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1
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,960
Ey up, Nora. Tha's gonna have
to do summat about them stockings.
2
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:53,440
It's like looking at
Venetian blinds.
3
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:58,119
What are you doing creeping up on
people to talk about their legs?
4
00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,139
You've no right to talk about me leggs!
5
00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:04,479
What's a handsome lass like thee
doing wearing puttees?
6
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,739
Listen who's talking!
7
00:01:06,740 --> 00:01:10,779
I wouldn't mind, but you look like
the star turn on Guy Fawke's Night.
8
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:15,339
You're always perfectly dressed
for the top of a bonfire.
9
00:01:15,340 --> 00:01:18,499
Tha fancies me, really, though.
- Fancy you?
10
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:22,859
I wouldn't even notice you
if you weren't a nuisance.
11
00:01:22,860 --> 00:01:28,079
That's because tha never pays
attention to me right profile.
12
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:32,939
Wait! All right, then. All right...
I'll upgrade me aftershave.
13
00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:34,780
Oh...
14
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,079
Ah, morning, Howard!
15
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,499
Has Pearl got you started early,
16
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:54,679
or have you been there
since last night?
17
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,479
What's it like to be free, Cleggy?
18
00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,299
Free?
19
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:03,819
Sometimes I think I'm just a
plaything of Foggy Dewhurst.
20
00:02:03,820 --> 00:02:08,039
Anyway, you don't do too badly considering.
- It's not easy.
21
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,959
Pearl's got radar.
22
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,720
Pearl's got a what?
23
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,780
A radiant smile.
24
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:23,199
I was just telling Cleggy
how you've got a radiant smile...
25
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,040
when you bother to use it.
26
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:31,879
How come you never smile these days
when you look at me?
27
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,419
Smile?
28
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,319
Because I'm too busy giggling!
29
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,340
You look hilarious
in a chilly bathroom.
30
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,199
See what I mean?
What do you do?
31
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,259
Well, for a start,
32
00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:50,680
when Pearl is around I should
keep out of chilly bathrooms.
33
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,099
Very musical, that.
34
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:08,019
I wouldn't mind if just
occasionally he changed the tune.
35
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:12,279
I wouldn't mind if he played it
somewhere else!
36
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,559
Ey up! Somebody else in a bad mood.
37
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,599
Who else is in a bad mood?
38
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,099
Oh, Nora Batty's none too happy.
39
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:24,179
Nora Batty none too happy?
There's news for us all.
40
00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:28,199
Nora wasn't built for happiness.
Her generation weren't.
41
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,519
They were tailor made to depress you.
42
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,559
She wants cheering up.
43
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,099
How?
44
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:42,159
Are you going to take your musical
instrument and slurp under her window?
45
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,299
I know how to cheer up women.
46
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:48,939
Don't tell me! I'm not ready to hear
secrets like that.
47
00:03:48,940 --> 00:03:49,700
They like to feel attractive,
48
00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:51,158
all I've got to do is
49
00:03:51,182 --> 00:03:52,220
make them feel attractive.
50
00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:57,120
They pretend not to like it.
They can't resist it. Watch this, son.
51
00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:04,380
Get out!
52
00:04:06,820 --> 00:04:08,940
Sit down, you barnpot.
53
00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:13,919
Oh, Norman... Norm...
54
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,360
I've passed me peak.
55
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,740
Me peak's passed!
56
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,974
"I wouldn't even notice thee," she said,
57
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:28,099
"If tha weren't such a nuisance."
58
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:31,219
Some people might think that
a blessing.
59
00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:37,199
Her husband spent years trying
not to be noticed by Nora Batty.
60
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:41,699
But me and her have always had
this special relationship.
61
00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:43,959
She thinks you're a lunatic.
62
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,039
That's better than being
not noticed.
63
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,599
Do shut up about it.
- It's all right for thee,
64
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,939
tha's not losing
tha sexual magnetism.
65
00:04:53,940 --> 00:04:56,859
I don't want to start losing it now.
66
00:04:56,860 --> 00:05:00,780
I'm not the age
for losing me sexual magnetism.
67
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:13,019
Oh, cheer up, for goodness sake!
68
00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:14,506
I tell you what.
69
00:05:14,530 --> 00:05:17,640
Why don't we go for a
good, brisk routemarch.
70
00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:22,239
Well, a spot of rifle drill, then.
71
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,040
Get the old adrenaline flowing.
72
00:05:26,580 --> 00:05:30,999
Oh, talk to yourself, Dewhurst.
- It's all right for thee.
73
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,720
Just because Nora's in a bad mood
74
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:36,739
doesn't mean you've lost all your
fatal attraction for women.
75
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,919
Does tha think so, Norm?
76
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,170
Don't encourage him.
77
00:05:40,194 --> 00:05:42,959
He never had any fatal
attraction for women.
78
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,659
Rubbish! I were dynamite.
Well, you've burnt out your fuse.
79
00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:51,599
No, I haven't.
I'll show thee I've still got it.
80
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,759
Magnetism.
81
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,079
You're sure it's not rheumatism?
82
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,139
No, it isn't.
83
00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:02,500
And I am going to give that barmaid
in there a little taste.
84
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,299
You'll only get into trouble.
85
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,919
Trouble? That's my middle name, son.
86
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:13,680
If I'm not back in three hours,
don't worry.
87
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,819
She's a terrible-looking barmaid.
88
00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:20,960
He might do all right.
89
00:06:22,060 --> 00:06:24,979
She's not that terrible.
90
00:06:27,860 --> 00:06:30,460
Out you go!
Go on!
91
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:38,540
Did you tell him "trouble"
was your middle name?
92
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,959
It's not a good idea.
93
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:51,119
It's bad tactics,
it's not the time for a frontal assault.
94
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:55,739
I gotta do it! It's time for the last test.
I'm gonna find out if me magic's gone.
95
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:58,299
I call this "doing it the hard way".
96
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:00,359
No messing about.
97
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:05,140
She is going to get the full power.
No half measures. The full blast!
98
00:07:11,020 --> 00:07:13,119
What do you want?
99
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:17,359
Oh, get away, you daft devil.
Have you gone funny?
100
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:21,799
Stop arguing and give us a kiss!
- He has! He's gone funny.
101
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:26,099
Here, take him away!
See if you can have him seen to.
102
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,660
Nora...
103
00:07:28,820 --> 00:07:31,019
Didn't you feel anything?
104
00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:33,079
Three days growth of beard.
105
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,580
Have a shave
and get some buttons on your shirt.
106
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,860
So where on Earth
do you think you're going?
107
00:08:03,220 --> 00:08:03,700
Anywhere.
108
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:08,180
Well, you're too old
for the Foreign Legion.
109
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,279
I'm gonna look for a bit
of solitude, Norm.
110
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,279
Anywhere where there's nobody.
111
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,099
Oh, Mablethorpe.
112
00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:19,479
Yeah, but...
113
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,759
What about your ferret?
114
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:23,859
Oh, I'm gonna take me ferret.
115
00:08:23,860 --> 00:08:25,160
I wouldn't go anywhere
without me lucky ferret.
116
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,144
Lucky ferret?
117
00:08:26,145 --> 00:08:29,584
It's magic what a difference
a ferret can make.
118
00:08:29,585 --> 00:08:32,244
Yes, yes... I can see that.
119
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,600
I don't know why you're taking
all this so seriously.
120
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,999
Cos it is serious to me.
- I think we ought to talk about it.
121
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,159
Nope! Me mind's made up.
122
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,160
Made up.
123
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:57,220
No, you're right.
I think we ought to talk about it.
124
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,439
Well, look on the bright side -
125
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,535
if Nora Batty went off me,
I should regard
126
00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:07,579
it as one of the
better things in life.
127
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:10,979
He drinks me tea
and tears me bird to pieces!
128
00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:14,139
Let's look at your problem
logically.
129
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,919
Your problem, basically,
130
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,139
is that Nora thinks you're a prawn,
right?
131
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:21,559
Right.
132
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:25,459
And she's used to it!
What's she getting all uppity for now?
133
00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:28,699
It's quite clear to me
what we have to do,
134
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:32,200
we have to make you irresistible
to the female sex.
135
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,280
How?
136
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,559
Yes, well... I haven't er...
137
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:45,779
No, I haven't worked that out yet.
138
00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:48,632
Well, I think we should
leave before he does.
139
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:49,599
No, Norman!
140
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,699
I like it, I like it.
141
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:55,500
That's what I'll do,
I'll make him famous.
142
00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:02,780
Here we are.
143
00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:06,220
Now then,
144
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,239
There we are, Edie.
145
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,839
Nora.
- Oh, I'm ready for a coffee.
146
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,219
It's been all go this morning.
147
00:10:16,220 --> 00:10:20,440
I've been grabbed, kissed
and had me bell rung twice.
148
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,599
Lucky you!
149
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,859
It was him,
next door.
150
00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:32,479
You poor thing.
- They get dafter as they grow older.
151
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:36,339
Oh yes, seems to be the natural law.
152
00:10:36,340 --> 00:10:40,219
I think their brains,
are like their hair,
153
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:43,759
it either goes grey
or disappears altogether.
154
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,799
I don't know what we'd do
without them.
155
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,220
That'll do from you.
156
00:10:50,620 --> 00:10:53,899
Well, I don't!
I wouldn't want to be without them.
157
00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:57,119
You weren't brought up
to talk like that.
158
00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,519
Well, wouldn't you miss me dad?
159
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,399
How can anybody miss your father?
160
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,539
He's the one covered in oil.
161
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:10,399
I mean, you expect a bit of trouble
when you're married to 'em,
162
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,339
but I get it all
from my next-door neighbour.
163
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,880
It's like a bad marriage
without the income.
164
00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:21,759
Have you ever thought
of repulsing him?
165
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,799
Repulsing him?
166
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,000
I've worn out three brushes on him.
167
00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:31,319
Oh, no, he's not one to take a hint.
168
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,199
I tend to hit him with a tray.
169
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,780
Does he bother you as well?
170
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:43,799
Well, I don't see why you should
find that so surprising.
171
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,600
What does he do?
- Finish your coffee.
172
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,539
It's no fun when you're approached
173
00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:53,599
by some horrible figure
out of the darkness.
174
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,960
Especially when it's your husband.
175
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,420
Cake?
176
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,259
What have you come here for?
177
00:12:35,260 --> 00:12:38,879
I know she's out,
I saw her in the cafe.
178
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,819
She could be back any minute.
179
00:12:41,820 --> 00:12:45,139
I thought we could go for a ride,
Howard.
180
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:49,520
I haven't finished marinating
me pork fillets.
181
00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:56,219
Howard! That is not the kind
of reply that a girl expects to hear
182
00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:58,939
from a gentleman, when she makes an offer.
183
00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:02,819
I have to say that I am very
disappointed in you, Howard.
184
00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:08,540
I have to ask, is our relationship
is losing its first fire and frenzy.
185
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,160
Marina!
186
00:13:36,860 --> 00:13:40,299
The first thing we've got to do
is to dress you,
187
00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:43,439
so that you look like...
Well, something.
188
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,039
What?
189
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,219
Well, anything but that.
190
00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:51,539
Something famous,
that's the effect you want, isn't it?
191
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:55,319
I should think carefully
before you answer that.
192
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,219
How famous?
193
00:13:57,220 --> 00:14:00,899
How much do you want to impress Nora Batty?
- Careful...
194
00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:04,339
No flying, no jumping,
no falling off bridges and no swimming!
195
00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:07,280
Now you're using your brain, kid!
- You gotta do something!
196
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,279
You can't be famous
for just doing nothing,
197
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,299
although, you've been famous
for that for years.
198
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:16,359
No danger! Nothing dangerous!
199
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,708
Good thinking!
200
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:22,520
Tell me what you want to do,
or think you can do.
201
00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:30,079
A Maurice Chevalier impression.
202
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:34,179
Is that it? Maurice Chevalier impressions.
- That's it.
203
00:14:34,180 --> 00:14:36,239
Sounds dangerous to me.
204
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:40,259
I can't think of anything more
terrifying than just standing there
205
00:14:40,260 --> 00:14:42,679
doing Maurice Chevalier impressions.
206
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:46,739
Are you sure you can do them?
- 'Course I'm sure. I used to do him great!
207
00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:48,979
All right. Do one now.
208
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:50,900
All right.
209
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:56,040
Ah, no. I've gotta have the costume!
210
00:15:07,060 --> 00:15:09,819
Are you sure it looks like him?
211
00:15:09,820 --> 00:15:12,459
It's uncanny.
212
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:15,039
Yeah, but does it look like him?
213
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:19,259
Of course it looks like him.
It's breathtaking.
214
00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:21,280
He'll be a sensation.
215
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:28,399
Well, say something, Norman!
216
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,679
It's amazing!
217
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,960
Even your legs look French.
218
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:38,559
It doesn't matter what we think,
what matters is what Nora thinks.
219
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:43,100
She'll think I'm crackers.
- Not when I get you on television.
220
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,419
Give over! How's tha gonna get me
on television?
221
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:49,599
Outlook North.
222
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:54,380
They have these occasional spots
for local weirdos... Er, talents.
223
00:15:55,860 --> 00:15:58,319
Ey up, Norm! On television!
224
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,840
Do you really want to be famous
all over Yorkshire
225
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,759
for doing Maurice Chevalier impressions?
- I do, I do.
226
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,167
Ofcourse he does!
227
00:16:06,191 --> 00:16:10,720
You could permanently
damage your lower lip.
228
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,639
I'm doing it for Nora.
- That's my boy.
229
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,719
Well, why don't we go and let her
have a glimpse of you.
230
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:23,219
Don't let her tread on your lower lip.
- Come on, then, Maurice.
231
00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:27,440
Your first steps into fame.
232
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,380
Wait!
233
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,440
Cheek!
234
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,299
Now, don't look at her.
235
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:52,759
Go swaggering round the corner,
looking dynamic.
236
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,063
Dynamic.
237
00:16:54,087 --> 00:16:58,019
As though your mind is full of
plans for a television appearance.
238
00:16:58,020 --> 00:17:01,180
How will she know that?
- Oh, we'll see to that.
239
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:09,679
Here she comes. Ready?
I'm ready. - Knock 'em dead, kid.
240
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,099
Now!
241
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:16,919
We know what it's like at her place,
you shouldn't have been surprised...
242
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,920
What the blood and stomach pills?
243
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:26,079
It's too much exposure.
244
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,919
You shouldn't be doing it.
245
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,179
The sheer, naked courage of it!
246
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:34,840
And besides, it is French.
247
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:39,999
I can do it.
248
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,739
I can do it!
249
00:17:42,740 --> 00:17:46,779
Where does he get this restless
appetite for adventure?
250
00:17:46,780 --> 00:17:51,560
Well, I like to think that some of
my example has rubbed off on him.
251
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,779
We'll soon know.
252
00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:06,939
If she goes straight past to her own house,
it means we've failed,
253
00:18:06,940 --> 00:18:10,979
but if you've roused her interest,
she won't be able to resist
254
00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:13,053
thinking of some
excuse to come round
255
00:18:13,077 --> 00:18:15,439
to your place,
to see what you're doing.
256
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,959
Ey up -
257
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,099
here she comes.
258
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:22,399
She's not bothered.
She's going straight home.
259
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,119
The magic's gone.
260
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:27,980
The flame's been put out, Norm.
261
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,200
Join the club.
262
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,359
I knew it!
You've got her.
263
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,560
What did I tell you?
264
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:46,919
Just keep her guessing
for the time being.
265
00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:55,500
Nora Batty! Tha's the last person
I expected to see! Come in.
266
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,599
I don't want to bother you.
267
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,979
I was just passing
268
00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:09,200
and wondered if I could borrow
a drop of floral disinfectant.
269
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:15,619
Damn! I do believe I've run out of
floral disinfectant.
270
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:20,140
I said to Clegg, "Do you know I've
run out of floral disinfectant?"
271
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,519
I'm sorry, love.
272
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,299
Oh, well... I'll be going then.
273
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:30,840
I just thought I'd ask,
seeing I was in the vicinity.
274
00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:37,519
I expect they're very comfortable,
those trousers,
275
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,599
for what you've got in mind.
276
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,820
Aye, they'd have to be.
277
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:51,199
All I can say is, I wish you luck,
with what you're planning to do...
278
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,599
Ta, lass.
- Whatever it is.
279
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,040
Oh, it's... It's nothing, really.
280
00:19:57,820 --> 00:20:02,059
I suppose you have to keep these things quiet.
- Oh, you have.
281
00:20:02,060 --> 00:20:06,079
Though I can't quite understand
why you can't tell some people
282
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,879
who wouldn't spread it around.
283
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,099
This is hush-hush.
284
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:16,339
Well, if it's too hush-hush for a
close neighbour, I don't want to pry.
285
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:20,180
Ah, no! Nora, Nora...
I'm sure I can tell thee.
286
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,980
I've got this thing to do
on telly.
287
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,500
On television?!
288
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,039
Maurice Chevalier impressions.
289
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,559
Oh, my God!
290
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,199
Maurice Chevalier impressions?
291
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,900
Ooh, you will be careful.
292
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,619
Oi! Oi, oi!
293
00:20:52,620 --> 00:20:55,979
Just where do you think
you're going with that?
294
00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:59,019
To fame and fortune, lad.
This is me big break.
295
00:20:59,020 --> 00:21:01,580
You are not parking
this little circus in here.
296
00:21:01,580 --> 00:21:03,397
I don't care what charity your
racing money for, or what it is!
297
00:21:03,421 --> 00:21:06,920
Get it out of here!
- I beg your pardon?
298
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:10,640
Do you know to whom you are speaking?
That is the star.
299
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:12,880
The star of what?
300
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:16,279
He's appearing on Outlook North
this evening.
301
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,315
Ye Gods! I should've
stayed in the police force.
302
00:21:19,327 --> 00:21:22,499
You never know what
you're gonna find in showbiz.
303
00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:27,100
All right. Park it round the back
somewhere, but get it out of sight.
304
00:21:44,860 --> 00:21:48,740
Good afternoon. This is the star
of your little show this evening.
305
00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:54,779
May I introduce myself?
Former Corporal Dewhurst. I'm his agent.
306
00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:58,140
What's he supposed to be,
dressed like that?
307
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,739
Oh, no - that's not his costume.
308
00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:07,599
Those are his ordinary clothes.
His costumes is his case.
309
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,160
Thank God for that.
310
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,339
Ey up, lass!
311
00:22:14,340 --> 00:22:18,239
Tha knows how we are
in show business.
312
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,200
All I'm saying is that,
if I don't make a pass at thee,
313
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,351
it's not cos I don't
think tha's a cracker.
314
00:22:23,352 --> 00:22:26,192
It's because I'm spoken for
back home.
315
00:22:29,432 --> 00:22:34,260
Now will you stand there quietly,
and just let me deal with the arrangements?
316
00:22:34,260 --> 00:22:36,554
I didn't want her to think I was
317
00:22:36,578 --> 00:22:39,160
swelled-headed,
cos I'm going on tele.
318
00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:44,500
You can get dressed in here.
We'll call you when we're ready for make-up.
319
00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:48,719
Make-up? Gotta have a bit of make-up.
- We'll call you, when we are ready.
320
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:50,680
Thank you.
321
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,239
Are you gonna be all right?
- 'Course I'm gonna be alright!
322
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,400
Slip into the costume, go in there,
get a bit of make-up on, Bob's your uncle!
323
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:02,459
I don't like the sound of it.
- It's nailed on, kid.
324
00:23:02,460 --> 00:23:04,759
I'm gonna knock 'em dead.
325
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:09,199
That's the attitude! I've always
told you, take a positive attitude.
326
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:13,319
It sounds a bit too positive to me.
- I'm a great believer in luck.
327
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:17,119
You're gonna need it.
- Listen - go home, the pair of you.
328
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:21,159
And make sure that Nora Batty is watching.
Who'll look after you?
329
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:25,499
I'll look after me.
Just you make sure that Nora is watching.
330
00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:27,880
Don't forget his lower lip!
331
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:38,119
You've got to admire his nerve.
Did he have any stage fright?
332
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:41,039
No nerves at all,
it was frightening.
333
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:44,259
I thought he'd be a bit nervous.
- We all did.
334
00:23:44,260 --> 00:23:48,120
I don't know why, I've been talking to him
for years about mind over matter.
335
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,160
Some of it obviously rubbed off.
- Some? All of it.
336
00:23:55,860 --> 00:24:00,479
OK, what have we got tonight, then?
- A Maurice Chevalier impressionist.
337
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,179
A what?
338
00:24:02,180 --> 00:24:05,799
That's what it says here,
"a Maurice Chevalier impressionist."
339
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,379
Ye gods!
340
00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:11,639
Are we ready for that kind
of excitement
341
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,380
Where do they find these muffins?
342
00:24:15,980 --> 00:24:19,339
Look, all you've gotta do
is follow me,
343
00:24:19,340 --> 00:24:22,540
and keep in tempo.
Now don't forget.
344
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,139
Hello, my old lad!
345
00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:29,459
Listen, I thought we'd start off up-tempo.
346
00:24:29,460 --> 00:24:33,599
Good, solid rock beat.
Keep it going, know what I mean?
347
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,959
Then we slow it down.
348
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,959
Smooth, groovy,
349
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,079
plenty of sex, eh?
350
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,260
That'll get the ravers going.
351
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,380
It's gonna be one of those nights.
352
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,979
The sound!
Turn up the sound!
353
00:24:59,980 --> 00:25:04,059
And now for something
really different.
354
00:25:04,060 --> 00:25:08,279
And I do mean different,
you won't see this on satellite.
355
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,499
This is a first for us,
356
00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:14,119
and has been an altogether
eerie experience,
357
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:16,359
and I sincerely mean that.
358
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:19,226
In our policy to provide you
with the best,
359
00:25:19,238 --> 00:25:22,179
and sometimes strangest
in local entertainment,
360
00:25:22,180 --> 00:25:25,499
it is our stunning privilege
to give you,
361
00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:29,099
the last surviving
Maurice Chevalier impressionist.
362
00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:34,360
'Mr William Simonite.
Let's give him a warm welcome.
363
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,679
So, here he is, folks.
364
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,033
Mr William Simonite's impression
of that old French smoothie,
365
00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:50,539
in a medley of the maestro's
best-known songs.
366
00:25:50,540 --> 00:25:53,699
Remember, you saw it
on this show first,
367
00:25:53,700 --> 00:25:56,280
and try not to talk about it.
368
00:26:03,940 --> 00:26:07,920
♪ You must have been a beautiful baby ♪
369
00:26:09,140 --> 00:26:12,220
♪ You must have been a wonderful child ♪
370
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,159
♪ When you were only startin' ♪
371
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,379
♪ To go to kindergarten ♪
372
00:26:18,380 --> 00:26:21,480
♪ I bet you drove the little boys wild ♪
373
00:26:22,820 --> 00:26:26,279
♪ And when they came to winning
blue ribbons... ♪
374
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,939
He's forgotten the lower lip!
375
00:26:28,940 --> 00:26:31,100
♪ I bet you showed
the other kids how... ♪
376
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,439
Ah.
377
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,359
♪ ..When he handed you the prize ♪
378
00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:40,899
♪ I bet you made the cutest pout ♪
379
00:26:40,900 --> 00:26:46,200
♪ Oh, you must have been a beautiful baby ♪
380
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,140
♪ Cos baby look at you now... ♪
381
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,039
That's my neighbour!
382
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,059
He lives next door.
383
00:27:06,060 --> 00:27:10,219
♪ Oui, Frere Jacques, mine's a pint ♪
384
00:27:10,220 --> 00:27:13,840
♪ And when it came to
winning blue ribbons ♪
385
00:27:15,180 --> 00:27:18,479
♪ I bet you showed the other kids... ♪
386
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,480
Just stay...
387
00:27:31,540 --> 00:27:35,959
The little devil! No wonder
he was confident about his luck,
388
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,560
he's got his lucky ferret.
389
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,639
Come out of there!
390
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,680
He's not supposed to be in there.
391
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,919
Come here, you little ferret, you.
392
00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:02,760
Get him off!
- I haven't finished!
393
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:14,699
Well, we're terribly sorry, folks,
394
00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:17,760
for that moment
of technical breakdown. We...
395
00:28:25,020 --> 00:28:28,980
Normal service will be resumed
as soon as possible.
396
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,780
Oh, dear...
30978
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