All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S03E04.1999.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

Previously on Ally McBeal...

I just met this guy.

Somebody I'd never
laid eyes on before.

I met him at the car wash.
One of those drive-through things.

And I-I think he worked there.

[Screams]

[Gasping]

Risa, he's the most amazing lover
I've ever been with.

I-I think that you have an experienced
womanizer marrying you for your money.

Hello. My name is Billy,

and I'm a male chauvinist pig.

I don't believe in equal parenting.

And if we have kids,
I expect you to quit work.

And while I certainly don't think of you
only as a sexual object,

I do think of you as someone
who should fulfill my sexual needs.

And if you put on a hundred pounds,
I'd have a big problem there too.

-Richard.
-Spinach noodle.

-Morning.
-Yes. Can we talk?

-Sure. Have a seat.
-[Alarm Beeping]

What the--Uh, e-excuse me.
Paula.

The-The smoke detector
is malfunctioning again.

-Yes, Mr. Fish.
-Ling, one-one second.

[Alarm Stops]

Do you think I'm stupid?

You have your house wired
the same as your office.

Wh-Wh-What are--
What are you talking about?

"Hello, Richard.

What shall we watch on TV tonight?
Hey, I love your tie."

-Oh. Well--
-Can we talk?

-[Alarm Beeping]
-That thing is voice-activated...

to go off every time
I want to have a conversation.

-Wha--Ling.
-[Alarm Stops]

-Ling, that's--that's ridiculous.
-Really?

Richard, we need to talk.

-[Alarm Beeping]
-Okay.

That-That's, uh, just a coincidence.

How about this one?

[Whispers]
Marriage.

[Alarms, Sirens Blaring]

Yeah, well, you know--

[Stammers]
Uh, better safe than sorry.

[Chuckles]
Bygones.

[Alarms, Sirens Continue]

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

[Elevator Bell Dings]

Billy. When's our next meeting?

You are not coming
to the meetings, Richard.

Oh, they like me.

-Richard, um--
-Oh, Ally, Ally.

Uh, great.
Risa Helms is here to see you.

Remember the woman
whose fiancé you slept with...

right before you stood up at
their wedding and ruined it?

Yes, Richard. I remember.

Why-Why is she here?

Uh, something about
making amends or getting even.

-I'm not sure which.
-Richard. I really need to talk to you.

Absolutely. I'm a little jammed right now.
Let's make some time this afternoon.

[Growls]

Ally, here she comes.

Ally.

Risa.

This is a summons and complaint.

I'm suing you for intentional infliction
of emotional distress.

Uh, hello.

Bugger.
[Elevator Bell Dings]

She can't. Well, obviously,
she cannot do this, right?

-Well, you did destroy her wedding day.
-I was there.

You were vicious.

The minister said if
anybody knew of a reason...

why they shouldn't be married,
let it be known.

The question goes to your intent.
Were you really trying to help her,

or did you not want her to marry him
because it was the best sex of your life?

Excuse me?

Oh, well, John said that
the guy was a really good--

Oh, okay.

Look. She already
noticed my deposition,

-so I-I-I just need--
-Deposed me as a witness.

Me too. Vicious.

I would suggest you get her
testimony on record first.

[Toilet Flushes]

I'll have to get used to
this whole unisex thing.

Sandy, this is Georgia,

Richard, Ally,

Ling, Nelle, John.

-Sandy Hingle, my new assistant.
-[All] Hi.

Hi!

-What?
-What?

-Yes. What's the problem?
-What is she, 19?

I interviewed several people.
She was the best.

Oh, I'm sure she was.

And what was the criteria?

She was the best candidate
for the job, Georgia.

Certainly you're not suggesting she be
penalized for being attractive.

-I don't want her working for you.
-It is not your decision.

-I am your wife.
-This is work, not home.

Home is gonna be hell!

Then I will spend more time
at the office.

You gonna hit me again?

I don't think that was in the spirit

of what we're trying
to accomplish here, Billy.

-Well, what are we trying to accomplish?
-The goal is clear:

to develop a greater sensitivity to women,
their needs in respect to--

Yes. And why have we all come?

Because we feel like we're failing.

And who is it that has
made us feel like a failure?

Our wives.

We are here because
they emasculated us.

How many of them are going to meetings,
trying to learn how to be better in bed?

-Billy.
-We keep hearing that, for men,

the relationship
is oriented toward sex.

And for women, communication.
Wh-Why the hell is it...

that we're out there trying to
get better at communicating...

while they don't make the slightest effort
to improve the sex?

And let's be honest.
We're really here...

because we're not
having our needs met.

-[Man] Yeah.
-Well, you know what?

I replayed various relationships
I've had with different women,

and I've polled a few friends
about their past girlfriends,

and there is one clear consensus:

The women that treated us the best were
the ones we treated the worst!

-All right, Billy.
-No, he's right about that.

We need to take back our lives!

-We've heard enough.
-Let him talk.

He's right. My wife's a total bitch.

They don't like being dominated?
Well, why the hell should we?

-[Man] Yes!
-[Cheering]

Yeah!

[Risa] Three hundred people,
my wedding day,

and one of my bridesmaids announces
she had sex with the groom.

Then she pulls me aside and tells me,

while I'm standing there
in my wedding gown--

she proceeds to tell me
how good the sex was with Joel,

how amazing he was.

It was the height of cruelty.

-It was only meant--
-[Renee] Ally.

My therapist tells me
one day I'll get over it.

I'm not so sure.

Do you doubt she was looking
after your best interests?

You know, at first
I believed she was sincere.

-But now--
-Risa.

-Ally.
-Ally.

It's one thing to raise...
your hand and say, "Wait a second."

It's another to say
into a microphone

that you slept with him.

And then, after we go into
a back room to iron things out,

we decide to go on
with the ceremony.

She does it again.
Twice.

[Sniffles]

Whipper.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's just so awful.

You know what, Ally? I still wish I had
gone through with the ceremony.

The fact that he had a last fling--
I could have lived with that. I had one.

But no bride can--

How could I have ever gone through

with the ceremony, in that moment,

after the things you said?

[Blows Nose]

[Together]
Whipper!

-[Phone Rings]
-[Elevator Bell Dings]

[Richard] What do you
think? Nineteen? Twenty?

-She's young enough to spank.
-[Stammers]

We need her to sign the
waiver on sexual harassment.

Richard, I don't think
those clauses are enforceable.

Oh?

-Richard.
-Oh!

I need to speak with you.
I have a problem.

All right. Can you state it quickly?

I guess. I've been faking my orgasms.

[Grunts]
Uh--Yeah.

Uh, bygones.

-How could you be faking it?
-Richard, I know it sounds bad,

but please don't take it personally.

Wh--D-Don't take it personally?
You-You--You fake orgasms.

Only just so you'll roll off
and I can go to sleep.

S-So, uh,
what you're saying is, uh,

you're not, uh, sexually satisfied.

-Oh, I'm very satisfied. Trust me.
-Oh. [Chuckles]

It's just that you're not
always there at the time.

-So, you, uh--
-Sometimes.

-Ah.
-Richard, I want you

to stop taking that Viagra.

First of all, you don't need it,
and second, I think it desensitizes you,

where you might be happy
to go all night.

For me, after 10 minutes,
it gets old.

So, this is why you,
uh, uh, uh, fa--fake?

Sweetheart, you and I both know
that deep down

you're only interested in your own climax.

So, go off the Viagra.
We live in New England.

Be a minuteman again. It's colonial.
I'll take care of myself.

[Door Opens]

-[Pill Crunches]
-[Door Closes]

-[Ally] Settle?
-Ally, if this ever went to a jury--

-I was being truthful. I--I--
-You stopped a wedding twice.

Then you tell the bride how great a lover
her groom was, 300 people sitting there.

I would say that that could
cause some emotional distress,

and I'd say it looks intentional.

-I am not gonna pay her money.
-Ally, I know your heart...

was in the right place,
but we gotta deal with how it looks.

A jury could smack you
for over a million dollars.

I am not gonna settle.

[Whipper] Ally,
if you get hammered for seven figures,

which is entirely possible,
you can spend the rest...

of your life working for that woman.

-You have to settle.
-Oh, I can't believe this.

There's one possible thing.

What?

-What?
-If we could show that...

her marrying him would have caused
her even more emotional pain.

-How can we prove that?
-He'd have to be a witness for us.

If he testified that he knows the marriage
would have been a disaster--

-He's not gonna do that. Why would he?
-He probably won't.

But it's worth asking.

[Chattering]

Richard. Sweetie.

Buttons.

Oh!

Honey.

Ling, I'm late for a meeting.

-You'll need to sign here.
-Okay.

-And initial here.
-Mm-hmm.

[Sandy]
And one more right there.

-Great.
-Excuse me.

Uh, Sandy, could I have
one second with Mr. Thomas?

Sure.

[Sighs]

Good meeting with
the men this morning?

It was okay,
if you could call them men.

Billy,

I--I don't know
what's going on.

Obviously, you're--you're
going through something.

Whatever it is,
let's work on it.

What's going on, Georgia--

I'm...

really angry at myself.

Okay. Why?

I think, uh, I've allowed
myself to become--

I think I've aspired to be...

what constitutes the modern idea
of an evolved, secure man.

He's--Well, he's not
old-fashioned, I guess.

And, uh, I've been denying...

that I am old-fashioned.

Which means?

I want children.
I don't believe in nannies raising kids.

I think the mother should be at
home. And, uh,

I know this sounds terrible, but...

I want my needs to come first.

[Exhales] That saying, uh,
"a man's home is his castle,"

it's maybe a stupid thing to want,

but I do want it,

and I'm sick of denying it.

I'm sick of playing
the sensitive male thing.

I'm just sick of it.

[Chattering]

Excuse me.

Joel.

I was in the neighborhood,
so I--

How's it goin'?

"How's it goin'?"

-Are you angry?
-Angry?

Why should I be angry?
Just becauseyou ruined my life?

-I didn't--
-Just because the only woman...

I ever loved says
she can't look at me--

Look. I was her bridesmaid
and her lawyer. I--

-Which means what?
-Which means I had some duty to her.

Duty. That doesn't mean
you jump up at a wedding

and announce in front of every--

The minister said to speak now or forever
hold your penis. Peace. Peace.

What did you come back here for?
To get waxed?

Look. Don't flatter yourself.
You weren't that good.

That's not
what you told her.

I-I told her that because--

-Because why?
-Because--

All right.
You were that good.

But she told me that you didn't touch
her like you knew what you were doing.

-Excuse me?
-And-And I know...

that you...
know what you're doing.

So I figured that you must not
have any passion for her.

Wait a minute.

She said that? She said I touch her like
I don't know what I'm doing?

-Get over it, Joel. If--
-No, I won't get over it.

I was about to be married to the woman
I love. You destroyed that.

I won't get over it.

Why are you here?

Oh. Um--

I was wondering if you would be
willing to testify...

that it was probably best
that you didn't marry her.

It--It's--

[Mutters]

[John]
Don't worry.

Stop telling me not to worry.
Could you stop telling me that?

Richard, you were the one that said,

and I quote, "The sex is good
if it's good for me."

John. To give is to receive.

And if she's not getting,
there's a danger she'll stop giving.

Does Nelle always--

You know, I'm not sure.

She makes little sounds.
Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh? Ooh? That's it?

Well, once she screamed,
but she'd been stung by a bee.

-Oh.
-You know,

I'm not sure
Nelle's even in favor of them.

Orgasms?

Oh, she's big on control.
She doesn't like to let go.

Oh.

I'm sorry now
I even brought it up.

Look. We're talking about
five seconds here, okay?

That's how long the big "O" lasts--
five seconds, sometimes six.

This is so typical of men. What we want is
affection, commitment, companionship,

somebody to spend our days and nights
with, somebody to make us happy in life,

and instead you focus on
five to six seconds

of a few major muscle contractions.

You're a pathetic species. I didn't mean
to hurt your feelings, Richard.

I only wanted to get you off that drug so
we could become a normal couple again...

and get it over with
during commercial breaks.

This'll teach me to be open.

I really did screw up.
I-I thought that I did the right thing.

But--But maybe he's not a womanizer.

I mean, he seemed really
devoted to her. Maybe...

he's just a faithful man
who, you know,

just had to have me.

[Clears Throat]

I saw that.

Well, I take it he won't
testify on your behalf?

I think not.

-So he really loves her.
-Yes.

And-And I'm suddenly thinking that maybe
he's not even a phenomenal lover.

Maybe I was just so incredible,
and, you know, he kept up.

I saw that.

What if we broker them
back together?

Sorry?

If he still loves her, getting them back
together could save Ally a lot of money.

She can still sue,
even if they reconcile.

Yes. But will she,
if we help them reconcile?

Nothing to lose.

♪♪ [Piano]

Benny,
could I have the bill?

[Man]
Very good, sir.

-You didn't drink it.
-Sorry?

Oh, uh,

well, I don't, uh,
drink, actually--not anymore.

Uh, sometimes I, uh--

-I come here and I order one.
-♪♪ [Ends]

-[Applause]
-Oh.

Why?

Well, uh--
[Chuckles]

I'm not sure that the
explanation will make me seem...

any less strange than I already do,

but, um,

I used to have a nightcap
at the end of every workday,

and, uh, they relaxed me.

When I started to feel as if I needed
the nightcap, I stopped.

No. Now, I-I understand
why you would stop,

but why come and order them?

Well, I was just getting to that.

I, uh, don't miss the drinking.

What I miss is...

that, um, relaxed
sensation that I'd get...

somewhere between the first drink, when
I was still stressed,

and the third,
when I shouldn't be driving.

Somehow, by ordering the drink
and sitting next to it and...

looking at it, it makes it
easier to imagine that feeling.

And imagined relaxation
isn't so bad either.

You're right.

Your explanation makes you
seem no less strange.

Yeah. Well--

You know, it's really the same principle
as, uh, taking off your wedding band.

It makes you no less married.

It just makes it easier
to imagine feeling like you are.

Night.

Night.

-Richard.
-Uh, Ally here?

No. No. I think she's trying
to set up a meeting.

Oh. Oh.
Yeah. Her case gonna settle?

-Well, we hope so.
-Ah. [Chuckles]

So, how's life with you?

Oh, it's-it's great. Yeah.

-Business is good. Yeah.
-Great.

-And how's "Thing"?
-Ling.

-Uh, she-she's good. Yeah.
-Good.

[Chuckles]

-Anything else?
-No. Just--

Oh, okay.

Uh, you know,
uh, listen. Um--

-Uh, tech--Uh, technical question.
-[Object Clatters]

Uh, for-for declaratory, uh, judgments, do
you have to file a--a full complaint?

Depends. If it's a legal issue, sometimes
you can get away without it.

-Oh, see, that's what I thought.
-Yeah.

Oh, and when we were together,
did--did you reach orgasm?

What?

-Never mind. I--
-Richard!

[Sighs]

[Exhales]

-"Thing" has been faking them.
-Aw.

And you're crushed.

Well, I mean, if
a man isn't good in bed...

and rich, you know, what is he?

Richard, you really don't have anything
to be insecure about.

Uh-huh? Honest?

You could put me into orbit
by just diddling my wattle.

Well, I mean, that's different.
I'm--I'm good with necks.

Yes, you are.

Hey, well, uh, it's good to see you.

Yeah. You too.

[Door Closes]

If you love her as much as you say you do,
well, what's not to try?

-She's willing to meet?
-Yes.

What time?

Um, 8:00.

Oh, here.

Ah. Here's the address.

[Man Chattering]

[Siren Wailing In Distance]

Okay.

Great. Yeah.
I'll-I'll see you tonight.

Um, I, uh--Just, uh--

A-Assuming that
you do love her like--

How could you,

you know, with me?

I don't know.

You're the only woman I've been with
besides Risa

in the last six years, and-and...

I had no intention of having any last
thing before I went down the aisle.

So, what happened?

I don't know. I-I--
I really can't explain it.

I saw you looking at me,

and I instantly--

♪ Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ♪

Do you ordinarily
have sex with strangers?

-No.
-First time ever?

Yes.

As for not touching Risa
the way I touched you--

That's--That's true.

The truth is,

that was the first time I didn't feel
a little inhibited while making love.

It-It was the most incredible--

Sex. We weren't making love as much
as we were--

Y-Yeah. It was--

Anyway, uh, what happened
in that car wash...

never happened before, and--and it'll
never happen again.

That's good.

Uh, so, um, 8:00?

Yeah.

[Mumbles]

♪ There's a new man in town ♪

♪ And he's not puttin' down ♪

♪ There's a new man in town
Oh, Lordy ♪

♪ And he's not puttin' down ♪

-[Elevator Bell Dings]
-[Gasps]

♪ People, listen up
There is something ♪

[Screams]

What have you done?

-You like it?
-No.

You-You look like Billy Idol.

Well, I'm just plain Billy.

♪ There's a new man in town ♪

-♪ And he's not puttin' down ♪
-Okay.

Clearly you are losing your mind.

-No, I'm not.
-What is going on?

I sat in the room listening
to all those men

apologize for who and what they are,

and it made me realize I've been doing
it my whole adult life.

-And you are?
-A guy's guy.

-And you've been acting like?
-A woman's guy.

A "wussified" piece of wet toast
woman's guy.

Well, there's a new man
in town, Georgia.

-♪ There's a new man in town ♪♪
-[Groans]

-[Door Closes]
-I hate the new man.

[Nelle]
Why did you have to say anything?

Because I can't take it anymore.

Nobody asks the woman
if they like Viagra.

Why do you think Elizabeth Dole
is running for president?

Anything to get out of the house.

Well, Ling, you don't tell a man
he doesn't please you in bed.

Better to deceive him.

Yes, or to tell him what you want that'll
make you satisfied.

-I want him to stop.
-You don't even like having sex with him?

I like it for about 10 minutes.
After that, I fake having,

'cause when he thinks that's happening,
he gets it over with on his end,

and I can still
watch Nightline.

Okay. Why don't you just
continue faking it?

Because I hate
ending my day on a lie.

Plus I'm getting a little
polyp on my throat.

The doctor thinks it's from irritation.
He doesn't want me to scream.

I could go "ooh, ooh"
like you, but--

Ooh, ooh?

John told Richard that's the sound
you make. Ooh. Ooh.

Really?
What else did he say?

And that on a hot summer night you'd be
drowned out by a lone cricket.

Oh, great.

-[Door Opens]
-This is why I'm against honesty.

-[Door Closes]
-Hmm.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

Hello?

-Hello?
-Joel.

You're--You're early.
It's--It's--It's only 7:30.

7:30? Uh,

well, I-I didn't know how long it would
take to get here.

Oh.

Well, uh, come on in.

-Can I, um, get you anything?
-Nope. Fine.

I can't believe she's open to this.
I can't even get her to return my calls.

Well, Renee and Whipper are bringing
her over. I promise.

You know, I didn't
figure you for a lawyer...

when we, you know,

met.

Really?
What did you think I did?

I don't know.
Uh, horseback riding instructor.

-Excuse me?
-Well, I figured nature or art.

You know, something
with soul to it.

Well, lawyers can be very soulful
people, you know.

Well, so, what? Your-Your dad one?
He make you go to law school?

He certainly did not.
I went to law school...

because my boyfriend did.

You two aren't
together anymore, huh?

Uh--[Chuckles] No. But, uh,

actually, we--
we work together.

But--But why? What? How do you know we're
not together anymore?

Well, uh--

Well, you made love
like you're not with anyone.

Like, uh--

Like you hadn't made love
in five years.

-Or a hundred.
-Oh, well, I get plenty.

Uh, you made love
the same way.

I-I could say 200 years.

Or ever.

But I already told you why.

Oh, yeah.

-Tell me again.
-♪ Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ♪

So, I guess you're hoping if-if we get
back together, she'll drop the lawsuit?

Yes. But we wouldn't be doing this if
you both didn't want to get back together.

And you--you do
want that, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, she's the best woman I ever met.
You know, best.

♪ Get ya, get ya ya-ya da-da ♪

You know, I know this sounds crazy,

but-but I really don't want to be
in a room with you.

I mean, not alone.

I don't know
if it's some spell or--

-Can I wait outside?
-Sure.

Is it--Is it my imagination, or was
I getting the same signals?

I'm not sending any signals.
Are you kidding?

If I don't settle
this lawsuit, I--

I don't... mean
to send anything.

Is there a lobby
or a waiting area?

You can, uh,
sit out here at my, uh,

assistant's desk.

♪ Hey, sister, go, sister
Soul sister, go, sister ♪

♪ Hey, sister, go, sister
Soul sister, go, sister ♪

♪ He met Marmalade
down in old New Orleans ♪

♪ Strutting her stuff
on the street ♪

♪ She said
Hello, hey, Joe ♪

♪ You want to give it a go ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

♪ Get ya, get ya ya-ya da-da ♪

♪ Get ya, get ya ya-ya here ♪

♪ Mocha chocolata ya-ya ♪

♪ Creole Lady Marmalade ♪♪

-[Groans]
-Is it animal attraction or something?

I-I-I don't know.

Ally--Oh, God.

You realize we've made love twice, that's
the first time I've said your name.

Yeah. Funny. Ha.

-Ally?
-[Gasps]

Oh.
[Laughs] Whipper.

Uh, Renee's on her way up
with Risa and her attorney.

Great.

Um, this is, uh, um, Joel.

-Joel, this is Whipper.
-Hi.

What?

-Did you take the stairs?
-Sorry?

-Uh, you just--you look a little flush.
-Flush?

No. I, uh, guess
I'm a little nervous.

Oh, it's a good look. My ex used to get
a look just like that right after sex.

[Squeals, Coughs]

[Coughing]

Ooh. Sorry. [Clears Throat]
I went down on the wrong windpipe.

Life Saver.
It--It went down on the wrong windpipe.

I-I swallowed the wrong thing--
way! Oh, God.

-[Renee] We're here!
-Ah!

Good. [Chuckles] Well, let's get it on.

No, the-the meeting.
Star--Start the meeting.

-What's wrong?
-N-N-Nothing's wrong.

We're-We're--We're just
about to reunite two lovers.

And it--it makes me a little--[Laughs]
It makes me a little giddy.

[Laughing]

Oh. Hmm. Come on!

[Vonda]
♪ Whenever I'm with him ♪

♪ Something inside ♪

♪ Starts to burning ♪

♪ And I'm filled with desire ♪

♪ Could it be the devil in me ♪

♪ Or is this the way
love's supposed to be ♪

-Make it a foursome?
-Sure.

-♪ It's like a heat wave burning in my
heart ♪ -♪ Heat wave ♪

-♪ Can't keep from crying ♪
-♪ Heat wave ♪

-♪ It's tearing me apart ♪
-♪ Heat wave ♪

♪ Whenever he calls my name ♪

♪ So low, sweet and plain ♪

♪ Well, I feel
Yeah, yeah ♪

Is something the matter?

No. It's just seeing you
dance might arouse me...

to the point where
I can't control myself,

and I'll explode right there on the floor
and go, "Ooh, ooh,"

with no cricket
to drown me out.

How dare you mimic
the sound I make in bed!

-Do you want to know what you sound like?
-I-I do.

-Richard!
-Go away!

-Let's go.
-I-I-I was just sharing with Richard.

-I wasn't disparaging you.
-Oh! "Ooh, ooh"?

No, no. No. Richard was--was telling me
about his problems with Ling,

and men--sometimes
they share secrets about--

And--But he--
No, he's my best friend.

Well, I-I don't want him to be your best
friend, okay, John?

And I certainly don't want you telling him
secrets about our intimacy!

Look. You know, I-I-I need
some space tonight.

♪ Sometimes I stare into space ♪

♪ Tears all over my face ♪

♪ I can't explain it
don't understand it ♪

♪ I ain't never
felt like this before ♪♪

-I'm going home. You coming?
-She's in need.

I--

Krispy Kreme?

The thing is, women talk.

But they don't like it when men talk.

Don't feel bad, John.
At least you know she's serious about you.

-Well, how so? -She's starting to dictate
who you can have for friends.

-Does your wife do that?
-Oh, boy.

-Would she object to your saying that?
-Probably.

She objects to everything.

Ah. Well,
that would explain her current expression.

-Georgia.
-I'm going to find Richard.

[Exhales Deeply]

-You want me to leave you.
-I beg your pardon?

When you do go for therapy,

your shrink is probably gonna tell you
this is about you not liking your life.

Then, third or fourth session,

he'll crunch it to
your not liking your marriage.

And when he or she
figures out...

that you are too nice a guy
to ever leave your wife,

he'll realize
that you are doing all this...

to get her to leave you.

Georgia, that's ridiculous.

I love you.

Yeah.

Loving somebody--that doesn't mean
that you just get over the pain...

-and the distrust.
-But, Risa,

you did the same thing
I did.

And it was wrong.
It was also meaningless.

And-And you think mine wasn't?
I don't even know her.

-You think it had meaning?
-The way she talked about it.

Yeah, yeah, sure. It wa--It was great
sex. But-But that's all it was.

-Oh, oh, oh. Come on.
-Ally.

-You don't make love like that--
-Ally.

Okay. You're right.

You're right.

[Risa] Well, maybe
you and she ought to get married.

-You think about that, Joel?
-Risa.

She's not the mother
of my children.

[Babies Crying]

Tell me this.
When I had my little bachelorette fling,

it was purely physical.

The man didn't even
have a face to me.

Did she have a face?

[Exhales]

I won't lie, Risa.
She had a face.

And... the truth is--

And the truth is, before you got
here tonight--

[Screams, Laughs]

[Clears Throat]
Uh, windpipe. Sorry.

Uh, Joel, can I speak to you for a second?

-Ally.
-What?

Ally.

Oh, it'll take one second.
What's a lousy second...

when they have
a whole lifetime together?

[Sighs]

Are you about to tell her
what we just did?

I don't know.
I just feel I should be honest.

That honesty will be the end of it, Joel.
Trust me, as a woman,

if she hears that it happened again,
it's over.

Yeah. Maybe you're right.

Okay.

Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just, uh, one--one, um,

more thing.

At the risk of losing
a million-plus dollars...

and having to work the rest of my life out
of bankruptcy,

are-are you sure
that you and me, um--

well, you know,
aren't, uh, right for--

Oh,

-God.
-Ally.

You're a lawyer.
I'm a manager at a car wash.

Well, that doesn't mean--
I mean, we seem pretty compatible.

Yeah, physically.
I didn't even go to college.

I was just--I mean, are you sure
that it isn't worth seeing if--

We were so
compatible, Joel.

Ally, I really do love her.

Okay, okay.

-Okay. We should go back.
-Yeah.

Uh, just--just o-one...

last...

kiss.

-Sorry.
-No, that's okay.

Just--Just hold on.
I just--

♪ Get ya, get ya ya-ya da-da ♪♪

-Ally.
-[Record Needle Scratches]

Sorry. Stop it!
Stop it!

Stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it.

Stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it.

You-You go, and-and I'll wait for you.

Stop it!

[Elevator Bell Dings]

[Whipper]
...is that every plaintiff has a duty.

I mean, just like,
you know, this--

To do what
he's supposed to do.

♪♪ [Soft Piano]

[Chattering]

Oh. On your third
drink already.

Well, hello.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Uh, I was just about to
leave, but, um,

well, I guess maybe I could stick around
and not drink one more.

-My treat.
-Ah.

What, uh, uh--What brings you here
on a Friday night?

Maybe the same as you.

[Man]
Coming up.

I came to sit next to something I know
I can't really have.

My name is Georgia.

-That's a beautiful name, Georgia.
-Hmm.

-Mine's George.
-[Laughs]

George.

You'll note
my wedding ring is on.

Don't want you to get any wrong ideas if
I buy you a drink.

Well, I'm old enough
to be your father,

so, if I were gonna make a move on you,
it'd take the form of a lecture.

If it made sense,
I'd accept a lecture.

Well, okay. Uh, pick a topic.
I'm very well versed.

Actually, um--

♪♪ [Soft Piano Continues]

I'd like to dance.

A dance I could accommodate.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

-We're just glad things worked out.
-[Risa] Thank you.

-I know you are.
-Yes.

Good-bye, Ally.
I hope to never see you again.

Yeah. Uh,
have a great life, Risa.

Bye.

♪ Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ♪

Good-bye.

-Hey.
-Whip, hey.

You didn't come to my office this morning
looking for Ally, did you?

[Sighs]

I miss you too.

I adore Ling.
You know, sometimes she's--

You know, many women have looked me
in the eye and said,

"Richard, the problem with you
is there's no there there."

Ling's the first to say it referring
to my penis. [Chuckles]

She has no idea
how to nurture you.

Where is she now?

Uh, she's with Nelle.

Nelle's upset about
something, so, uh, she's,

uh, with her.

You're upset about something.
Why isn't she with you?

Well, we settled
Ally's case.

Oh, yeah.

Come on down to the bar with us.
I'll buy you a drink.

You're a great lady, Whipper.

I'm sorry
I never said that enough.

Do you ever miss it?

What?

You know.

Oh, God.

It's even more creased
than before.

Go to it.

I-I-I-I--I-I--You know,
I can't. I can't.

Richard.
Go to my wattle.

[Exhales Sharply]

-It's wrong.
-Yes, it is.

It would be very bad.

-Are you a bad boy?
-No.

You look like
a bad, bad boy.

Bad boy.

-Richard.
-[Moans Softly]

Richard.

[Moaning]

[Vonda]
♪ Love will abide ♪

♪ Take things in stride ♪

♪ Sounds like good advice ♪

♪ But there's no one
at my side ♪

♪ And time ♪

♪ Washes clean ♪

♪ Love's wounds unseen ♪

♪ That's what someone told me ♪

♪ But I don't know
what it means ♪

♪ 'Cause I've ♪

♪ Done everything I know ♪

♪ To try and make you mine ♪

♪ And I think
I'm gonna love you ♪

♪ For a long ♪

♪ Long time ♪♪

[Thunder Rumbles]

[Woman]
You stinker!