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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,654 And he's a friend. 2 00:00:01,722 --> 00:00:03,757 He's a typical little Englander, and he doesn't like 3 00:00:03,825 --> 00:00:04,891 going out of his comfort zone. 4 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,326 Bollocks are squashed. 5 00:00:06,394 --> 00:00:10,748 I just think that it'd be amazing to send him around the world. 6 00:00:10,868 --> 00:00:15,029 What we'd like to see is him experience other cultures, 7 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:20,411 other peoples, and see if, in any way, we can change his outlook on the world. 8 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,214 I've been to many exotic places. 9 00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:24,116 I genuinely think travel broadens the mind. 10 00:00:24,184 --> 00:00:26,185 I want him to hate it. 11 00:00:26,254 --> 00:00:28,822 I want him to hate every minute of it for my own amusement. 12 00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:34,678 Nothing is funnier than Karl in a corner being poked by a stick. 13 00:00:34,798 --> 00:00:35,717 I am that stick. 14 00:00:35,837 --> 00:00:39,101 And now I have the might of Sky behind me. 15 00:00:39,221 --> 00:00:40,421 [Bleep] 16 00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:41,456 [Bleep] 17 00:00:41,922 --> 00:00:45,760 This is one of the funniest, most expensive practical jokes I've ever done. 18 00:00:45,829 --> 00:00:47,539 And it's gonna be great. 19 00:00:48,656 --> 00:00:51,599 Just let me go home! Jesus. 20 00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:56,637 Sync by honeybunny Corrected by jabbberwock www.addic7ed.com 21 00:00:56,757 --> 00:01:03,849 Karl, we've arranged for you to go to Egypt to see the great pyramids. 22 00:01:03,918 --> 00:01:07,453 I mean, there is a remarkable site, truly one of the seven 23 00:01:07,522 --> 00:01:09,055 wonders of the world. 24 00:01:09,123 --> 00:01:10,990 Now, what do you know about the great pyramids? 25 00:01:11,059 --> 00:01:11,991 Over 4,000 years old. 26 00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:14,327 4,000 years old. 27 00:01:14,396 --> 00:01:16,429 Are they the oldest thing on the world? 28 00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:21,367 I told you, he needs an absolute. 29 00:01:21,436 --> 00:01:22,302 He needs an absolute. 30 00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:24,337 Yeah, they're the oldest thing on the world. 31 00:01:24,406 --> 00:01:27,173 I mean, that's pretty amazing, that I'm gonna see the 32 00:01:27,241 --> 00:01:28,140 oldest thing on the world. 33 00:01:28,209 --> 00:01:30,443 They're not the oldest thing on the world, are they? 34 00:01:30,512 --> 00:01:32,279 How do you think they built it? 35 00:01:32,347 --> 00:01:33,714 They took their time. 36 00:01:33,782 --> 00:01:35,416 Didn't have any distractions. 37 00:01:35,484 --> 00:01:38,820 Now you see workmen, it's like, "you got to get it done. 38 00:01:38,888 --> 00:01:40,421 We've got another job on." 39 00:01:40,490 --> 00:01:42,924 Back then, they'd just be going, "This is what we've got to do. 40 00:01:42,993 --> 00:01:43,525 Get it done. 41 00:01:43,594 --> 00:01:44,326 Get it built. 42 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:45,360 Go for that shape." 43 00:01:45,429 --> 00:01:48,831 And each day, they would have just... the foreman went, "Go for 44 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,267 that shape," and they went, "All right." 45 00:01:51,335 --> 00:01:52,443 Yeah. 46 00:01:52,685 --> 00:01:53,636 Right. 47 00:01:53,705 --> 00:01:55,504 Go on, then. Enjoy the pyramids. 48 00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:57,328 All right. 49 00:02:05,967 --> 00:02:07,816 I think we've got to send him economy. 50 00:02:07,885 --> 00:02:10,953 I think we've got to put him up in shacks and awful hotels, and 51 00:02:11,021 --> 00:02:13,889 that will be funny. 52 00:02:19,930 --> 00:02:23,300 The nice hotel seems to have gone now. 53 00:02:23,369 --> 00:02:25,136 That's not good, is it? 54 00:02:25,204 --> 00:02:27,838 This is grim 'round here. 55 00:02:27,907 --> 00:02:30,375 And something looks grim in the dark, you know it's not gonna be 56 00:02:30,444 --> 00:02:36,849 better in the day, don't you? 57 00:02:36,918 --> 00:02:41,087 We had here Michael Palin, monty python. 58 00:02:41,156 --> 00:02:42,556 And has he been back since? 59 00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:44,491 No. 60 00:02:50,332 --> 00:02:52,700 Thank you. 61 00:03:00,075 --> 00:03:01,443 How long are we here? 62 00:03:01,511 --> 00:03:02,010 Huh? 63 00:03:02,079 --> 00:03:04,913 How long are we here for? 64 00:03:14,224 --> 00:03:20,728 I don't know what... this is... this is a bit of a... it's a little bit grim. 65 00:03:20,797 --> 00:03:24,832 Look at it. 66 00:03:24,901 --> 00:03:29,237 Did Ricky and Steve know this was... Well, they knew Michael Palin stayed here. 67 00:03:29,305 --> 00:03:32,673 Yeah, I know, but it was 30 years ago. 68 00:03:32,742 --> 00:03:34,308 A lot's changed. 69 00:03:34,377 --> 00:03:37,111 You know, I was still at school. 70 00:03:37,179 --> 00:03:41,015 How many days am I here? 71 00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:44,251 There's a piano right outside the room. 72 00:03:44,319 --> 00:03:45,786 When do they start playing that piano? 73 00:03:45,854 --> 00:03:47,187 'Cause it's literally right there. 74 00:03:47,256 --> 00:03:50,457 If they start having a sing-along, I'm... 75 00:03:53,528 --> 00:03:55,295 [Bleep] 76 00:03:55,364 --> 00:03:56,930 Sit on that. 77 00:03:56,999 --> 00:03:57,998 Sit on that. 78 00:03:58,066 --> 00:03:59,366 Is there a mattress on it? 79 00:03:59,434 --> 00:04:00,166 Sit on it. 80 00:04:00,235 --> 00:04:01,868 Honest to God, sit on that. 81 00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:05,839 It is unbelievable. 82 00:04:05,907 --> 00:04:07,707 Oh, God. 83 00:04:07,776 --> 00:04:08,642 How am I gonna sleep? 84 00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:21,321 It's a bit cozy, you know. 85 00:04:21,389 --> 00:04:26,859 Ricky will be all over the moon with this when he sees this 86 00:04:26,928 --> 00:04:28,728 'cause he wants to annoy me. 87 00:04:28,797 --> 00:04:31,631 I don't know how this is teaching me anything about sort 88 00:04:31,699 --> 00:04:34,633 of, you know, being egyptian. 89 00:04:34,702 --> 00:04:38,837 I mean, the fella who owns the place, his dad's 96. 90 00:04:38,906 --> 00:04:41,706 There's no way he lived to be 96 by living on a bed like that in 91 00:04:41,775 --> 00:04:47,778 a dump room like this, having them out there all night beeping. 92 00:04:47,847 --> 00:04:50,714 I'll leave it there. 93 00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,423 I don't know what I'm going to be doing today, 'cause I haven't 94 00:04:59,491 --> 00:05:00,791 heard from Ricky and Steve yet. 95 00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:05,663 So I'm just gonna go, you know, go out for a wander... 96 00:05:05,732 --> 00:05:09,459 Walk about, deal with some locals, you know. 97 00:05:09,729 --> 00:05:11,592 That's the plan, really. 98 00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,378 - No, thanks, mate. - Drink. 99 00:05:20,498 --> 00:05:21,902 - A what? - Cold drink. 100 00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:27,641 Coca-Cola, sprite, water, tea, cafe, nescafe, cappuccino, mango, beer. 101 00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:30,343 All drink, 10 pound. 102 00:05:30,412 --> 00:05:32,111 Yeah, I'm all right at the moment. 103 00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:34,106 I might pop in later on. 104 00:05:34,226 --> 00:05:35,392 My name is sharif, okay? 105 00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,560 - Sharif. - Sharif. 106 00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:38,262 - Welcome to Egypt. - Cheers, Sharif. 107 00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:39,330 I'll be here, okay? 108 00:05:39,398 --> 00:05:41,622 I'll be there for a drink if I want to get a drink. 109 00:05:41,864 --> 00:05:43,570 - Cheers. - It's all right. 110 00:05:43,684 --> 00:05:44,764 I've just had a word with sharif. 111 00:05:44,884 --> 00:05:46,919 He's gonna look after me. 112 00:05:46,988 --> 00:05:48,087 Sharif, no cafe. 113 00:05:48,155 --> 00:05:48,921 That's eat? 114 00:05:48,989 --> 00:05:50,968 - Yes. - Oh, okay. 115 00:05:51,088 --> 00:05:54,093 So, if I want a drink, see you, and see you for something to eat. 116 00:05:54,162 --> 00:05:54,794 Cheers. 117 00:05:54,862 --> 00:05:56,162 - Thank you. - Bye-bye. 118 00:05:56,765 --> 00:05:57,330 Oh, yeah. 119 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:57,964 That's good. 120 00:05:58,033 --> 00:05:59,366 - Have a nice time. - I will. 121 00:05:59,434 --> 00:06:00,033 Thanks a lot. 122 00:06:00,102 --> 00:06:00,467 Cheers. 123 00:06:00,536 --> 00:06:01,401 Come back here. 124 00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:03,170 If I want a drink or something. 125 00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:04,205 My name's sharif. 126 00:06:04,274 --> 00:06:05,006 He's sharif. 127 00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:05,640 No, no. 128 00:06:05,708 --> 00:06:07,075 My name's sharif, Omar sharif. 129 00:06:07,143 --> 00:06:07,876 Omar sharif. 130 00:06:07,945 --> 00:06:08,710 He's sharif. 131 00:06:08,779 --> 00:06:10,846 Omar sharif. 132 00:06:10,914 --> 00:06:13,215 I'll pop in there if I'm hungry. 133 00:06:22,079 --> 00:06:23,978 I'm not hungry at the moment. 134 00:06:24,047 --> 00:06:24,780 All right. 135 00:06:24,848 --> 00:06:26,448 Honestly, it's all right. 136 00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:27,949 Yeah, it's all right. 137 00:06:28,018 --> 00:06:29,784 What do you want, a drink? 138 00:06:29,853 --> 00:06:31,552 I'm just walking through. 139 00:06:31,621 --> 00:06:33,027 If I get thirsty, I'll pop by. 140 00:06:36,951 --> 00:06:38,159 Do you know what? 141 00:06:38,227 --> 00:06:39,660 I'm not hungry at the moment. 142 00:06:39,729 --> 00:06:41,562 - -Yes? - Yeah, I was back there. 143 00:06:41,630 --> 00:06:42,523 I sort of got off food a little bit. 144 00:06:42,643 --> 00:06:43,902 I'm okay at the moment. 145 00:06:44,022 --> 00:06:45,718 Thanks a lot. 146 00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:47,225 Cheers. 147 00:06:47,851 --> 00:06:49,500 [Bleep] 148 00:06:57,604 --> 00:06:59,572 I've already got some. 149 00:06:59,692 --> 00:07:01,073 Don't smoke. 150 00:07:01,142 --> 00:07:03,109 If I wanted a watch, I'd buy one off you. 151 00:07:03,177 --> 00:07:04,477 Don't need. 152 00:07:04,545 --> 00:07:06,045 It's for a woman. 153 00:07:06,114 --> 00:07:10,950 My girlfriend's head is slightly bigger. 154 00:07:11,018 --> 00:07:13,786 I don't need any glasses. 155 00:07:13,854 --> 00:07:17,156 [Bleep] 156 00:07:17,225 --> 00:07:19,992 If there's one thing that's done me head in since I've been here, 157 00:07:20,061 --> 00:07:20,693 it's all this. 158 00:07:20,762 --> 00:07:21,894 You can't walk down there. 159 00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,931 Forget, like, just using it as a cut through, 'cause it's not a shortcut. 160 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:28,968 It can't be a shortcut, 'cause you get stopped every few seconds. 161 00:07:29,037 --> 00:07:31,404 Yeah, all right. 162 00:07:31,605 --> 00:07:34,540 So, I mean, I bet she left the house when she was 10. 163 00:07:34,609 --> 00:07:39,111 I'll tell you, seriously, it takes you forever to get anything done here. 164 00:07:41,489 --> 00:07:42,840 Hi. 165 00:07:44,205 --> 00:07:46,390 Didn't sleep at all. 166 00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:54,704 I'm gonna go over and see the pyramids today. 167 00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:56,773 That's the plan. That's why I'm in Egypt, isn't it? 168 00:07:56,842 --> 00:07:59,042 I mean, I wish I could have seen them sooner. 169 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:01,979 You know, the sooner I see them, the sooner I can go home, but, 170 00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:05,917 yeah, Steve's sorted out some local bloke who's got a camel. 171 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,182 He's gonna take me over there on one of them. 172 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:14,159 When I was younger, I got on a horse, and someone sort of 173 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,327 burned the horse's ass. 174 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:18,628 It bolted, and I was on it and falling off the edge. 175 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:22,300 So I've always said I'd never go on any animal that's sort of bigger than me. 176 00:08:22,972 --> 00:08:26,327 So it's a little bit crazy, but it seems to be the way they get around here anyway. 177 00:08:26,446 --> 00:08:29,650 They're all using donkeys and camels. 178 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,922 So as long as nobody is neighbour with a fag end, 179 00:08:32,042 --> 00:08:33,970 it should be alright, really. 180 00:08:34,546 --> 00:08:36,235 It's crazy here, though, isn't it? 181 00:08:36,355 --> 00:08:38,367 It's the non-touristy bit, isn't it? 182 00:08:38,487 --> 00:08:40,145 This is what it's all about. 183 00:08:40,265 --> 00:08:43,114 So, yeah, I'm meeting this fella. 184 00:08:44,681 --> 00:08:47,414 Need to use his toilet straightaway. Is that rude? 185 00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:49,161 No, it should be all right. 186 00:08:52,379 --> 00:08:53,832 - Mahmoud. - Hi. 187 00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,067 - How are you doing? - Fine. 188 00:08:55,136 --> 00:08:56,736 - Good to see you. - Good to see you, too. 189 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:59,472 I'm Karl. Welcome. 190 00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:01,508 Come in. How you doing? 191 00:09:01,576 --> 00:09:03,676 Do you mind if I use your toilet quickly? 192 00:09:03,745 --> 00:09:07,681 It's just that I've drank a lot of coffee this morning. 193 00:09:07,749 --> 00:09:09,125 That's my family here. 194 00:09:09,245 --> 00:09:10,284 Hello. 195 00:09:10,353 --> 00:09:11,252 Who's that? 196 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,153 Cooking tea. 197 00:09:12,221 --> 00:09:13,587 Is that your girlfriend? 198 00:09:13,656 --> 00:09:14,689 She's my mother. 199 00:09:14,757 --> 00:09:15,656 Your mother! 200 00:09:15,725 --> 00:09:16,691 Come on, man. 201 00:09:16,759 --> 00:09:18,159 She's not your mother. 202 00:09:18,228 --> 00:09:19,593 She is. 203 00:09:19,662 --> 00:09:21,228 Can I ask how old she is? 204 00:09:21,297 --> 00:09:24,899 She's 38. 205 00:09:24,967 --> 00:09:25,966 She is my mother. 206 00:09:26,035 --> 00:09:29,169 In our family, we marry when we're very young. 207 00:09:29,238 --> 00:09:30,070 How old are you? 208 00:09:30,139 --> 00:09:31,864 I'm 22, and I have child. 209 00:09:37,412 --> 00:09:39,813 I needed that. 210 00:09:39,882 --> 00:09:42,516 Much better. 211 00:09:42,584 --> 00:09:44,151 That's me and my wife. 212 00:09:44,219 --> 00:09:45,919 Is that it now for life? 213 00:09:45,988 --> 00:09:47,321 Are you settled now? 214 00:09:47,389 --> 00:09:49,123 You'll stay with this woman? 215 00:09:49,191 --> 00:09:50,657 I can have one if I want. 216 00:09:50,726 --> 00:09:53,595 If feel like I want one, then I can. 217 00:09:53,663 --> 00:09:55,296 Four women. 218 00:09:55,365 --> 00:09:56,799 You're allowed four women? 219 00:09:56,867 --> 00:09:59,835 Yes, four women I can have if I want to. 220 00:09:59,904 --> 00:10:03,439 But I'm happy until now, but I don't know what's gonna happen. 221 00:10:03,507 --> 00:10:04,573 Pace yourself. 222 00:10:04,642 --> 00:10:06,809 I mean, you're only 22. 223 00:10:06,878 --> 00:10:08,744 Spread it out a little bit, you know. 224 00:10:08,813 --> 00:10:14,884 Do you know, like, how snow white had, like, a happy... miserable one. 225 00:10:14,953 --> 00:10:16,953 She had, like, a mixture. 226 00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:20,690 Would you go for a totally different woman so that if 227 00:10:20,759 --> 00:10:25,261 you're in the mood for someone to be happy, you go, "Oh, I'll see her today"? 228 00:10:25,330 --> 00:10:26,495 Yes. 229 00:10:26,564 --> 00:10:30,699 Life is too short, man. 230 00:10:30,768 --> 00:10:32,468 One, two, three. 231 00:10:32,537 --> 00:10:33,936 Hang on a minute. 232 00:10:34,005 --> 00:10:35,438 Hold on tight on here. 233 00:10:37,742 --> 00:10:40,643 Whoa! 234 00:10:40,712 --> 00:10:42,511 Bloody high up, this, isn't it? 235 00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:44,013 All right. 236 00:10:44,082 --> 00:10:45,615 You just need to hold well. 237 00:10:45,683 --> 00:10:49,118 I'm holding on. 238 00:10:49,187 --> 00:10:51,520 Hi. 239 00:10:51,589 --> 00:10:52,388 I'm holding on. 240 00:10:59,396 --> 00:11:06,936 Me bollocks are squashed. 241 00:11:10,876 --> 00:11:12,175 Is that you or the camel? 242 00:11:12,244 --> 00:11:12,742 Huh? 243 00:11:12,811 --> 00:11:13,643 Is that you? 244 00:11:13,712 --> 00:11:14,244 What? 245 00:11:14,313 --> 00:11:15,279 That sounded human. 246 00:11:15,347 --> 00:11:17,147 That's the camel, man. 247 00:11:17,216 --> 00:11:21,852 Well, you know, rocking left and right makes things happen. 248 00:11:21,921 --> 00:11:25,355 What you've got to remember is, I'm getting the back draft. 249 00:11:32,164 --> 00:11:33,063 How are you doing? 250 00:11:33,132 --> 00:11:35,166 Hi. 251 00:11:35,235 --> 00:11:37,735 It's chronic, isn't it, today? 252 00:11:37,804 --> 00:11:40,971 Can't even see the pyramids. 253 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:46,010 Come all this way, and that's the view you get. 254 00:11:46,078 --> 00:11:49,713 I mean, the idea is now that I stand there and I'm blown away. 255 00:11:49,782 --> 00:11:51,749 That's what's meant to happen, isn't it? 256 00:11:51,818 --> 00:11:55,486 I mean, I am getting blown away, but mainly by the wind that's going on there. 257 00:11:55,555 --> 00:11:57,455 We got a sand storm, and I've got sand in me eyes. 258 00:11:57,524 --> 00:12:01,092 I can't see anything anyway, even if it was a clear day. 259 00:12:01,161 --> 00:12:02,160 It's a bit annoying. 260 00:12:02,228 --> 00:12:06,364 You know, I thought it would feel more special than this. 261 00:12:10,936 --> 00:12:12,736 I keep getting messages from home. 262 00:12:12,805 --> 00:12:15,205 I mean, Susan's moaning about the boiler again. 263 00:12:15,274 --> 00:12:17,408 That's starting to play up. 264 00:12:17,476 --> 00:12:19,710 Normally that's my problem, but now I'm away. 265 00:12:19,779 --> 00:12:21,012 I've made it her problem. 266 00:12:21,081 --> 00:12:26,218 And them I'm also getting messages... I'll show you this one, from Ricky. 267 00:12:26,286 --> 00:12:29,688 He just keeps sending stuff 'cause he knows it costs me money to receive them. 268 00:12:29,757 --> 00:12:32,191 There's just something on there. 269 00:12:32,260 --> 00:12:34,461 70 pounds. 270 00:12:34,529 --> 00:12:37,175 'Cause he knows that it's cost me about 70p for him to send that. 271 00:12:37,295 --> 00:12:39,232 There's nothing else in there. He's not asking, "How are you?" 272 00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:40,500 You know? "What are you up to? 273 00:12:40,569 --> 00:12:41,267 What have you seen? 274 00:12:41,336 --> 00:12:42,101 Are you enjoying it?" 275 00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:43,802 "70p." 276 00:12:43,871 --> 00:12:46,738 That's all he said. 277 00:12:56,914 --> 00:12:58,515 So why are you wearing this? 278 00:12:58,583 --> 00:13:00,183 This is comfy wear, isn't it? 279 00:13:00,252 --> 00:13:02,886 I mean, this is like pajamas at the end of the day. 280 00:13:02,955 --> 00:13:06,857 I mean, the problem is, I've been getting mossie bites and stuff. 281 00:13:06,926 --> 00:13:09,960 So I wanted something with sort of long sleeves on it to sort of 282 00:13:10,028 --> 00:13:12,629 keep them away. 283 00:13:12,698 --> 00:13:13,797 It's just comfy. 284 00:13:13,866 --> 00:13:15,199 Loads of room in it. 285 00:13:15,268 --> 00:13:19,804 Normally pajamas sort of roll up your arms and legs and that, but this is... 286 00:13:19,873 --> 00:13:22,006 You know, it's all right, isn't it? 287 00:13:22,207 --> 00:13:24,175 I mean, that's the good thing if you lived here. 288 00:13:24,244 --> 00:13:26,477 You could just sort of... if you start work at 9:00, you 289 00:13:26,546 --> 00:13:29,380 could get out of bed about five to, keep it on. 290 00:13:29,449 --> 00:13:30,548 Straight off. 291 00:13:35,554 --> 00:13:36,687 Steve sent me a text. 292 00:13:36,756 --> 00:13:38,722 It said meet up with a lad called Achmed. 293 00:13:38,791 --> 00:13:40,891 He's gonna show me around the place. 294 00:13:42,962 --> 00:13:44,128 Good work. 295 00:13:47,313 --> 00:13:49,147 Now here, there's a gap. What do you reckon? 296 00:13:49,267 --> 00:13:51,336 - Now. - Yeah? 297 00:13:52,722 --> 00:13:54,025 - Good job. - Easy. 298 00:13:54,145 --> 00:13:55,705 Now you're egyptian. 299 00:13:55,774 --> 00:14:01,578 Brilliant. 300 00:14:01,647 --> 00:14:03,346 Oh, wow. 301 00:14:03,415 --> 00:14:06,549 If you saw that at home, you'd presume it was a pet shop. 302 00:14:06,618 --> 00:14:07,751 What's a pet shop? 303 00:14:07,819 --> 00:14:08,285 Oh. 304 00:14:08,353 --> 00:14:09,019 No, no, no. 305 00:14:09,088 --> 00:14:11,221 That's for food, only for food. 306 00:14:11,290 --> 00:14:14,459 So, when you look at that, do you go, "Mmm," rather than "Aww." 307 00:14:14,527 --> 00:14:15,626 Well, yeah. 308 00:14:15,695 --> 00:14:18,563 We eat them. 309 00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:27,540 What's this stuff? 310 00:14:27,609 --> 00:14:28,441 Cotton. 311 00:14:28,510 --> 00:14:29,408 Feel? 312 00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,610 Egyptian cotton. 313 00:14:31,679 --> 00:14:33,612 So what would people do with this? 314 00:14:33,681 --> 00:14:34,513 For mattresses. 315 00:14:34,581 --> 00:14:39,050 I could do with that, actually, at the hotel. 316 00:14:39,119 --> 00:14:39,750 Right. 317 00:14:39,819 --> 00:14:42,253 We'll do a bit of practice about haggling. 318 00:14:42,321 --> 00:14:45,088 You need to haggle, otherwise, you will get ripped off. 319 00:14:45,157 --> 00:14:45,689 Hang on. 320 00:14:45,758 --> 00:14:46,790 So I come in your shop. 321 00:14:46,859 --> 00:14:47,491 I'm browsing. 322 00:14:47,559 --> 00:14:48,425 I'm looking around. 323 00:14:48,493 --> 00:14:48,958 Right. 324 00:14:49,027 --> 00:14:52,663 This is the finest piece we have, and it's for 100... 100 english. 325 00:14:52,731 --> 00:14:53,964 Seems a bit expensive, that. 326 00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:57,502 Now you need to tell me... you need to tell me... just reduce it. 327 00:14:57,570 --> 00:14:59,637 You say 10. 328 00:14:59,706 --> 00:15:01,106 So you want me to buy the water, then? 329 00:15:01,174 --> 00:15:02,474 I didn't really come in here for that. 330 00:15:02,543 --> 00:15:04,241 I came here for an ashtray, for a present. 331 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,345 Do you sell ashtrays? 332 00:15:06,414 --> 00:15:08,002 No. 333 00:15:08,122 --> 00:15:09,992 Okay. 334 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,384 Have you got an ashtray? 335 00:15:12,452 --> 00:15:13,051 No, no, no. 336 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:13,451 No? 337 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:14,352 I'll leave you then. 338 00:15:15,155 --> 00:15:15,587 Right. 339 00:15:15,655 --> 00:15:16,221 I'd sack you. 340 00:15:16,289 --> 00:15:18,056 If you had a shop, I would get rid of you. 341 00:15:18,124 --> 00:15:23,059 If I owned the shop and you worked in there, that's rubbish. 342 00:15:23,128 --> 00:15:26,096 Hey, my friend, how can I take your money? 343 00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,666 $1,000 sale, please. 344 00:15:31,869 --> 00:15:33,102 Welcome to Cairo. 345 00:15:33,171 --> 00:15:35,338 Welcome. 346 00:15:35,406 --> 00:15:36,239 You lost me. 347 00:15:36,307 --> 00:15:37,540 I will go lower than 160. 348 00:15:37,609 --> 00:15:38,574 160 is nothing. 349 00:15:38,643 --> 00:15:39,542 What about 90? 350 00:15:40,412 --> 00:15:41,844 You want to get it for free? 351 00:15:41,913 --> 00:15:42,845 Eh, never mind. 352 00:15:42,914 --> 00:15:46,549 You are a very clever guy, but I don't agree with your price. 353 00:15:46,618 --> 00:15:47,617 Egyptian wool. 354 00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:48,284 Egyptian. 355 00:15:48,353 --> 00:15:48,851 120. 356 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,420 I thought you agreed 110. 357 00:15:50,489 --> 00:15:52,222 No, I said 120 for you. 358 00:15:52,290 --> 00:15:54,457 Do I get money off with the nose missing? 359 00:15:54,526 --> 00:15:56,392 No. 360 00:16:03,553 --> 00:16:06,001 Well, I've been out all day, you know, seeing how the locals 361 00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:07,436 live, which is what it's all about. 362 00:16:07,505 --> 00:16:10,172 Thought the day was coming to an end, thought I'd be able to, you 363 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,708 know, relax a little bit, and I just got a message from Ricky 364 00:16:12,777 --> 00:16:15,277 and Steve saying they sorted out a place for something to eat 365 00:16:15,346 --> 00:16:21,652 tonight, which is a bit of a worry. 366 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,490 I'll get you the special of the day, typical egyptian food. 367 00:16:25,558 --> 00:16:26,324 Cheers. 368 00:16:26,393 --> 00:16:29,227 Thanks a lot. 369 00:16:29,296 --> 00:16:30,395 It's a bit annoying. 370 00:16:30,464 --> 00:16:32,430 He's just cooking something for me. 371 00:16:32,499 --> 00:16:37,969 I don't know what it is. 372 00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,005 I don't like hummus that much. 373 00:16:40,073 --> 00:16:44,109 Hummus, couscous... anything like that, I just don't have that sort of stuff. 374 00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:44,909 It's not a meal. 375 00:16:44,978 --> 00:16:48,112 It's a garnish. 376 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:52,583 I would have loved just chicken and chips. 377 00:16:52,652 --> 00:16:56,555 Just something not too challenging. 378 00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:57,489 I just want a meal. 379 00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:01,226 I'm hungry. 380 00:17:01,295 --> 00:17:03,328 I never experimented that much with food. 381 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:10,636 I've had pasta until I was about 21, 22. 382 00:17:10,705 --> 00:17:11,870 All right. 383 00:17:11,939 --> 00:17:16,775 Brilliant. 384 00:17:16,844 --> 00:17:20,879 I got a bit of a taste of that at the end, and I'm sure I knew what it was. 385 00:17:20,948 --> 00:17:22,114 I'll have a bit again. 386 00:17:22,182 --> 00:17:24,195 I'm sure I've had it before. Okay. 387 00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:28,461 - It's Rubbery. - Rubbery. 388 00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,189 Chewy. 389 00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,258 Corn beefy. 390 00:17:33,326 --> 00:17:34,726 How about testicle? 391 00:17:34,794 --> 00:17:36,127 That's a testicle? 392 00:17:36,196 --> 00:17:38,296 Uh-huh. 393 00:17:38,365 --> 00:17:44,702 And the chewy one, penis. 394 00:17:44,771 --> 00:17:48,206 Normally on Monday, probably have a little bit of lamb that's 395 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:51,543 leftover from Sunday dinner or something, and yet, you know, 396 00:17:51,611 --> 00:17:53,711 this Monday night [bleep] 397 00:17:53,780 --> 00:18:00,318 Bollocks, couple of eyes, a bit of tongue, you know, for garnish. 398 00:18:00,387 --> 00:18:02,588 I never thought I'd be saying that. 399 00:18:02,656 --> 00:18:05,157 It's supposed to be good for you as a male. 400 00:18:05,226 --> 00:18:08,027 But why do you use everything to that degree? 401 00:18:08,096 --> 00:18:09,962 We kind of eat everything. 402 00:18:10,031 --> 00:18:11,564 Nothing goes to waste. 403 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,766 Besides, it's delicious. 404 00:18:13,835 --> 00:18:16,001 Yeah, I said... well, I didn't say delicious. 405 00:18:16,070 --> 00:18:17,102 I didn't say delicious. 406 00:18:17,171 --> 00:18:19,416 You put words in me mouth, along with other things. 407 00:18:26,227 --> 00:18:27,312 Hello? 408 00:18:27,381 --> 00:18:28,947 Hello? 409 00:18:29,921 --> 00:18:31,186 What? 410 00:18:34,923 --> 00:18:36,644 It's, uh... 411 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,413 Can you hear that? 412 00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:43,031 There's just car horns and that, constant. 413 00:18:49,072 --> 00:18:50,205 Oh, God! 414 00:18:50,274 --> 00:18:52,344 Anyway, the hotel's pretty depressing. 415 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,580 What, the little... little hat? 416 00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:11,110 No, I wasn't planning on sort of rushing out. 417 00:19:14,508 --> 00:19:17,466 Yeah, but I told you, when in Rome, I'm happy to go along with it. 418 00:19:17,535 --> 00:19:18,935 I'll eat pasta. 419 00:19:21,673 --> 00:19:26,710 But when in Egypt... They don't say, do they, 420 00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:28,820 "When in Egypt, have a bollock for lunch"? 421 00:19:33,153 --> 00:19:34,786 See you later. 422 00:19:34,855 --> 00:19:36,120 Yeah. 423 00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:50,300 When Michael Palin goes working around the world, is this what 424 00:19:50,369 --> 00:19:51,401 it's like for him? 425 00:19:51,521 --> 00:19:54,004 Has he got racket going on like that outside? 426 00:19:54,072 --> 00:19:56,531 Has he got mates calling him up, annoying him? 427 00:20:00,026 --> 00:20:03,081 I mean, when Palin went around the world in 80 days, I wonder 428 00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:06,418 if that was a scheduled time or if he just said, "I'm sick of this. 429 00:20:06,487 --> 00:20:07,497 Can we speed it up?" 430 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:19,283 Is that better? 431 00:20:19,403 --> 00:20:22,920 I don't know. 432 00:20:26,691 --> 00:20:29,826 I'd be quite happy going home now, honestly. 433 00:20:29,894 --> 00:20:31,227 You know, I've been here a few days. 434 00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,363 All right, I haven't seen the pyramids yet, but I bet most of 435 00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,432 the locals haven't, 'cause that's what happens, isn't it, 436 00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:36,300 when you live somewhere? 437 00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:38,202 You don't bother seeing the sort of touristy stuff. 438 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:41,873 I haven't even seen Buckingham Palace yet. 439 00:20:41,942 --> 00:20:43,041 The weather's bad, isn't it? 440 00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:43,909 So what then to do? 441 00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:44,943 Do you know what I mean? 442 00:20:45,012 --> 00:20:48,180 So I'm just killing time, really, till it clears up. 443 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:52,584 Steve started out with Achmed to show me around the museum, which 444 00:20:52,653 --> 00:20:53,551 apparently is world-famous. 445 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:54,385 That's what Steve said. 446 00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,120 And I was like, "What do you mean, world-famous?" 447 00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:56,954 He's like, "Yeah, yeah. 448 00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:57,955 It's a world-famous museum." 449 00:20:58,023 --> 00:20:59,289 And I said, "I haven't heard of it." 450 00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,191 He said, "What do you mean, you haven't heard of it?" 451 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,793 I said, "I haven't heard of it." 452 00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:06,496 So, Karl, I would like you to join on a journey through time. 453 00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:11,033 The moment we walk in, a long history splendor and mystery will be unfolding. 454 00:21:11,102 --> 00:21:13,069 I will breathe life into history. 455 00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:16,506 So, I'm not looking forward to going 'round it, to be honest. 456 00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:19,343 I mean, I don't go to museums at home, so I don't see what 457 00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:21,779 difference it makes just 'cause it's in Egypt. 458 00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:25,450 So you have clockwise from predynastic to early dynastic, 459 00:21:25,519 --> 00:21:28,153 old kingdom, middle kingdom, new kingdom. 460 00:21:28,222 --> 00:21:29,221 So look here. 461 00:21:29,290 --> 00:21:30,990 The pharaoh is harpooning. 462 00:21:31,058 --> 00:21:32,491 9 years old boy king. 463 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,393 You cannot see the hippo he's harpooning. 464 00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:36,160 Why not? 465 00:21:36,229 --> 00:21:37,094 This is the magic. 466 00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:39,597 Because with magic, that hippo will come into life. 467 00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:43,601 So, again, coffin within a coffin, sarcophagus within a sarcophagus. 468 00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,069 You can see the cartouche. 469 00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:48,072 The cartouche is the name of the pharaoh, the boy king. 470 00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:51,875 At some point, he was bringing back a pigmy. 471 00:21:51,944 --> 00:21:52,843 Was it a portrait? 472 00:21:52,911 --> 00:21:54,778 Can you avoid portraying the pharaoh? 473 00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:59,016 This is very hard, of course, to reconcile, 'cause the soul will be searching. 474 00:21:59,084 --> 00:22:02,419 The Ka wants to find the pharaoh, the boy king tutankhamen. 475 00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:05,788 Yes, you have the cartouche with the boy king, but it helps even more... 476 00:22:05,857 --> 00:22:08,825 Coming in here with Achmed, it's like a kid in a sweets shop. 477 00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:12,729 It's just... show you this, show you that. 478 00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:13,263 It's mental. 479 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,364 And you can't take it all in. 480 00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:18,135 It's like going Christmas shopping on, you know, Christmas Eve in a department 481 00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:18,502 store. 482 00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:19,503 There's too much going on. 483 00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:20,571 There's too much to look at. 484 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,040 There's too many people. 485 00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:23,575 You're being pushed along. 486 00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:24,976 It's a nightmare. 487 00:22:25,045 --> 00:22:28,647 I want to call it a day here and get back to, I don't know, 488 00:22:28,716 --> 00:22:30,615 eating [bleep] bollocks again. 489 00:22:30,684 --> 00:22:35,486 Seems more fun than this to me. 490 00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:37,655 That just seems to me like a bit over the top. 491 00:22:37,723 --> 00:22:41,958 A lot of gold, a bit sort of Pete Stringfellowish. 492 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:45,495 It's exactly the same as me aunt Nora's house with ornaments. 493 00:22:45,563 --> 00:22:48,731 She keeps buying one and then she has to buy a new shelf to 494 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:49,966 put the ornaments up. 495 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:52,836 It's like I haven't got enough room to buy another shelf. 496 00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:54,237 She fills that and another. 497 00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:57,742 And that's what I'm saying about Achmed saying they're expanding it. 498 00:22:57,810 --> 00:23:00,278 You know, yeah, they say they're expanding it so more people can 499 00:23:00,346 --> 00:23:03,380 get in, but you know for the fact, "Oh, you've got more room, have you? 500 00:23:03,449 --> 00:23:04,615 Bring some more in. 501 00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:06,202 Get digging again." 502 00:23:23,386 --> 00:23:24,854 It's just the same. 503 00:23:24,922 --> 00:23:27,223 Can I get two pieces of chicken? 504 00:23:27,292 --> 00:23:28,573 Two. 505 00:23:31,630 --> 00:23:32,362 What? 506 00:23:32,430 --> 00:23:34,795 It's a kfc for deaf people. 507 00:23:36,297 --> 00:23:38,208 So what do I have to do? I don't understand. 508 00:23:38,328 --> 00:23:39,513 Me to point? 509 00:23:40,081 --> 00:23:41,792 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 510 00:23:43,129 --> 00:23:44,096 One, yeah. 511 00:23:44,366 --> 00:23:45,688 One of them. 512 00:23:46,015 --> 00:23:47,006 One. 513 00:23:47,532 --> 00:23:49,181 Original. 514 00:23:50,713 --> 00:23:52,346 I don't quite know what's going on here. 515 00:23:52,466 --> 00:23:53,569 Are they all deaf? 516 00:23:56,555 --> 00:23:58,275 Can... you can you hear me? 517 00:24:00,222 --> 00:24:03,323 Can you hear me? 518 00:24:03,392 --> 00:24:05,192 Hello? 519 00:24:05,261 --> 00:24:06,026 No. 520 00:24:06,095 --> 00:24:08,410 They're all deaf. 521 00:24:11,299 --> 00:24:12,332 Thanks a lot. 522 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,768 Brilliant. 523 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,608 It's good. 524 00:24:20,677 --> 00:24:22,310 Good idea. 525 00:24:22,379 --> 00:24:24,304 What, to have a deaf kfc? 526 00:24:24,589 --> 00:24:27,265 Well, yeah, 'cause why not? 527 00:24:27,385 --> 00:24:29,262 You know, I don't come in here for a chat. 528 00:24:29,382 --> 00:24:31,571 You come in here for food, fast food. 529 00:24:31,691 --> 00:24:34,414 I'm taking it'll be even faster 'cause they're not chatting behind there. 530 00:24:34,534 --> 00:24:36,122 *** 531 00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:38,525 *** 532 00:24:38,856 --> 00:24:39,814 you know, it's quick. 533 00:24:39,883 --> 00:24:41,416 It's there in front of you. 534 00:24:41,484 --> 00:24:46,020 Point, bang, done, out. 535 00:24:46,089 --> 00:24:47,622 It's amazing, isn't it? 536 00:24:47,691 --> 00:24:51,593 I mean, with technology, most of it, you don't really use it, do you? 537 00:24:51,661 --> 00:24:52,994 It's kind of like a toy. 538 00:24:53,063 --> 00:24:56,165 Seeing them use it sort of makes you realize it's a good 539 00:24:56,233 --> 00:25:00,436 invention, video calling and picture messaging, but when 540 00:25:00,504 --> 00:25:04,707 Ricky sends me a picture, it's that sort of thing. 541 00:25:04,775 --> 00:25:06,575 So, this is what I'm saying. 542 00:25:06,644 --> 00:25:09,412 We don't sort of use it properly. 543 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,427 They've got a proper use. 544 00:25:14,752 --> 00:25:16,413 Do you know what I mean? 545 00:25:31,559 --> 00:25:34,561 I'd say that's the most annoying thing about being in this place, 546 00:25:34,630 --> 00:25:37,397 just being hassled all the time, no matter where you are, no 547 00:25:37,466 --> 00:25:38,832 matter what time of day it is. 548 00:25:38,901 --> 00:25:41,075 They're just constantly hassling you. 549 00:25:41,686 --> 00:25:44,972 Deaf lad sort of tapped me on the back, gave me a bit of paper. 550 00:25:45,041 --> 00:25:48,276 Couldn't read it 'cause it was all in arabic. 551 00:25:48,345 --> 00:25:51,731 And pointed, just said it's a charity thing. 552 00:25:53,421 --> 00:25:56,208 And I went and gave him 100 egyptian pounds. 553 00:25:56,328 --> 00:25:58,087 So he got 12 quid off me. 554 00:25:58,156 --> 00:25:59,960 He didn't even look that happy. 555 00:26:00,525 --> 00:26:02,651 I'll be spent by the end of tonight. 556 00:26:04,784 --> 00:26:07,730 Spent a load of time with some deaf people in kfc. 557 00:26:07,799 --> 00:26:08,859 They were nice. 558 00:26:08,979 --> 00:26:10,467 I don't know if he was deaf. 559 00:26:10,535 --> 00:26:12,268 That's the thing with that one, isn't it? 560 00:26:12,337 --> 00:26:15,772 It's not like all the other disabilities, where you can go, "Is he lying?" 561 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:20,143 You know, you can see if someone's got a leg missing or are blind or something. 562 00:26:20,211 --> 00:26:23,145 But with him... "Oh, that's terrible. 563 00:26:23,214 --> 00:26:25,099 Here you go. Have some money." 564 00:26:26,559 --> 00:26:29,251 Me mum's the same. I think that's who I get it off. 565 00:26:30,038 --> 00:26:32,422 With that said, she walked up to some fella 566 00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:34,457 who she thought was a big-issue seller 567 00:26:34,713 --> 00:26:37,207 who stood there with the magazine like that in his hands. 568 00:26:37,436 --> 00:26:38,202 She walked up. 569 00:26:38,270 --> 00:26:39,358 She said, "It's all right. You can keep the magazine." 570 00:26:39,478 --> 00:26:40,567 Gave him a quid. 571 00:26:40,687 --> 00:26:43,595 Turns out that was just a fella stood outside, going places with 572 00:26:43,715 --> 00:26:45,022 a holiday brochure in his hand. 573 00:26:45,391 --> 00:26:46,678 He kept it. 574 00:26:48,848 --> 00:26:50,348 Hi. 575 00:26:51,884 --> 00:26:52,650 Yeah. Hi, mate. 576 00:26:52,719 --> 00:26:53,741 How's it going? 577 00:26:58,358 --> 00:26:59,591 Yeah, but I seen that. 578 00:26:59,659 --> 00:27:01,292 I went to the millennium dome. 579 00:27:01,361 --> 00:27:03,500 I saw... it's all the same stuff. 580 00:27:08,268 --> 00:27:09,244 Go on. 581 00:27:19,812 --> 00:27:21,513 It's just not the sort of night at all. 582 00:27:21,582 --> 00:27:24,183 It's just not the sort of entertainment thing to do for me. 583 00:27:24,252 --> 00:27:27,286 It's nice going down any river on a boat, but I'd do it in the day. 584 00:27:27,355 --> 00:27:28,888 At night it's pointless. 585 00:27:28,956 --> 00:27:30,456 You can't see anything. 586 00:27:30,525 --> 00:27:35,462 And it's that thing that's like, you know you're there for a couple of hours. 587 00:27:35,530 --> 00:27:37,797 There's no getting away from it. 588 00:27:37,866 --> 00:27:43,737 So they could do anything once you're on there. 589 00:27:46,476 --> 00:27:49,744 Had some entertainment, someone whizzing 'round and 'round and 'round. 590 00:27:49,812 --> 00:27:54,482 He starts off... he's got, like, a quilt around him, and he starts spinning. 591 00:27:54,551 --> 00:27:58,020 And it was only that he'd been spinning for about three minutes, and I thought, 592 00:27:58,088 --> 00:27:59,655 "Actually, it's pretty difficult. 593 00:27:59,723 --> 00:28:01,156 He's just been spinning. 594 00:28:01,225 --> 00:28:06,762 He'll be getting dizzy in a bit." 595 00:28:06,831 --> 00:28:07,796 And it went on for ages. 596 00:28:07,865 --> 00:28:10,632 It's not the sort of thing you have to watch whilst he's doing it. 597 00:28:10,701 --> 00:28:12,233 You just glance over now and again. 598 00:28:12,302 --> 00:28:13,234 "Oh, he's still going." 599 00:28:13,303 --> 00:28:16,471 And I'm having a bit of turkey. 600 00:28:16,540 --> 00:28:18,173 Bit of a waste of energy, though. 601 00:28:18,241 --> 00:28:21,442 It would have been good if, at the end, he said, "And thanks 602 00:28:21,511 --> 00:28:22,643 to, you know, Terry. 603 00:28:22,712 --> 00:28:25,880 He's been whizzing 'round, and because of that, that energy 604 00:28:25,948 --> 00:28:28,016 he's created is at the oven working. 605 00:28:28,084 --> 00:28:31,586 We've got more food," or just something to make it seem more 606 00:28:31,654 --> 00:28:34,689 impressive than it was. 607 00:28:34,757 --> 00:28:39,560 But the colors and that were good, and he sort of kept the room quite cool. 608 00:28:39,629 --> 00:28:41,495 You know, it's quite hot in there. 609 00:28:41,564 --> 00:28:44,932 So you got him wafting about, creating a draft. 610 00:28:56,178 --> 00:28:58,645 I didn't know what was going on with the comedian. 611 00:28:58,714 --> 00:28:59,746 I mean, jokes, anyway. 612 00:28:59,815 --> 00:29:02,816 Even if he spoke english, humor's different everywhere you go. 613 00:29:06,756 --> 00:29:08,055 It was a terrible night. 614 00:29:08,124 --> 00:29:09,257 I mean, I hated it. 615 00:29:09,326 --> 00:29:12,694 It's not my sort of thing at all, that. 616 00:29:12,763 --> 00:29:15,731 When I got up and was dancing... 'Cause I did it just 'cause I 617 00:29:15,799 --> 00:29:19,401 thought, "Well, I'm here now, and Ricky and Steve don't want me to do it. 618 00:29:19,470 --> 00:29:20,536 They know I hate it." 619 00:29:20,605 --> 00:29:22,672 So I thought, "I might as well enjoy it." 620 00:29:22,740 --> 00:29:24,273 So I got up and had a dance. 621 00:29:31,014 --> 00:29:37,785 And she told me that, you know, I was the best dancer she'd ever seen. 622 00:29:37,854 --> 00:29:39,379 Not bad, is it? 623 00:29:56,173 --> 00:29:58,240 Traffic's horrendous. 624 00:29:59,677 --> 00:30:01,978 Just... like, it's not just the traffic. 625 00:30:02,046 --> 00:30:04,180 It's just beeping. 626 00:30:04,249 --> 00:30:06,282 But it just seems to be like people letting onto each other 627 00:30:06,351 --> 00:30:08,018 at 4:00 in the morning. 628 00:30:08,086 --> 00:30:09,085 Now go home. 629 00:30:09,154 --> 00:30:10,438 What are you doing? 630 00:30:12,757 --> 00:30:24,267 So, I reckon I've had about... I reckon I've had about an hour's kip. 631 00:30:24,336 --> 00:30:27,971 I mean, that's somewhat like an egyptian. 632 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:29,105 No one's walking. 633 00:30:29,174 --> 00:30:33,243 Everyone seems to be in a car at all hours, just beeping. 634 00:30:46,823 --> 00:30:47,656 It's not enough, is it? 635 00:30:47,726 --> 00:30:52,028 It's not enough to say something's amazing just 'cause they're old. 636 00:30:52,096 --> 00:30:54,363 'Cause you can get an old person who's done that all their life. 637 00:30:54,432 --> 00:30:55,430 He wouldn't go, "I'm amazing." 638 00:30:55,499 --> 00:30:57,732 He'd go, "No [bleep]" 639 00:30:57,801 --> 00:31:02,469 So age shouldn't really make something special. 640 00:31:02,538 --> 00:31:06,073 I'm not worrying about who built them, 'cause it was ages ago, really. 641 00:31:06,142 --> 00:31:09,543 When I first bought me first house, I didn't go, "Who built it?" 642 00:31:09,612 --> 00:31:11,178 I want to know, is it safe? 643 00:31:11,247 --> 00:31:14,214 Is it structurally sound? 644 00:31:14,283 --> 00:31:18,719 Is it haunted? 645 00:31:18,787 --> 00:31:22,857 Whoa! 646 00:31:22,925 --> 00:31:24,358 What's the rush? 647 00:31:24,427 --> 00:31:26,193 It's been here for 4,000 years. 648 00:31:26,262 --> 00:31:30,031 What's he doing? 649 00:31:30,099 --> 00:31:32,200 Aah! Me ass! 650 00:31:32,269 --> 00:31:35,136 This is mental. 651 00:31:44,815 --> 00:31:49,786 Just a lot of [bleep] 652 00:31:49,855 --> 00:31:51,388 You don't normally see any of this, do you? 653 00:31:51,457 --> 00:31:52,822 You don't see that many buses there. 654 00:31:52,891 --> 00:31:57,426 It looks like it's right in the middle of, like, a nice desert... 655 00:31:57,495 --> 00:31:58,594 But it isn't, is it? 656 00:31:58,663 --> 00:32:00,930 It's just a building site. 657 00:32:00,998 --> 00:32:05,834 I'm half tempted to... I mean, it's not even bits of old pyramid, is it? 658 00:32:05,903 --> 00:32:07,936 You've got all sorts of... You've got bricks here from, 659 00:32:08,004 --> 00:32:09,604 like, council houses and that. 660 00:32:09,672 --> 00:32:15,910 It's literally just people have brought all [bleep] and dumped it here. 661 00:32:15,979 --> 00:32:19,515 It's actually like "Planet of the Apes," isn't it? 662 00:32:19,583 --> 00:32:21,951 Barren. 663 00:32:27,926 --> 00:32:32,030 It's like a little tornado, isn't it? 664 00:32:32,098 --> 00:32:35,766 You don't see that in the brochure, do you? 665 00:32:35,835 --> 00:32:37,769 [Bleep] old nappy whizzing through the air. 666 00:32:37,837 --> 00:32:40,038 Tend to leave that out. 667 00:32:40,106 --> 00:32:43,007 You see, I've always wanted to see a tornado. 668 00:32:43,076 --> 00:32:46,177 That is on me wish list before I die, 'cause it's natural. 669 00:32:46,246 --> 00:32:50,648 It's a natural thing that I don't understand. 670 00:32:59,757 --> 00:33:03,327 If that was like a little housing estate, you'd go, "Yeah, any will do." 671 00:33:03,395 --> 00:33:04,762 Are they all the same size? 672 00:33:04,830 --> 00:33:07,064 The design actually is a bit odd, isn't it? 673 00:33:07,133 --> 00:33:12,002 'Cause the square footage, the floor size, is massive, but the 674 00:33:12,070 --> 00:33:14,937 upstairs bit is tiny. 675 00:33:39,863 --> 00:33:45,602 The great pyramid was built by atlantian survivors with extraterrestrial help. 676 00:33:45,671 --> 00:33:49,740 And they built the pyramid with the help of sound, because sound 677 00:33:49,809 --> 00:33:53,710 was used very much in Atlantis. 678 00:33:53,779 --> 00:33:57,247 Well, Andrew and Seija were just saying that they use the pyramids at night. 679 00:33:57,315 --> 00:33:59,882 They just nip in there to do some meditation, what have you. 680 00:33:59,951 --> 00:34:03,285 So they said I can go with them, but I've got to learn to do some 681 00:34:03,354 --> 00:34:04,253 meditation first. 682 00:34:04,322 --> 00:34:07,622 So they've just given me some words to learn. 683 00:34:07,691 --> 00:34:10,025 Once I've done that, they said they'll tap me in. 684 00:34:10,093 --> 00:34:12,727 So, that seems fair enough, doesn't it? 685 00:34:17,669 --> 00:34:20,336 They're washing up before we do this. 686 00:34:20,405 --> 00:34:22,038 Leave the washing up, Seija. 687 00:34:22,107 --> 00:34:24,508 It's spoiling the mood a bit. 688 00:34:24,577 --> 00:34:25,876 Leave this. 689 00:34:25,945 --> 00:34:26,610 Yeah. 690 00:34:29,649 --> 00:34:33,017 If you open that door, I just put those there. 691 00:34:33,086 --> 00:34:33,885 This is madness. 692 00:34:33,953 --> 00:34:37,688 Gandhi wouldn't have washed up before he starts. 693 00:34:41,294 --> 00:34:44,528 Can't escape noise in here. 694 00:34:50,934 --> 00:34:52,668 How long's this gonna go on now? 695 00:34:52,737 --> 00:34:53,837 Couple of minutes. 696 00:34:53,905 --> 00:34:55,739 Two, three minutes. 697 00:34:55,808 --> 00:35:00,211 It's five times a day. 698 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,614 You might as well finish the washing up. 699 00:35:02,682 --> 00:35:07,486 No rush with the washing up, Andrew. 700 00:35:07,555 --> 00:35:09,288 I tell you what, I bet they don't show you 'round the 701 00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:11,791 property 'round here at certain times of the day, do they? 702 00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:12,658 No, probably not. 703 00:35:12,727 --> 00:35:13,927 When you're buying a place. 704 00:35:13,995 --> 00:35:14,527 "Come on. 705 00:35:14,596 --> 00:35:15,795 We've got to get going quick." 706 00:35:15,864 --> 00:35:16,162 "Why? 707 00:35:16,231 --> 00:35:18,431 Just let us go." 708 00:35:18,500 --> 00:35:21,700 You buy it, this kicks off. 709 00:35:21,769 --> 00:35:27,240 Unbelievable. 710 00:35:27,309 --> 00:35:28,608 That was a little bit weird, wasn't it? 711 00:35:28,677 --> 00:35:29,176 But I liked it. 712 00:35:29,245 --> 00:35:30,010 Do you know what I mean? 713 00:35:30,079 --> 00:35:31,645 I'm into that sort of weirdness. 714 00:35:31,714 --> 00:35:35,248 Plus, it means that I'm actually gonna go inside a pyramid tomorrow. 715 00:35:35,317 --> 00:35:38,185 It's all worth it. 716 00:35:46,361 --> 00:35:49,497 Got another mossie bite there. 717 00:35:49,565 --> 00:35:51,299 It's well itchy, that one. 718 00:35:51,367 --> 00:35:53,901 I think it's that same mossie. 719 00:35:53,970 --> 00:35:56,077 The cleaners. 720 00:35:58,366 --> 00:36:02,210 They haven't shown their faces still. 721 00:36:02,411 --> 00:36:03,611 I don't think they are going to now. 722 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:05,813 I can't see the point. 723 00:36:12,884 --> 00:36:18,021 It's like a game of jenga that's got out of hand, isn't it? 724 00:36:33,738 --> 00:36:35,510 Pretty high up, isn't it? 725 00:36:39,712 --> 00:36:45,048 I took a little bit of it, a little bit of the pyramid. 726 00:36:45,117 --> 00:36:46,049 Have a look. 727 00:36:46,118 --> 00:36:49,520 Got a little piece. 728 00:36:49,588 --> 00:36:50,520 I don't think you meant to. 729 00:36:50,589 --> 00:36:51,121 It was loose. 730 00:36:51,190 --> 00:36:51,888 I didn't chip it off. 731 00:36:51,957 --> 00:36:53,624 It was loose anyway. 732 00:36:53,692 --> 00:36:57,527 It's better than the tut that you buy, isn't it? 733 00:36:57,596 --> 00:37:00,363 It's better than, you know, buying a little Egypt fellow on 734 00:37:00,432 --> 00:37:04,134 the back of a camel. 735 00:37:04,203 --> 00:37:05,136 But it's weird, isn't it? 736 00:37:05,204 --> 00:37:06,903 You're allowed to just wander about on them. 737 00:37:06,972 --> 00:37:08,405 If this was at home, there's no way. 738 00:37:08,474 --> 00:37:10,074 This would all be roped off, wouldn't it? 739 00:37:10,142 --> 00:37:12,777 Wouldn't be allowed anywhere near it. 740 00:37:12,846 --> 00:37:14,312 It's not treated like a wonder. 741 00:37:14,381 --> 00:37:19,885 It's just like a man-made Mountain, isn't it? 742 00:37:23,858 --> 00:37:25,658 I'm just with Andrew and Seija again. 743 00:37:25,726 --> 00:37:30,063 They're gonna teach me some more chanting before we go in the pyramid. 744 00:37:33,769 --> 00:37:36,770 I don't know what's going on in her head, but, you know, I like her. 745 00:37:36,838 --> 00:37:39,506 I think she believes in all the energy thing that she's going on 746 00:37:39,574 --> 00:37:40,306 about, you know. 747 00:37:40,375 --> 00:37:45,445 I want to believe it. 748 00:37:45,514 --> 00:37:48,482 It would be nice if something happens, or, you know, if I 749 00:37:48,550 --> 00:37:51,252 feel like a bit of a, "What's that?" 750 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,489 We'll see what happens. 751 00:38:22,084 --> 00:38:26,021 It's times like this when I think, "You know, I used to have a proper job. 752 00:38:26,089 --> 00:38:27,793 What am I doing?" 753 00:38:39,671 --> 00:38:40,471 This is it, then. 754 00:38:40,540 --> 00:38:42,873 I'm actually going inside a pyramid, which is good. 755 00:38:42,942 --> 00:38:44,675 I didn't even know you could go in them. 756 00:38:44,744 --> 00:38:46,977 I just thought they were like a solid structure. 757 00:38:47,046 --> 00:38:48,145 Do you know what I mean? 758 00:38:48,214 --> 00:38:49,579 Just a load of blocks. 759 00:38:49,648 --> 00:38:51,047 But you can go in them. 760 00:38:51,116 --> 00:38:53,350 So, pretty exciting, isn't it? 761 00:38:53,418 --> 00:39:00,456 We are now in the center of our planet, an ancient power point. 762 00:39:15,540 --> 00:39:18,276 I wasn't happy about, you know, getting in there. 763 00:39:18,344 --> 00:39:20,178 I'm not good in small spaces, anyway. 764 00:39:20,246 --> 00:39:21,512 You know what I mean? 765 00:39:21,581 --> 00:39:23,915 I just was thinking, "I don't like this." 766 00:39:26,285 --> 00:39:28,285 There was a dead body in there. 767 00:39:28,354 --> 00:39:28,919 Yeah. 768 00:39:28,988 --> 00:39:35,358 I've got in somewhere where some... All them injections I had, it'll 769 00:39:35,427 --> 00:39:35,959 be all right. 770 00:39:36,027 --> 00:39:38,828 It'll cover me for that, won't it? 771 00:39:40,632 --> 00:39:41,797 I mean, it was all right. 772 00:39:41,866 --> 00:39:43,466 You know, nothing happened, did it? 773 00:39:43,534 --> 00:39:48,471 You know, I got a little bit of a twinge, but I just think that was a cramp. 774 00:39:48,540 --> 00:39:49,238 I don't know. 775 00:39:49,307 --> 00:39:51,908 She seems fed up, really, that I didn't get anything. 776 00:39:51,976 --> 00:39:54,077 But there's no point pretending, is there? 777 00:39:54,146 --> 00:39:56,880 That's sort of humoring her. 778 00:39:59,284 --> 00:40:04,722 I'll tell you what it reminded me of... Me going to a wedding with Suzanne. 779 00:40:04,791 --> 00:40:06,190 She likes going to weddings. 780 00:40:06,259 --> 00:40:06,991 I hate going. 781 00:40:07,060 --> 00:40:10,028 And it was like I went, I did it all for her, but because I 782 00:40:10,097 --> 00:40:13,232 didn't enjoy it, I still get a moaning at the end of the night, 783 00:40:13,300 --> 00:40:14,667 and it was a bit like that. 784 00:40:14,735 --> 00:40:17,036 I did all that for her. 785 00:40:17,105 --> 00:40:19,472 And it was pretty comfy. 786 00:40:19,541 --> 00:40:22,376 I mean, you know, compared to the windsor. 787 00:40:22,444 --> 00:40:27,981 I tell you what, I could probably get me head down in there. 788 00:40:43,731 --> 00:40:45,898 It's not funny, is it? 789 00:40:45,967 --> 00:40:47,533 What? 790 00:40:47,602 --> 00:40:50,623 Well, I've been living next door to this. 791 00:40:53,741 --> 00:40:55,708 Did Ricky put me in that one on purpose? 792 00:40:55,777 --> 00:40:58,144 Yeah. 793 00:41:03,950 --> 00:41:06,885 Yeah. 794 00:41:06,954 --> 00:41:09,655 This is the room Michael Palin was in. 795 00:41:40,127 --> 00:41:44,605 I don't *** but I don't think it does. 796 00:41:44,725 --> 00:41:47,644 *** 797 00:41:48,736 --> 00:41:59,115 Sync by honeybunny Corrected by jabbberwock www.addic7ed.com 58698

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