All language subtitles for Frasier - 8x11 - Motor Skills.HDTV.NoTV.en

Oh, Chelsea,
you are in for a rare treat tonight.

Your first opera, and Ben Heppner
is singing the role of Tristan.

Oh, this is gonna be
a whole new experience for me.

Why?
You've never been bored before?

[ENGINE STOPS]

Oh, dear.
Car seems to have stalled.

Oh, great. Now what?

All right, let's not panic.

Chelsea, if you would, please,
open the glove compartment.

You will find a flashlight
and a small tool kit.

Ah.

Reach behind them
and hand me my cell phone.

l'm gonna call the Auto Club.

By the time they get here,
we'll miss the opera.

You know, my ex-boyfriend
used to restore Corvettes.

Maybe l can poke around
and take a look.

l suppose l could give you a hand.
You don't grow up with eight brothers

and not learn a thing or two
about engines.

Or the importance
of being first in the shower.

Now, now, ladies. Niles and l
are no strangers to the automobile.

Niles, let's have a look.
l'll pop the hood.

That won't void the warranty, will it?

Ha-ha-ha. That's very funny, Niles.

No cause for alarm, ladies.
Here we go.

Hey, Eddie.

This is my boy, Eddie.
This is my other boy, Frasier.

Oh, dear God. Dad,
you know very well we have no room

in this house for another dog,
let alone a puppy.

They chew the furniture, they dig
like demons and they soil the carpet.

The puppy's mine, Frasier.

Oh, well, congratulations.
Everybody should have one.

Alice just begged me for one.

Martin, thank you so much
for helping me pick him out.

Are you kidding? l had a blast.

Now, here's Eddie's old puppy collar.

And his brush.

And his first chew toy.

Oh, Martin, l can't believe
you kept all his things.

Well, l always thought
he'd have a brother or two.

You know, you always think
you're gonna have one more.

Dad, l said you could have a fish.

Roz, would you help me here,
please?

You know, Martin,
l could use someone

to help me walk him
while l'm at work.

- You could be like his grandpa.
MARTlN: That'd be great.

You know,
he looks kind of thirsty, Roz.

- You might wanna get some water.
- Oh, that's a good idea.

[DOORBELL RlNGS]

Oh, look, a puppy. Oh!

- Hello, Niles, come in.
- Hello.

lt took me half the morning,
but l found it.

- Good.
MARTlN: Found what?

Night school catalogue.

Oh, what classes
you guys looking for?

Auto repair.

[MARTlN LAUGHlNG]

MARTlN:
No, seriously.

No, no. Well, we are serious, Dad.

Niles and l felt helpless
last night when my car broke down.

And l vowed never
to be humiliated that way again.

l'm more than a little convinced

that's why Chelsea turned me down
for a second date.

l'm sure that had nothing
to do with it. lf l had to guess,

l'd say it was all that blubbering
at the opera that killed your chances.

But it was Ben Heppner
singing Tristan.

You'd have to be stone
not to weep at his tragic end.

Hey, hey, haven't seen it yet.

Here we are.
''Basic Car Repair and Maintenance.''

Ha-ha. l will call the bursar at once.

MARTlN:
You guys are really gonna do this?

FRASlER: Mm-hm.
- Monkey around with engines?

Get calluses
and grease under your nails?

FRASlER: Yes, actually,
l'm looking forward to it, Dad.

Well, good for you, Frasier.
l'm impressed.

As the enigma we call Shakespeare
once wrote, ''l am a true labourer.

l earn that l eat, get that l wear,

owe no man hate,
envy no man's happiness.''

You just couldn't let me enjoy it,
could you?

- Hey, Roz.
- Hey, Grandpa.

- How was the little critter today?
- Oh, terrific. Ate all his chow.

At least he did
after l added some water

to give it a kind of a gravy texture.

We took a walk in the park.

Now, they're only young once, Roz.

Savour the days.

You had a big day today, didn't you?

Didn't you? Yeah.

[ROZ CHUCKLlNG]

- Roz.
- What?

- You shouldn't play with him that way.
- Why not?

lf you let him stand on you,
makes him think he's dominant,

- that you're below him in the pack.
- Oh, l didn't know that.

Don't worry. lt's a common mistake.

That's why l'm here.

So, uh, you're just gonna let him sit
on the couch like that?

Yeah. He looks cute.

Well, all right, but you know,
if you let him sit on the furniture,

he's gonna think he's equal to you.

l've seen Eddie sitting
on the furniture.

Ha-ha! We don't really wanna compare
this puppy to Eddie now, do we?

All l'm saying is Eddie
breaks those ''rules.''

And Hank Aaron
held his bat all wrong.

The great ones
have always broken the rules.

But first they learned
the fundamentals,

and that's what l'm trying
to teach Frankie.

Frankie? You named my dog?

Well, he's gotta have a name
to respond to,

and you were taking a long time
coming up with one.

Well, Alice picked one last night.
Ariel, from The Little Mermaid.

Ariel? That's a girl's name.

l know, but she likes it,
so we're going to stick with it.

Well, all right.
Shouldn't screw the dog up too much.

- What?
- Nothing, l--

- l'd better be heading home.
- Wait, l'll walk with you.

l'm gonna take Ariel with me
to pick up Alice at preschool.

- Where'd he go?
- He's in the bedroom.

ROZ:
Ariel? Ariel?

Oh, shoot, l'm going to be late. Ariel.

Frankie.

Not one word.

Feels good to be back
in class again, doesn't it?

lt's fantastic.

You know, l'm almost jealous
of whomever gets to sit here

during the day and make learning
his full-time occupation.

Judging from the carving on your desk,
it looks like his name is Ozzy.

Yes, and apparently he rules.

All right, everybody.
My name is Randy.

And if you'll take your seats,
we'll get started.

We're already seated, Randy.

Welcome to
Basic Car Repair and Maintenance.

This is gonna be a real simple,
low-stress class

for people who don't know much
about cars. Yeah?

What if you don't know anything
about cars?

l mean, absolutely nothing.

- Well, then--
- Randy, if l may.

On behalf of the class,
l would like to say that l feel

that we're all a bit anxious.

But with Randy as our driver,
and desire as our gasoline,

we will complete
this journey together.

To paraphrase a famous little engine,
''l think we can.''

Thank you.

Anyway, let's start with the basics.

A car burns gasoline to create small,
carefully timed explosions

whose energy is converted
by the engine into forward motion.

l'll show you how that happens.

[WHlSPERlNG]
So the engine is just like the timpani.

lt drives the orchestra forward.

[WHlSPERlNG]
The conductor drives the orchestra,

not the timpani.

Yes, the conductor
guides the orchestra.

He's more like the steering wheel.

The actual driving forward,
the driving forward,

is actually executed
by the percussion section.

Sounds like someone needs
a class in orchestras

rather than automobiles.

--which links the crankshaft
to the camshaft,

so that the valves
are in sync with the pistons.

SHlRLEY:
Oh.

RANDY: Now, as you can imagine,
the tolerances

of every component in the cylinder...

- What's a camshaft?
- l don't know. You were talking.

RANDY:
The timing's off, even just a little...

Oh, right, here it is.

''The camshaft is the system
that opens and closes the valves.''

- So it's this thing it shows here.
- Right, right, good, got it.

That was close.
We almost got behind.

- Well, let's not let that happen again.
- Agreed.

And if you only take one thing away
from this course, that should be it.

Okay, moving on.

RANDY: So if you're finished
changing the spark plugs,

you're free to leave,
and l'll see you next week.

Niles, it's down to us and Shirley.

SHlRLEY:
l did it. l did it. Whoo!

Good job, Shirley.

All right, perseverance, Frasier.
We'll get this.

Right, right. Oh, would you take off
those stupid goggles?

- Well, l'm sorry, it's for safety.
- Nobody else wore them.

No one else wore them
in gym class either.

But Tommy Fritz scratched his cornea,
and then they were mandatory.

Give me that wrench.
Give me that wrench.

l'm telling you, l'm telling you,
it's on too tight.

Here, l'll just try to loosen it up.

Whoa! Whoa!

Remember, uh, spark plugs come out
with a simple twist and pull.

Twist and pull. Give it a try.

- Oh!
- Okay, that's called stripping it.

Wow. Good job, Frasier.
Here, let me strip one.

No, no.

Stripping it means breaking it.
Uh, watch me.

So you twist and then pull.

You see, l was twisting
and pulling simultaneously,

as per your instructions,
twist and pull.

ln the future, the phrase
''twist then pull'' might help.

Look, fellas, maybe that's enough
for one night.

But why don't you come in
a little early next week,

and l'll try to get you caught up
to everyone else?

l got a feeling you guys
are gonna be my special project.

Did you hear that, Frasier?

We have to come in for tutoring.

We've become remedial students.

l know. lt's humiliating.

l thought we signed up for this class
to avoid humiliation.

l guess we're just gonna have
to roll up our shirtsleeves

and see it through
for the next eight weeks.

Of course we will.

- Although...
- l'm listening.

What do we actually accomplish

by learning
to change our own spark plugs?

Oh, yes, of course,
we acquire a new skill,

but aren't we taking a job away
from a qualified mechanic?

Someone who may have a family
to support.

Not to mention all the merchants
who depend on his disposable income

- for their livelihood.
- Yes, the human toll begins to mount.

- Society decays.
- Not if l have anything to say about it.

Niles. l'm quitting.

lf you care one jot about civilisation,
you'll quit too.

Our duty is clear.
Do we have time for gelato?

l think so, yes.

- There's my burly mechanic.
NlLES: Ha-ha.

Hello, Daphne.

DAPHNE: Your ears
must have been burning tonight.

l've been bragging about you
on the phone to my mom.

l know l said you didn't have
to take this auto class,

but l rather like the idea of my man

being able to rescue me
by the roadside.

- You do?
- Yeah.

lt just shows me
how much you care.

Well, um, next week,
we're flushing radiators.

Niles.

Hey, Mr. Goodwrench.

- Recognise this?
- No.

Well, it's your grandpa's old toolbox.

He gave it to me when l was 1 8.

l think you're ready for it now.

Well, thanks, Dad, but--

l know it sounds kind of corny,
but it meant a lot to me

when my father gave that to me.

Every time l use it, l think of him.

And maybe every time you use it
in class,

you'll think of your old man
and how proud he is.

Oh, gosh, Dad,
l don't know what to say.

Well, maybe someday,
you'll pass it on to your son.

But first maybe l'll remove
the topless playing cards.

Your grandpa loved the nudies.

Yes, Martin, l'll be home in time
to feed the puppy.

l said l would be home.

Okay, bye-bye.

Your dad is driving me nuts
about this dog.

Roz, do you mind?
We're trying to study.

Wow. That reminds me of college.

Staying up all night before a big exam
and wishing l'd studied instead.

Yes, as much as we'd love to relive
those four months with you,

our class begins shortly.

We're trying to learn
last week's material.

Frasier, it's useless.
lt's pointless, it's boring.

And, really, who cares?

Wow, it sounds like you guys
should just quit.

lf only we could, Roz.

lt's just that Dad and Daphne are
proud of us, we can't let them down.

They've already
bought mahogany frames

so they can showcase
our certificates of completion.

So complete it. l mean,
that doesn't mean you have to ace it.

Just sit there and nod your head
a few times, and you're home free.

Are you suggesting we coast?

We have never walked the back alleys
of underachievement before.

Dare we?

Oh! l felt a chill.

Come on, Eddie. Get in on this.

Oh, what? You're too grown-up
for the sock game?

[KNOCKS]

- Yeah, come in.
- Hey, Mart--

What the hell is going on?

Well, you were late,
so l brought Frankie here.

His name is Ariel,
and l was 1 5 minutes late.

Well, that's almost two hours
in doggie minutes.

Plus, you didn't put the top back
on his worm medicine.

Plus, the water in his dish got dusty.

- l don't think this setup is working out.
- l'll say.

So it might be best
if he lived here with me for a while.

- What?
- Just until he grows up a little bit.

You know, they need a lot
of attention at this age.

l asked you to help me, Martin,
not take over.

You're acting like my mother.

Do you hear how she talks to me?

After all l've done for her,
and this is the thanks l get.

Give him to me.

l don't think you're in the right
frame of mind.

- Give him to me.
- No.

Well, l'm leaving here
with a dog one way or another.

- You wouldn't.
- Try me.

No, wait.

You first.

[ROZ MUMBLES]

You're not holding him right.

Damn it, Martin, just because
l'm not raising him your way

doesn't mean l'm raising him
the wrong way, so butt out.

All right.

Can l come and visit him
once in a while?

Do you think you can do it
without criticising me?

Yeah, l promise.

Okay, you can come visit.

- Bye, Frankie.
- Martin.

Ariel.

See you later, Martin.

Hey, that's my boy, yes.

Come on.

[EDDlE GROWLlNG]

Uh, the brake pedal feels
a little mushy.

What is the possible cause?

Let's get someone new this time.
How about Frasier?

What?

What would cause a mushy feeling
in the brakes?

l don't know.

Niles?

Uh, mush?

lt's caused by a leak
in the brake line.

Good, Shirley.
Did everybody hear that?

Her voice was kind of muffled.

What with her lips
being pressed up against Randy's butt.

[BOTH LAUGHlNG]

Guys, this is the last time
l'm gonna tell you.

Keep it down, okay?

A leak in the brake line is, uh,
certainly a possible cause.

Ah. Another culprit might be
the wheel cylinder.

lf the caps are brittle and cracked,
you can develop a leak there too.

[FRASlER SNlCKERlNG]

Either case, the hydraulics...

ls that a funny note there?

l enjoy funny things.
Why don't l share it with the class?

Does anybody here read French?

Anyone besides Frasier?

[NlLES AND FRASlER LAUGHlNG]

Let me see you guys out in the hall.

CLASS: Ooh...
WOMAN: Busted.

And bring your books and tools.

Uh-oh. We're in trouble now.

We're not in trouble, we are trouble.

- Please, please, don't throw us out.
- We'll shut up, we promise.

You've promised that
four times tonight.

Sorry, you're gone.

- But what are we gonna tell our dad?
- And my girlfriend?

Maybe you should have thought of that
before you started goofing off.

Okay, okay,
so how does this work, Randy?

You mail us our certificates
of completion or what?

Yeah. Um, let me go get a pen
and paper for your addresses.

Alrighty.

l'm starting to think
he's not coming back.

Not only did we stink at auto class,

we stunk at coasting
through auto class.

We became back-row hooligans,
Niles.

The very students
we hated back in school.

l always thought
they were just mean.

Now l realise they were simply
acting out of frustration.

So when Billy Kriezel tried to stuff you
into your locker after math class,

he wasn't really mad at you.

He was mad at Pythagoras.

Which is ironic because
a simple volume equation

would have shown him l couldn't fit.

You know, we never should have lied
to Dad and Daphne.

lf we wanted to quit,
we should have just quit.

Yes, it would have saved us
a lot of embarrassment.

Well, that's the lesson here.
Never deny your true nature.

That's right. Honesty.

This certificate look official enough?

l think you've finally got it.

- Two, please.
- Yeah.