All language subtitles for Hawk.and.Rev.Vampire.Slayers.2021.

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian Download
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese Download
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,216 --> 00:00:11,216 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 2 00:00:45,947 --> 00:00:49,751 Yeah, of course we're still exclusive, Tiff. 3 00:00:51,019 --> 00:00:52,219 Oh, don't listen to Chelsea. 4 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:54,421 Chelsea asked me before I even knew we were 5 00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:56,490 so it's like, I don't know what to tell her. 6 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:00,728 Hey, hold on. 7 00:01:03,031 --> 00:01:03,865 Hello? 8 00:01:07,936 --> 00:01:09,369 Hey, who's there? 9 00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:14,341 Hey, whoever you are, show yourself. 10 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,951 That's what I thought, some pussy ass kids or something. 11 00:01:22,984 --> 00:01:26,854 No, of course I'm not gonna bone her, okay? 12 00:01:26,888 --> 00:01:29,256 You know, she smells like a rotten pumpkin. 13 00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:30,123 Chelsea? 14 00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:31,659 She looks like Don Knotts. 15 00:01:31,693 --> 00:01:32,527 Gross! 16 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:34,662 Whoa! 17 00:01:34,696 --> 00:01:35,697 Yo, yo, bro. 18 00:01:36,965 --> 00:01:41,101 I'm a real deal legit MMA champ around here. 19 00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:44,939 You're tangling with the fucking king, bruh. 20 00:01:44,973 --> 00:01:46,841 Oh, that's how it's gonna be? 21 00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:50,044 This motherfucker wants to step to me? 22 00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:54,414 Tiff, I'm gonna have to call you back. 23 00:01:58,753 --> 00:01:59,954 Hello? 24 00:01:59,988 --> 00:02:01,488 Thad? 25 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:02,957 Hello? 26 00:02:02,991 --> 00:02:03,858 Whatever. 27 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,126 I better not catch you fucking Chelsea. 28 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:09,097 You are so disgusting. 29 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,464 Fuck off! 30 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:14,102 ♪ Hawk and Rev save another day ♪ 31 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,739 ♪ Fighting vampires, chasing them away ♪ 32 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:52,172 ♪ Step up, step up ♪ 33 00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:06,788 Not cool, guys! 34 00:03:06,821 --> 00:03:07,655 Not cool! 35 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:11,959 Come on, seriously? 36 00:03:11,993 --> 00:03:13,995 ♪ Baby, my baby ♪ 37 00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:14,862 Mom! 38 00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:17,832 Dad? 39 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,299 Hello? 40 00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:20,134 Hey! 41 00:03:20,168 --> 00:03:22,603 Come on, you little bitch. 42 00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:25,372 ♪ From the inside to the outside ♪ 43 00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,875 ♪ The beast is getting low ♪ 44 00:03:27,909 --> 00:03:29,577 ♪ Girl, you're welcome here ♪ 45 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:34,481 ♪ It's more than you know ♪ 46 00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,651 ♪ You have my word ♪ 47 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:37,518 Crap. 48 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:40,822 Son of a bitch! 49 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,025 Fuck! 50 00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:45,760 Huh, nice try, assholes. 51 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:49,864 ♪ You have my word as the branches have the sky ♪ 52 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,667 ♪ As these lungs take the air ♪ 53 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:55,536 ♪ There is no question of why ♪ 54 00:03:55,570 --> 00:04:00,575 ♪ My word is good ♪ 55 00:04:00,842 --> 00:04:03,611 ♪ My word is law ♪ 56 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,413 Dear Hawk, when we asked you 57 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,015 to move out six months ago, 58 00:04:08,049 --> 00:04:10,317 we did not mean into the backyard. 59 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:12,352 Your hobo camp is killing the grass 60 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,188 and the neighbors complained to the city 61 00:04:14,222 --> 00:04:15,623 about the smell again. 62 00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:18,793 Also, if you're reading this, you broke in. 63 00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:21,428 But this time, the alarm was on, wasn't it? 64 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:22,897 That's right. 65 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,364 The police are on their way 66 00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:27,135 and you're no longer authorized to be on the property. 67 00:04:27,168 --> 00:04:30,270 Again, this does not mean we don't love you, son. 68 00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:32,607 It just means it's time to leave the nest. 69 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,442 All the best, mom and dad. 70 00:04:54,262 --> 00:04:55,096 Oh! 71 00:04:57,999 --> 00:05:03,004 You get back here, you son of a bitch! 72 00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:31,331 Sorry I'm late. 73 00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:32,567 This rabid soccer mom 74 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,503 just tried to murder me with her minivan. 75 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:36,469 You wanna talk about it? 76 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:37,305 No! 77 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,739 I want her to die. 78 00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:39,807 That's good. 79 00:05:39,841 --> 00:05:40,875 Get the anger out. 80 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,009 Fine. 81 00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:45,279 I want her little shiny minivan to explode into flames 82 00:05:45,313 --> 00:05:48,082 and her whole un-American soccer-playing family 83 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,251 to roast alive and crackle! 84 00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:51,185 Okay, I get it. 85 00:05:51,219 --> 00:05:53,120 We all have our inner battles to fight. 86 00:05:53,154 --> 00:05:53,955 Why don't you join in? 87 00:05:53,988 --> 00:05:55,189 It might make you feel better. 88 00:05:55,223 --> 00:05:56,891 What, do I just... 89 00:05:58,326 --> 00:05:59,594 Yeah, like that. 90 00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:01,229 Just like... 91 00:06:01,262 --> 00:06:02,096 Yeah. 92 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,464 Yeah, focus on your breathing. 93 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:05,498 That's good. 94 00:06:07,001 --> 00:06:08,836 Just like that. 95 00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:10,204 Wow. 96 00:06:10,238 --> 00:06:11,739 That's good, Hawk. 97 00:06:12,874 --> 00:06:14,609 How does this help us kick ass again? 98 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:15,442 It doesn't. 99 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:17,111 I'm a vegan pacifist, remember? 100 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,680 What, are we supposed to keep doing it? 101 00:06:19,714 --> 00:06:21,816 Yes, until you come to terms with your anger 102 00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:22,884 and you can manage it. 103 00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:23,885 Yeah, well, that could be a while. 104 00:06:23,918 --> 00:06:26,354 My asshole parents just kicked me out again. 105 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,221 I thought you were out. 106 00:06:27,255 --> 00:06:28,956 I was out, 107 00:06:28,990 --> 00:06:30,024 in the yard. 108 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,727 Now they want me out out, like off the property. 109 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,161 Well, it is about time, right? 110 00:06:34,195 --> 00:06:35,963 Who's freaking side are you on here? 111 00:06:35,997 --> 00:06:36,864 That's good, Hawk. 112 00:06:36,898 --> 00:06:37,698 Go for it. 113 00:06:37,732 --> 00:06:38,933 Express how you really feel. 114 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:39,767 Fine! 115 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:40,601 I want them to die, Rev. 116 00:06:40,635 --> 00:06:42,670 I want them all to die, every one! 117 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,338 I want everyone to die! 118 00:06:44,372 --> 00:06:48,276 Death, dismember, dead, murder! 119 00:06:48,309 --> 00:06:49,610 Okay. 120 00:06:49,644 --> 00:06:51,478 We might be here a while. 121 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,915 In other news tonight, local MMA champ, 122 00:06:53,948 --> 00:06:56,784 Thadwick Dunfrey was found dead earlier today. 123 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,886 Police claim it's an isolated incident 124 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,522 with no connection to all the other recent... 125 00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:02,356 I'm sorry. 126 00:07:02,390 --> 00:07:03,291 Where was I? 127 00:07:03,324 --> 00:07:04,825 You were explaining why you were late 128 00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:05,660 again. 129 00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:06,493 Jesus Christ! 130 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:07,595 What's the big deal? 131 00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,397 It's an empty goddamn building for Christ's sakes. 132 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,133 First of all, please stop using the Lord's name in vain. 133 00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:14,669 And second, your shift starts at seven, Hawk. 134 00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:17,805 And every time you're late, you really... 135 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:18,639 You screw me. 136 00:07:18,673 --> 00:07:19,472 Oh, don't worry. 137 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:20,308 I won't tell your wives. 138 00:07:20,341 --> 00:07:21,742 I mean, this has got to stop. 139 00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:22,576 I got it. 140 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:23,577 I'm sorry. 141 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,913 My asshole prick parents finally kicked me out. 142 00:07:25,947 --> 00:07:27,415 It's been kind of a rough day. 143 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,516 Look on the bright side. 144 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,318 I mean, at least you can finally get your own place. 145 00:07:30,351 --> 00:07:31,218 Yeah, right. 146 00:07:31,252 --> 00:07:32,787 I could barely even get this shit job 147 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:36,257 after Uncle Sam boned me on that whole assault BS. 148 00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:39,126 Well, you did stab a fellow soldier with a two by four. 149 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,028 Prepare to face your death, Dirkman. 150 00:07:41,062 --> 00:07:43,764 Never, human scum! 151 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,543 Take that, you undead piece of garbage. 152 00:07:57,011 --> 00:07:59,847 Shit, I guess I'm going to prison. 153 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,516 He was a bloodsucking, allergic to the sun, 154 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,585 filthy ass vampire, Arnold, 155 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:07,321 and I would stab him a thousand more times if I could. 156 00:08:07,355 --> 00:08:09,657 You do realize vampires don't exist, right? 157 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,758 If they don't exist, 158 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,860 why the hell did I stab that man with a two by four? 159 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,595 'Cause you're a paranoid schizophrenic 160 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:15,830 who better be taking his meds 161 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,598 or his PO is gonna be getting a call. 162 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,432 All right, all right. 163 00:08:18,466 --> 00:08:19,266 Jesus! 164 00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:20,968 No need for threats. 165 00:08:26,374 --> 00:08:29,643 Hey, you mind if I leave some of my stuff? 166 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:30,911 Absolutely not. 167 00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,246 And in lieu of your tardiness, 168 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,115 I'm gonna need you to drop some breaks tonight. 169 00:08:34,148 --> 00:08:36,650 My breaks are legally mandated by the federal government. 170 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:37,918 And if you've got a problem with that, 171 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,687 you take it up with the damn liberals. 172 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:40,955 I thought you were an anarchist. 173 00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:42,523 Not when it comes to my breaks. 174 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:47,561 ♪ And if we don't need to fight to survive ♪ 175 00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:56,370 ♪ Just surrender the fight ♪ 176 00:08:57,405 --> 00:09:02,410 ♪ If we don't need to see all that is wrong ♪ 177 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:07,615 ♪ Then just I do ♪ 178 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,718 ♪ The boys are right ♪ 179 00:09:29,470 --> 00:09:30,471 Holy shit! 180 00:09:33,808 --> 00:09:35,776 I feel like we really sank our teeth into them. 181 00:09:35,810 --> 00:09:37,912 I can still taste the blood. 182 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:40,314 Mother effin' vampires. 183 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,083 This way, Forneus. 184 00:09:42,116 --> 00:09:44,218 Say cheese, fang faces. 185 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,354 What was that? 186 00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:48,456 Oh, shit! 187 00:09:48,489 --> 00:09:50,559 It came from over here. 188 00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:01,402 Must have just been a headlight or something. 189 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,703 All right. 190 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:03,971 Let's get this little guy inside. 191 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,606 I'm famished. 192 00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,041 Come on, Forneus. 193 00:10:09,477 --> 00:10:10,945 Hey, it's Hawk. 194 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,947 Either they're filming another remake of Lost Boys 195 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,983 or I just saw some filthy ass vampires. 196 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,084 Office, ASAP. 197 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,662 You did not office ASAP. 198 00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:29,663 I was on the bus. 199 00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:32,333 But I called and told you I saw vampires, 200 00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:34,536 like straight out of Lost Boys. 201 00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:36,737 Again, I was on the bus. 202 00:10:39,273 --> 00:10:40,341 Is that porn? 203 00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:41,842 No, it's public domain. 204 00:10:41,876 --> 00:10:42,877 It's porn. 205 00:10:44,145 --> 00:10:46,280 It's nonxploitation, actually. 206 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,381 Non? 207 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,316 You know what, Hawk, never mind. 208 00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:50,918 What is it that I'm doing here? 209 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:51,785 I mean, this isn't like the first time 210 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,154 that this has happened before. 211 00:10:53,187 --> 00:10:55,890 Actually, Rev, it's very, very different. 212 00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:56,724 How so? 213 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:57,791 Well, for one, 214 00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,895 they had one of those guys in a leather mask deal. 215 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:01,862 Like a gimp? 216 00:11:01,896 --> 00:11:04,431 Yeah, on a leash, and they went into 201. 217 00:11:04,465 --> 00:11:05,567 201's vacant. 218 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:06,967 Not anymore it's not. 219 00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,369 It's filled with a bunch of these guys 220 00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:12,139 and their beady black eyes and bloody mouths. 221 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:17,912 I thought you couldn't take pictures of vampires. 222 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:20,881 So I don't understand. 223 00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:22,116 They don't give you a key? 224 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,050 It isn't in the contract. 225 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,752 They didn't give me healthcare either. 226 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:25,587 So you're just supposed to guard 227 00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:26,720 the outside of the building? 228 00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:27,721 Yeah. 229 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,023 I guess whatever they do behind closed doors 230 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,057 is their business. 231 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:30,891 What about you? 232 00:11:30,925 --> 00:11:31,959 You're the janitor. 233 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:32,927 Don't you get a key? 234 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,930 Actually, I'm the groundskeeper, so. 235 00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:36,764 Whatever. 236 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:37,731 Is that an actual lock pick? 237 00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:38,699 Negative. 238 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,901 It's my mini Swiss army. 239 00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:42,604 What? 240 00:11:42,637 --> 00:11:43,404 It's good enough for the Swiss army, 241 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:44,573 it's good enough for me. 242 00:11:44,606 --> 00:11:46,073 All right, I need to get back to work. 243 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,610 That dog poop is not gonna clean itself. 244 00:11:48,643 --> 00:11:50,978 Ooh, Rev, look at this. 245 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,213 Hawk, no, no, no. 246 00:11:52,246 --> 00:11:53,747 That's, that's oil. 247 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,749 Oh, that's oil. 248 00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:58,319 That comes from cars. 249 00:11:58,352 --> 00:12:00,721 I'm gonna, I'm gonna go. 250 00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:04,892 I swear to God, Rev, on my mother's grave, I saw them. 251 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:07,428 Your mother's alive, Hawk. 252 00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:09,129 Your mother's alive. 253 00:12:15,436 --> 00:12:16,270 Dammit. 254 00:12:24,546 --> 00:12:26,648 Hawk, I told you not to call this number. 255 00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,148 You gotta call dispatch. 256 00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:29,216 Yeah, sorry, Jack. 257 00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:31,485 It's just, they keep hanging up on me. 258 00:12:31,519 --> 00:12:34,723 And my fight against the injustice and supernatural, 259 00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:35,923 it just can't wait. 260 00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:36,957 Fine. 261 00:12:36,991 --> 00:12:37,791 Go ahead. 262 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:38,627 Okay. 263 00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:41,395 I wanna report some very highly, 264 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,364 extremely suspicious activity. 265 00:12:43,397 --> 00:12:44,566 Mm-hmm. 266 00:12:44,599 --> 00:12:47,702 Earlier tonight, this very highly suspicious SUV 267 00:12:47,736 --> 00:12:49,303 pulled up in our alley. 268 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,372 So naturally, I went to go check it out. 269 00:12:51,405 --> 00:12:52,373 Naturally. 270 00:12:52,406 --> 00:12:54,709 Yeah, so I went over there 271 00:12:54,743 --> 00:12:57,444 and what do you know, out popped two vampires. 272 00:12:57,478 --> 00:12:58,680 Two vampires? 273 00:12:58,713 --> 00:13:01,982 Yeah, like the gang from Lost Boys. 274 00:13:02,016 --> 00:13:03,350 The original or the sequels? 275 00:13:03,384 --> 00:13:04,184 The original. 276 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,819 Not such a big fan of the sequels. 277 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:06,920 Yeah, me neither. 278 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,789 You do realize that false reporting of crime 279 00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,291 is a violation of your probation. 280 00:13:10,324 --> 00:13:11,660 This actually happened. 281 00:13:11,693 --> 00:13:12,960 That's what you said about the sleeper cell. 282 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,461 Yes, but this time is different. 283 00:13:14,495 --> 00:13:16,497 And that's also what you said about the Russians invading. 284 00:13:16,531 --> 00:13:18,866 Well, I saw Red Dawn one too many times that week. 285 00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:19,800 And the werewolves? 286 00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,802 Well, that time, I just plain messed up. 287 00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:24,104 All right, Hawk, here's what's gonna happen. 288 00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:26,373 You stop calling in crazy stuff in the middle of the night. 289 00:13:26,407 --> 00:13:28,743 In exchange, I'm not gonna arrest you. 290 00:13:28,777 --> 00:13:29,644 Got it? 291 00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:30,779 - But... - Bye. 292 00:13:32,046 --> 00:13:33,047 Goddammit. 293 00:13:43,357 --> 00:13:47,696 ♪ Oh, Hawk, no one ever believes you ♪ 294 00:13:47,729 --> 00:13:50,464 ♪ Nobody ever sees you ♪ 295 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:54,234 ♪ In the way that you wanna be seen ♪ 296 00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,970 ♪ Baby, don't you know ♪ 297 00:13:57,004 --> 00:14:00,709 ♪ You're just a lone ranger ♪ 298 00:14:00,742 --> 00:14:03,645 ♪ There ain't no danger ♪ 299 00:14:03,678 --> 00:14:07,448 ♪ Oh, just let it be, just let it be ♪ 300 00:14:07,481 --> 00:14:10,150 ♪ Oh, let it be ♪ 301 00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:17,091 Any more sightings? 302 00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,125 No. 303 00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:18,959 I don't what happened. 304 00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,829 They just disappeared or something, 305 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,863 kinda like all these folks. 306 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,365 Yeah, that's what they do. 307 00:14:24,398 --> 00:14:25,966 What, the people or the vampires? 308 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,135 The imaginary things you see in your head. 309 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,471 I did not imagine them, Rev. 310 00:14:30,505 --> 00:14:31,740 Well, at least you didn't call the police again. 311 00:14:31,773 --> 00:14:32,774 That's good. 312 00:14:36,377 --> 00:14:37,177 No! 313 00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:38,011 It doesn't even matter. 314 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,113 They didn't believe me anyway, so. 315 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,315 You reported vampires with a gimp on a leash. 316 00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,584 Oh, okay. 317 00:14:42,617 --> 00:14:45,553 I see how it is. 318 00:14:45,587 --> 00:14:46,588 Oh, come on, Hawk. 319 00:14:46,621 --> 00:14:47,421 I'm sorry. 320 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:48,656 I just, I don't wanna see you 321 00:14:48,690 --> 00:14:50,257 get in trouble again, that's all. 322 00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,091 I agree, Rev. 323 00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:52,126 You are sorry. 324 00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,762 You're a four-eyed, bird-legged groundskeeper 325 00:14:53,795 --> 00:14:55,730 who doubts his friends. 326 00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,266 Are we still doing tai chi today? 327 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,636 I only do tai chi with my friends. 328 00:15:01,669 --> 00:15:04,572 ♪ Well, I didn't sleep a wink last night ♪ 329 00:15:04,606 --> 00:15:07,509 ♪ Work's drying up and money's tight ♪ 330 00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:10,678 You talking to me, fang face? 331 00:15:10,712 --> 00:15:12,146 What's that, blood sucker? 332 00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:14,381 Oh, you want my life force? 333 00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:16,250 Why don't you come take it then, you corpse? 334 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,753 ♪ There's holes on my safety net ♪ 335 00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:23,758 ♪ And it's a goddamn lie when I say I'm doing fine ♪ 336 00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:30,264 ♪ Didn't think this was what I'm supposed to get ♪ 337 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,099 ♪ By doing everything that I ♪ 338 00:15:41,643 --> 00:15:42,877 Oh! 339 00:15:42,911 --> 00:15:44,144 Hey, Terry! 340 00:15:44,178 --> 00:15:45,245 What the hell, man? 341 00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:46,079 Hey, Hawk. 342 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,281 I didn't realize you were home. 343 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,884 What the hell does that mean? 344 00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:02,396 No, I called it in because I thought it was a real threat. 345 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,064 These three vampires. 346 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:04,899 Yeah. 347 00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:05,966 Well, no. 348 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,736 Two of them were vampires, one of them was a gimp. 349 00:16:08,770 --> 00:16:09,571 A gimp. 350 00:16:09,604 --> 00:16:10,872 Yes, on a leash. 351 00:16:10,905 --> 00:16:12,072 A gimp on a leash? 352 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,140 Yes! 353 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,810 Jesus Christ, has no one in this town heard of S&M? 354 00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:16,945 I'm a Mormon, Hawk. 355 00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,446 And please, stop using the Lord's name in vain! 356 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,448 What is your point, Arnold? 357 00:16:21,482 --> 00:16:23,083 That is my point. 358 00:16:30,625 --> 00:16:32,493 Hey, it's Hawk. 359 00:16:32,527 --> 00:16:34,127 Yeah, I just wanted to say I'm real sorry 360 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,497 about calling you four eyed, bird legged, 361 00:16:36,531 --> 00:16:39,132 and ignoring you on the beach earlier today. 362 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,835 It just, it really hurts 363 00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:44,104 when my only friend in the world doesn't believe me. 364 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,206 Anyway, I've been thinking more about it, 365 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,308 and it is all in my head. 366 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:52,714 Maybe I've been imagining the whole thing. 367 00:16:54,516 --> 00:16:56,149 Holy shit! 368 00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,018 They're back. 369 00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,654 We should probably call this in. 370 00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,689 I already did, remember? 371 00:17:01,723 --> 00:17:03,257 They're not gonna believe us. 372 00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:04,458 What if I do it? 373 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:05,527 They'll still think it's me. 374 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:06,360 Trust me. 375 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,427 You call them that much? 376 00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:10,097 The world's a terrifying place, Rev. 377 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:10,965 Shit! 378 00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,166 Did they see us? 379 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,067 No. 380 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:14,903 Did they see us? 381 00:17:14,936 --> 00:17:15,904 Shh. 382 00:17:15,937 --> 00:17:16,905 Are you kidding me? 383 00:17:16,938 --> 00:17:17,872 Sorry. 384 00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:19,807 Wow, look at that gimp. 385 00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,077 I think I sharted. 386 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:24,946 Oh, God. 387 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,431 All right, I'll be willing to consider... 388 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,266 Yes, I knew it. 389 00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,836 If and only if we lay out some ground rules. 390 00:17:48,870 --> 00:17:49,904 Rules of engagement. 391 00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:50,738 I love it. 392 00:17:50,772 --> 00:17:51,739 What did you have in mind? 393 00:17:51,773 --> 00:17:54,074 First off, no hurting or killing of any kind. 394 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:55,743 Wait, does that rule out staking? 395 00:17:55,777 --> 00:17:57,477 Staking hurts and/or kills. 396 00:17:57,512 --> 00:17:58,312 Okay. 397 00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,180 What about asphyxiation by garlic? 398 00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,381 Asphyxiat... 399 00:18:02,550 --> 00:18:03,450 Asphyxiation. 400 00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:04,318 Asphyxi... 401 00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:05,285 Asphyxiation. 402 00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:07,689 Asphyxiation implies hurting or killing. 403 00:18:07,722 --> 00:18:09,891 Okay, well, how about holy water boarding? 404 00:18:09,924 --> 00:18:10,892 Water boarding is torture. 405 00:18:10,925 --> 00:18:11,926 So even if it's holy? 406 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,127 Yes, that is the same... 407 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,296 Secondly, we get help. 408 00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:17,297 No, no. 409 00:18:17,331 --> 00:18:19,067 I'm a black belt and I was army special ops. 410 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,001 I got this. 411 00:18:20,034 --> 00:18:23,303 You guarded urinal cakes and TP, Hawk. 412 00:18:24,539 --> 00:18:25,974 Fine. 413 00:18:26,007 --> 00:18:27,341 I got a guy. 414 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,643 I'll text him. 415 00:18:28,676 --> 00:18:29,476 And no arrests. 416 00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:30,310 What? 417 00:18:30,344 --> 00:18:31,411 Jesus Christ! 418 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,984 Are you really gonna wear that? 419 00:18:36,017 --> 00:18:37,250 I like my jumpsuit. 420 00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,886 Yeah, but you always wear them. 421 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,421 I mean, what if we have to do cloak and dagger stuff? 422 00:18:41,455 --> 00:18:44,092 What, like sitting on street corners? 423 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:44,926 Oh, shit. 424 00:18:44,959 --> 00:18:46,460 There he is. 425 00:18:50,064 --> 00:18:51,164 Where'd you find this guy? 426 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,201 Oh, army prison, maximum security. 427 00:18:55,703 --> 00:18:57,872 Put these on your faces. 428 00:18:58,740 --> 00:18:59,641 And get in. 429 00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:18,526 Okay, take off the blindfolds. 430 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,531 Hawk, he's got a gun. 431 00:19:23,564 --> 00:19:24,799 No shit, Rev. 432 00:19:24,832 --> 00:19:27,267 Okay, tell me who sent you. 433 00:19:29,937 --> 00:19:31,338 Tell me or you're gonna know what it's like 434 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,273 to have hot metal pierce your flesh. 435 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:35,242 Actually, I kinda know what that feels like. 436 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,111 I actually shot myself in bootcamp. 437 00:19:37,145 --> 00:19:37,979 Shut up. 438 00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:39,947 Who are you? 439 00:19:39,981 --> 00:19:42,650 It's Hawk from cell block nine. 440 00:19:42,684 --> 00:19:46,486 You stopped that Nazi skinhead from raping me. 441 00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:48,388 I'm the guy who stabbed 442 00:19:48,422 --> 00:19:52,126 the vampire soldier with a two by four. 443 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,061 Oh, yeah. 444 00:19:54,662 --> 00:19:56,430 I remember you. 445 00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,132 You're the dumbest guy I ever met. 446 00:19:58,166 --> 00:19:59,133 Oh, that's him. 447 00:19:59,167 --> 00:20:00,400 Shut the fuck up, hippie! 448 00:20:00,434 --> 00:20:01,401 Oh, no, no, no. 449 00:20:01,435 --> 00:20:02,369 He's cool, he's cool. 450 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,738 This is my partner, Rev. 451 00:20:03,771 --> 00:20:04,972 It's not his fault. 452 00:20:05,006 --> 00:20:09,443 His folks brought him up on a vegan, yogi, nudist commune. 453 00:20:27,461 --> 00:20:29,764 What are you looking at, hippie? 454 00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:30,631 Nothing. 455 00:20:31,899 --> 00:20:33,101 No, you're looking at my eye. 456 00:20:33,134 --> 00:20:34,035 No, I wasn't. 457 00:20:34,068 --> 00:20:34,902 I swear. 458 00:20:34,936 --> 00:20:36,104 You're making fun of my handicap. 459 00:20:36,137 --> 00:20:37,404 No, sir. 460 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,173 You know what? 461 00:20:39,207 --> 00:20:41,209 I lost this eye so you could buy gas 462 00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:43,544 for that foreign car you drive. 463 00:20:43,578 --> 00:20:44,812 I'm a bus passenger. 464 00:20:44,846 --> 00:20:45,980 - I don't drive. - Shut up. 465 00:20:46,013 --> 00:20:47,515 You were saying. 466 00:20:47,548 --> 00:20:48,649 Oh, yeah. 467 00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:50,985 We got a vampire problem. 468 00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:51,953 Vampire? 469 00:20:51,986 --> 00:20:53,020 Uh-huh. 470 00:20:53,054 --> 00:20:56,858 Black eyes, blood mouths, and a gimp on a leash. 471 00:20:56,891 --> 00:20:58,059 A gimp on a leash? 472 00:20:58,092 --> 00:21:00,561 Yeah, like an S&M mask or whatever. 473 00:21:00,595 --> 00:21:01,829 I'll look into it. 474 00:21:01,863 --> 00:21:05,066 Actually, we were hoping that you might wanna 475 00:21:05,099 --> 00:21:07,802 maybe take care of this with us, like together. 476 00:21:07,835 --> 00:21:08,803 You know what? 477 00:21:08,836 --> 00:21:11,371 I'm more of a lone wolf type of operator so... 478 00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:12,173 That's great. 479 00:21:12,206 --> 00:21:13,241 We love wolves. 480 00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,842 Yeah, they're our favorite animal. 481 00:21:14,876 --> 00:21:16,577 I work alone, no partners. 482 00:21:16,611 --> 00:21:17,612 I tend to kill 'em. 483 00:21:17,645 --> 00:21:20,515 So if there's nothing else. 484 00:21:20,548 --> 00:21:21,481 No, wait. 485 00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:24,919 What about being like a mentor? 486 00:21:24,952 --> 00:21:26,888 You ever thought about that? 487 00:21:26,921 --> 00:21:29,824 I mean, you can still be your lone wolf self, 488 00:21:29,857 --> 00:21:32,894 but you can also help out some cubs in need 489 00:21:32,927 --> 00:21:36,264 and passing down your lone wolf tricks. 490 00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:38,132 And what's in it for the lone wolf? 491 00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:41,334 I guess these cubs could do things with their cub talents 492 00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,336 like this cub can guard. 493 00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:45,239 And this cub's a groundskeeping engineer. 494 00:21:45,273 --> 00:21:46,140 Like a janitor? 495 00:21:46,174 --> 00:21:47,141 Yeah, but on the outside. 496 00:21:47,175 --> 00:21:48,276 Hmm, like a guard? 497 00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:49,877 Less with plants. 498 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,888 I looked at your eye. 499 00:22:08,395 --> 00:22:10,097 All right, here's a list. 500 00:22:10,131 --> 00:22:11,431 Meet me here after sundown. 501 00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:14,735 And remember, this mission and my mentorship, a top secret. 502 00:22:14,769 --> 00:22:15,570 You understand? 503 00:22:15,603 --> 00:22:16,403 Sir, yes, sir. 504 00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:17,370 Sir, yes, sir. 505 00:22:17,404 --> 00:22:18,371 What the hell was that? 506 00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:19,273 I'm saluting you, sir. 507 00:22:19,307 --> 00:22:21,042 You're our lone wolf mentor now, sir. 508 00:22:21,075 --> 00:22:21,876 Sir, yes, 509 00:22:21,909 --> 00:22:22,710 sir, yes, sir. 510 00:22:22,743 --> 00:22:24,011 Cut the shit. 511 00:22:24,846 --> 00:22:26,948 Now, close your eyes and count to a hundred. 512 00:22:26,981 --> 00:22:27,882 Don't even! 513 00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:33,420 One, two, three, four. 514 00:22:33,453 --> 00:22:35,089 I feel like that went really well. 515 00:22:35,122 --> 00:22:35,923 I think so too. 516 00:22:35,957 --> 00:22:37,859 I said a hundred. 517 00:22:37,892 --> 00:22:38,793 Five. 518 00:22:38,826 --> 00:22:42,063 Six, seven, eight, nine, 519 00:22:42,096 --> 00:22:42,930 10, 11, 520 00:22:44,165 --> 00:22:44,999 12, 13. 521 00:22:46,067 --> 00:22:46,868 When do we stop? 522 00:22:46,901 --> 00:22:48,002 14, 15. 523 00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:48,836 Keep going, Rev. 524 00:22:48,870 --> 00:22:50,538 - Six, seven, 18. - What? 525 00:22:50,571 --> 00:22:52,673 - You went backwards. - 19. 526 00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:02,650 Okay, item one, garlic, five pounds. 527 00:23:02,683 --> 00:23:03,784 Grocery store? 528 00:23:03,818 --> 00:23:05,052 Yeah, but remember, no asphyx... 529 00:23:05,086 --> 00:23:06,153 Asphyxiation. 530 00:23:06,187 --> 00:23:07,355 Yes, I got it. 531 00:23:08,856 --> 00:23:09,657 I don't know. 532 00:23:09,690 --> 00:23:10,691 Are you sure about this? 533 00:23:10,725 --> 00:23:11,525 Yeah. 534 00:23:11,559 --> 00:23:13,493 I'm only touching organic garlic. 535 00:23:13,527 --> 00:23:15,963 It just seems like a conspiracy. 536 00:23:15,997 --> 00:23:19,267 One could say the same thing about vampires. 537 00:23:19,300 --> 00:23:21,903 Item two, two by fours, lots. 538 00:23:21,936 --> 00:23:23,137 I guess the lumber company. 539 00:23:23,170 --> 00:23:24,772 Yeah, but remember, no staking. 540 00:23:24,805 --> 00:23:26,406 Yes, I remember. 541 00:23:26,439 --> 00:23:28,042 Here you go. 542 00:23:28,075 --> 00:23:29,310 You got this. 543 00:23:29,343 --> 00:23:30,511 Yeah, it's too much. 544 00:23:30,544 --> 00:23:31,612 I'm gonna fall. 545 00:23:31,646 --> 00:23:32,813 Yeah, I'm gonna fall. 546 00:23:32,847 --> 00:23:33,648 I am, I am. 547 00:23:33,681 --> 00:23:34,481 Are you good? 548 00:23:34,515 --> 00:23:35,316 No, I'm falling. 549 00:23:35,349 --> 00:23:36,350 I'm falling. 550 00:23:37,852 --> 00:23:41,022 Item three, holy water, 10 gallons. 551 00:23:41,055 --> 00:23:42,757 I guess we're in the right place for that. 552 00:23:42,790 --> 00:23:43,824 Uh-huh, but just remember... 553 00:23:43,858 --> 00:23:46,060 For the love of goddamn Satan, Rev, I got it. 554 00:23:46,093 --> 00:23:47,161 Jesus Christ. 555 00:23:49,363 --> 00:23:50,631 Sorry, sisters. 556 00:24:17,992 --> 00:24:18,960 Can I help you? 557 00:24:18,993 --> 00:24:20,127 Yeah. 558 00:24:20,161 --> 00:24:21,629 Yeah, hi there. 559 00:24:21,662 --> 00:24:24,665 My friend here and I, we do baptisms 560 00:24:26,367 --> 00:24:28,636 and we kinda ran out of holy water. 561 00:24:28,669 --> 00:24:30,137 How much did you need? 562 00:24:30,171 --> 00:24:31,772 10 gallons would do the trick. 563 00:24:31,806 --> 00:24:32,940 10 564 00:24:32,974 --> 00:24:33,874 gallons? 565 00:24:33,908 --> 00:24:35,209 Yeah, 10 gallons. 566 00:24:35,242 --> 00:24:37,411 Wow, that's a lot of baptisms. 567 00:24:37,445 --> 00:24:38,379 What can I say? 568 00:24:38,412 --> 00:24:40,982 Folks love almost drowning for their fate. 569 00:24:41,015 --> 00:24:41,949 Are you guys hunting vampires? 570 00:24:41,983 --> 00:24:43,951 No, why would you ask that? 571 00:24:43,985 --> 00:24:45,619 Yeah, that's a weird question. 572 00:24:45,653 --> 00:24:49,256 Not really when you think about it. 573 00:24:49,290 --> 00:24:50,858 Guys, relax, okay? 574 00:24:50,891 --> 00:24:52,093 Your secret's safe with me. 575 00:24:52,126 --> 00:24:54,195 I'm actually writing a book about vampires 576 00:24:54,228 --> 00:24:56,364 and was hoping to tag along 577 00:24:56,397 --> 00:24:59,767 with a couple of real vampire slayers, maybe even help out, 578 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,635 you know, for research. 579 00:25:01,669 --> 00:25:03,571 - Yeah, that might work. - Uh, no. 580 00:25:03,604 --> 00:25:05,873 Help from a girl and a writer? 581 00:25:05,906 --> 00:25:07,108 I don't think so. 582 00:25:07,141 --> 00:25:08,843 Well, maybe I should call the authorities then. 583 00:25:08,876 --> 00:25:09,677 Nope. 584 00:25:09,710 --> 00:25:10,911 Welcome co the team. 585 00:25:16,417 --> 00:25:18,486 Great, what are we supposed to do with this? 586 00:25:18,519 --> 00:25:19,320 What do you think? 587 00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:21,555 Spray it on damn vampires, Rev. 588 00:25:21,589 --> 00:25:22,923 Well, it's just so small. 589 00:25:22,957 --> 00:25:24,158 Well, then we'll mix it with water. 590 00:25:24,191 --> 00:25:25,693 But then it'll be diluted. 591 00:25:25,726 --> 00:25:27,561 Can you just let me decompress? 592 00:25:27,595 --> 00:25:29,630 We just got blackmailed by a girl writer. 593 00:25:29,663 --> 00:25:32,767 Yeah, but at least she gave you her number. 594 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,002 ♪ Ah ah ah ♪ 595 00:25:35,036 --> 00:25:37,238 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪ 596 00:25:37,271 --> 00:25:40,141 ♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪ 597 00:25:40,174 --> 00:25:41,876 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪ 598 00:25:41,909 --> 00:25:44,211 ♪ Ah ah ah ♪ 599 00:25:44,245 --> 00:25:46,347 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪ 600 00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:51,385 ♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ♪ 601 00:25:53,587 --> 00:25:54,722 ♪ Yeah ♪ 602 00:25:58,527 --> 00:25:59,360 Okay. 603 00:26:01,996 --> 00:26:02,797 Strip. 604 00:26:02,830 --> 00:26:03,697 What? 605 00:26:03,731 --> 00:26:04,533 Is he kidding? 606 00:26:04,565 --> 00:26:05,833 I don't kid about wires. 607 00:26:05,866 --> 00:26:06,667 Do it! 608 00:26:06,700 --> 00:26:07,501 This is ridiculous. 609 00:26:07,536 --> 00:26:09,070 Who would we even wear a wire for? 610 00:26:09,103 --> 00:26:10,071 Yeah, that's a really good point. 611 00:26:10,104 --> 00:26:12,640 I will shoot you dead right here on this road. 612 00:26:12,673 --> 00:26:13,508 Do it! 613 00:26:22,216 --> 00:26:24,718 He's got a lot more clothes. 614 00:26:26,454 --> 00:26:28,456 All the way, let's go. 615 00:26:31,659 --> 00:26:32,993 Now bend over and cough. 616 00:26:33,027 --> 00:26:34,462 No, come on. 617 00:26:34,495 --> 00:26:35,930 Now, jack offs! 618 00:26:40,334 --> 00:26:43,003 All right, all right, all right. 619 00:26:44,672 --> 00:26:45,507 Okay. 620 00:26:47,174 --> 00:26:48,609 Where's my stuff? 621 00:26:54,715 --> 00:26:55,983 What the hell is this? 622 00:26:56,016 --> 00:26:58,252 It's all they had. 623 00:26:58,285 --> 00:27:00,555 Give me the two by fours. 624 00:27:01,622 --> 00:27:04,492 Just so you know, we tried to get lots of two by fours 625 00:27:04,526 --> 00:27:09,396 but we could only safely carry one on a bike at a time. 626 00:27:09,430 --> 00:27:11,365 And the garlic? 627 00:27:11,398 --> 00:27:14,168 They only had one bag left, organic. 628 00:27:14,201 --> 00:27:18,038 Rev said the GMO ones give you kids with tails. 629 00:27:18,072 --> 00:27:19,840 And deformed limbs. 630 00:27:23,711 --> 00:27:26,581 Tell him about that girl we met at the store. 631 00:27:26,615 --> 00:27:27,781 She's our new teammate. 632 00:27:27,815 --> 00:27:30,151 She's a mystery novelist, and she gave Hawk her number. 633 00:27:30,184 --> 00:27:31,152 No, Rev. 634 00:27:31,185 --> 00:27:32,720 I had the lowest of hopes of you two idiots. 635 00:27:32,753 --> 00:27:34,188 This is pathetic! 636 00:27:37,559 --> 00:27:40,060 Does this mean the mentorship is over? 637 00:27:40,094 --> 00:27:43,097 You wanna know what it means? 638 00:27:43,130 --> 00:27:48,135 It means if you two come anywhere near me. 639 00:27:53,407 --> 00:27:55,409 Give me the clothes. 640 00:27:55,442 --> 00:27:57,512 Give me the clothes, now! 641 00:27:59,046 --> 00:28:00,649 I need help. 642 00:28:00,681 --> 00:28:01,482 I looked at your eye again. 643 00:28:01,516 --> 00:28:02,416 I didn't mean to. 644 00:28:02,449 --> 00:28:05,019 Have fun walking, turd birds. 645 00:28:14,762 --> 00:28:15,597 Wow. 646 00:28:16,830 --> 00:28:19,266 Your parents' backyard was pretty bleak but... 647 00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:20,100 What? 648 00:28:20,134 --> 00:28:21,302 No, it's fine. 649 00:28:23,672 --> 00:28:25,339 It's pretty bad, Hawk. 650 00:28:25,372 --> 00:28:27,642 Well, I don't blame him for a second. 651 00:28:27,676 --> 00:28:30,844 I mean, my PTSD was raging after my discharge. 652 00:28:30,878 --> 00:28:32,880 Look at these little guys. 653 00:28:32,913 --> 00:28:33,914 Easter bunnies. 654 00:28:33,948 --> 00:28:35,149 Nanny cams. 655 00:28:35,182 --> 00:28:37,552 I used them to film my ex-girlfriend all the time. 656 00:28:37,586 --> 00:28:38,385 She was a nanny? 657 00:28:38,419 --> 00:28:39,820 No, I filmed her having sex. 658 00:28:39,853 --> 00:28:40,921 You made pornos with her? 659 00:28:40,955 --> 00:28:43,457 No, I wasn't in any of them. 660 00:28:43,490 --> 00:28:44,458 Can we change the subject? 661 00:28:44,491 --> 00:28:45,960 You mean, like she changed sexual partners 662 00:28:45,993 --> 00:28:47,761 behind my back all the time? 663 00:28:47,795 --> 00:28:48,829 Maybe I should go. 664 00:28:48,862 --> 00:28:52,266 You haven't even met my arsenal yet. 665 00:28:52,299 --> 00:28:53,568 Hey, arsenal. 666 00:28:55,302 --> 00:28:58,205 Wow, that's a lot of garden tools. 667 00:28:58,239 --> 00:28:59,206 I know. 668 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,475 I can't touch any weapons since my incident. 669 00:29:01,509 --> 00:29:02,943 Well, except for this. 670 00:29:02,977 --> 00:29:04,011 Good enough for the Swiss army... 671 00:29:04,044 --> 00:29:05,012 Good enough for me. 672 00:29:05,045 --> 00:29:06,113 Oh, and this. 673 00:29:07,081 --> 00:29:08,015 What the heck is that? 674 00:29:08,048 --> 00:29:09,283 My secret stake. 675 00:29:09,316 --> 00:29:10,184 I always carry it. 676 00:29:10,217 --> 00:29:11,118 You didn't have it before. 677 00:29:11,151 --> 00:29:12,886 Yes, I did, it was just a secret. 678 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,623 I thought we agreed no hurting or killing, 679 00:29:14,656 --> 00:29:15,724 and that includes staking. 680 00:29:15,756 --> 00:29:18,225 We did, and this is a secret. 681 00:29:18,259 --> 00:29:20,294 Lose it or you'll be on your own. 682 00:29:20,327 --> 00:29:22,429 Or worse, with that guy. 683 00:29:24,932 --> 00:29:26,433 No, you can't claim the ferret 684 00:29:26,467 --> 00:29:29,370 if it doesn't do work for you, mom. 685 00:29:31,238 --> 00:29:32,806 Hey, guys. 686 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,941 Hey, Terry. 687 00:29:35,309 --> 00:29:36,910 Great, so no more vampires. 688 00:29:36,944 --> 00:29:38,946 Oh, no, they're still here. 689 00:29:38,979 --> 00:29:40,214 Give me a break, Hawk. 690 00:29:40,247 --> 00:29:41,282 You know what, Arnold? 691 00:29:41,315 --> 00:29:43,384 Next time I see one, I'll rip its damn head off 692 00:29:43,417 --> 00:29:44,818 and give it to you in a bag. 693 00:29:44,852 --> 00:29:48,322 As long as you're not late, that's cool. 694 00:29:48,355 --> 00:29:49,591 Hey, hold it right there! 695 00:29:49,624 --> 00:29:50,924 See, I told you! 696 00:29:50,958 --> 00:29:55,062 Oh, no, wait, that's just Rev, the groundskeeper. 697 00:29:55,095 --> 00:29:56,665 You shouldn't sneak around like that. 698 00:29:56,698 --> 00:29:59,199 Yeah, I was just trying to find the light switch. 699 00:29:59,233 --> 00:30:01,503 Is that a cape you're wearing? 700 00:30:01,536 --> 00:30:02,604 That is correct. 701 00:30:02,637 --> 00:30:04,138 Go home to your wives, Arnold. 702 00:30:04,171 --> 00:30:05,005 Wife! 703 00:30:05,039 --> 00:30:05,806 Whatever. 704 00:30:05,839 --> 00:30:06,907 I got this. 705 00:30:06,940 --> 00:30:10,110 All right, just stay out of trouble. 706 00:30:14,014 --> 00:30:15,684 I thought you said to come suited up. 707 00:30:15,717 --> 00:30:17,818 Yeah, not in the uniform of our enemy. 708 00:30:17,851 --> 00:30:19,420 Capes are also worn by superheroes. 709 00:30:19,453 --> 00:30:21,221 Take it off! 710 00:30:21,255 --> 00:30:23,857 What the hell is this? 711 00:30:23,891 --> 00:30:24,793 Anchor. 712 00:30:24,825 --> 00:30:25,993 I thought we could use it for grappling. 713 00:30:26,026 --> 00:30:29,664 I can't wait to grapple the hell out of a vampire. 714 00:30:29,698 --> 00:30:31,165 No, no, no. 715 00:30:31,198 --> 00:30:32,833 Grappling as in climbing. 716 00:30:32,866 --> 00:30:34,803 But can I still grapple a vampire head with it? 717 00:30:34,835 --> 00:30:36,136 No. 718 00:30:36,170 --> 00:30:37,505 Fine, keep it. 719 00:30:38,405 --> 00:30:39,306 Hey, Rev. 720 00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:40,407 Yeah, Hawk? 721 00:30:40,441 --> 00:30:43,177 You know what time it is? 722 00:30:43,210 --> 00:30:44,144 7:30-ish? 723 00:30:45,846 --> 00:30:47,081 There's no sun in here. 724 00:30:47,114 --> 00:30:47,981 Negative. 725 00:30:48,015 --> 00:30:49,350 It's beast time. 726 00:30:50,217 --> 00:30:52,286 You know, like go time. 727 00:30:52,319 --> 00:30:54,254 Like time to pay the piper. 728 00:30:54,288 --> 00:30:56,524 Like I'm too old for this shit. 729 00:30:56,558 --> 00:30:58,760 Like you're gonna need a bigger boat. 730 00:30:58,793 --> 00:31:00,894 Like always bet on black. 731 00:31:00,928 --> 00:31:03,698 Like after fucking your wife, I'll have two more. 732 00:31:03,732 --> 00:31:07,034 Like you're the disease and I'm the cure! 733 00:31:07,067 --> 00:31:10,037 Like I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it! 734 00:31:10,070 --> 00:31:11,472 Like I'll be back. 735 00:31:11,506 --> 00:31:14,341 Like go ahead, make my day, punk! 736 00:31:14,375 --> 00:31:16,276 Like here's Johnny! 737 00:31:16,310 --> 00:31:17,144 Huh? 738 00:31:17,177 --> 00:31:19,313 Like yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. 739 00:31:19,346 --> 00:31:20,682 Wax on, wax off. 740 00:31:21,816 --> 00:31:23,518 I feel the need for speed. 741 00:31:23,551 --> 00:31:24,719 Adrian! 742 00:31:24,753 --> 00:31:26,253 I see dead people. 743 00:31:27,454 --> 00:31:29,758 No one puts Baby in the corner! 744 00:31:29,791 --> 00:31:31,024 Like Free Willy. 745 00:31:31,058 --> 00:31:32,926 - No, never mind. - I like that one. 746 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:33,994 - I like that one. - No. 747 00:31:34,027 --> 00:31:35,730 I can't believe you don't know any of those. 748 00:31:35,764 --> 00:31:36,564 Any of what? 749 00:31:36,598 --> 00:31:37,398 Any of those lines. 750 00:31:37,431 --> 00:31:38,633 You never seen a movie? 751 00:31:38,666 --> 00:31:40,668 Those are from movies? 752 00:31:44,773 --> 00:31:45,874 Oh, my God. 753 00:31:46,841 --> 00:31:49,711 ♪ Bang bang, big finger on the trigger ♪ 754 00:31:49,744 --> 00:31:51,378 ♪ Hey, it's getting bigger ♪ 755 00:31:51,412 --> 00:31:53,782 ♪ You're looking manic, yeah ♪ 756 00:31:53,815 --> 00:31:56,851 ♪ Bang bang, baby point me to the fun ♪ 757 00:31:56,885 --> 00:31:58,586 ♪ Shoot me like a gun ♪ 758 00:31:58,620 --> 00:32:00,254 ♪ Like a love automatic ♪ 759 00:32:00,287 --> 00:32:01,188 ♪ Bang bang ♪ 760 00:32:01,221 --> 00:32:04,759 ♪ Run run for cover, I've got a gun ♪ 761 00:32:04,793 --> 00:32:07,862 ♪ And I'm shooting love, don't panic ♪ 762 00:32:07,896 --> 00:32:08,897 ♪ Bang bang ♪ 763 00:32:08,929 --> 00:32:11,398 ♪ It's now or never, I've got your number ♪ 764 00:32:11,432 --> 00:32:13,133 Okay, we need a rope. 765 00:32:13,167 --> 00:32:14,134 I got the anchor. 766 00:32:14,168 --> 00:32:15,570 I thought you said you were gonna bring a rope. 767 00:32:15,603 --> 00:32:16,838 You told me to bring the anchor. 768 00:32:16,871 --> 00:32:17,971 Goddammit, Rev. 769 00:32:18,005 --> 00:32:19,707 Now one of us has to go back. 770 00:32:19,741 --> 00:32:21,308 It's not good to split up. 771 00:32:21,341 --> 00:32:24,411 Why don't I set up the nanny cams and you can practice 772 00:32:24,445 --> 00:32:26,380 your army special ops moves on the way back? 773 00:32:26,413 --> 00:32:27,214 You know what? 774 00:32:27,247 --> 00:32:28,382 I got a better idea. 775 00:32:28,415 --> 00:32:31,151 Why don't I go and practice my army special ops moves 776 00:32:31,185 --> 00:32:33,888 and you set up those nanny cams. 777 00:32:33,922 --> 00:32:34,889 Well, I just said that. 778 00:32:34,923 --> 00:32:36,323 No, you didn't. 779 00:32:42,664 --> 00:32:44,566 Six seconds and counting, cheetah one-nine. 780 00:32:44,599 --> 00:32:45,733 Any developments, over? 781 00:32:45,767 --> 00:32:47,367 No, all's well, honey badger. 782 00:32:47,401 --> 00:32:48,202 Copy that. 783 00:32:48,235 --> 00:32:49,336 Over and out. 784 00:32:52,740 --> 00:32:55,309 Honey badger, of all the nanny cams in the world, 785 00:32:55,342 --> 00:32:56,945 why Easter bunnies? 786 00:32:56,977 --> 00:32:58,378 Two reasons, cheetah one-nine. 787 00:32:58,412 --> 00:33:00,548 One, it's the only mainstream religious holiday 788 00:33:00,582 --> 00:33:01,783 that celebrates zombies. 789 00:33:01,816 --> 00:33:04,819 And two, my ex-girlfriend had an Easter fetish. 790 00:33:04,853 --> 00:33:07,589 If you only knew where those things have been, over. 791 00:33:07,622 --> 00:33:09,891 That is disgusting, over. 792 00:33:12,727 --> 00:33:15,262 Okay, vampire or werewolf? 793 00:33:15,295 --> 00:33:16,263 Werewolf. 794 00:33:16,296 --> 00:33:18,098 But vampires live forever. 795 00:33:18,131 --> 00:33:20,000 Yeah, but werewolves have more sex. 796 00:33:20,033 --> 00:33:22,035 Okay, mermaid or siren? 797 00:33:22,069 --> 00:33:24,037 Siren, male siren, of course. 798 00:33:24,071 --> 00:33:25,038 Come on. 799 00:33:25,072 --> 00:33:26,741 Merpeople are amphibious. 800 00:33:26,774 --> 00:33:30,110 Yeah, but male sirens have shitloads of sex 801 00:33:30,143 --> 00:33:31,913 and all they have to do is sing for it. 802 00:33:31,946 --> 00:33:33,815 Okay, Big Foot or Yeti? 803 00:33:33,848 --> 00:33:35,182 Big Foot, obviously. 804 00:33:35,215 --> 00:33:37,852 Ah, but Yetis could live in the Arctic cold 805 00:33:37,886 --> 00:33:39,019 and not freeze to death. 806 00:33:39,052 --> 00:33:41,789 Yeah, but Big Foots live in nice, warm forests 807 00:33:41,823 --> 00:33:43,992 where they have buttloads of sex, over. 808 00:33:44,024 --> 00:33:46,093 You really need a girlfriend, Hawk. 809 00:33:46,126 --> 00:33:48,428 That's a 10-4, little buddy. 810 00:33:48,462 --> 00:33:50,297 Holy shit, we've got company. 811 00:33:50,330 --> 00:33:51,131 Mayday, mayday! 812 00:33:51,164 --> 00:33:52,000 Abort, abort! 813 00:33:52,032 --> 00:33:52,834 What's going on down there? 814 00:33:52,867 --> 00:33:53,668 Mayday, mayday! 815 00:33:53,701 --> 00:33:54,602 Honey badger, come in. 816 00:33:54,636 --> 00:33:55,435 Abort the mission! 817 00:33:55,469 --> 00:33:56,270 Honey badger! 818 00:33:56,303 --> 00:33:59,072 Abort the mission, over! 819 00:34:25,399 --> 00:34:28,402 Honey badger, are you alive, over? 820 00:34:29,504 --> 00:34:31,338 Honey badger, come in. 821 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,578 I'm in the dumpster below, cheetah one-nine, over. 822 00:34:36,611 --> 00:34:38,412 Honey badger, I thought they got you, over. 823 00:34:38,445 --> 00:34:39,446 I kinda wish they had. 824 00:34:39,479 --> 00:34:42,016 It smells like 10 dead hookers in here, over. 825 00:34:42,050 --> 00:34:43,618 Better than the Easter bunnies, over. 826 00:34:43,651 --> 00:34:45,053 10-4, cheetah one-nine. 827 00:34:45,085 --> 00:34:46,320 Is the coast clear, over? 828 00:34:46,353 --> 00:34:47,454 Hang tight. 829 00:34:50,625 --> 00:34:52,994 Honey badger, the coast is most definitely not clear. 830 00:34:53,027 --> 00:34:54,662 You've got a bogey flying in over. 831 00:34:54,696 --> 00:34:55,830 Come again, over. 832 00:34:55,863 --> 00:34:57,765 Honey badger, you've got a vamp on you in five. 833 00:34:57,799 --> 00:34:58,633 Oh, crap. 834 00:34:58,666 --> 00:35:00,200 Should I get him with a garden trowel? 835 00:35:00,233 --> 00:35:01,603 No, camouflage yourself. 836 00:35:01,636 --> 00:35:02,604 Four. 837 00:35:02,637 --> 00:35:03,905 Blast him with the holy water? 838 00:35:03,938 --> 00:35:05,472 You're running out of time, buddy. 839 00:35:05,506 --> 00:35:06,440 Three. 840 00:35:06,473 --> 00:35:07,709 Should I hit him with my secret stake? 841 00:35:07,742 --> 00:35:09,409 I thought we agreed no secret stake. 842 00:35:09,443 --> 00:35:10,243 Two. 843 00:35:10,277 --> 00:35:11,512 We did, but it's a secret. 844 00:35:11,546 --> 00:35:12,981 Hey, one! 845 00:35:23,591 --> 00:35:25,927 Hey, look at this. 846 00:35:32,767 --> 00:35:37,605 Somebody left a perfectly good hand bulb planting tool. 847 00:35:37,639 --> 00:35:39,741 Well, that's great. 848 00:35:39,774 --> 00:35:41,141 We can finally plant all those tulip bulbs 849 00:35:41,174 --> 00:35:43,611 you got in Holland, Forneus. 850 00:35:43,645 --> 00:35:44,579 Give me a hand with this one. 851 00:35:44,612 --> 00:35:45,647 It's gonna take all of us. 852 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,415 It's all those damn baby heads. 853 00:36:05,432 --> 00:36:07,300 How's it looking out there, cheetah one-nine. 854 00:36:07,334 --> 00:36:08,235 Hold position. 855 00:36:08,268 --> 00:36:09,771 They're almost clear. 856 00:36:09,804 --> 00:36:10,805 Copy that. 857 00:36:12,740 --> 00:36:14,809 What'd throw at me, over? 858 00:36:18,713 --> 00:36:22,016 Oh, dear God! 859 00:36:23,316 --> 00:36:24,118 Oh, my God! 860 00:36:24,152 --> 00:36:25,787 Somebody get me outta here! 861 00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:26,621 Help! 862 00:36:26,654 --> 00:36:27,454 Help! 863 00:36:28,556 --> 00:36:30,457 I can't believe that son of a bitch vampire 864 00:36:30,490 --> 00:36:32,459 stole my mom's hand bulb planter. 865 00:36:32,492 --> 00:36:34,562 She's gonna be so pissed. 866 00:36:35,462 --> 00:36:37,765 Hey, good morning, fellas. 867 00:36:37,799 --> 00:36:38,700 You're up early. 868 00:36:38,733 --> 00:36:40,134 As are you, deputy. 869 00:36:40,168 --> 00:36:42,070 Out running lives already, I see. 870 00:36:42,103 --> 00:36:43,370 Just doing my job. 871 00:36:43,403 --> 00:36:44,706 As are we. 872 00:36:44,739 --> 00:36:47,374 Hmm, so your job is, what, 873 00:36:47,407 --> 00:36:50,511 ninja warrior and Karate Kid lookalike? 874 00:36:50,545 --> 00:36:51,913 Oh, no. 875 00:36:51,946 --> 00:36:55,382 Yeah, no, we're, it was dress up day at work. 876 00:36:55,415 --> 00:36:56,951 Yeah, casual Friday. 877 00:36:56,984 --> 00:36:59,419 So you steal all this stuff? 878 00:36:59,453 --> 00:37:00,855 Oh, these old things? 879 00:37:00,888 --> 00:37:03,958 No, we had a charity drive at work. 880 00:37:03,991 --> 00:37:05,827 So you stole all this from the charity drive. 881 00:37:05,860 --> 00:37:06,761 No, of course not. 882 00:37:06,794 --> 00:37:07,829 That would be... 883 00:37:07,862 --> 00:37:08,730 Uncharitable? 884 00:37:08,763 --> 00:37:09,731 Exactly. 885 00:37:09,764 --> 00:37:13,534 No, we're transporting them to a, a hospital. 886 00:37:14,702 --> 00:37:15,503 A hospital. 887 00:37:15,536 --> 00:37:17,772 Which one, specifically? 888 00:37:17,805 --> 00:37:20,208 Oh, you know, it's the one down, 889 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:21,374 you know the one. 890 00:37:21,408 --> 00:37:22,577 No, I don't. 891 00:37:22,610 --> 00:37:25,046 It's the one for kids with, 892 00:37:27,715 --> 00:37:28,716 with cancer. 893 00:37:30,752 --> 00:37:33,888 There's a hospital just for kids with cancer. 894 00:37:33,921 --> 00:37:36,190 Oh, yeah, and it's packed to the gills with them. 895 00:37:36,224 --> 00:37:39,093 And they're all dying, all the kids, all of them, 896 00:37:39,127 --> 00:37:41,428 just dropping like disease-ridden flies 897 00:37:41,461 --> 00:37:43,396 from all the festering. 898 00:37:43,430 --> 00:37:44,232 The cancer. 899 00:37:44,264 --> 00:37:46,601 Yeah, it's a real tragedy. 900 00:37:50,705 --> 00:37:51,539 I, uh, 901 00:37:53,975 --> 00:37:54,776 it's really nice of you guys. 902 00:37:54,809 --> 00:37:56,978 I didn't, it's unexpected. 903 00:37:57,812 --> 00:38:00,515 What about these gardening tools? 904 00:38:00,548 --> 00:38:03,017 Oh, gardening for the kids with all the festering... 905 00:38:03,050 --> 00:38:03,818 The cancer. 906 00:38:03,851 --> 00:38:05,253 That's right. 907 00:38:05,285 --> 00:38:06,419 Gardening for cancer. 908 00:38:06,453 --> 00:38:07,588 Yeah. 909 00:38:07,622 --> 00:38:10,457 You guys, you keep up all the good work, huh. 910 00:38:10,490 --> 00:38:11,826 You too, deputy. 911 00:38:11,859 --> 00:38:12,894 I will. 912 00:38:12,927 --> 00:38:14,595 You take care now. 913 00:38:15,530 --> 00:38:16,329 I'm sorry. 914 00:38:16,363 --> 00:38:17,397 It was either cancer or AIDS. 915 00:38:17,430 --> 00:38:20,268 I figured cancer was more believable. 916 00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:25,305 ♪ And girls will come in festive clothes ♪ 917 00:38:26,774 --> 00:38:30,178 ♪ And the boys will wait ♪ 918 00:38:32,046 --> 00:38:34,414 It's no big deal. 919 00:38:37,985 --> 00:38:39,220 Hello? 920 00:38:40,688 --> 00:38:41,522 Shit! 921 00:38:48,629 --> 00:38:51,699 Don't fucking hang up on me! 922 00:38:52,767 --> 00:38:53,668 Oh, crap! 923 00:38:56,037 --> 00:38:56,838 Hello? 924 00:38:56,871 --> 00:38:57,672 You know what, Hawk? 925 00:38:57,705 --> 00:38:58,506 Fuck you! 926 00:38:58,539 --> 00:38:59,774 Oh, hey! 927 00:38:59,807 --> 00:39:01,441 No, no, no, that was not me 928 00:39:01,474 --> 00:39:03,711 who just called and hung up on you twice. 929 00:39:03,744 --> 00:39:05,613 Yeah, yeah, that is weird. 930 00:39:05,646 --> 00:39:07,347 Yeah, that is my number. 931 00:39:07,380 --> 00:39:08,182 I don't know. 932 00:39:08,216 --> 00:39:11,152 Maybe a serial killer or something? 933 00:39:12,587 --> 00:39:13,420 Yeah, I'm sorry. 934 00:39:13,453 --> 00:39:15,523 That is a weird thing to say to a girl. 935 00:39:15,556 --> 00:39:17,725 Yeah, yeah, that would be great. 936 00:39:17,758 --> 00:39:18,926 Well, let me give you directions. 937 00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:19,894 It's kinda hard to find. 938 00:39:19,927 --> 00:39:21,562 ♪ We can live forever, girl ♪ 939 00:39:21,596 --> 00:39:26,567 ♪ We can stay together until the morning comes tonight ♪ 940 00:39:26,868 --> 00:39:28,401 Hey, it's out of control for sure, dude. 941 00:39:28,435 --> 00:39:30,838 We gotta shred it up San Muerte style, right? 942 00:39:30,872 --> 00:39:31,973 Okay, man. 943 00:39:32,006 --> 00:39:32,807 All right. 944 00:39:37,845 --> 00:39:40,982 Hey, I know you barneys are up to something. 945 00:39:41,015 --> 00:39:42,683 It's not funny, man! 946 00:39:44,185 --> 00:39:47,855 Barneys, man. 947 00:39:50,091 --> 00:39:53,194 Dude, I swear, I'm gonna tell Tegan and Brody, man. 948 00:39:53,227 --> 00:39:54,161 And when they find out, 949 00:39:54,195 --> 00:39:57,531 they're gonna Tegan and Brody you, dude. 950 00:40:02,737 --> 00:40:04,071 Look, look, man. 951 00:40:04,939 --> 00:40:06,340 You're not Santa Muerte. 952 00:40:06,374 --> 00:40:07,440 I don't know where you think you are, 953 00:40:07,474 --> 00:40:08,676 but this ain't your break! 954 00:40:08,709 --> 00:40:11,379 Go back to your own break, kook. 955 00:40:13,948 --> 00:40:15,750 That's what I thought. 956 00:40:20,588 --> 00:40:21,589 God dang it! 957 00:40:34,568 --> 00:40:37,470 Wow, I've never been booty called to a tent before. 958 00:40:37,505 --> 00:40:39,573 You're welcome, little lady. 959 00:40:39,607 --> 00:40:41,275 You want some cowboy coffee? 960 00:40:41,309 --> 00:40:42,109 Hey, Terry. 961 00:40:42,143 --> 00:40:43,110 Hey, Hawk. 962 00:40:45,846 --> 00:40:48,082 So this is all temporary, right? 963 00:40:48,115 --> 00:40:49,283 Oh, yeah. 964 00:40:49,317 --> 00:40:51,852 I mean, I stayed with my folks right after my discharge. 965 00:40:51,886 --> 00:40:53,387 I had a little PTSD. 966 00:40:53,421 --> 00:40:54,889 And we didn't get along so well, 967 00:40:54,922 --> 00:40:57,024 but I'm looking for a place. 968 00:40:57,058 --> 00:40:59,160 Where were you stationed? 969 00:40:59,193 --> 00:41:00,828 Mostly Fort Leavenworth, Kansas. 970 00:41:00,861 --> 00:41:01,996 Where the prison is, right? 971 00:41:02,029 --> 00:41:03,264 Yeah, I was in a bad, bad place, 972 00:41:03,297 --> 00:41:05,099 but, you know, I'm all better now. 973 00:41:05,132 --> 00:41:06,267 Wait, you were in the prison? 974 00:41:06,300 --> 00:41:07,835 Yeah, the army doesn't like you driving stakes 975 00:41:07,868 --> 00:41:10,204 through its privates, and by that, I mean Private Dirkman. 976 00:41:10,237 --> 00:41:12,606 He was a vampire, by the way. 977 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:13,607 Are you taking notes? 978 00:41:13,641 --> 00:41:14,575 I am a writer. 979 00:41:14,608 --> 00:41:15,743 That's what we do. 980 00:41:15,776 --> 00:41:18,478 Am I like the star of your book? 981 00:41:18,512 --> 00:41:19,680 Hard to say. 982 00:41:21,082 --> 00:41:21,916 Maybe. 983 00:41:23,250 --> 00:41:24,418 You think she's a double agent? 984 00:41:24,452 --> 00:41:27,188 I think she was definitely pumping me for information. 985 00:41:27,221 --> 00:41:28,589 I think you should be so lucky. 986 00:41:28,622 --> 00:41:30,791 I think she was the lucky one in that scenario. 987 00:41:30,825 --> 00:41:33,828 I pumped her right back, not for information though. 988 00:41:33,861 --> 00:41:34,962 Thanks for that, Hawk. 989 00:41:34,996 --> 00:41:36,197 I had sex with her, Rev. 990 00:41:36,230 --> 00:41:37,264 Yeah, I got it. 991 00:41:37,298 --> 00:41:38,733 Okay, stop, too far. 992 00:41:38,766 --> 00:41:40,434 Let's back it up. 993 00:41:40,468 --> 00:41:41,402 Back it up. 994 00:41:41,435 --> 00:41:42,903 Let's go. 995 00:41:42,937 --> 00:41:44,105 I had sex with her, Rev. 996 00:41:44,138 --> 00:41:45,439 Yeah, I got it. 997 00:41:45,473 --> 00:41:47,008 In her vagina hole. 998 00:41:47,041 --> 00:41:48,809 I don't wanna know about it. 999 00:41:48,843 --> 00:41:49,910 Okay, this is it. 1000 00:41:49,944 --> 00:41:50,745 I got it. 1001 00:41:50,778 --> 00:41:51,612 Foot it. 1002 00:41:51,645 --> 00:41:52,980 I know how to work a ladder, Hawk. 1003 00:41:53,014 --> 00:41:53,848 Okay. 1004 00:41:56,083 --> 00:41:56,884 After you, sir. 1005 00:41:56,917 --> 00:41:57,718 Oh, no, no, no. 1006 00:41:57,752 --> 00:41:58,552 You first. 1007 00:41:58,586 --> 00:41:59,620 I would rather you went. 1008 00:41:59,653 --> 00:42:00,988 My mother taught me to be a gentleman. 1009 00:42:01,022 --> 00:42:01,889 Just go, please. 1010 00:42:01,922 --> 00:42:02,723 - No. - Just go! 1011 00:42:02,757 --> 00:42:03,557 No! 1012 00:42:03,591 --> 00:42:04,392 - Go! - No! 1013 00:42:04,425 --> 00:42:05,226 - Go! - No! 1014 00:42:05,259 --> 00:42:06,093 Yes! 1015 00:42:09,363 --> 00:42:10,431 Move it. 1016 00:42:10,464 --> 00:42:12,600 We've got nanny cams to place and vampires to catch. 1017 00:42:12,633 --> 00:42:13,434 I mean, to stake. 1018 00:42:13,467 --> 00:42:14,502 I mean, no, to catch. 1019 00:42:14,535 --> 00:42:16,303 One, step into position. 1020 00:42:16,337 --> 00:42:18,139 Two, scan the perimeter. 1021 00:42:18,172 --> 00:42:20,007 Three, pick an enemy. 1022 00:42:20,041 --> 00:42:22,109 Four, strike up conversation. 1023 00:42:22,143 --> 00:42:24,278 Five, ready your pitchfork. 1024 00:42:24,311 --> 00:42:25,112 And six... 1025 00:42:25,146 --> 00:42:26,447 Wait, I have a question. 1026 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,350 Number four, the conversation, can you explain that a bit? 1027 00:42:29,383 --> 00:42:31,285 Yes, you strike up conversation 1028 00:42:31,318 --> 00:42:33,354 so they let down their guard. 1029 00:42:33,387 --> 00:42:35,122 I usually go with something like this. 1030 00:42:35,156 --> 00:42:37,625 Hey, fucking corpse face. 1031 00:42:37,658 --> 00:42:39,960 Yeah, I'm talking to you, blood shitbag. 1032 00:42:39,994 --> 00:42:42,997 I hear you wanna eat nice innocent Americans for dinner. 1033 00:42:43,030 --> 00:42:44,065 Oh, yeah? 1034 00:42:44,098 --> 00:42:47,902 Well, not on my watch, bloodsucking vampire scum! 1035 00:42:47,935 --> 00:42:53,007 Take that, you filthy ass blood sucker! 1036 00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,242 New rule, no weapons. 1037 00:42:55,276 --> 00:42:56,444 Vampires, huh? 1038 00:42:56,477 --> 00:42:58,412 Oh, yeah, there are shit tons of 'em. 1039 00:42:58,446 --> 00:42:59,313 What about werewolves? 1040 00:42:59,346 --> 00:43:01,148 Oh, yeah, they're a big problem too, 1041 00:43:01,182 --> 00:43:03,751 just roaming around in packs, eating livestock, 1042 00:43:03,784 --> 00:43:05,052 pissing everywhere. 1043 00:43:05,086 --> 00:43:07,888 Filthy goddamn creatures. 1044 00:43:07,922 --> 00:43:08,989 Yes. 1045 00:43:09,023 --> 00:43:09,924 Absolutely. 1046 00:43:09,957 --> 00:43:10,825 No. 1047 00:43:10,858 --> 00:43:11,659 Yes. 1048 00:43:11,692 --> 00:43:12,593 Maybe? 1049 00:43:12,626 --> 00:43:13,794 Yes. 1050 00:43:13,828 --> 00:43:14,795 No. 1051 00:43:14,829 --> 00:43:16,363 And hell yes. 1052 00:43:16,397 --> 00:43:18,399 Hey, have you ever gotten your chromosomes checked? 1053 00:43:18,432 --> 00:43:21,302 Is that like getting your testicles checked? 1054 00:43:21,335 --> 00:43:22,937 Look, about last night. 1055 00:43:22,970 --> 00:43:24,872 If you tell anyone, it's never gonna happen again. 1056 00:43:24,905 --> 00:43:25,840 I mean, like never. 1057 00:43:25,873 --> 00:43:26,674 Seriously? 1058 00:43:26,707 --> 00:43:27,509 Seriously. 1059 00:43:27,542 --> 00:43:28,342 Like not even Rev? 1060 00:43:28,375 --> 00:43:29,410 Especially not Rev! 1061 00:43:29,443 --> 00:43:32,079 Also, if I get pregnant, I'm not keeping the baby. 1062 00:43:32,113 --> 00:43:33,080 It would be irresponsible 1063 00:43:33,114 --> 00:43:34,648 to bring your spawn into this world. 1064 00:43:34,682 --> 00:43:37,084 Well< I feel like it would be irresponsible not to. 1065 00:43:37,118 --> 00:43:38,085 I mean, who's gonna deal 1066 00:43:38,119 --> 00:43:39,588 with all these supernatural creatures 1067 00:43:39,620 --> 00:43:41,722 dicking around in the world when I'm gone? 1068 00:43:41,755 --> 00:43:43,624 A bunch of baby Hawks, that's who. 1069 00:43:43,657 --> 00:43:47,194 Humanity's survival depends on us. 1070 00:43:47,228 --> 00:43:48,762 Nope, that's not happening. 1071 00:43:48,796 --> 00:43:49,797 Sorry. 1072 00:43:49,830 --> 00:43:50,698 Hey, wait up. 1073 00:43:50,731 --> 00:43:52,433 Nope. 1074 00:44:00,007 --> 00:44:00,808 Question. 1075 00:44:00,841 --> 00:44:02,209 Why are we doing bird calls again? 1076 00:44:02,243 --> 00:44:03,978 Answer, your walkie dies. 1077 00:44:04,011 --> 00:44:08,649 Why can't we just whistle? 1078 00:44:09,783 --> 00:44:12,153 Whistling is most obviously human, Rev. 1079 00:44:12,186 --> 00:44:13,654 Even retards know that. 1080 00:44:13,687 --> 00:44:15,055 That's highly insensitive, Hawk. 1081 00:44:15,089 --> 00:44:17,324 Not if you compare it to getting your ass eaten alive 1082 00:44:17,358 --> 00:44:20,194 by bloodsucking vampires it's not. 1083 00:44:21,428 --> 00:44:22,997 Can we try the scarlet warbler? 1084 00:44:23,030 --> 00:44:24,398 Indeed. 1085 00:44:32,039 --> 00:44:34,375 Are you going to the bathroom? 1086 00:44:36,477 --> 00:44:37,278 What? 1087 00:44:37,311 --> 00:44:38,312 I had to go! 1088 00:44:43,184 --> 00:44:44,985 Are you all done in there? 1089 00:44:45,019 --> 00:44:46,521 Back off, Terry. 1090 00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,893 You know, I just, you know, 1091 00:44:52,927 --> 00:44:56,931 I've been going through this transformation. 1092 00:44:56,964 --> 00:45:01,168 It hasn't been all cute and cuddly, as you two know. 1093 00:45:01,202 --> 00:45:04,705 Anyway, I'm really sorry about the hassle. 1094 00:45:05,607 --> 00:45:09,877 And you know, if you two wanna give it a go, 1095 00:45:09,910 --> 00:45:11,580 I'm game for it, so. 1096 00:45:11,613 --> 00:45:15,584 Well, I think I speak for both of us when I saw we're in 1097 00:45:15,617 --> 00:45:17,985 just as long as we don't have to get naked again. 1098 00:45:18,018 --> 00:45:19,654 No, no more nudity. 1099 00:45:19,688 --> 00:45:22,456 I mean, unless you wanna do it. 1100 00:45:22,489 --> 00:45:23,625 Oh, no, no. 1101 00:45:23,658 --> 00:45:24,858 No, no. 1102 00:45:24,892 --> 00:45:29,730 Well, in the spirit of all this newfound reconciliation... 1103 00:45:34,235 --> 00:45:35,035 What is that? 1104 00:45:35,069 --> 00:45:35,869 What is what? 1105 00:45:35,903 --> 00:45:36,705 Huh? 1106 00:45:36,737 --> 00:45:40,241 I can feel my skull. 1107 00:45:40,274 --> 00:45:43,110 The voices in my head, in the sky. 1108 00:45:45,312 --> 00:45:47,381 Bats, they're coming. 1109 00:45:47,414 --> 00:45:48,717 Go in. 1110 00:45:48,749 --> 00:45:50,451 They're everywhere! 1111 00:45:50,484 --> 00:45:51,653 It's the end of the world! 1112 00:45:51,686 --> 00:45:53,120 We're all doomed! 1113 00:45:55,389 --> 00:45:56,323 We're all gonna die! 1114 00:45:56,357 --> 00:45:57,191 Run! 1115 00:46:06,300 --> 00:46:07,101 Wow. 1116 00:46:07,134 --> 00:46:07,968 Whoa. 1117 00:46:11,305 --> 00:46:13,374 ♪ Have you ever met this lady ♪ 1118 00:46:13,407 --> 00:46:14,241 That's the way to do it. 1119 00:46:14,275 --> 00:46:15,876 Come to papa, baby. 1120 00:46:17,411 --> 00:46:18,245 Oh. 1121 00:46:19,113 --> 00:46:19,947 Oh, yeah. 1122 00:46:21,448 --> 00:46:22,349 Oh, uh-huh. 1123 00:46:26,621 --> 00:46:30,090 What, what's happening? 1124 00:46:38,265 --> 00:46:40,635 ♪ Have you ever seen this lady ♪ 1125 00:46:40,669 --> 00:46:41,902 ♪ She likes to dance ♪ 1126 00:46:41,935 --> 00:46:42,836 Oh, there we go. 1127 00:46:42,870 --> 00:46:44,706 Oh, nope, sorry about that. 1128 00:46:44,739 --> 00:46:46,807 It got a little lonely at hobo camp. 1129 00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:49,243 Anyway, orange or grape soda? 1130 00:46:49,276 --> 00:46:50,210 I don't drink that stuff. 1131 00:46:50,244 --> 00:46:51,278 Chicharrones? 1132 00:46:51,312 --> 00:46:52,112 No, I'm a vegan. 1133 00:46:52,146 --> 00:46:52,946 So? 1134 00:46:52,980 --> 00:46:54,415 So I don't eat fried pig skin. 1135 00:46:54,448 --> 00:46:56,483 You vegans are all so angry. 1136 00:46:56,518 --> 00:46:57,851 We just don't eat animals. 1137 00:46:57,885 --> 00:47:00,421 I'd like to make a toast. 1138 00:47:00,454 --> 00:47:04,526 To us, to the mission, and to kicking mucho vampire ass. 1139 00:47:04,559 --> 00:47:07,729 And to not staking, no asphyxiation, 1140 00:47:09,096 --> 00:47:10,297 and not getting arrested. 1141 00:47:10,331 --> 00:47:12,534 To doing nothing fun to vampires. 1142 00:47:17,338 --> 00:47:18,807 Maybe they took the night off. 1143 00:47:18,839 --> 00:47:20,274 They're vampires, Rev. 1144 00:47:20,307 --> 00:47:22,443 They don't take nights off. 1145 00:47:22,476 --> 00:47:23,977 They don't socialize. 1146 00:47:24,011 --> 00:47:27,782 They focus on one thing and only one thing. 1147 00:47:27,816 --> 00:47:28,817 Murder. 1148 00:47:28,849 --> 00:47:30,150 I thought they did this for food. 1149 00:47:30,184 --> 00:47:31,852 Sure, but at the end of every night, 1150 00:47:31,885 --> 00:47:33,454 there's still a bunch of damn murders. 1151 00:47:33,487 --> 00:47:34,556 What about that pig 1152 00:47:34,589 --> 00:47:36,457 that ave its life for your chicharrones? 1153 00:47:36,490 --> 00:47:37,491 Are you really comparing me 1154 00:47:37,525 --> 00:47:39,927 to bloodsucking filthy ass vampires right now? 1155 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:43,063 All I'm saying is maybe they do other things besides... 1156 00:47:43,097 --> 00:47:43,897 Oh, really? 1157 00:47:43,931 --> 00:47:44,766 Like what? 1158 00:47:44,799 --> 00:47:47,067 I don't know, like candle-lit dinners, 1159 00:47:47,101 --> 00:47:49,470 long walks on the beach, going to the library, 1160 00:47:49,504 --> 00:47:52,406 visit an amusement park, skip with their friends, 1161 00:47:52,439 --> 00:47:55,008 play hopscotch, collect turtles, 1162 00:47:55,042 --> 00:47:57,277 watch butterflies in the summer evenings. 1163 00:47:57,311 --> 00:48:02,316 Imagine how many books you could read if you live forever. 1164 00:48:04,519 --> 00:48:06,320 You just know how to ruin things, don't you? 1165 00:48:06,353 --> 00:48:07,221 This is so boring. 1166 00:48:07,254 --> 00:48:08,989 I just wanna stab a vampire. 1167 00:48:09,022 --> 00:48:11,024 I mean, catch a vampire. 1168 00:48:23,337 --> 00:48:24,304 Get off me, Rev. 1169 00:48:24,338 --> 00:48:25,139 Get off! 1170 00:48:25,172 --> 00:48:25,973 Get off me. 1171 00:48:26,006 --> 00:48:26,940 God! 1172 00:48:26,974 --> 00:48:27,842 What time is it? 1173 00:48:27,876 --> 00:48:29,878 I don't know, late. 1174 00:48:29,910 --> 00:48:30,911 I need to get to work. 1175 00:48:30,944 --> 00:48:31,746 Whatever. 1176 00:48:31,780 --> 00:48:33,414 I can't be partners with a quitter. 1177 00:48:33,447 --> 00:48:34,481 I have a job. 1178 00:48:34,516 --> 00:48:35,916 Wait, look! 1179 00:48:35,949 --> 00:48:38,285 Dude, I'm just saying, they all taste different. 1180 00:48:38,318 --> 00:48:39,353 Blood or the girls? 1181 00:48:39,386 --> 00:48:41,088 Come to think of it, both. 1182 00:48:41,121 --> 00:48:42,089 That is disgusting. 1183 00:48:42,122 --> 00:48:43,357 Shit, that's nothing. 1184 00:48:43,390 --> 00:48:44,224 Did I tell you about that time 1185 00:48:44,258 --> 00:48:46,093 I hit the all lady biker gang? 1186 00:48:47,327 --> 00:48:49,029 Oh, my God, this is so great. 1187 00:48:49,062 --> 00:48:50,899 We're gonna hit those three vampire birds 1188 00:48:50,931 --> 00:48:53,835 with one kick ass vampire slaying stone! 1189 00:48:53,868 --> 00:48:55,202 Yeah, except there's two of us. 1190 00:48:55,235 --> 00:48:56,336 Yeah, so? 1191 00:48:56,370 --> 00:48:57,572 So that saying doesn't work? 1192 00:48:57,605 --> 00:48:58,405 Why? 1193 00:48:58,439 --> 00:48:59,574 Because the odds are worse? 1194 00:48:59,607 --> 00:49:00,974 No, the odds are better. 1195 00:49:01,008 --> 00:49:02,476 It's just, you're missing the point. 1196 00:49:02,510 --> 00:49:03,711 Well, I feel like you're looking at it 1197 00:49:03,745 --> 00:49:05,513 with a glass half empty attitude. 1198 00:49:05,547 --> 00:49:07,549 And I think you don't understand either saying. 1199 00:49:07,582 --> 00:49:09,149 Well, I think you're a quitter. 1200 00:49:09,183 --> 00:49:10,217 I ain't quit! 1201 00:49:10,250 --> 00:49:14,121 That's what all quitters tell themselves, Rev. 1202 00:49:32,841 --> 00:49:35,577 All right, I checked online and it's our right as Americans 1203 00:49:35,610 --> 00:49:38,813 to citizen's arrest their filthy vampire asses. 1204 00:49:38,847 --> 00:49:40,648 You got your ID? 1205 00:49:40,682 --> 00:49:41,883 You know what this is? 1206 00:49:41,916 --> 00:49:43,016 A cassette tape. 1207 00:49:43,050 --> 00:49:45,285 Of the worst Christian hard rock band ever recorded. 1208 00:49:45,319 --> 00:49:47,922 It's so bad, even Christians cry when they hear it. 1209 00:49:47,956 --> 00:49:49,223 How do you know it will work on vampires? 1210 00:49:49,256 --> 00:49:50,257 I don't. 1211 00:49:50,290 --> 00:49:52,459 Can I get the smoke bombs? 1212 00:49:53,695 --> 00:49:54,596 You know, I'm sensing 1213 00:49:54,629 --> 00:49:55,797 kind of a quitter vibe from you right now. 1214 00:49:55,830 --> 00:49:58,633 I really need you to quit that shit right now, Rev 1215 00:49:58,666 --> 00:50:00,067 and get pumped up. 1216 00:50:00,100 --> 00:50:00,902 I'm pumped. 1217 00:50:00,935 --> 00:50:01,769 You don't seem very pumped. 1218 00:50:01,803 --> 00:50:02,770 I'm totally pumped. 1219 00:50:02,804 --> 00:50:04,104 I need you really pumped! 1220 00:50:04,137 --> 00:50:05,740 I'm super gosh darn pumped. 1221 00:50:05,773 --> 00:50:07,374 The makeup looks great, by the way. 1222 00:50:07,407 --> 00:50:08,208 Oh, thanks. 1223 00:50:08,242 --> 00:50:10,979 It's not makeup, it's camouflage. 1224 00:50:14,348 --> 00:50:16,851 Whoa, Forneus, take it easy. 1225 00:50:27,962 --> 00:50:30,297 You guys expecting anyone? 1226 00:50:39,439 --> 00:50:41,275 Hey, pizza delivery. 1227 00:50:43,878 --> 00:50:46,313 Did you guys order a pizza? 1228 00:50:50,852 --> 00:50:53,621 Well, somebody ordered a pizza. 1229 00:50:53,655 --> 00:50:55,557 Man, it might have been me. 1230 00:50:55,590 --> 00:50:57,592 I got this new medicine. 1231 00:50:59,126 --> 00:51:00,160 Smells good. 1232 00:51:00,193 --> 00:51:02,564 You mind if I come in? 1233 00:51:02,597 --> 00:51:03,397 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1234 00:51:03,430 --> 00:51:05,332 Come on in, man. 1235 00:51:05,365 --> 00:51:07,200 The more, the merrier. 1236 00:51:18,078 --> 00:51:20,848 So how much do I owe you, my man? 1237 00:51:30,290 --> 00:51:33,795 You must think you're pretty smart, huh, 1238 00:51:33,828 --> 00:51:36,064 just invading my territory. 1239 00:51:39,099 --> 00:51:43,504 No, I mean, there's plenty of gigs to go around. 1240 00:51:43,538 --> 00:51:47,709 Yeah, I mean, this whole area's super happening right now. 1241 00:51:47,742 --> 00:51:49,309 You know don't play dumb with me. 1242 00:51:49,343 --> 00:51:51,579 I know what you're doing, 1243 00:51:51,613 --> 00:51:55,415 and I don't appreciate the competition. 1244 00:51:55,449 --> 00:51:56,416 Competition? 1245 00:51:56,450 --> 00:51:58,720 We all have different sounds, man. 1246 00:51:58,753 --> 00:52:00,420 Yeah, I mean that's what's so great 1247 00:52:00,454 --> 00:52:02,523 about the music business. 1248 00:52:11,198 --> 00:52:15,637 The only business I wanna talk about is vampire business 1249 00:52:15,670 --> 00:52:18,506 and how you're feeding in my territory. 1250 00:52:18,539 --> 00:52:19,707 Oh, God, please, don't kill us. 1251 00:52:19,741 --> 00:52:21,475 Take what you want. 1252 00:52:23,911 --> 00:52:26,981 What kind of shit vampires are you? 1253 00:52:29,282 --> 00:52:31,284 Freeze, fang faces! 1254 00:52:31,318 --> 00:52:34,254 Hands in the air, vampires! 1255 00:52:36,658 --> 00:52:38,158 Jasper? 1256 00:52:38,191 --> 00:52:38,993 What's he doing here? 1257 00:52:39,027 --> 00:52:39,827 Yeah. 1258 00:52:39,861 --> 00:52:41,095 What the hell are you doing here? 1259 00:52:41,129 --> 00:52:42,563 I was just, you know, 1260 00:52:42,597 --> 00:52:44,932 making sure the pool was clean and secure 1261 00:52:44,966 --> 00:52:46,668 before you boys jumped on in. 1262 00:52:46,701 --> 00:52:47,501 Pool? 1263 00:52:47,535 --> 00:52:48,335 What pool? 1264 00:52:48,368 --> 00:52:49,169 There's a pool here? 1265 00:52:49,202 --> 00:52:50,370 It's an analogy. 1266 00:52:50,404 --> 00:52:52,840 I was being a good mentor, you know, testing the waters, 1267 00:52:52,874 --> 00:52:54,241 making sure it's safe. 1268 00:52:54,274 --> 00:52:55,175 He's so nice. 1269 00:52:55,208 --> 00:52:56,911 He just gets nicer every time we meet him. 1270 00:52:56,944 --> 00:52:58,012 Yeah, no problem. 1271 00:52:58,046 --> 00:52:59,847 Anyway, go ahead and do your thing. 1272 00:52:59,881 --> 00:53:01,049 Do America proud, boys. 1273 00:53:01,082 --> 00:53:02,116 We will! 1274 00:53:02,150 --> 00:53:03,051 All right, vampires. 1275 00:53:03,084 --> 00:53:05,086 You're under citizen's arrest! 1276 00:53:05,119 --> 00:53:06,754 Oh, you are getting raped! 1277 00:53:06,788 --> 00:53:07,588 Whoa! 1278 00:53:07,622 --> 00:53:08,556 Easy, man. 1279 00:53:08,589 --> 00:53:10,357 I'm gonna eat your flesh and shit it out, 1280 00:53:10,390 --> 00:53:11,993 and then I'm going to fucking eat it again, 1281 00:53:12,026 --> 00:53:13,027 you motherfuckers! 1282 00:53:13,061 --> 00:53:14,962 I don't think we talked about that at all. 1283 00:53:14,996 --> 00:53:16,396 And then I'm gonna fuck your ear! 1284 00:53:16,430 --> 00:53:17,699 I'm gonna fuck it again! 1285 00:53:17,732 --> 00:53:19,801 And I'm gonna fuck your mother's ear and she's gonna die 1286 00:53:19,834 --> 00:53:20,702 and you're gonna die with her, 1287 00:53:20,735 --> 00:53:22,502 you vampire little pieces of shit! 1288 00:53:22,537 --> 00:53:23,938 I did not agree to any of that. 1289 00:53:23,971 --> 00:53:27,175 And I'm gonna poop on your fucking face, you little fucks. 1290 00:53:27,207 --> 00:53:29,110 You wanna fucking get some of this? 1291 00:53:29,143 --> 00:53:31,679 Oh my gosh, he's gonna kill us! 1292 00:53:31,713 --> 00:53:33,548 He has a weapon. 1293 00:53:33,581 --> 00:53:34,716 Break the door! 1294 00:53:34,749 --> 00:53:36,584 Hawk, break the fucking door! 1295 00:53:41,889 --> 00:53:42,690 What is it? 1296 00:53:42,724 --> 00:53:43,524 Where am I? 1297 00:53:43,558 --> 00:53:44,458 Easy, buddy. 1298 00:53:44,491 --> 00:53:45,225 You just, you just hit your little head. 1299 00:53:45,258 --> 00:53:46,094 What? 1300 00:53:46,127 --> 00:53:47,461 Relax, these guys are on our side. 1301 00:53:47,494 --> 00:53:48,896 But they're vampires. 1302 00:53:48,930 --> 00:53:50,131 Uh, no, no. 1303 00:53:50,164 --> 00:53:51,899 They're just a goth band. 1304 00:53:51,933 --> 00:53:53,801 Crypts and Sorrows of Darkness. 1305 00:53:53,835 --> 00:53:54,869 I came up with the name 1306 00:53:54,902 --> 00:53:56,838 during a vision quest to Romania with Forneus. 1307 00:53:56,871 --> 00:53:58,072 But what about the black eyes, 1308 00:53:58,106 --> 00:54:00,407 the blood, the gimp, and 201? 1309 00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:02,910 Oh, contact lenses, pig blood. 1310 00:54:02,944 --> 00:54:05,713 The gimp is a submissive of this guy here. 1311 00:54:05,747 --> 00:54:07,882 And management neglected to tell us 1312 00:54:07,915 --> 00:54:09,150 they rented it out again. 1313 00:54:09,183 --> 00:54:09,984 Oh. 1314 00:54:10,017 --> 00:54:10,818 It's all legal. 1315 00:54:10,852 --> 00:54:12,019 And avante. 1316 00:54:12,053 --> 00:54:13,453 Oh, and one more thing. 1317 00:54:13,487 --> 00:54:14,287 Yeah? 1318 00:54:14,321 --> 00:54:15,556 Our lone wolf mentor, 1319 00:54:15,590 --> 00:54:17,558 he's a filthy ass vampire! 1320 00:54:17,592 --> 00:54:19,359 Holy farts. 1321 00:54:30,571 --> 00:54:32,372 You think we should wear these on our backs too 1322 00:54:32,405 --> 00:54:33,207 just in case? 1323 00:54:33,241 --> 00:54:34,242 Yeah, it wouldn't hurt. 1324 00:54:34,274 --> 00:54:35,076 Here, let me get that for you. 1325 00:54:35,109 --> 00:54:35,943 No. 1326 00:54:35,977 --> 00:54:37,344 No way you're getting behind me, mister. 1327 00:54:37,377 --> 00:54:39,247 You tried to eat that goth band. 1328 00:54:39,279 --> 00:54:40,681 I just lost it, okay? 1329 00:54:40,715 --> 00:54:41,516 Give me a break. 1330 00:54:41,549 --> 00:54:42,717 Okay. 1331 00:54:42,750 --> 00:54:45,019 If you try anything. 1332 00:54:45,052 --> 00:54:45,987 Dang it, Hawk. 1333 00:54:46,020 --> 00:54:47,822 I thought we agreed, no more secret stake. 1334 00:54:47,855 --> 00:54:48,656 We did. 1335 00:54:48,689 --> 00:54:49,489 But you brought it. 1336 00:54:49,524 --> 00:54:50,792 Nope, it's a secret. 1337 00:54:50,825 --> 00:54:51,659 Yeah, but it's right there. 1338 00:54:51,692 --> 00:54:54,128 No, back to being a secret. 1339 00:55:03,571 --> 00:55:04,872 Fine. 1340 00:55:04,906 --> 00:55:06,073 Hey, guys. 1341 00:55:06,107 --> 00:55:07,875 I think we can catch Jasper in this without killing him. 1342 00:55:07,909 --> 00:55:09,577 What is that, a shiny butterfly net? 1343 00:55:09,610 --> 00:55:12,246 No, it's a vampire trap, actually, 1344 00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:14,347 made of silver-plated aircraft cable. 1345 00:55:14,381 --> 00:55:15,448 According to legend, 1346 00:55:15,482 --> 00:55:16,918 silver was the only naturally occurring substance 1347 00:55:16,951 --> 00:55:18,653 that could injure a vampire. 1348 00:55:18,686 --> 00:55:20,721 Drop him in this and he's helpless. 1349 00:55:20,755 --> 00:55:25,760 Guys,. 1350 00:55:25,793 --> 00:55:27,460 It's almost sundown. 1351 00:55:28,563 --> 00:55:30,330 What language is that? 1352 00:55:30,363 --> 00:55:31,966 Zulu. 1353 00:55:31,999 --> 00:55:33,868 ♪ Hit it ♪ 1354 00:55:33,901 --> 00:55:35,435 ♪ That's what I'm talking about ♪ 1355 00:55:35,468 --> 00:55:36,504 ♪ Wait ♪ 1356 00:55:36,537 --> 00:55:39,307 ♪ Okay now, from the beginning ♪ 1357 00:55:39,339 --> 00:55:41,509 You ever thought about learning to ride a bike, Rev? 1358 00:55:41,542 --> 00:55:42,442 Yeah, seriously, Rev. 1359 00:55:42,475 --> 00:55:43,911 You're kind of a heavy hippie. 1360 00:55:43,945 --> 00:55:45,345 I'm not a hippie, Hawk. 1361 00:55:45,378 --> 00:55:46,280 Oh, better watch out. 1362 00:55:46,314 --> 00:55:48,149 He's gonna go cannibal again. 1363 00:55:49,584 --> 00:55:51,819 Die, yuppie scum! 1364 00:55:57,325 --> 00:55:59,060 ♪ All you men with suits and ties ♪ 1365 00:55:59,093 --> 00:56:01,128 ♪ Just sitting in the crowd ♪ 1366 00:56:01,162 --> 00:56:03,297 ♪ I hope you're ready for what's coming now ♪ 1367 00:56:03,331 --> 00:56:07,335 ♪ I'm the one to bring you down ♪ 1368 00:56:14,407 --> 00:56:16,310 ♪ There's one where the big boys play ♪ 1369 00:56:16,344 --> 00:56:18,145 ♪ Where the race keeps going like the river ♪ 1370 00:56:18,179 --> 00:56:20,380 ♪ But they all never come ♪ 1371 00:56:20,413 --> 00:56:23,084 Guys, this is Theo, our newest team member, 1372 00:56:23,117 --> 00:56:25,385 aka the fiery fox. 1373 00:56:25,418 --> 00:56:26,821 Did you just give me a code name? 1374 00:56:26,854 --> 00:56:27,822 I did. 1375 00:56:27,855 --> 00:56:28,789 We know her well. 1376 00:56:28,823 --> 00:56:29,857 Foxy indeed. 1377 00:56:29,891 --> 00:56:31,826 Not to mention fiery. 1378 00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:34,762 Wait, you guys know each other? 1379 00:56:34,795 --> 00:56:39,432 Yeah, it was like a, kinda polyamorous thing. 1380 00:56:39,466 --> 00:56:43,004 I told you I went to a liberal arts college. 1381 00:56:43,037 --> 00:56:46,774 ♪ And when I'm good, I'm really good, boy ♪ 1382 00:56:46,807 --> 00:56:50,878 ♪ When I'm bad, I'm better ♪ 1383 00:56:50,912 --> 00:56:54,582 ♪ And when I'm good, I'm really good, girl ♪ 1384 00:56:54,615 --> 00:56:58,386 ♪ When I'm bad, I'm better ♪ 1385 00:56:58,418 --> 00:57:02,323 ♪ And when I'm good, I'm really good, boy ♪ 1386 00:57:02,356 --> 00:57:06,060 ♪ When I'm bad, I'm better ♪ 1387 00:57:06,093 --> 00:57:11,032 ♪ And when I'm good, I'm really good, girl ♪ 1388 00:57:12,066 --> 00:57:15,468 I'm pretty sure this is Jasper's mom's house. 1389 00:57:15,502 --> 00:57:17,071 What do we do if he answers the door? 1390 00:57:17,104 --> 00:57:19,941 Well, normally, I'd say rip his goddamn vampire head off, 1391 00:57:19,974 --> 00:57:22,576 but that'd be against our rules of engagement, wouldn't it? 1392 00:57:22,610 --> 00:57:24,612 You guys have rules of engagement? 1393 00:57:24,645 --> 00:57:27,415 Rev wouldn't join my mission till I agreed to 'em all. 1394 00:57:27,447 --> 00:57:28,481 It's our mission. 1395 00:57:28,516 --> 00:57:30,318 And I just thought it'd be good not to hurt or kill 1396 00:57:30,351 --> 00:57:32,386 and then get help and not get arrested. 1397 00:57:32,420 --> 00:57:34,388 That sounds pretty logical to me. 1398 00:57:34,422 --> 00:57:37,490 You two are perfect for each other. 1399 00:57:40,227 --> 00:57:41,329 All right, army special ops 1400 00:57:41,362 --> 00:57:43,364 trained me to deal with delicate matters. 1401 00:57:43,397 --> 00:57:46,233 I will do the talking, okay? 1402 00:57:46,267 --> 00:57:47,068 Can I help you? 1403 00:57:47,101 --> 00:57:47,902 That depends. 1404 00:57:47,935 --> 00:57:49,502 Where the hell is your son? 1405 00:57:49,537 --> 00:57:51,639 Sorry, what is this in regards to? 1406 00:57:51,672 --> 00:57:53,140 What's the goddamn difference, lady? 1407 00:57:53,174 --> 00:57:56,711 Is this filthy bloodsucking vampire ass here or what? 1408 00:57:56,744 --> 00:57:58,312 We need to ask him some questions. 1409 00:57:58,346 --> 00:57:59,213 Excuse me. 1410 00:57:59,246 --> 00:58:00,715 No, excuse him, ma'am. 1411 00:58:00,748 --> 00:58:03,117 Besides being extremely rude, what he forgot to mention 1412 00:58:03,150 --> 00:58:04,685 is that we work with Jasper. 1413 00:58:04,719 --> 00:58:06,120 Yeah, we're his coworkers. 1414 00:58:06,153 --> 00:58:07,321 His work friends. 1415 00:58:07,355 --> 00:58:10,224 I'm so pleased to finally meet some of you. 1416 00:58:10,257 --> 00:58:11,592 He doesn't have a lot of friends. 1417 00:58:11,625 --> 00:58:13,627 Oh, that's a big fucking surprise. 1418 00:58:13,661 --> 00:58:14,795 Just ignore him, ma'am. 1419 00:58:14,829 --> 00:58:16,130 We all do. 1420 00:58:16,163 --> 00:58:18,065 Well, I haven't seen him since last night. 1421 00:58:18,099 --> 00:58:19,300 He left saying 1422 00:58:19,333 --> 00:58:22,870 that he was going to assess the competition or something. 1423 00:58:22,903 --> 00:58:24,105 But if there isn't anything else, 1424 00:58:24,138 --> 00:58:26,007 I have a casserole in the oven. 1425 00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:29,110 No, ma'am, I'm real sorry I was so short earlier. 1426 00:58:29,143 --> 00:58:32,079 Jasper borrowed this DVD I rented a while back. 1427 00:58:32,113 --> 00:58:34,215 You can still do that, rent DVDs? 1428 00:58:34,248 --> 00:58:36,083 Yeah, of course you can still do that. 1429 00:58:36,117 --> 00:58:37,752 They also charge hella late fees. 1430 00:58:37,785 --> 00:58:39,520 So can we look for it in his room or... 1431 00:58:39,553 --> 00:58:40,654 Which one was it again? 1432 00:58:40,688 --> 00:58:41,722 From Dusk till Dawn. 1433 00:58:41,756 --> 00:58:43,657 Oh, that vampire movie 1434 00:58:43,691 --> 00:58:46,427 with that handsome doctor fella from TV. 1435 00:58:46,460 --> 00:58:49,196 Yeah, it's his favorite, and the director trying to act. 1436 00:58:49,230 --> 00:58:50,031 Yeah. 1437 00:58:50,064 --> 00:58:50,965 Well, I'd check the garage. 1438 00:58:50,998 --> 00:58:52,700 It's where he's been sleeping most days. 1439 00:58:52,733 --> 00:58:54,935 He's been complaining about migraines, 1440 00:58:54,969 --> 00:58:57,038 can't be in the light. 1441 00:58:57,071 --> 00:59:00,107 I don't understand what's going on. 1442 00:59:00,141 --> 00:59:04,145 He was also the Batman with the nipples. 1443 00:59:09,383 --> 00:59:12,019 Geez, talk about frightening. 1444 00:59:12,053 --> 00:59:15,423 I bet he's got a whole coffin of human heads in here. 1445 00:59:15,456 --> 00:59:17,024 Don't they sleep in coffins. 1446 00:59:17,058 --> 00:59:18,926 Who's to say they don't snack in them too? 1447 00:59:18,959 --> 00:59:20,261 I would. 1448 00:59:20,294 --> 00:59:22,229 Gross, you'd get bugs. 1449 00:59:22,263 --> 00:59:23,532 He's a vampire, Rev. 1450 00:59:23,564 --> 00:59:27,401 They don't give two shits about bugs. 1451 00:59:27,435 --> 00:59:28,803 How'd you know about the DVD? 1452 00:59:28,836 --> 00:59:31,005 We were bunkmates in cell block nine. 1453 00:59:31,038 --> 00:59:33,808 It was either watch his favorite DVD or... 1454 00:59:33,841 --> 00:59:35,109 No, I don't wanna know. 1455 00:59:35,142 --> 00:59:37,144 Yeah, yeah, you don't. 1456 00:59:38,079 --> 00:59:40,848 Hey, guys, look at this. 1457 00:59:40,881 --> 00:59:43,518 Who needs this many blood bags? 1458 00:59:43,552 --> 00:59:46,487 Same guy who does all this. 1459 00:59:46,521 --> 00:59:48,523 Maybe he's just doing a lot of drugs. 1460 00:59:48,557 --> 00:59:50,624 It does kinda Look like a meth lab in here. 1461 00:59:50,658 --> 00:59:52,493 How many meth labs have you been in, Rev? 1462 00:59:52,527 --> 00:59:53,727 Seven. 1463 00:59:53,761 --> 00:59:55,029 No, 1464 00:59:55,062 --> 00:59:55,896 eight. 1465 00:59:56,797 --> 00:59:59,467 Holy shit, guys, look at this. 1466 01:00:00,535 --> 01:00:02,636 Whoa, it's like A Beautiful Mind. 1467 01:00:02,670 --> 01:00:05,739 Yeah, but ugly as shit! 1468 01:00:05,773 --> 01:00:09,243 I wonder how many cats he stole this yarn from. 1469 01:00:09,276 --> 01:00:11,178 Oh, my God, look at that little guy. 1470 01:00:11,212 --> 01:00:12,012 Come on, Hawk. 1471 01:00:12,046 --> 01:00:12,847 This is serious. 1472 01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:13,681 I know, Rev. 1473 01:00:13,714 --> 01:00:15,282 Look what he's sitting on. 1474 01:00:15,316 --> 01:00:17,751 It's a blueprint for the city's water filtration plant. 1475 01:00:17,785 --> 01:00:19,588 Look, here's the well. 1476 01:00:19,620 --> 01:00:20,421 What? 1477 01:00:20,454 --> 01:00:21,255 How do you know that? 1478 01:00:21,288 --> 01:00:22,256 I used to work there. 1479 01:00:22,289 --> 01:00:23,824 They fired me 'cause I tried to excise a demon 1480 01:00:23,858 --> 01:00:25,426 from a day shift manager. 1481 01:00:25,459 --> 01:00:27,795 Well, they probably didn't want all that blood 1482 01:00:27,828 --> 01:00:29,330 near the city's clean water. 1483 01:00:31,198 --> 01:00:32,399 He's gonna poison the well. 1484 01:00:32,433 --> 01:00:37,371 And create an army of filthy ass vampires in the process. 1485 01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:42,109 What, what are you looking at? 1486 01:00:43,010 --> 01:00:43,811 Bye! 1487 01:00:43,844 --> 01:00:44,778 Bye. 1488 01:00:44,812 --> 01:00:46,313 We really need to call the cops. 1489 01:00:46,347 --> 01:00:47,214 We already did. 1490 01:00:47,248 --> 01:00:48,517 Trust me, they won't even believe us. 1491 01:00:48,550 --> 01:00:49,518 Yeah, they really won't. 1492 01:00:49,551 --> 01:00:50,651 Okay, well, then I'll call. 1493 01:00:50,684 --> 01:00:51,819 No, they'll still think it's me. 1494 01:00:51,852 --> 01:00:52,887 Yeah, they really will. 1495 01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:53,888 You'll probably get arrested. 1496 01:00:53,921 --> 01:00:55,524 Aren't you supposed to be taking notes on this? 1497 01:00:55,557 --> 01:00:58,792 No, Hawk, I think we have bigger problems right now. 1498 01:00:58,826 --> 01:00:59,827 Holy shit! 1499 01:00:59,860 --> 01:01:01,395 Why didn't I think of that? 1500 01:01:01,428 --> 01:01:02,531 Hold on. 1501 01:01:02,564 --> 01:01:04,965 Rev, I'm breaking rule three. 1502 01:01:09,503 --> 01:01:11,372 God, Hawk, what is it now? 1503 01:01:11,405 --> 01:01:12,206 I'm sorry, Jack. 1504 01:01:12,239 --> 01:01:13,941 I just wanted to call and confess 1505 01:01:13,974 --> 01:01:16,210 that we lied about those kids with cancer earlier. 1506 01:01:16,243 --> 01:01:17,411 I mean, don't get me wrong. 1507 01:01:17,444 --> 01:01:20,481 They still have it, but all the toys, they were stolen. 1508 01:01:20,515 --> 01:01:23,817 Great, then I'll come arrest you then. 1509 01:01:27,021 --> 01:01:27,888 Did you just hang up on me? 1510 01:01:27,922 --> 01:01:28,722 I did. 1511 01:01:28,756 --> 01:01:31,425 I told you not to call this... 1512 01:01:34,061 --> 01:01:34,862 You do that again, I swear to God, 1513 01:01:34,895 --> 01:01:35,829 I'll throw the book at you. 1514 01:01:35,863 --> 01:01:36,665 You hear me? 1515 01:01:36,697 --> 01:01:37,666 I triple dog dare you, Jack. 1516 01:01:37,698 --> 01:01:38,533 Hawk... 1517 01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:40,734 You didn't say where, genius. 1518 01:01:40,768 --> 01:01:42,537 Oh, son of a bitch! 1519 01:01:44,138 --> 01:01:44,939 Just hit redial! 1520 01:01:44,972 --> 01:01:45,973 I don't have redial. 1521 01:01:46,006 --> 01:01:47,576 You just hit the same button. 1522 01:01:47,609 --> 01:01:49,176 Hold on. 1523 01:01:50,110 --> 01:01:51,845 Hawk, you are done, do you hear me? 1524 01:01:51,879 --> 01:01:53,582 I'm going to own your ass, mister! 1525 01:01:53,615 --> 01:01:56,150 I forgot to say I'll be at the water filtration plant. 1526 01:01:56,183 --> 01:01:58,752 I am coming for you, you son of... 1527 01:01:58,786 --> 01:01:59,588 He'll be there. 1528 01:02:27,448 --> 01:02:31,519 Usually, I get so hard in a car full of people. 1529 01:02:32,419 --> 01:02:35,422 I mean, I'm usually up to fuck, mmm, 1530 01:02:37,424 --> 01:02:38,325 so much. 1531 01:02:38,359 --> 01:02:39,594 But I'm scared. 1532 01:02:41,630 --> 01:02:42,396 I'm gonna be honest. 1533 01:02:42,429 --> 01:02:43,864 I'm scared, guys. 1534 01:02:44,733 --> 01:02:47,868 I mean, my dick can't get hard when I'm scared 1535 01:02:47,901 --> 01:02:50,938 'cause Andros Junior doesn't like fear. 1536 01:02:50,971 --> 01:02:52,406 He likes pussies. 1537 01:02:55,109 --> 01:02:57,579 I wonder what he's doing over there. 1538 01:02:57,612 --> 01:03:00,481 He's probably talking on the phone with his mommy. 1539 01:03:00,515 --> 01:03:03,784 I mean, what kind of loser ass vampire lives in a garage? 1540 01:03:03,817 --> 01:03:05,853 Weren't you living in your parents' backyard? 1541 01:03:05,886 --> 01:03:07,154 Yeah, so what? 1542 01:03:07,187 --> 01:03:09,323 So where are you living now, Hawk? 1543 01:03:09,356 --> 01:03:12,359 Uh, in a tent in the camp down by the gully. 1544 01:03:12,393 --> 01:03:13,595 What are you trying to say, Rev? 1545 01:03:13,628 --> 01:03:15,396 I'm pretty sure he's trying to say 1546 01:03:15,429 --> 01:03:17,264 at least Jasper lives inside. 1547 01:03:17,298 --> 01:03:18,399 That's what I'm trying to say. 1548 01:03:18,432 --> 01:03:19,233 Yeah. 1549 01:03:19,266 --> 01:03:20,535 Oh, I see how it is. 1550 01:03:20,568 --> 01:03:21,670 You know what? 1551 01:03:21,703 --> 01:03:23,971 I don't need help, especially from some girl writer, 1552 01:03:24,004 --> 01:03:25,640 and some lame old goth band, 1553 01:03:25,674 --> 01:03:29,678 and a sad loser traitor I thought was my friend. 1554 01:03:39,019 --> 01:03:40,622 I really think we should wait for the cops, Hawk. 1555 01:03:40,655 --> 01:03:42,590 Oh, yeah, and just let that son of a bitch cop 1556 01:03:42,624 --> 01:03:44,992 with cool hair take all the glory? 1557 01:03:45,025 --> 01:03:46,528 No freaking way. 1558 01:03:46,561 --> 01:03:48,095 And another thing, fiery fox. 1559 01:03:48,128 --> 01:03:49,564 If I survive this battle, 1560 01:03:49,597 --> 01:03:51,666 we're going on a proper date, damn it, 1561 01:03:51,700 --> 01:03:53,867 not just another one-night stand in my tent 1562 01:03:53,901 --> 01:03:56,070 down in that camp down by the gully 1563 01:03:56,103 --> 01:03:59,273 next to that sad, sad snoring accountant. 1564 01:03:59,306 --> 01:04:00,107 Terry. 1565 01:04:00,140 --> 01:04:00,941 I like Terry. 1566 01:04:00,974 --> 01:04:01,776 Yeah. 1567 01:04:01,810 --> 01:04:02,610 I mean, no. 1568 01:04:02,644 --> 01:04:04,044 I mean, we're going on a proper date 1569 01:04:04,078 --> 01:04:06,447 to a place named after a garden or something. 1570 01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:08,650 They, they may even prepare a salad at the table. 1571 01:04:08,683 --> 01:04:12,687 I don't know, but we are going, even if you did have 1572 01:04:12,721 --> 01:04:17,458 liberal arts, creepy, poly, gothic group sex or whatever 1573 01:04:17,491 --> 01:04:19,761 with all or most of these people. 1574 01:04:19,794 --> 01:04:22,262 Yeah, that's not what's going on here. 1575 01:04:22,296 --> 01:04:23,097 Yeah. 1576 01:04:23,130 --> 01:04:26,133 Believe it or not, we're monogamous. 1577 01:04:28,536 --> 01:04:30,204 It really bothers you, doesn't it? 1578 01:04:30,237 --> 01:04:31,071 No! 1579 01:04:33,808 --> 01:04:36,143 I'm coming for you, vampire! 1580 01:04:37,612 --> 01:04:40,447 Wait, Hawk, you forgot your net! 1581 01:04:42,983 --> 01:04:44,753 Is the child lock on the door? 1582 01:04:44,786 --> 01:04:46,053 I think it's... 1583 01:05:02,970 --> 01:05:03,904 I got it. 1584 01:05:04,972 --> 01:05:08,142 You let them in my room without my permission. 1585 01:05:08,175 --> 01:05:10,645 I know it's technically the garage. 1586 01:05:10,678 --> 01:05:12,413 That's not the point! 1587 01:05:13,380 --> 01:05:14,982 Jesus Christ, Rev. 1588 01:05:15,015 --> 01:05:18,152 You can't just sneak up on people like that. 1589 01:05:18,185 --> 01:05:20,755 Sorry, but you forgot the... 1590 01:05:20,789 --> 01:05:21,623 Dang it! 1591 01:05:23,223 --> 01:05:24,057 Hawk. 1592 01:05:25,058 --> 01:05:26,193 Are you crying? 1593 01:05:28,328 --> 01:05:29,997 Hawk, this is huge! 1594 01:05:30,030 --> 01:05:33,267 Hawk, you're feeling something other than homicidal rage. 1595 01:05:33,300 --> 01:05:34,769 Don't you make fun of me. 1596 01:05:34,803 --> 01:05:36,170 I'm not making fun of you. 1597 01:05:36,203 --> 01:05:36,970 You are. 1598 01:05:37,004 --> 01:05:37,806 No, I'm not. 1599 01:05:37,839 --> 01:05:38,640 You are. 1600 01:05:38,673 --> 01:05:39,473 I am not. 1601 01:05:39,507 --> 01:05:40,307 Are to! 1602 01:05:40,340 --> 01:05:41,175 No! 1603 01:05:42,710 --> 01:05:43,977 Are to. 1604 01:05:44,011 --> 01:05:45,279 Am not. 1605 01:05:45,312 --> 01:05:46,848 Should we be helping them? 1606 01:05:46,881 --> 01:05:48,783 Dude, we're musicians. 1607 01:05:48,817 --> 01:05:50,518 We don't tussle with vampires. 1608 01:05:50,552 --> 01:05:52,119 Totally. 1609 01:05:52,152 --> 01:05:54,622 We could tussle with this. 1610 01:05:54,656 --> 01:05:55,857 God, you make me so angry! 1611 01:05:55,890 --> 01:05:57,458 You're not even a real pacifist! 1612 01:05:57,491 --> 01:05:58,292 Yes, I am! 1613 01:05:58,325 --> 01:05:59,126 It's you! 1614 01:05:59,159 --> 01:06:01,261 You're so violent. 1615 01:06:01,295 --> 01:06:03,964 You make fun of my feelings! 1616 01:06:03,997 --> 01:06:05,032 I hate you. 1617 01:06:05,065 --> 01:06:07,602 You also let them take my favorite vampire movie. 1618 01:06:07,635 --> 01:06:09,671 You know how much that means to me. 1619 01:06:09,704 --> 01:06:12,339 Yes, I know there are better movies, 1620 01:06:12,372 --> 01:06:13,440 but that's also not the point. 1621 01:06:13,474 --> 01:06:14,274 Yes, I am! 1622 01:06:14,308 --> 01:06:15,108 It's you! 1623 01:06:15,142 --> 01:06:17,077 You, you do this to me! 1624 01:06:22,517 --> 01:06:24,451 Mother, I have to go. 1625 01:06:28,890 --> 01:06:30,457 Forget something? 1626 01:06:32,292 --> 01:06:35,195 Also, where is the vampire? 1627 01:06:35,229 --> 01:06:36,029 I'm right here. 1628 01:06:38,800 --> 01:06:39,801 Oh, he's out. 1629 01:06:39,834 --> 01:06:41,201 I'm warning you, fang face. 1630 01:06:41,235 --> 01:06:42,737 I'm a 12-degree black belt. 1631 01:06:42,770 --> 01:06:44,639 I was army deep deep special ops. 1632 01:06:44,672 --> 01:06:46,741 And I've battled your loser kind before. 1633 01:06:46,774 --> 01:06:48,108 Yeah, and I... 1634 01:06:49,611 --> 01:06:51,946 I got this silver-plated net. 1635 01:06:51,980 --> 01:06:53,815 Now, you lay down those fangs and surrender 1636 01:06:53,848 --> 01:06:56,316 or we're gonna be forced to get physical. 1637 01:06:56,350 --> 01:06:57,552 Oh, I got that one. 1638 01:06:57,585 --> 01:06:58,586 I love that song, 1639 01:06:58,620 --> 01:07:00,788 - get physical. - Oh, come on, Rev. 1640 01:07:00,822 --> 01:07:03,591 I am so gonna enjoy this. 1641 01:07:03,625 --> 01:07:05,325 Hey, guys. 1642 01:07:05,359 --> 01:07:07,729 Who's your friend with the cool fangs? 1643 01:07:07,762 --> 01:07:09,062 Run, Terry! 1644 01:07:09,096 --> 01:07:09,998 What? 1645 01:07:10,030 --> 01:07:10,798 - He's a vampire! - He's a vampire, Terry! 1646 01:07:10,832 --> 01:07:11,633 Run! 1647 01:07:11,666 --> 01:07:12,634 Vampire? 1648 01:07:12,667 --> 01:07:14,234 He's a fucking, vampire, Terry! 1649 01:07:14,268 --> 01:07:15,068 Run! 1650 01:07:15,102 --> 01:07:15,937 Wait. 1651 01:07:16,804 --> 01:07:18,138 That's not cool. 1652 01:07:24,211 --> 01:07:25,880 Terry! 1653 01:07:25,914 --> 01:07:27,281 Not cool! 1654 01:07:27,314 --> 01:07:30,183 You get off him, you cannibal! 1655 01:07:30,217 --> 01:07:31,886 What are you gonna do, cry about it? 1656 01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:33,955 Like you did every night in cell block nine? 1657 01:07:33,988 --> 01:07:36,858 You'd cry too if your cellmate was a sexual predator. 1658 01:07:36,891 --> 01:07:37,692 Yeah! 1659 01:07:37,725 --> 01:07:38,526 - Wait, what? - What, you're... 1660 01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:39,827 No one's asking either of you. 1661 01:07:39,861 --> 01:07:40,995 Come on, Hawk. 1662 01:07:41,029 --> 01:07:43,998 There's no need to get all up in arms about it. 1663 01:07:49,236 --> 01:07:50,505 Catch! 1664 01:07:50,538 --> 01:07:51,639 Oh, God! 1665 01:07:52,707 --> 01:07:53,541 Oh! 1666 01:07:58,613 --> 01:07:59,614 Did he just rip that man's... 1667 01:07:59,647 --> 01:08:01,415 Arm off and throw it at 'em? 1668 01:08:01,448 --> 01:08:02,416 Not cool! 1669 01:08:02,449 --> 01:08:03,518 My arm! 1670 01:08:03,551 --> 01:08:05,385 You back away from that homeless accountant, 1671 01:08:05,419 --> 01:08:06,821 you vicious vampire scum! 1672 01:08:06,854 --> 01:08:09,356 What's wrong with you, you bloodsucking bastard! 1673 01:08:09,389 --> 01:08:10,959 Pick on someone your own size! 1674 01:08:10,992 --> 01:08:12,259 I'm sorry, guys. 1675 01:08:12,292 --> 01:08:14,494 Were you trying to get a leg up on me? 1676 01:08:14,529 --> 01:08:15,630 Not my leg! 1677 01:08:15,663 --> 01:08:17,065 Not his leg! 1678 01:08:17,097 --> 01:08:18,231 Not the leg! 1679 01:08:29,409 --> 01:08:30,745 So much blood. 1680 01:08:45,292 --> 01:08:46,928 He's laughing at us, Rev! 1681 01:08:46,961 --> 01:08:47,862 Come on, man! 1682 01:08:47,895 --> 01:08:49,262 He won't stop throwing limbs at me. 1683 01:08:49,296 --> 01:08:51,599 Guys, guys, guys. 1684 01:08:51,633 --> 01:08:53,133 No need to lose your head over it. 1685 01:08:53,166 --> 01:08:53,968 Don't you even. 1686 01:08:54,002 --> 01:08:54,802 No! 1687 01:08:54,836 --> 01:08:55,803 Not the head! 1688 01:08:55,837 --> 01:08:56,638 - Please don't do that! - No, don't. 1689 01:08:56,671 --> 01:08:57,471 Not that, no! 1690 01:08:57,505 --> 01:09:00,273 Any last words, accountant? 1691 01:09:00,307 --> 01:09:02,043 Tell my mom 1692 01:09:02,076 --> 01:09:05,145 that she can't write the ferrets off on federal tax. 1693 01:09:05,178 --> 01:09:07,882 But maybe try state because they can count 1694 01:09:07,915 --> 01:09:12,053 as companion animals, you know, for emotional support. 1695 01:09:12,086 --> 01:09:13,588 Emotional support! 1696 01:09:15,990 --> 01:09:16,991 No! 1697 01:09:17,025 --> 01:09:18,026 No! 1698 01:09:20,193 --> 01:09:20,995 No! 1699 01:09:26,134 --> 01:09:27,200 No! 1700 01:09:42,850 --> 01:09:45,285 You're going down, Hawk. 1701 01:09:45,318 --> 01:09:47,454 This is the last time you do this to me. 1702 01:09:47,487 --> 01:09:48,823 Now you're mine. 1703 01:09:50,290 --> 01:09:51,191 You know, 1704 01:09:52,392 --> 01:09:55,129 I used to be just like you guys. 1705 01:09:55,163 --> 01:09:56,363 I fought evil. 1706 01:09:56,396 --> 01:09:58,633 I defended the good and the weak. 1707 01:09:58,666 --> 01:10:00,935 Hell, I even had 72 red baron kills. 1708 01:10:00,968 --> 01:10:03,104 You're nothing like us, vampire. 1709 01:10:03,137 --> 01:10:04,772 That is a shit ton of kills. 1710 01:10:04,806 --> 01:10:05,673 That is a lot of kills. 1711 01:10:05,707 --> 01:10:07,240 Yeah, you're like a mass murderer. 1712 01:10:07,274 --> 01:10:08,810 They're blood suckers, Rev. 1713 01:10:08,843 --> 01:10:11,879 Yeah, anyway, you know what I got 1714 01:10:11,913 --> 01:10:15,183 after defending Santa Muerte for all those years, 1715 01:10:15,215 --> 01:10:18,086 after all that blood, sweat and sacrifice? 1716 01:10:18,119 --> 01:10:19,587 I don't know, vampire. 1717 01:10:19,620 --> 01:10:22,924 A raging boner load of your own satisfaction? 1718 01:10:22,957 --> 01:10:24,224 That's what I'd have. 1719 01:10:24,257 --> 01:10:25,526 I got nothing. 1720 01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:27,260 It was meaningless. 1721 01:10:27,294 --> 01:10:29,731 I was resigned to my mortal fate, 1722 01:10:29,764 --> 01:10:31,833 until I got a call from a nursing home 1723 01:10:31,866 --> 01:10:34,702 about some old drooling Nosferatu. 1724 01:10:40,273 --> 01:10:41,576 Give up, you old demon! 1725 01:10:41,609 --> 01:10:42,710 Never! 1726 01:10:42,744 --> 01:10:44,679 Join me, human spawn. 1727 01:10:57,290 --> 01:11:00,393 And just like that, I was immortal, 1728 01:11:01,361 --> 01:11:03,998 at the top of the food chain officially. 1729 01:11:04,031 --> 01:11:06,934 And there's plenty of room up here for you, 1730 01:11:06,968 --> 01:11:08,536 your boyfriend, 1731 01:11:08,569 --> 01:11:12,339 and his mentally challenged janitor sidekick. 1732 01:11:13,273 --> 01:11:15,442 You should all just join me. 1733 01:11:15,475 --> 01:11:16,878 We could rule the world. 1734 01:11:16,911 --> 01:11:18,780 We'll never join you, vampire. 1735 01:11:18,813 --> 01:11:21,649 Also, Rev is not mentally challenged. 1736 01:11:21,682 --> 01:11:24,417 He is a goddamn groundskeeping engineer. 1737 01:11:24,451 --> 01:11:26,120 Thank you for remembering that, Hawk. 1738 01:11:26,154 --> 01:11:29,090 Also, Hawk is not my boyfriend. 1739 01:11:29,123 --> 01:11:30,191 Wait, what? 1740 01:11:30,224 --> 01:11:32,359 You're not my boyfriend, Hawk! 1741 01:11:32,392 --> 01:11:34,195 But we had all that sex. 1742 01:11:34,228 --> 01:11:35,930 I mean, you even let me do that thing. 1743 01:11:35,963 --> 01:11:39,466 Yeah, she let me do that thing too, man. 1744 01:11:41,135 --> 01:11:44,005 You slept with a vampire? 1745 01:11:44,038 --> 01:11:46,473 Dude, this is so boring. 1746 01:11:46,507 --> 01:11:49,376 I mean, other than that poor man's limbs being ripped off. 1747 01:11:49,409 --> 01:11:51,344 Yeah, there was that. 1748 01:11:51,378 --> 01:11:52,980 I thought Hawk said he was a black belt. 1749 01:11:53,014 --> 01:11:53,815 Come on. 1750 01:11:53,848 --> 01:11:56,150 He thought we were vampires. 1751 01:11:58,252 --> 01:11:59,754 Where the fuck did you get popcorn? 1752 01:11:59,787 --> 01:12:00,955 Yeah. 1753 01:12:00,988 --> 01:12:02,089 When did you pop that? 1754 01:12:02,123 --> 01:12:03,124 How do you even get it in your mouth? 1755 01:12:03,157 --> 01:12:05,358 I didn't open your zipper. 1756 01:12:05,392 --> 01:12:06,828 Oh, you're doing that yourself now? 1757 01:12:13,835 --> 01:12:16,671 You're motherfucking mine. 1758 01:12:17,538 --> 01:12:18,338 Come on, Hawk. 1759 01:12:18,371 --> 01:12:19,507 I mean, you just gotta get past 1760 01:12:19,540 --> 01:12:23,778 your narrow-minded views of monogamous relationships. 1761 01:12:23,811 --> 01:12:24,612 Yeah. 1762 01:12:24,645 --> 01:12:27,347 Seriously, dude, relax. 1763 01:12:27,380 --> 01:12:28,716 Hawk, join me. 1764 01:12:29,684 --> 01:12:31,853 You can have any man or woman you want, 1765 01:12:31,886 --> 01:12:34,589 be or do anything you want. 1766 01:12:34,622 --> 01:12:35,823 And you never have to work 1767 01:12:35,857 --> 01:12:39,426 as a small town night security guard again. 1768 01:12:40,828 --> 01:12:43,898 People might even take you seriously. 1769 01:12:47,134 --> 01:12:48,302 I'm not gonna lie, guys. 1770 01:12:48,336 --> 01:12:50,304 This is sounding pretty good. 1771 01:12:50,338 --> 01:12:52,573 I mean, no one ever takes me seriously. 1772 01:12:52,607 --> 01:12:55,142 - Yeah, they don't. - They really don't. 1773 01:12:55,176 --> 01:12:56,110 At all. 1774 01:12:56,143 --> 01:12:58,279 I didn't think it was that bad. 1775 01:12:58,312 --> 01:13:01,349 Look, I appreciate the offer, vampire. 1776 01:13:01,381 --> 01:13:02,984 I really do. 1777 01:13:03,017 --> 01:13:06,287 But I'm already pretty good at kicking asses. 1778 01:13:06,320 --> 01:13:10,658 And Theo here, I mean, she's all the woman I need. 1779 01:13:10,691 --> 01:13:13,594 Also, I kinda like being a small town night security guard 1780 01:13:13,628 --> 01:13:16,097 who's bad with women and people don't take seriously. 1781 01:13:16,130 --> 01:13:18,232 It gives me the element of surprise. 1782 01:13:18,266 --> 01:13:21,302 Also, I'm not a cannibal, and I don't eat people. 1783 01:13:21,335 --> 01:13:22,169 That's the same thing. 1784 01:13:22,203 --> 01:13:23,137 You just said the same thing twice. 1785 01:13:23,170 --> 01:13:23,971 That's the same. 1786 01:13:24,005 --> 01:13:25,373 Yeah, that's the same thing, man. 1787 01:13:25,405 --> 01:13:26,207 You know what? 1788 01:13:26,240 --> 01:13:27,508 What-fucking-ever, vampire! 1789 01:13:27,541 --> 01:13:29,543 I'm done playing your bloodsucking games! 1790 01:13:29,577 --> 01:13:30,378 Yeah. 1791 01:13:30,410 --> 01:13:31,345 Yeah. 1792 01:13:31,379 --> 01:13:32,313 Now, I'm gonna give you one last chance 1793 01:13:32,346 --> 01:13:34,481 to lay down those fangs and surrender. 1794 01:13:34,515 --> 01:13:37,484 Or mark my words as Hawk-Hawk, vampire slayer, 1795 01:13:37,518 --> 01:13:39,987 savior and protector of Santa Muerte... 1796 01:13:40,021 --> 01:13:40,988 Yeah. 1797 01:13:41,022 --> 01:13:42,489 I will drive a stake right through that ass! 1798 01:13:42,523 --> 01:13:43,324 Yeah! 1799 01:13:43,357 --> 01:13:44,158 Or chest. 1800 01:13:44,191 --> 01:13:44,992 What? 1801 01:13:45,026 --> 01:13:46,627 You get the idea! 1802 01:13:49,230 --> 01:13:51,999 Damn it, I forgot my secret stake. 1803 01:13:52,033 --> 01:13:54,368 If you trace your steps back, maybe we can figure out. 1804 01:13:54,402 --> 01:13:56,003 You had it at the religious supply store 1805 01:13:56,037 --> 01:13:57,271 - so maybe you left it... - Rev, we get it! 1806 01:13:57,305 --> 01:13:58,438 I got this, okay? 1807 01:14:24,665 --> 01:14:25,566 Oh, yeah! 1808 01:14:28,302 --> 01:14:30,371 Holy shit, that's working! 1809 01:14:30,404 --> 01:14:33,341 Oh, vampires don't like Jesus. 1810 01:14:33,374 --> 01:14:35,475 Quick, Rev, get the silver-plated net. 1811 01:14:35,509 --> 01:14:37,278 We're taking this one alive. 1812 01:14:37,311 --> 01:14:38,679 Right behind you. 1813 01:14:38,713 --> 01:14:39,547 Catch! 1814 01:14:41,449 --> 01:14:44,652 In the name of the father, the son 1815 01:14:44,685 --> 01:14:47,188 and the motherfucking holy ghost! 1816 01:14:47,221 --> 01:14:48,222 And Jesus! 1817 01:14:49,423 --> 01:14:50,490 One. 1818 01:14:50,524 --> 01:14:51,592 Two. 1819 01:14:51,625 --> 01:14:52,460 Three! 1820 01:14:55,563 --> 01:14:56,397 Yeah! 1821 01:15:05,539 --> 01:15:07,675 Don't you hiss at my woman, fang face. 1822 01:15:07,708 --> 01:15:09,076 Easy, Hawk. 1823 01:15:09,110 --> 01:15:11,045 Yeah, I can take care of myself, thank you. 1824 01:15:11,078 --> 01:15:12,213 Oh, yeah, sorry. 1825 01:15:12,246 --> 01:15:13,280 I forgot. 1826 01:15:13,314 --> 01:15:16,784 Hawk, you know, I'm just so proud of you. 1827 01:15:16,817 --> 01:15:17,752 I really am. 1828 01:15:17,785 --> 01:15:19,220 I think you've done a wonderful job. 1829 01:15:19,253 --> 01:15:20,621 Oh, thanks, Rev. 1830 01:15:20,654 --> 01:15:21,555 You know what? 1831 01:15:21,589 --> 01:15:23,824 I think you can wear one of my vests now. 1832 01:15:23,858 --> 01:15:24,658 You earned it. 1833 01:15:24,692 --> 01:15:25,659 Really? 1834 01:15:25,693 --> 01:15:28,662 I've always wanted to wear one of your vests. 1835 01:15:28,696 --> 01:15:30,231 Theo, what do you think? 1836 01:15:30,264 --> 01:15:31,832 Okay, Hawk, I'll write about you. 1837 01:15:31,866 --> 01:15:34,335 And I will consider being your girlfriend. 1838 01:15:34,368 --> 01:15:36,437 No, no, I mean about wearing one of my vests. 1839 01:15:36,470 --> 01:15:37,271 Oh, my God. 1840 01:15:37,304 --> 01:15:38,105 I'll think about it. 1841 01:15:38,139 --> 01:15:39,040 Oh no. 1842 01:15:39,073 --> 01:15:39,874 What? 1843 01:15:39,907 --> 01:15:41,709 Oh, a nick, 1844 01:15:41,742 --> 01:15:44,345 or a bite, a bite from a... 1845 01:15:45,946 --> 01:15:47,381 The vampire nicked me! 1846 01:15:47,415 --> 01:15:48,249 I'm gonna be a blood sucking, 1847 01:15:48,282 --> 01:15:49,984 no, I'm gonna be a bloodsucking vampire! 1848 01:15:50,017 --> 01:15:50,851 Stop that! 1849 01:15:51,752 --> 01:15:52,720 Just get away! 1850 01:15:55,122 --> 01:15:56,190 Get that away from me! 1851 01:15:56,223 --> 01:15:57,024 Get the hell back! 1852 01:15:57,058 --> 01:15:59,528 I'm a bloodsucking vampire! 1853 01:15:59,593 --> 01:16:00,394 Oh no! 1854 01:16:02,163 --> 01:16:02,997 Oh God! 1855 01:16:04,298 --> 01:16:05,833 Jesus Christ. 1856 01:16:05,866 --> 01:16:07,501 Oh God. 1857 01:16:07,536 --> 01:16:09,203 Hey, Jack. 1858 01:16:09,236 --> 01:16:11,506 We finally caught ourselves a vampire. 1859 01:16:11,540 --> 01:16:12,573 This is Deputy Jack Scroggins. 1860 01:16:12,606 --> 01:16:13,674 I'm gonna need some help up here 1861 01:16:13,707 --> 01:16:15,476 on the road to Santa Muerte water filtration plant. 1862 01:16:15,510 --> 01:16:17,144 Somebody get my stepmom! 1863 01:16:17,178 --> 01:16:18,012 Oh my God! 1864 01:16:19,013 --> 01:16:21,315 Also, he may turn into one, so. 1865 01:16:21,348 --> 01:16:22,249 I'm a future killer. 1866 01:16:22,283 --> 01:16:23,184 I'm a future killer. 1867 01:16:23,217 --> 01:16:24,251 I'm gonna kill people in the future. 1868 01:16:24,285 --> 01:16:25,719 Make that a lot of help. 1869 01:16:25,753 --> 01:16:26,555 You did it! 1870 01:16:26,587 --> 01:16:27,488 You did it! 1871 01:16:31,158 --> 01:16:31,959 Oh God! 1872 01:16:31,992 --> 01:16:34,261 Can we get a bandaid? 1873 01:16:34,295 --> 01:16:36,263 Horrible timing. 1874 01:16:36,297 --> 01:16:37,131 Oh God! 1875 01:16:39,033 --> 01:16:43,270 ♪ You have my word as the air earth has the sun ♪ 1876 01:16:43,304 --> 01:16:45,906 ♪ As the water has the rock ♪ 1877 01:16:45,940 --> 01:16:50,077 ♪ There is no question, there are none ♪ 1878 01:16:50,111 --> 01:16:54,448 ♪ You have my word as the branches have the sky ♪ 1879 01:16:54,482 --> 01:16:57,218 ♪ As these lungs take the air ♪ 1880 01:16:57,251 --> 01:17:00,154 ♪ There is no question of why ♪ 1881 01:17:00,187 --> 01:17:05,192 ♪ My word is good ♪ 1882 01:17:05,626 --> 01:17:10,631 ♪ My word is law ♪ 1883 01:17:12,032 --> 01:17:14,603 ♪ My baby, my baby ♪ 1884 01:17:14,635 --> 01:17:16,437 Dear Hawk, we're so happy 1885 01:17:16,470 --> 01:17:18,607 you're feeling well enough to go back to work. 1886 01:17:18,639 --> 01:17:20,575 Maybe you'll finally move out of the yard, 1887 01:17:20,609 --> 01:17:22,710 or better yet, back into the house. 1888 01:17:22,743 --> 01:17:24,245 Love, mom and dad. 1889 01:17:25,713 --> 01:17:28,482 ♪ Their faces here, they glow ♪ 1890 01:17:28,517 --> 01:17:30,184 ♪ Girl, you're welcome here ♪ 1891 01:17:30,217 --> 01:17:33,954 ♪ It's more than you know ♪ 1892 01:17:35,222 --> 01:17:39,426 ♪ You have my word as the earth has the sun ♪ 1893 01:17:39,460 --> 01:17:42,496 ♪ As the water has the rock ♪ 1894 01:17:42,531 --> 01:17:46,300 ♪ There is no question, there are none ♪ 1895 01:17:46,333 --> 01:17:47,301 ♪ You have my word ♪ 1896 01:17:47,334 --> 01:17:48,570 Yeah. 1897 01:17:48,603 --> 01:17:50,905 Yeah, that's good, Hawk. 1898 01:17:50,938 --> 01:17:52,339 I'm proud of you. 1899 01:17:54,041 --> 01:17:55,577 You just take it easy there, vampire. 1900 01:17:55,610 --> 01:17:56,810 I got my eye on you. 1901 01:17:56,844 --> 01:17:58,779 I'm not a vampire, silly. 1902 01:17:58,812 --> 01:18:00,582 How could I exist in the sun? 1903 01:18:00,615 --> 01:18:01,583 I don't know. 1904 01:18:01,616 --> 01:18:03,552 Maybe your clean vegan lifestyle has turned you 1905 01:18:03,585 --> 01:18:06,987 into a vegan super vampire who's impervious to the sun. 1906 01:18:07,021 --> 01:18:09,957 Well, I'm not craving human blood or anything 1907 01:18:09,990 --> 01:18:11,593 or any type of blood. 1908 01:18:11,626 --> 01:18:13,360 And I'm not thinking about murder. 1909 01:18:13,394 --> 01:18:14,261 Well, that's good. 1910 01:18:14,295 --> 01:18:15,729 But if you try anything... 1911 01:18:15,763 --> 01:18:16,565 I won't. 1912 01:18:16,598 --> 01:18:18,432 Yeah, but if you do. 1913 01:18:21,468 --> 01:18:22,436 Dang it, Hawk. 1914 01:18:22,469 --> 01:18:25,072 I thought we agreed, no secret stake at tai chi. 1915 01:18:25,105 --> 01:18:25,906 We did. 1916 01:18:25,940 --> 01:18:26,707 But you still brought it. 1917 01:18:26,740 --> 01:18:27,542 I know. 1918 01:18:27,576 --> 01:18:28,943 It's a gift. 1919 01:18:28,976 --> 01:18:30,144 It's for you. 1920 01:18:30,177 --> 01:18:31,011 For me? 1921 01:18:32,346 --> 01:18:34,415 Hawk, you son of a bitch. 1922 01:18:40,154 --> 01:18:42,389 What's the matter, old boy? 1923 01:18:44,124 --> 01:18:45,292 You vampire! 1924 01:18:46,860 --> 01:18:47,696 You! 1925 01:18:50,699 --> 01:18:51,700 Damn it. 1926 01:18:51,732 --> 01:18:53,934 My own secret stake. 1927 01:18:53,968 --> 01:18:55,836 Yeah, so this way, you know, if you turn, 1928 01:18:55,869 --> 01:18:56,904 you can just stake yourself 1929 01:18:56,937 --> 01:19:01,008 so I don't have to live with the guilt of it all. 1930 01:19:12,554 --> 01:19:13,887 You're welcome. 1931 01:19:13,921 --> 01:19:14,723 I'm sorry. 1932 01:19:14,755 --> 01:19:15,557 For what? 1933 01:19:15,590 --> 01:19:16,658 For saving Santa Muerte 1934 01:19:16,691 --> 01:19:18,926 from bloodsucking vampires. 1935 01:19:20,662 --> 01:19:22,429 I'm just glad everything's settled down. 1936 01:19:22,463 --> 01:19:24,765 Well, either way, I'll still be here 1937 01:19:24,798 --> 01:19:26,601 carting this empty building. 1938 01:19:26,635 --> 01:19:27,569 And you'll be on time. 1939 01:19:27,602 --> 01:19:28,603 Jesus Christ, Arnold. 1940 01:19:28,637 --> 01:19:29,738 Give me a damn break. 1941 01:19:29,770 --> 01:19:30,838 I'll give you a break, Hawk, 1942 01:19:30,871 --> 01:19:32,607 when you stop attacking my religion. 1943 01:19:32,641 --> 01:19:35,276 Well, we'll call it a Mexican standoff. 1944 01:19:35,309 --> 01:19:36,678 Speaking of breaks, I think it's about time 1945 01:19:36,711 --> 01:19:37,746 for me to take mine. 1946 01:19:37,778 --> 01:19:38,713 You just clocked in. 1947 01:19:38,747 --> 01:19:40,314 Take it up with the damn liberals. 1948 01:20:00,501 --> 01:20:02,836 Hey, what's up, guys? 1949 01:20:02,870 --> 01:20:03,705 I'm back. 1950 01:20:05,039 --> 01:20:06,440 How was your gig? 1951 01:20:11,011 --> 01:20:12,346 Fucking mummies! 1952 01:20:13,213 --> 01:20:16,850 ♪ Hawk and Rev doing anything ♪ 1953 01:20:16,884 --> 01:20:20,854 ♪ Saving the world, keeping everything ♪ 1954 01:20:20,888 --> 01:20:24,759 ♪ Safe for you when you sleep at night ♪ 1955 01:20:24,793 --> 01:20:28,929 ♪ They'll be asleep just by our side ♪ 1956 01:20:28,962 --> 01:20:32,767 ♪ Hawk and Rev saving the day ♪ 1957 01:20:32,801 --> 01:20:36,738 ♪ Fighting vampires, chasing them away ♪ 1958 01:20:36,771 --> 01:20:40,709 ♪ Don't have to be tough, don't have to be strong ♪ 1959 01:20:40,742 --> 01:20:45,814 ♪ Just hold my hand when the night's been long ♪ 1960 01:20:45,846 --> 01:20:48,949 ♪ Oh, don't you fret my dear ♪ 1961 01:20:48,982 --> 01:20:52,386 ♪ He's gonna make it all right out here ♪ 1962 01:20:52,419 --> 01:20:57,424 ♪ Santa Muerte's got themselves some new heroes ♪ 1963 01:21:02,496 --> 01:21:03,997 So you're doing that yourself, now? 1964 01:21:04,031 --> 01:21:05,265 Take off the mask, Forneus. 1965 01:21:05,299 --> 01:21:07,368 Seriously, take it off. 1966 01:21:08,302 --> 01:21:11,338 ♪ Hawk and Rev ♪ 1967 01:21:11,372 --> 01:21:12,707 Hawk, what the hell are you doing? 1968 01:21:12,741 --> 01:21:14,308 You're wearing Forneus's gimp mask. 1969 01:21:14,341 --> 01:21:15,710 I'm sorry, guys. 1970 01:21:15,744 --> 01:21:20,548 It's just that I get really lonely down at hobo camp. 1971 01:21:20,582 --> 01:21:24,686 Just everyone always leaves me, like Theo. 1972 01:21:24,719 --> 01:21:27,187 I'm just trying to fit in. 1973 01:21:27,221 --> 01:21:28,590 What? 1974 01:21:28,623 --> 01:21:30,592 You know what, if you guys aren't gonna accept me, 1975 01:21:30,625 --> 01:21:33,026 then I'll just, I'll just go! 1976 01:21:33,961 --> 01:21:34,763 Wow. 1977 01:21:35,996 --> 01:21:37,231 Can you leave the popcorn at least? 1978 01:21:37,264 --> 01:21:38,265 Fine! 1979 01:21:38,298 --> 01:21:40,200 I have the munchies, drama queen. 1980 01:21:40,234 --> 01:21:42,269 Seriously though. 1981 01:21:42,302 --> 01:21:44,071 What's his problem? 1982 01:21:44,104 --> 01:21:45,072 Drama. 1983 01:21:45,105 --> 01:21:46,206 Yeah. 1984 01:21:46,240 --> 01:21:47,307 Wait. 1985 01:21:47,341 --> 01:21:50,779 Where is Forneus? 1986 01:21:50,812 --> 01:21:52,079 Rev, what the hell are you doing? 1987 01:21:52,112 --> 01:21:54,014 Why are you wearing Forneus's gimp mask, Rev? 1988 01:21:54,047 --> 01:21:55,449 Geeze louise, guys. 1989 01:21:55,482 --> 01:21:56,785 You have to get over your narrow-minded view 1990 01:21:56,818 --> 01:21:58,720 of slave/domination. 1991 01:21:58,753 --> 01:22:00,921 I mean, it is 2030, right? 1992 01:22:02,122 --> 01:22:03,323 It is? 1993 01:22:03,357 --> 01:22:07,961 Yeah, it takes a really long time to make an indie film. 1994 01:22:07,995 --> 01:22:09,430 Yeah, I guess he's right. 1995 01:22:09,463 --> 01:22:11,198 Oh, wait, popcorn! 1996 01:22:11,231 --> 01:22:12,032 Okay. 1997 01:22:12,065 --> 01:22:13,802 It's soy milk flavored. 1998 01:22:13,835 --> 01:22:15,302 Hmm. 1999 01:22:15,335 --> 01:22:16,270 I like soy milk. 2000 01:22:16,303 --> 01:22:18,740 Oh, God, that's disgusting! 2001 01:22:22,610 --> 01:22:23,611 Hey, guys. 2002 01:22:23,645 --> 01:22:24,779 Terry, what the hell are you doing? 2003 01:22:24,813 --> 01:22:27,047 Why are you wearing Forneus's gimp mask, Terry? 2004 01:22:27,080 --> 01:22:28,248 Oh, that. 2005 01:22:28,282 --> 01:22:30,250 I'm just trying to get away from my mom. 2006 01:22:30,284 --> 01:22:31,452 She keeps trying to make me do 2007 01:22:31,485 --> 01:22:33,555 weird deductions with her taxes, 2008 01:22:33,588 --> 01:22:36,558 you know, ferrets, and barrels of toxic waste, 2009 01:22:36,591 --> 01:22:39,727 and a life-sized blow-up doll of my stepdad. 2010 01:22:39,761 --> 01:22:40,895 Gross. 2011 01:22:40,929 --> 01:22:42,597 But we just saw you get ripped to shreds. 2012 01:22:42,630 --> 01:22:44,699 By a blood-thirsty vampire. 2013 01:22:44,732 --> 01:22:45,767 I know. 2014 01:22:45,800 --> 01:22:49,671 It's weird how life works out sometimes, right? 2015 01:22:52,406 --> 01:22:53,675 Who the hell are you? 2016 01:22:53,708 --> 01:22:57,010 Yeah, and why are you wearing Forneus's gimp mask? 2017 01:22:57,044 --> 01:22:57,846 I'm Sean. 2018 01:22:57,879 --> 01:22:59,012 I'm the cinematographer. 2019 01:22:59,046 --> 01:23:00,548 You know, with these low-budget movies, 2020 01:23:00,582 --> 01:23:02,650 you know, not enough budget for other actors. 2021 01:23:02,684 --> 01:23:04,151 Okay, sure. 2022 01:23:04,184 --> 01:23:05,085 But then who's... 2023 01:23:05,118 --> 01:23:08,188 Yeah, who's filming us right now? 2024 01:23:08,222 --> 01:23:11,492 That's a good question, actually. 2025 01:23:11,526 --> 01:23:13,360 Hasta la vista, baby. 2026 01:23:13,393 --> 01:23:14,529 It's Terminator. 2027 01:23:14,562 --> 01:23:15,530 Right. 2028 01:23:15,563 --> 01:23:16,965 This is the one where he goes back to the past 2029 01:23:16,997 --> 01:23:18,232 to kill, right? 2030 01:23:19,299 --> 01:23:20,702 I never saw it. 2031 01:23:21,703 --> 01:23:24,238 Hey, this is a really nice shot, vampire. 2032 01:23:24,271 --> 01:23:27,040 Yeah, looking good, vampire brother. 2033 01:23:27,074 --> 01:23:28,308 Whoa, whoa. 2034 01:23:28,342 --> 01:23:30,077 Rev, you can't say that. 2035 01:23:30,110 --> 01:23:31,144 He's the director. 2036 01:23:31,178 --> 01:23:32,614 Plus that's not cool. 2037 01:23:32,647 --> 01:23:34,147 Yeah, but I'm also half vampire now, 2038 01:23:34,181 --> 01:23:37,351 so I can say things like that, right? 2039 01:23:37,384 --> 01:23:41,856 I'll always think of you as a half human hippie janitor. 2040 01:23:41,890 --> 01:23:43,457 Well, first off, I'm not a janitor. 2041 01:23:43,490 --> 01:23:45,259 I'm a groundskeeping engineer. 2042 01:23:45,292 --> 01:23:48,195 And apparently, I'm an actor, so. 2043 01:23:48,228 --> 01:23:49,029 I looked at your eye again. 2044 01:23:49,062 --> 01:23:49,864 I'm sorry. 2045 01:23:49,898 --> 01:23:50,698 I can't help it. 2046 01:23:53,345 --> 01:23:58,345 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 137503

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.