Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,835
Another Yom Kippur.
2
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,071
Do you think Bethenny
Frankel's fasting today?
3
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:06,406
Uh yeah, but not because she knows
4
00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:07,674
what day it is.
5
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,075
Oh, these fucking shoes.
6
00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:10,777
- Oh, are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm all right.
7
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:11,844
I never see you in a chunky heel,
8
00:00:11,844 --> 00:00:13,246
only a sassy flat.
9
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,981
I'm going to my mom's break-fast later
10
00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:15,982
and Nicole's gonna be there
11
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:17,050
and she's always dressed up.
12
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,351
Wait, which one is Nicole again?
13
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,919
Is that the Uber driver
that tried to sell us
14
00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:20,987
a friendship bracelet?
15
00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:22,355
No, it's another person we hate.
16
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,324
She's that annoying psychology student
17
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:25,758
who's obsessed with my mom.
18
00:00:25,758 --> 00:00:26,993
She looks great without makeup,
19
00:00:26,993 --> 00:00:28,228
she likes hiking,
20
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:29,829
she has no food issues.
21
00:00:29,829 --> 00:00:30,730
She's basically the daughter
22
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,165
my mom always wanted.
23
00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:33,800
Yeah, family is the
worst way to meet someone
24
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,001
that you have nothing in common with.
25
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:36,236
So how did you suckered into going
26
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:37,470
to your brother's for Yom Kippur?
27
00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:39,205
You said last year, "Never again!"
28
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,174
Which, honestly, was a little on the nose.
29
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:44,777
I know, I got a call from an unknown number
30
00:00:44,777 --> 00:00:46,846
and I thought it was
that agent Skippy Truce,
31
00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:48,948
the one that likes me, but
it wasn't, it was Garry.
32
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:50,083
Does your brother spell "Gary"
33
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,084
with one R?
34
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,919
Oh, I wish. Two Rs.
35
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:53,953
The bad Garry.
36
00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:55,755
Of course.
37
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:58,691
Hello? Yeah!
38
00:00:58,691 --> 00:01:00,426
Oh my God, yes! Yes, that's amazing.
39
00:01:00,426 --> 00:01:02,428
That's so great.
40
00:01:02,428 --> 00:01:03,429
Okay, thank you.
41
00:01:03,429 --> 00:01:04,264
Thank you! Okay, bye.
42
00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:05,098
I got an agent!
43
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:07,967
- That's amazing!
- Oh my God, I'm sorry!
44
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:09,068
I'm screaming, I know,
45
00:01:09,068 --> 00:01:10,169
I'll buy your agave syrup.
46
00:01:10,169 --> 00:01:11,204
I can't believe it!
47
00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:12,338
I'm represented.
48
00:01:12,338 --> 00:01:13,706
- I am represented.
- Finally!
49
00:01:13,706 --> 00:01:15,241
I am represented! Yes!
50
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,310
- That's amazing.
- Oh, I can't.
51
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,078
He said I have a John C. Reilly quality.
52
00:01:19,078 --> 00:01:20,880
- I've always thought that.
- Yes!
53
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:21,948
Do you think it's a little weird
54
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,349
he called on Yom Kippur?
55
00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:24,717
No, no, no, he's not Jewish.
56
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,854
Julie, no! Julie, no, no, no!
57
00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:29,188
It's fine! He's good.
58
00:01:29,188 --> 00:01:30,390
I'm telling you, he's legit.
59
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:32,158
He knows all those guys at HBO.
60
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:33,459
What more do you need?
61
00:01:33,459 --> 00:01:35,328
You have to pitch a series to HBO
62
00:01:35,328 --> 00:01:36,763
about a network that passed on
63
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,197
all the good shows and all it was left with
64
00:01:38,197 --> 00:01:40,867
was "The Leftovers."
65
00:01:40,867 --> 00:01:42,935
Yes! Or what about a "Fraggle Rock" reboot
66
00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:44,737
except all the Fraggles are trans?
67
00:01:44,737 --> 00:01:46,272
You think that's too close to "Looking"?
68
00:01:56,336 --> 00:01:57,437
Julie, come in.
69
00:01:57,437 --> 00:01:58,738
Hug Nicole.
70
00:01:58,738 --> 00:02:00,607
She's helping me because you were late.
71
00:02:00,607 --> 00:02:01,741
- Julie.
- Hey, Nicole.
72
00:02:01,741 --> 00:02:02,943
Oh, look at you.
73
00:02:02,943 --> 00:02:04,110
I'm still in my workout clothes.
74
00:02:04,110 --> 00:02:06,379
Oh, natural beauty.
75
00:02:06,379 --> 00:02:07,614
Julie, get the juice
76
00:02:07,614 --> 00:02:08,782
out of the fridge, please,
77
00:02:08,782 --> 00:02:10,317
before your father comes back
78
00:02:10,317 --> 00:02:11,518
with the lox.
79
00:02:11,518 --> 00:02:13,353
So, Julie, are you still writing?
80
00:02:13,353 --> 00:02:14,554
Well, I just live-blogged
81
00:02:14,554 --> 00:02:16,323
the Emmys last month.
82
00:02:16,323 --> 00:02:17,524
Twelve of the people I took
83
00:02:17,524 --> 00:02:19,859
improv classes with won statues
84
00:02:19,859 --> 00:02:21,328
and one of them hosted.
85
00:02:21,328 --> 00:02:22,395
Oh, that's impressive.
86
00:02:22,395 --> 00:02:23,563
Yeah, for them.
87
00:02:23,563 --> 00:02:25,465
How's psychology school?
88
00:02:25,465 --> 00:02:26,866
Uh, I'm already done.
89
00:02:26,866 --> 00:02:28,568
Yeah, she's got a graduation party
90
00:02:28,568 --> 00:02:30,003
on Sunday.
91
00:02:30,003 --> 00:02:31,671
Do you have a clean dress?
92
00:02:31,671 --> 00:02:32,872
Why isn't your mom hosting
93
00:02:32,872 --> 00:02:34,674
a graduation party for you?
94
00:02:34,674 --> 00:02:35,742
Because her mother
95
00:02:35,742 --> 00:02:37,877
just joined Scientology.
96
00:02:37,877 --> 00:02:39,079
Oh, it's terrible.
97
00:02:39,079 --> 00:02:40,547
Those people hate psychologists.
98
00:02:40,547 --> 00:02:41,748
You know we're
99
00:02:41,748 --> 00:02:43,016
the chief competitor of any cult.
100
00:02:43,016 --> 00:02:44,818
Wait a minute, Nicole, does this mean
101
00:02:44,818 --> 00:02:45,852
you know Anne Archer?
102
00:02:45,852 --> 00:02:46,886
Okay, just ignore her.
103
00:02:46,886 --> 00:02:47,887
I love her.
104
00:02:47,887 --> 00:02:49,723
Honey, help me with the bagels.
105
00:02:49,723 --> 00:02:51,858
Nicole is fasting.
106
00:02:51,858 --> 00:02:53,693
I can't because it's uncomfortable,
107
00:02:53,693 --> 00:02:55,061
and Julie can't because she's hungry
108
00:02:55,061 --> 00:02:56,496
all the time.
109
00:02:56,496 --> 00:02:58,298
Oh, is that because you work out?
110
00:02:58,298 --> 00:02:59,466
Come on, Nicole.
111
00:02:59,466 --> 00:03:01,368
No, Nicole's doing this...
112
00:03:01,368 --> 00:03:02,469
what is the name of that,
113
00:03:02,469 --> 00:03:03,803
that great new exercise thing?
114
00:03:03,803 --> 00:03:05,372
Oh, Bernie's Bootcamp.
115
00:03:05,372 --> 00:03:07,674
- Yeah, that's right.
- Every day at six a.m.
116
00:03:07,674 --> 00:03:10,643
Can you believe that?
"Private Benjamin" stuff.
117
00:03:10,643 --> 00:03:13,780
It's mud trenches, chin-ups,
118
00:03:13,780 --> 00:03:15,749
and there's an Army guy with a whistle.
119
00:03:15,749 --> 00:03:16,950
That's what you gotta do
120
00:03:16,950 --> 00:03:18,752
to have this body. Show that off.
121
00:03:18,752 --> 00:03:20,653
Look at that beautiful bootcamp body.
122
00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:21,788
- You.
- Stop it!
123
00:03:21,788 --> 00:03:23,323
Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I guess
124
00:03:23,323 --> 00:03:24,958
I just find that a little offensive.
125
00:03:24,958 --> 00:03:27,460
Honey, what is your problem?
126
00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:29,396
I don't know, just a military themed
127
00:03:29,396 --> 00:03:30,830
exercise class?
128
00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:33,433
I... think it minimizes the contributions
129
00:03:33,433 --> 00:03:35,635
that veterans have made to society.
130
00:03:35,635 --> 00:03:37,437
Well, I had no idea that
you were so concerned
131
00:03:37,437 --> 00:03:39,339
about protecting veterans in society.
132
00:03:39,339 --> 00:03:40,673
Yeah, well, I, uh,
133
00:03:40,673 --> 00:03:42,709
have a lot of friends who are veterans.
134
00:03:42,709 --> 00:03:44,744
- No you don't.
- Of course I do.
135
00:03:44,744 --> 00:03:46,713
There's a lot you don't
know about me, Nicole.
136
00:03:46,713 --> 00:03:47,814
Well, how did you meet them?
137
00:03:47,814 --> 00:03:48,882
Volunteering.
138
00:03:48,882 --> 00:03:49,983
But you don't volunteer.
139
00:03:49,983 --> 00:03:51,384
Tell that to my comedy career
140
00:03:51,384 --> 00:03:52,519
'cause it's basically just
141
00:03:52,519 --> 00:03:53,820
one big unpaid internship.
142
00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:54,921
I don't believe you.
143
00:03:54,921 --> 00:03:56,423
I've seen you with one friend
144
00:03:56,423 --> 00:03:57,724
and it's that loud gay guy
145
00:03:57,724 --> 00:03:58,925
that you bring around.
146
00:03:58,925 --> 00:04:00,894
I have lots of friends, Nicole,
147
00:04:00,894 --> 00:04:02,929
so many of whom are veterans.
148
00:04:02,929 --> 00:04:04,531
In fact, I'm gonna bring one of them
149
00:04:04,531 --> 00:04:06,566
to your graduation party.
150
00:04:06,566 --> 00:04:08,468
How do you like that? Huh?
151
00:04:08,468 --> 00:04:09,903
That would be amazing.
152
00:04:09,903 --> 00:04:11,037
I can't wait to meet him.
153
00:04:11,037 --> 00:04:12,906
Arthur's here!
154
00:04:12,906 --> 00:04:14,441
Chag sameach, Marilyn.
155
00:04:14,441 --> 00:04:17,377
You look like Julie's beautiful sister.
156
00:04:17,377 --> 00:04:19,546
You know, this looks like something
157
00:04:19,546 --> 00:04:21,781
that you would love to drink, Arthur.
158
00:04:21,781 --> 00:04:23,883
Hey Mom, just because Arthur's a WASP
159
00:04:23,883 --> 00:04:25,652
doesn't mean he's an alcoholic.
160
00:04:25,652 --> 00:04:27,587
Hm. It probably does.
161
00:04:27,587 --> 00:04:29,522
Arthur, you remember Nicole, right?
162
00:04:29,522 --> 00:04:30,757
Wanna hear something funny?
163
00:04:30,757 --> 00:04:32,525
Her mom knows John Travolta.
164
00:04:32,525 --> 00:04:33,960
- Oh really?
- Isn't that great?
165
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,329
- John Travolta.
- Let it go!
166
00:04:44,804 --> 00:04:46,773
Billy!
167
00:04:46,773 --> 00:04:48,441
Come here. Chag sameach!
168
00:04:48,441 --> 00:04:49,509
Hey, Garry.
169
00:04:49,509 --> 00:04:50,710
Big hug, come in,
170
00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:51,978
it's freezing out there.
171
00:04:51,978 --> 00:04:53,480
- Take your coat off.
- Sure.
172
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,749
Boy, sorry, I was just, uh...
173
00:04:56,749 --> 00:04:58,618
You got a lot of mezuzahs out there.
174
00:04:58,618 --> 00:04:59,986
Yeah, three of them are doorbells.
175
00:04:59,986 --> 00:05:01,387
Oh really?
176
00:05:01,387 --> 00:05:02,322
Come in, here, I got it, I got it,
177
00:05:02,322 --> 00:05:03,756
let go, let go, let go.
178
00:05:03,756 --> 00:05:04,891
Here, here.
179
00:05:04,891 --> 00:05:06,292
Wow, you guys keep it smelling
180
00:05:06,292 --> 00:05:07,694
like pot roast and boiled carrots
181
00:05:07,694 --> 00:05:09,729
around here all year long.
182
00:05:09,729 --> 00:05:10,797
Thank you very much.
183
00:05:10,797 --> 00:05:12,365
Rachel, look who's here.
184
00:05:12,365 --> 00:05:14,467
Tal, Renee, get out of the goddamn kitchen
185
00:05:14,467 --> 00:05:16,336
and say hello to your Uncle Billy.
186
00:05:16,336 --> 00:05:17,504
Hey Tal, Hey Renee.
187
00:05:17,504 --> 00:05:18,605
Hi, Uncle Billy.
188
00:05:18,605 --> 00:05:20,507
Why aren't you famous yet?
189
00:05:20,507 --> 00:05:22,575
Renee is going through her cunt phase.
190
00:05:22,575 --> 00:05:24,577
That's okay, me too. Hello, Rachel.
191
00:05:24,577 --> 00:05:25,845
Tal, you wanna tell Billy what your
192
00:05:25,845 --> 00:05:28,448
bat mitzvah party theme's gonna be?
193
00:05:28,448 --> 00:05:30,583
- "It gets better."
- Are you gay?
194
00:05:30,583 --> 00:05:32,585
I wish. Just chubby.
195
00:05:33,887 --> 00:05:35,421
Renee, put away your cell phone
196
00:05:35,421 --> 00:05:36,623
or I'll take your flat iron
197
00:05:36,623 --> 00:05:38,424
and bury it so far up your ass,
198
00:05:38,424 --> 00:05:40,360
your throat will burn.
199
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,794
It's a real threat.
200
00:05:41,794 --> 00:05:42,862
Yom Kippur!
201
00:05:44,364 --> 00:05:45,498
Sit down.
202
00:05:45,498 --> 00:05:46,666
Gotta hear it all day long.
203
00:05:46,666 --> 00:05:47,901
I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure.
204
00:05:47,901 --> 00:05:50,036
They're at that age, huh?
205
00:05:50,036 --> 00:05:51,804
It's a real treat having
you here, you know?
206
00:05:51,804 --> 00:05:52,839
I don't see you enough.
207
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:54,040
I've seen you, I think,
208
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,942
twice since Dad's funeral.
209
00:05:55,942 --> 00:05:56,910
Mm-hm.
210
00:05:56,910 --> 00:05:58,011
Let me tell you something.
211
00:05:58,011 --> 00:05:59,679
There's only two of us left.
212
00:05:59,679 --> 00:06:01,381
That's it, the last people on Earth.
213
00:06:01,381 --> 00:06:02,582
- The last people...
- It's up to us.
214
00:06:02,582 --> 00:06:04,517
The last people on Earth.
215
00:06:04,517 --> 00:06:05,652
And we're sitting in this house.
216
00:06:05,652 --> 00:06:07,654
Yes, Dad died and that's it.
217
00:06:07,654 --> 00:06:08,888
Uh, no, I know, I know,
218
00:06:08,888 --> 00:06:10,323
and I'm sorry about that.
219
00:06:10,323 --> 00:06:11,524
I should see you guys more
220
00:06:11,524 --> 00:06:12,926
but I don't want to.
221
00:06:12,926 --> 00:06:14,060
I'm just kidding.
222
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:15,528
Rachel, Billy did a joke
223
00:06:15,528 --> 00:06:16,663
and he said, "I would see you more,
224
00:06:16,663 --> 00:06:17,764
but I don't want to."
225
00:06:17,764 --> 00:06:18,831
He's very funny.
226
00:06:18,831 --> 00:06:20,934
I was kidding. Thank you.
227
00:06:20,934 --> 00:06:22,302
No, but you know, you don't have to
228
00:06:22,302 --> 00:06:23,903
mention that every time I come over.
229
00:06:23,903 --> 00:06:25,805
It's not like I'm gonna forget.
230
00:06:25,805 --> 00:06:27,073
Dad died, you know,
231
00:06:27,073 --> 00:06:29,742
like it's my keys or Minnie Driver.
232
00:06:32,045 --> 00:06:34,380
Um, I have two pieces of good news
233
00:06:34,380 --> 00:06:36,516
that I wanted to share from my world.
234
00:06:36,516 --> 00:06:37,784
I can't wait to hear it.
235
00:06:37,784 --> 00:06:39,619
Number one: John Stamos
236
00:06:39,619 --> 00:06:42,322
was delightful on "The Chew" yesterday.
237
00:06:42,322 --> 00:06:43,823
How about it? That's great!
238
00:06:43,823 --> 00:06:45,425
No, no, I'm kidding.
239
00:06:45,425 --> 00:06:47,360
- You're joking?
- It was a joke.
240
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,762
- Billy.
- And number two:
241
00:06:49,762 --> 00:06:50,797
I got a new agent.
242
00:06:50,797 --> 00:06:52,065
Two bits of good news.
243
00:06:52,065 --> 00:06:53,333
Rachel, did you hear that?
244
00:06:53,333 --> 00:06:55,835
Billy's got a new agent.
245
00:06:55,835 --> 00:06:57,036
But you gotta remember, you know,
246
00:06:57,036 --> 00:06:58,037
there's other things in your life
247
00:06:58,037 --> 00:06:59,672
you need, you know?
248
00:06:59,672 --> 00:07:02,041
You need a special
someone to share this with.
249
00:07:02,041 --> 00:07:03,743
Garry, pick up your fucking shoes!
250
00:07:03,743 --> 00:07:05,345
They stink!
251
00:07:05,345 --> 00:07:07,580
All right, sorry about that.
252
00:07:07,580 --> 00:07:10,316
Um... how's the dry cleaning business?
253
00:07:10,316 --> 00:07:12,318
- Better than ever.
- Really?
254
00:07:12,318 --> 00:07:13,953
- Better than ever.
- Great.
255
00:07:13,953 --> 00:07:15,588
Here's a fun overlap actually,
256
00:07:15,588 --> 00:07:17,056
is that a lot of the Broadway shows
257
00:07:17,056 --> 00:07:19,325
are coming to me now.
258
00:07:19,325 --> 00:07:20,493
I'm cleaning the costumes...
259
00:07:20,493 --> 00:07:22,595
-... for "On The Town."
- Oh wow.
260
00:07:22,595 --> 00:07:24,097
Do you know that show, "On The Town"?
261
00:07:24,097 --> 00:07:25,698
Everybody into the dining room,
262
00:07:25,698 --> 00:07:27,934
it's time for the first hour of blessings.
263
00:07:30,603 --> 00:07:32,005
Both self-satisfied...
264
00:07:32,005 --> 00:07:33,706
I mean, where does Nicole even get off
265
00:07:33,706 --> 00:07:35,074
saying I don't have any veteran friends?
266
00:07:35,074 --> 00:07:36,342
Well, Noodles, you don't.
267
00:07:36,342 --> 00:07:37,810
Yeah, I know, but who is she?
268
00:07:37,810 --> 00:07:40,446
Nobody. Just a beautiful, obedient redhead
269
00:07:40,446 --> 00:07:41,848
that my mother wishes that I was.
270
00:07:41,848 --> 00:07:43,616
Well, I don't wish you were anybody else.
271
00:07:43,616 --> 00:07:45,385
She has the nerve to tell me
272
00:07:45,385 --> 00:07:47,053
how she thinks I live my life?
273
00:07:47,053 --> 00:07:48,721
I don't think so.
274
00:07:48,721 --> 00:07:50,056
You watch me become the person
275
00:07:50,056 --> 00:07:51,391
Nicole doesn't believe I am
276
00:07:51,391 --> 00:07:53,026
just to teach her a lesson.
277
00:07:53,026 --> 00:07:54,427
I'll find some veteran friends.
278
00:07:54,427 --> 00:07:55,795
I'll even volunteer.
279
00:07:55,795 --> 00:07:57,664
That'll show the bitch.
280
00:07:59,332 --> 00:08:01,434
Siri, where can I volunteer tonight
281
00:08:01,434 --> 00:08:02,568
with veterans?
282
00:08:02,568 --> 00:08:03,636
Tonight?
283
00:08:03,636 --> 00:08:04,971
I don't want you cavorting around
284
00:08:04,971 --> 00:08:06,806
New York City at night with military men.
285
00:08:06,806 --> 00:08:08,341
Oh, Arthur, I'll be fine.
286
00:08:08,341 --> 00:08:09,642
I insist on coming with you.
287
00:08:09,642 --> 00:08:12,779
I don't want you to
be you-know-whated.
288
00:08:12,779 --> 00:08:14,047
Did I ever tell you about the time that
289
00:08:14,047 --> 00:08:15,481
Laura Linney tried to walk to her car
290
00:08:15,481 --> 00:08:16,649
alone after a day of recording
291
00:08:16,649 --> 00:08:18,584
intros to "Downton Abbey"?
292
00:08:18,584 --> 00:08:19,986
- No.
- Well, she kept telling me
293
00:08:19,986 --> 00:08:21,487
to go, but I wouldn't hear of it.
294
00:08:21,487 --> 00:08:23,990
You have to escort a lady to her vehicle.
295
00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:25,825
And sure enough, she was followed
296
00:08:25,825 --> 00:08:27,827
by a crazy fan.
297
00:08:27,827 --> 00:08:29,462
He kept shouting, "Hey, Laura Dern!
298
00:08:29,462 --> 00:08:31,397
Amy Adams! Holly Hunter!"
299
00:08:31,397 --> 00:08:32,732
It wasn't until I told him who she was
300
00:08:32,732 --> 00:08:34,934
that he left her alone.
301
00:08:34,934 --> 00:08:37,670
Um, before I bless the bread and the wine
302
00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:39,005
and the salad forks
303
00:08:39,005 --> 00:08:41,874
and the napkin holders,
304
00:08:41,874 --> 00:08:44,010
I want to say something to Uncle Billy.
305
00:08:44,010 --> 00:08:46,379
And I'm sure I speak for everybody here
306
00:08:46,379 --> 00:08:49,615
when I say that we are absolutely fine
307
00:08:49,615 --> 00:08:53,386
with you being gay.
308
00:08:53,386 --> 00:08:55,088
Okay.
309
00:08:55,088 --> 00:08:58,358
And, um, I am still coming to terms
310
00:08:58,358 --> 00:09:01,461
with the fact that you like Billy Joel.
311
00:09:01,461 --> 00:09:03,529
So.
312
00:09:03,529 --> 00:09:04,731
I'm proud of my record collection,
313
00:09:04,731 --> 00:09:06,065
I'll admit that.
314
00:09:06,065 --> 00:09:09,702
But Billy, look around the table.
315
00:09:09,702 --> 00:09:10,803
Move your head around
316
00:09:10,803 --> 00:09:12,572
and just take it all in.
317
00:09:12,572 --> 00:09:14,941
We are your family
318
00:09:14,941 --> 00:09:16,843
and we want you to feel
319
00:09:16,843 --> 00:09:18,044
comfortable in our home.
320
00:09:18,044 --> 00:09:21,614
Well, I don't.
321
00:09:21,614 --> 00:09:23,516
- I'm just kidding.
- You were being honest.
322
00:09:23,516 --> 00:09:24,817
No, I wasn't. I'm kidding.
323
00:09:24,817 --> 00:09:26,052
I don't know if you're just kidding.
324
00:09:26,052 --> 00:09:27,453
- Stop it, please.
- No, I'm not gonna stop.
325
00:09:27,453 --> 00:09:28,654
Come on, let's eat.
326
00:09:28,654 --> 00:09:30,556
Can you take smaller bites, please?
327
00:09:30,556 --> 00:09:31,557
I can't let out the seams
328
00:09:31,557 --> 00:09:32,658
in your bat mitzvah dress,
329
00:09:32,658 --> 00:09:33,926
there's not enough fabric.
330
00:09:33,926 --> 00:09:35,928
Norma Aronoff got her dress at Saks.
331
00:09:35,928 --> 00:09:37,630
That's because Moshe Aronoff
332
00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:39,832
invented a laser you can use on skin tags
333
00:09:39,832 --> 00:09:41,033
and he was smart enough to patent it.
334
00:09:41,033 --> 00:09:42,535
That's besides the point.
335
00:09:42,535 --> 00:09:44,737
- Why would you say that?
- That is not a patent.
336
00:09:44,737 --> 00:09:46,572
- He had permission.
- How is it not a patent?
337
00:09:46,572 --> 00:09:48,408
You look fine, by the way.
338
00:09:48,408 --> 00:09:50,443
And you would never say that to Renee.
339
00:09:50,443 --> 00:09:51,778
Guys, everybody, everybody,
340
00:09:51,778 --> 00:09:53,946
there's no reason to shout about it.
341
00:09:53,946 --> 00:09:55,848
What's not comfortable about this?
342
00:09:55,848 --> 00:09:57,483
So, Billy, why are you uncomfortable?
343
00:09:57,483 --> 00:09:58,618
I'm not uncomfortable,
344
00:09:58,618 --> 00:09:59,685
I just don't understand
345
00:09:59,685 --> 00:10:03,856
when everything got so Jewish!
346
00:10:03,856 --> 00:10:05,858
It's fine, it's just
not who we were as kids.
347
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:08,528
I mean, we didn't even
fast when we were kids.
348
00:10:08,528 --> 00:10:10,329
Look, I don't know what
you people are doing,
349
00:10:10,329 --> 00:10:11,397
if it works for you, great...
350
00:10:11,397 --> 00:10:12,698
It's the holiest day of the year.
351
00:10:12,698 --> 00:10:13,766
But Garry, here's the thing.
352
00:10:13,766 --> 00:10:14,801
You know what the holiest day
353
00:10:14,801 --> 00:10:16,402
of the year is for me?
354
00:10:16,402 --> 00:10:17,904
The Golden Globes.
355
00:10:17,904 --> 00:10:19,372
I don't care about the blessings.
356
00:10:19,372 --> 00:10:21,908
I care about the SAG Awards.
357
00:10:21,908 --> 00:10:24,944
And no one cares about those.
358
00:10:24,944 --> 00:10:27,447
Show business, Garry.
359
00:10:27,447 --> 00:10:30,082
That's what I care about.
360
00:10:30,082 --> 00:10:32,518
That's the most Jewish
thing I've ever heard.
361
00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,456
VA hospitals never close.
362
00:10:36,456 --> 00:10:37,623
They are perfect for late night
363
00:10:37,623 --> 00:10:38,958
impulse volunteering.
364
00:10:38,958 --> 00:10:40,827
Noods, I don't think you can just show up
365
00:10:40,827 --> 00:10:41,928
and start browsing the hospital
366
00:10:41,928 --> 00:10:42,962
for friends unannounced.
367
00:10:42,962 --> 00:10:44,730
Oh, I'll announce myself.
368
00:10:48,868 --> 00:10:51,404
Hello! Hello.
369
00:10:51,404 --> 00:10:52,505
Hello.
370
00:10:52,505 --> 00:10:54,040
My name is Julie Kessler
371
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:54,974
and I'm here to volunteer
372
00:10:54,974 --> 00:10:56,676
with some veterans.
373
00:10:56,676 --> 00:11:00,112
Good morning, Vietnam!
374
00:11:03,683 --> 00:11:04,984
What did you say you were here for?
375
00:11:04,984 --> 00:11:06,486
To volunteer.
376
00:11:06,486 --> 00:11:08,321
Well, you can't just walk in.
377
00:11:08,321 --> 00:11:09,722
Are you here with a group?
378
00:11:09,722 --> 00:11:11,357
Yeah, I'm with a...
379
00:11:11,357 --> 00:11:12,558
I'm in the Bee Gees.
380
00:11:12,558 --> 00:11:14,360
This is why healthcare is broken.
381
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,362
- No, no, no...
- Need a room!
382
00:11:16,362 --> 00:11:17,630
We got a screamer!
383
00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:19,966
Now! Now!
384
00:11:24,537 --> 00:11:26,072
Ten minutes, I'll find a friend,
385
00:11:26,072 --> 00:11:28,040
and then we'll go home, okay?
386
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:29,775
I love you!
387
00:11:32,979 --> 00:11:34,714
Candles, I know you want to show up Nicole,
388
00:11:34,714 --> 00:11:36,716
but maybe this is not the way.
389
00:11:36,716 --> 00:11:38,351
This is exactly the way.
390
00:11:38,351 --> 00:11:40,620
Hello? Hello!
391
00:11:40,620 --> 00:11:41,821
Oh, it's probably just like Bloomingdale's,
392
00:11:41,821 --> 00:11:43,055
as soon as you find what you need,
393
00:11:43,055 --> 00:11:44,490
then someone shows up to help you.
394
00:11:44,490 --> 00:11:45,892
Ohh.
395
00:11:45,892 --> 00:11:48,828
Please, I need a friend.
396
00:11:48,828 --> 00:11:50,663
Oof. Pass.
397
00:11:53,032 --> 00:11:54,934
This one goes out to my favorite captain,
398
00:11:54,934 --> 00:11:57,003
Captain Crunch.
399
00:11:59,805 --> 00:12:02,508
"Coven" was perfect.
"Coven" was a lot of fun.
400
00:12:02,508 --> 00:12:03,743
Emma Roberts didn't even
401
00:12:03,743 --> 00:12:05,411
bother me in "Coven."
402
00:12:05,411 --> 00:12:07,513
You know what my triggers are?
403
00:12:07,513 --> 00:12:09,482
Sugar,
404
00:12:09,482 --> 00:12:11,984
um, I try not to Google my exes.
405
00:12:14,554 --> 00:12:16,389
Do you even know what brunch is?
406
00:12:16,389 --> 00:12:17,490
Do you guys have brunch?
407
00:12:17,490 --> 00:12:18,958
Do soldiers have brunch?
408
00:12:22,428 --> 00:12:23,796
Phew!
409
00:12:23,796 --> 00:12:24,997
"Taps"!
410
00:12:24,997 --> 00:12:26,065
I don't mind walking in circles,
411
00:12:26,065 --> 00:12:27,433
but that's what we're doing.
412
00:12:27,433 --> 00:12:29,068
We're not walking in a circle.
413
00:12:29,068 --> 00:12:31,404
Hey!
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
414
00:12:31,404 --> 00:12:32,638
What do you think you're doing?
415
00:12:32,638 --> 00:12:33,773
Listen, I'm gonna level with you.
416
00:12:33,773 --> 00:12:35,508
Okay, I need to meet a veteran
417
00:12:35,508 --> 00:12:37,343
so I can take him to a party
418
00:12:37,343 --> 00:12:38,844
and make my mother's surrogate daughter...
419
00:12:38,844 --> 00:12:40,746
this bitch Nicole who's got eyes
420
00:12:40,746 --> 00:12:42,848
like fucking swimming pools...
421
00:12:42,848 --> 00:12:44,050
I need to make her angry
422
00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:45,818
with this veteran friend.
423
00:12:45,818 --> 00:12:47,486
Out.
424
00:12:50,356 --> 00:12:51,724
- Thank you.
- Why are you thanking her?
425
00:12:51,724 --> 00:12:54,460
- I love you.
- I don't care.
426
00:12:54,460 --> 00:12:55,962
All right, I really wish
I could see you more,
427
00:12:55,962 --> 00:12:57,330
you know?
428
00:12:57,330 --> 00:12:58,564
No more funeral talk, I swear.
429
00:12:58,564 --> 00:12:59,899
You know, you don't have to come
430
00:12:59,899 --> 00:13:01,634
all the way out here, I can go to you.
431
00:13:01,634 --> 00:13:03,502
Okay, yeah. That'd be great.
432
00:13:03,502 --> 00:13:04,937
- Good idea, Garry.
- You know, we don't have
433
00:13:04,937 --> 00:13:06,639
to go to a gay club or anything like that.
434
00:13:06,639 --> 00:13:09,408
I mean, we could...
435
00:13:09,408 --> 00:13:10,743
I was not planning on taking you
436
00:13:10,743 --> 00:13:12,078
to a gay club.
437
00:13:12,078 --> 00:13:13,713
Well, I would if you wanted to.
438
00:13:13,713 --> 00:13:15,081
Maybe we should do that.
439
00:13:15,081 --> 00:13:16,515
I think Rachel would love...
440
00:13:16,515 --> 00:13:18,417
- ... the Flaming Saddle.
- Or you know what?
441
00:13:18,417 --> 00:13:19,619
I could go to your apartment,
442
00:13:19,619 --> 00:13:20,920
we could have a movie night.
443
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,421
Remember when we were kids
444
00:13:22,421 --> 00:13:23,623
how much fun we had doing movie nights?
445
00:13:23,623 --> 00:13:25,458
- I do, I do.
- You had your tapes,
446
00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:28,561
you had "Mannequin" and "Big Business."
447
00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:29,662
You loved "Mannequin."
448
00:13:29,662 --> 00:13:31,731
R.I.P., Meshach Taylor.
449
00:13:31,731 --> 00:13:34,433
Yeah, and I had "Shoah" and "Fiddler."
450
00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:35,768
Well, you always had a soft spot
451
00:13:35,768 --> 00:13:36,836
for Topol.
452
00:13:36,836 --> 00:13:38,471
- I did.
- We could agree on that.
453
00:13:38,471 --> 00:13:39,839
Yes, and you know what else?
454
00:13:39,839 --> 00:13:41,407
"Born on the Fourth of July."
455
00:13:41,407 --> 00:13:42,508
That's right.
456
00:13:42,508 --> 00:13:44,010
- You remember that?
- Yes.
457
00:13:44,010 --> 00:13:46,412
"We're never, never gonna let the people
458
00:13:46,412 --> 00:13:49,415
of the United States forget that war!"
459
00:13:52,485 --> 00:13:54,020
All right, I'll call you, Garry.
460
00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:55,621
Okay. All right.
461
00:13:58,424 --> 00:14:00,326
I feel like I need two weeks of recovery
462
00:14:00,326 --> 00:14:02,294
for every day I spend with my family.
463
00:14:02,294 --> 00:14:03,663
Family is like religion, it's just
464
00:14:03,663 --> 00:14:05,064
for when you're dying or getting married.
465
00:14:05,064 --> 00:14:07,333
Any other time is just superfluous.
466
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:08,968
This month on HBO:
467
00:14:08,968 --> 00:14:10,903
From producers Tom Hanks,
468
00:14:10,903 --> 00:14:12,371
Steven Spielberg,
469
00:14:12,371 --> 00:14:14,607
and Steven "Little Steven" Van Zandt,
470
00:14:14,607 --> 00:14:17,410
comes the true story of Stanley Pilburn,
471
00:14:17,410 --> 00:14:18,978
a World War II soldier
472
00:14:18,978 --> 00:14:22,048
who put six other
soldiers' lives above his.
473
00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:23,082
Wow. Now there's
474
00:14:23,082 --> 00:14:24,550
an impressive veteran friend.
475
00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:26,052
Yeah, where was that guy last night?
476
00:14:26,052 --> 00:14:28,087
Wait a minute. Didn't you say your agent
477
00:14:28,087 --> 00:14:29,855
was friends with someone at HBO?
478
00:14:29,855 --> 00:14:31,624
Yeah.
479
00:14:31,624 --> 00:14:33,759
Oh, maybe he can get us
into that premiere party.
480
00:14:38,698 --> 00:14:40,433
I don't know a single person at this party
481
00:14:40,433 --> 00:14:41,867
and I have never felt more at home.
482
00:14:41,867 --> 00:14:43,069
There's the cast of "Getting On."
483
00:14:43,069 --> 00:14:44,904
We have to say hi to Niecy Nash.
484
00:14:44,904 --> 00:14:45,871
Oh, and it's Little Steven.
485
00:14:45,871 --> 00:14:47,373
- Where?
- Little Steven.
486
00:14:47,373 --> 00:14:48,841
- Look, between those two.
- Oh my God.
487
00:14:48,841 --> 00:14:50,309
He's wearing his luxury bandana.
488
00:14:50,309 --> 00:14:51,944
- What a class act.
- I love him.
489
00:14:51,944 --> 00:14:53,846
Have you seen Stanley Pilburn anywhere yet?
490
00:14:53,846 --> 00:14:55,848
No. But, I mean, you know, he'll come.
491
00:14:55,848 --> 00:14:57,016
He's the guest of honor.
492
00:14:57,016 --> 00:14:58,384
God, I can't wait to show up
493
00:14:58,384 --> 00:14:59,752
to Nicole's graduation party
494
00:14:59,752 --> 00:15:01,353
and see her stupid face
495
00:15:01,353 --> 00:15:03,456
when she sees that I'm
not only with a veteran,
496
00:15:03,456 --> 00:15:04,690
I'm with a famous veteran.
497
00:15:04,690 --> 00:15:05,958
Oh, hold on.
498
00:15:05,958 --> 00:15:06,859
That guy's Cab Culver,
499
00:15:06,859 --> 00:15:08,060
he works at HBO.
500
00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:09,495
He knows my agent, let's say hi.
501
00:15:09,495 --> 00:15:11,497
- Excuse me.
- Excuse us.
502
00:15:11,497 --> 00:15:13,399
Hey. Cab Culver, right?
503
00:15:13,399 --> 00:15:15,367
You work at HBO? I'm Billy Epstein.
504
00:15:15,367 --> 00:15:16,535
My agent Skippy Truce mentioned
505
00:15:16,535 --> 00:15:17,603
that you guys were friends.
506
00:15:17,603 --> 00:15:18,537
Oh yeah, Skippy.
507
00:15:18,537 --> 00:15:19,939
Yes, exactly.
508
00:15:19,939 --> 00:15:21,941
It's the agent that's not Jewish.
509
00:15:21,941 --> 00:15:23,809
Oh, this is my colleague Marcy Stein.
510
00:15:23,809 --> 00:15:24,810
- Hi!
- Hello!
511
00:15:24,810 --> 00:15:26,879
Nice to meet you.
512
00:15:29,048 --> 00:15:31,350
So, we know who we are, who are you?
513
00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:32,585
I'm a comedian with an agent.
514
00:15:32,585 --> 00:15:34,553
I write recaps on the internet.
515
00:15:35,955 --> 00:15:38,357
Great meeting you.
516
00:15:39,992 --> 00:15:41,494
Nice to meet you too.
517
00:15:41,494 --> 00:15:44,830
Yes, they seem like very warm people.
518
00:15:44,830 --> 00:15:46,499
No, very nice.
519
00:15:46,499 --> 00:15:47,800
And by the way, when did HBO
520
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,401
stop making comedies
521
00:15:49,401 --> 00:15:51,904
and only start making
gently funny comedies?
522
00:15:51,904 --> 00:15:53,339
Oh, and while we have your attention,
523
00:15:53,339 --> 00:15:54,774
can I just say, is there any way
524
00:15:54,774 --> 00:15:56,542
we could give Ricky Gervais another show?
525
00:15:56,542 --> 00:15:57,610
Yes, is it true that your slogan now
526
00:15:57,610 --> 00:15:58,811
is "It's not TV,
527
00:15:58,811 --> 00:16:00,813
let's give Ricky Gervais more chances."
528
00:16:00,813 --> 00:16:02,548
Oh, and remember that really cute story
529
00:16:02,548 --> 00:16:03,816
where you guys accidentally turned down
530
00:16:03,816 --> 00:16:05,417
"Breaking Bad" and "Mad Men"?
531
00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:06,685
And then turned around and made
532
00:16:06,685 --> 00:16:08,487
"John From Cincinnati."
533
00:16:08,487 --> 00:16:09,421
Please give us a show.
534
00:16:09,421 --> 00:16:10,556
Give us a show, please.
535
00:16:10,556 --> 00:16:11,891
Anyone, anyone in this party,
536
00:16:11,891 --> 00:16:12,992
please give us a show.
537
00:16:12,992 --> 00:16:13,726
Please give us a show.
538
00:16:13,726 --> 00:16:15,027
Ah! Billy, look!
539
00:16:15,027 --> 00:16:16,028
It's Private Pilburn,
right by the restrooms.
540
00:16:16,028 --> 00:16:17,496
Oh, perfect.
541
00:16:17,496 --> 00:16:19,298
You go do that, I'll get more champagne.
542
00:16:19,298 --> 00:16:20,533
Good luck.
543
00:16:22,401 --> 00:16:24,336
Private Pilburn, I am such a fan
544
00:16:24,336 --> 00:16:25,037
of your work.
545
00:16:25,037 --> 00:16:26,872
Aren't you kind?
546
00:16:26,872 --> 00:16:28,107
My name is Julie
547
00:16:28,107 --> 00:16:30,342
and I respect veterans.
548
00:16:30,342 --> 00:16:32,478
In fact, Gary Sinise and I
549
00:16:32,478 --> 00:16:33,979
have a contest every year to see
550
00:16:33,979 --> 00:16:35,381
who respects veterans more
551
00:16:35,381 --> 00:16:37,750
and every time we just tie
552
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:40,519
because we love our nation's veterans.
553
00:16:40,519 --> 00:16:41,921
Oh, thank you.
554
00:16:41,921 --> 00:16:44,657
It's nice to know that your generation
555
00:16:44,657 --> 00:16:46,892
appreciates the freedoms
556
00:16:46,892 --> 00:16:48,294
we fought for.
557
00:16:48,294 --> 00:16:50,629
Absolutely. And in gratitude,
558
00:16:50,629 --> 00:16:52,731
I was wondering if you
would do me the honor
559
00:16:52,731 --> 00:16:54,567
of being my special guest
560
00:16:54,567 --> 00:16:56,669
at a graduation party.
561
00:16:56,669 --> 00:16:58,504
You and me?
562
00:16:58,504 --> 00:16:59,338
At a party?
563
00:16:59,338 --> 00:17:00,406
Yes.
564
00:17:00,406 --> 00:17:01,974
Oh, why, yes.
565
00:17:01,974 --> 00:17:04,810
Oh! Private Pilburn,
566
00:17:04,810 --> 00:17:06,912
you've made my night, sir.
567
00:17:06,912 --> 00:17:08,414
And may I say also,
568
00:17:08,414 --> 00:17:10,449
thank you for your service.
569
00:17:10,449 --> 00:17:11,617
I tell you what.
570
00:17:11,617 --> 00:17:13,419
Let's skip the party,
571
00:17:13,419 --> 00:17:15,821
walk over to the restroom,
572
00:17:15,821 --> 00:17:18,090
you can service me there.
573
00:17:18,090 --> 00:17:19,625
What?
574
00:17:19,625 --> 00:17:22,728
You remind me of Maureen O'Hara.
575
00:17:22,728 --> 00:17:25,631
I always wanted her to suck me off.
576
00:17:25,631 --> 00:17:26,932
Billy!
577
00:17:26,932 --> 00:17:29,735
This veteran is disgusting.
578
00:17:29,735 --> 00:17:32,838
Hey, hey, hey, what did I say, huh?
579
00:17:34,592 --> 00:17:36,060
You don't have to kick us out
580
00:17:36,060 --> 00:17:37,562
of the party, that man's a pervert.
581
00:17:37,562 --> 00:17:38,563
No, the "Getting On" girl.
582
00:17:38,563 --> 00:17:39,664
"Getting On" girl!
583
00:17:39,664 --> 00:17:40,965
- "Getting On"!
- Niecy Nash!
584
00:17:40,965 --> 00:17:42,366
"Getting On," we love you!
585
00:17:42,366 --> 00:17:44,702
Laurie Metcalf, "MADtv," "MADtv"!
586
00:17:44,702 --> 00:17:46,337
All right, we're going.
587
00:17:46,337 --> 00:17:48,372
- They're comics or something.
- They're nobody.
588
00:17:48,372 --> 00:17:49,407
Fine, you don't have to touch us.
589
00:17:49,407 --> 00:17:50,441
I'm getting gift bags.
590
00:17:50,441 --> 00:17:52,043
- No, excuse me.
- Let him get...
591
00:17:52,043 --> 00:17:54,212
I'm getting gift bags!
592
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:57,515
I'm coming up the stairs!
593
00:17:57,515 --> 00:17:59,183
I know how to walk up stairs!
594
00:18:00,284 --> 00:18:01,352
How many parties have we been
595
00:18:01,352 --> 00:18:03,321
kicked out of now?
596
00:18:03,321 --> 00:18:04,956
What am I gonna do?
597
00:18:04,956 --> 00:18:06,224
Nicole's graduation party
598
00:18:06,224 --> 00:18:07,492
is in less than 24 hours
599
00:18:07,492 --> 00:18:09,026
and I haven't met a single veteran
600
00:18:09,026 --> 00:18:10,027
that I could use to make her look
601
00:18:10,027 --> 00:18:11,262
like an asshole.
602
00:18:11,262 --> 00:18:12,530
Well, maybe don't go to the party.
603
00:18:12,530 --> 00:18:14,966
Just once I wanted to show up Nicole
604
00:18:14,966 --> 00:18:17,068
and prove to her that
I'm the better person,
605
00:18:17,068 --> 00:18:18,970
even if that is a total lie.
606
00:18:20,204 --> 00:18:22,206
This is really important to you?
607
00:18:22,206 --> 00:18:23,407
Yes.
608
00:18:23,407 --> 00:18:27,011
Yes it is.
609
00:18:27,011 --> 00:18:30,081
What?
610
00:18:30,081 --> 00:18:31,549
You wanna go see "On The Town" again?
611
00:18:31,549 --> 00:18:33,584
I know someone who cleans their costumes.
612
00:18:37,488 --> 00:18:39,624
Okay, so you can have
as much food as you want.
613
00:18:39,624 --> 00:18:41,158
I don't know what's Kosher or not,
614
00:18:41,158 --> 00:18:43,327
and, um, if Nicole asks,
615
00:18:43,327 --> 00:18:45,062
you've been to battle, okay?
616
00:18:45,062 --> 00:18:46,297
- Okay.
- And by the way, Garry,
617
00:18:46,297 --> 00:18:48,199
thank you so much for doing this.
618
00:18:48,199 --> 00:18:49,233
You look great.
619
00:18:49,233 --> 00:18:50,401
Aw, I'm so happy to be here.
620
00:18:50,401 --> 00:18:52,236
Uh, excuse me, everyone.
621
00:18:52,236 --> 00:18:54,272
Uh, hi.
622
00:18:54,272 --> 00:18:56,107
Uh, I just want to thank all of you
623
00:18:56,107 --> 00:18:58,376
for coming to my graduation party.
624
00:18:58,376 --> 00:19:00,511
But most of all, I want to thank
625
00:19:00,511 --> 00:19:03,047
the mom I never had,
626
00:19:03,047 --> 00:19:05,182
Marilyn Kessler.
627
00:19:05,182 --> 00:19:08,052
I cannot wait to follow in your footsteps.
628
00:19:08,052 --> 00:19:10,321
Well, you can try, but I have tiny feet.
629
00:19:10,321 --> 00:19:11,689
Tiny, tiny!
630
00:19:11,689 --> 00:19:13,324
That's so cute.
631
00:19:13,324 --> 00:19:15,593
Julie, would you like to say
632
00:19:15,593 --> 00:19:18,396
a few words about your mom?
633
00:19:18,396 --> 00:19:20,264
Sure, yeah, thank you.
634
00:19:20,264 --> 00:19:22,133
Thanks, Mom.
635
00:19:22,133 --> 00:19:24,035
Uh, thank you, Nicole.
636
00:19:24,035 --> 00:19:25,169
Okay. No, I know where to stand,
637
00:19:25,169 --> 00:19:26,437
thanks, Nicole.
638
00:19:26,437 --> 00:19:28,906
Um, I just wanted to say that today
639
00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:30,408
isn't about us.
640
00:19:30,408 --> 00:19:32,043
It's about our troops,
641
00:19:32,043 --> 00:19:33,644
it's about our veterans,
642
00:19:33,644 --> 00:19:35,446
and it's about how they fought
643
00:19:35,446 --> 00:19:37,081
for our freedoms.
644
00:19:37,081 --> 00:19:40,017
So, please join me in boycotting
645
00:19:40,017 --> 00:19:41,886
Bernie's Bootcamp!
646
00:19:41,886 --> 00:19:43,087
Thank you.
647
00:19:43,087 --> 00:19:46,457
And for a few words about that,
648
00:19:46,457 --> 00:19:48,192
and our country,
649
00:19:48,192 --> 00:19:50,361
I wanna bring to the stage right now
650
00:19:50,361 --> 00:19:54,465
my best friend Sergeant Garry Epstein,
651
00:19:54,465 --> 00:19:57,201
who's a veteran!
652
00:19:59,036 --> 00:20:02,974
Thank you. At ease.
653
00:20:02,974 --> 00:20:06,010
We are never, never gonna let the people
654
00:20:06,010 --> 00:20:08,112
of the United States forget that war!
655
00:20:08,112 --> 00:20:09,614
"Born on the Fourth of July."
656
00:20:09,614 --> 00:20:12,149
Because the moment we do,
657
00:20:12,149 --> 00:20:14,018
there's gonna be another war,
658
00:20:14,018 --> 00:20:15,353
and another,
659
00:20:15,353 --> 00:20:17,021
and another.
660
00:20:17,021 --> 00:20:19,557
I would like to say one more thing.
661
00:20:19,557 --> 00:20:21,359
I have a gay brother
662
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:23,060
and I am not ashamed.
663
00:20:23,060 --> 00:20:24,228
So let's end this whole
664
00:20:24,228 --> 00:20:25,363
"Don't ask, don't tell" thing.
665
00:20:25,363 --> 00:20:27,431
Thank you very much.
666
00:20:27,431 --> 00:20:29,100
Okay, thank you.
667
00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:32,169
Uh, everyone enjoy the party.
668
00:20:33,704 --> 00:20:35,906
- Huh?
- Uh, it was great.
669
00:20:35,906 --> 00:20:37,241
- Thank you.
- I think I got bitten
670
00:20:37,241 --> 00:20:38,542
by that show biz bug.
671
00:20:38,542 --> 00:20:40,077
Well, you know what they say:
672
00:20:40,077 --> 00:20:41,479
friends and families come and go
673
00:20:41,479 --> 00:20:43,147
but show business is forever.
674
00:20:43,147 --> 00:20:45,016
Forever and ever.
675
00:20:45,016 --> 00:20:46,617
Oh, speaking of which,
676
00:20:46,617 --> 00:20:47,585
my agent, gotta go.
677
00:20:47,585 --> 00:20:48,686
I love this guy.
678
00:20:48,686 --> 00:20:50,021
He calls Billy on a Sunday,
679
00:20:50,021 --> 00:20:51,188
he reaches out on Yom Kippur.
680
00:20:51,188 --> 00:20:52,556
Once he texts him on Ramadan,
681
00:20:52,556 --> 00:20:54,558
I'm gonna make him put a ring on it.
682
00:20:54,558 --> 00:20:55,993
- Sweetheart.
- Hi Mom.
683
00:20:55,993 --> 00:20:57,094
I can't wait to throw you
684
00:20:57,094 --> 00:20:58,629
a graduation party
685
00:20:58,629 --> 00:21:00,197
or a wedding
686
00:21:00,197 --> 00:21:01,432
or a baby shower.
687
00:21:01,432 --> 00:21:03,234
I know you mean well, but
688
00:21:03,234 --> 00:21:05,102
that really hurts my feelings.
689
00:21:05,102 --> 00:21:06,637
What if I went blonde?
690
00:21:06,637 --> 00:21:07,938
Now, I'm not talking about anything
691
00:21:07,938 --> 00:21:09,006
age inappropriate,
692
00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,107
I'm just talking about something
693
00:21:10,107 --> 00:21:11,609
to give me a little lift.
694
00:21:11,609 --> 00:21:13,110
- Billy, what's wrong?
- My agent
695
00:21:13,110 --> 00:21:14,578
committed suicide this morning.
696
00:21:14,578 --> 00:21:18,282
- He what?
- You have an agent?
697
00:21:18,282 --> 00:21:20,418
Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
698
00:21:20,418 --> 00:21:21,619
Don't worry, Billy.
699
00:21:21,619 --> 00:21:23,154
It probably has nothing to do with you.
700
00:21:23,154 --> 00:21:24,388
Oh, well, thanks for
701
00:21:24,388 --> 00:21:25,623
the grief counseling, Marilyn.
702
00:21:25,623 --> 00:21:27,425
Well, if you wanna talk any more about it,
703
00:21:27,425 --> 00:21:28,693
you know where to reach me.
704
00:21:28,693 --> 00:21:30,327
Julie has my number.
705
00:21:33,130 --> 00:21:34,298
I gotta say, Billy,
706
00:21:34,298 --> 00:21:36,333
after the events of today,
707
00:21:36,333 --> 00:21:37,668
life is short, you know?
708
00:21:40,104 --> 00:21:42,106
Don't spend too much
of it with your family.
709
00:21:42,106 --> 00:21:43,374
This is getting too real.
710
00:21:43,374 --> 00:21:44,575
Wanna duck out of here and see that
711
00:21:44,575 --> 00:21:45,976
new Rachel McAdams movie?
712
00:21:45,976 --> 00:21:47,011
It's supposed to be terrible.
713
00:21:47,011 --> 00:21:49,346
The worst.
714
00:21:49,346 --> 00:21:52,183
Excuse us. Pardon us.
715
00:21:52,183 --> 00:21:54,985
I am so glad we survived that party.
716
00:21:54,985 --> 00:21:57,321
You know, in a way, we're veterans.
717
00:21:57,321 --> 00:21:58,389
Yes.
718
00:22:01,292 --> 00:22:03,227
So ends a week
719
00:22:03,227 --> 00:22:04,462
of family awfulness.
720
00:22:04,462 --> 00:22:05,296
You're my family.
721
00:22:05,296 --> 00:22:06,330
You're my family!
722
00:22:06,330 --> 00:22:07,331
You're my family.
723
00:22:07,331 --> 00:22:09,400
I know.
724
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,001
A World War II veteran,
725
00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:13,337
currently the subject of a new documentary,
726
00:22:13,337 --> 00:22:14,672
was arrested last night
727
00:22:14,672 --> 00:22:16,974
after following the cast of "Getting On"
728
00:22:16,974 --> 00:22:18,209
into the restroom.
729
00:22:18,209 --> 00:22:21,078
Let me alone, you mother (bleep).
730
00:22:21,078 --> 00:22:22,880
I'll get you (bleep) (bleep).
731
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:24,415
- You'll (bleep).
- Oh my God.
732
00:22:24,415 --> 00:22:26,217
Spokespeople for the actors involved
733
00:22:26,217 --> 00:22:28,085
did not make an official comment,
734
00:22:28,085 --> 00:22:29,386
but as the story breaks,
735
00:22:29,386 --> 00:22:31,422
we will continue to bring you updates.
736
00:22:31,422 --> 00:22:33,057
I hope Laurie Metcalf is okay.
737
00:22:33,057 --> 00:22:34,525
You see, I should have stayed with her.
738
00:22:34,525 --> 00:22:37,161
Always walk Laura Linney to her car!
739
00:22:37,161 --> 00:22:38,562
In other show business news,
740
00:22:38,562 --> 00:22:40,164
HBO is developing
741
00:22:40,164 --> 00:22:42,199
a heartbreaking true story
742
00:22:42,199 --> 00:22:44,101
about an agent who committed suicide
743
00:22:44,101 --> 00:22:46,337
just days after he was diagnosed
744
00:22:46,337 --> 00:22:47,671
with a brain hemorrhage
745
00:22:47,671 --> 00:22:51,041
that caused him to sign random people.
746
00:22:51,041 --> 00:22:53,911
Ricky Gervais is slated to star.
747
00:23:11,225 --> 00:23:16,225
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
50400
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.