Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
0
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
1
00:00:49,663 --> 00:00:53,690
It is said that it takes a lifetime
to figure out who you are.
2
00:00:54,101 --> 00:00:56,035
This book cover is so you.
3
00:00:56,403 --> 00:00:59,497
People in publishing move a tad faster.
4
00:00:59,573 --> 00:01:03,509
It's just a mock-up and don't be thrown.
We put your head on another person's body.
5
00:01:03,844 --> 00:01:07,974
Okay, here it is:
The cover of Sex and the City.
6
00:01:08,048 --> 00:01:11,176
The best-selling Sex and the City.
7
00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:14,609
No!
8
00:01:15,756 --> 00:01:17,724
I'm sorry. That just came out.
9
00:01:17,991 --> 00:01:19,982
Not at all, that's good.
10
00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:22,620
You had a strong reaction.
That's what we want.
11
00:01:22,696 --> 00:01:25,164
We don't want people's reaction to be "no."
12
00:01:25,298 --> 00:01:27,493
Right. Let me talk you through it.
13
00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:31,569
Blurred background, a fast-paced city...
14
00:01:31,638 --> 00:01:34,471
and you naked, with nothing but your ideas.
15
00:01:34,674 --> 00:01:37,700
No, I get it. But, see...
16
00:01:38,111 --> 00:01:40,807
no matter how fast-paced the city...
17
00:01:40,881 --> 00:01:45,443
I always manage to get my clothes on
before I leave the apartment.
18
00:01:45,852 --> 00:01:48,252
See, Courtney, here's what concerns me.
19
00:01:48,688 --> 00:01:50,986
That cover is all about sex.
20
00:01:51,158 --> 00:01:53,854
- Well, sex sells.
- Yes.
21
00:01:54,261 --> 00:01:57,594
But my columns are about relationships...
22
00:01:57,664 --> 00:02:00,189
and when I do write about sex,
it's just words.
23
00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:03,168
Reading about sex is a lot different...
24
00:02:03,537 --> 00:02:05,505
than seeing it in front of you...
25
00:02:05,572 --> 00:02:08,837
naked on Sixth Avenue, hailing a cab.
26
00:02:09,476 --> 00:02:12,001
- I totally understand, Carrie.
- Okay.
27
00:02:13,513 --> 00:02:14,980
We're fucked.
28
00:02:15,449 --> 00:02:18,941
No, okay, let me see it again.
29
00:02:19,519 --> 00:02:21,885
No, absolutely not. I would sooner die.
30
00:02:22,189 --> 00:02:25,488
The next day, our talk turned
from bachelors, baby bottles...
31
00:02:25,559 --> 00:02:28,289
and Balenciaga blouses to books.
32
00:02:28,562 --> 00:02:31,827
Bad, worse, loser...
33
00:02:32,299 --> 00:02:33,425
disaster.
34
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:36,628
And you know the scary thing?
I'm being kind.
35
00:02:38,038 --> 00:02:39,027
Honey, relax.
36
00:02:39,105 --> 00:02:41,733
What could anyone say about you?
You're fabulous.
37
00:02:41,808 --> 00:02:45,574
That's sweet. But if I get
the wrong book cover, I'm a fabulous target.
38
00:02:45,645 --> 00:02:48,808
- People are mean.
- People are not that mean.
39
00:02:49,683 --> 00:02:52,447
She looks like shit. Is her stylist blind?
40
00:02:52,519 --> 00:02:54,817
I have just officially entered panic.
41
00:02:55,455 --> 00:02:59,050
Stop. Talk to me. This is what I do.
42
00:02:59,226 --> 00:03:01,660
How do you see yourself on the cover?
43
00:03:01,728 --> 00:03:03,218
You know, like a writer...
44
00:03:03,296 --> 00:03:06,595
who somehow happened
to have wound up on her book cover...
45
00:03:06,666 --> 00:03:10,158
Iooking smart, sexy,
and properly airbrushed.
46
00:03:10,237 --> 00:03:13,434
I can help you with that.
I'll talk to the publishers.
47
00:03:13,507 --> 00:03:17,102
- When's the photo shoot?
- It's next Thursday, but I can't afford you.
48
00:03:17,744 --> 00:03:20,235
True, my PR services are pricey.
49
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:23,840
It'll cost you two martinis and a lunch.
50
00:03:25,352 --> 00:03:27,047
Okay, I'll talk to my people.
51
00:03:27,220 --> 00:03:29,154
What kind of diet book are you looking for?
52
00:03:29,222 --> 00:03:32,157
I don't know. Something with a title like:
53
00:03:32,392 --> 00:03:35,452
How To Lose That Baby Fat
by Sitting On Your Ass.
54
00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:38,925
- How about The Zone?
- How about "no."
55
00:03:38,999 --> 00:03:41,399
- Thought you were serious about this.
- I am.
56
00:03:41,468 --> 00:03:44,835
Just as soon as I finish
this nougat-caramel pretzel-devil thing.
57
00:03:44,905 --> 00:03:48,238
Okay. I'm going to go look for
this book I read about.
58
00:03:48,308 --> 00:03:49,468
What's it called?
59
00:03:49,543 --> 00:03:51,272
Starting Over, Yet Again.
60
00:03:54,948 --> 00:03:55,937
See you.
61
00:04:01,955 --> 00:04:05,789
There it was.' the Self Hell aisle.
62
00:04:15,468 --> 00:04:17,595
As Charlotte looked at the titles.'
63
00:04:17,671 --> 00:04:20,697
The Woman's Comfort Book,
The Path to Love...
64
00:04:20,974 --> 00:04:24,603
Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting,
Please Understand Me II...
65
00:04:24,678 --> 00:04:27,704
she couldn't bear the thought
that she belonged there.
66
00:04:30,917 --> 00:04:32,680
That really helped me.
67
00:04:37,824 --> 00:04:39,018
Travel?
68
00:04:49,135 --> 00:04:50,534
That's adorable.
69
00:04:53,039 --> 00:04:54,438
This is psychotic.
70
00:04:56,476 --> 00:04:58,808
It's none of my business, but don't do that.
71
00:04:58,878 --> 00:05:01,711
I did. I lost 24, gained 46.
72
00:05:01,781 --> 00:05:03,271
But The New York Times...
73
00:05:03,350 --> 00:05:06,945
Will they come to you at 2:00 a.m.
And pry the cookie dough from your hands?
74
00:05:07,020 --> 00:05:09,352
I don't think so. Weight Watchers.
75
00:05:09,422 --> 00:05:12,789
It's the only sane way to go.
They even have dessert.
76
00:05:14,728 --> 00:05:16,821
Where's Starting Over, Yet Again?
77
00:05:17,163 --> 00:05:19,893
Here you go.
Good luck with Weight Watchers.
78
00:05:19,966 --> 00:05:21,058
Thank you.
79
00:05:22,435 --> 00:05:24,027
Did you find your book?
80
00:05:24,104 --> 00:05:26,004
No, it wasn't for me.
81
00:05:33,013 --> 00:05:35,481
Yeah, like I need his advice.
82
00:05:36,282 --> 00:05:37,681
I'm a dead woman.
83
00:05:38,451 --> 00:05:40,112
Who needs the Self Help aisle...
84
00:05:40,186 --> 00:05:42,711
when you can self help yourself
to amazon. Com...
85
00:05:42,789 --> 00:05:46,486
and get exactly what you need,
overnight express, and shame free?
86
00:05:51,398 --> 00:05:53,423
That's quite a package.
87
00:05:54,034 --> 00:05:57,731
- Excuse me?
- That's quite a package.
88
00:05:59,272 --> 00:06:01,672
Will you sign right here, please?
89
00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:11,139
There.
90
00:06:12,252 --> 00:06:14,584
- How's that?
- Pretty damn good.
91
00:06:14,654 --> 00:06:16,622
I just got my nails done.
92
00:06:16,956 --> 00:06:20,357
Would you mind opening my package?
93
00:06:22,829 --> 00:06:23,921
Thank you.
94
00:06:25,098 --> 00:06:28,397
Now maybe I can help you
with your package.
95
00:06:29,202 --> 00:06:30,396
Fucking A.
96
00:06:36,743 --> 00:06:39,041
At exactly 12.'15...
97
00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,077
I stopped by to pick up Samantha
for our business lunch...
98
00:06:42,148 --> 00:06:44,309
to decide what we thought was sexy.
99
00:06:55,061 --> 00:06:56,153
I'm sorry.
100
00:06:57,697 --> 00:07:01,428
- Do you want to keep going?
- No, I've had enough.
101
00:07:06,439 --> 00:07:10,375
Some women, like Samantha, know when
to stop putting things in their mouths...
102
00:07:10,443 --> 00:07:13,674
while others, like Miranda, need a little help.
103
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,415
I'm much lighter metric.
104
00:07:29,229 --> 00:07:30,662
- Excuse me. Hi.
- Hi.
105
00:07:30,730 --> 00:07:33,927
- There's been a mistake on my weight.
- No, the scales don't lie.
106
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:38,134
This isn't a vanity thing.
The other woman inverted the numbers.
107
00:07:38,404 --> 00:07:40,998
Look, if I'm gonna do this,
I want to do it right.
108
00:07:41,074 --> 00:07:43,542
You've got the right attitude. Come on.
109
00:07:43,676 --> 00:07:45,507
Hi, I'm sorry. Can I scootch in a minute?
110
00:07:45,578 --> 00:07:46,977
- Sure.
- Thanks.
111
00:07:50,884 --> 00:07:51,873
Yeah!
112
00:07:52,218 --> 00:07:56,621
Elaine! You wrote down
this woman weighs 158.2...
113
00:07:56,689 --> 00:08:00,056
- but she weighs 152.8.
- Sorry.
114
00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:02,253
Could you not yell out my weight?
115
00:08:02,695 --> 00:08:04,185
I weigh 240.
116
00:08:04,831 --> 00:08:06,196
Goal weight 77.
117
00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:08,794
Here you go, and here's a name tag.
118
00:08:09,202 --> 00:08:10,328
A name tag?
119
00:08:10,603 --> 00:08:12,901
Yeah, we all gotta wear these.
120
00:08:14,174 --> 00:08:18,042
- Tom, Big Boned.
- Miranda, Baby Weight.
121
00:08:21,815 --> 00:08:25,842
Later that same day, Stanford came over
for a fag and some flipping.
122
00:08:25,919 --> 00:08:28,945
Finish that and get over here
and start on Vogue.
123
00:08:29,289 --> 00:08:31,382
Tear out any outfit that might work for me.
124
00:08:31,457 --> 00:08:35,393
Try to pick something that won't be pathetic
if I wind up in the half-off bin.
125
00:08:40,733 --> 00:08:44,430
You look very... Something.
126
00:08:44,704 --> 00:08:46,171
I am very something.
127
00:08:46,272 --> 00:08:49,207
What's going on over there, Ms. Blatch?
128
00:08:50,743 --> 00:08:52,005
I met someone.
129
00:08:52,745 --> 00:08:54,474
Oh, my God. Really?
130
00:08:55,014 --> 00:08:56,675
That's fantastic.
131
00:08:58,451 --> 00:09:01,682
- His name is Marcus.
- And is he a Roman?
132
00:09:01,754 --> 00:09:03,016
No, he is not.
133
00:09:03,089 --> 00:09:06,081
Too bad. I always adore
a metal breastplate on a man.
134
00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:08,422
So, what does this Marcus do?
135
00:09:08,661 --> 00:09:12,563
Okay, before I tell you,
you have to promise not to judge.
136
00:09:12,632 --> 00:09:15,726
- Do I judge?
- We all judge. That's our hobby.
137
00:09:15,802 --> 00:09:18,327
Some people do arts and crafts. We judge.
138
00:09:18,404 --> 00:09:19,894
I'll be kind.
139
00:09:20,473 --> 00:09:23,636
He's a dancer. Radio City Music Hall.
140
00:09:24,377 --> 00:09:26,402
I feel as though my hands are tied.
141
00:09:26,479 --> 00:09:30,279
He's a Broadway-caliber dancer
working in the male chorus.
142
00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:34,616
Last Christmas, he danced the part
of Arabian Coffee in The Nutcracker.
143
00:09:34,687 --> 00:09:38,214
- And where did you meet your Rockette?
- Standing in line at Starbucks.
144
00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:41,488
You met a man who played Coffee
waiting to get coffee?
145
00:09:42,929 --> 00:09:45,227
We're both Grande House Blends.
146
00:09:45,531 --> 00:09:47,931
What is that, a new zodiac sign?
147
00:09:53,139 --> 00:09:54,163
Hello?
148
00:09:54,407 --> 00:09:57,308
How funny was that thing
in my office today?
149
00:09:57,410 --> 00:10:00,345
It was hilarious. I'm sending you
the X-ray bill for my elbow.
150
00:10:00,546 --> 00:10:02,741
Could you have
gotten out of there any faster?
151
00:10:03,216 --> 00:10:04,205
No.
152
00:10:04,717 --> 00:10:06,241
Lighten up.
153
00:10:08,421 --> 00:10:10,582
- I am lightened up.
- Good news.
154
00:10:10,757 --> 00:10:14,921
I got my favorite stylist to do us a favor
and pull some looks for the cover.
155
00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:17,929
Did you tell them what we're looking for?
156
00:10:18,064 --> 00:10:20,089
Sexy chic, just like you said.
157
00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:23,200
When are you meeting them?
Maybe I should join you as well.
158
00:10:23,269 --> 00:10:25,999
Don't worry, I'll handle it.
159
00:10:26,072 --> 00:10:28,438
But I have some ideas.
160
00:10:29,142 --> 00:10:31,235
You still want me to do this, right?
161
00:10:31,344 --> 00:10:33,403
- Yeah, why wouldn't I?
- Fantastic.
162
00:10:33,479 --> 00:10:36,573
They can pull some stuff
and we can go look at it. How's Saturday?
163
00:10:36,649 --> 00:10:38,947
It's great, and I'll ask Stanford to come.
164
00:10:39,018 --> 00:10:41,179
Is Stanford suddenly a stylist?
165
00:10:41,254 --> 00:10:44,587
No, but he's gay and bitchy.
My target test audience.
166
00:10:45,458 --> 00:10:48,894
- You okay?
- I'm fabulous. We'll talk tomorrow.
167
00:10:48,962 --> 00:10:50,088
Okay.
168
00:10:52,966 --> 00:10:54,661
Ask Stanford to come where?
169
00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:57,703
Look at some outfits for the cover. Saturday.
170
00:10:58,104 --> 00:11:01,699
I'll have to check with Marcus.
We may have plans.
171
00:11:02,275 --> 00:11:05,802
Oh, God. You're not going to turn into
one of those couples, are you?
172
00:11:05,878 --> 00:11:07,607
Judgey-wudgey was a bear.
173
00:11:09,549 --> 00:11:12,211
I think it's pretty much agreed that it goes.'
174
00:11:12,318 --> 00:11:15,879
Open minded.' good. Judgmental.' bad.
175
00:11:16,522 --> 00:11:19,423
But are we being too quick
to judge judgment?
176
00:11:22,095 --> 00:11:25,622
Perhaps judgment is not so much
a snap decision...
177
00:11:25,698 --> 00:11:28,258
as an early warning and detection device.
178
00:11:29,736 --> 00:11:34,503
If it is instantly clear that a person, a place,
or even a profession is not for you...
179
00:11:34,707 --> 00:11:38,541
is it better to ignore your better judgment
and read between the lines...
180
00:11:38,611 --> 00:11:41,876
or should you judge a book by its cover?
181
00:11:43,783 --> 00:11:45,148
You've got mail.
182
00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:53,287
"Based on your recent book purchase
here's a list you might be interested in."
183
00:11:53,993 --> 00:11:56,120
The selected list included.'
184
00:11:56,963 --> 00:11:59,397
Lonely Women No Men...
185
00:11:59,465 --> 00:12:02,059
Love Hurts. You Don't Have to...
186
00:12:02,135 --> 00:12:04,000
I'm Fine Now...
187
00:12:04,070 --> 00:12:07,096
and Reservations for One.
188
00:12:07,607 --> 00:12:10,906
Charlotte refused to see herself
as one of those type women.
189
00:12:16,249 --> 00:12:19,685
It fell eight flights and landed
at the feet of a woman walking by...
190
00:12:19,752 --> 00:12:21,777
who was contemplating a divorce.
191
00:12:22,321 --> 00:12:24,721
She considered it a sign from God.
192
00:12:25,491 --> 00:12:27,516
After three Weight Watchers meetings...
193
00:12:27,593 --> 00:12:29,959
where they did nothing
but talk about eating...
194
00:12:30,029 --> 00:12:34,762
Miranda Baby Weight and Tom Big Boned
decided to go someplace and actually eat.
195
00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:38,861
So then I did the one where you can only
have the water, eggs, and grapefruit.
196
00:12:38,938 --> 00:12:40,963
- 'Cause they're so good together.
- Yes.
197
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,873
Actually worked out well for me
until I fainted...
198
00:12:43,943 --> 00:12:45,706
on an Indian woman in the subway.
199
00:12:45,778 --> 00:12:49,043
What about the one
with all the prepackaged chemicalized food?
200
00:12:49,115 --> 00:12:52,812
I don't know how they get all of those
delicious artificial ingredients...
201
00:12:52,885 --> 00:12:55,251
- into such little tiny packages.
- I know.
202
00:12:55,321 --> 00:12:59,951
Although, they did have
this itty-bitty thing of tuna that I loved.
203
00:13:00,159 --> 00:13:03,720
I cut my tongue licking it out of the can,
and knew it was time to stop.
204
00:13:03,796 --> 00:13:06,026
- Did you ever try the cabbage soup diet?
- No.
205
00:13:06,099 --> 00:13:09,466
- I heard it gives you really bad...
- Gas? Yeah, it's true.
206
00:13:09,535 --> 00:13:11,526
That was the end of my fianc�e.
207
00:13:12,472 --> 00:13:16,101
- She sounds mean.
- I think there was more to it than cabbage.
208
00:13:16,175 --> 00:13:18,609
We weren't very good together.
She was very critical.
209
00:13:18,678 --> 00:13:20,771
The more she put me down, the more I ate.
210
00:13:20,847 --> 00:13:24,248
And to this day,
whenever somebody criticizes me...
211
00:13:25,218 --> 00:13:26,981
I go right for those.
212
00:13:28,588 --> 00:13:32,046
- Glazed. They're my favorite.
- Tell me about it.
213
00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:34,958
The best Weight Watchers meeting
is down on 23rd Street.
214
00:13:35,027 --> 00:13:38,087
Can't go anywhere near it
'cause there's a Krispy Kreme next door.
215
00:13:38,164 --> 00:13:41,327
How many Weight Watchers points
do you think is in one of those?
216
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,389
Two...
217
00:13:42,468 --> 00:13:44,129
hundred thousand?
218
00:13:45,605 --> 00:13:48,574
Would it be terrible if we split one?
219
00:13:50,643 --> 00:13:52,736
We're consenting adults.
220
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,044
Sir, can I get a Krispy Kreme...
221
00:13:57,116 --> 00:13:59,516
and a knife?
222
00:14:04,023 --> 00:14:05,285
Here you go.
223
00:14:06,893 --> 00:14:10,124
Whoever invented glaze is a genius.
224
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:23,408
See, that is worth being fat for.
225
00:14:23,809 --> 00:14:25,868
I'm sorry, it's just worth it.
226
00:14:27,647 --> 00:14:30,309
- I know how we can burn this off.
- Really?
227
00:14:31,651 --> 00:14:33,209
Activity points.
228
00:14:48,034 --> 00:14:52,664
Weight Watchers turned out to be a lot more
enjoyable than Miranda had expected.
229
00:15:09,555 --> 00:15:13,218
- No!
- Yes. I was all over his face.
230
00:15:13,292 --> 00:15:14,384
- No!
- Yes!
231
00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:17,952
- Talk about loving yourself.
- I'd rather just be good friends with myself.
232
00:15:18,030 --> 00:15:20,521
- You know, when I was a lesbian...
- I saw that coming.
233
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,660
...I could get in and out
with nothing more than a fine lip gloss.
234
00:15:23,736 --> 00:15:25,033
You're awfully quiet.
235
00:15:25,104 --> 00:15:28,403
What is there to say?
The man simply has bad manners.
236
00:15:28,507 --> 00:15:30,998
Keep a box of tissues on the nightstand.
237
00:15:31,077 --> 00:15:36,037
While he's stroking you with one hand,
he grabs a tissue and subtly dabs his face.
238
00:15:36,849 --> 00:15:39,147
Emily Post's polite pussy.
239
00:15:39,218 --> 00:15:41,482
So why didn't you just say something?
240
00:15:41,554 --> 00:15:46,457
It's a little hard to criticize if you're with
someone who overeats when he's criticized.
241
00:15:46,592 --> 00:15:49,789
Miranda went out with an overeater,
and he overate her.
242
00:15:53,299 --> 00:15:57,463
Then, when he popped his head up
he had such a proud look on his face.
243
00:15:57,903 --> 00:16:01,236
They always look so proud,
like they just came back from war.
244
00:16:04,010 --> 00:16:06,535
And they all want that you're-my-hero kiss.
245
00:16:06,612 --> 00:16:08,705
Not without a tissue and an Altoid.
246
00:16:08,781 --> 00:16:11,079
It's a weird double standard, I guess.
247
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:14,551
I'd be insulted if I'd just gone down
on a guy and he wouldn't kiss me.
248
00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:17,453
Samantha, do you kiss after a blowjob?
249
00:16:17,523 --> 00:16:21,357
No, she just signs the delivery slip
and sends him on his way.
250
00:16:24,297 --> 00:16:25,787
What's going on?
251
00:16:25,865 --> 00:16:27,696
Apparently, Carrie has a problem...
252
00:16:27,767 --> 00:16:31,601
with the fact that she saw me
blowing the Worldwide Express guy.
253
00:16:32,571 --> 00:16:35,096
I would like to point out
that was her, not me...
254
00:16:35,174 --> 00:16:37,005
and when did I say I had a problem?
255
00:16:37,076 --> 00:16:39,510
Please. You walked in, caught us,
turned and ran.
256
00:16:39,578 --> 00:16:42,513
What was I supposed to do?
Sit and flip through Marie Claire?
257
00:16:42,581 --> 00:16:45,982
Where did you see her blowing
the Worldwide Express guy? On the street?
258
00:16:46,052 --> 00:16:47,485
Of course not!
259
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,047
It was in the privacy of my office.
260
00:16:50,756 --> 00:16:53,452
And it wasn't a Worldwide Express guy.
261
00:16:53,526 --> 00:16:55,994
It was my Worldwide Express guy.
262
00:16:56,062 --> 00:16:58,792
- Your Worldwide Express guy?
- Yes.
263
00:16:59,131 --> 00:17:02,589
- Really? What's his name?
- Joe, Tuesdays and Thursdays.
264
00:17:04,937 --> 00:17:08,839
Samantha, what's the big deal? We laugh
about this kind of stuff all the time.
265
00:17:08,908 --> 00:17:09,897
Fine.
266
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:12,907
It's fine.
267
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:17,277
We better go, Carrie.
We'll be late for the stylist.
268
00:17:18,484 --> 00:17:21,715
Naughty, fabulous, camp. Harlow.
269
00:17:21,787 --> 00:17:23,084
No.
270
00:17:24,223 --> 00:17:27,750
I think it's a fantastic approach,
and the publishers love the idea.
271
00:17:27,827 --> 00:17:31,160
They wanted me buck-naked,
waiting for the M11 bus.
272
00:17:31,764 --> 00:17:35,530
I thought we said "sexy chic." Who is
this stylist? Frederick's of Hollywood?
273
00:17:35,601 --> 00:17:39,298
- Just go behind and at least try one on.
- I can't wear this.
274
00:17:39,939 --> 00:17:42,931
- I'll look like an extra from Moulin Rouge.
- You will not.
275
00:17:43,008 --> 00:17:45,374
The shoes are lined up in there. Scoot.
276
00:17:46,712 --> 00:17:48,509
Don't say "scoot."
277
00:17:49,048 --> 00:17:50,413
Knock, knock.
278
00:17:50,883 --> 00:17:54,182
Nothing in here I haven't seen
and ruled out in junior high.
279
00:17:54,253 --> 00:17:56,847
- Hi.
- Hello, doll. Carrie's changing.
280
00:17:57,356 --> 00:18:01,190
Samantha, this is my boyfriend, Marcus.
281
00:18:02,228 --> 00:18:04,719
Papa's got himself a brand-new bag.
282
00:18:06,065 --> 00:18:08,590
Carrie, come on out. I wanna introduce you.
283
00:18:20,780 --> 00:18:23,908
Marcus Adante, Lady Marmalade.
284
00:18:24,016 --> 00:18:27,543
Hi, it's nice to meet you. I don't
usually dress like a high-class hooker.
285
00:18:27,620 --> 00:18:29,485
That is not a hooker look.
286
00:18:29,555 --> 00:18:32,490
Please! This screams hooker.
287
00:18:32,558 --> 00:18:36,289
What respectable New York woman
would be caught dead wearing this?
288
00:18:36,429 --> 00:18:38,124
I have one in red.
289
00:18:40,566 --> 00:18:43,592
- Am I a hooker?
- Could you guys wait outside for a second?
290
00:18:43,669 --> 00:18:45,864
We're having some trouble
deciding on my outfit.
291
00:18:45,938 --> 00:18:49,305
No, let's get a second, and I might add,
gay opinion.
292
00:18:49,575 --> 00:18:53,705
- Doesn't she look adorable in that?
- Yes.
293
00:18:53,946 --> 00:18:57,541
Stanford, isn't this the worst possible outfit
for my cover?
294
00:18:58,517 --> 00:18:59,609
Yes.
295
00:19:00,286 --> 00:19:03,414
What about you? What do you think of this?
296
00:19:04,423 --> 00:19:06,220
It's not very modern.
297
00:19:06,592 --> 00:19:08,082
Isn't he great?
298
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,152
He's great.
Can you wait outside for a second?
299
00:19:13,699 --> 00:19:16,065
- What do you think?
- Yeah, great.
300
00:19:23,142 --> 00:19:25,940
Samantha, I really appreciate the help...
301
00:19:26,145 --> 00:19:29,911
but you and I have very different ideas
about what's sexy.
302
00:19:29,982 --> 00:19:32,610
- This is about the blowjob, isn't it?
- What?
303
00:19:32,685 --> 00:19:35,950
One little blowjob,
and I'm a hooker with no taste.
304
00:19:36,255 --> 00:19:38,985
This isn't about the blowjob.
It's about the book cover.
305
00:19:39,058 --> 00:19:43,825
I don't feel comfortable being on a shelf
next to a biography of Eleanor Roosevelt...
306
00:19:43,896 --> 00:19:45,591
with my breasts hanging out.
307
00:19:45,664 --> 00:19:50,033
What is the problem? I've seen you
at cocktail parties wearing not much else.
308
00:19:50,870 --> 00:19:52,929
Not lately, you haven't. And you know why?
309
00:19:53,005 --> 00:19:56,202
'Cause it's time for ladies my age
to cover it up.
310
00:19:56,542 --> 00:19:59,102
We can't get away with the same stuff
we used to.
311
00:19:59,311 --> 00:20:00,938
Meaning blowjobs.
312
00:20:01,447 --> 00:20:04,211
Jesus, again with the blowjobs!
313
00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:06,177
What is your problem?
314
00:20:06,385 --> 00:20:09,013
I don't have a problem. You have a problem.
315
00:20:09,355 --> 00:20:12,756
I have marabou-covered breasts.
That is my only problem.
316
00:20:12,825 --> 00:20:16,283
I'm not blind.
I saw that look in your eye in my office.
317
00:20:16,362 --> 00:20:18,660
- What look?
- That judgmental look.
318
00:20:18,731 --> 00:20:21,894
That wasn't judgment. It was shock.
I thought we were having lunch.
319
00:20:21,967 --> 00:20:26,666
Are you telling me you have no judgment
about me and the Worldwide Express guy?
320
00:20:26,739 --> 00:20:29,606
No judgment. But I do have a question.
321
00:20:29,675 --> 00:20:33,634
Will this relationship be priority-overnight
or next-day delivery?
322
00:20:35,014 --> 00:20:37,539
Come on, Samantha. Lighten up, remember?
323
00:20:37,616 --> 00:20:42,553
If I walked in on you giving a blowjob
to a Worldwide Express guy...
324
00:20:42,721 --> 00:20:47,055
You would never walk in on me,
because that is something I would never do.
325
00:20:47,126 --> 00:20:48,320
There!
326
00:20:49,762 --> 00:20:52,322
And I cannot believe
that you would judge me...
327
00:20:52,398 --> 00:20:55,231
after everything that we've been through.
328
00:20:57,469 --> 00:20:59,437
Samantha, where are you going?
329
00:20:59,505 --> 00:21:02,599
I'm gonna splash some water on my face,
and then I'm going home.
330
00:21:02,675 --> 00:21:05,576
And I will not be judged by you or society.
331
00:21:05,911 --> 00:21:09,438
I will wear whatever,
and blow whomever I want...
332
00:21:09,515 --> 00:21:12,245
as long as I can breathe and kneel.
333
00:21:38,310 --> 00:21:42,406
That night, Miranda had gone
from facing her weight at Weight Watchers...
334
00:21:42,481 --> 00:21:45,211
to waiting for her Weight Watcher's face.
335
00:21:55,828 --> 00:21:58,956
- Give me those gorgeous lips.
- Stop! No, I can't do that.
336
00:21:59,264 --> 00:22:02,165
- Why? What did I do?
- It's not you. It's me.
337
00:22:02,401 --> 00:22:05,996
Literally me.
I'm all over your face. I'm all over.
338
00:22:07,106 --> 00:22:08,971
Doesn't that happen to other guys?
339
00:22:09,041 --> 00:22:11,532
Yes, but not so much.
340
00:22:11,710 --> 00:22:13,610
So what are you saying?
341
00:22:14,013 --> 00:22:16,447
- I'm a big, fat, sloppy eater?
- No!
342
00:22:16,915 --> 00:22:20,078
I'm just worried
that I might be too many food points.
343
00:22:20,152 --> 00:22:22,552
- You're making jokes?
- That's what we do.
344
00:22:22,621 --> 00:22:24,350
Miranda Baby Weight.
345
00:22:25,591 --> 00:22:28,219
Yeah, but not when
I'm vulnerable and naked.
346
00:22:28,293 --> 00:22:31,387
- I'm not comfortable at this weight.
- Never mind.
347
00:22:31,964 --> 00:22:33,488
You look great.
348
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,864
- Take a tissue.
- I don't want a tissue.
349
00:22:36,935 --> 00:22:39,870
- I want a potpie.
- You don't want a potpie.
350
00:22:41,273 --> 00:22:43,332
You're right. I want seven.
351
00:22:46,111 --> 00:22:49,137
I don't think
we should see each other anymore.
352
00:22:52,184 --> 00:22:54,482
I gotta concentrate on my diet.
353
00:22:57,623 --> 00:22:59,614
I was just being silly.
354
00:23:01,326 --> 00:23:02,953
Come back to bed.
355
00:23:03,796 --> 00:23:06,321
Do what you were doing. You're good at it!
356
00:23:06,398 --> 00:23:07,831
Bon app�tit!
357
00:23:09,301 --> 00:23:12,099
The bad news was that from then on...
358
00:23:12,171 --> 00:23:16,198
Miranda had to go downtown
to the notorious Weight Watchers meeting...
359
00:23:16,275 --> 00:23:19,938
next to the Krispy Kreme,
where she wouldn't bump into Tom.
360
00:23:20,312 --> 00:23:24,806
The good news was that she never wanted
a glazed doughnut again.
361
00:23:29,088 --> 00:23:32,114
Samantha Jones. Please hold. Hey, Carrie.
362
00:23:32,191 --> 00:23:34,659
- Hi, is she in? Okay.
- Hello?
363
00:23:36,428 --> 00:23:37,918
Is she alone?
364
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,233
Knock, knock.
365
00:23:47,873 --> 00:23:50,307
See? Live it, learn it.
366
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,911
That's all I get
for a tailor-made knock-knock joke?
367
00:24:00,052 --> 00:24:01,542
That's better.
368
00:24:04,423 --> 00:24:07,085
Two days, four calls, no answer.
369
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,957
I know. Sorry. I've been busy.
370
00:24:13,632 --> 00:24:18,126
Do we have to do this? Can't we just
pretend the whole thing didn't happen?
371
00:24:18,203 --> 00:24:20,603
Sure, if we don't want to talk
on the phone again.
372
00:24:20,672 --> 00:24:23,505
In a few days,
the whole thing will blow over.
373
00:24:23,575 --> 00:24:26,100
That's an interesting choice of words.
374
00:24:27,112 --> 00:24:28,101
Look...
375
00:24:29,882 --> 00:24:31,873
- I'm sorry...
- Carrie, stop.
376
00:24:32,651 --> 00:24:35,051
I don't wanna do
the "I'm sorry" stuff with you.
377
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,145
Anyone else, but not you.
378
00:24:37,322 --> 00:24:39,415
You and I are perfect.
379
00:24:39,892 --> 00:24:43,384
Sweetie, as lovely as that idea sounds...
380
00:24:43,929 --> 00:24:46,830
- we're not perfect.
- We're pretty damn close.
381
00:24:46,899 --> 00:24:50,266
Make no mistake about it,
it's not my personal style...
382
00:24:50,335 --> 00:24:54,396
but I really admire your ability
to put your sex life out there.
383
00:24:56,008 --> 00:24:57,305
Thank you.
384
00:24:58,644 --> 00:25:01,078
I brought some looks for my cover.
385
00:25:01,780 --> 00:25:03,509
I want your opinion.
386
00:25:03,582 --> 00:25:05,209
- You do?
- Yeah.
387
00:25:05,717 --> 00:25:08,185
Just in there.
388
00:25:10,389 --> 00:25:11,981
I did judge you.
389
00:25:12,658 --> 00:25:14,148
Just a little.
390
00:25:14,726 --> 00:25:17,923
I feel bad, especially considering
that you were so good to me...
391
00:25:17,996 --> 00:25:20,726
during the whole Big-married-man affair.
392
00:25:20,799 --> 00:25:23,267
Honey, it's not just you. I judge me.
393
00:25:23,335 --> 00:25:26,998
Ever since that fucking Richard,
I don't even know who I am anymore.
394
00:25:27,072 --> 00:25:28,801
And just like that...
395
00:25:28,874 --> 00:25:32,207
I realized what was under
Samantha's fabulous cover.
396
00:25:32,978 --> 00:25:34,912
And I'm sorry about the delivery guy.
397
00:25:34,980 --> 00:25:38,279
I had no idea
what that must have been like for you...
398
00:25:38,650 --> 00:25:41,551
until I walked in on Stanford
getting a blowjob from Marcus.
399
00:25:41,620 --> 00:25:43,144
Yeah, he told me.
400
00:25:44,289 --> 00:25:47,417
This is good! Just the jacket and legs.
401
00:25:47,492 --> 00:25:49,983
With a sexy pair of shoes... Wait!
402
00:25:50,429 --> 00:25:53,762
Stanford was getting a blowjob?
I thought he would be...
403
00:25:53,832 --> 00:25:57,928
- You know, never mind. No judgmental.
- Honey, we all thought that.
404
00:25:59,438 --> 00:26:02,236
- Look here at the camera.
- Move that up a couple of stops.
405
00:26:02,307 --> 00:26:03,740
Okay, smile.
406
00:26:04,042 --> 00:26:07,011
- Go.
- That looks great. Keep smiling.
407
00:26:09,281 --> 00:26:10,441
You look gorgeous.
408
00:26:11,550 --> 00:26:13,882
- Wait!
- Move that key light.
409
00:26:13,952 --> 00:26:16,819
Sometimes it takes a friend
to make a picture perfect.
410
00:26:16,889 --> 00:26:20,825
But a picture-perfect friendship,
well, that's just in books.
411
00:26:20,893 --> 00:26:23,054
- Yeah, that's right.
- Do you like it?
412
00:26:23,128 --> 00:26:24,288
Cable!
413
00:26:26,999 --> 00:26:29,263
Isn't she fabulous?
414
00:26:32,571 --> 00:26:35,062
Give a smile. Here at me, cover girl.
415
00:27:11,000 --> 00:28:11,000
Ripped by RavyDavy
part of the [RL] Crew33505
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.