All language subtitles for My.Big.Fat.Greek.Wedding.2.2016.1080p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.AG]

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You better get married.

You're starting to look old.

Dad! You can't
say that to her!

Pappou!

Huh.

That's
a family tradition.

My dad used to say that to me, and
now he just said it to my daughter.

She's 17.

My family worries about each
other because we're close.

Very close.

Extremely close.

We see no difference between
hugging and suffocation.

Toula, find your daughter
a Greek boyfriend

before she does
what you did.

What the...

You married a kseno.
My husband!

He's a nice boy, very nice,
but not Greek, a kseno.

How can you say that?

Please stop!

Hmm.

Do I speak for all
mothers of teens when I ask,

"Does it ever get better?"

Hey, hey, hey.

Ela, Costa!

Nicko.

Hey, Dad, pop the trunk.
I'm freezing my nads off.

Too much makeup.

We're gonna
have a nice day.

And we'll paint,
and we'll do nice things.

Gus, I put your pills
by your coffee.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Costa, did you finish drawing
Alexander the Great?

Uh-huh. And I sculpted
a Parthenon out of soap.

Very good, very good.

Oh, no.

Spell check corrected
"spanakopita" to "spina bifida."

Ugh!

Kisses.

Aw,
kisses from your child.

That's over.

My sister did it right.

When her sons became possessed
by the teen wolf hormones,

she popped out another one.

And another one.

Let's go!
Put on your hat.

Paris, you should come and help
at the restaurant sometime.

You should butter
the garlic bread.

Can't wait.

Come here, darling.

Ugh.

Toula, you and Ian
seen these eyes?

You better fix this.

Okay, bye, bye.

After school
you have hockey.

Your brothers are coming,
so you make sure you score.

You will score.
The Greeks invented hockey.

Yes, because what do you
play hockey on? Ice.

What is the Greek word
for ice? Pago.

Pago, puck.
There you go.

There you go.

There you go.

Now, give me a word, any word...

...and I will show you how the
root of that word is Greek.

Uh, Facebook.

Huh. The Greeks
invented Facebook.

We called it the telephone.

- Bye-bye!
- Bye, Pappou!

Paris.

Keep your eyeballs open now
for a nice Greek boy

so one day
you can make babies.

Don't waste your eggs.

Outstanding.

Paris! Pappou didn't mean
to say anything hurtful.

You're beautiful,
so beautiful.

Of course you
don't look old.

He just says stuff
like that. To me, too.

You don't need
a boyfriend,

you don't need to get
married and make babies!

- Oh, my God.
- The lady's back again.

Mother.

When did my name
change from...

Mommy!

...to...

Mother!

Drama.

Shut up, Tommy.

I guess when my
daughter started to pull away,

I should have retreated.

But I stayed too close.

I kept volunteering
at her school.

I wanted her to think
I was cool again.

Oh!

Loser!

Then I remembered
I've never been cool.

Here comes
the principal.

My husband
has always been cool.

He just has it.

And he always knows
the perfect thing to say.

You okay, babe?

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, so just when my daughter
doesn't want me around anymore,

my parents need me
more than ever.

So I go with them
to get groceries,

to their doctors,
and to physical therapy.

The old guys suck the
chocolate off those nuts.

I loved being a travel agent,
but in a tight economy,

the first things to go are luxuries
like travel and dry cleaning.

Well, luckily,
people still eat.

Oh.

Hold up, Dad.

My sister and brother have young
children so I help at the restaurant.

It's what we do.

'Cause families that
are close like mine,

we make it through bad economies
and sickness and even wars

because we stick together.

But some of us
just get stuck.

Hey, Paris.

Hey.

Dad, do not talk to me.

People think
I'm a narc!

Well, shouldn't you be
in class right now?

You track me all day.

Mom's needy,
Pappou wants to marry me off,

Yiayia constantly tells me to never
ever let a boy touch my poulaki

because "once he
feels it, he wants it"!

This family.

Hey! Save it
for the shrink.

Shut up, Tommy.

Honey, your mom felt the
same way about being Greek.

Dad, that's obtuse.

Why would I have
an issue being Greek?

I can't take that everyone
is always in my business.

Give me some air.
I'm not a kid.

I can be late to a class.

There won't be a spasmodic catastrophic
ripple in the space-time continuum.

Hmm.

And, yes, four of those
words are Greek.

Hi.

Hi.
Hi.

Where were you
when we set up?

I'm so sorry.
My pipes froze.

And decorated the gym.

So I had to plunge my sink.

You're on clean-up.

Thank you.

Hi.
Hi.

You can say no to them.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Been a long time since those
two made fun of your lunch.

They called it
moose-caca.

Eh, come on, don't
let them boss you around.

There's Paris.

If she goes to Northwestern,
she'll stay in Chicago.

Please, oh, please.
Let's go over there.

No.
Right.

There she is!

Did you invite the family?

Paris!

I told my ma.

Hold on. Hey! Hey!

We're just in time.

We're here!

I want you to be
a dental hygienist.

A mother working
two days a week, perfect!

Paris, be a hairdresser.
Like me!

Ian, look.

Everybody has boys.

You vegetarian. One girl.

Slow sperm.

That's Theia Voula
on the FaceTimes.

Maria, I'm on my way.

I was at Zumba.

Who is Zumba?

Sorry.

We need to find
a boyfriend for Paris.

How about Ariana Skoufis'
boy, huh?

Everybody on that
island has six toes.

Let's wait until summer.
We check his feet.

I see you.

I don't see you.

I see you.

I don't see you.

I see you.

I don't see you. I see you!

I see her.

Look at this app.

Ten thousand steps,
I met my goal.

Where's Taki?
He never answers the phone.

Why stand when
you can sit?

Look tired so
they leave us alone.

Hey, Angelo.

You get my
flat-screen TV?

Yeah, I got it
right here.

You can't breathe.
You can't breathe.

Guys!
All right, break it up.

Break it up.
You're coming with me.

Hey, Mike?
Hey, buddy.

You miss working here?

No. Way too scary for me.

Hey, sorry we're late.

Yeah, we had to stop
and pick up Mana-Yiayia.

Wait, where is she?

Mana-Yiayia?

Mana-Yiayia?

Look low, everybody.

Spanakopita!

- Let me in there!
- I want a piece. Easy, guys. Easy.

- Take a picture.
- Ooh, that's good.

Hey, come.

No, no, honey.

You don't have to do that.
Why don't you just...

It's okay.

Pull my neck back.
Oh, yeah.

And you do mine.
Okay.

Pull, pull.
Okay.

One, two, three, pull!

Okay.

Hey, Bennett.

Good?

Let me. I'll be the judge.

Not bad.

Oh, that looks good.

Mmm. So good.
Mmm-hmm.

We should go.

Why?

So Paris can speak with this
gentleman and go to Northwestern.

Well, if she gets in.

"If"?

Come here.

My niece wants to come to your
school, you're gonna say, "Welcome."

You got it?

Come here, pal.

And a tuition discount means
a box of steaks for ya.

Uh...

Northwestern is
very selective.

She's only coming there
if you teach Greek history.

Of course.
We have an outstanding classics program.

Greek, Italian.

The Greeks invented Italian.

Actually, no.
Yes.

Nope.

You Greek?

No, sir.
I'm a Sephardic Jew.

Then you Greek.

No, my family is Spanish.

Alexander the Great went through
Spain spreading his seed.

You Greek.

This is not the time.

And it's ridiculous.

The man doesn't know history.
"Spreading his seed"?

Hey.

Hey!

Alabama, Florida,
Texas, New York.

These are the colleges I'm applying to,
far, far away from here.

Why do you want
to leave me?

Didn't I say, get your
daughter a Greek boyfriend?

Dad!
And you, educate yourself.

We are all descendants
of Alexander the Great.

I am for sure!

No, you're not.

Maria...
No, you're not.

It's okay.
He knows, he knows.

It's okay.

Gracias.

Okay, give me
a word. Any word.

Chimichanga.

Sure.

"Chimi" comes from the Greek word
"kima, " which means "spicy beef."

And "changa" comes from
the Greek word "tsanda, "

which means "purse."

So meat that is
shaped like a purse.

Chimichanga.

There you go.

- There you go.
- Quit setting me up.

Hey, just meet her.
She's from Holland.

Nah. I don't
speak Hollandaise.

Yeah, in the city.

Exactly.

Ah...

It's ready.

Eh.

Hey.

Hi.

Just because you don't want to be
working here when you're my age

doesn't mean you have to run off
to college in another city.

I just hope you applied to
some local colleges, too.

Why do parents
always say "dream big"

when they really mean
"not too big"?

Like, "Fly, little birdy. Wait,
no, let me hold your wings."

Payback.

What?

Office.

Sit.

Oh, please don't lecture me
about my daughter.

I'm going to find her
a boyfriend. Relax.

Now, show me
how to work that.

You want to learn
how to use a computer?

Yeah, what's that thing called
where they search for the...

DNA?

A crime scene.

No, no, where their
families come from.

Oh, the Find Your
Ancestry site.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
I'm going to prove to your mother

that I'm related to
Alexander the Great.

But don't tell her.

Dad, you're gonna have to
type in your relatives

all the way
back to 300 BC.

You get frustrated
just adding up checks.

Because your mother talks to
me and I lose count. Show me.

Okay.

This is called a mouse.
Why?

I don't know.
Put your hand on it.

Less.

Good. Look on the monitor.

Don't make up words.
You confuse me.

Okay. Move your hand
on the mouse.

This is your mouse
moving on the screen.

I got this!

Down, down, save.

That's delete! Go back!
Oh, my God.

Down, down.

That's delete, Dad!

No! Now what?
Okay!

Dot, dot. Okay.

Now...

No! No!

Toula!

0-6-6...
No, no, no. 6-0-6.

6-0... 0-6-0-6.

"Quit"?

No quit!

1-9-2-9.

1-2-9-9.
No, no, no.

Toula!

Oh, no, no, don't click
on that, Dad. That's porn.

It's porn?

I don't know how it got there.
Delete, delete, delete...

Nicko, wake up!

Look what it's doing.

Toula!

No. No. No!

Stay down.

Stay.
You're older than me.

No, no!
Stop! No eyes!

Sit.

How's it going, Dad?

Oh, is slow.

Huh.

See, honey?
You can't move away.

Who will you
go to church with?

Paris, look.

Husbands.

I'll be in the car.

I'll go with you.
Me, too.

Of course.

Angelo, go pick a wife.

Ma, I'm not 13 anymore.

Maria, Costa,
we have a new family.

Hi.
Hello.

We're the Mikoses.
I'm Anna, this is my husband George.

How you doin'?
Hello.

I am Maria Portokalos.

This is my husband Costa.
Gus, for short.

Do you have
any children?

Do you have a son?

We do. We have a son.
Yeah, we do have a son.

Ah. Meat eaters.

Maria, please invite them
to our restaurant.

And bring your son.

Excuse me now,
I have to go talk to the priest.

Okay.

Be careful, Gus.
Your hip.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know you.

Oh.

You must recognize my husband
from the Channel Seven news.

Come on, do the thing.

Oh, yeah?

Hey now, Chicago.

Pater, look at
my wedding certificate.

Never signed.

Will you...

I'm sorry, Costa.
Can't do it.

You're not married?

Shush!

How can this be?

Well, you know, the war.

The priest in our village,
he never finished the seminary.

There was no money
for anything.

So, I guess he just
came back to the town,

he start to do funerals
and baptisms and weddings

and nobody knew.

Lucky we got married
in Athens.

Our priest just
can't sign it?

He's not allowed.

What did Maria say?

I don't know how I'm going to tell her.
You know how upset she'll be.

We're not married?

No!

And we had children?

Yes!

I'm a hippie.

"Hippie."

Maria, this is serious.
It's not right.

Who cares?
We're married now.

By what's...
What's that called?

Time served.

People will find out.

We have to get married.

Yeah, Dad. "You better get married.
You're starting to look old."

Too soon?

Mmm-hmm.

The priest says
he will do it.

We can go today.

Today?

Sounds good! Let's go.

Oh, okay. Okay!
That's good. That's good.

I'm not ready to get
married just like that.

We're married already.

Then why do we have to
see the priest?

What's going on?

Gus,

I want you to propose to me.

I did!

Not really.
You didn't say it right.

And it's been bothering
me for 50 years.

What did I say?

You don't remember?

It was a long time ago.

You said, "I'm going to America.
You coming or not?"

Uh...

That's direct.

Dad, I can't
believe you said that.

What's wrong with that?
I think it's fine. Honest.

Oh, wait. I remember.

You said, "I want to
put a baby in you."

Nicko.

I thought it was
romantic. Hey!

And that was the last time
you tried being romantic.

Nobody warns you
when you get married

the romance is gone
just like that.

Can we focus on
my parents, here?

Ma, what's the matter?

I just don't want to
get married today.

Maria!

Mom, hold on.
Toula, do something!

I'll talk to her.
Everybody, out.

I thought it was
a good proposal.

Hi, Theia.

A little present from me.
I just did your living room.

Ah. Thank you.
How's my mom?

Oh, your mom isn't talking to your
dad until he proposes, and your dad

says she's always been bossy
and he won't do it.

This is for you.

Oh, thank you.
I have tweezers.

Oh, with a light.

All right, I'll talk to my mom
and dad after I make dinner.

No offense.

You and your husband
look terrible.

Okay.

Stop trying to
fix everything.

You baby your parents because you
can't parent your baby no more.

Your generation,
you're super mommy.

Then one day you wake up,
you realize your baby don't need you.

You forgot how to
brush your hair.

I don't have time
to brush my hair.

Text your husband.
You're going on a date.

Where?

I don't know.
Do I have to do everything?

And afterward, this will
help you sleep better. Hmm.

Look, satin.

Slippery, like an eel.

Theia.

That is the last thing
I can think about.

I need a shower, I need to dye
my hair, I need wrinkle cream...

Wrinkles! No.

Greek don't creak.

Anyway, you know
what Taki likes in bed?

Oh, no.

Confidence.

That's sexy.

Okay, I'm done.

And dress up like
a hotel maid.

Men love morning
room service.

Sunny side up!

Okay. Good talk.

Take your husband on a date.
Don't worry about anything.

Mana-Yiayia and I will stay with Paris.
I'll talk to her.

I'll scare her out of moving
away from her family.

No, Theia.
I'm just kidding.

Oh. Okay.
Not really.

Have fun.

Laugh, flirt.

One rule. Don't fight.

Which means don't talk
about your daughter.

Remember, you were a girlfriend
before you were a mother.

Okay.

You're welcome.

Shave everything.

Everything. Ooh!

I'll check this for you.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Quick, sit down before
my wife gets here.

Wow.

You look pretty.

Well, four hours, $500.

How much?

You look so handsome.

Yeah?

Yeah!
Thanks.

Aunt Voula called
me up, she said,

"You used to be good-looking.
Get it together."

Oh.

So I...
Buzzed my nose hairs.

Ah. Well, now I know that.

Who said there's no romance
after marriage?

Me.

Me, too.

Want to work on it?

Okay.

Don't have garlic tonight
because you might get lucky.

You really think Paris is
gonna go away to college?

You know, Aunt Voula said that
we shouldn't talk about Paris.

Oh.
Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

So, how was your day?

Why can't we talk
about Paris?

I know.

I mean, I have to.

Me, too. How do we stop
her from moving away?

I was thinking that we could
act like it's okay with us.

Reverse psychology?

Yeah, it always works.
That's great.

Or we could
write a letter.

"Dear admissions board,
we hope you accept our daughter"

"because she just
got outta jail."

"P.S. Do you have a student
lounge where she can sell pot?"

That's funny.
That's funny.

I don't know what I'm gonna
do if she goes away.

Don't.

No, I don't know
what I'm gonna do.

Come on.
Please don't.

I don't know
what I'm gonna do.

It's gonna be okay.

This is why Aunt Voula said,
"Don't talk about Paris."

But once you're a parent,
what else do you want to talk about?

I don't know.

Theia Voula said to remember
I was a girlfriend before I was a mother.

Yeah, you were
my girlfriend.

Hey, remember
when we were dating,

you wouldn't let me drop you
off in front of the house

'cause you didn't want
your parents to see me?

No. I didn't want you
to see the house.

How could I miss it?

I used to park right...

...here.

What's going on?

I remember those
good-night kisses.

Oh, you do, huh?

Mmm-hmm.

What are you doing?
Nothing.

Get this off. Get it off.
Do you need help?

Okay, get my tie.

Get it off.

What you doing?

Nothing, nothing!
We're just going.

It's...
Everything's okay.

You don't have a house to do that?
Oh, my God.

Gus, what's wrong?

Perfect.

Parents deserve
a sex life.

Said no one ever.

What is going on
in here?

Nothing.
We're just talking.

Honey, by the way, we think you
should go to college out of state.

What is that?
Reverse psychology?

That never works.
That never works.

That never works.

What's going on?
I'm calling the cops.

It's okay, Mrs. White.

Quiet! Stop it! Quiet!

He doesn't speak English.

I've got pepper spray.

Come on. Come on.

Ian Miller...

In the street?

It is indecent.

Oh, Gus,
what is the problem?

At least
they are married.

Maria!

We are not married.

You want decency?

Tonight, you sleep
in another room.

Socrates, let's go.

- Fine!
- No fine!

Uh...

Can I just ask?
Yes, dear.

Your grandparents are living in sin
because your pappou won't propose.

Uh, I don't get why
Yiayia needs that.

Because you're not a woman who has
put up with Pappou for 50 years.

I have to fix this.

No, you don't.

Where were we?

No, we can't.

Mmm.

Oh. Oh.

It's too tight.

Hey, you're late today.

My wife wouldn't drive me.

Why not?
Nothing, nothing.

Lift these.

I'll be back.

She's gone.

You Greek?

Iranian.

So, Persian?

In 334 BC,

Alexander the Great conquered the
Persian army and occupied the East.

You so Greek,
we probably related.

We had civilizations
in Persia 3,000 years

before you Greeks
discovered rocks.

The Greeks gave the world
philosophy, democracy.

The Chinese gave the world
paper, tea and medicine.

Without Scotland's Alexander Fleming,
the world wouldn't have penicillin.

Soon I will have proof

that I am a direct descendant
of Alexander the Great.

Hey!

He's a moody, moody bear.

Did you leave the dishes
in the sink like I told you?

Yes.
Good.

I sleep with the dog.

And she don't give me
my pills in the morning.

She won't clean,
she won't do my laundry.

Anarchy.
Anarchy.

I don't understand.
Why can't he just propose?

Because he is stubborn.

Oh...

He's looking!

Act like we're having fun.
One, two, three.

Oh, no, really?

Oh...

Reporting for my garlic bread shift.
Hi.

So many other things I could
be doing in my senior year.

Like thinking
about prom?

Nah,
I'm not going to that.

Anything come from colleges yet?
No.

Hello, everybody.
Good to see you again.

Listen, my wife
and son are in the car.

Should I bring them in now?
Good time to visit?

Yes!

Okay.

He has a son for Paris.

Ah. Did you see the hair
on that Greek god?

Now, I'm going to
fix everything.

Paris will stay
in Chicago.

I will be the hero,

and then that woman
can propose to me!

Ah.

Remember when you
asked me out on a date?

Kinda.

How about
another date tonight?

How about "Yeah"?

I cleaned the car.
Ooh.

Everybody,
I have a surprise!

Paris, wipe your face.

Uh-huh.

Dad, what are you up to?

Every Greek girl should
have a Greek boyfriend

and I found you one.

Hello.

Hi.

We're getting married!

You said you had
a son for my granddaughter.

No, he didn't.
You don't listen!

Come on, you can help me
butter garlic bread.

Anyway, welcome
to my restaurant.

Our restaurant.

Is in my name, which
makes you my employee.

Ah...

So, then I want back pay
for 50 years of overtime!

- Ah.
- Dad!

Okay. Mom. Okay.

Welcome, welcome.
Come, let us feed you.

Thank you so much.
Thank you. Okay.

Come on, let's go.

What? We can't
leave right now.

All my life,
I wanted to be a newscaster,

but I have
a very dry mouth.

When I went through puberty,
my tongue swelled up like a tree trunk.

It's still puffy. Look.

Ah.
Oh, I don't want to.

Oh, God, that's big.

I don't want to.
Ah...

Maria, we have
important company.

I don't care!

Oh.

Employee, bring menus.

Get them yourself!

Oh.

Yeah.

Come on, Toula.

Oh.

I was rude to the boss.

I hope
I don't get fired.

She's just kidding,
you know.

She's, uh...

She's, uh...

You know? Not every day,
but sometimes.

Maria,
where are you?

Oh.

Hey, it's Ian.
Leave me a message.

It's me again.

I'm sorry I'm late.
I am closing up.

I'm coming right now.

I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

The phone's ringing.

Hello?

Hey, Maria.

Uh...

Yes. Okay.

Your dad got stuck
in the bathtub.

She can't lift him.

I got this, Ma.

What's up, Dad?

Hello, Nicko.

Ma, you couldn't put
some clothes on him?

If I could,
I wouldn't need you.

What happened?

Did he fall?
It's that hip.

It locked.

I'm fine!

No fine!

Do your physical therapy
like everybody else.

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

All right, all right, we can
handle this, boys. Oh, yeah.

Ma, why don't you
empty the tub?

And put a towel over him.
Okay.

Thank you.

Yeah, you can't un-see that.

- What's going on?
- Just be quiet!

Should I call
an ambulance?

No, no, that'll
make him feel old.

Yeah, he'd never
forgive you.

Me?
Yeah.

Yeah, you'd call, and we'd
have to tell him you called.

Well, what are we
gonna do?

When I was in the kitchen,
we had to season a roast.

I had to put my hands
underneath it and turn it over.

Okay, I put a towel
over his private parts.

A big one!

Yes, Gus, a big one.

Okay, what's...

What's the plan?

We're gonna
roll him over.

Yeah, and he gets on his hands
and knees, and he's up!

Okay, we ready?

No!

God, no.
No. No. No.

How will that work?

Why are your
eyes closed?

Okay. Let's go.

- Let's go.
- Flip him.

Turn him over like a roast!

Keep the towel on!

Oh!
That's not the plug.

Sorry.

Ouch!
He's biting! He's biting!

Angelo! My nuts!

I'm calling an ambulance.

Who's pushing?

Come on.

I always knew
there'd be a murder here.

Ah, the grandma
finally went.

Well, what was she, 120?
Mmm-hmm.

Must have slept
in pickle juice.

All right, here,
this will take away your pain.

Twice I drank it.
I gave birth without drugs.

You know,

one of my ovaries
never put out an egg.

But the other one would
spit out two a month.

I could feel it
right here.

Right there.
Oh, yeah.

Ping, ping.

But the left ovary,
nothing.

It was closed
like a stuck zipper.

Really?

Uh-huh.

Are you okay?

I still see it.

Does this count
as a date?

No.

I'm sorry.

Toula!

I'm coming.

Gus, you okay?

I'm fine.

No fine!

Thank you so much.

Toula.

Go to the hospital.

Okay.

What? Why?
You're not coming?

No!

Family members only!

That means children,

and wife,
if you had one.

What?

If I...
Hey, wait, wait!

Maria!

What?

Will you marry me, please?

Yes! Okay?
I'll marry you!

Toula, take me
to the hospital.

Okay.

I'll get my car.

Oh, my hip.

Such a weird family.

Odd people.

What?

You mean "pardon"?

No. I mean, "What?"

As in, "What is
wrong with you?"

You're standing in my driveway
making fun of my family?

Oh, we're so weird.

Oh, we smell like burnt
oregano and feta cheese.

I got it.

I got it.

But that's my dad
going into that ambulance.

My dad, into that ambulance,
and you are standing here...

Good night, everyone.

I'll come
to the hospital, too.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, Ma.
Hey, Yiayia.

You all right?

Oh, what a night.

Good morning.

Hi, there.

Beautiful day today.

How's your husband?

He'll live.

Oh, good.

So I can kill him.

What was that?

Basically, Mom told them
to suck it.

Good.

Paris, you come from a
long line of strong women.

Which means,

you get to choose your own
seven-year-old boyfriend.

So, Yiayia, are you and Pappou
really gonna get married now?

Yes.

And this time,
I'm doing it right.

Goodness.

This one. This is the one.
No, I don't like this. This one.

Look, you coming out
of the flower.

No.

What did she say...
Beautiful!

This is the most beautiful
cake I ever saw.

Gus is going to love it!
Bravo, bravo, bravo!

Oh, look at this!
Perfect!

Pepto-Bismol pink.
Where's the driver?

- Wow.
- A big one!

This is so good.
Mmm...

Love it. Love it.
This is good.

Take a photo!
Yeah, take a photo.

All right,
pull my neck.

One, two, pull!

I'm so excited.

They have to make
the breasts bigger for me.

Oh, look at this one!

You like it?

This is nice.

Where's Mana-Yiayia?

Mana-Yiayia?

Paris!

Over here, Dad.

You open them.

Just tell me.

You've been accepted at
Northwestern University

here in Chicago...

...and NYU, New York City.

We're so proud of you!

Okay, okay, okay.
Decision time.

Where do you wanna
go to college?

I'll stay here
in Chicago.

Okay.
That's good.

If that's what
you want.

Yeah.

Dad.

Did you hear?
Paris is staying.

She found a boyfriend?

Dad.

Toula, it very good news.

Yep.

Your hip is better.
The physical therapy is working.

It's not that therapy.

I can fix it myself.

Of course.

Oh!

I just remembered.

Today, I sent out my application
for Alexander the Great.

You mailed this
to Find Your Ancestry?

By myself.

It was so hard trying to
remember every name, every date.

Well, you could have called
Theio Panos in Greece.

Oh, so my brother can tell
me what I'm doing is stupid?

Okay.

How are the wedding
preparations?

Fine, but, Toula,

I can't afford the kind of
wedding your mother wants.

I know.

I was thinking we could
give you some money.

No, no, you need it
for college.

Are you okay?

Yes, but I can't sleep
without your mother snoring.

You're married.

You know what it's like
to have that person there

right beside you.

In every way.

You walk through your life seeing
your shadow as two people.

You know you can
reach out in the night

and that person
is there.

And then they're not.

Because they make you
stay on the couch

until a priest
can say it's okay.

Oh, Dad.

I just made baklava.
You want a piece?

No.

Chocolate baklava.

Just a small piece.

I'll bring you the tray
and a fork.

Put some strawberries.

Okay.

Mana-Yiayia?

I'm gonna stay home
for college.

That's good, right?

It's what I want.

But is not.

The wedding planner,
she fired me!

So, they're not
getting married?

I have to fix this.

When can you fix us?

What do you mean?

I mean, you're always
running in and out of here,

you're cooking something,
you're volunteering somewhere.

It's like you avoid
being alone with me.

But you just explained
why I'm never here.

Look, it's my fault, too.
We're busy.

But, Toula, we've been
trying to have a date.

I know.

It's impossible.

Your family pulls at you.

But that's what
family does.

No. That's what
your family does.

My family doesn't
pull at me.

Maybe they do
and you don't notice.

Maybe, but...

Please.

Please, help me
get my parents married.

Okay.

Okay?
Yeah.

Who should we call?

I'm here.

Thank you for coming.
Oh. This is so good.

Watch your step,
Marianthi.

Hi. Hi, Toula.

You told the family?

Of course.

Mom and Dad!
Look, it's Rodney and Harry!

Hey, you got any of that moussaka?
Hey.

We just got here.
Where are you?

I canceled
a waxing for this.

Hey!
Hey.

Tell your problem.

The wedding planner quit.

Oh, you all know that.

Please.

What are you, new?

Telephone, telegram,
tell-a-Greek.

Of course we know.
We know everything.

I tweeted it.
Yeah.

Aunt Voula, Toula was hoping
that you would talk to Maria.

Yeah, convince her to just go to
the church and get it done, Theia.

Please?
"Get it done"?

Why? Because Dad's gonna
lose it, that's why.

Why convince them
to just "get it done"?

Look, weddings
are expensive.

- Usually the parents pay for it.
- Yeah.

But, I mean, what was with hiring
a wedding planner?

I don't know.
I don't know.

Yeah, we've all
had weddings.

Right.
Except Angelo.

Hey, we're not
talking about me.

I'm just saying,
you don't need a caterer.

Exactly.
We all cook.

Some of us better than others.

Don't start.

Your baklava's dry.
Accept it.

Mike, can you
taser her?

- Only once per relative.
- You know my rule.

Look, we can have the
reception at their house.

I could do the hair.
Angelo can get Maria the dress.

I got a connection.

Oh, and my business partner,
he has tuxedos. He was in a band.

I can do
an e-mailed invitation.

I can help you
design it.

Rodney, don't you have a friend
who owns flower shops?

No. Oh, yes,
you do, honey.

Well, let me think.
Wait!

Oh, funeral homes.

Perfect.
Okay, what else?

You all wanna do this?

Of course we do!
Yeah, of course!

Thank you.

Thank you so much!

Maybe everyone could pick a category.
Food, glassware...

The wedding is on!

Pick a category, report to me.
I'm in charge.

Actually, Theia,
you're not.

Yes, it's best.
No, it's...

It's what everyone
wants, dear.

Okay.

Hey, Tiahn, do you want to go
to prom with me?

Tiahn, will you go
to prom with me?

Oh, my Buddha!
They're both asking you to prom!

Bennett, why are you
asking my girlfriend to prom?

Girlfriend?

Oh. Sorry, I didn't
know that you...

We just started dating.

So, who are you
going to prom with?

Yes, Clifford,
I'll go to prom with you.

Harsh.

Walk away, dude.

It's not too late
to change schools.

Hi.

Hi.

Will you go
to prom with me?

Um...

Yeah!

Great.

I'll pick you up at...

No, it's okay.
I'll pick you up.

Sorry,
what's your name?

Paris.
Oh.

Cool.

I can't believe I did that.

Very brave.

I heard I come from a long
line of strong women.

You do.

You're gonna miss
your grandparents' wedding.

Ah, it's okay.
Prom is important.

Guys?
Mmm-hmm.

I want to go to
New York University.

Higher! Use your
man muscles!

Easy, easy.

Jennie,
where's the cinnamon?

It's over there.
I need that oven in five.

I need more butter!

Toula,
what's the matter?

Toula?

Nothing.

Come on.

It's okay.
It's a big day.

Okay, run this down for me.

All right. So, my nephews
are gonna be the waiters.

Tables are there, but the plates
are just gonna go in the truck.

Simple as that. After the wedding,
wrap it up, bring it here.

Okay?
All right. Yep.

Here you go.

Hey, uh,
what's with Toula?

I don't know.
But she'll tell me eventually.

Because, uh, well...

Why keep secrets
from your own family, right?

He's your partner?

Or your partner?

He's both.

I know.

Ooh.

It's the bride
on the FaceTimes!

What do you need, Mom?

Who's gonna curl
all your hairs?

Everyone get over here.

Come on! Let's go!

We're coming!

Tight!

Yiayia,
open your presents.

The pink one. The pink one.

"With love,
from Dominique."

"XOXO."

Who is Xoxo?

I don't know.

Okay.

One more layer, and this won't move
till your next wedding.

There.

And this is gonna last you
till you graduate college.

- Okay.
- I'm good.

We're good.

Paris, I hear for college
you are staying in Chicago.

That's good!

Oh yeah, close to home.

You look pretty
on your big day, Yiayia.

Honey mou.

On my wedding night,
I met my husband

and I fainted!

That was the advice our mother
gave us on our wedding day.

Yes. She said,
"If you're too nervous to do your duties,

"just pretend to faint, and your
husband will take it from there."

I did it.

I did it.
Oh, my God.

I waited for Taki
to scoop me up.

Instead, he put
a blanket over me.

I slept on the
cold floor by myself.

Remember, Paris,
not until your wedding night.

Tonight you protect
the poulaki.

Okay, Ma.

You said it,
let's move on.

There's more!
Of course.

Didn't you leave the car running?
Uh-huh. Yes.

Paris, eyes open,
knees shut!

And you, if your
knees are open,

shut your eyes.

I always keep
my eyes shut tight.

Oh. Not me. Not me.

I pretend Taki is a vampire
from one of those movies.

Sometimes he likes me
to dress up like a wizard.

Because he has
a magic wand.

Oh. Theia, I love
your sex stories.

Gotta go.

What time is it?

Oh, yes.
We're late, we gotta go!

You'll help me with my dress?
Of course, I will.

Pluck your eyebrow.

Mana-Yiayia?

Have a seat.

Just pick it up and go right here?
Yeah.

- Got my size?
- Yeah.

This should fit.

Perfect!

It's kinda short.
Sparkles?

What was the band?
The Funkateers.

They were huge.

Never heard of them.

Oh, look!

Alexander the Great when
he conquered Mesopotamia.

Oh, speaking of conquering,
tonight, be gentle with your bride.

Oh!

Taki!

What?

That's my brother, Panos.

I, I...
I don't like surprises.

Gus, the kids.

They did it for you.

Everybody pooled
their airline miles.

Ian, you don't know because
you're not successful like me.

But when you do well,

you become a sign of hope
to the optimist.

But to the pessimist, you represent
the stink of his own failure.

That was
a long time ago, Gus.

I send him money.
He sends it back.

Come on, let's go.

Surprise!

Congratulations on
your wedding today.

Thank you.

Put your things in the guest room,
huh? Okay.

Nick, you have
a big house.

What do you mean
by that?

Oh, you know
what I mean.

My son works hard.
He deserves a house.

And I don't?

You could have had this!
All of it!

I chose to stay
in our country.

I didn't abandon her then,
and I won't now. I'm a real Greek!

I'm a real Greek, too.

Let's drink.

Come on, Dad.

To the homeland.

To the patrida
and the drachma.

Ah.

To you, Panos,
my brother.

To you, Costa,
my brother.

To you, Nick,
my brother.

To you, Ian,
my brother.

Mom?

Wow.

Look at you.

You look great.

Thank you.

I'm surprised you're not on
the prom chaperone committee.

They asked,
but I said no.

Why?
Do you need me to be?

Oh, God, no.

Okay, then.

Am I always so close, you see
your shadow as two people?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Okay.

I'm stepping
back now.

Go and have
a great time.

Tonight and

to college
in New York.

And even though
I'm taking a step back,

I will always be
right here.

Thank you.

Okay.

That's Bennett!

Okay! Get the door!
Go! Go!

No, don't get the door!
Just go over there.

Wait! What am I doing?
That's stupid. Be cool, be cool.

Okay, go.
Okay.

Your uncle hugs hard.

Yeah.

Was your grandma
in a wedding dress?

Yep.

So, where was the rest
of your family?

Uh, who?

I saw a bigger group
at the college fair.

Oh. Yeah.

Yeah.
They're like my family.

Mmm. Except mine's
bigger, louder,

more oily and in-your-face
than anyone's?

No.

No family is louder
than my Greek family.

You're Greek?

Yeah.

Well, Mana-Yiayia's
in the house, so...

I have not
seen her for...

Hey, Dad.

Oh, Ian! Give me a hand, will you?
Yeah.

Here. Yeah, great.

All right.

I will have to return this,
you know.

You ever need anything?

Like what?

You know, from me.

You need me to do anything,
or you want to talk about anything?

Is someone ill?

No, Dad, I just...

You ever need anything,
I want you to call me, okay?

You got it, son.

Sure.
Okay.

See you
in church, huh?

Okay, get dressed!

Hey, I gotta
swing by the prom,

make sure the chaperones
aren't drinking.

Oh, no, do not spy on Paris.
Never!

Come on!

Toula! What time is it?

And why are
the limousines not here?

Did we order limousines?

Call Mike!

I'll get you there
as fast as I can.

This is exciting!

"Exciting"?

All right,
make a hole, fellas.

Officer, Officer,
go slower, please.

Slower please.
Just a little bit.

I'll bet you
Gus is nervous.

Faster, faster!
What?

Hold on, ladies!

No, no, no!

Whoo-hoo-hoo.

My nuts!

Oh, my.

Oh. Beautiful.

Mana-Yiayia.

I love your hair.

I didn't even know
she had hair.

Yeah.

Hey, what are they doing?
What's happening?

Hey, it's Ian.
Leave me a message.

I have an aunt who always
talks like she's got,

like, a piece of lamb stuck
in the back of her throat.

Always, she'll be, like,

"Bennett! Bennett!

"Say hello to your parents!"

"If you see my daughter,
tell her I'm upstairs."

"Upstairs."

So, why aren't you
in Greek Club?

Oh. Every day of my life
is Greek Club.

Mmm.
Why, what do you do there?

Same as they do in,
like, Chinese Club

and Lebanese Club
and Spanish Club.

We all just sit around
and we eat food

and we make fun
of our parents.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

You look so nice.

Thank you.

You do, too.

Thanks.

Hey, do you want to dance?

Yes!

I got some killer moves.

Do you? I can boogie hard.
Let's do it.

Okay, then.

Oh, well...

We should have brought
the drinks in here.

Sit down.

I know, I know.

Have they been drinking?

I've been waiting
a long time to do that.

She is coming. Look up.

Maria, what's...

Where is she going?
Pater.

Where she's going?

Toula,
do something.

Go, go!
Okay.

Excuse us,
excuse us.

What?
Now everybody's going.

You okay?

What's going on?

He is not taking
this seriously.

Gus,
go have a drink.

He is now.

What am I
getting married for?

What's happening?

Who says a woman
is supposed to be married?

Um, you. All our lives.

Because in my day,
women were raised to be married.

But is that it?

I've been thinking,
maybe I could have traveled.

I could have cured diseases,
wrote poetry,

had adventure in my life.

Instead of being saddled
with a grouchy old man

yelling every morning
for his mineral oil

so his bowels
won't get backed up!

I'm gonna get my ma.

Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.

What is it, dear?

Ma, you really gotta come.
She's freaking out. Come!

What do men want?
A companion

or a nurse?

Okay, here's Ma.

Gus is a good man.

He's a crazy man.

True.

You know, I can't do this anymore.

No, no, no.
I'm not doing this.

Toula, do something!

I'm trying to not
fix everything.

That's not working!
That's not working.

That's not working.

- Think it over for a second.
- I got nothing.

Ladies.

Maria.

Fifty years ago, Gus was so happy
because he had found someone

who was brave like him to come to
America and live an adventure.

I remember
his hopeful expression.

And he has that same look
on his face today.

I was brave.

Maybe my adventure
was to make a family.

Marriage is not
for everybody,

but it worked out
okay for me.

It's been a good life.
It's been a good life.

Ma.

Psst!

You are still hot.

I know.

Get out.

Dad said he can't sleep
without your snoring.

I don't snore, he snores.

Okay.

He can't sleep without me?

No.

You know what?

I love him.

Ah!

Your father may be crazy,

but at least I'm not
a blood relative of his.

You are!

Sorry.

Ah, let's do this thing.

Oh!
Okay!

Hurry up!
Hurry up!

Okay, okay, okay.

You can do it!
Okay! Okay!

Thank you.

Hello.

You're here!
Yeah.

Everything go smooth?

Oh, no.

Did you see Paris?

Yeah.

Say something nice.

I missed you.

Good enough.

I missed you, too.

But you snore, not me.

Wow. They're doing it.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Now.

Now?

Now.

Yes.

Look what you did!

We did! Come on!

Huh?

Hey, I wasn't avoiding you.

It's just, I've been a mom for so long,
I don't remember how to be us.

With Paris gone to college,
it'll be just us.

We can do whatever we want.
We can take a vacation.

We could adopt a baby.

Think about it!

Come on, just think about it.
We could do anything, we're newlyweds!

Yeah, we are.

We are.

Did you think about it?

Okay, too soon. Okay, just give it
some thought, little bit of thought.

Hey, Ma, let's go dance.

Uh-uh.

Hi, I'm Patrick.
It's so nice to finally meet you.

You look Greek.

Are you?

No, sir.

That's okay.

Don't apologize.

Come on, let's dance.

All my life, I had
a mole on my tummy.

It was shaped
like Mýkonos.

Oh! I have so much
to tell you. Come.

Look.

Hi!
Hey!

I'm gonna kill you!

Oh!

Guys!

Come on! Up you get.
Leave him alone.

I'm so sorry.
Come on, let's go.

So sorry.

Wait, guys, my nuts!
Come on!

Guys! Watch out.

I have to do something.

What?

Dad, look, it came.

Right there.

I knew it!

Wonderful!

Stop! Stop the music.

Thank you, thank you!

Ladies and gentlemen,

this paper is
an official document

which proves that I,
Gus Portokalos,

am a direct descendant
of Alexander the Great.

Of course you are!

Hey, that means we all are!

Yes, we are!

Yes, yes, yes!

Look! You see that?
Alexander the Great!

Did you write
that letter?

Yep.

Mmm-hmm.

The paper?
I'm going to frame this.

Yes. There you go.

It's pretty loud
back there.

Want to join us?

Come on!

Well, I could eat
a little something.

I'm thirsty. Really?
Yeah, it's...

Come on!

Where are you from?

Chicago. You?

Boston.

Anyway, I'm Elizabeth.

I'm Paris.

Um, are they staying?

Right.
We're going.

Call me
on the FaceTimes.

Don't forget to eat.

Call me
when you need me.

Bye.

Bye-bye! Okay.

Okay, let's go.
All right.

Bye, honey. Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye, honey.

- Bye. Bye, sweetie. Bye.
- Bye-bye!

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

- Bye.
- Let's go, honey.

Bye! Bye!

- Bye.
- Bye.

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