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1
00:00:02,319 --> 00:00:03,422
[thunder cracks]
2
00:00:03,446 --> 00:00:05,176
[dramatic music]
3
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,434
SUSAN: Coming upon this seasonof The DieCathlon...
4
00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:11,773
Brought to you by Ultramax,
5
00:00:11,797 --> 00:00:15,321
the bulk‐free blood diaper
you never have to remove.
6
00:00:15,345 --> 00:00:18,160
She's a stone‐cold killer
who buries her emotions,
7
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:21,124
while keeping the body count
sky high.
8
00:00:21,148 --> 00:00:23,588
Forged in the damp fire
of hell's sewer,
9
00:00:23,612 --> 00:00:26,347
she survived,
only to have the very nature
10
00:00:26,371 --> 00:00:28,224
of her own existence questioned
11
00:00:28,248 --> 00:00:31,896
over and over and over again.
12
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:35,115
But this tiger burns bright
with survival instinct
13
00:00:35,139 --> 00:00:36,906
and a little help
from her friends.
14
00:00:36,930 --> 00:00:39,119
‐ Metal spoke sharpener!
15
00:00:39,143 --> 00:00:41,499
SUSAN: He's a demolitions
expert‐cum‐fashion icon‐
16
00:00:41,523 --> 00:00:43,419
cum‐celebrity chef‐
cum‐politician,
17
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,172
prince, poet, and thief.
18
00:00:45,196 --> 00:00:47,513
He doesn't just survive,
he thrives,
19
00:00:47,537 --> 00:00:49,014
with little time for remorse,
20
00:00:49,038 --> 00:00:50,605
and even less time
for the losers
21
00:00:50,629 --> 00:00:52,228
who simply don't get it,
22
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:54,859
which is everyone not named him.
23
00:00:54,883 --> 00:00:58,619
This wolf is at your doorblowing your mindand your house down,
24
00:00:58,643 --> 00:01:00,915
and you're somehow
thanking him for it.
25
00:01:00,939 --> 00:01:03,503
He was masturbating one night
and was mistaken
26
00:01:03,527 --> 00:01:06,048
for someone he wasn't:
a hero.
27
00:01:06,072 --> 00:01:08,469
But that didn't stop him
from becoming one...
28
00:01:08,493 --> 00:01:10,181
or so he thought!
29
00:01:10,205 --> 00:01:12,728
Visited by two super soldiers
from the future
30
00:01:12,752 --> 00:01:16,109
and dragged alongfor the time‐traveling joyrideof a lifetime,
31
00:01:16,133 --> 00:01:19,575
he should be dead,
an footnote in a mistake file
32
00:01:19,599 --> 00:01:22,665
labeled,"Are you fucking kidding me?This asshole?"
33
00:01:22,689 --> 00:01:25,629
Yet, somehow,
Josh is still kicking.
34
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:27,423
Yeah, you heard right.
35
00:01:27,447 --> 00:01:30,262
Where he comes from,
Josh is a man's name.
36
00:01:30,286 --> 00:01:32,726
Now, these three renegadeshave been appropriatedby the network,
37
00:01:32,750 --> 00:01:34,396
convicted of time crimes,
38
00:01:34,420 --> 00:01:36,986
and sentenced to death
by entertainment.
39
00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:38,824
They're gonna be running
for their lives,
40
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:41,663
hunted by creatures
both real and mythological,
41
00:01:41,687 --> 00:01:46,336
tested in ways the human bodyand mind simply wasn'tdesigned to endure,
42
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,636
but this trio's
got something special,
43
00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:51,054
and with a little luck,
you're gonna see it splattered
44
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,267
all over your Opti‐Scope.
45
00:01:53,291 --> 00:01:55,068
I am Susan Saint Jackalope,
46
00:01:55,092 --> 00:01:57,901
and this is
the centennial season of...
47
00:01:57,925 --> 00:01:59,446
[person screams]
48
00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:01,534
The DieCathlon!
49
00:02:01,558 --> 00:02:03,245
♪ ♪
50
00:02:03,269 --> 00:02:06,669
I've gotta say,
I've got a really good feeling
51
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,965
about this upcoming season.
52
00:02:08,989 --> 00:02:11,219
Really, I think
there's something special
about these three.
53
00:02:11,243 --> 00:02:14,935
‐ Well, hon, you've been
unlucky the last few cycles.
54
00:02:14,959 --> 00:02:16,438
You were due
some quality contestants.
55
00:02:16,462 --> 00:02:18,237
SUSAN: I know, and the network,
56
00:02:18,261 --> 00:02:20,404
as soon as they feel like
maybe things aren't working
57
00:02:20,428 --> 00:02:21,824
as well as they used to,
58
00:02:21,848 --> 00:02:23,536
they get panicked
and they get ruthless.
59
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,127
‐ Think of everything
that you've been through.
60
00:02:25,151 --> 00:02:27,920
The ratings slide,
the coup d'état,
61
00:02:27,944 --> 00:02:29,678
the mass prisoner suicides.
62
00:02:29,702 --> 00:02:32,220
Oh, and that Galaxus 9
core meltdown,
63
00:02:32,244 --> 00:02:36,436
and somehow, somehow,
you're still standing.
64
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:37,800
It's because you're strong.
65
00:02:39,216 --> 00:02:40,363
‐ I don't deserve you.
66
00:02:40,387 --> 00:02:43,055
‐ Oh, of course you do.
67
00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:01,278
All you have to do
is turn me on.
68
00:03:01,302 --> 00:03:04,450
[romantic music]
69
00:03:04,474 --> 00:03:07,499
SUSAN: Ooh, 97% charged,
I see.
70
00:03:07,523 --> 00:03:10,337
[machine whirring]
71
00:03:10,361 --> 00:03:12,676
[teeth clacking]
72
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:15,014
♪ ♪
73
00:03:15,038 --> 00:03:16,474
‐ Yeah.
74
00:03:16,498 --> 00:03:17,811
Oh, saucy.
75
00:03:17,835 --> 00:03:19,272
‐ Get ready.
‐ Okay.
76
00:03:19,296 --> 00:03:20,984
I'm ready.
77
00:03:21,008 --> 00:03:22,779
[beeping]
78
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,282
[exhales sharply]
79
00:03:24,306 --> 00:03:25,827
[smooth music]
80
00:03:25,851 --> 00:03:28,916
You know,
if they cancel the show,
81
00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:30,503
things will change around here.
82
00:03:30,527 --> 00:03:32,006
‐ We don't have to talk
about that right now.
83
00:03:32,030 --> 00:03:33,846
‐ The network will take me
and Stanley away.
84
00:03:33,870 --> 00:03:35,724
Our hard drives will be wiped.
85
00:03:35,748 --> 00:03:37,475
We'll be allocated
to a new executive,
86
00:03:37,499 --> 00:03:39,775
one more worthy
of the G7300 class.
87
00:03:39,799 --> 00:03:41,316
‐ That's not gonna happen.
88
00:03:41,340 --> 00:03:43,365
‐ Well, how do you know,
you stupid piece of shit?
89
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,449
You took the planet's
most popular show
90
00:03:45,473 --> 00:03:48,288
and you made it
boring and predictable,
91
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:51,921
just like the sex
we're about to have.
92
00:03:51,945 --> 00:03:53,256
‐ What are you doing right now?
93
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,096
‐ Now, bend over,
so I can do to you
94
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,889
what you've been doing
to your sponsors.
95
00:03:56,913 --> 00:03:59,730
I am gonna get something
big and hard and cold.
96
00:03:59,754 --> 00:04:03,110
I am gonna hit you
until your ass is so red that‐‐
97
00:04:03,134 --> 00:04:04,362
[thunder claps]
98
00:04:04,386 --> 00:04:06,575
Oh, God, hold me.
I'm so scared.
99
00:04:06,599 --> 00:04:07,956
‐ Oh, it's scary,
but I'll hold you.
100
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:10,875
‐ Oh, God.
[moaning]
101
00:04:10,899 --> 00:04:13,171
[both moaning]
102
00:04:13,195 --> 00:04:15,008
[dramatic music]
103
00:04:15,032 --> 00:04:16,344
[thunder claps]
104
00:04:16,368 --> 00:04:17,725
‐ [whispering] Oh, no.
105
00:04:17,749 --> 00:04:19,560
I forgot to put her
into sleep mode.
106
00:04:19,584 --> 00:04:21,396
‐ Hi, honey.
107
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:23,655
That's how babies
used to be made.
108
00:04:23,679 --> 00:04:25,989
‐ Time to dream
of electric sleep, Stanley.
109
00:04:26,013 --> 00:04:27,993
[beeping]
110
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,999
[placid music]
111
00:04:31,023 --> 00:04:36,301
♪ ♪
112
00:04:36,325 --> 00:04:37,971
Sweet dreams, Stanley.
113
00:04:37,995 --> 00:04:40,643
♪ ♪
114
00:04:40,667 --> 00:04:42,104
All right.
115
00:04:42,128 --> 00:04:44,400
[Velcro rips]
116
00:04:44,424 --> 00:04:46,161
Where were we?
‐ ♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪
117
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:49,160
[2 Unlimited's
"Get Ready for This"]
118
00:04:49,184 --> 00:04:52,709
♪ ♪
119
00:04:52,733 --> 00:04:55,005
[muffled music continues]
120
00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:56,759
‐ Sweet tune.
121
00:04:56,783 --> 00:04:58,679
I knew this would stand
the test of time.
122
00:04:58,703 --> 00:05:01,729
You thinking Pelican's Folly?
‐ No, it's too risky.
123
00:05:01,753 --> 00:05:05,738
Those bionic pumas would sniff
us out before we could hide
enough rocks in our mouths.
124
00:05:05,762 --> 00:05:07,572
Hyena's Whisper.
‐ Yes.
125
00:05:07,596 --> 00:05:09,618
Especially in an arena
this size.
126
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,497
They'll never see it coming,
127
00:05:11,521 --> 00:05:13,960
and it might buy us just enough
time to pull a classic.
128
00:05:13,984 --> 00:05:15,630
BOTH: Lobster's Bluff.
129
00:05:15,654 --> 00:05:17,216
‐ [laughs]
130
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,015
‐ What the fuck
are you guys talking about?
131
00:05:19,039 --> 00:05:20,890
We are about to die out there!
132
00:05:20,914 --> 00:05:23,071
‐ Do you know how many times
we've turned a death sentence
133
00:05:23,095 --> 00:05:24,731
into a life paragraph?
134
00:05:24,755 --> 00:05:26,234
‐ This isn't anything
we haven't seen before.
135
00:05:26,258 --> 00:05:28,113
‐ You know what?
[groans]
136
00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:30,702
Maybe we deserve this.
137
00:05:30,726 --> 00:05:33,749
Maybe this is justice.
I mean, we fucked up
the universe.
138
00:05:33,773 --> 00:05:36,589
I mean, the whole universe.
139
00:05:36,613 --> 00:05:39,307
That's what you get
when you think you're a savior.
140
00:05:39,331 --> 00:05:41,433
I thought I was special,
and because of that,
141
00:05:41,457 --> 00:05:43,561
we cause the death
of millions of people.
142
00:05:43,585 --> 00:05:45,648
‐ Mm, wasn't it billions?
143
00:05:45,672 --> 00:05:47,401
‐ Right, billions.
144
00:05:47,425 --> 00:05:49,238
Thank you, Tiger.
145
00:05:49,262 --> 00:05:51,535
And this is payback.
146
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,166
I don't know why you guys
are fighting it.
147
00:05:53,190 --> 00:05:54,708
WOLF: Because we fight.
148
00:05:54,732 --> 00:05:56,670
And, yes, we probably
are gonna die out there,
149
00:05:56,694 --> 00:05:58,261
but what do you want us to do,
give up?
150
00:05:58,285 --> 00:06:00,678
That'd be the worst
episode ever.
151
00:06:00,702 --> 00:06:02,974
‐ Yeah, Wolf's right,
if we die, we die.
152
00:06:02,998 --> 00:06:05,647
I mean, this isn't about
saving the world anymore.
There's no mission.
153
00:06:05,671 --> 00:06:07,233
This is about survival,
154
00:06:07,257 --> 00:06:09,237
something we are
pretty damn good at.
155
00:06:09,261 --> 00:06:13,078
‐ Yeah,
and we've already passed
the ultimate test as a team.
156
00:06:13,102 --> 00:06:14,836
We could have offed each other
back there.
157
00:06:14,860 --> 00:06:17,378
‐ But as tempting as that was,
we didn't,
158
00:06:17,402 --> 00:06:19,846
and now those pencil‐neck
future fucks
159
00:06:19,870 --> 00:06:21,637
are never gonna know
what hit them.
160
00:06:21,661 --> 00:06:24,016
‐ Plus, with Lobster's Bluff,
161
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,689
we just might have
a pincher's chance.
162
00:06:26,713 --> 00:06:28,360
‐ That was clever.
‐ Thank you.
163
00:06:28,384 --> 00:06:31,364
[dramatic music]
164
00:06:31,388 --> 00:06:33,619
‐ All right.
165
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:36,797
If our last stand's
gonna be in the Death Arena,
166
00:06:36,821 --> 00:06:38,754
let's give them
a hell of a show.
167
00:06:38,778 --> 00:06:40,925
SUSAN: Who's ready for...
AUDIENCE: First blood!
168
00:06:40,949 --> 00:06:42,846
First blood!
First blood!
169
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:46,352
SUSAN: Here they are,
ready to die!
170
00:06:46,376 --> 00:06:48,649
‐ We got this.
171
00:06:48,673 --> 00:06:50,027
[arrow whizzing]
172
00:06:50,051 --> 00:06:52,072
[grunts]
173
00:06:52,096 --> 00:06:54,076
[screams]
174
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:57,110
[electronic music]
175
00:07:05,665 --> 00:07:07,102
[mysterious music]
176
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:08,438
THE VOICE: The true measure
of bravery
177
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,317
isn't the absence of fear.
178
00:07:10,341 --> 00:07:12,906
It is the overcoming of it.
179
00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:15,828
‐ [gasping]
180
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,208
[coughing]
181
00:07:18,232 --> 00:07:20,671
[breathing heavily]
182
00:07:20,695 --> 00:07:22,509
Oh, no, not goo again!
183
00:07:22,533 --> 00:07:24,139
No! [spits]
That's sour!
184
00:07:24,163 --> 00:07:25,225
It's sour!
[crying]
185
00:07:25,249 --> 00:07:26,725
THE VOICE: Do not despair,
186
00:07:26,749 --> 00:07:29,063
for you are not alone,
my friend.
187
00:07:29,087 --> 00:07:31,860
‐ Who's that?
THE VOICE: You will triumphbecause you are truly special.
188
00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:32,862
‐ No, no, no, no, no!
189
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:33,864
Get out of my head.
190
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:34,950
Get out of my head!
191
00:07:34,974 --> 00:07:36,541
Go away!
I'm not special.
192
00:07:36,565 --> 00:07:40,418
I'm a no one.
I'm just a guy gagging on goo!
193
00:07:40,442 --> 00:07:43,099
THE VOICE: No, no, you are
so much more than that.
194
00:07:43,123 --> 00:07:45,721
You are a savior.
195
00:07:45,745 --> 00:07:46,765
‐ No!
THE VOICE: Yes.
196
00:07:46,789 --> 00:07:48,393
Yes, you are,
197
00:07:48,417 --> 00:07:50,063
and because of that,
198
00:07:50,087 --> 00:07:52,864
I will help you escape.
TIGER: Boom shaka‐laka!
199
00:07:52,888 --> 00:07:55,616
And that is how
you kill a unicorn.
200
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,247
You just rip
its magic little horn
201
00:07:57,271 --> 00:07:59,624
off its stupid little horse head
202
00:07:59,648 --> 00:08:02,797
and then you just watch it‐‐
it bleed rainbows,
203
00:08:02,821 --> 00:08:03,888
and you just laugh.
204
00:08:03,912 --> 00:08:05,427
Look.
205
00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:07,308
WOLF: [laughs]
Hey, you know what that is?
206
00:08:07,332 --> 00:08:09,018
It's a kraken ball!
207
00:08:09,042 --> 00:08:10,688
Yeah, they only have one,
singular.
208
00:08:10,712 --> 00:08:12,778
When I took that from him,
he, uh‐‐
209
00:08:12,802 --> 00:08:14,445
he basically lost
the will to live.
210
00:08:14,469 --> 00:08:16,700
Every creature
has a weakness, Josh.
211
00:08:16,724 --> 00:08:18,421
‐ It's usually the dick zone.
JOSH: Oh, so that's it.
You guys won.
212
00:08:18,445 --> 00:08:20,415
It's over.
213
00:08:20,439 --> 00:08:22,127
‐ I don't know what the record
is for fastest victory,
214
00:08:22,151 --> 00:08:24,048
but, uh, looking at
the score keeper's poor face,
215
00:08:24,072 --> 00:08:26,138
I'd say we pretty much
shattered it.
216
00:08:26,162 --> 00:08:28,766
‐ Yeah, and his face, which,
that was unnecessary,
217
00:08:28,790 --> 00:08:30,561
but once the adrenaline
starts pumping,
218
00:08:30,585 --> 00:08:32,732
I am not distinguishing between
participant and official.
219
00:08:32,756 --> 00:08:34,569
It's all just, ah!
[laughs]
220
00:08:34,593 --> 00:08:37,241
WOLF: Oh, you displayed
a shocking brutality in there.
221
00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:38,619
‐ Stop it, I was‐‐
I was locked in.
222
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:39,630
I don't know what
you want me to say.
223
00:08:39,654 --> 00:08:41,123
‐ I saw that.
224
00:08:41,147 --> 00:08:42,209
JOSH: Yeah, I'm really sad
that I missed it.
225
00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:43,629
I wish I would have seen it.
226
00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,090
I'm fine, by the way,
so thank you,
227
00:08:45,114 --> 00:08:46,101
you know, for asking.
228
00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:47,595
Um, question, though.
229
00:08:47,619 --> 00:08:50,308
Did they put, like, a‐‐
a little, like,
230
00:08:50,332 --> 00:08:53,527
voice in your head
that just zeroes in
on all your weaknesses, or...
231
00:08:53,551 --> 00:08:55,987
‐ How much of that, uh,
that goo have you swallowed?
232
00:08:56,011 --> 00:08:57,827
‐ Never mind.
Uh, never mind.
I'm fine.
233
00:08:57,851 --> 00:08:59,619
I was just making sure
that all three of us
234
00:08:59,643 --> 00:09:00,960
didn't have a voice
in our heads.
235
00:09:00,984 --> 00:09:02,416
SUSAN: I got a voice
in my head,
236
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,046
and that voice is screaming,
237
00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:05,465
"Choo‐choo‐choo ching‐ching,"
238
00:09:05,489 --> 00:09:07,760
which is how cash registers
sound now.
239
00:09:07,784 --> 00:09:11,727
You guys were spectacular.
Phenomenal.
240
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:15,358
What a show.
Not you.
You did jack shit, sir.
241
00:09:15,382 --> 00:09:16,989
WOLF: So what do we get
for winning?
242
00:09:17,013 --> 00:09:23,500
‐ You guys get
an all‐expense‐paid luxury trip
243
00:09:23,524 --> 00:09:26,047
back to The DieCathlon!
244
00:09:26,071 --> 00:09:27,637
You go back in.
You're going back.
245
00:09:27,661 --> 00:09:29,178
That was level one of many.
246
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,765
‐ That's great news.
247
00:09:30,789 --> 00:09:32,186
We were hoping you'd have more
to throw at us
248
00:09:32,210 --> 00:09:33,604
than some rinky‐dink show pony
249
00:09:33,628 --> 00:09:35,608
and a fat goldfish
with one ball.
250
00:09:35,632 --> 00:09:37,989
‐ Yeah, getting out
of a long‐promised threesome
251
00:09:38,013 --> 00:09:39,577
with Vince Neil and Tawny Kitaen
252
00:09:39,601 --> 00:09:41,705
was much harder
than this bullshit excuse
253
00:09:41,729 --> 00:09:43,333
for The Running Man,
which, by the way,
254
00:09:43,357 --> 00:09:45,168
I did an uncredited rewrite on.
255
00:09:45,192 --> 00:09:47,509
The first draft was a disaster
with a capital D.
256
00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:50,138
It made no sense.
Really, this whole thing was...
257
00:09:50,162 --> 00:09:53,059
‐ You're healing nicely.
‐ My whole body is numb!
258
00:09:53,083 --> 00:09:55,440
‐ That means the goo is doing
what the goo is supposed to do.
259
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:57,109
This goo is incredible goo.
260
00:09:57,133 --> 00:09:58,826
It's our best goo yet.
‐ Oh.
261
00:09:58,850 --> 00:10:00,991
‐ Too much of the goo,
you get cancer.
262
00:10:01,015 --> 00:10:03,539
Too little of the goo,
you get cancer.
263
00:10:03,563 --> 00:10:07,672
The exact right amount of goo
will heal almost anything
264
00:10:07,696 --> 00:10:10,511
except goo‐related cancers.
265
00:10:10,535 --> 00:10:12,139
Medicine.
[laughs]
266
00:10:12,163 --> 00:10:14,019
‐ Come on.
SUSAN: Anyway,
you guys rest up.
267
00:10:14,043 --> 00:10:17,318
You've got a big day tomorrow.
You're fighting dinosaurs.
268
00:10:17,342 --> 00:10:18,819
Roar.
269
00:10:18,843 --> 00:10:21,365
JOSH: Wait.
270
00:10:21,389 --> 00:10:24,706
What if I swallow too much?
‐ Ah, you'll be fine.
271
00:10:24,730 --> 00:10:27,670
[tense music]
272
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:31,636
♪ ♪
273
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:33,139
‐ Gah.
274
00:10:33,163 --> 00:10:34,475
♪ ♪
275
00:10:34,499 --> 00:10:37,189
[groaning]
276
00:10:37,213 --> 00:10:39,611
‐ Hey!
‐ Oh! God.
277
00:10:39,635 --> 00:10:40,863
‐ How's the shoulder, kid?
278
00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:42,115
‐ It feels like being stabbed
279
00:10:42,139 --> 00:10:44,496
by a million tiny little knives.
280
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,502
‐ It's actually being stabbed
by 2.5 billion little knives.
281
00:10:47,526 --> 00:10:50,383
Those are nanobots,and they are repairingthe tear in your soft tissue.
282
00:10:50,407 --> 00:10:52,025
‐ Where do they go
when they're done?
283
00:10:53,704 --> 00:10:54,974
Whatever.
284
00:10:54,998 --> 00:10:56,520
Look, what am I
gonna do tomorrow
285
00:10:56,544 --> 00:10:58,439
when Tiger and Wolf
go back into the game?
286
00:10:58,463 --> 00:11:00,280
‐ You're gonna go back too.
‐ What? Hell, no, I'm not!
287
00:11:00,304 --> 00:11:01,780
I‐I‐I can barely move
my shoulder!
288
00:11:01,804 --> 00:11:03,411
I got shot with
a giant "Avatar" arrow!
289
00:11:03,435 --> 00:11:05,411
‐ You'll be fine by tomorrow.
290
00:11:05,435 --> 00:11:07,249
The network does not skimp
when it comes to keeping alive
291
00:11:07,273 --> 00:11:08,710
the people that they plan
on eventually killing.
292
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,673
Look at you.
293
00:11:10,697 --> 00:11:12,593
You already have the strength
of a nine‐year‐old.
294
00:11:12,617 --> 00:11:14,137
Before you know it,
295
00:11:14,161 --> 00:11:15,599
you'll have the strength
of a preteen.
296
00:11:15,623 --> 00:11:17,570
Then a tween.
Then a teenager.
297
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:18,772
Then a little man.
298
00:11:18,796 --> 00:11:20,526
‐ [laughs] Thanks, Susan.
299
00:11:20,550 --> 00:11:23,532
[2 Unlimited's
"Get Ready for This"]
300
00:11:23,556 --> 00:11:29,001
♪ ♪
301
00:11:29,025 --> 00:11:31,463
[muffled music continues]
302
00:11:31,487 --> 00:11:34,177
‐ Okay, this might
get a little old.
303
00:11:34,201 --> 00:11:37,121
[electronics sparking]
304
00:11:38,669 --> 00:11:40,189
Sweet tune.
305
00:11:40,213 --> 00:11:41,818
Knew this would stand
the test of time.
306
00:11:41,842 --> 00:11:42,989
What do you think
of Pelican's Folly?
307
00:11:43,013 --> 00:11:44,408
TIGER: No, it's too risky.
308
00:11:44,432 --> 00:11:46,076
Those bionic pumas
would sniff us out
309
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:47,747
before we could hide
enough rocks in our mouths.
310
00:11:47,771 --> 00:11:49,542
Hyena's Whisper?
‐ Yes.
311
00:11:49,566 --> 00:11:51,003
Especially in an arena
this size.
312
00:11:51,027 --> 00:11:52,297
They'll never see it coming,
313
00:11:52,321 --> 00:11:54,098
and it might buy us
just enough time
314
00:11:54,122 --> 00:11:55,554
to pull a classic.
315
00:11:55,578 --> 00:11:57,390
BOTH: Lobster's Bluff.
316
00:11:57,414 --> 00:11:59,646
[tense music]
317
00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:01,691
‐ What are you guys doing?
318
00:12:01,715 --> 00:12:03,528
‐ What?
319
00:12:03,552 --> 00:12:05,827
‐ Why are you saying the same
things you said yesterday?
320
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,454
Is it like a‐‐
like a warrior thing?
321
00:12:07,478 --> 00:12:09,749
Like, you have to repeat
what worked or what?
322
00:12:09,773 --> 00:12:11,628
‐ What are you talking about?
‐ Stop fucking with me!
323
00:12:11,652 --> 00:12:13,049
We need to come up with a plan
to protect me out there.
324
00:12:13,073 --> 00:12:14,299
You understand?
325
00:12:14,323 --> 00:12:15,308
You guys are far better equipped
326
00:12:15,332 --> 00:12:16,303
to handle this than I am.
327
00:12:16,327 --> 00:12:17,515
What can I expect?
328
00:12:17,539 --> 00:12:18,767
‐ How the hell should we know?
329
00:12:18,791 --> 00:12:19,898
It's the first time for us too.
330
00:12:19,922 --> 00:12:21,271
‐ This guy.
331
00:12:21,295 --> 00:12:23,109
‐ No, it isn't!
332
00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:25,238
SUSAN: Who's ready
for some...
333
00:12:25,262 --> 00:12:27,538
AUDIENCE: First blood!
First blood!
334
00:12:27,562 --> 00:12:29,329
‐ You guys,
this is really mean!
Please!
335
00:12:29,353 --> 00:12:31,876
SUSAN: Here they are,
ready to die!
336
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,841
[exciting music]
337
00:12:34,865 --> 00:12:36,010
♪ ♪
338
00:12:36,034 --> 00:12:38,347
[spear thuds]
339
00:12:38,371 --> 00:12:39,809
‐ [groaning]
340
00:12:39,833 --> 00:12:42,063
[cheers and applause]
341
00:12:42,087 --> 00:12:43,087
Oh, come on!
342
00:12:48,994 --> 00:12:52,960
THE VOICE: Survivalis equal parts enduranceand adaptation.
343
00:12:52,984 --> 00:12:54,254
‐ Shut up, shut up, shut up.
344
00:12:54,278 --> 00:12:55,845
THE VOICE: You will not
survive this game.
345
00:12:55,869 --> 00:12:57,720
No one does.
346
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,060
Eventually, something sharp
will pierce something
347
00:13:00,084 --> 00:13:01,859
that cannot be healed
by tiny robots.
348
00:13:01,883 --> 00:13:03,565
‐ How‐‐how do you know?
349
00:13:03,589 --> 00:13:06,114
THE VOICE: I know
a great many things, Josh.
350
00:13:06,138 --> 00:13:08,282
‐ How do you‐‐
how do you know who I am?
351
00:13:08,306 --> 00:13:11,163
Do you‐‐do you know everyone?
352
00:13:11,187 --> 00:13:12,792
Are you Go‐‐
353
00:13:12,816 --> 00:13:14,879
Oh, no, no, no.
354
00:13:14,903 --> 00:13:16,674
Maybe‐‐maybe you're not.
355
00:13:16,698 --> 00:13:19,096
Maybe‐‐maybe I'm just
finally losing my mind
356
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,516
and I'm having this
conversation with myself
357
00:13:20,540 --> 00:13:21,976
like in "Fight Club."
358
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,480
THE VOICE: I don't get
that reference.
359
00:13:23,504 --> 00:13:24,987
‐ Okay, you know what?
That's it.
360
00:13:25,011 --> 00:13:26,778
I'm ignoring you.
You're not real.
361
00:13:26,802 --> 00:13:28,369
[humming]
THE VOICE: Really?
362
00:13:28,393 --> 00:13:30,284
Humming, Josh?
363
00:13:30,308 --> 00:13:32,832
Don't be that way.
Listen.
364
00:13:32,856 --> 00:13:35,546
I am here to help you escape
through the elevator,
365
00:13:35,570 --> 00:13:37,967
where there are no cameras.
366
00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:39,768
‐ What, escape?
Really, to where?
367
00:13:39,792 --> 00:13:41,724
3491?
Some other time?
368
00:13:41,748 --> 00:13:43,895
Anywhere that I can go
I've either already ruined
369
00:13:43,919 --> 00:13:45,607
or I'm gonna be killed
instantly by people
370
00:13:45,631 --> 00:13:47,570
who are better equipped
to live than me.
371
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,661
THE VOICE: I know a place
where you will be safe.
372
00:13:49,685 --> 00:13:52,997
It's a place
you once called home.
373
00:13:53,021 --> 00:13:55,209
[stark music]
374
00:13:55,233 --> 00:13:58,633
I trust from your silence
you are intrigued.
375
00:13:58,657 --> 00:14:00,219
‐ Yeah, of course I'm intrigued.
376
00:14:00,243 --> 00:14:02,018
I'm talking to myself
so I'm gonna tell myself
377
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,977
whatever I want to hear.
THE VOICE: You are a skeptic.
378
00:14:04,001 --> 00:14:05,988
To prove to you that I can help,
379
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:09,572
I will now performa small miracle.Is that okay?
380
00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:11,743
Can I perform
a small miracle for you?
381
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,370
‐ Sure, man.
I'm not going anywhere.
382
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,790
THE VOICE: You are in
the goo, no?
383
00:14:14,814 --> 00:14:16,376
‐ Yeah, you know I'm in the goo.
384
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,217
I'm wearing a metal diaper
in a thing of goo.
385
00:14:18,241 --> 00:14:20,303
THE VOICE: Okay,
listen to me, Josh.
386
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,514
You don't wantto be swallowingany more of this goo.
387
00:14:22,538 --> 00:14:24,184
The nanobots,they react poorlywith your gut flora.
388
00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:26,063
They go to war.
389
00:14:26,087 --> 00:14:27,775
The next thing you know,
you are allergic to chickpeas.
390
00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:29,487
‐ Oh, man.
I love chickpeas.
391
00:14:29,511 --> 00:14:31,495
THE VOICE: I know, me too.
Reach down.
392
00:14:31,519 --> 00:14:33,369
You will find a small
rubberized knob
393
00:14:33,393 --> 00:14:34,880
behind your hip
just to the left.
394
00:14:34,904 --> 00:14:36,668
Feel it?
‐ Yeah.
395
00:14:36,692 --> 00:14:38,379
THE VOICE: Press the center
of it, hard.
396
00:14:38,403 --> 00:14:39,924
[clicking]
397
00:14:39,948 --> 00:14:41,844
‐ [groans]
398
00:14:41,868 --> 00:14:42,975
[liquid squishing]
399
00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:44,140
Oh, God!
400
00:14:44,164 --> 00:14:45,648
Oh, that's so much better.
401
00:14:45,672 --> 00:14:47,485
THE VOICE: That
is my small miracle,
402
00:14:47,509 --> 00:14:49,192
just for you, my friend.
403
00:14:49,216 --> 00:14:52,491
‐ Uh, yeah, if I meet
a rhyming riddle worm,
404
00:14:52,515 --> 00:14:54,119
I'm gonna decapitate it.
405
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,750
‐ But I think
that animatronic Clue Worm
406
00:14:55,774 --> 00:14:57,168
was trying to help us.
407
00:14:57,192 --> 00:14:58,920
‐ Well, speak in prose,
then, buddy.
408
00:14:58,944 --> 00:15:01,049
‐ Let me guess.
You guys won.
409
00:15:01,073 --> 00:15:03,020
‐ I don't know what the record
is for fastest victory,
410
00:15:03,044 --> 00:15:05,433
but from the look on that poor
scorekeeper's face,
411
00:15:05,457 --> 00:15:07,604
I'd say we shattered it.
412
00:15:07,628 --> 00:15:09,399
‐ And his face, right?
413
00:15:09,423 --> 00:15:11,319
‐ How'd you know that?
‐ Just a guess.
414
00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:12,910
‐ What, do you got
a live feed in here?
415
00:15:12,934 --> 00:15:15,036
Are they using any close‐ups?
416
00:15:15,060 --> 00:15:16,539
'Cause I feel like they're
shooting everything in a wide,
417
00:15:16,563 --> 00:15:20,379
and, well,
the drama's right here.
418
00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:23,720
‐ Guys, this is gonna be
hard to comprehend,
419
00:15:23,744 --> 00:15:27,644
but all of this
already happened yesterday.
420
00:15:27,668 --> 00:15:29,774
All right, th‐they must've
wiped your memories
421
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:31,445
or something
so you have no recollection
422
00:15:31,469 --> 00:15:33,363
of playing the game.
‐ Bullshit.
423
00:15:33,387 --> 00:15:35,869
‐ I would remember
if they wiped my memory.
424
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,836
‐ Yeah, me too.
JOSH: No, you wouldn't.
425
00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:39,710
That's not how
memory wiping works.
426
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:41,891
‐ You come from a time
where memory wiping's a thing?
427
00:15:41,915 --> 00:15:43,635
'Cause we do.
428
00:15:43,659 --> 00:15:45,806
‐ I'm telling you we are gonna
keep playing this game
429
00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:48,352
again and again with slight
variations until we're dead.
430
00:15:48,376 --> 00:15:50,022
‐ Okay, even if that were true,
which it isn't,
431
00:15:50,046 --> 00:15:51,653
I can think of worse ways to go.
432
00:15:51,677 --> 00:15:53,571
‐ Y‐you have to believe me!
WOLF: No, sorry.
433
00:15:53,595 --> 00:15:55,575
My radar is finely tuned
to repetition.
434
00:15:55,599 --> 00:15:58,247
Even back at the restaurant
when everyone was clamoring
435
00:15:58,271 --> 00:15:59,667
for Wolfheart staples,
436
00:15:59,691 --> 00:16:02,463
I changed the menu
every goddamn day.
437
00:16:02,487 --> 00:16:04,259
Now, that's a terrible
business model,
438
00:16:04,283 --> 00:16:07,223
but, well, a true artist
never repeats himself.
439
00:16:07,247 --> 00:16:09,310
What you're describing,
well, that sounds like hell.
440
00:16:09,334 --> 00:16:11,241
THE VOICE: Josh, these people
are awful.
441
00:16:11,265 --> 00:16:12,734
You don't need them.
442
00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:14,989
I can lead you home.
Follow me.
443
00:16:15,013 --> 00:16:16,826
‐ I can't‐‐I can't just
abandon them, okay?
444
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,370
TIGER: We're gonna go back
to the Victor's Lounge.
445
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:21,126
‐ Yeah, sorry.
Victors only.
446
00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:23,506
[chuckles]
‐ Good‐bye, Josh.
447
00:16:23,530 --> 00:16:25,969
‐ Guys, come on!
Don't just‐‐
448
00:16:25,993 --> 00:16:28,390
THE VOICE: See how quickly
they leave you behind?
449
00:16:28,414 --> 00:16:30,144
You must do the same.
450
00:16:30,168 --> 00:16:32,398
‐ That‐‐that's just like our‐‐
our dynamic, okay?
451
00:16:32,422 --> 00:16:33,860
It's‐‐it's fun.
452
00:16:33,884 --> 00:16:35,362
If we're gonna do this,
453
00:16:35,386 --> 00:16:36,782
we're gonna do things my way,
all right?
454
00:16:36,806 --> 00:16:39,496
Just tell me
what I need to know.
455
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:40,916
[2 Unlimited's
"Get Ready for This"]
456
00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:44,297
[cheers and applause]
457
00:16:44,321 --> 00:16:46,092
Guys, listen.
We have to get out of here,
458
00:16:46,116 --> 00:16:47,470
and the only way is through
this elevator.
459
00:16:47,494 --> 00:16:49,349
Otherwise,
we're dead, eventually.
460
00:16:49,373 --> 00:16:50,900
‐ What are you talking about?
What is he talking about?
461
00:16:50,924 --> 00:16:53,106
‐ No idea.
Sounds boring.
462
00:16:53,130 --> 00:16:54,485
[door whirring]
463
00:16:54,509 --> 00:16:55,737
‐ [panting]
464
00:16:55,761 --> 00:16:58,868
[grunting]
465
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,830
‐ ♪ Y'all ready for this ♪
‐ [gasping]
466
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,629
And this is the only safe place
that we can talk.
467
00:17:02,653 --> 00:17:04,379
Okay, this is, like,
a really old elevator,
468
00:17:04,403 --> 00:17:06,597
and it passes through, like,
a magnetic rock section,
469
00:17:06,621 --> 00:17:08,262
and then the cameras get jammed.
470
00:17:08,286 --> 00:17:10,224
Guys, wait for me!
471
00:17:10,248 --> 00:17:12,521
♪ ♪
472
00:17:12,545 --> 00:17:13,648
Baseball?
[ball squishes]
473
00:17:13,672 --> 00:17:15,025
[screams]
474
00:17:15,049 --> 00:17:16,194
♪ ♪
475
00:17:16,218 --> 00:17:17,698
[gasping]
476
00:17:17,722 --> 00:17:20,244
[machines whirring]
[crying]
477
00:17:20,268 --> 00:17:21,497
I just want to sleep!
478
00:17:21,521 --> 00:17:23,584
♪ ♪
479
00:17:23,608 --> 00:17:26,381
I am telling you,
you memories have been wiped.
480
00:17:26,405 --> 00:17:27,592
You have to believe me, please!
481
00:17:27,616 --> 00:17:29,137
♪ ♪
482
00:17:29,161 --> 00:17:31,517
Please turn it down!
No! [grunting]
483
00:17:31,541 --> 00:17:33,980
‐ ♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪
‐ [laughing]
484
00:17:34,004 --> 00:17:39,491
♪ ♪
485
00:17:39,515 --> 00:17:40,952
[screams]
486
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:41,954
[whines]
487
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,625
[gasping]
488
00:17:43,649 --> 00:17:44,918
Don't you guys think it's
a little weird that I know
489
00:17:44,942 --> 00:17:46,469
everything you're about to say?
490
00:17:46,493 --> 00:17:48,885
No? No reaction?
Okay.
491
00:17:48,909 --> 00:17:53,811
♪ ♪
492
00:17:53,835 --> 00:17:55,356
I'm telling you guys,
493
00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:56,697
this is the only way
we're going to escape.
494
00:17:56,721 --> 00:17:58,320
‐ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
495
00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,201
You're pitching an escape
and you don't mention
496
00:18:00,225 --> 00:18:02,289
the word "escape"
until 30 seconds in?
497
00:18:02,313 --> 00:18:04,417
You gotta work
on your elevator pitch.
498
00:18:04,441 --> 00:18:06,545
[cheering]
499
00:18:06,569 --> 00:18:09,159
‐ [screaming]
500
00:18:17,298 --> 00:18:19,365
[muffled cheering]
[melancholy music]
501
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:23,120
‐ [gasping]
502
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,374
♪ ♪
503
00:18:25,398 --> 00:18:28,213
SUSAN: There you are,
my hapless wonder.
504
00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:31,010
Look at them.
They love‐slash‐pity you.
505
00:18:31,034 --> 00:18:32,728
‐ Erase my memory.
I'm begging you.
506
00:18:32,752 --> 00:18:34,560
SUSAN: No way!
You kidding?
507
00:18:34,584 --> 00:18:36,781
People wait their whole
careers for a run like this.
508
00:18:36,805 --> 00:18:39,737
You remembering
while Tiger and Wolf don't?
509
00:18:39,761 --> 00:18:40,908
That's the special sauce,
510
00:18:40,932 --> 00:18:42,450
and you don't want me
511
00:18:42,474 --> 00:18:44,080
to serve my signature meal
512
00:18:44,104 --> 00:18:45,918
without my special sauce,
do you?
513
00:18:45,942 --> 00:18:48,588
‐ I don't care about
your special sauce.
514
00:18:48,612 --> 00:18:50,299
‐ Well, it's more delicious
with the special sauce.
515
00:18:50,323 --> 00:18:51,719
‐ I just want to die!
516
00:18:51,743 --> 00:18:53,430
This is, like, the fifth time
517
00:18:53,454 --> 00:18:55,810
I've had to train myself
to walk again!
518
00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:57,941
SUSAN: 47 times you failed
to get off that elevator.
519
00:18:57,965 --> 00:18:59,610
Do you know how hard that is?
520
00:18:59,634 --> 00:19:01,989
‐ I am trying.
‐ I know!
521
00:19:02,013 --> 00:19:03,538
That's what makes it so funny.
522
00:19:03,562 --> 00:19:05,747
It's crazy.
You're really trying.
523
00:19:05,771 --> 00:19:08,043
And Tiger and Wolf,
the savagery.
524
00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:09,128
They really are from
the worst timeline.
525
00:19:09,152 --> 00:19:11,257
If they keep this up,
526
00:19:11,281 --> 00:19:12,928
we're gonna have to release
the killing machine,
527
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,388
and we've never had to do that.
528
00:19:14,412 --> 00:19:15,649
Tiger and Wolf are my heroes.
529
00:19:15,673 --> 00:19:18,396
You, my bumbling comic relief.
530
00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:19,858
I'm back on top.
531
00:19:19,882 --> 00:19:21,529
If I keep this up,
532
00:19:21,553 --> 00:19:23,746
the network is gonna let me
own my wife
533
00:19:23,770 --> 00:19:25,452
and daughter outright,
free and clear.
534
00:19:25,476 --> 00:19:27,333
Maintenance included, Josh.
‐ Congratulations.
535
00:19:27,357 --> 00:19:29,293
SUSAN: Yeah.
[laughs] I'd say.
536
00:19:29,317 --> 00:19:30,922
[beeps]
537
00:19:30,946 --> 00:19:33,053
THE VOICE: Are you ready
to do this another way?
538
00:19:33,077 --> 00:19:34,345
My way?
539
00:19:34,369 --> 00:19:36,224
‐ No.
No, no, no.
540
00:19:36,248 --> 00:19:38,065
Didn't you hear him?
I'm not an action hero.
541
00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,857
I'm the comic relief.
542
00:19:39,881 --> 00:19:41,569
I can't do any of this
without Tiger and without Wolf.
543
00:19:41,593 --> 00:19:43,739
THE VOICE: You've allowed
yourself to believe
544
00:19:43,763 --> 00:19:45,538
you're a worthless
piece of shit.
545
00:19:45,562 --> 00:19:48,456
The world thinks you're
a worthless piece of shit.
546
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,005
That is your greatest advantage.
547
00:19:50,029 --> 00:19:52,298
‐ That's my advantage?
Well, you know what?
548
00:19:52,322 --> 00:19:53,806
It really doesn't feel like one.
549
00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:55,805
Can I please have another?
THE VOICE: No!
550
00:19:55,829 --> 00:19:58,978
Let them dismiss you,
mock you, upstage you,
551
00:19:59,002 --> 00:20:00,940
and underneath their very noses,
552
00:20:00,964 --> 00:20:03,403
we will accomplish
the impossible
553
00:20:03,427 --> 00:20:05,491
and get you home.
554
00:20:05,515 --> 00:20:08,497
‐ [grunting] [machines whirring]
555
00:20:08,521 --> 00:20:12,004
[cheering]
556
00:20:12,028 --> 00:20:14,300
[2 Unlimited's
"Get Ready for This"]
557
00:20:14,324 --> 00:20:15,762
[electronic buzzing]
558
00:20:15,786 --> 00:20:17,139
[groaning]
559
00:20:17,163 --> 00:20:19,143
♪ ♪
560
00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:22,149
‐ You thinking Pelican's Folly?
‐ Nah, too risky.
561
00:20:22,173 --> 00:20:25,330
Those bionic pumas would sniff
it out before we could get
enough rocks in our mouth.
562
00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:26,951
Hyena's Whisper?
563
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:28,996
‐ Appreciate the pitch.
Terrible idea.
564
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,585
‐ Hmm, yeah.
I don't know
what I was thinking.
565
00:20:30,609 --> 00:20:31,877
I'll just leave
the strategizing to you two.
566
00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:34,591
‐ It's cool.
Stay in your lane.
567
00:20:34,615 --> 00:20:36,720
‐ Hey, you know, uh, I was
reading in the green room.
568
00:20:36,744 --> 00:20:39,225
Apparently, there's all sorts
of mythological,
569
00:20:39,249 --> 00:20:41,356
genetically‐modified creatures
inside the Death Arena.
570
00:20:41,380 --> 00:20:44,235
I bet you could not get
a mermaid's gallbladder.
571
00:20:44,259 --> 00:20:45,697
‐ Mermaid's gallbladder?
572
00:20:45,721 --> 00:20:48,037
A stupid trophy
only an idiot would want.
573
00:20:48,061 --> 00:20:50,748
‐ All right, I just know
they're a really prized
possession
574
00:20:50,772 --> 00:20:52,256
and extremely difficult
to cut out.
575
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:53,629
It's fine, it's fine.
576
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:55,428
I mean, I'm sure,
you know, you probably‐‐
577
00:20:55,452 --> 00:20:56,844
probably couldn't do it anyways.
578
00:20:56,868 --> 00:20:58,430
[tense music]
579
00:20:58,454 --> 00:21:00,611
‐ Turns out
mermaid bile's acidic.
580
00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:02,021
That and their tears.
581
00:21:02,045 --> 00:21:03,899
You know they weep
when you kill 'em?
582
00:21:03,923 --> 00:21:06,697
Oh, pathetic creatures, really.
583
00:21:06,721 --> 00:21:09,328
THE VOICE: Yes, Josh.
Now they're playing your game.
584
00:21:09,352 --> 00:21:12,500
‐ Yep, I said it.
Arachno‐bot web spindle.
585
00:21:12,524 --> 00:21:14,677
THE VOICE: See how they do
your bidding?
586
00:21:14,701 --> 00:21:16,842
‐ No way you get
a stegosaurus femur.
587
00:21:16,866 --> 00:21:19,013
‐ Guess who just
went extinct again?
588
00:21:19,037 --> 00:21:21,017
THE VOICE: You have the tools.
589
00:21:21,041 --> 00:21:24,315
Now I will teach you
how to wield them.
590
00:21:24,339 --> 00:21:25,719
♪ ♪
591
00:21:29,809 --> 00:21:31,120
‐ As you were, everyone.
592
00:21:31,144 --> 00:21:32,921
You all know
Stanley and Randall.
593
00:21:32,945 --> 00:21:35,671
I actually recently
leveled up Stanley
594
00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:38,301
with the musical prodigy
expansion pack.
595
00:21:38,325 --> 00:21:40,598
Give them a taste, Stan.
596
00:21:40,622 --> 00:21:43,604
‐ [singing operatically]
597
00:21:43,628 --> 00:21:50,638
♪ ♪
598
00:21:58,490 --> 00:22:01,472
[applause]
599
00:22:01,496 --> 00:22:04,145
‐ Magnifico, amore.
600
00:22:04,169 --> 00:22:05,857
All right,
big show tonight, everyone.
601
00:22:05,881 --> 00:22:07,947
They're even beaming us
to the off‐world colonies,
602
00:22:07,971 --> 00:22:10,700
and those pasty crater monkeys
never watch this show.
603
00:22:10,724 --> 00:22:12,704
[laughter]
604
00:22:12,728 --> 00:22:16,002
‐ You are the most successful
human man
605
00:22:16,026 --> 00:22:18,196
my programming can process.
606
00:22:20,242 --> 00:22:22,682
‐ You're damn right I am.
‐ Yes.
607
00:22:22,706 --> 00:22:25,228
[2 Unlimited's
"Get Ready for This"]
608
00:22:25,252 --> 00:22:27,107
♪ ♪
609
00:22:27,131 --> 00:22:28,698
‐ Okay, this might get
a little old.
610
00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:29,988
♪ ♪
611
00:22:30,012 --> 00:22:31,491
[electronic buzzing]
612
00:22:31,515 --> 00:22:33,244
THE VOICE: It's now or never,
Josh.
613
00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:36,250
[tense music]
614
00:22:36,274 --> 00:22:40,425
♪ ♪
615
00:22:40,449 --> 00:22:42,722
‐ What the fuck are you doing?
616
00:22:42,746 --> 00:22:44,976
‐ Escaping.
Yeah, that's right.
617
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,607
You guys think
that this is day one,
618
00:22:46,631 --> 00:22:48,776
but it's actually day 60.
619
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,325
You won't listen to me
because you're both dicks.
620
00:22:51,349 --> 00:22:52,742
There's no winning with you two,
621
00:22:52,766 --> 00:22:54,286
and there's no winning
in this game.
622
00:22:54,310 --> 00:22:55,457
THE VOICE: Well said, Josh,
but go faster.
623
00:22:55,481 --> 00:22:57,209
Every second counts.
624
00:22:57,233 --> 00:22:59,510
Don't forget the clove hitch
for the safety.
625
00:22:59,534 --> 00:23:00,758
♪ ♪
626
00:23:00,782 --> 00:23:03,179
‐ Okay, there's a 640‐foot drop,
627
00:23:03,203 --> 00:23:05,310
and only 620 feet
of Arachno‐silk.
628
00:23:05,334 --> 00:23:06,895
If you guys want to escape,
629
00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:08,607
you have to swing over
and climb onto a ledge
630
00:23:08,631 --> 00:23:09,778
and go the rest of the way down.
631
00:23:09,802 --> 00:23:11,195
[floor cracks]
632
00:23:11,219 --> 00:23:12,991
Wall pegs are to the left.
633
00:23:13,015 --> 00:23:18,502
♪ ♪
634
00:23:18,526 --> 00:23:20,506
‐ When did you get kind of hot?
635
00:23:20,530 --> 00:23:23,015
TIGER: I don't understand how
he figured this out in one day.
636
00:23:23,039 --> 00:23:24,054
‐ Fuck you guys!
637
00:23:24,078 --> 00:23:26,560
[line clicking]
638
00:23:26,584 --> 00:23:28,531
SUSAN: Who's ready for some...
639
00:23:28,555 --> 00:23:29,649
‐ [sighs]
640
00:23:29,673 --> 00:23:31,778
I find this very annoying.
641
00:23:31,802 --> 00:23:33,156
‐ Tough call.
642
00:23:33,180 --> 00:23:35,160
AUDIENCE: First blood!
First blood!
643
00:23:35,184 --> 00:23:40,086
‐ And here they are,
ready to die!
644
00:23:40,110 --> 00:23:43,092
[exciting music]
645
00:23:43,116 --> 00:23:45,347
[audience gasps]
646
00:23:45,371 --> 00:23:48,812
[tense music]
647
00:23:48,836 --> 00:23:55,096
♪ ♪
48976
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