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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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One of the best things about
living in a city like New York...
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00:00:52,108 --> 00:00:53,598
is leaving it.
3
00:00:57,547 --> 00:00:59,674
My friend Patience and her husband...
4
00:00:59,749 --> 00:01:01,717
invited me to the Hamptons
for the weekend.
5
00:01:03,153 --> 00:01:05,553
Patience and Peter
were the perfect married couple.
6
00:01:05,622 --> 00:01:07,385
They were fun, smart...
7
00:01:07,457 --> 00:01:09,550
and they looked like they fell out
of a J. Crew catalog.
8
00:01:09,626 --> 00:01:13,392
If their house wasn't right on
the beach, I would have hated them.
9
00:01:13,463 --> 00:01:16,990
So he gets in the cab
and slides up next to me.
10
00:01:20,870 --> 00:01:22,895
Yes?
11
00:01:22,973 --> 00:01:24,099
And it is hot.
12
00:01:24,975 --> 00:01:27,443
It is hot all the way from Houston
and West Broadway...
13
00:01:27,510 --> 00:01:29,068
to 72nd and Madison.
14
00:01:29,145 --> 00:01:32,706
Hampton houseguests are always required
to sing for their supper.
15
00:01:32,782 --> 00:01:37,151
Brokers give investment advice.
Architects, design advice.
16
00:01:37,220 --> 00:01:41,953
Single people give married friends
tidbits from their sexual escapades.
17
00:01:43,693 --> 00:01:46,958
The next morning I woke up
feeling rested and fabulous.
18
00:01:47,030 --> 00:01:49,897
I couldn't wait to go out
and take in the spectacular view.
19
00:01:51,701 --> 00:01:52,497
Morning.
20
00:01:54,137 --> 00:01:56,731
Patience went out to get
juice and muffins.
21
00:01:56,806 --> 00:01:58,398
She'll be right back.
22
00:01:58,475 --> 00:02:00,136
There he was...
23
00:02:00,210 --> 00:02:03,737
full-frontal friend.
24
00:02:03,813 --> 00:02:05,007
Good!
25
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:08,915
He just stood there, casual,
happy, hanging out.
26
00:02:08,985 --> 00:02:11,180
- I didn't know what to do or say.
- Great!
27
00:02:11,254 --> 00:02:14,917
I only knew one thing...
that's way too much Peter before coffee.
28
00:02:15,725 --> 00:02:17,852
- Good morning.
- Hey.
29
00:02:17,927 --> 00:02:21,363
Got some fresh juice
and the good muffins.
30
00:02:22,932 --> 00:02:24,991
So what's happening?
31
00:02:27,337 --> 00:02:31,831
I ran into Peter in the hallway
without his underwear on.
32
00:02:33,510 --> 00:02:35,842
P.S. Congratulations.
33
00:02:37,681 --> 00:02:38,909
Sunny day.
34
00:02:38,982 --> 00:02:42,042
Honey, did Carrie
see your dick in the hall?
35
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,712
Yeah, she caught me
on the way to the bathroom.
36
00:02:44,788 --> 00:02:47,222
Oh.
"On the way to the bathroom."
37
00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:50,851
Oh, yeah! The good muffins.
38
00:02:53,730 --> 00:02:56,961
So what are we doing today?
39
00:02:57,033 --> 00:02:59,934
I barely had time to shove
a "good muffin" in my purse...
40
00:03:00,003 --> 00:03:01,937
before I was on my way
back to New York.
41
00:03:02,005 --> 00:03:04,667
I'm confused. Why would he do that?
Did he want to have sex with you?
42
00:03:04,741 --> 00:03:06,732
I don't know.
It didn't feel sexual.
43
00:03:06,810 --> 00:03:09,335
Maybe we wanted to show it off.
Like a monkey.
44
00:03:10,513 --> 00:03:13,710
- So how big was it?
- Fresh pepper?
45
00:03:15,852 --> 00:03:18,116
Yes, please.
Thank you very much.
46
00:03:19,089 --> 00:03:21,819
- That'll do.
- Would you like some fresh pepper?
47
00:03:21,891 --> 00:03:24,519
Oh, honey,
I'd love some fresh pepper.
48
00:03:24,594 --> 00:03:28,394
In fact, I think everyone at this table
could use a lot of fresh pepper.
49
00:03:31,601 --> 00:03:33,000
Thanks.
50
00:03:36,339 --> 00:03:39,069
So I told her I didn't understand
why she was so upset.
51
00:03:39,142 --> 00:03:41,940
She said I couldn't understand it.
I'm single.
52
00:03:42,011 --> 00:03:44,878
And what? Single women
prowl beach houses...
53
00:03:44,948 --> 00:03:47,940
hoping for glimpses of their
friends' husbands' dicks?
54
00:03:48,017 --> 00:03:50,850
- How good a friend was she?
- What's the difference?
55
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,854
When someone gets married,
all bets are off.
56
00:03:52,922 --> 00:03:55,254
They become married,
and we become the enemy.
57
00:03:55,325 --> 00:03:57,452
As the only single lawyer
working at her law firm...
58
00:03:57,527 --> 00:03:59,461
Miranda had given this topic
some thought.
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00:03:59,529 --> 00:04:02,362
Married women are threatened
because we can have sex...
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00:04:02,432 --> 00:04:04,593
anytime, anywhere with anyone.
61
00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:05,929
We can?
62
00:04:06,002 --> 00:04:09,870
And they're afraid we're gonna have it
anytime, anywhere with their husbands.
63
00:04:09,939 --> 00:04:11,634
I would never sleep
with a married man.
64
00:04:11,708 --> 00:04:14,609
What makes you so sure you haven't?
Wedding rings come off, you know.
65
00:04:14,677 --> 00:04:18,773
Face it, ladies. If you're still
single, you are not to be trusted.
66
00:04:18,848 --> 00:04:21,476
Come on! Not all married women
feel that way.
67
00:04:21,551 --> 00:04:25,180
Charlotte treated marriage like
a sorority she was hoping to pledge.
68
00:04:25,255 --> 00:04:27,280
You're right. Not all.
69
00:04:27,357 --> 00:04:29,348
The ones who don't fear you
pity you.
70
00:04:29,426 --> 00:04:31,291
That's not true.
71
00:04:31,361 --> 00:04:34,421
Are you telling me you haven't gotten
those "poor single you" looks?
72
00:04:34,497 --> 00:04:36,897
- I hate those.
- Okay, yes, I have.
73
00:04:36,966 --> 00:04:40,094
I hate it when you're the only
single person at a dinner party...
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00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:41,432
and they all look at you
like you're a...
75
00:04:41,504 --> 00:04:42,630
- Loser.
- Leper.
76
00:04:42,705 --> 00:04:44,866
- Whore.
- Exactly!
77
00:04:44,941 --> 00:04:47,432
I'm telling you,
married people are the enemy.
78
00:04:47,510 --> 00:04:51,844
Was Miranda right?
Were we enemies?
79
00:04:51,915 --> 00:04:54,941
Is there a secret cold war
between marrieds and singles?
80
00:04:56,352 --> 00:04:59,116
I love my single friends.
But now that I'm married...
81
00:04:59,189 --> 00:05:01,623
I don't see them
as much as I used to.
82
00:05:01,691 --> 00:05:03,784
It's too painful.
83
00:05:03,860 --> 00:05:06,920
They remind me of how desperate
I used to be.
84
00:05:06,996 --> 00:05:09,692
When women get married,
they forget who they are.
85
00:05:09,766 --> 00:05:12,860
"L" becomes "we."
"We" loved the movie.
86
00:05:12,936 --> 00:05:14,870
"We" hate that restaurant.
87
00:05:16,473 --> 00:05:19,442
My best buddy and I
did everything together.
88
00:05:19,509 --> 00:05:22,034
Then he married this girl
who doesn't like me.
89
00:05:22,111 --> 00:05:24,477
Now I only see him
on Super Bowl Sunday.
90
00:05:24,547 --> 00:05:26,481
It's all about
what you want out of life.
91
00:05:26,549 --> 00:05:29,074
Some people, like me,
choose to grow up...
92
00:05:29,152 --> 00:05:31,086
face reality and get married.
93
00:05:31,154 --> 00:05:33,520
Others choose to, what?
94
00:05:33,590 --> 00:05:37,788
Live an empty, haunted life
of stunted adolescence.
95
00:05:37,861 --> 00:05:41,262
No, it's not a cold war.
It's an out-and-out battle.
96
00:05:41,331 --> 00:05:43,492
And it isn't just straight people.
97
00:05:43,566 --> 00:05:46,262
Every gay guy I know
is running off to Hawaii...
98
00:05:46,336 --> 00:05:48,600
putting on a caftan,
reciting vows...
99
00:05:48,671 --> 00:05:50,468
and feeling superior to me.
100
00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:53,509
- Caftan?
- Oh, yes, with orchid leis.
101
00:05:53,576 --> 00:05:54,508
Aloha.
102
00:05:56,012 --> 00:05:58,105
I miss the old times
when everyone was alone.
103
00:05:58,181 --> 00:06:01,344
Now I'm starting to feel like
I'm an outcast in the outcasts.
104
00:06:03,286 --> 00:06:05,686
Oh, my God! Joe!
105
00:06:07,824 --> 00:06:10,884
It's been years. I haven't
seen you since you were...
106
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,052
Straight?
107
00:06:12,128 --> 00:06:14,289
I was gonna say in Miss Saigon.
108
00:06:14,364 --> 00:06:17,231
- Still am.
- I love Miss Saigon.
109
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:20,269
Oh, this is my friend Stanford.
110
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:22,634
This is my life partner Lou.
111
00:06:22,705 --> 00:06:24,730
Oh, look at that.
112
00:06:24,807 --> 00:06:27,970
- Congratulations.
- Where are you registered?
113
00:06:28,044 --> 00:06:30,740
- Barney's.
- I was kidding.
114
00:06:31,481 --> 00:06:33,813
How about you?
Are you married?
115
00:06:33,883 --> 00:06:35,908
Not really. I mean no!
116
00:06:35,985 --> 00:06:40,149
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Perfect!
117
00:06:40,957 --> 00:06:44,950
- What?
- Lou and I want to have a child.
118
00:06:45,028 --> 00:06:48,054
We already have a surrogate,
but we need a topnotch egg.
119
00:06:48,131 --> 00:06:51,760
What are your feelings
about donating one?
120
00:06:53,503 --> 00:06:55,937
Listen, here's our card.
121
00:06:56,005 --> 00:06:57,973
You think about it,
and give us a call.
122
00:06:58,041 --> 00:07:00,100
- We'll pay.
- Great seeing you.
123
00:07:03,079 --> 00:07:06,515
I had just experienced single-bashing
for the new millennium.
124
00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:09,074
I was no longer considered a person.
125
00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:11,552
I was now an egg farm.
126
00:07:11,621 --> 00:07:13,521
Meanwhile, in a park downtown...
127
00:07:13,590 --> 00:07:16,354
another single woman
was about to be humiliated.
128
00:07:16,426 --> 00:07:20,487
Miranda was obliged to attend
her firm's annual softball game.
129
00:07:20,563 --> 00:07:22,656
A law firm softball game
is like any other...
130
00:07:22,732 --> 00:07:25,633
except when a lawyer steals
a base, he gets promoted.
131
00:07:25,702 --> 00:07:28,500
Miranda.
I was afraid you wouldn't come.
132
00:07:28,571 --> 00:07:30,505
All right.
Let's get it over with.
133
00:07:32,108 --> 00:07:36,374
Panicked at the idea of spending another
firm function labeled as a leper...
134
00:07:36,446 --> 00:07:39,779
Miranda had agreed
to be fixed up on a blind date.
135
00:07:39,849 --> 00:07:42,409
Miranda, this is Syd.
Syd, Miranda.
136
00:07:44,354 --> 00:07:47,323
Look at you two.
It's a perfect match.
137
00:07:47,390 --> 00:07:50,188
Well, I'm gonna excuse myself.
138
00:07:53,296 --> 00:07:54,820
- Nice to meet you.
- You too.
139
00:07:54,897 --> 00:07:57,695
I'm gonna get a soda.
You want a soda?
140
00:07:57,767 --> 00:08:00,668
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna get us a soda.
141
00:08:02,372 --> 00:08:03,339
Jeff.
142
00:08:03,406 --> 00:08:05,636
Pretty great, huh?
Can I pick 'em or what?
143
00:08:05,708 --> 00:08:08,108
Yeah. I'm not gay.
144
00:08:08,177 --> 00:08:09,269
Seriously?
145
00:08:09,345 --> 00:08:13,042
I've been with the firm eight months.
I haven't once seen you with a guy.
146
00:08:13,116 --> 00:08:15,414
Circumstantial, Jeff.
I'm single.
147
00:08:15,485 --> 00:08:18,477
Christ! When did being single
translate into being gay?
148
00:08:18,554 --> 00:08:20,522
Shit.
149
00:08:20,590 --> 00:08:23,684
You want me to go over there...
150
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,728
No, I'll do it.
151
00:08:28,264 --> 00:08:31,893
Brave Miranda marched right over
and told Syd she wasn't.
152
00:08:31,968 --> 00:08:34,835
They had a good laugh
and decided to stay and play ball.
153
00:08:46,215 --> 00:08:49,616
Miranda and Syd's last-inning double
play got the attention of everyone...
154
00:08:49,686 --> 00:08:51,916
even the firm's senior partner.
155
00:08:51,988 --> 00:08:54,855
- That was quite a play, ladies.
- It's all about teamwork, Charles.
156
00:08:54,924 --> 00:08:57,722
- Chip.
- Chip.
157
00:08:57,794 --> 00:09:01,628
My wife and I are having
a dinner party on the 12th.
158
00:09:01,698 --> 00:09:03,666
Just some couples, nothing fancy.
159
00:09:03,733 --> 00:09:05,928
We'd love it if you both
could make it.
160
00:09:06,002 --> 00:09:07,435
We'd love to.
161
00:09:11,841 --> 00:09:15,208
Later that night, Miranda
gave me the lowdown on her day.
162
00:09:15,278 --> 00:09:18,873
So you think it's just because
they think you're in a couple?
163
00:09:18,948 --> 00:09:21,143
I know it. I've been
with the firm for two years.
164
00:09:21,217 --> 00:09:24,277
He's barely spoken to me.
All of a sudden, it's "Chip."
165
00:09:24,353 --> 00:09:26,082
A lawyer named Chip.
Gotta love that.
166
00:09:26,155 --> 00:09:29,249
And they seemed so relieved
to have finally figured me out.
167
00:09:29,325 --> 00:09:31,623
So you're going to the dinner?
168
00:09:31,694 --> 00:09:34,424
Yup. I'm determined
to make partner in this firm...
169
00:09:34,497 --> 00:09:36,931
even if I have to be
a lesbian partner.
170
00:09:36,999 --> 00:09:39,297
After Miranda left,
I had a thought.
171
00:09:39,368 --> 00:09:41,666
Maybe the cold war
isn't about hate.
172
00:09:41,738 --> 00:09:45,765
Maybe it's about fear,
fear of the unknown.
173
00:09:45,842 --> 00:09:48,276
Married people don't hate singles.
174
00:09:48,344 --> 00:09:51,677
They just want us figured out.
175
00:09:51,748 --> 00:09:54,342
I felt it was time
to stop all the speculation...
176
00:09:54,417 --> 00:09:56,180
and infiltrate the enemy camp.
177
00:09:56,252 --> 00:10:00,313
Lunch with my favorite couple,
David and Lisa.
178
00:10:00,389 --> 00:10:03,654
Well, I don't think of us
as married so much as together.
179
00:10:03,726 --> 00:10:05,318
- Wait. Are we married?
- Yeah.
180
00:10:05,394 --> 00:10:08,261
Remember that day you wore the white
dress and we got all the flatware?
181
00:10:08,331 --> 00:10:10,060
Oh, yeah.
182
00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:12,499
I guess I should
stop seeing other men.
183
00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:14,729
What about you?
You like being single?
184
00:10:14,804 --> 00:10:16,635
Most of the time, yeah.
185
00:10:16,706 --> 00:10:18,606
Then there are the other times.
186
00:10:18,674 --> 00:10:22,337
Like family functions when you're
the only one that's not married...
187
00:10:22,411 --> 00:10:24,140
and they sit you at the kid's table.
188
00:10:24,213 --> 00:10:29,344
Or when you two eat off
the same fork, I just...
189
00:10:29,418 --> 00:10:31,352
Oh, man, that's so sweet.
190
00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:34,446
Don't start crying.
He's such a pussy.
191
00:10:34,524 --> 00:10:37,288
But you do want
to get married someday, right?
192
00:10:38,094 --> 00:10:39,220
I don't know.
193
00:10:39,295 --> 00:10:41,729
I'm beginning to think
I may not be the marrying kind.
194
00:10:41,798 --> 00:10:42,856
Really?
195
00:10:42,932 --> 00:10:45,196
No sooner had the words
come out of my mouth...
196
00:10:45,268 --> 00:10:47,236
than I wondered if they were true.
197
00:10:47,904 --> 00:10:50,873
Hey, Sean! What a surprise!
198
00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:53,135
This is our friend Carrie.
199
00:10:53,209 --> 00:10:55,143
We just about to have dessert.
Want to join us?
200
00:10:56,212 --> 00:10:57,474
Sure.
201
00:10:58,781 --> 00:11:00,749
This is such a surprise.
202
00:11:00,817 --> 00:11:06,483
Another time I hate being single is when
married friends "surprise" fix you up.
203
00:11:06,556 --> 00:11:08,581
Two espressos
and a tiramisu later...
204
00:11:08,658 --> 00:11:11,286
I had learned that Sean
was the youngest of three brothers...
205
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,294
had his own investment firm...
206
00:11:13,362 --> 00:11:16,331
and was about to move into
an apartment he had just purchased.
207
00:11:16,399 --> 00:11:18,867
- You know this was a fix-up, right?
- Oh, please.
208
00:11:18,935 --> 00:11:21,062
I could smell it
before you walked in the door.
209
00:11:21,137 --> 00:11:23,537
My parents met on a fix-up...
210
00:11:23,606 --> 00:11:26,507
and they will be married
41 years next month.
211
00:11:26,576 --> 00:11:28,635
Wow. That's great.
212
00:11:28,711 --> 00:11:32,147
It was then I realized I was
having coffee with the marrying guy.
213
00:11:32,215 --> 00:11:35,548
That elusive and rare Manhattan man
whose sights were set on marriage.
214
00:11:35,618 --> 00:11:39,179
So, Carrie, can I see you again?
215
00:11:40,423 --> 00:11:41,390
Sure.
216
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:49,290
Over the next week and a half,
I met Sean for a movie...
217
00:11:51,634 --> 00:11:53,727
I met him for another movie...
218
00:11:56,439 --> 00:12:00,603
and I helped him pick out a top of the
line cheese grater at Williams-Sonoma.
219
00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:02,644
My buddies are giving me
a big housewarming on the 12th.
220
00:12:02,712 --> 00:12:05,772
- You should come and bring your friends.
- Sounds like fun.
221
00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:10,242
Thanks for a great day.
222
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:15,188
He was like the flesh-and-blood
equivalent of a DKNY dress.
223
00:12:15,258 --> 00:12:19,251
You know it's not your style, but it's
right there so you try it on anyway.
224
00:12:21,797 --> 00:12:24,231
It was the night of the 12th.
On the East Side...
225
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:28,100
a pseudo-lesbian couple attended
a right-wing Republican dinner party.
226
00:12:34,543 --> 00:12:36,977
On the West Side,
a trio of single gals...
227
00:12:37,046 --> 00:12:39,640
went to a single guy's
housewarming party.
228
00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:43,378
- So are his friends cute?
- Don't know. I haven't met them yet.
229
00:12:43,452 --> 00:12:46,182
How did you manage to get
a new boyfriend in a week?
230
00:12:46,255 --> 00:12:50,021
He's not my boyfriend.
He's just somebody I'm trying on.
231
00:12:50,092 --> 00:12:51,525
All right. Ready?
232
00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,631
Everywhere I looked,
people were standing in twos.
233
00:13:00,703 --> 00:13:03,866
It was like Noah's Upper West Side
rent controlled ark.
234
00:13:03,940 --> 00:13:05,874
It's all married couples.
235
00:13:06,943 --> 00:13:09,673
Samantha gave me a look like
I had sold her to the enemy...
236
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,713
for chocolate bars and nylons.
237
00:13:14,650 --> 00:13:15,912
- This is for you.
- Thank you.
238
00:13:15,985 --> 00:13:18,010
You must be Charlotte.
239
00:13:18,087 --> 00:13:20,885
- And you have to be Samantha.
- Yeah. Where's the bar?
240
00:13:20,957 --> 00:13:24,085
Kitchen. You can't miss it.
Room with the stove.
241
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,890
- This apartment is amazing.
- I've been planning it for years.
242
00:13:26,963 --> 00:13:28,897
I'll give you the grand tour.
243
00:13:28,965 --> 00:13:33,265
As I moved through the married couples,
I noticed something was different.
244
00:13:33,336 --> 00:13:35,861
No fear, no pity, no pointing.
245
00:13:35,938 --> 00:13:39,339
Were Sean's friends cold war
conscientious objectors...
246
00:13:39,408 --> 00:13:41,774
or was it just that
I was "figured out"?
247
00:13:44,113 --> 00:13:47,810
My accountant says that it's best
to go with low-risk stocks.
248
00:13:47,883 --> 00:13:49,942
That depends.
What are your expectations?
249
00:13:50,019 --> 00:13:51,884
Well, I'm not sure.
250
00:13:53,122 --> 00:13:56,114
Honey, I need you to come
over here and meet someone.
251
00:13:56,192 --> 00:13:58,888
Sure. This is Samantha.
Samantha, this is Elaine.
252
00:13:58,961 --> 00:13:59,859
His wife.
253
00:14:01,097 --> 00:14:03,122
Honey, I really need you
in the other room.
254
00:14:03,199 --> 00:14:06,396
Sure. It was nice
talking to you, Samantha.
255
00:14:10,306 --> 00:14:12,297
And this is the den.
256
00:14:12,375 --> 00:14:15,037
Oh, you have one of these
leather club chairs. I love these.
257
00:14:15,111 --> 00:14:17,671
Thanks. I'm using this room
as an office now...
258
00:14:17,747 --> 00:14:20,614
but someday this is gonna be
the kid's room.
259
00:14:20,683 --> 00:14:21,707
Look.
260
00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:26,853
I got this three years ago
in Aspen.
261
00:14:26,922 --> 00:14:28,913
What do you think?
262
00:14:34,397 --> 00:14:35,887
Okay, I owe you.
263
00:14:35,965 --> 00:14:39,162
I didn't know that all his buddies
were gonna be married.
264
00:14:39,235 --> 00:14:41,635
Oh, my God.
You're doing tequila shots?
265
00:14:41,704 --> 00:14:43,296
You see that buddy over there?
266
00:14:45,207 --> 00:14:46,401
I fucked him.
267
00:14:47,443 --> 00:14:49,741
See that buddy over there?
268
00:14:49,812 --> 00:14:51,507
I fucked him too.
269
00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:54,907
I never thought I'd see them again.
270
00:14:54,984 --> 00:14:57,179
Maybe we should start tagging
your married men...
271
00:14:57,253 --> 00:14:59,448
and that way you can
keep track of them.
272
00:14:59,522 --> 00:15:03,014
- He's gonna ask you to marry him.
- He is not.
273
00:15:03,092 --> 00:15:05,026
I've been dating him
a week and a half.
274
00:15:05,094 --> 00:15:08,086
No guy buys a classic six
on the Upper West Side...
275
00:15:08,164 --> 00:15:11,156
unless they are seriously
thinking about marriage.
276
00:15:11,233 --> 00:15:14,600
Some people read palms.
Charlotte read real estate.
277
00:15:14,670 --> 00:15:17,503
If you turn into one of those
married assholes...
278
00:15:17,573 --> 00:15:19,507
I'll kill you.
279
00:15:20,943 --> 00:15:24,970
Sean is the greatest guy,
and he love kids.
280
00:15:25,714 --> 00:15:30,208
Plus, he owns his own business,
and he's got 300,000 in the bank.
281
00:15:30,286 --> 00:15:33,585
We both slept with him,
and he is great in bed.
282
00:15:33,656 --> 00:15:35,851
An hour and a half
into this housewarming...
283
00:15:35,925 --> 00:15:39,793
I had gone from party guest
to prisoner of war.
284
00:15:39,862 --> 00:15:42,194
Samantha is totally drunk.
I've gotta get her out of here.
285
00:15:42,264 --> 00:15:45,700
- You're not going anywhere without me.
- Carrie.
286
00:15:45,768 --> 00:15:48,794
Oh, God. More friends.
287
00:15:48,871 --> 00:15:50,031
Surprise!
288
00:15:50,773 --> 00:15:52,297
It certainly was.
289
00:15:52,374 --> 00:15:55,207
Last time I saw Patience,
she was shoving me on a bus.
290
00:15:55,277 --> 00:15:59,179
When Sean told us you and he
were dating, we were so thrilled.
291
00:15:59,248 --> 00:16:03,082
Oh. Well, listen. About what happened
at your beach house...
292
00:16:03,152 --> 00:16:05,643
- Don't mention it.
- I just... I'm not even sure...
293
00:16:05,721 --> 00:16:07,450
I said don't mention it.
294
00:16:07,523 --> 00:16:10,924
This party is terrible.
Who are you?
295
00:16:10,993 --> 00:16:14,451
This is my friend Patience,
and this is her husband Peter.
296
00:16:15,631 --> 00:16:17,599
I heard about you.
297
00:16:19,735 --> 00:16:21,202
Big pepper mill dick!
298
00:16:25,407 --> 00:16:27,967
And just as suddenly,
our little cease-fire was over.
299
00:16:29,578 --> 00:16:32,843
Meanwhile, across town
things were winding down.
300
00:16:32,915 --> 00:16:35,110
Thank you so much.
We really had a great time.
301
00:16:35,184 --> 00:16:37,914
As did we all.
302
00:16:37,987 --> 00:16:40,319
She is a real find.
303
00:16:40,389 --> 00:16:42,357
We'll do it again soon.
304
00:16:42,424 --> 00:16:45,393
I'll meet you at the elevator, okay?
I need to...
305
00:16:47,496 --> 00:16:49,691
We can't do it again soon.
306
00:16:49,765 --> 00:16:51,756
Syd and I aren't really a couple.
307
00:16:51,834 --> 00:16:54,496
In fact, we're not even
really lesbians.
308
00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:57,004
Well, Syd is. I'm not.
309
00:16:57,072 --> 00:16:59,336
I just took advantage
of the situation...
310
00:16:59,408 --> 00:17:01,706
to bend your ear
about my work at the firm.
311
00:17:02,578 --> 00:17:04,375
Shrewd move, Counselor.
312
00:17:05,114 --> 00:17:07,275
- No harm done.
- Thank you, sir.
313
00:17:07,349 --> 00:17:09,283
My wife will be disappointed.
314
00:17:09,351 --> 00:17:12,809
She was looking to add
a lesbian couple to our circle.
315
00:17:17,092 --> 00:17:18,889
As they rode between floors...
316
00:17:18,961 --> 00:17:22,954
Miranda considered how much easier her
life would be if she were in a couple.
317
00:17:23,032 --> 00:17:24,465
Any couple.
318
00:17:30,406 --> 00:17:32,237
Yep.
319
00:17:32,308 --> 00:17:34,799
Definitely straight.
320
00:17:34,877 --> 00:17:37,277
Yeah. You are.
321
00:17:38,647 --> 00:17:39,579
Sorry.
322
00:17:41,717 --> 00:17:44,083
While Miranda cursed
her heterosexuality...
323
00:17:44,153 --> 00:17:46,815
and wondered how much longer
she could fight the war...
324
00:17:47,756 --> 00:17:51,317
Charlotte cursed tequila
and forced Samantha into a cab.
325
00:17:51,393 --> 00:17:54,191
She decided Samantha was too drunk
to get home alone...
326
00:17:54,263 --> 00:17:56,595
and insisted she spend
the night on her couch.
327
00:18:06,842 --> 00:18:08,935
Let me get that door for you.
328
00:18:13,182 --> 00:18:15,116
- All right.
- I like him.
329
00:18:16,585 --> 00:18:19,053
She got Samantha upstairs
and safely to bed.
330
00:18:19,121 --> 00:18:21,055
Or so she thought.
331
00:18:22,324 --> 00:18:26,590
A couple of hours later, Samantha woke
up still drunk and still single.
332
00:18:26,662 --> 00:18:28,755
And single to Samantha
meant one thing.
333
00:18:35,804 --> 00:18:38,364
- Can I have a cigarette?
- Sure.
334
00:18:43,679 --> 00:18:45,613
Can I have a kiss?
335
00:18:57,259 --> 00:18:58,191
Jesus.
336
00:18:59,928 --> 00:19:02,522
I really shouldn't.
Somebody might see.
337
00:19:03,365 --> 00:19:06,129
Why don't you come upstairs,
just for a minute?
338
00:19:23,752 --> 00:19:26,880
Don't be scared, miss.
It's me, Tommy. I'm just leaving.
339
00:19:26,955 --> 00:19:29,549
Your friend invited me up.
I know it was wrong.
340
00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:32,651
But I've been so lonely
since I left home...
341
00:19:32,728 --> 00:19:34,662
and I wanted the feel of...
342
00:19:34,730 --> 00:19:37,460
a woman's touch on me.
343
00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:40,461
I'm going into the bathroom now...
344
00:19:40,536 --> 00:19:44,267
and when I come out,
you won't be here.
345
00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:46,274
And I never want this
mentioned again.
346
00:19:47,543 --> 00:19:49,875
Let me get the door for you, miss.
347
00:19:59,621 --> 00:20:01,248
I was hoping you'd stay over.
348
00:20:05,728 --> 00:20:08,128
Look, Sean...
349
00:20:08,197 --> 00:20:09,994
I don't think this is gonna work.
350
00:20:10,065 --> 00:20:13,000
We want different things.
You obviously want to get married...
351
00:20:13,068 --> 00:20:15,229
and I don't know what I want.
352
00:20:18,107 --> 00:20:20,405
You could smell my desperation, right?
353
00:20:23,078 --> 00:20:24,511
It's just...
354
00:20:26,415 --> 00:20:28,815
I was trying you on.
355
00:20:28,884 --> 00:20:30,647
You know?
See if it fit.
356
00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:34,045
It doesn't.
357
00:20:34,123 --> 00:20:35,784
I'm sorry.
358
00:20:43,432 --> 00:20:45,866
I don't understand you women.
359
00:20:45,934 --> 00:20:47,765
All I hear is...
360
00:20:47,836 --> 00:20:50,100
"I want to get married."
361
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:53,640
And none of you says yes.
What the fuck?
362
00:21:03,886 --> 00:21:06,855
I'm so tired
of going through women.
363
00:21:06,922 --> 00:21:08,856
I just want to get married.
364
00:21:11,393 --> 00:21:13,657
I may know someone
who's perfect for you.
365
00:21:15,898 --> 00:21:16,830
Who?
366
00:21:16,899 --> 00:21:21,302
They started out casual...
a brunch here, a concert there.
367
00:21:21,370 --> 00:21:24,066
But pretty soon
they were visiting china.
368
00:21:24,139 --> 00:21:27,074
I always wanted this pattern
for formal dining.
369
00:21:28,677 --> 00:21:30,611
Are you serious?
370
00:21:34,016 --> 00:21:37,383
Charlotte broke it off then and there.
It would never work.
371
00:21:37,453 --> 00:21:40,445
He was American Classic;
she was French Country.
372
00:21:42,891 --> 00:21:45,121
Your friend never called
like she promised.
373
00:21:45,194 --> 00:21:48,322
- Why is that?
- I don't know.
374
00:21:53,202 --> 00:21:56,399
As I sifted through the rubble
of my marriage skirmish...
375
00:21:56,472 --> 00:21:57,564
I had a thought.
376
00:21:57,639 --> 00:21:59,971
Maybe the fight between marrieds
and singles...
377
00:22:00,042 --> 00:22:02,067
is like the war
in Northern Ireland.
378
00:22:02,144 --> 00:22:04,078
We're all basically the same...
379
00:22:04,146 --> 00:22:06,740
but somehow we wound up
on different sides.
380
00:22:06,815 --> 00:22:10,808
Sure, it'd be great to have that
one special person to walk home with...
381
00:22:10,886 --> 00:22:12,877
but sometimes there's nothing better...
382
00:22:12,955 --> 00:22:15,515
than meeting your single girlfriends
for a night at the movies.
383
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:44,000
Translation And Subtitles By
Captions, Inc. Los Angeles
384
00:22:54,000 --> 00:23:55,000
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