All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S01E02.1997.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

Mmm. Hello?

Ally? Are you awake?
I'm sure you're not. Good that I called.

- What?
- We've got an emergency.

The arraignment's at 9:00.
I really appreciate you jumping to.

Judge Mack is sitting-- Evenhanded.

- A little firm with young lawyer--
- Not now, Elaine.

John, this is Ally McBeal.
This is John Cage. He's the cofounder.

Hi.

Yeah, he's loathe to meet you
under these circumstances.

Ally will handle the arraignment. With any
luck we can dispose of it quick.

- Yeah, let me get some of the facts.
- Facts? You know them.

He pulled over to help her out.
She looked upset.

It wasn't until after he inserted his
pride that he realized she was a hooker.

Is that the argument you want me to make?

You're the litigator.
I'm just spitballing.

Oral arguments at 10:00.

Ally, uh, on another matter,
do you have plans tonight?

- I'm sure you don't.
- Why?

Well, I-I have a dinner meeting
with Ronald Cheanie, Gaddum Publishing.

Big ticket. I'd love you there.
Two can sell better than one.

Uh-uh. Richard, I'm not good
at landing accounts.

That's what you said about the airline
client. I popped a cork, remember?

I just got word. Mack isn't sitting.
It's Boyle.

- Boyle?
- Boyle.

- Billy!
- Billy?

Where is he? Page him.
Get him to the courthouse.

- Wait. What's going on?
- New strategy, John.

Happy Boyle is sitting your arraignment.
Tell Billy to meet Ally B.M.C.

- Wha-Wha-What?
- If you're called, just plead not guilty,

file Billy's appearance
and ask for a conference.

- What's going on?
- Billy knows Boyle.

- This is good. Good, good, good!
- I ran the police report.

I also ran probation on the prostitute.
Here's a copy of her sheet.

None of her crimes reflect on credibility.

Here she goes again. Me, me, me.

Thank you, Elaine.

Let's go. We may have caught a break here.

Now, file Billy's appearance and ask for a
conference. Come on. Let's-Let's go!

I've been down this road

Walkin' the line that's painted by pride

And I have made mistakes in my life

That I just can't hide

Oh, I believe I am ready

For what love has to bring Yeah, yeah

I got myself together

Now I'm ready to sing

I've been searching my soul tonight

I know there's so much more to life

Now I know I can shine a light

To find my way back home

Oh

Baby, yeah

Oh, yeah

I'm going to criminal court?
I-I'm afraid of criminals.

Well, maybe that'll change
now that I work for one.

Case number 6021,
Commonwealth versus Cage.

Um, Ally McBeal
for the defendant, Your Honor.

We'd like to plead not guilty,
and we would like to ask--

Billy Thomas also for the defendant,
Judge. Waive reading.

Can we sidebar for a second?

Speed it up. I'm passing.

- How are you doing, Frank?
- Hangin'.

Your Honor, John Cage is a good guy.

He just got a little stupid.
If we could make this go away--

Court-appointed community
service, whatever you want.

You care?

No.

- Who's your little friend?
- Excuse me?

Your Honor, Ally McBeal
is an associate at my firm.

- Uh-huh. Is she a good lawyer?
- Very.

Let me see your teeth.

I beg your pardon?

Hygiene is important to this court.
Show me your teeth.

Okay. Court costs, and you owe me.

Have him work out a schedule with
probation. I'll see you later.

Case dismissed. Next!

The only thing I know about what just went
on is I don't know just went on.

Judge Boyle doesn't have it in
for consensual sex offenders.

You're friends with this judge?

Ah, we're friendly a little.
I wouldn't say we're friends.

Well, I don't see how he
can kick a case so quickly.

And what relevance my teeth had,
I don't have any idea.

- Honey!
- Honey?

Hi!

Oh, that honey.

Hi, Ally. Nice surprise.

We, uh, just had a case together.
We were in court.

- Oh! What kind of case?
- Consensual sex. I mean--

Prostitution.
Uh, anyway, I'm sorry I'm late.

We're just picking out some
fabric for our living room.

Fabric?

Oh. Okay.

Oh, it was nice to see you again, Georgia.

You too.

- I'll see you back at the office.
- Okay.

- Bye... again.
- Bye.

Fabric? They're picking out fabric?

City's got over a million people.

I can't walk down the street without
bumping into her? Fabric?

John, Joh-- Uh, a second of your time?

We started this firm with the same dream,
did we not?

Money.

In pursuit of that dream, we agreed that I
would be the shark, the hammer, the ass.

You would be the pillar of dignity.
This was the deal.

Have I not been every bit the ass you
envisioned?

And more.

It escapes me as to how soliciting hookers
fits into your scheme.

But instead of belaboring it,
I'd like to focus on the positive.

The fact that when a person reveals a flaw

he often does so
by digging deeper into himself.

What happened to you
can only build character.

John, you are a stronger man
today than you were yesterday.

I can even feel it just standing
here next to you.

Just feel this, the strength!

Well done.

I'm not endorsing prostitution.

I'm just saying it's a waste of tax
dollars trying to enforce it.

And, by the way, it's okay for a gal to
demand a diamond ring

from a guy before sex,
but not money, right?

Ah, Whipper likes to say "diamond ring" to
torture me. Don't you?

Well, double standards are everywhere.

- Sex is currency. Let's face it.
- This guy is cute.

You don't mean to endorse that
from a moral standpoint, do you?

Ally, truthfully, have you ever used
your sexuality to, uh,

gain a business advantage?

- Mmm!
- Me?

- No.
- I had a secretary once.

She offered to give me an easement

on her left breast
if I gave her Fridays off.

Don't you dare tell that one
till I come back.

I have to go to the little girls' room.
Excuse me.

Yeah. I need to make a visit myself.

So, Richard, what's up
with you and Whipper?

- Uh, she's my girlfriend.
- She's your girlfriend?

I like older women. Always have.

Hmm.

Is that a problem? Is there a problem?

No, no.
I-Is, um, Whipper here as your date?

- Yes. Yeah.
- Um--

By any chance is this whole evening kind
of like a-a double date?

Oh, no, no! Kind of.

So, this man, Mr. Cheanie, he thinks that
I'm here as his escort?

Uh-- And up she goes.

Richard, I'm going to the bathroom.

Is that where you make all of your big
decisions in life, the bathroom?

I'm sure you don't make any of
yours in a room with a mirror.

Ouch! Stung again. It tingles.

I can't believe it.
I'm here just to smile at him.

Three years of law school,
and it all keeps coming down to my teeth.

What have we here?

- Are you sure they were kissing?
- Am I sure? Hello!

She was licking his tonsils.
I have to tell Richard.

No! The messenger always gets shot.

He's my boss.

Well, maybe he told her to kiss
him to help land the account.

Oh, that's... possible.

Stay out of it,

or at least get some other busybody
to help do your dirty work.

- Why are you being so nice?
- Have I not been nice to you?

No. Actually, you've been rather snappish.

- I have not been snappish.
- Yes, you have.

Whenever I ask you how you are
or inquire about your welfare,

you get short.

Just last night, I asked you--

Elaine, you asked me if I was ovulating.

And you answered snappish.

Anyway, I like you when you're sweet.

Is it because you want something?

Are-Are Richard Fish and, um, Whipper--

Are-- Are they serious?

Oh. That.

Well, he says that she's the one.

She could just be
the latest relic of the month.

Hmm. You think-- You think--

Would-Would Richard ever use Whipper
to, um, land a client?

Like, you know, have her flirt with
somebody, or-or-- Who knows?

Kiss a person?

I'm just trying to familiarize myself...

with the strategies
of the firm, that's all.

This is about Judge Boyle
letting John Cage off, isn't it?

Uh, no. But is there a story in that?

Now, it's none of my business,

but Judge Boyle was at
Billy's bachelor party last year.

And you know that they had one there.

Wh-What? One what?

A hooker... for Billy.

A hooker for my Billy?

And after Billy, some of the other
guests indulged,

and Judge Boyle was one of them.

Oh, can you picture it?

It's none of your business.

- A hooker. How in God's name--
- It wasn't in God's name!

- Does Georgia know?
- No! Of course she doesn't know.

And despite your sudden deep friendship,

I'd appreciate your not telling her!

- Billy--
- I don't want to talk about it.

You're gonna talk about it.
Ex-girlfriend. I have a right to know.

- Ex-girlfriends don't have rights!
- This one does!

We'd all been drinking.

And I was a drunk idiot.
What else can I say?

- You act like I betrayed you!
- Well, in a way, you-you did.

I mean, if I had been the one that you
married, I-I assume the same thing--

This doesn't sound like you!

It was nothing. It meant nothing.

And I suppose if Georgia
had been with a male hooker

you wouldn't be upset?

- It's not the same.
- How is it not the same?

Excuse me for being gender biased,

but women don't have
the same sex-drive thing.

I don't care what the editors
at Cosmopolitan say.

I see. And you know this
for a medical fact?

And so do you.

This makes men stupid!
This makes women stupid.

And, I might add, it's more of
a betrayal when women cheat,

'cause with women sex is more mental.

There's a cerebral thing going on.

With men, a lot of the time, it's

just body parts, and that's
what it was that night.

I cannot believe the things that I am
hearing come out of your mouth.

But then again, considering
the places it's been,

I guess I shouldn't be so shocked!

Did you cheat on me?

Ally, if I cheat, I'd lie about it.
Wouldn't I?

But the answer is no.
I never cheated on you.

Oh, Ally! Uh, I was looking for you.

You remember, uh, Ronny?

- Um, yeah. Hi.
- Hey.

Ronny's thinking of hiring us.

He still has a few questions
about our litigation department.

I thought maybe you
could sit down with him.

Um, sure.

I thought we'd go downstairs,
grab a drink at the bar--

around 6:00?

I'd rather have a root canal.

Ooh, uh, well, um, I--

Sounds good.

Just saying yes to a drink,

it made me have to run home and shower.

I'm gonna have drinks
with a man to get ahead.

It doesn't matter that I'm not
in a relationship with anybody.

Sometimes I feel I'm just being
unfaithful to love itself.

So, what-what are your questions about
our litigation department?

I don't have any questions
about the litigation department.

That was just a pretext.

I knew it. Pig!

My question goes more to the integrity
of the firm in general.

I beg your pardon.

Look, I know about John Cage
and the prostitute.

We all know Richard Fish.

Is the firm-- I don't know-- moral?

I saw you kiss Whipper.

- Oh.
- Yeah, oh.

What exactly was the ethical
pulse throbbing there?

Well, uh--

Oh, here-here comes
the big male sex-drive speech.

That was a sort of spur-of-the-moment
whim thing...

that kind of just... happened.

Is that it, or do you feel
you've explained it?

Well, I can't really defend it,

but it's certainly not as despicable
as what John Cage did.

You... think that that was despicable?

- Don't you?
- Um, he's a-- he's a man.

- Boys will be boys.
- Do you really think that?

Well, it's no different than, say--
Take a bachelor party.

You think if guys fool around with a
hooker at a bachelor party...

they should be hauled into court?

Ally, it's a crime and it's immoral.

Somebody's gonna marry somebody?

How could you fool around
with anybody else?

A bachelor party is no exception.

Hmm. I kind of like him.

And here's where it started to happen.

Whether it was the wine or his eyes...

or my need to believe that Billy wasn't
the only man on earth--

Uh, not that I invited anything.

I kept my body language stiff.
Hands behind my back.

I only smiled medium. Even so--

Ah, it's, uh-- it's kind of late, huh?

Late. Yeah.

Long day.

Very long. Boy!

- This day!
- It's long.

So long.

Mmm.

Uh, all right. Good night.

Good night.

You kissed him?

No, no, no, no, no.
I did not really kiss him.

- It-It was a half kiss.
- Half a kiss?

Last night this guy was
tongue-waggling Gipper.

Whipper!

Whatever. What, does this guy
go around kissing everybody?

He had a very good reason
for kissing Whipper.

What?

Well, he said that
he was angry at Richard...

for bringing me there as window dressing

and then he bumped
into Whipper at the bathroom,

and she looked all nice
and she was flirting, and--

and he suddenly thought
that if he was gonna kiss anybody...

he was gonna kiss Richard's girlfriend,
and a whim took over!

He made it sound better.

I'm telling you.
Going to work with Billy has--

Oh, no, no, no!
This has nothing to do with Billy.

You're kissing a guy you don't
even like according to what--

He looked good!

Well, where does it say that women can't
act like men sometimes?

I saw a piece of cute meat and I said to
myself,

"You only live once. Be a man!"

All right!

I don't usually drink in the morning,

but good news
should never go uncelebrated.

- Way to go, Ally-- again.
- Thanks.

I thought this guy would spit the hook.
I don't know what you did last night.

Whatever it was it did the trick.

Uh, Richard, can I speak with you...

for a second in private?

Sure. Billy, do you mind?

Yeah, I'll-- I'll fill you in later.

I'm kidding. Kidding!

I'm gone.

- Congratulations, Ally, again.
- Thanks.

I don't think we should accept this
client.

Seriously.

I'm-I'm not comfortable representing him.

I don't even want him in these offices.

I-- It's gonna be a problem
if we take his business.

"Problem" is just a bleak word for,
uh, "challenge," Ally.

This account is a potential cash cow.

You don't have to do the actual milking,
but we will take this client.

Hmm? Anything else?

Yes. He kissed Whipper.

I beg your pardon?

The other night at dinner...
by the bathroom.

- I saw it.
- Seriously?

Yeah. This is serious, Richard.
They were kissing.

- In the restaurant?
- Yes.

- They were kissing?
- Yes.

- Each other?
- Uh, yes.

I'm sorry, Richard.

I-I just felt like I had to tell you.

Ah, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, I'm glad,
uh, you d-did. Uh--

Well, uh--

Uh, it wasn't on the cheek?

It was on the-- the lips?

- It was a heavy-duty kiss.
- Ah.

Well, uh,

no big deal.

Uh, not a-- not a big thing.

I'll, um--
I'll ta-- I'll take into consideration...

as to whether or not
we take on the client.

So thank you, Ally. That'll be all.

- Are you okay?
- Me? I'm fine.

Bygones.

Okay.

- Oh!
- I'm sorry.

- Richard?
- Hmm?

I feel I've lost
the confidence of the office,

and, uh, if you don't mind,

I would like to address
all personnel at noon.

Uh, yeah, f-fine.

- I'll circulate a memo.
- Hmm.

- So you told him?
-Was it wrong?

Oh, God, you should have seen
his little face. He was so hurt.

I-- Was it-- Was it wrong for me to--
I-I just thought that he should know.

- You did the right thing.
- Really?

He's got to know, right?

I mean, it's his girlfriend, and he--

Should I tell Georgia?

About the other?

Uh, no.

She's my wife.
Um, maybe I owe it to her to be honest.

I mean, if it's right to tell Richard
the truth, why shouldn't Georgia--

What's the difference?

The difference is telling Richard the
truth will save him future hurt.

You and Georgia, past tense, and-and--

And what?

I don't know.
Sometimes there's no point in the truth...

if the only thing it'll do is cause pain.

There is a difference.

One person who does need
to hear a few things is Whipper.

Do you know where I can find her?

Did you try the courthouse?

Courthouse? Why?

'Cause that's where she works,
over at Suffolk.

She does?

She's a judge, Ally. Judge Cone?

You didn't know that?

No.

A judge?

Even people we call "Your Honor"
don't have honor anymore.

It shouldn't be legal to be a judge
with a name like "Whipper."

- And you saw fit to tell him?
- How could I not?

How could you not? Because you hurt him!

I hurt him?

Yes, you hurt him!
What happened outside that bathroom...

had absolutely no meaning at all until
now, and you have given it meaning.

D-Do you expect that to sound right just
because you're wearing a robe?

Ally, the truth isn't always
the best thing,

especially when
the only consequence is pain.

I'll certainly remember that
if I ever have a case in your courtroom.

- Is he okay?
- No, no. He's-He's not okay.

And that's why I'm here. I--
D-Do you have another name?

Whipper just seems to be
a little informal for me.

I have to go and see him.

You know, somebody who wears this thing

is supposed to avoid
the appearance of impropriety.

All you know is what you saw,

and there's always more to it than that.

Yeah, like Richard's feelings.

What did she say to that?

Nothing. She walked past me to leave.

I thought she was coming to see you.

Well, that won't do her any good.

We're having quite
the intrusive morning so far.

Yes, Elaine, I'm feeling what it
must be like to be you.

Uh, snappish.

- Um--
- Oh, come on!

Uh-- I don't understand.

I'm sorry, but things
just are not gonna work out.

Uh, I thought we were gettin' along.

Next thing I know, Richard Fish is
turning down my business--

Ronny, you're just gonna have
to take my word on this.

It's not gonna work out.

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Stay anyway.

- You want me to leave?
- No.

Yes.

Wait, Ronny.

Ronny!

- Oh! Georgia.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Ally.

I was thinking. Maybe you and I should--

He took the stairs. He's gone.

You could catch him
if you took the window.

Snappish!

Ally, this is silly, you and me.

How about if we go to lunch,
just the two of us?

Um, sure, sure.

That would probably be a good idea.

Excuse me.

Could I, uh-- Could I have
everyone's attention?

I think most of you know,

nothing matters to me
more than this firm...

and the people who work here.

So, it's with a lot of humility...

that I apologize for what I've done,

for the embarrassment that I caused.

It's not easy...

to be a single workingman in this world.

Fourteen-hour days.
It's not easy to meet women.

Sure, I could walk into a bar
and buy a lady a drink,

and under the pretext of, uh, perhaps
a budding relationship...

seduce her into satisfying
my sexual needs.

But that goes against my grain...

to deceive another person,

no matter the-the physical gratification.

So, I thought it more honest
to solicit a prostitute.

No lies.

No deception.

No potential for someone
with a vulnerable heart...

to rely falsely to her detriment.

What I did was technically illegal.
It was.

But morally, I believe
I was on higher ground.

See, the-the ironic thing is
I got arrested

because I have
too much respect for a woman--

any woman-- to lie.

And for that, I could never be ashamed.

Thanks.

Georgia, we need to talk about something.

Okay. Excuse me.

Oh, God. He's gonna be honest.

What's the matter?

There's something you gotta know.

It, uh, happened a while ago.

It had no meaning whatsoever, but--

What? You're kind of scaring me.

Georgia, um--

Hey! How's it goin'?
Good speech out there, huh?

Ally, would you excuse us?
This is private.

Absolutely. Uh, what-what
part did I come in on?

- What is this?
- Ally, would you excuse us please?

No, no. I-I think that I should be
the one to tell.

- Out!
- No! It involves me.

- I'll tell.
- What?

Look, somebody better start telling real
fast. Georgia--

- Ally!
- Billy! I'm telling.

Okay.

Um--

Billy didn't want to tell you this,

because it doesn't mean anything.

And I agree that it doesn't mean anything.

But being a woman I know how
women react to things,

even when they don't mean anything--

- Ally--
- Will you excuse us please?

Will I excuse you?

So, you see, Georgia, um,
before you were married--

Actually-- Actually, the very first day
that Billy met you,

he saw your thigh.

- My thigh?
- Yeah.

And, um, he thought it was me,

'cause-- he has always loved my thighs.

And, well, when he first saw you--
I mean, your thigh,

'cause, um, he-he wasn't looking up--
he felt all nostalgic.

'Cause, um, d-do you see
how our thighs are similar?

Anyway, he was captured by your thigh,

and then his eye went up to your face,

and it wasn't my face,
and the rest is history.

He fell madly in love
with you and your thigh,

and I felt that since
my thigh was involved...

that-- that I should be the one to tell.

What kind of medication are you taking?

Trust me, Billy.

If you had told her about that bachelor
party--

Your thigh?

Where in the hell did you come up with
that?

I don't know. I don't know.

I'm not a good liar.

I was just thinking about
that thing you said before...

about body parts and I suddenly thought of
that, and I don't know.

Thigh seemed pretty innocent as parts go.

You are something.

Y-You would have destroyed her, and--

you may have unburdened yourself,

but the clear conscience
wouldn't have been worth it,

and you would have killed her.

- She doesn't have to know.
- Okay.

Thanks.

- Son of a bitch!
- Richard!

Not to worry. Only me.

- Excuse me.
- She knew anyway.

Ally.

Yeah?

Thanks.

What are friends for?

Well, I liked my job before,

but, God, do I love it now.

I guess I just don't understand
why he felt so guilty.

Well, I think he was scared
it would hurt you.

Most women don't want to remind
a man of another woman's leg.

Yeah, I guess.

Do you think men go for body parts,

while for women it's more mental?

I don't know.

I do know that if I were gonna fantasize,

- you know?
- Yeah.

I couldn't just leaf through a magazine

and lock onto some anonymous model.

Yeah, no matter how amazing his body was,

if I can't attach a personality to him,

I-I can't make it happen.

- So it is more mental?
- Yeah. But a guy--

He can open Playboy, see the body,

not even look at the face
and go make himself happy.

They don't even care
that we have heads, except--

You-You might be overstating it a little.

I doubt it.

See that guy over there?
How gorgeous is he?

- Very.
- Yeah.

Now, if he marched over here
and told you he had a hotel room,

would you follow?

- Um--
- You would not!

Of course I wouldn't.
It's general common sense.

He could be a wacko.

And so could I. But watch this.

I'm sorry.

I've-I've never done this
before in my life.

I-I can see you're wearing a ring,
so I know you're married.

I don't even want to know your name.

I don't even want to talk. I--

I live across the street,

and I just want to be naked
with you for an hour...

and pretend it never happened
and remember it forever.

Let me just pay my check first.

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.

I-I thought you were somebody else.
It's my mistake.

Do you see? Men will throw away
their whole lives for sex.

It's like a drug.

I think you're the drug,
Georgia. You're kind of curvy.

No, it is not me! You try it.

Go ahead. Pick someone. Anyone.

Go.

All right.

Mmm.

Don't even speak.

I, uh-- I live across the street,

and I want to take your clothes off,

do bad things.

I'll have you back in an hour.

Ally? Ally McBeal?

Greg Stone.
I was your brother's roommate at Bates.

Oh. Hello.

I can't move my feet.

- Ally, you got a second?
- Sure.

I just want to drop off a questionnaire...

for you to fill out at your
convenience about my speech.

It should just take a few seconds.

A questionnaire about your speech?

Yeah. Feedback's very important, you know?

I actually lend
great import to test scores.

So, rate one to five,
five being the highest,

uh, for each category-- pace, sincerity,
overall performance.

Yeah, I-- I never trust applause.

You know, it can be disingenuous
since I am a founding partner.

But, uh, I thank you
in advance for your candor.

- Oh. Great speech.
- Oh, yeah.

Ally, I got Whipper Cone here.
She can't find Richard.

She thought you might have a few ideas

as to where he might be physically...

as opposed to emotionally.

Maybe you can tell her where to go.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Richard? Richard, are you in here?

Richard, I know you're in here.

You said this is where you go to talk.

The Whip is here with me.

If you're in there,
Nuckie, please come out.

- Nuckie?
- Shh!

- He's not in there.
- He lifts up his feet.

- Richard, are you here?
- No!

Oh, Richard. For God's sake,
come out, will you?

We need to talk.

Come on, Billy.

No, no, no. Whatever she
has to say, I want witnesses.

If she convinces me to take her back,

I want you both to talk me out of it.

No. You and I need to talk alone.

Anything you have to say,
say it... and briefly.

I'm sorry.

I've never done anything like that before.

So why did you do it this time?

You're here as a witness.

Sorry.

No, I'd like to hear the answer
to that. Why did you do it?

- I don't know why.
- That's a lie!

I could tell you.

I just don't know if you'd understand it.

This handsome man that I barely knew
just stepped up to me and said,

"You're a very beautiful woman.

I know this is a ridiculous question,

but would you mind
terribly if I kissed you?"

And I thought,
"No, I wouldn't mind. It would be nice."

See, 20 years ago
I would have slapped his face,

because stuff like that
happened all the time.

People would look at me.
They'd come up to me and--

But now,

I just thought-- "How wonderful."

And I kissed him, and I'm sorry,

Richard, because it's not about you or us,

and because I do love you.

But if this is you loving him--

Witness.

Sorry.

No, what about that?
You do this now. I'm not even 30.

What about when I'm old and gray,
if not bald, all right?

Richard, I think anybody could be guilty
of an indiscretion once.

Great.

They love each other.

This is all my fault.

Ally, we need to talk.

I can't talk to you now.
I have to talk to Richard.

I'll talk to you--
How about never? Is never good?

I hated your speech.

Snappish.

You have to give her
a second chance, Richard.

- Why?
- Because I think you love her.

And because whoever said that "plenty of
fish in the sea" thing was lying.

Sometimes there's only one fish. Trust me.

Hey! Private!

Do you-- Do you think he heard that?

I can't see how. He had to be
at least a yard away.

Do you love her, Richard? I'm not sure.

I-- I think so.

But it could be--
Maybe it's just the wattle.

- Excuse me?
- On her neck.

That's what I go for with older women--

the loose skin on the neck,
the hint of a wattle.

There's nothing more arousing for me,

the way it just gently hangs there.

And Whipper-- I mean,

her neck's pretty tight now,
but you can see the potential.

It'll be perfect, so perfect.

I wonder, do I really love her,

or is it just the impending wattle?

It just makes me crazy.

Well, that's always the question.

But even if there's a possibility
that you love her, or in time,

those are the chances you have to take.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- She's, um--

She said she'd be waiting
for you in the bathroom.

Hmm. Okay.

Okay.

Thank you.

Look.

I don't care if my company is
represented by this law firm,

but I'd like to see you again.

You-- You have no idea what
you'd be getting yourself into.

Well, that-that would be the fun part.

I-I-- I-I can't.

- I-I-- Maybe next week.
- All right. Next week.

That'll be fine. I'll call you.

A two?

- Excuse me?
- My questionnaire.

You gave me a two-- total.

I-- You-You asked for candor.
I-- "More honest to solicit a hooker?"

I mean, please.

You tell me what you would have scored--
in sincerity.

- Five.
- Five?

Under "Additional Comments"
you wrote "Imp"?

Look, John, I'm sorry.

I-I didn't mean to--
to hurt your feelings.

I just-- I-I was offended
by what you said.

And-And I just don't understand
how you can possibly--

Uh, you-you know what?

Just, um, forget it.

- Ally, can I ask you a question?
- Anything.

How often do you have sexual relations?

Not that!

You can't ask me that!
You don't even know me!

My point is, I'm a single man
who works all the time...

and I go years-- sometimes without--

Do men just have to have it?

On occasion, yes.

Now, maybe my sincerity score
should be docked to a four,

because I suggested that I can go
into a bar and hit on a woman...

for a one-night stand sort of thing.

I mean, the truth is that
that is not an option for me.

Whatever a woman's vision of
an evening of passion may be,

I mean, I-- I rarely find
myself in the picture.

Well, it's, um, still not an excuse for--

Ally.

When I was in high school

I picked up a nickname
which follows me to this day.

You know what they call me?

Um, no.

The Little Biscuit.

They, um,

used to call me the Popsicle.

Being sorry isn't enough!

If a person were capable
of forgiving it would be.

Right. So it's my fault. I'm to blame.

I'm to blame, damn it!

I'm owning that!

- Oh, Richard.
- I just-- I can't!

- No.
- Come here.

- No.
- Would you--

Look. Don't do this.

Richard.

Oh, no, no, no.

No. No, you can't just undo things
with sex every time.

- Nuckie.
- Oh!

- This is not fair.
- Oh, it's never fair.

Oh!

Ah, you--

- Oh!
- Touch it. Touch it.

Touch it.

- I just-- I-I can't.
- Shh-hh-hh.

Just touch it.

- Oh!
- Touch it.

Touch it. Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh!

Hey!

Oh! Billy! Hi!

Why do you care so much?

Excuse me?

About Whipper and Richard,

whether they get back together.
Why do you care?

I don't know.

Uh, It's-It's, um,

probably, you know,
being around Elaine so much,

and part of her has rubbed off on me,

and now I have this desire

to butt into everybody else's business.

Really, why?

I think I need to believe that it works.

What works?

Love.

Couplehood.

Partnerships.

The idea that when people come together,
they stay together.

I have to take that with me
when I go to bed at night,

even if I'm going to bed alone.

That's a McBealism.

Pearl's a singer

She stands up

When she plays the piano

In the nightclub

Pearl's a singer

She sings songs

For the lost

And the lonely

Her job is entertaining folks

Maybe it's because they
say love is about learning to compromise,

and that's why they all get themselves
into compromising positions.

They can call it research.

Whatever the secret is,
I don't think I'm gaining on it.

And I don't need the answers.
I've got friends.

I've-I've got hope.

I've got twins.

She wanted to be

Betty Grable

Yeah

But now she sits there

At that beer-stained table

Dreaming of things

She never got to do

All those dreams

That never came true

You stinker!