,101
No, you're looking at my eye.
456
00:20:33,134 --> 00:20:34,035
No, I wasn't.
457
00:20:34,068 --> 00:20:34,902
I swear.
458
00:20:34,936 --> 00:20:36,104
You're making fun of my
handicap.
459
00:20:36,137 --> 00:20:37,404
No, sir.
460
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,173
You know what?
461
00:20:39,207 --> 00:20:41,209
I lost this eye so you could buy
gas
462
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:43,544
for that foreign car you drive.
463
00:20:43,578 --> 00:20:44,812
I'm a bus passenger.
464
00:20:44,846 --> 00:20:45,980
- I don't drive.
- Shut up.
465
00:20:46,013 --> 00:20:47,515
You were saying.
466
00:20:47,548 --> 00:20:48,649
Oh, yeah.
467
00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:50,985
We got a vampire problem.
468
00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:51,953
Vampire?
469
00:20:51,986 --> 00:20:53,020
Uh-huh.
470
00:20:53,054 --> 00:20:56,858
Black eyes, blood mouths,
and a gimp on a leash.
471
00:20:56,891 --> 00:20:58,059
A gimp on a leash?
472
00:20:58,092 --> 00:21:00,561
Yeah, like an S&M mask or
whatever.
473
00:21:00,595 --> 00:21:01,829
I'll look into it.
474
00:21:01,863 --> 00:21:05,066
Actually, we were hoping
that you might wanna
475
00:21:05,099 --> 00:21:07,802
maybe take care of this
with us, like together.
476
00:21:07,835 --> 00:21:08,803
You know what?
477
00:21:08,836 --> 00:21:11,371
I'm more of a lone wolf
type of operator so...
478
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:12,173
That's great.
479
00:21:12,206 --> 00:21:13,241
We love wolves.
480
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,842
Yeah, they're our favorite
animal.
481
00:21:14,876 --> 00:21:16,577
I work alone, no partners.
482
00:21:16,611 --> 00:21:17,612
I tend to kill 'em.
483
00:21:17,645 --> 00:21:20,515
So if there's nothing else.
484
00:21:20,548 --> 00:21:21,481
No, wait.
485
00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:24,919
What about being like a mentor?
486
00:21:24,952 --> 00:21:26,888
You ever thought about that?
487
00:21:26,921 --> 00:21:29,824
I mean, you can still
be your lone wolf self,
488
00:21:29,857 --> 00:21:32,894
but you can also help
out some cubs in need
489
00:21:32,927 --> 00:21:36,264
and passing down your lone wolf
tricks.
490
00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:38,132
And what's in it for the lone
wolf?
491
00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:41,334
I guess these cubs could do
things with their cub talents
492
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,336
like this cub can guard.
493
00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:45,239
And this cub's a
groundskeeping engineer.
494
00:21:45,273 --> 00:21:46,140
Like a janitor?
495
00:21:46,174 --> 00:21:47,141
Yeah, but on the outside.
496
00:21:47,175 --> 00:21:48,276
Hmm, like a guard?
497
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:49,877
Less with plants.
498
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,888
I looked at your eye.
499
00:22:08,395 --> 00:22:10,097
All right, here's a list.
500
00:22:10,131 --> 00:22:11,431
Meet me here after sundown.
501
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:14,735
And remember, this mission and
my mentorship, a top secret.
502
00:22:14,769 --> 00:22:15,570
You understand?
503
00:22:15,603 --> 00:22:16,403
Sir, yes, sir.
504
00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:17,370
Sir, yes, sir.
505
00:22:17,404 --> 00:22:18,371
What the hell was that?
506
00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:19,273
I'm saluting you, sir.
507
00:22:19,307 --> 00:22:21,042
You're our lone wolf mentor now,
sir.
508
00:22:21,075 --> 00:22:21,876
Sir, yes,
509
00:22:21,909 --> 00:22:22,710
sir, yes, sir.
510
00:22:22,743 --> 00:22:24,011
Cut the shit.
511
00:22:24,846 --> 00:22:26,948
Now, close your eyes
and count to a hundred.
512
00:22:26,981 --> 00:22:27,882
Don't even!
513
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:33,420
One, two,
three, four.
514
00:22:33,453 --> 00:22:35,089
I feel like that went really
well.
515
00:22:35,122 --> 00:22:35,923
I think so too.
516
00:22:35,957 --> 00:22:37,859
I said a hundred.
517
00:22:37,892 --> 00:22:38,793
Five.
518
00:22:38,826 --> 00:22:42,063
Six, seven,
eight, nine,
519
00:22:42,096 --> 00:22:42,930
10, 11,
520
00:22:44,165 --> 00:22:44,999
12, 13.
521
00:22:46,067 --> 00:22:46,868
When do we stop?
522
00:22:46,901 --> 00:22:48,002
14, 15.
523
00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:48,836
Keep going, Rev.
524
00:22:48,870 --> 00:22:50,538
- Six, seven, 18.
- What?
525
00:22:50,571 --> 00:22:52,673
- You went backwards.
- 19.
526
00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:02,650
Okay, item one, garlic, five
pounds.
527
00:23:02,683 --> 00:23:03,784
Grocery store?
528
00:23:03,818 --> 00:23:05,052
Yeah, but remember, no
asphyx...
529
00:23:05,086 --> 00:23:06,153
Asphyxiation.
530
00:23:06,187 --> 00:23:07,355
Yes, I got it.
531
00:23:08,856 --> 00:23:09,657
I don't know.
532
00:23:09,690 --> 00:23:10,691
Are you sure about this?
533
00:23:10,725 --> 00:23:11,525
Yeah.
534
00:23:11,559 --> 00:23:13,493
I'm only touching organic
garlic.
535
00:23:13,527 --> 00:23:15,963
It just seems like a
conspiracy.
536
00:23:15,997 --> 00:23:19,267
One could say the same
thing about vampires.
537
00:23:19,300 --> 00:23:21,903
Item two, two by fours, lots.
538
00:23:21,936 --> 00:23:23,137
I guess the lumber company.
539
00:23:23,170 --> 00:23:24,772
Yeah, but remember, no
staking.
540
00:23:24,805 --> 00:23:26,406
Yes, I remember.
541
00:23:26,439 --> 00:23:28,042
Here you go.
542
00:23:28,075 --> 00:23:29,310
You got this.
543
00:23:29,343 --> 00:23:30,511
Yeah, it's too much.
544
00:23:30,544 --> 00:23:31,612
I'm gonna fall.
545
00:23:31,646 --> 00:23:32,813
Yeah, I'm gonna fall.
546
00:23:32,847 --> 00:23:33,648
I am, I am.
547
00:23:33,681 --> 00:23:34,481
Are you good?
548
00:23:34,515 --> 00:23:35,316
No, I'm falling.
549
00:23:35,349 --> 00:23:36,350
I'm falling.
550
00:23:37,852 --> 00:23:41,022
Item three, holy water, 10
gallons.
551
00:23:41,055 --> 00:23:42,757
I guess we're in the right place
for that.
552
00:23:42,790 --> 00:23:43,824
Uh-huh, but just remember...
553
00:23:43,858 --> 00:23:46,060
For the love of goddamn
Satan, Rev, I got it.
554
00:23:46,093 --> 00:23:47,161
Jesus Christ.
555
00:23:49,363 --> 00:23:50,631
Sorry, sisters.
556
00:24:17,992 --> 00:24:18,960
Can I help you?
557
00:24:18,993 --> 00:24:20,127
Yeah.
558
00:24:20,161 --> 00:24:21,629
Yeah, hi there.
559
00:24:21,662 --> 00:24:24,665
My friend here and I, we do
baptisms
560
00:24:26,367 --> 00:24:28,636
and we kinda ran out of holy
water.
561
00:24:28,669 --> 00:24:30,137
How much did you need?
562
00:24:30,171 --> 00:24:31,772
10 gallons would do the trick.
563
00:24:31,806 --> 00:24:32,940
10
564
00:24:32,974 --> 00:24:33,874
gallons?
565
00:24:33,908 --> 00:24:35,209
Yeah, 10 gallons.
566
00:24:35,242 --> 00:24:37,411
Wow, that's a lot of baptisms.
567
00:24:37,445 --> 00:24:38,379
What can I say?
568
00:24:38,412 --> 00:24:40,982
Folks love almost drowning for
their fate.
569
00:24:41,015 --> 00:24:41,949
Are you guys hunting vampires?
570
00:24:41,983 --> 00:24:43,951
No, why would you ask that?
571
00:24:43,985 --> 00:24:45,619
Yeah, that's a weird question.
572
00:24:45,653 --> 00:24:49,256
Not really when you think
about it.
573
00:24:49,290 --> 00:24:50,858
Guys, relax, okay?
574
00:24:50,891 --> 00:24:52,093
Your secret's safe with me.
575
00:24:52,126 --> 00:24:54,195
I'm actually writing a book
about vampires
576
00:24:54,228 --> 00:24:56,364
and was hoping to tag along
577
00:24:56,397 --> 00:24:59,767
with a couple of real vampire
slayers, maybe even help out,
578
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,635
you know, for research.
579
00:25:01,669 --> 00:25:03,571
- Yeah, that might work.
- Uh, no.
580
00:25:03,604 --> 00:25:05,873
Help from a girl and a writer?
581
00:25:05,906 --> 00:25:07,108
I don't think so.
582
00:25:07,141 --> 00:25:08,843
Well, maybe I should
call the authorities then.
583
00:25:08,876 --> 00:25:09,677
Nope.
584
00:25:09,710 --> 00:25:10,911
Welcome co the team.
585
00:25:16,417 --> 00:25:18,486
Great, what are we
supposed to do with this?
586
00:25:18,519 --> 00:25:19,320
What do you think?
587
00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:21,555
Spray it on damn vampires, Rev.
588
00:25:21,589 --> 00:25:22,923
Well, it's just so small.
589
00:25:22,957 --> 00:25:24,158
Well, then we'll mix it with
water.
590
00:25:24,191 --> 00:25:25,693
But then it'll be diluted.
591
00:25:25,726 --> 00:25:27,561
Can you just let me
decompress?
592
00:25:27,595 --> 00:25:29,630
We just got blackmailed by a
girl writer.
593
00:25:29,663 --> 00:25:32,767
Yeah, but at least
she gave you her number.
594
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,002
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
595
00:25:35,036 --> 00:25:37,238
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
596
00:25:37,271 --> 00:25:40,141
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
597
00:25:40,174 --> 00:25:41,876
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
598
00:25:41,909 --> 00:25:44,211
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
599
00:25:44,245 --> 00:25:46,347
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
600
00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:51,385
♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ♪
601
00:25:53,587 --> 00:25:54,722
♪ Yeah ♪
602
00:25:58,527 --> 00:25:59,360
Okay.
603
00:26:01,996 --> 00:26:02,797
Strip.
604
00:26:02,830 --> 00:26:03,697
What?
605
00:26:03,731 --> 00:26:04,533
Is he kidding?
606
00:26:04,565 --> 00:26:05,833
I don't kid about wires.
607
00:26:05,866 --> 00:26:06,667
Do it!
608
00:26:06,700 --> 00:26:07,501
This is ridiculous.
609
00:26:07,536 --> 00:26:09,070
Who would we even wear a wire
for?
610
00:26:09,103 --> 00:26:10,071
Yeah, that's a really good
point.
611
00:26:10,104 --> 00:26:12,640
I will shoot you dead
right here on this road.
612
00:26:12,673 --> 00:26:13,508
Do it!
613
00:26:22,216 --> 00:26:24,718
He's got a lot more clothes.
614
00:26:26,454 --> 00:26:28,456
All the way, let's go.
615
00:26:31,659 --> 00:26:32,993
Now bend over and cough.
616
00:26:33,027 --> 00:26:34,462
No, come on.
617
00:26:34,495 --> 00:26:35,930
Now, jack offs!
618
00:26:40,334 --> 00:26:43,003
All right, all right, all right.
619
00:26:44,672 --> 00:26:45,507
Okay.
620
00:26:47,174 --> 00:26:48,609
Where's my stuff?
621
00:26:54,715 --> 00:26:55,983
What the hell is this?
622
00:26:56,016 --> 00:26:58,252
It's all they had.
623
00:26:58,285 --> 00:27:00,555
Give me the two by fours.
624
00:27:01,622 --> 00:27:04,492
Just so you know, we tried
to get lots of two by fours
625
00:27:04,526 --> 00:27:09,396
but we could only safely
carry one on a bike at a time.
626
00:27:09,430 --> 00:27:11,365
And the garlic?
627
00:27:11,398 --> 00:27:14,168
They only had one bag left,
organic.
628
00:27:14,201 --> 00:27:18,038
Rev said the GMO ones
give you kids with tails.
629
00:27:18,072 --> 00:27:19,840
And deformed limbs.
630
00:27:23,711 --> 00:27:26,581
Tell him about that girl
we met at the store.
631
00:27:26,615 --> 00:27:27,781
She's our new teammate.
632
00:27:27,815 --> 00:27:30,151
She's a mystery novelist,
and she gave Hawk her number.
633
00:27:30,184 --> 00:27:31,152
No, Rev.
634
00:27:31,185 --> 00:27:32,720
I had the lowest of
hopes of you two idiots.
635
00:27:32,753 --> 00:27:34,188
This is pathetic!
636
00:27:37,559 --> 00:27:40,060
Does this mean the mentorship
is over?
637
00:27:40,094 --> 00:27:43,097
You wanna know what it means?
638
00:27:43,130 --> 00:27:48,135
It means if you two come
anywhere near me.
639
00:27:53,407 --> 00:27:55,409
Give me the clothes.
640
00:27:55,442 --> 00:27:57,512
Give me the clothes, now!
641
00:27:59,046 --> 00:28:00,649
I need help.
642
00:28:00,681 --> 00:28:01,482
I looked at your eye again.
643
00:28:01,516 --> 00:28:02,416
I didn't mean to.
644
00:28:02,449 --> 00:28:05,019
Have fun walking, turd birds.
645
00:28:14,762 --> 00:28:15,597
Wow.
646
00:28:16,830 --> 00:28:19,266
Your parents' backyard
was pretty bleak but...
647
00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:20,100
What?
648
00:28:20,134 --> 00:28:21,302
No, it's fine.
649
00:28:23,672 --> 00:28:25,339
It's pretty bad, Hawk.
650
00:28:25,372 --> 00:28:27,642
Well, I don't blame him for a
second.
651
00:28:27,676 --> 00:28:30,844
I mean, my PTSD was
raging after my discharge.
652
00:28:30,878 --> 00:28:32,880
Look at these little guys.
653
00:28:32,913 --> 00:28:33,914
Easter bunnies.
654
00:28:33,948 --> 00:28:35,149
Nanny cams.
655
00:28:35,182 --> 00:28:37,552
I used them to film my
ex-girlfriend all the time.
656
00:28:37,586 --> 00:28:38,385
She was a nanny?
657
00:28:38,419 --> 00:28:39,820
No, I filmed her having sex.
658
00:28:39,853 --> 00:28:40,921
You made pornos with her?
659
00:28:40,955 --> 00:28:43,457
No, I wasn't in any of them.
660
00:28:43,490 --> 00:28:44,458
Can we change the subject?
661
00:28:44,491 --> 00:28:45,960
You mean, like she
changed sexual partners
662
00:28:45,993 --> 00:28:47,761
behind my back all the time?
663
00:28:47,795 --> 00:28:48,829
Maybe I should go.
664
00:28:48,862 --> 00:28:52,266
You haven't even met my
arsenal yet.
665
00:28:52,299 --> 00:28:53,568
Hey, arsenal.
666
00:28:55,302 --> 00:28:58,205
Wow, that's a lot of garden
tools.
667
00:28:58,239 --> 00:28:59,206
I know.
668
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,475
I can't touch any weapons
since my incident.
669
00:29:01,509 --> 00:29:02,943
Well, except for this.
670
00:29:02,977 --> 00:29:04,011
Good enough for the Swiss
army...
671
00:29:04,044 --> 00:29:05,012
Good enough for me.
672
00:29:05,045 --> 00:29:06,113
Oh, and this.
673
00:29:07,081 --> 00:29:08,015
What the heck is that?
674
00:29:08,048 --> 00:29:09,283
My secret stake.
675
00:29:09,316 --> 00:29:10,184
I always carry it.
676
00:29:10,217 --> 00:29:11,118
You didn't have it before.
677
00:29:11,151 --> 00:29:12,886
Yes, I did, it was just a
secret.
678
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,623
I thought we agreed
no hurting or killing,
679
00:29:14,656 --> 00:29:15,724
and that includes staking.
680
00:29:15,756 --> 00:29:18,225
We did, and this is a secret.
681
00:29:18,259 --> 00:29:20,294
Lose it or you'll be on your
own.
682
00:29:20,327 --> 00:29:22,429
Or worse, with that guy.
683
00:29:24,932 --> 00:29:26,433
No, you can't claim the ferret
684
00:29:26,467 --> 00:29:29,370
if it doesn't do work for you,
mom.
685
00:29:31,238 --> 00:29:32,806
Hey, guys.
686
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,941
Hey, Terry.
687
00:29:35,309 --> 00:29:36,910
Great, so no more vampires.
688
00:29:36,944 --> 00:29:38,946
Oh, no, they're still here.
689
00:29:38,979 --> 00:29:40,214
Give me a break, Hawk.
690
00:29:40,247 --> 00:29:41,282
You know what, Arnold?
691
00:29:41,315 --> 00:29:43,384
Next time I see one, I'll
rip its damn head off
692
00:29:43,417 --> 00:29:44,818
and give it to you in a bag.
693
00:29:44,852 --> 00:29:48,322
As long as you're not late,
that's cool.
694
00:29:48,355 --> 00:29:49,591
Hey, hold it right there!
695
00:29:49,624 --> 00:29:50,924
See, I told you!
696
00:29:50,958 --> 00:29:55,062
Oh, no, wait, that's just
Rev, the groundskeeper.
697
00:29:55,095 --> 00:29:56,665
You shouldn't sneak around
like that.
698
00:29:56,698 --> 00:29:59,199
Yeah, I was just trying
to find the light switch.
699
00:29:59,233 --> 00:30:01,503
Is that a cape you're wearing?
700
00:30:01,536 --> 00:30:02,604
That is correct.
701
00:30:02,637 --> 00:30:04,138
Go home to your wives, Arnold.
702
00:30:04,171 --> 00:30:05,005
Wife!
703
00:30:05,039 --> 00:30:05,806
Whatever.
704
00:30:05,839 --> 00:30:06,907
I got this.
705
00:30:06,940 --> 00:30:10,110
All right, just stay out of
trouble.
706
00:30:14,014 --> 00:30:15,684
I thought you said to come
suited up.
707
00:30:15,717 --> 00:30:17,818
Yeah, not in the uniform of
our enemy.
708
00:30:17,851 --> 00:30:19,420
Capes are also worn by
superheroes.
709
00:30:19,453 --> 00:30:21,221
Take it off!
710
00:30:21,255 --> 00:30:23,857
What the hell is this?
711
00:30:23,891 --> 00:30:24,793
Anchor.
712
00:30:24,825 --> 00:30:25,993
I thought we could use it for
grappling.
713
00:30:26,026 --> 00:30:29,664
I can't wait to grapple
the hell out of a vampire.
714
00:30:29,698 --> 00:30:31,165
No, no, no.
715
00:30:31,198 --> 00:30:32,833
Grappling as in climbing.
716
00:30:32,866 --> 00:30:34,803
But can I still grapple
a vampire head with it?
717
00:30:34,835 --> 00:30:36,136
No.
718
00:30:36,170 --> 00:30:37,505
Fine, keep it.
719
00:30:38,405 --> 00:30:39,306
Hey, Rev.
720
00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:40,407
Yeah, Hawk?
721
00:30:40,441 --> 00:30:43,177
You know what time it is?
722
00:30:43,210 --> 00:30:44,144
7:30-ish?
723
00:30:45,846 --> 00:30:47,081
There's no sun in here.
724
00:30:47,114 --> 00:30:47,981
Negative.
725
00:30:48,015 --> 00:30:49,350
It's beast time.
726
00:30:50,217 --> 00:30:52,286
You know, like go time.
727
00:30:52,319 --> 00:30:54,254
Like time to pay the piper.
728
00:30:54,288 --> 00:30:56,524
Like I'm too old for this shit.
729
00:30:56,558 --> 00:30:58,760
Like you're gonna need a bigger
boat.
730
00:30:58,793 --> 00:31:00,894
Like always bet on black.
731
00:31:00,928 --> 00:31:03,698
Like after fucking your
wife, I'll have two more.
732
00:31:03,732 --> 00:31:07,034
Like you're the disease and I'm
the cure!
733
00:31:07,067 --> 00:31:10,037
Like I'm mad as hell and
I'm not gonna take it!
734
00:31:10,070 --> 00:31:11,472
Like I'll be back.
735
00:31:11,506 --> 00:31:14,341
Like go ahead, make my day,
punk!
736
00:31:14,375 --> 00:31:16,276
Like here's Johnny!
737
00:31:16,310 --> 00:31:17,144
Huh?
738
00:31:17,177 --> 00:31:19,313
Like yippee-ki-yay,
motherfucker.
739
00:31:19,346 --> 00:31:20,682
Wax on, wax off.
740
00:31:21,816 --> 00:31:23,518
I feel the need for speed.
741
00:31:23,551 --> 00:31:24,719
Adrian!
742
00:31:24,753 --> 00:31:26,253
I see dead people.
743
00:31:27,454 --> 00:31:29,758
No one puts Baby in the corner!
744
00:31:29,791 --> 00:31:31,024
Like Free Willy.
745
00:31:31,058 --> 00:31:32,926
- No, never mind.
- I like that one.
746
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:33,994
- I like that one.
- No.
747
00:31:34,027 --> 00:31:35,730
I can't believe you
don't know any of those.
748
00:31:35,764 --> 00:31:36,564
Any of what?
749
00:31:36,598 --> 00:31:37,398
Any of those lines.
750
00:31:37,431 --> 00:31:38,633
You never seen a movie?
751
00:31:38,666 --> 00:31:40,668
Those are from movies?
752
00:31:44,773 --> 00:31:45,874
Oh, my God.
753
00:31:46,841 --> 00:31:49,711
♪ Bang bang, big finger on the
trigger ♪
754
00:31:49,744 --> 00:31:51,378
♪ Hey, it's getting bigger ♪
755
00:31:51,412 --> 00:31:53,782
♪ You're looking manic, yeah ♪
756
00:31:53,815 --> 00:31:56,851
♪ Bang bang, baby point me to
the fun ♪
757
00:31:56,885 --> 00:31:58,586
♪ Shoot me like a gun ♪
758
00:31:58,620 --> 00:32:00,254
♪ Like a love automatic ♪
759
00:32:00,287 --> 00:32:01,188
♪ Bang bang ♪
760
00:32:01,221 --> 00:32:04,759
♪ Run run for cover, I've got a
gun ♪
761
00:32:04,793 --> 00:32:07,862
♪ And I'm shooting love, don't
panic ♪
762
00:32:07,896 --> 00:32:08,897
♪ Bang bang ♪
763
00:32:08,929 --> 00:32:11,398
♪ It's now or never,
I've got your number ♪
764
00:32:11,432 --> 00:32:13,133
Okay, we need a rope.
765
00:32:13,167 --> 00:32:14,134
I got the anchor.
766
00:32:14,168 --> 00:32:15,570
I thought you said you
were gonna bring a rope.
767
00:32:15,603 --> 00:32:16,838
You told me to bring the
anchor.
768
00:32:16,871 --> 00:32:17,971
Goddammit, Rev.
769
00:32:18,005 --> 00:32:19,707
Now one of us has to go back.
770
00:32:19,741 --> 00:32:21,308
It's not good to split up.
771
00:32:21,341 --> 00:32:24,411
Why don't I set up the nanny
cams and you can practice
772
00:32:24,445 --> 00:32:26,380
your army special ops
moves on the way back?
773
00:32:26,413 --> 00:32:27,214
You know what?
774
00:32:27,247 --> 00:32:28,382
I got a better idea.
775
00:32:28,415 --> 00:32:31,151
Why don't I go and practice
my army special ops moves
776
00:32:31,185 --> 00:32:33,888
and you set up those nanny cams.
777
00:32:33,922 --> 00:32:34,889
Well, I just said that.
778
00:32:34,923 --> 00:32:36,323
No, you didn't.
779
00:32:42,664 --> 00:32:44,566
Six seconds and counting,
cheetah one-nine.
780
00:32:44,599 --> 00:32:45,733
Any developments, over?
781
00:32:45,767 --> 00:32:47,367
No, all's well, honey
badger.
782
00:32:47,401 --> 00:32:48,202
Copy that.
783
00:32:48,235 --> 00:32:49,336
Over and out.
784
00:32:52,740 --> 00:32:55,309
Honey badger, of all the
nanny cams in the world,
785
00:32:55,342 --> 00:32:56,945
why Easter bunnies?
786
00:32:56,977 --> 00:32:58,378
Two reasons, cheetah
one-nine.
787
00:32:58,412 --> 00:33:00,548
One, it's the only
mainstream religious holiday
788
00:33:00,582 --> 00:33:01,783
that celebrates zombies.
789
00:33:01,816 --> 00:33:04,819
And two, my ex-girlfriend
had an Easter fetish.
790
00:33:04,853 --> 00:33:07,589
If you only knew where those
things have been, over.
791
00:33:07,622 --> 00:33:09,891
That is disgusting, over.
792
00:33:12,727 --> 00:33:15,262
Okay, vampire or werewolf?
793
00:33:15,295 --> 00:33:16,263
Werewolf.
794
00:33:16,296 --> 00:33:18,098
But vampires live
forever.
795
00:33:18,131 --> 00:33:20,000
Yeah, but werewolves have more
sex.
796
00:33:20,033 --> 00:33:22,035
Okay, mermaid or siren?
797
00:33:22,069 --> 00:33:24,037
Siren, male siren, of course.
798
00:33:24,071 --> 00:33:25,038
Come on.
799
00:33:25,072 --> 00:33:26,741
Merpeople are amphibious.
800
00:33:26,774 --> 00:33:30,110
Yeah, but male sirens
have shitloads of sex
801
00:33:30,143 --> 00:33:31,913
and all they have to do is sing
for it.
802
00:33:31,946 --> 00:33:33,815
Okay, Big Foot or Yeti?
803
00:33:33,848 --> 00:33:35,182
Big Foot, obviously.
804
00:33:35,215 --> 00:33:37,852
Ah, but Yetis could
live in the Arctic cold
805
00:33:37,886 --> 00:33:39,019
and not freeze to death.
806
00:33:39,052 --> 00:33:41,789
Yeah, but Big Foots
live in nice, warm forests
807
00:33:41,823 --> 00:33:43,992
where they have buttloads of
sex, over.
808
00:33:44,024 --> 00:33:46,093
You really need
a girlfriend, Hawk.
809
00:33:46,126 --> 00:33:48,428
That's a 10-4, little buddy.
810
00:33:48,462 --> 00:33:50,297
Holy shit, we've got company.
811
00:33:50,330 --> 00:33:51,131
Mayday, mayday!
812
00:33:51,164 --> 00:33:52,000
Abort, abort!
813
00:33:52,032 --> 00:33:52,834
What's going on down there?
814
00:33:52,867 --> 00:33:53,668
Mayday, mayday!
815
00:33:53,701 --> 00:33:54,602
Honey badger, come in.
816
00:33:54,636 --> 00:33:55,435
Abort the mission!
817
00:33:55,469 --> 00:33:56,270
Honey badger!
818
00:33:56,303 --> 00:33:59,072
Abort the mission,
over!
819
00:34:25,399 --> 00:34:28,402
Honey badger, are you alive,
over?
820
00:34:29,504 --> 00:34:31,338
Honey badger, come in.
821
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,578
I'm in the dumpster
below, cheetah one-nine, over.
822
00:34:36,611 --> 00:34:38,412
Honey badger, I thought
they got you, over.
823
00:34:38,445 --> 00:34:39,446
I kinda wish they had.
824
00:34:39,479 --> 00:34:42,016
It smells like 10 dead
hookers in here, over.
825
00:34:42,050 --> 00:34:43,618
Better than the Easter
bunnies, over.
826
00:34:43,651 --> 00:34:45,053
10-4, cheetah one-nine.
827
00:34:45,085 --> 00:34:46,320
Is the coast clear, over?
828
00:34:46,353 --> 00:34:47,454
Hang tight.
829
00:34:50,625 --> 00:34:52,994
Honey badger, the coast is
most definitely not clear.
830
00:34:53,027 --> 00:34:54,662
You've got a bogey flying in
over.
831
00:34:54,696 --> 00:34:55,830
Come again, over.
832
00:34:55,863 --> 00:34:57,765
Honey badger, you've
got a vamp on you in five.
833
00:34:57,799 --> 00:34:58,633
Oh, crap.
834
00:34:58,666 --> 00:35:00,200
Should I get him with a garden
trowel?
835
00:35:00,233 --> 00:35:01,603
No, camouflage yourself.
836
00:35:01,636 --> 00:35:02,604
Four.
837
00:35:02,637 --> 00:35:03,905
Blast him with the holy water?
838
00:35:03,938 --> 00:35:05,472
You're running out of
time, buddy.
839
00:35:05,506 --> 00:35:06,440
Three.
840
00:35:06,473 --> 00:35:07,709
Should I hit him with my
secret stake?
841
00:35:07,742 --> 00:35:09,409
I thought we agreed no secret
stake.
842
00:35:09,443 --> 00:35:10,243
Two.
843
00:35:10,277 --> 00:35:11,512
We did, but it's a secret.
844
00:35:11,546 --> 00:35:12,981
Hey, one!
845
00:35:23,591 --> 00:35:25,927
Hey, look at this.
846
00:35:32,767 --> 00:35:37,605
Somebody left a perfectly
good hand bulb planting tool.
847
00:35:37,639 --> 00:35:39,741
Well, that's great.
848
00:35:39,774 --> 00:35:41,141
We can finally plant all those
tulip bulbs
849
00:35:41,174 --> 00:35:43,611
you got in Holland, Forneus.
850
00:35:43,645 --> 00:35:44,579
Give me a hand with this one.
851
00:35:44,612 --> 00:35:45,647
It's gonna take all of us.
852
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,415
It's all those damn baby
heads.
853
00:36:05,432 --> 00:36:07,300
How's it looking
out there, cheetah one-nine.
854
00:36:07,334 --> 00:36:08,235
Hold position.
855
00:36:08,268 --> 00:36:09,771
They're almost clear.
856
00:36:09,804 --> 00:36:10,805
Copy that.
857
00:36:12,740 --> 00:36:14,809
What'd throw at me, over?
858
00:36:18,713 --> 00:36:22,016
Oh, dear God!
859
00:36:23,316 --> 00:36:24,118
Oh, my God!
860
00:36:24,152 --> 00:36:25,787
Somebody get me outta here!
861
00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:26,621
Help!
862
00:36:26,654 --> 00:36:27,454
Help!
863
00:36:28,556 --> 00:36:30,457
I can't believe that
son of a bitch vampire
864
00:36:30,490 --> 00:36:32,459
stole my mom's hand bulb
planter.
865
00:36:32,492 --> 00:36:34,562
She's gonna be so pissed.
866
00:36:35,462 --> 00:36:37,765
Hey, good morning, fellas.
867
00:36:37,799 --> 00:36:38,700
You're up early.
868
00:36:38,733 --> 00:36:40,134
As are you, deputy.
869
00:36:40,168 --> 00:36:42,070
Out running lives already, I
see.
870
00:36:42,103 --> 00:36:43,370
Just doing my job.
871
00:36:43,403 --> 00:36:44,706
As are we.
872
00:36:44,739 --> 00:36:47,374
Hmm, so your job is, what,
873
00:36:47,407 --> 00:36:50,511
ninja warrior and Karate Kid
lookalike?
874
00:36:50,545 --> 00:36:51,913
Oh, no.
875
00:36:51,946 --> 00:36:55,382
Yeah, no, we're, it was
dress up day at work.
876
00:36:55,415 --> 00:36:56,951
Yeah, casual Friday.
877
00:36:56,984 --> 00:36:59,419
So you steal all this stuff?
878
00:36:59,453 --> 00:37:00,855
Oh, these old things?
879
00:37:00,888 --> 00:37:03,958
No, we had a charity drive at
work.
880
00:37:03,991 --> 00:37:05,827
So you stole all this
from the charity drive.
881
00:37:05,860 --> 00:37:06,761
No, of course not.
882
00:37:06,794 --> 00:37:07,829
That would be...
883
00:37:07,862 --> 00:37:08,730
Uncharitable?
884
00:37:08,763 --> 00:37:09,731
Exactly.
885
00:37:09,764 --> 00:37:13,534
No, we're transporting
them to a, a hospital.
886
00:37:14,702 --> 00:37:15,503
A hospital.
887
00:37:15,536 --> 00:37:17,772
Which one, specifically?
888
00:37:17,805 --> 00:37:20,208
Oh, you know, it's the one
down,
889
00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:21,374
you know the one.
890
00:37:21,408 --> 00:37:22,577
No, I don't.
891
00:37:22,610 --> 00:37:25,046
It's the one for kids with,
892
00:37:27,715 --> 00:37:28,716
with cancer.
893
00:37:30,752 --> 00:37:33,888
There's a hospital just
for kids with cancer.
894
00:37:33,921 --> 00:37:36,190
Oh, yeah, and it's packed
to the gills with them.
895
00:37:36,224 --> 00:37:39,093
And they're all dying,
all the kids, all of them,
896
00:37:39,127 --> 00:37:41,428
just dropping like
disease-ridden flies
897
00:37:41,461 --> 00:37:43,396
from all the festering.
898
00:37:43,430 --> 00:37:44,232
The cancer.
899
00:37:44,264 --> 00:37:46,601
Yeah, it's a real tragedy.
900
00:37:50,705 --> 00:37:51,539
I, uh,
901
00:37:53,975 --> 00:37:54,776
it's really nice of you guys.
902
00:37:54,809 --> 00:37:56,978
I didn't, it's unexpected.
903
00:37:57,812 --> 00:38:00,515
What about these gardening
tools?
904
00:38:00,548 --> 00:38:03,017
Oh, gardening for the kids
with all the festering...
905
00:38:03,050 --> 00:38:03,818
The cancer.
906
00:38:03,851 --> 00:38:05,253
That's right.
907
00:38:05,285 --> 00:38:06,419
Gardening for cancer.
908
00:38:06,453 --> 00:38:07,588
Yeah.
909
00:38:07,622 --> 00:38:10,457
You guys, you keep up
all the good work, huh.
910
00:38:10,490 --> 00:38:11,826
You too, deputy.
911
00:38:11,859 --> 00:38:12,894
I will.
912
00:38:12,927 --> 00:38:14,595
You take care now.
913
00:38:15,530 --> 00:38:16,329
I'm sorry.
914
00:38:16,363 --> 00:38:17,397
It was either cancer or AIDS.
915
00:38:17,430 --> 00:38:20,268
I figured cancer was more
believable.
916
00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:25,305
♪ And girls will come in festive
clothes ♪
917
00:38:26,774 --> 00:38:30,178
♪ And the boys will wait ♪
918
00:38:32,046 --> 00:38:34,414
It's no big deal.
919
00:38:37,985 --> 00:38:39,220
Hello?
920
00:38:40,688 --> 00:38:41,522
Shit!
921
00:38:48,629 --> 00:38:51,699
Don't fucking hang up
on me!
922
00:38:52,767 --> 00:38:53,668
Oh, crap!
923
00:38:56,037 --> 00:38:56,838
Hello?
924
00:38:56,871 --> 00:38:57,672
You know what, Hawk?
925
00:38:57,705 --> 00:38:58,506
Fuck you!
926
00:38:58,539 --> 00:38:59,774
Oh, hey!
927
00:38:59,807 --> 00:39:01,441
No, no, no, that was not me
928
00:39:01,474 --> 00:39:03,711
who just called and hung up on
you twice.
929
00:39:03,744 --> 00:39:05,613
Yeah, yeah, that is weird.
930
00:39:05,646 --> 00:39:07,347
Yeah, that is my number.
931
00:39:07,380 --> 00:39:08,182
I don't know.
932
00:39:08,216 --> 00:39:11,152
Maybe a serial killer or
something?
933
00:39:12,587 --> 00:39:13,420
Yeah, I'm sorry.
934
00:39:13,453 --> 00:39:15,523
That is a weird thing to say to
a girl.
935
00:39:15,556 --> 00:39:17,725
Yeah, yeah, that would be great.
936
00:39:17,758 --> 00:39:18,926
Well, let me give you
directions.
937
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:19,894
It's kinda hard to find.
938
00:39:19,927 --> 00:39:21,562
♪ We can live forever, girl ♪
939
00:39:21,596 --> 00:39:26,567
♪ We can stay together until
the morning comes tonight ♪
940
00:39:26,868 --> 00:39:28,401
Hey, it's out of control for
sure, dude.
941
00:39:28,435 --> 00:39:30,838
We gotta shred it up
San Muerte style, right?
942
00:39:30,872 --> 00:39:31,973
Okay, man.
943
00:39:32,006 --> 00:39:32,807
All right.
944
00:39:37,845 --> 00:39:40,982
Hey, I know you barneys
are up to something.
945
00:39:41,015 --> 00:39:42,683
It's not funny, man!
946
00:39:44,185 --> 00:39:47,855
Barneys, man.
947
00:39:50,091 --> 00:39:53,194
Dude, I swear, I'm gonna
tell Tegan and Brody, man.
948
00:39:53,227 --> 00:39:54,161
And when they find out,
949
00:39:54,195 --> 00:39:57,531
they're gonna Tegan and Brody
you, dude.
950
00:40:02,737 --> 00:40:04,071
Look, look, man.
951
00:40:04,939 --> 00:40:06,340
You're not Santa Muerte.
952
00:40:06,374 --> 00:40:07,440
I don't know where you think you
are,
953
00:40:07,474 --> 00:40:08,676
but this ain't your break!
954
00:40:08,709 --> 00:40:11,379
Go back to your own break, kook.
955
00:40:13,948 --> 00:40:15,750
That's what I thought.
956
00:40:20,588 --> 00:40:21,589
God dang it!
957
00:40:34,568 --> 00:40:37,470
Wow, I've never been booty
called to a tent before.
958
00:40:37,505 --> 00:40:39,573
You're welcome, little lady.
959
00:40:39,607 --> 00:40:41,275
You want some cowboy coffee?
960
00:40:41,309 --> 00:40:42,109
Hey, Terry.
961
00:40:42,143 --> 00:40:43,110
Hey, Hawk.
962
00:40:45,846 --> 00:40:48,082
So this is all temporary,
right?
963
00:40:48,115 --> 00:40:49,283
Oh, yeah.
964
00:40:49,317 --> 00:40:51,852
I mean, I stayed with my folks
right after my discharge.
965
00:40:51,886 --> 00:40:53,387
I had a little PTSD.
966
00:40:53,421 --> 00:40:54,889
And we didn't get along so well,
967
00:40:54,922 --> 00:40:57,024
but I'm looking for a place.
968
00:40:57,058 --> 00:40:59,160
Where were you stationed?
969
00:40:59,193 --> 00:41:00,828
Mostly Fort Leavenworth,
Kansas.
970
00:41:00,861 --> 00:41:01,996
Where the prison is, right?
971
00:41:02,029 --> 00:41:03,264
Yeah, I was in a bad, bad
place,
972
00:41:03,297 --> 00:41:05,099
but, you know, I'm all better
now.
973
00:41:05,132 --> 00:41:06,267
Wait, you were in the prison?
974
00:41:06,300 --> 00:41:07,835
Yeah, the army doesn't
like you driving stakes
975
00:41:07,868 --> 00:41:10,204
through its privates, and by
that, I mean Private Dirkman.
976
00:41:10,237 --> 00:41:12,606
He was a vampire, by the way.
977
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:13,607
Are you taking notes?
978
00:41:13,641 --> 00:41:14,575
I am a writer.
979
00:41:14,608 --> 00:41:15,743
That's what we do.
980
00:41:15,776 --> 00:41:18,478
Am I like the star of your
book?
981
00:41:18,512 --> 00:41:19,680
Hard to say.
982
00:41:21,082 --> 00:41:21,916
Maybe.
983
00:41:23,250 --> 00:41:24,418
You think she's a double
agent?
984
00:41:24,452 --> 00:41:27,188
I think she was definitely
pumping me for information.
985
00:41:27,221 --> 00:41:28,589
I think you should be so
lucky.
986
00:41:28,622 --> 00:41:30,791
I think she was the
lucky one in that scenario.
987
00:41:30,825 --> 00:41:33,828
I pumped her right back,
not for information though.
988
00:41:33,861 --> 00:41:34,962
Thanks for that, Hawk.
989
00:41:34,996 --> 00:41:36,197
I had sex with her,
Rev.
990
00:41:36,230 --> 00:41:37,264
Yeah, I got it.
991
00:41:37,298 --> 00:41:38,733
Okay, stop, too far.
992
00:41:38,766 --> 00:41:40,434
Let's back it up.
993
00:41:40,468 --> 00:41:41,402
Back it up.
994
00:41:41,435 --> 00:41:42,903
Let's go.
995
00:41:42,937 --> 00:41:44,105
I had sex with her, Rev.
996
00:41:44,138 --> 00:41:45,439
Yeah, I got it.
997
00:41:45,473 --> 00:41:47,008
In her vagina hole.
998
00:41:47,041 --> 00:41:48,809
I don't wanna know about
it.
999
00:41:48,843 --> 00:41:49,910
Okay, this is it.
1000
00:41:49,944 --> 00:41:50,745
I got it.
1001
00:41:50,778 --> 00:41:51,612
Foot it.
1002
00:41:51,645 --> 00:41:52,980
I know how to work a ladder,
Hawk.
1003
00:41:53,014 --> 00:41:53,848
Okay.
1004
00:41:56,083 --> 00:41:56,884
After you, sir.
1005
00:41:56,917 --> 00:41:57,718
Oh, no, no, no.
1006
00:41:57,752 --> 00:41:58,552
You first.
1007
00:41:58,586 --> 00:41:59,620
I would rather you
went.
1008
00:41:59,653 --> 00:42:00,988
My mother taught
me to be a gentleman.
1009
00:42:01,022 --> 00:42:01,889
Just go, please.
1010
00:42:01,922 --> 00:42:02,723
- No.
- Just go!
1011
00:42:02,757 --> 00:42:03,557
No!
1012
00:42:03,591 --> 00:42:04,392
- Go!
- No!
1013
00:42:04,425 --> 00:42:05,226
- Go!
- No!
1014
00:42:05,259 --> 00:42:06,093
Yes!
1015
00:42:09,363 --> 00:42:10,431
Move it.
1016
00:42:10,464 --> 00:42:12,600
We've got nanny cams to
place and vampires to catch.
1017
00:42:12,633 --> 00:42:13,434
I mean, to stake.
1018
00:42:13,467 --> 00:42:14,502
I mean, no, to catch.
1019
00:42:14,535 --> 00:42:16,303
One, step into position.
1020
00:42:16,337 --> 00:42:18,139
Two, scan the perimeter.
1021
00:42:18,172 --> 00:42:20,007
Three, pick an enemy.
1022
00:42:20,041 --> 00:42:22,109
Four, strike up conversation.
1023
00:42:22,143 --> 00:42:24,278
Five, ready your pitchfork.
1024
00:42:24,311 --> 00:42:25,112
And six...
1025
00:42:25,146 --> 00:42:26,447
Wait, I have a question.
1026
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,350
Number four, the conversation,
can you explain that a bit?
1027
00:42:29,383 --> 00:42:31,285
Yes, you strike up
conversation
1028
00:42:31,318 --> 00:42:33,354
so they let down their guard.
1029
00:42:33,387 --> 00:42:35,122
I usually go with something like
this.
1030
00:42:35,156 --> 00:42:37,625
Hey, fucking corpse face.
1031
00:42:37,658 --> 00:42:39,960
Yeah, I'm talking to you, blood
shitbag.
1032
00:42:39,994 --> 00:42:42,997
I hear you wanna eat nice
innocent Americans for dinner.
1033
00:42:43,030 --> 00:42:44,065
Oh, yeah?
1034
00:42:44,098 --> 00:42:47,902
Well, not on my watch,
bloodsucking vampire scum!
1035
00:42:47,935 --> 00:42:53,007
Take that, you
filthy ass blood sucker!
1036
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,242
New rule, no weapons.
1037
00:42:55,276 --> 00:42:56,444
Vampires, huh?
1038
00:42:56,477 --> 00:42:58,412
Oh, yeah, there are shit tons
of 'em.
1039
00:42:58,446 --> 00:42:59,313
What about werewolves?
1040
00:42:59,346 --> 00:43:01,148
Oh, yeah, they're a big
problem too,
1041
00:43:01,182 --> 00:43:03,751
just roaming around in
packs, eating livestock,
1042
00:43:03,784 --> 00:43:05,052
pissing everywhere.
1043
00:43:05,086 --> 00:43:07,888
Filthy goddamn creatures.
1044
00:43:07,922 --> 00:43:08,989
Yes.
1045
00:43:09,023 --> 00:43:09,924
Absolutely.
1046
00:43:09,957 --> 00:43:10,825
No.
1047
00:43:10,858 --> 00:43:11,659
Yes.
1048
00:43:11,692 --> 00:43:12,593
Maybe?
1049
00:43:12,626 --> 00:43:13,794
Yes.
1050
00:43:13,828 --> 00:43:14,795
No.
1051
00:43:14,829 --> 00:43:16,363
And hell yes.
1052
00:43:16,397 --> 00:43:18,399
Hey, have you ever gotten
your chromosomes checked?
1053
00:43:18,432 --> 00:43:21,302
Is that like getting
your testicles checked?
1054
00:43:21,335 --> 00:43:22,937
Look, about last night.
1055
00:43:22,970 --> 00:43:24,872
If you tell anyone, it's
never gonna happen again.
1056
00:43:24,905 --> 00:43:25,840
I mean, like never.
1057
00:43:25,873 --> 00:43:26,674
Seriously?
1058
00:43:26,707 --> 00:43:27,509
Seriously.
1059
00:43:27,542 --> 00:43:28,342
Like not even Rev?
1060
00:43:28,375 --> 00:43:29,410
Especially not Rev!
1061
00:43:29,443 --> 00:43:32,079
Also, if I get pregnant,
I'm not keeping the baby.
1062
00:43:32,113 --> 00:43:33,080
It would be irresponsible
1063
00:43:33,114 --> 00:43:34,648
to bring your spawn into this
world.
1064
00:43:34,682 --> 00:43:37,084
Well< I feel like it would
be irresponsible not to.
1065
00:43:37,118 --> 00:43:38,085
I mean, who's gonna deal
1066
00:43:38,119 --> 00:43:39,588
with all these supernatural
creatures
1067
00:43:39,620 --> 00:43:41,722
dicking around in the world when
I'm gone?
1068
00:43:41,755 --> 00:43:43,624
A bunch of baby Hawks, that's
who.
1069
00:43:43,657 --> 00:43:47,194
Humanity's survival depends on
us.
1070
00:43:47,228 --> 00:43:48,762
Nope, that's not happening.
1071
00:43:48,796 --> 00:43:49,797
Sorry.
1072
00:43:49,830 --> 00:43:50,698
Hey, wait up.
1073
00:43:50,731 --> 00:43:52,433
Nope.
1074
00:44:00,007 --> 00:44:00,808
Question.
1075
00:44:00,841 --> 00:44:02,209
Why are we doing bird calls
again?
1076
00:44:02,243 --> 00:44:03,978
Answer, your walkie dies.
1077
00:44:04,011 --> 00:44:08,649
Why can't we just whistle?
1078
00:44:09,783 --> 00:44:12,153
Whistling is most obviously
human, Rev.
1079
00:44:12,186 --> 00:44:13,654
Even retards know that.
1080
00:44:13,687 --> 00:44:15,055
That's highly insensitive,
Hawk.
1081
00:44:15,089 --> 00:44:17,324
Not if you compare it to
getting your ass eaten alive
1082
00:44:17,358 --> 00:44:20,194
by bloodsucking vampires it's
not.
1083
00:44:21,428 --> 00:44:22,997
Can we try the scarlet warbler?
1084
00:44:23,030 --> 00:44:24,398
Indeed.
1085
00:44:32,039 --> 00:44:34,375
Are you going to the bathroom?
1086
00:44:36,477 --> 00:44:37,278
What?
1087
00:44:37,311 --> 00:44:38,312
I had to go!
1088
00:44:43,184 --> 00:44:44,985
Are you all done in there?
1089
00:44:45,019 --> 00:44:46,521
Back off, Terry.
1090
00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,893
You know, I just, you know,
1091
00:44:52,927 --> 00:44:56,931
I've been going through
this transformation.
1092
00:44:56,964 --> 00:45:01,168
It hasn't been all cute and
cuddly, as you two know.
1093
00:45:01,202 --> 00:45:04,705
Anyway, I'm really sorry about
the hassle.
1094
00:45:05,607 --> 00:45:09,877
And you know, if you
two wanna give it a go,
1095
00:45:09,910 --> 00:45:11,580
I'm game for it, so.
1096
00:45:11,613 --> 00:45:15,584
Well, I think I speak for
both of us when I saw we're in
1097
00:45:15,617 --> 00:45:17,985
just as long as we don't
have to get naked again.
1098
00:45:18,018 --> 00:45:19,654
No, no more nudity.
1099
00:45:19,688 --> 00:45:22,456
I mean, unless you wanna do it.
1100
00:45:22,489 --> 00:45:23,625
Oh, no, no.
1101
00:45:23,658 --> 00:45:24,858
No, no.
1102
00:45:24,892 --> 00:45:29,730
Well, in the spirit of all
this newfound reconciliation...
1103
00:45:34,235 --> 00:45:35,035
What is that?
1104
00:45:35,069 --> 00:45:35,869
What is what?
1105
00:45:35,903 --> 00:45:36,705
Huh?
1106
00:45:36,737 --> 00:45:40,241
I can feel my skull.
1107
00:45:40,274 --> 00:45:43,110
The voices in my head, in the
sky.
1108
00:45:45,312 --> 00:45:47,381
Bats, they're coming.
1109
00:45:47,414 --> 00:45:48,717
Go in.
1110
00:45:48,749 --> 00:45:50,451
They're everywhere!
1111
00:45:50,484 --> 00:45:51,653
It's the end of the world!
1112
00:45:51,686 --> 00:45:53,120
We're all doomed!
1113
00:45:55,389 --> 00:45:56,323
We're all gonna die!
1114
00:45:56,357 --> 00:45:57,191
Run!
1115
00:46:06,300 --> 00:46:07,101
Wow.
1116
00:46:07,134 --> 00:46:07,968
Whoa.
1117
00:46:11,305 --> 00:46:13,374
♪ Have you ever met this lady ♪
1118
00:46:13,407 --> 00:46:14,241
That's the way to do it.
1119
00:46:14,275 --> 00:46:15,876
Come to papa, baby.
1120
00:46:17,411 --> 00:46:18,245
Oh.
1121
00:46:19,113 --> 00:46:19,947
Oh, yeah.
1122
00:46:21,448 --> 00:46:22,349
Oh, uh-huh.
1123
00:46:26,621 --> 00:46:30,090
What, what's happening?
1124
00:46:38,265 --> 00:46:40,635
♪ Have you ever seen this lady ♪
1125
00:46:40,669 --> 00:46:41,902
♪ She likes to dance ♪
1126
00:46:41,935 --> 00:46:42,836
Oh, there we go.
1127
00:46:42,870 --> 00:46:44,706
Oh, nope, sorry about that.
1128
00:46:44,739 --> 00:46:46,807
It got a little lonely at hobo
camp.
1129
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:49,243
Anyway, orange or grape soda?
1130
00:46:49,276 --> 00:46:50,210
I don't drink that stuff.
1131
00:46:50,244 --> 00:46:51,278
Chicharrones?
1132
00:46:51,312 --> 00:46:52,112
No, I'm a vegan.
1133
00:46:52,146 --> 00:46:52,946
So?
1134
00:46:52,980 --> 00:46:54,415
So I don't eat fried pig skin.
1135
00:46:54,448 --> 00:46:56,483
You vegans are all so angry.
1136
00:46:56,518 --> 00:46:57,851
We just don't eat animals.
1137
00:46:57,885 --> 00:47:00,421
I'd like to make a toast.
1138
00:47:00,454 --> 00:47:04,526
To us, to the mission, and
to kicking mucho vampire ass.
1139
00:47:04,559 --> 00:47:07,729
And to not staking, no
asphyxiation,
1140
00:47:09,096 --> 00:47:10,297
and not getting arrested.
1141
00:47:10,331 --> 00:47:12,534
To doing nothing fun to
vampires.
1142
00:47:17,338 --> 00:47:18,807
Maybe they took the night off.
1143
00:47:18,839 --> 00:47:20,274
They're vampires, Rev.
1144
00:47:20,307 --> 00:47:22,443
They don't take nights off.
1145
00:47:22,476 --> 00:47:23,977
They don't socialize.
1146
00:47:24,011 --> 00:47:27,782
They focus on one thing
and only one thing.
1147
00:47:27,816 --> 00:47:28,817
Murder.
1148
00:47:28,849 --> 00:47:30,150
I thought they did this for
food.
1149
00:47:30,184 --> 00:47:31,852
Sure, but at the end of every
night,
1150
00:47:31,885 --> 00:47:33,454
there's still a bunch of damn
murders.
1151
00:47:33,487 --> 00:47:34,556
What about that pig
1152
00:47:34,589 --> 00:47:36,457
that ave its life for your
chicharrones?
1153
00:47:36,490 --> 00:47:37,491
Are you really comparing me
1154
00:47:37,525 --> 00:47:39,927
to bloodsucking filthy
ass vampires right now?
1155
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:43,063
All I'm saying is maybe
they do other things besides...
1156
00:47:43,097 --> 00:47:43,897
Oh, really?
1157
00:47:43,931 --> 00:47:44,766
Like what?
1158
00:47:44,799 --> 00:47:47,067
I don't know, like candle-lit
dinners,
1159
00:47:47,101 --> 00:47:49,470
long walks on the beach,
going to the library,
1160
00:47:49,504 --> 00:47:52,406
visit an amusement park,
skip with their friends,
1161
00:47:52,439 --> 00:47:55,008
play hopscotch, collect turtles,
1162
00:47:55,042 --> 00:47:57,277
watch butterflies in the summer
evenings.
1163
00:47:57,311 --> 00:48:02,316
Imagine how many books you
could read if you live forever.
1164
00:48:04,519 --> 00:48:06,320
You just know how to
ruin things, don't you?
1165
00:48:06,353 --> 00:48:07,221
This is so boring.
1166
00:48:07,254 --> 00:48:08,989
I just wanna stab a vampire.
1167
00:48:09,022 --> 00:48:11,024
I mean, catch a vampire.
1168
00:48:23,337 --> 00:48:24,304
Get off me, Rev.
1169
00:48:24,338 --> 00:48:25,139
Get off!
1170
00:48:25,172 --> 00:48:25,973
Get off me.
1171
00:48:26,006 --> 00:48:26,940
God!
1172
00:48:26,974 --> 00:48:27,842
What time is it?
1173
00:48:27,876 --> 00:48:29,878
I don't know, late.
1174
00:48:29,910 --> 00:48:30,911
I need to get to work.
1175
00:48:30,944 --> 00:48:31,746
Whatever.
1176
00:48:31,780 --> 00:48:33,414
I can't be partners with a
quitter.
1177
00:48:33,447 --> 00:48:34,481
I have a job.
1178
00:48:34,516 --> 00:48:35,916
Wait, look!
1179
00:48:35,949 --> 00:48:38,285
Dude, I'm just saying,
they all taste different.
1180
00:48:38,318 --> 00:48:39,353
Blood or the girls?
1181
00:48:39,386 --> 00:48:41,088
Come to think of it, both.
1182
00:48:41,121 --> 00:48:42,089
That is disgusting.
1183
00:48:42,122 --> 00:48:43,357
Shit, that's nothing.
1184
00:48:43,390 --> 00:48:44,224
Did I tell you about that time
1185
00:48:44,258 --> 00:48:46,093
I hit the all lady biker gang?
1186
00:48:47,327 --> 00:48:49,029
Oh, my God, this is so great.
1187
00:48:49,062 --> 00:48:50,899
We're gonna hit those three
vampire birds
1188
00:48:50,931 --> 00:48:53,835
with one kick ass vampire
slaying stone!
1189
00:48:53,868 --> 00:48:55,202
Yeah, except there's two of
us.
1190
00:48:55,235 --> 00:48:56,336
Yeah, so?
1191
00:48:56,370 --> 00:48:57,572
So that saying doesn't work?
1192
00:48:57,605 --> 00:48:58,405
Why?
1193
00:48:58,439 --> 00:48:59,574
Because the odds are worse?
1194
00:48:59,607 --> 00:49:00,974
No, the odds are better.
1195
00:49:01,008 --> 00:49:02,476
It's just, you're missing the
point.
1196
00:49:02,510 --> 00:49:03,711
Well, I feel like you're
looking at it
1197
00:49:03,745 --> 00:49:05,513
with a glass half empty
attitude.
1198
00:49:05,547 --> 00:49:07,549
And I think you don't
understand either saying.
1199
00:49:07,582 --> 00:49:09,149
Well, I think you're a
quitter.
1200
00:49:09,183 --> 00:49:10,217
I ain't quit!
1201
00:49:10,250 --> 00:49:14,121
That's what all quitters
tell themselves, Rev.
1202
00:49:32,841 --> 00:49:35,577
All right, I checked online
and it's our right as Americans
1203
00:49:35,610 --> 00:49:38,813
to citizen's arrest their
filthy vampire asses.
1204
00:49:38,847 --> 00:49:40,648
You got your ID?
1205
00:49:40,682 --> 00:49:41,883
You know what this is?
1206
00:49:41,916 --> 00:49:43,016
A cassette tape.
1207
00:49:43,050 --> 00:49:45,285
Of the worst Christian
hard rock band ever recorded.
1208
00:49:45,319 --> 00:49:47,922
It's so bad, even Christians
cry when they hear it.
1209
00:49:47,956 --> 00:49:49,223
How do you know it
will work on vampires?
1210
00:49:49,256 --> 00:49:50,257
I don't.
1211
00:49:50,290 --> 00:49:52,459
Can I get the smoke bombs?
1212
00:49:53,695 --> 00:49:54,596
You know, I'm sensing
1213
00:49:54,629 --> 00:49:55,797
kind of a quitter vibe from you
right now.
1214
00:49:55,830 --> 00:49:58,633
I really need you to quit
that shit right now, Rev
1215
00:49:58,666 --> 00:50:00,067
and get pumped up.
1216
00:50:00,100 --> 00:50:00,902
I'm pumped.
1217
00:50:00,935 --> 00:50:01,769
You don't seem very pumped.
1218
00:50:01,803 --> 00:50:02,770
I'm totally pumped.
1219
00:50:02,804 --> 00:50:04,104
I need you really pumped!
1220
00:50:04,137 --> 00:50:05,740
I'm super gosh darn pumped.
1221
00:50:05,773 --> 00:50:07,374
The makeup looks great, by the
way.
1222
00:50:07,407 --> 00:50:08,208
Oh, thanks.
1223
00:50:08,242 --> 00:50:10,979
It's not makeup, it's
camouflage.
1224
00:50:14,348 --> 00:50:16,851
Whoa, Forneus, take it easy.
1225
00:50:27,962 --> 00:50:30,297
You guys expecting anyone?
1226
00:50:39,439 --> 00:50:41,275
Hey, pizza delivery.
1227
00:50:43,878 --> 00:50:46,313
Did you guys order a pizza?
1228
00:50:50,852 --> 00:50:53,621
Well, somebody ordered a
pizza.
1229
00:50:53,655 --> 00:50:55,557
Man, it might have been me.
1230
00:50:55,590 --> 00:50:57,592
I got this new medicine.
1231
00:50:59,126 --> 00:51:00,160
Smells good.
1232
00:51:00,193 --> 00:51:02,564
You mind if I come in?
1233
00:51:02,597 --> 00:51:03,397
Oh, yeah, yeah.
1234
00:51:03,430 --> 00:51:05,332
Come on in, man.
1235
00:51:05,365 --> 00:51:07,200
The more, the merrier.
1236
00:51:18,078 --> 00:51:20,848
So how much do I owe you, my
man?
1237
00:51:30,290 --> 00:51:33,795
You must think you're pretty
smart, huh,
1238
00:51:33,828 --> 00:51:36,064
just invading my territory.
1239
00:51:39,099 --> 00:51:43,504
No, I mean, there's
plenty of gigs to go around.
1240
00:51:43,538 --> 00:51:47,709
Yeah, I mean, this whole area's
super happening right now.
1241
00:51:47,742 --> 00:51:49,309
You know don't play dumb with
me.
1242
00:51:49,343 --> 00:51:51,579
I know what you're doing,
1243
00:51:51,613 --> 00:51:55,415
and I don't appreciate the
competition.
1244
00:51:55,449 --> 00:51:56,416
Competition?
1245
00:51:56,450 --> 00:51:58,720
We all have different sounds,
man.
1246
00:51:58,753 --> 00:52:00,420
Yeah, I mean
that's what's so great
1247
00:52:00,454 --> 00:52:02,523
about the music business.
1248
00:52:11,198 --> 00:52:15,637
The only business I wanna
talk about is vampire business
1249
00:52:15,670 --> 00:52:18,506
and how you're feeding in my
territory.
1250
00:52:18,539 --> 00:52:19,707
Oh, God, please, don't kill
us.
1251
00:52:19,741 --> 00:52:21,475
Take what you want.
1252
00:52:23,911 --> 00:52:26,981
What kind of shit vampires are
you?
1253
00:52:29,282 --> 00:52:31,284
Freeze, fang faces!
1254
00:52:31,318 --> 00:52:34,254
Hands in the air,
vampires!
1255
00:52:36,658 --> 00:52:38,158
Jasper?
1256
00:52:38,191 --> 00:52:38,993
What's he doing here?
1257
00:52:39,027 --> 00:52:39,827
Yeah.
1258
00:52:39,861 --> 00:52:41,095
What the hell are you doing
here?
1259
00:52:41,129 --> 00:52:42,563
I was just, you know,
1260
00:52:42,597 --> 00:52:44,932
making sure the pool was clean
and secure
1261
00:52:44,966 --> 00:52:46,668
before you boys jumped on in.
1262
00:52:46,701 --> 00:52:47,501
Pool?
1263
00:52:47,535 --> 00:52:48,335
What pool?
1264
00:52:48,368 --> 00:52:49,169
There's a pool here?
1265
00:52:49,202 --> 00:52:50,370
It's an analogy.
1266
00:52:50,404 --> 00:52:52,840
I was being a good mentor,
you know, testing the waters,
1267
00:52:52,874 --> 00:52:54,241
making sure it's safe.
1268
00:52:54,274 --> 00:52:55,175
He's so nice.
1269
00:52:55,208 --> 00:52:56,911
He just gets nicer every time we
meet him.
1270
00:52:56,944 --> 00:52:58,012
Yeah, no problem.
1271
00:52:58,046 --> 00:52:59,847
Anyway, go ahead and do your
thing.
1272
00:52:59,881 --> 00:53:01,049
Do America proud, boys.
1273
00:53:01,082 --> 00:53:02,116
We will!
1274
00:53:02,150 --> 00:53:03,051
All right, vampires.
1275
00:53:03,084 --> 00:53:05,086
You're under citizen's arrest!
1276
00:53:05,119 --> 00:53:06,754
Oh, you are getting raped!
1277
00:53:06,788 --> 00:53:07,588
Whoa!
1278
00:53:07,622 --> 00:53:08,556
Easy, man.
1279
00:53:08,589 --> 00:53:10,357
I'm gonna eat your
flesh and shit it out,
1280
00:53:10,390 --> 00:53:11,993
and then I'm going to
fucking eat it again,
1281
00:53:12,026 --> 00:53:13,027
you motherfuckers!
1282
00:53:13,061 --> 00:53:14,962
I don't think we
talked about that at all.
1283
00:53:14,996 --> 00:53:16,396
And then I'm gonna fuck your
ear!
1284
00:53:16,430 --> 00:53:17,699
I'm gonna fuck it again!
1285
00:53:17,732 --> 00:53:19,801
And I'm gonna fuck your
mother's ear and she's gonna die
1286
00:53:19,834 --> 00:53:20,702
and you're gonna die with her,
1287
00:53:20,735 --> 00:53:22,502
you vampire little pieces of
shit!
1288
00:53:22,537 --> 00:53:23,938
I did not agree to any of
that.
1289
00:53:23,971 --> 00:53:27,175
And I'm gonna poop on your
fucking face, you little fucks.
1290
00:53:27,207 --> 00:53:29,110
You wanna fucking get some of
this?
1291
00:53:29,143 --> 00:53:31,679
Oh my gosh, he's gonna
kill us!
1292
00:53:31,713 --> 00:53:33,548
He has a weapon.
1293
00:53:33,581 --> 00:53:34,716
Break the door!
1294
00:53:34,749 --> 00:53:36,584
Hawk, break the fucking door!
1295
00:53:41,889 --> 00:53:42,690
What is it?
1296
00:53:42,724 --> 00:53:43,524
Where am I?
1297
00:53:43,558 --> 00:53:44,458
Easy, buddy.
1298
00:53:44,491 --> 00:53:45,225
You just, you just hit your
little head.
1299
00:53:45,258 --> 00:53:46,094
What?
1300
00:53:46,127 --> 00:53:47,461
Relax, these guys are on our
side.
1301
00:53:47,494 --> 00:53:48,896
But they're vampires.
1302
00:53:48,930 --> 00:53:50,131
Uh, no, no.
1303
00:53:50,164 --> 00:53:51,899
They're just a goth band.
1304
00:53:51,933 --> 00:53:53,801
Crypts and Sorrows of
Darkness.
1305
00:53:53,835 --> 00:53:54,869
I came up with the name
1306
00:53:54,902 --> 00:53:56,838
during a vision quest
to Romania with Forneus.
1307
00:53:56,871 --> 00:53:58,072
But what about the black
eyes,
1308
00:53:58,106 --> 00:54:00,407
the blood, the gimp, and 201?
1309
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:02,910
Oh, contact lenses, pig blood.
1310
00:54:02,944 --> 00:54:05,713
The gimp is a submissive of this
guy here.
1311
00:54:05,747 --> 00:54:07,882
And management neglected to tell
us
1312
00:54:07,915 --> 00:54:09,150
they rented it out again.
1313
00:54:09,183 --> 00:54:09,984
Oh.
1314
00:54:10,017 --> 00:54:10,818
It's all legal.
1315
00:54:10,852 --> 00:54:12,019
And avante.
1316
00:54:12,053 --> 00:54:13,453
Oh, and one more thing.
1317
00:54:13,487 --> 00:54:14,287
Yeah?
1318
00:54:14,321 --> 00:54:15,556
Our lone wolf mentor,
1319
00:54:15,590 --> 00:54:17,558
he's a filthy ass vampire!
1320
00:54:17,592 --> 00:54:19,359
Holy farts.
1321
00:54:30,571 --> 00:54:32,372
You think we should wear
these on our backs too
1322
00:54:32,405 --> 00:54:33,207
just in case?
1323
00:54:33,241 --> 00:54:34,242
Yeah, it wouldn't hurt.
1324
00:54:34,274 --> 00:54:35,076
Here, let me get that for you.
1325
00:54:35,109 --> 00:54:35,943
No.
1326
00:54:35,977 --> 00:54:37,344
No way you're getting behind me,
mister.
1327
00:54:37,377 --> 00:54:39,247
You tried to eat that goth band.
1328
00:54:39,279 --> 00:54:40,681
I just lost it, okay?
1329
00:54:40,715 --> 00:54:41,516
Give me a break.
1330
00:54:41,549 --> 00:54:42,717
Okay.
1331
00:54:42,750 --> 00:54:45,019
If you try anything.
1332
00:54:45,052 --> 00:54:45,987
Dang it, Hawk.
1333
00:54:46,020 --> 00:54:47,822
I thought we agreed, no more
secret stake.
1334
00:54:47,855 --> 00:54:48,656
We did.
1335
00:54:48,689 --> 00:54:49,489
But you brought it.
1336
00:54:49,524 --> 00:54:50,792
Nope, it's a secret.
1337
00:54:50,825 --> 00:54:51,659
Yeah, but it's right there.
1338
00:54:51,692 --> 00:54:54,128
No, back to being a secret.
1339
00:55:03,571 --> 00:55:04,872
Fine.
1340
00:55:04,906 --> 00:55:06,073
Hey, guys.
1341
00:55:06,107 --> 00:55:07,875
I think we can catch Jasper
in this without killing him.
1342
00:55:07,909 --> 00:55:09,577
What is that, a shiny
butterfly net?
1343
00:55:09,610 --> 00:55:12,246
No, it's a vampire trap,
actually,
1344
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:14,347
made of silver-plated aircraft
cable.
1345
00:55:14,381 --> 00:55:15,448
According to legend,
1346
00:55:15,482 --> 00:55:16,918
silver was the only
naturally occurring substance
1347
00:55:16,951 --> 00:55:18,653
that could injure a vampire.
1348
00:55:18,686 --> 00:55:20,721
Drop him in this and he's
helpless.
1349
00:55:20,755 --> 00:55:25,760
Guys,.
1350
00:55:25,793 --> 00:55:27,460
It's almost sundown.
1351
00:55:28,563 --> 00:55:30,330
What language is that?
1352
00:55:30,363 --> 00:55:31,966
Zulu.
1353
00:55:31,999 --> 00:55:33,868
♪ Hit it ♪
1354
00:55:33,901 --> 00:55:35,435
♪ That's what I'm talking about ♪
1355
00:55:35,468 --> 00:55:36,504
♪ Wait ♪
1356
00:55:36,537 --> 00:55:39,307
♪ Okay now, from the beginning ♪
1357
00:55:39,339 --> 00:55:41,509
You ever thought about
learning to ride a bike, Rev?
1358
00:55:41,542 --> 00:55:42,442
Yeah, seriously, Rev.
1359
00:55:42,475 --> 00:55:43,911
You're kind of a heavy hippie.
1360
00:55:43,945 --> 00:55:45,345
I'm not a hippie, Hawk.
1361
00:55:45,378 --> 00:55:46,280
Oh, better watch out.
1362
00:55:46,314 --> 00:55:48,149
He's gonna go cannibal again.
1363
00:55:49,584 --> 00:55:51,819
Die, yuppie scum!
1364
00:55:57,325 --> 00:55:59,060
♪ All you men with suits and
ties ♪
1365
00:55:59,093 --> 00:56:01,128
♪ Just sitting in the crowd ♪
1366
00:56:01,162 --> 00:56:03,297
♪ I hope you're ready
for what's coming now ♪
1367
00:56:03,331 --> 00:56:07,335
♪ I'm the one to bring you down ♪
1368
00:56:14,407 --> 00:56:16,310
♪ There's one where the big boys
play ♪
1369
00:56:16,344 --> 00:56:18,145
♪ Where the race keeps
going like the river ♪
1370
00:56:18,179 --> 00:56:20,380
♪ But they all never come ♪
1371
00:56:20,413 --> 00:56:23,084
Guys, this is Theo,
our newest team member,
1372
00:56:23,117 --> 00:56:25,385
aka the fiery fox.
1373
00:56:25,418 --> 00:56:26,821
Did you just give me a code
name?
1374
00:56:26,854 --> 00:56:27,822
I did.
1375
00:56:27,855 --> 00:56:28,789
We know her well.
1376
00:56:28,823 --> 00:56:29,857
Foxy indeed.
1377
00:56:29,891 --> 00:56:31,826
Not to mention fiery.
1378
00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:34,762
Wait, you guys know each
other?
1379
00:56:34,795 --> 00:56:39,432
Yeah, it was like a,
kinda polyamorous thing.
1380
00:56:39,466 --> 00:56:43,004
I told you I went to a
liberal arts college.
1381
00:56:43,037 --> 00:56:46,774
♪ And when I'm good,
I'm really good, boy ♪
1382
00:56:46,807 --> 00:56:50,878
♪ When I'm bad, I'm better ♪
1383
00:56:50,912 --> 00:56:54,582
♪ And when I'm good,
I'm really good, girl ♪
1384
00:56:54,615 --> 00:56:58,386
♪ When I'm bad, I'm better ♪
1385
00:56:58,418 --> 00:57:02,323
♪ And when I'm good,
I'm really good, boy ♪
1386
00:57:02,356 --> 00:57:06,060
♪ When I'm bad, I'm better ♪
1387
00:57:06,093 --> 00:57:11,032
♪ And when I'm good,
I'm really good, girl ♪
1388
00:57:12,066 --> 00:57:15,468
I'm pretty sure this
is Jasper's mom's house.
1389
00:57:15,502 --> 00:57:17,071
What do we do if he answers
the door?
1390
00:57:17,104 --> 00:57:19,941
Well, normally, I'd say rip
his goddamn vampire head off,
1391
00:57:19,974 --> 00:57:22,576
but that'd be against our rules
of engagement, wouldn't it?
1392
00:57:22,610 --> 00:57:24,612
You guys have rules of
engagement?
1393
00:57:24,645 --> 00:57:27,415
Rev wouldn't join my mission
till I agreed to 'em all.
1394
00:57:27,447 --> 00:57:28,481
It's our mission.
1395
00:57:28,516 --> 00:57:30,318
And I just thought it'd be
good not to hurt or kill
1396
00:57:30,351 --> 00:57:32,386
and then get help and not get
arrested.
1397
00:57:32,420 --> 00:57:34,388
That sounds pretty logical to
me.
1398
00:57:34,422 --> 00:57:37,490
You two are perfect for each
other.
1399
00:57:40,227 --> 00:57:41,329
All right, army special ops
1400
00:57:41,362 --> 00:57:43,364
trained me to deal with delicate
matters.
1401
00:57:43,397 --> 00:57:46,233
I will do the talking, okay?
1402
00:57:46,267 --> 00:57:47,068
Can I help you?
1403
00:57:47,101 --> 00:57:47,902
That depends.
1404
00:57:47,935 --> 00:57:49,502
Where the hell is your son?
1405
00:57:49,537 --> 00:57:51,639
Sorry, what is this in regards
to?
1406
00:57:51,672 --> 00:57:53,140
What's the goddamn difference,
lady?
1407
00:57:53,174 --> 00:57:56,711
Is this filthy bloodsucking
vampire ass here or what?
1408
00:57:56,744 --> 00:57:58,312
We need to ask him some
questions.
1409
00:57:58,346 --> 00:57:59,213
Excuse me.
1410
00:57:59,246 --> 00:58:00,715
No, excuse him, ma'am.
1411
00:58:00,748 --> 00:58:03,117
Besides being extremely rude,
what he forgot to mention
1412
00:58:03,150 --> 00:58:04,685
is that we work with Jasper.
1413
00:58:04,719 --> 00:58:06,120
Yeah, we're his coworkers.
1414
00:58:06,153 --> 00:58:07,321
His work friends.
1415
00:58:07,355 --> 00:58:10,224
I'm so pleased to
finally meet some of you.
1416
00:58:10,257 --> 00:58:11,592
He doesn't have a lot of
friends.
1417
00:58:11,625 --> 00:58:13,627
Oh, that's a big fucking
surprise.
1418
00:58:13,661 --> 00:58:14,795
Just ignore him, ma'am.
1419
00:58:14,829 --> 00:58:16,130
We all do.
1420
00:58:16,163 --> 00:58:18,065
Well, I haven't seen
him since last night.
1421
00:58:18,099 --> 00:58:19,300
He left saying
1422
00:58:19,333 --> 00:58:22,870
that he was going to assess
the competition or something.
1423
00:58:22,903 --> 00:58:24,105
But if there isn't anything
else,
1424
00:58:24,138 --> 00:58:26,007
I have a casserole in the oven.
1425
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:29,110
No, ma'am, I'm real sorry
I was so short earlier.
1426
00:58:29,143 --> 00:58:32,079
Jasper borrowed this DVD
I rented a while back.
1427
00:58:32,113 --> 00:58:34,215
You can still do that, rent
DVDs?
1428
00:58:34,248 --> 00:58:36,083
Yeah, of course you can still
do that.
1429
00:58:36,117 --> 00:58:37,752
They also charge hella late
fees.
1430
00:58:37,785 --> 00:58:39,520
So can we look for it in his
room or...
1431
00:58:39,553 --> 00:58:40,654
Which one was it again?
1432
00:58:40,688 --> 00:58:41,722
From Dusk till Dawn.
1433
00:58:41,756 --> 00:58:43,657
Oh, that vampire movie
1434
00:58:43,691 --> 00:58:46,427
with that handsome doctor fella
from TV.
1435
00:58:46,460 --> 00:58:49,196
Yeah, it's his favorite, and
the director trying to act.
1436
00:58:49,230 --> 00:58:50,031
Yeah.
1437
00:58:50,064 --> 00:58:50,965
Well, I'd check the garage.
1438
00:58:50,998 --> 00:58:52,700
It's where he's been sleeping
most days.
1439
00:58:52,733 --> 00:58:54,935
He's been complaining about
migraines,
1440
00:58:54,969 --> 00:58:57,038
can't be in the light.
1441
00:58:57,071 --> 00:59:00,107
I don't understand what's going
on.
1442
00:59:00,141 --> 00:59:04,145
He was also the
Batman with the nipples.
1443
00:59:09,383 --> 00:59:12,019
Geez, talk about frightening.
1444
00:59:12,053 --> 00:59:15,423
I bet he's got a whole
coffin of human heads in here.
1445
00:59:15,456 --> 00:59:17,024
Don't they sleep in coffins.
1446
00:59:17,058 --> 00:59:18,926
Who's to say they
don't snack in them too?
1447
00:59:18,959 --> 00:59:20,261
I would.
1448
00:59:20,294 --> 00:59:22,229
Gross, you'd get bugs.
1449
00:59:22,263 --> 00:59:23,532
He's a vampire, Rev.
1450
00:59:23,564 --> 00:59:27,401
They don't give two shits about
bugs.
1451
00:59:27,435 --> 00:59:28,803
How'd you know about the DVD?
1452
00:59:28,836 --> 00:59:31,005
We were bunkmates in cell
block nine.
1453
00:59:31,038 --> 00:59:33,808
It was either watch his favorite
DVD or...
1454
00:59:33,841 --> 00:59:35,109
No, I don't wanna know.
1455
00:59:35,142 --> 00:59:37,144
Yeah, yeah, you don't.
1456
00:59:38,079 --> 00:59:40,848
Hey, guys, look at this.
1457
00:59:40,881 --> 00:59:43,518
Who needs this many blood bags?
1458
00:59:43,552 --> 00:59:46,487
Same guy who does all this.
1459
00:59:46,521 --> 00:59:48,523
Maybe he's just doing a lot of
drugs.
1460
00:59:48,557 --> 00:59:50,624
It does kinda Look
like a meth lab in here.
1461
00:59:50,658 --> 00:59:52,493
How many meth labs
have you been in, Rev?
1462
00:59:52,527 --> 00:59:53,727
Seven.
1463
00:59:53,761 --> 00:59:55,029
No,
1464
00:59:55,062 --> 00:59:55,896
eight.
1465
00:59:56,797 --> 00:59:59,467
Holy shit, guys, look at this.
1466
01:00:00,535 --> 01:00:02,636
Whoa, it's like A Beautiful
Mind.
1467
01:00:02,670 --> 01:00:05,739
Yeah, but ugly as shit!
1468
01:00:05,773 --> 01:00:09,243
I wonder how many cats
he stole this yarn from.
1469
01:00:09,276 --> 01:00:11,178
Oh, my God, look at that
little guy.
1470
01:00:11,212 --> 01:00:12,012
Come on, Hawk.
1471
01:00:12,046 --> 01:00:12,847
This is serious.
1472
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:13,681
I know, Rev.
1473
01:00:13,714 --> 01:00:15,282
Look what he's sitting on.
1474
01:00:15,316 --> 01:00:17,751
It's a blueprint for the
city's water filtration plant.
1475
01:00:17,785 --> 01:00:19,588
Look, here's the well.
1476
01:00:19,620 --> 01:00:20,421
What?
1477
01:00:20,454 --> 01:00:21,255
How do you know that?
1478
01:00:21,288 --> 01:00:22,256
I used to work there.
1479
01:00:22,289 --> 01:00:23,824
They fired me 'cause I
tried to excise a demon
1480
01:00:23,858 --> 01:00:25,426
from a day shift manager.
1481
01:00:25,459 --> 01:00:27,795
Well, they probably
didn't want all that blood
1482
01:00:27,828 --> 01:00:29,330
near the city's clean water.
1483
01:00:31,198 --> 01:00:32,399
He's gonna poison the well.
1484
01:00:32,433 --> 01:00:37,371
And create an army of filthy
ass vampires in the process.
1485
01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:42,109
What, what are you looking at?
1486
01:00:43,010 --> 01:00:43,811
Bye!
1487
01:00:43,844 --> 01:00:44,778
Bye.
1488
01:00:44,812 --> 01:00:46,313
We really need to call the
cops.
1489
01:00:46,347 --> 01:00:47,214
We already did.
1490
01:00:47,248 --> 01:00:48,517
Trust me, they won't even
believe us.
1491
01:00:48,550 --> 01:00:49,518
Yeah, they really won't.
1492
01:00:49,551 --> 01:00:50,651
Okay, well, then I'll call.
1493
01:00:50,684 --> 01:00:51,819
No, they'll still think it's
me.
1494
01:00:51,852 --> 01:00:52,887
Yeah, they really will.
1495
01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:53,888
You'll probably get arrested.
1496
01:00:53,921 --> 01:00:55,524
Aren't you supposed to
be taking notes on this?
1497
01:00:55,557 --> 01:00:58,792
No, Hawk, I think we have
bigger problems right now.
1498
01:00:58,826 --> 01:00:59,827
Holy shit!
1499
01:00:59,860 --> 01:01:01,395
Why didn't I think of that?
1500
01:01:01,428 --> 01:01:02,531
Hold on.
1501
01:01:02,564 --> 01:01:04,965
Rev, I'm breaking rule three.
1502
01:01:09,503 --> 01:01:11,372
God, Hawk, what is it now?
1503
01:01:11,405 --> 01:01:12,206
I'm sorry, Jack.
1504
01:01:12,239 --> 01:01:13,941
I just wanted to call and
confess
1505
01:01:13,974 --> 01:01:16,210
that we lied about those
kids with cancer earlier.
1506
01:01:16,243 --> 01:01:17,411
I mean, don't get me wrong.
1507
01:01:17,444 --> 01:01:20,481
They still have it, but all
the toys, they were stolen.
1508
01:01:20,515 --> 01:01:23,817
Great, then I'll come arrest
you then.
1509
01:01:27,021 --> 01:01:27,888
Did you just hang up on me?
1510
01:01:27,922 --> 01:01:28,722
I did.
1511
01:01:28,756 --> 01:01:31,425
I told you not to call this...
1512
01:01:34,061 --> 01:01:34,862
You do that again, I swear to
God,
1513
01:01:34,895 --> 01:01:35,829
I'll throw the book at you.
1514
01:01:35,863 --> 01:01:36,665
You hear me?
1515
01:01:36,697 --> 01:01:37,666
I triple dog dare you, Jack.
1516
01:01:37,698 --> 01:01:38,533
Hawk...
1517
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:40,734
You didn't say where, genius.
1518
01:01:40,768 --> 01:01:42,537
Oh, son of a bitch!
1519
01:01:44,138 --> 01:01:44,939
Just hit redial!
1520
01:01:44,972 --> 01:01:45,973
I don't have redial.
1521
01:01:46,006 --> 01:01:47,576
You just hit the same button.
1522
01:01:47,609 --> 01:01:49,176
Hold on.
1523
01:01:50,110 --> 01:01:51,845
Hawk, you are done, do you
hear me?
1524
01:01:51,879 --> 01:01:53,582
I'm going to own your ass,
mister!
1525
01:01:53,615 --> 01:01:56,150
I forgot to say I'll be at
the water filtration plant.
1526
01:01:56,183 --> 01:01:58,752
I am coming for you, you son
of...
1527
01:01:58,786 --> 01:01:59,588
He'll be there.
1528
01:02:27,448 --> 01:02:31,519
Usually, I get so hard
in a car full of people.
1529
01:02:32,419 --> 01:02:35,422
I mean, I'm usually up to fuck,
mmm,
1530
01:02:37,424 --> 01:02:38,325
so much.
1531
01:02:38,359 --> 01:02:39,594
But I'm scared.
1532
01:02:41,630 --> 01:02:42,396
I'm gonna be honest.
1533
01:02:42,429 --> 01:02:43,864
I'm scared, guys.
1534
01:02:44,733 --> 01:02:47,868
I mean, my dick can't
get hard when I'm scared
1535
01:02:47,901 --> 01:02:50,938
'cause Andros Junior doesn't
like fear.
1536
01:02:50,971 --> 01:02:52,406
He likes pussies.
1537
01:02:55,109 --> 01:02:57,579
I wonder what he's doing over
there.
1538
01:02:57,612 --> 01:03:00,481
He's probably talking on
the phone with his mommy.
1539
01:03:00,515 --> 01:03:03,784
I mean, what kind of loser
ass vampire lives in a garage?
1540
01:03:03,817 --> 01:03:05,853
Weren't you living in
your parents' backyard?
1541
01:03:05,886 --> 01:03:07,154
Yeah, so what?
1542
01:03:07,187 --> 01:03:09,323
So where are you living now,
Hawk?
1543
01:03:09,356 --> 01:03:12,359
Uh, in a tent in the
camp down by the gully.
1544
01:03:12,393 --> 01:03:13,595
What are you trying to say, Rev?
1545
01:03:13,628 --> 01:03:15,396
I'm pretty sure he's trying to
say
1546
01:03:15,429 --> 01:03:17,264
at least Jasper lives inside.
1547
01:03:17,298 --> 01:03:18,399
That's what I'm trying to say.
1548
01:03:18,432 --> 01:03:19,233
Yeah.
1549
01:03:19,266 --> 01:03:20,535
Oh, I see how it is.
1550
01:03:20,568 --> 01:03:21,670
You know what?
1551
01:03:21,703 --> 01:03:23,971
I don't need help, especially
from some girl writer,
1552
01:03:24,004 --> 01:03:25,640
and some lame old goth band,
1553
01:03:25,674 --> 01:03:29,678
and a sad loser traitor
I thought was my friend.
1554
01:03:39,019 --> 01:03:40,622
I really think we
should wait for the cops, Hawk.
1555
01:03:40,655 --> 01:03:42,590
Oh, yeah, and just let
that son of a bitch cop
1556
01:03:42,624 --> 01:03:44,992
with cool hair take all the
glory?
1557
01:03:45,025 --> 01:03:46,528
No freaking way.
1558
01:03:46,561 --> 01:03:48,095
And another thing, fiery fox.
1559
01:03:48,128 --> 01:03:49,564
If I survive this battle,
1560
01:03:49,597 --> 01:03:51,666
we're going on a proper date,
damn it,
1561
01:03:51,700 --> 01:03:53,867
not just another
one-night stand in my tent
1562
01:03:53,901 --> 01:03:56,070
down in that camp down by the
gully
1563
01:03:56,103 --> 01:03:59,273
next to that sad, sad snoring
accountant.
1564
01:03:59,306 --> 01:04:00,107
Terry.
1565
01:04:00,140 --> 01:04:00,941
I like Terry.
1566
01:04:00,974 --> 01:04:01,776
Yeah.
1567
01:04:01,810 --> 01:04:02,610
I mean, no.
1568
01:04:02,644 --> 01:04:04,044
I mean, we're going on a proper
date
1569
01:04:04,078 --> 01:04:06,447
to a place named after
a garden or something.
1570
01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:08,650
They, they may even prepare
a salad at the table.
1571
01:04:08,683 --> 01:04:12,687
I don't know, but we are
going, even if you did have
1572
01:04:12,721 --> 01:04:17,458
liberal arts, creepy, poly,
gothic group sex or whatever
1573
01:04:17,491 --> 01:04:19,761
with all or most of these
people.
1574
01:04:19,794 --> 01:04:22,262
Yeah, that's not what's going
on here.
1575
01:04:22,296 --> 01:04:23,097
Yeah.
1576
01:04:23,130 --> 01:04:26,133
Believe it or not, we're
monogamous.
1577
01:04:28,536 --> 01:04:30,204
It really bothers you, doesn't
it?
1578
01:04:30,237 --> 01:04:31,071
No!
1579
01:04:33,808 --> 01:04:36,143
I'm coming for you, vampire!
1580
01:04:37,612 --> 01:04:40,447
Wait, Hawk, you forgot your
net!
1581
01:04:42,983 --> 01:04:44,753
Is the child lock on the door?
1582
01:04:44,786 --> 01:04:46,053
I think it's...
1583
01:05:02,970 --> 01:05:03,904
I got it.
1584
01:05:04,972 --> 01:05:08,142
You let them in my room
without my permission.
1585
01:05:08,175 --> 01:05:10,645
I know it's technically the
garage.
1586
01:05:10,678 --> 01:05:12,413
That's not the point!
1587
01:05:13,380 --> 01:05:14,982
Jesus Christ, Rev.
1588
01:05:15,015 --> 01:05:18,152
You can't just sneak
up on people like that.
1589
01:05:18,185 --> 01:05:20,755
Sorry, but you forgot the...
1590
01:05:20,789 --> 01:05:21,623
Dang it!
1591
01:05:23,223 --> 01:05:24,057
Hawk.
1592
01:05:25,058 --> 01:05:26,193
Are you crying?
1593
01:05:28,328 --> 01:05:29,997
Hawk, this is huge!
1594
01:05:30,030 --> 01:05:33,267
Hawk, you're feeling something
other than homicidal rage.
1595
01:05:33,300 --> 01:05:34,769
Don't you make fun of me.
1596
01:05:34,803 --> 01:05:36,170
I'm not making fun of you.
1597
01:05:36,203 --> 01:05:36,970
You are.
1598
01:05:37,004 --> 01:05:37,806
No, I'm not.
1599
01:05:37,839 --> 01:05:38,640
You are.
1600
01:05:38,673 --> 01:05:39,473
I am not.
1601
01:05:39,507 --> 01:05:40,307
Are to!
1602
01:05:40,340 --> 01:05:41,175
No!
1603
01:05:42,710 --> 01:05:43,977
Are to.
1604
01:05:44,011 --> 01:05:45,279
Am not.
1605
01:05:45,312 --> 01:05:46,848
Should we be helping
them?
1606
01:05:46,881 --> 01:05:48,783
Dude, we're musicians.
1607
01:05:48,817 --> 01:05:50,518
We don't tussle with vampires.
1608
01:05:50,552 --> 01:05:52,119
Totally.
1609
01:05:52,152 --> 01:05:54,622
We could tussle with this.
1610
01:05:54,656 --> 01:05:55,857
God, you make me so angry!
1611
01:05:55,890 --> 01:05:57,458
You're not even a real
pacifist!
1612
01:05:57,491 --> 01:05:58,292
Yes, I am!
1613
01:05:58,325 --> 01:05:59,126
It's you!
1614
01:05:59,159 --> 01:06:01,261
You're so violent.
1615
01:06:01,295 --> 01:06:03,964
You make fun of my feelings!
1616
01:06:03,997 --> 01:06:05,032
I hate you.
1617
01:06:05,065 --> 01:06:07,602
You also let them take
my favorite vampire movie.
1618
01:06:07,635 --> 01:06:09,671
You know how much that means to
me.
1619
01:06:09,704 --> 01:06:12,339
Yes, I know there are better
movies,
1620
01:06:12,372 --> 01:06:13,440
but that's also not the point.
1621
01:06:13,474 --> 01:06:14,274
Yes, I am!
1622
01:06:14,308 --> 01:06:15,108
It's you!
1623
01:06:15,142 --> 01:06:17,077
You, you do this to me!
1624
01:06:22,517 --> 01:06:24,451
Mother, I have to go.
1625
01:06:28,890 --> 01:06:30,457
Forget something?
1626
01:06:32,292 --> 01:06:35,195
Also, where is the vampire?
1627
01:06:35,229 --> 01:06:36,029
I'm right here.
1628
01:06:38,800 --> 01:06:39,801
Oh, he's out.
1629
01:06:39,834 --> 01:06:41,201
I'm warning you, fang face.
1630
01:06:41,235 --> 01:06:42,737
I'm a 12-degree black belt.
1631
01:06:42,770 --> 01:06:44,639
I was army deep deep special
ops.
1632
01:06:44,672 --> 01:06:46,741
And I've battled your loser kind
before.
1633
01:06:46,774 --> 01:06:48,108
Yeah, and I...
1634
01:06:49,611 --> 01:06:51,946
I got this silver-plated net.
1635
01:06:51,980 --> 01:06:53,815
Now, you lay down
those fangs and surrender
1636
01:06:53,848 --> 01:06:56,316
or we're gonna be forced to get
physical.
1637
01:06:56,350 --> 01:06:57,552
Oh, I got that one.
1638
01:06:57,585 --> 01:06:58,586
I love that song,
1639
01:06:58,620 --> 01:07:00,788
- get physical.
- Oh, come on, Rev.
1640
01:07:00,822 --> 01:07:03,591
I am so gonna enjoy this.
1641
01:07:03,625 --> 01:07:05,325
Hey, guys.
1642
01:07:05,359 --> 01:07:07,729
Who's your friend with the cool
fangs?
1643
01:07:07,762 --> 01:07:09,062
Run, Terry!
1644
01:07:09,096 --> 01:07:09,998
What?
1645
01:07:10,030 --> 01:07:10,798
- He's a vampire!
- He's a vampire, Terry!
1646
01:07:10,832 --> 01:07:11,633
Run!
1647
01:07:11,666 --> 01:07:12,634
Vampire?
1648
01:07:12,667 --> 01:07:14,234
He's a
fucking, vampire, Terry!
1649
01:07:14,268 --> 01:07:15,068
Run!
1650
01:07:15,102 --> 01:07:15,937
Wait.
1651
01:07:16,804 --> 01:07:18,138
That's not cool.
1652
01:07:24,211 --> 01:07:25,880
Terry!
1653
01:07:25,914 --> 01:07:27,281
Not cool!
1654
01:07:27,314 --> 01:07:30,183
You get off him, you cannibal!
1655
01:07:30,217 --> 01:07:31,886
What are you gonna do, cry
about it?
1656
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:33,955
Like you did every night
in cell block nine?
1657
01:07:33,988 --> 01:07:36,858
You'd cry too if your
cellmate was a sexual predator.
1658
01:07:36,891 --> 01:07:37,692
Yeah!
1659
01:07:37,725 --> 01:07:38,526
- Wait, what?
- What, you're...
1660
01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:39,827
No one's asking either of you.
1661
01:07:39,861 --> 01:07:40,995
Come on, Hawk.
1662
01:07:41,029 --> 01:07:43,998
There's no need to get
all up in arms about it.
1663
01:07:49,236 --> 01:07:50,505
Catch!
1664
01:07:50,538 --> 01:07:51,639
Oh, God!
1665
01:07:52,707 --> 01:07:53,541
Oh!
1666
01:07:58,613 --> 01:07:59,614
Did he just rip that man's...
1667
01:07:59,647 --> 01:08:01,415
Arm off and throw it at 'em?
1668
01:08:01,448 --> 01:08:02,416
Not cool!
1669
01:08:02,449 --> 01:08:03,518
My arm!
1670
01:08:03,551 --> 01:08:05,385
You back away from
that homeless accountant,
1671
01:08:05,419 --> 01:08:06,821
you vicious vampire scum!
1672
01:08:06,854 --> 01:08:09,356
What's wrong with you,
you bloodsucking bastard!
1673
01:08:09,389 --> 01:08:10,959
Pick on someone your own size!
1674
01:08:10,992 --> 01:08:12,259
I'm sorry, guys.
1675
01:08:12,292 --> 01:08:14,494
Were you trying to get a leg up
on me?
1676
01:08:14,529 --> 01:08:15,630
Not my leg!
1677
01:08:15,663 --> 01:08:17,065
Not his leg!
1678
01:08:17,097 --> 01:08:18,231
Not the leg!
1679
01:08:29,409 --> 01:08:30,745
So much blood.
1680
01:08:45,292 --> 01:08:46,928
He's laughing at us, Rev!
1681
01:08:46,961 --> 01:08:47,862
Come on, man!
1682
01:08:47,895 --> 01:08:49,262
He won't stop throwing limbs
at me.
1683
01:08:49,296 --> 01:08:51,599
Guys, guys, guys.
1684
01:08:51,633 --> 01:08:53,133
No need to lose your head over
it.
1685
01:08:53,166 --> 01:08:53,968
Don't you even.
1686
01:08:54,002 --> 01:08:54,802
No!
1687
01:08:54,836 --> 01:08:55,803
Not the head!
1688
01:08:55,837 --> 01:08:56,638
- Please don't do that!
- No, don't.
1689
01:08:56,671 --> 01:08:57,471
Not that, no!
1690
01:08:57,505 --> 01:09:00,273
Any last words, accountant?
1691
01:09:00,307 --> 01:09:02,043
Tell my mom
1692
01:09:02,076 --> 01:09:05,145
that she can't write the
ferrets off on federal tax.
1693
01:09:05,178 --> 01:09:07,882
But maybe try state because they
can count
1694
01:09:07,915 --> 01:09:12,053
as companion animals, you
know, for emotional support.
1695
01:09:12,086 --> 01:09:13,588
Emotional support!
1696
01:09:15,990 --> 01:09:16,991
No!
1697
01:09:17,025 --> 01:09:18,026
No!
1698
01:09:20,193 --> 01:09:20,995
No!
1699
01:09:26,134 --> 01:09:27,200
No!
1700
01:09:42,850 --> 01:09:45,285
You're going down, Hawk.
1701
01:09:45,318 --> 01:09:47,454
This is the last time you do
this to me.
1702
01:09:47,487 --> 01:09:48,823
Now you're mine.
1703
01:09:50,290 --> 01:09:51,191
You know,
1704
01:09:52,392 --> 01:09:55,129
I used to be just like you guys.
1705
01:09:55,163 --> 01:09:56,363
I fought evil.
1706
01:09:56,396 --> 01:09:58,633
I defended the good and the
weak.
1707
01:09:58,666 --> 01:10:00,935
Hell, I even had 72 red baron
kills.
1708
01:10:00,968 --> 01:10:03,104
You're nothing like us,
vampire.
1709
01:10:03,137 --> 01:10:04,772
That is a shit ton of kills.
1710
01:10:04,806 --> 01:10:05,673
That is a lot of kills.
1711
01:10:05,707 --> 01:10:07,240
Yeah, you're like a mass
murderer.
1712
01:10:07,274 --> 01:10:08,810
They're blood suckers, Rev.
1713
01:10:08,843 --> 01:10:11,879
Yeah, anyway, you know what I
got
1714
01:10:11,913 --> 01:10:15,183
after defending Santa
Muerte for all those years,
1715
01:10:15,215 --> 01:10:18,086
after all that blood, sweat and
sacrifice?
1716
01:10:18,119 --> 01:10:19,587
I don't know, vampire.
1717
01:10:19,620 --> 01:10:22,924
A raging boner load of
your own satisfaction?
1718
01:10:22,957 --> 01:10:24,224
That's what I'd have.
1719
01:10:24,257 --> 01:10:25,526
I got nothing.
1720
01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:27,260
It was meaningless.
1721
01:10:27,294 --> 01:10:29,731
I was resigned to my mortal
fate,
1722
01:10:29,764 --> 01:10:31,833
until I got a call from a
nursing home
1723
01:10:31,866 --> 01:10:34,702
about some old drooling
Nosferatu.
1724
01:10:40,273 --> 01:10:41,576
Give up, you old demon!
1725
01:10:41,609 --> 01:10:42,710
Never!
1726
01:10:42,744 --> 01:10:44,679
Join me, human spawn.
1727
01:10:57,290 --> 01:11:00,393
And just like that, I was
immortal,
1728
01:11:01,361 --> 01:11:03,998
at the top of the food chain
officially.
1729
01:11:04,031 --> 01:11:06,934
And there's plenty of
room up here for you,
1730
01:11:06,968 --> 01:11:08,536
your boyfriend,
1731
01:11:08,569 --> 01:11:12,339
and his mentally challenged
janitor sidekick.
1732
01:11:13,273 --> 01:11:15,442
You should all just join me.
1733
01:11:15,475 --> 01:11:16,878
We could rule the world.
1734
01:11:16,911 --> 01:11:18,780
We'll never join you, vampire.
1735
01:11:18,813 --> 01:11:21,649
Also, Rev is not mentally
challenged.
1736
01:11:21,682 --> 01:11:24,417
He is a goddamn groundskeeping
engineer.
1737
01:11:24,451 --> 01:11:26,120
Thank you for remembering
that, Hawk.
1738
01:11:26,154 --> 01:11:29,090
Also, Hawk is not my
boyfriend.
1739
01:11:29,123 --> 01:11:30,191
Wait, what?
1740
01:11:30,224 --> 01:11:32,359
You're not my boyfriend, Hawk!
1741
01:11:32,392 --> 01:11:34,195
But we had all that sex.
1742
01:11:34,228 --> 01:11:35,930
I mean, you even let me do that
thing.
1743
01:11:35,963 --> 01:11:39,466
Yeah, she let me do that thing
too, man.
1744
01:11:41,135 --> 01:11:44,005
You slept with a vampire?
1745
01:11:44,038 --> 01:11:46,473
Dude, this is so boring.
1746
01:11:46,507 --> 01:11:49,376
I mean, other than that poor
man's limbs being ripped off.
1747
01:11:49,409 --> 01:11:51,344
Yeah, there was that.
1748
01:11:51,378 --> 01:11:52,980
I thought Hawk said he was a
black belt.
1749
01:11:53,014 --> 01:11:53,815
Come on.
1750
01:11:53,848 --> 01:11:56,150
He thought we were vampires.
1751
01:11:58,252 --> 01:11:59,754
Where the fuck did you get
popcorn?
1752
01:11:59,787 --> 01:12:00,955
Yeah.
1753
01:12:00,988 --> 01:12:02,089
When did you pop that?
1754
01:12:02,123 --> 01:12:03,124
How do you even get it in your
mouth?
1755
01:12:03,157 --> 01:12:05,358
I didn't open your zipper.
1756
01:12:05,392 --> 01:12:06,828
Oh, you're doing that yourself
now?
1757
01:12:13,835 --> 01:12:16,671
You're motherfucking mine.
1758
01:12:17,538 --> 01:12:18,338
Come on, Hawk.
1759
01:12:18,371 --> 01:12:19,507
I mean, you just gotta get past
1760
01:12:19,540 --> 01:12:23,778
your narrow-minded views of
monogamous relationships.
1761
01:12:23,811 --> 01:12:24,612
Yeah.
1762
01:12:24,645 --> 01:12:27,347
Seriously, dude, relax.
1763
01:12:27,380 --> 01:12:28,716
Hawk, join me.
1764
01:12:29,684 --> 01:12:31,853
You can have any man or woman
you want,
1765
01:12:31,886 --> 01:12:34,589
be or do anything you want.
1766
01:12:34,622 --> 01:12:35,823
And you never have to work
1767
01:12:35,857 --> 01:12:39,426
as a small town night
security guard again.
1768
01:12:40,828 --> 01:12:43,898
People might even take you
seriously.
1769
01:12:47,134 --> 01:12:48,302
I'm not gonna lie, guys.
1770
01:12:48,336 --> 01:12:50,304
This is sounding pretty good.
1771
01:12:50,338 --> 01:12:52,573
I mean, no one ever takes me
seriously.
1772
01:12:52,607 --> 01:12:55,142
- Yeah, they don't.
- They really don't.
1773
01:12:55,176 --> 01:12:56,110
At all.
1774
01:12:56,143 --> 01:12:58,279
I didn't think it was that
bad.
1775
01:12:58,312 --> 01:13:01,349
Look, I appreciate the offer,
vampire.
1776
01:13:01,381 --> 01:13:02,984
I really do.
1777
01:13:03,017 --> 01:13:06,287
But I'm already pretty
good at kicking asses.
1778
01:13:06,320 --> 01:13:10,658
And Theo here, I mean,
she's all the woman I need.
1779
01:13:10,691 --> 01:13:13,594
Also, I kinda like being a
small town night security guard
1780
01:13:13,628 --> 01:13:16,097
who's bad with women and
people don't take seriously.
1781
01:13:16,130 --> 01:13:18,232
It gives me the element of
surprise.
1782
01:13:18,266 --> 01:13:21,302
Also, I'm not a cannibal,
and I don't eat people.
1783
01:13:21,335 --> 01:13:22,169
That's the same thing.
1784
01:13:22,203 --> 01:13:23,137
You just said the same thing
twice.
1785
01:13:23,170 --> 01:13:23,971
That's the same.
1786
01:13:24,005 --> 01:13:25,373
Yeah, that's the same thing,
man.
1787
01:13:25,405 --> 01:13:26,207
You know what?
1788
01:13:26,240 --> 01:13:27,508
What-fucking-ever, vampire!
1789
01:13:27,541 --> 01:13:29,543
I'm done playing your
bloodsucking games!
1790
01:13:29,577 --> 01:13:30,378
Yeah.
1791
01:13:30,410 --> 01:13:31,345
Yeah.
1792
01:13:31,379 --> 01:13:32,313
Now, I'm gonna give you one
last chance
1793
01:13:32,346 --> 01:13:34,481
to lay down those fangs and
surrender.
1794
01:13:34,515 --> 01:13:37,484
Or mark my words as
Hawk-Hawk, vampire slayer,
1795
01:13:37,518 --> 01:13:39,987
savior and protector of Santa
Muerte...
1796
01:13:40,021 --> 01:13:40,988
Yeah.
1797
01:13:41,022 --> 01:13:42,489
I will drive a stake
right through that ass!
1798
01:13:42,523 --> 01:13:43,324
Yeah!
1799
01:13:43,357 --> 01:13:44,158
Or chest.
1800
01:13:44,191 --> 01:13:44,992
What?
1801
01:13:45,026 --> 01:13:46,627
You get the idea!
1802
01:13:49,230 --> 01:13:51,999
Damn it, I forgot my secret
stake.
1803
01:13:52,033 --> 01:13:54,368
If you trace your steps
back, maybe we can figure out.
1804
01:13:54,402 --> 01:13:56,003
You had it at the religious
supply store
1805
01:13:56,037 --> 01:13:57,271
- so maybe you left it...
- Rev, we get it!
1806
01:13:57,305 --> 01:13:58,438
I got this, okay?
1807
01:14:24,665 --> 01:14:25,566
Oh, yeah!
1808
01:14:28,302 --> 01:14:30,371
Holy shit, that's working!
1809
01:14:30,404 --> 01:14:33,341
Oh, vampires don't like Jesus.
1810
01:14:33,374 --> 01:14:35,475
Quick, Rev, get the
silver-plated net.
1811
01:14:35,509 --> 01:14:37,278
We're taking this one alive.
1812
01:14:37,311 --> 01:14:38,679
Right behind you.
1813
01:14:38,713 --> 01:14:39,547
Catch!
1814
01:14:41,449 --> 01:14:44,652
In the name of the father, the
son
1815
01:14:44,685 --> 01:14:47,188
and the motherfucking holy
ghost!
1816
01:14:47,221 --> 01:14:48,222
And Jesus!
1817
01:14:49,423 --> 01:14:50,490
One.
1818
01:14:50,524 --> 01:14:51,592
Two.
1819
01:14:51,625 --> 01:14:52,460
Three!
1820
01:14:55,563 --> 01:14:56,397
Yeah!
1821
01:15:05,539 --> 01:15:07,675
Don't you hiss at my woman, fang
face.
1822
01:15:07,708 --> 01:15:09,076
Easy, Hawk.
1823
01:15:09,110 --> 01:15:11,045
Yeah, I can take care
of myself, thank you.
1824
01:15:11,078 --> 01:15:12,213
Oh, yeah, sorry.
1825
01:15:12,246 --> 01:15:13,280
I forgot.
1826
01:15:13,314 --> 01:15:16,784
Hawk, you know, I'm
just so proud of you.
1827
01:15:16,817 --> 01:15:17,752
I really am.
1828
01:15:17,785 --> 01:15:19,220
I think you've done a wonderful
job.
1829
01:15:19,253 --> 01:15:20,621
Oh, thanks, Rev.
1830
01:15:20,654 --> 01:15:21,555
You know what?
1831
01:15:21,589 --> 01:15:23,824
I think you can wear one of my
vests now.
1832
01:15:23,858 --> 01:15:24,658
You earned it.
1833
01:15:24,692 --> 01:15:25,659
Really?
1834
01:15:25,693 --> 01:15:28,662
I've always wanted to
wear one of your vests.
1835
01:15:28,696 --> 01:15:30,231
Theo, what do you think?
1836
01:15:30,264 --> 01:15:31,832
Okay, Hawk, I'll write about
you.
1837
01:15:31,866 --> 01:15:34,335
And I will consider being your
girlfriend.
1838
01:15:34,368 --> 01:15:36,437
No, no, I mean about
wearing one of my vests.
1839
01:15:36,470 --> 01:15:37,271
Oh, my God.
1840
01:15:37,304 --> 01:15:38,105
I'll think about it.
1841
01:15:38,139 --> 01:15:39,040
Oh no.
1842
01:15:39,073 --> 01:15:39,874
What?
1843
01:15:39,907 --> 01:15:41,709
Oh, a nick,
1844
01:15:41,742 --> 01:15:44,345
or a bite, a bite from a...
1845
01:15:45,946 --> 01:15:47,381
The vampire nicked me!
1846
01:15:47,415 --> 01:15:48,249
I'm gonna be a blood sucking,
1847
01:15:48,282 --> 01:15:49,984
no, I'm gonna be a bloodsucking
vampire!
1848
01:15:50,017 --> 01:15:50,851
Stop that!
1849
01:15:51,752 --> 01:15:52,720
Just get away!
1850
01:15:55,122 --> 01:15:56,190
Get that away from me!
1851
01:15:56,223 --> 01:15:57,024
Get the hell back!
1852
01:15:57,058 --> 01:15:59,528
I'm a bloodsucking vampire!
1853
01:15:59,593 --> 01:16:00,394
Oh no!
1854
01:16:02,163 --> 01:16:02,997
Oh God!
1855
01:16:04,298 --> 01:16:05,833
Jesus Christ.
1856
01:16:05,866 --> 01:16:07,501
Oh God.
1857
01:16:07,536 --> 01:16:09,203
Hey, Jack.
1858
01:16:09,236 --> 01:16:11,506
We finally caught ourselves a
vampire.
1859
01:16:11,540 --> 01:16:12,573
This is Deputy Jack Scroggins.
1860
01:16:12,606 --> 01:16:13,674
I'm gonna need some help up here
1861
01:16:13,707 --> 01:16:15,476
on the road to Santa Muerte
water filtration plant.
1862
01:16:15,510 --> 01:16:17,144
Somebody get my stepmom!
1863
01:16:17,178 --> 01:16:18,012
Oh my God!
1864
01:16:19,013 --> 01:16:21,315
Also, he may turn into one,
so.
1865
01:16:21,348 --> 01:16:22,249
I'm a future killer.
1866
01:16:22,283 --> 01:16:23,184
I'm a future killer.
1867
01:16:23,217 --> 01:16:24,251
I'm gonna kill people in the
future.
1868
01:16:24,285 --> 01:16:25,719
Make that a lot of help.
1869
01:16:25,753 --> 01:16:26,555
You did it!
1870
01:16:26,587 --> 01:16:27,488
You did it!
1871
01:16:31,158 --> 01:16:31,959
Oh God!
1872
01:16:31,992 --> 01:16:34,261
Can we get a bandaid?
1873
01:16:34,295 --> 01:16:36,263
Horrible timing.
1874
01:16:36,297 --> 01:16:37,131
Oh God!
1875
01:16:39,033 --> 01:16:43,270
♪ You have my word as the
air earth has the sun ♪
1876
01:16:43,304 --> 01:16:45,906
♪ As the water has the rock ♪
1877
01:16:45,940 --> 01:16:50,077
♪ There is no question, there
are none ♪
1878
01:16:50,111 --> 01:16:54,448
♪ You have my word as the
branches have the sky ♪
1879
01:16:54,482 --> 01:16:57,218
♪ As these lungs take the air ♪
1880
01:16:57,251 --> 01:17:00,154
♪ There is no question of why ♪
1881
01:17:00,187 --> 01:17:05,192
♪ My word is good ♪
1882
01:17:05,626 --> 01:17:10,631
♪ My word is law ♪
1883
01:17:12,032 --> 01:17:14,603
♪ My baby, my baby ♪
1884
01:17:14,635 --> 01:17:16,437
Dear
Hawk, we're so happy
1885
01:17:16,470 --> 01:17:18,607
you're feeling well
enough to go back to work.
1886
01:17:18,639 --> 01:17:20,575
Maybe you'll finally move out of
the yard,
1887
01:17:20,609 --> 01:17:22,710
or better yet, back into the
house.
1888
01:17:22,743 --> 01:17:24,245
Love, mom and dad.
1889
01:17:25,713 --> 01:17:28,482
♪ Their faces here, they glow ♪
1890
01:17:28,517 --> 01:17:30,184
♪ Girl, you're welcome here ♪
1891
01:17:30,217 --> 01:17:33,954
♪ It's more than you know ♪
1892
01:17:35,222 --> 01:17:39,426
♪ You have my word as
the earth has the sun ♪
1893
01:17:39,460 --> 01:17:42,496
♪ As the water has the rock ♪
1894
01:17:42,531 --> 01:17:46,300
♪ There is no question, there
are none ♪
1895
01:17:46,333 --> 01:17:47,301
♪ You have my word ♪
1896
01:17:47,334 --> 01:17:48,570
Yeah.
1897
01:17:48,603 --> 01:17:50,905
Yeah, that's good, Hawk.
1898
01:17:50,938 --> 01:17:52,339
I'm proud of you.
1899
01:17:54,041 --> 01:17:55,577
You just take it easy there,
vampire.
1900
01:17:55,610 --> 01:17:56,810
I got my eye on you.
1901
01:17:56,844 --> 01:17:58,779
I'm not a vampire, silly.
1902
01:17:58,812 --> 01:18:00,582
How could I exist in the sun?
1903
01:18:00,615 --> 01:18:01,583
I don't know.
1904
01:18:01,616 --> 01:18:03,552
Maybe your clean vegan
lifestyle has turned you
1905
01:18:03,585 --> 01:18:06,987
into a vegan super vampire
who's impervious to the sun.
1906
01:18:07,021 --> 01:18:09,957
Well, I'm not craving
human blood or anything
1907
01:18:09,990 --> 01:18:11,593
or any type of blood.
1908
01:18:11,626 --> 01:18:13,360
And I'm not thinking about
murder.
1909
01:18:13,394 --> 01:18:14,261
Well, that's good.
1910
01:18:14,295 --> 01:18:15,729
But if you try anything...
1911
01:18:15,763 --> 01:18:16,565
I won't.
1912
01:18:16,598 --> 01:18:18,432
Yeah, but if you do.
1913
01:18:21,468 --> 01:18:22,436
Dang it, Hawk.
1914
01:18:22,469 --> 01:18:25,072
I thought we agreed, no
secret stake at tai chi.
1915
01:18:25,105 --> 01:18:25,906
We did.
1916
01:18:25,940 --> 01:18:26,707
But you still brought it.
1917
01:18:26,740 --> 01:18:27,542
I know.
1918
01:18:27,576 --> 01:18:28,943
It's a gift.
1919
01:18:28,976 --> 01:18:30,144
It's for you.
1920
01:18:30,177 --> 01:18:31,011
For me?
1921
01:18:32,346 --> 01:18:34,415
Hawk, you son of a bitch.
1922
01:18:40,154 --> 01:18:42,389
What's the matter, old boy?
1923
01:18:44,124 --> 01:18:45,292
You vampire!
1924
01:18:46,860 --> 01:18:47,696
You!
1925
01:18:50,699 --> 01:18:51,700
Damn it.
1926
01:18:51,732 --> 01:18:53,934
My own secret stake.
1927
01:18:53,968 --> 01:18:55,836
Yeah, so this way,
you know, if you turn,
1928
01:18:55,869 --> 01:18:56,904
you can just stake yourself
1929
01:18:56,937 --> 01:19:01,008
so I don't have to live
with the guilt of it all.
1930
01:19:12,554 --> 01:19:13,887
You're welcome.
1931
01:19:13,921 --> 01:19:14,723
I'm sorry.
1932
01:19:14,755 --> 01:19:15,557
For what?
1933
01:19:15,590 --> 01:19:16,658
For saving Santa Muerte
1934
01:19:16,691 --> 01:19:18,926
from bloodsucking vampires.
1935
01:19:20,662 --> 01:19:22,429
I'm just glad everything's
settled down.
1936
01:19:22,463 --> 01:19:24,765
Well, either way, I'll still
be here
1937
01:19:24,798 --> 01:19:26,601
carting this empty building.
1938
01:19:26,635 --> 01:19:27,569
And you'll be on time.
1939
01:19:27,602 --> 01:19:28,603
Jesus Christ, Arnold.
1940
01:19:28,637 --> 01:19:29,738
Give me a damn break.
1941
01:19:29,770 --> 01:19:30,838
I'll give you a break, Hawk,
1942
01:19:30,871 --> 01:19:32,607
when you stop attacking my
religion.
1943
01:19:32,641 --> 01:19:35,276
Well, we'll call it a Mexican
standoff.
1944
01:19:35,309 --> 01:19:36,678
Speaking of breaks, I
think it's about time
1945
01:19:36,711 --> 01:19:37,746
for me to take mine.
1946
01:19:37,778 --> 01:19:38,713
You just clocked in.
1947
01:19:38,747 --> 01:19:40,314
Take it up with the damn
liberals.
1948
01:20:00,501 --> 01:20:02,836
Hey, what's up, guys?
1949
01:20:02,870 --> 01:20:03,705
I'm back.
1950
01:20:05,039 --> 01:20:06,440
How was your gig?
1951
01:20:11,011 --> 01:20:12,346
Fucking mummies!
1952
01:20:13,213 --> 01:20:16,850
♪ Hawk and Rev doing anything ♪
1953
01:20:16,884 --> 01:20:20,854
♪ Saving the world, keeping
everything ♪
1954
01:20:20,888 --> 01:20:24,759
♪ Safe for you when you sleep at
night ♪
1955
01:20:24,793 --> 01:20:28,929
♪ They'll be asleep just by our
side ♪
1956
01:20:28,962 --> 01:20:32,767
♪ Hawk and Rev saving the day ♪
1957
01:20:32,801 --> 01:20:36,738
♪ Fighting vampires, chasing
them away ♪
1958
01:20:36,771 --> 01:20:40,709
♪ Don't have to be tough,
don't have to be strong ♪
1959
01:20:40,742 --> 01:20:45,814
♪ Just hold my hand when
the night's been long ♪
1960
01:20:45,846 --> 01:20:48,949
♪ Oh, don't you fret my dear ♪
1961
01:20:48,982 --> 01:20:52,386
♪ He's gonna make it all right
out here ♪
1962
01:20:52,419 --> 01:20:57,424
♪ Santa Muerte's got
themselves some new heroes ♪
1963
01:21:02,496 --> 01:21:03,997
So you're
doing that yourself, now?
1964
01:21:04,031 --> 01:21:05,265
Take off the mask, Forneus.
1965
01:21:05,299 --> 01:21:07,368
Seriously, take it off.
1966
01:21:08,302 --> 01:21:11,338
♪ Hawk and Rev ♪
1967
01:21:11,372 --> 01:21:12,707
Hawk, what the hell are you
doing?
1968
01:21:12,741 --> 01:21:14,308
You're wearing Forneus's gimp
mask.
1969
01:21:14,341 --> 01:21:15,710
I'm sorry, guys.
1970
01:21:15,744 --> 01:21:20,548
It's just that I get really
lonely down at hobo camp.
1971
01:21:20,582 --> 01:21:24,686
Just everyone always leaves me,
like Theo.
1972
01:21:24,719 --> 01:21:27,187
I'm just trying to fit in.
1973
01:21:27,221 --> 01:21:28,590
What?
1974
01:21:28,623 --> 01:21:30,592
You know what, if you guys
aren't gonna accept me,
1975
01:21:30,625 --> 01:21:33,026
then I'll just, I'll just go!
1976
01:21:33,961 --> 01:21:34,763
Wow.
1977
01:21:35,996 --> 01:21:37,231
Can you leave the popcorn at
least?
1978
01:21:37,264 --> 01:21:38,265
Fine!
1979
01:21:38,298 --> 01:21:40,200
I have the munchies, drama
queen.
1980
01:21:40,234 --> 01:21:42,269
Seriously though.
1981
01:21:42,302 --> 01:21:44,071
What's his problem?
1982
01:21:44,104 --> 01:21:45,072
Drama.
1983
01:21:45,105 --> 01:21:46,206
Yeah.
1984
01:21:46,240 --> 01:21:47,307
Wait.
1985
01:21:47,341 --> 01:21:50,779
Where is
Forneus?
1986
01:21:50,812 --> 01:21:52,079
Rev, what
the hell are you doing?
1987
01:21:52,112 --> 01:21:54,014
Why are you wearing
Forneus's gimp mask, Rev?
1988
01:21:54,047 --> 01:21:55,449
Geeze louise, guys.
1989
01:21:55,482 --> 01:21:56,785
You have to get over
your narrow-minded view
1990
01:21:56,818 --> 01:21:58,720
of slave/domination.
1991
01:21:58,753 --> 01:22:00,921
I mean, it is 2030, right?
1992
01:22:02,122 --> 01:22:03,323
It is?
1993
01:22:03,357 --> 01:22:07,961
Yeah, it takes a really long
time to make an indie film.
1994
01:22:07,995 --> 01:22:09,430
Yeah, I guess he's right.
1995
01:22:09,463 --> 01:22:11,198
Oh, wait, popcorn!
1996
01:22:11,231 --> 01:22:12,032
Okay.
1997
01:22:12,065 --> 01:22:13,802
It's soy milk flavored.
1998
01:22:13,835 --> 01:22:15,302
Hmm.
1999
01:22:15,335 --> 01:22:16,270
I like soy milk.
2000
01:22:16,303 --> 01:22:18,740
Oh, God, that's disgusting!
2001
01:22:22,610 --> 01:22:23,611
Hey, guys.
2002
01:22:23,645 --> 01:22:24,779
Terry, what the hell are you
doing?
2003
01:22:24,813 --> 01:22:27,047
Why are you wearing
Forneus's gimp mask, Terry?
2004
01:22:27,080 --> 01:22:28,248
Oh, that.
2005
01:22:28,282 --> 01:22:30,250
I'm just trying to get away from
my mom.
2006
01:22:30,284 --> 01:22:31,452
She keeps trying to make me do
2007
01:22:31,485 --> 01:22:33,555
weird deductions with her taxes,
2008
01:22:33,588 --> 01:22:36,558
you know, ferrets, and
barrels of toxic waste,
2009
01:22:36,591 --> 01:22:39,727
and a life-sized blow-up
doll of my stepdad.
2010
01:22:39,761 --> 01:22:40,895
Gross.
2011
01:22:40,929 --> 01:22:42,597
But we just saw
you get ripped to shreds.
2012
01:22:42,630 --> 01:22:44,699
By a blood-thirsty vampire.
2013
01:22:44,732 --> 01:22:45,767
I know.
2014
01:22:45,800 --> 01:22:49,671
It's weird how life works
out sometimes, right?
2015
01:22:52,406 --> 01:22:53,675
Who the hell are you?
2016
01:22:53,708 --> 01:22:57,010
Yeah, and why are you
wearing Forneus's gimp mask?
2017
01:22:57,044 --> 01:22:57,846
I'm Sean.
2018
01:22:57,879 --> 01:22:59,012
I'm the cinematographer.
2019
01:22:59,046 --> 01:23:00,548
You know, with these low-budget
movies,
2020
01:23:00,582 --> 01:23:02,650
you know, not enough
budget for other actors.
2021
01:23:02,684 --> 01:23:04,151
Okay, sure.
2022
01:23:04,184 --> 01:23:05,085
But then who's...
2023
01:23:05,118 --> 01:23:08,188
Yeah, who's filming us right
now?
2024
01:23:08,222 --> 01:23:11,492
That's a good question,
actually.
2025
01:23:11,526 --> 01:23:13,360
Hasta la vista, baby.
2026
01:23:13,393 --> 01:23:14,529
It's Terminator.
2027
01:23:14,562 --> 01:23:15,530
Right.
2028
01:23:15,563 --> 01:23:16,965
This is the one where
he goes back to the past
2029
01:23:16,997 --> 01:23:18,232
to kill, right?
2030
01:23:19,299 --> 01:23:20,702
I never saw it.
2031
01:23:21,703 --> 01:23:24,238
Hey, this is a
really nice shot, vampire.
2032
01:23:24,271 --> 01:23:27,040
Yeah, looking good, vampire
brother.
2033
01:23:27,074 --> 01:23:28,308
Whoa, whoa.
2034
01:23:28,342 --> 01:23:30,077
Rev, you can't say that.
2035
01:23:30,110 --> 01:23:31,144
He's the director.
2036
01:23:31,178 --> 01:23:32,614
Plus that's not cool.
2037
01:23:32,647 --> 01:23:34,147
Yeah, but I'm also half
vampire now,
2038
01:23:34,181 --> 01:23:37,351
so I can say things like that,
right?
2039
01:23:37,384 --> 01:23:41,856
I'll always think of you as
a half human hippie janitor.
2040
01:23:41,890 --> 01:23:43,457
Well, first off, I'm not a
janitor.
2041
01:23:43,490 --> 01:23:45,259
I'm a groundskeeping engineer.
2042
01:23:45,292 --> 01:23:48,195
And apparently, I'm an actor,
so.
2043
01:23:48,228 --> 01:23:49,029
I looked at your eye again.
2044
01:23:49,062 --> 01:23:49,864
I'm sorry.
2045
01:23:49,898 --> 01:23:50,698
I can't help it.
2046
01:23:53,345 --> 01:23:58,345
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