All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S04E02.2000.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

[Screaming, Gasping]

The problem is you're all trying
to meet men in the workplace.

-It can never happen.
-Why is that?

Because, at work, you're all strong,
smart, independent.

Guys ultimately don't want equals.

If you want to meet a man,

you gotta be open to it at places like
bars, where they feel dominant.

-Look at the idiots you meet.
-They're all idiots at night, Nelle.

It's because they're controlled by--
what do you call it?

Dumbstick. I'm trying to watch.

We're talking about Ally's failed
relationships.

I would think
you would be interested.

Oh, please. Ally can only love somebody
who makes her miserable.

Brian was too nice.
[Gasps]

He's got a knife. He's gonna stick it
in her sternum.

That is so unfair. With Brian,
it was just a lack of passion.

We loved each other,
but it was almost--

It was almost as if it was
too comfortable in a way.

Maybe there was
something missing--

that thing that happens when two people
look into each other's eyes.

That-That--That thing.

[All Screaming]

[Laughing]
Let me rewind.

We can watch it
in slow motion.

I don't wanna see a stabbing
in slow motion.

If you're gonna be poopers, we might as
well talk about Ally.

Oh, thank you, Ling,
but I'm actually doing good.

Come on. You're crushed.

That's why we organized this stupid
slumber party to begin with--

to cheer you up.

-Hey. Ling.
-Psycho.

You think that I am a desperate person,
don't you?

Ally. You're all desperate.
Five gorgeous women, Halloween night.

Parties all over town, you're dateless.
That's pathetic.

You're lonely, desperate women.
Why can't you just admit it?

-You're here. What are you?
-I have my Richard.

-[Janet Leigh Screaming]
-♪♪ [Slashing Violins]

♪ I've been down
down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

-♪ Oh ♪
-♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

-♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
-♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

Okay, first up,
before we start--

Ally, let me say,
speaking for the firm,

our condolences
over things with Brian.

-We're all here for you.
-Thank you, Richard. I'm--

-I'm fine.
-Oh, excellent.

Uh, moving on.

John, Nelle going up against Renee
and Georgia--exciting.

Will the client be coming here
first before trial?

No. Too bad. We're meeting her
at the courthouse.

I'm not comfortable with you being
attracted to her, Richard.

-Oh. Uh, John is.
-I am not. I'm her attorney.

My relationship with her
is purely professional.

My mistake. Uh--

I have another announcement.

-[Others Mutter]
-Good Lord. Oh, no.

I am calling to order
the first meeting...

of the Cage and Fish Women's Bar
Association in my office at 11:00.

Wait, wait, wait. What's this about--
E.R.A., Title IX? Douche--

-Oh!
-I--

Ally? Brian
is in your office.

Uh-oh.

-Brian.
-I'm sorry to intrude. I--

I'm also sorry
for losing my temper...

and-and for some
of the things I said.

-You were hurt.
-I was also confused, which I remain.

-Is there somebody else?
-No.

-Then I don't get it.
-It just isn't you, Brian.

I mean, for a while,
I really thought that it was, but--

Aren't you afraid
of ending up alone?

I'm more afraid of ending up
with the wrong person.

Ally, despite
what your mother may have told you,

when it's right,
you don't always know.

But when it isn't,
you do.

I don't mean any disrespect,
but I really do want a woman lawyer--

only a woman.

Well, Ling will
handle the case, but--[Stammers]

As senior partner,
I really should--

It's just that
this is really sensitive.

Uh, well, let me
assure you, Cindy,

-confidentiality is--is everything here.
-[Water Pouring Loudly]

Uh, nothing
leaves this room.

Well, the company
I worked for,

they require every employee to take a
physical exam for insurance purposes,

which I think is an invasion
of privacy, so I refused.

I was even willing to not
be covered by their insurance,

but that, I guess, made them suspicious,
and they insisted that I take the exam.

And when I wouldn't,
they fired me.

Now, if you don't mind
my asking,

what's the big problem
with taking a physical?

Do you have some disease?

No. I do not have a disease.

-Yeah, well--Well?
-[Loud Scribbling]

This is the sensitive part.

Cindy, if we're to help you,
we sorta need to know the truth.

Plus, as Richard says, everything you say
to us, we keep confidential.

We understand the delicacy
of a person's privacy.

Mm-hmm.

Well, um, see--

I'm really a man.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so--
I'm so sorry.

How could you be a man? You look so
beautiful.

And-And feminine.

I've been on estrogen
a long time.

This is my real hair.
My breasts are real too.

-They are?
-Yes.

Can I touch them?
So--They're evidence.

I can spot a he/she a mile away.
There is no way.

The shots and the pills
have softened my voice.

I don't grow facial hair.
My skin is soft.

I am a woman
in almost every way...

except the one that would be discovered
if I had to take that physical.

Oh, so you have a--Wow.
[Chuckles]

Whoa. She's got a--
[Chuckles]

Is this the sensitivity
you spoke of?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry.
It's just not every day...

you meet, uh, such
a beautiful... woman.

-Oh, with her very own dumbstick.
-Forget it.

No, no, no, no. Cindy. Cindy. No, no, no.
You know, you've told us.

The worst part is over. You might as well
let us help you.

Can you?

How long have you worked
for Myra Robbins?

Almost three years before,
well, that night.

Why don't you tell us
about that night, Chris.

It was a late one.

We were trying to finish these plans we
were on a clock to complete.

I'm sure it was after midnight.

We were sitting side by side, and, well,
her arm kind of brushed mine.

It could have been
completely inadvertent,

but, with Myra, nothing
was ever really inadvertent.

Can you describe
what you mean by that?

Well, Myra Robbins
is a gifted architect.

She is also an unabashed
sexual predator.

-Objection.
-It's a lay opinion, Judge.

I object to that as well.
Counsel should refrain from commentary.

All right. The objection is overruled.
Let's move it along.

-What happened next, Chris?
-Well, as I said, her arm brushed mine.

And when she brushes an arm,
it's with sexual intent.

Objection.

Just tell us what happened
after she brushed your arm.

Well, I looked at her.
There was--

I was feeling a little...
chemistry.

She, uh, then brought her hand
to my, uh--

my, uh--

[Clears Throat]
groin area.

She began to fondle me a little,
and I, well--I--

[High-pitched Shriek]

I apologize.

-What happened then, Chris?
-We made love.

-Right there in the office?
-Right there.

Then about a month later,
she again wanted to have relations.

I felt this pressure. It became impossible
for me to work.

-So you left.
-Yes.

-The sex you did have was consensual.
-Yes. I don't deny that.

Well, in fact, once she touched you...
where she touched you,

you then became the aggressor,
didn't you?

I feel it was pretty mutual.

Mutual? Did any
of your clothes get torn?

-Objection.
-Sustained.

She didn't threaten
to fire you, did she?

No. But I just felt pressure.

-Too have sex with her.
-That's right.

-How awful.
-[Together] Objection.

Suppose I were interested.

-Would you sue me?
-[Together] Objection.

What we'll do is go in and get an
injunction.

In open court?

No one will have to hear about your
penis.

Shh!

Richard!

[Whispering] No. We'll just
argue your right to privacy,

claiming these mandatory insurance
physicals are an invasion of that right.

Are you sure?

I'm not sure we'll win,
but we can fight the battle...

-without mentioning your-your--
-Its dicky.

Ling. Excuse me.
The meeting is starting.

I'll see you in court.

-Hello.
-Hello.

-I'm very nervous about this.
-Oh, trust us.

Uh, this kind of subject matter,
it's why I got into law.

I was thinking about our little discussion
last night,

and I began to agree
with Ling.

-We're pathetic.
-Why are we pathetic?

Because, Renee,
we all agree...

that a personal life is more important
than a professional life,

and yet we devote every single waking
moment to work--either here or home.

I mean, how can we possibly expect to have
the same kind of success personally...

that we do professionally when we don't
put in a fraction of the time or effort?

Well, I don't prioritize a personal life.
I don't even want one.

You can't sour on men, Nelle,

just because of one bad relationship
with a funny little man.

It's not that. I mean--
[Sighs]

What's the goal--
to get married? Yuck.

Half of them end in divorce.
The other half end up with children.

Is that what we want--to have our breasts
swell up with milk...

so some crying, sniveling baby
can suck them dry?

So they'll sag in perpetuity like two big
wet mounds of tissue with nipples...

with no hint
of their original character.

This meeting isn't about
motherhood, Nelle.

It's about recognizing...

life is a little more rich
with a partner.

I don't agree
it needs to be a man.

Women make better partners for everything
except for sex.

-And as for sex--yuck.
-What's your point, Ally?

My point is, if we really are serious
about taking control of our lives,

we have to become proactive
in finding a life partner.

A plan--do you
have one or not?

Not-Not exactly yet.

We want to meet
good, eligible men.

Now, I thought what I would do is go talk
to a good, eligible man...

and try to ascertain how he would go about
meeting smart, eligible women.

Do you know an eligible man,
and, if so,

why aren't you throwing yourself at him
as we speak?

Although he's not
my type,

Mark Albert is eligible
and seemingly normal.

-Let me pick his brain.
-Oh, please.

I'll talk to Mark.
We'll reconvene,

and we are resolved
to becoming proactive.

Meeting adjourned.

-[Stammers]
-Richard.

I fell.
I couldn't right myself. Hi.

Uh, Ling, Snapple, I am not comfortable
with you being part of a manhunt.

Don't worry, Richard. I won't be looking
for anyone like you.

[Chokes]

Ally, I'm surprised at you. I thought you
said you didn't need a man.

-I don't.
-Well, then, what's this about?

I want one.

I like that.
Yeah.

Mmm.

[Water Running]

-Hi.
-Hello.

I'm Mark Albert.
I'm one of the lawyers here.

-Cindy McCauliff.
-I know.

Richard told me
about your thing.

Oh. Mark, hi.
Hello.

When you, um, get a second,
could I talk to you later?

Sure.

-Richard told you about my what?
-Your case.

I admire your testosterone,
taking a stand like this.

-What's wrong?
-What else did Richard tell you?

That's all. That, and you're opposed
to mandatory physicals.

Right. So now you're suddenly
in here saluting me.

-Somehow I doubt that.
-[Chuckling]

All right. You busted me. I don't care
anything about your case.

I'm really just here
'cause I'm curious.

Let me tell you something
about curiosity.

Are you seeing anyone?

I beg your pardon?

I know I shouldn't
be hitting on you.

You're a client of the firm,
but you're just so cute.

-And what can I say? I'm a man.
-[Door Opens]

Cindy, come on.
We gotta run.

-[Door Closes]
-Can I call you?

I don't think
that's a good idea.

Where does that fall
between yes and no?

I have a court appointment.

-I forgot my bag.
-[Toilet Flushes]

How'd I just do?

Mark, if a girl doesn't
say no, it's yes.

Pursue.

He's extremely attractive.

We were working long hours
in very close proximity.

I also sensed that he
was attracted to me.

Um, how-how did you
sense that?

-He's male.
-Yes, uh, Ms. Robbins.

Uh, so what happened?
You were attracted to him.

You sensed he was male, and you just
decided to have sex with me?

[Stammers]
Uh, him.

With that man. Him.
Okay. Let me rephrase.

We were two consenting adults
acting out a very horny moment.

[Squeaky Voice] Did you ever
put pressure--

[Clears Throat]
on him to have re--

with--relations
with you again?

I let him know
the opportunity was there.

But I certainly never put pressure on him.
Then, all of a sudden, he quit.

Well, do you think he did so
to make a financial killing...

by exploiting these absurd
sexual harassment laws?

-[Together] Objection!
-Withdrawn.

Now, Ms. Robbins, you heard the plaintiff
talk about this terrible pressure.

And that's ridiculous. My firm is not a
sexually charged arena in any way.

It's about the work.

I let him know I was interested.
He said he wasn't.

Work went on,
and then he quit.

Have you ever had relations with any other
assistants who worked for you?

Two.

So you've had affairs with
three different assistants?

That's a pretty high rate,
don't you think?

Not really, considering,
since I was about 16,

almost every man I've ever met
has wanted to sleep with me.

And you're proud of that.

I'm proud that I've never
used it as currency, yes.

But when I meet a man who I want to be
with, I have no problem asking--

just like I've been asked
thousands of times.

And just like I've been free to say no all
those times, so are they.

Your Honor, that was
an excellent response.

I'd like my client to repeat it in case
any of the jurors missed it.

Uh, withdrawn.

So, Ms. Robbins, as
president of your firm,

you see no problem with making sexual
advances to assistants,

secretaries, employees.

I see a problem
with coercion, yes.

With making an advance, no.

You were brilliant, and I think the jury
was completely with you.

Excuse me.
That was not brilliant.

She testified she has no problem making
sexual advances to her employees.

That's what this whole case--

That doesn't mean they're harassed
as a matter of law.

John, I realize you're drawn to her, but
you've got to be a good lawyer here.

-I am being a good lawyer.
-Her testimony made their case.

And it was negligent of you not to prepare
her better. I'm sorry.

This--

This case is going exactly the way
I want it to,

and I don't appreciate you talking to me
like that in front of the bosom--

[Stammering]
cli-cli--

"Coney Islands."
The client.

John. They are trying to make her out
as a sexual predator.

She just declared herself
to be one.

Now, good lawyering at this point would
be trying to settle.

If you'll excuse me, Myra.

-[Door Closes]
-Nelle thinks we should settle.

Is she right?

Uh, strictly under the law,
our case--

I mean about you
being drawn to me.

Are you?

There's nothing wrong
in admitting it, John.

Perhaps nothing futile
in it either.

When I brushed your arm
in the courtroom,

were you wondering
whether it was inadvertent?

[Squeaky Voice]
I think we should concentrate--

[Clears Throat]

I think we should
concentrate on the case.

[Sighs]
Okay.

Your Honor, the Bill of Rights guarantees
every person the right to privacy.

Not to mention, she has
a Second Amendment right...

to defend herself
against those companies...

that want to conduct
unreasonable searches...

in violation of the Fourth Amendment
under the pretext of a physical.

And I'll exercise my First Amendment
to say so.

First, Second and Fourth.
It's all there, Judge.

What the hell
are you talking about?

-Your Honor, I think I can interpret.
-Why would you want to?

You represent the other side.

I realize that, but I've been
up against Mr. Fish before.

Experience tells me the more you actually
understand what he's saying,

the better my chances.

Ob-Objection.
Move for cause.

Your Honor, an employer can't force a
person to take a physical...

if she's willing
to waive insurance.

Have you taken an insurance physical?
It's "Say ‘ah' and cough."

If she doesn't want
the insurance--

Which means she obviously
has something to hide.

Even if that were the case,
it's her, uh, thing to hide.

Which I'm not saying she has a thing, I
mean, to hide.

I'm saying, even if she did, uh,
Fourth Amendment, Judge. Cause.

Look, if she wants to waive insurance,
you can't force her.

I'm granting the injunction.

Your Honor, I'm sure
Mr. Fish has more to say.

Thank you.
The problem, Your Honor--

-As technology continues to improve--
-Mr. Fish.

You've won.

Oh. Excellent.

-Eligible men?
-Yeah. Where do they go to meet women?

Well, the Neanderthals,
they just wanna meet models.

As for the educated professionals,
they just wanna meet models.

-All men wanna meet models?
-It's the image.

They're tall, sophisticated, beautiful.
They don't speak.

-Are you playing with me again?
-Actually, no.

A friend of mine owns a bar.
Twice a year, he has Models Night.

Place is packed with men. The only problem
is the models never show.

The don't wanna compete with each other.
No women try to compete.

So there's roomful of men,
and it's a total bust.

Thank you, Mark. That was a lovely story.
None of it was helpful.

-[Gasps]
-What?

-What a perfect idea.
-[Elevator Bell Dings]

-I won. Easy. Snap.
-Congratulations.

I used that amendment thingy.
What was it?

The Constitution.

Right. We're going down to the bar--
little celebration. You wanna join us?

-Sure.
-Actually, it's been a long day.

Mmm. Nonsense. Let me check my messages.
Then we'll go.

Hang on to her, Mark.
Don't let her get away.

♪♪ [Pop: Up Tempo]

[Renee] ♪ Wanted, young man
single and free ♪

♪ Experience in love
preferred ♪

♪ But will accept
a young trainee ♪

[Renee, Vonda] ♪ Oh, gonna put it
in the want ads ♪

♪ I need a love
that's true ♪

♪ Gonna put it
in the want ads ♪

♪ My man and I are through ♪

-Models Night?
-I arranged it with the bar owner.

Tomorrow night.

-How did you do that?
-Our firm does so much business here.

-Plus, he thought it was a great idea.
-So, what,

the models attract the men, but then there
won't be any models?

They never show. According to Mark,
no women do.

It's only guys...
and us.

Don't you feel ridiculous stooping to
something like this?

-I'm for it.
-What a shock.

You probably bought
new knee pads.

Georgia. You haven't weighed in yet.
Are you back out there looking?

Ally, I started to look while I was still
married. That's how I met your father.

Oh, yeah.
[Chuckles]

Thank you for reminding me.

-[Mark Laughing]
-You just don't give up, do you?

I would if you said no, but so far all I'm
getting is reservation.

What's the most important
thing to you in a relationship?

[Chuckles] You have to at least
dance with me once...

before you get to ask
a question like that.

All right. Let's dance.

♪♪ [Continues, Indistinct]

-What's goin' on here?
-I-I don't know.

You don't suppose
he likes it, do you?

-Her, Richard. Her.
-You know what I meant.

Sexual harassment laws were
designed to protect women.

[Knocking]

Myra. Hello. Hi.

Just working
on my closing.

I do it bare breasted--
uh, footed.

John, I--I came to apologize
for being so forward.

-Uh, no. Were you forward?
-Very.

You probably think
I'm some sort of nymph.

[Chuckles]
No, I don't think that.

Actually, I have become rather forward
over the years.

The men that approach me are either wolves
or hockey players.

And, well, the shy ones
that I'm attracted to, uh--

They're intimidated, and--

Well, I never get asked out
by the nice guys.

Uh, well, that's too bad.

I wish I knew some.
I'd introduce you.

I know, um--uh,

this is a professional relationship and
you want to keep it that way.

So I'm--I'm sorry for before.

No, I--It's--
I--Okay, but--

-[Nose Whistles]
-Did you say something?

No. No.

-Good night.
-Good night.

-[Nose Whistles]
-Are you making tea?

No. I'm--Would--
Would you like some tea?

[Nose Whistles]

I can see that you're
still a little nervous.

Why don't we, um--

Why don't we just finish the case
and maybe... get tea after?

-Okay. That'd be great.
-Great.

Good night.

I'd really like to get
some of that tea now.

[Vonda]
♪ If I were your woman ♪

Can I walk you home?

-Don't push it.
-I'm not asking to come in.

Just to walk you home.

I'm penile psychic.

Something's up, and I'm not talking
about hers.

I--I should tell him. There's one thing
I know about men, Ling.

They-They hate
that kind of surprise.

You can't tell, Richard.
We promised her confidentiality.

-Wh-What's your point?
-Richard.

Ling, there's no value to a secret
if you can't repeat it.

Fishism. The woman has a penis.
It's not right.

-You will not say a word.
-But look at them, Ling.

♪ She turns you down
darlin' ♪

-♪ Says you're nothing at all ♪
-[Ikettes] ♪ Nothing at all ♪

-♪ But I pick you up, darlin' ♪
-♪ Pick you up when you fall ♪

-♪ When she lets you fall ♪
-♪ Fall, fall, fall ♪

-♪ You're like a diamond ♪
-♪ Shine ♪

♪ But she treats you
like glass ♪

♪ Yet you beg her
to love you ♪♪

-You slept with her?
-Shh!

-Why didn't you call me?
-Richard.

I need you to take this seriously.
I committed an infraction.

She's a client.
It was wrong.

Do you think she'll sleep with you
again?

Richard.

John, what's the problem?
It's why we started our own firm--

to reap the fruits
of our own clients.

-Do you like her?
-Yeah, I think I do.

Then everything's worth it if the heart
says so. Woody Allen-ism. Go to her.

-What's goin' on?
-Uh. Well.

[Together]
Nothing.

-How-How was your night?
-What do you mean?

Well, I mean, you and Cindy seemed a
little tight on the dance floor.

Oh. She's great. I--

-She's great.
-Great?

Mark, y-you know me
when it comes to honesty.

Usually, I'm not for it, but, um--
[Exhales]

-Well, how do I say this?
-Why don't you just say it?

[Exhales] Okay. Uh--
[Clears Throat]

I think it's wrong for you to date Cindy
McCauliff. She's a... client.

The case is over.

Well, yeah, I'm sure
the other side will appeal.

Richard, since when do we have rules
on who we can date?

It seems every time I turn around,

you have your finger in an associate's
knee pit.

A little knee pit's gonna look awfully
good to you once you see--

-See what?
-[Exhales] Mark, it's, uh--

Cindy, she's really a--

-[Elevator Bell Dings]
-virgin.

-Richard, can I ask you something?
-Sure, yeah.

If we were in the unisex having the same
exact conversation, what would happen?

Oh, that's easy. I'd turn around
and Cindy'd be standing there.

-Flush, flush.
-[Exhales] Cindy. Hey. Hi.

-How dare you!
-I didn't tell him.

You were about to.

-No, no, no. I was just--
-You had no right.

Mark is a friend of mine.

I've had boyfriends before.
Things have been just fine.

They have? But--How?

-I tell them I'm Catholic.
-I'm confused.

Catholic girls have penises?
'Cause I thought--

I tell them I'm against
premarital sex.

Nah. I'm still confused.
What other kind of sex is there?

Never mind.

No, no. Cindy. Cindy, Cindy.
Look, you're a client.

I gave you my word I wouldn't tell,
and I'll honor that.

But Mark's a friend. It's difficult for me
to sit back and watch him get hurt.

What makes you so damn sure
he'll get hurt?

Oh, no. I'm sure
he'll brag to his buddies,

"With my girlfriend, we can play
jack-in-the-box."

Of course he'll get hurt.

That is why I did not take that physical--
because of that kind of blatant bigotry.

You want to call me a bigot, fine.

Maybe I am, but the issue here is Mark.

-You're misleading him.
-I will tell him when the time comes.

I hope the time comes
before your little secret does,

because guys don't like sleeping
on somebody else's wet spot.

-[Loud Clang]
-Ow.

I--I like that.

I will tell him
when I am ready.

You stay the hell
out of it.

-[Door Opens, Closes]
-I like that.

If this were a man pressuring
a female employee to have sex,

you would deliberate
for 30 seconds.

Of course it's sexual harassment.
It's textbook.

So why is this different?

Just because the offender
is a woman?

She is asking you to apply
a double standard.

She wants all
the opportunities of a man,

but she doesn't want
to play by the same rules.

Where does it say that,
since you're a woman,

you get to break the law?

Why should it be different?

[Shouting]
Because it is different!

Women have been sexually victimized for
hundreds of years. Men haven't.

Men are physically dominant.
Women aren't.

Women battle daily the bigotry of being
reduced to sexual objects.

Men don't.
It's different.

And here's
the other reality.

We may all want to be too politically
correct to admit it,

but when a woman like that
sexually propositions,

a man like me--
uh, him--

Do we really think of him
as harassed?

Did you think that? Were you all going,
"Poor guy"?

Or were you trying to make eye contact
with the defendant,

hoping maybe you'd
get a chance?

It's different.

Sexual harassment law was designed
to protect women. That's a fact.

And now it's being exploited by this man
who wants to get a judgment...

because she slept with him?

Talk about getting to have your pie
and eat it too.

And the reason he's in here rolling the
dice with this ridiculous lawsuit...

is because he figures
you'll condemn her,

not because he was
really harassed.

Please. He knows
you know he wasn't,

but because he also knows sexually forward
women are scorned by this society.

The man is Don Juan.
The woman's a slut.

The guy's prolific.
The girl's a tramp.

We do not approve of women
who want sex.

Now, if Hillary Clinton had had a little
session with an intern,

she wouldn't even
be running next month.

The Democrats would have yanked her out
and put in Warren Beatty instead.

This country puts the scarlet letter on
women who lead with their libidos.

We discriminate
against them.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is just
what he's betting on.

He's in here arguing there shouldn't be
double standards?

Ha!

Let me repeat the "ha."

A double standard...

is exactly what he's hoping
you'll apply here.

Yeah. There sits a victim.

Say it with me.

[Jurors]
Please.

[Vonda]
♪ Humidity's rising ♪

[Renee]
♪ Barometer's getting low ♪

♪ According to all sources ♪

[Together] ♪ The street's
the place to go ♪

♪ 'Cause tonight
for the first time ♪

♪ Just about
half past ten ♪

♪ For the first time
in history ♪

♪ It's gonna start
raining men ♪

♪ It's raining men ♪

♪ Hallelujah
It's raining men ♪

♪ Amen ♪

♪ I'm gonna go out
and let myself get ♪

♪ Absolutely soakin' wet ♪

♪ It's raining men ♪

♪ Hallelujah
It's raining men ♪

♪ Every specimen ♪

-♪ Tall, blond ♪
-♪ Dark and lean ♪

-♪ Rough and tough and strong and mean ♪
-You smell good.

Ling, honey,
I don't know these people.

Just go with it, Richard. Variety is the
spice of life.

Looks like Mark's in for
a little variety later.

♪ She took from the heavens ♪

♪ And she did
what she had to do ♪

[All] ♪ She brought down
the angels ♪

[Vonda]
♪ She rearranged the sky, yeah ♪

[Renee] ♪ So that each
and every woman ♪

[All] ♪ Would find
the perfect guy ♪

-♪ It's raining men ♪
-Ooh, yeah.

♪ Hallelujah
It's raining men ♪

♪ Amen ♪

♪ It's raining men ♪

♪ Hallelujah
It's raining men ♪

♪ Every specimen ♪

Excuse me. Hello. Hello. Can I
have your attention?

-♪♪ [Band Stops]
-[Tapping On Microphone]

-Can I have your attention, please.
-[Man] Hey, come on.

-Thank you.
-[Man] Yo! What's the deal?

One of my colleagues at work
told me that a few women...

were setting up the pretext of a Models
Night in order to meet men themselves.

Bit on the cheeky side,
I thought, but...

seems you're all
having a grand time.

I think we should thank Ally McBeal,
the organizer of the event.

-Let's hear it for Ally.
-[Applauding, Cheering]

[Cheering Continues]

Truth be told, Ally and I just split up
a couple of days ago.

Breaking up can be
very painful,

but I'm happy to see
you're coping, Ally.

Carry on.

[No Audible Dialogue]

John, hi.

Myra. Hey.

I thought we were meeting
at the courthouse.

I was over on this side. I thought we
might walk together.

-Okay, great.
-So, what's your feeling?

-Oh, no, I feel great.
-[Stapler Clacks]

Uh--Yeah. No regrets.

I--[Chuckles]
meant about the verdict.

Oh. Okay, I'm sorry.

Uh, well, on a strict application of the
legals, we're vulnerable,

but the jury seemed
to be with us.

You know, if we win, I know a quiet
little restaurant...

we could go to
to celebrate.

Oh. Actually,
I have a date tonight.

Oh, okay.
You have a date.

But we could do it another time.
I'd love it.

Sure. Okay.

Oh, John. Did you--

No. I--You know, we made love the other
night, and I was just, uh--

You know, was it just S-E-X?

-Uh, yes.
-[Laughs] Okay.

I'm sorry. I--

I really like you and I'm very attracted
to you, but I--

I don't see the two of us
as a couple. Do you?

A couple? No, no.
What, are you kidding?

I'm just, uh--No. I just--
It was a dinner, to celebrate.

I-I thought--

John, a woman would be very lucky to
have you.

Well, I--I'm not even
looking for that, Myra.

I was just--

-I just still have some oats to sow--
-[Knocking]

-John? Oh, Myra. Hi.
-Hi, Nelle.

Clerk's office called.
Jury has a verdict.

Let's go then.
Excellent. Okay.

I thought public speaking
made you nervous.

I thought you weren't
a fan of orgies.

The girls and I had a-a--a pajama party
the other night,

ostensibly to cheer me up
after my breakup with you.

And we started to talk about how hard it
is to meet men.

And I just got swept up in this proactive,
"take charge of your life" thing,

and that's when I organized
this little, um,

evening out.

I'm not sure that it warranted
your little performance,

but it was...

disrespectful to you
and your feelings,

and I apologize.

We're not together anymore.
You don't owe me any explanations.

True.

But I'm not here trying to wiggle
off the meat hook.

-[Sighs]
-I'm here to say...

that I never meant to trivialize
my relationship with you...

or... my love for you.

I think that I was so intent
to look forward...

[Inhales] I didn't realize
that it was because...

I was afraid, in part,
to look back.

What you saw
on the dance floor...

wasn't what
I was feeling inside.

You should know that.

Got it.

Um, bye.

-[Footsteps Receding]
-Bye.

-Has the jury reached its verdict?
-We have, Your Honor.

-What say you?
-In the matter of Melnick versus Robbins,

on the count
of sexual harassment,

-we find in favor of the defendant.
-Thank God.

Members of the jury,
this completes your service.

You are dismissed
with the thanks of the court.

We're adjourned.

-Thank you all so much.
-I must admit I'm surprised.

So, um, we will get that
celebration dinner some night?

-Absolutely.
-John.

You were fabulous.

Well, I guess the jury
used some common sense.

I meant the other night.

Oh.
[Nose Whistles]

Do you think that maybe, uh, we could
relive our evening together sometime?

I'm not that kind of guy.

Somehow I guessed that.

[Kiss]

Thank you.

♪♪ [Piano: Slow Tempo]

-[Vonda]
-♪ Don't take your love ♪

♪ Away from me ♪

♪ Don't you leave my heart ♪

♪ In misery ♪

♪ If you go ♪

♪ Then I'll be blue ♪

♪ 'Cause breaking up
is hard to do ♪

-Can I ask you something?
-Anything.

-What made you attracted to me?
-Well.

I have a thing for beautiful,
complicated women.

-What makes you think I'm complicated?
-A hunch.

Mark, there's something
you should know.

-I have a past.
-We all do.

Yes, but mine's
rather distinguished.

What, you got a criminal record
or something?

[Laughing]
No. But--

But I--I used to be kind of
a different person.

Look, can we just
go out a few times...

before we start revealing
who we used to be?

Yes.

Truth is I like a girl
with a secret or two.

You're gonna love me.

♪ I wish that we were
making up again ♪

♪ I beg of you ♪

That is so gross.

Richard, if I used
to be a man,

would that change
how you feel about me?

Oh, of course not,
cupcake.

I'd vomit.

♪ Let's start anew ♪

♪ 'Cause breaking up
is hard ♪

-♪ To do ♪♪
-[Glass Shatters]

-John.
-Ally. Hi.

Whatcha doin'?

Oh, I'm just--[Exhales]
you know,

collecting errant thoughts
coming down after the trial.

Oh, yeah. Congratulations.
I heard you won.

Yeah. It was pretty routine.

-How about you? You-You doin' okay?
-Yeah.

I miss you,
our talks.

I miss you too.

Well, maybe,
one night this week,

we can just--we can go out
and catch up.

-That would be great.
-Yeah, that's--hat's great.

John?

Do you remember when we danced up here
in the office?

Yes.

Would you dance
with me again?

I'm not sure why, but I just feel
like I could use it.

Well, actually,
I could use it too.

[Vonda] ♪ It seems to me
that there are more hearts ♪

♪ Broken in the world
that can't be mended ♪

♪ Left unattended ♪

♪ What do we do ♪

♪ What do we do ♪

[Ally Narrating] I have a friend
who refuses to get a pet...

because he says, in the end,
they die and it's just too hard.

Maybe it's the same
for relationships.

[Sighs]
I don't know.

♪ And in my hour of need ♪

♪ I truly am indeed ♪

♪ Alone again naturally ♪♪

[Woman]
You stinker!