All language subtitles for Teacher.Of.The.Year.2014.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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- THE LITTLEST SCHMOOP
IN THE CHICKEN COOP GOES

- MOOP MOOP MOOP.

- MOOP MOOP MOOP.
- MOOP MOOP MOOP.

- MOOP MOOP MOOP.

- THE SKINNIEST SCHMOOP IN THE
CHICKEN COOP GOES

- SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP.
- SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP.

- CAUSE HE'S GETTING ALL THAT
FOOD RIGHT?

SCOOPIN' IT ALL UP.

[HIP HOP RAP MUSIC]
[STUDENTS CHEERING]

[FIGHTING]
♪

- THIS IS TRUMAN HIGH, A
CHARTER SCHOOL IN SOUTH

WESTERN LOS
ANGELES, CALIFORNIA.

♪

- MITCH CARTER IS HEAD
OF TRUMAN'S ENGLISH

DEPARTMENT, AND WAS
RECENTLY NAMED CALIFORNIA

TEACHER OF THE YEAR.

HE IS NOW A NOMINEE
FOR THE NATIONAL AWARD.

- LOVE MY JOB.

NOT EVERY DAY OF COURSE.

BUT UH...IT'S A GOOD LIFE.

- RONALD DOUCHE IS THE
SCHOOL'S PRINCIPAL.

- START NOW?

- OK.

- UM, WELCOME.

TRUMAN IS, UH, A NEWER
HIGH SCHOOL OPENED IN UH

2007.

OUR FIRST SENIOR CLASS
JUST GRADUATED THIS LAST

SPRING.

WE SERVE, UH, OVER A
THOUSAND STUDENTS MOST OF

THEM FROM RIGHT HERE IN
GOOD OLD SOUTH WESTERN LOS

ANGELES.

- SOME KIDS BACK THERE.

- HEY GUYS!

- TERRIFIC!

[HIP HOP RAP MUSIC]

♪

- WE ARE FORTUNATE ENOUGH
TO HAVE SOME OF THE LATEST

TECHNOLOGY AVAILABLE.

BEAUTIFUL CHEMISTRY LABS.

THEY DID SUCH A NICE
JOB ON THE INSTALLATION.

TWO WELL STOCKED COMPUTER
LABS TRAINING ON MANY

PROGRAMS.

- GREAT START, GREAT
FOUNDATION, GREAT BASE.

WE'LL HAVE A GIANT HAMMER
COME UP HERE WITH A CLAW.

- KADOOSH!

- AND OF COURSE OUR
NATIONALLY RANKED ROBOTICS

TEAM.

- GONNA SHOOT SOMETHING
OUT. AH THIS IS A GREAT

START!

♪

- IN 1999, I WAS WRITING
FOR UH MATTEL TOYS FOR THEIR

BARBIE DOLL WEBSITE.

BARBIE FOR PRESIDENT.

I WAS UH, I WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE WRITING BARBIE'S

ELECTION PLATFORM.

UM, YOU KNOW, MORE
SWIMMING POOLS,

NO BROWN SHOES WITH BLACK PANTS.

SIX MONTHS LATER
I WAS A TEACHER.

♪

♪

- THIS IS A TOUGH
PART OF TOWN.

THE KIDS KNOW IT'S
NOT GONNA BE EASY.

WE'RE GIVING THEM HOPE.

THROWING THEM A ROPE.

KIDS ARE
APPRECIATIVE OF THAT.

YOU KNOW, OF WHAT
WE DO HERE FOR THEM.

FOR THE COMMUNITY.

IT'S, UH, WOW I'M GETTING
A LITTLE FILLED UP HERE.

BUT UH, I TAKE A LOT
OF PRIDE IN THAT.

- DOUCHE!

- YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S
PRONOUNCED DOW-SHAY, NOT

DOUCHE!

DOW - SHAY.

IT IS THE SAME
SPELLING BUT THE DUTCH

PRONUNCIATION!

THAT IS IT YOUNG MAN!

THAT IS IT. I SEE YOU.
THAT IS DETENTION.

DETENTION FOR
THE ENTIRE YEAR!

- PUT, PUT THE
CAMERAS AWAY.

PUT 'EM AWAY.

PUT THEM AWAY.

TURN OFF THOSE PHO- OK
YOU KNOW WHAT AS SOON AS

I'M DONE HERE,
THAT IS IT FOR YOU.

CONFISCATED.

BOTH OF YOU.

PHONES ARE GOING
TO BE GONE.

♪

- IT'S PRONOUNCED DOW-SHAY.

♪

[BELL RINGS]

- OK LET'S GET SETTLED IN!

THIS IS NOT A BAD DREAM.

IT IS MONDAY.

YOU ARE BACK IN CLASS.

I WANT YOU TO TAKE OUT
YOUR JOURNALS AND TAKE A

LOOK AT THE TOPIC
ON THE BOARD.

I WANT YOU GUYS TO WRITE
ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU

LIKE.

BUT YOU HIDE IT FROM YOUR
FRIENDS BECAUSE YOU ARE

AFRAID OF WHAT
THEY WILL THINK.

[STUDENTS GROANING]

- OK, OK OK OK.
I'LL GO FIRST.

UMM, WHEN I WAS IN HIGH
SCHOOL I REALLY LOVED THE

BALLET.

- [LAUGHING]

N- MY MOTHER USED TO TAKE
ME TO SEE THE NUTCRACKER

EVERY CHRISTMAS.
- [LAUGHING]

- BUT I WAS AFRAID THAT MY
FRIENDS WOULD MAKE FUN OF

ME SO I TOLD THEM THAT SHE
WAS TAKING ME TO A LAKER

GAME.
- [LAUGHING]

- ALRIGHT YOU GUYS ARE UP
NOW YOU GOT 15 MINUTES.

- I LIKE TO START CLASS
WITH A WRITING EXERCISE.

IT GETS THEIR BRAINS
IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

ESPECIALLY ON A MONDAY.

- OK, LET'S SHARE
OUR RESPONSES.

- [SIGHING]

- OH COME ON, I TOLD
YOU ABOUT THE BALLET!

IT'S ALL DOWNHILL
FROM THERE.

- [STUDENTS CHATTING]
- ZOLA.

- SOMETIMES WHEN I'M
DEPRESSED THE ONLY THING

THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER
IS LISTENING TO DORA THE

EXPLORER SONG ON MY IPOD.

- [LAUGHING]

- MARCUS.

- UH, UM, ONE TIME
WHEN I WAS VISITING MY

GRANDPARENTS, I WOKE UP IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO

TAKE SOME ADVIL, BUT, IT
WAS MY GRANDPAS VIAGRA.

- [LAUGHING]

- YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO
WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING THAT

YOU LIKED!

DID YOU LIKE THAT?

- [LAUGHING]

- ARE YOU GOING TO BE
TALKING TO THE OTHER

TEACHERS TOO?

- UM-

I JUST, I, I JUST,
UH, THINK IT'S IMPORTANT.

A-AND THIS IS WHY.

I MEAN YEAH, I'M-I'M
UH, TEACHER OF THE YEAR.

THAT'S, AND WHICH IS
GREAT, AND I LOVE IT.

I LOVE THAT YOU GUYS ARE
HERE DOING THIS MOVIE.

THAT'S, I THINK
IT'S IMPORTANT.

I HOPE WE CAN SHOW
SOMETHING ABOUT PUBLIC

SCHOOLS AND WHAT'S
HAPPENING HERE.

BUT, UH, THE AWARD ITSELF,
IS REALLY THE BYPRODUCT OF

OF ALL OF OUR WORK
TOGETHER HERE AT THIS

SCHOOL.

YES, I WON IT,
BUT, UM,

YOU KNOW, [SIGHS]

I DON'T DO THIS BY
MYSELF, I GUESS IS ALL I'M

SAYING
- RIGHT.

- THESE KIDS DON'T GET
BETTER JUST BECAUSE I SHOW

UP AND DO MY THING.

- [STUDENTS CHATTING]
- I-I'M NOT LAUGHING.

I'M BEING SERIOUS HERE.

- YOU COME ON.

- WE ARE THE HAMMERS.

UH, THOUGH WE'RE
NOT MARRIED.

- NO WE ARE NOT.

- MY NAME IS CLIVE HAMMER.

- I AM LOWELL HAMMER .

- AND WE ARE
GUIDANCE COUNSELORS.

- WELL WE'RE
COLLEGE COUNSELORS.

- BUT WE GUIDE
YOU TO COLLEGE.

- SO WE'RE KIND OF LIKE-

- RELIGIOUS LEADERS.

- SHAMANS.

- SHAY-MANS.

- IT'S ACTUALLY SHAMAN.

- I THINK ITS SHAY-MAN.

- WELL SHAY-MAN SUGGESTS
THAT WE SHAME THEM.

- WHICH WE'RE
NOT AFRAID TO DO.

- WHICH WE WILL USE SHAME.

- SO.

- WE WILL ANSWER
QUESTIONS.

- WE'VE GOT EXPERIENCE.
- WE SPEAK FROM THE HIP.

- WE THROW IT FROM THE KNEE CAP.
- WE TOSS IT.

- WHICH IS EVEN LOWER THAN THE
HIP.

- YEAH, WELL, SOME GUYS,
SOME GUYS WILL TALK FROM

THE HIP. WE TAKE IT FROM THE
KNEE CAP.

- WE LIKE TO THROW IT
FROM BELOW THE HIP.

- YEP.
- WE JUST TOSS IT OUT TO YOU.

- WHICH IS EVEN A
STRAIGHTER SHOT.

- YEAH, IT'S A STRAIGHT
SHOT, STRAIGHT INTO YOUR

MOUTH.

- SO, THINK ABOUT
IT LIKE THIS.

IF COLLEGE WERE HELL-

AND IT IS, GUYS-

- FOR A WHILE IT'S HELL-

- BEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE, BUT
IT'S HELL-

- BUT IT'S HELLISH.

IT'S LIKE A BURNING
INFERNO OF HELL AND

HATRED.

- IT'S TERRIBLE.

- THINK OF US AS LIKE A
TWO-HEADED DOG-

- MHMM.

- AND WE'RE SITTIN' ON
THAT RIVER STICKS IN A

BOAT AND WE GOTTA
TAKE YOU ACROSS.

YOU CAN'T SWIM TO THE
RIVERS STICKS-

- NO YOU CAN'T-
- YOU CAN'T DO THAT-

- I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY IT
- I WISH YOU COULD TRY-

-I DARE YOU-

- YOU'RE GOING TO
BURN YOUR LEGS OFF.

- BUT YOU GET WITH US.

- YOU'RE IN THE BOAT.

- WE TAKE YOU ACROSS-
- WE GUIDE YOU TO WHERE YOU

NEED TO GO-
- WE GET YOU TO HELL.

- YEAH, I THINK THE SECRET
IS, WE KNOW EVERYTHING,

ASSUME THAT THEY
KNOW NOTHING.

- KIDS ARE STUPID.

YOU HAVE TO START FROM
THAT POINT AND THEN WORK

YOUR WAY BACKWARDS.

OR FORWARD.

- FORWARD-
- OR LATERALLY-

- YEAH.

- YOU ASKED WHEN THE
APPLICATIONS ARE DUE FOR UCLA.

- THOSE WERE
DUE YESTERDAY.

- YESTERDAY.

- YESTERDAY.

- OUCH.

- SO, THAT IS
UH, A NO-CAN DO.

- THAT IS NOT GOOD.
- A NO-FLY ZONE.

- SO UH, FORGET ABOUT
THAT ONE, USC TOMORROW.

- EXACTLY, SO, SIX ESSAYS,
YOU KNOCK 'EM OUT TONIGHT.

YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.

- FIVE HOUR ENERGY.

POP ONE OF THOSE IN YOUR
MOUTH, BOOM BOOM BOOM.

YOU'RE GOLD.

- GET A-
- SO-

- GET A COUPLE OF COKE
ZEROS AND-

- [SNICKERS]

NONE OF THOSE CALORIES-
- BUT YOU ARE STILL

LEARNING AND YOU ARE
STILL STAYING AWAKE.

- CAN SHE-
- CAN SHE DO THAT?

- YOU JUST HOP OUT OF HERE
RIGHT NOW AND JUST START

ON THAT PROCESS?

- SHE CAN'T?

- SHE CAN'T.

- OK.

- CRAM IT TONIGHT.

- TONIGHT, YOU-YOU'LL
GET IN THERE TONIGHT .

- [GRADING MACHINE
PROCESSING]

- THE PROBLEM IS, IS THAT,
TEACHING IS TOUGHER TODAY.

BECAUSE THEY PUT HORMONES
IN THE MILK SO THE GIRLS

START TO MENSTRUATE AT A
YOUNGER AGE, IT'S, IT'S AWFUL.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

- MORNING, GUYS!

- HEY, MORNING WENDY.

- WENDY.

- HAD A LOT OF WRONG
ANSWERS THERE, ERIC.

- MHMM.

- HEY, CHECK IT OUT,
WENDY'S NOT WEARING ANY

UNDERPANTS TODAY.

- JESUS, DO YOUR
KIDS KNOW ANYTHING?

- THAT GRADING MACHINE
SOUNDS LIKE GUNFIRE.

- I AM AWARE OF
THE RESULTS, BRIAN.

- YOU GUYS ARE WORRIED
ABOUT TESTS, SHE'S GOING

COMMANDO, YOU KIDDIN' ME?

- DID YOU SEE
THESE SCORES?

- DUDE, I KNOW YOU'RE
MARRIED, BUT JUST LOOK FOR

MY SAKE, WOULD YOU PLEASE?

- THE AVERAGE IS 14.

- I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO
YOU, DO YOU HAVE A PENIS?

HEY, WENDY!

I BROUGHT THAT VANILLA
CREAMER THAT, UH, WE BOTH

ENJOY!

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪

- BAM!

BELLY BUTTON SHOWING!

BAM.

- CELL PHONE AND BELLY
BUTTON SHOWING, THAT'S

TWO!

ENJOY YOUR
SATURDAY, WITH ME!

- UH, HEY THERE, MARV
COLLINS, ASSISTANT

PRINCIPAL AND DEAN OF
STUDENTS AT TRUMAN HIGH.

- ACTUALLY, MR. COLLINS,
YOU CAN JUST LOOK AT ME.

SO UH, YOU HELP PRINCIPAL
DOUCHE RUN THE SCHOOL.

- PRINCIPAL DOUCHE DOES
NOT NEED MY HELP RUNNING

THIS SCHOOL.

I THINK YOU CAN TELL HE'S
DOING A PRETTY GOOD JOB

ALL BY HIMSELF.

- YOU'RE NOT HIDING THE
CELL PHONES FROM ME.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE
GETTING DETENTION.

AND YOU STILL HAVE
THE CELL PHONES OUT.

- NO, YEAH, I-I'M JUST THE
GARBAGE MAN, YOU KNOW, I

TAKE OUT THE TRASH.

- SOMEONE SEES A FUTURE
AHEAD OF THEM, BUT YOU

STILL HAVE YOURS OUT!

PUT THE CELL PHONES AWAY!

PUT THE CELL PHONES AWAY!

- AS YOU PROBABLY SAW WE
HAD A LITTLE KERFUFFLE

THIS MORNING BETWEEN A
COUPLE OF OUR YOUNG MEN.

- [STUDENTS FIGHTING]

- UH, NOT THEIR FIRST
GO AROUND [LAUGHING]

BUT LET ME TELL YOU IT
BETTER BE THEIR LAST.

BECAUSE ONE MORE
INFRACTION, AND THEY'RE

OUT OF HERE.

- [STUDENTS RAPPING]
UH, UH, UH, YEAH UH

- MARTIN LUTHER KING, WAS

VERY COOL AND EVERY YEAR
ON HIS BIRTHDAY THERE

AIN'T NO SCHOOL, UH, YEAH.

- YOU GET IN A FIGHT THIS
MORNING, YOU'RE BACK IN

CLASS THIS AFTERNOON,
HOW'S THAT WORK?

- I DON'T KNOW.

- WANNA TELL ME
WHAT IT WAS ABOUT?

- NOTHING.

- BOY I HOPE THAT'S NOT
TRUE, I MEAN IF YOU'RE

GONNA HIT SOMEBODY, YOU
BETTER HAVE A REASON.

- I GOT A REASON.

- YEAH, YEAH I'M
SURE IT'S EXCELLENT.

- AREN'T WE GONNA BE LATE?

- YEAH, HURRY UP!

- LATE FOR WHAT?

- UH, SOCCER PRACTICE.

[UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC]
♪

- THIS IS
THE FIRST YEAR TRUMAN'S

FIELDED A VARSITY
SOCCER TEAM.

ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE
YOU CAN CALL THIS SOCCER.

- [WHISTLE BLOWS]

- I'D LIKE TO SEE
US WIN A GAME.

OR MAYBE JUST,
SCORE A GOAL.

THAT'D BE NICE.

- MOST DAYS I'D SETTLE
FOR A PRACTICE FIELD WITH

GRASS.

- OK, SHAKE IT OFF, DEREK.
[CLAPPING]

- HEY YOU'RE CALIFORNIA
TEACHER OF THE YEAR, THESE

GUYS KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

- YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT
YOU DIDN'T RECOMMEND ME?

- ABSOLUTELY I DID, BUT
THEY'D ALREADY SEEN THE

ARTICLE IN THE TIMES,
PICTURE OF YOUR FAMILY.

THEY ASKED ME ABOUT YOU.

- THE NATIONAL INDEPENDENT
SCHOOL ASSOCIATION SENT

YOU TO COME GET ME.

- THIS IS WHAT I'M
TELLING YOU, YEAH.

- TO LOBBY FOR THEM.

WH-WH-WHAT THE HELL DO
I KNOW ABOUT LOBBYING?

- WELL IT'S NOT LIKE
YOU'LL BE THE ONLY ONE,

IT'S A TEAM.

AND THEY WANT TO
MAKE AN ADDITION.

A VETERAN TEACHER WHO'S
HAD SUCCESS IN BOTH PUBLIC

AND PRIVATE CLASSROOMS.

- TO DO WHAT?

- TO GO ON TV, UH, MAKE
SPEECHES, APPEAR AT

SCHOOLS, SYMPOSIUMS.

THEY WANT YOU TO BE THE
NEW FACE OF INDEPENDENT

SCHOOLS.

- [LAUGHING]

- AND, $120,000 TO START.

- AR-ARE YOU SERIOUS?

- TO START.

PLUS AN EXPENSE ACCOUNT,
MOVING EXPENSES,

UNBELIEVABLE
HEALTH BENEFITS.

- UH, MOVING EXPENSES.

TO WHERE?

- WELL, UH, WE'RE IN
D.C. ABOUT TWO WEEKS EACH

MONTH, SOME PEOPLE DECIDE
TO JUST MOVE OUT THERE,

SOME DON'T.

- AH, D.C. I DON'T
KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT.

- LIKE I SAID, SOME DON'T.

I DIDN'T.

AND YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DECIDE RIGHT AWAY.

- SO THIS IS A JOB OFFER?

IT'S NOT A JOB INTERVIEW?

- [LAUGHING]

WELL, YO-YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO MEET WITH THE NISA

DIRECTOR, ELLEN BEHR,
BUT, HONESTLY, THE WAY SHE

TALKS ABOUT YA, I THINK
SHE JUST WANTS YOUR

AUTOGRAPH.

- ARE YOU INTERESTED
IN THAT JOB?

- I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, UH, A LOT OF
CHANGES TO CONSIDER.

UM, THE TRAVEL, FOR ONE.

- HOW MUCH DOES
TRUMAN PAY YOU?

IF YOU DON'T
MIND ME ASKING.

- A LITTLE UNDER $70,000.

- [LAUGHING]

- IS THAT WHY
YOU'RE SMILING?

- NOT JUST THAT, IT'S
JUST, YOU KNOW, I'M, WHEN

YOU TEACH, YOU KIND OF
FORGET WHAT IT'S LIKE TO

HAVE A REAL JOB, AND UM, I
GUESS I THOUGHT MAYBE I'D

NEVER HAVE ANOTHER ONE.

- YOU DON'T CONSIDER
TEACHING TO BE A REAL JOB?

- WELL YOU JUST SPEND
THE DAY WITH ME, DO YOU?

- [LAUGHING]

- OH, I'M SO HUNGRY!
- [LAUGHING]

- I'M SO HUNGRY, I WANT
SOME BELLY, I WANT SOME

BELLY!

- NOM NOM NOM -
[GIRL GIGGLING]

- OH, THE BELLY SO GOOD!
SO GOOD!

I COULDN'T POSSIBLY
EAT ANY MORE BELLY!

I'M SO FULL, OH WAIT!
YES I CAN!

- [GIRL GIGGLING]
- [OM NOM NOM NOM]

- SO UH, WHAT'S THIS?

- UH, THE NATIONAL
INDEPENDENT SCHOOL

ASSOCIATION WEBSITE.

WHO THEY ARE,
WHAT THEY DO.

- HOW'S IT LOOK?

- OH, YOU KNOW.

UM, TAX EXEMPTIONS,
UH SCHOOL VOUCHERS, UH

LOOKING OUT FOR THE
INTEREST OF RICH KIDS AND

THEIR RICH PARENTS.

IT'S, IT'S BASICALLY
EVERYTHING I'VE EVER

FOUGHT AGAINST FOR
MY WHOLE CAREER.

NOBODY PROOF READS!

THIS GUY SAYS HIS PAPER
IS ABOUT MARK TRAIN.

- [LAUGHING]

- UNBELIEVABLE.

- THEY'RE NOT
ALL LIKE THAT.

- HMM.

- LOOK DADDY I DREW A
PRINCESS AND SHE'S SAYING

"I LOVE YOU."
- AW THAT'S BEAUTIFUL ANGEL.

YOU SPELL BETTER THAN
DADDY'S STUDENTS.

- STOP IT.

- LISTEN TO THIS.

"THE BOY SAID, 'I WAS
HUNGRY, HUNGRY, HUNGRY.'

THIS SHOWS HE WAS HUNGRY."

- TEACHER OF THE YEAR, HUH?

[HIP HOP MUSIC]
♪

♪

- YO-YOU KNOW, I-I'M REAL
HAPPY THAT YOU GUYS ARE

GIVING MITCH CARTER ALL
THIS ATTENTION AND, AND,

AND YOU'RE HERE TO SEE
HIM, BUT IT'S RON DOUCHE

WHO'S, WHO'S THE MOTOR
BEHIND THIS HOUSE.

HE'S, HE'S THE, HE'S THE
KID IN THE HAMSTER WHEEL,

SO TO SPEAK.

THIS-THIS GUY'S GONNA
BE SUPERINTENDENT OF LA UNIFIED.

[SNICKERS] I-I'M HITCHING MY
WAGON TO THAT STAR.

BEST BELIEVE THAT.

I MEAN HE SAYS, PUT THIS
CAMPUS ON LOCKDOWN,

IT'S LOCKED DOWN.

- MS. CURTIS, NIA
CANNOT COME TO SCHOOL

DRESSED LIKE THIS.

- WHY NOT?

SHE LOOKS GOOD.

- NIA, YOU CAN'T [SCOFFS]

LOOK AT YOUR SKIRT, YOU,
LEAVE SOMETHING TO THE

IMAGINATION.

- UH, WHY SHOULD I MAKE
THEM IMAGINE IT, WHEN I

CAN JUST SHOW IT TO THEM?

- YOU KNOW, BUT, I'VE HAD
ENOUGH OF THIS, ALRIGHT.

SHE IS BEAUTIFUL.

I AM BEAUTIFUL.

I WAS A JV CHEERLEADER
WHEN I HAD HER.

ALRIGHT.

THAT OUTTA HERE.

- UH, UH, UH YES.

[CLEARS THROAT]

- OK, LET'S GET STARTED.

I HAVE YOUR HUCK FINN
PAPERS FOR YOU, AND, UH, I

SEE THAT A LOT OF YOU
ARE STILL MAKING THE SAME

MISTAKES BECAUSE YOU
REFUSE TO PROOFREAD.

UH, LOOK, I-IF IT'S A
PROBLEM WITH SPELLING OR

VOCABULARY, I CAN HELP YOU
WITH THAT, BUT WHEN THE

NAME OF THE BOOK IS
HUCKLEBERRY FINN, AND YOU

SPELL HUCKLEBERRY WRONG.

- [LAUGHING]

- I CAN'T DO ANYTHING
FOR YOU THERE.

OR YOU SPELL YOUR
OWN NAME WRONG?

- [LAUGHING]

- COME ON MR. CARTER,
NOBODY DID THAT.

- OH NO, YEAH, SOMEBODY
DID, MARCUS, OR SHOULD I

CALL YOU MACRUS?
- [LAUGHING]

- LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, IN
THE EYES OF THE LAW, YOU

ARE STILL CHILDREN BUT
HERE, IN THIS CLASSROOM,

YOU ARE ADULTS.

SO AS MUCH AS I MAY
DISAGREE WITH YOU, I HAVE

TO RESPECT YOUR DECISION
NOT TO GET SMARTER.

THIS IS AMERICA, WHERE THE
CONSTITUTION PROTECTS YOUR

RIGHT TO STAY DUMB.

- [OPENS PAPER]

- BRENDAN HAD A BELLY ACHE
AND HAD TO GET MORE SLEEP.

PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.

- [LAUGHING]

- I WISH I COULD, NOVACK.

- WAIT, SO YOU GUYS ARE
HERE BECAUSE MITCH CARTER

WON TEACHER OF THE YEAR?

WOW, I, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
A DECISION HAD BEEN MADE.

I GUESS I WAS BUSY THEN,
UM, AND THAT'S FOR THE

WHOLE CITY?

- THE WHOLE STATE.

- WHOLE STATE.

OK, THAT UH,
HE'S A GOOD GUY.

REALLY NICE CAT.

CAN I SPEAK FRANKLY FOR A
SECOND BECAUSE I'M SOR-I'M

SORRY.

BUT HE TEACHES ENGLISH.

OK, THAT'S A DEAD LANGUAGE.

THE KIDS ALREADY SPEAK IT
WHEN THEY COME TO SCHOOL.

I'M DEALING
WITH THE FUTURE.

IT'S ROBOTICS.

I MEAN, IN MY CLASS ON
MONDAY, IT'S WEDNESDAY.

- ALRIGHT, LET'S
ASSIMILATE.

- ALRIGHT NOW YOU GUYS
HAVE WON THE LAST FOUR

CITY CHAMPIONSHIPS AND
TODAY WE'RE GOING TO MAKE

IT NUMBER FIVE.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHEN
THE ROBOTS TAKE OVER AND

THAT DAY'S COMING SOONER
THAN PEOPLE THINK, YOU

GUYS ARE GOING
TO BE READY.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE
WAITIN' FOR THEM, JUST

LIKE ME.

OK?

LET'S FUSE.

- [STUDENTS AND
TEACHER SINGING NOTE]

- FOUR YEARS IN A ROW
WE'VE LOST THE NATIONAL

ROBOT CHAMPIONSHIPS,
OTHERWISE REFERRED TO AS

THE SUPER-ROBOT BOWL.

TODAY'S THE CITIES, CITY
ROBOTS, WE ALWAYS RULE

THAT AND STATE ROBOTS,
WE FLY THROUGH.

WE'VE HAD PROBLEMS WITH
THE NATIONAL ROBOTS, UM,

NOT THIS YEAR.

NOT THIS YEAR.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- I GUESS, I MEAN, I'M
JUST A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED

IN YOUR BEHAVIOR.

I MEAN AREN'T YOU?

- YES, MR. DOUCHE.

- AND IF I SUSPEND YOU,
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO FEEL

LIKE YOU'RE GETTING AN
EXTRA WEEK OF SPRING BREAK.

SO INSTEAD, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE A WEEK OF IN HOUSE

SUSPENSION.

- ARE YOU-
- UH-UH.

- NOW MR. CARTER BELIEVES
THAT SOCCER'S BEEN A GOOD

OUTLET FOR YOU.

- YEAH. YES.

- HE ALSO FEELS THAT, UH,
YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO

CONTINUE PLAYING
AND I AGREE.

- THANK YOU MR.
DOUCHE, THANK YOU.

- BUT HE HAS ALSO PROMISED
ME, HE'D HAVE YOU RUN

SPRINTS FOR AN EXTRA
TWENTY MINUTES AFTER

PRACTICE EVERY
DAY NEXT WEEK.

.- ARE YOU -
- I-UH-OH-UH-AH-AH

NOW TAKE A PRETZEL.

NOT IN HERE.
ALEX, CRUMBS.

JEEZ.
[SIGHS]

- THERE'S NOT A LOT OF
TIME DURING THE DAY TO

TEACH A YOUNG MAN OR
WOMAN A LESSON LIKE THAT.

SO, HOPEFULLY I GOT
THROUGH TO HIM, MADE A

DIFFERENCE IN HIS LIFE.

- THAT GUY'S A DICK.

[UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC]

♪

- SERIOUSLY, LIKE,
THESE ARE NOT LOCKERS.

THIS IS, FOR MAIL, AND
NEWS, AND BUG SPRAY, I'M

JUST,
- 'SUP, IAN?

- OH, HEY STEVEN, JUST
GOT, UH, THE TITAN HOT OFF

THE PRESSES.

- OH, NICE.
- YEAH.

- YEAH, YOU GUYS ARE DOING SOME
GREAT WORK DOWN THERE.

- YEAH, YOU GOTTA CHECK
OUT THE PIECE WE DID ON

THE WATER FOUNTAIN
IN THE GYM.

YEAH, WE TESTED
IT FOR BACTERIA.

COVERED IN MICROORGANISMS.

- FANTASTIC, HOW LONG HAVE
YOU BEEN TEACHING HERE?

- UH, THIS IS
MY FIRST YEAR.

MY FIRST FULL YEAR.
- ALMOST A FULL YEAR.

- STARTED AS A SUB LAST YEAR,
YEAH.

- THIS IS GREAT.
- REALLY MAKIN' THE PAPER

MY THING. I'M REALLY PROUD OF
WHAT THE STUDENTS ARE DOING.

- AND I'D LIKE TO THINK
THAT, THAT ARTICLE ABOUT

KATHY BANNENS PUPPY, YEAH?

- YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S
GONNA BE GREAT.

IT'LL TEACH A LOT OF KIDS
UH, RESPONSIBILITY ABOUT

TAKIN' CARE OF PUPPIES
AND STUFF, AND THAT'S UH,

SOMETHING THE KIDS NEED TO
LEARN ABOUT BEFORE THEY GO

ON TO COLLEGE.

FANTASTIC STUFF. GOOD JOB, IAN.

- THANKS, UM, [SIGHS].

- WHAT'S HAPPENIN' KIDS?

- HEY MAN.

- OFFICE SCHEDULES,
DO YOU HAVE THIS YEAR?

- I DON'T KNOW,
WHAT'S IT MATTER?

"WHY IS MY KID AN IDIOT?"
CAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

IN AND OUT.
- [LAUGHING]

- YOU'RE SERIOUS?

- AM I THE ONLY
ONE WHO DOES THAT?

- THAT'S GENIUS.

- WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY
TAKE TIME-

- THAT'S JUST WRONG,
THAT'S NOT GENIUS.

- THAT'S A BRILLIANT
IDEA, IS WHAT THAT IS.

- IT'S ACTUALLY A
PRETTY GOOD IDEA.

- YEAH, TEACHER OF
THE YEAR, RIGHT THERE.

- THERE YA GO.

- WHERE'S MY VEST, OH!
WHERE'S MY VEST?

I'M THE VEST GUY.
- [LAUGHING]

- [LAUGHING] IT'S FUN TO JOKE
AROUND IN THE LOUNGE.

BUT I LOVE THIS JOB.

I LOVE THE KIDS,
I LOVE MATH.

UM, MOST DAYS I CANNOT
WAIT TO GET TO WORK.

THE MAGIC MATH HAT
GOES TO LEMONT.

[STUDENTS CHEERING]

YAY, YES THANK YOU, THANK
YOU, PLEASE, PLEASE.

[CHEERING]

- THANK YOU LEMONT, THANK
YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SO

SMART.

BUT I HAVE TO ASK, WHAT
IS THE MNEMONIC DEVICE,

SOCAHTOA?

- I'M FIRED UP
ABOUT TEACHING.

I DO IT WITH PASSION.

I DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR IT.

AND I EXPECT MY STUDENTS
TO MATCH MY PASSION WITH

THEIR OWN.

I THINK THEY
APPRECIATE THE EFFORT.

AT THE VERY LEAST
THEY'RE ENTERTAINED.

- COSIGNS.

- COSIGNS, COSIGNS!

- ARE YOU ROLLING NOW?
- YEAH.

- THAT IS SO COOL.

I MEAN, IT'S LIKE, IT'S
LIKE WE'RE, IT'S LIKE

"SPINAL TAP" OR SOMETHING.

IT'S LIKE, WE'RE JUST
TEACHING AND YOU GUYS ARE

FILMING.

IT'S A LITTLE CREEPY, BUT,
I TAKE MY TEACHING, AND I

TURN IT UP TO ELEVEN.

TO ELEVEN.

I WAS NEVER REALLY GOOD AT
ACCENTS, BUT, ELEVEN, NO?

YOU DON'T KNOW "SPINAL TAP?"

WOW.

- I SAY TURN DOWN THE JOB.
- ARE YOU NUTS?

- TEACHING'S HIS CALLING.
- TAKE THE MONEY.

- TEACHING'S OBVIOUSLY NOT
ABOUT CASH, IT ELEVATES

THE SPIRIT.

- OH MY GOD, DO NOT LISTEN
TO HIM MITCH, THIS IS JUST

BERKELEY JIBBER-JABBER.

- WHY ARE YOU
SO MEAN TO ME?

- BECAUSE I CAN BE,
AND I'M OLDER THAN YOU,

ALRIGHT?

LOOK, TEN YEARS FROM NOW
YOU'LL BE MAKING ALMOST

THE SAME AS YOU DO NOW.

AND YOU'LL BE KILLING
YOURSELF FOR NOT TAKING

THIS JOB.

- WHY IS THIS THE ONLY WAY
FOR ME TO MAKE THIS KIND

OF MONEY?

I, YE-YEA-I-I LOVE
TEACHING, YOU KNOW

APPARENTLY OTHER PEOPLE
THINK I'M PRETTY GOOD AT

IT TOO. WHY CAN'T I MAKE A
HUNDRED GRAND DOING THIS?

- BECAUSE YOU CAN'T. TAKE THE
MONEY.

- IF I'M COMIN' ON STRONG,
THAT'S NOT MY INTENTION.

I JUST FEEL REALLY
CONFIDENT THAT ADVERTISING

WITH US IS GONNA
HELP YOUR BUSINESS.

I'M THE SALES DIRECTOR
AT A LOCAL MIXED MEDIA
COMPANY.

THEY LET ME WORK FROM HOME
THREE DAYS A WEEK WHICH IS

REALLY HELPFUL.

IF WE ARE RIGHT FOR YOU,
THEN WE ARE PERFECT FOR YOU.

WE, YOU KNOW WE JUST
WANT TO MEET YOUR NEEDS.

THAT'S ALL.

IF-IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY, IF
IT'S NOT WORKING FOR YOU,

THAN I'M NOT DOIN' MY JOB.

YEAH I'M NOT INTERESTED IN
JUST MAKING THIS SALE AND

LEAVIN' YA HANGIN'.

NO, I'M-I'M GONNA USE MY
CUSTOMIZED SOFTWARE TO

MONITOR YOUR ACCOUNT AND
MAKE SURE THAT YOUR AD IS

GENERATING SALES.

YEAH. OH GOSH IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

IT TELLS US WHO'S NOTICING
YOUR AD, WHERE THEY'RE

SHOPPING, WHAT
THEY'RE BUYING.

I CAN DO THAT.
YES, I CAN DO THAT.

I CAN DO THAT, TOO,
THAT SOUNDS VERY FAIR.

IT IS A LOT TO PROMISE BUT
I HOPE THAT SHOWS YA HOW

MUCH I WANT YOUR BUSINESS.

OK.

ALRIGHT, I'LL SEND THE
CONTRACTS OVER FIRST THING

IN THE MORNING.

OK.

THANK YOU.

BUH-BYE.

YAYYYY.

- MITCH, I ADMIRE YOUR
SUCCESS IN BOTH THE PUBLIC

AND PRIVATE SECTORS.

AND, I THINK YOUR CAREER
HIGHLIGHTS THE BEST

QUALITIES OF
INDEPENDENT SCHOOLS.

- WELL, COME ON YOU CAN'T
REALLY COMPARE HARRY

TRUMAN CHARTER TO
EPISCOPAL ACADEMY.

- CHARTER SCHOOLS
WALK THE LINE.

THEY'RE PUBLIC SCHOOLS
THAT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF

MANY OF PRIVATE
SCHOOLS BENEFITS.

PRIVATE AND CHARTER ARE
PRACTICALLY THE SAME

THING.

- THAT'S A VERY DIFFICULT
ARGUMENT TO MAKE, MS. BEHR.

- I COULDN'T AGREE
WITH YOU MORE.

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE IT?

- WELL, UM, LET'S SEE.

THEY BOTH HAVE ENTRY
REQUIREMENTS GREATER THAN

RESIDENCY.

UH, THEY BOTH ASK FOR A
PERSONAL COMMITMENT OF

TIME OR MONEY OR BOTH
FROM THE STUDENT, AND

FREQUENTLY FROM THE
STUDENT'S FAMILY.

AS A SOCIETY, WE CHOOSE
TO SPEND TAX DOLLARS ON

ENROLLMENT AND FEES AT
CHARTER SCHOOLS LIKE

TRUMAN HIGH.

THERE IS NO REASON WHY A
FEW OF THOSE TAX DOLLARS

COULDN'T GO TO PRIVATE
SCHOOL TUITIONS AS WELL.

- EVEN IF IT'S
NOT AS MUCH.

- A FRACTION.

- SO, YOU CAN MAKE
THAT ARGUMENT.

- YES, MA'AM.

IT, UH, YEAH
WOULD APPEAR SO.

- SO, DOES THAT MEAN
YOU WANT THE JOB NOW?

- NO, NO, IT JUST MEANS
I KNOW I CAN DO IT.

I - WHAT THE HELL?

- BRIAN, WHAT'S
GOING ON MAN?

- I GOT A PROBLEM.

- WHAT, WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?

- RON SUSPENDED ME TODAY.

- WHAT? WHY?

- FAITH GREGORY ACCUSED
ME OF ATTACKING HER IN

TUTORIAL TODAY, AND YOU
KNOW I DID NOT DO THAT.

- NO, NO OF COURSE, I
KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.

GUYS, PLEASE, JUST GIVE ME
A SECOND, ALRIGHT, PLEASE?

JUST BACK OFF, PLEASE?

- SHE'S AN ANGRY CHILD,
THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING

GOING ON AT HOME AND
IT'S IMPORTANT-

- ALRIGHT, HAVE YOU HEARD
FROM HER PARENTS AT ALL?

- NO-
- HAVE YOU TALKED,

SPOKEN TO HER MOTHER OR FATHER?

- NO, THE MOTHER, I KNOW
HAS BEEN IN CONTACT WITH

RON BUT, IT-IT, AND THE
WORST PART ABOUT IT.

- UH, THIS IS BAD, THIS IS
SO BAD, BRIAN'S IN A TOUGH

SPOT.

- WHY'D HE COME TO YOU?

- I'M THE UNION REP AT OUR
SCHOOL, SO HE'S SUPPOSED

TO COME TO ME.

PLUS, WE'RE FRIENDS.
GOOD FRIENDS.

WE'LL TALK
TOMORROW, ALRIGHT?

- WHO IS THIS GIRL?
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

- HER NAME IS FAITH
GREGORY, AND, UH, HE

FAILED HER LAST SEMESTER.

HE WAS TRYING TO HELP HER,
I MEAN, THAT'S WHY SHE WAS

IN HIS ROOM TO BEGIN WITH.

- WELL CAN'T RON AT LEAST
WAIT UNTIL HE HEARS THE

STORY FROM EVERYBODY
ELSE FIRST?

- NO, HE CAN'T
AFFORD TO, KATE.

I MEAN, WHAT IF
BRIAN DID IT?

- YOU THINK HE DID IT?

- NO, OF COURSE NOT, BUT
YOU KNOW, RON'S JUST GOT

TO COVER HIS ASS.

- MITCH, LANGUAGE, PLEASE.

- OH, SORRY, HEY SWEETIE,
CAN YOU GO TO YOUR ROOM

AND PLAY FOR A
LITTLE BIT, PLEASE?

- OK, DADDY.
- THANK YOU.

I'LL BE IN TO READ YOU
A BOOK IN A LITTLE BIT.

- OK.
- OK.

- CAN I SAY ASS NOW?

- OH MY GOSH,
JACKIE IS PREGNANT.

HOW IS SHE HANDLING THIS?

- I DON'T KNOW, HE'S GONNA
GIVE ME A CALL AFTER HE

TOLD HER.

- HE HASN'T TOLD HER YET?

- WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE I'D
BE RUSHING HOME TO SHARE

THE NEWS WITH YOU EITHER.

- HUH.

- OH MY GOSH THAT
IS BEAUTIFUL.

- MAN.

- OH, IT'S GOT A POOL
-A POOL, WE CAN GO SWIM!

3,200 SQUARE FEET, FOUR
BEDROOMS, FOUR BATHS, AND

IT IS, $414,000.
- NO.

- THAT COULD GET
US, A GARAGE, HERE-

- THAT IS, THAT'S QUITE-

- IN LOS ANGELES,
THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

- A BIG DIFFERENCE
FROM WHAT WE PAY HERE.

- I DON'T KNOW, IT SOUNDS
LIKE THE INTERVIEW WENT

WELL, BUT, ALSO LIKE
THERE'S GONNA BE WAY MORE

TRAVEL THAN WE EXPECTED.

AND UH, EVEN IF WE DO MOVE
TO WASHINGTON, D.C., HE'S

GONNA BE GONE A LOT.

HE AND SIERRA HAVE NEVER
EVEN BEEN APART FOR ONE

DAY, SO I'M NOT EXACTLY
SURE HOW SHE'S GONNA TAKE

THAT, BUT,

I DON'T EVEN THINK WE
REALLY HAVE A CHOICE.

YA KNOW, MY JOB SUCKS, AND
UH, I CAN BARELY HANDLE

THAT WITH ONE BABY,
MUCH LESS TWO.

I MEAN, WHEN ARE WE GONNA
GET ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY

LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW?

- IS IT A BOY?
- DON'T START THAT.

- OH COME ON,
I'M JUST ASKIN'.

DOES IT FEEL BOY-ISH?

- I'M AT SIX WEEKS, IT
DOESN'T FEEL LIKE ANYTHING

YET.

[SENSUAL PIANO MUSIC]

- UM, OK GUYS, JUS-UM-LET'S
JUST WRAP, FOR THE NIGHT,

OK, THANK YOU.

♪

♪ THEY SAY SHE'S INTO
HEAVEN IT'S ONLY WATER ♪

♪ INTO WINE, OHHH, SAY I
LIKE TO MEET HER, OR GET ♪

♪ IN LINE, SHE SEES A MONTH
OF SUNSETS AS HOW MUCH ♪

♪ TIME THERE IS TO WASTE,
OH, WASTE IT IN A ♪

♪ HEARTBEAT, OH...

- MORNING GUYS, LET'S HAVE

A GREAT DAY OF
INSTRUCTION, HUH?

HOW YA DOIN' - PULL UP
THOSE PANTS YOUNG PANTS,

I CAN SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR.

HA! THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

WHY DO YOU EVEN
HAVE A BELT?

HEY, HIGH FIVE, UP TOP.
NOPE?

WE'LL DO THAT LATER.

WE WILL DO THAT
LATER YOUNG MAN.

ALRIGHT.

- WHAT TIME'S
YOUR OPEN, DOUCHE?

- WHO SAID THAT?
YOU THERE, I SEE YOU.

- YEAH, MITCH FOUND OUT
THAT TRUMAN WAS LOOKING

FOR NEW DEPARTMENT CHAIRS,
AND WE APPLIED AT THE SAME

TIME.

- WHY LEAVE A PRIVATE
SCHOOL LIKE EPISCOPAL TO

COME HERE?

- I THINK, MITCH WAS
LOOKING FOR THE CHALLENGE

OF STARTING A
SCHOOL FROM DAY ONE.

ME, I JUST CAME 'CAUSE
THE PAY WAS BETTER.

- ANY REGRETS?

- THE KIDS AT EPISCOPAL
WERE MORE GIFTED.

I MISS THAT.

I MEAN, YOU SAW
MY CLASS TODAY.

- OK, YESTERDAY, WE TALKED
ABOUT MOTORS AND MOTION.

CAN ANYONE NAME SOMETHING
THAT HAS A MOTOR?

- MOTORBOAT?

- YES, A MOTORBOAT
DOES HAVE A MOTOR.

ANYBODY ELSE?

- FANDRA?
- A VIBRATOR?

- [LAUGHING]
- YEAH, HA, THAT'S GREAT.

- LOOK, MY BEST
STUDENTS ARE FANTASTIC.

THEY'LL GO ON TO UCLA,
STANFORD, AND THEY'LL BE

GREAT.

BUT SOME OF THESE OTHER
KIDS, I, UH, I AM JUST AT

A LOSS TO EXPLAIN
THEIR BEHAVIOR.

- WE'RE GONNA WATCH A
SHORT FILM

- SIR, PHYSICS MOVIE,
OR A GOOD MOVIE?

- [STUDENTS GRUMBLING]

- YES, LAMONT, TODAY WE'RE
GOING TO WATCH "SCARFACE"

- [CHEERING]

- IT CAN BE
TOUGH SOMETIMES.

VERY TOUGH.

- I'M NOT SAYING
YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

I'M SAYING WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING IS IDIOTIC.

- WELL, I
DON'T SEE WHAT'S-

- THINK ABOUT IT
- IF SOMEBODY BELIEVES THAT

THEY'RE BORN IN THE LIGHT
OF URANUS AND THEY THINK

IT MEANS-
- OH COME ON

- THAT IS WAY TOO EASY

- I GET THAT JOKE TOO MUCH,
DON'T EVEN GO THERE

OK, I GET THAT TOO MUCH, LOOK,
DON'T EVEN GO THERE.

- HOW DOES THAT HURT
ANYONE'S FEELINGS?

- HAVE YOU SEEN URSULA
FEATHERSTONE'S CLASS?

- IT'S UNUSUAL.

- OK, OUR QUARTERLY TEST
IS TOMORROW, AND I THINK

THE BEST WAY FOR US TO
REVIEW OUR TWO BOOKS, "THE

MIRACLE WORKER" ABOUT HELEN
KELLER AND THE "DIARY OF

ANNE FRANK" IS
THROUGH SONG.

SO HERE YA GO.

- [TEACHER SINGING
AND PLAYING GUITAR]

- [SINGING] AHHHHHHHHHHH
- [LAUGHING]

- [SINGING] AHHHHHHHHHHH
- [LAUGHING]

- SHHHH

[SINGING] AHHHHH, WAHHH,
WAUWAH, WA-OH-WAH

- AND YOU'RE A SUPERVISOR?

- YEAH, YEAH, UM, SO YEAH,
I'VE SAT THROUGH A CLASS

MANY TIMES, AND UH, I
GOTTA TELL YA, EVEN THOUGH

IT IS UNUSUAL, HER KIDS
RETAIN A LOT OF WHAT SHE

TEACHES THEM.

AND HER TESTS SCORES, THEY
ALWAYS SHOW IMPROVEMENT.

THIS IS WHAT I'M TRYING
TO TELL YA, YOU KNOW, EACH

TEACHER REACHES THE
KIDS IN THEIR OWN WAY.

UM, THERE'S NO, ONE
WAY, TO DO THIS JOB.

YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKIN' FOR
THE NEW, BETTER, SHINIER WAY

TO DELIVER BASICALLY
THE SAME OLD MESSAGE.

YOU KNOW, THE THING IS, IF
THE MESSAGE IS SOLID, IT'S

ALWAYS WORTH LEARNING.

- OK GUYS, HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?

WE ARE THE
HAMMER BROTHERS.

MY NAME IS CLIVE HAMMER.
- I AM LOWELL HAMMER.

WE LIKE TO BRING
THE HAMMER.

- STOP.
- HAMMER TIME.

- WHICH IS WHAT WE SAID.

THAT'S HOW LONG
WE'VE BEEN DOING IT.

- WE'VE BEEN DOING
IT FOR YEARS GUYS.

- SO, YOU PROBABLY DON'T
REMEMBER MC HAMMER, BUT

WE'VE BEEN DOING IT
BACK SINCE HIS DAY.

- YEAH, WHEN HE HAD A DAY.
- AND UH-

- THINK OF US AS LIAISONS
BETWEEN YOU AND

COLLEGE, AND SOME OF
YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW WHAT

LIAISON MEANS.

- BUT WE ARE COLLEGE
COUNSELORS, THINK OF US AS

THE PEOPLE WHO DEFINE
THE WORD LIAISON FOR YOU.

- I ASKED FOR HELP FOR MY
FINANCIAL AID APPLICATION,

AND THEY TOLD ME TO MARK
MY ETHNICITY AS CARAMEL.

- CARAMEL.
- WHY WOULDN'T WE DO OUR JOB?

- WHO DOESN'T
LIKE CARAMEL?

- EVERYONE LOVES CARAMEL.

- YOU SEE CARAMEL ON AN
APPLICATION YOU'RE LIKE,

I WANT A PIECE OF THAT.

- YOU HEAR THAT WORD-
-I WANT A PIECE OF THAT-

- YOU START TO SALIVATE-
- RIGHT, PAVLOVIAN, YOU

SALIVATE, KIDS IN.

- THEY SAID THAT IF I WANT
TO GO TO STANFORD, I HAVE

TO WEAR MORE HATS.

THEY SAID STANFORD LIKES
'HAT PEOPLE.'

- PALO ALTO'S A HAT TOWN.

- STANFORD IS LIKE
A HUGE HAT SCHOOL.

- YEAH.

- I MEAN YOU'RE NOT
WEARING A HAT, YOU'RE NOT

FITTIN' IN.

- AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW
THAT, THEN YOU'RE NOT

DOING YOUR JOB AS A
COLLEGE COUNSELOR.

- THEY SAID COLLEGES WOULD
LIKE ME BETTER IF I LOST

SIXTY POUNDS.

SO, I'M BULIMIC NOW.

BUT, IT'S FOR MY
EDUCATION, SO, IT'S OK.

- THAT WAS UNFORTUNATE.

- THAT-
- THAT WAS NOT A GREAT-

- WAS NOT OUR PLAN.

- I MEAN, SHE JUST KEPT,
- BUT IF YOU LOOK AT HER

NOW-
- SHE KEPT LOSIN'-

- LOOK AT HER NOW, SHE LOOKS
PRETTY GOOD.

- IF SHE JUST KEEPS IT-
- IF SHE DOESN'T GO ANY

FURTHER-
- SHE'S GOOD.

- YOU DON'T NEED ANY OF
THESE STATES RIGHT HERE.

- YEAH FORGET THESE
STATES, THESE ARE JUST

FULL OF FAT, MAD PEOPLE.
- THAT'S RIGHT.

- YOU SEE THESE STATES? FAT,
ANGRY PEOPLE.

AS YOU CAN SEE RIGHT IN
HERE, THIS IS THE BIG TEN.

- LOT OF FOOTBALL.
- LOT OF DRINKIN'.

- LOT OF KEG STANDS.

- THIS IS WHERE
YOU WANT TO BE.

- SO, I MEAN THAT IS
COLLEGE RIGHT THERE.

- YEAH, IF YOU THINK ABOUT
COLLEGE, THINK ABOUT A GUY

PASSED OUT IN A BUSH.

- URINATING ON HIMSELF-
- ALL OVER HIS OWN PANTS.

- LIKE A HOMELESS
PERSON WOULD.

- THAT'S UNIVERSITY OF
ILLINOIS RIGHT THERE.

THAT IS LITERALLY-
- IN A NUTSHELL-

- ON THE CREST,
THAT IS WHAT IT IS.

- MHMM.

- AND THEN ALSO,
WE'RE OUT HERE GUYS.

WE'RE IN CALIFORNIA.

- YOU CAN STAY
HERE AT HOME.

- IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO
ALL THE WAY OUT OVER HERE,

STAY HERE AT HOME.
WHY?

- THREE WORDS;
- [BOTH] WEED IS LEGAL.

- NAILED IT.

- YEAH, I DON'T
KNOW HOW WE DO IT.

IT'S MAGIC.

I-UH-THERE ARE TIMES WHEN
I WAKE UP AND I WISH I

KNEW.

AND THEN THERE ARE TIMES
WHEN I WISH I DIDN'T KNOW.

- AND RIGHT NOW IS
ONE OF THOSE TIMES.

- WHERE I WISH I DIDN'T
KNOW-

- AND YOU-
- THAT I DO KNOW-

- STILL DON'T KNOW.

- I KNOW WHAT YOU
GUYS ARE THINKIN'.

- I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.

I KNOW WHAT YOU
GUYS ARE THINKIN'.

I GOTTA GET TO
NEW YORK CITY.

- RIGHT, BI-COASTAL.
- GET ME TO THE BIG APPLE.

- HIGH TAIL IT UP THERE!
- [BOTH] NO.

- THAT IS A BAD IDEA.
- HORRIBLE.

- YOU ARE GONNA GET CUT.
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.

- YOU'RE GONNA
GET CUT A LOT.

WE GOT CUT.
- YEAH WE DID.

- WENT TO NEW YORK
CITY, WE GOT CUT TWICE.

- SAME GUY.

AND THAT MORE THAN
ANYTHING TELLS YA, DON'T

GOT SEE A MATINEE OF
"SPIDERMAN THE MUSICAL" ON A

WEDNESDAY.

- NOT DURING THE MIDDLE
OF THE WEEK, YOU DON'T.

- WHY YOU GONNA
GO UP HERE?

HIGH TAIL IT DOWN HERE.

- AMISH COUNTRY.

- PENNSYLVANIA, FRANKLIN
AND MARSHALL UNIVERSITY,

GREAT SCHOOL, GO OUT
THERE, YOU ROLL AN AMISH

GUY.

- THAT SHOULD BE ON ALL
OF YOUR BUCKET LISTS.

- IT'S FUN, RIGHT, GET A
COUPLE COCKTAILS IN YA,

GET OUT THERE
WITH SOME FRIENDS.

- THEY'RE NOT
GONNA FIGHT BACK.

MAYBE THEY'LL THROW
A BUTTER CHURN AT YA.

- MAYBE.

- SECOND PLACE,
CITY FINALS.

I MEAN FORGET NATIONALS,
WE DON'T EVEN QUALIFY

FOR STATES.

SHOULDA SEEN THE FIRST
PLACE TROPHY TOO.

IT WAS A, SILVER CUP.

JUST, I-I COULDA DRANK MY
COFFEE OUT OF IT IN THE

MORNING, BUT NOW IT'S JUST
ME AND THE LITTLE GUY, SO,

[SIGH]

THERE WILL BE NO SUPER-ROBOT
BOWL FIVE, THAT'S

FOR SURE.

[UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC]
♪

- "THE SCARLET LETTER" GIVES
HESTER THE POWER TO SEE

THE SIN IN OTHERS.

SO SHE KNOWS THAT NEARLY
EVERYONE IN THE BOSTON

AREA BELIEVES THAT
THEY'RE SINNERS.

BUT WHEN THEY LEARN OF
HESTER'S PUBLIC SIN OF

ADULTERY, THEY JUMP AT
THE CHANCE TO PUNISH HER

BECAUSE THEY WANT TO PROVE
THEIR PURITY TO EVERYONE

ELSE.

NOW HAWTHORNE TELLS
US THAT EVERYONE SINS.

GOING BACK TO ADAM AND EVE
FAILING GOD IN THE GARDEN

OF EDEN.

AND WE FEEL SO GUILTY.

OH NO, GOD IS
DISAPPOINTED IN ME.

WE FEEL BAD AND IT SUCKS.

IF WE WOULD JUST LET EACH
OTHER'S MISTAKES GO, WE'D

BE SO MUCH HAPPIER,
BUT WE DON'T.

NO, WE'RE CONSTANTLY
TRYING TO MAKE EACH OTHER

FEEL BAD, HOPING THAT IT
WILL MAKE US FEEL BETTER.

AND THAT, IS WHERE
EVIL COMES FROM.

NOT FROM THE DEVIL,
NOT FROM HELL.

EVIL IS SIMPLY A BYPRODUCT
OF HUMAN FEAR AND

WEAKNESS.

- ALRIGHT HOW
BOUT CLAUDIUS?

- HE DIES LIKE A BITCH.
- [LAUGHING]

ALRIGHT.

UH, [CLEARS THROAT] , YEAH,
THAT'S A START.

DO YOU HAVE A CITATION
FROM THE PLAY TO BACK THAT

UP?

- YEAH, I WROTE
IT DOWN HERE.

"O, YET DEFEND ME,
FRIENDS; I AM BUT HURT."

- IT'S GOOD.

GOOD, YOU GOT
ONE FOR OPHELIA?

- I USE ACT FOUR, WHERE
SHE GOES CRAZY JUST BEFORE

SHE KILLS HERSELF.

WROTE IT HERE.

"YOUNG MEN WILL DO'T, IF
THEY COME TO'T; BY COCK,

THEY ARE TO BLAME."

- UM, WHY'D YOU
CHOOSE THAT QUOTE?

- I DON'T KNOW.
HE SAID COCK?

- YEAH, YOU WENT DEEP
THERE, DIDN'T YA?

- HA, KIND OF
SOUNDS LIKE RAP.

- [RAPPING] YOUNG MEN WILL DO
IT, IF THEY COME TO IT;

BY COCK, THEY ARE TO BLAME.

- IT'S BETTER THAN THAT
CRAP YOU PULLED IN MY

CLASS ON MONDAY.

- AW, COACH, WHY YOU
GOTTA PLAY LIKE THAT?

- DID YOU HAVE ANY LUNCH?

- NAH, I DIDN'T
HAVE ANY LUNCH.

- TAKE HALF MY SANDWICH.
- THANKS.

- NEXT UP.

- THANKS FOR
COMIN', MITCH.

- UH, WELL, YEAH, NO, WE
GOTTA GET RIGHT ON THIS.

- WELL, UM, I'M
ALL OVER IT.

I SPOKE TO THE MOTHER.

WE'RE GONNA MEET WITH THEM
AND MR. CAMPBELL TOMORROW

AFTERNOON.

- GOOD! GOOD, OK, I'M GLAD
WE'RE DEALING WITH IT RIGHT

AWAY.
- YEAH, ME TOO.

OH GOD, HOPEFULLY WE
CAN KEEP THIS OUT OF THE

PAPERS.

- OH, GOD IF THE MEDIA
GETS AHOLD OF IT THAN

BRIAN'S CAREER IS OVER.

- YEAH.

YOU'RE-YOU'RE
KIDDIN' RIGHT?

- WHAT?

- MITCH, BRIAN'S FINISHED,
AT THIS POINT I'M JUST

TRYING' TO PROTECT
THE SCHOOL.

- BUT HE DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING.

- WELL, HE MUST'VE
DONE SOMETHING.

- WHY? BECAUSE A GIRL WHO'S
FAILING HIS CLASS SAYS SO?

- LOOK, MITCH, I'M NOT
INSENSITIVE TO BRIAN'S

SITUATION.

IT'S JUST THAT THE SCHOOL
CANNOT AFFOR-

- HE'S GOT A FAMILY, RON!

- HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
OF ONE OF THESE PROBLEMS

RESOLVING ITSELF
PEACEFULLY?

THE TEACHER ALWAYS
TAKES THE FALL.

- RIGHT, BECAUSE
BUREAUCRATS LIKE YOU ARE

PUSHING HIM OFF THE CLIFF!

- I SPOKE TO THE GIRL.
I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER.

- DID YOU SPEAK TO BRIAN?

I MEAN, FIVE YEARS HE
HAS BLED FOR THIS PLACE.

- DON'T BE SO
MELODRAMATIC.

- DID YOU TALK TO BRIAN,
OR DID YOU JUST FIRE HIM

AND SEND HIM ON HIS WAY?

- I-I DON'T HAVE
TIME FOR THIS.

- I'D LIKE AN ANSWER
TO MY QUESTION!

- MITCH, BE HERE
TOMORROW AT 5:00 PM.

THIS MEETING IS OVER.

- THING ABOUT RON IS, HE
HAS HIS OWN MANAGERIAL

STYLE.

- THERE'S WORSE.

THERE'S WORSE
PRINCIPALS THAN RON.

- NO, OK GUYS,
WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE SHOULDN'T BE TALKING
ABOUT OUR BOSS ON CAMERA.

- HE'S AN IDIOT.
- OK.

I COULDA-THAT'S UH-
- RON DOUCHE COULDN'T LEAD THREE

PEOPLE OUT OF AN
ELEVATOR WITH A MAP AND A

FLASHLIGHT.

- ERIC.
- [SIGH]

- COME ON, THAT'S
A LITTLE HARSH.

- WHATEVER. I DON'T CARE.
I GOT TENURE.

IT'S NOT THAT I
DON'T LIKE RON DOUCHE.

I DON'T LIKE THE
WAY HE DOES HIS JOB.

I DON'T THINK HE'S
HERE FOR THE KIDS.

ARE YOU HERE FOR THE KIDS?

OR ARE YOU HERE FOR
YOUR NEXT PROMOTION?

- I DON'T REALLY KNOW HER
VERY WELL, I JUS-JUST BY

REPUTATION.

WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT
BRIAN HAS SUCH A GOOD

HEART.

I JUST DON'T
BELIEVE IT'S TRUE.

- YEAH, BRIAN'S IN
SERIOUS TROUBLE.

BUT HE KNOWS BETTER.

YO-YOU NEVER LET YOURSELF
BE ALONE IN A ROOM WITH A

STUDENT.

GIRL OR BOY.

OR EVEN TWO.

THEY WORK IN
TEAMS SOMETIMES.

AND THEY SEE ME, I'M DOWN
IN THE GYM, I'M ON THE

TREADMILL, SHORTS, TANK
TOP, A LOT OF TIMES I GET

SWEATY AT LUNCH.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE
KIDS ARE GONNA THINK.

AN-AND YOU, AT THAT
AGE, THEY CAN'T RESIST.

SO, I NEED TO BE THE ONE
WHO STEPS UP AND SAYS,

"NOT TODAY,
MISTER, OR MISSUS.

OR BOTH OF YA."

- YEAH, YEAH WE KNOW THE
CAMPBELL'S VERY WELL.

THE GUYS MET IN COLLEGE,
AND THEN JACKIE AND I ARE

REALLY CLOSE.

I MEAN SHE'S, SHE'S
ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS.

I DON'T KNOW, I'M JUST,
I'M DYING INSIDE FOR THIS

WOMAN BUT I SWEAR TO GOD,
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY

TO HER.

- WHAT'S GOING ON AT THAT
SCHOOL, WHAT'S BEEN GOING

ON AT THAT SCHOOL,
IS DISGUSTING.

AND PEOPLE NEED
TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

I-UH-WE'VE JUST BEEN
BY-STANDERS THIS ENTIRE

TIME AND I HAD NO IDEA HOW
THAT WOULD END UP HURTING

OUR FAMILY. AND PEOPLE NEED TO
KNOW.

- IF IT WOULDN'T'VE BEEN
US, IT WOULD'VE BEEN

SOMEBODY ELSE.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW
SOMEONE SO YOUNG COULD BE

SO FULL OF HATE.

SO FULL OF JUST VILE AND
VISCOUS ANGER TO LASH OUT

LIKE THIS.

AND, I HATE TO SAY IT BUT,
THE PERSON THAT I LOOK TO,

IS THE MOTHER.

AN-I DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW SHE COULD'VE LET THIS

HAPPEN.

AND I-YOU KNOW-I'M ABOUT
TO BECOME A MOTHER AND I

[SIGH],

UH-I HATE TO BE SO
JUDGMENTAL, BUT I-IF I-IF

IN EIGHTEEN YEARS I'VE
BECOME LIKE THAT WOMAN,

I-I-I DON'T KNOW HOW I
COULD LIVE-WOULD LI-LIVE

WITH MYSELF.

THIS IS THE CRIB FROM
KATE AND MITCH, YOU KNOW.

- THEY GAVE IT TO US RIGHT
AFTER WE TOLD THEM THAT WE

WE WERE HAVING JACKSON.

- YES. AND THEN NOW OF
COURSE, THE-THEY NEED IT,

BUT, THEY-THEY'RE
LETTING US KEEP IT 'CAUSE

THEY'RE-THEY'RE JUST
WONDERFUL, AND-

- YEAH, AN-

- THEY-THEY'VE BEEN
TH-THERE FOR US, THROUGH

THIS TOO, THEY WERE THE
FIRST ONES THAT WE TOLD, AND-

- I MET WITH A LAWYER,
WHICH IS...BIZARRE AND I

NEVER EXPECTED, AH
TO ACTUALLY BE IN THE

SITUATION OF HAVING
TO DEFEND MYSELF.

AND, I WAITED FOR A
PHONE CALL FROM, UH, MY

PRINCIPAL, MR. DOUCHE.

AND, UH, THAT DIDN'T COME.

SO I'M EXPECTING UH, TO
HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF

TOMORROW, AND UH,
[SIGHS],

AND HOPEFULLY BE ABLE
TO TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY.

[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
♪

- TO SAY THAT
PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES

TEND TO CAUSE SOME ANXIETY
AMONGST THE FACULTY WOULD

BE A GROSS UNDERSTATEMENT.

WE'VE GOT A DIVERSE BUNCH
OF PERSONALITIES AND WE

ALL DEAL WITH THE
NIGHT IN OUR OWN WAY.

♪

- PERSONALLY, I CAN'T SAY
I DISLIKE THEM BECAUSE

SOMETIMES THEY'RE GREAT.

- WE KNOW HE'S NOT
STUDYING ENOUGH.

- WE TOOK AWAY HIS
COMPUTERS, TELEPHONE, HIS

TV.

- THAT'S GOOD,
THAT'S ALL GOOD, UM.

IT'S AN IMPORTANT PART
OF OUR JOB AND WHEN A

CONFERENCE GOES WELL
WE CAN REALLY MAKE A

DIFFERENCE.

WELL LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME
STRATEGIES YOU CAN EMPLOY, OK?

- IF YOU WOULD JUST TURN
THE TELEVISION OFF FOR

FIVE MINUTES, AND LET
HIM DO HIS HOMEWORK-

- OH HOW'S THE VIEW FROM THE
GRANDSTAND, PHIL.

I'M THE ONE RAISING
HIM WHILE YOU'RE OUT

VACATIONING
WITH YOUR WHORE.

- IN REALITY THOUGH, IT'S
USUALLY A LONG NIGHT.

- AND NORMALLY I LIKE THE
KIDS TO BELIEVE THAT THERE

ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS,
BUT SOMETIMES I THINK

MARCUS ASKS QUESTIONS
JUST TO DISRUPT MY CLASS.

- REALLY?

CAN YOU GIVE
ME AN EXAMPLE?

- WELL LAST WEEK, IN
THE MIDDLE OF A QUIZ, HE

RAISED HIS HAND TO ASK ME
IF I HAD EVER CONSIDERED

HOW WEIRD THE
TELETUBBIES ARE.

I LOVE THAT MOMENT WHEN I
TELL THE MOTHER WHAT HER

KID'S BEEN UP TO AND
SHE MAKES THAT FACE.

- WHAT?

- I CALL IT, THE 'I'M
GONNA SMACK HIS ASS WITH A

HAIRBRUSH IN THE
PARKING LOT' FACE.

THE 'I'M GONNA SMACK HIS
ASS WITH A HAIRBRUSH IN

THE PARKING LOT' FACE MAY
NOT BE MY FAVORITE THING

ABOUT TEACHING, BUT, IT'S
DEFINITELY IN THE TOP

FIVE.

- [SIGHING]
- OH, ANGRY PARENTS-

- ROUGH NIGHT, ROUGH NIGHT-
- I DON'T LIKE GETTIN'

YELLED AT,
I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH.

- WHAT IS WRONG
WITH THEM, PHEW.

- WELL HONESTLY, WHAT DO
YOU GUYS EXPECT, YOU MIGHT

BE THE WORST GUIDANCE
COUNSELORS OF ALL TIME.

- I TAKE THAT
AS A COMPLIMENT.

- I LIKE THAT.
- I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

BECAUSE, WHAT WOULD BE
WORSE, IS IF YOU SAID

NOTHING.

WE PROVOKED A REACTION.
YEAH, IT'S WHAT WE DO.

- YOU TOLD STUDENTS IN MY
CLASS THAT THEY PROBABLY

WOULDN'T SURVIVE THE DAY.

- SOME OF THEM
WON'T - OR DIDN'T.

- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
- GOTTA RISE OUTTA YA.

- MRS. ROSE, SIMPLY PUT, YOUR
SON IS TOO STUPID TO BE ON THE

ROBOTICS TEAM.

- HOW DARE YOU SAY
ANYTHING LIKE THAT ABOUT

MY SON!

- NO, IT'S NOT ME,
IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL.

I'M JUST WONDERING, UH,
DID YOU DROP HIM AS A

CHILD?

WAS HE DEPRIVED OXYGEN
FOR OVER THREE MINUTES?

- HOW DARE YOU SAY
ANYTHING LIKE THAT ABOUT

MY SON!

- WELL, ALL I'M SAYING IS,
IF HE DOESN'T GET HIS ACT

TOGETHER THAN I'M
GONNA DESIGN A ROBOT

SPECIFICALLY TO
CHOKE HIM OUT.

UM, ERIC AND I DO
A, UH, COVER BAND.

YOU KNOW THIS IS ONE OF
THE THINGS, YOU KNOW TALK

ABOUT TEACHER OF THE YEAR, AND
I THINK A LOT OF

TIMES, GUYS WHO GO OUT
AND DO ALL KINDS OF

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY,
UM-

- THEY HAVE TO,
MAKE IT HAPPEN.

- YEAH, AND WE'RE- YOU
KNOW, WE SHOW THE KIDS-

- NOT JUST IN THE
CLASSROOM-

- RIGHT, WE SHOW THE KIDS THAT
THERE'S A WORLD OUTSIDE OF

SCHOOL.
- MHMM.

- AND SO WE HAVE
A COVER BAND.

IT IS OF, UH, A BAND
I WAS A BIG UH FAN OF.

IT'S CALLED "THE INDIGO
GIRLS"

- YES, IT'S ONE OF YOUR
FAVORITES, ISN'T IT?

- IT IS TRUE, AND UH, SO
I-IT'S A DUET, AND UH,

DUO.

AND SO, ONE PROBLEM IS-
- I DON'T-I DON'T PLAY THE

GUITAR.
- NOT A NOTE.

AND UH-
- AND I DON'T SING.

- NO. BUT THE, UNFORTUNATELY IT
WAS A DUO, SO I NEEDED

SOMEONE ELSE AND YOU HAD
WEEKENDS FREE AND SO WE'LL

DO A GIG DOWN AT
LIKE RUBY TUESDAY'S.

- YOU HAVE NO CONTROL
OVER THESE KIDS.

- I SEE.

- YOU HAVEN'T TAUGHT
MY SON ONE THING.

HE HAS NOT LEARNED ONE
THING IN YOUR CLASS.

- MRS. WHITE, MAY I ASK YOU A
QUESTION?

- OH, YOU HAVE A QUESTION
FOR ME-

- YES, IF YOU DON'T MIND-
- OH, REALLY, WH-WHAT IS IT?

- WHY DID YOU
COME HERE TONIGHT?

- EXCUSE ME?

- IF YOU CAME HERE TO FIND
OUT HOW YOUR SON CAN DO

BETTER IN MY CLASS AND
GET A HIGHER GRADE, WE CAN

KEEP ON TALKING.

BUT IF YOU'VE COME HERE
TO YELL AT ME, THEN THIS

CONFERENCE IS OVER.

[TEACHERS CHEERING]

- LOVE IT.

- DON'T YOU-
- NICE.

- ALL I WANTED TO SAY.

- OH I LOVE THAT.

- THANK GOODNESS
SOMEBODY SAID IT.

- I SWEAR TO GOD, I WOULD
GIVE BACK HALF MY SALARY

IF THEY WOULD LET ME PUNCH
A PARENT ONCE A YEAR-

- YES!

- JUST ONCE!

- [TEACHERS AGREEING]

- SO, WE PLAY "CLOSER TO
FINE," AND WE'LL DO IT AT

LOCAL ESTABLISHMENTS.

AND UH, IT'S, IT'S
THE ONLY SONG I KNOW.

- AND I DON'T
KNOW IT AT ALL.

- NO, YE-UH THAT'S A
PROBLEM CAUSE HE DOESN'T, UH-

- BUT I, I LOOK GOOD, SO-
- AND IT'S A DUO, SO

WE HAVE TO DO IT TOG-
- I ADD COLOR.

- [LAUGHING]
- YEAH.

- YOU ADD MAYBE TOO
MUCH COLOR SOMETIMES.

- [CLEARS THROAT] ANYWAY.

- IN SOME OF THE PLACES WE
PLAY, IT, YOU KNOW, IT'S -

- NO IT-
- IT'S NOT A COLORFUL BAR.

- SOMETIMES...

[UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC]
♪

♪

- SO, AL-ALEX HAS BEEN
IMPROVING LATELY, BUT HE

DOES VERY LITTLE HOMEWORK.

- [SPEAKING SPANISH]

- [SPEAKING SPANISH]

- SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T
KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE, I

LIE AND TELL HER THAT I DO
MY HOMEWORK, BUT SHE CAN'T

CHECK BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T
SPEAK ANY ENGLISH.

- [SPEAKING SPANISH]

- [SPEAKING SPANISH]

- [SPEAKING SPANISH]

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- HEY THERE.

- PEOPLE WILL SAY
WE'RE IN LOVE.

- [SNICKERING]

- PARENT-TEACHER
CONFERENCE, HUH?

I DON'T MISS THOSE.

- I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU TAUGHT.

- OH, THREE YEARS.
WASN'T FOR ME.

- LOOK JOHN, UM, I'M
INTERESTED, I-UH-I REALLY

AM, BUT I, I UH, I JUST
I'M GONNA NEED A COUPLE OF

DAYS.

- WELL, MY ADVICE WAS
TO LEAVE YOU ALONE.

LET YOU MAKE UP
YOUR OWN MIND.

BUT I GOT OVERRULED.

- IN FAVOR OF WHAT?

- THEY TOLD ME TO COME
RIGHT OVER HERE, AND RAISE

THE OFFER TO $150,000.

- ONE-UH...$150,000?

- TO START.

- PH-WOW.

- YOU'RE THEIR NUMBER
ONE DRAFT PICK, MITCH.

LOOK, YOU CALL
ME TOMORROW.

LET ME KNOW WHAT
YOU WANNA DO.

- CAN I ASK WHAT
YOU'RE THINKIN'?

- UH, I'M THINKING IT'S
AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY.

I'M THINKING IT
COULD CHANGE MY LIFE.

- SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

- I'M TRYING TO DECIDE
WHETHER OR NOT MY LIFE

NEEDS CHANGING.

[RAP MUSIC]
♪

[ALARM BEEPING]

♪

♪ I TOOK THE LONG ROAD,
IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL, ♪

♪ BEEN GIVING EVERY PERCENT
OF MYSELF UNTIL I FALL ♪

♪ SLOW, AT LEAST THAT'S
WHAT I'M THINKING WHILE MY ♪

♪ BODY'S FEELING AWFUL, FROM
DRINKING AND WEEKS OF NOT ♪

♪ SLEEPING WHEN I'M ON TOUR,
THIS IS WHAT I CHOOSE TO DO... ♪

[STUDENTS TALKING]

- YOU HAVE TO HEAR HIM OUT-
- PLEASE-

- I'VE HEARD THIS BEFORE-
- THIS IDEA-

- IT'S A GREAT IDEA-
- THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

LET'S JUST STOP RIGHT
THERE, OK, I'LL TELL YOU

WHY IT'S A GREAT IDEA,
BECAUSE WE HAVE THE

OLDEST, WEALTHIEST,
HEALTHIEST GENERATION

RETIRING NOW, THAT ARE
STILL USEFUL-

- THAT'S RIGHT-
- THEY CA-THEY CAN CONTRIBUTE.

MY FATHER, MY FATHER IS
SEVENTY YEARS OLD, HE'S A

SURGEON, THEY'RE ABOUT
TO FORCE HIM OUT OF THE

OPERATING ROOM.

WHAT THE HELL'S HE
GONNA DO-

- HE'S GONNA LIVE ANOTHER
FORTY YEARS WITH TODAY'S

TECHNOLOGY-
- THEY WILL NOT LET THA-

- HE'S GONNA GO CRAZY-
- WHY NOT-

- HE SHOULD BE HERE, TEACHING AP
BIOLOGY, COACHING THE GOLF TEAM,

AND MAKING A CONTRIBUTION, LIKE
HE WANTS TO.

- [TEACHERS ARGUING]

- HERE'S WHAT'S GONNA
HAPPEN WITH THAT IDEA.

ONCE YOU LEAVE THIS
BUILDING WITH AN IDEA,

IT'S GONNA GO TO THE
BUREAUCRACY, AND ONCE THEY

GET AHOLD OF IT, THEY'RE
GONNA SHUT IT DOWN.

- NOT WHEN THEY
REALIZE IT'S FEASIBLE!

- [TEACHERS ARGUING]

- SO IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
TO CHANGE.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO CHANGE.

- NO, YOU JU- YOU NEED TO
START, YOU NEED TO CHANGE

FROM WITHIN-
- THANK YOU.

- YOU NEED TO CHA- HEY,
WHO'S THE UNION REP?

THAT'S YOU.

SO WE NEED TO GO IN
THROUGH YOU TO GET THEM TO

EVER CHANGE THE RULES.

- EXACTLY WHY I-

- NO I WOULDN'T SAY I'M WORRIED
ABOUT MITCH.

I JUST WISH HE'D FIND MORE
WAYS TO HAVE FUN WITH HIS

JOB.

THAT'S WHAT I DO.

AND HOW DOES THE MAN BEGIN
THE ACT OF INTERCOURSE?

ANYBODY?

LAMONT?

- HE PUTS HIS
PENIS IN HER THING?

- [LAUGHING]

- IN HER THING.

NO, NO.

IT'S CALLED A VAGINA.

IT'S A LOVELY WORD.

VAGINA.

VAGINA.

- [STUDENTS GROANING]
- IT'S LOVELY.

- HOW MANY JOBS DO YOU
KNOW THAT YOU GET PAID TO

MAKE TEENAGERS
FEEL NAUSEOUS?

- KIAN, HOMEWORK.

- OH, I-I COULDN'T
DO IT MR. CARTER.

IT WAS RAINING.

- WHAT DOES
THAT EVEN MEAN?

- OK GUYS, WE HAVE OUR
TEST ON WEDNESDAY, SO THAT

MEANS I NEED ALL YOUR
JOURNAL WORK- CAN I HAVE

SOME QUIET PLEASE?

[STUDENTS CHATTING]

EVERYBODY GET QUIET.

QUIET PLEASE.

MARCUS IF YOU DON'T SHUT
UP I'M GONNA THROW YOU OUT

THAT WINDOW.

- WHATEVER, IT'S
ONLY TWO STORIES.

- [STUDENTS LAUGHING]

- YOU GUYS ARE KILLING ME.
YOU'RE KILLING ME.

- HA, WHEN HIS FACE
TURNS SO RED LIKE THAT,

[LAUGHING],

HE JUST CRACKS ME UP.

- ON THURSDAY'S, I
HAVE LUNCH DUTY IN THE

COURTYARD.

UH, KIDS LIKE TO TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON IN THEIR

LIVES.

REALLY WISH THEY'D
STOP DOING THAT.

- I CHEATED ON MY
CHEMISTRY TEST.

HE DIDN'T EVEN SEE!

- JENNA AND ALL HER SKANKY
FRIENDS STILL TALK CRAP

ABOUT ME.

I JUST THINK IT'S FUNNY.

- CAN'T GET THIS
ITCH ON MY LEFT NUT.

- AH, THANKS FOR THE
UPDATE, NOVACK, I

APPRECIATE THAT.

AUDREY, DO YA
NEED SOMETHING?

- I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND.

- YOU'RE HIS GIRLFRIEND?

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

[UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC]
♪

♪

- WOW, YOUR STUDENTS
ARE SO INTO YOUR CLASS!

- WELL, DON'T
SOUND SO SURPRISED.

- NO, NO. IT'S JUST, IT'S NOT,
IT'S JUST I'VE SEEN THE SCHOOLS

TEST SCORES.

AND THE HISTORY
DEPARTMENT'S ARE THE LOWEST.

- BY QUITE A BIT,
UNFORTUNATELY.

- WHY DO YOU
THINK THAT IS?

- OUR DEPARTMENT
LACKS,

DEPTH.

- SO YOU CAN SEE HERE VERY
CLEARLY WHERE THE COUNTRY

WAS DIVIDED DURING
THE CIVIL WAR.

UH, FUN FACT, KENTUCKY WAS
SORT OF THE SWITZERLAND OF

UH THE CIVIL WAR, BECAUSE
THEY WERE NEUTRAL.

UH, ANOTHER FUN FACT, UH,
NORTH CAROLINA IS WHERE MY

PARENTS LIVE, SO, AND UM,
THE MASON DIXON LINE IS

WHAT ACTUALLY DIVIDED THE
NORTH AND THE SO- GUYS,

CAN YOU JUST PLEASE
LISTEN TO ME?

I'M REALLY, LOOK NO-
NO ONE CARES ABOUT THIS

STUFF, ALRIGHT?

I'M NOT GONNA PRETEND THAT
THEY DO, YOU'LL NEVER NEED

TO KNOW THIS AGAIN.

BUT FOR TODAY, I NEED YOU
TO KNOW THIS, ALRIGHT?

I JUST, CAN YOU JUST TAKE
ONE STANDARDIZED TEST THAT

SAYS YOU'VE LEARNED
ANYTHING THAT I'VE TAUGHT

YOU?

JUST EVEN LIKE A TWENTY
FIVE PERCENT WOULD BE

ENOUGH FOR ME TO KEEP MY
JOB AND MY CRAPPY LITTLE

APARTMENT AND I CAN DRIVE
MY USED HONDA CIVIC BACK

TO THE HOUSE THAT I
CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP IN.

YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE, I
WILL GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S

OFFICE.

I WILL- DOES THAT NOT
MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

- WHAT DO I SAY
TO THIS KID?

WHAT DO I SAY
TO HER MOTHER?

- TRY TO PIN THEM DOWN
ON SOMETHING FACTUAL.

THE ONLY WAY THIS IS ALL
GONNA TURN OUT WELL IS IF

YOU GET THE FACTS OUT.

- [SIGHS]

- AND CHOOSE YOUR
WORDS CAREFULLY.

AS SOON AS YOU MAKE A
JUDGEMENT ON THE GIRL OR

HER MOTHER, YOU'RE GONNA
BE IN A WAR YOU CAN NEVER

WIN.

- BUT, I'M NOT JUST GONNA
SIT THERE AND LET BRIAN

GET BURIED FOR SOMETHING-
- I'M NOT TELLING YOU TO.

JUST REMEMBER THAT THE
PARENT SEES THEIR CHILD AS

AN EXTENSION
OF THEMSELVES.

THERE'S NOTHING MORE
PERSONAL TO THEM.

- RIGHT, RIGHT.

- OH, BRIAN CAMPBELL, THAT
GUY'S GOING DOWN HARD.

IT'S GONNA BE UGLY.

SO GLAD I DON'T HAVE
TO GO TO THAT MEETING.

I HAVE A COLONOSCOPY THIS
AFTERNOON, NOT REALLY

LOOKIN' FORWARD
TO THAT EITHER.

I JUST, IT GOES TO SHOW
YOU HOW MUCH I DO NOT WANT

TO GO TO THIS MEETING.

- AS HE-
- HE DIDN'T DO IT-

- HE'S A PREDATOR!
- HE IS NOT A PREDATOR.

- YOU EVER BEEN TO
THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE?

- YEAH.

- I HAD TO- AND YOU REACH
FOR THE FRENCH VANILLA,

UH, COFFEE CREAMER?

- ONE TIME, HE TOOK IT
FROM YOU AS YOU GUYS WERE

BOTH REACHING AT THE SAME
TIME-

- AND, AND, AND USED IT UP.
- THAT'S NOT PREDATORY.

- AND USED IT UP.
- THAT IS NOT PREDATORY.

- I TH-I WAS FEARING FOR
MY SEXUAL WELL-BEING.

- OH, COME ON.

- I'M PRAYING FOR HIM.

LAST NIGHT I
PRAYED FOR HIM.

- JACKIE.

SHE'S BEING AS
SUPPORTIVE AS SHE CAN BE.

- YEAH.
- 'CAUSE I DIDN'T DO IT.

- YEAH, OF COURSE.

- STILL KILLING
HER ON THE INSIDE.

AND WHEN THEY FIRE ME-
- COME ON MAN, YOU DON'T

KNOW THAT.
- RON HAS TO FIRE ME.

I-IT'S WHAT I WOULD DO.

- JUST, TRY AND KEEP IT
TOGETHER, PLEASE, ALRIGHT?

- MY CAREER.

IT'S OVER.
- HEY!

- WHAT AM I GONNA
DO FOR A JOB?

- WILL YOU STOP WHINING
ABOUT THE FUTURE AND FOCUS

ON RIGHT NOW, OK?

PROTECT YOUR FAMILY,
PROTECT YOURSELF.

IT'S NOT DONE.

- AH.

[SIGHS]

I'M JUST GONNA, UH, CAN I-
- YEAH, GO, GO, WE GOT

TIME.

- I'M JUST GONNA, [SIGHS]

- GO, GO.

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- SHIT.

- I WAS DOING A
PROBLEM ON THE BOARD

AND HE CAME UP BEHIND ME,
AND, HE STARTED MASSAGING

MY SHOULDERS AND THEN HE
SLID HIS HANDS DOWN THE

FRONT OF ME AND STARTED
RUBBING MY BREASTS.

- IT'S OK, FAITH, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO GO INTO DETAILS.

- SHE WILL HAVE TO DISCUSS
THEM WITH THE POLICE,

HOWEVER.

- WELL, IT WAS MY
UNDERSTANDING, FROM OUR

PHONE CONVERSATIONS,
MRS. GREGORY, THAT YOU

WANTED TO KEEP THE
POLICE OUT OF THIS.

- I SWEAR, I
DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

- YES, YOU DID.

- FOR GOD'S SAKE, FAITH, PLEASE-
- YOU GET-MR.

CAMPBELL PLEASE
CONTROL YOURSELF.

- YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

- PLEASE, I'M BEG-
- IF HE SAYS ONE MORE WORD

TO HER, WE'RE LEAVING.

- SO IT'S BRIAN, MITCH,
THE GIRL AND HER MOTHER.

NO LAWYERS?

- APPARENTLY, RON IS
WORKING AS HARD AS HE CAN

TO KEEP THE WHOLE
THING OFF THE RECORD.

- WHY AM I NOT
SURPRISED BY THAT?

- I DON'T KNOW, BUT IF I
WAS GOING IN TO A MEETING

LIKE THAT, I WOULDN'T WANT
MITCH REPRESENTING ME.

- REALLY?

WHO ELSE WOULD YOU PICK?

- I DON'T KNOW, BUT-
- I DON'T KNOW, MITCH WOULD BE

MY FIRST CHOICE.

HE'S A REALLY GOOD
MAN TO HAVE YOUR BACK.

- YEAH.
- THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

HE'S TOO GOOD. HE'S TOO NICE.

- WRONG.
- O-OK.

- MITCH IS GOOD.
HE'S NOT NICE.

- WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

- HE'S A GOOD MAN, BUT
YOU GET ON HIS BAD SIDE,

TEACHER, STUDENT,
ANYBODY, GOOD LUCK.

- FAITH LET'S JUST-
- I DID NOTHING WRONG. NOTHING.

- YOU'RE GOING TO
JAIL YOU BASTARD!

- OK, ALRIGHT, LET ME
JUST INTERJECT HERE FOR A

SECOND, OK?

UM, FAITH I UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU'RE UPSET AND, UH,

NONE OF US ARE SUGGESTIN-
- YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST

GRAB ANY GIRL YOU WANT,
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BIG

BOSS?

- I DID NOTHING
WRONG - NOTHING.

- YOU CALL GRABBING
MY BOOBS NOTHING?

- NO, NO THAT
IS AWFUL, FAITH.

- HOLD ON.
- HE SHOULDN'T WORK HERE.

- AND HE DOESN'T ANYMORE.
- HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

- FAITH, RIGHT NOW YOU
JUST WENT LIKE THIS WHEN

YOU TALKED ABOUT WHAT
MR. CAMPBELL DID TO YOU.

BUT EARLIER, YOU SAID
THAT HE WAS BEHIND YOU.

- OH RIGHT, THAT'S,
THAT'S WHAT I MEANT.

- WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE
WHERE THEY WERE STANDING?

- I DON'T THINK WE HAVE
TO REHASH ALL THE DETAILS

HERE-
- JUST A SECOND, RON.

- FAITH, I UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU DON'T LIKE

MR. CAMPBELL'S CLASS.

AN-AND CLEARLY YOU DON'T
LIKE MR. CAMPBELL-

- I HATE HIM.
- AND THAT'S OK.

- THAT'S ENOUGH,
MR. CARTER.

- YOU'RE ABOUT TO
RUIN A MAN'S LIFE.

AND HIS CAREER.

MAYBE SEND HIM TO JAIL.

SO WHAT WE NEED FROM YOU
RIGHT NOW IS TO TELL THE

TRUTH.

- HOW DARE YOU!

MY DAUGHTER IS
NOT ON TRIAL.

- DID MR. CAMPBELL
TOUCH YOU?

- HE WAS LOOKING AT
ME LIKE HE WANTED TO.

- HUT HE DIDN'T, DID HE?

- NO.

- FAITH!

- THANK GOD.

- YOU SHOULDN'T'VE
FAILED ME, YOU ASSHOLE!

- WHAT IS GOING ON, HERE?

- I ASSURE YOU THAT WE'LL
DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO

RESOLVE THIS ISSUE.

- THAT WAS PRETTY ROUGH.

HOW'RE YA FEELIN'?

- LIKE I'VE BEEN DOING
THIS JOB FOR A HUNDRED

YEARS,

WITH A
HUNDRED MORE TO GO.

- JOHN, HEY IT'S MITCH.

HI, HOW'RE YA DOIN'?

YEAH, UM,

I'LL TAKE IT. I'LL DO IT.

YEAH.

LISTEN, LET ME TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THE DETAILS LATER,

OK, I JUST,
I-UH-OK, GREAT.

GREAT. THANK YOU.

BYE.

[SIGH]

- DADDY!
- HEY, HI.

HELLO.
- SO WHAT HAPPENED?

- YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO BELIEVE IT.

SHE MADE IT UP.

- WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW?

- SHE ADMITTED IT.

- OH MY GOD.

- I KNOW, RIGHT.
- OH MY GOD.

- YAY, FAMILY HUG!

- OH.

- IT'S OVER.

- HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

- I SQUEEZED
IT OUT OF HER.

- YOU SQUEEZED IT OUT OF
HER, WHAT ARE YOU ON, "LAW

AND ORDER" OR SOMETHING?
- I COULD BE.

- [LAUGHING]
I'M GONNA GO CALL JACKIE.

- UM, HANG ON, HANG ON.
I UM,

I UM,

I TOOK THE JOB.

- YOU DID?
- YEAH.

- WOW, IT'S GOOD.

IT'S GOOD, IT'S
GONNA BE GOOD.

- I KNOW.

- IT'LL BE ALRIGHT.

- YEAH.

- I'M MAKIN' MY
PEACE WITH IT.

THE MONEY IS UNBELIEVABLE.

AND UH, WHEN THE BABY
COMES, KATE'LL BE ABLE TO

TAKE AS MUCH TIME OFF
WORK AS SHE NEEDS.

MAYBE SHE WON'T
HAVE TO WORK AT ALL.

IT WAS THE RIGHT DECISION.

- JUST COFFEE
FOR BREAKFAST?

- YEAH, I GOTTA GET
TO SCHOOL EARLY.

- WELL LET ME AT LEAST
FINISH MAKIN' YOUR LUNCH

HERE.
- NO TIME, GOTTA GO.

- WHAT'S THE RUSH?

- WELL, I HAVE TO FINISH
GRADING ALL MY PAPERS THIS

MORNING SO THAT I CAN HAVE
A MEETING WITH RON THIS

AFTERNOON.

- OH, YOU'RE
GONNA TELL HIM.

HOW'S HE GONNA TAKE IT?

- THE WAY I'M
GONNA TELL HIM?

NOT WELL.

- OH MY GOD, I SHOULD SELL
TICKETS TO THIS MEETING.

- DADDY, DADDY?
[CRYING]

- SWEETHEART,
WHAT'S WRONG?

- I THOUGHT YOU LEFT
WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE.

- OH, WELL, YOU WERE
SLEEPING HONEY, I DIDN'T

WANT TO WAKE YOU UP.

- YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO
SAY GOODBYE DADDY.

AND GIVE ME MY MILK
AND WATCH CARTOONS.

- OK, OK, OK, OK,
OK, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, SWEETHEART.

I'LL DO IT TOMORROW, OK?
I PROMISE.

- OK.

[RELAXING GUITAR MUSIC]
♪

♪

♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- OH YEAH, WHAT, AND WHAT?
YOU KNOW?

OK, AND HOW 'BOUT THE
HEADPHONES FOR GOOD

MEASURE, OK?

YOUR LUCKY DAY, I'M
GIVIN' YOU A BREAK.

BUT YOU GOT TWO. OK? THANKS.

FOR THE SMART-ASS LOOK
YOU JUST GAVE ME.

YEAH. ENJOY IT.
OK?

I DON-I DON'T NEED IT.

- LISTEN, THE WHOLE BRIAN
CAMPBELL SITUATION IS,

UNFORTUNATE.

BUT UH, I HAVE NOTHING
TO SAY ABOUT IT.

- WELL YOU JUST SAID
IT WAS UNFORTUNATE.

- THEN I HAVE NOTHING
ELSE TO SAY ABOUT IT, OK

MR. GRAMMAR?

- WE WERE HOPING TO TALK
TO PRINCIPAL DOUCHE ABOUT IT.

- YEAH, THAT'S
NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

- IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY.

THEY OFFERED
ME MY JOB BACK.

I DID NOT TAKE IT.

I'VE BEEN OFFERED JOBS
AT OTHER SCHOOLS OVER THE

YEARS AND I STAYED THERE
BECAUSE I THOUGHT THINGS

WERE GONNA CHANGE.
I THOUGHT DOUCHE-

LOOK,
THE DOUCHE, WILL BE THE

DOUCHE FOR THE
REST OF HIS LIFE.

HE'S GONNA HAVE TO WAKE
UP, LOOK IN THE MIRROR,

AND SEE HIMSELF AND THAT'S
ENOUGH PUNISHMENT FOR ME.

- I KINDA HOPE HE
WAKES UP WITH VD.

- [LAUGHING]

- AH, THAT'S A
LITTLE BAD KARMA.

- NOT-JUST THE KIND
THAT HURTS WHEN HE PEES.

- BURNING.

- [LAUGHING]

- WHO IS THE THIRD
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?

ANSWER - MR. DONOVAN'S A HOMO.

IT'S NOT TRUE, IT'S
MEAN, IT'S POLITICALLY

INCORRECT, AND I JUST,
THESE KIDS, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT TO DO WITH THEM, I
MEAN, I COME IN EVERY DAY

AND I DO MY BEST AND THEY
JUST YELL AND THEY DON'T

LISTEN AND I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO CONTROL THEM.

- NO, THAT'S YOUR
FIRST MISTAKE.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE
ABLE TO CONTROL THEM.

THEY'RE VERY ENERGETIC,
THEY'RE GONNA BE ALL OVER

THE PLACE.

WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS
LEARN TO CONSERVE THAT

ENERGY AND TRY AND
REDIRECT THEM IN THE

DIRECTION YOU WANT
THEM TO GO IN.

- WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS TALKIN' ABOUT?

- IAN'S JUST HAVING A
LITTLE TROUBLE IN HIS

HISTORY CLASS.

- A LOT OF TROUBLE.
- HISTORY?

- MHMM.
- WHO CARES ABOUT THAT?

I'M IN THE ROBOT BUSINESS,
AND BUSINESS IS BOOMIN'.

WHAT'S THE WIDTH
OF A CHILD'S NECK?

[CLAMPING]

- ACTUALLY, BUSINESS
IS NOT BOOMING.

SEASON'S OFF TO A TERRIBLE
START AND I-I'M NOT

HANDLING IT WELL.

YOU CALL THIS
EFFICIENT TORQUE?

- YEAH.
- IS THAT A JOKE?

I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU.
KNOCK KNOCK.

- WHO'S THERE?
- SECOND PLACE!

ARE YOU INSANE?
[GLASS BREAKING]

[STUDENTS SCREAMING]
- TERRIBLE. START OVER.

- WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

- IT'S HYPERBOLIC-
- GET UNDER THE TABLE.

GET UNDER THE TABLE.

SLIDE OVER, SLIDE OVER.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE HERE -
WHAT IS-

ACTUALLY THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

ALRIGHT. YOU KEEP UP THE GOOD
WORK.

OH DON'T BE
SUCH A CRY BABY.

- [STUDENTS CRYING]

- YEAH, MITCH WON
TEACHER OF THE YEAR.

I'VE ACCEPTED THAT.

BUT I WILL TELL YOU, IT'S
NOT JUST ABOUT TEACHING.

HUH?

HE HAS A VEST
ON ALL THE TIME.

WHO-WHO'S THE
TEACHER IN THE VEST?

TEACHER IN THE
VEST, VEST, VEST.

KARDASHIAN.

JESSIE JAMES.

JESUS.

PUBLICITY FIGURES.

BOOM.
HUH?

NOT ME ANYMORE.

NEXT YEAR, WHOLE
NEW ATTITUDE.

OH, WHO'S THE GUY
IN THE NEW GLASSES?

TEACHER OF THE YEAR.

- HONESTLY, SHE'S
GOT NOTHING GOING ON-

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- HEY.
- HEY.

- BROUGHT YOUR LUNCH.

- OH, HOW SWEET, MITCHIE,
MOMMY BROUGHT YOU LUNCHIE!

- HA, HA.

- CAN I-CAN I- CAN WE GO
TO YOUR ROOM FOR JUST A

SEC-
- OW-OW!

- YES-YEAH SHUT UP
- [TEACHERS LAUGHING]

[DOOR SLAMS]

- DON'T TAKE IT.

IF YOU THINK IT'S THE
WRONG MOVE, DON'T TAKE IT.

- NO, NO, NO, I HAVE TO.
I HAVE TO.

- YEAH, I KNOW I SAID
THAT, BUT, [SIGHS],

I WAS WRONG.

- I, I DON'T WANT TO
SEE YOU WORKIN' SO HARD,

YOU'RE KILLIN' YOURSELF.

- BUT I DON'T MIND IT.

- BUT I DO.

I DO.

- I JUST WANT US
TO BE TOGETHER.

- WE WILL BE.

WE ARE.

ALWAYS.

- OK.
- OK.

- SO, WHEN WILL YOU
TELL YOUR STUDENTS?

- WH-UH THAT I'M LEAVING?

UM, I DON'T KNOW.

I MIGHT NOT
TELL 'EM AT ALL.

- ISN'T THAT THE
COWARD'S WAY OUT?

- ABSOLUTELY.

YEAH BUT I JUST, I'M JUST
NOT SURE THAT I COULD

HANDLE THE GOODBYE.

- YOU'RE QUITTING?

WHY?

- WELL ACTUALLY, RON, I'M
QUITTING BECAUSE OF YOU.

- ME? WHY?

HAVE YOU TOLD
OTHER PEOPLE?

- NO, OF COURSE NOT,
COME ON, RELAX, I'M NOT

QUITTING BECAUSE OF YOU.

- OH MY GOD.

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

- BECAUSE I'M TRYING
TO HELP YOU OUT.

I'M TRYING TO HELP
YOU UNDERSTAND WHY THE

TEACHERS DON'T RESPECT YOU
AND THE KIDS DON'T LIKE

YOU.

- I DON'T KNOW EITHER OF
THOSE THINGS TO BE TRUE.

- SURE YOU ARE.

AND I KNOW IT'S KILLING
YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE TRYIN'

SO HARD TO BE LIKED.

- YES, I TRY VERY HARD.

- YEAH, I KNOW, AND
THAT'S THE PROBLEM, OK.

IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO BE
LIKED, IT'S YOUR JOB TO

LEAD.

- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, I
JUS-I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE

YOU AND I HAVE VERY
DIFFERENT IDEAS ABOUT HOW

TO DO THIS JOB.

- YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU
INVITED THE ENTIRE FACULTY

TO YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY
EXCEPT FOR THREE TEACHERS?

- I REALIZED MY MISTAKE,
AND I INVITED THEM THE

NEXT DAY.

- DO YOU REMEMBER THE
MEETING YOU CALLED TO

DRAFT A NEW MISSION
STATEMENT FOR THE SCHOOL,

AND YOU INVITED THE
TEACHERS, THE PARENTS, AND

THE KIDS ALL INTO
THE SAME ROOM?

- THAT WASN'T MY MEETING.

- IT WAS A ZOO, RON.

I MEAN, THE TEACHERS WERE
FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER,

CALLING EACH OTHER NAMES
IN FRONT OF THE PARENTS

AND THE KIDS.

- THAT WAS RITA'S MEETING.

- THEY ARE ALL
YOUR MEETINGS!

GOD, CAN'T YOU
JUST OWN IT?

CAN'T YOU JUST SAY,
"YEAH, I AM RESPONSIBLE"?

AREN'T YOU TIRED OF
BEING SUCH A PUSSY?

- YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU WIN
ONE AWARD AND YOU THINK

YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, HUH?

IS THAT IT?

I KNOW WHAT THE STUDENTS
OF TRUMAN THINK OF ME.

- RON, THE KIDS
THINK YOU'RE A DICK.

- OK.

WE'RE FINISHED HERE.

- YEAH, IT'S OK.

I WAS ALREADY DONE.

- JESUS CHRIST.

- THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE
BIT MORE THAN HE'S USED TO, HUH?

- YA THINK?

- [LAUGHING]

- ALRIGHT GUYS, YOU HAD
A GREAT WEEK OF PRACTICE,

JUST REMEMBER, WE PLAY
TOGETHER, WE WIN TOGETHER.

COUNT OFF:
-[STUDENTS CHANT] ONE!

- COUNT OFF:
- [STUDENTS CHANT] ONE!

- RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU
PLAY AS ONE, AND WE WILL WIN!

HANDS UP!

ONE, TWO, THREE:
- [STUDENTS CHANT] TITANS!

- [CLAPPING]

- THEY'LL WIN A
GAME AT SOME POINT.

EH-PROBABLY NOT TODAY,
THOUGH, UM, THIS TEAM IS

PRETTY TOUGH, BUT, MY GUYS
ARE MAKIN' A LOT OF GOOD

DECISIONS, AND, THEY'LL
BE REWARDED FOR THAT

EVENTUALLY.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT CHRIS!

NICE STOP,
BUDDY, NICE STOP.

LET'S GO, GET IT OUT NOW!

- TEACHING SOMETIMES FEELS
LIKE YOU'RE LEADING THE

KIDS THROUGH A DENSE FOG.

UH, THE WORST PART OF THIS
JOB IS THE FEAR THAT YOU

MIGHT NOT BE TAKING THEM
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

COME ON, PUSH IT
UP, PUSH IT UP.

AND THEN, SUDDENLY, IT'S
NOTHIN' BUT CLEAR SKIES.

[SWISH]

- [CHEERING]

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

- [MORE CHEERING]

- SO, WHEN WILL YOU
TELL YOUR STUDENTS?

- WH-UH THAT I'M LEAVING?

UM, I DON'T KNOW.

I MIGHT NOT
TELL 'EM AT ALL.

- ISN'T THAT THE
COWARD'S WAY OUT?

- ABSOLUTELY.

YEAH BUT I JUST, I'M JUST
NOT SURE THAT I COULD

HANDLE THE GOODBYE.

- YOU KNOW, UH, WE'VE BEEN
TALKIN' TO THEM ALL WEEK.

- THE STUDENTS?

WHAT'D THEY SAY?

- HE WORKS HARDER THAN ANY
TEACHER I'VE EVER SEEN.

- HE'S KEPT ME AFTER CLASS
AND SAID HE, YOU KNOW

LIKE, DON'T ACT LIKE I'M
FORCING THIS KNOWLEDGE ON YOU.

YOU KNOW, I GOT SOMETHIN'
THAT BELONGS TO YOU, SO

YOU GOTTA TAKE IT.

- WHEN HE TALKS TO YOU
LIKE THAT, LET ME TELL YOU.

THAT'LL MAKE YOUR ASS
PICK UP A BOOK AND STUDY.

- HE HAD A REAL
COOL SWAG ABOUT HIM.

MAN, THANK YOU FOR
YOUR SWAG, MR. CARTER.

- I TOLD HIM I
WASN'T A GOOD WRITER.

HE SAYS WE'RE ALL WRITERS.

- HE DOESN'T JUST MAKE
YOU A BETTER WRITER.

HE CHANGES THE
WAY YOU THINK.

- FOR THE LONGEST TIME, I
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WANTED

TO DO WITH MY
LIFE, YOU KNOW?

BUT NOW I DO.

I WANT TO BE A TEACHER.

- HE'S THE BEST.

- THE BEST.

- THE BEST.

[CAR TRUNK
SLAMMING SHUT]

- HE'S THE BEST
TEACHER I EVER HAD.

- WELL THAT MEANS A LOT.
THANK YOU.

- [CHEERING]

- MY DADDY HELPS KIDS
LEARN, AND GET SMARTER.

HE HELPS THEM READ AND
WRITE, AND HAVE A BETTER LIFE.

MY DADDY IS A TEACHER.

[UPLIFTING GUITAR MUSIC]
♪

♪

- WE DID THE VFW.
- YES, WE DID THE VFW.

- DEFINITELY WON'T BE
GOING TO THAT ONE AGAIN.

- WE DID, AND WE
DID A PRESCHOOL.

- WE DID THE PRESCHOOL. KIDS,
THOSE KIDS LOVED IT.

- YEAH, THE-THEY WERE INTO IT.
- THEY WERE INTO IT.

- THEY. THEY WERE-THEY WERE
CLAPPIN' AND SINGIN' AND-

- SINGIN' RIGHT ALONG.

- THEY DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW THE WORDS EITHER.

- NO.

AND I THINK SOMETIMES WHEN
YOU DON'T KNOW THE WORDS

I-IT-
- IT'S BETTER.

- IT FREES YOU.

- WHY DO YOU NEED TO
KNOW WORDS TO SONGS?

- A LOT OF TIMES, WORDS
HOL-HOLD YOU BACK.

- OK, LET'S
LOOSE THE SMIRK.

OH, AND YOU'RE STILL GONN-
YOU'RE STILL GONNA LAUGH.

OK, THAT'S FINE.

I WILL BE TREATED FAIRLY
AND TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

OK?

SO ENJOY IT.

I'M NOT GONNA WRITE
ALL THAT OUT AGAIN.

YOU KNOW.

MAINTAINING A STRONG
RELATIONSHIP WITH THE

PARENTS, WELL
THA-THAT'S ANOTHER KEY.

NIA, UH, WOULD YOU
EXCUSE US PLEASE?

NIA, PLEASE.
- OK.

- HE'S GONNA USE HIS
IMAGINATION ON MOMMY.

- [SIGHS]

I COULDN'T HELP NOTICE
YOU'RE NOT WEARING A

WEDDING RING.

- THAT IS TRUE.

- UM, NEITHER AM I.

- LOOK WHAT WE
HAVE IN COMMON.

- OH MY GOD. UM.

- SECRET IS CONTACTS.

YOU GOTTA HAVE A LOT OF
CONTACTS, ALL OVER THE

PLACE. WE GOT 'EM EVERYWHERE.

- AND YOU DON'T JUST HAVE
THE CONTACT, I MEAN YOU

HAVE TO HANG WITH
THESE PEOPLE.

- YOU GOTTA GET INTIMATE
WITH THESE PEOPLE.

- [PHONE RINGING]
- YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO-

- HANG ON A SECOND
- HELLO?

OK.

ALRIGHT.

- WHO'S THAT?

- DIDN'T GET IN.

- GREAT.

- ANOTHER KID
DIDN'T GET IN.

- SEE, BUT THAT OPENS UP
A SLOT FOR ANOTHER KID.

- SO THAT'S HOW
WE LOOK AT IT.

YA GOTTA HAVE A
POSITIVE ATTITUDE.

- AND THEN YOU
GOTTA HAVE CONTACTS.

- [CHEERING]

- I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT
SEEMS TO ME THAT THE

TROPHY FOR TEACHER OF THE
YEAR OUGHT TO GO TO THE

TEACHER WITH THE
MOST TROPHIES.

THAT'S JUST MATH.

BUT I DON'T TEACH MATH,
I JUST TEACH ROBOTICS.

THAT'S NOT GONNA BE
IMPORTANT IN THE FUTURE

WHATSOEVER.

WHATEVER, JUST LET THE
BABY HAVE HIS BOTTLE.

- YOU PLAGIARIZED
THIS WHOLE PAPER.

- NO I DIDN'T!

- YES, YOU DID, YOU CUT
AND PASTED THE ENTIRE

THING FROM THE INTERNET.

- NO!

- SEE HERE, YOU
ACCIDENTALLY-

- SO YOU'VE BEEN TEACHIN' FOR
TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.

- TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.

- WOW.

- YEAH.

WOW.

[SIGHS]

- I DON'T KNOW IF
THAT'S IN YOUR FRAME.

IS THAT WHAT IT'S
CALLED, FRAME?

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S IN
YOUR FRAME BUT THERE'S

SOME KIDS BACK THERE.

READY AND WILLING
AND ABLE TO LEARN.

SO.

LET'S HAVE A GREAT DAY OF
INSTRUCTION YOU GUYS, HUH?

IS THAT A KNIFE YOUNG MAN?

WHAT IS THAT,
IS THAT A PEN? OK.

TRUMAN'S TEST SCORES ARE
THE HIGHEST IN THE AREA,

AND I-I TAKE A LOT
OF PRIDE IN THAT.

BUT BESIDES MYSELF, UM,
YOU KNOW TH-THE TEACHERS

ARE ALSO A-A BIG PART
OF THE SUCCESS HERE AT

TRUMAN.

- OK, YOU KNOW WHAT, I
WILL GIVE YOU EACH $5 IF

YOU'LL JUST BE QUIET
FOR FIVE MINUTES.

THAT'S A DOLLAR A MINUTE,
THAT'S BASICALLY ALL I'M

MAKING TODAY.

I WILL GIVE YOU TODAY'S
SALARY IF YOU WILL PLEASE

JUST LISTEN TO ME.

- UH, IT'S TWO WHITE WOMEN, SO-
- OH, IT IS?

- YEAH-
- OH, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT.

- WELL IT'S, OK, IT
DOESN'T, SUPERFLUOUS

REALLY.

BUT UM, AND SO, WE'LL
JUS-LET'S JUS- YOU KNOW

INSTEAD OF INTRODUCING IT,
LET'S JUST PLAY THE SONG.

- SURE, HERE WE GO.

- SO THIS IS "CLOSER TO
FINE," AND WE ARE THE

INDIGO BOYS.

- INDIGO DUDES.

- DUDES, I LIKE THAT
ONE BETTER, WHAT DO YOU

THI-ACTUALLY WE
SHOULD MAKE A BANNER.

- YEAH WE SHOULD.

- AS YOU KNOW, I STARTED
THE FIGHT PROGRAM ON

CAMPUS THIS YEAR.

FRIENDSHIP.

INTELLIGENCE.

GRATITUDE.

HUMILITY.

AND TRUST.

THESE POSTERS, WERE MEANT
TO ENCOURAGE THE STUDENTS.

WHOEVER VANDALIZED THESE
POSTERS, DIDN'T THINK

ABOUT THAT FOR ONE SECOND!

- [STUDENTS CHEERING]

- SOME OF YOU GUYS MIGHT
BE VIRGINS, IT MIGHT BE A

LITTLE-
- IT'S OK, GUYS IT'S OK,

SEXUALITY-
- THAT'S WHERE YOU COME INTO

YOUR OWN, YOU LITERALLY COME
INTO IT YOUR OWN IN COLLEGE.

- I'LL TELL YOU WHERE
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIND

YOUR SEXUALITY OUT.

NORTH DAKOTA.

NO.

THAT'S A BLACK
HOLE OF SEXUALITY.

- I MEAN, NOBODY FINDS
ANYTHING UP THERE.

- I'M ASIAN, BUT I WEAR
COLORED CONTACTS TO MAKE

MY EYES BLUE.

THEY SAY THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR AT USC!

- WE WERE TEACHING
THAT GIRL A LESSON. OK.

YOU SOMETIMES HAVE TO BE
FAKE TO MAKE IT IN LA.

- USC, IT'S
FULL OF PHONIES.

PERIOD. WE SAID IT.
- RIGHT?

- YOU WANT TO FIT
IN, YOU BE A PHONY.

- AND BY THE WAY, I WOULD
SAY THAT TO USC'S FACE.

YOU'RE A PHONY, USC.

- IF THEY HAD A FACE.

- IF USC HAD A FACE-
- I'LL SAY IT TO GEORGE LUCAS.

- YOU'RE A PHONY.

- YEAH, NO I KNOW MITCH
WON TEACHER OF THE YEAR

AND I'M OK WITH IT
NOW, I'VE ACCEPTED IT.

HE'S PLAYS THE RUBE IN
FROM THE FARM, RIGHT?

I'M THE GUY IN
THE VEST, OH!

SCARECROW.

NOT BUYIN' IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

IT'S BRANDING.
THAT'S WHAT HE'S DONE.

IT'S LIKE A SEX TAPE.

IN THE GUISE OF A VEST.

- [CHEERING]
- NO. NO!

I WANT YOU TO KNOW, THAT
YOU MAY THINK THIS IS

FUNNY, BUT THIS IS NOT
SOME KIND OF JOKE, OK?

AND IF I EVER FIND OUT
WHERE THIS FIGHT AND DRUG

CLUB IS MEETING,

I WILL RUIN YOU!

- SOFT STICKS
LIGHTLY ON THE SLAP.

RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS-
- YOU GUYS HAVE THE

CLICKERS AND EVERYTHING.

- HOLD UP, MAN.

- THAT'S TER-THAT'S
TERRIFIC.

- WE'RE GONNA
BRIGHT-BRIGHTEN THIS UP HERE.

- THERE WE GO.

- IT'S BRIGHTENING IT UP!

- BRIGHTENING IT UP.

- INTERESTING. I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT YOU COULD DO THAT. WOW.

- DO YOU CALL THIS
EFFICIENT TORQUE?

- YEAH.

- OK, I HAVE A
JOKE FOR YOU THEN.

UH KNOCK KNOCK.
- KNOCK KNOCK?

- KNOCK KNOCK.
- KNOCK KNOCK?

- GO BACK TO THE TOP.
- [LAUGHING]

- I WAS GONNA PLAY IT OUT
CAUSE IT'S ALMOST EVEN FUNNIER.

- YOU ALRIGHT?

- [CLEARS THROAT] SORRY. ALMOND.

NEVADA.
- NEVADA. STAY AWAY FROM NEVADA.

- YOU CAN GO.

- BUT YOU'RE GONNA
KILL A HOOKER.

- PAUSE, PAUSE, PAUSE.
- [LAUGHING]

- [STRUMS GUITAR]

- OK, WE ROLLIN'?

THAT'S GOOD.

- YEAH?
- YEAH, YOU LEARNED A CORD.

- I'M GONNA-I'M GONNA
JUST PLAY THIS CORD.

- YEAH.
- OVER AND OVER.

- PLENTY.

- TRUST ME, THAT'S HOW
POISON GOT A CAREER, SO

DON'T SWEAT IT.

- MY BALLS ARE ITCHY.

- SLOW DOWN SO I CAN
HEAR THE WORD BALLS.

- MY BALLS ARE ITCHY.

- MY BALLS ARE ITCHY.

- THINK ABOUT IT.

LOOK YOU WANNA ACT?
- MHMM.

- ACT ITCHY BALLS. ACT LIKE YOU
GOT ITCHY BALLS.

MAKE 'EM ITCH.
- [LAUGHING]

- MY BALLS ARE ITCHY.

- IF I WAS TELLING YOU MY
BALLS ITCH, AND I WOULD

TELL YOU, THIS IS HOW I
WOULD SAY IT; MY BALLS ARE

ITCHY.

- MY BALLS ARE ITCHY.

- ALRIGHT ARNO,
HERE WE GO BUDDY.

YOU GOT THIS.

- ROLLING.

- SCENE ONE
HUNDRED, TAKE FOUR MARKER.

- BOOM.
- [LAUGHING]