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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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This is a story about a lovely couple,
Rob and Elaine...
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00:00:50,797 --> 00:00:55,097
...who rented a house one especially
hot and sticky summer in the Hamptons.
3
00:00:55,168 --> 00:00:58,103
Elaine invited her best single friends,
Cindy and Janet...
4
00:00:58,171 --> 00:01:01,436
...while Rob invited his single friends,
Ira and Matthew...
5
00:01:01,508 --> 00:01:04,477
...to share the good times
and exorbitant rent.
6
00:01:04,544 --> 00:01:07,342
Until one day,
this lovely couple had a terrible fight...
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00:01:07,414 --> 00:01:10,042
...when Elaine went for a run
and twisted her ankle...
8
00:01:10,117 --> 00:01:14,213
...and came back early
to find Rob canoodling with Janet.
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00:01:15,088 --> 00:01:19,320
And Cindy got tired of Matthew's
idiotic jokes and incessant market chatter.
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00:01:19,459 --> 00:01:23,054
Ira tried to be there for Elaine
and confessed his true feelings for her...
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...which she tried to laugh off as a joke.
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00:01:25,365 --> 00:01:28,493
By August, it got to the point
where everything was so awkward...
13
00:01:28,568 --> 00:01:30,468
...that nobody wanted to come back.
14
00:01:30,537 --> 00:01:33,131
And that's when Janet
called her friend Charlotte.
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00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:35,934
It's a really cute three-bedroom cottage.
16
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They're giving us a fantastic deal
for the month of August.
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00:01:39,346 --> 00:01:43,077
Because it's haunted with
cheating boyfriends and sexual rejection.
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We can always burn sage.
19
00:01:44,718 --> 00:01:48,210
Sharing a house with your girlfriends
is fine in your 20s...
20
00:01:48,288 --> 00:01:53,089
...but in your 30s, isn't it a bit pathetic,
like being the oldest kid at summer camp?
21
00:01:53,226 --> 00:01:54,523
She has a point.
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00:01:54,594 --> 00:01:57,028
My 25-year-old assistant, Nina Grabowski...
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00:01:57,097 --> 00:01:59,998
...has a summer share in Bridgehampton
with 18 other girls.
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00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:01,799
They sleep in shifts.
25
00:02:01,935 --> 00:02:04,665
- What if they meet someone?
- They fuck in shifts, too.
26
00:02:04,938 --> 00:02:06,030
Hold it.
27
00:02:06,106 --> 00:02:10,338
I can't believe you guys would pass up
a chance to get out of this heat.
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00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:13,004
Besides, the city's completely dead
during August.
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00:02:13,113 --> 00:02:17,482
- Because everyone's in the Hamptons.
- Or stuck in traffic trying to get there.
30
00:02:17,551 --> 00:02:21,749
This could be the last summer we can all
get together and do something like this.
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00:02:22,255 --> 00:02:26,589
I mean, next year, who knows?
One of us could be married or have kids.
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00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:31,393
And we'll always regret that last summer
we didn't spend together in the Hamptons.
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00:02:31,865 --> 00:02:35,665
Charlotte's sweet hopefulness
touched something in all of us.
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00:02:37,103 --> 00:02:39,571
- Okay, I'm in.
- Me, too.
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00:02:39,806 --> 00:02:42,832
Fine, but I get the late shift.
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00:02:44,077 --> 00:02:46,705
Samantha always felt like
she was in her 20s...
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00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:50,216
...until seeing an actual twenty-something
brought her down to earth.
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00:02:50,283 --> 00:02:53,946
No, I'm getting you on the VIP list.
You have to try it for one night.
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00:02:54,054 --> 00:02:57,251
My best friend Jerry owns it.
He also owns the one in South Beach.
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Yes, the same one.
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00:02:58,558 --> 00:03:01,584
Proof and confirm the guest list
for the Hetrick-Martin benefit.
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00:03:01,661 --> 00:03:03,424
And get me Richard Johnson, ASAP.
43
00:03:03,797 --> 00:03:08,325
He is not a fag, because I happen to have
three friends he's personally fucked.
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00:03:08,969 --> 00:03:10,732
You are nasty. You are.
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00:03:10,804 --> 00:03:15,639
I'm sending you a car, to and fro, and if you
hate it, I'm gonna let you blow me. I am.
46
00:03:16,576 --> 00:03:18,874
I am serious. Off, now.
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00:03:20,847 --> 00:03:24,214
Alec, I've gotta go.
I'll keep you posted, okay?
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00:03:24,384 --> 00:03:25,578
Bye, honey.
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00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:30,214
I have personal relationships of my own,
you know.
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00:03:30,357 --> 00:03:33,520
- Not with my clients, you don't.
- I have my career to worry about.
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00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,695
Your career is being my assistant.
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00:03:37,030 --> 00:03:40,761
You're so deluded. You wouldn't even
know what's hot if it wasn't for me.
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00:03:41,234 --> 00:03:45,068
Unfortunately you don't seem to
grasp the vast difference between us.
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00:03:45,238 --> 00:03:46,603
Yes, I do.
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00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:49,238
You stood in line at Studio 54...
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00:03:49,342 --> 00:03:52,402
...I stood in line at Studio 54, the movie.
57
00:03:55,949 --> 00:03:59,885
I gave that bitch her first job out of
college. She didn't know a fucking thing!
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00:03:59,953 --> 00:04:03,480
Girls in their 20s, they're spoiled
and ungrateful. They think they're it.
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00:04:03,557 --> 00:04:05,388
Don't they realize, we're still it?
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00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:08,052
No, because the world validates
their delusion.
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00:04:08,128 --> 00:04:10,995
And she took a copy of my Rolodex.
Do you think I can sue?
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00:04:11,231 --> 00:04:13,893
- Do you remember us in our 20s?
- Dimly.
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Have some compassion.
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00:04:15,302 --> 00:04:20,001
The only thing worse than being single
in your 30s is being single in your 20s.
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00:04:20,607 --> 00:04:23,371
Where've you been? I was worried
you'd miss the jitney.
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00:04:23,543 --> 00:04:26,137
The Hamptons Jitney is like
the bus to summer camp...
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00:04:26,246 --> 00:04:30,205
...only instead of singing everyone
ignores each other and talks on their cell.
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Everyone, this is Greg.
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This is Samantha, Carrie and Miranda.
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Hi!
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00:04:35,555 --> 00:04:38,524
Greg's been going to the Hamptons
every summer for 20 years.
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- Since I was six.
- You do the math.
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I have.
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00:04:41,795 --> 00:04:43,160
Thank you.
75
00:04:47,133 --> 00:04:49,397
Easy, sister, no need to push.
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00:04:50,837 --> 00:04:54,864
Four bumper-to-bumper hours later,
we arrived at our new digs.
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00:04:58,612 --> 00:05:02,673
They said this place was shabby chic,
I'm thinking it's much more shitty chic.
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00:05:02,749 --> 00:05:04,512
These towels are mildewed.
79
00:05:04,618 --> 00:05:07,178
Actually, this whole house smells
like mildew.
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00:05:07,621 --> 00:05:09,589
It's not mildew, it's beachy.
81
00:05:09,656 --> 00:05:13,148
Would you all stop being so cynical?
We're lucky to be here.
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00:05:13,226 --> 00:05:17,060
Cynicism. Now there's one advantage
we have over girls in their 20s.
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00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:19,394
I was cynical in high school.
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00:05:19,899 --> 00:05:21,298
Who's that?
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00:05:21,434 --> 00:05:25,495
It's Greg, that cute guy I met on the jitney.
I told him to drop by.
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00:05:25,572 --> 00:05:28,268
And if he asks, he thinks I'm 27.
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00:05:28,475 --> 00:05:31,000
Evidently, while we had taken
the Midtown Tunnel...
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00:05:31,077 --> 00:05:33,307
...Charlotte had taken the time tunnel.
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00:05:33,380 --> 00:05:34,904
- Hi!
- Hey.
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00:05:34,981 --> 00:05:37,074
Come on in. You guys remember Greg.
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00:05:37,417 --> 00:05:38,441
Hi, Greg.
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Hey!
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Me and my housemates are having
a big bonfire tonight at the beach...
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00:05:44,157 --> 00:05:47,058
...and I just wanted to tell you
that you're all invited.
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00:05:47,127 --> 00:05:48,492
Excellent!
96
00:06:05,779 --> 00:06:07,576
Here you go, ladies.
97
00:06:07,981 --> 00:06:10,506
There's so much foam
you could ski on the head!
98
00:06:10,583 --> 00:06:13,643
Sorry, it's been awhile
since I pumped a keg.
99
00:06:13,787 --> 00:06:19,020
I love young men, but come on. The guys
here don't even have chest hair yet!
100
00:06:19,426 --> 00:06:21,917
That's good news for their backs.
101
00:06:22,796 --> 00:06:24,024
Sorry!
102
00:06:24,864 --> 00:06:28,391
Okay, this is really fun.
How long do we have to stay?
103
00:06:30,670 --> 00:06:32,160
God!
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00:06:33,006 --> 00:06:35,497
I'm gonna go tell Charlotte we're leaving.
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00:06:35,575 --> 00:06:38,976
Another thing about twenty-something
girls is they're very considerate.
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00:06:39,079 --> 00:06:42,708
You can always count on one of them
to hold your hair when you vomit.
107
00:06:44,017 --> 00:06:45,416
Excuse me!
108
00:06:46,119 --> 00:06:47,780
My God, Carrie Bradshaw!
109
00:06:48,088 --> 00:06:49,953
- Yeah?
- Laurel Harris.
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00:06:50,023 --> 00:06:52,287
May I just tell you that I worship you?
111
00:06:52,358 --> 00:06:54,918
I read your column every week,
it's like my religion.
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00:06:55,128 --> 00:06:56,288
Thank you.
113
00:06:56,863 --> 00:06:59,991
I work in a publishing house,
but I'm really a writer.
114
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,033
- Great.
- We'll see.
115
00:07:02,402 --> 00:07:04,870
Maybe I could send you something
to read sometime?
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00:07:04,938 --> 00:07:07,805
- Sure.
- That would mean so much to me.
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00:07:07,874 --> 00:07:10,570
To have someone like you as my mentor.
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00:07:10,777 --> 00:07:12,540
Well, mentor.
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00:07:13,313 --> 00:07:15,281
Could I call you sometime in the city?
120
00:07:15,381 --> 00:07:18,214
If I could spend some time with you,
that would be so cool.
121
00:07:19,219 --> 00:07:22,677
Of course. I'll be looking at
a very busy summer.
122
00:07:22,789 --> 00:07:25,155
I can help.
I'll run errands, I'll do your wash.
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00:07:25,525 --> 00:07:30,485
No menial labor necessary.
I'll just give you my phone number.
124
00:07:30,697 --> 00:07:32,528
My God, this is so cool.
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00:07:32,866 --> 00:07:33,833
Thank you.
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00:07:33,967 --> 00:07:35,798
- It's okay.
- Thank you.
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00:07:41,274 --> 00:07:45,108
The next day, Miranda woke up early
to enjoy the cool morning breeze...
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00:07:45,178 --> 00:07:48,011
...and a much-needed moment of solitude.
129
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,911
All right, somebody puked on the deck.
130
00:07:55,989 --> 00:07:57,047
Sorry...
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00:07:57,957 --> 00:08:00,482
...Stacey and Holly did
too many Jell-O shots.
132
00:08:01,027 --> 00:08:02,688
What are you, 25 now?
133
00:08:04,831 --> 00:08:06,321
Good morning.
134
00:08:07,467 --> 00:08:09,332
No, 27!
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00:08:10,436 --> 00:08:11,494
Whatever.
136
00:08:12,172 --> 00:08:16,632
That week, back in the city,
I wondered what was the allure of the 20s?
137
00:08:16,776 --> 00:08:20,405
On one hand, there's great skin tone,
the thrill of fresh experience...
138
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:24,416
...and the sense of a consequence-free life
full of endless possibilities.
139
00:08:24,484 --> 00:08:28,853
While on the other, there are horrible
apartments, sexually inexperienced men...
140
00:08:28,922 --> 00:08:32,050
...and embarrassing errors
in fashion judgment.
141
00:08:34,027 --> 00:08:38,862
Should we fear these freshly minted, single
women as a threat to our very survival...
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00:08:38,932 --> 00:08:42,561
...or pity them as clueless half-wits
about to get their dreams dashed...
143
00:08:42,635 --> 00:08:44,796
...and illusions shattered?
144
00:08:44,938 --> 00:08:46,872
Twenty-something girls...
145
00:08:47,373 --> 00:08:48,840
...friend or foe?
146
00:08:50,643 --> 00:08:53,407
And that evening,
in my first act as a mentor...
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00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:56,715
...I took my young acolyte to a book party.
148
00:08:59,285 --> 00:09:00,513
My God.
149
00:09:01,955 --> 00:09:05,322
I can't believe I'm out with
Carrie Bradshaw. This is too cool.
150
00:09:05,391 --> 00:09:07,655
Stop, I can feel my head swelling.
151
00:09:07,727 --> 00:09:10,594
If it gets any bigger,
I'll have to say goodbye to my hats.
152
00:09:10,663 --> 00:09:11,789
I have a question.
153
00:09:11,865 --> 00:09:15,062
Do you think that 25 is too young
to write a personal memoir?
154
00:09:15,134 --> 00:09:19,161
As long as it doesn't deal with incest,
Prozac, or partying, no.
155
00:09:19,439 --> 00:09:22,340
It does deal with sex,
or rather not having sex.
156
00:09:22,408 --> 00:09:26,367
It's about how girls my age
are saving themselves for marriage.
157
00:09:28,147 --> 00:09:31,310
- Saving what for marriage?
- Our virginity.
158
00:09:32,418 --> 00:09:35,285
Are you telling me that you've
never had sex with a man?
159
00:09:35,488 --> 00:09:36,955
That is correct.
160
00:09:37,657 --> 00:09:41,753
Okay, what do you consider sex?
161
00:09:42,428 --> 00:09:44,658
Are you implying I'm
some kind of Lewinsky?
162
00:09:44,731 --> 00:09:47,564
I'm not! I'm talking no blowjobs,
no hand jobs.
163
00:09:47,634 --> 00:09:50,432
All right, I get it, no jobs of any kind.
164
00:09:51,771 --> 00:09:54,433
You know what?
I think I need to get a drink.
165
00:09:54,774 --> 00:09:57,538
- I'll get it. Cosmopolitan, right?
- Yeah.
166
00:09:57,610 --> 00:10:00,306
I remember from your column.
167
00:10:02,515 --> 00:10:06,212
A 25-year-old virgin was getting me
a Cosmopolitan.
168
00:10:06,753 --> 00:10:09,551
The generation gap
had never seemed so wide.
169
00:10:10,156 --> 00:10:11,953
Hi.
170
00:10:13,726 --> 00:10:16,092
- Have you actually read the book?
- No, have you?
171
00:10:16,162 --> 00:10:17,060
Not yet.
172
00:10:17,130 --> 00:10:18,791
Know anything about the author?
173
00:10:18,865 --> 00:10:23,359
His family has a history of diabetes
and he has a steel splint in his left femur.
174
00:10:23,436 --> 00:10:27,031
- I'm his doctor, Bradley Meego.
- Carrie Bradshaw.
175
00:10:27,774 --> 00:10:31,141
My doctor won't even make house calls,
let alone attend a book party.
176
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:34,202
I've never been to one.
I thought it might be interesting.
177
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,111
It's exceeded all my expectations.
178
00:10:36,182 --> 00:10:39,515
Generally, it's cheese and crackers.
You never see an actual shrimp.
179
00:10:39,585 --> 00:10:40,711
No, I meant you.
180
00:10:42,255 --> 00:10:45,349
I'd ask you for a drink after
but I'm driving to the Hamptons.
181
00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:48,491
I'm going out to the Hamptons tomorrow.
182
00:10:48,661 --> 00:10:50,356
Great, can I call you there?
183
00:10:52,632 --> 00:10:54,293
All right, you know what?
184
00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:56,835
I'll be with my friends Saturday
at Townline Beach.
185
00:10:56,903 --> 00:10:59,633
A big yellow umbrella.
You can come by and say hello.
186
00:10:59,706 --> 00:11:01,867
Is this a ploy to see me in my bathing suit?
187
00:11:02,342 --> 00:11:04,333
- Here's your Cosmo.
- Thank you.
188
00:11:05,945 --> 00:11:08,778
Dr. Bradley Meego, this is Laurel.
189
00:11:08,881 --> 00:11:10,508
- Hi.
- Hey.
190
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:13,377
What if it rains?
Do we pick another date?
191
00:11:13,619 --> 00:11:15,610
Doctor, you are persistent.
192
00:11:16,656 --> 00:11:19,989
All right. In case of emergency, only.
193
00:11:25,698 --> 00:11:27,529
Now I'm gonna have to buy the book.
194
00:11:28,634 --> 00:11:30,465
Nice meeting you. You, too.
195
00:11:31,537 --> 00:11:32,663
Drive safe.
196
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:35,999
My God, he is such a fox.
197
00:11:36,142 --> 00:11:38,167
Did you meet him when I was at the bar?
198
00:11:38,878 --> 00:11:40,846
Lady, you've got it going on!
199
00:11:43,783 --> 00:11:46,445
That Saturday turned out
to be hot and sunny.
200
00:11:46,786 --> 00:11:48,777
While we sat under our umbrella...
201
00:11:48,888 --> 00:11:52,483
...twenty-something girls sizzled on the
sand like rotisserie chickens.
202
00:11:52,592 --> 00:11:55,493
Excuse me,
when did tanning come back in style?
203
00:11:55,561 --> 00:11:56,858
Hand me the 45!
204
00:11:57,063 --> 00:11:59,998
Forty-five, I didn't know
it went up that high.
205
00:12:00,433 --> 00:12:03,095
You could sit in a microwave and not burn.
206
00:12:03,169 --> 00:12:05,831
It's Charlotte's,
but I don't think she'll be using it.
207
00:12:05,905 --> 00:12:08,965
It's not good for her 27-year-old image.
208
00:12:09,375 --> 00:12:11,935
She actually put on oil.
209
00:12:12,545 --> 00:12:14,240
Just let her have her fun now.
210
00:12:14,313 --> 00:12:17,180
Come Labor Day, she's gonna look like
a 27-year-old handbag.
211
00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:21,242
I'd risk a few precancerous
freckles for a summer romance.
212
00:12:21,788 --> 00:12:26,122
And right then, my summer romance
made his appearance, right on schedule.
213
00:12:26,292 --> 00:12:29,625
Yellow umbrellas seem to be
very popular this year.
214
00:12:30,863 --> 00:12:33,161
This is Dr. Bradley Meego.
215
00:12:33,232 --> 00:12:34,290
Hello.
216
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:36,964
What kind of a doctor are you, Doctor?
217
00:12:37,036 --> 00:12:39,664
Internal medicine.
General, all-purpose kind of thing.
218
00:12:39,739 --> 00:12:42,572
Fabulous, so you can prescribe medication?
219
00:12:42,708 --> 00:12:45,176
- What'd you have in mind?
- Feel free to ignore her.
220
00:12:45,244 --> 00:12:49,112
I'm sure that's impossible.
I'm gonna go take a quick dip.
221
00:12:49,182 --> 00:12:52,413
- You promise not to ditch me, now.
- I promise.
222
00:12:56,255 --> 00:12:58,519
- Is that the guy from the book party?
- Yeah.
223
00:12:58,825 --> 00:13:00,588
I've got to start reading.
224
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:05,124
He's cute. I'm just not
really sure I'm interested.
225
00:13:05,731 --> 00:13:08,529
Good-looking, polite,
house in the Hamptons.
226
00:13:09,335 --> 00:13:11,929
- It's good on paper.
- You know the rule.
227
00:13:12,705 --> 00:13:14,832
Good on paper, bad in bed.
228
00:13:15,441 --> 00:13:18,205
A "good on paper guy"
is a guy with great credentials...
229
00:13:18,277 --> 00:13:20,973
...who you always end up leaving
for some hot guy...
230
00:13:21,047 --> 00:13:24,539
...who rides a motorcycle and doesn't have
a checking account.
231
00:13:24,650 --> 00:13:25,878
My God!
232
00:13:27,553 --> 00:13:30,545
The water feels so awesome.
You guys should really go in.
233
00:13:30,823 --> 00:13:33,986
You better put on some sunscreen,
Georgette Hamilton.
234
00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:35,560
That's okay, I never burn.
235
00:13:35,628 --> 00:13:39,257
Well, I do.
In fact, I've had enough for today.
236
00:13:39,332 --> 00:13:42,062
I'm gonna go grocery shopping.
You guys want anything?
237
00:13:42,201 --> 00:13:45,329
We should get some rum.
We can make Long Island Iced Teas.
238
00:13:45,571 --> 00:13:48,062
Yes, I love Long Island Iced Teas.
239
00:13:48,407 --> 00:13:49,499
Excellent!
240
00:13:57,450 --> 00:13:59,782
I took a leap of faith
and made reservations...
241
00:13:59,852 --> 00:14:03,185
...at one of those impossible-to-get-into
restaurants for tonight.
242
00:14:03,256 --> 00:14:05,224
I'd love to...
243
00:14:05,291 --> 00:14:07,759
...I just can't abandon my friends.
244
00:14:08,794 --> 00:14:13,197
Actually, that wasn't an invitation.
It was just restaurant chitchat.
245
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,827
I'm kidding.
246
00:14:17,303 --> 00:14:18,634
How about after dinner?
247
00:14:18,704 --> 00:14:21,764
I've got a great little house,
cute porch we could sit on.
248
00:14:21,841 --> 00:14:23,331
I don't know.
249
00:14:24,043 --> 00:14:26,978
Okay, how about I just call your...
250
00:14:27,046 --> 00:14:29,241
...in-case-of-emergency number
this weekend.
251
00:14:29,415 --> 00:14:32,441
The emergency being,
I think I'm gonna miss you.
252
00:14:33,085 --> 00:14:35,815
Yes, you could definitely do that.
253
00:14:35,988 --> 00:14:36,977
Good.
254
00:14:37,089 --> 00:14:41,150
Romantic, polite, and his very own house
south of the highway.
255
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:44,623
My good-on-paper guy
was jumping right off the page.
256
00:14:45,097 --> 00:14:48,624
Later that afternoon, we came back from
the beach rested, rejuvenated...
257
00:14:48,701 --> 00:14:50,464
...feeling almost 29 again.
258
00:14:50,736 --> 00:14:52,567
Even Miranda was in good spirits.
259
00:14:52,638 --> 00:14:57,007
Guys, I just got back from the market.
Fresh corn and seafood for dinner.
260
00:14:57,910 --> 00:15:01,903
Except, your groupie can't stay.
I only got enough for the four of us.
261
00:15:01,981 --> 00:15:03,039
She's here?
262
00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:07,176
Yeah, she was asking too many inane
questions. I sent her up to your room.
263
00:15:07,253 --> 00:15:09,483
- Thanks.
- Sorry.
264
00:15:09,622 --> 00:15:13,558
I've got to shower, the sand is itchy
in my bathing suit, and then I'll help you.
265
00:15:13,626 --> 00:15:16,322
Take your time. That came for you.
266
00:15:18,731 --> 00:15:19,720
My God!
267
00:15:20,399 --> 00:15:21,423
What's wrong?
268
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,832
It's for the Hamptons Hoedown
tomorrow night...
269
00:15:23,903 --> 00:15:27,600
...and the event is being run by
Nina G. Public Relations. Nina G.!
270
00:15:27,673 --> 00:15:30,506
Overnight, Samantha's ex-assistant,
Nina Grabowski...
271
00:15:30,576 --> 00:15:32,806
...had reinvented herself as Nina G.
272
00:15:32,878 --> 00:15:37,372
I was up for that job and now she's using
my Rolodex to put together the guest list.
273
00:15:37,450 --> 00:15:40,544
While Samantha was getting
fucked royally by her prot�g�...
274
00:15:40,886 --> 00:15:43,116
...mine was giving me the royal treatment.
275
00:15:43,189 --> 00:15:45,953
It's not that I don't wanna
have sex with men...
276
00:15:46,025 --> 00:15:48,960
...I feel like these previous
generations of women have...
277
00:15:49,028 --> 00:15:52,486
...devalued sex to the point
where it's not even special anymore.
278
00:15:52,565 --> 00:15:55,966
One summer, when I was 15,
I read everything Jackie Collins ever wrote.
279
00:15:56,035 --> 00:15:57,696
I thought to myself, who cares?
280
00:15:57,770 --> 00:15:59,465
Is it supposed to be shocking...
281
00:15:59,538 --> 00:16:02,701
...wagging one's pussy
at every good-looking stud who walks by?
282
00:16:02,775 --> 00:16:06,211
- Please.
- And what is it you like about my column?
283
00:16:07,513 --> 00:16:10,482
I have a tiny tick on my stomach,
and I can't get it off.
284
00:16:10,783 --> 00:16:13,183
- Does it hurt?
- No, but it itches.
285
00:16:13,286 --> 00:16:15,811
My God, that is not a tick.
286
00:16:16,088 --> 00:16:17,180
What is it?
287
00:16:20,893 --> 00:16:22,884
There go our shitty sheets.
288
00:16:22,962 --> 00:16:25,658
My God, it's so disgusting.
289
00:16:26,098 --> 00:16:28,589
- Where's she going?
- To the drugstore.
290
00:16:28,968 --> 00:16:32,335
Charlotte really is in her 20s.
She's got crabs.
291
00:16:32,972 --> 00:16:34,064
My God!
292
00:16:35,374 --> 00:16:37,706
That night, I called Dr. Meego.
293
00:16:37,777 --> 00:16:40,109
I figured it was an emergency.
294
00:16:42,048 --> 00:16:43,743
I have this thing about crabs.
295
00:16:43,816 --> 00:16:46,683
I had them in college
and it scarred me for life.
296
00:16:46,752 --> 00:16:49,949
I can't go back to that house
until the mattresses are sanitized...
297
00:16:50,022 --> 00:16:52,081
...and the sheets and towels are burned.
298
00:16:52,158 --> 00:16:54,456
I'm flattered you thought of me.
299
00:16:54,527 --> 00:16:58,258
I'd be happy to prescribe your friend
some industrial-strength pubicide.
300
00:16:58,331 --> 00:17:00,424
She can take care of herself.
301
00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:03,034
Cheers.
302
00:17:10,343 --> 00:17:12,368
You might have to spend the night here.
303
00:17:13,179 --> 00:17:15,841
I might have to, but only to sleep.
304
00:17:16,415 --> 00:17:19,282
Women always say that
and as soon as the lights go out...
305
00:17:19,352 --> 00:17:21,513
...boom, they're going for my pajamas.
306
00:17:23,122 --> 00:17:26,523
All righty. I promise, no funny stuff.
307
00:17:31,430 --> 00:17:34,524
That night we slept together,
but we didn't sleep together.
308
00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:36,225
It was really nice.
309
00:17:36,302 --> 00:17:41,467
I believe it was the first instance of a case
of crabs moving a relationship forward.
310
00:17:48,147 --> 00:17:52,015
Every year, one of the local
Hamptons billionaires got down and dirty...
311
00:17:52,084 --> 00:17:55,417
...and threw a big hoedown
full of cowboys and caviar.
312
00:17:55,488 --> 00:17:57,786
It was the event of the season.
313
00:17:59,058 --> 00:18:01,652
We joined Samantha
to lend our moral support.
314
00:18:01,794 --> 00:18:03,261
I can't believe it.
315
00:18:03,329 --> 00:18:08,164
There're people here who don't even come
to my parties and they came to Nina's.
316
00:18:09,301 --> 00:18:11,326
Look at her over there.
317
00:18:12,338 --> 00:18:13,965
Beef jerky carpaccio?
318
00:18:14,039 --> 00:18:18,032
I am just so depressed right now.
Excuse me.
319
00:18:18,144 --> 00:18:19,805
Where are you going?
320
00:18:19,879 --> 00:18:23,815
To congratulate Nina.
I may need her to hire me someday.
321
00:18:25,084 --> 00:18:28,576
While Samantha set out to negotiate
twenty-something d�tente...
322
00:18:28,654 --> 00:18:31,384
...Charlotte prepared to launch
a full-out war.
323
00:18:31,524 --> 00:18:32,616
Excuse me.
324
00:18:47,072 --> 00:18:49,267
Do you know that you gave me crabs?
325
00:18:51,277 --> 00:18:53,768
- What?
- You heard me.
326
00:18:53,979 --> 00:18:57,244
- What makes you think it was me?
- That is so tacky.
327
00:18:57,416 --> 00:18:59,441
So is lying about your age.
328
00:18:59,585 --> 00:19:01,780
I saw your license
when you bought the beer.
329
00:19:01,987 --> 00:19:04,979
I didn't lie. You made an assumption,
I didn't contradict it.
330
00:19:05,057 --> 00:19:06,046
Whatever.
331
00:19:07,259 --> 00:19:10,717
I may have given you crabs,
but you deceived me.
332
00:19:11,096 --> 00:19:13,724
- That is so much worse.
- Grow up.
333
00:19:20,372 --> 00:19:23,307
You are a waitperson.
That doesn't mean wait, it means go!
334
00:19:25,311 --> 00:19:28,212
My God, you actually came.
335
00:19:29,615 --> 00:19:33,813
I just stopped by to wish you good luck.
It's a fabulous party.
336
00:19:33,953 --> 00:19:35,511
That is very cool of you.
337
00:19:35,588 --> 00:19:38,921
I told you not to seat Martha
near the hayride. She's allergic.
338
00:19:39,258 --> 00:19:42,318
Please try to keep the young people
out until after 11:00.
339
00:19:44,129 --> 00:19:48,327
We're all out of country-fried goat cheese,
somebody got stuck with a cactus needle...
340
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,062
...and there are people outside
who aren't on the list.
341
00:19:51,136 --> 00:19:53,536
Jesus fucking Christ.
You are totally coked out.
342
00:19:53,606 --> 00:19:55,005
You are totally jealous.
343
00:19:56,242 --> 00:19:58,676
My God, what is that?
344
00:19:59,044 --> 00:20:00,841
What is that sound? My God!
345
00:20:01,647 --> 00:20:04,411
That's not supposed to happen until midnight.
346
00:20:04,483 --> 00:20:07,543
- I know.
- This is your problem. Get them to stop!
347
00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:10,111
I can't, they're on a fucking barge!
348
00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:14,983
Could you help me?
I need to get everybody outside.
349
00:20:15,060 --> 00:20:17,585
I'm totally fucked right now.
350
00:20:17,997 --> 00:20:22,024
Okay, people, fiesta fireworks, outside!
351
00:20:22,101 --> 00:20:24,626
Let's go!
352
00:20:27,072 --> 00:20:28,539
This is Greg.
353
00:20:28,607 --> 00:20:31,838
I think the two of you
would really hit it off.
354
00:20:31,944 --> 00:20:33,878
Hi.
355
00:20:37,616 --> 00:20:41,347
I began to realize, that the biggest threat
twenty-something girls posed...
356
00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:42,717
...was to themselves.
357
00:20:42,788 --> 00:20:44,619
I've been looking all over for you.
358
00:20:45,724 --> 00:20:48,420
- Look, I got one just like yours.
- That's great.
359
00:20:48,494 --> 00:20:50,462
You want me to get you a Cosmopolitan?
360
00:20:50,529 --> 00:20:53,692
No. I'm gonna go find my date.
But I'll see you later, okay?
361
00:20:53,766 --> 00:20:56,667
That guy from the bookstore?
My God, he was so cute.
362
00:20:57,069 --> 00:20:59,663
Annoying, yes. Dangerous, no.
363
00:20:59,772 --> 00:21:01,967
They were simply our youthful
doppelg�ngers...
364
00:21:02,041 --> 00:21:05,067
...who needed our compassion
more than anything.
365
00:21:05,444 --> 00:21:09,881
And then everything I so firmly believed
was promptly blown to pieces.
366
00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:22,186
Is it you?
367
00:21:23,362 --> 00:21:26,354
Hey. What are you doing here?
368
00:21:27,132 --> 00:21:30,431
What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
369
00:21:32,504 --> 00:21:34,495
I just got back this week from Paris.
370
00:21:36,575 --> 00:21:38,236
This is Natasha.
371
00:21:38,377 --> 00:21:41,710
Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
372
00:21:42,047 --> 00:21:43,378
Really?
373
00:21:44,483 --> 00:21:48,783
Natasha's parents have a house in East
Hampton. We came up for the weekend.
374
00:21:48,854 --> 00:21:51,448
Excuse me. It's nice to meet you.
375
00:22:00,232 --> 00:22:03,531
I'm sorry, I'm just a little stunned here.
376
00:22:04,503 --> 00:22:06,027
And confused.
377
00:22:06,705 --> 00:22:08,036
Who is she?
378
00:22:08,307 --> 00:22:10,275
I meant to call you.
379
00:22:14,847 --> 00:22:17,338
She's this girl that I met in Paris.
380
00:22:17,916 --> 00:22:20,384
She works for Ralph Lauren in Europe.
381
00:22:22,921 --> 00:22:25,116
You're in from Paris for the weekends?
382
00:22:25,190 --> 00:22:28,751
No. The Paris deal fell through.
383
00:22:32,998 --> 00:22:34,761
I planned on calling you.
384
00:22:34,833 --> 00:22:37,631
I certainly didn't want
to run into you like this.
385
00:22:37,703 --> 00:22:40,433
You can't plan everything.
Life can be pretty random.
386
00:22:40,506 --> 00:22:43,669
I'm here on a date, too, somewhere.
387
00:22:44,276 --> 00:22:46,540
He's a doctor, Bradley Meego.
388
00:22:46,779 --> 00:22:51,011
He's good on paper, probably like Natasha.
Good-looking, sweet, blah-blah-blah.
389
00:22:53,652 --> 00:22:55,643
How old is she, anyway?
390
00:22:57,723 --> 00:23:00,351
I don't know, 26, 27.
391
00:23:02,027 --> 00:23:03,790
Something like that.
392
00:23:07,366 --> 00:23:09,891
I'll see you in the Hamptons
or back in the city.
393
00:23:10,102 --> 00:23:13,230
I promise to call
when I get back into town.
394
00:23:27,453 --> 00:23:28,920
Are you okay?
395
00:23:29,121 --> 00:23:32,352
No, I just ran into Big.
396
00:23:33,392 --> 00:23:35,087
He's back from Paris.
397
00:23:35,661 --> 00:23:37,492
He has a new girlfriend.
398
00:23:38,330 --> 00:23:40,093
She's 26.
399
00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:43,091
- Where is he? I didn't see...
- God.
400
00:23:58,817 --> 00:24:00,375
And then I realized...
401
00:24:00,452 --> 00:24:03,216
...twenty-something girls
are just fabulous...
402
00:24:03,288 --> 00:24:06,815
...until you see one with
the man who broke your heart.
403
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:20,000
Translation And Subtitles By
Captions, Inc. Los Angeles
404
00:24:27,000 --> 00:25:33,000
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