All language subtitles for Afghan Luke

[dramatic horns music]

♪ ♪

[film reel whirring]

[wind blowing]

[deep breathing]

[loud boom]

- ♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ GET OUT THE WAY, YO ♪

♪ AH, THERE SHE GOES AGAIN,
TOO BUSY TO ♪

- WAIT UP!

- ♪ MIXED WITH PETROLEUM ♪

- SLOW DOWN!
HOLD UP!

- AH HA, I GOT IT.
I DID IT, MOTHERFUCKER!

HUH?

ONE HAND.

I ROLLED A JOINT.
ONE HAND.

♪ OH, MY, OH, MY,
I SHOULD'VE KNOWN ♪

♪ WHEN SHE SAID TO ME
ON THE PHONE ♪

♪ "YOU DO NOT KNOW ME VERY WELL
BUT I WOULD NEVER HURT A FLY" ♪

♪ THEN SHE AIMED AT MY CHEST
WITH LOVE IN HER EYE ♪

♪ SAID SHE AIMED AT
MY CHEST WITH ♪

♪ SHE WAS WALKIN' AROUND
WITH A LOADED SHOTGUN ♪

♪ READY TO FIRE AT ME
A HOT ONE ♪

♪ IT WENT BANG, BANG, BANG
STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART ♪

♪ STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART ♪

- MATEEN IS MY FIXER.

WHY DO THEY CALL THEM FIXERS?

FIX WHAT EXACTLY?

PART TRANSLATOR, PART
TOUR GUIDE, PART CONFIDANTE,

FULL-TIME NECESSITY.

THESE GUYS ARE SUPPOSED
TO KEEP YOU ALIVE,

AND MY GUY IS STONED
OUT OF HIS MIND.

WHAT'S HE GONNA FIX?

- MMM.
- NO, I'M GOOD.

- NO SMOKE FOR THE LADY?

AFGHAN HASH IS GOOD.

IT'S THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

[laughter]

[explosion]

[horse whinnying]

[cackling]

- WHAT IS THE MATTER
WITH YOU GUYS, HUH?

THIS PLACE IS CRAWLING
WITH TALIBAN.

YOU CAN'T SHOOT A FUCKING RPG
INTO A RIVER IN THIS SHIT.

- JESUS CHRIST.

- NO MORE SHOOTING, OKAY?

NO MORE.
JESUS CHRIST.

- CAN YOU...TALK TO THEM?
THIS IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

TALK TO THEM.
NO MORE SHOOTING.

- FUCK.

- FUCK YOU.

FUCK IS YOU!

- FUCK YOU TOO.
OKAY.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

- NOT SMART, MY FRIEND.

- NOBODY GIVES A FUCK
ABOUT AFGHANISTAN.

MOST OF THE TIME
I'M NOT EVEN SURE I DO,

AND I'VE BEEN HERE EIGHT TIMES
WITH THREE DIFFERENT NEWSPAPERS.

THE DUST AND THE DYING
MAKE PEOPLE GO CRAZY.

- BUT WHY ARE WE NOT RICH, HUH?

WHY ARE WE NOT RICH?

WE LIVE LIKE THIRD WORLD AFRICA
HERE.

- SO MATEEN RANTS,

AND WHO CAN BLAME HIM?

"THE REST OF THE WORLD GETS HIGH
ON OUR HASH," HE SAYS.

"OUR HEROIN.
WHY ARE WE NOT RICH?"

- YOU KNOW WHY?
I TELL YOU WHY.

YOU KNOW WHY?
LISTEN, WRITE THIS DOWN.

YOU KNOW WHY?
- WHY?

- BECAUSE IT'S BULLSHIT,
THAT'S WHY.

IT'S BULLSHIT.

- STILL, YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM.

- BUSINESS IN AFGHANISTAN...

- ALEXANDER THE GREAT CAME HERE,
AND THEY SCREWED HIM.

THE BRITISH, SAME STORY.

GOT THEIR ASSES KICKED.

- FOR THEIR FUCKING STORIES
LIKE YOU?

- THE RUSSIANS.

NOW WE'RE HERE.

- THEY SAY,
"OH, GIVE ME MY MONEY,

"PUT MY PICTURE IN THE PAPER
LIKE ANDERSON COOPER.

LOOK AT ME.
GIVE ME MY MONEY FOR MY HUMMER."

- YOU GOT TO ASK YOURSELF:

WHY HAVE SO MANY WELL-ARMED
TOURISTS PREFERRED AFGHANISTAN?

- THEY SAY,
"FUCK YOU, POOR PEOPLE.

BYE-BYE."

YOU OKAY?

YOU NEED SCARF, MAN.

WRITE THAT DOWN.
- I'M GOOD.

- MAKE NOTE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

- WHO IS THAT?
- GET DOWN, GET DOWN, GET DOWN.

HERE COMES YOUR TALIBAN.

- I THOUGHT YOU WERE
FULL OF SHIT.

- LOOK.

THEY'RE COUSINS.

THOSE TALIBAN TURBANS?
IN THE ALLIANCE.

- THAT'S--
THAT'S THE NORTHERN ALLIANCE?

- YEAH.

- I THOUGHT THEY WERE ENEMIES
OF THE TALIBAN.

- THERE ARE NO ENEMIES
IN AFGHANISTAN,

ONLY FUTURE ALLIES.

- THAT'S A GOOD LINE.
I LIKE THAT.

"NO ENEMIES."

- ONLY FUTURE ALLIES.
- YEAH, I GOT IT.

I'M GONNA GO GET A CLOSER LOOK
AND SOME PHOTOS OF THIS.

- WE SMOKE FIRST.

- WHAT?
NO.

NO, NO, NO.
NO CIGARETTES.

FUCK THAT.
WE GOT TO GO.

MATEEN, I'M NOT GONNA PAY YOU
FOR THIS SHIT.

- HEY, HEY, LOOK.

WE'RE A DEMOCRACY NOW.
THANK YOU, AMERICA.

I SMOKE CIGARETTE IF I WANT.

- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

HUH?

WHEN WE MET, IT WAS ALLAH AND
IT WAS CORRUPT WESTERN CULTURE,

AND NOW YOU'RE HIGH ALL THE TIME
LISTENING TO MY MUSIC.

WHAT HAPPENED?

- HEY!

FOR FRIENDSHIP.

I COME HERE FOR FRIENDSHIP,

AND YOU ACT LIKE BIG BOSS OF
TALIBAN HIMSELF, MULLAH OMAR.

- I AM YOUR BOSS.

YOU CALL ME OMAR.
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

ENOUGH CIGARETTES.
FUCK YOUR CIGARETTES, OKAY?

WE'RE WORKING.
SUCK IT UP.

- FUCK MY CIGARETTE?
- YEAH, FUCK 'EM.

- FUCK MY CIGARETTE, EH?

LOOK, FUCK YOURSELF,
MR. BIG BOSS MULLAH OMAR.

- EH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
GIVE ME MY SHIT.

- BYE-BYE.

- GIVE IT TO ME.

HEY!
- WHAT?

- GIVE ME MY SHIT.
- WHAT SHIT?

- YOU KNOW WHAT.

- THIS SHITS?

YOU KNOW WHAT, LUKE?
I WILL KEEP IT.

TO REMEMBER OUR FRIENDSHIP.

YOUR HORSE WILL SHOW YOU
THE WAY HOME.

- THE ONLY GOOD THING
IN AFGHANISTAN

ARE THE FUCKING HORSES.

[echoing gunshots]

MOTHERFUCKER.

FUCK ME.

IT'S FRED THE SNIPER.

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST
SOME RUMOR.

CUTS FINGERS OFF HIS KILLS
FOR LUCK LIKE RABBIT'S FEET.

MILITARY NICKNAME:
FREDDY KRUEGER.

OUT OF CONTROL.

[whispers]
MOTHERFUCKER.

- KEY FIRE-POWERED ARMOR

ALSO MAKE IT IDEAL FOR
THE MOUNTAINOUS TERRAIN

OF CENTRAL ASIA,

AND IT IS INDEED USED TODAY
BY THE CANADIAN ARMY

AND THE I.S.A.F. FORCES
IN AFGHANISTAN.

[microfiche whirring]

[copy machine beeping]

- AHH!

HEY, BUDDY.

SO HOW YOU DOING?

- THEY'RE KILLING
THE SNIPER PIECE.

- YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW.

I MEAN, I READ YOUR HORSE STORY.

I DUG THAT.
IT WAS COOL.

- I BARELY WROTE A WORD OF IT.

MARK REWORKED THE WHOLE THING
USING MY NOTES AND WIKIPEDIA.

STAMPED MY NAME ALL OVER IT.

- FUCKIN' PRICK.

- YEAH, SPEAKING OF PRICKS.
- YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

- AFGHAN HORSES.
YES, SIR, CONGRATULATIONS.

THAT'S THE--THAT'S THE
BEST THING YOU EVER WROTE.

- THANKS, IMRAN.
I READ YOUR STUFF.

I THOUGHT IT WAS "EMBED",
NOT "IN BED".

- OH, WOW.
THAT'S CLEVER.

RIGHT, THAT'S FUNNY, 'CAUSE THAT
"EMBED" IS LIKE "IN BED"?

IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE
TRYING TO--

WOW, YOU'RE A WIZARD.

- WELCOME BACK.

SEAT.

[clears throat]

THE FACT CHECKERS ARE UNEASY.

- UNEASY.
- YEAH.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE LIKE.

BESIDES NO PHOTOGRAPHIC
EVIDENCE, NO WITNESSES.

THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO START
INSULTING THE MILITARY.

- I--NO, I SAW THIS
WITH MY OWN EYES.

IT IS ALL THERE IN
SOME AFGHAN GRAVE.

I WITNESSED THIS.

- YOU SAW WHAT YOU WANTED
TO SEE.

- [scoffs]

WE BOTH KNOW THAT IS NOT TRUE.

- LOOK, IF IT WAS UP TO ME...

- IT IS UP TO YOU, MARK.

- TO CHOOSE WHAT?

BETWEEN A DECORATED SNIPER

AND SOME DEAD TALIBAN'S
MISSING FINGER?

[laughs]

WHO CARES ABOUT
A FUCKING FINGER?

LOOK, I'M NOT TRYING TO BE
CALLOUS HERE, MAN,

BUT NOBODY GIVES A SHIT.

- TECHNICALLY, IT'S MUTILATION.
THAT IS A WAR CRIME.

- DON'T GIVE ME THAT
JOURNALISM SCHOOL CRAP.

WHAT, PUTTING A BULLET THROUGH A
MAN'S HEART IS NOT A WAR CRIME?

- IT'S A WAR.
I--

MY JOB IS TO REPORT WHAT I SEE.

- WELL, THIS IS NOT A STORY
THIS PAPER'S GONNA RUN...

EVER.

[knocking]

COME.

- SORRY TO INTERRUPT, GUYS, BUT,
MARK, I FINISHED THIS FOR YOU.

- THANKS, TOM.
- FINISHED WHAT?

- TOM FINISHED MY SPEECH
FOR TONIGHT.

SIT TIGHT, THERE MAY BE
SOME CHANGES, HMM?

- YEAH.

MAN'S GOT TO EAT, RIGHT?

- LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS,
BUT...

- I'LL TAKE THE BURGUNDY.
- MM-HMM.

- KEEP GOING, PLEASE.

- HERE YOU GO.
- JUST LEAVE THE BOTTLE.

- HERE, LET ME TAKE THOSE
FOR YOU.

- THANK YOU.

- WE ARE LIVING IN
VERY EXCITING TIMES.

ALL OF THESE MEDIA--
PRINT, TV, THE INTERNET--

THEY'RE ALL CONVERGING.

NEWS ISN'T JUST A PUSH
PROPOSITION ANYMORE.

YOU WANT TO COMPETE?

YOU GOT TO GIVE INTELLIGENT
CONSUMERS OUT THERE

THE NEWS THEY WANT
WHEN THEY WANT IT.

[door opening]

BUT NOW MORE THAN EVER,

WHEN THIS COUNTRY IS
SHOULDERING ITS FAIR SHARE

OF THE WAR ON TERROR.

[chair squeaks]

JOURNALISTS MUST STRIVE EVEN
HARDER TO BE FAIR AND BALANCED,

TO CHOOSE FACT OVER FICTION,

TRUTH OVER PROPAGANDA,

SOBRIETY OVER SENSATIONALISM--

- AND FOR ALL THAT WOULDN'T YOU
SAY THAT WE STILL SPEAK

TRUTH TO POWER?

- UH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

ONE OF OUR COUNTRY'S
FINEST JOURNALISTS,

LUKE BENNING.

LUKE JUST RETURNED
FROM AFGHANISTAN

WHERE HE FILED AN
EXCELLENT REPORT CALLED

THEY SHOOT AFGHAN HORSES,
DON'T THEY?

AN AWARD WINNER FOR SURE.

- WELL, I WOULD HAVE TO
THANK YOU FOR THAT.

GIVE THE CONSUMERS WHAT THEY
WANT WHEN THEY WANT IT.

RIGHT?
THAT'S WHY WE'RE IN THIS GAME.

BUT REMEMBER, KIDS,

IN JOURNALISM, THERE ARE
NO ALLIES, ONLY FUTURE ENEMIES.

- GREAT.

WELL, AGAIN, THANK YOU ALL
FOR COMING OUT TONIGHT.

[applause]

[muffled speech]

- SON OF A BITCH.
YOU SET ME UP.

YOU TOLD EVERYBODY
I COOKED THAT STORY, DIDN'T YOU?

- YOU'RE LUCKY I TOOK YOU OFF
THAT SNIPER MESS.

I SAVED YOUR ASS.
YOU OWE ME.

- I DON'T OWE YOU SHIT!

- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

YOU WANT TO FIGHT?
HMM?

[grunting]

YOU JUST FUCKED UP.

- YEAH, FUCK YOU.

I DON'T NEED YOU.
I'M GONNA GET THAT STORY.

[knocking]

COME ON, MAN.

COME ON, MAN.
IT'S ME.

- OF COURSE IT IS.

YEAH, YEAH, RELAX.
FUCK.

MORNING.
- I NEED YOUR HELP.

- COME ON IN.

[clears throat]
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW?

- I'M GOING BACK.

LOAN ME $5,000.

- YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S DEFINITELY
GONNA HAPPEN, MM-HMM.

- YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE BETWEEN US
WITH A JOB.

- WHAT?

OH, MY GOD.

MARK FUCKING FIRED YOU, MAN?

- IT'S A LONG STORY.

$3,000'S COOL.
GET IT FROM YOUR MOTHER.

- ALL RIGHT,
YOU KNOW WHAT, LUKE?

THIS HAS BEEN FUN, BUT I THINK
YOU GOT TO GO HOME, BUDDY.

- SERIOUSLY, I HAVE AN IDEA.

- I'M JUST SAYING, MOM, HOW MUCH
DID YOU PAY FOR TERRY'S TRUCK?

RIGHT, I'M ONLY ASKING
FOR 11 GRAND.

BESIDES, IT'S NOT EVEN JUST
FOR ME; IT'S FOR LUKE.

HIS REPUTATION'S ALL FUCKED UP
RIGHT NOW.

YEAH.

AND IF WE GO, I CAN FINALLY
WORK ON THE TANK DOC.

I DON'T KNOW.
CNN PROBABLY.

OH, MY GOD.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, MOM.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH
THIS MEANS TO US.

SERIOUSLY, LOVE YOU.

OKAY, I GOT TO GO.

OKAY, BYE.

HEY!

HEY, WAKE UP!
- SHUT UP, MAN.

I'M TRYING TO SLEEP.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

JUST KEEP SLEEPING.

I'M JUST DOWN HERE
SAVING YOUR CAREER, WHATEVER.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

- SHE BOUGHT IT?

[helicopter blades chopping]

- WELCOME TO
"CAN'T GET OUT OF"-STAN.

- "CAN'T GET OUT OF"-STAN?

THAT'S FUNNY.
- IT'S NOT FUNNY; IT'S TRUE.

- LUKE, THERE'S A BAR RIGHT OFF
THE BASE, MAN.

LET'S GET SOME FUCKIN' BEERS!

THROUGH HERE?

- BRINGING TOM WAS A MISTAKE.

I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH MONEY
HIS MOTHER GAVE US.

GOT TO KEEP HIM OFF THE HASH.

HE'LL END UP FUCKED IN THE HEAD
LIKE MATEEN.

I CAN'T TELL ANYBODY IN HERE
I'M LOOKING FOR FRED.

THESE GUYS WOULD KILL ME.

I'LL SAY I'M WORKING ON
A DRUG STORY.

THEY'LL BUY IT NO PROBLEM,
ESPECIALLY ONCE THEY MEET TOM.

- ♪ GO, GO,
WANNA GO NOW ♪

♪ WELL, THERE'S A
BRAND-NEW PLACE I FOUND ♪

- THIS PLACE IS FUCKING INSANE,
MAN.

[cackles]

[man screams]

- COME ON, GUYS.
RELAX.

WHERE YOU FROM?

- UM, CANADA.

- CANADA, AWESOME.

WELL, LISTEN, IF THE BARTENDER
CUTS YOU OFF,

WE GOT SOME EXTRA BEERS OVER BY
THE DART BOARD, ALL RIGHT?

CANADIANS ONLY.
- THANKS, MAN.

- ALL RIGHT, ENJOY.

- ♪ THAT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ TELL ME ♪

♪ COMING TO THE THUG, THUG ♪

♪ EVERYBODY, GOING TO
THE THUG, THUG ♪

♪ IT DOESN'T MATTER ♪

- ISN'T THAT LEWIS BLACK?

- HE'S FUCKING WASTED.

EXCUSE ME, MR. BLACK?

I'M HERE DOING A DOCUMENTARY
ON TANKS IN AFGHANISTAN.

I JUST WONDERED IF YOU WANTED
TO, LIKE, COMMENT OR SOMETHING.

- A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT TANKS
IN AFGHANISTAN.

- YEAH.
- WHY?

- WELL, I THINK PEOPLE
ARE INTERESTED IN

SORT OF WAR MACHINES,

AND THE--KIND OF
THE INDUSTRY OF WAR

AND THE TANK ITSELF.

THE TANK HAS A VERY
RICH HISTORY.

- OH, YEAH, IT'S GONNA BE
A BIG SELLER.

BIG--THEY'LL BE LINING UP.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE
HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR,

SOMETHING THAT RESEMBLES
A GIANT INSECT.

I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK IS
THE MATTER WITH YOU?

- WELL, WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO AFGHANISTAN?

- YOU KNOW WHAT
BRINGS ME HERE

IS THE JOY OF COMING TO A PLACE

WHERE PEOPLE DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE
INDOOR PLUMBING.

WHAT A TREAT
TO WANDER SMELLING YOUR SHIT.

THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH
THE SMELL OF SHIT.

YOU KNOW?

NOBODY KNOWS THIS, BUT YOU'RE
NOT GONNA BEAT A COUNTRY

THAT DOESN'T HAVE
INDOOR PLUMBING.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE COULD DO?

YOU KNOW HOW YOU WOULD CHANGE
ALL OF THIS?

YOU KNOW HOW YOU CHANGE
THE HEARTS AND MINDS?

ONE PORCELAIN BOWL AT A TIME.

AH, VICTORY WOULD BE OURS.

I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH, AND DON'T
SHOW THAT TO THE USO FOLKS.

I'M HERE WITH THEM,

AND IT'S GONNA REALLY
PISS THEM OFF.

- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
THANK YOU, MR. BLACK.

FUCKIN' LEWIS BLACK.

- RANGE FOUR FEET.
NO WIND.

AIM ONE INCH HIGH
AND TO THE LEFT.

both: OH!

- WHOA, WATCH IT THERE,
MISS FREEDOM.

YOU ALMOST GOT THE SARGE'S DART
IN YOU.

- REALLY?
WELL, HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

- [chuckles]
YOU CAN TELL HER.

SHE ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

- HEY, CANADIAN?

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

- WELCOME TO THE SANDBOX.

- I DO A LOT OF
FREELANCE WRITING

FOR, LIKE, NEWSPAPERS AND
MAGAZINES AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

I'M ACTUALLY HERE WITH
MY BUDDY LUKE BENNING.

I'M HELPING HIM OUT WITH
HIS STORY A LITTLE BIT,

BUT MY MAIN KIND OF THING
HERE IS,

I'M PRODUCING THIS DOCUMENTARY
FOR CNN.

- WHOA, CNN?
- YEAH.

- WOW.
- YEAH, YEAH.

- SO WHAT'S UP?

- IT'S A HASH STORY, IS IT?

WELL, YOU'VE CERTAINLY COME TO
THE RIGHT FUCKIN' PLACE.

I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

- YEAH, I UNDERSTAND
THIS COUNTRY

HAS A BIT OF A DRUG INDUSTRY.

- OH, FUCK YEAH.

ONE THING'S TO BE SURE,

THESE FUCKERS'LL NEVER STOP
GROWING DOPE.

- DO YOU SMOKE?

- NO, I DON'T EVEN DRINK.

EVERYONE ELSE HERE IS
PRETTY HIGH THOUGH.

COPS, AFGHAN ARMY, FARMERS,
EVEN THE COCKS.

- BIG DIRTY COCKS.

- COCKS?

- OH, THAT'S TALIBAN, RIGHT?

WE CALL THEM THAT.
WE CALL THEM THE "TALICOCKS".

COCKS FOR SHORT.

- REALLY, THE TALICOCKS--

THEY SMOKE HASH WHEN
THEY'RE FIGHTING.

- WHAT THEY DO IS THEY ACTUALLY
HIDE IN THE WEED FIELDS, RIGHT,

'CAUSE SO MUCH HEAT COMES OFF
THE WEED PLANT,

OUR HEAT SCOPES CAN'T
PICK THEM UP WHEN THEY'RE HIGH.

YOU KNOW, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE
OF A FIREFIGHT,

THEY JUST LIGHT UP, SMOKE HASH.

THEY'RE ALWAYS SMOKING HASH.
THEY'RE FUCKED.

- THEY GROW THEIR OWN.

- YEAH, WELL, THAT'S HOW THEY
MAKE ALL THEIR FUCKIN' MONEY.

- IS THAT YOUR ROLE HERE?
YOU'RE DRUG ERADICATION?

- NO, NO, NO, I'M A--

I'M A SHARPSHOOTER.

- NO SHIT.

YOU'RE A SNIPER?
- SHARPSHOOTER.

- IS A--IS IT A GOOD JOB?

- YEAH, IT'S NOT BAD, YOU KNOW?

WE'RE OUR OWN BOSSES,
DAVEY AND ME.

GOES WHERE WE WANTS
WHEN WE WANTS.

KILLS WHO WE WANTS.

- ONLY THE BAD GUYS, THOUGH.

- CAN YOU GET ME TO SHIRAC?

- SHIRAC.

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TO GO
TO SHIRAC FOR?

- HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?

- LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

SHIRAC IS THE MOST FUCKED UP
PLACE IN THIS ENTIRE COUNTRY.

IT'S WORSE NOW THAN IT EVER WAS.

I MEAN, IT'S NOTHING BUT FUCKIN'
TALIBAN, WARLORDS, AND PRICKS.

NAH, IT'S TOO FUCKED FOR ME.

IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU,
ALL RIGHT?

- YEAH, YEAH.

- HEY, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW

YOU'RE TALKING TO THE BEST
IN THE BUSINESS HERE.

MY FRIEND IS BERNSTEIN AND
WOODWARD ROLLED INTO ONE.

- ALL RIGHT,
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, BUDDY.

- LISTEN.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF STORY
IT IS THAT YOU'RE WRITING,

BUT YOU WANTS TO BE CAREFUL,
ALL RIGHT?

THERE'S A WAR ON OUT THERE.

PEOPLE GETS KILLED ALL THE TIME.

IF I WERE YOU AND
YOUR FRIEND HERE,

I'D STEER THE FUCK CLEAR
OF SHIRAC.

- ♪ I AM A AFGHAN RAPPER
AND THAT'S A FACT ♪

♪ YES, BAD, BAD,
I'M A BAD AFGHAN ♪

♪ I RAP BETTER ON THE MIC
THAN ANY AFGHAN CAN ♪

♪ I HAVE A TURBAN ♪

- I'M GOING TO BED, MAN.
YOU CAN FIND THE TENT.

- HEY, EVERYONE,
YOU FEEL IT, RIGHT?

HOW COME THERE'S
NOBODY'S DANCING?

- GET OFF THE FUCKING STAGE!

- OH, BOY, THIS IS
A TOUGH CROWD.

- THOSE SHARPSHOOTERS,

IT'S LIKE THEY HEARD
I WAS DOING THE FINGER STORY.

MARK, IMRAN, ONE OF THOSE
ASSHOLES SOLD ME OUT.

I'LL NEVER GET AN EMBED NOW.

GOT TO FIND MATEEN,
GET OUT OF HERE.

GOT TO FIND THAT GRAVE.

- OH, FUCK.

WHAT THE FUCK IS--

THERE'S A FUCKIN' DOG
IN THE TENT.

GODDAMN DOG IN THE TENT, LUKE.
- WHAT?

- WHO DO YOU BELONG TO?
- WHAT?

- GO AWAY.
GET OUT OF HERE.

- WHY'D YOU LET THE DOG IN HERE,
MAN?

- LUKE.

MY GOD, HOW ARE YOU?

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE YOU
AND MARK, UH...

OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

TOM.

SALAAM, KID.

- HEY, IMRAN.
- HEY.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- SAME AS YOU,
I WOULD THINK.

- MARK SENT YOU HERE?
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.

- NO, MARK, HELL NO.

NO, NO, I'M WITH THE TIMES NOW.

- WOW.
WELL, I BETTER GET BACK TO WORK.

- NO, NO, IS VERY GOOD NOSE.

[speaking foreign language]

- DON'T BULLSHIT ME.

YOU STOLE THAT DOG
FROM THE AMERICANS.

- HMM?
- HUH?

- NO, NO...

[calling to dog
in foreign language]

- COME HERE, BOY.
COME HERE.

COME HERE.

GOOD DOG.

WOW, SO I GUESS

THEY TRAIN THEIR DOGS
EXCLUSIVELY IN ENGLISH THEN?

LUKE, GOOD LUCK, BROTHER.

- OH, DID HE LEAVE?
THAT'S TOO BAD.

I REALLY LIKE THAT GUY.

- HE TOOK MY FUCKING FIXER.
HE'S AFTER MY STORY.

- EASY COME, EASY GO.

HE'S JUST A TRANSLATOR.

- HE'S MY TRANSLATOR.

IMRAN DOESN'T NEED ONE.

HE SPEAKS EVERY LANGUAGE
IN CENTRAL FUCKING ASIA.

HE TOOK MY FIXER.

- FIXER OR FINGER, LUKE?

[tank whirring]

[gunshot]

HEY, WATCH IT,
FULL METAL JACKASS.

- HEY.
- HEY.

- YOU'RE THE CNN GUY.
- YEAH, YEAH, YOU'RE...

- I'M--
- YOU'RE STEVE, RIGHT?

- YES.

- UM, ARE THESE YOUR TANKS?

- YEAH, YEAH, THEY ARE.

- CAN I TRY?

- YEAH, OKAY, YEAH.
- YEAH?

- YEAH, GO TO TOWN.
- OKAY.

- BE CAREFUL.

- WELL, I WON'T GO TO TOWN,
BUT...

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

[chuckling]

- OKAY, I THINK OUR TAXI
MIGHT BE HERE.

- TAXI?

- YOU REMEMBER THAT KID
LAST NIGHT, THAT RAPPER?

- WELL, I STAYED TO TALK TO HIM
AFTER HIS ATROCIOUSLY BAD SET,

AND IT TURNS OUT HIS UNCLE IS,
LIKE, SOME KIND OF OFFICIAL.

APPARENTLY HE'S IN CHARGE OF ALL
THE DOPE FIELDS IN THE COUNTRY.

HE'S LIKE THE MINISTER OF HASH
OR SOMETHING.

- HE'S IN THE GOVERNMENT?
- YEAH, HE'S IN THE GOVERNMENT.

- HOW?
WHAT'D YOU SAY TO HIM?

- NOTHING.

JUST, YOU KNOW, TOLD THE KID
WE WERE MUSIC EXECUTIVES,

AND MAYBE WE COULD HELP HIM
GET A RECORD DEAL.

I MEAN, AT THE VERY LEAST,
IT'LL BE INTERESTING.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET A CHANCE TO
MEET A GUY LIKE THIS?

COME ON, MAN.
WE'RE IN AFGHANISTAN.

WE NEED TO GET SOME HASH.

- ALL RIGHT, YEAH,
WE'LL GO TO THE MEETING,

BUT WE HAVE TO GET A FIXER RIGHT
AFTERWARDS AND GO TO SHIRAC,

OKAY?
- NO PROBLEM.

- IMRAN AND THE TIMES,
THAT WAS INEVITABLE.

LIKE TOM AND HASH.

BUT IMRAN'S GOING STRAIGHT
TO SHIRAC,

AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE
A FIXER NOW.

MAYBE TOM'S GOVERNMENT GUY,
ONE OF THOSE WARLORD TYPES,

GET YOU ANYTHING.

- THANKS, BOSS.
WE'RE GONNA BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

OKAY, JUST WAIT HERE.

WE'LL BE BACK IN, LIKE,
HALF AN HOUR.

COOL, THANK YOU.
JESUS.

[goat braying]

KID TOLD ME TO WAIT
AT THE MARKET.

SAID SOMEBODY WOULD FIND US AND
TAKE US TO THE MEETING.

I DON'T KNOW.

[chicken clucking]

- THAT'S MATEEN?

- HOW YOU DOING?
NICE TO SEE YOU.

LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

DO YOU THINK THAT
WE'RE ALL STUPID?

HEY, GOOD BOY.
- HEY, RELAX.

- HEY, I'M TALKING TO
YOUR FRIEND.

LEAVE US.

- YEAH, GIVE US A SECOND.

- BULLSHIT, MAN.

- YES, OKAY, PLEASE GO BACK TO
FOO FIGHTERS, OKAY?

- YEAH, HILARIOUS.

- I HEAR YOU ARE
MUSIC EXECUTIVE.

- THAT WASN'T MY IDEA.

- WELL, AND WHAT IS THIS
BULLSHIT ABOUT HASH IN SHIRAC?

YOU KNOW AND I KNOW
THERE'S NOTHING IN SHIRAC

EXCEPT MISSING FINGERS.

- DID YOU TELL IMRAN THAT?

DOES HE KNOW?

- OF COURSE I TELL HIM.

HE PAY ME THE BIG MONEY.

BUT I THINK MAYBE YOU ARE
THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES.

BUT I'M NOT SURE EVEN YOU CARE,
NOT REALLY,

EXCEPT THE WAY THAT IMRAN CARES,
YOU KNOW?

FOR HIS PICTURE IN THE PAPER,
HE CARE.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT, MATEEN?

- HEY.
HEY.

- THIS MEETING YOU ARE HAVING
WITH ASSAD, HUH?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

YOU'RE DEALING WITH SOME
VERY DANGEROUS PEOPLE HERE.

YOU NEED ME.
- YOU LEFT ME OUT THERE.

- YOUR HORSE KNEW THE WAY HOME,
DIDN'T HE?

- HE DI--IT TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH
TO GET BACK.

- WHAT IS A MONTH?

IN AFGHANISTAN,
A MONTH IS NOTHING.

- I DON'T NEED YOU TO GET BACK
TO SHIRAC, OKAY?

- YOU DON'T NEED ME?
- NO, I DON'T.

- FINE, HERE, HERE.

TAKE YOUR CANYON DAM PODDING
PIECE OF SHIT.

I ALSO PUT IN THIRD PARTY
NEW BATTERY.

FIRST BATTERY WAS SHIT,
KEPT TURNING ITSELF ON.

THIS BATTERY MUCH BETTER.

LASTS SIX HOURS NOW.

FINE, GOOD-BYE.

[speaking foreign language]

- HEY, MATEEN?

- [speaking foreign language]

- MATEEN?
- WHAT?

- I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE
WORKING WITH IMRAN.

I DO KIND OF NEED YOU,
ALL RIGHT?

- OKAY, BUT THIS IS
LAST CHANCE FOR YOU

TO BE HUMAN BEING WITH ME,
YOU UNDERSTAND, BIG SHOT?

OKAY, LET'S GET FOO FIGHTER
AND BACK TO BASE.

MUSIC EXECUTIVES.
IDIOT.

- HEY, I GOT THE MEETING,
DIDN'T I?

- YES, BY LIES TO ASSAD.

SHOULD TALK RIGHT TO ASSAD.

HE WILL KILL YOU.
WE SHOULD NOT DO THIS MEETING.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WE'RE DOING THE MEETING.

- LUKE, I AM TELLING YOU
WE SHOULD NOT DO THIS MEETING.

- WE'RE GOING AHEAD AS PLANNED,
AND WE'RE DOING THIS MEETING.

- YOU CANNOT DO THIS MEETING.
- WE'RE DOING THE MEETING.

- WE SHOULD NOT DO THIS MEETING.
- MATEEN, SHUT UP!

THIS GUY'S GONNA HOOK US UP
WITH PREMIUM HASH.

WE'RE HAVING THE MEETING.
END OF STORY.

- I MEAN, WE--WE ARE HERE,
YOU KNOW?

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST DO IT.

- HE'S HERE.
GET UP, GET UP, THIS IS HIM.

- GOOD.

[clears throat]

- HEY, FOO FIGHTER,
NO MINISTER OF HASH.

IT'S VERY INSULTING.

- [speaking foreign language]

WELCOME.

COME IN.

- SO THE BOTTOM LINE IS,

WE KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE
WHO MIGHT BE INTERESTED.

WE'RE PRETTY WELL CONNECTED
IN THE BUSINESS IN NEW YORK.

I'M PERSONALLY REALLY
WELL CONNECTED IN THE--

- WELL, YOUR CONNECTIONS
IN NEW YORK,

WOULD THEY BE INTERESTED

IN SIGNING MY NEPHEW
TO RECORD DEAL?

THE BOY YOU SAW LAST NIGHT
AT THE GENGHIS.

- OH, YEAH, HE'S FULL OF TALENT.

I HAVE NO PROBLEM SIGNING HIM.

YOU KNOW, TALKING TO MY BUDDIES
ABOUT SIGNING HIM.

- HE'S GOOD.
YOU'RE VERY FUNNY.

YOU MUST BE MUSIC EXECUTIVE,
BECAUSE YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.

[chuckling]

MY NEPHEW'S NOT GREAT.

HE'S FUCKING TERRIBLE, MAN.
- TERRIBLE FLOW.

- BUT HE'S MY NEPHEW.
WHAT CAN I DO?

HOWEVER, SOME OF THESE OTHER
AFGHAN RAPPERS,

THEY ARE VERY GOOD.

SO PLEASE, WE WILL HAVE CDs
WAITING FOR YOU.

- I DON'T THINK IT'LL BE
A PROBLEM TO HELP YOU

GET A RECORD DEAL.

- WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FROM ME?

- UM...HASH?

LOTS OF IT.
MAYBE ALSO TO FILM IT.

MAYBE FILM ALL OF US
SMOKING AROUND THE TABLE.

AND THEN, YOU KNOW, MAYBE KEEP
SOME OF IT AFTER,

BUT FOR, YOU KNOW, A GOOD PRICE.

- OH, OF COURSE FOR GOOD PRICE.

[speaking foreign language]

- WHAT, WHAT'D YOU SAY?

- I SAID, "WHAT IS IT
WITH WHITE GUYS AND HASH?

AND THEY ALWAYS SAY,
'GOOD PRICE.'"

- GENTLEMEN.

- OUR'S IS AROMATIC.

SPICY.

A SWEET, GENEROUS SUBSTANCE

GROWN ORGANICALLY WITHOUT
HARMFUL PESTICIDES,

BUT EACH REGION HAS ITS
OWN PECULIAR SET OF INGREDIENTS

WHICH MAKES FOR A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT TASTE

AND SENSORY EXPERIENCE.

IT IS WHAT THE FRENCH CALL
TERROIR.

- AH, YES, THE WAR ON TERROIR.

[chuckling]

- WHY YOU NOT SMOKE OUR HASH,
LUKE?

- IT'S JUST NOT MY THING.

- GOOD.

LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.

I HAD A LADY FRIEND ONCE.

BRUBA WAS HER NAME.

SHE WAS A NICE GIRL,
SWEET LIKE OUR HASH.

ANYWAY, ONE DAY,
WE WERE HAVING A PICNIC.

I DON'T REMEMBER.

WE WERE DISCUSSING EXISTENTIAL
MOTIFS IN RUSSIAN POETRY.

BUT SHE SAID SOMETHING
VERY PROFOUND TO ME.

SHE SAID, "ASSAD, AN OUNCE
OF BLOOD IS WORTH MORE

THAN A POUND OF FRIENDSHIP."

SIX WEEKS LATER, HER FATHER
FOUND OUT WE WERE DATING,

AND HE SHOT HER IN THE BACK.

BUT SUCH IS LIFE IN AFGHANISTAN.

EVERYONE IS BOOBY-TRAPPED,
DOUBLE-CROSSING, DOUBLE-CROSSED.

EVERYDAY, BOMBS, BLOODSHED,
CORRUPTION.

I SAY TO MYSELF,
"ASSAD-SELF,

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION?"

LIKE YOU.

I SUPPOSE WE'RE ALL
FREEDOM FIGHTERS, NO?

WE MAKE THE BEST HIP-HOP AND RAP
IN ASIA, PERIOD,

AND NO ONE IS HEARING IT,

AND THIS BOTHERS ME.

YOU HELP ME GET HAMID'S BAND'S
RECORD DEAL IN THE WEST,

AND I WILL GET YOU THE BEST
FUCKING HASH MONEY CAN BUY.

BUT DON'T...

IF YOU TRY TO DOUBLE-CROSS ME,

IF YOU TRY TO FUCK ME...

- YEAH.

- YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.

LET US NOT ASSUME THE WORST,
OKAY?

WE HAVE A DEAL?
GOOD.

EMAIL ADDRESS IS ASSAD,

A-S-S-A-D@HAMIDPRODUCTIONS.MC/
ATTENTION: ASSAD.COM.

OKAY, READ IT BACK TO ME.
- NO, I THINK I GOT IT.

- YOU GOT IT?
- YEAH.

- AND WHAT IS YOUR
EMAIL ADDRESS?

- YOU HAVE A PEN?

- YES, I HAVE A PEN.
MY PEN IS IN YOUR HAND.

- YEAH.

RIGHT.

MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS
TOM@TOMSMAIL.ORG/NET.

[slight chuckle]
- LET'S GO.

- TOM THINKS HE'S ALL GONZO,

BUT AFGHAN GONZO IS WAY
OUT OF HIS LEAGUE.

ASSAD AND HAMID ARE
THE NEW AFGHANISTAN,

THE NEW MONEY,
REAL ASSHOLES.

MORE SCARFACE THAN
HUNTER S. THOMPSON.

FEAR AND FUCKING LOATHING
IN AFGHANISTAN.

- [speaking foreign language]

LET'S GO FOR HAPPY HOUR
SHOOTER TIME.

[Snap!'s The Power]

♪ ♪

OKAY, MY FRIEND.

THERE IS DRUG ERADICATION TEAM
LEAVING HERE TOMORROW MORNING.

WE GO WITH THEM.

- THERE'S WHAT?
WHAT IS IT?

- DRUG ERADICATION TEAM.

- THEY'RE GONNA TAKE US
TO SHIRAC.

- SHIRAC?

- YEAH, I NEED TO GET TO SHIRAC,
MATEEN.

- MY FRIEND, I TOLD YOU,
IT'S ALL TALIBAN.

IT'S ALL TALIBAN.

WE GO WITH THEM AS FAR AS
MY UNCLE'S VILLAGE.

- YOUR UNCLE'S VILLAGE?

HE'S--WHAT,
HE'S GONNA HELP US OUT?

- YEAH, HE IS WARLORD.

YES, WE ARE SAFE
IN HIS PROVINCE,

AND THEN AFTER THAT,
WE FIGURE IT OUT, MAN.

WE FIGURE IT OUT.

[helicopter blades whirring]

- SO I'M THE FIRST ONE HERE.

- YES, YOU ARE EARLY RISER.
THIS IS GOOD.

- IT'S GOOD.

I'M LUKE, BY THE WAY.

- HELLO.

HELLO, LUKE.
I'M ELITA.

UM, HAVE A SEAT AND MEDIA
BRIEFING WILL BEGIN SHORTLY.

- OH, HI.
- YES.

- I READ YOUR PIECE ON
THE GENERAL.

- MCCHRYSTAL, YEAH?

YEAH, I WAS PART OF THAT.

- YEAH, I BET.
IT WAS FUCKED.

- YOU'RE FUCKED.

- CLASSIC COUNTERINSURGENCY,
PROTECT THE LOCALS,

YOU ACTUALLY BOUGHT THAT SHIT?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"BOUGHT THAT SHIT"?

MCCHRYSTAL UNDERSTANDS EXACTLY
HOW PASHTUN TRIBES

EXERCISE CONTROL
OVER THE POPULATION.

SO YES, COUNTERINSURGENCY IS
THE BEST STRATEGY.

- IT'S NOT COUNTERINSURGENCY.
IT'S COUNTERTERRORISM...

- REMEMBER JOURNALISM, LUKE?
REMEMBER THAT?

- IN THE MIDDLE OF A CIVIL WAR.

PURE WHACK-A-MOLE.
ASK YOUR SNIPERS.

- OH, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP,
ALL RIGHT?

- YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP.
- LIKE YOU KNOW.

STICK TO YOUR STORIES ABOUT
GETTING HIGH.

- I DO KNOW; AT LEAST I DON'T
HAVE TO SUCK COCKS NOW.

- OH, YEAH, ARE YOU JEALOUS?

LIKE YOU WOULDN'T SUCK A COCK
TO GET A STORY.

- YOU SUCKED THE SHIT OUT OF
MCCHRYSTAL'S COCK.

- YOU FUCKIN' TALKING ABOUT?

- MARK'S BITCH IN CANADA.
- YOU WISH THAT WAS THE STORY.

YOU WISH--YOU WISH THAT'S HOW
I GOT MY FUCKIN' STORY.

- YOU CAN'T GET ENOUGH.
IT'S COCK FEST.

- WELL...

- FIGURE OF SPEECH THAT...

- THIS FUCKIN' GUY.

- COCKSUCKING,
IT WASN'T A LITERAL...

- YES, YOU ARE EXPERT
COCKSUCKERS.

YOU TRY TO MAKE SENSE
OF THIS PLACE.

A PLACE THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

AFGHANS DO NOT KNOW
WHAT HAPPENS HERE,

BUT YOU TOURISTS KNOW.

[chuckles]

- NICE, NICE WORK.
- FUCK OFF.

- YEAH.

- GOOD MORNING.
AS YOU ALL KNOW,

AFGHANISTAN PRODUCES
92% OF THE WORLD'S HEROIN

WITH A STREET VALUE OF
$4 BILLION.

NOW, ABOUT $500 MILLION OF THAT
GOES TO THE TALIBAN

TO FUND THEIR INSURGENCY.

- SO WHERE'S THE OTHER
$3.5 BILLION?

WHERE DOES THAT GO?

- THAT GOES INTO A HOCKEY POOL.

PERSONALLY, I'M HOPING FOR
VANCOUVER THIS YEAR.

AS I WAS SAYING,

AS OUR ANTI-OPIUM PROGRAMS
HAVE BECOME SUCCESSFUL,

MANY FARMS HAVE RESORTED
TO GROWING MARIJUANA

WHICH THEY THEN TURN
INTO HASHISH.

AFGHANISTAN IS NOW THE WORLD'S
SECOND LARGEST PRODUCER OF HASH

IN THE WORLD AFTER MOROCCO.

NOW, AS YOU ALSO KNOW,

NATO HAS RECENTLY AGREED TO
HELP US CAPTURE AND PROSECUTE

MAJOR DRUG DEALERS,
WHICH IS A GOOD THING.

- DOES THAT MEAN YOU'LL BE GOING
AFTER GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS THEN?

[laughter]

YOU CAN LAUGH, SIR.
IT WAS FUNNY.

- OKAY, THANK YOU FOR
YOUR INSIGHTFUL QUESTIONS.

AS I WAS SAYING, OSR HAS AGREED
TO ALLOW JOURNALISTS

TO ACCOMPANY
ERADICATION OPERATIONS

TO THEIR DESTINATIONS TODAY.

- OSR?

- OUTCOME SOLUTIONS RESOURCES.

- YEAH, I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.

PRIVATE CONTRACTORS.

SO NO COPS, NO AFGHAN ARMY?

- YES.

OKAY, CONVOY LEAVES
IN 38 MINUTES.

DON'T BE LATE OR
WE'LL LEAVE YOU AT THE GATE.

YOU CAN COORDINATE WITH
MY ASSISTANT, ELITA.

SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
SHE'LL TAKE YOUR NAMES.

- OKAY, WAIT, I'LL BE BACK.

- HI.
- OH.

- I'M GONNA SIGN UP FOR
MY FRIEND AND MY FIXER AS WELL.

- SURE.

- SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
IN THERE EARLIER.

IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL AND,

YOU KNOW, WE WERE JUST
MESSING AROUND, OLD FRIENDS.

- YES, I UNDERSTAND.

BOYS WILL BE BOYS.

- I'M TRYING TO PLACE
YOUR SLIGHT ACCENT.

- LATVIA.

- I DIDN'T KNOW LATVIA
WAS PART OF NATO.

- AND I DIDN'T KNOW THAT CANADA
IS GREAT MILITARY POWER AGAIN.

EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO.

I THINK IF YOU WAIT FOR YOUR
FRIEND, YOU WILL BE LEFT BEHIND.

- DID THEY LEAVE?
FUCK!

I'M NOT LATE.

I DON'T SEE MATEEN.
WHERE'S MATEEN?

- I WOULD HAVE LEFT WITHOUT YOU.
I CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT MATEEN.

- HOW COULD THEY LEAVE WITHOUT
THE CNN GUY?

- [chuckles]

- WHAT CNN GUY?

WHAT CNN GUY?

- THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU.

- ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE
THAT YOU WORK FOR CNN?

- THIS GUY.
HE WORKS FOR CNN.

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

- YES.

- HANG ON A SECOND, MISS.

TOM, DO YOU WORK FOR CNN?

- NO.

- CNN IS PAYING YOU?
THEY'RE PAYING YOU?

- NO, IMRAN,
THEY'RE NOT PAYING ME.

- OH.
- YET.

I'M PAYING FOR ALL THIS MYSELF.

I'M A FREELANCE DOCUMENTARY
FILMMAKER,

AND I HOPE TO SELL MY DOC
TO THEM EVENTUALLY.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU, REALLY?
- THAT'S FINE, YEAH.

THAT'S FINE.
- GOOD.

- STOP, IT'S THE OTHER PART

THAT I HAVE AN ISSUE WITH.

- YEAH, SORRY FOR BEING
A POSITIVE THINKER.

I MAY HAVE GOTTEN
A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.

IT MIGHT'VE COME OUT.

BUT I NEVER ACTUALLY SAID
THE WORDS, "I WORK FOR CNN."

- THAT'S ENOUGH, ALL RIGHT?

- WHERE'S YOUR SENSE OF ETHICS?

THIS JACKASS IS TELLING PEOPLE
THAT HE WORKS FOR CNN.

THAT LOWERS THE BAR
FOR ALL OF US.

- BOSS, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK
IF YOU WORK FOR CBC.

IS SOMEONE GETTING IN
THE FUCKIN' LAV TODAY?

- CBC.

THAT'S YOUR GOAL.

- LUKE.

- MATEEN, WHERE THE FUCK
HAVE YOU BEEN, MAN?

WE MISSED OUR RIDE.

- IT'S OKAY, LUKE.
WE GO IN THIS TAXI.

CONVOYS ARE TARGETS.

THIS MUCH SAFER.

- THIS IS THE SAFEST VEHICLE
IN AFGHANISTAN.

- HEY, LET ME INTRODUCE
USTAD MIR.

- USTAD WHAT?
- USTAD MIR, MEANS TEACHER.

- SALAAM.
- HOW YOU DOING?

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO THEN.

- DUDE, I GOT TO BRING AT LEAST
ONE OF MY TANKS.

- YOU HAVE TO?
- YEAH, I DO.

WHAT I'M WORKING ON IS
IMPORTANT TOO, LUKE.

MIGHT NOT BE AS IMPORTANT
AS YOUR STORY,

BUT IT MATTERS TO ME.

I'VE GOT TO GET SOME SHOTS.

JUST GIVE ME A SECOND.

OKAY, I'M JUST--
I'M SORRY THAT I LIED TO YOU.

IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL,

AND I REALLY DIDN'T THINK
I HAD A CHANCE WITH YOU.

AND I JUST--I WAS EXCITED.

JUST KIND OF FUCKING
CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH,

ALL THAT STUPID CNN SHIT.

IT'S JUST--YOU KNOW, I WAS
JUST TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU.

I'M AN IDIOT,
AND I'M REALLY SORRY.

SO I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME
AND, YOU KNOW, HAVE A GOOD LIFE.

- HEY.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE FAMOUS,

BUT I LIKE UNFAMOUS PEOPLE TOO.

- REALLY?

- SO WHAT IS IT THAT
YOU'RE DOING?

- THE VILLAGE NEEDS
A HEARING CLINIC.

PEOPLE MARRY THEIR FIRST COUSINS
TO KEEP PROPERTY IN THE FAMILY.

CONGENITAL DEAFNESS
IS VERY COMMON.

IT HAPPENS IN ARAB COUNTRIES
AND IN PARTS OF ISRAEL.

IT'S A BIG PROBLEM
EASILY SOLVED.

- SO WE'RE DESTROYING
THEIR ONLY CASH CROP,

AND YOU'RE BUILDING THEM
CLINICS?

- AS THE RUSSIANS USED TO SAY
WHEN THEY CAME,

"SNAFU: SITUATION NORMAL,
ALL FUCKED UP."

- ELITA!

- HI.

- WHAT'S GOING ON?

- WELL, I AM COMMUNITY LIAISON

SO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO THEM
WHY WE ARE BURNING THEIR FIELDS.

- [speaking foreign language]

- HE SAYS HE WANTS TO THANK US
FOR COMING HERE, BUT HE CANNOT.

- [speaking foreign language]

- SAYS YOU HAVE JUST DESTROYED
ALL HIS FIELDS.

- [speaking foreign language]

- HE HAS NOTHING LEFT.
ONLY HIS GUN.

- [speaking foreign language]

- HE SAYS WHAT DO YOU THINK
HE SHOULD DO?

- [speaking foreign language]

- HE WANTS YOU TO KNOW
HE IS NOT TALIBAN.

- [speaking foreign language]

- SHOULD HE JOIN THE TALIBAN?

- [speaking foreign language]

- TELL HIM I'M A JOURNALIST.
I'M A JOURNALIST.

- HEY, HEY, OH.

[speaking foreign language]

- [speaking foreign language]

- HE SAYS YOU WILL
GO BACK TO KABUL

AND DRINK AND BE WITH LADIES
AND FORGET ABOUT HIM.

- IT'S KIND OF TRUE, LUKE.

- USTAD MIR THINKS ONLY
THE CONVOY'S A TARGET.

BUT EVEN WITH ROADSIDE BOMBS,
THERE'S SAFETY IN NUMBERS.

NOW WE'RE JUST THE WEAK MEMBER
OF THE HERD.

- HONESTLY, THE BEST DESIGN
WOULD BE...

- BREATHE DEEP, BREATHE DEEP!

- TAKE SOME SOUVENIRS?

- ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH WITH
THE POT JOKES!

WE'RE NOT HERE TO SMOKE IT.
WE'RE HERE TO CUT IT DOWN.

ALL RIGHT, STOP--

[machine guns firing]

- GET HIM SOME HELP!

STAY FUCKIN' DOWN!

GO, GO, GO, GO!

MOVE IT!
MOVE IT!

- THEY'RE FUCKING LEAVING US.

JESUS FUCK, LUKE,
WE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE BASE.

- WE'RE NOT GOING BACK, TOM.
WE'RE GOING TO SHIRAC.

- I DIDN'T SIGN ONTO THIS STORY
TO GET FUCKING KILLED, LUKE!

- YOU WANT TO GO?
YOU FUCKING GO.

YOU'RE GONNA BE ON YOUR OWN.

ALL RIGHT, I TOLD YOU.

I FUCKIN' TOLD YOU
I WASN'T GONNA BABYSIT YOU.

- LET'S GET THE FUCK
OUT OF HERE.

LET'S GO.

- HARD TO TELL THE GOOD GUYS
FROM THE BAD GUYS HERE

TILL THEY TRY TO KILL YOU.

THEN YOU MEET SOMEONE
LIKE USTAD MIR.

SAVES YOUR ASS FOR NO REASON,
DOES IT JUST FOR FUN.

THAT'S A RUSSIAN PLANE.

- COURTESY OF STINGER MISSILE.

- THIS LOOKS LIKE A GOOD PLACE
FOR THE NIGHT.

- WHAT, IT'S PLAYTIME FOR YOU?

WHAT THE FUCK HE'S DOING?

- WHAT DO YOU WANT IN SHIRAC?

- I'M A JOURNALIST.

I'M WRITING A STORY ABOUT

HOW A BUNCH OF TALIBAN WERE
KILLED BY ONE SNIPER IN SHIRAC.

- OH, YES.

- YOU'VE HEARD OF THIS?
- EVERYONE HAS.

THERE WAS A GREAT MAN, HAKIM,

WHO WAS SHOT WITH
TWO OF HIS SONS.

I KNEW HIM.

I THOUGHT THIS GROUP COULD
SUPPORT THE AFGHAN PEOPLE,

BUT I WAS WRONG.

SO I WORK FOR THEM FOR A WHILE,

BUT I SWITCH SIDES
AND I JOINED THE DUSHKIES.

- THE DUSHKIES?

SOUNDS LIKE A FOLK BAND.

- SOVIET SOLDIERS CALLED
MUJAHIDEEN "DUSHKIE."

IT MEANS GHOST IN RUSSIAN.

- WE CAME AND WENT LIKE SPIRITS.

WE CHANGED SIDES ALL THE TIME.

- THERE ARE NO ENEMIES
IN AFGHANISTAN,

ONLY FUTURE ALLIES.

- WHEN I FIRST COME
TO AFGHANISTAN,

I AM WITH THE RED CROSS THEN.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO KABUL,

AND WE ARE THERE TO NEGOTIATE
FOR WOMEN TO USE THE HOSPITALS.

IMAGINE, WOMEN COULD NOT HAVE
MALE DOCTOR UNDER TALIBAN.

IT WAS INSANE.

I AM THE ONLY WOMAN
IN THE GROUP,

AND THE FUCKIN' TURBANS MAKE ME
SIT AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM

DURING MEETINGS IN A BURKA,
BUT I GET THEM.

- HOW?

- WELL, I SIT AT BACK OF ROOM,

NAKED UNDER BURKA.

NO PANTIES.

[chuckles]

MY PERSONAL REVENGE.

- NO PANTIES?

- THEY WOULD BE FURIOUS
IF THEY KNEW.

- MM-HMM, YES.

[sheep bleating]

MEN, YOU KNOW,
THEY WANT TO SAVE YOU

OR THEY WANT YOU TO SAVE THEM.

THE ONES THAT WANT JUST SEX
MUCH EASIER TO DEAL WITH.

- OKAY, SO WHICH ONE AM I?

- MMM, YOU,
LET ME THINK ON THIS.

I WORRY...

- I JUST WANT SEX.

- MAYBE YOU WANT EVERYTHING.

TO SAVE PEOPLE AND BE SAVED
AND THE SEX.

THIS IS DIFFICULT CONFUSION.

- SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD TO ME.

- [chuckles]

- USTAD MIR IS GONE.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, GONE?

- HE'S GONE.
HE'S GONE.

I LOOKED EVERYWHERE.

HIS TRUCK IS HERE,
BUT HE'S GONE.

- WHERE WOULD HE GO?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
LIKE KIDNAPPED OR WHAT?

- NO, THEY WOULD'VE
TAKEN US ALL.

- TOM, HAVE YOU SEEN USTAD MIR?

- NO.
- [sighs]

- WHY, IS HE GONE?

USTAD!

- I'M NOT LIKING THIS.
- SO WHAT DO WE DO?

DO WE WAIT?

- WE GO.
WE GO NOW.

LET'S PACK UP.
LET'S GO.

LET'S GO!

- [singing in foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

[phone beeping]

[chickens clucking]

- COME ON!

- HEY, WHAT--
NOW, WHY ARE WE STOPPING?

- OH, WE WAIT HERE.
WE SEND MESSAGE TO MY BROTHER.

- WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?

- IS THIS BUZKASHI?

BUZKASHI.
NOBLE AND ANCIENT GAME.

PLAYED WITH DECAPITATED GOATS.

- IT'S LIKE GOAT HOCKEY.

IT'S LIKE ROAD HOCKEY
WITH NO RULES.

- LUKE, LET ME BORROW 200
NEXT WEEK.

- I JUST PAID YOU.
- ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE GO IN TOGETHER.
WE MAKE THE BIG MONEY, HUH?

WE MAKE THE BIG MONEY.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

HEY, HEY.
[speaking foreign language]

TWO.
ACTUALLY, GIVE ME ONE MORE.

ONE MORE.
THREE, THREE.

- YOU KNOW THIS GAME?
- OH, I KNOW IT VERY WELL.

- THIS PLACE HAS ITS OWN RULES.

YOU CAN'T JUST COME HERE
AND TELL THEM WHAT TO DO.

IT'S THE WILD WEST OUT HERE.

THE FUCKING FRONTIER.

REDNECK.
STUBBORN.

TODAY, I'M PLAYING BY
MATEEN'S RULES.

I'M ON HIS CLOCK.

I GO TO SEE HIS UNCLE
WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT.

- [cheering]

BOOM.
OH!

CAN'T WAIT TO WIN MY $6.

- MOTHERFUCKER.
HE FUCKED US.

RIGHT BEHIND OUR BACK
AND TO OUR FACE!

HE WILL PAY DEARLY FOR THIS.

- HE'S GOT IT; HE'S GOT IT.
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHERE'S THE DEFENSE?
- [laughing]

- WHAT, WHY AREN'T THERE GOALIES
IN THIS GAME?

IS THAT THE MINISTER OF HASH?

- YOU HAVE TAKEN US AS FOOLS,

TOM@TOMSMAIL.ORG/NET,
MOTHERFUCKER!

- UH, I'LL DEAL WITH THIS.
RELAX.

- SHIT.

- SOME MAN WRITE BACK.
HE SAID HE IS NOT YOU,

AND DO I WANT A BIGGER PENIS?

WHAT?
LIES!

YOU SHOW ME GREAT DISRESPECT.

- NO, NO, NO, NO,
BIG MISUNDERSTANDING.

YOU SEE I SAID
TOM_77@TOMSMAIL.ORG/NET.

HUGE MISUNDERSTANDING.
NOT MY FAULT.

- OKAY, OKAY.
I WILL CHECK.

TOM_77@TOMSMAIL.ORG.NET!

- HE'S CHECKING.

[phone rings]

- BOUNCE BACK!

- BOUNCE BACK!

GOOD-BYE, TOM.
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT, WAIT.

HEY, NOBODY'S GONNA
SHOOT ANYBODY, OKAY?

LET'S USE OUR WORDS!

- TOM, GET OUT OF THERE!

[machine gun firing]

- HEY, SHOOT, SHOOT!
- I CAN'T SHOOT.

IT'S JAMMED, HAMID.

- HEY, YOU WANT TO MAKE FUCK
WITH ME?

YOU WANT TO MAKE FUCK WITH ME?

- FUCK.

[grunting]

OH, YOU'VE BEEN JERSEYED,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!

- WELL, GO IN AND HELP HIM!
GO, TOUGH MAN!

- I'M A JOURNALIST.

- HE IS YOUR FRIEND, GO.

- OH, FUCK.
[blow lands]

[muffled groaning]

- FUCKER, I WILL KILL YOU!

I WILL KILL YOU
AND EAT YOU FOR SUPPER.

- OKAY, MAN!
- OKAY, LET ME GO.

- [speaking foreign language]

- FUCK IS YOU.

[speaking foreign language]

- WE'RE NOT GONNA BE
SEEING THEM AGAIN.

- [chuckles]

I BET HE NEVER SAW THAT MOVE.

- FUCKIN' AMAZING.
- THANKS, BUD.

- WHAT IS GOING ON
WITH YOUR FRIEND MATEEN?

- MATEEN.

- MATEEN, WHAT'S WRONG?

- [speaking foreign language]

WE GO NOW PLEASE
TO SEE MY NEPHEW.

MY BROTHER DIE.

CAR ACCIDENT THIS MORNING.

I'M HIS FATHER NOW.

PLEASE LET'S GO.

- SO MANY WAYS TO DIE
IN THIS COUNTRY.

I.E.D., CAR BOMB, LAND MINE,
SNIPER, BAD CASE OF THE SHITS.

A FUCKING CAR ACCIDENT.

SOMETIMES YOU FORGET

THE WORLD'S GREATEST WEAPON OF
MASS DESTRUCTION

IS THE AUTO-FUCKING-MOBILE.

[loud rumbling]

- FUCK INSIDE MY HEAD,
FROM WHAT IS THIS?

- FUCKIN' "A" RIGHT.

- [sighs]

[camera clicking]

- GENTLEMEN.

- AH, YOU GUYS LOST?

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- WELL, I WAS TRAINING
THE AFGHAN ARMY,

AND THEN THEY JUST FUCKED OFF
AND LEFT.

- YEAH, MAN, IN THE MIDDLE
OF A FIREFIGHT,

THESE GUYS--THEY JUST EMPTY OUT
THEIR CHAMBERS

AND THEN FUCKIN' PUNCH OUT
AND GO HOME.

KIND OF WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING
RIGHT NOW.

- LIKE THAT CARTOON--
WHAT WAS THAT CARTOON?

REMEMBER WHEN THEY PUNCH OUT,

THEY GO HOME AND THEY'RE FRIENDS
AT THE END OF THE DAY,

WHAT IS THAT?
- OH, YEAH.

I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT.

- "HEY, SAM."
"HEY, RALPH."

- SAM AND RALPH.
OH, HOW YOU--

[explosion]

[high-pitched ringing]

[gunshots]

[muffled yelling]

[gunfire]

- DAVEY, WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING?

I COULD HAVE YOU HERE!

[machine guns firing]

DAVEY!

- [laughs]

HEY, GUYS, I'M OKAY!

I'M ALL RIGHT.

SHIT.

[gunshots]

- C-6, C-6, C-6!

GET THOSE FUCKERS
UP ON THE RIDGE.

GO, GO, GO!

[gun cocking]

[machine gun firing]

- CLEAR!

- CLEAR!

[fast breathing]

- LUKE, LUKE!

[tank engine turns over]

LUKE, WE GO.
WHAT?

- THERE WAS A BOMB IN THE TRUCK.
- WHAT?

- THERE WAS A BOMB IN THE TRUCK.

- LET'S GO.
LET'S GO.

- COULD WE GET--

[quiet sobbing]

COULD WE GET A BAG?

WE LOST DAVEY.

FUCK.

- RICK, I'M GONNA GO TO
THE NEXT VILLAGE

AND FIND OUT WHO THIS
LITTLE GIRL IS.

DROP THEM OFF.
COME BACK FOR ME, ALL RIGHT?

GOT SOME FUCKIN' GREAT SHOTS,
MAN.

- USTAD MIR BETRAYED US,
TRIED TO KILL US.

I SHOULD'VE PICKED UP ON HIM.

WHY ELSE WOULD HE JUST DISAPPEAR
LIKE THAT?

HOW CAN YOU WIN A WAR

WHERE YOU CAN'T TELL
THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN A TAXI DRIVER
AND THE TALIBAN?

MAKES ME WONDER WHAT ANY OF US
ARE DOING HERE.

ARE WE SERIOUSLY TRYING TO SOLVE
THIS PLACE?

YEAH, YOU LIKE?

- SOMEONE ONCE SAID TO ME,

"BELIEVING THERE IS A SOLUTION,

"THAT'S OUR WHOLE
FUCKING PROBLEM TO BEGIN WITH.

NOW, WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO SURVIVE LIKE THE AFGHANS."

- HEY, MATEEN.

- HEY, LUKE.
CHECK THIS OUT.

IT'S ENFIELD.

MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOOK IT OFF
DEAD BRITISHER.

MY BROTHER USED IT
AGAINST RUSSIAN.

- TOM'S BREAKING DOWN.

THE HASH, THE FOOD, THE WATER,
THE HEAT--HE'S FUCKED.

HOPE IT'S NOT DYSENTERY.

TOLD HIM TO STICK TO THE TEA.

- OH!

[groaning]

- ACHMAD SHAH,

BUT YOU CAN CALL ME SHITHOUSE.

PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN.
I'M NOT GONNA HURT YOU.

THAT WAS QUITE A FALL.
ARE YOU OKAY?

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE,
MY FRIEND?

- OH, THERE'S MORE PEOPLE.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- OH, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.

I'M SHITHOUSE SHAH.

THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL ME
AROUND HERE.

OH, IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU.

YEAH, YEAH, HOW YOU DOING?
HOW YOU DOING?

- MR. SHITHOUSE?
- YEAH, YEAH.

- THAT'S RIGHT,
SHITHOUSE, SHIT.

CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WANT.
I'M JUST SO GLAD TO SEE YOU.

- YEAH.
- [stammers]

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

ARE YOU OKAY?
- YEAH, I'M GOOD.

- WHAT ARE YOU--
ARE YOU AMERICAN?

- LATVIAN.
- CANADIAN.

- CANADIAN.
- I LOVE CANADIANS.

AND--AND LATVIANS.

- WHAT IS IT YOU DO?

- ME?
I'M A PLUMBER.

- PLUMBER?
- YEAH, BROOKLYN, AVENUE "A".

YOU KNOW THAT--

YOU KNOW THAT BAD WATER
AND POOR SANITATION

KILL MORE PEOPLE HERE
THAN NATO OR THE TALIBAN DO?

I'M SERIOUS.

WE'D BE BETTER OFF
WITH ONE PLUMBER

THAN 100 SPECIAL FORCES DUDES.

YEAH, AFGHANISTAN DOESN'T NEED
MORE SOLDIERS.

WHAT IT NEEDS IS MORE TOILETS
AND CLEAN WATER.

I MEAN, JUST LOOK AROUND.

IT'S POVERTY, BRO.

THESE PEOPLE?
THEY JUST WANT TO SURVIVE.

AND FAMILY IS--
IT'S ALL THEY GOT.

- FAMILY VALUES.
- THAT'S RIGHT.

AND REAL FAMILY VALUES, NOT
THE TAKEOUT FAMILY PACK KIND.

HEY, YOU GUYS SHOULD STAY OVER.

- OH, YEAH, WE'D LOVE TO,
BUT WE GOT TO HIT THE ROAD.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU'RE STAYING OVER.
I INSIST.

IT'S ON ME, PLEASE...

AS MY GUESTS.

- WHATEVER USTAD MIR DID,

HE WAS--HE WAS RIGHT
ABOUT ONE THING.

VILLAGES, THEY NEED BASIC
HEALTH CARE, EVEN JUST A CLINIC.

FORGET THIS FINGER.

STAY HERE WITH ME.

AND YOU CAN DO
SOMETHING USEFUL ALSO.

- USEFUL?

- YEAH, MAKE THESE TOILETS
WITH MR. SHAH.

- I COULD--I'M TELLING YOU--

I COULD USE YOUR HELP,
SERIOUSLY.

- I'M A JOURNALIST.

- YEAH, HE'S ALREADY
FULL OF SHIT.

[laughter]

- THAT'S--I LIKE THAT.

- I SPEAK SERIOUSLY.

THIS OBSESSION WITH THE TRUTH
IS TOO STUPID.

WE ARE NEARLY KILLED.

THIS IS AFGHANISTAN.

TRUTH?

EVERYTHING IS TRUE...

BUT THE FACTS.

AND WHO CARES?

IT'S BETTER TO DO SOMETHING.

- YOU'RE GONNA--
YOU'RE GONNA STAY HERE.

- YES, I WILL STAY HERE.

MY WORK MAKES A DIFFERENCE HERE.

I WILL NOT WATCH YOUR KIDNAPPING
ON YOUTUBE.

I'M GOING TO STAY HERE.

I'M NOT GOING WITH YOU
TO SHIRAC.

YOU ARE A FOOL.

TELL ME, WHAT GOOD IS IT
TO DIE FOR AMBITION?

HMM?

- WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS?

IT'S OKAY.
SHOULD BE OKAY.

WE SHOULD CHECK IT OUT.

- SOMETHING SMELLS DELICIOUS.

- [speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

- WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU,
GENTLEMEN?

- I AM MATEEN.
THIS IS LUKE.

- WELL, LET ME GUESS.
JOURNALISTS.

- I'M TOM.
- ARE YOU WITH THE U.N.?

- THAT'S RIGHT.

- IS IT--IS IT POSSIBLE
I COULD TALK TO YOU?

- I HOPE YOU BOYS LIKE MEAT.

IN THIS COUNTRY, CHICKEN IS
CONSIDERED A VEGETABLE.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN
AFGHANISTAN, DR. HINKLEY?

- I HAVE DEDICATED MY LIFE TO
PEOPLE'S LAST MOMENTS

ON THIS EARTH.

THE DEAD AREN'T LIKE THE LIVING.

THEY NEVER LIE.

OF COURSE, THEY DON'T TALK
TOO MUCH EITHER,

BUT WHEN THEY DO,

IT IS ALWAYS THE TRUTH.

- WHAT DOES HE SAY?

- SO THESE BODIES...

I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR
SOME BODIES.

- WELL, YOU HAVE COME TO
THE RIGHT PLACE.

- IT'S MISSING A FINGER OR TWO.

THEY WERE SHOT NEAR SHIRAC.

- WARLORD SHARPSHOOTERS.
SPRING, FALL MAYBE.

- THEY WERE SHOT BY SNIPERS.

- COULD'VE BEEN FRED.

- THERE'S A SNIPER NAMED FRED?

[laughing]

- HE KEEPS AN EYE ON THINGS

LIKE MY OLD MAN.

- YOUR OLD MAN?
- FRED.

- WHAT IS FRED?

- WAIT A MINUTE, SORRY, YOUR--
FRED IS YOUR OLD MAN'S NAME?

- WAS.
HE'S DEAD.

- HE WAS A GOOD GUY,
YOUR OLD MAN?

- A QUIET MAN.

ALWAYS WATCHING.

ALWAYS WATCHING.

VERY FINE.
THANK YOU.

FIVE MEN SHOT NEAR SHIRAC.

BURIED AT THE SITE.

WE HAVEN'T DUG IT UP
SO THEY'RE STILL THERE.

TAKE THAT MAP IF YOU WANT.

I'D HELP, BUT I DO HAVE MY WORK
CUT OUT FOR ME HERE

IN THE BONEYARD.

- DON'T NEED MAP.
DON'T NEED MAP.

WE CAN GO RIGHT NOW, AND BE TO
SHIRAC BEFORE YOU'RE THIRSTY.

- I'M JUST LOOKING AT THE ROADS.

- CAN WE JUST GET THE FUCK
OUT OF HERE, PLEASE?

YEAH?

- OH, YOU NEED HUG FROM MOMMY?
- HEY, COME ON, GUYS.

- [yelling in foreign language]

[gun cocking]

- JESUS.

MATEEN, WHAT THE FUCK?

- NOBODY SPEAK.
ONLY ME.

[men speaking foreign language]

- WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?

- THEY'RE TRYING TO TURN OFF
THE AUTOFOCUS.

- WHO IS THAT?

IMRAN?
- LUKE?

- HOW LONG YOU BEEN IN HERE?

- THEY GOT ME LAST NIGHT.

- [whispers]
LUKE.

- YEAH, MAN.

- THAT CARTOON?

"HEY, SAM."
"HEY, RALPH."

- YEAH.

- IT'S WOLF AND THE SHEEPDOG,
REMEMBER?

- YEAH.

- WOLF AND THE FUCKING SHEEPDOG.

- [speaking foreign language]

- [speaking foreign language]

- OH, FUCK.
- IT'S OKAY.

- FUCK.

- [speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

- OH, FUCK.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU
PEOPLE?

- [speaking foreign language]

- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
GET IT OVER WITH.

FUCKING KILL ME!
GET IT OVER WITH!

[gunshot]

- MAKIN' A FUCKIN' MOVIE,
ARE YOU BOYS?

WELL, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM.

- FUCK YOU, BUDDY.

PUT DOWN YOUR FUCKIN' WEAPON
NOW.

- OH, YEAH.

- OH, YEAH, FUCKIN' GO HOME
OUT OF IT MEATHEAD.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "GO HOME"?
KILL THEM!

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LETTING
THESE PRICKS GET AWAY FOR?

YOU'VE GOT A GUN.
FUCKIN' USE IT!

- THEY'RE NOT THE REAL
FUCKIN' TALIBAN.

SHIT, LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN' IDIOT
HERE PACKING UP HIS HANDYCAM.

GO THE FUCK HOME, OUT OF IT!

NOW, IF YOU WANT TO WASH
YOUR FUCKIN' GOAT.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THEY'RE NOT THE REAL TALIBAN?

- I MEAN, THEY'RE FAKES.
THEY'RE FUCKIN'...

THEY'RE WANNABES.
THEY'RE LIKE THE WANNA-BAN.

- YOU'RE TELLING ME
WE WERE KIDNAPPED

BY THE PHONY FUCKING TALIBAN?

- SORRY, BOYS, THIS IS
FUCKIN' AMATEUR HOUR.

I MEAN, ALL THE FOREIGN MONEY
GOES TO THE TOWNS

WITH THE REAL TALIBAN,

AND THESE FUCKIN' DONKEYS--

THEY JUST WANT A PIECE OF
THE ACTION THEMSELVES.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE FUCKIN'--

I DON'T KNOW,
THEY'RE HARMLESS.

THEY'RE FARMERS, KIDS.

HOW ARE YOU, BUDDY?

LONG TIME, NO SEE.

- WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?

I'M EMBEDDED WITH YOU.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
LOOKING OUT FOR ME.

- YEAH, WELL, NOW, IMRAN,
I TOLD YOU...

YOU GOES FUCKING OFF
BY YOURSELF;

I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF YOU, RIGHT?

- NO, I DIDN'T GO OFF BY MYSELF.

I WENT TO THAT NEXT VILLAGE.
I TOLD YOU.

YOU NEVER CAME BACK FOR ME.

- WHY DON'T WE JUST CALL IT
A LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING?

I MEAN, YOU GOT SOME
GREAT SHOTS, DIDN'T YOU?

- YOU OKAY?
- YEAH, YEAH.

I JUST CAN'T--
CAN'T CATCH MY BREATH.

- YEAH, IT'S OKAY.

OKAY.

YOU JUST SIT HERE FOR A BIT,
ALL RIGHT?

- YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT?

- I THOUGHT I COULD DO IT,
YOU KNOW?

I THOUGHT I COULD COME HERE,
YOU KNOW.

I THOUGHT I COULD HANDLE IT.
- YOU DID FINE.

- NO, I DIDN'T.
- YOU DID FINE, TOM.

- NO, I DIDN'T.
- YOU DID FINE.

[quiet sobbing]

COME HERE.
- I'M SORRY.

- OH, THAT'S OKAY.

- THIS IS FOR MILITARY
EMERGENCIES ONLY.

- THIS IS A MILITARY EMERGENCY,
SO...

WHAT THE SHIT?
YOU GOT GUMMY BEARS TOO?

THANKS, BOSS.

- DO YOU WANT ONE?

- HEY, MOM.

REALLY--IT'S REALLY GOOD
TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.

NO, WE'LL BE HOME IN
A COUPLE DAYS.

- YOU HAVE SOMETHING ON
YOUR MIND, LUKE?

- YOU'RE FRED.

- [chuckles]
WHAT?

- YOU'RE FRED.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHO'S FRED?

- TELL HIM.

IMRAN, MEET FRED
A.K.A. FREDDY KRUEGER,

MUTILATING SNIPER.

- WHAT?

YOU'RE THE--YOU'RE THE SNIPER.

THE FINGER GUY?

NO, THERE'S NO WAY
HE'S THE FINGER GUY.

- IT'S NO COINCIDENCE
WE JUST KEEP RUNNING INTO YOU.

RIGHT, YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING US
SINCE THE BEGINNING.

- YOU'RE THE FINGER GUY?

HOLY SHIT.
YOU BACK OFF, LUKE; HE'S MINE.

HE'S MY STORY.
RICK, YOU PROMISED ME.

- WHAT, HE'S NOT FUCKIN' YOURS.
- YOU PROMISED ME THIS STORY.

- IT'S MY FUCKIN' STORY.
- LISTEN, FUCK YOU, LUKE!

- OH, JESUS FUCKIN' CHRIST!

NEITHER ONE OF YOU TWO FUCKIN'
IDIOTS CAN STOP TALKING ABOUT

THIS FUCKIN' FINGER BULLSHIT,
CAN YOU?

[sighs]

FUCK THIS.

YOU WANT YOUR FUCKIN' FINGER,
IMRAN?

THERE IT IS.
I CUT IT OFF.

WAS KEEPING IT AROUND FOR LUCK.

IT'S A FUCKIN' CURSE.

SO YOU CAN HAVE IT, ALL RIGHT?
YOU FUCKIN' TAKE IT, HERE.

YOU TAKE HIM BACK TO BASE,
GIVE IT TO HIM THEN.

JUST GET HIM THE FUCK
OUT OF MY SIGHT.

- WHAT?

- THERE'S YOUR FUCKIN' EVIDENCE.
GET IN THE FUCKING JEEP!

- THANK YOU.

SORRY, BUDDY,
I GOT TO RUN WITH THIS.

- WHAT THE FUCK, RICK?

THAT IS MY GODDAMN STORY.

- COME WITH ME.
- WHERE?

- FUCKIN' SHIRAC.

AND YOU, YOU'RE NOT
FUCKIN' GOING.

YOU STAY HERE.
IT'S JUST HIM.

- WE ARE FRIENDS.
I GO WITH HIM.

- OH, YEAH?

DO YOU MIND IF
I TAKE YOUR HORSE, FRIEND?

- WHAT?

- MATEEN, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GO.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING US?

- TO FIND WHAT
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

- AND WHAT'S THAT?
- FUCK, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME?

- I WANTED TO SHOW WE COULD.
- COULD WHAT, LUKE?

- COULD GO CRAZY.
- SHIT.

WELL, SON, THAT'S WHAT WAR IS:
GOING CRAZY.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

- I WANTED TO TELL THE PEOPLE
AT HOME THAT.

I WANTED TO SHOW THAT CANADIANS
COULD DO JUST THE WEIRDEST STUFF

IN WAR AS ANYBODY ELSE.

WE'RE NOT SANITIZED.

WAR IS CRAZY,
AND WE'RE NO DIFFERENT.

CUTTING OFF A FINGER IS CRAZY.

DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE ANYWAY.

YOU GAVE IMRAN THE STORY.

- I GAVE IMRAN A BAG WITH
A PIECE OF CANDY IN IT.

THERE'S NO FINGER, LUKE.

NEVER WAS.
THERE'S NO STORY.

PROBLEM WITH YOU IS,

YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT UNTIL
YOU SEE IT WITH YOUR OWN EYES.

[horses begin to gallop]

THERE YOU GO.
START DIGGING.

- AM I DIGGING
MY OWN GRAVE HERE?

- BOY, YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S FUCKIN' CRAZY.

- I SAW YOU DO IT.

- OH, WHAT'D YOU SEE, LUKE?

A COUPLE OF SOLDIERS
IN FULL CAMO GEAR

JOKING AROUND WITH THE BODIES.

YOU SAW WHAT YOU WANTED TO SEE,

'CAUSE FIXIN'S ALWAYS
A BETTER STORY THAN THE TRUTH,

ISN'T IT?

WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER
ANYWAYS?

THEY WERE BAD PEOPLE,
IT WAS A GOOD SHOT,

AND NO ONE GIVES A FUCK
WHEN ONE OF MY MEN DIE.

- SOME DO.

- REALLY?

THEN YOU ASK ME ABOUT DAVEY
THEN, LUKE.

- AND WHAT IF YOU'RE LYING?

WHAT IF I DIG THIS HOLE,

I FIND THE TALIBAN
WITH THE MISSING FINGER,

AND THEN YOU JUST SHOOT ME
AND YOU PUT ME IN THE SAME HOLE?

- YOU JOURNALIST CROWD FREAK ME
RIGHT THE FUCK OUT.

YOU KNOW THAT?

DO YOU THINK I WOULD KILL ANYONE
OVER A FUCKIN' FINGER?

- IT'LL MAKE A GOOD STORY.

THE ONLY PROBLEM IS YOU WOULDN'T
BE ABLE TO TELL IT TO ANYONE.

- THERE IS NO STORY, LUKE.

[gunshot]

OH, FUCK!

[horse whinnying]

[groaning]

YOU OKAY?
- YEAH, YOU?

- OH, FUCK, NO.
MY SHOULDER.

NO, NO, NO, NO!

THERE GOES MY GUN.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

OKAY, HERE'S WHAT
WE'RE GONNA DO.

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
COVERING FIRE.

YOU'RE GONNA RUN OVER
TO THAT HORSE.

YOU'RE GONNA GET THAT
ANTIQUE GUN,

AND YOU'RE GONNA RUN BACK HERE,

AND YOU'RE GONNA SHOOT WHOEVER
THE FUCK YOU THINK THEY ARE.

- WHAT?
NO.

I CAN'T--I DON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW TO FUCKIN' SHOOT A GUN.

- OH, WELL, FORGET IT, THEN.

WELL, YOU GOT FIVE SECONDS TO
LEARN HOW TO SHOOT A GUN, OKAY?

NOW, COME ON!
YOU READY?

YOU'RE GONNA RUN.

NOW, NOW!

[gunshot]

HERE IT COMES, MOTHERFUCKER!

[gunshots]

- FUCK.

- STOP FUCKING WITH THE HORSE!
COME ON, LUKE!

[gunfire]

LUKE, GET LOW!

[gunshot ricocheting]

[gunshots]

ALL RIGHT.
[coughs]

NOW, LISTEN.

MY ARM'S FUCKED.
I'M GONNA BE YOUR SPOTTER.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SHOOT,
ALL RIGHT?

- NO, I'M NOT SHOOTING, OKAY?
NO.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU'RE NOT SHOOTING?

- NO, I'M NOT SHOOTING.
I'M NOT SHOOTING A PERSON.

- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

YOU'RE GONNA WRITE A STORY
ABOUT IT?

IF YOU DON'T SHOOT,
WE'RE FUCKIN' DEAD!

YOU SEE THE TWO ROCK FACES
UP THERE?

OKAY, ROCK FACE, ROCK FACE,
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DIP--

HE'S RIGHT IN THE CENTER.
- YEAH.

- YOU SEE IT?
- YEAH, YEAH, I GOT HIM.

- OKAY.

SHOOT THE FUCKER.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

IT'S USTAD MIR.

- LOOK, ALL YOU GOT TO DO
IS HIT HIM.

- I KNOW THAT GUY.
THAT'S USTAD MIR.

- YEAH, WELL, NOW YOU'VE GOT
A BIT OF SKIN IN THE GAME TOO,

ALL RIGHT?
- HE'S OUR FUCKING CAB DRIVER.

- JUST SHOOT HIM.
FUCK IT, OKAY?

- OH, GOD.

[gunshot]

- YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS, RIGHT?
HE'S IN THE CENTER.

OKAY, HE'S FUCKIN'
LAUGHING AT US!

HE'S UP THERE.
HE'S DANCING AROUND.

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.

- IT'S UP AND TO THE RIGHT.

YEAH, KEEP DANCING, FUCKER BOY!

[gunshot]

NEITHER ONE OF YOU PANSIES
CAN SHOOT.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

HOW MANY BULLETS WE GOT LEFT?

- ONE.

- OH, JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH.

ALL RIGHT.
MAKE HER GOOD, LUKE.

- ALL RIGHT.

- HERE GOES THE TIP
OF YOUR DICK, FUCKER!

[gunshot]

[small chuckle]
- WHAT?

- [cackling laughter]

- WHAT?

DID I GET HIM?

- YOU GOT HIM.
- I FUCKING GOT HIM?

- YOU FUCKIN' GOT HIM.
FUCKIN' "A" HEAD SHOT, BROTHER.

- WHAT?
WHAT?

I FUCKING KILLED HIM, MAN?

I FUCKING KILLED HIM?

I FUCKING KILLED THAT GUY.

- WAR'S CRAZY, ISN'T IT?

YOU WANT TO GET HIS FINGER?

- MATEEN, HE REALLY DID COME
FOR FRIENDSHIP.

DON'T KNOW WHY I NEVER
BELIEVED HIM WHEN HE SAID THAT.

MAYBE BECAUSE IT'S NOT
WHAT I CAME FOR.

- THIS IS MY COUNTRY.

I GO WHERE I WANT.

HMM.
SMOKE FOR THE LADY?

[Luke coughs]

- AFGHAN HASH.

IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

IT'S TIME TO GO HOME.

[horse neighs]

I WANTED TO FIND THE FINGER.

I WANTED THE PLACE
TO MAKE SENSE.

I WANTED THE TRUTH,

BUT ELITA'S RIGHT.

THERE IS NO SENSE TO IT.

I JUST KILLED A MAN.

YOU COME HERE.

YOU GOT TO PLAY
BY AFGHAN RULES,

WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY ARE.

[K'naan's Bang Bang]

♪ ♪

- ♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG ♪

♪ AHH, THERE SHE GOES AGAIN ♪

♪ THE GIRL IS ETHIOPIAN ♪

♪ IN OTHER WORDS,
SHE CAME THROUGH EXPLODIN' ♪

♪ IN THE PODIUM,
DYNAMITE ♪

♪ NAPOLEON LIKE SODIUM
MIXED WITH PETROLEUM ♪

♪ SLOWLY BUT SURELY,
SHE WAS WALKING TOWARD ME ♪

♪ CUT THE CONVO SHORT 'CAUSE
SHE HAD TO WAKE UP EARLY ♪

♪ BUT CONTINUING THE STORY ♪

♪ DON'T WORRY SHE GAVE ME DIGITS
FOR HER BLACKBERRY ♪

♪ "YOU'RE VERY HANDSOME"
IS WHAT SHE SAID ♪

♪ AND THE WAY SHE LOOKED IN
MY EYES SAID "PUT ME TO BED" ♪

♪ OH MY, OH MY,
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN ♪

♪ WHEN SHE SAID TO ME
ON THE PHONE ♪

♪ "YOU DO NOT KNOW ME VERY WELL,
BUT I WOULD NEVER HURT A FLY" ♪

♪ THEN SHE AIMED AT MY CHEST
WITH LOVE IN HER EYE ♪

♪ I SAID SHE AIMED FOR MY CHEST
WITH LOVE IN HER EYE ♪

- ♪ SHE WAS WALKIN' AROUND WITH
A LOADED SHOTGUN ♪

♪ READY TO FIRE ME A HOT ONE ♪

♪ IT WENT BANG, BANG, BANG ♪

♪ STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART ♪
- ♪ STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART ♪

- ♪ ALTHOUGH I COULD HAVE
WALKED AWAY ♪

♪ I STOOD MY GROUND
AND LET HER SPRAY, OH ♪

- ♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG ♪

♪ SCORPION, SHE'S SO HOT
SHE'S A SCORCH-IAN ♪

♪ KILLING ME SOFTLY,
LAURYN OR KEVORKIAN ♪

♪ COULDN'T TELL IF
SHE'S COO-COO OR CORKY ♪

♪ WHEN I ASKED HER HER NAME
SHE SAID "CALL ME TEN" ♪

♪ TESTING, TESTING ♪

♪ THINGS JUST GOT MORE
INTERESTING ♪

♪ SHE'S DRESSED IN A VEST PIN,
DOUBLE-BREASTED HOLSTER ♪

♪ A VERY WESTERN TOASTER ♪

♪ SHE AIN'T NOTHING KOSHER ♪

♪ AH, SHE LETS ME CLOSER ♪

♪ HOTTER THAN
A PEPPER-CRUSTED SAMOSA ♪

♪ WHILE I TRY TO KEEP
MY COMPOSURE ♪

- ♪ SHE WAS WALKIN' AROUND WITH
A LOADED SHOTGUN ♪

♪ READY TO FIRE ME A HOT ONE ♪

♪ IT WENT BANG, BANG, BANG ♪

♪ STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART ♪
- ♪ STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART ♪

- ♪ ALTHOUGH I COULD HAVE
WALKED AWAY ♪

♪ I STOOD MY GROUND
AND LET HER SPRAY, OH ♪

- ♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG ♪

- ♪ OO-OO-OO-OO-OOH ♪

- ♪ AM I WRONG? ♪

♪ BUT WHAT IS LOVE WITHOUT
THE PAIN TO GO ALONG? ♪

♪ AND WHAT IS PAIN ♪

♪ IF NOT THE REASON FOR ME
TO SING THIS SONG? ♪

♪ AND THIS SONG IS FOR THE WEAK
AND FOR THE STRONG ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I WAS STRONG
AND STILL ♪

♪ SHE GOT ME, SHE GOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE GOT ME ♪

♪ SHE GOT ME, SHE GOT ME,
BANG, BANG ♪

- ♪ SHE WAS WALKIN' AROUND WITH
A LOADED SHOTGUN ♪

♪ READY TO FIRE ME A HOT ONE ♪

♪ IT WENT BANG, BANG, BANG ♪

♪ STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART ♪
- ♪ STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART ♪

- ♪ ALTHOUGH I COULD HAVE
WALKED AWAY ♪

♪ I STOOD MY GROUND
AND LET HER SPRAY, OH ♪

- ♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG, SHE SHOT ME ♪

♪ SHE SHOT ME, SHE SHOT ME,
BANG, BANG ♪

[grungy rock guitar]

♪ ♪

- ♪ HEY LITTLE GIRL ♪

♪ OH, HONEY,
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? ♪

♪ OH, WHY SOMETIMES ♪

♪ I CAN TELL YOU AIN'T HAVING
NO FUN TONIGHT ♪

♪ A PRETTY LITTLE THING
LIKE YOU ♪

♪ SHOULD REALLY KNOW
HOW TO SHAKE IT ♪

♪ AND GET ON DOWN IN THE DAY ♪

♪ IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

♪ BABY, LET ME TELL
WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT ♪

♪ OH, BABY, JUST GET ON DOWN,
UH ♪

♪ ♪