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1
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,500
Hello.
2
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I am Andy.
3
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And I would like to thank you
for coming to my movie.
4
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I wish it was better, you know.
5
00:00:56,500 --> 00:01:00,958
But it is so stupid. It's terrible.
6
00:01:01,208 --> 00:01:03,125
I do not even like it.
7
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All of the most important things
in my life...
8
00:01:07,042 --> 00:01:10,042
Are changed around and mixed up...
9
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For dramatic purposes.
10
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So...
11
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I decided to cutout all of the baloney.
12
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Now, the movie is much shorter.
13
00:01:34,958 --> 00:01:39,583
In fact, this is the end of the movie.
14
00:01:42,042 --> 00:01:43,583
Thank you very much.
15
00:01:53,792 --> 00:01:56,708
I am not fooling. Good-bye.
16
00:01:58,625 --> 00:01:59,625
Go.
17
00:03:56,583 --> 00:04:00,958
Well, you're still here. Okay!
18
00:04:02,833 --> 00:04:04,208
I hope you're not upset.
19
00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:08,208
I did that to get rid of those folks
who just wouldn't understand me.
20
00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:10,458
And don't even want to try!
21
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,875
Actually, the movie is really great.
22
00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:18,208
It's just filled with colorful characters,
like the one I just did...
23
00:04:18,708 --> 00:04:20,791
And the one I'm doing now.
24
00:04:20,792 --> 00:04:22,583
Our story begins...
25
00:04:26,625 --> 00:04:29,167
Back in great neck, long island.
26
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This is our house.
27
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,833
And that's my father's old car.
28
00:04:38,083 --> 00:04:39,750
That's my father.
29
00:04:40,125 --> 00:04:42,000
That's my little brother, Michael.
30
00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:44,500
That's my little sister, Carol.
31
00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:46,000
And that's my mom.
32
00:04:46,125 --> 00:04:49,500
Janice, Andy's up in his room?
33
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:51,875
Yeah.
34
00:04:57,833 --> 00:05:00,917
Mr. Bear is saying that Mrs. Cat
made his head fall off.
35
00:05:01,042 --> 00:05:04,792
Mrs. Bear is saying, she saw it,
and it's not true.
36
00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:09,000
Today's special guest, Mr. Bear.
What's up, Mr. Bear?
37
00:05:09,125 --> 00:05:10,250
Andy?
38
00:05:16,875 --> 00:05:19,875
Son, this has got to stop.
39
00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:24,833
Our house is not a television station.
There's not a camera in that wall.
40
00:05:26,208 --> 00:05:29,625
I mean, this is not healthy.
You should be outside, playing sports.
41
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:31,750
But I have my own sports show.
42
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:36,125
Andy, you know that's not what I meant.
I'm gonna put my foot down.
43
00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:37,958
No more playing alone.
44
00:05:38,125 --> 00:05:40,708
You want to perform,
you have got to have an audience.
45
00:05:40,833 --> 00:05:41,958
They're right there!
46
00:05:42,083 --> 00:05:44,750
That is not an audience. That is plaster.
47
00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:49,375
An audience is made of people.
People who live and breathe.
48
00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:04,000
Andy Kaufman and howdy doody present,
the animal song!
49
00:06:04,542 --> 00:06:08,792
Now, I'm gonna say the animal,
and then you tell me what it says, okay?
50
00:06:09,208 --> 00:06:10,333
Okay.
51
00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:13,833
"The cow goes."
52
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,583
"And the cat goes."
53
00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,667
"Meow, meow."
54
00:06:20,458 --> 00:06:22,833
"And the bird goes."
55
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:25,750
“Tweet, tweet.
56
00:06:25,875 --> 00:06:27,208
“Tweet, tweet.
57
00:06:27,833 --> 00:06:30,292
"And the lion goes.
58
00:06:30,708 --> 00:06:32,375
"Roar.
59
00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:35,250
"And the dog goes.
60
00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:38,083
"And the cat goes.
61
00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:39,083
"Meow.
62
00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:41,125
"And the bird goes.
63
00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:42,375
“Tweet.
64
00:06:42,417 --> 00:06:44,208
"And the pig goes.
65
00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:45,375
"Oink.
66
00:06:45,417 --> 00:06:51,125
"And that's the way it goes".
67
00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:55,208
The comedy stylings of Andy Kaufman,
ladies and gentlemen.
68
00:06:57,833 --> 00:07:00,333
So, Mr. Besserman,
same spot tomorrow?
69
00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:04,792
I don't know, Andy.
I think I have to let you go.
70
00:07:08,042 --> 00:07:09,667
You're firing me?
71
00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:13,250
You don't even pay me.
72
00:07:13,458 --> 00:07:17,250
I don't want to seem insulting,
but your act is like amateur hour.
73
00:07:17,417 --> 00:07:21,833
You're doing sing-alongs for 6-year-olds,
puppets that aren't funny, playing records.
74
00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:25,625
But it's totally original.
I mean, no one's ever done it.
75
00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:27,208
I'm not like everyone else.
76
00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,875
Everybody else gets this place cooking.
77
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,208
It was cooking. There was a man
over here that was really upset.
78
00:07:33,375 --> 00:07:36,542
He stormed out, and many people left
in the middle of your act.
79
00:07:36,708 --> 00:07:38,792
I can't sell booze to people walking out.
80
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,917
It's just about booze, not comedy or art.
81
00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:43,750
I can't sell booze when you sing,
pop goes the weasel.
82
00:07:43,833 --> 00:07:44,917
Booze is all that matters.
83
00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:47,542
I'm running a business here.
It's show business.
84
00:07:47,917 --> 00:07:49,417
Show. Business.
85
00:07:49,625 --> 00:07:53,417
Show. Business.
Without the "business" there's no "show."
86
00:07:53,792 --> 00:07:55,375
And there's no show for you.
87
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:58,125
What do you want me to do?
"Take my wife, please!"
88
00:07:58,292 --> 00:08:01,083
Well, at least it's a joke. Try some jokes.
89
00:08:01,208 --> 00:08:04,042
Like: Why did the siamese twins
go to england?
90
00:08:04,625 --> 00:08:06,833
I don't know. Why did they go to england?
91
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,208
So the other one could drive.
92
00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:16,375
Why doesn't the other one
just learn how to drive?
93
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,083
Maybe that one isn't for you,
but do jokes about the traffic.
94
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:23,083
Do impressions.
Maybe some blue material.
95
00:08:53,458 --> 00:08:55,542
Thank you very much. Good night!
96
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,583
Now?
97
00:09:25,667 --> 00:09:27,417
Thank you very much.
98
00:09:31,583 --> 00:09:35,750
One thing I do not
like is too much traffic.
99
00:09:37,375 --> 00:09:38,458
You know?
100
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:45,083
Tonight I had to come from...
101
00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:54,500
And the freeway, it was so much traffic.
102
00:09:56,958 --> 00:09:59,750
It took me an hour and a half to get here.
103
00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:07,250
But, talking about the terrible things...
104
00:10:08,958 --> 00:10:13,625
My wife, take my wife. Please take her!
105
00:10:15,708 --> 00:10:17,333
No.
106
00:10:19,042 --> 00:10:20,625
I'm only kidding.
107
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:31,125
I love my wife.
But she don't know how to cook.
108
00:10:31,417 --> 00:10:35,000
Her cooking is so bad. It's terrible.
109
00:10:37,083 --> 00:10:41,833
Now, I would like to do for you...
110
00:10:43,083 --> 00:10:44,500
The imitations.
111
00:10:45,417 --> 00:10:50,125
I would like to start with Jimmy Carter.
112
00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:53,792
The president of the United States.
113
00:10:58,375 --> 00:11:01,625
Hello. I am Jimmy Carter...
114
00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:05,167
The president of the United States.
115
00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:14,708
Thank you very much.
116
00:11:20,042 --> 00:11:22,458
Now, I would like to do for you...
117
00:11:26,583 --> 00:11:28,125
The Elvis Presley.
118
00:12:42,792 --> 00:12:45,125
"Well, it's one for the money
two for the show."
119
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:47,458
"Three to get ready
now go, cat, go."
120
00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:50,667
"But don't you
step on my blue suede shoes."
121
00:12:52,542 --> 00:12:56,458
"You can do anything
but lay off of my blue suede shoes."
122
00:12:56,958 --> 00:12:58,625
"Let's go, cat!"
123
00:13:02,833 --> 00:13:05,208
Budd, what's the story with this guy?
124
00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:07,250
I think he's from Lithuania.
125
00:13:07,792 --> 00:13:10,625
"Well, it's a blue, blue suede shoes baby."
126
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,667
"Well, it's a blue, blue suede shoes baby."
127
00:13:17,958 --> 00:13:22,333
"You can do anything
but lay off of my blue suede shoes."
128
00:13:22,875 --> 00:13:25,333
I " " oh well, we were dancin.
129
00:13:26,875 --> 00:13:30,458
"We were dancin' to the jailhouse rock."
130
00:13:33,708 --> 00:13:35,042
"All right!"
131
00:13:59,542 --> 00:14:01,333
Thank you very much.
132
00:14:02,917 --> 00:14:05,250
Hey, I really enjoyed your set.
133
00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:09,417
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you.
I really liked what you did out there.
134
00:14:09,542 --> 00:14:11,333
Thank you very much.
135
00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:16,417
So, I understand you're from Lithuania.
136
00:14:16,542 --> 00:14:19,958
No. I am from caspiar.
137
00:14:22,542 --> 00:14:23,750
Caspiar, huh?
138
00:14:23,875 --> 00:14:27,542
It is a very small island
in the caspian sea.
139
00:14:28,958 --> 00:14:30,083
It sunk.
140
00:14:31,750 --> 00:14:33,542
I'm sorry.
141
00:14:34,292 --> 00:14:37,500
Well, look, I'm probably out of my mind...
142
00:14:37,958 --> 00:14:42,042
But I think you're very interesting,
and if you ever need representation...
143
00:14:42,167 --> 00:14:43,667
We should talk.
144
00:14:43,792 --> 00:14:44,792
Okay.
145
00:14:47,792 --> 00:14:49,167
"George shapiro."
146
00:14:49,292 --> 00:14:50,917
Mr. Shapiro!
147
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,125
It is an honor, sir.
148
00:14:56,750 --> 00:14:58,208
Caspiar, huh?
149
00:14:58,625 --> 00:15:01,208
I want to be the biggest star in the world.
150
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:04,708
People love comedians.
151
00:15:04,833 --> 00:15:08,167
I'm not a comedian. I don't do jokes.
I don't know what's funny.
152
00:15:08,292 --> 00:15:10,375
I'm a song-and-dance man.
153
00:15:10,917 --> 00:15:11,750
Yeah.
154
00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,042
Thank you.
155
00:15:13,250 --> 00:15:15,958
I particularly suggest the lotus root.
156
00:15:30,417 --> 00:15:33,625
You show a lot of promise,
and my concern is...
157
00:15:33,792 --> 00:15:37,125
I don't know where to book you.
You're not a standup...
158
00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:42,750
And your act doesn't exactly
translate itself to film, so...
159
00:15:49,917 --> 00:15:52,792
So, help me. Where do you see yourself?
160
00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:57,333
I've always wanted to play carnegie hall.
161
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,208
That's funny.
162
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:07,125
See, I don't want to go for cheap laughs.
163
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:10,042
I want real gut reactions.
I want the audience...
164
00:16:10,167 --> 00:16:11,792
To have gone through an experience.
165
00:16:11,917 --> 00:16:14,625
They love me, they hate me, they walk out.
166
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,292
It's all great!
167
00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:18,667
Andy, you got a little something.
168
00:16:24,292 --> 00:16:29,125
When I'm famous, I'm gonna sell these.
"As worn by Andy Kaufman."
169
00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:33,208
You can have this one.
It's probably gonna be worth a lot...
170
00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:35,875
'Cause it was actually up my nose.
171
00:16:37,458 --> 00:16:38,958
You're insane!
172
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:44,708
But you might also be brilliant.
173
00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:49,333
Hello? George shapiro here.
174
00:16:49,458 --> 00:16:52,833
Yeah. Is this George shapiro?
175
00:16:52,958 --> 00:16:54,292
Yeah, speaking.
176
00:16:54,417 --> 00:16:58,833
Speaking! Reeking, seeking, creaking.
Freaking. Big freakin' deal!
177
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:01,625
Tell me somethin' I don't know, toadstooll
178
00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:03,042
can I help you with something?
179
00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:05,333
Yeah, you stay away from Andy Kaufman...
180
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,458
If you know what's good for you!
Crankshaft!
181
00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:09,833
Who is this?
182
00:17:09,958 --> 00:17:12,250
Do not twist my noodle, toy poodle!
183
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:13,792
This is Tony Clifton!
184
00:17:13,917 --> 00:17:17,708
A name to respect! A name to fear!
And Kaufman is a lying bastard!
185
00:17:17,958 --> 00:17:19,500
He is a psychopath!
186
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:24,083
Now, slowly open your eyes.
187
00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:30,208
You should feel rested, relaxed and alert.
188
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:35,542
I would like to thank you, your holiness.
189
00:17:36,833 --> 00:17:40,125
My heart is radiating pure energy.
190
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,167
- No, wait.
191
00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:47,333
I'm sorry.
192
00:17:48,833 --> 00:17:50,250
I have a question.
193
00:17:55,292 --> 00:17:58,042
Is there a secret to being funny?
194
00:18:01,542 --> 00:18:02,542
Yes.
195
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:04,958
Silence.
196
00:18:15,042 --> 00:18:17,333
Welcome back to Saturday night live.
And now...
197
00:18:17,458 --> 00:18:21,417
As a special treat on our first show,
musical guest, Andy Kaufman!
198
00:18:55,417 --> 00:18:57,542
What's wrong with this guy?
199
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,125
This is dead air.
200
00:19:18,417 --> 00:19:22,292
"Mr. Trouble never hangs around."
201
00:19:22,458 --> 00:19:26,083
"When he hears this mighty sound."
202
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:30,583
"Here I come to save the day!"
203
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:33,958
"That means that mighty mouse
is on his way."
204
00:19:34,167 --> 00:19:37,083
"Yes, sir, when there is a wrong to right."
205
00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:41,750
"Mighty mouse will join the fight."
206
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:45,792
"On the sea or on the land."
207
00:19:45,875 --> 00:19:49,500
"He gets the situation well in hand."
208
00:19:50,083 --> 00:19:53,542
"80 though we are in danger
we never despair"
209
00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:57,042
"'cause we know that
where there's danger, he is there."
210
00:19:57,125 --> 00:20:02,333
"He is there! On the land!
On the sea! In the air!"
211
00:20:02,458 --> 00:20:05,250
"We're not worrying at all."
212
00:20:05,458 --> 00:20:09,042
"We're just listening for his call."
213
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:13,125
"Here I come to save the day!"
214
00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:16,833
"That means that mighty mouse
is on the way!"
215
00:20:19,708 --> 00:20:21,250
Mr. Kaufman?
216
00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:22,333
Hi.
217
00:20:22,417 --> 00:20:24,042
- Right this way, please.
- Okay.
218
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:25,958
George is expecting you.
219
00:20:28,542 --> 00:20:29,583
Andy.
220
00:20:31,792 --> 00:20:33,375
Thanks for coming out.
221
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,583
- Thank you, George.
- Come on, sit down.
222
00:20:38,125 --> 00:20:39,792
- Which one?
- Either one.
223
00:20:39,875 --> 00:20:41,292
They're both red.
224
00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:44,625
This one, I guess.
225
00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:46,500
So, did you have a nice flight?
226
00:20:46,625 --> 00:20:48,750
I did. I had a really good flight.
227
00:20:48,917 --> 00:20:51,583
And the stewardess was very nice...
228
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:54,083
And she allowed me
to keep my headphones.
229
00:20:54,708 --> 00:20:56,000
That's terrific!
230
00:20:56,125 --> 00:20:57,125
Yeah!
231
00:20:58,083 --> 00:20:59,083
Andy.
232
00:20:59,333 --> 00:21:01,292
I got something better.
233
00:21:01,417 --> 00:21:02,833
- You do?
- Yeah.
234
00:21:03,292 --> 00:21:04,458
This is big.
235
00:21:04,875 --> 00:21:06,042
Okay.
236
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:08,167
Okay?
237
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:08,875
Okay.
238
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,542
You are getting a once-in-a-lifetime,
very lucrative opportunity...
239
00:21:13,833 --> 00:21:18,000
To star on a prime time network sitcom!
240
00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:24,917
A sitcom?
241
00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:28,417
Yeah! And this is a class act.
242
00:21:29,333 --> 00:21:31,833
It all takes place in a taxi stand.
243
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:34,417
And you're gonna be the fonzie.
244
00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:39,167
Fonzie?
245
00:21:39,208 --> 00:21:40,667
No.
246
00:21:41,458 --> 00:21:46,292
The fonzie. The crazy breakout character
who all the kids imitate...
247
00:21:46,417 --> 00:21:48,792
And they put them on the lunch boxes.
248
00:21:48,917 --> 00:21:51,708
I hate sitcoms, George.
I've never liked them.
249
00:21:51,792 --> 00:21:54,750
These guys have seen
your foreign-man character.
250
00:21:55,375 --> 00:21:58,167
And they want to turn him into...
251
00:21:58,833 --> 00:22:02,083
A lovable, goofy mechanic named...
252
00:22:07,667 --> 00:22:08,792
Latka.
253
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:16,500
No.
254
00:22:16,667 --> 00:22:17,667
- No?
- No.
255
00:22:17,917 --> 00:22:18,958
No to which part?
256
00:22:19,083 --> 00:22:22,042
No to the whole thing.
It doesn't sound good to me.
257
00:22:22,125 --> 00:22:24,458
Andy, this is every comedian's dream!
258
00:22:24,958 --> 00:22:26,917
I'm not a comedian, George.
259
00:22:27,083 --> 00:22:30,375
And sitcoms are the lowest form
of entertainment.
260
00:22:30,667 --> 00:22:35,292
I mean, it's just stupid jokes
and canned laughter!
261
00:22:35,542 --> 00:22:38,000
And you don't know why it's there,
but it's there.
262
00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:41,583
It's dead people laughing, did you
know that? Those people are dead!
263
00:22:41,708 --> 00:22:43,458
Andy, this is classy.
264
00:22:43,958 --> 00:22:45,208
I don't care.
265
00:22:46,083 --> 00:22:49,625
I want to generate my own material.
266
00:22:50,375 --> 00:22:52,875
Look, listen. Listen to me.
267
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,500
I've been in this business
for 20 years, Andy!
268
00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:59,167
I know, I've seen this! I know this!
269
00:22:59,333 --> 00:23:02,917
If you pass up this opportunity,
you will never...
270
00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:06,292
Never see another one like it again.
271
00:23:07,333 --> 00:23:08,333
Never!
272
00:23:20,125 --> 00:23:21,125
Okay.
273
00:23:21,208 --> 00:23:22,292
I'll do it.
274
00:23:23,167 --> 00:23:24,833
But I have some terms.
275
00:23:24,958 --> 00:23:28,875
Sure. That's what negotiations
are all about.
276
00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:34,083
What are you doing?
277
00:23:34,208 --> 00:23:36,250
I'm writing out my terms.
278
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,333
Are you making fun of me?
279
00:23:49,458 --> 00:23:50,542
Those are my terms.
280
00:23:50,667 --> 00:23:52,167
This is ridiculous, Andy!
281
00:23:52,292 --> 00:23:54,417
It's what I need to do the show.
282
00:23:54,625 --> 00:23:55,917
What is this?
283
00:23:56,083 --> 00:23:59,208
"Four guaranteed guest spots
for Tony Clifton."
284
00:23:59,333 --> 00:24:00,583
Who's Tony Clifton?
285
00:24:00,708 --> 00:24:02,833
He's a Vegas lounge singer.
286
00:24:03,583 --> 00:24:07,042
I used to do impressions of him,
and we kinda got into a fight over it.
287
00:24:07,167 --> 00:24:08,500
This Clifton called me!
288
00:24:08,625 --> 00:24:09,417
He did?
289
00:24:09,542 --> 00:24:11,500
He's a loon! He hates you!
290
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,875
No. He just talks tough. But I owe him.
291
00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:20,333
And if I'm the new fonz,
then abc is just gonna have to...
292
00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:22,875
Give me what I want!
293
00:24:25,667 --> 00:24:29,542
"Mr. Kaufman will only appear
in half the episodes of taxi."
294
00:24:30,292 --> 00:24:35,667
"Mr. Kaufman requires an undisturbed
90 minutes of meditation prior to filming."
295
00:24:37,875 --> 00:24:40,875
"Mr. Kaufman gets
his own network special."
296
00:24:41,542 --> 00:24:47,125
"And taxi must guarantee
four guest appearances for Tony Clifton."
297
00:24:49,375 --> 00:24:50,500
Who?
298
00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:53,208
Tony Clifton.
299
00:24:53,333 --> 00:24:55,583
Who the hell is Tony Clifton?
300
00:24:58,833 --> 00:25:00,292
I don't know.
301
00:25:04,542 --> 00:25:06,917
And now, mama rivoli's
is proud to present...
302
00:25:07,042 --> 00:25:09,583
An international singing sensation!
303
00:25:09,708 --> 00:25:13,750
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Tony Clifton!
304
00:25:24,333 --> 00:25:25,583
Come on.
305
00:25:34,875 --> 00:25:36,833
Ladies and gentlemen...
306
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,542
Due to Mr. Clifton's vocal constraints,
out of respect for him...
307
00:25:40,667 --> 00:25:43,667
He asks you to please extinguish
your smoking materials...
308
00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:45,583
Your cigars and cigarettes, please.
309
00:25:45,708 --> 00:25:48,167
Goddamn, I paid $10 for that cigar!
310
00:25:49,083 --> 00:25:50,083
I'm sorry.
311
00:25:50,208 --> 00:25:51,208
Is he for real?
312
00:25:51,292 --> 00:25:52,333
And now...
313
00:25:52,458 --> 00:25:55,333
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Entertainment...
314
00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:58,000
Tony Clifton!
315
00:26:11,083 --> 00:26:13,375
He's smoking. What's he doing?
316
00:26:18,417 --> 00:26:24,542
"Volare."
317
00:26:28,417 --> 00:26:31,083
"Cantare."
318
00:26:33,917 --> 00:26:36,417
"No wonder my happy heart sings."
319
00:26:36,542 --> 00:26:39,042
"Your/ove has given me wings”
320
00:26:39,250 --> 00:26:41,208
"I got the wings of a dove."
321
00:26:42,042 --> 00:26:44,292
"I got the wings."
322
00:26:45,292 --> 00:26:47,875
"I got the chicken wings
from Kentucky fried."
323
00:26:55,208 --> 00:26:57,417
"Whoop-de-doo, whoop-de-di."
324
00:26:57,792 --> 00:27:00,000
"Stick a needle in your eye!"
325
00:27:00,458 --> 00:27:04,208
Let's get somethin' straight.
[Play the big showrooms in Vegas.
326
00:27:04,333 --> 00:27:07,708
I need this place like I need
a shotgun blast to the face.
327
00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:11,708
Now let's go down
and meet some of the audience.
328
00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:13,708
How you all doin'?
329
00:27:13,833 --> 00:27:16,333
Where you from? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
330
00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:22,083
Somebody's wearin' a lot of perfume
around here.
331
00:27:22,208 --> 00:27:24,250
Must be that time of the month.
332
00:27:26,250 --> 00:27:27,792
I know all the tricks.
333
00:27:28,250 --> 00:27:29,458
How you doin'?
334
00:27:29,667 --> 00:27:32,333
You enjoyin' that pasta carbonara?
335
00:27:33,583 --> 00:27:35,333
It appears as if you are!
336
00:27:35,458 --> 00:27:36,458
Look out!
337
00:27:36,542 --> 00:27:38,667
I think you sat in some cottage cheese.
338
00:27:38,792 --> 00:27:41,000
Pardon me. That's your ass.
339
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:51,583
How you doin'? You enjoyin' the show?
340
00:27:51,708 --> 00:27:52,708
Yeah.
341
00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:55,500
What's your name?
342
00:27:56,083 --> 00:27:57,167
Bob.
343
00:27:58,042 --> 00:27:59,042
Bob?
344
00:27:59,125 --> 00:28:00,167
Bob, Bob.
345
00:28:04,625 --> 00:28:07,875
What's your last name,
up-and-down-in-the-water?
346
00:28:11,417 --> 00:28:12,625
Gorsky.
347
00:28:13,583 --> 00:28:14,583
Gorsky?
348
00:28:14,625 --> 00:28:16,500
- That Polish?
- Yeah.
349
00:28:17,250 --> 00:28:19,083
You tryin' to do some Polish humor?
350
00:28:19,208 --> 00:28:20,625
- No, that's...
- Shut up!
351
00:28:20,833 --> 00:28:22,042
That's just my name.
352
00:28:22,167 --> 00:28:23,167
Shut up!
353
00:28:23,208 --> 00:28:25,208
I do not appreciate racial slurs!
354
00:28:25,542 --> 00:28:28,292
I think them dumb polacks
have been ridiculed enough!
355
00:28:28,417 --> 00:28:30,000
I do a clean show here!
356
00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:31,500
You wanna see some humor?
357
00:28:31,625 --> 00:28:35,833
Here's some humor, right here.
There's some humor, right there, okay!
358
00:28:36,667 --> 00:28:39,417
You just sit down and enjoy that, okay?
359
00:28:39,583 --> 00:28:41,417
And you! Shapiro!
360
00:28:42,333 --> 00:28:44,583
I'll see you backstage, baldy.
361
00:28:44,917 --> 00:28:49,375
"Volare ".
362
00:28:57,625 --> 00:28:59,250
What do you want?
363
00:29:08,958 --> 00:29:12,000
Just a little friendly
conversation, George.
364
00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:14,833
You hungry? You look thin!
365
00:29:20,208 --> 00:29:23,292
"Italiano, cacciatore, scaloppine,
pasta fasool!"
366
00:29:27,083 --> 00:29:29,292
I don't understand this act.
367
00:29:29,875 --> 00:29:33,167
It's good, old-fashioned entertainment.
Everyone loves a villain.
368
00:29:33,292 --> 00:29:35,500
What about that poor schlep
you humiliated?
369
00:29:35,625 --> 00:29:37,375
Hey, man, excellent show.
370
00:29:37,542 --> 00:29:40,208
- That was a great show.
- Yeah, good show for you.
371
00:29:41,042 --> 00:29:44,083
George, this is my writer and old friend,
Bob zmuda.
372
00:29:44,208 --> 00:29:46,917
- How are you? I'm Bob.
- He's very creative.
373
00:29:47,042 --> 00:29:50,875
- Yes, I'm the brains behind this operation.
- Yeah, dream on.
374
00:29:51,708 --> 00:29:55,125
He once faked a lion escaping
from the Chicago 200.
375
00:29:55,333 --> 00:29:57,167
This was fantastic, George.
376
00:29:57,333 --> 00:30:00,167
We got like 40 actors and they're tearin'
through the zoo.
377
00:30:00,292 --> 00:30:02,167
They shut the place down for two days.
378
00:30:02,333 --> 00:30:05,000
They're screamin',
"there's a fuckin' lion!"
379
00:30:06,458 --> 00:30:08,417
Your name's not gorsky.
380
00:30:10,375 --> 00:30:12,667
Don't believe everything you hear, George.
381
00:30:12,792 --> 00:30:14,625
This cannot leave this room.
382
00:30:15,042 --> 00:30:16,625
Do not write this down.
383
00:30:16,792 --> 00:30:17,792
Okay?
384
00:30:18,125 --> 00:30:20,708
Tony Clifton is Andy Kaufman.
385
00:30:22,375 --> 00:30:24,833
And Andy Kaufman is Tony Clifton.
386
00:30:25,083 --> 00:30:28,167
They'll deny it up and down,
but believe me, it's true.
387
00:30:29,833 --> 00:30:31,542
This is great business.
388
00:30:31,958 --> 00:30:34,792
You get two Andy kaufmans
for the price of one.
389
00:30:40,083 --> 00:30:41,167
Andy!
390
00:30:41,292 --> 00:30:42,917
- — Andy.
- What's up?
391
00:30:43,375 --> 00:30:44,458
They said, "yes."
392
00:30:44,625 --> 00:30:47,333
You're gettin' everything. Everything!
393
00:30:50,500 --> 00:30:52,583
- Bonus. Bonus!
- Whatever you want.
394
00:30:52,708 --> 00:30:55,500
- Thank you very much.
- It was so good.
395
00:30:55,792 --> 00:30:58,833
- I have to do taxi, don't I?
- You gotta do taxi.
396
00:31:16,833 --> 00:31:18,750
Party time for latka.
397
00:31:18,917 --> 00:31:21,125
Not until you take off those overalls.
398
00:31:21,292 --> 00:31:22,750
This is a good party.
399
00:31:24,333 --> 00:31:27,042
No! Latka, listen to me. Listen to me.
400
00:31:27,208 --> 00:31:29,458
There's a drug in those cookies.
401
00:31:30,542 --> 00:31:31,542
No?
402
00:31:31,833 --> 00:31:33,417
- Yeah.
403
00:31:34,167 --> 00:31:35,167
No!
404
00:31:42,792 --> 00:31:43,792
Bed?
405
00:31:44,333 --> 00:31:49,042
I have never been so emotional
in all my life!
406
00:31:49,375 --> 00:31:52,458
And this is for my mother!
And this is for my father!
407
00:31:52,625 --> 00:31:54,708
And this is for my grandfather!
408
00:31:56,792 --> 00:31:59,125
I hope you have a small family.
409
00:32:14,500 --> 00:32:16,833
Thank you very much.
410
00:32:26,750 --> 00:32:28,750
- I'm gonna quit.
- What?
411
00:32:28,958 --> 00:32:30,917
Every show is worse than the last one.
412
00:32:31,042 --> 00:32:34,208
Forty million people are watching your ass
every week, Kaufman.
413
00:32:34,333 --> 00:32:35,458
What do they know?
414
00:32:35,625 --> 00:32:38,042
Absolutely nothing! And that's the beauty.
415
00:32:38,167 --> 00:32:40,250
Man, look, it's credibility.
416
00:32:40,417 --> 00:32:44,125
You make them love you now,
and then later on, on your special...
417
00:32:44,292 --> 00:32:47,625
You can fuck with their heads.
The sky is the limit, man!
418
00:32:52,625 --> 00:32:54,333
Oh, yeah? I don't care!
419
00:32:56,125 --> 00:32:58,917
Sir, there's a problem
down on the Kaufman special.
420
00:32:59,042 --> 00:33:02,000
They say he's not following
the technical requirements.
421
00:33:02,125 --> 00:33:03,208
Technical?
422
00:33:03,875 --> 00:33:05,458
Thanks for coming on my show.
423
00:33:05,583 --> 00:33:07,458
Thanks for having me on your show.
424
00:33:07,625 --> 00:33:10,042
- Okay. Right now. Roll it!
- No.
425
00:33:10,167 --> 00:33:11,875
It's my special!
426
00:33:12,167 --> 00:33:14,500
I have creative control. Now, roll it!
427
00:33:14,708 --> 00:33:15,708
No!
428
00:33:15,792 --> 00:33:17,417
- Do it, man!
- Andy!
429
00:33:18,375 --> 00:33:22,042
Be careful, please! Only positive energy
allowed behind this point.
430
00:33:22,208 --> 00:33:25,625
I've been hearing fabulous things
about the special.
431
00:33:26,542 --> 00:33:28,875
What? Did we hit a little speed bump?
432
00:33:29,583 --> 00:33:31,167
And his name is Colin.
433
00:33:31,292 --> 00:33:34,375
Kid genius told me to mess
with the vertical hold.
434
00:33:34,500 --> 00:33:35,958
Show me. Show me.
435
00:33:36,375 --> 00:33:37,833
Show him, Colin.
436
00:33:41,875 --> 00:33:45,333
Thanks for having me on your show, Andy.
Boy, it's sure...
437
00:33:52,750 --> 00:33:54,250
It'll be great!
438
00:33:54,375 --> 00:33:56,542
People will think their TV is broken!
439
00:33:56,667 --> 00:33:59,167
They'll get outta their chairs,
walk over to the TV...
440
00:33:59,292 --> 00:34:03,667
Twist the knobs, call the TV store:
"Hey, I paid a lot of money for that TV!"
441
00:34:03,792 --> 00:34:07,458
They'll bang on the television
and they won't be able to fix it!
442
00:34:12,125 --> 00:34:15,417
Andy, we don't want the viewers
to get out of their chairs.
443
00:34:16,292 --> 00:34:18,000
But it's funny!
444
00:34:18,667 --> 00:34:20,708
It's a practical joke.
445
00:34:21,917 --> 00:34:25,417
The viewer must be able
to see the program.
446
00:34:29,500 --> 00:34:31,917
But, it's only gonna be for 30 seconds.
447
00:34:32,250 --> 00:34:33,250
Five.
448
00:34:34,250 --> 00:34:35,250
Twenty.
449
00:34:35,667 --> 00:34:36,667
Ten.
450
00:34:37,583 --> 00:34:38,583
Deal.
451
00:34:41,125 --> 00:34:42,750
Okay Andy, ten seconds, huh?
452
00:34:42,875 --> 00:34:44,583
Ten seconds, okay.
453
00:34:54,333 --> 00:34:57,750
- Ten seconds is all I really wanted.
- Ten seconds is perfect.
454
00:35:01,083 --> 00:35:03,833
I've been watching you
since I was a little boy, howdy.
455
00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:06,708
I didn't even know what TV was,
but I was watching you.
456
00:35:06,833 --> 00:35:07,708
Look how cute he is.
457
00:35:07,833 --> 00:35:09,708
You're the first friend in TV
I've ever had.
458
00:35:09,833 --> 00:35:10,833
That is so moving.
459
00:35:10,958 --> 00:35:13,750
You're as real as anyone else
in the show to me.
460
00:35:14,250 --> 00:35:15,667
And I love you.
461
00:35:15,792 --> 00:35:16,792
I really do.
462
00:35:16,875 --> 00:35:18,542
This is not funny.
463
00:35:18,917 --> 00:35:21,375
This is artsy-fartsy shit.
464
00:35:22,083 --> 00:35:23,958
This is the magical part of the show.
465
00:35:24,083 --> 00:35:27,875
The show's not all like this.
It's hysterical! It gets very funny.
466
00:35:28,083 --> 00:35:31,750
Christ! We're the number 1 network.
Can't we afford a decent TV?
467
00:35:31,958 --> 00:35:34,750
No, that's part of the show.
468
00:35:35,750 --> 00:35:37,083
This is part of the show?
469
00:35:37,208 --> 00:35:38,000
Yes.
470
00:35:38,083 --> 00:35:39,542
What do you mean, part of the show?
471
00:35:39,667 --> 00:35:41,833
That's the way Andy wants it,
with the roll.
472
00:35:41,958 --> 00:35:44,833
Thanks, Andy. Llove you, too.
473
00:35:48,417 --> 00:35:51,958
Tell Kaufman this network
will never air this program.
474
00:35:53,708 --> 00:35:55,250
Hey, that's Andy Kaufman.
475
00:35:56,500 --> 00:35:57,792
You wanna bet?
476
00:36:01,375 --> 00:36:03,333
Excuse me. Are you Andy Kaufman?
477
00:36:05,750 --> 00:36:07,750
I get that all the time.
478
00:36:17,875 --> 00:36:20,750
This is ridiculous. Take off that apron.
479
00:36:23,625 --> 00:36:24,625
No.
480
00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:27,208
I'd rather work here than at abc.
481
00:36:27,583 --> 00:36:29,625
I'm sorry. They're a bunch of assholes.
482
00:36:29,750 --> 00:36:31,792
Look, we work in a creative business.
483
00:36:31,875 --> 00:36:34,667
There's no telling
what people are gonna like or dislike.
484
00:36:34,792 --> 00:36:36,917
The only reason why I did taxi...
485
00:36:37,958 --> 00:36:40,000
Was that I could have my own special.
486
00:36:40,125 --> 00:36:44,250
I know. Well, I'll tell you what.
Let me book you some colleges now.
487
00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:46,292
And then, I'll take the special around.
488
00:36:46,417 --> 00:36:49,958
I'll show it to people
and see if anybody wants to buy it.
489
00:36:50,042 --> 00:36:52,875
We'll have a garage sale.
No, I'm over and out.
490
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:56,000
- You know, you're not over and out.
- Yeah, I am over and out.
491
00:36:56,125 --> 00:36:58,167
- You can't be.
- I'll show you over and out.
492
00:36:58,292 --> 00:37:00,875
You've got a deal with abc.
You've gotta honor it.
493
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,917
All right. How much longer
is left on my contract?
494
00:37:04,042 --> 00:37:08,583
Well, you signed for five years, so,
four years and seven months.
495
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:37,000
Thank you. It's really great to be here.
496
00:37:37,292 --> 00:37:40,708
We're gonna have a great show tonight.
A really good one!
497
00:37:43,125 --> 00:37:46,167
We 're gonna start by singing
some songs and...
498
00:37:46,375 --> 00:37:47,667
Do latka!
499
00:37:47,792 --> 00:37:49,542
- Yeah, latka!
- What?
500
00:37:51,583 --> 00:37:52,583
Wait!
501
00:38:00,125 --> 00:38:02,167
Excuse me for one second.
502
00:38:04,375 --> 00:38:05,583
- I saw that.
- What?
503
00:38:05,667 --> 00:38:08,583
- Gimme the book.
- No, I'm not going to give you the book.
504
00:38:08,708 --> 00:38:09,583
Is something wrong?
505
00:38:09,667 --> 00:38:11,042
No, everything's okay. Fine.
506
00:38:11,167 --> 00:38:12,708
Hey, can I squeeze your nuts?
507
00:38:12,833 --> 00:38:14,042
Thanks.
508
00:38:14,500 --> 00:38:16,417
They're asking for it.
509
00:38:23,833 --> 00:38:29,583
Ladies and gentlemen,
since you're such a special audience...
510
00:38:31,292 --> 00:38:32,292
Yeah!
511
00:38:32,417 --> 00:38:37,792
I am going to reveal,
for the very first time, ever, the real me.
512
00:38:39,292 --> 00:38:40,750
That's right.
513
00:38:46,167 --> 00:38:48,000
I'm actually British.
514
00:38:49,042 --> 00:38:53,792
And though I dabble in clowning,
I do find it so boorlsh...
515
00:38:54,542 --> 00:38:55,750
So American.
516
00:38:56,958 --> 00:38:58,250
I prefer the fine arts.
517
00:38:58,333 --> 00:39:01,917
Henceforth, today,
I am going to grace you with a reading...
518
00:39:02,500 --> 00:39:04,917
Of one of the greatest novels
ever written.
519
00:39:05,042 --> 00:39:07,542
The great gatsby by f. Scott Fitzgerald.
520
00:39:12,625 --> 00:39:13,833
Please.
521
00:39:15,875 --> 00:39:18,083
"In my younger
and more vulnerable years..."
522
00:39:18,167 --> 00:39:19,666
"My father gave me some advice..."
523
00:39:19,667 --> 00:39:22,208
"That I've been turning over
in my mind ever since."
524
00:39:22,292 --> 00:39:25,042
"'Whenever you feel like
criticizing anyone, 'he told me..."
525
00:39:25,167 --> 00:39:27,542
Just remember
that all the people of this world..."
526
00:39:27,667 --> 00:39:29,499
"'... haven't had the advantages
that you've had. "'
527
00:39:29,500 --> 00:39:32,958
"but we've always been unusually
communicative, in a reserved way."
528
00:39:33,083 --> 00:39:37,042
"And I understood that he meant
a great deal, more than that."
529
00:39:45,750 --> 00:39:47,583
Thank you very much.
530
00:39:53,250 --> 00:39:56,917
"In consequence, I'm inclined
to reserve all judgments."
531
00:39:57,042 --> 00:39:59,833
"A habit that has opened up
many curious natures to me..."
532
00:39:59,958 --> 00:40:03,375
And also made me the victim
of not a few veteran bones."
533
00:40:03,500 --> 00:40:04,500
Oh, come on!
534
00:40:04,583 --> 00:40:08,917
No. Please keep it down.
We've got a long way to go.
535
00:40:09,958 --> 00:40:13,208
"They were the same people,
or at least the same sort of people..."
536
00:40:13,333 --> 00:40:15,167
"The same profusion of cham..."
537
00:40:15,292 --> 00:40:18,375
I tell you what.
Would you rather I kept reading...
538
00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:21,125
Or do you prefer to hear
the phonograph record?
539
00:40:21,208 --> 00:40:22,417
Record!
540
00:40:22,542 --> 00:40:23,833
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
541
00:40:23,958 --> 00:40:25,292
Record!
542
00:40:25,333 --> 00:40:27,000
Are you positive?
543
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:29,417
Very well then.
544
00:40:29,542 --> 00:40:30,958
Yeah, mighty mouse!
545
00:40:36,875 --> 00:40:40,917
"Perhaps his presence gave the evening
its peculiar quality of oppressiveness."
546
00:40:41,042 --> 00:40:45,417
"It stands out in my memory
from gatsby's other parties that summer."
547
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,667
"The green light, the orgiastic future..."
548
00:40:48,750 --> 00:40:51,292
"Year by year recedes before us."
549
00:40:56,083 --> 00:40:57,208
"Tomorrow..."
550
00:40:59,292 --> 00:41:01,958
"Tomorrow, we will run faster..."
551
00:41:02,333 --> 00:41:04,542
"Stretch our arms out further..."
552
00:41:05,500 --> 00:41:07,458
"And one fine morning..."
553
00:41:08,667 --> 00:41:12,250
"So we beat on,
boats against the current..."
554
00:41:12,667 --> 00:41:15,250
"Born back ceaselessly..."
555
00:41:16,750 --> 00:41:18,167
"Into the past."
556
00:41:21,417 --> 00:41:22,417
"The end."
557
00:41:25,292 --> 00:41:26,375
All right!
558
00:41:49,458 --> 00:41:51,458
You wanna play Arizona state?
559
00:41:51,583 --> 00:41:54,792
You give them mighty mouse.
You give them Elvis.
560
00:41:55,042 --> 00:41:57,375
I gave them, the great gatsby.
561
00:41:57,583 --> 00:41:59,500
F. Scott Fitzgerald's best work.
562
00:41:59,625 --> 00:42:01,792
- A classic.
- His finest piece of work.
563
00:42:01,875 --> 00:42:03,375
I don't care!
564
00:42:08,958 --> 00:42:14,375
Andy. You have to look inside
and ask this question:
565
00:42:15,458 --> 00:42:19,750
Who are you trying to entertain?
The audience or yourself?
566
00:42:21,917 --> 00:42:23,250
Excuse me.
567
00:42:27,958 --> 00:42:29,750
- Bob.
- What, George?
568
00:42:30,125 --> 00:42:33,792
I'm worried about Andy. This is not good.
569
00:42:33,917 --> 00:42:36,000
His stress level is affecting his work!
570
00:42:36,125 --> 00:42:39,125
Calm down now, George.
That's not gonna help anything, okay?
571
00:42:39,250 --> 00:42:44,083
Look, Tony Clifton is gonna go
on taxi next week.
572
00:42:44,667 --> 00:42:49,458
That should let him blow off steam
and relieve the stress. Okay?
573
00:42:49,583 --> 00:42:53,333
Bob, Andy needs to relax. This is your job.
574
00:42:53,458 --> 00:42:56,208
You have to take him away from all of this.
575
00:42:59,875 --> 00:43:01,208
Would you, come on?
576
00:43:01,292 --> 00:43:02,583
Come on!
577
00:43:03,417 --> 00:43:04,583
Shit!
578
00:43:05,083 --> 00:43:06,458
Hi, how you doin' today?
579
00:43:06,542 --> 00:43:07,667
Fine. Great.
580
00:43:07,792 --> 00:43:09,583
Hello. Nice to meet you.
581
00:43:09,958 --> 00:43:12,292
- Nice to meet you.
- How are you?
582
00:43:12,500 --> 00:43:13,708
Peachy.
583
00:43:26,250 --> 00:43:28,375
What do we do now?
584
00:43:28,708 --> 00:43:29,917
Now, you pick.
585
00:43:32,417 --> 00:43:34,875
But what if I hurt somebody's feelings?
586
00:43:35,292 --> 00:43:38,292
For Christ's sake, you're not gonna hurt
anybody's feelings.
587
00:43:38,417 --> 00:43:40,125
They're all professionals.
588
00:43:41,375 --> 00:43:42,500
Okay.
589
00:43:49,042 --> 00:43:50,875
All right, which one?
590
00:43:53,083 --> 00:43:54,417
I will have both!
591
00:44:00,375 --> 00:44:02,083
I will have this fraulein.
592
00:44:02,750 --> 00:44:06,750
Und the one with the big strudels.
Mach schnell, mach schnell!
593
00:44:09,083 --> 00:44:10,500
Zmuda, I'm gonna kill you.
594
00:44:10,625 --> 00:44:12,292
Excellent choice.
595
00:44:15,125 --> 00:44:17,208
Are you having a good day?
596
00:44:18,875 --> 00:44:23,125
It's kind of a big day. It's my
buddy's first time with a prostitute.
597
00:44:23,417 --> 00:44:27,167
What are you talking about?
Andy comes here almost every weekend.
598
00:44:28,625 --> 00:44:29,958
Who, Andy?
599
00:44:30,417 --> 00:44:32,667
He doesn't always call himself that.
600
00:44:32,875 --> 00:44:35,583
Sometimes he's Tony and he wears a tux.
601
00:45:00,792 --> 00:45:04,208
If I gave you both $300...
602
00:45:04,708 --> 00:45:06,250
Would you...
603
00:45:09,958 --> 00:45:13,500
Come to Hollywood
and help me destroy a TV show?
604
00:45:16,458 --> 00:45:17,458
$500.
605
00:45:24,333 --> 00:45:26,167
What am I, Harry Houdini?
606
00:45:27,667 --> 00:45:30,375
We busted through. Come on, girls.
607
00:45:30,667 --> 00:45:32,875
Welcome to the follies Bree-gere!
608
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:35,042
Okay, here's the man, Tony Clifton!
609
00:45:35,167 --> 00:45:38,333
- Taxi, iaxy, just the factsy, maxie!
- Hi.
610
00:45:38,583 --> 00:45:40,625
Hey, hotshot. How're you doing?
611
00:45:40,792 --> 00:45:44,542
- Ed weinberger, executive.
- Take a hike! Okay, all right?
612
00:45:45,708 --> 00:45:47,375
What are we doing, huh?
613
00:45:47,500 --> 00:45:48,958
Here's your script, Tony.
614
00:45:49,083 --> 00:45:51,042
- That's the script I was given?
- Yeah.
615
00:45:51,167 --> 00:45:52,708
- That's the one I have to do?
- Yeah.
616
00:45:52,833 --> 00:45:54,000
Okay, let me see.
617
00:45:54,125 --> 00:45:57,208
Okay. Bullshit, bullshit, my line.
618
00:45:57,542 --> 00:45:59,750
Bullshit, bullshit, my line.
619
00:46:00,833 --> 00:46:03,208
That's hilarious!
620
00:46:03,417 --> 00:46:07,667
You know, I reviewed that script last night
and I was not satisfied.
621
00:46:07,792 --> 00:46:10,167
- Yeah, well...
- I was not satisfied.
622
00:46:10,292 --> 00:46:13,000
- Well, why don't we just...
- Listen, I made some changes.
623
00:46:13,083 --> 00:46:16,083
I stayed up all night
with these sweet ladies right here...
624
00:46:16,208 --> 00:46:17,875
This is lemonade.
625
00:46:18,667 --> 00:46:21,667
- Can we get to work?
- That'll keep you going on a hot day.
626
00:46:21,792 --> 00:46:23,250
And this is melonia.
627
00:46:23,375 --> 00:46:25,917
How's my little produce department?
628
00:46:29,417 --> 00:46:31,667
This is the new taxi theme song.
629
00:46:37,250 --> 00:46:40,292
"We drive a taxi"
630
00:46:52,458 --> 00:46:53,500
George.
631
00:46:55,125 --> 00:47:00,333
I can't afford to blow this whole episode,
so, we have to let him go.
632
00:47:03,833 --> 00:47:05,833
I'm not sure how Andy's gonna take this.
633
00:47:05,958 --> 00:47:08,917
Well, we just have to go down and tell him.
634
00:47:09,583 --> 00:47:12,375
But that's Tony down there. It's not Andy.
635
00:47:12,583 --> 00:47:15,958
I don't give a fuck who that is,
I'm gonna fire him.
636
00:47:16,083 --> 00:47:19,625
Okay, all right.
But we better warn Andy first.
637
00:47:19,833 --> 00:47:23,958
He's up in San Francisco, doing a concert.
I'll call my secretary.
638
00:47:27,708 --> 00:47:29,708
Diane, this is George.
639
00:47:29,917 --> 00:47:32,875
I'm trying to reach Andy
up in San Francisco.
640
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:34,125
Okay.
641
00:47:35,083 --> 00:47:36,375
I'll patch you through.
642
00:47:36,500 --> 00:47:37,625
I'll wait.
643
00:47:39,792 --> 00:47:40,625
Hello?
644
00:47:40,750 --> 00:47:43,333
Andy. I'm gonna put you on the speaker.
645
00:47:44,083 --> 00:47:45,292
- Hello, Andy.
- Hello?
646
00:47:45,417 --> 00:47:48,083
Hi. I'm here with ed, over at taxi.
647
00:47:48,208 --> 00:47:49,417
- Hi, ed.
- Hi, Andy.
648
00:47:49,625 --> 00:47:51,042
- How are you?
- I'm fine.
649
00:47:51,167 --> 00:47:51,958
Good.
650
00:47:52,083 --> 00:47:54,208
Andy, there's been some trouble
with Tony.
651
00:47:54,375 --> 00:47:56,750
Oh, no! Did he get hurt?
652
00:47:56,958 --> 00:47:57,667
No.
653
00:47:57,833 --> 00:47:59,667
No, Andy, it's nothing like that, no.
654
00:47:59,833 --> 00:48:02,750
- Did he hurt someone else?
- No, it's not that.
655
00:48:02,875 --> 00:48:06,167
Andy, the reason I'm calling you
like this is...
656
00:48:06,292 --> 00:48:09,125
I have the utmost
respect for your artistry.
657
00:48:09,250 --> 00:48:12,708
Well, may I say
that I've always appreciated that, ed.
658
00:48:12,875 --> 00:48:16,042
Thank you. But you see, in this instance...
659
00:48:17,208 --> 00:48:20,542
I have to ask your permission to fire Tony.
660
00:48:27,875 --> 00:48:31,958
George, this is gonna kill Tony.
He's waited for this his whole life.
661
00:48:32,125 --> 00:48:33,750
Andy, there'll be other shots.
662
00:48:33,917 --> 00:48:36,875
Yeah, we have to do this.
He's just a terrible actor.
663
00:48:38,125 --> 00:48:41,833
Okay. But please, let him down gently.
664
00:48:42,750 --> 00:48:43,750
Trust us.
665
00:48:43,917 --> 00:48:46,500
Fuck you! I'm not going!
666
00:48:48,958 --> 00:48:50,083
We had a deal.
667
00:48:50,375 --> 00:48:53,583
I know who you talked to.
You must have talked to someone else!
668
00:48:53,750 --> 00:48:55,625
Yeah! I was talking to Andy Kaufman!
669
00:48:55,792 --> 00:48:58,083
I don't know no Andy Kaufman!
670
00:48:58,500 --> 00:48:59,708
Security, get in here!
671
00:48:59,875 --> 00:49:01,708
He is ruining my life!
672
00:49:02,542 --> 00:49:04,500
Security! Get in here!
673
00:49:20,042 --> 00:49:22,292
Do not hurt him! He's a talented man!
674
00:49:22,458 --> 00:49:24,667
I don't want any pictures leaving this set!
675
00:49:24,792 --> 00:49:26,042
Hey! Give that back! Hey!
676
00:49:26,208 --> 00:49:28,417
Get zmuda, he's one of them!
677
00:49:30,333 --> 00:49:33,667
If you guys ever go to Vegas,
you're not getting in!
678
00:49:34,917 --> 00:49:37,875
Hey, come here! Give me the camera!
Come here! Come on!
679
00:49:38,042 --> 00:49:39,625
Give me the camera!
680
00:49:39,875 --> 00:49:42,542
I got $20 says you work for me now!
681
00:49:42,625 --> 00:49:44,708
I would like to use the phone!
682
00:49:45,333 --> 00:49:46,458
Not on the lot, sir.
683
00:49:46,625 --> 00:49:49,292
How about a bathroom?
I may have shit my pants.
684
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:52,208
- Drink of water?
- No.
685
00:49:52,333 --> 00:49:53,333
- Aspirin?
- No.
686
00:49:53,417 --> 00:49:55,250
- Moist towelette?
- No.
687
00:49:55,875 --> 00:49:59,208
In that case, it has been an honor
and a good-bye!
688
00:50:01,750 --> 00:50:02,875
This is great!
689
00:50:03,417 --> 00:50:07,333
This is too much, man.
It makes Tony real, you know?
690
00:50:07,500 --> 00:50:09,792
It gives him three dimensions.
691
00:50:10,542 --> 00:50:13,000
It's good for his career, George.
692
00:50:13,292 --> 00:50:17,333
Oh, really? You want to book Tony Clifton
at harrah's Tahoe?
693
00:50:17,500 --> 00:50:20,208
Well, I know the college kids
really like Andy Kaufman.
694
00:50:20,375 --> 00:50:24,417
No, look gene, let me be really clear
about this.
695
00:50:24,625 --> 00:50:27,458
If you book Tony,
do not expect to get Andy.
696
00:50:27,792 --> 00:50:31,208
Well, you know what,
I'll take my chances, all right?
697
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,333
All right. Be my guest. Book him.
698
00:50:39,375 --> 00:50:40,542
Shut up!
699
00:50:43,125 --> 00:50:45,792
Shut the hell up! All of ya!
700
00:50:46,208 --> 00:50:48,667
You make one more sound,
I'll come down there...
701
00:50:48,792 --> 00:50:51,000
And put your friggin' head in the soup!
702
00:50:51,917 --> 00:50:55,208
When I go like this,
it means I expect total silence!
703
00:50:57,042 --> 00:50:59,833
There is an artiste on stage.
704
00:51:14,583 --> 00:51:16,250
That's better.
705
00:51:24,208 --> 00:51:25,875
"Oh, whether I'm right."
706
00:51:27,458 --> 00:51:29,292
"Or whether I'm wrong."
707
00:51:30,833 --> 00:51:36,625
"Or whether I find a place in this world
or never belong.
708
00:51:37,583 --> 00:51:40,417
"I've got to be me.
709
00:51:40,958 --> 00:51:43,917
"I've gotta be me.
710
00:51:44,583 --> 00:51:49,583
"Willing to try to do it or die ".
711
00:52:01,708 --> 00:52:03,333
Thank you very much.
712
00:52:04,417 --> 00:52:06,708
Thank you. I do all my own stunts.
713
00:52:08,917 --> 00:52:11,167
"I've got to be".
714
00:52:19,333 --> 00:52:21,250
What the hell's goin' on?
715
00:52:21,375 --> 00:52:22,375
Kaufman!
716
00:52:32,500 --> 00:52:34,708
Kaufman's fucking up my act!
717
00:52:40,833 --> 00:52:43,417
Where's it say Kaufman's in the act?
718
00:52:49,583 --> 00:52:51,917
May I borrow this for a second?
719
00:53:11,583 --> 00:53:13,375
Now, you are all wet!
720
00:53:14,083 --> 00:53:17,667
You look like you could use
a little drink up there!
721
00:53:17,792 --> 00:53:19,500
Now, go on, get outta here!
722
00:53:19,625 --> 00:53:21,875
That's what you get
for crapping up my act!
723
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:22,833
No.
724
00:53:22,958 --> 00:53:25,083
You get out of here, little drummer boy!
725
00:53:25,208 --> 00:53:26,875
Stay! No, wait Andy, come back!
726
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:29,792
"I've got to be".
727
00:53:32,208 --> 00:53:33,375
Go home!
728
00:53:33,875 --> 00:53:37,417
"Volare"
729
00:53:53,708 --> 00:53:57,000
Jesus Christ. Close the goddamn door.
Close it!
730
00:53:59,208 --> 00:54:00,625
Look at you.
731
00:54:01,667 --> 00:54:02,750
You're so proud.
732
00:54:02,875 --> 00:54:05,667
You're like some stupid kid
who comes home from school:
733
00:54:05,792 --> 00:54:07,583
"Look, dad, I got an f!"
734
00:54:09,542 --> 00:54:11,125
But wasn't it funny?
735
00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:14,542
"Yes, it was funny, Andy. It was."
736
00:54:16,167 --> 00:54:21,583
Yes, it was funny for a little while, until
the audience realized that Tony wasn't you.
737
00:54:25,958 --> 00:54:28,917
So, what do you have here?
A big elaborate joke...
738
00:54:29,250 --> 00:54:31,875
That's only funny to two people
in the universe.
739
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,333
You and you.
740
00:54:33,667 --> 00:54:37,167
Sure, George, yeah.
And we happen to think that it's hilarious.
741
00:54:40,208 --> 00:54:41,875
But what's the point?
742
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:43,875
It's fun, George.
743
00:54:47,375 --> 00:54:51,083
How is this gonna make you
the biggest star in the world?
744
00:54:54,542 --> 00:54:58,500
At this point the audience expects me
to completely shock them, all the time.
745
00:54:58,625 --> 00:55:02,042
But short of faking my own death
or setting the theater on fire...
746
00:55:02,167 --> 00:55:03,833
I don't know what else to do.
747
00:55:03,958 --> 00:55:06,375
'Cause I've always gotta be
one step ahead of them.
748
00:55:09,375 --> 00:55:11,042
It's like ballet.
749
00:55:12,708 --> 00:55:14,375
Did you see that?
750
00:55:16,083 --> 00:55:18,750
Dropped to the canvas when the two
engaged in a real...
751
00:55:18,875 --> 00:55:20,250
These guys are brilliant.
752
00:55:20,375 --> 00:55:22,958
I want to be a bad guy wrestler
in the worst way.
753
00:55:23,083 --> 00:55:25,458
I hate to break it to you,
but the problem is...
754
00:55:25,583 --> 00:55:27,958
You don't have the build
or the look for it...
755
00:55:28,083 --> 00:55:30,833
These guys are huge.
They would kick your ass.
756
00:55:34,125 --> 00:55:37,708
Maybe I could pick on someone
a little smaller than me.
757
00:55:39,625 --> 00:55:42,375
No, women are superior to men
in many ways.
758
00:55:44,875 --> 00:55:47,625
That's right, when it comes
to cooking and cleaning...
759
00:55:47,750 --> 00:55:50,667
And washing the potatoes,
scrubbing the carrots...
760
00:55:50,833 --> 00:55:55,417
Making the babies, mopping the floors.
They have it all over men.
761
00:55:55,542 --> 00:55:58,792
I believe that.
But when it comes to wrestling...
762
00:55:58,958 --> 00:56:00,208
Shut up!
763
00:56:00,375 --> 00:56:03,500
Be quiet when the man is talking!
764
00:56:06,292 --> 00:56:09,000
If there is a woman here tonight
who can come up here...
765
00:56:09,125 --> 00:56:13,750
And prove me wrong.
I will shut my mouth and pay her $500!
766
00:56:15,042 --> 00:56:16,458
I can do it!
767
00:56:17,792 --> 00:56:19,125
Over here! Pick me!
768
00:56:19,250 --> 00:56:20,958
Who's gonna go? Who'll be the Victor?
769
00:56:21,083 --> 00:56:23,042
Come on! You want to take me?
Come on!
770
00:56:23,167 --> 00:56:24,875
We'll take one woman! You, ma'am.
771
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:26,167
What's your name, sweetheart?
772
00:56:26,292 --> 00:56:27,875
- My name is lynne.
- Lynne.
773
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:29,833
Lynne is the volunteer, all right.
774
00:56:29,958 --> 00:56:31,625
You're pathetic.
775
00:56:31,750 --> 00:56:33,542
What are you gonna do about it, Suzy q?
776
00:56:33,667 --> 00:56:34,667
I want a clean fight.
777
00:56:34,708 --> 00:56:36,667
No kicking, biting, scratching, head-butts.
778
00:56:36,792 --> 00:56:38,667
- You understand?
- He's gonna play fair?
779
00:56:38,792 --> 00:56:40,375
I'm not concerned with him...
780
00:56:40,500 --> 00:56:43,167
It's up to you. You pin me.
I don't have to pin you.
781
00:56:43,250 --> 00:56:44,125
Yes, I understand.
782
00:56:44,208 --> 00:56:46,375
Very good. Can we please shake hands?
783
00:56:48,500 --> 00:56:51,625
All right, into your respective corners.
Come out wrestling...
784
00:56:51,750 --> 00:56:53,417
When you hear the bell.
785
00:56:58,167 --> 00:57:00,208
You see? You see this?
786
00:57:05,250 --> 00:57:06,458
Yeah!
787
00:57:10,917 --> 00:57:12,667
Lynne, no choke holds! I told you!
788
00:57:12,792 --> 00:57:14,292
Yeah! Come on!
789
00:57:17,958 --> 00:57:20,375
Hey, stop right there, Kaufman!
790
00:57:21,417 --> 00:57:22,875
- First warning!
- For what?
791
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:26,375
You pulled her hair! You won't be getting
a second warning, Kaufman!
792
00:57:26,500 --> 00:57:27,875
That is enough! What'd I do?
793
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:30,000
Shut up! I am the champion.
794
00:57:30,250 --> 00:57:31,667
No woman can...
795
00:57:40,250 --> 00:57:42,292
I'm mopping up the sweat.
796
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:52,208
One, two, three.
797
00:57:52,333 --> 00:57:55,000
That is it! It is over! It is over!
798
00:57:56,208 --> 00:57:57,958
You are out! You are down!
799
00:57:58,083 --> 00:58:00,958
The winner and still undisputed...
800
00:58:01,083 --> 00:58:03,833
Intergender wrestling champion
of the world...
801
00:58:03,958 --> 00:58:06,292
Andy Kaufman!
802
00:58:06,583 --> 00:58:08,917
I am the winner!
803
00:58:09,542 --> 00:58:12,042
I've got the brains!
804
00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:27,000
Ma'am? Here is your complimentary photo
of merv.
805
00:58:27,125 --> 00:58:28,708
- Thank you.
- And your turtle wax.
806
00:58:28,833 --> 00:58:29,958
I don't want turtle wax.
807
00:58:30,083 --> 00:58:32,042
Every guest of merv's takes turtle wax.
808
00:58:32,167 --> 00:58:35,207
And here's your gift voucher
to red lobster for dinner for two.
809
00:58:35,208 --> 00:58:36,292
Thank you so much.
810
00:58:36,750 --> 00:58:39,833
Listen, I just wanted to thank you
for doing such a great job.
811
00:58:39,958 --> 00:58:42,250
- I really appreciate it.
- Don't patronize me.
812
00:58:42,375 --> 00:58:43,375
No, wait!
813
00:58:43,583 --> 00:58:44,583
What?
814
00:58:45,042 --> 00:58:47,875
I hope you don't take
everything I did in there seriously.
815
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,667
What I was saying, well,
it's just part of the show.
816
00:58:50,750 --> 00:58:53,000
It's like the old days
of the carnival barker...
817
00:58:53,125 --> 00:58:55,375
When he could get the crowd all riled up.
818
00:58:55,500 --> 00:58:57,458
So, you just pretend to be an asshole?
819
00:58:59,208 --> 00:59:01,208
That's what I'm good at.
820
00:59:02,583 --> 00:59:06,875
Yeah, you are. You are, you are really,
really good at it. You are.
821
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:18,000
Merv Griffin got 2,000 pieces of hate mail.
822
00:59:18,875 --> 00:59:21,083
Don't make me laugh, George.
823
00:59:21,250 --> 00:59:24,208
Andy, merv does not get hate mail.
824
00:59:24,333 --> 00:59:27,875
Well, that means we're a success.
825
00:59:29,667 --> 00:59:32,208
We got the room all worked up,
like punk rock.
826
00:59:32,333 --> 00:59:33,917
Andy, they detest you.
827
00:59:35,208 --> 00:59:39,083
The next time you make an appearance
women are gonna picket.
828
00:59:39,542 --> 00:59:40,708
You think so?
829
00:59:40,833 --> 00:59:44,792
Yes, because you have not given them
any clues that this is a parody.
830
00:59:45,417 --> 00:59:47,375
That's because I've only done it once.
831
00:59:47,500 --> 00:59:48,833
They'll get used to it.
832
00:59:48,958 --> 00:59:52,583
'Cause I'm gonna do it again and again,
and again and again.
833
01:00:32,417 --> 01:00:33,792
Time-out!
834
01:00:39,542 --> 01:00:42,750
All right, all right, you're out!
You are out! Get...
835
01:00:53,083 --> 01:00:56,375
Two adults, please. Thank you.
836
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:58,333
Do you want some popcorn?
837
01:00:58,458 --> 01:00:59,750
No, thank you.
838
01:00:59,875 --> 01:01:01,583
I really want one.
839
01:01:03,083 --> 01:01:05,625
A large tub of popcorn, please.
Extra butter.
840
01:01:05,750 --> 01:01:07,250
So, why did you call me?
841
01:01:07,375 --> 01:01:09,875
You are the last person
I expected to call me.
842
01:01:12,167 --> 01:01:14,917
Gosh, gee, lynne, I mean,
I was just so impressed...
843
01:01:15,042 --> 01:01:16,667
With your wrestling moves, you know?
844
01:01:16,792 --> 01:01:19,958
Yeah, you were impressed with something.
You had a huge boner...
845
01:01:20,083 --> 01:01:21,583
On national TV.
846
01:01:21,708 --> 01:01:24,000
- Oh, man. Come on.
- Yeah, you did.
847
01:01:24,208 --> 01:01:26,417
I had it taped down and everything.
848
01:01:26,542 --> 01:01:28,125
I hope I didn't offend you.
849
01:01:28,250 --> 01:01:29,625
I'm here, aren't I?
850
01:01:29,750 --> 01:01:30,750
Hey!
851
01:01:30,958 --> 01:01:34,042
- What?
- Want to go to Memphis and get married?
852
01:01:35,875 --> 01:01:38,625
Do I want to go to Memphis
and get married?
853
01:01:42,750 --> 01:01:44,167
Why Memphis?
854
01:01:44,458 --> 01:01:47,583
Because Memphis is the wrestling capital
of the world.
855
01:01:48,375 --> 01:01:52,167
I'll get up in the ring and I'll announce
that I'll marry the first woman...
856
01:01:52,292 --> 01:01:54,250
Who beats me. Then you can get up...
857
01:01:54,375 --> 01:01:57,542
And we'll wrestle and I'll let you win...
You'll let me win?
858
01:01:57,667 --> 01:01:59,625
I'll let you win. I'll let you.
859
01:02:00,042 --> 01:02:02,375
And then we'll run off
and we'll get married...
860
01:02:02,500 --> 01:02:04,292
On the David letterman show.
861
01:02:04,417 --> 01:02:05,417
- God!
- Okay?
862
01:02:11,292 --> 01:02:12,917
What do you say?
863
01:02:14,625 --> 01:02:15,833
Is this for real?
864
01:02:15,958 --> 01:02:17,125
Shut up!
865
01:02:17,333 --> 01:02:18,250
Boo!
866
01:02:18,333 --> 01:02:19,500
Shut up!
867
01:02:21,125 --> 01:02:24,542
I demand silence when I am talking.
868
01:02:25,417 --> 01:02:29,042
Total lack of respect from Mr. Hollywood.
869
01:02:29,167 --> 01:02:32,667
If there is one woman here tonight
who thinks she can defeat me...
870
01:02:32,792 --> 01:02:37,250
That lucky little lady
will get to marry me!
871
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:40,292
Let me ask you, folks:
872
01:02:40,417 --> 01:02:42,833
What kind of man
would wrestle a woman, anyway?
873
01:02:42,958 --> 01:02:44,083
Kaufman!
874
01:02:45,875 --> 01:02:47,125
Kaufman!
875
01:02:49,583 --> 01:02:51,833
I'll take you on, you sissy!
876
01:02:52,792 --> 01:02:54,625
The little lady is upset.
877
01:02:54,750 --> 01:02:57,667
Let me tell you somethin', baby.
Go back to the kitchen...
878
01:02:57,792 --> 01:03:00,208
Where you belong,
before you get hurt, okay?
879
01:03:00,333 --> 01:03:03,208
No, Kaufman, you get in the kitchen,
'cause I'll make you...
880
01:03:03,333 --> 01:03:04,333
Do my dishes!
881
01:03:04,458 --> 01:03:05,917
Hey! Stop it!
882
01:03:06,458 --> 01:03:09,708
Stop it! This woman is a fake!
883
01:03:11,292 --> 01:03:14,250
She's nothin' more
than Andy Kaufman's girlfriend.
884
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:16,000
Right?
885
01:03:16,250 --> 01:03:17,833
Well, there you go.
886
01:03:18,417 --> 01:03:19,708
That's not true!
887
01:03:19,833 --> 01:03:21,083
- Boo!
- That's not true!
888
01:03:21,208 --> 01:03:22,417
You big faker!
889
01:03:23,250 --> 01:03:24,542
That is not true!
890
01:03:24,667 --> 01:03:27,333
Yeah, that's true.
This is all a set-up, Kaufman.
891
01:03:27,417 --> 01:03:29,875
And I'm not gonna allow you
to fool these people.
892
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:31,083
You understand me?
893
01:03:31,208 --> 01:03:32,875
Who the hell are you?
894
01:03:33,292 --> 01:03:36,333
I'm Jerry law/er,
the king of Memphis wrestling!
895
01:03:37,167 --> 01:03:38,167
He's the king!
896
01:03:38,250 --> 01:03:39,542
Right on!
897
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:46,042
Kaufman, if you want to wrestle
somebody...
898
01:03:46,333 --> 01:03:48,125
I've got a real wrestler.
899
01:03:48,375 --> 01:03:50,875
She's trained and she's ready.
900
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:54,667
Let's see if you can handle foxy Jackson!
Come on, foxy!
901
01:03:54,792 --> 01:03:55,792
Oh, my!
902
01:03:55,833 --> 01:03:58,625
Foxy Jackson and Andy Kaufman...
903
01:03:58,750 --> 01:04:00,750
Right here, one-on-one.
904
01:04:01,167 --> 01:04:02,625
I never agreed to this!
905
01:04:02,750 --> 01:04:06,833
I will not do this!
Law/er, I did not agree to this!
906
01:04:06,958 --> 01:04:08,333
This is against the rules!
907
01:04:08,458 --> 01:04:12,583
I don't think that Kaufman was prepared
for foxy Jackson.
908
01:04:13,917 --> 01:04:15,250
Mr. Hollywood.
909
01:04:18,083 --> 01:04:21,208
Again, Kaufman showing
a total lack of respect.
910
01:04:21,375 --> 01:04:24,667
Foxy Jackson's gonna take Kaufman
to the woodshed.
911
01:04:30,542 --> 01:04:33,750
Kaufman hangin' on the ropes
like a little baby!
912
01:04:34,208 --> 01:04:37,250
Foxy's about to take Kaufman
right out of his shorts!
913
01:04:59,042 --> 01:05:00,083
One, two, three.
914
01:05:00,208 --> 01:05:02,333
- Can you believe it? Son of a gun!
- I got her!
915
01:05:02,458 --> 01:05:04,542
Come on, you wank, get off of her!
916
01:05:04,667 --> 01:05:06,583
Get him off of her, come on.
917
01:05:06,708 --> 01:05:08,208
Now, there goes the king...
918
01:05:08,333 --> 01:05:12,125
Oh, man! He just threw Kaufman down
like a rag doll!
919
01:05:12,583 --> 01:05:14,667
The king took matters into his own hands!
920
01:05:14,792 --> 01:05:16,333
- You all right?
- Sit her down.
921
01:05:16,458 --> 01:05:19,458
What are you doing? I do not wrestle men!
922
01:05:20,042 --> 01:05:22,167
I am gonna sue you, lawler!
923
01:05:22,375 --> 01:05:25,208
I am a national TV star...
924
01:05:25,333 --> 01:05:28,000
And I don't like dumb, stupid crackers...
925
01:05:28,125 --> 01:05:30,292
Comin' into the ring, pushin' me around!
926
01:05:30,417 --> 01:05:32,167
I did not agree to wrestle you!
927
01:05:32,292 --> 01:05:33,333
I did not agree!
928
01:05:33,458 --> 01:05:35,542
This is assault and battery!
929
01:05:35,667 --> 01:05:38,833
And I'm gonna get a team of lawyers
to sue you...
930
01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:41,833
And your children,
and your children's children!
931
01:05:41,958 --> 01:05:44,125
Let me tell you somethin', Kaufman!
932
01:05:44,250 --> 01:05:46,250
Wrestling's a very serious sport to me!
933
01:05:46,375 --> 01:05:49,292
And I don't appreciate a jerk like you
makin' fun of it!
934
01:05:49,417 --> 01:05:51,542
I certainly don't appreciate
a jerk like you...
935
01:05:51,667 --> 01:05:53,500
Makin' fun of people from the south!
936
01:05:53,625 --> 01:05:56,875
So we can go to court if you want to!
Or you can get in the ring...
937
01:05:57,000 --> 01:05:58,833
With a man and wrestle for real!
938
01:05:58,958 --> 01:06:00,750
You wanna wrestle me?
939
01:06:01,333 --> 01:06:03,708
You wanna wrestle me, Memphis god?
940
01:06:04,125 --> 01:06:06,125
Let me tell you somethin', Mr. Lawler.
941
01:06:06,250 --> 01:06:09,083
I am gonna make you scream for mercy!
942
01:06:09,333 --> 01:06:11,000
Come on, Kaufman!
943
01:06:20,625 --> 01:06:22,625
They didn't know what hit them!
944
01:06:22,750 --> 01:06:24,208
Is it an act?
945
01:06:26,458 --> 01:06:29,333
Or are you just addicted
to causing trouble?
946
01:06:29,458 --> 01:06:31,833
I can quit anytime I want, baby!
947
01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:37,292
You know what? I'm not a prop.
Don't ever treat me like that again.
948
01:06:38,292 --> 01:06:39,458
I'm sorry.
949
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:46,125
I just get caught up, that's all.
950
01:06:46,958 --> 01:06:48,958
Sometimes I get lost.
951
01:06:54,875 --> 01:06:57,708
Please, Andy, enough with the wrestling.
952
01:06:59,250 --> 01:07:01,208
You don't think that I can beat him?
953
01:07:01,333 --> 01:07:04,542
He's the southern heavyweight champion!
He'll kill you!
954
01:07:05,833 --> 01:07:09,000
I don't know. I've wrestled women
that are bigger than him...
955
01:07:09,125 --> 01:07:11,250
And I've mopped the floor with 'em.
956
01:07:11,583 --> 01:07:13,000
Well, first you piss off women...
957
01:07:13,125 --> 01:07:15,833
Then you piss off the south,
then you get killed.
958
01:07:15,958 --> 01:07:17,250
And I did the booking.
959
01:07:19,375 --> 01:07:22,917
It's funny. Listen, I got this job
that I want you to take.
960
01:07:23,125 --> 01:07:25,458
It's guest-hosting
the TV show Fridays.
961
01:07:25,583 --> 01:07:28,667
It's not a great TV show,
but it'll be good for you.
962
01:07:29,125 --> 01:07:32,375
It's live, they'll give you
carte blanche...
963
01:07:32,500 --> 01:07:36,375
And you can get back in the business
of making people laugh.
964
01:07:37,417 --> 01:07:38,667
You said "live"?
965
01:07:38,792 --> 01:07:39,833
Live.
966
01:07:40,500 --> 01:07:43,542
- I don't do drug humor.
- Andy, it's fine.
967
01:07:43,667 --> 01:07:46,750
This is what the show is all about.
Kids love this stuff.
968
01:07:46,875 --> 01:07:50,792
But I don't do drugs,
and I don't enjoy making light of them.
969
01:07:51,208 --> 01:07:53,417
I was promised creative control.
970
01:07:53,583 --> 01:07:55,458
No one promised you creative control.
971
01:07:55,583 --> 01:07:58,333
You got the script three days ago,
and don't say a word...
972
01:07:58,458 --> 01:08:01,042
Until now. We're on live in minutes.
It's too late.
973
01:08:01,167 --> 01:08:03,083
Let's go! Bring the audience in!
974
01:08:03,208 --> 01:08:05,875
- Live from the Los Angeles basin...
- Janice! It's on!
975
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:07,208
It's Fridays!
976
01:08:07,583 --> 01:08:09,875
Tonight's special guest star...
977
01:08:10,250 --> 01:08:13,292
Andy Kaufman!
978
01:08:13,708 --> 01:08:16,958
In this sketch, two married couples
are out to dinner.
979
01:08:17,083 --> 01:08:20,125
Everybody has secretly
brought along a joint.
980
01:08:21,917 --> 01:08:26,500
And Carl was the last one to sneak
to the bathroom to get a little high.
981
01:08:27,042 --> 01:08:29,750
And now he's coming back to the table.
982
01:08:33,417 --> 01:08:37,083
Restaurants are amazing, aren't they?
All these strangers...
983
01:08:37,208 --> 01:08:40,500
Just sitting around, stuffing dead animals
into their faces.
984
01:08:40,625 --> 01:08:42,000
Incredible.
985
01:08:43,583 --> 01:08:44,792
Yeah. Gee.
986
01:08:45,458 --> 01:08:47,542
And the bathrooms are...
987
01:08:48,042 --> 01:08:50,000
So colorful.
988
01:09:04,625 --> 01:09:06,708
Everything okay, Carl?
989
01:09:07,167 --> 01:09:10,250
I'm sorry. I just can't do it.
990
01:09:10,792 --> 01:09:12,417
I can't play stoned.
991
01:09:15,250 --> 01:09:16,458
Read the cue cards.
992
01:09:16,542 --> 01:09:20,625
I can't play stoned. I feel stupid.
993
01:09:20,917 --> 01:09:22,292
You feel stupid?
994
01:09:22,583 --> 01:09:24,125
What about us?
995
01:09:38,583 --> 01:09:39,792
I'm sorry.
996
01:09:40,500 --> 01:09:41,750
I'm sorry.
997
01:09:45,833 --> 01:09:47,000
Andy.
998
01:09:50,667 --> 01:09:52,833
You didn't have to do that.
999
01:09:56,542 --> 01:09:57,958
Cut it out!
1000
01:09:58,167 --> 01:09:59,750
Oh, you jerk!
1001
01:10:00,333 --> 01:10:02,417
Okay, that's it!
Joey, go to commercial, now!
1002
01:10:02,500 --> 01:10:04,792
I told you I didn't
want to do this, didn't I?
1003
01:10:04,875 --> 01:10:07,583
Kaufman, get off my stage.
Get off my stage, man!
1004
01:10:07,667 --> 01:10:09,292
Get your hands off me.
1005
01:10:09,375 --> 01:10:11,167
Don't you touch me! You're a nut!
1006
01:10:11,250 --> 01:10:12,292
Break it up!
1007
01:10:12,375 --> 01:10:13,375
You are a nut!
1008
01:10:16,417 --> 01:10:17,792
Why does Andy do that?
1009
01:10:17,875 --> 01:10:18,750
Jesus, you are a nut! Come on!
1010
01:10:18,875 --> 01:10:19,958
Why? Why?
1011
01:10:20,042 --> 01:10:21,417
I started using suave...
1012
01:10:21,500 --> 01:10:23,083
We've gone to commercial!
1013
01:10:23,292 --> 01:10:24,292
Excuse me!
1014
01:10:24,333 --> 01:10:26,667
You're never gonna work
for abc again, ever!
1015
01:10:26,750 --> 01:10:27,750
Excuse me?
1016
01:10:27,875 --> 01:10:30,042
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
1017
01:10:30,542 --> 01:10:33,792
You have all just participated
in a happening.
1018
01:10:42,667 --> 01:10:44,708
Now, okay, now...
1019
01:10:44,792 --> 01:10:48,125
To make it real, some of you down there
knew what was going on...
1020
01:10:48,208 --> 01:10:50,333
And some of you didn't. I'm sorry.
1021
01:10:50,417 --> 01:10:53,292
But we don't want to upset
the folks at home...
1022
01:10:53,375 --> 01:10:58,167
So now, Andy is going to tell them
that it was all just a prank.
1023
01:10:59,750 --> 01:11:02,292
Coming back from commercial, and...
1024
01:11:07,250 --> 01:11:10,083
During the commercials,
the people at abc...
1025
01:11:10,208 --> 01:11:14,000
Told me to explain to you
that this whole fight episode...
1026
01:11:14,083 --> 01:11:15,208
Was staged.
1027
01:11:15,292 --> 01:11:16,625
Oh, good.
1028
01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:18,000
It's a lie!
1029
01:11:18,042 --> 01:11:20,125
It's a cover-up! Why are you laughing?
1030
01:11:20,292 --> 01:11:23,292
I don't understand why you're laughing.
I'm not being funny.
1031
01:11:23,375 --> 01:11:24,875
What you saw was real!
1032
01:11:25,708 --> 01:11:28,000
These things occur
all the time at the networks...
1033
01:11:28,083 --> 01:11:29,417
Only they're cut away.
1034
01:11:29,500 --> 01:11:30,708
Cut to commercial.
1035
01:11:30,792 --> 01:11:31,792
You see?
1036
01:11:31,875 --> 01:11:32,875
You see?
1037
01:11:33,125 --> 01:11:36,167
Now, for sure they'll fire me.
If you want to see me again...
1038
01:11:36,250 --> 01:11:37,750
You'll have to come to Memphis...
1039
01:11:40,083 --> 01:11:41,458
What's in Memphis?
1040
01:11:41,542 --> 01:11:44,375
The giant's flavor-tight pouch
lets you cook the corn in...
1041
01:11:44,458 --> 01:11:45,583
That kid is totally meshuga.
1042
01:11:53,542 --> 01:11:57,125
Jerry "the king" law/er!
1043
01:12:02,625 --> 01:12:04,792
The most popular athlete...
1044
01:12:05,042 --> 01:12:07,875
In the history of Memphis, Tennessee...
1045
01:12:07,958 --> 01:12:10,458
Steppin' inside a square circle.
1046
01:12:13,167 --> 01:12:15,708
At 236 pounds...
1047
01:12:18,083 --> 01:12:22,958
Jerry "the king" law/er!
1048
01:12:28,333 --> 01:12:31,958
And introducing, at 191 pounds...
1049
01:12:32,792 --> 01:12:34,167
The holder of...
1050
01:12:34,250 --> 01:12:38,167
The world intergender championship...
1051
01:12:38,625 --> 01:12:42,875
Here is Andy Kaufman!
1052
01:12:43,667 --> 01:12:46,833
You can hear the ovation or lack of one
for Andy Kaufman.
1053
01:12:46,958 --> 01:12:49,042
The cheers turn to jeers.
1054
01:12:50,958 --> 01:12:54,500
Yeah, law/er is gonna settle the score
for each and every one of us...
1055
01:12:54,583 --> 01:12:58,375
Because we've all been insulted
by this hideous Andy Kaufman.
1056
01:12:58,458 --> 01:13:01,083
This man from Hollywood, California...
1057
01:13:05,875 --> 01:13:09,958
Before we begin this event,
I just want to say a couple of things...
1058
01:13:10,042 --> 01:13:12,292
To you disgusting people!
1059
01:13:12,458 --> 01:13:13,750
Come on!
1060
01:13:13,875 --> 01:13:16,042
Now, that's just not right.
1061
01:13:16,792 --> 01:13:18,500
Are you listening to me?
1062
01:13:21,333 --> 01:13:22,542
Okay!
1063
01:13:23,875 --> 01:13:25,875
Ladies and gentlemen...
1064
01:13:26,375 --> 01:13:29,625
This is a bar of soap.
1065
01:13:31,458 --> 01:13:32,833
Say it with me.
1066
01:13:32,917 --> 01:13:33,958
Soap.
1067
01:13:34,500 --> 01:13:38,458
All you have to do is
wet this bar of soap...
1068
01:13:38,542 --> 01:13:42,000
And wipe your hands with it
and rub it on your body...
1069
01:13:42,292 --> 01:13:46,542
And soon that disgusting, filthy dirt...
1070
01:13:46,625 --> 01:13:47,792
Will come offi
1071
01:13:47,875 --> 01:13:49,750
why is he saying these things?
1072
01:13:49,833 --> 01:13:53,083
He's just engaging the audience.
He's riling them up.
1073
01:13:53,167 --> 01:13:55,000
They are going to lynch him.
1074
01:13:55,083 --> 01:13:57,167
And now for lesson two.
1075
01:13:58,250 --> 01:14:01,458
This is toilet paper!
1076
01:14:01,542 --> 01:14:03,375
- Good grief.
- Use it!
1077
01:14:05,250 --> 01:14:08,708
Let me tell you something, Kaufman.
We've had enough of your crap.
1078
01:14:08,833 --> 01:14:12,583
Now, let's do what we came here to do,
let's wrestle, right now!
1079
01:14:12,667 --> 01:14:16,000
All right, here we go.
The king is ready, and I hope...
1080
01:14:16,083 --> 01:14:18,583
For Kaufman's sake, he's ready.
1081
01:14:24,542 --> 01:14:27,208
Kaufman's due a trip
to the old woodshed here.
1082
01:14:30,042 --> 01:14:33,000
I never thought I'd see the day that...
1083
01:14:33,167 --> 01:14:35,083
Well, look at Kaufman!
1084
01:14:35,750 --> 01:14:38,542
Yeah, Kaufman doesn't want
any part of lawler.
1085
01:14:38,625 --> 01:14:41,208
He's an absolute embarrassment
to humanity...
1086
01:14:41,292 --> 01:14:42,917
This man from Hollywood.
1087
01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:45,875
You see, I am from Hollywood.
1088
01:14:45,958 --> 01:14:48,208
- Who cares?
- I have the brains.
1089
01:14:48,667 --> 01:14:50,708
Nobody cares where you're from!
1090
01:14:51,167 --> 01:14:55,000
"I'm the king. I'm the king.
I'm the king of Memphis, Tennessee."
1091
01:14:55,083 --> 01:14:57,250
Andy, please, let's go home.
1092
01:14:57,333 --> 01:15:00,083
Don't worry, mom, I'll make you proud.
1093
01:15:01,542 --> 01:15:05,292
Kaufman got nailed with somethin',
some fan threw somethin',
1094
01:15:06,250 --> 01:15:07,542
who did that?
1095
01:15:07,833 --> 01:15:09,500
You cannot touch me!
1096
01:15:09,583 --> 01:15:10,917
- I'll sue you!
- Hey, Kaufman!
1097
01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:12,833
[Make more money in one day...
1098
01:15:12,917 --> 01:15:16,333
Than you do
in your entire lives combined.
1099
01:15:17,250 --> 01:15:18,250
Kaufman!
1100
01:15:19,875 --> 01:15:23,417
Did you come down here
to wrestle or act like an ass?
1101
01:15:24,542 --> 01:15:27,542
Now get in the ring!
I'll give you a free headlock, okay?
1102
01:15:27,625 --> 01:15:28,542
Come on!
1103
01:15:28,625 --> 01:15:32,042
Law/er seems to be willing
to offer a free hold here of some kind.
1104
01:15:32,625 --> 01:15:34,792
No, not now, drop it! Drop it, now!
1105
01:15:34,875 --> 01:15:36,333
It'll be okay! It's okay.
1106
01:15:36,417 --> 01:15:40,125
Let Kaufman get in there
and let's see what kind of man he is.
1107
01:15:40,208 --> 01:15:43,000
One, two, three.
1108
01:15:44,167 --> 01:15:48,000
I can't believe that the king
is gonna go through with this.
1109
01:15:48,083 --> 01:15:49,250
Come on!
1110
01:15:49,458 --> 01:15:52,708
That big-mouth son of a gun
has got a free headlock!
1111
01:15:52,792 --> 01:15:54,667
And business may pick up here!
1112
01:15:54,750 --> 01:15:58,417
I did it! This is for real! I did it! Yeah!
1113
01:15:58,792 --> 01:16:00,542
Look out, Kaufman!
1114
01:16:01,458 --> 01:16:03,792
There he goes! Hold on!
1115
01:16:05,542 --> 01:16:07,333
Kaufman in trouble.
1116
01:16:09,167 --> 01:16:10,333
Look out!
1117
01:16:15,000 --> 01:16:18,250
The king folded him up
like an accordion that time.
1118
01:16:19,542 --> 01:16:24,000
And now the king is asking the crowd
if they want to see the piledriver.
1119
01:16:24,125 --> 01:16:27,708
That's illegal. Kaufman is out of it.
1120
01:16:28,375 --> 01:16:30,250
Oh, my! Oh, my!
1121
01:16:30,333 --> 01:16:33,292
It's gonna be a piledriver!
1122
01:16:35,333 --> 01:16:36,792
There it is!
1123
01:16:37,917 --> 01:16:38,917
Andy!
1124
01:16:39,208 --> 01:16:44,083
And he's hurt bad. That's an automatic
disqualification, right there.
1125
01:16:45,833 --> 01:16:49,125
Well, Kaufman wins, but he doesn't
look like a winner, right now.
1126
01:16:49,208 --> 01:16:51,500
Let's go! Come on, let's go!
1127
01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:58,000
Hey, George.
1128
01:16:58,083 --> 01:17:00,917
Hey, lorne. Thanks for seeing me
at such short notice.
1129
01:17:06,875 --> 01:17:10,208
I wanted to talk to you
about putting Andy...
1130
01:17:10,333 --> 01:17:12,833
Back on Saturday night live.
1131
01:17:16,333 --> 01:17:19,542
George, I don't know whether Andy
works on the show, anymore.
1132
01:17:19,625 --> 01:17:21,875
I mean, the wrestling stuff is...
1133
01:17:22,375 --> 01:17:24,500
- Yeah...
- Just, I think it's worn...
1134
01:17:24,583 --> 01:17:27,958
The wrestling.
Yeah, we all agree completely about...
1135
01:17:29,000 --> 01:17:31,625
The wrestling, now.
That's smart.
1136
01:17:33,542 --> 01:17:35,458
Andy is very sincere.
1137
01:17:36,042 --> 01:17:38,583
He's gonna apologize to Jerry lawler...
1138
01:17:38,667 --> 01:17:41,250
And repent for all his bad guy
shenanigans.
1139
01:17:41,333 --> 01:17:44,292
I apologize for all the wrestling
I've ever done...
1140
01:17:44,375 --> 01:17:47,500
And I'm sorry for all the grief
I've ever given.
1141
01:17:48,000 --> 01:17:52,417
I was just playing bad guy wrestler,
you know, and it's just a role.
1142
01:17:52,625 --> 01:17:56,167
It's not me. So, I guess jerryjust...
1143
01:17:57,375 --> 01:17:59,083
Took it personally.
1144
01:17:59,167 --> 01:18:02,667
I mean, you said some pretty
inflammatory things, obviously.
1145
01:18:02,792 --> 01:18:05,125
Right, I mean,
everything's a joke to this guy.
1146
01:18:05,208 --> 01:18:07,583
Like that thing. Is it a neck brace...
1147
01:18:07,667 --> 01:18:09,667
Or a flea collar?
That's not true.
1148
01:18:09,750 --> 01:18:12,208
This is very serious.
I went to the hospital.
1149
01:18:12,292 --> 01:18:14,958
I was in the hospital for three days,
in traction.
1150
01:18:15,042 --> 01:18:18,333
And I'll tell you something else.
My dad said I could've sued you.
1151
01:18:18,417 --> 01:18:20,792
I could have sued you
for everything you've got.
1152
01:18:20,875 --> 01:18:23,750
But I didn't because
I'm not that kinda guy.
1153
01:18:25,667 --> 01:18:27,667
What kinda guy are you?
1154
01:18:39,500 --> 01:18:43,375
Tell you what, I think maybe
I'll get a lawyer, you know?
1155
01:18:44,625 --> 01:18:47,708
Listen, if you were a man,
you'd apologize to me right now.
1156
01:18:47,792 --> 01:18:50,458
But you're just poor, white trash,
and so I guess...
1157
01:18:50,542 --> 01:18:52,667
That's too lofty a concept for you.
1158
01:18:52,750 --> 01:18:55,542
I mean, you know, what are you gonna do?
1159
01:19:03,167 --> 01:19:05,583
Are we, is everything, are you okay?
1160
01:19:08,708 --> 01:19:10,333
I'm sick of this shit, lawler.
1161
01:19:10,417 --> 01:19:12,917
I'm gonna sue you
for everything you've got...
1162
01:19:13,042 --> 01:19:14,208
I swear to god.
1163
01:19:14,292 --> 01:19:15,208
Fuck you!
1164
01:19:15,292 --> 01:19:16,833
Okay? Okay, lawler?
1165
01:19:16,917 --> 01:19:18,833
Fuck you! I'm sorry Dave. Okay?
1166
01:19:18,917 --> 01:19:21,917
I know I'm not supposed to say
those things on television.
1167
01:19:22,042 --> 01:19:25,250
I can't say those words, and I apologize.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1168
01:19:25,458 --> 01:19:29,375
But you, you are a... lng... lng...
Hole!
1169
01:19:29,458 --> 01:19:30,625
Okay?
1170
01:19:33,958 --> 01:19:34,958
Well...
1171
01:19:39,458 --> 01:19:43,667
I think you can use
some of those words on TV...
1172
01:19:43,750 --> 01:19:46,042
But, what you can't do is throw coffee.
1173
01:19:48,500 --> 01:19:50,958
"Some of us at Saturday night live
think that..."
1174
01:19:51,042 --> 01:19:54,000
“Andy Kaufman's a comic genius,
but others disagree."
1175
01:19:54,458 --> 01:19:57,042
"They say he's just not funny anymore."
1176
01:19:57,125 --> 01:20:00,000
"So we're leaving the decision up to you."
1177
01:20:00,292 --> 01:20:04,500
"To keep Andy, call 1-900-555-7618."
1178
01:20:05,375 --> 01:20:06,375
"To dump him..."
1179
01:20:11,542 --> 01:20:12,833
This is bad.
1180
01:20:14,708 --> 01:20:16,208
I only got 28 percent.
1181
01:20:16,333 --> 01:20:19,750
This is Saturday night live,
the hippest audience in television.
1182
01:20:19,875 --> 01:20:21,333
They turned on you.
1183
01:20:22,958 --> 01:20:25,292
Look, it pains me to say this...
1184
01:20:27,375 --> 01:20:31,583
But I don't think you two guys
should ever work together again.
1185
01:20:33,042 --> 01:20:35,750
I'm sorry, George,
we just thought it was funny.
1186
01:20:35,875 --> 01:20:39,667
You don't have to be sorry, Jerry.
You're terrific.
1187
01:20:40,417 --> 01:20:42,250
You're just the best.
1188
01:20:43,250 --> 01:20:45,542
I wouldn't have traded it for anything.
1189
01:20:45,625 --> 01:20:48,333
To me, this was a shining moment
for wrestling.
1190
01:20:48,458 --> 01:20:49,458
Me, too.
1191
01:20:49,583 --> 01:20:53,542
And it was a shining moment
for behavioral science.
1192
01:20:55,917 --> 01:20:58,750
But, why can't I make a gag out of this?
I mean...
1193
01:20:58,875 --> 01:21:01,917
Maybe I could go on the show,
and I could...
1194
01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:05,708
I could say it was rigged
and that I demand a recount.
1195
01:21:08,875 --> 01:21:11,917
Andy, you don't understand.
1196
01:21:14,583 --> 01:21:16,792
They don't want you back.
1197
01:21:23,625 --> 01:21:25,250
Now, close your eyes...
1198
01:21:26,667 --> 01:21:29,458
And if the thoughts of this world
enter your head...
1199
01:21:29,542 --> 01:21:32,250
Don't be upset by them.
It's just your stress...
1200
01:21:32,333 --> 01:21:36,917
Unraveling itself.
Just slowly come back to the mantra.
1201
01:21:37,083 --> 01:21:38,083
Andy?
1202
01:21:42,000 --> 01:21:43,208
Please.
1203
01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:47,750
Just continue your
meditation. I'll be back.
1204
01:21:49,042 --> 01:21:50,375
Jai gurudev.
1205
01:21:50,500 --> 01:21:51,708
Jai gurudev.
1206
01:21:52,708 --> 01:21:53,833
Hi, Andy.
1207
01:21:53,958 --> 01:21:54,958
Hi.
1208
01:21:55,583 --> 01:21:56,667
Hi.
1209
01:21:57,542 --> 01:22:01,833
This is very difficult for me to say...
1210
01:22:06,958 --> 01:22:09,500
But we feel that it's best...
1211
01:22:09,583 --> 01:22:12,167
If you don't attend the retreat.
1212
01:22:14,625 --> 01:22:15,625
Why?
1213
01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:19,625
I go to the retreat every year.
1214
01:22:19,750 --> 01:22:22,958
I know, Andy,
and we don't doubt your devotion...
1215
01:22:23,083 --> 01:22:26,542
To transcendental meditation.
It's just that we feel that...
1216
01:22:26,667 --> 01:22:30,458
Well, you and the program
have grown apart...
1217
01:22:31,083 --> 01:22:32,667
Philosophically.
1218
01:22:32,750 --> 01:22:34,958
"Philosophically?"
what's "philosophically"?
1219
01:22:35,042 --> 01:22:38,333
Well, Andy, the wrestling,
the sexist remarks, the foul language...
1220
01:22:38,458 --> 01:22:42,000
They're just not becoming of an individual
of spiritual enlightenment.
1221
01:22:42,083 --> 01:22:45,375
It seems you just don't respect anything.
1222
01:22:46,667 --> 01:22:51,833
Of course I do. It's just I think
of the world as an illusion...
1223
01:22:52,083 --> 01:22:54,917
And we shouldn't take ourselves
so seriously.
1224
01:22:55,042 --> 01:22:56,250
Don't...
1225
01:22:58,042 --> 01:23:02,333
Don't, please do this.
1226
01:23:02,833 --> 01:23:06,000
You've got to let me attend these classes.
1227
01:23:06,167 --> 01:23:07,792
It's what keeps me balanced.
1228
01:23:07,917 --> 01:23:10,125
It's apparently not working.
1229
01:23:11,083 --> 01:23:13,917
Then help me. Help me, okay? Guide me.
1230
01:23:15,750 --> 01:23:18,458
We just don't wish your presence here.
1231
01:23:27,375 --> 01:23:28,375
Hi.
1232
01:23:29,958 --> 01:23:31,917
I brought you some haagen-dazs.
1233
01:23:34,292 --> 01:23:36,500
I don't deserve haagen-dazs.
1234
01:23:37,917 --> 01:23:39,042
I'm a bad person.
1235
01:23:39,167 --> 01:23:40,375
Don't.
1236
01:23:44,958 --> 01:23:47,042
You aren't a bad person.
1237
01:23:47,750 --> 01:23:50,417
You are a complicated person.
1238
01:23:51,333 --> 01:23:53,458
You don't know the real me.
1239
01:23:55,500 --> 01:23:57,458
There isn't a real you.
1240
01:24:00,375 --> 01:24:02,375
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
1241
01:24:08,542 --> 01:24:09,667
Baby.
1242
01:24:13,333 --> 01:24:15,667
Do you want to move in with me?
1243
01:24:17,625 --> 01:24:20,333
What? Say it again.
1244
01:24:25,542 --> 01:24:30,708
"Oh, Rose Marie.“
1245
01:24:32,208 --> 01:24:34,917
"I love you."
1246
01:24:35,458 --> 01:24:41,375
"I'm always dreaming of you"
1247
01:24:54,833 --> 01:24:56,292
I'll get it!
1248
01:25:01,083 --> 01:25:04,375
Kaufman and margulies center
for sexual research.
1249
01:25:05,292 --> 01:25:07,000
Andy, it's George.
1250
01:25:07,125 --> 01:25:10,667
Hey, George. I'm not sure
we can do anything for you.
1251
01:25:11,958 --> 01:25:14,750
Andy, I got some crummy news.
1252
01:25:17,458 --> 01:25:19,167
Taxi has been canceled.
1253
01:25:19,292 --> 01:25:20,875
Put that stuff over there.
1254
01:25:21,000 --> 01:25:22,708
And the crummy news?
1255
01:25:25,167 --> 01:25:27,875
You want me to come over
and talk about it?
1256
01:25:29,500 --> 01:25:31,708
No. I'm sort of busy, right now.
1257
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:34,750
I'll see you next week, though. Thanks.
1258
01:25:40,958 --> 01:25:43,667
Yeah, okay. Put it
right there. Right there.
1259
01:26:00,292 --> 01:26:01,292
Yuck.
1260
01:26:03,042 --> 01:26:06,333
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
a treat for staying late.
1261
01:26:06,667 --> 01:26:09,625
Please welcome from taxi,
the lmprov's own...
1262
01:26:09,708 --> 01:26:11,667
Mr. Andy Kaufman!
1263
01:26:17,333 --> 01:26:19,333
Actually, budd, you're wrong.
1264
01:26:19,750 --> 01:26:23,333
I found out today
that taxi has been canceled.
1265
01:26:23,750 --> 01:26:24,875
What?
1266
01:26:26,125 --> 01:26:28,667
Not to mention that my wife left me...
1267
01:26:29,875 --> 01:26:31,792
And she took the kids.
1268
01:26:34,583 --> 01:26:37,708
I don't understand why you're laughing.
I'm not joking.
1269
01:26:39,208 --> 01:26:40,583
And then this morning...
1270
01:26:40,667 --> 01:26:45,667
I got up and I noticed
that I have a cyst, or some kind of boil...
1271
01:26:45,833 --> 01:26:47,958
On the back of my neck.
1272
01:26:49,042 --> 01:26:50,042
Look.
1273
01:26:50,458 --> 01:26:51,583
See?
1274
01:26:51,875 --> 01:26:54,042
So I was thinking that since...
1275
01:26:54,458 --> 01:26:59,083
I'm still kind of a
quasi-celebrity, that...
1276
01:26:59,583 --> 01:27:02,917
Maybe I could charge people to touch it.
1277
01:27:04,875 --> 01:27:08,125
Would anybody like to pay $1
to touch my cyst?
1278
01:27:10,542 --> 01:27:14,042
I'm serious. I could really use
the money, right now.
1279
01:27:14,417 --> 01:27:16,125
It's a good deal.
1280
01:27:20,833 --> 01:27:21,875
Okay.
1281
01:27:22,333 --> 01:27:24,750
Wait, no, you gotta pay first.
1282
01:27:26,542 --> 01:27:30,458
It's $1 to touch my celebrity cyst.
1283
01:27:31,625 --> 01:27:32,625
Okay.
1284
01:27:54,792 --> 01:27:55,917
Thank you.
1285
01:27:56,000 --> 01:27:57,542
Thank you very much.
1286
01:28:02,375 --> 01:28:06,667
Would Andy like to tell us
why he called us out...
1287
01:28:06,750 --> 01:28:08,875
At 4:00 in the morning?
1288
01:28:12,167 --> 01:28:13,167
Yeah.
1289
01:28:15,042 --> 01:28:16,333
I have cancer.
1290
01:28:20,167 --> 01:28:22,750
Forget it. Forget it!
1291
01:28:22,833 --> 01:28:25,167
That is in terrible taste.
1292
01:28:25,917 --> 01:28:28,250
I don't want to have anything
to do with this.
1293
01:28:28,375 --> 01:28:32,417
No, no, no, that's good.
Yeah, we can make that play.
1294
01:28:34,000 --> 01:28:38,167
Yeah, okay. And we'll just, we'll really,
we'll just drag it out.
1295
01:28:38,500 --> 01:28:41,208
All right? You get better, you get worse...
1296
01:28:42,833 --> 01:28:46,375
No, you die!
And then, you come back to life.
1297
01:28:47,750 --> 01:28:49,458
That's funny.
1298
01:28:50,083 --> 01:28:53,917
That's funny, but, it's not a gag, Bob.
1299
01:28:54,042 --> 01:28:56,583
I got cancer. I got lung cancer.
1300
01:28:57,708 --> 01:29:01,875
Lung cancer? That's ridiculous,
you don't even smoke.
1301
01:29:02,625 --> 01:29:06,917
I've got some freaky, rare kind.
It's called large cell carcinoma.
1302
01:29:09,542 --> 01:29:11,000
I'm a lucky guy.
1303
01:29:24,458 --> 01:29:26,333
Have you told your family?
1304
01:29:26,458 --> 01:29:29,292
No. I don't want to tell them.
1305
01:29:34,083 --> 01:29:35,417
I just...
1306
01:29:40,250 --> 01:29:42,250
I've jerked 'em around so much.
1307
01:29:46,958 --> 01:29:51,625
Andy, look in my eye,
and tell me this is true.
1308
01:29:53,625 --> 01:29:55,125
Oh, I'm sorry.
1309
01:29:56,042 --> 01:29:57,625
I'm s o rry. I'm s o rry
1310
01:29:58,417 --> 01:29:59,625
I'm sorry.
1311
01:30:00,542 --> 01:30:03,000
Lynne! Come on.
1312
01:30:07,167 --> 01:30:11,000
If I find out that you're behind this,
I'll kill you, zmuda!
1313
01:30:11,167 --> 01:30:15,458
What the hell are you talkin' about George?
I was the one who didn't believe him.
1314
01:30:15,917 --> 01:30:18,833
That's the kinda thing that you two
would work out to fuck me up!
1315
01:30:19,250 --> 01:30:21,333
We want the truth, boy. The truth!
1316
01:30:21,542 --> 01:30:24,375
My father said Lassie bit me,
so, [said she did, too.
1317
01:30:24,500 --> 01:30:26,833
Lassie never bit you, and you know it.
1318
01:30:26,958 --> 01:30:28,292
Case dismissed!
1319
01:30:51,167 --> 01:30:52,167
Dad?
1320
01:30:53,000 --> 01:30:56,833
The cancer started here in Andy's lungs
and spread to his left arm.
1321
01:30:57,583 --> 01:31:00,750
We've initiated
an aggressive radiation program.
1322
01:31:00,833 --> 01:31:03,458
See if we can eradicate the affected cells.
1323
01:31:03,542 --> 01:31:06,292
- Dr. Sullivan, line one.
- Excuse me, I'll be right back.
1324
01:31:12,333 --> 01:31:13,583
What a crock.
1325
01:31:16,583 --> 01:31:19,042
How dare you make light of this?
1326
01:31:19,208 --> 01:31:22,333
Dad, I cried when he broke his neck.
He's not getting me again.
1327
01:31:22,417 --> 01:31:24,917
Jesus Christ, Carol, he's got lung cancer.
1328
01:31:25,000 --> 01:31:28,833
He wants us scratching our heads,
asking ourselves, "is this real?"
1329
01:31:29,625 --> 01:31:31,125
Of course it's real.
1330
01:31:31,333 --> 01:31:32,750
We're in a hospital.
1331
01:31:32,833 --> 01:31:35,292
Mom, it's cedars-sinai.
1332
01:31:36,208 --> 01:31:38,000
It's a show biz hospital.
1333
01:31:38,250 --> 01:31:40,750
Andy's studio friends
probably run this place.
1334
01:31:40,833 --> 01:31:44,125
He plans these things.
He takes over and hires actors.
1335
01:31:45,000 --> 01:31:48,250
Personally, I didn't think that doctor guy
was very convincing.
1336
01:31:48,333 --> 01:31:51,875
- Did you notice he had the wrong shoes?
- He didn't have doctor shoes.
1337
01:31:53,875 --> 01:31:55,292
No, that's bullshit!
1338
01:31:55,375 --> 01:31:58,208
No more Kaufman stories.
He's burned us too many times.
1339
01:31:58,292 --> 01:32:01,833
A very reliable source told me,
Andy Kaufman has lung cancer.
1340
01:32:02,000 --> 01:32:04,375
Please, he's definitely not dying.
1341
01:32:05,000 --> 01:32:10,042
Now those big white cells
are attacking the cancer cells.
1342
01:32:11,000 --> 01:32:14,500
Attacking. Attacking.
1343
01:32:14,875 --> 01:32:17,833
- I see them. I see the white cells.
- Attacking.
1344
01:32:18,625 --> 01:32:19,792
Attacking.
1345
01:32:20,333 --> 01:32:22,250
- Attacking.
- Attacking.
1346
01:32:36,542 --> 01:32:38,083
He's an actor.
1347
01:32:39,083 --> 01:32:41,667
I recognize him from the in-laws!
1348
01:32:43,667 --> 01:32:48,083
That's true. But he's also ordained
in holistic medicine.
1349
01:32:53,833 --> 01:32:55,250
What am I supposed to do?
1350
01:32:55,333 --> 01:32:59,667
I'm sick and I'm tryin' to get better,
but everybody's lookin' at me funny.
1351
01:33:00,417 --> 01:33:03,500
I feel like I'm being surrounded
by negative energy.
1352
01:33:10,583 --> 01:33:13,292
You're surrounded by what you create.
1353
01:33:13,500 --> 01:33:14,500
Oh, great.
1354
01:33:14,542 --> 01:33:17,833
- Andy, you're the king of negative energy.
- It's gotta stop.
1355
01:33:18,708 --> 01:33:19,708
Andy.
1356
01:33:19,750 --> 01:33:24,583
'Cause if these negative vibes get out,
then everyone'll talk about how sick I am.
1357
01:33:24,667 --> 01:33:27,208
And it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
1358
01:33:27,833 --> 01:33:29,625
How can I help you?
1359
01:33:34,917 --> 01:33:38,042
- I want to go back to work.
- You want to tour the clubs?
1360
01:33:38,125 --> 01:33:41,792
No, no clubs. I want to reach the top.
1361
01:33:44,625 --> 01:33:46,042
Carnegie hall!
1362
01:33:47,125 --> 01:33:49,917
I just want this show to build and build!
1363
01:33:50,000 --> 01:33:54,125
I want it to be everything that's joyful,
just pile one thing on top of the other...
1364
01:33:54,208 --> 01:33:57,500
Until the audience just turn into children
right in front of me.
1365
01:33:57,625 --> 01:34:00,583
- It might even have Santa claus.
- Oh, yeah.
1366
01:34:00,917 --> 01:34:04,417
And you can say, "Santa, what am I gettin'
for Christmas this year?"
1367
01:34:04,500 --> 01:34:06,458
And he says, "cancer."
1368
01:34:07,042 --> 01:34:08,500
No, not that.
1369
01:34:08,583 --> 01:34:11,250
I don't want to do that. That's a bummer.
1370
01:34:11,333 --> 01:34:13,792
Okay, positive.
1371
01:34:13,958 --> 01:34:17,667
This is really, great. Santa, snow...
1372
01:34:18,250 --> 01:34:20,500
But it's going to cost a fortune.
1373
01:34:20,750 --> 01:34:22,750
That's okay. Not a problem.
1374
01:34:23,708 --> 01:34:26,625
- Well, who's gonna pay for it, Andy?
- Tony Clifton?
1375
01:34:30,083 --> 01:34:33,041
Andy, Tony doesn't have
that kind of money.
1376
01:34:33,042 --> 01:34:36,875
Don't you worry about that, George.
I know Tony a lot better than you do.
1377
01:34:36,958 --> 01:34:41,458
And even if he has to work for another
ten years to pay it off, he'll do it.
1378
01:35:44,583 --> 01:35:48,542
"I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle.
1379
01:35:48,667 --> 01:35:52,250
"As I go ridin' merrily along.
1380
01:35:53,042 --> 01:35:57,458
"And they sing,
'oh, ain't you glad you're single?”
1381
01:35:58,667 --> 01:36:01,750
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are so very fortunate tonight...
1382
01:36:01,833 --> 01:36:04,792
Because we have with us
the last surviving cowgirl...
1383
01:36:04,917 --> 01:36:06,917
From that 1931 film.
1384
01:36:07,500 --> 01:36:09,417
She's 94 years young.
1385
01:36:10,083 --> 01:36:11,917
Eleanor Cody gould.
1386
01:36:20,458 --> 01:36:23,417
Hi, Eleanor, it's great to have you here.
It's a real honor.
1387
01:36:23,500 --> 01:36:27,708
Thank you, Andy. I'm delighted to be here.
It's really oven/vhelming to me.
1388
01:36:28,167 --> 01:36:31,583
Well, it's gonna get even better,
because we found...
1389
01:36:31,667 --> 01:36:34,958
One of the old, original hobby-horses
from your movie.
1390
01:36:35,083 --> 01:36:39,375
Could you grace us with a couple of steps
from "jingle, jangle, jingle"?
1391
01:36:39,500 --> 01:36:41,792
- I don't think...
- Okay! Hit it!
1392
01:36:56,458 --> 01:36:57,917
Faster, come on!
1393
01:37:03,125 --> 01:37:04,500
Faster, faster!
1394
01:37:07,500 --> 01:37:09,125
Faster, come on!
1395
01:37:23,167 --> 01:37:24,875
Faster, faster, faster!
1396
01:37:37,250 --> 01:37:38,958
Andy! Stop! Andy!
1397
01:37:42,083 --> 01:37:44,083
Is there a doctor in the house?
1398
01:37:44,292 --> 01:37:45,875
Stop the music!
1399
01:37:46,708 --> 01:37:49,625
We need a doctor. Anyone? Please.
1400
01:37:58,167 --> 01:38:00,125
Should we call an ambulance?
1401
01:38:34,375 --> 01:38:35,708
Praise the lord!
1402
01:38:40,125 --> 01:38:43,708
She's alive! Hallelujah!
1403
01:38:44,500 --> 01:38:49,042
"Hallelujah! Hallelujah!"
1404
01:38:51,667 --> 01:38:53,250
"Hallelujah!"
1405
01:38:53,417 --> 01:38:56,375
Ladies and gentlemen,
the mormon tabernacle choir!
1406
01:38:59,417 --> 01:39:02,708
"Here comes Santa claus
here comes Santa claus.
1407
01:39:02,792 --> 01:39:04,958
"Right down Santa claus Lane".
1408
01:39:05,375 --> 01:39:08,542
My gosh! I can't believe it!
1409
01:39:09,375 --> 01:39:10,958
It's the rockettes!
1410
01:39:13,833 --> 01:39:16,875
"Bells are ringing children's singing.
1411
01:39:17,333 --> 01:39:20,375
"All is merry and bright.
1412
01:39:21,083 --> 01:39:24,250
"Hang your stockings and say your prayers
1413
01:39:24,375 --> 01:39:27,042
"'cause Santa claus comes tonight".
1414
01:39:29,750 --> 01:39:34,042
Boys and girls, you're not going
to believe this! Here comes Santa claus!
1415
01:39:35,708 --> 01:39:38,417
"He's got a bag that is filled with toys.
1416
01:39:38,542 --> 01:39:41,958
"For the boys and girls again.
1417
01:39:43,125 --> 01:39:46,083
"Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle,
1418
01:39:46,417 --> 01:39:49,833
"what a beautiful sight.
1419
01:39:50,000 --> 01:39:52,958
"Jump in bed, cover up your head".
1420
01:39:53,417 --> 01:39:56,375
Since you've all been
such good boys and girls...
1421
01:39:56,458 --> 01:40:01,375
I would like to take, everybody
in this audience, out for milk and cookies.
1422
01:40:02,208 --> 01:40:05,500
There are buses outside.
Everybody, follow me!
1423
01:40:08,125 --> 01:40:12,083
Don't worry, folks. There's enough milk
and cookies for everyone!
1424
01:40:51,875 --> 01:40:54,583
And now we'll place the blue crystal.
1425
01:40:54,833 --> 01:40:57,042
Very high vibrations.
1426
01:40:57,875 --> 01:41:03,042
And it's wonderful,
wonderful for its healing powers.
1427
01:41:03,750 --> 01:41:04,750
Okay.
1428
01:41:05,583 --> 01:41:09,875
Okay. Let's try two of those,
and another pink one.
1429
01:41:11,458 --> 01:41:12,792
All right.
1430
01:41:24,500 --> 01:41:26,792
Looks like somethin' my dog puked on.
1431
01:41:29,917 --> 01:41:33,292
How about me and you dolls
go out and get some real food?
1432
01:41:33,375 --> 01:41:34,375
All right.
1433
01:41:34,417 --> 01:41:37,083
French fries and a porterhouse steak!
1434
01:41:39,333 --> 01:41:43,333
Or we can skip the meal and go right
to the montage a' trois!
1435
01:41:47,333 --> 01:41:50,083
Have you ever been with another woman?
1436
01:41:51,667 --> 01:41:54,042
Well, like in the kitchen and stuff, yeah.
1437
01:41:54,125 --> 01:41:56,667
This'ii help.
1438
01:41:59,292 --> 01:42:00,208
Okay.
1439
01:42:00,292 --> 01:42:02,375
- Here, put that on your face.
- Okay.
1440
01:42:02,750 --> 01:42:04,333
- There you go!
- Hi.
1441
01:42:05,167 --> 01:42:07,333
Now, you can't even tell the difference!
1442
01:42:11,208 --> 01:42:14,125
Well, we could put all of this together,
in a soup...
1443
01:42:14,208 --> 01:42:16,875
And we could pretend
it's a porterhouse steak, Andy.
1444
01:42:17,250 --> 01:42:20,417
I am not Andy. Andy is sick.
1445
01:42:21,583 --> 01:42:23,250
Chick, pick, lick, lick!
1446
01:42:24,542 --> 01:42:25,542
Dick!
1447
01:42:27,500 --> 01:42:31,333
Whereas, I am getting stronger
and stronger!
1448
01:42:42,917 --> 01:42:43,958
Hi, Andy.
1449
01:42:49,333 --> 01:42:51,083
You wanna wrestle?
1450
01:43:02,000 --> 01:43:05,208
Bob and I came up...
1451
01:43:10,875 --> 01:43:13,625
With an idea...
1452
01:43:14,625 --> 01:43:16,292
For a TV show.
1453
01:43:18,875 --> 01:43:21,792
It would be a Saturday morning
kind of thing...
1454
01:43:22,208 --> 01:43:24,167
Where I can goof off with the kids.
1455
01:43:28,542 --> 01:43:30,250
We can sell that, Andy.
1456
01:43:31,792 --> 01:43:35,083
Did your doctor say it's okay
to go back to work?
1457
01:43:36,083 --> 01:43:38,458
No, but he will.
1458
01:43:43,000 --> 01:43:45,625
'Cause I'm goin' to the Philippines.
1459
01:43:47,250 --> 01:43:50,625
The Philippines? What's in the Philippines?
1460
01:43:54,208 --> 01:43:55,583
A miracle.
1461
01:46:50,417 --> 01:46:53,125
I just want to say, until we meet again...
1462
01:46:55,458 --> 01:46:57,000
Please remember.
1463
01:46:58,917 --> 01:47:03,583
"In this friendly, friendly world."
1464
01:47:04,542 --> 01:47:09,000
"With each day so full of joy."
1465
01:47:10,042 --> 01:47:13,708
"Why should any heart"
1466
01:47:14,417 --> 01:47:17,250
"be lonely?"
1467
01:47:18,792 --> 01:47:23,667
"In this friendly, friendly world."
1468
01:47:23,875 --> 01:47:27,792
"With each night so full of dreams."
1469
01:47:29,625 --> 01:47:32,958
"Why should any heart"
1470
01:47:33,667 --> 01:47:36,208
"be afraid?"
1471
01:47:39,375 --> 01:47:41,625
Yes, it's a friendly world.
1472
01:47:42,500 --> 01:47:45,875
We should all treat each other
like brothers and sisters.
1473
01:47:46,125 --> 01:47:49,417
So everybody put your arm
around the person sitting next to you...
1474
01:47:49,500 --> 01:47:52,375
And sway back and forth
in rhythm to the music.
1475
01:47:52,625 --> 01:47:54,333
Come on! Everybody.
1476
01:47:55,208 --> 01:47:59,208
Even if you don't like the person
sitting next to you. Okay?
1477
01:48:01,833 --> 01:48:05,542
When I say, "okay",
you say, "okay! "Okay?
1478
01:48:05,875 --> 01:48:06,875
Okay.
1479
01:48:07,333 --> 01:48:09,000
- Okay.
1480
01:48:10,583 --> 01:48:12,292
- Okay.
1481
01:48:14,750 --> 01:48:18,708
Everybody sing,
"the world is such a wonderful place".
1482
01:48:19,125 --> 01:48:23,792
"The world is such a wonderful place"
1483
01:48:24,958 --> 01:48:26,917
"to wander through."
1484
01:48:27,417 --> 01:48:31,958
- Follow the bouncing ball!
- "When you've got someone you love
1485
01:48:33,208 --> 01:48:37,000
"to wander along with you.
1486
01:48:37,833 --> 01:48:43,000
- "With the sky so full of stars"
- "with the sky so full of stars"
1487
01:48:43,083 --> 01:48:47,833
- "and the river so full of song"
- "and the river so full of song.
1488
01:48:49,333 --> 01:48:53,292
"Every heart should be"
1489
01:48:53,750 --> 01:48:56,500
"so thankful."
1490
01:48:56,750 --> 01:48:59,458
"Thankful for this
friendly, friendly world."
1491
01:48:59,542 --> 01:49:02,208
"Thankful for this friendly"
1492
01:49:02,542 --> 01:49:05,667
"friendly world."
1493
01:49:11,292 --> 01:49:12,750
Thank you...
1494
01:49:13,500 --> 01:49:16,208
For this friendly, friendly world.
1495
01:49:16,375 --> 01:49:17,750
Thank you...
1496
01:49:19,625 --> 01:49:21,042
And good-bye.
1497
01:49:54,958 --> 01:49:57,250
You guys want to see Andy tonight?
1498
01:49:58,625 --> 01:50:01,458
Anybody got a flashlight
and a couple of shovels?
1499
01:50:02,167 --> 01:50:04,167
Okay, guys, let's do our dirt!
1500
01:50:08,750 --> 01:50:12,000
"First I was afraid
I was putrefied."
1501
01:50:13,667 --> 01:50:18,375
"Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side."
1502
01:50:20,750 --> 01:50:23,167
"But then I spent so many nights"
1503
01:50:23,333 --> 01:50:25,917
"thinking how you did me wrong."
1504
01:50:26,583 --> 01:50:28,417
"And I grew strong."
1505
01:50:29,417 --> 01:50:31,417
"And I learned how to carry on."
1506
01:50:31,500 --> 01:50:33,167
"And now you're back."
1507
01:50:33,250 --> 01:50:34,958
"From outer space"
1508
01:50:35,333 --> 01:50:37,292
"I just walked in to find you here."
1509
01:50:37,375 --> 01:50:39,417
"With that sad look upon your face"
1510
01:50:39,500 --> 01:50:43,542
"I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key”
1511
01:50:43,625 --> 01:50:45,833
"if I had known for just one second"
1512
01:50:45,917 --> 01:50:48,667
"you'd be back to bother me
go on now, go!"
1513
01:50:49,708 --> 01:50:51,250
"Walk out the door!"
1514
01:50:51,917 --> 01:50:56,083
"Just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore."
1515
01:50:56,917 --> 01:50:59,958
"Weren't you the one
who tried to hurt me with good-bye?"
1516
01:51:00,042 --> 01:51:01,583
"Did you think I 'd crumble?"
1517
01:51:01,667 --> 01:51:05,292
"Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh, no, not I!"
1518
01:51:05,542 --> 01:51:07,208
"I will survive!"
1519
01:51:08,208 --> 01:51:12,083
"As long as I know how to love
I know I will stay alive."
1520
01:51:12,625 --> 01:51:16,292
"I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give"
1521
01:51:16,375 --> 01:51:19,667
"I will survive! I will survive!"
1522
01:51:20,458 --> 01:51:22,042
"I will survive!"
1523
01:51:24,000 --> 01:51:28,417
"I will survive!"
1524
01:51:34,542 --> 01:51:36,583
I will survive! I will survive!
1525
01:51:37,292 --> 01:51:39,208
I will survive! I will survive!
1526
01:51:39,292 --> 01:51:40,792
I will survive!
1527
01:57:31,250 --> 01:57:36,417
"Well, it's time to say good-bye."
1528
01:57:38,875 --> 01:57:44,125
"It's been good having you so near."
1529
01:57:46,458 --> 01:57:51,667
"Although I've got to leave, it's the end."
1530
01:57:54,417 --> 01:57:59,625
"I'll always be stayin' right here."
1531
01:58:02,083 --> 01:58:05,708
"So, all my friends, good-bye.
1532
01:58:06,333 --> 01:58:09,000
"It's just that I got tired.
1533
01:58:09,833 --> 01:58:13,042
"Wish that I could do.
1534
01:58:13,125 --> 01:58:16,208
"Just one more song for you".
1535
01:58:16,417 --> 01:58:19,125
Good-bye, everybody, thank you!
Good night!
107829
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