All language subtitles for Difficult.People.S02E04

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Ooh, that's doubles.

Jesus Christ.

Since when did our favorite coffee place

become a suburban
basement from the '80s?

I know right?

It's like beanbags and board games.

You people are adults!

I saw an open chutes and
ladders over there,

and not a single
ten-year-old to be found.

Jared from Subway's worst nightmare.

What do you think haunts him more?

His old giant jeans, or his actions?

Oh, you sunk my battleship.

You burst my aneurysm.

Fuck this ironic daycare center, okay?

Is free personal space in
this city too much to ask?

You can go back to the library.

Yeah, but you're just gonna hit on

all the hot homeless guys.

Try to think of it as living al fresco.

- Can you meet tomorrow?
- I can't.

I have to go to Yeshiva for my
sister-in-law's graduation.

Rucchel took a continuing
ed class in Yiddish poetry.

Oh, good.

Well, she'll never be out of work.

That's for sure.

We're not gonna get any work done.

Do you want to see a movie?

Yeah, what should we see?

I don't know, I'm sure Paul Feig

has done an all-female
reboot of something

that he didn't ask me to audition for.

Oh, what about a gay "Gremlins"?

Ooh, what about a gay "Gremlins"?

Why haven't they done that yet?

I don't know. I'm listening.

- Tell me more.
- Everyone's so homophobic,

can't do gay "Gremlins."

Hey, guys.

You sticking around for Twister?

I got to warn you though, turns into

a real cuddle party sometimes.

Sorry.

Hey, noods, I was almost to the train

when I realized I
forgot my squash stuff.

Noodles?

Waterbug?

Yes.

Arthur.

Okay.

Hurry up in there.
Don't touch anything.

Put paper on the seat.

Renee, go block the
door for your sister.

I don't want to.

She always says, "pish,
pish, pish" when she pees.

I hate it.

I'm pee shy.

Like Uncle Billy.

Hey, that was told to you in confidence.

Tal, Renee, be gone.

This is so stupid.

What if we just drove away?

Billy, you hungry?

Why don't you get
yourself a tuna sandwich

from the cooler?

We've got kasha varniskas.

We've got Hydrox cookies.

It's a ten minute drive. I'm fine.

Do you realize what a
schlemiel your brother is?

I knew he worked at
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated,

- but I never knew...
- My graduating class

was supposed to have our poetry reading

Thursday night, but Garry screwed up

booking the venue, and
now it's canceled.

It was so simple.

A community center, a restaurant.

Rucchel, if you want,
you can do your show

at the café.

Just please stop verbally
castrating my brother

in front of me.

Thank you, Billy.

That's very nice. Thank you, Billy.

For Chrissake.

Jesus.

You girls better be fucking kidnapped!

Garry, is everything with
you and Rucchel okay?

What? Yeah, we're fine.

It's just marriage, you know.

I don't know how you don't
tell her to back off.

I would have to.

Cool that you can just roll over

and eat shit, I guess.

Let's move, before
I go full Casey Anthony.

What did you say you got in here?

Like tuna or something?

Knock, knock!

Hi.

I brought your stuff for
your squash game tonight.

You left it at home in
the bedroom earlier.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Okay, well, uh,

I'll see you later,

uh, in the apartment.

- Yes.
- Where we live.

Yep. I'm gonna go.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Ladies' room, ladies' room,

office, office,

everybody's got an office besides me.

Must be nice.

Empty office...

Hello, baby.

And Arthur said we can use this office?

Well, today's an awkward day
to ask Arthur anything.

He caught me watching porn this morning.

- Really?
- Yeah.

And now I'm worried about his feelings.

Well, worried is a little strong.

I'm worried that the world
will never really appreciate

how great of a singer Ann Wilson is.

I'm concerned about Arthur's feelings.

You know, once Garry
caught me watching porn,

and ever since then,
he tries to set me up

with Latin cab drivers.

I guess Arthur didn't
expect the porn I watch

to be quite as crowded.

Well, yeah, I mean, you watch

some really fucked-up shit.

If I'm not horrified and offended

the minute I'm done with it, I
don't bother seeking it out.

You know, I do like the
audition ones, though,

you know, the ones where,
like, a guy shows up

thinking he's gonna
have sex with a girl,

and then he gets there,
and the director's like,

"Well, the girl never showed up,

but my buddy Trevor's
already here, so..."

You know who I hate are those guys

who think they're so feminist
because they jerk off

to porn starring women
with natural breasts

and a big bush.

Like, congratulations.

Ooh, are you talking about porn?

I love the cartoon
category on those sites.

You know, sex should have whimsy.

It's so fun and fanciful to watch Lilo

get punch-fucked by
Stitch or George Jetson

with a mouthful of his dog's...

Matthew, why haven't you drowned

in Bryan Singer's pool yet?

I have a hard time watching
porn without seeing

the work that goes into it.

You guys know I've been in a few, right?

- What?
- Are you serious?

Well, yeah, my screen
name was Blade Stallion.

I was in "Thundercocks 4" and
"You Want It Where: Rio."

Saw a lot of the world, man.

Well, saw a lot of Rio.

Me and India Summer still
play Words with Friends.

I am googling Blade Stallion.

Already there, and may I say,

compliments to the chef.

Mine was bigger.

This place is perfect.

Should we get a coffee machine?

Let's get two so there's never a line.

Yes.

All right, I'm going to the restroom.

What happens if I run into Arthur?

We have to come in on off
hours so that we don't.

Got it.

Hey, Julie, it's your mother.

Listen, I need you take a
moment out of your day

and do something for me.

One of my patients has a daughter

who just graduated from
college, and she wants

to get into show business.

I don't want to answer a millenial's

career questions.

And I'm not saying you've accomplished

enough to be giving anyone advice,

but the truth is, my practice has been

in a bit of a dip lately.

I don't know why.

I've been texting far
less during sessions.

So what?

Please, Julie, see the girl, for me.

Yes, fine, just don't call me again

during office hours.

You have a job?

Okay, we're here
at your destination.

The fare is $45.

But I don't have any money.

Then I'm gonna have
to fuck you, faggot.

An unexpected turn.

- Garry.
- Billy.

What are you doing here?

I told Rucchel to back off.

And?

Well, I got a new lease on life.

And you just got a new roommate.

I told her to back off,
just like you said.

No, I didn't say that.

When did I say that? Did I say that?

No, no, no, no, Garry,

you have to call her and apologize.

And eat more shit?

No way.

That Yiddish poetry class

has just opened a Pandora's box

of women's liberations meshuggahs.

Now I'm a bachelor,

and so is my baby brother.

We've got to go out on the town,

just like the skit.

Remember the skit?

"Too Wild and Crazy Two and a Half Men."

That wasn't it.

So your brother moved in with you,

and he didn't have the decency
to give us fair warning

so we could pitch this
as a multi-cam to CBS?

Julie, I am in hell.

He talked all night about
how he wanted to go out

and party like it's 1999,

which makes me still
in the closet at home,

you know, wondering how they they were

gonna wrap up "Just Shoot Me!"

I got, like, two hours
of sleep last night.

Me too.

Actually, that's not true.

I got nine and a half.

But it's still super awkward
between me and Arthur

since he freaked out
over that jizz festival

he caught me watching.

So did you have any advice, or...

Oh, right. You're here.

Yeah, um, my mom is
friends with your mom.

She said that you guys
work in show business.

Any tips?

I have a friend,

she's got an internship
at "The Tonight Show."

Isn't it funny how Jimmy Fallon

slowly turned "The Tonight Show"

into a children's birthday party?

Last night, he played pin
the tail on the donkey

with Pussy Riot.

Right?

Those games are a blast.

I'd love to intern there.

- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

So you'd like to work for free?

I'd love to.

We have an intern!

Finally we can boss someone around.

Okay, I-nez?

- "Inez."
- I-nez?

- "Inez."
- I-nez.

- "Inez."
- Ined.

- I have to say it like Ined.
- Just Inez is fine.

- That's a hard S?
- Inez.

Inez, we're gonna need
you to get us meetings.

We're gonna need you to
get us generals, okay?

And pitches.

We need to be pitching constantly.

- Mm-hmm.
- Do you understand, Inez?

And get a menu book, okay, with options.

Yeah. I need healthy options.

I need ingredients.

I'm gonna make my own salad, Inez.

He's gonna make his own salad, Inez.

Who's gonna stop me, you?

You're gonna get a menu,
and it's gonna have

a make your own salad option.

There's gonna be proteins,
nuts and grains, seeds...

I want a nut, and I want it green, Inez.

- Legumes, Inez.
- I want an avocado.

Do you know what an avocado is, Inez?

No.

It's a guacamole ingredient, Inez,

and he wants it in his salad.

It's also very impor... I notice

you're not writing any of this down.

Is it in your head?

It's very important that you coordinate

our schedules so that we
don't run into Arthur.

Who's Arthur? My boyfriend.

He works here.

Um, do I get a desk?

- both: No!
- You don't get a desk.

- Jesus Christ!
- You're gonna sit on the floor.

Talk about an entitled generation.

You're gonna sit on the floor.

You are gonna love sitting on the floor.

- Mm.
- I'm sorry?

By the way, this is just
you just paying your dues.

- Yeah, we all did this, Inez.
- We all did this.

You should've seen what I went through.

He interned for Conan.

Who's Conan?

- Oh, my God!
- What?

What is wrong with you?

"Who's Conan?"

Oh, you mean James Corden?

Is that supposed to be a joke?

Mom, why are we at the Museum of Sex?

Since my client load has lessened

and your father went
away on that conference,

I've been visiting every
museum in the city

in alphabetical order.

We're up to S, Museum of Sex.

Here we are.

Right in front of the
medieval nipple clamps

and the vibrators from steampunk times

you had to plug into a wall.

You know, I've never been
with an uncircumcised man.

Well, not sexually, of course.

I've shared an elevator with Tomas,

my old doorman.

I beg that you stop talking about this.

Marital aids.

Give me a break.

Any idiot knows the only marital aid

that really works is
keeping an open dialogue

with your partner.

Secrets ruin couples.

Mom, Arthur and I had a...

Those people that won't talk
or listen to one another.

- Mom...
- I mean, there are two people

in every conversation, one, two.

- So...
- Give your partner a chance

- to speak.
- I had a question about...

That's why I'm good at what I do.

Good talk, Mom.

Arthur, please, would you
stop being weird about this?

I'm not being weird.

I'm reading Jonathan Franzen.

You're the one watching
your little secret movies.

Just because I can compartmentalize

doesn't mean I'm hiding secrets.

I just think that there's a
time and a place for porn

and a time and a place for loving,

get-to-the-point intercourse
with the person

who makes omelets for you.

If it's not a secret, show me the porn

you like to watch.

Maybe I'll like it too.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, fine.

But if I show you mine, you
have to show me yours.

I want to see your porn too, okay?

Sure. Sounds fun.

I thought you were a feminist.

Okay, okay.

Do you guarantee that what I just saw

is not at all what you want in bed?

Of course not.

You're not a football team,

and I haven't been abducted.

Now it's your turn.

Fair is fair.

You show me your porn now.

Okay.

Aw, the sweater drawer.

Mm-hmm.

Et voila.

Aw, you still like magazines.

Medium was impressed
upon me in my youth.

"Redhead Fever"?

"Pale Babes In Their Mid-30s"?

"Jewish Girls with Big Naturals"?

Arthur, all these girls look like me.

Well, this girl doesn't look like you.

She has a tattoo.

I showed you a brutal gangbang video,

and you're showing me this quaint

parade of doppelgangers?

I'm sorry I like looking
at naked redheads

in their 30s who went to Hebrew school.

Ugh!

I'm sure plenty of girls
would be thrilled

that their boyfriends
like porn that bears

a proximate resemblance
to their real partners

or their actual sex life.

Porn that resembles your actual sex life

is like going to a
foreign land and eating

at a chain restaurant.

You're in Morocco. You're
on safari with Ken Burns.

Why the fuck are you at a Burger King?

I don't need to be yelled
at for liking what I like.

I'm sorry if my sexual peccadilloes

are too bland for you.

And I'm sorry that I like masturbating

to filthy, disgusting garbage.

Wait, so "Juggy, Jewish
Gingers" is a real magazine?

Graydon Carter must be branching out.

I'm just concerned that
maybe me and Arthur

not liking the same porn is underlying

some bigger differences
I didn't know we had.

Well, look, just please
don't break up right now.

Garry kept me up all night.

He took out our high school yearbook,

and he was going through
it and ranking the girls

by caboose.

Jesus.

Inez, where's the menu book?

I already put in your dinner order.

Yeah, well, we're gonna
need a second dinner also.

Did you start a Seamless
account with your credit card

like we asked you to do?

Um, yes, uh...

You guys are gonna reimburse me...

Hey, quick question, Inez.

What's with all the clicking
and clacking on the keyboard?

Hmm, yes.

It's not the clicking I mind so much

as the clacking.

It's the clacking. It's the clacking.

I'm just taking notes for
this thing I'm writing.

Oh, a thing you're writing,
like, for yourself?

Oh, hello, Eve.

Hi, Inez, hi.

Inez, let me make one thing clear.

When you're in our office,

you don't work on your own bullcrap.

No, if you need something to do,

get us some more generals
on the calendar.

We got to get Garry back
together with Rucchel.

It's not gonna be easy.

Rucchel is one of those stubborn

tiny Jewish women who take everything

as a personal offense.

Well, then we'll just find a stubborner

tinier Jewish-er woman who's
always on the defensive

'cause she's only thinking
about herself all the time.

Who are we gonna find
that's tough enough

and who has the time to
deal with all of that?

You know, this alphabetical
tour of museums

has really broadened by horizons.

Who knew there were six floors
at the Museum of Tarps?

So, Mom, we need your help.

Yeah, my brother and his wife
are having marital problems.

And you came to me?

This is just the boost I needed.

Oh, isn't it funny how your own children

don't know what you need,
but you did, Billy.

You did.

♪ I love it when
you call me baby, baby ♪

Billy, come here. Watch me nae nae!

No.

♪ Knew that there
was something special ♪

Ah! What?

What are you doing here?

I'm on time according to the schedule

you made me make.

Well, I didn't ask you
to do anything, Inez.

No one made you do anything.

Are you homeless?

No, I'm not homeless.

I'm sorry.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

what the hell are you
doing in my office?

Oh, my God, it's Ken Burns.

I go away for ten days with my crew,

and I come back, and
I find this squatter

in my office.

Your office?

Mr. Burns, I am so sorry,

but I have to say, I'm Billy Epstein.

I'm a huge fan.

I, too, am a huge fan of your work.

Inez, don't talk to Ken Burns.

Yes, sir.

I love "The Ken Burns Effect" so much.

Get out.

Get out! Did you hear Ken Burns?

- He said get out.
- Both of you.

God damn it, Inez.

You were right about sex and porn.

Let's keep kosher.

Sex is something we enjoy together,

but porn should stay private.

Privacy is good. Secrets are bad.

Yeah. Hey.

I have a third dinner that
I brought home from work.

Do you want to fuck again
and then split it?

You're goddamn right I do.

Thank you for helping me move
the stuff out of my office,

well, Ken Burns' office.

Billy, how do you get caught
sleeping in the office

of America's most beloved documentarian?

I mean, you should
know better than that.

No, I shouldn't.

You're the brother that knows better.

Garry, I know you're trying
to put up a big front

about how much you like being single,

but I hear you snore-crying at night.

Be honest.

I guess I just get embarrassed.

You know, you always
say that I roll over

and eat shit and all that.

And I don't know, I'm
your older brother.

I want you to think I'm cool.

Garry, I am never going to
think you're cool ever.

Ever.

So you can just let that go.

I think I miss Rucchel.

Yes! Yes!

Oh, thank God.

Yes, Garry, of course you miss Rucchel.

You and Rucchel belong together.

You're like challah and a plate.

Ha, ha.

So you're gonna come with me tomorrow

to Rucchel's poetry show at the cafe,

and you have to talk to her.

So what does Rucchel like that you do?

She likes it when I dust
off the front of the TV.

She thinks it's funny 'cause
it doesn't really do anything.

She's like, "You're just
moving dust around."

What if I bring the TV in and
dust it off in front of her?

I mean, it's huge.

All right, this is not a
productive conversation.

Hey, thank you so much for doing this.

Garry will be here in a second.

Which one is Rucchel?

She's the one whose
resting face is somewhere

between a withering scowl
and a suffering grimace.

I'm gonna need you to
be a lot more specific.

She's right over there in the
corner setting up the mic.

- You can do it, Mom.
- I know.

Hi, Rucchel?

I'm Dr. Marilyn Kessler.

I'm a therapist and relationship expert.

I also testify in court
on behalf of cases

involving mental illness, but this isn't

about my extensive résumé.

What do you want?

I understand you and your
husband have separated,

and I can help you.

I don't see how my marriage is
any of your fucking business.

Look, I have no personal
investment in the situation.

I've got a husband.

- Oh, excuse me?
- Excuse me.

- Excuse me?
- Excuse me.

- Excuse me?
- Excuse me?

- Excuse me!
- Excuse me.

- Excuse me?
- Excuse me.

both: Excuse me.

I think you heard me.

Listen, you Bergdorf bitch.

The only reason Garry doesn't
live with us anymore

is because he diminishes
my accomplishments

and told me to back off
in front of our children.

- He did what?
- Yep.

And after I graduated, did he ever lift

one of his fat hairy
fingers to write me a note

or send flowers or say,
"Mazel tov, Rucchel"?

You graduated from a
continuing education program,

and he didn't buy you flowers?

Not even a fucking carnation.

Oh, that piece of shit.

- Hello, ladies.
- Here he is,

Garry the piece of shit.

Oh, hello, Garry, you piece of shit.

I hope you came here to say
something to your wife.

I did.

Rucchel, please, please take me back.

I did something stupid.

And if you could tell me just how stupid

over and over and over
for the rest of my life,

I'd be the happiest schlimazel
in all of Suffolk County.

Rucchel, I want you to
look in Garry's eyes,

and I want you tell
him, "I want you back."

Yeah, sure, come back. Whatever.

My work is done.

My poem is dedicated
to my husband, Garry.

He's stupid, but I'm not
gonna do any better.

Look at me.

A dybbuk, a dybbuk, a dybbuk, a dybbuk.

Oh, yes, I swear. I wouldn't fib-buk.

What's a dybbuk?

Oh, it's like a Jewish demon.

Think Jill Zarin.

You know, I met a Jewish once.

I was doing a production of "Fiddler,"

broke my ankle, and I'm pretty
sure the doctor was one.

Shut the fuck up!

Dybbuk, dybbuk, dybbuk.

Thank you.

Congratulations, Mom.

You saved a marriage.
You're back in business.

It's what I do.

By the way, Julie, I want
to thank you very much

for helping my patient's daughter, Inez.

I don't know what kind
of advice you gave her,

but she is doing great.

- Really?
- She sold a novel.

It's like a "Devil Wears
Prada" kind of thing

about a job from hell.

It's got a cute title.

"Ginger and the Queen."

Which one am I?

Here you go, tapshoe.

Oh, Arthur, I've been
meaning to tell you,

you might be hearing from Ken Burns,

and if you do, just ignore it.

Ken Burns, everyone knows
is like a huge liar.

Yeah, he has a problem.
He lies, so just...

Hey.

Great job, Rucchel.

You can come back any
time you want to do

more Jewish poems.

Garry, Garry, look.
Look who it is, look.

Oh, my God.

Thundercock himself.

- Blade Stallion, right?
- Yeah.

You have brought so much
joy to our marriage.

Oh, thank you.

I could quote your movies.

But I won't, but I could.

But I won't.

But I could.

My name is Marilyn Kessler,

and now, with no musical accompaniment,

I'd like to sing "Send in the Clowns."

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