All language subtitles for Youre.the.Worst.S02E13.The.Heart.Is.a.Dumb.Dumb.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-SiGMA_track3_[eng]
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1
00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:01,702
(gasps)
No.
2
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,704
(laughing)
3
00:00:05,073 --> 00:00:06,407
(grunts)
4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,013
Man Seeking Woman.
An all new season.
(groans)
5
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:15,749
Premieres Wednesday,
January 6 on FXX.
6
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,654
FXX presents You're the Worst.
7
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:21,755
[ Man Laughs ]
8
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,561
So you kissed,
and then what happened?
9
00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:29,697
Then she showed me
her bronze medal.
10
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,832
She did? Why?
11
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,868
Because she was
understandably proud of it.
12
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:38,206
She... she was proud
of her bronze medal?
13
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,873
It's quite beautiful, close up.
14
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:41,509
What?
15
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,710
Why would a person
16
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,412
just show someone
their butthole?
17
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,280
What? No!
18
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,448
A real bronze medal.
19
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,716
Oh!
Why would you think
20
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,351
I meant a butthole?
21
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,786
Well, you said "bronze medal."
22
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,622
I mean,
it is the third best hole.
23
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,557
Brownish.
(laughs)
24
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,359
So, you're feeling, um...
25
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,128
Human.
26
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:02,029
A little human.
Huh.
27
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:02,963
So, next time you feel,
28
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,466
you know, "it" coming on,
maybe you
29
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,768
should try switching your meds?
Meds?
30
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,637
You're not on anti-depressants?
31
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,239
Shit, no. I don't want
to lose my edge.
32
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,773
What?
33
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,308
So you're-you're telling me
34
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:15,809
you could have just taken a pill
35
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,378
this whole time and you didn't?
36
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,412
Nope.
37
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:20,114
Wow!
38
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:21,315
Well...
39
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:23,551
Wow!
40
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,953
We just proved
I don't need medication.
41
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:28,489
(door opens, closes)
You actually can fix me!
42
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,558
My bad.
43
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:31,792
(Lindsay gasps)
44
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:32,926
You're upright!
45
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,395
Why do you have two burgers?
46
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:35,829
One's for my baby.
47
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,298
New Tinder rando?
48
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:38,766
No, the baby in my pussy.
49
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,302
Bye.
Jesus Christ, Lindser!
50
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:42,470
Are you serious?
51
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:45,173
That microwave thing
actually worked?
52
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,475
Guess so. I just heated it up
like a baked potato.
53
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,678
So, you and me, abobo
and then Marie Callender's?
54
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,413
Sure. You know what's funny?
55
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,415
Two weeks ago,
56
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,783
I would have trapped Paul
57
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,851
and torpedoed
his gross relationship
58
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,487
with Crunchy Princess Limp Hair.
59
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,954
But I think
I've matured.
60
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:01,989
Amy was right.
61
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:04,592
I had a perfect man
and I let him go.
62
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,261
Linds, you never liked Paul.
63
00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:09,297
You only referred to him
as dork,
64
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,032
Lumpy Hubby, Paul Nye
the Science Homo...
65
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,701
Do you think he's going to be
at Becca's baby shower later?
66
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,002
You going to tell him?
67
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:15,969
No.
68
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,205
I'm moving on.
69
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:21,008
So, who's this basic ho
70
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,343
Jimmy hooked up with?
71
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,477
Oh, it doesn't matter.
72
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,945
Huh.
If I were you,
73
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,013
I would totally want to see
74
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,648
what brand of slizz
I was up against.
75
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,826
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
76
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,662
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
77
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:45,233
* Gonna leave you anyway.
78
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,104
(indistinct chatter)
79
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,277
(cheers)
80
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:00,914
Oh!
81
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,686
*
82
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,524
(laughter)
83
00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:17,531
Uh-uh-uh.
84
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,900
You are not serving your
stale, mail-order popcorn.
85
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,936
Babe, people love fancy popcorn,
it's a proven fact.
86
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:25,873
All right. As long as there's
no trash juice this time.
87
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:26,674
'Course not. I promised.
88
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,109
All right.
89
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:35,048
Becca, you dummy.
90
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:38,852
There's Jimmy's car.
91
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,388
You'll feel better
92
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,689
after you tell him.
93
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,791
You know, maybe-maybe
I'll still drive over
94
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,359
every morning
to cook him breakfast
95
00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,595
until he eventually
discovers I've moved out,
96
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,263
and by then, he'll see
97
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:50,898
it won't have to change
anything between us.
98
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,800
Things need to change
between you, Edgar.
99
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,134
You're always saying that.
100
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,236
Well, I always say I didn't
know it was a school, too.
101
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,805
Look, I want you to feel proud
102
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,139
that you're going to be
living with me.
103
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,308
You're right.
104
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,375
I'll tell him.
105
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,611
Thank you.
106
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:04,612
Wait, about that school...
107
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:05,546
Oh, kidding.
108
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,981
I totally
didn't know.
109
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,151
You're goddamn pregnant?
110
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,753
I'm not keeping it.
111
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:15,088
Well, I should hope not.
112
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:16,324
And I'm gonna be a good sister.
113
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:17,458
I'm not drinking.
114
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,726
I'm gonna make sure
everyone knows
115
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,561
this is your day.
116
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,864
I even brought lemons this time,
like you asked.
117
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:25,833
Uh...
118
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,601
Please don't tell Paul.
119
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,169
Of course not.
120
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,172
What a disaster.
121
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:37,778
I can have one.
122
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,652
The popcorn
is trash juice.
123
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:47,555
Pass it on.
124
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,758
I need to tell you something.
125
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,460
Gretchen has never taken meds!
126
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,294
Really? After all that?
127
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:55,796
Exactly.
128
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,098
And then she said
she doesn't ever need to now,
129
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,600
because she has me to fix her.
130
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,436
Between her,
you, Killian,
131
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,705
I have to be the
emotional bedrock for everyone.
132
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,774
When's it my turn
to be taken care of?
133
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:07,808
You know what?
134
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:08,842
Today.
135
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,678
Today's my turn.
136
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,814
I'm going to get
absolutely snozzelled.
137
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,616
EDGAR:
Well, this is leading
towards something
138
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,050
dangerously misguided.
139
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,819
We'll see how she likes
taking care of me for a change.
140
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:22,990
You probably don't want to get
to "Level Two Jimmy drunk"
141
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,958
around all these people.
142
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,595
Or maybe I do.
143
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:30,931
(sighs)
144
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,842
(talking quietly)
145
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,727
NINA:
It's on the house...
146
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,361
Gretchen.
147
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,900
For what it's worth, Jimmy
and I aren't talking right now.
148
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,569
You know nothing
really happened.
149
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,438
Eh, we had problems already.
150
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,172
I'm sorry anyway.
151
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,507
Relationships are tough.
152
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,676
He's just such a child!
153
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,044
The other day,
154
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,879
he bought an $80 toy helicopter
155
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,280
which he broke immediately.
156
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:22,215
Do you know what he talked to me
about for an hour straight?
157
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,851
Tree houses?
Yes!
158
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:24,952
A full hour!
159
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,454
Yeah, you got off easy.
160
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,621
(laughs)
161
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,724
Let's grab a table.
162
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,962
You're articulate,
brilliant, courageous,
163
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:39,032
dexterous,
enthralling, foxy...
164
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,701
G... galvanizing.
165
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,402
Oh, I love it!
166
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,472
You're articulate,
brilliant, courageous,
167
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:48,075
dexterous, enthralling,
foxy, galvanizing...
168
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,077
and... horny.
169
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,779
Amy!
(giggles)
170
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,413
I have to go
to the little girls' room.
171
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:54,414
Save my seat?
172
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:55,649
Always.
173
00:06:58,819 --> 00:06:59,920
Whew!
174
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,656
Mm.
175
00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:05,826
Just know I'm not really mad
at you for ditching Lindsay.
176
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,895
I mean, you...
177
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,229
you dodged
a bullet with that.
178
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,731
And by bullet,
179
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,734
I mean... it's way smaller
than a bullet right now,
180
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,804
but probably
just as dumb.
181
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,338
Unless it got
your genes.
182
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,240
What?
183
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,341
Oh, dang it.
184
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,510
I guess you figured it out.
185
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:24,244
My sister
impregnated herself
186
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,513
by heating a condom
187
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,147
full of your sperm
in a microwave.
188
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:30,317
You know, that's
scientifically impossible
189
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,185
in ten different ways.
190
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,186
Of course.
191
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,088
That's my point.
192
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,624
Knowing her,
she probably seduced
193
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,858
the drive-thru guy
at Del Taco
194
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,159
and is just
saying it's yours.
195
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,194
Well, yes.
196
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:45,465
There's literally
no way we...
197
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,634
Wait.
198
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,005
Oh...
199
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,711
Oh, my God.
200
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:02,716
Mm!
201
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,451
I can have one.
202
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,452
(laughs)
203
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,722
*
204
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,837
Mmm.
205
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,539
Fruity.
206
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,213
I seriously thought
I was going crazy,
207
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,414
I was texting and texting,
208
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,316
and then I saw him
lying in the bushes.
209
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,719
One time, Jimmy spilled
a bowl of cereal
210
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,688
when Edgar wasn't home,
so he hid under his bed
211
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,556
for two hours,
until I finally cleaned it up.
212
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:44,357
And you date him.
213
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,926
Willingly.
214
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,696
The heart is
a dumb dumb.
215
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,430
The dumbest dumb
of them all.
216
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,001
You're so pretty.
(laughs)
217
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,370
I can see why Jimmy almost
went to the cabin with you.
218
00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,874
There's something
so captivating about you.
219
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,075
What is it?
220
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,077
Uh... I don't know.
221
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,445
(laughs)
222
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:08,882
How can you be
athletic and funny?
223
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,217
Gotta find out.
224
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,952
What are you doing?
What?
What are you doing?
225
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,121
What is wrong with you?
226
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,389
I'm not scared, if that's
what you're worried about.
227
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,290
Get out of my bar!
228
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,959
Come on,
just kiss me.
229
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,260
You kissed
my boyfriend.
230
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,095
Kiss me!
231
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,864
Kiss me!
232
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:24,765
You kiss me, girl!
233
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,133
Kiss me!
Stop!
234
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,567
What is wrong with you guys?
235
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,737
I am a real person!
Are you?
236
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,139
You're a skier
who owns a bar.
237
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,473
You don't think
that sounds
238
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,042
just a little bit
like some male fantasy?
239
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,109
Come on,
just kiss my mouth.
240
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:37,778
Kiss it!
This might
be a mistake,
241
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,279
'cause you could have
crazy-person strength,
Ow.
242
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,148
but if you don't get
the hell out of my bar,
Ow.
243
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,250
I'm going to have
to kick your ass.
244
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,118
God, that was so hot.
245
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:46,987
Can you believe
the sexual tension between us?
246
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,300
(stomach gurgles)
247
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,502
(doorknob rattles)
248
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,672
It's occupied.
249
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:05,605
Occupied!
250
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,641
Vernon, what the heck?
251
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:08,742
I'm using the toilet!
252
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,610
I need cash.
My cards are maxed.
253
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:11,679
I wrote a bum check
254
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,446
for my latest
malpractice insurance.
255
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,115
Man, I better not mess up
any surgeries!
256
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,018
I just gave you $15,000.
257
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,486
You're the one who gave money
to a money pig.
258
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,520
That's on you.
259
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,422
This isn't a good time.
260
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,424
I just received
some highly enervating news
261
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,959
that has my bowels in a state.
262
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,761
You don't know enervating, Paul!
263
00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:28,996
Come talk to me about enervating
264
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,831
when you got
a goddamn baby on the way
265
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,666
that's gonna cost
at least a half millie
266
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:33,767
in its stupid life.
267
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,268
Just give me that money,
turkey-dick!
268
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,704
You shut the hell up,
269
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:37,971
Vernon!
Goddamn it.
270
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:41,174
Get the hell out of
this bathroom
Where is it?!
271
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:44,211
or I will destroy you and
everything that you love!
272
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:47,280
I will smother you in your
sleep, so help me God!
Ow.
273
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,516
I hate you!
Give me that money, nerd!
274
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:52,119
Get out, get out, get out!
275
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,653
Ah! Stop it!
276
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,188
Get out!
God!
277
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,791
You are such an asshole.
Get out!
278
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,493
I wish you were dead!
279
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,662
(loud farting sounds, splashing)
280
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:06,533
(indistinct chatter, laughter)
281
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:07,534
Where's Gretchen?
282
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,236
Jimmy, I'm moving out.
283
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:12,039
I'm so sorry,
but the time has come
284
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,974
for me to strike out
on my own, and I...
285
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,043
Ooh, you have to get a place
with a pool. Or a gym.
286
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,245
Ac-Actually,
we already have a place.
287
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:18,879
We?
288
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,513
Me and Dorothy.
What?
289
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,382
You've only known her
for about an hour, man.
290
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:25,919
Who else do you know who moved
in with someone way too soon?
291
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,287
Hmm?
292
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,157
Me!
293
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,159
I got saddled with a lemon.
294
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,193
Guess what I spent
295
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,395
all afternoon doing Wednesday?
296
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,765
I sat in a pillow fort
297
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:38,999
while she wept.
298
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,267
So boring.
299
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,735
Wait, Wednesday?
300
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:44,004
That's why you missed my show?
301
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,538
And no one can see
you have a lemon.
302
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,040
You pull up to the valet
303
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,276
and people are like,
"Ooh, nice car,"
304
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,478
but they can't see all the work
it needs on the interior.
305
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:53,380
And then...
306
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,015
you find out there was
a factory recall
307
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,250
and that they could've
fixed it themselves?
308
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,587
Oh, no.
309
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,089
Level Two Jimmy drunk:
310
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,791
Angry Jimmy.
311
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,525
Okay, just slow down
312
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,061
before you get yourself
to Level Three.
313
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,097
Whose idea was this?
314
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,431
Mine.
315
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,266
And when did you have it?
316
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:17,370
When she took me to go see an
apartment that she couldn't...
317
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,907
quite afford on her own.
318
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,818
* Play your favorite song
319
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,820
* Get your arm ready
(gasps)
320
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,454
* Take two deep breaths...
321
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,768
You're scaring me.
322
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,744
Have you seen the
rest of the house?
323
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,312
Yikes.
324
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,581
It is literally
the exact opposite
325
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,150
of how we should
decorate our place.
326
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,252
There's a framed poster
of G. Love & Special Sauce.
327
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,519
I shit you not.
328
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,754
I can't move in with you.
329
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,389
What? Why?
330
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:16,363
Turns out, Jimmy missed the show
for a really good reason,
331
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,031
and-and-and I...
I just got angry,
332
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,632
and I made this rash
decision, and...
333
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,935
Okay, honey, listen to me.
334
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,672
This is your chance to
start your life over.
335
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,807
With me.
336
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,509
You're ready.
337
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,544
No, but I'm not ready
for what you want from me.
338
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,915
You tell me that I am,
but I'm not.
339
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:37,784
Maybe in a few years.
340
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,119
(laughs)
341
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,453
I don't have a few years.
342
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:44,124
I spent four years too goddamn
long in that comedy house
343
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,226
'cause I thought we
were going somewhere.
344
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,962
I don't have any
more time to waste.
345
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,197
I'm sorry.
346
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,905
I can't believe this.
347
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,173
Goddamn you, Edgar.
348
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,656
Okay, uh, everyone, hello.
349
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,426
Hi, everybody,
gather round, please.
350
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,330
Well, the moment
of truth has arrived.
351
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,832
In just a minute, we are gonna
be cutting into that cake,
352
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,534
and depending
on its color,
353
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,202
finding out
if we're gonna raising
354
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:32,205
a-a precious little baby girl
or a macho boy.
355
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,041
(laughing):
Isn't that fun?
356
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:36,209
We want to...
Hello.
357
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,444
Sorry.
358
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:40,080
I'd just like
to say a few words.
359
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,748
Okay, now is not
really the time.
360
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,583
It's cool, Bec--
It's all love.
361
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:44,884
Oh, my God, Level Three.
362
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:46,219
JIMMY:
No, it's not, Becca.
363
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,720
Happy Jimmy.
364
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,523
Becca, y-you...
are so special.
365
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,591
No, I'm serious.
366
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,360
You take in
my words.
367
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,762
You accept
how special you are.
368
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,797
You are a treasure.
369
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,532
BECCA: Okay.
(chuckles uncomfortably)
JIMMY: Come here.
370
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,934
Come here,
I'm gonna hug on you.
Okay.
371
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,535
(sighs)
(partygoers gasp)
372
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,204
Look at this woman--
373
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:07,474
she's like a lioness
on the savannah,
(chuckles)
374
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,944
just preparing to expel her...
375
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,879
It must have been
my pre-ejaculate.
376
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,282
Goddamn, Becca.
377
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:18,051
Since we broke up, I
started life-logging.
378
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,719
I record everything.
379
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,656
My conversations, bowel
movements, fitness.
380
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,759
My life in searchable data.
381
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,295
And according to my records,
382
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:32,399
we did have unprotected vaginal
intercourse for 37 seconds
383
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,001
before I donned a sheath.
384
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:38,471
Though the odds of conception
from pre-ejaculate are narrow,
385
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:42,175
as you know, I do have
a heavy seminal load
386
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,911
of high viscosity and opacity.
387
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,747
Oh, what happened to your face?
388
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,450
Amy was signing so fast
with her left hand,
389
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,119
I didn't see the
right hook coming.
390
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,953
She hit you?
And more.
391
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,456
Why?
'Cause I broke up with her.
392
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,027
Do you remember when I told
you the definition of love
393
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:03,130
was putting someone else's
needs above your own,
394
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,964
and you said, "Ew"?
395
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,199
Ew.
396
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:07,367
I mean, yes.
397
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,002
Tonight, you put me first
398
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:11,771
when you decided not to
trap me with your pregnancy.
399
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,306
I quit on you.
400
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,308
I was a hypocrite.
401
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,844
So, Lindsay...
402
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,446
let's have baby.
403
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,282
I don't know, Paul.
404
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:25,652
I was really unhappy.
405
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,654
(Jimmy continues
his speech indistinctly)
406
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,522
Think about it, okay?
407
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,728
It's just so sad, you know?
408
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,731
Level Four.
409
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,667
I've only heard about this.
410
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,669
Edgar.
411
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,672
My confidant.
412
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:49,676
A Grumio to my Petruchio.
413
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,912
The sweetest man
I've ever known.
414
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:58,718
It's so beautiful that you
and Dorothy found each other.
415
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,154
But I just... I just
broke up with her.
416
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,889
(sighs)
Why'd you do that?
417
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,824
You told me to.
418
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,094
But Dorothy's amazing.
419
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,028
You said she
manipulated me.
420
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,164
So what?
421
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,233
Go!
422
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,537
Hey, I know it's cliché,
423
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:20,873
but, really, what-what
if there were no possessions?
424
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:22,342
Can you imagine that?
425
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,512
Uh, do you guys know
my girlfriend, Gretchen?
426
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,847
She's supposed
to be here.
427
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,550
She got sad
for a long time.
428
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,185
That was hard.
429
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,454
I'm used to being
the complicated one.
430
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,123
Like, with-with Becca.
431
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:39,559
Becca's, uh, like
a Monday crossword.
432
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,927
Gretchen...
433
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,696
(spits scoffingly)
Sunday.
434
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,299
Takes-takes all day,
435
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:49,269
but it's rewarding
as hell.
436
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:52,539
Gretchen!
437
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,942
You had a little too much
to drink, didn't you, buddy?
438
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,244
(microphone feedback echoes)
439
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,579
Gretchen, what the hell
am I doing up here?
440
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,781
Aw, I know.
441
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:07,086
Y-You... have to help me,
442
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,621
'cause my turn.
443
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,823
It is, Jimmy.
444
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:15,828
(laughing): Okay, oh,
I'm so sorry, everybody.
445
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,664
Vernon.
446
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,599
My father was
a petty man.
447
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,469
Demeaning.
448
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:23,936
Stingy.
449
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,273
I think that's why I'm
so scared to be a father.
450
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,608
Vernon, put down
that mic right now.
451
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:31,678
No, I have been
silent too long!
452
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,079
I became a doctor...
453
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,981
because I was born dead,
454
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:37,016
but do you guys
have any idea...
455
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,685
You never came.
456
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,653
I tried to kiss Nina, and
she kicked me out of her bar.
457
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:42,322
What?
458
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,157
But you're so hot.
459
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,825
I'm so hot.
460
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,827
Did you wear
your booby shirt?
461
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,196
Of course I wore
my booby shirt.
462
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,631
Anyway, I can see what
you like about her.
463
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:52,799
She's hella foxy.
464
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,767
She a'ight.
465
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,337
Ooh.
466
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,871
VERNON: I have a
problem, you guys.
467
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:02,209
I gave control of my finances
to a woman I don't know.
468
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,976
There's nothing
sexual about it.
469
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,645
Fine, I jack off
to it sometimes,
470
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:06,946
but that's not
what it's about.
471
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,215
(shouts)
(microphone feedback echoes)
472
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:11,284
I regret being born dead,
473
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:14,321
and I regret not being ready
to be a father,
474
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,156
and I regret going
to see The Babadook.
475
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,492
It was so scary, you guys.
476
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:22,729
But mostly I regret
hurting my wife.
477
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:25,732
I regret, but I am not
ashamed anymore.
478
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,067
I am not ashamed.
479
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,302
But I reiterate--
480
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:32,305
do not see The Babadook.
481
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,206
Whatever you do!
482
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,741
(microphone feedback echoes)
(shouts)
483
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:54,026
*
484
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:04,404
* Look at this face
485
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:08,207
* I know the years
are showing *
486
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:11,544
* Look at this life
487
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:15,615
* I still don't know
where it's going *
488
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:19,252
* I don't know much
489
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:22,889
* But I know I love you
490
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,194
(scoffs)
* And that may be
491
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:32,465
* All I need to know
492
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,370
* Look at these eyes
493
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:40,973
* They've never seen
what mattered *
494
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:44,243
* Look at these dreams
495
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:48,548
* So beat and...
and so battered *
496
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:52,151
* I don't know much
497
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:56,122
BOTH:
* But I know I love you
498
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,993
* And that may be
499
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:05,465
* All I need to know
500
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,936
* So many questions
501
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:14,574
* Still left unanswered
502
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:19,779
* So much I've never
broken through *
503
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,518
LINDSAY (faintly): * And when I
feel you near me... *
504
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,620
Listen, no, I'm not
ready to live with you,
505
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,589
but does that mean
we have to break up?
506
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,592
Because when two people
connect like I think we do,
507
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:35,862
I refuse to believe
that things have to just end.
508
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:37,630
That's madness.
509
00:21:37,664 --> 00:21:40,099
I-I refuse to believe
that life has to be like that.
510
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,668
I simply refuse.
511
00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:44,837
Life has to make
more sense than that.
512
00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:46,873
Dude, we just got
in a little fight.
513
00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:50,142
And now I'm taking the bus home
to show you how mad I am.
514
00:21:50,176 --> 00:21:52,345
You're supposed
to come after me.
Oh.
515
00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:54,180
You thought we broke up?
516
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:57,216
People don't behave
like that, dummy.
517
00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:58,685
(chuckles)
518
00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:02,455
Want to go get some food,
519
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:04,557
help me figure out how
to get my deposit back?
520
00:22:04,591 --> 00:22:06,926
Yes. Yes, I do.
521
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,877
BOTH:
* I don't know much
522
00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:29,416
* But I know I love you
523
00:22:32,452 --> 00:22:34,387
* That may be
524
00:22:34,421 --> 00:22:39,592
* All I need to know
525
00:22:45,432 --> 00:22:47,400
How much money?
526
00:22:47,434 --> 00:22:49,902
So much.
527
00:22:49,936 --> 00:22:52,104
Mmm.
528
00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:55,775
* And that may be
529
00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:58,044
* All there is
530
00:22:58,077 --> 00:23:02,982
* To know...
531
00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:09,321
* Whoa-whoa, ah-ah.
532
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:16,262
(groans)
533
00:23:20,833 --> 00:23:21,801
Good?
534
00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:23,570
Yeah.
535
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:31,377
* Even though it's gray today
536
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:34,881
* I can feel you
537
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:38,985
* Near... me... dear...
538
00:23:39,018 --> 00:23:40,653
I got a new hobby.
539
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:41,888
What is it?
540
00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:44,457
* Ah...
541
00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:47,426
* Then we both arrive
542
00:23:47,460 --> 00:23:50,763
* At the same time
543
00:23:50,797 --> 00:23:53,032
* Again
544
00:23:55,468 --> 00:23:57,770
* Ah...
545
00:23:57,804 --> 00:24:01,107
* Then we're both alive
546
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:04,777
* At the same time
547
00:24:04,811 --> 00:24:07,614
* Again.
548
00:24:07,647 --> 00:24:09,949
(groans)
549
00:24:19,726 --> 00:24:21,861
I'm gonna talk
to someone about it.
550
00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:25,665
A doctor someone.
551
00:24:25,698 --> 00:24:28,300
Maybe see about some medication.
552
00:24:30,202 --> 00:24:32,805
It's always been
just me, you know?
553
00:24:32,839 --> 00:24:34,340
Now it's not anymore.
554
00:24:36,509 --> 00:24:38,010
Thank you.
555
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,017
You know,
556
00:24:45,051 --> 00:24:47,153
after I cleaned the fries off
your face and put you to bed,
557
00:24:47,186 --> 00:24:51,190
you said something to me
that was pretty dark.
558
00:24:51,223 --> 00:24:53,392
(groans)
Don't tell me.
559
00:24:55,227 --> 00:24:57,396
Okay, I won't.
560
00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:01,433
I love you, too.
561
00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:06,839
*
562
00:25:21,087 --> 00:25:26,025
* This is all I ever need
563
00:25:29,729 --> 00:25:35,201
* The air is all
I want to breathe *
564
00:25:35,234 --> 00:25:37,804
* You're my air...
565
00:25:39,972 --> 00:25:42,642
* You're my air.
566
00:25:45,244 --> 00:25:48,047
(dog barks)
567
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,216
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
568
00:25:52,418 --> 00:25:54,921
(engines idling)
569
00:26:03,630 --> 00:26:05,598
Well, back on the clock.
570
00:26:07,767 --> 00:26:09,301
Yeah, okay.
571
00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:22,081
Fargo. All-new,
Mondays at 10:00 on FX.
572
00:26:23,515 --> 00:26:25,484
Hey, you must be
the new neighbors.
573
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,757
-Okay.
-This January--
574
00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:32,625
Top of the mornin',
you filthy lads.
575
00:26:32,659 --> 00:26:34,560
-the all new season--
-Oh!
576
00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:37,329
This whole thing's gonna be
a fiasco, and I'm gonna enjoy
every second of it.
577
00:26:37,363 --> 00:26:39,231
No, it's gonna go fine.
No, it isn't.
578
00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:41,433
Sunny. Premieres
Wednesday, January 6.
579
00:26:41,467 --> 00:26:43,269
Only on FXX.
580
00:26:45,037 --> 00:26:46,305
(chattering)
581
00:26:46,338 --> 00:26:48,474
-MAN:
Hey, lock up your daughters.
-Ugh.
582
00:26:50,442 --> 00:26:51,911
(cork pops)
583
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:54,814
And that was the last time
I ate Indian food before a date.
584
00:26:54,847 --> 00:26:57,316
(all groaning)
585
00:26:57,349 --> 00:27:00,352
What do I do-do?
Currently I am...
586
00:27:01,387 --> 00:27:04,156
-a temp.
-(screaming)
587
00:27:04,190 --> 00:27:06,258
And you must be
from Tennessee
588
00:27:06,292 --> 00:27:08,460
-because you're
the only "10 I see."
-(screams)
589
00:27:08,494 --> 00:27:10,096
ANNOUNCER:
Man Seeking Woman.
590
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:11,964
An all new season,
Wednesday, January 6.
591
00:27:11,998 --> 00:27:13,900
-(screaming)
-On FXX.
592
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:18,805
I'll have
the number 57.
593
00:27:18,838 --> 00:27:21,373
-That's the price.
-In that case, I'll have
the number four.
594
00:27:21,407 --> 00:27:22,975
A carrot.
595
00:27:23,910 --> 00:27:25,411
Yes, the carrot,
please.
596
00:27:27,847 --> 00:27:28,715
(clinks on plate)
597
00:27:32,819 --> 00:27:34,821
MAN:
Don't feel sorry for me.
598
00:27:34,854 --> 00:27:37,356
I've had a great life.
599
00:27:37,389 --> 00:27:40,960
(voice whispering)
Thanks for making
my life special.
600
00:27:40,993 --> 00:27:42,494
Peace and love.
39900