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1
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,520
Are you sure it was under here?
2
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:40,220
I'm sure it were under here.
3
00:00:40,220 --> 00:00:44,100
I mean, we all know how reliable
your sense of direction is.
4
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:48,540
Listen, Noddy,
I know my way about!
5
00:00:48,540 --> 00:00:52,280
I mean, how can you rely
on the judgement of anybody
6
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,540
who always heads for Nora Batty?
7
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,100
It's just a homing instinct.
8
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,360
You're right, Norm.
That's just what it is!
9
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,880
A homing instinct!
10
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,420
She's not my idea of home.
11
00:01:04,420 --> 00:01:05,960
Could you get a mortgage on her?
12
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,840
She's great on Mondays.
13
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:14,400
From the knees up I admire
that woman, especially on Mondays.
14
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,900
Why Mondays?
She washes on Mondays.
15
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,880
I wish we could say
the same for you.
16
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,820
I see her out in the yard,
17
00:01:23,820 --> 00:01:27,180
hanging up her things
with a peg in her mouth.
18
00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:31,500
Oooh, she drives me wild
when she's got a peg in her mouth!
19
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:35,100
She's just like Dorothy Lamour
with a flower in her teeth.
20
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,460
She looks like a Labrador,
carrying a basket.
21
00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:43,840
You turn a pigeon loose,
it flies to it's old shed.
22
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:45,040
You turn him...
23
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:50,600
You turn him loose and off
he goes straight for...
24
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:55,440
Well, if anything ever looked
like an old shed, it's Nora Batty.
25
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:59,360
Dorothy Lamour used to have
this flower in her teeth.
26
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,560
Did a lot of baking, did she?
27
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,360
Not baking flour, you great ninny!
28
00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:10,520
A geranium. And it came to me
in a flash one washday.
29
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,580
Would you care to rephrase that?
30
00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:17,720
Nora Batty with a peg in her teeth
looks exactly like Dorothy Lamour.
31
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,360
Exactly?
32
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,400
Oh! Um... Oh! Exactly?
33
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,880
Well... nearly exactly
34
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,460
It's a likeness that's eluded me.
35
00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:33,160
You'd see it at once if Dorothy
Lamour had wrinkled stockings.
36
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,140
Never mind about Nora Batty's looks,
37
00:02:35,140 --> 00:02:38,080
what are we supposed to be looking
for underneath here?
38
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,380
I think it were an old treacle tin.
39
00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:45,760
Oh, how appealing.
A sticky old treacle tin!
40
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,460
It were cleaned out, you clown!
41
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:52,120
Nobody left any treacle
when we were kids.
42
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,440
We were all treacle freaks!
43
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,160
This thing we're...
44
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,360
This thing we're looking for...
45
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,880
Could it be long and wriggly,
46
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,640
with 84 feet and what looks like
a nasty bite?
47
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,020
No, it couldn't.
48
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,560
Well, there's one under here.
49
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:17,840
Oh... Did it have eyes... Get out!
50
00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:26,640
If she had been abandoned
by a rich lover,
51
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,600
without a roof over her head,
52
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,300
I would've taken her in.
53
00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:35,780
Would you like to clarify,
little tatty person? Taken who in?
54
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:38,520
Dorothy Lamour.
55
00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:42,720
I once had a pair of trousers
taken in.
56
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,380
It's not the same thing, Norm.
57
00:03:46,380 --> 00:03:48,920
I thought it wasn't
all that exciting.
58
00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:53,400
Would've been a treat for Dorothy
Lamour though, lodging with him.
59
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,000
She'd have had the run of my house.
60
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,440
Just like your ferrets.
61
00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:02,740
All I would've asked
was that she did me washing
62
00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:05,200
and changed her flower
now and then.
63
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:08,600
Absolutely essential
is flower-changing.
64
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,920
Well, it's only fair, Norm.
65
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,460
Couldn't agree more.
66
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,220
Don't encourage him.
67
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:17,100
The first thing to make clear
to the woman round here
68
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,760
is change your flowers daily!
69
00:04:26,940 --> 00:04:30,300
I mean, if they go traipsing
around in sarongs,
70
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:33,680
the flower in the teeth
must be changed daily.
71
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,860
Seen enough have you?
72
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,280
Now think, man, think.
73
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:54,640
I'm thinking. I'm thinking!
74
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,040
Just look at him.
75
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,860
You see that expression
on the face of confused ostriches.
76
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,000
He looks like a retarded walnut.
77
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,760
Does it hurt when you think?
78
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:15,600
I does a bit, Norm.
I haven't got the brain for it.
79
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,920
What's 30p to win at 17 to 1?
80
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,400
£4.86 after tax.
81
00:05:20,580 --> 00:05:23,540
You see, you could have a PhD
in horse racing.
82
00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:26,900
A P-H-D?!
83
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,260
Certainly, and a Diploma
for Advanced Ferreting.
84
00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:32,080
Haw-haw, I could?
85
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,420
And a thesis on Nora Batty.
86
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,400
A thesis on Nora Batty!
87
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,600
Could I keep her in after school?
88
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,960
Never mind Nora Batty.
89
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:47,760
Never mind Nora Batty?!
Is he mad?
90
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,540
You will apologise, Monsieur.
91
00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:54,480
I am ze most famous swordsman
in France.
92
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,820
Stop waving that damned thing about.
93
00:05:56,820 --> 00:06:00,900
Zis sword is for the protection
of all mademoiselles,
94
00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:03,320
who have wrinkled stockings!
Hey-hey!
95
00:06:09,140 --> 00:06:12,840
And la same to you,
Frehra Jacka!!
96
00:06:14,380 --> 00:06:17,600
Very nearly up Frenchman's Creek
La narrow squeak.
97
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,300
La great twit!
98
00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:21,380
Now, concentrate.
99
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:26,320
I want you to study the landscape
with the eye of a trained soldier.
100
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,240
Divide it into quadrants.
101
00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:32,600
Quadrants, Norm. The same to you.
102
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,840
Note every little feature.
103
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,700
Then tell us which bush it's under.
104
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,960
That one!
105
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,340
There you are you see.
106
00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:48,860
You can do these things
under proper leadership.
107
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:50,120
Are you sure?
108
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:54,320
I'm ceratin it was that one.
109
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:01,880
Or it could'a been that one.
110
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,340
You've no idea, have you?
111
00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:09,860
It's somewhere round here.
In an old treacle tin? Aye.
112
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:12,320
Or was it a cocoa tin?
113
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,320
Are you sure it's in Yorkshire?
114
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,240
Don't be clever!
115
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,620
Well, that narrows it down.
116
00:07:18,620 --> 00:07:22,060
An old cocoa tin,
somewhere in Yorkshire.
117
00:07:22,060 --> 00:07:25,520
Treacle! It were definitely
a treacle tin.
118
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:31,000
And you say you buried it,
under a bush, somewhere round here.
119
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,860
Definitely. Me and Thunder.
120
00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:38,180
When did you bury it? 1932.
121
00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:40,740
We come down that lane
on roller skates,
122
00:07:40,740 --> 00:07:44,640
glided round this corner, braked
and went for the nearest bush.
123
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,680
"This'll do", said Thunder.
124
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:47,960
You buried it?
125
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,500
So where is it then?
126
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,320
Could have been nicked.
127
00:07:55,940 --> 00:08:00,180
By some desperate gang
of old treacle-tin thieves.
128
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:04,820
What can you get in a treacle tin
that's worth stealing?
Yorkshire remains.
129
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,940
They told us at school
about Roman remains,
130
00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:12,060
so we thought we'd bury
some Yorkshire remains.
131
00:08:12,060 --> 00:08:14,620
Such as what?
132
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:19,400
Oh... I can't remember.
But they could be antiques by now.
133
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:23,380
I like it.
A late Georgian catapult,
134
00:08:23,380 --> 00:08:27,780
the toenails of a schoolboy,
circa 1932.
135
00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:29,440
What I fail to understand
136
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,640
is why you didn't do us all
a favour and bury Thunder.
137
00:08:48,481 --> 00:08:49,921
Oh, God!
138
00:08:49,921 --> 00:08:52,241
It's sad but true.
139
00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:54,001
What's wrong with the tea?
140
00:08:56,441 --> 00:08:58,241
Who said owt about the tea?
141
00:08:58,241 --> 00:08:59,921
You're always on about the tea.
142
00:08:59,921 --> 00:09:02,141
He said it was sad but true.
143
00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:05,341
If he doesn't like it,
he can... bog off!
144
00:09:06,101 --> 00:09:09,421
You can always tell
when they're trained at the Savoy.
145
00:09:12,661 --> 00:09:17,021
Sad but true. Well, it's not
a bad description of this tea.
146
00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:19,821
I never said anything
about the tea.
147
00:09:19,821 --> 00:09:23,701
I don't care what you said.
Anyway I've more to do than gossip.
148
00:09:23,801 --> 00:09:25,681
I were talking about women.
149
00:09:25,681 --> 00:09:26,801
Women.
150
00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:29,221
Oh, talking about women, are we?
151
00:09:29,881 --> 00:09:31,961
Go on then. Who's going to start?
152
00:09:31,961 --> 00:09:33,461
Start what?!
153
00:09:33,461 --> 00:09:37,361
Uh... wiping their feet. I keep on
to them about wiping their feet.
154
00:09:37,361 --> 00:09:39,001
He's lying!
155
00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:41,381
I know he's lying.
156
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:44,361
I had me back to you.
How do you know I'm lying?
157
00:09:44,361 --> 00:09:46,561
Experience!
158
00:09:46,561 --> 00:09:49,521
Women! See how unreasonable they are.
159
00:09:49,521 --> 00:09:51,481
No use asking him, he's a Virgo.
160
00:09:51,481 --> 00:09:52,841
Gemini actually.
161
00:09:52,841 --> 00:09:54,941
Oh, sorry, love.
162
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:59,401
You don't have to marry
to see how unreasonable they are.
163
00:09:59,401 --> 00:10:01,401
No but it helps.
164
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,421
Marriage wasn't an option for me.
165
00:10:03,421 --> 00:10:06,901
I knew from an early age
my path was the way of the Samurai.
166
00:10:07,661 --> 00:10:10,501
That's why he went to work
for Northern Dairies.
167
00:10:12,621 --> 00:10:14,701
I was killing time
till war broke out.
168
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:18,061
I wish they could have started
with a smaller war.
169
00:10:18,061 --> 00:10:23,041
It seemed such a big one
to go into without any experience.
170
00:10:23,041 --> 00:10:25,001
It was over in a few years though.
171
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:28,681
Marriage just goes on... and on...
172
00:10:28,681 --> 00:10:30,661
and on.
173
00:10:30,661 --> 00:10:34,561
Yep. Well, if you'll excuse me
for a couple of minutes...
174
00:10:34,561 --> 00:10:36,021
Where are you going?
175
00:10:36,021 --> 00:10:39,541
I'm going into the kitchen
to get me head bashed. Oh.
176
00:11:01,601 --> 00:11:04,081
By 'eck, that clears your catarrh!
177
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,321
Get out!
178
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,321
Oh, you've got some funny friends!
179
00:11:11,321 --> 00:11:12,821
I've got some funny relatives.
180
00:11:13,921 --> 00:11:17,141
You can't hear him in his wellies.
181
00:11:17,141 --> 00:11:20,141
You shouldn't complain
about sneaking up on people.
182
00:11:20,141 --> 00:11:22,661
Somebody's got
to keep an eye on you!
183
00:11:22,661 --> 00:11:24,821
You'd be great
at strangling sentries.
184
00:11:25,721 --> 00:11:27,641
Just keep him out of my kitchen.
185
00:11:27,641 --> 00:11:30,621
They're not the sort of trousers
you expect there.
186
00:11:31,481 --> 00:11:34,201
I can't help admiring his nerve.
187
00:11:34,201 --> 00:11:36,681
It's not his nerve I worry about.
188
00:11:37,221 --> 00:11:41,901
For a short person, he's got a
surprisingly prominent index finger.
189
00:11:49,181 --> 00:11:52,961
I think we should help Foggy
get involved with women.
190
00:11:52,961 --> 00:11:54,881
You needn't bother.
191
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,281
Hey, you might enjoy it.
192
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:59,521
It's like unarmed combat.
193
00:11:59,521 --> 00:12:02,361
Why pick on me? Try Clegg.
194
00:12:02,361 --> 00:12:05,161
He's not all that interested either.
195
00:12:05,801 --> 00:12:09,021
Hey? Is that true, Norm?
196
00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:12,701
Well, I was just getting
interested in women
197
00:12:12,701 --> 00:12:16,181
when I had this terrible setback.
What was that?
198
00:12:16,761 --> 00:12:19,421
I got married.
199
00:12:33,701 --> 00:12:37,961
My God, I've see dead Japanese
looking more cheerful than that.
200
00:12:37,961 --> 00:12:40,321
What's that doing sitting out here?
201
00:12:40,321 --> 00:12:42,681
I'm punishing the wife.
202
00:12:43,381 --> 00:12:45,241
Looks terrifying.
203
00:12:45,841 --> 00:12:47,741
I'm giving her hard time.
204
00:12:48,941 --> 00:12:52,021
Sure you're not overdoing it?
I don't care.
205
00:12:52,141 --> 00:12:55,501
I stand so much.
Then I get me rag out!
206
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:58,741
And then what?
Then I come out here and sulk.
207
00:12:59,301 --> 00:13:03,901
Oooohhh she hates it
when I come out here and sulk.
208
00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:10,961
It's Venus in wrinkled stockings.
209
00:13:10,961 --> 00:13:12,741
What are you lot doing here?
210
00:13:12,741 --> 00:13:16,101
Perfection from the hem
of her pinnie upwards. Get home!
211
00:13:16,101 --> 00:13:19,381
It's just that bit from her knees
down, yeuch.
212
00:13:19,681 --> 00:13:21,601
Go on. Get home.
213
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:25,381
Hey up. I am home.
Some of us live here.
214
00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:27,281
And don't we know it!
215
00:13:27,281 --> 00:13:29,661
The council should do something!
216
00:13:30,081 --> 00:13:31,161
Here, you!
217
00:13:32,121 --> 00:13:33,381
Inside!
218
00:13:34,641 --> 00:13:36,541
I'll come inside when I'm ready.
219
00:13:37,801 --> 00:13:40,881
As it happens, I'm just ready.
220
00:13:41,901 --> 00:13:46,001
If you get fed up with her, Wal,
say the word, I'll fetch her.
221
00:13:46,801 --> 00:13:49,841
Listen, I'll deliver.
222
00:13:49,841 --> 00:13:51,521
Gift-wrapped!
223
00:13:53,861 --> 00:13:58,501
Ooooh, if only I were rich, Nora,
I'd make tha head spin
224
00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:01,121
with expensive brands
of spray polish,
225
00:14:01,121 --> 00:14:03,641
imported oven-cleaners...
226
00:14:03,641 --> 00:14:05,281
Shammy leathers...
227
00:14:05,281 --> 00:14:07,421
Scouring powders...
228
00:14:07,421 --> 00:14:10,041
Take him home before
he starts talking legs.
229
00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:12,861
He's always talking legs.
230
00:14:12,861 --> 00:14:15,721
Run away with me
and I'll smarten myself up.
231
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:18,521
Suede wellies. I can see it now.
232
00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:22,101
I'll part me hair in the middle
I'll wear a tie, I'll...
233
00:14:22,101 --> 00:14:25,441
I'll even iron
them wrinkled stockings.
234
00:14:26,521 --> 00:14:29,501
There he goes! Listen. Legs!
235
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:34,441
Least you can do is think about it.
It's a decent offer.
236
00:14:38,321 --> 00:14:40,201
Ta. Thank you.
237
00:14:40,201 --> 00:14:42,021
Hey up.
238
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,021
Look at him!
239
00:14:52,561 --> 00:14:54,801
Old fancy fingers.
240
00:14:55,781 --> 00:14:58,801
We ought to find him
a woman occasionally.
241
00:14:58,801 --> 00:15:00,281
I can find my own.
242
00:15:00,281 --> 00:15:02,341
Legs like a grasshopper.
243
00:15:02,341 --> 00:15:05,381
At running from woman
he's faster than my ferrets.
244
00:15:05,381 --> 00:15:09,401
But could you relax the same
with him inside your pocket?
245
00:15:09,401 --> 00:15:10,781
Oh, I don't think...
246
00:15:10,781 --> 00:15:14,581
Will you just sit down over there
where people can see you?
247
00:15:15,401 --> 00:15:21,141
Last person who crept up on me
is lying in an unmarked grave
somewhere in the jungle.
248
00:15:21,761 --> 00:15:23,461
A snake got him, did he?
249
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:27,221
No, it did not!
250
00:15:27,221 --> 00:15:31,801
Probably decency.
An acute attack of decency.
251
00:15:31,801 --> 00:15:32,901
Of what?
252
00:15:32,901 --> 00:15:37,261
Decency. They used to drop
like flies from decency.
253
00:15:37,261 --> 00:15:39,641
Oh, if you mean dysentery
you little...
254
00:15:41,161 --> 00:15:43,261
It wasn't that either.
255
00:15:43,261 --> 00:15:46,561
I like it! Just imagine,
dying of decency.
256
00:15:47,181 --> 00:15:51,141
What got him was the killing edge
of one of nature's lethal weapons.
257
00:15:51,321 --> 00:15:52,961
Thee nose!
258
00:15:52,961 --> 00:15:55,001
Tha stabbed him with thee nose.
259
00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:56,301
Now, listen you...
260
00:16:00,681 --> 00:16:01,861
My God!
261
00:16:03,281 --> 00:16:04,921
Did you see that?
262
00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:07,781
Has it started to swell yet?
263
00:16:09,141 --> 00:16:11,641
That's how the Black Death
got under way.
264
00:16:11,641 --> 00:16:13,281
I thought it were rats?
265
00:16:13,281 --> 00:16:15,501
People kissing rats?
266
00:16:15,501 --> 00:16:18,881
Well, they had to make
their own amusements in those days.
267
00:16:18,881 --> 00:16:21,941
We had to invent ours, in school.
268
00:16:21,941 --> 00:16:25,681
Very colourful some of them were.
They made me blush.
269
00:16:25,681 --> 00:16:27,741
It were just high spirits.
270
00:16:27,741 --> 00:16:30,281
You weren't tall enough
for high spirits.
271
00:16:31,201 --> 00:16:33,401
Hardly tall enough for low spirits.
272
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:35,801
I were a bit of a terror, though.
273
00:16:35,801 --> 00:16:37,941
Oh, unquestionably. Yes.
274
00:16:37,941 --> 00:16:42,561
Oh, yes. You were above average
at things like being obnoxious.
275
00:16:42,561 --> 00:16:44,381
And chasing the lasses.
276
00:16:44,381 --> 00:16:49,041
He got best marks chasing girls
I did, Norm. I did!
277
00:16:49,861 --> 00:16:52,661
Show him where Eileen Watkins
marked you.
278
00:16:54,121 --> 00:16:56,121
No, you needn't bother.
279
00:16:56,881 --> 00:16:59,361
Ah, it's probably wore off by now.
280
00:16:59,361 --> 00:17:00,701
Don't you know?
281
00:17:00,801 --> 00:17:02,941
Listen, Freda...
282
00:17:02,941 --> 00:17:07,121
At my age it's not the easiest thing
to keep tabs on.
283
00:17:07,581 --> 00:17:10,901
You've got to be young
and athletic these days
284
00:17:10,901 --> 00:17:13,681
to reach places you once took
for granted.
285
00:17:14,641 --> 00:17:16,401
You mean...
286
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,061
Yes, well there's that too.
287
00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:24,921
I was thinking of that big tree
we used to climb. Oh, sorry.
288
00:17:28,101 --> 00:17:30,441
I mean it not as if
he ain't got any money.
289
00:17:30,441 --> 00:17:32,201
That's a lie.
290
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:35,141
Tha could probably do very well
with the lasses.
291
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,361
It's a rumour.
I haven't got any money.
292
00:17:37,361 --> 00:17:39,881
Look how well I do with the lasses.
293
00:17:39,881 --> 00:17:42,081
And I mean, I'm short of a...
294
00:17:42,081 --> 00:17:45,121
Leg? Capital. Oh, sorry.
295
00:17:45,121 --> 00:17:48,401
Which brings me
to another painful subject.
296
00:17:48,641 --> 00:17:49,861
What's that?
297
00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:52,901
It's your round.
298
00:17:54,721 --> 00:17:56,641
Are you sure it's my round?
299
00:17:56,741 --> 00:17:59,341
It's your round!
It's your round!
300
00:17:59,341 --> 00:18:02,701
I don't know... You think
you're relaxing with friends
301
00:18:02,701 --> 00:18:04,861
and all the time
they're keeping count.
302
00:18:10,761 --> 00:18:12,061
Well?
303
00:18:12,761 --> 00:18:14,701
Eh, could I have a word with you?
304
00:18:16,821 --> 00:18:19,401
If you're after me body,
you can hold your breath.
305
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:22,161
I think I'll come back later.
306
00:18:22,161 --> 00:18:23,621
Sit down!
307
00:18:24,461 --> 00:18:27,681
Tell her I'm celibate.
I'm in this strict lay order.
308
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:33,061
He's taken a vow of chastity,
haven't you? In writing.
309
00:18:33,061 --> 00:18:36,201
How about you? I'm sorry, love.
I'm spoke for.
310
00:18:36,201 --> 00:18:38,241
Thank God for that.
311
00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:40,321
It's him!
312
00:18:41,461 --> 00:18:43,881
Him? The tall one
with the empty glasses.
313
00:18:43,881 --> 00:18:45,521
And the three pint pots.
314
00:18:46,421 --> 00:18:49,301
Another weird beggar.
They come from miles around.
315
00:18:49,301 --> 00:18:52,301
We must be in the Weird Beggars'
Good Pub Guide.
316
00:18:52,301 --> 00:18:56,641
He's the richest bloke around here.
You want to take care of him.
317
00:18:56,641 --> 00:18:58,761
Him? He doesn't look rich.
318
00:18:58,761 --> 00:19:00,861
But then he's eccentric, isn't he?
319
00:19:00,861 --> 00:19:04,881
I mean he's famous round here
for being rich and eccentric.
320
00:19:17,581 --> 00:19:21,121
Made it all from what?
Ah... Frozen turkeys.
321
00:19:21,121 --> 00:19:22,881
Gobble, gobble.
322
00:19:24,761 --> 00:19:26,461
That's his trade mark.
323
00:19:27,361 --> 00:19:29,781
If he's got money, why's he with you?
324
00:19:29,781 --> 00:19:33,841
Well, I'm glad you asked. Aren't
you glad she asked that? Tell her.
325
00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:35,881
No, no, no, no. Thee tell her!
326
00:19:35,881 --> 00:19:37,601
Gobble, gobble.
327
00:19:38,281 --> 00:19:40,441
I told you. He's eccentric.
328
00:19:40,441 --> 00:19:42,721
How eccentric can you get?
329
00:19:42,721 --> 00:19:47,401
As is the want of most successful
businessmen waiting quietly
for a knighthood,
330
00:19:47,401 --> 00:19:49,321
he is also shy.
331
00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:51,481
Hey-hey, sit down, sit down.
332
00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:55,061
Shy. Gobble, gobble. And rich.
333
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:59,081
He keep us to remind him
how awful failure is
334
00:19:59,161 --> 00:20:01,241
and to help him to meet people.
335
00:20:01,341 --> 00:20:05,601
Hey-hey. He does, Norm. He does.
That's just what he does, love.
336
00:20:05,741 --> 00:20:09,081
If it wasn't for us, his only
friends would be frozen turkeys.
337
00:20:09,081 --> 00:20:10,981
They'd have to buy their own round.
338
00:20:12,101 --> 00:20:16,361
But now this lonely man is able
to tell us who he'd like to meet
339
00:20:16,361 --> 00:20:19,461
and we, uh, arrange it for him.
340
00:20:20,361 --> 00:20:22,241
Get off!
341
00:20:23,081 --> 00:20:24,981
He wants to meet me?
342
00:20:24,981 --> 00:20:28,181
He thinks you have
distinctive features.
343
00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:30,961
He said that?
344
00:20:31,321 --> 00:20:33,781
Distinctive features?
345
00:20:33,781 --> 00:20:36,961
Don't stare at him.
You'll make him nervous.
346
00:20:36,961 --> 00:20:42,241
If you're interested, then you've
got to give him some little
private signal.
347
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,161
Between the two of you.
348
00:20:44,161 --> 00:20:46,921
That nobody else need understand.
349
00:20:46,921 --> 00:20:48,161
Such as what?
350
00:20:53,281 --> 00:20:54,801
He's a bit funny looking.
351
00:20:55,381 --> 00:20:58,881
But not as funny looking
as when you thought he was poor.
352
00:20:59,761 --> 00:21:01,801
He grows on you.
353
00:21:01,801 --> 00:21:06,101
Remember, between the two of you.
354
00:21:07,161 --> 00:21:09,881
Ah! Ah! Ah! Temper, temper.
355
00:21:10,961 --> 00:21:13,161
I nearly had it yesterday.
356
00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:15,741
Three pints, please, Miss.
357
00:21:23,461 --> 00:21:26,541
I nearly had it
then our Edgar dropped in.
358
00:21:26,541 --> 00:21:28,881
Knows it all, our Edgar.
Give it here, he said.
359
00:21:35,841 --> 00:21:38,261
You dozy twonk.
360
00:21:38,261 --> 00:21:42,221
I must've been knocked. Knocked?
You want knocking!
361
00:21:42,221 --> 00:21:45,021
I don't know why you're worrying,
you were going...
362
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:51,421
You were going to smash it
yourself a minute ago.
363
00:21:51,421 --> 00:21:54,221
That's my privilege.
I didn't ask you to do it.
364
00:21:54,221 --> 00:21:57,341
There's nothing the matter with it.
Does it sound alright?
365
00:21:57,341 --> 00:22:00,021
Give it to me.
Give it here.
366
00:22:04,181 --> 00:22:07,341
Give it to me.
It probably just needs adjusting.
367
00:22:07,341 --> 00:22:09,721
It's thee that needs adjustment
Give it here!
368
00:22:09,721 --> 00:22:11,301
Just a minute. Just a minute.
369
00:22:24,481 --> 00:22:26,101
Gobble, gobble.
370
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:34,061
You great dozy twerp!
371
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:36,281
I mean... I didn't know...
You don't...
372
00:22:36,441 --> 00:22:38,301
You flaming idiot!
373
00:22:38,601 --> 00:22:40,561
Bog off!
374
00:22:40,561 --> 00:22:41,801
Ger out of it!
375
00:22:45,501 --> 00:22:47,601
There's no need
to take that attitude.
376
00:22:47,601 --> 00:22:49,681
Go on. Bog off!
377
00:22:49,681 --> 00:22:52,221
And take what's left of it with you.
378
00:22:52,321 --> 00:22:54,081
Go on!
379
00:22:54,761 --> 00:22:56,361
Charming!
380
00:22:59,521 --> 00:23:00,841
Gobble, gobble?
381
00:23:05,621 --> 00:23:07,381
Gobble, gobble.
Gobble, gobble.
382
00:23:15,981 --> 00:23:19,121
They've got a lot of energy,
these frozen turkey people.
383
00:23:19,241 --> 00:23:21,501
Tha can slow down.
384
00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:25,141
I'm fed up a searching
under bushes for old treacle tins!
385
00:23:26,081 --> 00:23:27,861
You won't be fed up this time.
386
00:23:27,861 --> 00:23:33,861
I, former Corp Dewhurst, promise
by the application
387
00:23:33,861 --> 00:23:38,361
of keen, military logic, I shall
take us to the very bush.
388
00:23:38,361 --> 00:23:40,041
1932 you buried it.
389
00:23:40,041 --> 00:23:42,141
He's pointing his stick at me.
390
00:23:43,101 --> 00:23:46,441
You were 12 years old.
What were you on at the time?
391
00:23:46,441 --> 00:23:48,781
Nothing stronger than Woodbines.
392
00:23:50,381 --> 00:23:53,441
On your feet, you dozy man.
What did you have on your feet?
393
00:23:55,281 --> 00:23:57,421
You had little cuddly wellies...
394
00:23:58,361 --> 00:23:59,841
..and roller skates.
395
00:24:01,501 --> 00:24:05,061
So we've been going wrong,
coming round as pedestrians.
396
00:24:05,061 --> 00:24:07,761
No wonder we missed the bush.
Why did we miss it?
397
00:24:08,881 --> 00:24:10,781
Maybe it's not a bush stop.
398
00:24:14,341 --> 00:24:17,681
We missed it because we didn't
come on roller skates.
399
00:24:17,681 --> 00:24:20,601
We haven't got any roller skates!
400
00:24:20,601 --> 00:24:24,061
Ah! I've already thought of that.
401
00:24:32,761 --> 00:24:33,961
You wanted wheels.
402
00:24:34,081 --> 00:24:35,881
There are your wheels.
403
00:24:35,881 --> 00:24:38,801
That's still not roller skates.
404
00:24:38,801 --> 00:24:40,321
Getting nearer.
405
00:24:40,321 --> 00:24:41,981
Can I have me scooter back?
406
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:45,921
Just a minute, sonny.
Just a minute.
407
00:24:46,961 --> 00:24:48,561
I'm supposed to meet me mate.
408
00:24:48,561 --> 00:24:50,841
You'll be amply rewarded.
409
00:24:50,841 --> 00:24:52,061
How much?
410
00:24:52,061 --> 00:24:57,281
Ah. See the gentleman there,
he'll arrange the details.
411
00:25:05,901 --> 00:25:09,921
Are you coming? I'm coming,
I'm coming.
412
00:25:13,841 --> 00:25:15,561
Get me off, will you?
413
00:25:15,681 --> 00:25:17,441
GET ME OFF!
414
00:25:21,541 --> 00:25:25,421
He's doing it all wrong.
I think he knows.
415
00:25:33,041 --> 00:25:35,541
We're getting very close now.
416
00:25:39,321 --> 00:25:41,841
It's still not roller skates.
417
00:25:41,841 --> 00:25:45,241
Well, very similar though.
418
00:25:58,601 --> 00:26:00,621
No. They're not flaming similar!
419
00:26:13,501 --> 00:26:16,261
The dreaded Yorkshire
lotus position.
420
00:26:17,161 --> 00:26:19,601
Very few Westerners achieve that.
421
00:26:20,321 --> 00:26:22,961
I don't understand why, Norm.
422
00:26:22,961 --> 00:26:25,981
He'll be alright with some speed.
423
00:26:33,121 --> 00:26:35,561
Oh, you're doing splendidly.
424
00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:38,041
It's better with some speed.
425
00:26:40,361 --> 00:26:44,481
Don't let me go! Don't let me go!
426
00:26:46,401 --> 00:26:48,461
Help!
427
00:26:48,841 --> 00:26:50,441
What did he say?
428
00:26:50,961 --> 00:26:53,321
I think he said, "Don't let me go".
429
00:26:54,441 --> 00:26:56,441
Oh, "Don't let me go".
430
00:26:57,661 --> 00:27:01,521
It didn't sound like that.
He doesn't speak clearly, you know.
431
00:27:02,141 --> 00:27:03,621
Help!
432
00:27:04,961 --> 00:27:06,981
It sounds clear enough to me.
433
00:28:05,761 --> 00:28:08,721
Look! Yorkshire remains!
434
00:28:16,881 --> 00:28:18,361
Yeuch! Phew! Phaw!
32208
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