All language subtitles for Disenchantment.S03E07.1080p.WEB.H264-STRONTiUM

Hey!

I'd say it's good to be back,

but I can't shake the feeling
that life is meaningless

and I'm gonna die alone.

I'm cold, and I hate everything,
and this gravel really hurts,

but it's exactly how I feel inside,
so it makes sense.

Those were my pet squirrel's
last words before he died.

He was a talking squirrel.
He got run over by a wheelbarrow.

Those were his only words.

Get lost, you deadbeat! See you in church!

Oh, hey, deadbeats.

Whoa. You two look like you need a drink.

I say that to all my customers,
but this time I mean it.

No, thanks.
That's just gonna make me sadder.

And then happier. And then sadder.

Me and Bean both had our hearts broken.

She fell in love with a mermaid,
but it might've been in her head.

And Elfo fell for a gal
who was just a head.

Obviously, we're not fixated
on traditional body norms.

Wow. You two are really hurt, huh?

Noice! I don't want to miss this.

Halt! Why goes there?

Not "why," you idiot. "Who."
Besides, you know who it is. It's Bean.

Bean's an idiot?

No, you are! That's who.

I'm who goes there?

No! Who goes there, goes there.
And now they're gone.

Good to know
the kingdom is still in safe hands.

Sire, would you like to do something

about the people in the streets
who are dying of starvation?

♪ My cat is fancy ♪

♪ Look at his little crown ♪

Uh, speakin' of starvation,
I'm in the mood for several shish kebabs

and some, like…
baba ghanoush.

Announcing the unexpected return

of Princess Tiabeanie!

Warning, she appears
to be in a bit of a mood.

Ow!

Hmm…

Beanie, you're back!
How was the health spa?

Um, what?

I had to tell poor Zøggy
you were somewhere safe

because he is losing his mind.

Did you get chazzed? I did.

I think he's getting worse.

Quiet! That's enough!

Every time Zøg honks,

he takes one step closer
to total insanity.

Oh, no.

He's just gone from nuts to screwy.

I have been looking after him
for weeks, and now it's your turn.

Ugh. I need nap.

I've got a lot to do now.

Like go to my room
and cry in the fetal position.

My pillow's not gonna sob into itself.

I deserve that.

This could ruin everything.

We must inform the Secret Society
of Tiabeanie's return.

Indeed. The time to act is now.
Wink, wink.

Don't say, "Wink, wink." Just wink.

Oh, sorry.

Wink.

Finally, all alone.

- Oh, hello, Princess!
- Bunty!

I missed you, ma'am.

I've thought about you
every single day since you've been gone,

waiting right here.

I'm gonna be honest.
I completely forgot about you

until this very second.
Let's catch up later, though.

Righty-o! Come along, children.
You, too, Bunty Junior.

I was conceived in this bed.

Vello again.

- My God! Oona, you're relentless.
- Thank you.

Leave me alone, okay?

I just need time to forget

about the greatest thing
that ever maybe didn't happen to me.

You can bother me again
when I grow a new heart.

You look confused 'cause
you grow stuff back all the time,

but that's not something I can do.

I know is hard to believe,
but I was once in love. Real love.

When it came to an end, I wanted to die.

Yeah, samesies.

I drop down for
stepmother-crazy daughter talk, okay?

Bean, death is not good option.
I had to move on with my life.

I got over my love
by getting under your dad.

- Ew!
- Oh, don't play dainty with me.

We don't have time for you to wallow.

Wallowing is underrated.

People no longer expect things from you
and you get to stop showering.

I'm stuck with the sad,
empty feeling of heartbreak

without ever getting
the fun relationship part!

Full disclosure,
it did get pretty hot, though.

I mean, if it really happened.

We were on this beach and, like,

it was so hot that I didn't even care
about the sand, if you know what I mean.

Ah, yes, like sea turtle.

No, Oona, not like sea turtle.

Like sand crab?

You know what?
It doesn't really matter, Oona, okay?

Just forget it.

Sweetie, you're young
and beautiful and sandy.

Someday, the right man, or woman,
or creature will mate with you.

Then you must eat them.

Until then, you mustn't run from reality.
And things like booze will not help.

Then what will?

Drugs.

Uh, I don't feel any…

Whoa! There it is!

Now, as you scream,

think about key moments in your life
and see them in new light.

Whoa, I'm seeing my life
flash before my eyes. Am I dying?

No, is effect of drugs.

Unless you took too much drugs,
in which case, you are dying.

Dying, I'm gonna go with it.

'Cause I let my friend Elfo die
and where do you go when you die?

Elfo went to Heaven, but I ended up
going to Hell to rescue him.

I'd rescue him anywhere.
We gotta get the band back,

but guess what?
We never even got back together,

and we all talk about it,
and it's never gonna happen.

But you know what? I'm still a good friend
'cause I went to Hell for him and got him!

Maybe that's my purpose.

I mean, go to Hell for people.
What else has gone to Hell?

What else can I go to Hell for?

Dreamland!

Oh, my God!
I need to be a friend to Dreamland.

Is good realization.

My whole life has been a lie.
The mother I trusted is evil.

The stepmother
I thought was evil is harmless.

Oh, yes, evil stepmother trope
is very problematic.

I've been through a lot.
I evaded two loveless weddings,

one where the guy accidentally got killed.

Not my fault.
Maybe a little bit. Whatever.

The second one, the guy turned into a pig.
Not my fault. Maybe a bit. Whatever.

I had a love-filled
fantasy hallucination with a mermaid

and I still have a sweet,
pint-sized stalker who I love, sure.

But, like, I'm not in love with.
There's a difference, you know?

People say they have personal demons,

but I actually have one
that was sent to destroy my life.

I mean, we're all at odds, but…

Oh, my God, we form a trio.
Just like the Trøgs said.

What the hell is Trøgs?

No amount of drugs
in the world could explain them.

Now I don't know
what's real and what's a dream.

That's what Luci once said,
but he was high, so I discounted it.

But now I think it means something.

All I really know is that
I need to focus on things that I can fix.

Like, how bad I smell.

Oh, my God, I wanna shower again.

That means I've regained the will to live!

I have to start believing in myself
because I'm a savior

and saviors save people
from things like scary robots!

Robots are basically tiny suits
of armor without anyone inside of them

that roll around on squeaky wheels
and try to kill you.

But they're super easy to tip over.
And Steamland also has one of my boots.

Someday I will get that boot back.
As God as my witness, I will get it back.

But the absolute most insane thing of all?

There is this giant wall of sandwiches.

Okay, that's quite enough, Tiabeanie.

You must remember that women,
or womanish variants,

are not allowed at these council meetings.

But gender is a construct.
You guys have to listen.

Steamland, an entire country,
is out to get us.

They want our magic,
but we don't have any magic.

We don't even have reggae.
But, please, you gotta believe me!

All we believe is
that you just spewed a bunch of nonsense.

You, scrivener.

Strike everything Princess Tiabeanie
just said from the record.

All 37 minutes, sir?

- Hmm.
- Hmm. Cutting from quote,

"Whoa, dude,
these drugs are really kicking in."

"Oh, wow. I can't feel my face.
Do I still have a face?"

"You know
what I feel like doing right now?"

"I really wanna stab that stuck-up
scrivener in the eye with a fork."

And you two, scoot.

What, they think that I'm gonna
go back to my bedroom and cry?

I'll show them.

Oona, how do we show them?

Classic Oona.

Hey, Snarla? Can I ask you somethin'?

Did I ever tell you about the big skillet?

Yeah,
shut up about the skillet, Derek.

Yikes.

Oh, boy. Thank God
this is just a hallucination.

She's clearly a threat.
And she might be on to us.

Do you think she knows
about the royal curse?

Or the Secret Society?

Or the much more inconsequential return
of Stryker and Bolt?

Doubtful. She's usually in too much
of an alcoholic haze to really notice.

Man, I feel sorry
for whoever they're talkin' about.

But we must do something about the king.

It is inconvenient
that Zøg is still alive.

Judging from the blood sample I took,

he should be dead ten times over.

I use the term "blood" loosely.
It's really more of a sauce.

He's the last member
left in the family lineage

before the curse is finally lifted.

In the alphabet,
there's no letter after "Z."

At least, not that I know of.

We should hasten his demise,
just as we did with his brother.

Indeed. But I fear
Zøg is not as easy a target as Yøg.

But he is a bigger target.
Huh? Huh?

Oh, no!

Hiya, Bean!

We must gather again
to set our plan in motion

with the aid of the Secret Society.

It begins and ends
at our meeting at the next full moon.

Uh, will there be an orgy?

Yes.

Do not bring Turbish.

- Um, who is it?
- It's Bean. Let me in. I need your help!

Oh. Yeah, just a minute.

I don't have all night!

You can do
what I think you're doing later.

Please. Come in.

Care for a bowl of cereal?

Oh, cool.
I see you kept all my doll furniture.

I also kept the accessories.

That's my old toothbrush.

But listen, there are people inside

and outside this castle
who want my dad dead,

and the kingdom is totally unprotected.

Remember the Trøgs said we're the saviors?

I pretty much just remember
what Trixy told me.

And…

Oh, and…

I never ask you for little favors,

but I need you and Luci
to raise an army immediately.

Think you can get people to enlist?

Get people to do
something they don't wanna do?

That's my specialty.
Elfo, you're doing this, too.

I don't want to, but okay.

Psst! Oona, vake up.
I have something to ask you.

Ugh. Now what?

- First of all, do you have any more drugs?
- No, greedy.

You took four times the amount I did,
so there is nothing left.

Second, I learned
more about Odval's conspiracy.

While some of the plot seems like
they're thinking of it on the fly,

there's obviously something deeper
they've planned all along.

Is not place to discuss.
We must not risk waking your father.

Remember, he cannot handle
any sort of surprise whatsoever.

So, what did you hear?

You know, just that
there's some curse on our family

and the Secret Society
is responsible for killing my Uncle Yøg.

And I forgot to mention that they want
to take my dad out now, too!

They killed love of my life?

They will pay!

I'm sorry, I'm not following.

Before Zøg, I was in love with Yøg.

Hold on, the guy you were
talking about before was my uncle?

Wow, you really have a type, huh?

Is true. Zøg reminded me of Yøg.

Unfortunately, Zøg had
all of Yøg's bad qualities

and none of his good ones.

Yeah, I can see that. So, what we do now?

Well, good news is
you are clearly over your heartbreak.

Bad news is this is very bad news.

Let's murder everyone in that stupid
Secret Society right this second.

No. Is not best tactic.

We must shadow the shadow organization
so that we can learn their plan.

Wow, Oona, you're so wise.

Well, I get enlightenment from my weed.

My one regret is that I didn't start
taking drugs at younger age.

Calling all alkies!
Join the Dreamland army.

The noblest way to abandon
your family for long stretches of time!

Line up, losers!

Do you like travel, exercise, fascism,

beatin' your comrades
with a bar of soap in a sock,

and murder with no consequences?

Yeah!

Old Man Touchy
reporting for duty.

Ugh! Save it for the battlefield, soldier.

What happened to all the knives?

Rats, like, swiped 'em.

We've barely time
to put this affair in motion

and without every necessary element,
our plan is doomed.

We'll split up to most efficiently
gather the remaining items.

Like when we're antiquing. Wink, wink.

I mean, wink.

And we will split up and follow them.
But remember...

Don't get too close.
Yeah, I totally got it down!

Whoa. This morning I wanted to die
and now, not so much.

Greetings, Darrell. Blessings on your hat
and the head that fills it.

And also with you, Prime Minister Odval.
What can I do for you today?

Googly-eyed clamshell?
Edge of the World Fudge? Gum?

No, Darrell. Today I need
something far more nefarious.

Did that book I ordered come in?

I have it right here.
How to Hypnotize Your Boss.

It's pretty good.

You know
how to keep your mouth shut, don't you?

Sure, I guess.

- Even under pain of torture?
- Sure, I guess.

You ever get the feeling
your life is going nowhere, Darrell?

Sure, I guess.

Oh, Mr. Odval?

You're getting sleepy.

Oh, shut up, Darrell.

These two are Numb and Number.

Causes paralysis so you can
tell people off before their demise.

And who can resist
the sweet allure of poisoned cake?

'Course you'll have to wait
for your victim's birthday

and they'll have to be named
"Gordon" as well.

Oh, I don't have that sort of time.

Well, I do have
the world's deadliest scorpion.

Bill? Bill?

Bill?

Welcome to Dirk's Dirks. I'm Henry.

Hello, Henry. I am Odval.

I am looking
for an array of stabbing instruments.

You don't got to whisper, my man!

You want a dozen of our sharpest dirks
to murder some people with?

Well, comin' right up!

Move it, you dirty maggots
and Mertz's mom!

You're the most pathetic scum

I have ever had the misfortune
of layin' eyes on,

and I spend most of my days
starin' at Elfo!

Hi, I'm Corporal Elfo.

What do you call those, boy?

Uh, pull-ups, sir.

I seen better pull-ups on a baby!

Are you chazzin' me?
Seriously, are you freakin' chazzin' me?

Hey, they said
this was don't chazz, don't tell!

Oona.

Oona, stop hibernating.

I tailed Odval up and down

and all over the place
and I figured it all out.

The Secret Society is gonna kill Zøg.

Come on, let's go slit
their fat, dumb necks right now.

Oh, love the homicidal impulse, but no.

Only thing we must do now
is wait for them to come to us.

But I only like gratification
when it's instant.

Full moon.

Ugh, crazy girl.

Zøggy, don't go nowhere. I be back.

Okay, Oona, I stay here.

Oh, no, I gotta pee.

I really gotta pee.

- Oh, Boss.
- What the…

Look into my eye, Your Majesty.

- The creepy one?
- Yes.

At midnight, you'll come below the castle
for a special surprise.

Oh, yeah? What? Corned beef?

Yes, corned beef.
Lots and lots of corned beef.

Ya got pulled pork?

- There'll be pulled pork, yes.
- Pulled pork is good.

Leg of lamb?

Leg of lamb is there, too, yes.
Ah, big leg. Of lamb.

- Tenderloin?
- Tenderloin, yes. Top sirloin.

- Mmm. Leg of mutton, huh?
- Well, all right. Leg of mutton.

- Leg of chicken?
- Whole chickens.

- Lots of chickens…
- Yes, many chickens.

Hey, what, you tryin'
to make a jerk out of me?

Repeat after me.

"At midnight, I must go to the basement
and enter the green door."

At midnight, I must go to the basement
and enter the screen door.

- Green door.
- Screen door.

Just… Just be there at midnight.

Phew!

Odval? Is that you?

Don't make me look at your eye no more.

Oh. This ain't good.
I can't leave you here.

Mmm, is it time for pork rump?

I hide you good, Zøggy.

- There gonna be meatballs?
- Stop talking about meat.

What about
yummy little cocktail wieners?

Trixy! What are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be burrowing
or giving me the space we talked about?

It's the full moon, silly.

Trøgs climb to the surface
for our religion.

And for fun.

Ooh. It's so cool you're in the army now.
I love an elf who conforms.

Aren't you gonna show me in?

Ow!

What the hell?

I'm having that dream
with them pickled babies again.

Oh, God, they're gettin' uglier.

This is killing the mood, Elfo.

How did I get in here?

Why are you trying to kill me?
Why is it so dark?

Ooh, the last one I know.
'Cause it's nighttime.

Oh, God, my ass is stuck.

The wildest sex of your life
will have to wait.

- The whatest what of my what?
- Let's go.

Help! Tell that moon to stop followin' me!

It's almost midnight
and I'm gettin' hungry.

It is midnight!

Moon!

You're late, Trixy.
Were you with that possum again?

Don't spoil it, Craig.

Let the ceremony begin.

Enter the circle.

Today, folks. Come on.
Pants down, moons up.

Pants down, Elfo! Oh, I'll do it.

Good, good.

Okay, make it through tonight
and you make it through basic training.

Now, down on your bellies,
you worthless worms!

Calling me a worm offends my eel heritage.

Quit ditherin' and start slitherin'!

What's that noise?

That's right, slap that bum-bum.

I like what I'm seeing, but I gotta go.

Come back here, you cowards!
They're our allies!

Where you going, Deserto?

You knew this was coming.

I just thought he liked sweets.

Let the ceremony begin.

Welcome to all seekers of the secret
and welcome, new members.

Take your assigned position.
Masks on, hoods up.

Sorcerio, have you done a head count?

Oh, you know math isn't my strength,
but yes. The newcomers are here.

Good. Let me remind all of you

that by the time I finish this sentence,
there will be no backing out.

Now, we have all waited
a long time for this.

Are the new members
ready to carry out the task?

The task?

That's what I said.

The moment has finally come
for all to be revealed.

In three, two, one.

Keepers of the secret,
what is the greatest sin?

Modesty. Modesty. Modesty.

Modesty.

God damn it.
Oh, newbies, we're waiting.

- Oona?
- Bean?

All right, drop your knives.

At the sound of the maracas,
let the orgy begin.

Ooh!

Oh, my God.
They're not gonna kill my dad, are they?

Is no murder cult, Bean.
Just depressing sex club.

Now, Sorcerio. Fling open the green door.

Come right in,
Your Majesty, and feast your eyes.

Bean? Oona?

Oh, we did it, Oddie.

Zøg is 100%,
scientifically, medically bonkers.

Naked Bean and Oona
were the crowning touch.

Perhaps we should say
the de-crowning touch.

Now, nothing stands in the way
of our grand secret scheme.

Zøggy!

- Dad! Dad!
- Zøggy!

Oh, good. He crazy'd himself to sleep.

- Someone better guard him all night.
- Turbish will do it.