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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,654
And he's a friend.
2
00:00:01,722 --> 00:00:03,757
He's a typical little Englander,
and he doesn't like
3
00:00:03,825 --> 00:00:04,891
going out of his comfort zone.
4
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,326
Bollocks are squashed.
5
00:00:06,394 --> 00:00:10,748
I just think that it'd be amazing
to send him around the world.
6
00:00:10,868 --> 00:00:15,029
What we'd like to see is him
experience other cultures,
7
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:20,411
other peoples, and see if, in any way, we
can change his outlook on the world.
8
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,214
I've been to many exotic places.
9
00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:24,116
I genuinely think travel
broadens the mind.
10
00:00:24,184 --> 00:00:26,185
I want him to hate it.
11
00:00:26,254 --> 00:00:28,822
I want him to hate every minute
of it for my own amusement.
12
00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:34,678
Nothing is funnier than Karl in a
corner being poked by a stick.
13
00:00:34,798 --> 00:00:35,717
I am that stick.
14
00:00:35,837 --> 00:00:39,101
And now I have the might of Sky behind me.
15
00:00:39,221 --> 00:00:40,421
[Bleep]
16
00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:41,456
[Bleep]
17
00:00:41,922 --> 00:00:45,760
This is one of the funniest, most
expensive practical jokes I've ever done.
18
00:00:45,829 --> 00:00:47,539
And it's gonna be great.
19
00:00:48,656 --> 00:00:51,599
Just let me go home! Jesus.
20
00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:56,637
Sync by honeybunny
Corrected by jabbberwock
www.addic7ed.com
21
00:00:56,757 --> 00:01:03,849
Karl, we've arranged for you to go
to Egypt to see the great pyramids.
22
00:01:03,918 --> 00:01:07,453
I mean, there is a remarkable
site, truly one of the seven
23
00:01:07,522 --> 00:01:09,055
wonders of the world.
24
00:01:09,123 --> 00:01:10,990
Now, what do you know
about the great pyramids?
25
00:01:11,059 --> 00:01:11,991
Over 4,000 years old.
26
00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:14,327
4,000 years old.
27
00:01:14,396 --> 00:01:16,429
Are they the oldest
thing on the world?
28
00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:21,367
I told you, he needs an absolute.
29
00:01:21,436 --> 00:01:22,302
He needs an absolute.
30
00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:24,337
Yeah, they're the oldest
thing on the world.
31
00:01:24,406 --> 00:01:27,173
I mean, that's pretty amazing,
that I'm gonna see the
32
00:01:27,241 --> 00:01:28,140
oldest thing on the world.
33
00:01:28,209 --> 00:01:30,443
They're not the oldest thing
on the world, are they?
34
00:01:30,512 --> 00:01:32,279
How do you think they built it?
35
00:01:32,347 --> 00:01:33,714
They took their time.
36
00:01:33,782 --> 00:01:35,416
Didn't have any distractions.
37
00:01:35,484 --> 00:01:38,820
Now you see workmen, it's like,
"you got to get it done.
38
00:01:38,888 --> 00:01:40,421
We've got another job on."
39
00:01:40,490 --> 00:01:42,924
Back then, they'd just be going,
"This is what we've got to do.
40
00:01:42,993 --> 00:01:43,525
Get it done.
41
00:01:43,594 --> 00:01:44,326
Get it built.
42
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:45,360
Go for that shape."
43
00:01:45,429 --> 00:01:48,831
And each day, they would have
just... the foreman went, "Go for
44
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,267
that shape," and they
went, "All right."
45
00:01:51,335 --> 00:01:52,443
Yeah.
46
00:01:52,685 --> 00:01:53,636
Right.
47
00:01:53,705 --> 00:01:55,504
Go on, then.
Enjoy the pyramids.
48
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:57,328
All right.
49
00:02:05,967 --> 00:02:07,816
I think we've got to
send him economy.
50
00:02:07,885 --> 00:02:10,953
I think we've got to put him up
in shacks and awful hotels, and
51
00:02:11,021 --> 00:02:13,889
that will be funny.
52
00:02:19,930 --> 00:02:23,300
The nice hotel seems
to have gone now.
53
00:02:23,369 --> 00:02:25,136
That's not good, is it?
54
00:02:25,204 --> 00:02:27,838
This is grim 'round here.
55
00:02:27,907 --> 00:02:30,375
And something looks grim in the
dark, you know it's not gonna be
56
00:02:30,444 --> 00:02:36,849
better in the day, don't you?
57
00:02:36,918 --> 00:02:41,087
We had here Michael
Palin, monty python.
58
00:02:41,156 --> 00:02:42,556
And has he been back since?
59
00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:44,491
No.
60
00:02:50,332 --> 00:02:52,700
Thank you.
61
00:03:00,075 --> 00:03:01,443
How long are we here?
62
00:03:01,511 --> 00:03:02,010
Huh?
63
00:03:02,079 --> 00:03:04,913
How long are we here for?
64
00:03:14,224 --> 00:03:20,728
I don't know what... this is... this is
a bit of a... it's a little bit grim.
65
00:03:20,797 --> 00:03:24,832
Look at it.
66
00:03:24,901 --> 00:03:29,237
Did Ricky and Steve know this was...
Well, they knew Michael Palin stayed here.
67
00:03:29,305 --> 00:03:32,673
Yeah, I know, but it
was 30 years ago.
68
00:03:32,742 --> 00:03:34,308
A lot's changed.
69
00:03:34,377 --> 00:03:37,111
You know, I was still at school.
70
00:03:37,179 --> 00:03:41,015
How many days am I here?
71
00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:44,251
There's a piano right
outside the room.
72
00:03:44,319 --> 00:03:45,786
When do they start
playing that piano?
73
00:03:45,854 --> 00:03:47,187
'Cause it's literally right there.
74
00:03:47,256 --> 00:03:50,457
If they start having
a sing-along, I'm...
75
00:03:53,528 --> 00:03:55,295
[Bleep]
76
00:03:55,364 --> 00:03:56,930
Sit on that.
77
00:03:56,999 --> 00:03:57,998
Sit on that.
78
00:03:58,066 --> 00:03:59,366
Is there a mattress on it?
79
00:03:59,434 --> 00:04:00,166
Sit on it.
80
00:04:00,235 --> 00:04:01,868
Honest to God, sit on that.
81
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:05,839
It is unbelievable.
82
00:04:05,907 --> 00:04:07,707
Oh, God.
83
00:04:07,776 --> 00:04:08,642
How am I gonna sleep?
84
00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:21,321
It's a bit cozy, you know.
85
00:04:21,389 --> 00:04:26,859
Ricky will be all over the moon
with this when he sees this
86
00:04:26,928 --> 00:04:28,728
'cause he wants to annoy me.
87
00:04:28,797 --> 00:04:31,631
I don't know how this is
teaching me anything about sort
88
00:04:31,699 --> 00:04:34,633
of, you know, being egyptian.
89
00:04:34,702 --> 00:04:38,837
I mean, the fella who owns
the place, his dad's 96.
90
00:04:38,906 --> 00:04:41,706
There's no way he lived to be 96
by living on a bed like that in
91
00:04:41,775 --> 00:04:47,778
a dump room like this, having
them out there all night beeping.
92
00:04:47,847 --> 00:04:50,714
I'll leave it there.
93
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,423
I don't know what I'm going to
be doing today, 'cause I haven't
94
00:04:59,491 --> 00:05:00,791
heard from Ricky and Steve yet.
95
00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:05,663
So I'm just gonna go, you
know, go out for a wander...
96
00:05:05,732 --> 00:05:09,459
Walk about, deal with
some locals, you know.
97
00:05:09,729 --> 00:05:11,592
That's the plan, really.
98
00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,378
- No, thanks, mate.
- Drink.
99
00:05:20,498 --> 00:05:21,902
- A what?
- Cold drink.
100
00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:27,641
Coca-Cola, sprite, water, tea, cafe,
nescafe, cappuccino, mango, beer.
101
00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:30,343
All drink, 10 pound.
102
00:05:30,412 --> 00:05:32,111
Yeah, I'm all right at the moment.
103
00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:34,106
I might pop in later on.
104
00:05:34,226 --> 00:05:35,392
My name is sharif, okay?
105
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,560
- Sharif.
- Sharif.
106
00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:38,262
- Welcome to Egypt.
- Cheers, Sharif.
107
00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:39,330
I'll be here, okay?
108
00:05:39,398 --> 00:05:41,622
I'll be there for a drink
if I want to get a drink.
109
00:05:41,864 --> 00:05:43,570
- Cheers.
- It's all right.
110
00:05:43,684 --> 00:05:44,764
I've just had a word with sharif.
111
00:05:44,884 --> 00:05:46,919
He's gonna look after me.
112
00:05:46,988 --> 00:05:48,087
Sharif, no cafe.
113
00:05:48,155 --> 00:05:48,921
That's eat?
114
00:05:48,989 --> 00:05:50,968
- Yes.
- Oh, okay.
115
00:05:51,088 --> 00:05:54,093
So, if I want a drink, see you,
and see you for something to eat.
116
00:05:54,162 --> 00:05:54,794
Cheers.
117
00:05:54,862 --> 00:05:56,162
- Thank you.
- Bye-bye.
118
00:05:56,765 --> 00:05:57,330
Oh, yeah.
119
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:57,964
That's good.
120
00:05:58,033 --> 00:05:59,366
- Have a nice time.
- I will.
121
00:05:59,434 --> 00:06:00,033
Thanks a lot.
122
00:06:00,102 --> 00:06:00,467
Cheers.
123
00:06:00,536 --> 00:06:01,401
Come back here.
124
00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:03,170
If I want a drink or something.
125
00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:04,205
My name's sharif.
126
00:06:04,274 --> 00:06:05,006
He's sharif.
127
00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:05,640
No, no.
128
00:06:05,708 --> 00:06:07,075
My name's sharif, Omar sharif.
129
00:06:07,143 --> 00:06:07,876
Omar sharif.
130
00:06:07,945 --> 00:06:08,710
He's sharif.
131
00:06:08,779 --> 00:06:10,846
Omar sharif.
132
00:06:10,914 --> 00:06:13,215
I'll pop in there if I'm hungry.
133
00:06:22,079 --> 00:06:23,978
I'm not hungry at the moment.
134
00:06:24,047 --> 00:06:24,780
All right.
135
00:06:24,848 --> 00:06:26,448
Honestly, it's all right.
136
00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:27,949
Yeah, it's all right.
137
00:06:28,018 --> 00:06:29,784
What do you want, a drink?
138
00:06:29,853 --> 00:06:31,552
I'm just walking through.
139
00:06:31,621 --> 00:06:33,027
If I get thirsty, I'll pop by.
140
00:06:36,951 --> 00:06:38,159
Do you know what?
141
00:06:38,227 --> 00:06:39,660
I'm not hungry at the moment.
142
00:06:39,729 --> 00:06:41,562
- -Yes?
- Yeah, I was back there.
143
00:06:41,630 --> 00:06:42,523
I sort of got off
food a little bit.
144
00:06:42,643 --> 00:06:43,902
I'm okay at the moment.
145
00:06:44,022 --> 00:06:45,718
Thanks a lot.
146
00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:47,225
Cheers.
147
00:06:47,851 --> 00:06:49,500
[Bleep]
148
00:06:57,604 --> 00:06:59,572
I've already got some.
149
00:06:59,692 --> 00:07:01,073
Don't smoke.
150
00:07:01,142 --> 00:07:03,109
If I wanted a watch,
I'd buy one off you.
151
00:07:03,177 --> 00:07:04,477
Don't need.
152
00:07:04,545 --> 00:07:06,045
It's for a woman.
153
00:07:06,114 --> 00:07:10,950
My girlfriend's head
is slightly bigger.
154
00:07:11,018 --> 00:07:13,786
I don't need any glasses.
155
00:07:13,854 --> 00:07:17,156
[Bleep]
156
00:07:17,225 --> 00:07:19,992
If there's one thing that's done
me head in since I've been here,
157
00:07:20,061 --> 00:07:20,693
it's all this.
158
00:07:20,762 --> 00:07:21,894
You can't walk down there.
159
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,931
Forget, like, just using it as a cut
through, 'cause it's not a shortcut.
160
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:28,968
It can't be a shortcut, 'cause you
get stopped every few seconds.
161
00:07:29,037 --> 00:07:31,404
Yeah, all right.
162
00:07:31,605 --> 00:07:34,540
So, I mean, I bet she left
the house when she was 10.
163
00:07:34,609 --> 00:07:39,111
I'll tell you, seriously, it takes you
forever to get anything done here.
164
00:07:41,489 --> 00:07:42,840
Hi.
165
00:07:44,205 --> 00:07:46,390
Didn't sleep at all.
166
00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:54,704
I'm gonna go over and
see the pyramids today.
167
00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:56,773
That's the plan.
That's why I'm in Egypt, isn't it?
168
00:07:56,842 --> 00:07:59,042
I mean, I wish I could
have seen them sooner.
169
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:01,979
You know, the sooner I see them,
the sooner I can go home, but,
170
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:05,917
yeah, Steve's sorted out some
local bloke who's got a camel.
171
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,182
He's gonna take me over
there on one of them.
172
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:14,159
When I was younger, I got on
a horse, and someone sort of
173
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,327
burned the horse's ass.
174
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:18,628
It bolted, and I was on it
and falling off the edge.
175
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:22,300
So I've always said I'd never go on any
animal that's sort of bigger than me.
176
00:08:22,972 --> 00:08:26,327
So it's a little bit crazy, but it seems
to be the way they get around here anyway.
177
00:08:26,446 --> 00:08:29,650
They're all using
donkeys and camels.
178
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,922
So as long as nobody is neighbour
with a fag end,
179
00:08:32,042 --> 00:08:33,970
it should be alright, really.
180
00:08:34,546 --> 00:08:36,235
It's crazy here, though, isn't it?
181
00:08:36,355 --> 00:08:38,367
It's the non-touristy
bit, isn't it?
182
00:08:38,487 --> 00:08:40,145
This is what it's all about.
183
00:08:40,265 --> 00:08:43,114
So, yeah, I'm meeting this fella.
184
00:08:44,681 --> 00:08:47,414
Need to use his toilet straightaway.
Is that rude?
185
00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:49,161
No, it should be all right.
186
00:08:52,379 --> 00:08:53,832
- Mahmoud.
- Hi.
187
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,067
- How are you doing?
- Fine.
188
00:08:55,136 --> 00:08:56,736
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you, too.
189
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:59,472
I'm Karl. Welcome.
190
00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:01,508
Come in. How you doing?
191
00:09:01,576 --> 00:09:03,676
Do you mind if I use
your toilet quickly?
192
00:09:03,745 --> 00:09:07,681
It's just that I've drank a
lot of coffee this morning.
193
00:09:07,749 --> 00:09:09,125
That's my family here.
194
00:09:09,245 --> 00:09:10,284
Hello.
195
00:09:10,353 --> 00:09:11,252
Who's that?
196
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,153
Cooking tea.
197
00:09:12,221 --> 00:09:13,587
Is that your girlfriend?
198
00:09:13,656 --> 00:09:14,689
She's my mother.
199
00:09:14,757 --> 00:09:15,656
Your mother!
200
00:09:15,725 --> 00:09:16,691
Come on, man.
201
00:09:16,759 --> 00:09:18,159
She's not your mother.
202
00:09:18,228 --> 00:09:19,593
She is.
203
00:09:19,662 --> 00:09:21,228
Can I ask how old she is?
204
00:09:21,297 --> 00:09:24,899
She's 38.
205
00:09:24,967 --> 00:09:25,966
She is my mother.
206
00:09:26,035 --> 00:09:29,169
In our family, we marry
when we're very young.
207
00:09:29,238 --> 00:09:30,070
How old are you?
208
00:09:30,139 --> 00:09:31,864
I'm 22, and I have child.
209
00:09:37,412 --> 00:09:39,813
I needed that.
210
00:09:39,882 --> 00:09:42,516
Much better.
211
00:09:42,584 --> 00:09:44,151
That's me and my wife.
212
00:09:44,219 --> 00:09:45,919
Is that it now for life?
213
00:09:45,988 --> 00:09:47,321
Are you settled now?
214
00:09:47,389 --> 00:09:49,123
You'll stay with this woman?
215
00:09:49,191 --> 00:09:50,657
I can have one if I want.
216
00:09:50,726 --> 00:09:53,595
If feel like I want
one, then I can.
217
00:09:53,663 --> 00:09:55,296
Four women.
218
00:09:55,365 --> 00:09:56,799
You're allowed four women?
219
00:09:56,867 --> 00:09:59,835
Yes, four women I can
have if I want to.
220
00:09:59,904 --> 00:10:03,439
But I'm happy until now, but I
don't know what's gonna happen.
221
00:10:03,507 --> 00:10:04,573
Pace yourself.
222
00:10:04,642 --> 00:10:06,809
I mean, you're only 22.
223
00:10:06,878 --> 00:10:08,744
Spread it out a
little bit, you know.
224
00:10:08,813 --> 00:10:14,884
Do you know, like, how snow white had,
like, a happy... miserable one.
225
00:10:14,953 --> 00:10:16,953
She had, like, a mixture.
226
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:20,690
Would you go for a totally
different woman so that if
227
00:10:20,759 --> 00:10:25,261
you're in the mood for someone to be
happy, you go, "Oh, I'll see her today"?
228
00:10:25,330 --> 00:10:26,495
Yes.
229
00:10:26,564 --> 00:10:30,699
Life is too short, man.
230
00:10:30,768 --> 00:10:32,468
One, two, three.
231
00:10:32,537 --> 00:10:33,936
Hang on a minute.
232
00:10:34,005 --> 00:10:35,438
Hold on tight on here.
233
00:10:37,742 --> 00:10:40,643
Whoa!
234
00:10:40,712 --> 00:10:42,511
Bloody high up, this, isn't it?
235
00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:44,013
All right.
236
00:10:44,082 --> 00:10:45,615
You just need to hold well.
237
00:10:45,683 --> 00:10:49,118
I'm holding on.
238
00:10:49,187 --> 00:10:51,520
Hi.
239
00:10:51,589 --> 00:10:52,388
I'm holding on.
240
00:10:59,396 --> 00:11:06,936
Me bollocks are squashed.
241
00:11:10,876 --> 00:11:12,175
Is that you or the camel?
242
00:11:12,244 --> 00:11:12,742
Huh?
243
00:11:12,811 --> 00:11:13,643
Is that you?
244
00:11:13,712 --> 00:11:14,244
What?
245
00:11:14,313 --> 00:11:15,279
That sounded human.
246
00:11:15,347 --> 00:11:17,147
That's the camel, man.
247
00:11:17,216 --> 00:11:21,852
Well, you know, rocking left
and right makes things happen.
248
00:11:21,921 --> 00:11:25,355
What you've got to remember is,
I'm getting the back draft.
249
00:11:32,164 --> 00:11:33,063
How are you doing?
250
00:11:33,132 --> 00:11:35,166
Hi.
251
00:11:35,235 --> 00:11:37,735
It's chronic, isn't it, today?
252
00:11:37,804 --> 00:11:40,971
Can't even see the pyramids.
253
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:46,010
Come all this way, and
that's the view you get.
254
00:11:46,078 --> 00:11:49,713
I mean, the idea is now that I
stand there and I'm blown away.
255
00:11:49,782 --> 00:11:51,749
That's what's meant
to happen, isn't it?
256
00:11:51,818 --> 00:11:55,486
I mean, I am getting blown away, but
mainly by the wind that's going on there.
257
00:11:55,555 --> 00:11:57,455
We got a sand storm, and
I've got sand in me eyes.
258
00:11:57,524 --> 00:12:01,092
I can't see anything anyway,
even if it was a clear day.
259
00:12:01,161 --> 00:12:02,160
It's a bit annoying.
260
00:12:02,228 --> 00:12:06,364
You know, I thought it would
feel more special than this.
261
00:12:10,936 --> 00:12:12,736
I keep getting messages from home.
262
00:12:12,805 --> 00:12:15,205
I mean, Susan's moaning
about the boiler again.
263
00:12:15,274 --> 00:12:17,408
That's starting to play up.
264
00:12:17,476 --> 00:12:19,710
Normally that's my problem,
but now I'm away.
265
00:12:19,779 --> 00:12:21,012
I've made it her problem.
266
00:12:21,081 --> 00:12:26,218
And them I'm also getting messages...
I'll show you this one, from Ricky.
267
00:12:26,286 --> 00:12:29,688
He just keeps sending stuff 'cause he
knows it costs me money to receive them.
268
00:12:29,757 --> 00:12:32,191
There's just something on there.
269
00:12:32,260 --> 00:12:34,461
70 pounds.
270
00:12:34,529 --> 00:12:37,175
'Cause he knows that it's cost me
about 70p for him to send that.
271
00:12:37,295 --> 00:12:39,232
There's nothing else in there.
He's not asking, "How are you?"
272
00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:40,500
You know?
"What are you up to?
273
00:12:40,569 --> 00:12:41,267
What have you seen?
274
00:12:41,336 --> 00:12:42,101
Are you enjoying it?"
275
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:43,802
"70p."
276
00:12:43,871 --> 00:12:46,738
That's all he said.
277
00:12:56,914 --> 00:12:58,515
So why are you wearing this?
278
00:12:58,583 --> 00:13:00,183
This is comfy wear, isn't it?
279
00:13:00,252 --> 00:13:02,886
I mean, this is like pajamas
at the end of the day.
280
00:13:02,955 --> 00:13:06,857
I mean, the problem is, I've been
getting mossie bites and stuff.
281
00:13:06,926 --> 00:13:09,960
So I wanted something with sort
of long sleeves on it to sort of
282
00:13:10,028 --> 00:13:12,629
keep them away.
283
00:13:12,698 --> 00:13:13,797
It's just comfy.
284
00:13:13,866 --> 00:13:15,199
Loads of room in it.
285
00:13:15,268 --> 00:13:19,804
Normally pajamas sort of roll up your
arms and legs and that, but this is...
286
00:13:19,873 --> 00:13:22,006
You know, it's all
right, isn't it?
287
00:13:22,207 --> 00:13:24,175
I mean, that's the good
thing if you lived here.
288
00:13:24,244 --> 00:13:26,477
You could just sort of... if
you start work at 9:00, you
289
00:13:26,546 --> 00:13:29,380
could get out of bed about
five to, keep it on.
290
00:13:29,449 --> 00:13:30,548
Straight off.
291
00:13:35,554 --> 00:13:36,687
Steve sent me a text.
292
00:13:36,756 --> 00:13:38,722
It said meet up with
a lad called Achmed.
293
00:13:38,791 --> 00:13:40,891
He's gonna show me
around the place.
294
00:13:42,962 --> 00:13:44,128
Good work.
295
00:13:47,313 --> 00:13:49,147
Now here, there's a gap.
What do you reckon?
296
00:13:49,267 --> 00:13:51,336
- Now.
- Yeah?
297
00:13:52,722 --> 00:13:54,025
- Good job.
- Easy.
298
00:13:54,145 --> 00:13:55,705
Now you're egyptian.
299
00:13:55,774 --> 00:14:01,578
Brilliant.
300
00:14:01,647 --> 00:14:03,346
Oh, wow.
301
00:14:03,415 --> 00:14:06,549
If you saw that at home, you'd
presume it was a pet shop.
302
00:14:06,618 --> 00:14:07,751
What's a pet shop?
303
00:14:07,819 --> 00:14:08,285
Oh.
304
00:14:08,353 --> 00:14:09,019
No, no, no.
305
00:14:09,088 --> 00:14:11,221
That's for food, only for food.
306
00:14:11,290 --> 00:14:14,459
So, when you look at that, do you
go, "Mmm," rather than "Aww."
307
00:14:14,527 --> 00:14:15,626
Well, yeah.
308
00:14:15,695 --> 00:14:18,563
We eat them.
309
00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:27,540
What's this stuff?
310
00:14:27,609 --> 00:14:28,441
Cotton.
311
00:14:28,510 --> 00:14:29,408
Feel?
312
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,610
Egyptian cotton.
313
00:14:31,679 --> 00:14:33,612
So what would people do with this?
314
00:14:33,681 --> 00:14:34,513
For mattresses.
315
00:14:34,581 --> 00:14:39,050
I could do with that,
actually, at the hotel.
316
00:14:39,119 --> 00:14:39,750
Right.
317
00:14:39,819 --> 00:14:42,253
We'll do a bit of
practice about haggling.
318
00:14:42,321 --> 00:14:45,088
You need to haggle, otherwise,
you will get ripped off.
319
00:14:45,157 --> 00:14:45,689
Hang on.
320
00:14:45,758 --> 00:14:46,790
So I come in your shop.
321
00:14:46,859 --> 00:14:47,491
I'm browsing.
322
00:14:47,559 --> 00:14:48,425
I'm looking around.
323
00:14:48,493 --> 00:14:48,958
Right.
324
00:14:49,027 --> 00:14:52,663
This is the finest piece we have,
and it's for 100... 100 english.
325
00:14:52,731 --> 00:14:53,964
Seems a bit expensive, that.
326
00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:57,502
Now you need to tell me... you
need to tell me... just reduce it.
327
00:14:57,570 --> 00:14:59,637
You say 10.
328
00:14:59,706 --> 00:15:01,106
So you want me to buy
the water, then?
329
00:15:01,174 --> 00:15:02,474
I didn't really come
in here for that.
330
00:15:02,543 --> 00:15:04,241
I came here for an
ashtray, for a present.
331
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,345
Do you sell ashtrays?
332
00:15:06,414 --> 00:15:08,002
No.
333
00:15:08,122 --> 00:15:09,992
Okay.
334
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,384
Have you got an ashtray?
335
00:15:12,452 --> 00:15:13,051
No, no, no.
336
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:13,451
No?
337
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:14,352
I'll leave you then.
338
00:15:15,155 --> 00:15:15,587
Right.
339
00:15:15,655 --> 00:15:16,221
I'd sack you.
340
00:15:16,289 --> 00:15:18,056
If you had a shop, I
would get rid of you.
341
00:15:18,124 --> 00:15:23,059
If I owned the shop and you
worked in there, that's rubbish.
342
00:15:23,128 --> 00:15:26,096
Hey, my friend, how can
I take your money?
343
00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,666
$1,000 sale, please.
344
00:15:31,869 --> 00:15:33,102
Welcome to Cairo.
345
00:15:33,171 --> 00:15:35,338
Welcome.
346
00:15:35,406 --> 00:15:36,239
You lost me.
347
00:15:36,307 --> 00:15:37,540
I will go lower than 160.
348
00:15:37,609 --> 00:15:38,574
160 is nothing.
349
00:15:38,643 --> 00:15:39,542
What about 90?
350
00:15:40,412 --> 00:15:41,844
You want to get it for free?
351
00:15:41,913 --> 00:15:42,845
Eh, never mind.
352
00:15:42,914 --> 00:15:46,549
You are a very clever guy, but
I don't agree with your price.
353
00:15:46,618 --> 00:15:47,617
Egyptian wool.
354
00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:48,284
Egyptian.
355
00:15:48,353 --> 00:15:48,851
120.
356
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,420
I thought you agreed 110.
357
00:15:50,489 --> 00:15:52,222
No, I said 120 for you.
358
00:15:52,290 --> 00:15:54,457
Do I get money off
with the nose missing?
359
00:15:54,526 --> 00:15:56,392
No.
360
00:16:03,553 --> 00:16:06,001
Well, I've been out all day, you
know, seeing how the locals
361
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:07,436
live, which is what
it's all about.
362
00:16:07,505 --> 00:16:10,172
Thought the day was coming to an
end, thought I'd be able to, you
363
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,708
know, relax a little bit, and I
just got a message from Ricky
364
00:16:12,777 --> 00:16:15,277
and Steve saying they sorted out
a place for something to eat
365
00:16:15,346 --> 00:16:21,652
tonight, which is
a bit of a worry.
366
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,490
I'll get you the special of the
day, typical egyptian food.
367
00:16:25,558 --> 00:16:26,324
Cheers.
368
00:16:26,393 --> 00:16:29,227
Thanks a lot.
369
00:16:29,296 --> 00:16:30,395
It's a bit annoying.
370
00:16:30,464 --> 00:16:32,430
He's just cooking
something for me.
371
00:16:32,499 --> 00:16:37,969
I don't know what it is.
372
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,005
I don't like hummus that much.
373
00:16:40,073 --> 00:16:44,109
Hummus, couscous... anything like that,
I just don't have that sort of stuff.
374
00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:44,909
It's not a meal.
375
00:16:44,978 --> 00:16:48,112
It's a garnish.
376
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:52,583
I would have loved just
chicken and chips.
377
00:16:52,652 --> 00:16:56,555
Just something not
too challenging.
378
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:57,489
I just want a meal.
379
00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:01,226
I'm hungry.
380
00:17:01,295 --> 00:17:03,328
I never experimented
that much with food.
381
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:10,636
I've had pasta until
I was about 21, 22.
382
00:17:10,705 --> 00:17:11,870
All right.
383
00:17:11,939 --> 00:17:16,775
Brilliant.
384
00:17:16,844 --> 00:17:20,879
I got a bit of a taste of that at the
end, and I'm sure I knew what it was.
385
00:17:20,948 --> 00:17:22,114
I'll have a bit again.
386
00:17:22,182 --> 00:17:24,195
I'm sure I've had it before.
Okay.
387
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:28,461
- It's Rubbery.
- Rubbery.
388
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,189
Chewy.
389
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,258
Corn beefy.
390
00:17:33,326 --> 00:17:34,726
How about testicle?
391
00:17:34,794 --> 00:17:36,127
That's a testicle?
392
00:17:36,196 --> 00:17:38,296
Uh-huh.
393
00:17:38,365 --> 00:17:44,702
And the chewy one, penis.
394
00:17:44,771 --> 00:17:48,206
Normally on Monday, probably
have a little bit of lamb that's
395
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:51,543
leftover from Sunday dinner or
something, and yet, you know,
396
00:17:51,611 --> 00:17:53,711
this Monday night [bleep]
397
00:17:53,780 --> 00:18:00,318
Bollocks, couple of eyes, a bit
of tongue, you know, for garnish.
398
00:18:00,387 --> 00:18:02,588
I never thought I'd
be saying that.
399
00:18:02,656 --> 00:18:05,157
It's supposed to be
good for you as a male.
400
00:18:05,226 --> 00:18:08,027
But why do you use
everything to that degree?
401
00:18:08,096 --> 00:18:09,962
We kind of eat everything.
402
00:18:10,031 --> 00:18:11,564
Nothing goes to waste.
403
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,766
Besides, it's delicious.
404
00:18:13,835 --> 00:18:16,001
Yeah, I said... well, I
didn't say delicious.
405
00:18:16,070 --> 00:18:17,102
I didn't say delicious.
406
00:18:17,171 --> 00:18:19,416
You put words in me mouth,
along with other things.
407
00:18:26,227 --> 00:18:27,312
Hello?
408
00:18:27,381 --> 00:18:28,947
Hello?
409
00:18:29,921 --> 00:18:31,186
What?
410
00:18:34,923 --> 00:18:36,644
It's, uh...
411
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,413
Can you hear that?
412
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:43,031
There's just car horns
and that, constant.
413
00:18:49,072 --> 00:18:50,205
Oh, God!
414
00:18:50,274 --> 00:18:52,344
Anyway, the hotel's
pretty depressing.
415
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,580
What, the little... little hat?
416
00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:11,110
No, I wasn't planning
on sort of rushing out.
417
00:19:14,508 --> 00:19:17,466
Yeah, but I told you, when in Rome,
I'm happy to go along with it.
418
00:19:17,535 --> 00:19:18,935
I'll eat pasta.
419
00:19:21,673 --> 00:19:26,710
But when in Egypt...
They don't say, do they,
420
00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:28,820
"When in Egypt, have a
bollock for lunch"?
421
00:19:33,153 --> 00:19:34,786
See you later.
422
00:19:34,855 --> 00:19:36,120
Yeah.
423
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:50,300
When Michael Palin goes working
around the world, is this what
424
00:19:50,369 --> 00:19:51,401
it's like for him?
425
00:19:51,521 --> 00:19:54,004
Has he got racket going
on like that outside?
426
00:19:54,072 --> 00:19:56,531
Has he got mates calling
him up, annoying him?
427
00:20:00,026 --> 00:20:03,081
I mean, when Palin went around
the world in 80 days, I wonder
428
00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:06,418
if that was a scheduled time or if
he just said, "I'm sick of this.
429
00:20:06,487 --> 00:20:07,497
Can we speed it up?"
430
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:19,283
Is that better?
431
00:20:19,403 --> 00:20:22,920
I don't know.
432
00:20:26,691 --> 00:20:29,826
I'd be quite happy going
home now, honestly.
433
00:20:29,894 --> 00:20:31,227
You know, I've been
here a few days.
434
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,363
All right, I haven't seen the
pyramids yet, but I bet most of
435
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,432
the locals haven't, 'cause
that's what happens, isn't it,
436
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:36,300
when you live somewhere?
437
00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:38,202
You don't bother seeing the
sort of touristy stuff.
438
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:41,873
I haven't even seen
Buckingham Palace yet.
439
00:20:41,942 --> 00:20:43,041
The weather's bad, isn't it?
440
00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:43,909
So what then to do?
441
00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:44,943
Do you know what I mean?
442
00:20:45,012 --> 00:20:48,180
So I'm just killing time,
really, till it clears up.
443
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:52,584
Steve started out with Achmed to
show me around the museum, which
444
00:20:52,653 --> 00:20:53,551
apparently is world-famous.
445
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:54,385
That's what Steve said.
446
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,120
And I was like, "What do
you mean, world-famous?"
447
00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:56,954
He's like, "Yeah, yeah.
448
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:57,955
It's a world-famous museum."
449
00:20:58,023 --> 00:20:59,289
And I said, "I haven't
heard of it."
450
00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,191
He said, "What do you mean,
you haven't heard of it?"
451
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,793
I said, "I haven't heard of it."
452
00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:06,496
So, Karl, I would like you to
join on a journey through time.
453
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:11,033
The moment we walk in, a long history
splendor and mystery will be unfolding.
454
00:21:11,102 --> 00:21:13,069
I will breathe life into history.
455
00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:16,506
So, I'm not looking forward to
going 'round it, to be honest.
456
00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:19,343
I mean, I don't go to museums
at home, so I don't see what
457
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:21,779
difference it makes just
'cause it's in Egypt.
458
00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:25,450
So you have clockwise from
predynastic to early dynastic,
459
00:21:25,519 --> 00:21:28,153
old kingdom, middle
kingdom, new kingdom.
460
00:21:28,222 --> 00:21:29,221
So look here.
461
00:21:29,290 --> 00:21:30,990
The pharaoh is harpooning.
462
00:21:31,058 --> 00:21:32,491
9 years old boy king.
463
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,393
You cannot see the
hippo he's harpooning.
464
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:36,160
Why not?
465
00:21:36,229 --> 00:21:37,094
This is the magic.
466
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:39,597
Because with magic, that
hippo will come into life.
467
00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:43,601
So, again, coffin within a coffin,
sarcophagus within a sarcophagus.
468
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,069
You can see the cartouche.
469
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:48,072
The cartouche is the name of
the pharaoh, the boy king.
470
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:51,875
At some point, he was
bringing back a pigmy.
471
00:21:51,944 --> 00:21:52,843
Was it a portrait?
472
00:21:52,911 --> 00:21:54,778
Can you avoid
portraying the pharaoh?
473
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:59,016
This is very hard, of course, to reconcile,
'cause the soul will be searching.
474
00:21:59,084 --> 00:22:02,419
The Ka wants to find the pharaoh,
the boy king tutankhamen.
475
00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:05,788
Yes, you have the cartouche with the
boy king, but it helps even more...
476
00:22:05,857 --> 00:22:08,825
Coming in here with Achmed, it's
like a kid in a sweets shop.
477
00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:12,729
It's just... show you
this, show you that.
478
00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:13,263
It's mental.
479
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,364
And you can't take it all in.
480
00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:18,135
It's like going Christmas shopping on,
you know, Christmas Eve in a department
481
00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:18,502
store.
482
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:19,503
There's too much going on.
483
00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:20,571
There's too much to look at.
484
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,040
There's too many people.
485
00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:23,575
You're being pushed along.
486
00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:24,976
It's a nightmare.
487
00:22:25,045 --> 00:22:28,647
I want to call it a day here
and get back to, I don't know,
488
00:22:28,716 --> 00:22:30,615
eating [bleep] bollocks again.
489
00:22:30,684 --> 00:22:35,486
Seems more fun than this to me.
490
00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:37,655
That just seems to me
like a bit over the top.
491
00:22:37,723 --> 00:22:41,958
A lot of gold, a bit sort
of Pete Stringfellowish.
492
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:45,495
It's exactly the same as me aunt
Nora's house with ornaments.
493
00:22:45,563 --> 00:22:48,731
She keeps buying one and then
she has to buy a new shelf to
494
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:49,966
put the ornaments up.
495
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:52,836
It's like I haven't got enough
room to buy another shelf.
496
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:54,237
She fills that and another.
497
00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:57,742
And that's what I'm saying about
Achmed saying they're expanding it.
498
00:22:57,810 --> 00:23:00,278
You know, yeah, they say they're
expanding it so more people can
499
00:23:00,346 --> 00:23:03,380
get in, but you know for the fact,
"Oh, you've got more room, have you?
500
00:23:03,449 --> 00:23:04,615
Bring some more in.
501
00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:06,202
Get digging again."
502
00:23:23,386 --> 00:23:24,854
It's just the same.
503
00:23:24,922 --> 00:23:27,223
Can I get two pieces of chicken?
504
00:23:27,292 --> 00:23:28,573
Two.
505
00:23:31,630 --> 00:23:32,362
What?
506
00:23:32,430 --> 00:23:34,795
It's a kfc for deaf people.
507
00:23:36,297 --> 00:23:38,208
So what do I have to do?
I don't understand.
508
00:23:38,328 --> 00:23:39,513
Me to point?
509
00:23:40,081 --> 00:23:41,792
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
510
00:23:43,129 --> 00:23:44,096
One, yeah.
511
00:23:44,366 --> 00:23:45,688
One of them.
512
00:23:46,015 --> 00:23:47,006
One.
513
00:23:47,532 --> 00:23:49,181
Original.
514
00:23:50,713 --> 00:23:52,346
I don't quite know
what's going on here.
515
00:23:52,466 --> 00:23:53,569
Are they all deaf?
516
00:23:56,555 --> 00:23:58,275
Can... you can you hear me?
517
00:24:00,222 --> 00:24:03,323
Can you hear me?
518
00:24:03,392 --> 00:24:05,192
Hello?
519
00:24:05,261 --> 00:24:06,026
No.
520
00:24:06,095 --> 00:24:08,410
They're all deaf.
521
00:24:11,299 --> 00:24:12,332
Thanks a lot.
522
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,768
Brilliant.
523
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,608
It's good.
524
00:24:20,677 --> 00:24:22,310
Good idea.
525
00:24:22,379 --> 00:24:24,304
What, to have a deaf kfc?
526
00:24:24,589 --> 00:24:27,265
Well, yeah, 'cause why not?
527
00:24:27,385 --> 00:24:29,262
You know, I don't come
in here for a chat.
528
00:24:29,382 --> 00:24:31,571
You come in here for
food, fast food.
529
00:24:31,691 --> 00:24:34,414
I'm taking it'll be even faster 'cause
they're not chatting behind there.
530
00:24:34,534 --> 00:24:36,122
***
531
00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:38,525
***
532
00:24:38,856 --> 00:24:39,814
you know, it's quick.
533
00:24:39,883 --> 00:24:41,416
It's there in front of you.
534
00:24:41,484 --> 00:24:46,020
Point, bang, done, out.
535
00:24:46,089 --> 00:24:47,622
It's amazing, isn't it?
536
00:24:47,691 --> 00:24:51,593
I mean, with technology, most of it,
you don't really use it, do you?
537
00:24:51,661 --> 00:24:52,994
It's kind of like a toy.
538
00:24:53,063 --> 00:24:56,165
Seeing them use it sort of
makes you realize it's a good
539
00:24:56,233 --> 00:25:00,436
invention, video calling and
picture messaging, but when
540
00:25:00,504 --> 00:25:04,707
Ricky sends me a picture,
it's that sort of thing.
541
00:25:04,775 --> 00:25:06,575
So, this is what I'm saying.
542
00:25:06,644 --> 00:25:09,412
We don't sort of use it properly.
543
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,427
They've got a proper use.
544
00:25:14,752 --> 00:25:16,413
Do you know what I mean?
545
00:25:31,559 --> 00:25:34,561
I'd say that's the most annoying
thing about being in this place,
546
00:25:34,630 --> 00:25:37,397
just being hassled all the time,
no matter where you are, no
547
00:25:37,466 --> 00:25:38,832
matter what time of day it is.
548
00:25:38,901 --> 00:25:41,075
They're just constantly
hassling you.
549
00:25:41,686 --> 00:25:44,972
Deaf lad sort of tapped me on the
back, gave me a bit of paper.
550
00:25:45,041 --> 00:25:48,276
Couldn't read it 'cause
it was all in arabic.
551
00:25:48,345 --> 00:25:51,731
And pointed, just said
it's a charity thing.
552
00:25:53,421 --> 00:25:56,208
And I went and gave him
100 egyptian pounds.
553
00:25:56,328 --> 00:25:58,087
So he got 12 quid off me.
554
00:25:58,156 --> 00:25:59,960
He didn't even look that happy.
555
00:26:00,525 --> 00:26:02,651
I'll be spent by the
end of tonight.
556
00:26:04,784 --> 00:26:07,730
Spent a load of time with
some deaf people in kfc.
557
00:26:07,799 --> 00:26:08,859
They were nice.
558
00:26:08,979 --> 00:26:10,467
I don't know if he was deaf.
559
00:26:10,535 --> 00:26:12,268
That's the thing with
that one, isn't it?
560
00:26:12,337 --> 00:26:15,772
It's not like all the other disabilities,
where you can go, "Is he lying?"
561
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:20,143
You know, you can see if someone's got a
leg missing or are blind or something.
562
00:26:20,211 --> 00:26:23,145
But with him...
"Oh, that's terrible.
563
00:26:23,214 --> 00:26:25,099
Here you go. Have some money."
564
00:26:26,559 --> 00:26:29,251
Me mum's the same.
I think that's who I get it off.
565
00:26:30,038 --> 00:26:32,422
With that said, she walked up to
some fella
566
00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:34,457
who she thought was a big-issue seller
567
00:26:34,713 --> 00:26:37,207
who stood there with
the magazine like that in his hands.
568
00:26:37,436 --> 00:26:38,202
She walked up.
569
00:26:38,270 --> 00:26:39,358
She said, "It's all right.
You can keep the magazine."
570
00:26:39,478 --> 00:26:40,567
Gave him a quid.
571
00:26:40,687 --> 00:26:43,595
Turns out that was just a fella
stood outside, going places with
572
00:26:43,715 --> 00:26:45,022
a holiday brochure in his hand.
573
00:26:45,391 --> 00:26:46,678
He kept it.
574
00:26:48,848 --> 00:26:50,348
Hi.
575
00:26:51,884 --> 00:26:52,650
Yeah. Hi, mate.
576
00:26:52,719 --> 00:26:53,741
How's it going?
577
00:26:58,358 --> 00:26:59,591
Yeah, but I seen that.
578
00:26:59,659 --> 00:27:01,292
I went to the millennium dome.
579
00:27:01,361 --> 00:27:03,500
I saw... it's all the same stuff.
580
00:27:08,268 --> 00:27:09,244
Go on.
581
00:27:19,812 --> 00:27:21,513
It's just not the
sort of night at all.
582
00:27:21,582 --> 00:27:24,183
It's just not the sort of
entertainment thing to do for me.
583
00:27:24,252 --> 00:27:27,286
It's nice going down any river on
a boat, but I'd do it in the day.
584
00:27:27,355 --> 00:27:28,888
At night it's pointless.
585
00:27:28,956 --> 00:27:30,456
You can't see anything.
586
00:27:30,525 --> 00:27:35,462
And it's that thing that's like, you
know you're there for a couple of hours.
587
00:27:35,530 --> 00:27:37,797
There's no getting away from it.
588
00:27:37,866 --> 00:27:43,737
So they could do anything
once you're on there.
589
00:27:46,476 --> 00:27:49,744
Had some entertainment, someone
whizzing 'round and 'round and 'round.
590
00:27:49,812 --> 00:27:54,482
He starts off... he's got, like, a quilt
around him, and he starts spinning.
591
00:27:54,551 --> 00:27:58,020
And it was only that he'd been spinning
for about three minutes, and I thought,
592
00:27:58,088 --> 00:27:59,655
"Actually, it's pretty difficult.
593
00:27:59,723 --> 00:28:01,156
He's just been spinning.
594
00:28:01,225 --> 00:28:06,762
He'll be getting dizzy in a bit."
595
00:28:06,831 --> 00:28:07,796
And it went on for ages.
596
00:28:07,865 --> 00:28:10,632
It's not the sort of thing you have
to watch whilst he's doing it.
597
00:28:10,701 --> 00:28:12,233
You just glance
over now and again.
598
00:28:12,302 --> 00:28:13,234
"Oh, he's still going."
599
00:28:13,303 --> 00:28:16,471
And I'm having a bit of turkey.
600
00:28:16,540 --> 00:28:18,173
Bit of a waste of energy, though.
601
00:28:18,241 --> 00:28:21,442
It would have been good if, at
the end, he said, "And thanks
602
00:28:21,511 --> 00:28:22,643
to, you know, Terry.
603
00:28:22,712 --> 00:28:25,880
He's been whizzing 'round, and
because of that, that energy
604
00:28:25,948 --> 00:28:28,016
he's created is at
the oven working.
605
00:28:28,084 --> 00:28:31,586
We've got more food," or just
something to make it seem more
606
00:28:31,654 --> 00:28:34,689
impressive than it was.
607
00:28:34,757 --> 00:28:39,560
But the colors and that were good, and
he sort of kept the room quite cool.
608
00:28:39,629 --> 00:28:41,495
You know, it's quite hot in there.
609
00:28:41,564 --> 00:28:44,932
So you got him wafting
about, creating a draft.
610
00:28:56,178 --> 00:28:58,645
I didn't know what was going
on with the comedian.
611
00:28:58,714 --> 00:28:59,746
I mean, jokes, anyway.
612
00:28:59,815 --> 00:29:02,816
Even if he spoke english, humor's
different everywhere you go.
613
00:29:06,756 --> 00:29:08,055
It was a terrible night.
614
00:29:08,124 --> 00:29:09,257
I mean, I hated it.
615
00:29:09,326 --> 00:29:12,694
It's not my sort of
thing at all, that.
616
00:29:12,763 --> 00:29:15,731
When I got up and was dancing...
'Cause I did it just 'cause I
617
00:29:15,799 --> 00:29:19,401
thought, "Well, I'm here now, and Ricky
and Steve don't want me to do it.
618
00:29:19,470 --> 00:29:20,536
They know I hate it."
619
00:29:20,605 --> 00:29:22,672
So I thought, "I might
as well enjoy it."
620
00:29:22,740 --> 00:29:24,273
So I got up and had a dance.
621
00:29:31,014 --> 00:29:37,785
And she told me that, you know, I was
the best dancer she'd ever seen.
622
00:29:37,854 --> 00:29:39,379
Not bad, is it?
623
00:29:56,173 --> 00:29:58,240
Traffic's horrendous.
624
00:29:59,677 --> 00:30:01,978
Just... like, it's not
just the traffic.
625
00:30:02,046 --> 00:30:04,180
It's just beeping.
626
00:30:04,249 --> 00:30:06,282
But it just seems to be like
people letting onto each other
627
00:30:06,351 --> 00:30:08,018
at 4:00 in the morning.
628
00:30:08,086 --> 00:30:09,085
Now go home.
629
00:30:09,154 --> 00:30:10,438
What are you doing?
630
00:30:12,757 --> 00:30:24,267
So, I reckon I've had about... I
reckon I've had about an hour's kip.
631
00:30:24,336 --> 00:30:27,971
I mean, that's somewhat
like an egyptian.
632
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:29,105
No one's walking.
633
00:30:29,174 --> 00:30:33,243
Everyone seems to be in a car
at all hours, just beeping.
634
00:30:46,823 --> 00:30:47,656
It's not enough, is it?
635
00:30:47,726 --> 00:30:52,028
It's not enough to say something's
amazing just 'cause they're old.
636
00:30:52,096 --> 00:30:54,363
'Cause you can get an old person
who's done that all their life.
637
00:30:54,432 --> 00:30:55,430
He wouldn't go, "I'm amazing."
638
00:30:55,499 --> 00:30:57,732
He'd go, "No [bleep]"
639
00:30:57,801 --> 00:31:02,469
So age shouldn't really
make something special.
640
00:31:02,538 --> 00:31:06,073
I'm not worrying about who built them,
'cause it was ages ago, really.
641
00:31:06,142 --> 00:31:09,543
When I first bought me first house,
I didn't go, "Who built it?"
642
00:31:09,612 --> 00:31:11,178
I want to know, is it safe?
643
00:31:11,247 --> 00:31:14,214
Is it structurally sound?
644
00:31:14,283 --> 00:31:18,719
Is it haunted?
645
00:31:18,787 --> 00:31:22,857
Whoa!
646
00:31:22,925 --> 00:31:24,358
What's the rush?
647
00:31:24,427 --> 00:31:26,193
It's been here for 4,000 years.
648
00:31:26,262 --> 00:31:30,031
What's he doing?
649
00:31:30,099 --> 00:31:32,200
Aah! Me ass!
650
00:31:32,269 --> 00:31:35,136
This is mental.
651
00:31:44,815 --> 00:31:49,786
Just a lot of [bleep]
652
00:31:49,855 --> 00:31:51,388
You don't normally see
any of this, do you?
653
00:31:51,457 --> 00:31:52,822
You don't see that
many buses there.
654
00:31:52,891 --> 00:31:57,426
It looks like it's right in the
middle of, like, a nice desert...
655
00:31:57,495 --> 00:31:58,594
But it isn't, is it?
656
00:31:58,663 --> 00:32:00,930
It's just a building site.
657
00:32:00,998 --> 00:32:05,834
I'm half tempted to... I mean, it's
not even bits of old pyramid, is it?
658
00:32:05,903 --> 00:32:07,936
You've got all sorts of...
You've got bricks here from,
659
00:32:08,004 --> 00:32:09,604
like, council houses and that.
660
00:32:09,672 --> 00:32:15,910
It's literally just people have brought
all [bleep] and dumped it here.
661
00:32:15,979 --> 00:32:19,515
It's actually like "Planet
of the Apes," isn't it?
662
00:32:19,583 --> 00:32:21,951
Barren.
663
00:32:27,926 --> 00:32:32,030
It's like a little
tornado, isn't it?
664
00:32:32,098 --> 00:32:35,766
You don't see that in
the brochure, do you?
665
00:32:35,835 --> 00:32:37,769
[Bleep] old nappy
whizzing through the air.
666
00:32:37,837 --> 00:32:40,038
Tend to leave that out.
667
00:32:40,106 --> 00:32:43,007
You see, I've always
wanted to see a tornado.
668
00:32:43,076 --> 00:32:46,177
That is on me wish list before
I die, 'cause it's natural.
669
00:32:46,246 --> 00:32:50,648
It's a natural thing
that I don't understand.
670
00:32:59,757 --> 00:33:03,327
If that was like a little housing
estate, you'd go, "Yeah, any will do."
671
00:33:03,395 --> 00:33:04,762
Are they all the same size?
672
00:33:04,830 --> 00:33:07,064
The design actually is
a bit odd, isn't it?
673
00:33:07,133 --> 00:33:12,002
'Cause the square footage, the
floor size, is massive, but the
674
00:33:12,070 --> 00:33:14,937
upstairs bit is tiny.
675
00:33:39,863 --> 00:33:45,602
The great pyramid was built by atlantian
survivors with extraterrestrial help.
676
00:33:45,671 --> 00:33:49,740
And they built the pyramid with
the help of sound, because sound
677
00:33:49,809 --> 00:33:53,710
was used very much in Atlantis.
678
00:33:53,779 --> 00:33:57,247
Well, Andrew and Seija were just saying
that they use the pyramids at night.
679
00:33:57,315 --> 00:33:59,882
They just nip in there to do
some meditation, what have you.
680
00:33:59,951 --> 00:34:03,285
So they said I can go with them,
but I've got to learn to do some
681
00:34:03,354 --> 00:34:04,253
meditation first.
682
00:34:04,322 --> 00:34:07,622
So they've just given
me some words to learn.
683
00:34:07,691 --> 00:34:10,025
Once I've done that, they
said they'll tap me in.
684
00:34:10,093 --> 00:34:12,727
So, that seems fair
enough, doesn't it?
685
00:34:17,669 --> 00:34:20,336
They're washing up
before we do this.
686
00:34:20,405 --> 00:34:22,038
Leave the washing up, Seija.
687
00:34:22,107 --> 00:34:24,508
It's spoiling the mood a bit.
688
00:34:24,577 --> 00:34:25,876
Leave this.
689
00:34:25,945 --> 00:34:26,610
Yeah.
690
00:34:29,649 --> 00:34:33,017
If you open that door, I
just put those there.
691
00:34:33,086 --> 00:34:33,885
This is madness.
692
00:34:33,953 --> 00:34:37,688
Gandhi wouldn't have washed
up before he starts.
693
00:34:41,294 --> 00:34:44,528
Can't escape noise in here.
694
00:34:50,934 --> 00:34:52,668
How long's this gonna go on now?
695
00:34:52,737 --> 00:34:53,837
Couple of minutes.
696
00:34:53,905 --> 00:34:55,739
Two, three minutes.
697
00:34:55,808 --> 00:35:00,211
It's five times a day.
698
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,614
You might as well
finish the washing up.
699
00:35:02,682 --> 00:35:07,486
No rush with the
washing up, Andrew.
700
00:35:07,555 --> 00:35:09,288
I tell you what, I bet they
don't show you 'round the
701
00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:11,791
property 'round here at certain
times of the day, do they?
702
00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:12,658
No, probably not.
703
00:35:12,727 --> 00:35:13,927
When you're buying a place.
704
00:35:13,995 --> 00:35:14,527
"Come on.
705
00:35:14,596 --> 00:35:15,795
We've got to get going quick."
706
00:35:15,864 --> 00:35:16,162
"Why?
707
00:35:16,231 --> 00:35:18,431
Just let us go."
708
00:35:18,500 --> 00:35:21,700
You buy it, this kicks off.
709
00:35:21,769 --> 00:35:27,240
Unbelievable.
710
00:35:27,309 --> 00:35:28,608
That was a little bit
weird, wasn't it?
711
00:35:28,677 --> 00:35:29,176
But I liked it.
712
00:35:29,245 --> 00:35:30,010
Do you know what I mean?
713
00:35:30,079 --> 00:35:31,645
I'm into that sort of weirdness.
714
00:35:31,714 --> 00:35:35,248
Plus, it means that I'm actually
gonna go inside a pyramid tomorrow.
715
00:35:35,317 --> 00:35:38,185
It's all worth it.
716
00:35:46,361 --> 00:35:49,497
Got another mossie bite there.
717
00:35:49,565 --> 00:35:51,299
It's well itchy, that one.
718
00:35:51,367 --> 00:35:53,901
I think it's that same mossie.
719
00:35:53,970 --> 00:35:56,077
The cleaners.
720
00:35:58,366 --> 00:36:02,210
They haven't shown
their faces still.
721
00:36:02,411 --> 00:36:03,611
I don't think they
are going to now.
722
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:05,813
I can't see the point.
723
00:36:12,884 --> 00:36:18,021
It's like a game of jenga that's
got out of hand, isn't it?
724
00:36:33,738 --> 00:36:35,510
Pretty high up, isn't it?
725
00:36:39,712 --> 00:36:45,048
I took a little bit of it, a
little bit of the pyramid.
726
00:36:45,117 --> 00:36:46,049
Have a look.
727
00:36:46,118 --> 00:36:49,520
Got a little piece.
728
00:36:49,588 --> 00:36:50,520
I don't think you meant to.
729
00:36:50,589 --> 00:36:51,121
It was loose.
730
00:36:51,190 --> 00:36:51,888
I didn't chip it off.
731
00:36:51,957 --> 00:36:53,624
It was loose anyway.
732
00:36:53,692 --> 00:36:57,527
It's better than the tut
that you buy, isn't it?
733
00:36:57,596 --> 00:37:00,363
It's better than, you know,
buying a little Egypt fellow on
734
00:37:00,432 --> 00:37:04,134
the back of a camel.
735
00:37:04,203 --> 00:37:05,136
But it's weird, isn't it?
736
00:37:05,204 --> 00:37:06,903
You're allowed to just
wander about on them.
737
00:37:06,972 --> 00:37:08,405
If this was at home,
there's no way.
738
00:37:08,474 --> 00:37:10,074
This would all be roped
off, wouldn't it?
739
00:37:10,142 --> 00:37:12,777
Wouldn't be allowed
anywhere near it.
740
00:37:12,846 --> 00:37:14,312
It's not treated like a wonder.
741
00:37:14,381 --> 00:37:19,885
It's just like a man-made
Mountain, isn't it?
742
00:37:23,858 --> 00:37:25,658
I'm just with Andrew
and Seija again.
743
00:37:25,726 --> 00:37:30,063
They're gonna teach me some more
chanting before we go in the pyramid.
744
00:37:33,769 --> 00:37:36,770
I don't know what's going on in her
head, but, you know, I like her.
745
00:37:36,838 --> 00:37:39,506
I think she believes in all the
energy thing that she's going on
746
00:37:39,574 --> 00:37:40,306
about, you know.
747
00:37:40,375 --> 00:37:45,445
I want to believe it.
748
00:37:45,514 --> 00:37:48,482
It would be nice if something
happens, or, you know, if I
749
00:37:48,550 --> 00:37:51,252
feel like a bit of
a, "What's that?"
750
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,489
We'll see what happens.
751
00:38:22,084 --> 00:38:26,021
It's times like this when I think, "You
know, I used to have a proper job.
752
00:38:26,089 --> 00:38:27,793
What am I doing?"
753
00:38:39,671 --> 00:38:40,471
This is it, then.
754
00:38:40,540 --> 00:38:42,873
I'm actually going inside
a pyramid, which is good.
755
00:38:42,942 --> 00:38:44,675
I didn't even know you
could go in them.
756
00:38:44,744 --> 00:38:46,977
I just thought they were
like a solid structure.
757
00:38:47,046 --> 00:38:48,145
Do you know what I mean?
758
00:38:48,214 --> 00:38:49,579
Just a load of blocks.
759
00:38:49,648 --> 00:38:51,047
But you can go in them.
760
00:38:51,116 --> 00:38:53,350
So, pretty exciting, isn't it?
761
00:38:53,418 --> 00:39:00,456
We are now in the center of our
planet, an ancient power point.
762
00:39:15,540 --> 00:39:18,276
I wasn't happy about, you
know, getting in there.
763
00:39:18,344 --> 00:39:20,178
I'm not good in small
spaces, anyway.
764
00:39:20,246 --> 00:39:21,512
You know what I mean?
765
00:39:21,581 --> 00:39:23,915
I just was thinking,
"I don't like this."
766
00:39:26,285 --> 00:39:28,285
There was a dead body in there.
767
00:39:28,354 --> 00:39:28,919
Yeah.
768
00:39:28,988 --> 00:39:35,358
I've got in somewhere where some...
All them injections I had, it'll
769
00:39:35,427 --> 00:39:35,959
be all right.
770
00:39:36,027 --> 00:39:38,828
It'll cover me for that, won't it?
771
00:39:40,632 --> 00:39:41,797
I mean, it was all right.
772
00:39:41,866 --> 00:39:43,466
You know, nothing
happened, did it?
773
00:39:43,534 --> 00:39:48,471
You know, I got a little bit of a twinge,
but I just think that was a cramp.
774
00:39:48,540 --> 00:39:49,238
I don't know.
775
00:39:49,307 --> 00:39:51,908
She seems fed up, really,
that I didn't get anything.
776
00:39:51,976 --> 00:39:54,077
But there's no point
pretending, is there?
777
00:39:54,146 --> 00:39:56,880
That's sort of humoring her.
778
00:39:59,284 --> 00:40:04,722
I'll tell you what it reminded me of...
Me going to a wedding with Suzanne.
779
00:40:04,791 --> 00:40:06,190
She likes going to weddings.
780
00:40:06,259 --> 00:40:06,991
I hate going.
781
00:40:07,060 --> 00:40:10,028
And it was like I went, I did
it all for her, but because I
782
00:40:10,097 --> 00:40:13,232
didn't enjoy it, I still get a
moaning at the end of the night,
783
00:40:13,300 --> 00:40:14,667
and it was a bit like that.
784
00:40:14,735 --> 00:40:17,036
I did all that for her.
785
00:40:17,105 --> 00:40:19,472
And it was pretty comfy.
786
00:40:19,541 --> 00:40:22,376
I mean, you know,
compared to the windsor.
787
00:40:22,444 --> 00:40:27,981
I tell you what, I could probably
get me head down in there.
788
00:40:43,731 --> 00:40:45,898
It's not funny, is it?
789
00:40:45,967 --> 00:40:47,533
What?
790
00:40:47,602 --> 00:40:50,623
Well, I've been living
next door to this.
791
00:40:53,741 --> 00:40:55,708
Did Ricky put me in
that one on purpose?
792
00:40:55,777 --> 00:40:58,144
Yeah.
793
00:41:03,950 --> 00:41:06,885
Yeah.
794
00:41:06,954 --> 00:41:09,655
This is the room
Michael Palin was in.
795
00:41:40,127 --> 00:41:44,605
I don't ***
but I don't think it does.
796
00:41:44,725 --> 00:41:47,644
***
797
00:41:48,736 --> 00:41:59,115
Sync by honeybunny
Corrected by jabbberwock
www.addic7ed.com
58698
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