All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S01E19.1997.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

Come on. She's coming.

-She's on the elevator.
-Elaine, she might not want this.

It's her birthday.

The only thing worse than people
celebrating is people not celebrating it.

-Her birthday's two days away.
-Act natural.

-[Phone Rings]
-That's natural?

-[Elevator Bell Dings]
-Get in there.

[Man] Yeah, well, we have to have
a copy of it and see

what evidence we can determine--

-What?
-Nothing.

[Man] It's been delivered.

[Woman] Oh, excellent.
I'll notify the client.

Surprise!

-Surprise!
-Oh!

You really shouldn't have.

-♪ Happy birthday ♪
-No.

-♪ To you ♪♪
-No.

No "happy." No singing.

No. It's not my birthday yet.

-[Man] Ally McBeal?
-Yes?

-I have a summons here.
-Summons for what?

A summons for you.

-♪♪ [Disco]
-Elaine.

She'll love it.

[Tom Jones] ♪ It's not unusual
to be loved by anyone ♪

♪ It's not unusual
to have fun with anyone ♪

♪ But when I see you
hanging about with anyone ♪

♪ It's not unusual to see me cry ♪

♪ I want to die ♪

♪ It's not unusual
to go out at any time ♪

♪ But when I see you
hanging about ♪

-[Elaine] Oh, come on, Ally.
-♪ It's such a crime ♪

♪ If you should ever want ♪

-[Elaine] Make it a happy birthday!
-♪ To be loved by anyone ♪

♪ It's not unusual
It happens every day ♪

♪ No matter what you say ♪

-♪ You'll find it happens all the time ♪
-[Giggles]

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

[Renee] What's the big
deal about turning 28?

It's two years from 30.

I remember when I was 15,

I would look at people who were 30,
and I'd think, "Die already."

-And would they?
-I'm serious, Renee.

Now, most women
might be afraid to say this,

but I'm strong enough
to confront a certain truth.

What's that?

-I'm nothing without my face.
-I see.

And it starts to crack when
you hit 30. It loses moisture.

And the only reason
I look as young as I do...

is because I had the good sense
not to smile growing up.

That and I stayed out of the sun.

[Phone Rings]

No smiles. No sunshine.

Got it all figured out.

-Hello?
-[Man] Renee, can you take a case?

Today? No. Even so. I don't care
how simple a case is.

I don't just march into trial without--

[Man] The Mark Henderson case.

-What?
-I said Henderson.

-Henderson?
-You already know about it?

Oh, yes. I-I-I do know
a little bit about this.

Yes. Okay then.
I'll see you down there.

Henderson? Mark Henderson?

Guess who you're going up
against now, Twig.

We'll have a little party right in the
bar. You know, after work.

I thought maybe we could
sing a song, do a number.

Elaine, why do you seize upon
any occasion to do a number?

If you want to be a performer,
take off your clothes.

She's depressed
about her birthday. I know it.

I've been listening in
on some of her calls.

Fine. Good. Done. Moving on. Mark
Henderson. The trial starts today.

-How stands the Biscuit?
-I'm sanguine on the battery charge.

-But as for breaking and entering--
-I agree.

There's no breaking. He entered the house
through an open door.

I doubt we'll settle now.
Renee's got the case.

-What?
-Yeah. The Henderson case.

The D.A. Loeb--
he evidently left the office.

Renee got the pass. She's gonna be the
D.A. against us, which isn't good.

[Whistles]

Wha--

Oh, I know it's there.
I-It's a fashion thing.

What--What about insanity?

Uh, fetish doesn't
make him insane.

He's a perv, Richard.

-[Mark] I heard that.
-Mark!

-Hey.
-So I'm a perv, am I?

Oh, no, no. No, no, no. That's, uh--
That's a legal term.

Perv: Uh, protective evidentiary
retroactive, uh, uh, Vicky.

"Vicky"?

Uh, "Viddy, Venny, Vicky."
Team motto. We'll win this.

John, Ally, meet with the client.

Um, hi.

[Mouths Word]

It was 3:32 in the morning.

I have a clock on my nightstand,
so I'm quite sure about that.

-[Renee] And you were awake?
-Not at first.

I was asleep when it started.

Okay. I want you to tell us
exactly what happened.

Well, like I said, I was sleeping,
and then, uh,

at first I--I felt a draft on my foot...

-and then a--a tickle.
-A tickle?

That's what woke me. I--I felt this
little tickle on my left foot.

I looked down at the end of the bed,
and the covers had been...

peeled away, exposing my left foot.

-What else?
-I saw a figure in darkness.

At first I thought
I must be dreaming,

but then, as my eyes adjusted to the dark,
I--I could see.

-What did you see, Ms. Bonner?
-I saw him!

-That man!
-[Renee] And what was he doing?

-He was tickling my foot!
-What did you do?

I screamed as loud as I could,
and he ran out.

Then what did you do?

I dialed 911. I told the police a man
broke into my house and tickled my foot.

This man was no stranger,
was he, Ms. Bonner?

No.

You'd gone out on three dates.

Even so--

And your door--
it-it wasn't locked, was it?

Does that give him the right to sneak in
and unveil my foot?

My point is nothing was broken.

He opened the door and entered.

[Bonner] Uninvited in the middle
of the night.

Ms. Bonner--Um, Cheryl,

during your dates,

didn't you tell him that you liked
foot massages?

[Crowd Murmuring]

We don't need this notarized?

No. Totally binding. All four copies
need signatures.

It's not in my nature
to leech advice, but...

a pain here--
it could be appendicitis?

Could be. Probably should
get it checked out.

Do you check people out
for appendicitis?

At work I do.

And for appendicitis,
you'd need to do a pelvic, right?

Elaine, I'm an E.R. doctor.

I really only get involved
when it's an emergency.

-So I should wait.
-All done here.

-Bye.
-Oh, Greg,

for Ally's birthday we're throwing a
little surprise party for her at the bar.

Some of us are gonna sing.
Ally said you did some theater in college.

I did.

I'm sure she'd be thrilled
if you sang a song.

I don't really sing much anymore.

Oh, she'd so love it.

We're having kind of a jam
thing rehearsal, okay?

Elaine.

It's just that she gets
depressed around birthdays.

And your not wanting to sleep
with her has made it worse.

Excuse me.

I know it would mean a lot to her. Will
you at least think about it?

Obviously I'm mortified.

Well, Mr. Henderson,
what were you thinking?

Well, we'd just had
our third date, and, uh,

things were--
were going along swimmingly.

And that gave you the right to enter her
house without permission

and accost her foot?

Well, she, uh, had told me that she found
foot massages to be erotic.

And she, uh,

also said that she liked
men to, uh, surprise her.

And she made, uh,
both representations...

-in one single compound sentence.
-[Nose Whistles]

And I took this to be a hint.

I-I--I'm not going to, um,
sit here and be disparaged.

A hint. She says she likes foot rubs,

and that's some kind of hint for you
to show up at 3:00 in the morning?

I went to her house, and I said to myself
that if it was a hint,

and if... she did want me to enter,

she would have left
the door open, wouldn't she?

-So you drove--
-I went up to her front door,

and I-I put my hand
on the doorknob,

and I went to turn it.

And it turned. So I entered.

I went into her room,
and I saw her there sleeping.

Her little feet were twitching...

ever so slightly
beneath the covers.

Something inside of me said,
"Go. Go to her."

And I did. I did.

I knelt beside the bed.

And I slowly lifted back the blanket.

And then I slowly lifted back the sheet.
And then,

there it was--Oh!

Oh, there it was, Your Honor.

-Her foot.
-Oh, no, no, no. No. Not her foot.

No, no. A specimen.
A specimen of a foot.

The curvature of the arch.
I mean, it was a goddess.

It was a goddess foot.

-So then what did you do?
-I had to--I had to touch it.

I had to touch it. And...

I slowly extended my index finger.

I went to her,

and I began to digitally caress her.

Mmm.

Mmm.

♪ If I tremble when I'm by your side ♪

♪ If I look a little starry-eyed ♪

♪ Darling, don't you get the message ♪

If I had known you stay out
late on school nights,

-I probably never would have hired you.
-♪ Falling in love ♪♪

Well, tomorrow isn't exactly
the biggest of cases.

I, uh--
I think I'll be okay.

I had another great time.

Me too.

D--Do you want to
come up for some coffee?

I would love to,

but I got rounds, early morning.

[Thinking]
Is this guy gay or what?

Well, thanks for walking me home.

Sure.

[Thinking]
Definitely not gay.

Greg, come upstairs.

You got those Pips
snapping behind you?

No. This is all me.
Come upstairs with me.

You know what?

I'll definitely take a rain check on that.

[Door Closes]
How'd it go?

It was great.

[Renee]
Good.

-[Chattering]
-♪♪ [Rock]

Yeah. That's the way I like it.

♪ I can rub and scrub this old house ♪

♪ Till it's shining like a dime ♪

I want a little more bass
than that.

When my hips move, I want
this whole room to quake.

The bass has to commensurate
with my sexuality.

♪ Lay down at 5:00 ♪
Give me a little snare on my wiggle.

♪ I'm a woman ♪

♪ W--♪♪
Greg.

-♪♪ [Stops]
-Thanks, guys.

Greg. Well?

Do you think she'd really like it
if I sang a song?

Are you kidding? She's gonna need
the Bounty quicker picker-upper.

-Will you do it?
-I don't know.

It's been a while.

Do you all sing like professionals?

I do. But it's the thought
that's gonna count.

Let me see what you got.
If you're no good, I'll tell you.

I won't let you embarrass yourself.

Can I use the piano?

Go right ahead.

The jury was rapt.
I mean, they are with me.

They were rapt
because it was weird.

Hey, don't go projecting
your idea of normal onto me.

-Poughkeepsie.
-I don't like this word Poughkeepsie.

-Please don't snap at me.
-Bygones. What's up?

-He won't let us argue insanity.
-I am not insane.

I like feet. So what?

-So what?
-So, most men like breasts. Is that sane?

I mean, to me, breasts are nothing but
fleshy lumps of fat.

So, what's the big deal?

Now, a foot-- a foot has character.

-I like wattle.
-Excuse me?

Neck wattle. The way it hangs. I finger
it. If you like feet, you'll love wattle.

Are you making fun of me?

No. No, no, no. He isn't.
It's just that--

Uh, I love this woman. She had me
arrested. Do you think that's fun?

Do you think that is great fun?

-You're obviously upset.
-I'm not upset. I--

Then why are you acting like this?

I'm about to go back into trial.

I get edgy before I go into trial.
And plus, I left a curler in.

-I have a pinched nerve in my hair.
-Ally--

Don't you "Ally" me. I don't like being
"Ally'd," especially by men.

You're angry because I didn't
go upstairs with you last night.

What?

[Scoffs]

-So?
-You think I didn't want to?

Well, what are you waiting for, Greg?
You know, I'm almost 30.

Oh, no.
But, you know,

I read an article about a remote
African tribe somewhere...

where women have sex after 30,
and they can still even feed themselves.

Sarcasm is not a good strategy here.

Did you come here
to spew sarcasm?

No. I came here to sign my release papers
for my little accident case, remember?

Fine. Elaine will help you with that.
I have to go to court.

[Door Slams]

[Sighs]

[Exhaling]

-What are you doing?
-[Exhales]

I'm having a day, so I came in here to
splash a little cold water on my face.

But you're not splashing it on your face.

Well, of course I'm not.

If I actually did it, I'd have to reapply
all my makeup, wouldn't I?

It's yet another thing about living in
a male-dominated world.

We-We-We can't even splash
cold water on our faces.

Anything you feel like
talking about?

No. It-It-It's nothing.

It's just I--I--I have this client who
won't let me argue his fetishism.

And if I could,
I know I could get him off.

Of course, he could get himself off
just by sniffing a stale shoe.

You know, I had a plan, Georgia.

My whole life, I had a plan.

When I was 28, I was gonna be taking
my little maternity leave.

But I would still be
on the partnership track.

I-I would be home at night,
cuddled up with my husband,

reading What to Expect When You're
Nursing and Trying Cases.

Big home life.
Big professional life.

And instead, I am going to bed
with an inflatable doll,

and I represent clients
who--who suck toes.

This was not the plan.

And-And-And you--
you with your--with your new haircut--

It--
[Exhales Deeply]

[Chuckles Nervously]
Thanks.

Thanks for
letting me unload. Bye.

-Ally.
-Hmm?

What makes your problems
bigger than everybody else's?

They're mine.

[Door Opens, Closes]

-Ms. McBeal.
-Mr. Henderson. Hey.

-Uh, may I?
-Sure.

I love her.

I really--
I really do love her.

Does that make any difference?

Legally, no.

But insanity does have legal meaning.

We can win if we go with insanity.

Depends on what it is
we're trying to win.

Well, what are you trying to win?

Her.

See, if I take that stand, and I-I-I--

If I say I have an illness,

well, the jury might let me go.

But then, so will she.

The jury can't order her
to take you back.

But they can--They--

Maybe they could...

tell her not to condemn me.

You invited them here?
To the bar?

This case should go away.
These two people are--

Did you tell Renee? It could be witness
tampering. If you don't--

Renee knows. She's okay with it.

-Will she agree to drop the charges?
-[Ally] That I don't know.

-I-I just have to make--
-♪♪ [Rock]

[Man] Ally McBeal, this one's for you.

-[Men] All right, Ally!
-What's going on?

Just a little birthday surprise.

♪ I can starch and iron two dozen shirts
before... ♪

Who thought of this?

You'll know. Listen to the words.
Feel yourself.

-Feel myself?
-Potential theme song.

♪ Throw it in the skillet
go out and do my shopping ♪

♪ Be back before it melts in the pan
'Cause I'm a woman ♪

♪ W-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ I'll say it again ♪

♪ I can rub and scrub this old house till
it's shining like a dime ♪

♪ Feed my baby, grease the counter ♪

♪ Powder my face at the same time ♪

♪ Get all dressed up,
go out and swing ♪

You have got to be kidding me.

-Aren't birthdays fun?
-Uh--

♪ And start all over again
I'm a woman ♪

♪ W-O-M-A-N ♪

Where's Renee? Because she is never gonna
believe me when I tell her.

-Oh, she'll believe you.
-What do you mean?

-[Ally Speaks, Indistinct]
-♪ If you come to me sickly ♪

-♪ You know I'm gonna make you well ♪
-Oh, no.

♪ If you come when you're hexed up,
you know I'm gonna break the spell ♪

-[Woman] Yeah!
-[Indistinct]

♪ If you come to me hungry,
I'm gonna fill you up with grits ♪

♪ If it's loving you like then I'll kiss
you and give you the shivering fits ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a woman ♪

♪ W-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ Say it again ♪

-♪ Say it again ♪
-I am drawn to that woman.

♪ W-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ I'm a woman ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a woman ♪

♪ W-O-M-A-N ♪

-♪ Say it again ♪
-♪ Say it again ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a woman ♪

♪ W-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ Woman ♪♪

Whoo!

[Cheering, Whistling]

[Man] Happy Birthday, Ally!

-Birthday girl!
-Whoo!

[Woman] Happy birthday!

[Man] Happy birthday, Ally.

Somebody should die for this.

I wouldn't mind seeing you all die.

Of course I'm angry. You say,
"Come meet me at a bar,"

and it's some pretext
to drop the charges.

There is no pretext.

I just thought that
if we could get together--

Why was that spotlight on you?

Oh. Oh, to--tomorrow is my birthday.
But I thought...

that if you would look favorably on a
plea bargain--

How old?

Twenty-eight. Now, the district
attorney and I could work out--

Married?

-No!
-♪♪ [John Hums]

Look, Cheryl. This man really didn't
harm you, nor did he mean to.

He scared me to death.
You try going to sleep...

and waking up with
Dr. Scholl in the room.

It was totally wrong
for him to enter your apartment.

A-And even if you felt like
you had a hinted invitation,

i-it's just something
that you don't do.

But-But, Cheryl, this--
this man is not a criminal.

He is a criminal.

He is a liar, and he is a criminal.

When did I ever lie to you?

You lied pretending to be normal, Mark.
And you're sick.

You pretended to--

C-Could you and I go
someplace private?

This isn't just
some citizen's arrest.

You sound hurt, Cheryl.

I am hurt.

Okay.

Um,

why?

I'm sure a person like you...

meets a lot of men,
goes out a lot.

I don't, okay?

I'm not sure I follow.

Every guy,
for whatever reason, loser.

Or maybe I'm the loser.
Could be.

But let's just say that
it never really happened for me.

When I met Mark,

-we just--
-Clicked?

We're both tipsters.
Did he tell you that?

[Chuckles] I-I'm sorry?

You know.
Driving to work. You hear on the radio:

"Just heard from a tipster. Route 128 is
jammed. Take the surface streets."

-The people who call in.
-Tipsters.

Mark and I--

He was the first guy
I-I-I ever thought maybe--

You know that little jingle, "There's
somebody out there for everybody"?

Well, this was the first time I could
actually believe in it.

I--I even went to bed
that night thinking it,

thinking how lucky I was
that maybe I found my man.

Cheryl, he-he wasn't--
He-He--He has a quirk.

It's a sickness!

I realize that
I am no bargain, but--

Hey. Excuse me.

Do you--Do you think
that I'm confident with women?

I read the magazines.
I read 'em.

Cosmopolitan.

There's these women,

and they're wrapping
themselves up with Saran wrap...

to surprise their husbands.

And there's these women with
all of these erogenous zones.

And I'm--
I'm just trying--I'm--

I'm sorry, Cheryl.

This wasn't about...

you trying to be
erogenous or erotic, Mark.

-[Sighs]
-You know that as well as I do.

I can't just dismiss.

I don't think Cheryl
would really object.

-This is more about--
-My office would object.

He's done it three times.
This isn't just--

Wh-What if I could convince
him to get help?

Ally, this isn't my call.

My office considers him
a serial sex offender.

This isn't up to me. Now where's Greg?

Oh, uh, he said he was coming.

I know I will be.

Um, I--I realize...

that you have your little office
politics, but--♪♪ [Drumroll]

but--but--

Ladies and gentlemen,
one last surprise for the birthday girl.

Oh, now what?

♪ Treat me like a fool ♪

♪ Treat me mean and cruel ♪

♪ But love me ♪

♪ Break my faithful heart ♪

♪ Tear it all apart ♪

♪ But love me ♪

[Woman] Whoo! Baby!

♪ If you ever go ♪

-♪ Darling, I'll be, oh ♪
-Oh, my God.

-♪ So lonely ♪
-Napkin?

[Woman] You're tearing me up!

♪ I'll be sad and blue ♪

Now, this--

-Yeah!
-♪ Please, oh, please ♪

♪ I would beg and steal ♪

[Woman]
Yeah! All right!

♪ Just to feel ♪

♪ Your heart ♪

♪ Beating close to mine ♪

♪ Don't ♪

♪ Don't ♪

♪ Leave my embrace ♪

-[Man] All right!
-♪ For here ♪

♪ In my arms ♪

♪ Is your place ♪

-Oh!
-Whoo!

♪ When the night grows cold ♪

♪ And I want to hold you ♪

♪ Baby, don't say no ♪

♪ If you think that this ♪

♪ Is just a game ♪

-♪ I'm playing ♪
-[Man] You guys are hot!

♪ If you think
that I don't mean ♪

♪ Every word I'm saying ♪

-♪ Every night I pray ♪
-♪ Don't ♪

-♪ Don't ♪
-♪ To the stars ♪

-♪ That shine above me ♪
-♪ Don't feel that way ♪

♪ I'm your love ♪

♪ And yours ♪

-♪ I will stay ♪
-♪ I will stay ♪

♪ This you can believe ♪

-♪ I will never leave you ♪
-♪ I will never leave you ♪

-♪ Heaven knows I won't ♪
-♪ If you ever go ♪

♪ I'll be ever so lonely ♪

-♪ Darling, please ♪
-♪ Darling, please ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Love me, love me, love me love me,
love me ♪♪

[Cheering]

I didn't mean it like that.
You know I didn't.

-What did you mean, Renee?
-I just--I don't know.

I saw somebody great on stage.
I immediately thought, "Upstage him."

-I was the one you upstaged.
-It was a song, Ally.

Yeah. It was pure harmony. You
did everything but hump his leg.

It was a song.

I'm sorry.

You have to know I would
never ever cut in on--

The whole room
saw you cut in, Renee.

Who are you trying to kid?

I'm not interested
in dating Greg.

I promise.

Even if I were,

you have to know I would
never betray you.

[Doorbell Rings]

[Sighs]
What do you know?

It's Sonny and Cher.

-Ally--
-It was just a song.

It was. I was singing the first song to
you, if you remember.

The second ditty stays
a little more etched.

Hey.

I guess I should be celebrating
getting you into my apartment.

Maybe I could get Renee
to sing you into my room.

I came here to see you.
I find Renee a little nosy.

I know I'm being stupid,

but I would probably feel
a little less insecure if you--

I don't know--

snuck into my room
and tickled my toes once.

What is it?

I, um-- I took a new job.

New hospital.

-It's in Chicago.
-Oh.

Yeah. Oh.

Ally, I have been afraid
to walk down a road that...

ends in Illinois.

I mean, it's not that
it has to be over for us, but--

But it would be smart, though,
not to have a beginning.

I don't know what to say.

The truth is,

I think I've fallen in love with you.

Oh, I know you have.

This is a sure sign. Men, when they fall
in love with me, this is what they do.

They leave town
to promote their careers.

I'd be running the E.R.

It's such an opportunity.

Yep. Stupid to pass that up.
I understand.

Can I still take you out for
your birthday tomorrow night?

[Chuckles]
No. No.

I-I-I think that you have blown out
enough candles for one birthday.

-Ally, I--
-Listen, I'm fine.

It's not like we were even having a
relationship. This is nipped in the bud.

Buds don't feel pain.
I'm okay.

But I am, um, tired.

And I need to, uh,

write this closing argument.

So, I, uh--
I need for you to leave now.

Uh, and thanks for the--the--

the great song.

♪♪ [Rock]

♪ I know something about love ♪

♪ You've gotta want it bad ♪

♪ If that guy's
got into your blood ♪

♪ Go out and get him ♪

♪ If you want him to be ♪

♪ The very part of you ♪

♪ That makes you
want to breathe ♪

♪ Here's the thing to do ♪

♪ Tell him that
you're never gonna leave him ♪

♪ Tell him that
you're always gonna love him ♪

♪ Tell him, tell him, tell him
tell him right now ♪

♪ I know something about love ♪

♪ You've gotta show it ♪

♪ And make him see the--♪♪

[Grunting]

♪ I'm gonna wash that shirt ♪

♪ That smells so much like you ♪

♪ I'm gonna put away
all those pictures ♪

♪ That's something
I never thought I'd do ♪

♪ Oh, I wonder what
the future ♪

♪ Has in store ♪

♪ And I know I just don't ♪

♪ Charm you anymore ♪♪

[Pops]

I'm sorry.
I did not mean for--

Will you stop blaming yourself?
This has nothing to do with you.

He's an E.R. doctor.

A lot of people get mangled in Chicago.
They get shot.

Heart attacks
are on the rise there.

How could I possibly
compete with all that?

Well, at least he didn't sleep with you
first before telling.

Yeah. At least.

Oh. Did you want to
sleep with him once?

'Cause I definitely
blew that.

He wasn't gonna tell you what he told you
last night if I hadn't--

Renee, I'm fine. I'm used to
getting dumped, remember?

Think back. This isn't pain I'm feeling.
It's nostalgia.

Now, let's get to court.

What is on your face?

Ice goggles.
I invented them.

You know how your eyes get
puffy in the morning,

especially while retaining water?

-I'm getting a patent.
-Out late last night?

Well, you know,
with that number I did.

Can I sound you out
on an ethical dilemma?

What?

Well, if you, say, invite a dozen or so
men home with you from a bar,

and a good many actually show,

are you expected to sleep
with all of them?

Gee, Elaine,
c-can I think on that one?

-Mmm.
-Mmm.

-[Chattering]
-[Moans Softly]

This isn't about feet or whether it's
okay to be sexually attracted to them.

This case isn't about that.

It's about his entering
without being invited.

It was stupid.

Mr. Henderson pleads not guilty
by reason of insanity.

Not legal insanity.

But-But one that can actually
be much more powerful:

loneliness.

You know what the most common
insanity going today is?

It is the idea that love will just come to
you, even if you do nothing.

"Oh, the right one will come along.
It'll happen. You just wait."

Well, who the hell
came up with that?

How many couples do you know?
How many friends do you have...

that you can truly say,
"The right one came along"?

You talk to most people, and they will
tell you that the right one slipped away.

My point:

Ask anybody what
they want the most,

it's love.

We all agree. Personal happiness is much
more important than our careers.

And yet, look at what we do with the hours
in our life, the days.

N-Nobody really applies
themselves to their personal lives.

We just sit back and assume that that will
take care of itself.

Well, sometimes it doesn't.

It wasn't happening
for Mr. Henderson.

And instead of letting things
take their course,

he got assertive.

Too assertive? No question.
And I'm sure that he regrets it.

But--But sometimes...

the things that you regret the most are
the things that you don't do.

I'm a romantic.

Truth be told,

I like to get my toes sucked.

-[Nose Whistles]
-I had an old boyfriend.

He was down there so long once,
he loosened a nail.

So what?
Like Ms. McBeal said,

that is not the issue.

The issue is his going in there
in the middle of the night,

committing a nonconsensual
sexual battery.

That does not fly.

Come on.

Mr. Right or Mrs. Right may not come
along. I agree. It is not that easy.

But you do not get to improve the odds by
committing home invasions.

Please.

[Judge] Madam Foreperson,
you've reached a verdict?

-We have, Your Honor.
-Will the defendant please rise?

What say you?

[Foreperson] Commonwealth
versus Mark Henderson

on the charge of misdemeanor battery,

we find the defendant
not guilty.

On the charge
of felony breaking and entering,

we find the defendant not guilty.

[Crowd Murmurs]

[Judge] Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

thank you for your services.

-[Gavel Raps]
-[Murmuring Continues]

Thank you.
Thank you very, very much.

This is, um, great, Mark,

but, um, I do think you need some
counseling.

Yeah.

Not--Not that kind.

Yes. I will. I will, uh--
[Clears Throat]

Cheryl? Cheryl.

Uh, look. I know that an apology
won't help, but, um,

if that jury can understand--

Huh?

Let's try.
Can we--Can we just try?

And then, you know, after,
if you still--

Hey, look. Look, look, look.

You tried to put me in jail, okay?

Now, if I can forgive that--Hmm?

Huh?

Maybe we should go
have some coffee.

And talk.

Okay. Okay.

That'd be great.

I was breathing through my mouth
for your entire closing.

My nose occasioned itself
to whistle again.

Maybe if you trimmed your--

Ally.

Talk to you a second?

This had been in the works
long before I even met you.

Greg, I'm not angry.

Well, hey, you know,
you're gonna love Chicago.

The-The people there are great.
And they have the-the best ribs.

And they have the best cupboards.

The best cupboards?

Yeah. Everybody talks
about their cupboards there.

Um, Cubs. It's a baseball team.

Oh.

Well, you know, we don't have to say
good-bye. Who knows?

-Nope.
-I could be coming back.

-Don't have to say good-bye.
-We'll keep in touch.

-Absolutely.
-Great.

So--

Good luck.

You too.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

Oh, Ally. Hi.

-Congrats on the verdict.
-Thanks.

Elaine, did you, um,

get me anything?

-Did I get you anything?
-Yeah.

F-For my birthday.
Did you get me anything?

Uh, uh, a card even?

Hello? Are we forgetting about last night?

Did the Lord Jesus Christ ask the little
drummer boy, "Did you get me anything?"

That certainly would have changed
the ending to the song.

Oh. So--So on stage last night, that was
you being the little drummer boy?

Correct.

Elaine, last night was the same as every
night, every day.

It's about you wanting to be noticed.

These--These silly glasses--
This--This is you...

wanting to be noticed.

How long are you plannin'
on keeping this all up?

Till I'm noticed.

Okay.

When I was in the fourth grade, my best
friend got a brand-new bike.

And she rode it around.
Everybody admired it.

Admired her.

My parents couldn't afford a bike.

I even tried selling myself to the boys
at recess for a nickel.

And I did save up enough
to buy a bell.

You know, to put on it
if I ever did get a bike.

Well, I never got that bike.

But I made a lot of noise with the bell.

I see.

I figure I have as much entitlement
to my happiness as you do to your misery.

I'm not miserable.
I'm just--I'm--

I'm just not there yet.

Me neither.

We just have
our different ways...

dealing with it.

Um--

R-Renee and I are gonna go
get some dinner.

You want to come?

Oh, I'd love to.

But...

maybe next time.

Sure.

You know, Elaine, you--
you really were great on the stage.

Thank you.

♪ When I was just a little girl ♪

♪ I asked my mother ♪

♪ What lies ahead ♪

-[No Audible Dialogue]
-♪ Will I find rainbows ♪

♪ Will I find love ♪

♪ Here's what my mother said ♪

♪ Que será, será ♪

♪ What ever will be will be ♪

♪ The future's not ours to see ♪

♪ Que será, será ♪

♪ What will be will be ♪♪