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[theme music]
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00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:08,660
- "The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring
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00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:10,923
the entire Nelson family.
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00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:12,012
Here's Ozzie.
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Here's Harriet.
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Here's David.
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00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:23,110
Here's Rick.
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00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:28,724
And also starring in tonight's
episode, here's June.
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00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,682
Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"
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00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:33,294
is brought to you by the dairy
farmer members of the American
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Dairy Association.
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- You never outgrow your
need for milk's vitality.
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- So drink a glass
at every meal.
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[music playing]
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I hate to brag, but we've got
some awfully good basketball
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players in our family.
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00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:53,923
They never miss--
that is almost never.
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Well, of course, everybody
misses once in a while.
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Oh, well, if at first
you don't succeed--
20
00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:05,543
let's see, it looks
like everything's here,
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including milk.
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And when the athletes come
in to get something to eat,
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you can bet they'll
want plenty of milk.
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It seems like only yesterday
they were just two little guys.
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Even then, they were
full of vitality.
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Whoop!
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[chuckle]
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I'll say this for old dad.
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He's had a rough time, but
he's always done his best
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to keep up with the boys.
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And believe me, that
takes a lot of vitality.
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In fact, all us
Nelsons have always
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had plenty of the vitality
that keeps us enjoying life.
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And for that, we can thank the
pitcher of milk that's always
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00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:36,879
been on the Nelson table.
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Because the way this
group burns up energy,
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milk's the one
drink that gives us
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the lasting vitality we need.
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[knock]
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- Well, hi, Betty.
Come on in.
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- Thank you.
42
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:51,459
Is that really David?
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00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:52,503
- Where?
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- On television.
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00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:54,505
- On television?
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- Yes, didn't you know?
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He's being interviewed.
48
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- Well, he didn't say
anything to me about it.
49
00:01:59,119 --> 00:01:59,989
- There he is.
50
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,773
What did I tell you?
51
00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:03,210
- You mean the
man with the mask?
52
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:04,211
- Of course.
53
00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:06,126
- Oh, Betty, you're kidding.
54
00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:07,301
- Oh, no, that's David.
55
00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,345
Look at his shoulders.
56
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Don't they look like David's?
57
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- Well, I suppose so.
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- I imagine your
experience as a lawyer
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has been of considerable--
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- See?
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00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:17,659
Dave's a lawyer.
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00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:19,139
- Oh, yes, definitely.
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- That certainly didn't
sound like David.
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- Oh, they always
disguise their voices.
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- It seem our time
is just about up.
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Our guest tonight has been
a courageous young man who
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has been leading a double life.
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As a secret agent on this
unusual and dangerous
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assignment, the
nature of his work
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has, of necessity,
been kept secret, even
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from his wife and parents.
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00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:40,595
- Good luck to you, Mr. X.
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00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:41,596
- Thank you.
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- See?
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That's his favorite tie.
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00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:45,600
- Well, it's a plain old tie.
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You can't even tell
what color it is.
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00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:49,778
Besides, why would they
be interviewing Dave?
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00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:52,172
- Because he's a secret
agent for the FBI.
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00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:53,303
- [chuckle] Oh, no.
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00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:54,696
- Don't laugh, Mrs. Nelson.
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Everything points to it.
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That man was a lawyer,
and so is David.
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He had a ring on his left hand,
so you know he was married.
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00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:01,920
And he walked just like David.
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00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,357
And if David
disguised his voice,
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00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:04,923
it'd sound just like that.
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00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:07,143
Well, it's all so exciting,
I can hardly stand it.
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00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,144
- Yes, I see that.
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00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,145
- I know it's a secret.
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00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:10,538
And don't worry.
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You can tell David and
Mr. J. Edgar Hoover
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that I won't tell a soul.
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00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:16,631
- Thanks, anyway, but, honestly,
it couldn't have been David.
95
00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:17,588
He's at the Men's Club.
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00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:19,155
- Oh, sure.
97
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,809
And that's what I'll tell
everybody who asks me.
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Bye.
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- Bye, Betty.
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00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:27,163
- Oh, and Mrs. Nelson,
I think you're so brave.
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00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,644
[phone rings]
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- Hello?
- Uh, Joan?
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00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,649
- Oh, hi, Dad.
How are you?
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00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:35,824
- Oh, fine.
Thanks.
105
00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:37,304
Could I speak to
Dave for a second?
106
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:38,566
- Oh, he's not here right now.
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00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:40,307
He's at the Men's Club.
108
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:41,308
- Oh?
109
00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:42,918
- Are you at home?
110
00:03:43,048 --> 00:03:45,399
- Uh, well, no.
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00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:48,228
I'm down here at the Men's Club.
112
00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:49,664
- Well, haven't you seen him?
113
00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:51,100
- Well, I'll find him.
114
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,537
He's probably over at
the refreshment counter.
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00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:55,104
Well, I'll be seeing you.
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- OK, Dad.
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00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,193
- Goodbye.
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00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:58,194
- Bye.
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00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:01,502
[music playing]
120
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- Hi, honey.
121
00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:21,348
- Hi.
122
00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:25,090
- How'd it go tonight?
123
00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:26,657
- Oh, pretty good.
124
00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:27,919
- Your dad was looking for you.
125
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:29,312
Did he find you?
126
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:30,661
- Uh, find me?
127
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,184
- Yeah, at the meeting.
128
00:04:32,315 --> 00:04:34,404
- Oh, no, I guess I
must have missed him.
129
00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,058
- It must have been
pretty crowded.
130
00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:38,147
- Yeah, we usually
have a good turnout.
131
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,627
What'd you do tonight?
132
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:41,629
- Oh, I watched television
for a little while.
133
00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:43,195
They had a very
interesting program on.
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00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,719
It was one of those
interviews shows.
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The fella they had on
was a secret agent.
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00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:48,810
- Oh, good for him.
137
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:52,553
I suppose he was wearing a
mask and disguised his voice?
138
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,772
- Hey, wait a minute,
how did you know that?
139
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,296
- Well, isn't that
what they usually
140
00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:58,515
do when they want to keep
their identity a secret?
141
00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,909
- Well, I suppose so.
142
00:05:01,039 --> 00:05:03,477
What was the meeting
about tonight?
143
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:05,217
- Oh, same old stuff.
144
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:08,438
Those meetings haven't
changed in years.
145
00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:10,353
- How come you wore that tie?
146
00:05:10,484 --> 00:05:11,659
- Why?
147
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,225
Is there something
the matter with it?
148
00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:15,967
- Well, no, I just wondered
why you picked that one.
149
00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:18,230
- Oh, no particular reason.
150
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:20,189
- And you didn't see
your father at all, huh?
151
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,365
- No, I'm afraid not.
152
00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:24,498
How about a glass of
milk and some cookies?
153
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,238
- Why are you
changing the subject?
154
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:27,370
- What's the matter, honey?
155
00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:28,980
Is something wrong?
156
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,591
- No, it's just that I--
157
00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:38,250
oh, I'll get the
cookies and milk.
158
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:41,341
[music playing]
159
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- Hello?
160
00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:58,706
This is Dave Nelson.
161
00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:00,534
I think my wife is
getting suspicious.
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We better finish this
up tomorrow night.
163
00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:05,277
OK, about 7:00.
164
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:08,890
[music playing]
165
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:22,773
[twinkling]
166
00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:12,056
- David?
- What are you doing up, honey?
167
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:13,101
Go back to bed.
168
00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:14,319
- Well, where are you going?
169
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:15,669
- Down to the
Men's Club meeting.
170
00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:16,974
- At 2:00 in the morning?
171
00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:19,977
- Well, it's less crowded then.
172
00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,239
- Well, have a good time.
173
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:22,371
- Thanks, don't wait up.
174
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:30,422
- Hey, wait a minute,
he forgot his badge.
175
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:31,772
David?
176
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:32,903
David?
177
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:51,226
[piano playing]
178
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,161
[light applause]
179
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:25,260
- What do you want?
180
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:27,218
- I got a message for Mr. Big.
181
00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:28,872
- Password?
182
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,657
- What are little girls made of?
183
00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,484
- Sugar, and spice,
and everything nice.
184
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:34,486
What are little boys made it?
185
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,880
- Snips and snails--
186
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:40,188
uh, snips and snails--
187
00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:49,719
uh, snips and snails,
um, and puppy dogs tails.
188
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:05,692
Hi, Big.
189
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,000
- Know the boys?
190
00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:11,001
- Sure.
191
00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:13,830
MX 14, 17.
192
00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:15,397
- You got the plans?
193
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:16,964
- Right here.
194
00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:18,618
- Let's see them.
- Here?
195
00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:19,706
- Sure, why not?
196
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,545
- Here's the launching pad.
197
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,678
Here's where they
store the warheads.
198
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:37,245
And here's the command post.
199
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,251
- What's that little
building right there?
200
00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:45,035
- Well, it's pretty
far out in the country.
201
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:46,384
They don't have much plumbing.
202
00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:53,174
- You've done a great job.
203
00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:55,219
- Thanks.
204
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:57,221
When do I get to meet
the big, big boss?
205
00:10:57,352 --> 00:11:00,094
- Right now.
206
00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,531
Better make sure of you first.
207
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,707
A counter spy has been
operating around here.
208
00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:06,230
- No kidding.
209
00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,450
That's terrible.
210
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,582
Well, what about
the big, big boss?
211
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:18,895
- His name is--
212
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:20,854
- David?
213
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:23,639
David, You forgot your badge.
214
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,510
- Oh, no, he's a counter spy!
215
00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:26,990
[music playing]
216
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:28,600
[clattering]
217
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,388
[shouting]
218
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:34,955
[glass shattering]
219
00:11:58,152 --> 00:11:59,066
- What are you doing?
220
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,676
- I'm helping you!
221
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,896
- Well, go back to
sleep, will you?
222
00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:04,898
You're having a nightmare.
223
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:05,986
- Oh.
224
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:17,911
- Boy, that must have been
some dream you had last night.
225
00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:19,434
- Yeah, I guess it was.
226
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,131
- What was it all about?
227
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:22,393
- Well, it's so silly.
228
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:23,699
I don't even want
to talk about it.
229
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:24,700
- Come on.
230
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,310
What was it?
231
00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:30,184
- Well, I dreamed you were
a counter spy for the FBI.
232
00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:31,881
- [chuckle] How about that?
233
00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,970
Where'd you ever get that idea?
234
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:36,756
- Well, I guess it was that
TV show I saw last night.
235
00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:39,062
See, this fellow was a
counter spy and a lawyer.
236
00:12:39,193 --> 00:12:41,978
And he had a tie on like yours
and shoulders like yours.
237
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:45,155
And, well, Betty was
positive it was you.
238
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:46,722
- Betty?
239
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,637
- Yeah, she's the one who
told me about the show.
240
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,726
In fact, she almost
had me convinced.
241
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,815
- [chuckle] That
sounds exciting.
242
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:55,078
- I guess it does
sound pretty silly.
243
00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:56,558
- Yeah.
244
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,647
- Imagine you being a
counter spy for the FBI.
245
00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,822
- [chuckle] Yeah.
246
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:02,303
- Well, are you?
247
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:03,347
- Am I what?
248
00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:05,741
- A counter spy for the FBI.
249
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,351
- Are you kidding?
250
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:08,831
- No, I'm not kidding.
Won't you answer my question?
251
00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:09,919
Yes or no?
252
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:10,920
- Yes.
253
00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:12,748
- Yes, you're a counter spy?
254
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:14,315
- No, yes, I'll
answer your question.
255
00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:16,665
No, I am not a counter spy.
256
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:17,971
- Are you sure?
257
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:19,624
- Yes, I'm sure.
258
00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:22,018
Well, I hate to rush, but
I really have to get going.
259
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,541
- Well, I know how
silly it sounds,
260
00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:25,935
but you know what a vivid
imagination Betty has.
261
00:13:26,066 --> 00:13:27,284
- Oh, sure.
262
00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:28,546
- You're laughing at me.
263
00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:29,809
- No, I'm not.
264
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:31,854
- Can I help it if
I worry about you?
265
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:33,595
- No, I'm glad you do.
266
00:13:33,725 --> 00:13:36,641
- Well, just watch out for those
sexy female foreign agents.
267
00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:38,774
- Believe me, you've got
nothing to worry about.
268
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,037
I promise you I'll have
nothing to do with them,
269
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:43,039
except, of course, if
it's in the line of duty.
270
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:51,221
Believe me, honey.
271
00:13:51,352 --> 00:13:53,136
I'm coming back.
272
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,529
- You better.
273
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:58,098
[music playing]
274
00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:11,676
[knocking]
275
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,026
- Come in.
276
00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:14,810
- Hi, Mrs. Nelson.
- Oh, hi, Betty.
277
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:17,073
- I'm just on my way to school.
Can I talk to you for a second?
278
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:18,161
- Sure.
279
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,557
- I just thought you might
have something to tell me.
280
00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:24,124
- Well, I did find
out one thing.
281
00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:25,342
- Really?
What is it?
282
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:27,344
- He's not a member of the FBI.
283
00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:29,042
- He's with the CIA.
- No.
284
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:30,043
- He's a T-man.
285
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,261
- No, he's nothing.
286
00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:32,610
Well, I don't mean he's nothing.
287
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,525
He's my husband,
and he's a lawyer.
288
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:35,831
- Oh, how can you be sure?
289
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,920
- Well, because he told me.
290
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,053
- I know, Mrs. Nelson, but
that doesn't mean a thing
291
00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:41,315
in a case like this.
292
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,273
He was probably
trying to protect you.
293
00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:45,710
They never tell their
wives, you know.
294
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:46,973
I mean it.
295
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:48,235
There was one counter
spy who didn't
296
00:14:48,365 --> 00:14:49,976
tell his wife for 10 years.
297
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,238
- Well, that couldn't be Dave.
298
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,153
We haven't been
married that long.
299
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:54,328
- Hey, honey?
- Oh, hi.
300
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:55,938
- Hi.
Hi, Betty.
301
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:57,461
- Hello, Mr. Nelson.
- What's the matter?
302
00:14:57,592 --> 00:14:58,462
Did you forget something?
303
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,203
- Oh, well, yeah.
304
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:01,988
I forgot to tell you I won't
be home for dinner tonight.
305
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,206
- Oh?
306
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,642
Are you working
late at the office?
307
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,514
- Well, no, not exactly.
308
00:15:06,644 --> 00:15:08,342
See, I have an appointment
right after work.
309
00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:09,996
- Oh, well, OK.
310
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:11,040
- I have to get going.
311
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:12,520
I'll see you later.
- Bye.
312
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:13,651
- Bye.
Bye, Betty.
313
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:14,783
- Goodbye.
314
00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:19,701
What did I tell you?
315
00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,572
He's going out on some
secret mission tonight.
316
00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:22,878
- Oh, well, I'm sure he isn't.
317
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,314
He just has an appointment.
318
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:26,099
- I see he didn't tell
you where he was going.
319
00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:27,230
- No.
No, he didn't.
320
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:28,275
- See?
321
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:29,885
So it must be a secret.
322
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:31,191
- OK, you win.
323
00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:32,235
He's a counter spy,
and he's going out
324
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,584
on a secret mission tonight.
325
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,807
You know, I wonder
where he is going.
326
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:55,215
- [excited squeal]
327
00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:56,520
- I've got the cash.
328
00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:57,869
- Oh, that's good.
329
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,959
There's no hurry,
but I could use it.
330
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,656
- Oh, under the
circumstances, I thought
331
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,179
it'd be better than a check.
332
00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,573
- Oh, your wife getting
a little suspicious, huh?
333
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,270
- I'm afraid so.
334
00:16:07,401 --> 00:16:09,751
It'll be worth all
the trouble, though.
335
00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:11,709
It's really going to
be a surprise for her.
336
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:12,884
- I hope so.
337
00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:26,289
- You know, I think you've got
yourself a pretty good deal.
338
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,726
In fact, if I had known it was
going to turn out this well,
339
00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:31,033
I might have charged
you a little more.
340
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:32,687
- Well, it looks
pretty good, but you've
341
00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,297
forgotten how it sounds.
342
00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:36,038
[out of tune chord]
343
00:16:36,169 --> 00:16:38,432
- Yes, I guess you're right.
344
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,477
Look here, a deal's a deal.
345
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:43,915
I'm giving no money back.
346
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:46,396
- Say, you don't happen to know
a good piano tuner, do you?
347
00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,181
- Well, yes, as a
matter of fact, I do.
348
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:49,617
He's an old friend of mine.
349
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,488
Do you want me to tell
him to give you a ring?
350
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:53,316
- Yeah, that'd be fine.
351
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:55,188
Let's see, I'll be
in court tomorrow.
352
00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:57,494
Maybe you could have him call
me over at my folks' house
353
00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:59,322
tomorrow night.
I'll be over there for dinner.
354
00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:00,584
That is, if you don't mind.
355
00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:02,369
- Oh, no, I'd be glad to.
356
00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:04,719
- Better tell him to make sure
he doesn't talk to my wife.
357
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:06,199
I'd hate to spoil the surprise.
358
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:07,678
- OK, I'll warn him.
359
00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,115
- I'll see you
tomorrow night then.
360
00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:10,507
That is, if I can
think of another excuse
361
00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:11,508
to get out of the house.
362
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:12,770
I'm kind of running out of them.
363
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:14,642
- Yeah, I can imagine so.
364
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:16,687
Say, I used to tell my
wife I was going down
365
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:20,343
to the feed store to get
some kerosene for the lamps.
366
00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:23,172
- Well, I doubt if I
could use that one.
367
00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:24,173
Goodnight, Mr. Big.
368
00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:25,261
- Goodnight, Dave.
369
00:17:27,916 --> 00:17:28,786
- Thanks, June.
370
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:29,918
- Thanks, honey.
371
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:40,798
- Now, wait a
second, are you sure
372
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,235
I got the biggest piece here?
373
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:43,627
- Of course.
374
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,194
- Now, now, now, Rick's
is bigger than mine.
375
00:17:45,325 --> 00:17:46,804
- Well, he's still growing.
376
00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:48,502
- Well, so am I.
- I know.
377
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:49,807
That's what I'm trying to stop.
378
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:51,200
- [chuckle]
379
00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:53,333
- Besides, yours has
more ice cream on it.
380
00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:54,682
- Gee, this sure
looks good, Mom.
381
00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:56,162
- Thank you, dear.
382
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,381
- Mm, yeah, sure is.
383
00:17:58,512 --> 00:17:59,730
- Thank you.
384
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:00,731
- Dave?
385
00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:01,819
- Hmm?
386
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:03,430
Oh, yeah, it sure is good, Mom.
387
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,474
- Thank you, dear.
388
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:05,823
- What were you worrying about?
389
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:07,260
- Was I worrying?
390
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,392
- Well, I could see the
wheels turning around.
391
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:10,915
- Well, to be honest
with you, I was
392
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:12,308
trying to think
of a pleasant way
393
00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:14,093
to tell you I have to
go out again tonight.
394
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:15,616
- Oh, no, really?
395
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:16,660
- Yeah, I'm afraid so.
396
00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,401
- I'm sorry, honey.
397
00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:20,316
- Oh, jeez, you had to work
late every night this week.
398
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:21,970
- Oh, gee, that's too bad.
399
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,668
What kind of a case
you working on, Dave?
400
00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:26,975
- Oh, it's kind of
confidential, Pop.
401
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,108
At least for the time being.
402
00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:30,892
- Oh.
403
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:33,460
- I'll be able to tell you more
about it in a couple of days.
404
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,331
Well, guess I better get going.
405
00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:37,420
Bye, sweetheart.
406
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:38,900
- Oh, Dave, you
have to go so soon?
407
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,423
- I'm afraid so, Mom.
Thanks for dinner.
408
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:41,859
- Goodnight.
409
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:43,122
- Uh, Dave, I don't have
too much to do tonight.
410
00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:44,601
Do you suppose
she's got a friend?
411
00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:46,125
- Uh, thanks a lot.
412
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:47,735
[chuckle]
413
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,048
- Junie, that goes
over here, dear.
414
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:58,398
- Oh, honestly, I don't what's--
415
00:18:58,528 --> 00:19:00,095
[clattering]
416
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,575
Oh, golly, I'm sorry.
417
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:03,316
- Oh, that's OK.
418
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:04,795
Is anything wrong?
419
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:05,927
- Oh, no, what do you mean?
420
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:07,450
- Well, I don't know.
421
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,017
I just wondered if there's
anything troubling you.
422
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,280
- Oh, no.
423
00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,021
Well, yes, there is.
424
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,371
I think David's a secret
agent for the FBI.
425
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:16,372
- You're kidding.
426
00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:18,157
[clattering]
427
00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:19,288
- What's going on out here?
428
00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:20,637
A pan-dropping contest?
429
00:19:20,768 --> 00:19:21,856
- What makes you say that?
430
00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:22,944
- Well--
431
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,815
- Well, everything points to it.
432
00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:26,817
- Points to what?
433
00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:29,994
- Well, June thinks
that David...
434
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:31,561
Go ahead, tell him.
435
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:35,043
- That David is a secret
agent for the FBI.
436
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,044
- You're kidding.
437
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,045
[thud]
438
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,569
[clattering]
439
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:45,184
- I know it sounds crazy,
but it all seems to add up.
440
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:47,795
- Well, I'm sure there must be
a logical explanation for all
441
00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:49,362
these things.
442
00:19:49,492 --> 00:19:50,580
- Well, what about the
other night, for instance?
443
00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:51,973
You didn't see him
at the Men's Club.
444
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,496
- Well, I know.
445
00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:55,324
But there's probably an
explanation for that, too.
446
00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:57,805
- You mean David was at the
meeting, and you weren't?
447
00:19:57,935 --> 00:20:00,590
- [chuckle] Harriet, I was
at the meeting, believe me.
448
00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:02,897
I'm not a secret
agent for anything.
449
00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:04,942
- Then you think David is?
450
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,422
- I think both of
you girls are just
451
00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:08,685
letting your imaginations
run away with you.
452
00:20:08,816 --> 00:20:10,165
- The only thing,
though, I remember
453
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:11,688
when he graduated
from law school,
454
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:13,864
he mentioned that he was
eligible for the FBI.
455
00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:14,865
- Oh, that's right.
456
00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:16,389
I remember that, too.
457
00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:17,999
- And his office has
handled a couple of cases
458
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:19,870
for the government lately.
- I know it.
459
00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:21,655
- Look, Harriet,
you and I have met
460
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:24,353
a lot of people in our lives,
but how many secret agents have
461
00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:25,354
we ever known?
462
00:20:25,485 --> 00:20:27,095
- Well, none.
463
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,750
Except David.
464
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,969
- If you girls want to
believe that, it's OK with me.
465
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,319
[ringing]
466
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:34,711
Probably David right now.
467
00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:38,019
Hello?
468
00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:39,281
- Hello, Mr. Nelson?
469
00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:40,282
- Yes?
470
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:41,588
- This is Conrad Churnikov.
471
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:42,632
- Who?
472
00:20:42,763 --> 00:20:43,938
- Conrad Churnikov.
473
00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:45,244
Is this David Nelson?
474
00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:46,984
- Oh, no, he's not
here right now.
475
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:48,116
This is his father.
476
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,596
- Oh, I am sorry.
477
00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:51,728
- Is there any message?
478
00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:53,426
- Uh, yes, please.
479
00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:55,515
Tell him the man called
about tuning his piano.
480
00:20:55,645 --> 00:20:56,516
[music plays]
481
00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:58,735
- Oh.
482
00:20:58,866 --> 00:21:01,477
OK.
483
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:03,087
- Who was that?
484
00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:05,307
- Uh, somebody for David.
485
00:21:05,438 --> 00:21:08,136
He spoke with kind of an accent.
486
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,094
- What did he want David for?
487
00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:12,706
- Well, it's, uh-- it's
something about tuning
488
00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:14,185
your piano.
489
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:15,448
- Tuning our piano?
490
00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:16,971
We don't have a piano.
491
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:19,147
- Well, he probably just
said that to mislead you.
492
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,931
He didn't want you
to know who he was.
493
00:21:21,062 --> 00:21:24,544
- He told me his name,
Conrad Churnikov.
494
00:21:24,674 --> 00:21:26,937
- Comrade?
495
00:21:27,068 --> 00:21:28,504
- No, Conrad--
496
00:21:28,635 --> 00:21:30,680
C-O-M...
497
00:21:30,811 --> 00:21:33,988
Look, you girls are making
a big deal out of nothing.
498
00:21:34,118 --> 00:21:36,512
The man just phoned
about tuning your piano.
499
00:21:36,643 --> 00:21:37,687
- But we don't have a piano.
500
00:21:37,818 --> 00:21:40,864
- You don't have a piano.
501
00:21:40,995 --> 00:21:42,170
- It looks wonderful, Dave.
502
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:43,345
- Oh, thanks.
503
00:21:43,476 --> 00:21:45,042
She's really going
to be surprised.
504
00:21:45,173 --> 00:21:47,131
I sure want to thank you for
letting me work on it here.
505
00:21:47,262 --> 00:21:48,132
- Oh, that's OK.
506
00:21:48,263 --> 00:21:49,612
I enjoyed your company.
507
00:21:49,743 --> 00:21:51,266
When are you going
to take it home?
508
00:21:51,397 --> 00:21:53,312
- Well, I thought I'd take
it over there this weekend.
509
00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:54,574
Our anniversary is Monday.
510
00:21:54,704 --> 00:21:56,663
- Well, you're welcome
to use my truck.
511
00:21:56,793 --> 00:21:57,925
- Oh, thanks a lot.
512
00:21:58,055 --> 00:21:59,361
Now all I have to
do is figure out
513
00:21:59,492 --> 00:22:01,363
some way of getting
June out of the house.
514
00:22:01,494 --> 00:22:02,451
Hey, wait a second.
515
00:22:02,582 --> 00:22:03,844
She's out of the
house right now.
516
00:22:03,974 --> 00:22:05,628
- Well, why not take
it over tonight then?
517
00:22:05,759 --> 00:22:07,848
- Yeah, I think I will.
I could hide it in the basement.
518
00:22:07,978 --> 00:22:09,676
I'll need a little help, though.
Can I use your phone?
519
00:22:09,806 --> 00:22:10,938
- Oh, sure, help yourself.
520
00:22:15,682 --> 00:22:17,031
[ringing]
521
00:22:17,161 --> 00:22:18,467
- I've got it.
522
00:22:18,598 --> 00:22:19,642
Hello?
- Hello, Rick?
523
00:22:19,773 --> 00:22:20,730
This is Dave.
524
00:22:20,861 --> 00:22:22,036
But, look, don't
mention my name.
525
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:23,516
I don't want June
to know it's me.
526
00:22:23,646 --> 00:22:24,778
I've got a surprise for her.
527
00:22:24,908 --> 00:22:25,822
- Oh, yeah.
528
00:22:25,953 --> 00:22:27,520
- Uh, Rick, who is it?
529
00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:28,956
- Oh, it's for me, Pop.
530
00:22:29,086 --> 00:22:30,087
- Oh.
531
00:22:33,874 --> 00:22:34,918
- What's the problem?
532
00:22:35,049 --> 00:22:36,442
- Well, I've got
a piano for June,
533
00:22:36,572 --> 00:22:38,444
and I want to move it over
to the apartment tonight
534
00:22:38,574 --> 00:22:39,662
and surprise her with it.
535
00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:41,229
It's for our anniversary.
536
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:42,709
- Oh, and you need some help?
537
00:22:42,839 --> 00:22:44,058
- Yeah, that's the general idea.
538
00:22:44,188 --> 00:22:45,364
- Well, can we handle it?
539
00:22:45,494 --> 00:22:46,713
I mean just the two of us.
540
00:22:46,843 --> 00:22:47,757
- Yeah, it's a small one.
541
00:22:47,888 --> 00:22:48,802
- OK.
542
00:22:48,932 --> 00:22:50,020
Where are you?
543
00:22:50,151 --> 00:22:55,025
- 1754 North Adams.
544
00:22:55,156 --> 00:22:56,984
- OK, I'll be right over.
- Right away, huh?
545
00:22:57,114 --> 00:22:58,377
- Yeah, I'll hurry up.
I'll see you, Dave.
546
00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:04,905
- Rick?
547
00:23:05,035 --> 00:23:06,341
Did you say Dave?
548
00:23:06,472 --> 00:23:07,951
- Oh, uh, I'm going
out for a little while.
549
00:23:08,082 --> 00:23:10,911
I'll see you later.
550
00:23:11,041 --> 00:23:12,434
- Why was he in such a hurry?
551
00:23:12,565 --> 00:23:14,001
- Well, I don't
know, but I'm sure it
552
00:23:14,131 --> 00:23:15,306
had something to do with David.
553
00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:18,832
I heard him say
"Dave" on the phone.
554
00:23:18,962 --> 00:23:20,790
- Now, wait a second,
if it was David,
555
00:23:20,921 --> 00:23:22,444
why wouldn't he have told us?
556
00:23:22,575 --> 00:23:24,272
- Well, because he
wants to protect us.
557
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:26,274
There was this one counter
spy who didn't tell us
558
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:27,710
why for 10 years.
559
00:23:27,841 --> 00:23:29,364
- Look, he wrote the
address on the pad.
560
00:23:29,495 --> 00:23:31,105
The imprint is still here.
561
00:23:31,235 --> 00:23:33,412
- Oh, if we get a pencil and
rub over this, we can read what
562
00:23:33,542 --> 00:23:34,587
it says.
563
00:23:34,717 --> 00:23:36,110
- [chuckle] If he
were in trouble,
564
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,503
he would have phoned the FBI.
565
00:23:37,633 --> 00:23:39,243
- Well, what if they
were being held prisoner
566
00:23:39,374 --> 00:23:43,030
by a bunch of spies that just
discovered his real identity?
567
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,206
- Harriet, that's the silliest
thing I've ever heard.
568
00:23:45,336 --> 00:23:46,425
Give me the pad.
569
00:23:46,555 --> 00:23:49,993
[music playing]
570
00:23:54,955 --> 00:23:58,437
[sirens]
571
00:24:12,799 --> 00:24:13,756
- Watch the finish.
572
00:24:13,887 --> 00:24:15,802
- Watch my feet, will you?
573
00:24:15,932 --> 00:24:18,239
Next time, why don't you
surprise her with a harmonica?
574
00:24:18,369 --> 00:24:19,806
- Now hear this.
This is the police.
575
00:24:19,936 --> 00:24:21,677
Hold it right where you are.
You're surrounded.
576
00:24:21,808 --> 00:24:23,940
- OK, up against the
wall with your hands up.
577
00:24:24,071 --> 00:24:24,941
- Officer--
578
00:24:25,072 --> 00:24:27,509
[music playing]
579
00:24:30,512 --> 00:24:33,472
[playing piano]
580
00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:38,433
- Hey, that's good, Rick.
581
00:24:38,564 --> 00:24:39,434
- Yeah, let me try it.
582
00:24:39,565 --> 00:24:40,479
- Oh, come on, you guys.
583
00:24:40,609 --> 00:24:41,741
It's my piano.
584
00:24:41,871 --> 00:24:43,612
- Please, you're
forgetting, I'm a guest.
585
00:24:43,743 --> 00:24:46,136
- [chuckle] You did a beautiful
job on the finish, Dave.
586
00:24:46,267 --> 00:24:47,877
- Oh, thanks, Mom.
587
00:24:48,008 --> 00:24:48,878
Yeah, it turned out pretty
good, considering it almost got
588
00:24:49,009 --> 00:24:50,097
shot full of holes last night.
589
00:24:50,227 --> 00:24:51,490
- Oh, don't say that.
590
00:24:51,620 --> 00:24:53,317
- Oh, I don't even
want to think about it.
591
00:24:53,448 --> 00:24:56,495
- At least we got a lot of help
lifting it up on the truck.
592
00:24:56,625 --> 00:24:57,887
- Hey, where's Dad?
593
00:24:58,018 --> 00:24:59,280
- Oh, well, he's going
to be a little late.
594
00:24:59,410 --> 00:25:00,586
He had a meeting to
attend to or something.
595
00:25:00,716 --> 00:25:02,065
- Excuse me, Mrs.
Nelson, may I come in?
596
00:25:02,196 --> 00:25:03,066
- Oh, hi, Betty.
- Hi, Betty.
597
00:25:03,197 --> 00:25:04,677
- Oh, hi, everybody.
598
00:25:04,807 --> 00:25:06,069
Hey, they're talking about
your piano on television.
599
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:07,723
- My piano?
600
00:25:07,854 --> 00:25:09,203
- Yes, on the same show
David was on the other night.
601
00:25:09,333 --> 00:25:10,465
- Uh, Betty, I wasn't on it.
602
00:25:10,596 --> 00:25:11,858
- Oh, it's all
right, Mr. Nelson.
603
00:25:11,988 --> 00:25:14,338
I won't tell a soul, honest.
604
00:25:14,469 --> 00:25:16,776
- For the benefit of those
of you who just tuned in,
605
00:25:16,906 --> 00:25:19,343
we're talking to our
citizen in the news tonight.
606
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:24,131
He's the public
spirited gentleman
607
00:25:24,261 --> 00:25:27,569
who tipped off the police last
night in the now-famous "piano
608
00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:28,962
move" case.
609
00:25:29,092 --> 00:25:31,442
Since our guest chooses
to remain anonymous,
610
00:25:31,573 --> 00:25:36,665
we'll just call him Mr. N. Now
then, let's get this straight.
611
00:25:36,796 --> 00:25:38,841
You are a member of the FBI.
612
00:25:38,972 --> 00:25:40,756
- No, no, no, it was my son.
613
00:25:40,887 --> 00:25:41,801
- Oh, I see.
614
00:25:41,931 --> 00:25:43,803
Your son is a member of the FBI.
615
00:25:43,933 --> 00:25:45,413
- Uh, well, no.
616
00:25:45,544 --> 00:25:48,982
No, see, I, uh--
617
00:25:49,112 --> 00:25:51,462
we thought he was because
of a series of very
618
00:25:51,593 --> 00:25:53,943
interesting circumstances.
619
00:25:54,074 --> 00:25:58,426
[chuckle] It's
really quite amusing.
620
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,776
It could happen to anybody.
621
00:26:13,310 --> 00:26:15,095
- Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"
622
00:26:15,225 --> 00:26:17,880
was brought to you by the dairy
farmer members of the American
623
00:26:18,011 --> 00:26:19,403
Dairy Association.
624
00:26:19,534 --> 00:26:21,884
- You never outgrow your
need for milk's vitality.
625
00:26:22,015 --> 00:26:23,451
- Join us in a glass now.
626
00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:26,889
[music playing]
43205
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