All language subtitles for S05E06 - Here We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder

We used to roll
Eileen Watkins down this hill.

You couldn't afford marbles,

that's very sad.

Eileen Watkins...

what did she look like? Very dusty
and covered in bits of grass.

I mean, before you rolled her
down the hill?

Terrible!

I mean, it wasn't as though
we was particular when we was lads.

But, cor, she had a face that...

Well, it just, sort of,
went with rolling downhill.

They've practically died out,
these old customs.

I mean, who goes Eileen Watkins
rolling these days?

Of course, I didn't move in the same
intellectual circles
as you and Chunky Rumbelow,

so I don't remember Eileen Watkins.

You must remember Eileen Watkins!

She looked like King Farouk.

I don't suppose that King Farouk
could really have been
Eileen Watkins all the time?

Eileen Watkins
went to live at Mablethorpe.

I'm not surprised if you kept
rolling her down hills.

It wasn't me so much,
it were Chunky.

She were in love
with Chunky Rumbelow.

My God, that was made
in heaven, wasn't it?

Did he ever learn to speak?

Chunky could speak.

Of course,
I only met him a few times.

He spent the best part of an
afternoon once kneeling on my chest,

stuffing sheep droppings
up my nostrils.

Hey, Hey!

That sounds like old Chunky.

He had hundreds of uses
for sheep droppings.

The funny thing was,
I never had a cold all that winter.

COMPO SIGHS
They were good days.

Oh, delicious(!)

You don't get scabs on your knees
like you used to.

That playground was hard,
and the flesh of 1930

was softer than many pictures
of the period would have us believe.

The school uniform, I remember,

was short trousers
and the school scab on your knee.

I sometimes think
we'd have been a lot taller

if they hadn't worn so much
of us out on that playground.

COMPO YAWNS

I'm glad you yawned,

it reminded me I must remember
to put my dustbin out.

Do you know what I'd like to do?

What I'd really like to do...

is to jump out of an aeroplane.

Well, don't let us stop you.

With a parachute!

Oh, that's right, go on, spoil it.

I've never been up in an aeroplane.

Well it's no good waiting
for one up there, you know.

They don't stop when you put
your hand out, like a bus.

What do clouds remind you of?

A cup of tea and a meat pie
at Sid's caff.

Yeah, me too.

I'd like to try hang-gliding.

By the neck, I trust.

Chocks away!

Look, it must be Eileen Watkins.

THEY CHUCKLE

Are you sure
you can mend a microwave?

Listen, while these engineers are
charging all that much for a visit,

I can mend your microwave.

Oh, well, if you say so.

Do you know what's worrying me?

No, but I bet I'm going to find out.

It's your expression, it's not
the expression of a man who knows
what he's doing with a microwave.

You've got that stubborn,
but basically baffled look

I remember so well from the day
you made such a pig's ear

of my new washing machine.

How do, Sid?
Oh, about the same, Wally.

You could hold the door,

it's customary for a man
to hold the door.

That'll be the day around here.

I know, but what can you do
except giving them a reminder?

Go steady! Steady?

I married you, didn't I?
How steady can you get?

I can hardly be accused
of being reckless.

Well, find us a table.

Find you one, the place is full
of them, you can't miss them.

Escort me to a table.

How about this one?

It's too near the door.

Well, give us a clue, then.
Give us a clue!

Don't leave everything to me,
you're supposed to be taking me out.

You should look around the room,
select the best table
and escort me to a chair.

Ahem.

He's taking you out, is he?
Your birthday, is it, love?

No, it's no special occasion,

I'm just determined he's going
to take me out more, aren't you?

I'm...going to take her out more.

Otherwise, life just keeps
passing you by.

Otherwise, life just keeps
passing her by.

Oh, I thought when I saw you wearing
that hat it was something serious.

No. We don't get a lot
of customers in that model of hat.

I can see why.

But I thought I'd bring him here

until I've got his manners
polished up a bit,

then we can move up
to something less...basic.

You'll be wanting the menu, then.

Yes, and a jug of water.

What do you recommend?

A new hat.

No, thank you,

you served us that last time.

Well, I've never seen you
leave anything on your plate,
especially a tip.

I'll give you a tip -

no more remarks about my hat.

As long as you keep wearing it, it
gets all the bad publicity it needs.

How do you get away
with insulting customers?

It's not as if your food's good.
There's nothing wrong with my food.

Your pastry's not light enough.
Oh, what a wicked thing to say!

Well, you didn't think about that
when you were talking about my hat.

No, but a hat's a hat. There's
always something stupid about a hat,

that's what you pay for.
That's true.

But it's deeply wounding
when people point the finger
of scorn at your pastry.

Well, when you're making
pastry commercially,

you can't expect it to be as good as
a woman can make it in her own home.

I wouldn't care if I didn't try.

Look, what fat are you using?

Do you think that's it?
Ooh, nearly every time.

It's not as if I skimp on it,
it's what I use at home.

Come and have a look.

In my experience, it's nearly
all down to fat. Do you think?

Here, mind you behave yourself!

Here, there's nowt to it.

It's never as easy as it looks.

Look, all tha' needs
is a big enough kite.

Tha' runs downhill with it,
jumps in the air, and there you are.

Seriously injured.

Flying! Hang-gliding!

You haven't got
the first grasp of aerodynamics,
not to mention rent-paying.

Why, you'd never get
it off the ground.

Hang-gliding
is a young man's activity.

That's what they said
about extra-marital relations.

That's a right bit of wire,
is that. Aye.

It's not just your fuse, isn't that.

No, it's not just a fuse.

You've got to know what you're doing
to fiddle with stuff like that.

You know, I'm glad you're bringing
your missus out more.

I'd sooner be fiddling
with something like this.

Me too, if I could get on with it.

Hey, have you thought
of putting this wire in here?

Keep your fingers out, will you?
Pass me that little bent bit there.

Now look what you've done!

You've dropped a piece.

Leave things alone, will you?

Come round here
and help me pick these bits up.

COMPO: I know what I'm doing.

You can come out now, Sid,
the food inspector's gone.

Hey, Norm!

Why has Sid got Wally
on the floor behind the counter?

Maybe because
there's no room on the shelf.

BANG
Ooh! Ooh, that was nasty!

Oh, the things you can do
to your moving parts.

Not in a restaurant, you can't.

Look, will you stop
rotating your kneecap?

I gave it a hell of a crack!

If one thing goes straight
to my cringing reflex,
it's someone rotating their kneecap.

That, and cracking their knuckles.

Eating red-hot chips going...

It makes you shudder,
and people whose sauce-bottle tops

look as though they've got
bunches of raisins on them.

Wally's good with his hands,

he built that pigeon loft.

Hey, Wally,
could you build me a big kite?

Now, if you're persisting
with this ridiculous idea,

you're going to finish up...

Can you build a big kite, Wally?

What sort of big kite?

Well, like a sort of
flying pigeon loft,

for hang-gliding purposes.

Hang-gliding?
Who's going hang-gliding?

Me!

I'll be back in a minute, I'm just
putting this in my microwave.

He's a great big clever dick,
ain't he?

I thought he was supposed
to put meat pies in the microwave.

I mean, who eats hot bent wire?

He's mending the microwave.

Well, there's only an idiot
would tamper with a microwave,

is he qualified? For an idiot, he is.

They've hurt his rotten feelings.

Get off!

Anyway, I don't see what's so funny
about me going hang-gliding.

The last of the suicide pilots,

Mikimoto strikes again!

"There he goes," they'll say,
"the Flying Welly!"

Hold still a minute.
What are you doing? Get off!

No, no!

Ah-so!

And ah-so to you lot, and all!

No, don't take them off. No, no.

They've transformed you,
that pair of glasses have.

I bet they have,
I can't flaming see.

Look at that blink.
Did you see that blink?

Do it again. What? You know, the...

The...

What the hell's he...?
No, don't come too close.

I'm not looking in your eyes
if you come too close.

I can't stand that red one.

I'll watch the red one,
I'm having a bad day anyway.

Ready when you are, then, Compo-san!

Give it to us full face, the blink.

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

I've got to cycle myself up
for this, tha' knows.

It's blinking difficult.

Oh, dear.

Right now, let's see.

What do you want?

Do you want the super blink or the
economy pack? We'll leave it to you.

Oh, dear. Decisions, decisions.

Come on, get on with it! All right,
here it comes, here it comes!

The super-duper blink, stand by!

Did you see that?

That was like a blink, you don't see
blinks like that anymore.

When you see that red eye magnified
behind his glasses,

it looks like a fire
in a spaghetti factory.

Oh, dear. These glasses,
they give my eyeballs a hernia.

No, keep them on, because you see,

that wasn't a Yorkshire blink.

It wasn't?
No, turn your chair round. Right.

Here we go, let's try this.

Now, hold.

Little fella, him big kamikaze!

Ah, where's my joystick?
Don't you dare answer that!

It's totally Oriental,
it's pure Japanese.

It's incredible how Japanese
those glasses make you look.

Hey, I'll bet your father
was Japanese.

Get away! He was nimble
enough on his feet.

He was away before you ever
got a good look at him. In fact,

he was away before even your
mother got a good look at him.

Japanese?
With a name like Wythenshawe?

Well, there you are, you see.
Damn cunning, these Orientals.

That's right, you think about it,

it gives you an air
of real...illegitimacy.

That's true,
and I'm fond of rice pudding.

How Japanese can you get?

Look how foreign you've always found
the English language. Wait a minute.

I can't be Japanese, my mam said
my dad came from Chesterfield.

Well, that's it, then. Is it?

It certainly is, I mean,
it's practically a Japanese colony
is Chesterfield,

look at that church steeple.

They do say that the Japanese
are very gifted in the trickier
practices of the marriage bed.

Where've you been picking up
bits of information like that?

There must have been radical changes
in the editorial policy
of the Pigeon Fanciers' Gazette.

Hey, Norm. What did he say
us Japanese are gifted at?

The trickier practices
of the marriage bed.

All that means
round this part of the world

is knowing how to secure more than
your share of the eiderdown. Cha!

Da-da! Haa-haa!
All right, chippy-san-man!

Three honourable gentlemen
want big plate
old Japanese delicacy,

sweet and sour mushy pea.

BANG!

ELECTRICAL BUZZING

NORA: Oh! Oh!

IVY: Well, now you've mended that,
I suggest for an encore
you put the blasted fire out!

SID: It's only a bit of smoke.

Ha! What is this vision
that has come from Sid's klitchen?

Oh, my God! If it's not
the rheumatics, it's him.

Ha!

It's Joan Crawford!

Keep away! No, no!

'Tis not Joan Crawford.
'Tis Nola Batty.

In sheer-silk nylon
clinkly stocking.

And velly funny hat.

Are you going to sit there
and let him insult me?

I'm not tangling with no Japanese.

What's he doing?! What's he doing?

There's no telling once
he's gone bushido, Nora, distract
him with a flick of your fan.

Cha!

Pey! Pey!

Pow! Oh!

Well, if he wants to tackle
my missus, he's bound
to have the nerve for hang-gliding.

Oooh!

Ah, so!

Oh, Lord!

Don't look down! Don't look down!

What's thou brought us up here for?

Training, training. If you're going
to start hang-gliding,

we've got to start
training you for heights. Ah!

I'm not jumping off here!

Come back, that man! Don't make
any sudden movements, Compo.

Hold my hand, hold my hand!

Don't let go of him, Clegg.

Hold on to him. I am holding on,
I'm holding on to everything!

No! Get your hands of my neck!

Stop thinking
of yourself all the time!

Get out of it! It's all right for
thee, it's me he wants to jump off!

Don't be ridiculous,
I don't want you to jump.

Well, when I say,
"I don't want you to jump,"

I mean, if you insist,
who am I to interfere?

Norm, let go. I have let go!

Then what you got that
vice-like grip on my arm for?

If you're going to split hairs...

We don't want to hurt you.

Oh, no, knocker chops?

Not till I hit bottom!

We just want to get you
accustomed to heights,

give you the feel
of a bit of altitude.

A bit?!

Did you hear that, Norm, a bit?
Look at it! Look!

Thanks for the invitation,
but I'd rather keep my eyes closed!

Just come over here
to the edge and look down.

It really is rather a splendid view.

And you've got to admire
the workmanship

that went into a thing like this.

The vision of the Victorian builders,
their confidence.

Where's it all gone, eh?

Where has it all gone?

Where the hell have those two gone?

Come back here!

Ah! I thought
you'd find your way here.

Our intrepid birdman(!)

Here, get your face round that.

Yes, a fine flyer you're going to be.

It's terrible seeing
grown men turn white.

It's your round next.

It's terrible seeing
grown men turn white.

COMPO CACKLES

Yes, my popularity doesn't
come out of a purse, you know?

It couldn't get out with all the
locks and chains you've got on it.

Foggy's saving up for his old age.

Though I don't know why
cos you get it for free.

Oh, if it's for free he'll be there!

Are you suggesting
I don't stand my corner?

That's all you do, just stand.

I've never met anybody with such an
ability to avoid paying for a round.

I resent that.
Listen, people come for miles

just to study his technique
of the empty glass.

Beautiful. What technique?

Making it last.

Well, I don't drink as fast as you.

Well, nobody drinks as fast as him,

he's got a throat
like a flush lavatory.

In times of drought I wonder they
don't make him put a brick in it.

It's true, he can sink a drop,
but then he learnt at the hands
of a master. Who was that?

That big bird that you used
to go bat-hunting with.

Oh, aye, Slack Edna.

Bat-hunting?! Aye.

What kind of a person
goes bat-hunting?

Big drinkers, usually.

She were a demon
of a drinker, were Edna.

But strangely
unreliable at dominoes.

Well, none of us is perfect.

But why did she go bat-hunting?

For bats, you stupid prong!

What, flying bats?

Of course flying bats,
they're no damn good to you

if they're running
round your feet, are they?

Well what damn good are
they if they're flying?
Look, she wanted their wings.

She had this idea to make bat-skin
handbags and things like that.

Luxury bat-skin wear, I like it.

Yeah, that could have caught on.
Edna, the bat-skin millionaire.

Then why didn't it catch on?

She didn't catch any.

Why not?

Have you ever tried to catch a bat?

Sad, really.

In the long summer evenings
when the pubs turned out,

she could be seen swaying,
ghost-like in the churchyard,

counting the little handbags
fluttering past her head.

Which leads us naturally
to the next question, Foggy.

Are you going to get a round in

or are we just going to stand here
all day talking bats?

All right, all right.

I'll buy the next round.

You'll do what?!

I said, "I'll buy the next round."

Good on you, mate!

Hey, Foggy!
I'll have a whisky this time!
Oh, it's generous of you, Foggy!

Happy birthday, Foggy!
Happy birthday, Foggy!

# Happy birthday to you,

# Happy birthday, dear Foggy

# Happy birthday to you. #

THROATY LAUGHTER

I didn't think
it was all that amusing.

Relax, foggy. Enjoy your birthday.

I wouldn't mind so much
if it was my birthday.

Oh, yes, you would. Don't lie.
Go on, cheer up.

Think of all the pleasure you've
given to all them thirsty blokes.

Yes, that's another thing -

what are they doing
in a pub at lunchtime?

Why aren't they working? Bone idle?

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday, dear Foggy
Happy birthday, dear Foggy

# Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you. #

Are you going to lie there all day?

I'd like to, with Nora Batty.

Wouldn't you rather have measles?

Do you know, Norm,
I think I'm in love with Nora Batty.

That must be thrilling for her.

It's like being adopted
by a death watch beetle.

She makes me tinkle all over.

I think he means tingle.

That's it, Norm, tinkle all over.

Rubbish!

Well, all right, then.

Not all over,
mainly in the region of my...

..elbow.

The elbow? A seat of very
powerful emotions, is the elbow.

The elbow?

In Yorkshire, anyway.

God knows what weird areas

the passions could be
sited in down south.

You get down as far as Luton
and I shudder to think

what they might be including
among their erotic zones.

Yes, well I fail to see
what possible connection the elbow
has with powerful emotions.

Has thou ever tried cracking it
on the corner of a table?

Come on, both of you, get up.

Up, come on, up!
The Fuhrer has spoken!

Come on, that man.

Pick up the stride,
pick up the stride.

Knees up, hup, hup-hup, hup-hup.

I can't get them up any higher,
they're fixed to my legs!

How do you expect to go
hang-gliding if you're not fit?

Listen, you just have to hang on,
you don't have to peddle it!

I haven't had so much fun
since I broke my ankle.

Just proves my point,
you're out of condition.

He may be out of condition,
I've never been in condition.

It's too late to start now.

I have seen more stamina
in a rubber duck.

Why did the rubber duck?

Because he saw the zip fly!

Ah, it's the simple things
in life you miss first,

like breathing for instance.

I could soon knock you into shape.

I wish he hadn't said knock.

I do wish he hadn't said knock.

Ah, but what sort of shape
does he want to knock us into, eh?

I hope he doesn't want to think
we want to be the same shape as him.

You can scoff. You weren't
so chirpy up there on the viaduct.

Lost your taste for the wild
blue yonder then, didn't you?

You can't stand heights.

Well, I'm not used to viaducts.

Well, who do you think
is used to viaducts?

You don't think people go sneaking
around after dark getting
practice in at viaducts, do you?

I like it -

unlawful nocturnal
knowledge of a viaduct.

Makes you shudder, doesn't it?

I can stand ordinary heights as well
as thee. I'll match thee any day.

Is that a challenge? Listen,
before this goes any further...

Ah, He's all gob.

Let me get this straight,
are you challenging me to a duel
to see who can climb the highest?

I am.

Oh, dear. If it's a duel tha' wants,
it's a duel tha' shall have.

Listen, why don't we sit down
and talk about this?

Choose your weapons.

A tree.

A tree? Yes, we'll each choose
a tree about the same size
and see who can climb the highest.

Done!

I'll take this one.

I'll take this one.

When you've had enough

just climb down again.

Don't worry, I'll be climbing

when you've packed it in.

We'll see about that.

Right, off we go, then. Right.

Right.

Right. Right!

Right.

(Hey, Norm. Give us a leg up.)

Slight technical hitch,

if you could just see us
onto the first branch, Clegg.

Are you quite sure about this?

Oh, absolutely, yes.
I mean... You see...

If you could just
bend down there, you see...

then I can... Walk all over my back?

I'm sorry about that,
but... You know.

Ah!

It's very civil of you,
you know, Clegg.

Do you want me
to take my wellies off?

Don't you dare. I'm not having your
feet running loose every which way.

OK.

Well, come on,
get hold of my welly, then! Eurgh!

Eurgh!

How's he doing?

Has he packed in, yet? Here, they
don't call me Tarzan for nothing.

As far as I can judge,
you're both about equally...

crackers.

Doesn't he know
I'm in my element, here?

We used to do this all the time
on snipers courses.

You're a fool.

CRACKING AND RUSTLING
Oh!

I seem... I seem to have got
my braces caught...

COMPO LAUGHS
Look at him!

Braces caught in the...

The dozy buttock!

He's got caught!

Cleggy! I've got this branch,
it's passed right through
the hole in my trousers!

I'll be all right, I'll be all right
in a minute, you see, when I...

WHISTLING

Oh, yeah. Fire brigade, please.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd