All language subtitles for Cheers S11E09 1080p BluRay x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

- Hi, Miss Howe.
- Hi, Kelly.

This is for you.

For me?

What is it?

Oh, Kelly,
this is beautiful.

Why me?

Because I like you,

and you've always
shown me friendship.

That's sweet, Kelly. Thank you.

And I want you to keep your hands
off my man.

Do we understand
each other?

Not really.

Don't play dumb with me, Miss Howe.
I invented it.

Woody tells me
how you look at him.

- Kelly, I don't look at him.
- I know you do, Miss Howe.

I'm prepared to buy you
one of these every month

if you keep away
from my Woody.

Well, you know, Kelly,

he is awfully cute.

All right. One a week.

Do we have a deal?

Deal.

Do you know
where Carla is?

A scotch, please, Sam.

And how about a beer
for my friend Norm?

Thank you, Frase.

You're certainly in
a chipper mood today.

Why not? It's a beautiful day.

Good for you.

It's amazing how fast
you've gotten over your separation.

A healthy mental attitude,
that's my secret.

Without that, you're nothing.

That's great. That's great.

You're completely over Lilith.

I'm sorry. Who?

Lilith. Your wife.

Never heard of the slut.

Big news, everybody.

Put down your beer mugs,
and hold on to your bars tools.

Me and Ma just
got a new neighbor,

moved into
our apartment building.

Little guy. About 100 years old.

Up from South America.

Thick German accent.

Little mustache right about here.

Likes to paint. I think you know
where I'm going with this.

Sweet lord, I'll bet I do.

Yep. Adolf Hitler is living
in my apartment building.

Cliff, I don't even know why
I have to tell you this,

but Hitler is dead.

He died at the end of World War II
in that bunker.

Oh, really?

Where you at the bunker?

As a matter of fact--

Throughout the years,
we've become accustomed to your...

Oh, how should I delicately put this?

Madness.

Now, for my own
peace of mind,

please assure me you're not
going to march up to this man

and accuse him of being Der Fuhrer.

My accusations won't come
until after I complete my investigation.

The case will be rock solid.

It better be. I've been wrong
twice before, you know.

Sam...

What?

I haven't been down here
since the fire.

By the way,
when are you going to rebuild?

We have.

Oh, well,
and it looks very...

The reason I'm down here

is last night our refrigerator
went on the fritz,

leaving us with 100 pounds
of mackerel

which may or may not
have gone bad.

Not wanting to take
a chance with my customers,

I'm prepared to offer
a special to your patrons,

All you can eat for $2.00.

Wait a second here.
What makes you think my customers

want your rotten fish?

Wait, wait, wait, Sammy.
Wait, now...

Let's just say, Mr. Hill,
that this fish has spoiled.

What would
happen to us?

Oh, you could suffer
a variety of symptoms

ranging from nausea to death.

Two bucks you say?

Fair enough.

Oh, good.

My package from
Amityville has arrived.

Ah, Miss Tortelli.

Tell me, is that
a new hairdo

or did someone toss a toaster
in your bathtub?

What am I saying?

What would you
be doing in a bathtub?

Cleaning you
out of the drain.

Yeasty oil slick.

Bladder polyp.

Manwich.

Perverted goat boy.

Sluttish mole.

- Seven o'clock tonight?
- Make it 6:30.

That man is the foulest,
most disgusting,

hideous creature to ever walk
the face of this earth.

And he's all mine.

Well, I'm gonna head up
to Melville's,

see if they got another fish fry
going today.

Actually, Norm,
you ought to be careful.

I think you were just lucky yesterday
you didn't get really sick.

Who said I didn't get sick?

All right, everybody.
Drop what you're doing.

Stop the presses.

Nobody's gonna be making fun
of Cliff Clavin anymore,

that's for sure.

Look what I found in the trash
of Mr. A. Hitler.

Behold exhibit "A."

What's this,
a check stub here?

It's a social
security check stub.

And it sickens me

To think that we Americans
work our fingers to the bone

so Mr. Hitler
can have creamed corn.

A cereal box.

That's right, Paul. It's a cereal box.

I guess we can determine
if Trix are for kids and for Der Fuhrer!

What is that thing?

This is
the most sophisticated,

high-tech listening device
that money can buy.

Gentlemen,
say hello to Mr. Ear.

Mr. Ear.

That's right.
You see, if I'm going to stop

the Fourth Reich from happening,

I have to know every
move that Hitler makes.

With this baby, I can hear a pin drop
from 500 feet away.

See those
two chicks up there?

I'll tell you exactly what
they're talking about.

They're talking about some
stupid-looking yutz holding a... never mind.

All right.

Look. Wish me luck, everybody.

If I'm not back in two hours,
call the defense department

and tell them Hitler's alive
and living in my apartment building.

They know the address.

You know, Cliff's pulled
some pretty crazy stunts

through the years,

but this is really starting
to get me worried.

Maybe Cliff is really
going over the edge here.

Gentlemen, if I may be
the voice of reason,

what if it is Hitler?

Woody.

I heard every word you said.
Thanks for being in my corner, pal.

I knew he was listening.

Now when he snaps,
maybe he'll spare me.

Bad news, boys.

No fish fry at Melville's.

Apparently, John Hill
had a heart attack.

- Really?
- Oh, my God.

That's terrible.

Relax, Rebecca,
there'll be other fish fries.

Take the long view here.

I was talking
about John Hill.

- What hospital is he in?
- Arlington.

Should we visit him at the hospital?
Who wants to go?

Come on, you guys,
he's our neighbor.

We know him.
We should see him in the hospital.

Rebecca, it's not like he's
our best friend or anything.

Norm, that's not the point.

The point is, you have to pretend
to be nice to people.

That's what makes you
a good person.

Hello. Yeah. I want to inquire
about the status of one of your patients,

Mr. John Allen Hill.

Oh, thank you.
That's great news.

Thanks very much.

Oh, thank God.

Dead, Sam?

No, he's not dead.

He's in stable condition.

That's a terrible thing to say, Woody.

You're always acting
like you don't like him.

That doesn't mean I wish
he was dead.

What about yesterday
when you said, "I wish he was dead"?

Hi, everybody.

Carla, what are
you doing here?

Living my
lifelong dream.

Fulfilling all my fantasies.

I'm a cocktail waitress.

What do you think
I'm doing here?

She doesn't know
about Hill yet.

What are we gonna do?
This is going to crush her.

All right,
I'll tell her.

Sam, news of this gravity
should be delivered

by someone who has
studied the human psyche

in great detail.

Someone who has tact, compassion,

and an understanding
of the human heart.

Okay, Dr. Crane, I'll do it,
but you got to deliver this Martini.

Carla!

- Woody!
- What?

I was referring to myself.

Oh.

Right.

Calling Dr. Von Ego.

- Carla, may I have a word with you?
- Sure.

Please, sit down.

What I'm about to tell you
may be a little difficult to hear.

Oh, my God.

And, before I tell you what it is,

I just want you to know
that we are all your friends,

and we support you.

What is it?

Carla, John Hill
has had a heart attack.

Oh, my God.

Hill had a heart attack?

John Allen Hill
had a heart attack?

That's what you
were trying to tell me?

From the way
you were acting,

I thought something
happened to my car!

Carla, you knew?

Of course I knew.

I'm the one who
called the ambulance.

Well, then, you were there?
What happened?

Well, Hill and I were in
the middle of doing it.

Next thing I know
he's clutching his chest

and turning blue.

I took it as a compliment
till he fell to the floor.

So, why didn't you go with him
to the hospital?

I hate hospitals.

I'll send him a card later.

Now, just a minute, Carla. Listen.

You've been seeing
this man for over a year now,

don't you have
any feelings for him?

Listen, Doc, I've had
guys run out on me,

had a husband die on me,

I got eight kids at home
to worry about.

I don't need to go getting attached
to some other guy

just because we sweat up
the sheets now and then.

I couldn't care less
about Hill.

If you feel so strongly about him,
you go visit him.

You ready to order?

Yes. We'd like a gin and tonic
with a lime, please,

a diet coke, a Manhattan up.

We also need some
fresh pretzels and...

ls there something wrong,
Miss?

My boyfriend's
in the hospital.

I'm so ashamed.
I called Hill my boyfriend.

What's wrong with me?

Carla.

You've come down
with a bad case of humanity...

A malady characterized by bouts

of compassion, warmth, and caring.

I mean, who knows, this sort of thing
could go on for the rest of your life.

Shut up, fathead.

Or it could pass
in a matter of seconds.

Everybody,
just leave me alone.

You're making this
into something it's not.

Carla, you cannot hold
something like this inside of you.

Yeah, Carla.

I never shared how I feel.

Now I'm old and all alone.
If there's one thing I learned--

Hey, Phil, zip it.

Look, first of all,

I don't have any feelings
for that slug.

Second of all,
you never saw me cry.

Third, I'd like to stay and chat,
but I got work.

Sam, I want to talk to you
in the office.

I don't want to hear
about her relationship with John.

I don't understand what they do
when they get together, anyway.

I don't want to.

I wish there was some way
I could get out of this.

Why don't you just
wish she was dead?

Hey,

how you doing, huh?

Oh, Sam,
Hill's in the hospital,

and it's all my fault.

No, see, you can't blame
yourself for that.

But it's true.

You see, last night started out
as just an average date.

Hill and I are getting it on
hot and heavy.

I'm cursing at him,
he's cursing at me.

Some real beauties.

The headboard
was begging for mercy.

Do me a favor and just
cut to the chase.

Unless there was
a chase...

Oh, God, no...

I'm a little...

Okay, okay. Just
before he keeled over,

I went over the line.

I said something so awful,

I can't-- I can't even repeat it.

Oh, honey.

Well, what'd you say?

I'm sorry. What?

I told him I loved him.

And that's--
that's bad, right?

Of course that's bad.

Sam, you don't
get this, do you?

Look, Hill and I have
a very simple relationship.

I don't like him.

He doesn't like me.

We get it on.

Now, if we start saying
we like each other,

we're gonna screw up
what we had.

And then I'm
gonna lose him.

I don't want to lose him

because I care for him.

What is with me?

I'm getting lost.

Do you like this guy
or not?

Of course I do,
but I can't tell Hill that.

Why not?

Because if I tell him,

then he won't have
anything to do with me

just like if he told me,

I wouldn't have
anything to do with him.

Oh, all right. I see.

So you're saying...

Shoot! I almost had it.

I guess there's
only one thing I can do.

I got to go to the hospital
and straighten things out.

Yes! That's it.
You got to go to the hospital

and no matter
how much it costs you,

you gotta tell the guy
that you care for him.

No, Sam.

I have to go and tell him
that I don't care for him.

Right. I was going to say that next.

You got to tell him you don't care for him.
Right. Okay.

All right.

Who wants to know
what Hitler watches on TV?

Cliff, I'm not going to play
this stupid game anymore.

Hitler does not live
in your apartment building.

All right, from 1500 hours
to 1530 hours,

he watched The Flintstones.

Instead of Gilligan's Island?

Well, he is a madman.

1530 Hours to 1600,

he watched People's Court.
How ironic.

At 1630 hours,

he clapped off the TV
and went to bed.

Oh, my God, Norm, it's him. Hide me.

This is the guy
you thought was Hitler?

No. It's worse.
It's my landlord Mr. Cranston.

Clavin, don't you try to hide from me.

I'm here to inform you

we held a tenants' meeting last night.

I wasn't invited.

We never invite you
when it's about you.

Was Hitler there?

Yes, Hitler was there.

Or Mr. O'Leary, as he's known to us
on Planet Earth.

What was
the meeting about?

I intended
to have you evicted.

You've done some strange things
in your time, Clavin,

but this is the worst.

You're harassing an old man.

Who may well be
the most hated and feared figure

of the 20th century.

At least he's not
one of those noisy teens.

Well, that's true.

As I was saying,
I was going to boot you out,

but your mother made a stirring speech
in your defense.

By the time she finished reading
that passage from the bible,

We were all in tears.

Even Hitler?

Even Hitler...

Mr. O'Leary!

I'll allow you to stay
if you apologize to him

and promise not to pursue this matter
any further.

Now, do I have your word?

Yeah. Okay. I promise.

Just don't
boot us out, all right?

- Agreed.
- Well, thank you.

You know, I know
I get out of hand occasionally.

I got a lot of pent-up energy,
a lot of time on my hands.

You know, I'm civil service.

- That explains it.
- There you go.

We'll let you off
with a warning this time, Clavin.

Does this mean I can go back
to the laundry room?

No. That's a whole
separate thing.

Well, Cliff, you've tormented
an elderly man,

you got everyone in your
apartment building angry,

and you almost
lost your home.

Now, are you clear
on what this means?

Sure.

Hitler brainwashed
my landlord.

Hill.

Miss Tortelli.

These are for you.

Oh, what a thoughtful purchase.

I didn't buy them.

I got them out of a room
down the hall.

The guy won't be needing them
where he's going.

Has he been discharged?

You might say.

If you ever need a pair of slippers,
size 11, let me know.

Thanks.

Frankly, Miss Tortelli,
I don't know why you're here.

My doctor informs me

I have to remain celibate
for the next eight weeks.

Don't insult me, Hill.

You think that sex is all I have
on my mind?

There are other facets
to my personality.

Eight weeks?

Well, anyway, look, I just came here
because I wanted to apologize.

Last night before this happened,

I said this... thing to you,

And I just
wanted you to know

that this thing I said...

Eight weeks?

Please continue, Miss Tortelli.

Anyway, about
this thing that I said.

Just wanted you to know
that I didn't mean it.

Hell, do you remember what thing it is
I'm talking about?

I must confess
it rings a faint bell,

That thing.

Well, I just wanted
to say I'm sorry

because I think it's probably
what caused your heart attack.

It was quite a shock.

I don't think anyone's ever
said it to me before.

No one?

Not even your daughter?

Well, it never really came up.

You had a wife.

Well, she and I...

had an understanding.

Your parents?

The point is, Miss Tortelli,

I'm not exactly
a cuddle bear.

Yeah, well...

Neither am I.

See you around.

Oh, one moment, Miss Tortelli.

Yeah?

Perhaps the diuretic
is making me sentimental, but...

What do you suppose
would happen

if we were foolhardy enough

to attempt to take our relationship

to the next plateau?

Hypothetically, of course.

Yeah, well...

I have thought about that...

A little bit.

I'm not proud of it,

but I thought of it.

After all, we have
eight celibate weeks

in which to get to know
each other better.

Okay. I'm game.

So...

Miss Tortelli...

Carla.

Oh, Carla.

Carla, that's a pretty name.

Thank you.

So...

You...

You have any children?

No.

So, what's it like
running a restaurant?

Well, you know, a lot of work,
but very rewarding.

Oh, that's good,
that it's rewarding.

Because there are a lot of jobs
that aren't rewarding.

It's good that you found the job
that is rewarding.

Carla, could you please
do me a small favor?

Yes, John.

Could you work yourself behind this machinery
and unplug my life support system

so that I can leave this life

and this agonizing
conversation behind?

Like it was fun for me,
zit-face.

Sasquatch.

Road kill.

Catcher's mitt.

Pond scum.

Phlegm face.

See you in eight weeks.

Make it four.

Make it two.

Pull the curtain.