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1
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:46,259
Tuck your shirt in -
it's hanging out.
2
00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:49,939
Be grateful it's nothing worse!
3
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:52,979
Shut up, tha should!
4
00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:56,179
Maybe Hitler's shirt hung out.
5
00:00:56,180 --> 00:01:00,799
The Nazi salute was a natural
for pulling your shirt out.
6
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:07,819
All those big rallies.
Everyone in the front chanting
"Zieg heil, zieg heil"
7
00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:13,179
and those at the back thinking,
"My God, his shirt's hanging out!"
8
00:01:13,180 --> 00:01:19,759
God! Look at the state of him.
He's the best advert for euthanasia
I've ever seen!
9
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:23,779
Toothpaste! I'm an advert
for toothpaste!
10
00:01:23,780 --> 00:01:26,799
Euthanasia is NOT a toothpaste.
11
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:29,819
If it is, it's only used once.
12
00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:36,460
Euthanasia is a way of
getting rid of scruffy old Herberts
in their twilight years.
13
00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:44,240
Was your family ALWAYS musical?
Me mam had legs like a grand piano.
14
00:01:44,340 --> 00:01:46,739
It's a terrible noise, isn't it?
15
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:52,999
It's the extent of his vocabulary -
if he's not making vile noises
he's making 'V' signs.
16
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:58,759
Sometimes he does both.
Only when I'm upset, Norm.
17
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:04,880
Upset? You've got skin as thick as
a rhinoceros. What could upset YOU?
18
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,099
If Nora Batty went into a nunnery!
19
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:12,239
And gave up her interest in men.
20
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,819
THAT would really upset me.
21
00:02:14,820 --> 00:02:22,819
If only I could be sure there were
a God who listened to little blokes
with holes in their trousers,
22
00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:27,539
I'd say to him,
"Listen, God, do me a favour...
23
00:02:27,540 --> 00:02:33,219
"and make sure Nora Batty
doesn't lose her interest in men."
24
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:36,100
That's what I'd say to him!
25
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,920
WHAT interest in men?
26
00:02:55,940 --> 00:03:01,580
Don't bother to answer...
I'll just talk to myself.
27
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:13,639
My question was - since when has
Nora Batty had an interest in men?
28
00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:18,140
She likes to shout at them.
That's true, Norm.
29
00:03:18,260 --> 00:03:23,279
She's good at shouting. She could
have got her cap for Yorkshire.
30
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,580
Cap?! Headscarf and curlers.
31
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,819
Listen, let's get it straight.
32
00:03:29,820 --> 00:03:35,860
Beneath that headscarf is the most
attractive female body around here.
33
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,459
In MY opinion.
34
00:03:40,460 --> 00:03:45,219
And we know what THAT'S worth.
And not only my opinion.
35
00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:47,119
Go on, then.
36
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,139
Who else's?
37
00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:52,159
Even her husband doesn't think that.
38
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,639
ESPECIALLY her husband
doesn't think that!
39
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,599
He's a pigeon-fancier. He's biased.
40
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:03,979
She'd have to have feathers on her
chest before HE took any notice.
41
00:04:03,980 --> 00:04:09,959
Notoriously unreliable in the ways
of woman flesh are pigeon fanciers.
42
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:17,459
How can you trust the judgement
of anybody who fancies anything
with skinny legs and big feet?
43
00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:20,840
But WRINKLED legs and big feet
are all right?
44
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,859
She's not got big feet.
45
00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:27,740
She's got average feet.
46
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:32,620
Now you've hurt his rotten feelings.
47
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:38,620
She's NOT got big feet!
48
00:04:40,340 --> 00:04:43,700
What we need is an expert witness.
49
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,980
Sit down!
50
00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:02,439
What's all this? We just want you
to settle an argument, Wally.
51
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:06,579
Relax... accept a little
hospitality.
52
00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:09,599
Sup up, Wal. There's a catch.
53
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,079
What's the catch?
54
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:17,939
Typical! You try to be nice
to people... That's not natural!
55
00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:21,279
Get your mouth round that pint.
56
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,739
Don't rush him.
It's just Northern caution.
57
00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:29,539
There's a hint of pessimism
in Wally's make-up.
58
00:05:29,540 --> 00:05:33,919
Something dark
and Slavonic in his genes.
59
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,859
He doesn't WEAR jeans!
60
00:05:36,860 --> 00:05:41,159
Temperamentally
Wally could be Russian.
61
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:45,139
I always imagine
Dostoevsky was like him.
62
00:05:45,140 --> 00:05:49,059
Except for his
lack of interest in pigeons.
63
00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:51,699
Things look different in daylight.
64
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:56,159
Don't say that. The fact that
things look different in daylight,
65
00:05:56,160 --> 00:06:00,980
is very depressing for politicians
and others of the same ilk.
66
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,739
What's an ilk?
67
00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:09,219
Are you trying to tell me
that you don't know what an ilk is?
68
00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:13,180
Hands up everybody
who cannot describe an ilk.
69
00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:29,319
Just sup it up, Wally.
70
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,339
I've been caught like this before.
71
00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:37,359
People inserting foreign substances
into men's pints!
72
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:43,939
For what purpose?
Who's going to cart YOU off
to a house of ill-repute?
73
00:06:43,940 --> 00:06:48,799
You have my word as a gentleman,
that brew has not been touched.
74
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,399
They once nobbled me drink
at the pigeon club.
75
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,259
Here, have this one.
76
00:06:55,260 --> 00:07:00,999
I don't know what it was, but I
didn't keep anything down for a week.
77
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,200
The same with the price of petrol!
78
00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:07,819
Upset me system entirely.
79
00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:10,539
Drink it! Don't just look at it.
80
00:07:10,540 --> 00:07:13,439
I met this bloke who'd had similar,
81
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:17,540
and he said we were lucky
it never made us sterile.
82
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,859
Get that down your gullet!
83
00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:25,839
Well... if you're SURE
there's nothing wrong with it.
84
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:28,399
There's nothing wrong - look!
85
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,260
Look! Look!
86
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,119
There! Ah, well...
87
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,839
As long as you're sure.
88
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,360
I'm the wrong age for going sterile.
89
00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:46,439
Hey, you! Are you just
watching the sunlight
through the stuff?
90
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,179
Think it's a jar of tadpoles?
91
00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:53,119
He's not with us.
No. He's a Russian we found.
92
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:59,260
He doesn't get loose very often.
His marriage is so time-consuming.
93
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,680
Keep him under control.
94
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:11,820
It's no great advert for my beer
to see him staring at it
like it was gnat's water! True!
95
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:32,520
Aagh!
96
00:08:38,053 --> 00:08:41,272
Keep him sitting.
Don't let him stand up.
97
00:08:41,273 --> 00:08:44,732
It's all right for thee.
Look at him!
98
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:48,772
Sometimes you can't tell
if he IS standing up.
99
00:08:48,773 --> 00:08:51,012
He wobbles more when standing.
100
00:08:51,013 --> 00:08:54,212
Keep him sitting down.
101
00:08:54,213 --> 00:08:59,332
Get a firm grip where his parrot
would be if he wasn't into pigeons.
102
00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:01,273
Hey, down!
103
00:09:02,513 --> 00:09:09,092
I don't believe it! I'm being held
in this boozer against my will.
104
00:09:09,093 --> 00:09:14,453
Which amounts to a big improvement
in my normal standard of living!
105
00:09:15,493 --> 00:09:19,532
How did Nora Batty come to marry
anybody that small?
106
00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:22,113
Exactly MY feelings!
107
00:09:24,493 --> 00:09:27,473
It shows no sense of fair play.
108
00:09:28,673 --> 00:09:34,112
Maybe there was a Depression.
Maybe he looked taller. All right!
109
00:09:34,113 --> 00:09:36,672
Let's call this meeting to order.
110
00:09:36,673 --> 00:09:42,272
Now, Wally, we need your expertise
to settle a point of argument.
111
00:09:42,273 --> 00:09:46,932
You may think that we're being
just a little personal...
112
00:09:46,933 --> 00:09:49,312
Nah! He's broad-minded.
113
00:09:49,313 --> 00:09:54,052
I am. If there's one thing I am,
it's broad-minded.
114
00:09:54,053 --> 00:09:56,373
And notoriously cheerful(!)
115
00:09:57,853 --> 00:10:02,112
We want some inside information
about something
116
00:10:02,113 --> 00:10:06,372
that you've been very close to...
for a LONG time.
117
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:09,233
And he means CLOSE!
118
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:14,733
Wally, about as close
as you can get!
119
00:10:15,813 --> 00:10:18,193
Ya lucky beggar!
120
00:10:24,853 --> 00:10:26,973
Now I'm with you!
121
00:10:29,753 --> 00:10:37,593
We shall, of course,
treat any information you give us
in the STRICTEST confidence.
122
00:10:39,693 --> 00:10:42,232
Not a whisper!
123
00:10:42,233 --> 00:10:46,212
Ugh, you ain't got
much of a grip there, Wal.
124
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:51,892
As much as I need for anything
that's available to a person my age!
125
00:10:51,893 --> 00:10:54,572
Good grief!
126
00:10:54,573 --> 00:10:57,792
Is it really as slack as that? Yes.
127
00:10:57,793 --> 00:11:01,932
Ugh! God, it is!
Like half a pound of liver.
128
00:11:01,933 --> 00:11:04,272
Look, never mind his grip.
129
00:11:04,273 --> 00:11:07,012
Never mind his grip?!
130
00:11:07,013 --> 00:11:10,832
How can he protect Nora
with a grip like that?
131
00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:16,293
What if some frustrated, lonely
bloke leapt out on our Nora?
132
00:11:16,413 --> 00:11:20,812
Goodness! How frustrated
and lonely can you get?
133
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:23,832
The mind boggles, doesn't it?
134
00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:29,052
Who's going to leap out on her?
She's terrible!
135
00:11:29,053 --> 00:11:31,972
Oh... begging your pardon, Wally.
136
00:11:31,973 --> 00:11:34,232
Point taken.
137
00:11:34,233 --> 00:11:40,052
Listen, blokes leap out on women
all the time. Me, for a start.
138
00:11:40,053 --> 00:11:44,832
Let's face it, I'm in no condition
to go punching people about.
139
00:11:44,833 --> 00:11:48,952
You're in no condition
to scream for help!
140
00:11:48,953 --> 00:11:51,332
It's true.
141
00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:58,012
If she were attacked
right in front of my eyes,
I'd have to stand there helpless.
142
00:11:58,013 --> 00:12:04,913
Helpless! She could have the bloke
mauled to death
before I could drag her off!
143
00:12:14,753 --> 00:12:19,332
I've decided against answering
your personal questions.
144
00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:21,852
I respect that decision.
145
00:12:21,853 --> 00:12:25,332
A bloke has to keep
SOME things to himself.
146
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:28,192
One expects that from a gentleman.
147
00:12:28,193 --> 00:12:33,052
If you wanted details of anything
but HER, I wouldn't hesitate.
148
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,352
But when you're that close...
149
00:12:35,353 --> 00:12:39,732
We understand. It was probably
tactless to raise the idea.
150
00:12:39,733 --> 00:12:41,972
No... no... no... no.
151
00:12:41,973 --> 00:12:45,432
I understand your interest.
152
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:50,712
I sometimes see blokes watching her
when they think I'm not looking.
153
00:12:50,713 --> 00:12:56,672
I can feel them thinking, "I wish
she were mine, I wish she were mine."
154
00:12:56,673 --> 00:12:59,472
I know the feeling, Wal!
155
00:12:59,473 --> 00:13:02,192
But they've had it. She's MINE.
156
00:13:02,193 --> 00:13:04,572
I've raised her from an egg.
157
00:13:04,573 --> 00:13:08,332
I've flown her. Trained her.
158
00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:11,252
She's going to win races for me!
159
00:13:11,253 --> 00:13:14,733
She's MY pigeon!
160
00:13:41,793 --> 00:13:47,472
Sit your little unkempt person down.
The woman is looking at you.
161
00:13:47,473 --> 00:13:49,613
They always do!
162
00:13:52,953 --> 00:13:55,013
Will you get off!
163
00:13:57,273 --> 00:14:02,453
How long have you known you were
irresistible to women? Oh, ages.
164
00:14:03,493 --> 00:14:06,453
You must have trouble
with jealous husbands.
165
00:14:06,553 --> 00:14:10,812
There's a snag to everything.
Nothing is free!
166
00:14:10,813 --> 00:14:13,472
Certainly not in here it's not!
167
00:14:13,473 --> 00:14:16,532
Sit down!
Make yourself inconspicuous.
168
00:14:16,533 --> 00:14:21,332
If I found anything like you,
I'd throw it in the bin.
169
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:24,812
They always talk like that.
170
00:14:24,813 --> 00:14:29,292
But deep down, really deep down,
they're all of a flutter.
171
00:14:29,293 --> 00:14:31,652
Like your shirt flap.
172
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:36,272
Drink your tea, and don't sound
as if you're emptying a pond.
173
00:14:36,273 --> 00:14:38,572
Oh, there's something about you!
174
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:40,533
Give us a kiss!
175
00:14:41,573 --> 00:14:47,533
I hate it when he does that.
I can face anything but that.
176
00:14:48,113 --> 00:14:50,293
Italians do it all the time.
177
00:14:53,013 --> 00:14:56,113
Men kissing at railway stations.
178
00:14:57,093 --> 00:15:00,193
Well, I usually just buy a paper.
179
00:15:03,013 --> 00:15:05,552
I saw some during the war.
180
00:15:05,553 --> 00:15:10,652
Blokes kissing each other goodbye
at the railway station.
181
00:15:10,653 --> 00:15:14,533
You see some TERRIBLE things
during a war.
182
00:15:15,933 --> 00:15:21,332
Talking of terrible things, Wally,
we'd like to have a few words
with you about Nora.
183
00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:23,812
About my missus?
184
00:15:23,813 --> 00:15:25,852
That's the one.
185
00:15:25,853 --> 00:15:29,272
My next-door neighbour...
bless her!
186
00:15:29,273 --> 00:15:34,533
That's all right for you -
there's usually a wall between you.
187
00:15:36,893 --> 00:15:40,952
Do you think we ought to pry
into things like this?
188
00:15:40,953 --> 00:15:44,372
Call me superstitious...
Hello, superstitious!
189
00:15:44,373 --> 00:15:46,492
Hello.
190
00:15:46,493 --> 00:15:51,192
But this morning,
I heard an owl hoot... three times!
191
00:15:51,193 --> 00:15:55,832
Unless it was him across,
with his Toyota.
192
00:15:55,833 --> 00:16:00,773
My God! What does that mean?
A Toyota hooting three times!
193
00:16:09,613 --> 00:16:11,213
Yes, well, er...
194
00:16:13,533 --> 00:16:19,492
We just wanted a bit of simple
information to settle an argument.
195
00:16:19,493 --> 00:16:22,092
Well, you've only got to ask.
196
00:16:22,093 --> 00:16:26,712
Yes, well... somehow it seemed
harder than that, you know.
197
00:16:26,713 --> 00:16:30,032
We don't want to be personal.
198
00:16:30,033 --> 00:16:33,752
Well... we're all men of the world!
199
00:16:33,753 --> 00:16:37,692
I couldn't handle
being a man of the world.
200
00:16:37,693 --> 00:16:41,752
Could I just stick
to the area of my post code?
201
00:16:41,753 --> 00:16:44,312
Shut up. Ah! I can handle that.
202
00:16:44,313 --> 00:16:49,732
I love when he says "shut up".
I feel so secure. Shut up!
203
00:16:49,733 --> 00:16:53,172
Now, Wally... you see...
204
00:16:53,173 --> 00:16:56,213
the information we require is...
205
00:17:00,293 --> 00:17:02,513
Walls have ears.
206
00:17:02,593 --> 00:17:05,212
And a nice bosom as well!
207
00:17:05,213 --> 00:17:07,853
What? Get... get out...
208
00:17:08,933 --> 00:17:11,853
Get out! I'll teach you respect!
209
00:17:12,293 --> 00:17:14,412
Norman, I'm being kidnapped!
210
00:17:14,413 --> 00:17:16,853
Send us a postcard.
211
00:17:23,653 --> 00:17:26,773
By heck, that clears the catarrh!
212
00:17:28,133 --> 00:17:30,212
Serves you right!
213
00:17:30,213 --> 00:17:33,692
I like a grapple.
You know what they say...
214
00:17:33,693 --> 00:17:36,932
♪ A grapple a day
keeps the doctor away... ♪
215
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:42,133
And I'll have NO further remarks
about my bosom.
216
00:17:43,773 --> 00:17:47,853
How would you men like it
if we talked about YOUR bosoms?
217
00:17:50,213 --> 00:17:53,393
I'd hate to be desirable.
218
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:59,052
I'm surprised at YOU -
you a married a man.
219
00:17:59,053 --> 00:18:01,933
I was surprised being married.
220
00:18:04,353 --> 00:18:08,133
Have you ever tried to say "no"
to our Nora?
221
00:18:08,793 --> 00:18:13,012
Keep him under control.
He's a menace around women.
222
00:18:13,013 --> 00:18:15,253
Can I have that in writing?
223
00:18:15,853 --> 00:18:19,813
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me!
224
00:18:20,513 --> 00:18:26,492
Now, Wally, you're among friends.
Discretion is assured.
225
00:18:26,493 --> 00:18:30,592
You have my word as a depositor
with a building society.
226
00:18:30,593 --> 00:18:35,972
Now, look, tell us - quickly -
has Nora got big feet?
227
00:18:35,973 --> 00:18:38,072
Big feet?!
228
00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:41,212
Yes, the things
on the ends of your legs.
229
00:18:41,213 --> 00:18:43,512
I know where they ARE.
230
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:48,032
It's interfering with nature -
prying about Nora Batty.
231
00:18:48,033 --> 00:18:53,392
They're talking about our Nora!
Tell him she's not got big feet!
232
00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:57,592
Why does she wear BIG shoes?
She does NOT!
233
00:18:57,593 --> 00:19:02,092
Listen to it! Voice of the expert.
The world authority on footwear.
234
00:19:02,093 --> 00:19:04,133
They call me "Twinkletoes".
235
00:19:05,633 --> 00:19:09,212
Hey! What's going on in here?
Get out!
236
00:19:09,213 --> 00:19:11,932
Get out! Go on!
237
00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:17,453
Why don't you come on Sundays?
We're CLOSED on Sundays!
238
00:19:20,773 --> 00:19:23,153
Get out! Go on!
239
00:19:37,473 --> 00:19:41,252
That's what I call a picture!
240
00:19:41,253 --> 00:19:45,372
She looks great
with a peg in her teeth!
241
00:19:45,373 --> 00:19:47,672
We're not looking at her TEETH.
242
00:19:47,673 --> 00:19:51,992
I'm definitely not!
Look at her FEET.
243
00:19:51,993 --> 00:19:56,133
I'm telling thee.
She's NOT got big FEET.
244
00:19:58,973 --> 00:20:03,412
Don't ask ME.
I don't look at her feet.
245
00:20:03,413 --> 00:20:06,132
You MUST have noticed, Wally.
246
00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:11,873
I can't think how long it is
since I noticed her feet.
247
00:20:11,973 --> 00:20:15,212
It comes as no surprise to me.
248
00:20:15,213 --> 00:20:21,872
There's a lot of other things
you've got to get the hang of,
besides feet.
249
00:20:21,873 --> 00:20:24,292
I'll say there is!
250
00:20:24,293 --> 00:20:29,413
He must have NOTICED them.
She must have trodden on him.
251
00:20:30,133 --> 00:20:34,772
Try and remember her FEET, Wally.
252
00:20:34,773 --> 00:20:38,412
Our Nora's dinky little feet.
253
00:20:38,413 --> 00:20:40,672
No prompting!
254
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:45,012
You know how it is.
You get things on your mind.
255
00:20:45,013 --> 00:20:51,972
Think, man!
It's those bits at right angles
to the wrinkled stockings.
256
00:20:51,973 --> 00:20:55,153
What wrinkled stockings?
257
00:20:56,593 --> 00:20:59,552
Listen, Wally, tha can tell me.
258
00:20:59,553 --> 00:21:04,672
After all, I'd exercise her
for you if you were going away.
259
00:21:04,673 --> 00:21:07,533
Listen, Wally, her feet...
260
00:21:08,933 --> 00:21:11,772
How BIG do they feel in bed?
261
00:21:11,773 --> 00:21:15,552
You can't expect a bloke
to remember everything.
262
00:21:15,553 --> 00:21:20,332
He sleeps with Nora Batty
and he doesn't even notice.
263
00:21:20,333 --> 00:21:22,612
I bet that takes practice.
264
00:21:22,613 --> 00:21:26,773
It takes YEARS. They've no idea.
265
00:21:28,513 --> 00:21:33,072
Look, Wally, let's approach this
from another angle.
266
00:21:33,073 --> 00:21:36,512
Now, cast your mind back.
267
00:21:36,513 --> 00:21:41,332
I want you to visualise
a cold, crisp winter's night.
268
00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:45,712
Frost on the windowpane,
icicles on the drainpipe...
269
00:21:45,713 --> 00:21:49,712
You're indoors,
you're snug and warm.
270
00:21:49,713 --> 00:21:54,652
Now you're ready for bed, and Nora's
standing there in her dressing gown.
271
00:21:54,653 --> 00:21:57,273
Ooh! I can't stand it!
272
00:21:58,593 --> 00:22:00,652
Shut up!
273
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:06,672
Now, before you turn out the light,
she's standing in front of you...
274
00:22:06,673 --> 00:22:11,093
..in her dressing gown
and her nightdress and curlers...
275
00:22:15,593 --> 00:22:17,752
Can you see her, Wally?
276
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:22,332
Which nightie?
It doesn't matter which nightie.
277
00:22:22,333 --> 00:22:24,433
It does to ME!
278
00:22:25,373 --> 00:22:27,392
Shut up!
279
00:22:27,393 --> 00:22:29,852
Can you see her, Wally?
280
00:22:29,853 --> 00:22:32,152
Yes. Oh, good man.
281
00:22:32,153 --> 00:22:35,793
Have a good look. I'm looking.
282
00:22:35,873 --> 00:22:38,113
Oooh! So am I.
283
00:22:39,213 --> 00:22:44,032
Are you ready for the question?
Yes, I'm ready.
284
00:22:44,033 --> 00:22:46,052
Right, here it comes.
285
00:22:46,053 --> 00:22:50,113
Do her slippers look BIG?
286
00:22:54,333 --> 00:22:56,113
Pass!
287
00:22:57,273 --> 00:22:59,972
I bet tha notices tha pigeons.
288
00:22:59,973 --> 00:23:02,913
Well... PIGEONS...
289
00:23:03,013 --> 00:23:04,852
That's it.
290
00:23:04,853 --> 00:23:07,673
Like I said,
her feet CAN'T be big.
291
00:23:08,653 --> 00:23:13,172
Don't be hasty, ferret fancier.
We can't be SURE of that.
292
00:23:13,173 --> 00:23:19,232
We can! If she had big feet
he would have noticed them.
293
00:23:19,233 --> 00:23:21,912
But he SHOULD have noticed them.
294
00:23:21,913 --> 00:23:26,853
Look at the height of him -
he's not miles away from them!
295
00:23:28,013 --> 00:23:29,772
What's her shoe size?
296
00:23:29,773 --> 00:23:33,752
Maybe they've
never been intimate enough
297
00:23:33,753 --> 00:23:36,652
to know each other's shoe size.
298
00:23:36,653 --> 00:23:40,572
Look - stand in line. What?
299
00:23:40,573 --> 00:23:42,592
Come on!
300
00:23:42,593 --> 00:23:49,113
Watch it! You'll crease
my jacket. Sorry! Imagine YOU
with a creased jacket(!)
301
00:23:50,113 --> 00:23:52,812
Now, Wally, in your opinion,
302
00:23:52,813 --> 00:23:56,993
which pair is closest
in size to your wife's?
303
00:23:58,593 --> 00:24:01,172
It's not a fair test.
304
00:24:01,173 --> 00:24:05,432
Why not?
You're all wearing trousers.
305
00:24:05,433 --> 00:24:10,513
One thing I HAVE noticed -
our Nora NEVER wears trousers.
306
00:24:12,593 --> 00:24:15,133
We've gone this far. Roll them up.
307
00:24:17,593 --> 00:24:20,712
All right, round the next corner.
308
00:24:20,713 --> 00:24:23,153
Nobody will see us there.
309
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:51,452
Here! What are you doing
with that daft lot?
310
00:24:51,453 --> 00:24:52,413
Nothing!
311
00:24:52,414 --> 00:24:55,392
Look at me
when I'm shouting at you!
312
00:24:55,393 --> 00:24:56,652
I'm looking.
313
00:24:56,653 --> 00:24:58,672
You're looking at me feet.
314
00:24:58,673 --> 00:25:01,652
Can't a bloke look
at his wife's feet?
315
00:25:01,653 --> 00:25:05,572
You're weird! Get inside!
They're all weird!
316
00:25:05,573 --> 00:25:07,913
And wash your hands for tea!
317
00:26:01,373 --> 00:26:03,672
Don't keep looking at me!
318
00:26:03,673 --> 00:26:06,292
What do you keep
looking at me for?
319
00:26:06,293 --> 00:26:09,912
I'm your husband.
I'm entitled to look!
320
00:26:09,913 --> 00:26:12,732
Well, you can pack it in.
321
00:26:12,733 --> 00:26:14,112
Just for looking?
322
00:26:14,113 --> 00:26:15,412
Yes.
323
00:26:15,413 --> 00:26:22,993
We've spent 40 years NOT looking -
so don't you start NOW.
324
00:26:26,373 --> 00:26:29,892
Where's the harm in looking?
325
00:26:29,893 --> 00:26:32,272
It's very unsettling.
326
00:26:32,273 --> 00:26:36,932
It's like having a piece
of furniture coming alive.
327
00:26:36,933 --> 00:26:39,792
Furniture - is that what I am?
328
00:26:39,793 --> 00:26:43,773
I wouldn't mind - if you weren't
so badly put together!
329
00:26:45,773 --> 00:26:47,813
What is the matter with YOU?
330
00:26:48,413 --> 00:26:50,672
I... I... was only wondering.
331
00:26:50,673 --> 00:26:52,632
Wondering what?
332
00:26:52,633 --> 00:26:54,753
How big are your feet?
333
00:26:56,633 --> 00:26:59,773
Have you been reading
funny books?
334
00:27:01,793 --> 00:27:07,172
No... I've not.
I... I was only wondering.
335
00:27:07,173 --> 00:27:11,833
Married 40 years and he starts
wondering about my feet!
336
00:27:15,933 --> 00:27:18,692
Get out to your pigeons!
337
00:27:18,693 --> 00:27:20,752
What about my tea?
338
00:27:20,753 --> 00:27:25,592
Later! Go on -
go and look at your pigeons.
339
00:27:25,593 --> 00:27:30,412
What sort of age are you
to start looking at ladies' feet?
340
00:27:30,413 --> 00:27:33,593
And don't be reading funny books!
341
00:28:32,513 --> 00:28:35,793
A bit more, a bit more.
342
00:28:40,893 --> 00:28:43,813
That's it! Now, mark it.
343
00:28:45,273 --> 00:28:47,733
Now, measure it.
344
00:28:50,853 --> 00:28:52,193
Right!
345
00:29:26,213 --> 00:29:29,213
Serves you right, you daft lot!
27277
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