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00:00:13,063 --> 00:00:15,113
Come on! Xena rocks!
3
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,816
Aphrodite blows!
4
00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:42,591
Delinquent losers!
5
00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:46,861
I've got half a mind to
hit you with... A love bolt?
6
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:52,401
Hardly seems a threat. My, my,
7
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,837
they certainly made a mess here.
8
00:00:55,906 --> 00:00:59,441
Back off, Ar. I'm
bummed out enough.
9
00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:02,377
You know what
your problem is? Duh.
10
00:01:02,446 --> 00:01:04,746
Your little Xena.
11
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:08,667
Gabrielle, her friend.
12
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:13,205
See, I only made the
warrior. She made the legend.
13
00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:16,675
Have you read any of
her so-called stories? Huh.
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00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:19,711
"A warrior who loves
the common person."
15
00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:22,080
You'd think she was a goddess.
16
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:25,550
Pretty soon, when
people think of "love,"
17
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:28,253
they're gonna think
Xena, not Aphrodite.
18
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:31,223
Xena? Don't blame her.
19
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,975
It's Gabrielle
and her busy quill.
20
00:01:34,044 --> 00:01:36,295
That's your problem.
21
00:01:44,821 --> 00:01:47,322
I love starting a new scroll.
22
00:01:47,391 --> 00:01:49,991
The feel of it in
your hands, the look.
23
00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:54,913
So clean. So perfectly empty.
24
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:59,818
Listen. The way it crinkles
the first time you open it.
25
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:04,490
And that smell.
26
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:08,894
It's just a special,
untouched scent.
27
00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:12,698
Try it. It smells like
musty old leather to me.
28
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,617
Well, to the non-creative
person perhaps.
29
00:02:15,686 --> 00:02:18,954
Let's see. Your last
adventure began with...
30
00:02:19,022 --> 00:02:22,223
Don't you ever get tired of
just writing down what I do?
31
00:02:22,292 --> 00:02:25,660
Why don't you create new
characters, new images?
32
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,714
You mean fiction?
33
00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:32,128
Well, I thought
about trying that...
34
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,085
someday.
35
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,923
- Do you really
think I could? - Give it a shot... quietly.
36
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:43,678
- Good night.
- Xena...
37
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:46,615
And make someone
else the hero for a change.
38
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:57,459
"Xena had gone fishing.
39
00:02:58,462 --> 00:03:02,964
"The lone warrior, Gabrielle,
40
00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:06,701
"awoke with a jerk...
41
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:10,272
"as five barbarians
rode out of the woods.
42
00:03:11,641 --> 00:03:15,009
"Twirling her trusty staff,
43
00:03:15,079 --> 00:03:19,781
she delivered her
kicks with such fury."
44
00:03:21,685 --> 00:03:25,287
This fiction stuff
can be really fun.
45
00:03:35,332 --> 00:03:38,267
Oh, yeah. A lot of fun.
46
00:03:45,576 --> 00:03:47,025
Xena!
47
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,961
We've got company!
48
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:58,620
Xena! Wake up! Wake up!
49
00:03:58,689 --> 00:04:01,406
Xena!
50
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,924
Xena!
51
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:22,927
Okay, you asked for it!
52
00:04:22,997 --> 00:04:27,099
Round and up and down she goes.
Where she stops, nobody knows!
53
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,203
Schwing!
54
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,712
Huh?
55
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,722
Ow.
56
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:27,008
She's too much for us!
57
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:30,712
Let's get out of here!
58
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,701
And don't come
back! Did you see that?
59
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,703
Back flips!
60
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,705
I don't do back flips.
61
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:43,508
You have armor on under
there? Where's Xena?
62
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:47,011
Who were those...
What are you...
63
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,013
Wait a minute.
64
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:58,056
"Xena had gone... The
lone warrior, Gabrielle...
65
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,892
"As five barbarians...
66
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:05,429
"She started twirling her trusty
staff, delivering kicks of such fury.
67
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:08,933
Deflected the thrust of a
sword with her mighty abs."
68
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,136
I wrote this.
69
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,317
Whoa. Whoa, whoa,
whoa. Wait, wait, wait.
70
00:06:15,341 --> 00:06:17,620
Are you saying anything
you write in there comes true?
71
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:20,844
Excuse me while I laugh.
72
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:25,049
Yeow! Catch. Ow. Ow.
73
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,852
Something's
wrong with this stick.
74
00:06:27,905 --> 00:06:30,838
Ooh. Eee. Uh, uh, uh, uh!
75
00:06:36,046 --> 00:06:38,813
- Why'd I do that?
- Because I wrote you did.
76
00:06:38,882 --> 00:06:41,482
I can write anything, and...
77
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:43,584
And it comes true.
78
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:57,382
In a time of ancient gods...
79
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,153
warlords and kings,
80
00:07:02,205 --> 00:07:05,941
a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.
81
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,036
She was Xena,
82
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:21,773
a mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.
83
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:28,680
The power.
84
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,883
The passion.
85
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,888
The danger.
86
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:44,662
Her courage will
change the world.
87
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:53,671
In my hands, this scroll
could be a gift to mankind.
88
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:56,852
Xena will be very proud when
she comes back from fishing.
89
00:07:56,876 --> 00:08:00,044
Fishing? I wrote her fishing.
90
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,080
What did you write
to bring me here?
91
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,381
Like, uh, you know, Gabrielle...
92
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:07,051
appeared with a guy
with the heart of a lion,
93
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,153
soul of a warrior,
that kind of thing.
94
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,690
Let's see. Uh...
95
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:16,427
"Xena has gone fi-" Fishing.
96
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:21,465
"Fishing. Gabrielle
awoke with a jerk.
97
00:08:23,402 --> 00:08:25,503
Gabrielle awoke with a jerk."
98
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:27,505
That's a funny phrase.
99
00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:30,141
I can't find anything.
100
00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:32,844
Must've come here on my own.
101
00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:36,147
What do we do
now? What do we do?
102
00:08:36,215 --> 00:08:38,549
What won't we do?
103
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:40,930
Stories can be anything
we want them to be.
104
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:44,989
Happy endings can
truly happen, Joxer. Hmm.
105
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:48,993
Excuse me. Aren't you
the Sisters of Gaea?
106
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:52,079
Yes. Is there...
107
00:08:52,148 --> 00:08:55,149
something that we
can do to, um, help you?
108
00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:58,119
We're collecting
goods for our orphans,
109
00:08:58,187 --> 00:09:01,188
things we can sell
in our shop in town.
110
00:09:01,257 --> 00:09:04,303
If you have anything... Now,
that would fetch a pretty dinar.
111
00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:12,867
I'm sure it would, but I wouldn't
give this up just for anybody.
112
00:09:12,936 --> 00:09:14,969
Still, for the, uh,
Sisters of Gaea...
113
00:09:15,038 --> 00:09:18,072
She means your scabbard.
114
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,875
Oh. Right. Uh,
no, no. I couldn't.
115
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:23,389
My father gave me this. It
was the only thing he gave me.
116
00:09:23,413 --> 00:09:25,397
Had to get the sword myself.
117
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:29,066
I wouldn't part with this
for anything. Oh, too bad.
118
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:32,804
Ceremonial weapons and the
like are a hot commodity in Kargas.
119
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:36,441
Oh. Well, you know, Sister.
120
00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:39,376
I think you're going
to get a surprise gift.
121
00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:41,813
Right about now.
122
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,148
Here. Oh!
123
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:49,854
This will provide for
our orphans for years.
124
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:53,224
Yes. It's a miracle. Ha.
125
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:56,094
You're welcome.
126
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,719
Give me back my kinsman's sword.
127
00:10:04,788 --> 00:10:06,888
I just gave it away.
Why did I do that?
128
00:10:06,957 --> 00:10:10,558
Well, it doesn't really
matter now, does it?
129
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:36,667
Did the little blonde girlie
scare the big hairy men?
130
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:41,605
We are barbarians.
We fear nothing.
131
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:44,893
Yeah! We fight with
the heart of a lion.
132
00:10:44,961 --> 00:10:47,395
And you run with
the feet of a chicken.
133
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:52,383
Now, get back on your
horsies, and go back after her.
134
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,502
Yes, ma'am.
135
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:05,013
Barbarians.
136
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:15,507
We don't need your money,
Joxer. I've got it covered.
137
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,575
How much will that be?
138
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:20,678
Tha... That will be... free.
139
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:24,382
All the food is free! And
the drinks are on the house!
140
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,819
You see there? All the food is
free, and the drinks are on the...
141
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,021
Free mead! A gift from the gods!
142
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,624
I think I have to be a bit
more careful with the wording.
143
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,894
Free mead!
144
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:40,264
Good ale. Ahhh.
145
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:43,818
No way, Ares. Not until I know for
sure that Xena has left the valley.
146
00:11:43,887 --> 00:11:47,722
I'm giving you my word. I've
taken care of it. She's gone.
147
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:52,560
My men might believe that.
I can barely hold them back.
148
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:56,380
They want to loot that
valley now. Xena or no Xena.
149
00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:58,416
But I'm not that stupid.
150
00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:01,019
And how stupid are you?
151
00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:03,838
Stupid enough to call
the God of War a liar?
152
00:12:03,907 --> 00:12:05,856
May-May... Maybe.
153
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:09,627
But I'm definitely not stupid
enough to go up against Xena.
154
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:21,122
Keep your men here.
155
00:12:21,191 --> 00:12:25,477
I'll give you a signal. You'll
know Xena's gone then.
156
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,479
But wh-what's the signal?
157
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,681
You'll know when you see it.
158
00:12:32,902 --> 00:12:36,170
That's when I said to him,
159
00:12:36,239 --> 00:12:38,239
"I'll drink to that."
160
00:12:40,142 --> 00:12:43,311
Fill her up! Well,
time's a-wastin'.
161
00:12:43,379 --> 00:12:46,947
We've got a lot of good to
do today, Joxer. Lot of good!
162
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:50,468
- Ah, you're drunk.
- Who you callin' drunk?
163
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,620
Come on, Billius!
164
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:57,358
You've had enough. Who are
you to tell me I've had enough?
165
00:12:57,426 --> 00:13:00,722
You know, there's always one
drunk who spoils it for everyone.
166
00:13:00,746 --> 00:13:03,181
One drunk? Hey, that's my mead!
167
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:12,575
Couldn't get any worse. Well,
this wasn't supposed to happen.
168
00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:16,694
Where are they? It got worse.
169
00:13:19,282 --> 00:13:21,232
You...
170
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:25,219
You think you can
make fools of us? Yeah.
171
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,442
We are barbarians.
172
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,947
We will...
173
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:40,451
go west. Huh?
174
00:13:43,339 --> 00:13:48,108
Yes. We will go
west. Yeah-ah-ah.
175
00:13:58,288 --> 00:14:03,223
The barbarians are headed for
the Sisters of Gaea orphanage!
176
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:10,598
Minor setback.
"They turned east."
177
00:14:10,667 --> 00:14:13,384
No. We go east!
178
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,322
Now they're
heading for Akanacia!
179
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:25,062
Um. "The barbarians
disappeared from the land."
180
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:29,566
Whoa! Whoa!
181
00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:32,353
This way... to the boats!
182
00:14:32,422 --> 00:14:36,924
We'll become pirates, and
kill all who sail the seas.
183
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:46,317
Um. "The barbarians went to the
caves and fell into a deep sleep."
184
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,654
Wait! To the caves.
185
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:54,926
I'm exhausted.
186
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,915
So this is all the good
you wanted to do, huh?
187
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,619
Forget it. I am not
writing another word.
188
00:15:04,687 --> 00:15:06,587
Yes!
189
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,824
No. I don't get it.
190
00:15:09,893 --> 00:15:13,061
I mean, my writing has
always been really vivid.
191
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:16,130
I just am missing something.
192
00:15:16,199 --> 00:15:19,033
Well, maybe it's too vivid.
193
00:15:19,102 --> 00:15:21,769
Maybe it needs a little work...
editing or something, you know?
194
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,405
I've got it! I'm not
editing my work.
195
00:15:24,473 --> 00:15:28,342
Joxer, that's it, that's all I have to
do. I just have to be more careful.
196
00:15:29,913 --> 00:15:32,780
Do you realize that now that
I know the power of the scroll,
197
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,982
I can end hunger,
I can end disease.
198
00:15:35,051 --> 00:15:39,286
I can end... I can end war.
199
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:43,207
Okay.
200
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:47,111
"The will of mortals
won out..." Edit.
201
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,981
"and war lost all its power."
202
00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:56,097
My powers! What's
happened to my powers?
203
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,684
You! What've you done to me?
204
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:01,459
Um, it's-it's not my fault. I...
205
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:04,128
I-I can fix this. Um...
206
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,198
Um. The-The force...
207
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:10,101
that enchanted the
scroll lost its powers.
208
00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:18,275
Whoa! Wipeout.
209
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,346
Hmm.
210
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,916
Are you out of your mind?
You gave this blonde harpy...
211
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:30,087
- powers of destiny?
- No. I enchanted a scroll.
212
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,476
And don't act so surprised.
You wanted me to do it.
213
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:34,459
No, no. See, what I wanted...
214
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,362
was for you to go after her so
we could get Xena out of the way.
215
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:40,097
"Exsqueeze" me.
It worked, kinda.
216
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:44,151
Wait a minute. You wanted Xena out
of the way so you enchanted my scroll?
217
00:16:45,488 --> 00:16:48,889
Ares was being his
usual manipulative self.
218
00:16:48,958 --> 00:16:52,442
He's got some army somewhere
ready to pounce on the valley.
219
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:55,646
He wanted Xena out of the way,
so he wanted to get me mad at you.
220
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,266
You figured that all
out by yourself, did you?
221
00:16:58,334 --> 00:17:00,679
Hey, don't believe everything
you hear about blondes.
222
00:17:00,703 --> 00:17:03,337
Look, sweet pea, just
give me back my powers.
223
00:17:03,405 --> 00:17:05,718
Then I'll un-zap
the scroll. No, no.
224
00:17:05,742 --> 00:17:08,508
Write mine back in first.
That army's waiting for me...
225
00:17:08,577 --> 00:17:10,889
to give them a signal
that Xena's gone. Mmm.
226
00:17:10,913 --> 00:17:12,880
Not helping your
cause any, slick.
227
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:16,483
Oh. I promise, if you
give me my powers back,
228
00:17:16,552 --> 00:17:18,903
I'll call off the attack.
229
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:21,305
Pigs can fly? You can.
230
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:24,325
Wait. If you undo the scroll,
Xena's gonna come back,
231
00:17:24,394 --> 00:17:28,229
and then the army won't
attack. That makes sense.
232
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:34,335
Uh... Aphrodite is
as she was before.
233
00:17:39,908 --> 00:17:44,077
She is as she was before.
It's all in the wording.
234
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:47,092
Okay, what if we fill up the scroll
completely? Will that end the curse?
235
00:17:47,116 --> 00:17:51,385
Oh. So now it's a curse.
Before, it was a gift.
236
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,940
And, no, once you run
out of room, that's it.
237
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,087
Everything just stays the
way it was when you wrote it.
238
00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:01,679
Look, just write, "Everything
is as it was before."
239
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:06,317
Then we'll all go back to our baby
cribs, and you'll go back under your rock.
240
00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:09,803
Did you write him
here? Not exactly. I...
241
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,909
Ah, "Gabrielle
awoke with a jerk."
242
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:22,149
I don't get it. What's so
funny about waking up?
243
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:29,873
Munk? Thelonius,
244
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,959
is that the signal to attack?
245
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:41,285
No. Not the signal.
246
00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:44,722
I have to deconstruct the
story, starting from the beginning,
247
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,403
which means I have
to bring Xena back first.
248
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:52,129
Oh. "Xena rides in at
the head of an army."
249
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:54,998
That's good. We could
end up with an army of ants,
250
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:59,337
or children or-or Harpies or...
251
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:04,041
Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa.
Why don't we describe her?
252
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:07,845
"Suddenly, there was
the arrival of the woman..."
253
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:10,214
Leather.
254
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:13,016
Mention the leather.
"Wearing leather"...
255
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,018
"and..." um...
256
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,788
"black hair, carrying
her chakram."
257
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:21,259
Wait. Does anybody really
know what a chakram is?
258
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,594
And does the scroll know it?
259
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,696
"Carrying the whip of Xena."
260
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,225
I'm here.
261
00:19:37,293 --> 00:19:39,643
I don't know why?
262
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:41,824
But I know I'm here
to do something.
263
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:44,465
- Minya?
- Who's this?
264
00:19:44,533 --> 00:19:48,069
Uh, this is Minya.
She's our friend.
265
00:19:48,137 --> 00:19:51,472
She wants to be Xena,
and she has Xena's whip.
266
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:53,958
It never leaves my side.
267
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:58,128
So, who's the stud, the
dork and that bottled-blonde?
268
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:02,182
This is Ares,
Aphrodite... and Joxer.
269
00:20:02,251 --> 00:20:07,705
What? Ares... God of War!
270
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:14,095
And Aphrodite, you're
the Goddess of Love!
271
00:20:14,163 --> 00:20:18,699
And Joxer... Sorry,
bub, never heard of ya.
272
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:27,023
Is that... No, Munk.
273
00:20:27,092 --> 00:20:30,628
That's lunch. Pluck it.
274
00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:38,018
Mmmm...
275
00:20:38,087 --> 00:20:41,521
You know one thing I
like about being mortal.
276
00:20:44,927 --> 00:20:49,162
What a trip. You know,
my boyfriend, Hower,
277
00:20:49,231 --> 00:20:53,667
he thinks that the Goddess of Love
is just sooo beautiful and perfect.
278
00:20:53,736 --> 00:20:57,304
Wait'll he hears
you're just as plain as...
279
00:20:57,372 --> 00:20:59,551
dirt on a wagon
wheel just like me!
280
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:07,931
I'm supposed to be the great
bard with the wonderful stories.
281
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,334
I can't even write a happy
ending without screwing it up.
282
00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:16,874
Yes, you can. I think
your stories are...
283
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,160
Are beautiful and, uh,
284
00:21:19,228 --> 00:21:22,396
you know, not everything
you write turns into disaster.
285
00:21:22,465 --> 00:21:24,548
What about the Sisters of Gaea?
286
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,750
You know that sword
that man gave us?
287
00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:31,522
We sold it for a king's
ransom to Philiadus.
288
00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:33,957
See? You did some
good... the orphans of Gaea.
289
00:21:38,514 --> 00:21:40,564
You!
290
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:42,967
That is my kinsman's sword!
291
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:46,236
And you are a dead man.
292
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,072
Wait!
293
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:51,425
- What's your name?
- I am Scaberus.
294
00:21:51,493 --> 00:21:53,427
Why?
295
00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:59,466
The caves!
296
00:21:59,535 --> 00:22:01,919
I must go to the caves.
297
00:22:03,522 --> 00:22:07,224
Those caves are gonna
start gettin' pretty full.
298
00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:13,530
My throat is dry as
dust. Where's my drink?
299
00:22:19,305 --> 00:22:22,239
No. That's not the sign.
300
00:22:23,709 --> 00:22:26,477
You know, I've been
trying to bring Xena here.
301
00:22:26,545 --> 00:22:29,391
Why don't we just go find her?
I mean, there aren't that many...
302
00:22:29,415 --> 00:22:31,448
fishing places around here.
303
00:22:31,517 --> 00:22:34,363
We've got to find a trout
stream or a fishing hole or...
304
00:22:34,387 --> 00:22:36,820
wherever I sent her.
305
00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:41,859
Why won't it stay up?
306
00:22:43,328 --> 00:22:46,263
Basic hair care was not
such a drag as a goddess.
307
00:22:46,331 --> 00:22:49,366
I think it looks good on ya.
308
00:22:49,435 --> 00:22:52,269
Flattery works. Keep going.
309
00:22:52,337 --> 00:22:54,271
Um, you know what?
310
00:22:54,339 --> 00:22:57,207
I-I have this question for you.
311
00:22:57,276 --> 00:23:00,210
Um, I lo...
312
00:23:01,647 --> 00:23:04,931
There's-There's this
guy, and he really...
313
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,685
loves this girl,
but this girl...
314
00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:10,053
doesn't even know... Hello?
315
00:23:10,122 --> 00:23:13,040
The love goddess is off the
clock. I got my own problems.
316
00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:17,795
All right.
317
00:23:17,864 --> 00:23:21,498
Poetry. And if that
doesn't work... presents.
318
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:24,702
Yeah? Yeah. Lots
and lots of presents.
319
00:23:24,770 --> 00:23:26,114
Huh! Okay?
320
00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:29,339
- Yeah.
- Standard answer. Now, give me my space.
321
00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:33,376
Yeah. Poetry.
322
00:23:34,613 --> 00:23:36,914
Poetry.
323
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:40,751
Hmm, right here.
324
00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:47,708
Let's see, um...
325
00:23:50,479 --> 00:23:53,346
??
326
00:23:53,415 --> 00:23:55,683
- Oh, by the gods!
- Look!
327
00:23:58,487 --> 00:24:02,055
??
328
00:24:05,961 --> 00:24:08,679
??
329
00:24:09,732 --> 00:24:12,866
What?
330
00:24:35,857 --> 00:24:38,925
- You wrote on the scroll?
- Oh, I-I... Well, I was just...
331
00:24:38,994 --> 00:24:41,444
trying to write a limerick
to cheer you up a little.
332
00:24:42,514 --> 00:24:44,982
"A warrior, Joxer the Mighty,
333
00:24:45,051 --> 00:24:47,450
"Asked a boon from
the god, Aphrodite.
334
00:24:47,519 --> 00:24:51,388
And what a surprise he saw
with love's eyes, three times..."
335
00:24:51,456 --> 00:24:54,274
Had a little trouble there. Anyone
know a word that ends in "ighty"?
336
00:24:54,343 --> 00:24:58,895
Ooh! What does "love's
eyes" have to do with me?
337
00:24:58,964 --> 00:25:02,299
W-Well-Well... W-Well the-the...
338
00:25:02,368 --> 00:25:05,402
I get it. I get it. Of course,
339
00:25:05,471 --> 00:25:08,505
"love's eyes," Aphrodite's eyes.
340
00:25:08,574 --> 00:25:10,841
She was looking at me when
you wrote the poem, right?
341
00:25:10,909 --> 00:25:15,579
That's it, exactly. Now, let's
send those three to the caves!
342
00:25:15,648 --> 00:25:18,982
Ooh. The...
343
00:25:19,051 --> 00:25:22,937
The, uh... Uh, we can do it
in a minute, or now is good.
344
00:25:23,005 --> 00:25:25,406
To the caves!
345
00:25:25,474 --> 00:25:29,292
The cave.
346
00:26:02,728 --> 00:26:06,262
Aphrodite!
347
00:26:06,331 --> 00:26:09,383
Aphrodite said
get her a present.
348
00:26:09,452 --> 00:26:13,870
How am I gonna get
you a present with no...
349
00:26:25,217 --> 00:26:28,117
This is a family heirloom...
350
00:26:30,956 --> 00:26:34,208
passed from father to son.
351
00:26:37,213 --> 00:26:39,829
- Will ya trade for it?
- Yeah, I'll trade.
352
00:26:39,898 --> 00:26:43,067
But you'll have to be
quick. It's late. I'm tired and...
353
00:26:45,637 --> 00:26:47,805
I'm always open for business.
354
00:27:02,605 --> 00:27:06,656
What is... You like it?
355
00:27:09,178 --> 00:27:12,846
Uh, it's... it's beautiful.
356
00:27:12,915 --> 00:27:16,366
But Wh-Why? 'Cause I
wanted to get you something.
357
00:27:17,569 --> 00:27:20,070
You know, just to, uh,
358
00:27:20,139 --> 00:27:23,923
say sorry for the three
naked yous and everything.
359
00:27:25,911 --> 00:27:28,829
I, uh,
360
00:27:31,383 --> 00:27:34,051
I had to trade my
father's scabbard for it.
361
00:27:34,103 --> 00:27:37,721
What? I had to trade my
father's scabbard for it.
362
00:27:39,358 --> 00:27:43,493
Joxer, you said that you would
never, ever part with that scabbard.
363
00:27:43,562 --> 00:27:46,658
Well, you know, Gabrielle, some things
in life are worth more than what they seem.
364
00:27:46,682 --> 00:27:49,299
The scroll, Joxer. Yeah?
365
00:27:49,368 --> 00:27:52,603
I hid the scroll in the
scabbard. You did?
366
00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:56,406
Where is it, now!
367
00:27:56,475 --> 00:27:58,508
Ow! I traded a peddler
for it! We can get it back!
368
00:27:58,576 --> 00:28:01,111
What's the odds he's
gonna figure it out?
369
00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:04,748
You'd better hurry. It's
raining dinars in town!
370
00:28:04,816 --> 00:28:06,850
Oh, that's funny.
371
00:28:08,253 --> 00:28:11,438
Ha. I've got it.
Mm-hmm, I've got it.
372
00:28:11,507 --> 00:28:15,576
I know exactly what to write,
but, first, we have to get the scroll.
373
00:28:15,644 --> 00:28:17,778
And just what will you write?
374
00:28:17,847 --> 00:28:20,781
Well, Ares, that's my business.
375
00:28:20,850 --> 00:28:23,283
Now, Aphrodite, Minya.
I want you to go to town.
376
00:28:23,352 --> 00:28:25,318
I want you to find out
where the peddler went.
377
00:28:25,387 --> 00:28:29,456
Ares and I are going to go where it's
raining dinars and look for him there.
378
00:28:29,525 --> 00:28:32,158
What about me?
379
00:28:32,227 --> 00:28:34,439
Well, Joxer... Oh.
380
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:36,741
You get to go to the
caves... Say, Gab...
381
00:28:36,765 --> 00:28:38,743
And you get to wait.
382
00:28:38,767 --> 00:28:40,701
Come on!
383
00:28:42,270 --> 00:28:46,206
Do wh... Ooh, the caves.
384
00:29:07,979 --> 00:29:09,913
Hi there, big boy.
385
00:29:11,650 --> 00:29:15,519
Call me when you've
had a bath, toots.
386
00:29:18,190 --> 00:29:22,526
Okay. The tavern keeper said
the peddler headed out of town.
387
00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:24,594
What wrong?
388
00:29:24,663 --> 00:29:27,308
I'm gonna end up like you!
389
00:29:29,334 --> 00:29:31,701
Oh.
390
00:29:36,959 --> 00:29:40,493
These ruts are deep as if
he's carrying a load of dinars.
391
00:29:41,696 --> 00:29:44,264
Where'd you learn
to read trails like that?
392
00:29:44,333 --> 00:29:46,666
Xena, of course.
393
00:29:46,735 --> 00:29:49,780
You know, you hang around her long
enough, you're bound to pick up something.
394
00:29:49,804 --> 00:29:52,183
You just have to
focus. Oh, yeah.
395
00:29:52,207 --> 00:29:54,440
I taught her that.
When she came to me,
396
00:29:54,509 --> 00:29:57,210
she was just another
lost warlord, hungry to kill.
397
00:29:57,279 --> 00:30:00,947
I gave her a purpose. Well,
she has a different purpose now.
398
00:30:01,016 --> 00:30:04,617
I know. She's so
darned good at it.
399
00:30:04,686 --> 00:30:08,255
You know, what she did when
I had her on trial for her life,
400
00:30:08,323 --> 00:30:12,158
it... it was amazing. How about
what she pulled off with the Furies?
401
00:30:12,227 --> 00:30:14,329
Oh, it was brilliant.
Yeah. And she does it
402
00:30:14,353 --> 00:30:16,529
all with that... that
steely gaze, you know?
403
00:30:16,598 --> 00:30:19,718
Oh, yeah. I've seen
that one a few times.
404
00:30:22,204 --> 00:30:25,171
Uh, looks like he's
heading for the caves. Yeah.
405
00:30:28,210 --> 00:30:31,978
We were starting to warm up
to each other there, weren't we?
406
00:30:32,981 --> 00:30:34,915
Yeah. We were.
407
00:30:35,951 --> 00:30:37,951
I didn't like it.
Right back at ya.
408
00:30:38,020 --> 00:30:39,652
Okay.
409
00:30:51,583 --> 00:30:53,950
Uhhh ahh.
410
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,952
Oh.
411
00:30:59,841 --> 00:31:02,642
Ohh!
412
00:31:02,711 --> 00:31:04,689
Joxer! Shhh!
413
00:31:04,713 --> 00:31:09,132
- I'm tryin' to disarm 'em.
- I don't know how, but you're going to screw it up.
414
00:31:09,201 --> 00:31:11,919
Now, just back away!
I'm not gonna screw it up...
415
00:31:11,987 --> 00:31:15,422
as long as they don't wake
up before I find the ped...
416
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:19,209
That's the guy!
417
00:31:19,278 --> 00:31:21,628
Oops.
418
00:31:21,697 --> 00:31:24,214
Who's got it!
419
00:31:25,817 --> 00:31:28,351
Oh, the scroll!
420
00:31:28,420 --> 00:31:31,254
Can't... Can't
find it. Can't find it.
421
00:31:31,323 --> 00:31:33,256
Gab!
422
00:31:33,325 --> 00:31:35,659
- Kill them!
- Get him.
423
00:31:37,629 --> 00:31:39,546
Kill them! Get him!
424
00:31:40,783 --> 00:31:43,650
Kill 'em?
425
00:31:47,055 --> 00:31:49,095
Kill them! Come on!
426
00:31:51,409 --> 00:31:53,493
Let's go!
427
00:31:53,561 --> 00:31:56,879
Yeah!
428
00:32:08,060 --> 00:32:11,340
Not the scroll!
429
00:32:12,164 --> 00:32:14,831
Back off!
430
00:32:14,899 --> 00:32:17,801
Oh, my kinsman's sword!
431
00:32:17,870 --> 00:32:20,269
Ooh! Help! Help! Help!
432
00:32:20,338 --> 00:32:24,758
Ooh! Nooo! Ooh. Ahh.
433
00:32:30,366 --> 00:32:32,999
??
434
00:32:47,399 --> 00:32:49,666
??
435
00:32:49,735 --> 00:32:51,268
Ahh!
436
00:32:51,336 --> 00:32:54,554
Nice lookin', huh? Yeah!
437
00:32:57,526 --> 00:32:59,676
Oof!
438
00:33:14,326 --> 00:33:16,642
Time to end this
once and for all!
439
00:33:24,970 --> 00:33:27,470
You there!
440
00:33:27,539 --> 00:33:29,756
Stay back!
441
00:33:32,110 --> 00:33:35,011
Gabrielle. Over here.
442
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:38,464
Got ya!
443
00:33:38,533 --> 00:33:40,828
That's the way out of the caves!
444
00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:42,852
Move!
445
00:33:53,799 --> 00:33:56,499
My sword!
446
00:34:03,024 --> 00:34:05,625
Come on! They're
getting away! Me?
447
00:34:05,694 --> 00:34:08,462
I'm mortal. I might be killed.
448
00:34:08,530 --> 00:34:10,464
Gods.
449
00:34:10,532 --> 00:34:13,199
Aieee-ya!
450
00:34:13,268 --> 00:34:16,153
You hair-balls get back here!
451
00:34:20,642 --> 00:34:23,159
What did you
write in that scroll?
452
00:34:23,228 --> 00:34:26,730
Instead of bringing Xena to the
scroll, I sent the scroll to Xena.
453
00:34:26,799 --> 00:34:28,932
I just hope I phrased it right.
454
00:34:41,980 --> 00:34:45,932
If that's not a sign from
Ares, I don't what is.
455
00:34:46,001 --> 00:34:48,279
Attack!
456
00:34:55,710 --> 00:34:57,993
Ares, we have got to
catch up with your warrior
457
00:34:58,017 --> 00:34:59,980
friends, so we can
call off this attack.
458
00:35:00,048 --> 00:35:04,351
Well, I can't stop them as a mortal, but
when I get my powers back, I promise,
459
00:35:04,419 --> 00:35:08,955
I'm gonna punish Thelonius and his
army in some painful and horrible way.
460
00:35:09,024 --> 00:35:11,369
You know, innocent
people are going to die.
461
00:35:11,393 --> 00:35:13,726
Oh, yes. Innocent people.
462
00:35:13,795 --> 00:35:16,363
Look, with or without you,
we're going to fight Thelonius!
463
00:35:16,431 --> 00:35:19,649
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait. Who exactly is "we"?
464
00:35:19,718 --> 00:35:22,669
Wait.
465
00:35:22,738 --> 00:35:26,573
- You guys smell somethin'?
- Lay off of me, turkey!
466
00:35:26,642 --> 00:35:28,875
No.
467
00:35:28,944 --> 00:35:31,862
- Oh, it's fish!
- Ohh!
468
00:35:31,930 --> 00:35:35,431
I'm new to this
mortal hygiene thing!
469
00:35:37,402 --> 00:35:39,118
Xena?
470
00:35:40,938 --> 00:35:43,072
Uh, you looking for this? Huh?
471
00:35:43,141 --> 00:35:46,926
I, uh... I took it off a peddler, who
was being chased by barbarians,
472
00:35:46,995 --> 00:35:51,831
who was being chased by...
three naked Gabrielles and Minya.
473
00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:55,101
She's still chasing them by the
way. Oh, yeah. I read the scroll.
474
00:35:55,170 --> 00:35:57,504
Kind of messed it up, didn't I?
475
00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:00,406
Pretty much. Did you
write that limerick?
476
00:36:00,475 --> 00:36:03,676
I did! Figures.
477
00:36:03,745 --> 00:36:07,630
I tried to get you back. I tried, "Xena
goes to her number one friend..."
478
00:36:07,699 --> 00:36:11,685
You sent me to visit a girl I hadn't
seen since I was five... my first friend.
479
00:36:11,753 --> 00:36:14,913
What about "Xena rejoins the
woman who brought her to a new life"?
480
00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:18,274
Mom says thanks for the fish.
481
00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:20,710
I did start back once,
but then I was overtaken...
482
00:36:20,779 --> 00:36:22,979
by this irresistible
urge to return to fishing.
483
00:36:23,048 --> 00:36:25,949
I figured that's where you wrote,
"Xena returns from her journey."
484
00:36:26,018 --> 00:36:28,551
And then I knew that
something was up.
485
00:36:28,620 --> 00:36:31,888
I had visited just about everyone
who ever meant anything to me.
486
00:36:31,957 --> 00:36:34,324
Except you.
487
00:36:35,510 --> 00:36:39,279
That's when I headed back.
488
00:36:39,348 --> 00:36:44,200
Look. I hate to be the one to break up,
like, a major love-fest, but look at me!
489
00:36:44,269 --> 00:36:46,736
I'm not built to be mortal!
490
00:36:46,804 --> 00:36:49,739
We have to put things
back the way they were!
491
00:36:49,807 --> 00:36:53,008
Yeah. And stop Thelonius
from destroying the valley.
492
00:36:53,077 --> 00:36:56,846
- Whatever.
- Aphrodite, what was the charm that you used for the scroll?
493
00:36:56,914 --> 00:36:59,866
Exact wording. Umm.
494
00:36:59,935 --> 00:37:04,671
"Lies will make the world go 'round
till truer words are written down."
495
00:37:04,739 --> 00:37:08,591
So, if you make something up, the
scroll has the power to make it happen.
496
00:37:08,660 --> 00:37:11,928
And when truer words are written,
the power ends. Well, that's it!
497
00:37:11,997 --> 00:37:15,815
All we have to do
is write the truth.
498
00:37:15,884 --> 00:37:18,851
Okay. But how will we get
rid of this warlord Thelonius?
499
00:37:18,921 --> 00:37:21,955
I'll take care of him, but you have
to write down everything that I do...
500
00:37:22,024 --> 00:37:26,526
No embellishing, no poetic license,
just exactly what you see, all right?
501
00:37:26,594 --> 00:37:28,389
But how are we gonna
know if it worked?
502
00:37:28,413 --> 00:37:30,973
When you get your
powers back, we'll know.
503
00:37:39,891 --> 00:37:41,825
What's wrong?
504
00:37:41,893 --> 00:37:46,096
I, uh... I'm not really
good at... writing action.
505
00:37:46,164 --> 00:37:47,797
What?
506
00:37:47,866 --> 00:37:50,100
You follow Xena around...
507
00:37:52,204 --> 00:37:56,106
You... You follow Xena
around all day. Uh...
508
00:37:56,174 --> 00:37:59,575
You write stories about her. How
do you do this without writing action?
509
00:37:59,644 --> 00:38:02,312
You see, I use metaphors.
510
00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:06,349
I write, "Xena burst on the
scene in a blaze of glory."
511
00:38:06,418 --> 00:38:09,652
You do that and we'll be
pickin' her up in a million pieces.
512
00:38:13,558 --> 00:38:16,308
Attack! Attack! Attack!
Let's go, go, go, go!
513
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:19,445
Move it! Kill, kill,
kill, kill! Follow me!
514
00:38:19,514 --> 00:38:22,048
Attack! Attack! Attack!
515
00:38:22,117 --> 00:38:25,085
Get up! Get up! Get up!
516
00:38:37,398 --> 00:38:40,150
Xena leads with a
pike, then a trout.
517
00:38:40,218 --> 00:38:43,269
Bam! Bam! Two quick bass.
518
00:38:49,978 --> 00:38:53,613
- Yahhh!
- Oh, he's taken it on the chin!
519
00:39:05,944 --> 00:39:08,043
That octopus came
out of nowhere.
520
00:39:08,112 --> 00:39:10,580
She must have thrown
that just for the "halibut."
521
00:39:10,648 --> 00:39:14,817
Write, "Xena hit the
warrior with a squid."
522
00:39:14,886 --> 00:39:18,621
It was an octopus. I think I
know a squid when I see one.
523
00:39:21,426 --> 00:39:23,793
Nooo!
524
00:39:58,063 --> 00:40:00,791
"Xena whacked the warrior
with her sword." "Whacked"?
525
00:40:00,815 --> 00:40:03,015
- Is that a word?
- "Hit." Say "hit."
526
00:40:03,084 --> 00:40:06,318
I don't think it's very
literary. Okay. "Hit."
527
00:40:09,757 --> 00:40:12,503
"Xena fought with
the warrior leader."
528
00:40:12,527 --> 00:40:15,728
"Fought with the... "Hey, what
do you mean "awoke with a jerk"?
529
00:40:15,796 --> 00:40:18,998
- Just keep to the script.
- I'm ready for action.
530
00:40:19,067 --> 00:40:21,868
Where's Xena?
531
00:40:25,823 --> 00:40:28,708
Minya, where are the
barbarians? They stopped fighting...
532
00:40:28,776 --> 00:40:31,477
and ran back to Barbaria.
533
00:40:31,546 --> 00:40:34,947
My hormones are
peaking. I'm ready for action.
534
00:40:35,016 --> 00:40:38,084
I'm gonna crack
some heads! Yeah.
535
00:41:05,730 --> 00:41:07,797
I'm back!
536
00:41:07,866 --> 00:41:09,799
Later.
537
00:41:10,852 --> 00:41:12,352
Mmm. Uhh.
538
00:41:12,420 --> 00:41:15,221
Ugh. Oh... Sorry. Ugh. Ughhh!
539
00:41:25,816 --> 00:41:27,166
Wa...
540
00:41:36,928 --> 00:41:39,495
Run, maggot!
541
00:41:41,166 --> 00:41:43,599
Ooh, I still got it.
542
00:41:51,409 --> 00:41:53,343
What's that? Huh?
543
00:41:56,614 --> 00:41:58,547
"What's that?"
544
00:42:02,186 --> 00:42:06,105
You know, I expected
more from the God of War.
545
00:42:06,173 --> 00:42:08,974
I mean, without his powers,
he's just another man.
546
00:42:09,043 --> 00:42:12,811
Just another big
old, leather-clad,
547
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:15,314
well-muscled, gorgeous,
548
00:42:15,383 --> 00:42:20,169
hunk-a bad boy... man.
549
00:42:20,238 --> 00:42:22,867
How are those
hormones, Minya? Raging.
550
00:42:22,891 --> 00:42:26,059
I, uh... I might
go see... Hower.
551
00:42:27,428 --> 00:42:29,528
Weird. Mmm.
552
00:42:29,598 --> 00:42:32,932
I guess everything's
fine now. I guess so.
553
00:42:33,001 --> 00:42:36,535
Hey, look. You still got some extra
space at the bottom of the scroll.
554
00:42:36,605 --> 00:42:39,116
Guess that means there's
something else to write.
555
00:42:39,140 --> 00:42:41,774
Try, "The End."
556
00:42:41,843 --> 00:42:45,344
Okay. I just... I personally
think that sounds a bit...
557
00:42:50,335 --> 00:42:53,336
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